« The Joe Rogan Experience

#870 - Bert Kreischer

2016-11-09 | 🔗
Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comedian, actor and reality television host. Check out his book "Life of the Party" on Amazon and his podcast "The Bertcast" on Stitcher & iTunes. His comedy special "The Machine" debuts on Showtime 11/11 at 10pm.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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time it makes him look better than he really looks don't you sing about some clothes i got were some close achilles me please because maybe we better than a real elect this is nice this is like a girl can do that right there certain girls girls that look better in certain clothes and they do make it right code nope seems like they all look good naked no you're talking nonsense anyway jack tried to school and they make their own stuff too they have jeans that jamie was wearing you look luscious in them girls if you were here you'd be drooling jack
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the joe rogan experience trying my day joe rogan podcast my name all day do you want of legal marijuana bert kreischer you don't feel any different does it feel less naughty no i'm just worried that they're going to clog up the dispensary's the people will yeah now that you have to use to wait in the waiting room sometimes right now that's going to be legal i don't know how they're like one in one out thing is going to be a fucking nightmare but they allowed to just open up now the general
book is that how it works i was just looking right before we started i think they have until two thousand and eighteen to start issuing licenses and two thousand and eighteen they can't the current dispensaries can only sell to their current patients we can't sell people walking in off the street they're going to change some rules but two thousand and eighteen before they start giving out licenses have until that long they don't know they can push it until that long if they wanted to hold back and dig their heels in huh interesting so we have at the very most a year before it just becomes like colorado carlisle is god damn wild last week when it happened in colorado took him about a year before they figured everything out have you have you been down and gone down to like the areas of colorado where there selling pot now yeah i went with you right but did you we didn't go down into stores i went to a couple of stores on my own without you i guess yeah yeah i haven't i've
even buy them but i haven't gone in and check them out but that's what's going to happen here it's going to be crazy and it's going to be better for everybody is going to be better for the economy going to be better for people it would be nice my wife doesn't smoke weed at all and voted yes i'm good yeah yeah yeah yeah she she'd voted for yes to prop seven thousand and sixty four that might be every moment of the whole night last night yeah that's pretty awesome but by the way that i give one hundred percent credit to jamie that was like you gay in ace in the hole i was sitting up this i don't even have a mic time i don't think and jamie just goes breaking news and hands me his phone i was even reading it up the phone but i grab them i can i go guys i have breaking news prop sixty where is been legal been passed in california the place went nuts joke like to join i ripped my shirt off start slapping the stage
pass that joint like hit it past a couple times like i'm good i don't smoke pot pot i'm away ski guy and then he was like fuck it took the legit head yeah he was stoned to that was strong weed that's the telly speed weed shit i don't know what strain he's got but good jesus lord have mercy with night such a beautiful night there was proud will be the most fun i've ever had in a podcast i keeps i've said that before because i had some we've had some fun ones together oh yeah but that money topped it off i don't think i've ever laughed any harder like bird had me laughing harder than i mean this is hard as you can laugh so fun everything was fun yeah the burami you happy me with that line because you guys see that picture trump and his wife voting and you were like that one did you say i said vessel
to give my dog when he gets too close to my cat hey motherfucker leaver alone it was that whole show was so quick it was so it was literally like like they were doing double dutch with comma yeah and you had to know when to jump in and went to hop out and i said this this morning or this afternoon that first one hundred hour and thirty three minutes was not that much talking over each other and was some it happened that i wasn't aware of but people started showing up that weren't invited and say down i didn't know just started sorting that out now like there's microphones that were there and you know there's people that we had asked to come that we're kind of waiting to get on and then other people just sort of walked in and got on i don't think it was clear to them i don't know how it was set up i don't know but it's chaotic when you have more than two people just two people is hard sometimes to manage conversations but then you get three and four and then you play
in front of a live audience and then people would just coming in and jumping in so there was a couple of issues i guess i wasn't paying too much attention were too drunk weird on you bailed out when when you went into the set well when i went to a set that's apparently went burn sarah tiana went at it list all the goodness all i'll tell you is that i've been open comedy seventeen years i am well aware that bill burr's practice of comedy is to assemble br brilliantly laid arguments that you wouldn't normally agree with to go head he had been a debate about porn would not be something i it would be wise of anyone what was her her position was this is when i was leaving her position was that people watch too much porn men men like porn too much and it was about the condoms and porn move into a different place and and then turn into the crossover states are just racists and just broad stroking
and what bill was doing i think i don't know i was pretty fucked up at this time but he was he was disassembling what is this elitist liberal movement which is if you do don't agree with me you're a racist rape apologist sexist right and bill just was saying that's not it some people want change you know yeah yeah that did that is a real sweeping brush that people from both sides like to use right the people on the right like to use it on the liberals the liberals like to use it on as we like to paint people like real obvious put put in a box make sure we categorize them yeah so i so i said well i think i got i think i might have accidentally started a little bit of it 'cause i said looked you have to realize there's just a disenfranchised part of america that feels like there now being represented and then immediately i think sarah got jump call me and she was like oh you talk about the racists and i was like well i don't know
i can't say that you can't say that like i voted i'm not either way i voted for hillary so i'm just saying taking what what i'm noticing out of an election so but i you know i i thought it was good of her to stand her ground into to whole end of say point not try to backpedal and and i appreciate that well you know problem is the problem with that saying that anybody they voted for trump is a racist the real the real problem with that is because the only other alternative is hillary and hillary was very flawed this just the way it is no it's not sun anti woman thing going to think that someone who has all the ties to corruption that she apparently does mean you go into it all day long if you want to go to work look at the clinton foundation or any of the other crazy that those people are involved with it's kind of illegal in only and it's not really breaking any laws so you can get it with doing all that stuff but all of it is like what delete
emails and all that like why do you doing like what is this yeah and i think i think there was a large porsche of america who just didn't want to share their opinion 'cause they don't want to be called a name and so there's real concerns too and people don't want to say this there's real concerns about her health drill is she hurt her head in twenty twelve 'cause she blacked out she she blacked out fell fainted and hit her head really bad like really bad and apparently she was fucked up for like six months and this is two thousand and twelve that's only four years ago man and that's a really significant head trauma an she was very eloquent in the debates she's really articulate i thought she kicked his ass and the debates i honestly did i thought she came off smoother especially that's second one like he would say some crazy shit and she would smile you know i thought she handled it great and she was so much more eloquent and so much we like so much more so much better economy of words the problem is is just
so hard to trust that she's telling you the truth you know there's just too many things that she's been calling the difference between that comey guy what he said she had done and with her email and what she said she had done and you play him back and forth we're seeing the video where they do that it's pretty shocking you know but he says is very different than her descriptions of what he says you know what he says is like she violated some laws and what most people thought in the apparently in the fbi so one of the things that people got upset at comi apparently from this article i read at least they were saying that the people in the fbi were very disappointed 'cause they thought that he should have pressed charges they thought that when they looked at all the evidence and all that that he talked about that he admitted that she had done that you can't do with classified data she had violated all these laws like if you were a regular person fewer regular in listed person and you violated those same around los dude would be fucked you would be fucked ville really put you in god
cage a hundred percent looks like it i i know this sounds silly but she just like they said he let's see your emails and then she just got rid of a mall schiedel did the mall she deleted thirty thousand emails and she did it after a subpoena at least some of them were so i didn't notice after a subpoena see how many find out how many emails she deleted after the subpoena i don't know you know the absolute specifics of it but it's just it's my point is it wasn't like she was this awesome ternative you know so people that wanted change and they felt like what hillary represented is a part of that big c system as well she says her words and is uh stately she is and she's much better representative of america in some ways than he is but she's just too tide to corruption like all the stuff that she's done like all the the the experience she has in government all that should be on our favor in her favor but for a lot of people wasn't this time for a lot of p
so there like this government is just two intertwined with these businesses that support it and pay it money and they're going to all these different foreign countries getting paid exorbitant sums of money to talk it's like bill clinton was getting like a half a million dollars to fly to these countries that had enough all these like like serious like civil rights violations under people yeah there was like something that clinton had done we kept trying to push this one through see you find that this one like dictatorship that he wanted to go into he wanted to go and do speeches and they were no you can't go there like that we're not supposed to visit that place these people are doing things we don't we don't agree and he's like yeah i gotta go over there i'm going to do is do the speech so let's just try to get like he just wanted to do that speech you just wanted that cheddar that's i think it's
what's interesting to me now is the the population on twitter at least of people my friends that voted for hillary better now just saying fuck fuck the rest of the country fucking come out this sucks it's like like did you see that the connect bn website the immigration website broke crashes breaux all the americans like fuck this am canada never done that though fuck yeah you think fuck yeah specially vancouver oh yeah warm bay it's like seattle it's basically just like seattle seattle but i mean like weather wise yeah so is it identical but there's something different about vancouver that the seattle doesn't have what's that like i almost like this like colonial like rich is this european richness that you the bridge driving into vancouver which kind of big lions and
like all this just looks like or the rings e yeah it looks like it could be in germany and that everything is a little more lush or a little more overgrown i don't know seattle i like saddle love seattle but the downtowns looks similar but even still like the downtowns of over the food always seems just a little bit better the seattle did you ever did how man that's a tough call they're both pretty awesome you can have shitty food the pacific northwest yeah you know like oregon like portland portland's other place they have some fucking bangin food horrible do you ever go to that where do i go to that little toe show trucks yes yes do they have a tie a cheeseburger it's a cheeseburger with that like satay sauce peanut butter sauce yeah holy shit and it's super spicy we got sarrah cha in it too i fucking love god damn it's good okay for paid speeches related to north korea and
the congo he wanted congo he's an animal there cutting kids hands off in the congo i respect his game i respect his game is like is a lot of paper for me over there i gotta go get it i guarantee when he when she had elected he was like fuck i guess you'll be around the house a lot more look at this it says the fbi about deleted emails between march 25th and march 31st three weeks after the subpoena the campaign now says it only learned when the emails were deleted from the f b i report home wow how many eagles oh my god thirty thousand four hundred and ninety work related emails on december for two thousand and fourteen and chose not to keep thirty one thousand eight hundred and thirty emails she deemed personal well that's interesting she by the way do you know how difficult that would be i have
thirty three unopened emails thirty three thousand on the open emails on my thing and sometimes i tried it just like spam and i try to clean it out and it's a fucking nightmare yeah it's not easy cleaning out here you like select all delete but then you still it should only take sort of like eight hundred yeah that would take fucking forever take for out what were you saying last night about were you saying like if they fuck they went through our emails what animals would look like i don't remember what i said dude we're blasted we were talking about they went they went through all our emails i payment do you think they would they would because i went through the the f b i went to a bunch emails deleted emails right yeah and i thought it was i thought you said it last night i don't know but i was thinking i used to do this test on my emails to find out like if someone went into my emails how bad i'd look
i still use it with cigarette right just go into the search and then type in keywords like typing the n word and see if it's ever been type in my email type in the word faggot and see if they like i've done that also the problem is we especially as comedians with with each other and emails we talk mad shit to each other i mean that's one of the funniest show those in hollywood is that roast battle like comedian enjoy like i enjoy it when someone likes me up it's funny like burlap plants that i had a little rascals hat on he knows that you're over there with the fucking little rascals hat on we'd like shitting on each other it's fun like saying that we fucked each other's moms it's funny it's funny that rose battles fucking brutal brutal it's brutal but like you'll say should to each other all the time like ari and i do that all the time
he'll say something like yeah i will i was fucking your mom all day dude i got tired just just outta nowhere like wow my mom would she like salty oh dude that uh i just was texting back and forth with all the other day ariza savage he just fell his special in austin said we super happy speaking specials burke kreischer oh youcan friday night to machine septembre or november we're going back in time mother fuckers november 11th on showtime at one thousand pm the machine but yeah that looks fun dude yeah i'm at the irvine improv i go shit we actually back with you ari joey tom the text everyone everyone's been doing specials and i've been on doing channel for seven years so it's like a what insights and the consensus every
and he was like i don't do theaters the fuck am i doing in a theater so i'm going to do in the club that's what i do and the other thing i was like i was like i've been doing stand up shirtless for seven years i'm fucking doing it shirtless which before was before do you like that why do you like just throwing that shirt off just makes you free i've come a tampa fl kid last night i was in jeans and flip flop you where are you wearing flip flops like he's got flip flops on yeah i didn't shirtless and then and then tom i got that fat shaming battle and you people get so mad people got so mad about that i saw people being mean to tom being mean to you like wow folks you don't see that there going around here the worst was like when it was pulling it like there is my wifes friend passed away and i left a comment on her on her picture of her mom is like four in the morning when i saw it i was like hey so sorry for your loss will see you today and then
i guess someone saw me post on there one of the got one of tom's friends and they wrote sorry lost sit on your mom and i was in immediately tom finds that fucking hilarious but this lady is like hey and then it was just like yeah birch fat as fuck like they just fill it up end and she was like that your friends your fans are dicks i was like those aren't my fans i don't think but so we did the fashion in battle and then tom show tom the thing from my special he's like oh god you did this shirtless this is going to get bad birds christina just did a big preamble on the beginning of their podcast about me shirtless it yeah you did it last night somewhere early yeah i like you as soon as it comes off feel free i know i can tell i'm like wow that's interesting because it's almost like a psychological button that you have take that shirt off and you like yes freedom it's like it take makes you tangle yeah yeah
it's it's my it's my long hair my thor sampson's long hair but in a meeting one time 'cause i was like i get i get me i get meetings and i'll get like spit sweating you know and you can see it in the shirt and nothing looks worse than that so you just take a shirt off just walked into my fucking shirt oh my god sold a sitcom oh wow that's hilarious yeah why not man why this is a big deal why is it the whole thing the thing that i'm stuck with that stand up is like what you doing my next hour is like we get these and i was talking to justin and bring about this we get caught up in these mechanisms of this is what we have to do there's a period where every kind of kind of a sweatshirt on new balance sneakers hoodie but you know and the everyone did the same thing and then you see someone like judah friedlander doing something totally different and you're like oh fuck that really separates up in the back but you did only my only problem is like i've talked to talk i thought about this and i've talked to you about it is i don't want
use the end of every time with my fucking shirt off like i don't like we need to have my shirt off to do stand up i'd like to have it off because last time we did a site with it on anytime at the store oh yeah how come i don't know i don't feel like i feel like it's disrespectful in a weird way like because it's not your show you maybe this is like fifteen minutes sets into fifteen minutes in the or and and i have run it by the way i have done it but for the most part i don't 'cause like you know i'm only doing fifteen minutes i'm really there to work on material to see if it works that would be like chris rock going up ambien doing like his inflections like i need to see it this way and that our men's of autumn beast like there's no other place to their place in the world to find it some works yeah it's a gem it's also like people have seen a lot of god damn comedy yeah you know slot a mean it's it's beautiful the best spot bot ever mean that that room is got more history in it than any room in the country and you feel it yeah
and it's and it's for some reason it just doesn't whatever so when there is you take a bit that to kill on the road and you bring him in there and they they find its flaws find the lazy writing they find the overcompensation with inflection or energy and like i took two bits in there and i work him out last because probably month ago work them out three nights then come took road and they just were so much better i was like wow stories too so like the other thing about the or is it doesn't necessarily lend itself great to storytelling it's more of like a punch in jab fuck with the audience dancing type of thing but there too i went up there and in fifteen minutes two stories now they're another working great yay
yeah it's it's definitely good workout yeah i like the belly room to the belly room might be almost better sometimes his soul in a minute so small it is like eight thousand and eighty people have no idea do they have those i think they're going to do and they got a new material show there tonight if you ever done that with nick yes if i did i did that with you i did that joke that uh about helen keller name frank came out was that the the material night or was that the stand up on the spot night stand up on the spot as that's jeremiah watkins show where you just the audience we yell out topics you literally have no idea does it on the spot yeah i was that one but the other one is nick use of show which is a new material it's like you only stuff that you're working on like you know police yourself whether it's you know you've done it like ten times too you know yeah it's not new anymore like whatever whatever that number is where becomes not new but when it is new like this is like
the opportunity to work only unstuff it's brand new yeah i my problem is i write on stage so i'd like to take i like to be on the fly and riffing's i think the the adrenaline the stage makes me think quicker and then lot of times what i'll do is i'll write on stage and i will go for the easier punchline like meaning like i'll get the premise will be good and sometimes i won't have the per punch line but that could be so much fucking better right yeah that's why that stand up on the spot show is perfect for you 'cause you could get loose ideally i love that that's a fun show did it's a great way to come up with the material i think this is a bunch of different ways comma material and you gotta you gotta do what you gotta do 'em all if you can i lay tension is shit i haven't purged my act in view never 'cause i had i literally had didn't shoot especially for seven years i was just working so enough time and man getting this hour out and pulling it out and releasing it and noah
i mean i'm a little married to the machine story but but knowing it that is amazing what blessing and a curse that is to be like when i met you if you had said to me that first time he said hey man we're going to hang out and this is going to change your life going to tell one story and that will be known as that is going to be cool it's going to book from it you're going to get tv shows and and going to hour specials from it's going to be fun i would've been like fuck yeah and then you have it you're like and tigers a date in the other night and i i'm like fifty three minutes into my set and some of the you're telling the story right and i'm like oh my god fuck wow i have had people in the front row going don't worry man you don't have to do it tonight oh my god fuck it's fucking crazy do it said like that always women always women are like hey man i'll
i had a great time even we don't tell the story and i'll be like okay and then immediately it's it's a dude who brought five of his friends is like i told him you tell the machine story you're telling the machine story i don't ever want to let anyone down if that dude fat is the coolest in the world that anyone knows me for anything and it's a great fucking story it's a great store it's uh it is a guy literally sometimes don't believe it myself like i there's no way but i've had people come to my shows in from my class stand up on stage with me one hundred percent true i wish i was there go sort of like up sounds very dicey that's a great fucking story though do you remember when you were talent i was like what yeah it was one of those white do you very bizarre life you don't fucking tell me it's very you're such a it's very weird is there such a nice guy too here's an
nice guy who is also a wildman yeah yeah you've got these you've got a weird combination of traits and i've had these wild fucking these experiences but you're a super friendly easy to hang out with guy you think that guys seen as much shit as you've seen all the different places you've been a little worn out by it i think i'd die when i got done bird to conquer doing that season i took a browser i need a break as i can i need to do stand up this you get it just tears on you well yeah we had a conversation about it once me you and bill burr will night talked about it that's right said something very you you said something very fascinating to me that night you like how much money is enough money comparatively speaking like is it is spending the whole year away for next for an extra like to double your money is it doesn't matter or can you get by on this and really do what you love and be filled with all the friends and the work that you love
my problem is i know how funny you are and i know that there's no way you could be at your best if you're off like months and months at a time doing that show i thought i was when you said that to me i was like i remember thinking like i i go up all the time but i was wrong i was lying to myself 'cause i was going up once twice twice a month due in two dates out of the month but there was a whole portion of the month where wasn't working when i was a writing i wasn't thinking comedy right that's the biggest difference when you're brushing your thinking production you're thinking what's our call time what's your heart out thank you do you the actual your minds occupied when your stand up man is just there if that's all you're thinking like and that's how you get better at it and you have to be going up all the fucking part time like that's the other thing can i add adam vegan changed my life for the better by passing me at the store and let me be a paid regular it
gave me so much more momentum and passion about it so i was like fuck i'm going up to the best place in the world to do stand up comedy and i'm getting spots when whenever i call it going to spot there cool fuck and i'm only home you know three days a week but if i'm going up twice a week or at least once a week it you really feel the difference in your act yeah for sure and if you can go to other clubs too man like i like going to a set at the improv shoot over and do a set at the comedy so i have three night which is big for new york a laughing at us yeah the those guys do like ten different sets set night hopping from one place to another but i've done the laugh factory the store and the haha all in one night or no not the improv the store or in the ha all in one night so different man you do a set in one place and you get sort of a viber what comedy is then you're in a set of just completely different energies the room completely different like viber the people and they are by folks and then you run over to a different set and now it's a totally different vibe as well and pry
but mostly i was going up with the same material so it was real strange it's like there's like different fields to different places in different crowds it went when joey was work getting ready for his hour he was hitting it i mean easily easy to spot tonight and and we live right next door to each other so he just calls me up and he be like dog i got us down for to spot tonight he would just call my avail in with his and no we're going together and i go to the darker saloon i was in the fall is a fun look like fun dead room so we need like the meaning like it not packed out joey not promoting it i'm not promoting it and it's just people coming to see a show and it was a you really got a vibe of like this works fuck yeah and then he under the haha and movie i remember going to the wow joey one time we went his i so let's go to flappers in burbank when we go to ha ha
google fiber and goes and then we go to haha i gotta thing lined up and i was like i've never been to the haha i pull up and our faces our names are on the billboard our faces are out there they meet us at the car burt you run let you get on stage right now i'm like joey what did you sign us up for even tell you just booked a shell sleri he really is one of the funniest funniest like men you said this today bill burr is one of the funniest human beings alive joey diaz you can say that statement exactly it means the exact same fucking thing yeah we were just talking about that before you got here we're trying to figure out i think that's the running in my running for the two funniest people alive is burgundy's that's my running for maine i was crying last night fucking crying and he just grabs the reins man he just grab the reins and ran with it was beautiful do you know when your souls like a like
just made that up on the spot their souls like a like what did it how do you say the pixel control and then you watch it going to take one of those square so he's just fucking on it was a gr great analogy you and him i said this to tommy this morning we talked about the show i was just i was literally like walking around giggling recounting it and i told it to me i say i said man i wish you had been there just to see burn rogan 'cause the two of you or the driving forces doug was was bringing in the rains like you would be like all right what we're doing tonight you like dogs we know that i'm gonna go check on manson and then but you and bill were the ones driving that and i swear to god when i say this i i literally started to move the mike from my face i i was afraid i was going to be i was laughing too much that you just hear me not just there was a point where i thought i was going to fucking pass out and i was like breathing
i never i have not laughed that hard in forever bert was also it felt like we were doing something cool like we all got together and we looked around about this crazy thing that was happening for us and apparently folks the live stream you're listening sucked didn't know we didn't know that you were only getting it through one ear i don't know what to do about that videos up now though on youtube the video's been fixed powerful jamie full videos yeah the videos up and if we the audio issues that issues that existed before so it will come at you in both speakers sorry about that that get that was a really annoying thing to stream like that but whenever i keep thinking this b i mean not i mean i i don't i don't think anyone on that stage would do it for this this could be a tv show i missed you but why that let's just do that let's do that again so bill stated thing is for tv shows i i did something today for a friend of mine he's got a car show and
went to to him talking about suspensions in this kind of crafts steve strope makes all these like really cool muscle cars and there's like this through this talking to him and they got cameras and it's like in there nice folks there's nothing there's nothing wrong with them but it's just everyone's got this ok now stand here now we're going to come towards you here so as we come around the car like that kind of shady later ok be note i'll be normal you try to be it feels weird if you're just doing it like we're doing it doing give like if you're doing something like like a podcast like that just the podcast that's it as soon as you start bringing it ok but we're going to go live in five now can you pick it up from what you said about the machine can do that machine thing again and you would have to do it again and you know i mean yeah if you wanted to do it as a tv show there be all sorts of other people in the fucking kitchen we get images in the soup there yeah and it only you only do it for you only do it for twenty two minutes yeah exactly so that's what
lose the you lose that you lose everything you eat it's live it's a line of and it's fun and it's the friends bus into his balls were talking about the world about how wacky this world is i hope outed mean for my fucking face herpes by cold sores you son of a bitch this is true story that i was mocking him 'cause he gets him on his penis then i was like but i got him on my face worse you could see him i love the way you start sentences though it's so something i have burpee he was on fire last night it was on firewood fitzsimmons said something that didn't land doug goes now i understand why talk shows have lead in questions yeah he was a little hostile some of the guests definitely he was definitely in that way
the point he was laying in my lap that's one of my favorite pictures of my life was he sucking on your nipples sucked on my nipple when sarah and bill started fighting too much he would try to break up the tension by sucking on my nipple wow was the sarah in but was it into entertaining the bill and sarah thing was from i liked it i could but i don't i don't i don't hate you them so i don't like i'm sure the average viewer who maybe doesn't know sarah but loves bill though like why would you disagree with he's the best right but you know the problem with those conversations is as much as i would probably agree that's just my opinion and there's gotta be someone out there it's like yeah sarah i'm sure there are people there are definitely women that well i don't know if any women like we're in the live stream but we had four women watching the live stream use it was six thousand humans at any given how many
they were screaming it also sells like three thousand five hundred and thirty three thousand something like that at one time holy crap so there's been videos that were up that we took down on youtube there were up and they were pry if it but there was the sound was fucked up still that's why there are private we're trying to fix the sound so the full version is uploaded now i know they found that unlisted video 'cause every everyone of us tweeted the link to the link to the video on our facebook live pages are facebook pages 'cause i was looking for this morning and i couldn't find it and i was like wait did we not record that i was like that would think we missed that yeah that would suck hard i heard forgot to hit record yeah that was did we could do that again when we do it we can just have people just walk on stage and just sit down there i didn't know that that was going on an you know of a specific amount of people that we do it with because anything anything more than three or four that's really your doug was putting people on stage
we definitely put brendan walsh onstage oh yeah for sure but brandon's a good friend you have known him forever and he wasn't even on for that long he's fucking hilarious he really is i did so far so crazy too his dog was telling the story about being you know having a seizure yeah and hit her head and finding goes i've had a few girlfriends have seizures when they don't cook the food right oh man so you've been paying attention to all these people's reactions everyone is trying to figure out why why trump won it's really fascinating it's fascinating to see people freak out it's fat people at crying people are fucking cry oh they stormed out of a school in arizona the kids marched out of a school to protest the president elect wow whoa this is crazy now but there is a weird like there was a weird energy when trump gave his speech last night it was almost like the bully say
stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself like he was like he's like now we can be a bit like it was kind of weird 'cause he's not been like super inclusive and then all the sudden he's like we need to heal together and you totally feel that way but like part amigos there a part of him that fucking hates everyone that doesn't like him yeah for sure yeah he certainly mean he's look he's a super businessman and super businessmen there the game players a plan a game so if you move towards them you know when you make a move they want to make a move to count your move the you up like that's donald trump's personality that's why he sues all those people that are you know is involved in altercations with yeah he just squashes he doesn't he doesn't like you know if people are talking about but that's when once you become president like you gotta let all that go like you have to yeah you got a little you between jon stewart at one hundred and thirty in the morning calling him a pussy she watched that video god yet solari
she can be tweeting jon stewart at one hundred and thirty in the morning column with pussy when you're in your 60s but you can't you can't do that can't do that anymore you definitely down to either president please stop doing that it's just don't do it you can think but don't do it and even if you think you're why even bothering what do you care i think i would get rid of his twitter immediately no please delete and he's gonna keep tweeting who cares why not two political correctness just took a missile to the deck now do you think do you think that's good or bad for stand up on on question we good under question we good in every way shape or form really yeah a it's good because he's gonna do some goofy he's gonna say some ridiculous things a week i mean it right now you if someone if you said something like i like to go up and grab women by the pussies everyone would be like that has to be acceptable because half of america is not offended by that do you
i'm a believer in that the president in a lot of ways shapes the mindset of the country because it's just a natural thing that happens in tribes you know if you have one fierce tribal leader in a try i guarantee you the warriors that are in that tribal also be fierce because they'll be under the guidance of the one wild fucking guy i mean that's how that's how like fierce armies get put together you have a bad ass fuck in general well when your president is guy who rarely gets riled up about anything is not emotional at all the super to kill it and really well spoken he's a great orator that's brock obama right i mean that's what you would think of anything of like a presidential person is probably the most presidential guy we've ever had as president but then you go with trump i just he's not doing that at all like he's he's just rocking in a totally different way a hundred percent yeah he's doing it like a
businessman you fuck with him he's going to fuck with you back you know you fucking piece of shit jon stewart you pussy is real name is legal ways to do it one hundred and thirty in the morning but that's the kind of guy that can fuck and financing pain for president all on his own and went yeah that's crazy i i mean forget about whether you think it's a good thing for the country or bad thing for the country it might be the greatest success story ever it might be like the greatest upset of any contest ever one hundred percent there's no bigger upset ever write like what do you think the odds were when donna trump first entered the race in vegas that he would eventually become president we think the odds were i remember watching a seth meyers state of the union address and he said donald trump's here donald trump said
who voting voting is running as a republican i thought he was running as a joke and i doubled over and i thought i remember thinking to myself what what what an idiot held he could never be prez i literally thought he could never be president and then to think that that's a fuckin reality yeah it's interesting has any celebrity other than will ron reagan ronald reagan's when i was curious about because they said that i don't remember the election i was too young but they we're saying that despite the fact that he had already been governor 'cause that was like kind of like he had been in office they were shocked that anyone would vote for reagan they thought he was a fucking joke and dude he destroyed mondale like i look at those county by county holes where they show you what the counties voted it's really fucking interesting 'cause you lie look at ohio it's all red but cleveland's blue and like columbus is blue and toledo's blue and so but they but the thing is all
just outside the city everyone's voting for trump but in the city people are voting for voting democrat but you look at if you look at reagan's it's uh literally it's all fucking red have you ever gone back and watch some are reagan speeches no i want to watch a few of them the other day i did i did a youtube rabbit hole i went down and watched a bunch of reagan speeches there was so weird so weird 'cause now that he's dead and you know the history it's so weird because it was in my lifetime i remember these event so remember things happening but he was on stage and doing some speech and he started talking about how wouldn't it be if we were attacked by some sort of an alien invader for another planet wouldn't it be easier for us to abandoned of our differences and joined together as one race to face this alien threat
and everybody is like what the fuck did you just say didn't get president just say there's aliens i think you said that's what i heard i heard he said the fucking aliens are coming dude they're coming oh my god we gotta get together that's little see what he said and it was one those conspiracy theorist dreams where someone you know like me or like eddie bravo fucking look at and go do do you hear what you just said you fucking hear what he just said he said if an alien species came down here do their come yeah i'm going to let us know slow to let us know slow i used to think i used to think they should lisa tiger in every major city jesus what about kids i mean yeah that's going to we gotta deal with chips fall where they may but the reason being imagine how tighter that the communities would get yeah cooler to each other they'd be like hey man have you seen the tiger oh yeah is on their side account fucking thank god man have a great day
can you shoot that tiger is like you gotta leave it feeds off people it just feeds off people that's that's the balancer baiting him into neighborhoods for gentrification could you imagine that's how we rocked it we just left a tiger in every one thousand people you gotta keep you to keep the tank and heard that all my god it's a game with you in nature shit wow that is crazy i mean when i was in when i was in tanzania with the masai they have their tire lions are there big fucking deal and so they put i mean like they're crammed in together and they got thorns like thorn big thorn bushes keep together and they're always together they're always in clumps could have fucking lions everywhere wow like i bet that makes you a lot tighter oh hell yeah when you know you could get eaten by a fucking line if you go take a shit by yourself
if you like a manual going out why did you shit well those people are so much more connected to nature is how many animals must face we get killed oh dude i told you they kind of goat throat in front of me like like hey welcome to our jungle slit his throat and bled into a horn but you could drink it yeah right just so casual dress like a little like the liver wow like you drinking liver it's probably super good for you right i didn't mind the taste other than the fact that we get on your tf blood on your teeth i didn't mind it as ever and i didn't money get aids it didn't i didn't mind the taste yeah imagine me the first guy to get sick from that thank you you do does i wonder like what kind of blood borne pathogens that could be carrying their body that you you're in but this would not be in the meat too i guess you probably have to worry that less
with urban wars right then you would like you can have a drink their blood right you can do it you know i don't think so i think you get trichinosis they are they say someone ninety something percent of bears of trichinosis really yeah how do you have to cook that out of them yeah you have to cook it like you would cook pork which is write one hundred and sixty degrees moment cooking pork medium rare well now that you probably can get away with that because you're talking about domestic pork see the stand they actually lowered the temperature i think they lowered the pork recommended to one hundred and forty with is really kind of like a medium not like uh a medium rare the medium as a one thirty five but anyway i forget my point bears blow yeah you have to cook bears he but but you don't have to do that with like a deer and elk you can eat like elks a she me we
slice it oh i did i do we do that with a bison i think we ate part of the bisons heart or part of his liver wow raw yeah yeah people have done hard rock scene that was crazy it's the kind of dig that yeah but there's a part of me that's like you know the big the answer the big anti what the the n word for guys like me is called call me bro you're a breaux's bad yeah that's that's a bat is again that the n word for like alternative like hipsters millennials i do not think this is bad is the n word i don't think it is either but that's like they go oh he's just he's a bro are you bro ing out i think we have to embrace that i love being a bro dude i love it but love my pipes but yeah there's nothing wrong with that but when you used to be able to say what's up bro your friend and really think that yeah and now it's like one of those weird things like bros like a joke it's like one slash two joke yeah
by say brother to everyone pro science you know bro science no it's all i do i do bro science so many degree with prosise raw sciences would you talk about something like i might watch you new video memorize some statistics then recite it back this broscience bro oh i do bros lions though well do anybody who's a does bro saitama bro his story into yeah i'ma bro sports fan i'm a i love that your rabbit holes take you to a ronald reagan speech and meinel is take me to either stop being a douche bag videos or or or bully justice like those instant karma i like watching little kids little kids fight like when one kid actually knows how to fight in high school there's this one girl and she's in his fight with this she's a fight with that dude she might have been a fight with a dude but she didn't so wrestling match this kid and she clearly knows moitie 'cause you fuckin
these him in the face like like full fucking power really good technique crushes this dude crumple zone and you watch oh wow i like that so many taught her out of fight so we try to fight some dick head start a fight with her i think maybe she's the dick head i don't i'd like to get my daughter's into like a base level yeah so it's a good family guy that girl is that a girl that she just flat and or is that a guy it's a boy it's a boy do chief yeah there's a boy tucci flat and him holy we flatten him show that again jamie look at that she takes him down she holds an omen boom needed a face boom another knee she threw her whole body into that knee she did she just fucked that dude up like that's a good who seriously knows more that that would be like if you tried to fuck with
wayne parse daughter if you gave her a hard time i want my also knows a little bit of jujitsu just to protect themselves from dudes look at the fucking technique man her knees the excellent excellent technique position everything that goal absolutely knows how to fight like that wasn't luck yeah she just smashed that dude i'd like to take the guys an asshole i'm sure he is hope so she might just decide to beat up a boy send a message is how i roll motherfucker where did she run off to some other girls were chasing or she just ran off like super person holy shit there's that fight there's that i always end up watching this one fight of these two guys in his parking lot and the one guy is like post it up like this and the other got clearly knows how clearly knows like the beginning at because of an mma on and he it is in the fox this dude up and you can't and is just over and but there's this energy do member terror to see a a guide
two guys about start fighting and then one guy clearly note has fought before and he's done like martial arts and there's like no no no no street fight only street fight only and then i'm going to handicap myself so that you can win so that even without what does that mean street fighter only fight only st vinyl i've heard that before before and i've seen it in videos too i heard it in college there was this guy who who who knew all brazilian jujitsu everything and there's a big block party k eighty one si used to block party and he's talking shit there's some talking and he hit his roommate's friend here it is this vacuum to just got hit a roommate so did you just said i came in to get protected friend his roommate miss other guys like you want some of the folder and he just ok it was the way he moved it was very clear he knew what he was doing and the guy was like no
no no street fights gonna be a street fight and i remember being like now and then he fucking killed him it's gotta be a street fight what does that mean what doesn't mean you're the one that told me like one time i remember saying i talk shit to somebody this must be in five years ago and it was like do you know how to fight and i was like no why you ever talk to someone if you don't know how to fight and i was like i don't know i've been going on that that mindset that my whole life just rolling the dice that bill back down that's dangerous i don't talk to anybody now should never talk shit well first of all you shouldn't 'cause it's just not worth it and it's a bad path to go down when you get in arguments people will probably all going to get in him again but it's not good it's way better for you for them for everybody to avoid those kind of conversations at all but when you start insulting people you don't know god damn it so risky it's so risky you don't know what they do they make that could be a killer you don't know any
saying i mean like literally a killer you don't you don't have no idea what that person does and so for you to just meet some stranger bump into him them and want to exchange assaults at each other you could have fucked up man could be sitting right next to lorenz larkin you don't know who is you know you decide to slap him you get you do something stupid 'cause you think you're a tough guy anything going to intimidate him and he just leg kicks you and you realize like oh good lord then he starts beating the shit out of you slowly whenever he wants to he hits you that's reality you could find yourself in a terrible situation understand those guys who just simply talk disrespectful to someone like that will happen when you're with like as a you're on the road to bar and some penny errors and another guy's a fan of yours you'll watch them almost like like one guy or the drunk it will be a dick and be like oh i guess we're all just going to set up the bar and you're like hey man don't do that like the guys just wants to hang out too
i can hang out with both of you it doesn't need to be one of the other yeah i don't know what the fuck you doing man just have a good time like but you know i'm not impressed doesn't make me happy that you marking someone in front of me that's not funny right well some kind dudes can be douchebags well i mean there's something about men's personalities and wanting to ahead on the fucking move ahead online i gotta meet burt next get a fucking competition mother fucker better not try to cut me you know it's such a weird there's a line and you're like a man people get crazy some guys will walk straight to the fuck in front of the and take pictures with their chicks doug benson saw it happen to me one time and he was like why would you let that happen i don't like i don't like conversation either that is a crazy move the game and i'm not waiting this fucking line let's get a picture connie will do that and i tell them that it's a line and then they just
stand there and i take the picture with the person is at the front of the line and they go can we go now like no this is an actual line you can't just cut in like that's rude someone else to police this yeah lines are lines give me anxiety it's a competition when am i going to get there once it gonna happen where up next how the fuck did she get in front of him was she in front of him before she is cut did she just cut side would you say any else the exact same amount of people in front of you start freaking out she just fucking cut in front line from that guy dude we were getting on on my buddy cow heads cruise and that we were getting on on back on the boat from like saint thomas and the light there was a line to get back on the boat but it wasn't a defined line it was just people like three why add four wide sometimes too wide lining up down the side of the pier and there were people just walking past the line and i would be like there's a line and he be like no no yeah yeah yeah and just keep walking and i'd be like mother fucker
i could drove me nuts like i was losing and then this one couple just got right in front of me and i went hey you can't do that and i feel like i'm in third grade like hey man no cuts know but snow interrupts man let's go like what did they say why you said you can't do that like i don't know where our friends are coming over and i was just like and i'm like okay i'm drunk i'm not there reason for me to interact with this person it's one of those things like do i take the path of least resistance and just whatever it's one fucking person to idr is it worth getting into argument with one you know right but there's something weird oh it's a fucking power bakery it's twenty i fucking hate it assholes i know people do that people do that at the airport dude they do it everywhere all the time is always someone but it's not that many you know if you deal with one thousand people are going to get one at least right just someone who just goes over the rules don't apply to me how many people you don't need one thousand maybe three hundred right yeah every three hundred well it depends on what fucking
if you're at a raiders game or something you know don't even get me started i've been going to rams games flag lines there fuck that football games are ridiculous so and the rams stadium the coliseum it's like it's like going back to to like deadwood like it it's fucking atrocious how much security they have those things i'm not enough and they've got only one exit for everyone meaning like meeting like they don't have bulls of exits for tears if you set up there are going to this way if you sit down here you gotta walk out this way it's a fucking nightmare just up funnel it is yeah and they have no ridge refrigeration for the craft services or whatever so like they run out of water there's no more water no more were out and you're like you it's nine
degrees out here there's ninety two thousand people yeah we're done now it might it's like it's it's literally must be what appears to be like in one of those none of us i was babbling but i'm going to say we can say one of those shantytowns it's not it's like living in africa there's no water at the football game we had to leave again are air conditioned car and drive off white privilege oh that's super white privilege is like living in a shape you tell me something about my favorite ship graders got the rams game it's like a cardboard box under the bridge yeah man it just when you're inviting that many men in a gigantic arena type place and then you're having combat sport like football is a combat sport in my opinion you know it's not a combat sport like where you're hitting each other all the time with punches and kicks but you're running into each other full blast you know what the fuck you're doing trying to
figured you could smash people better it's a combat sport god damn it that's what it is what's the is there fights at ufc's oh occasionally yeah occasionally less than you would think really you're going to get drunk people together maybe one person's cheer in a little too loud for someone you don't like and call the guy you like a loser or whatever people do i've seen some brawls but for the most part not really man you know i think a lot of people also it go to cma like if you go to see it live it's expensive you know you want to go check out the ufc live those things sell out like that yeah this massive square garden thing like people are going to be excited to be there they're not going to fuck up the experience hopefully but if you were next to the wrong person ever in life in a live setting or if it's a comedy club or a concert you could be next to the wrong fucking person and they could ruin the experience
we're behind we were in front of the wrong person on one game is there's this guy and all raiders gear and he just kept saying to people how long you been rams fan uh oh you brand new rents in ok that's what i thought and you're just like by what is this doing for you is the mexico gentlemen is demented mexican act so did i didn't mean to i'm really the accents he's irish only been around for woodland are you from his set it to me my kids are sitting in front of me so it doesn't know that there my kids technically so my kids sit in front of me i'm sitting with my buddy eric and he's just like how long you been in china and my boy eric grew up here so he's like my whole life they go really where you like i grew up in the valley organs and monica is it okay how about you and i was like this is my first game i'm a big fan and i just this is caught off guard giggled music a guys i thought yeah no one and from here man i'm from here who and you're like ok irish people don't talk like that
i know i can really bad accidents i love acariciame like japanese from the nineteen god damn it i'm so bad accents he's like my man i said could apply get some conversation we had a rams game i just think football in general and combat sports in general you get a bunch of men together and you give him booze shit's going to go wrong like and if you're only telling me there's only one way to get out of there that's not in my book of safe place to be did you remember the xfl yes that was the what the fox is name vince mcmahons yeah i went to an axe
nfl game how was that holy fucking shit that was what a prison yard must feel like really really like i remember that i remember a dude fight broke out and the cops went into the stands from the field to get the guy and the fans kicked the car out of the stands whoa like date and and they had the guy and they put the the fans polled the guy back into the stadium and push the cops on the grass and the cops just would like i guess like i was going free holy they gave out back in they gave out but cardboard flyers like i don't know what it was you know so you can all hold him up and i'll make the same color whatever but everyone was just turning them into paper airplanes and they were throwing darts and i saw dude turn around and get hit in the eye with one and leave like all
ah and leave and i was like he had hit in the eye with a dart with these paper airplanes but they were out of cardboard and people were turning him into paper airplanes but they were flying like fine and it hit the guy in the i like three rows in front of me and he just doubled over and walked out and i was like that kind of money just losta fucking eye for an xfl game i was like i got recognize a lot there too when do the xfl exists probably two thousand one wow and i was on a tv show what show come back down the actual you run it oh that's right and v speak man came on to me three times in which i was oh yeah that's right i think vince mcmann or someone came on to promote the league and so we got as cast members we all got free tickets and we were like all these would be nice now there were gen pop and it was fun brutal yeah we just promoted the games on tv
in a warmer walking through and everyone's like oh yeah that fucking guy and i was like yeah what's up i remember when you would do it hurt bert god that was the first tv stuff that i was aware of that you were doing yeah i was like oh my god someone's gonna talk this guy you gotta stop doing that i'm not fucking doing that shit ever again yeah like you'd let people choke you unconscious you let some of the gracie brothers choke you unconscious hello who did it which was is at hand hereon who who choked you out i can remember it was well i don't know who's happened so quick it's to get into the how is such a fucking scary feeling 'cause it really prove it proves your helplessness yeah you're helpless for sure for one of those guys one of those guys get ahold of you it took two
you can see just went and grab my kimono and just tightened it around my neck and yeah and i remember reaching up to stop him and hitting him once and then being like i can't stop this an falling out and then i had panic attacks for like a week so i knew it was like this suffocate and i jesus don't i literally would i remember i'd be fucking lying in bed and i just go no it's fucking crazy whoa i wish at that time you know so funny funny on is the father said to me you could benefit from from jitsu he's like why don't you come no charge come down and then roll with us will teach you everything come down please and i was like yeah yeah yeah my head on my one of my gonna do jitsu four comma that would have helped me so fucking much and i still do it i talk to eddie bravo we talked about this one time and so i think you or someone maybe use
hit me up with eddie bravo yeah well you know you live right down the street from joey watch just go with joey i went to show we take you to a bird of cranes place our talk to anybody's going right yeah i think so i don't know he goes over a lot yeah but i talked to any problem in edible came in and had a black eye and i went what happened did you have a fight and he's like he even know we had a black eye he's like what i said your eye is swollen and he goes oh it's just from rolling is yeah it's not that bad and i was like we get black eyes he's like yeah yeah you can bumps get different bumps and i was just like oh i don't want to get my teeth out it can happen when you were a mouthpiece i've only got a black eye like may be ten times ever ten times maybe maybe ten times you know through a lot i mean from ju jitsu yeah do you think of all the times you're rolling and two black rolling ever yeah that's hilarious yeah i've had
do black guys have a lot of black guys i think how many black guys have you had maybe two two or three i did not that many there's some pics for me when i was doing the ufc had too fucked up eyes while i was doing the commentary that was all from my same friend he got with an e and then he got his elbow totally accidental or it's so bad when you're scrambling if you move that way and that's where he's going to put his knee caplong can you just just fucking collide with each other dudes noses explode happens all the time not not that i don't want that to happen but i just don't yeah i know i know but you got also be careful don't roll with spazzes don't try to be a world champion superstar learn how to do the technique correctly be willing to tap and just try to learn and have fun the graces of a good saying they say keep it playful things
good saying like to learn it because as soon as you get tents and real rigid and real concerned with the outcome you you just don't do as well you know it's becomes too exhausting you don't concentrate on technique you know like if you're not worried about getting tapped or you're not worried about get into a bad position your relax and sort of go with the flow of things and when you find like a certain level of efficiency then you can operate you can roll for like long times i've had roles with people that were like one thousand and fifteen minutes long even longer because if you get to a good place where you can kind of conserve your energies both you know moving at a good good pace for keeping it really technical it's an amazing martial arts like one to me it's one of the old in martial arts that does as advertised like when you look at martial arts always think of what i would like is like some bruce lee types in
were the small guy could beat up everybody around him well into the striking that's really doesn't work like that just does area yeah i was just doesn't you know of brock lesnar is go which is badass is joseph benavidez is brock lesnar was chasing him down he'd be kind of fucked he just be kind of fucked that's just too much is just too much man but if brock lesnar rolled like if he did jujitsu with like a guy like gary tonin who just won the ebi this past weekend he won the heavyweight division he's a one hundred and sixty nine pounds i think it is champion and he company won the heavyweight division he wanted two hundred and five i guess is the weight class but that guy would choke out broccoli most like so brock lesnar when he's doing when he's fighting he's not doing jujitsu he does jujitsu and he's fucking gigantic but he's not i think block brock just got his blue belt see if that's correct brock lesnar's blue velvet
list of purple belt might be purple about is she using more wrestling techniques yeah he's a freak wrestler mean absolutely as far as like amateur wrestlers go super successful two time ncaa all american i saw a video of him as a collegiate wrestler e and they were i guess it's documentary that's coming out or something yeah and i was like he was he was fucking the same brock lesnar that fucking scary look what you got there blue bell yeah you got a new blue belt yeah so here's it goes white white blue well it depends some people get weird that it had a bunch of stuff but this is most jujitsu schools 'cause taekwondo is very different but jiu jitsu is white blue purple brown black so some people put stripes and stuff in there john jack was never really into that john jock would just go from bell to bell and he just goes from bell to bell yeah and it's all just in it's up to them to it so it's not like a test which is kind of weird like everywhere else
like in taekwondo you would have to learn forms you have to learn these these little it that you japan they call katas these give us a like knife hand strike side kick nightstand strike sidekick it's like a dance that you're doing you know this this preformed thing you had to know these things in order to get certain belts so like if you were a purple belt you want to become a brown belt was a red bell yeah it was i think it went in tight window i think it went purple red remember correctly purple red green blue green purple yellow blue green purple red black i think that's it the but it's different in others grissom schools like some schools they they would not have the red they would have brown i can karate was always brown it wasn't red and jujitsu red is like the super mass or they have like a coral belt for guys like hickson gracie and jean jacques machado they give him this red belt who gives it to him their master
test it has to be someone of commensurate achievement in jujitsu i give to get it from one of the great masters there's you know there's a bunch of great masters out there like henzel gracie hoist gracie there's like the old guard too like hicks and of course pics and gives your coral belt he gave he gave john jacques machado was coral belt that's just so it doesn't get any like more prestigious yeah he john jack is he's a really special guy his digits it was so technical in and he's like he was also instrumental in making certain techniques work in mma because judge jack was born with one hand is deformed and only has a thumb on his left hand he doesn't have any fingers and because of that he he he figured out that he can't rely
and grabbing the ju jitsu geeky he can't or the come on or whatever you wanna call it he can't rely on holding on the caller is in grabbing sleaze manipulating people with that instead he switched to over hooks in under hooks and went to more wrestling based control so when ju jitsu went from being key based primarily in competition two they started doing abu dhabi in abu dhabi was nogi and went when they went with the abu dhabi i submission fighting championships john jacques dominated people really one of the reasons why dominate is 'cause he's awesome he's just super high level world champion black belt but two because he had never relied on the guy he was just about holding bodies here
over hooks and under hooks and it translated perfectly in mma eddie bravo learn that from john jock you learn that from watching jon jaqen from training under jock and get his black belt under him and so eddie developed his style eddie branched out away from the guy that was like a big controversial thing when he stopped wearing a guy and he started teaching nogi jujitsu like people got like upset at him and the jujitsu community that he was abandoning the guy like a big deal yeah any so revolutionary man he really is when it comes to jujitsu that i has a crazy database of information in his head when it comes like jujitsu moves and a lot of any learned because he learned john jocks but the least the base of a style which john jock develop because you can grab on to things really interesting well as freely interesting note this is a silly question could be like could bruce lee really fight i'm sure bruce lee to up a lot of people yeah you watch him through
kicks and punches that guy definitely knew had a hit things and you there's a video of him sparring definitely where he deserves bar so that means if you've done sparring they give you never hit anybody before boy that's a weird moment even if you do what did you hit do you hit bags you don't hit a bag either ok do you ever have anybody hold them it's for you know nothing and just try to hit a person but it's not easy to hit people hit the person it's it doesn't feel you think it's going to feel it feels weird feels really weird although being hit feels totally normal does it when you get to hit your like there's no weirdness to it you're like oh that's that's just like what i remember when
ran into my friends elbow that's the same feeling yeah unless you get tuned up on your jaw or never popped in your job that's a weird feeling 'cause your legs just stopped working i got dropped in a kickboxing match i gotta drop with a left hook and my legs just stay just shut off there like shut off my legs just shut off they like stopped working like somebody i thought that when you got hit on the john you went down like that is because you were hurt and because like like oh my god this hurts so much have to fall down like almost but it's not really that it's something happy means when you get hit with like a perfect knockout punch or just a knockdown punch when your jaw when they connect with your john your jaw like this is all that energy on that pivot of your jaw in the brain stem and your spine and whatever the fuck is getting damaged in there when your jaw rattling around against the side of your head but it sends a spark like a bow
this shit just goes drunk really oh dear just get shut off it's weird and mine was like i would say yeah half shut off 'cause i was still conscious but my legs stop working but i was still super aware that i was in a fight i knew exact it was going on i knew i just got tagged and i knew whoa this is never happened before i never had my they give out like she did go to sleep no no no i was like only fifty percent there but of course seen every variety of that and sometimes you'll see the guy gets shut off with a punch like someone just hit someone with a perfect punch like you member when manny pacquiao fought one one l1 manuel marquez the last fight see it oh my god but the greatest all time one punch knockouts pacquiao's charging in and this is like i think the third or the fourth time they had fought each other maybe the third and juan manuel marquez uncorks the perfect right hand on pacquiao face so i did see that i did to the face plants and he's out for a long
last time you just face plants yeah it was that was watch its bow yeah i mean that is a god damn perfect punch when you can knock a guy like that completely out so that's that's the highest level that you achieve all jesus hitting that spot the highest level is everything stops and they got to wake you up and you probably don't even remember what happened but i never got to that i never got hit and had that happen to me but having that halfway thing happened where your legs just stop you're awake and you know that would happen it's such a weird feeling of vulnerability like i didn't even know that was that he's a button there i don't even know it was there like you don't i know what is it that happens is that a nerve that something like that yeah something i mean i've i've explained it and then i had someone correct means is not scientifically correct we're taught which shocker bro science what about
out something happens you get punched in the jaw that your job rattles up against your spine think of land not really unlikeable ok well what does happen is like is it the spin of the head like what is it that makes sense 'cause that's one thing like what happens if you get clipped you notice that people's jaws their head fucking bounces around a lot on the impact like if you get caught with a really good body shot you get dropped like boom you get hit on you get dropped your body is kind of absorbing all the shock of that punch but your head when your head absorbs it your shit just swivels around your neck when you think about your head is like the worst thing you could ever hit this thing is barely connected it's all wobbly and shit the bone things are there's like little stacks of boxes on a big bone it's like a big ass thigh bone that connects my fucking head to my neck yeah what's up with this shitty vertebrae stuff with this guy
we gel in between pieces of bone was what a shit idea whose plan is this i made this i've been knocked in college is a couple of times now that i think about it i we were talking about this at what time how many concussions is normal i think about penguin gaussians that's not normal that's a lot but at least seven i probably have a bunch that i was in denial about because like inspiring like you would get hit in the head all the time young jamie bring if the beer uhm spartan you get hit in the head all the time and sometimes you get rocked and if you're sparring and you get rocked like what does constitute a concussion sometimes people have concussions and they don't even have a bad sparring day you know they go home and then they start throwing up and they feel weird they go to the doctor and doc
is your concussed and they don't even remember the shot they don't remember what got him i think it's just for whatever reason thank you sir the for whatever reason that can happen to you i threw up when i got a concussion did you yeah it's super common right yeah i threw up i was in raleigh massimino basketball camp and i got knocked unconscious i wanted to rebound they pulled my feet out oh you landed on my head i was like thirteen oh i had to go to the idea to bring more general hospital and i was in a wheelchair it wouldn't let me get out of the wheelchair and walk and i was like i'm fine now it's just a little bit and then all loopy and then i just started throwing up and i was like i'm not sick i don't know why i'm throwing up so well yeah you don't want to ever admit that you're fucked up when you hit your head dudes like a fun i'm falling by the way my parents didn't i don't even know if my parents called me think i look back at them i wonder if they like as a parent of a twelve year old
i would lose my shit of my kids in philadelphia and she got a concussion i'd be anonymous complain tomorrow will also when someone gets a concussion like that you got to really keep an eye on them for quite a while but they yeah they put me in the rectory why do they keep you awake what's the logic behind i don't know that we have like every hour i think is you don't want to fall asleep and go to sleep forever oh mean die yeah white cheating the reaper or are you see that's the question the people that died i mean they've died at this data week too this just in i'm saying yeah yeah i don't know they put me in with the priests and i know i just had a head injury what's it like hanging out with priests uh i never really enjoyed it i just hung out a lot of trees to really yeah
no i raised my eyebrows anything else you like so funny i could probably get unlike oblivious you see those movies where the shark in the water and the people are swimming in dance and have a good time and then you know it's going to get it going to get it get it get it and then they just get out there like hey let's go do something else now and they don't get attacked but i was probably like that was moment with molestation really certain of it so it just barely missed you every time i would have been a mark like a mole there is an old wet dream because i was i was just i am i've always attracted those people in my life to like people that take advantage of people i've molesters must've seen had spots on me i remember watching the kids get molested one time not not like molested but like it was definitely an assault we were in a kids camp baptist kids camp and i remember we were on our bunk beds it was lights out and all the sudden delay
came on and they're like two counters are like a hog tie and time and this and everyone's like seth run and this one kid i mean they just came down the bunch i had no idea was gone so one kid came running and they grabbed him and they flipped him over that a rope and a hog tight him and ripped his underwear off and then brought him into the shower and we all went into the shower and then they had him in the shower and they were like what when do salmon that like i was fucking creepy like are they didn't decor fingers bottle or anything but just the fact that he was tide up and like thrown in the shower threw him in the shower and i was like i remember going jesus christ note to self hide when they say hog tying i went to camp
doing the same guy those same two guys that did that to him taught me archery savages i went to camp with these kids it tide this kid up they tried this kid up in his bed they took his bunk little caught it'll caught they carried it out and he woke up as they were taking him outside it was pitch black outside to pitch black and you couldn't see a fucking inch of funny face and they took this kid deep in the woods with a cot the kids yell and put me back put me back they covered all of his shit with toothpaste apparently toothpaste at least some toothpaste does not wash out your clothes really yeah or if it does it takes like a tremendous effort so this guy squirt toothpaste all of this guys close and rubbed it in this fucking piece of shit kids kids away from their parents for the first time and it was just a few weird counselors i remember
this conversation with his counselor you know i guess what do you call a boy scout leaders a scout leader he's like an eagle scout in the kid was a eighteen which is like the last year the give you a boy scout you know and he and i were hanging out and he was talking about all his time in the boy scouts and all the things you learned was and now they're kind of kicking him out 'cause you can't be in the boy scouts where you have fucking boy loser the boy scouts are weird that way and i started i was like this is due to the end of his career like it's over for you your but your eagle scout you did you see it the peak to peak at eighteen this is a huge part of his life i mean he had all these merit badges and shit all over his clothes and they were telling him son you gotta fucking stop you gotta stop with your fantasy world will your badges and your fucking ropes around your shoulder was ropes of those little things rap stuff they have this sort of ropes
with the flux that rope all about what are you doing there i would have definitely got molested how's that boy scouts there's an article i wrote it can know you read things not wrote red rather funny how you read things when you're a little kid like i think i was maybe maybe fourteen or fifteen when i read this some guy wrote it in the school newspaper in newton s high school he was talking about the things that they make you say when you're a boy scout i promised to be trust to the loyal blade brave clean and reverent or something like that i think that's the
when is trustworthy loyal brave clean and reverent i think those are like the commandments if i remember correctly maybe there's more that but there was describing him and they were described to keep in your thoughts clean and this guy who wrote an article was another high school kid is really really good point he's like my mind is i can have whatever thoughts i want like as long as i don't do anything about him like why why should you try to control my thoughts and he's right he's right like what is this think clean like why can't you think terrell dirty things 'cause it amuses you you know as long as you're not hurting anybody then what is the point like like i've never once thought about fucking a kid but like other people that legit think that like they must think that what do you mean they think that like i don't have to control my thoughts right there was absolutely people that are attracted to children and then so
donna i obviously it if there is something to blame anyone that does that to a child but what how then do you stop their brains out through their brains doing yeah they're not doing on purpose but their brains going that's the the real debate when it comes to like when neuroscientist try to analyze different types of behavior destructive behaviors what when you can look at any type of horrible destructive behavior you you get to that one where you you literally don't even help them and that's the one gambling and al holism and even being prone to violence and all the different things there's all sorts of different therapies and different ways that people would bye to move you away from that but i gotta imagine there's very few therapies that anybody wants to invest in to try to get someone to stop fucking
it's now there's like we don't have any tolerance for that at all and i i mean this is a really volatile question to say but is it their fault eat well it's a real good question and it's so easy to say of course it is fuck them you're having sex with kids you piece of shit it's so easy to say that and in a way you're right for saying that you're right for thinking that because you're angry 'cause what they're doing is tear the ruining lives we all know that but human beings are just a combination of experiences in genetics and environment and all the day that comes into them and the decisions that you make based on all those things they're not even like your life experience is way different than my life experience and i don't know what happened to him when he was a baby that made him this monster this
forty five year old guy who wanted yeah yeah like jerrod i don't know i don't know what happened to him you know who the fuck knows what torture he endured when he was young i don't know you never know it maybe it's just a bad person that could that's a possibility too i'm not counting that but what is it about that one thing in particular that we don't really have any faith whatsoever that you can ever completely get out your system well you never could i will be like hearing for try to carrying curry me from being straight you say that right but isn't that crazy that that does no biological imperative there you know like the like there's no biological poll to have sex with little kids right that's just a quick crazy up perversion it's not like you saying you can never be with woman again you can never feel womans touch again it's more like saying you can't gamble again or more
like saying there's something like a crazy per averted sexual attraction connection that they're having with people that they shouldn't like young people right where's that coming from and if it's coming from them being victimized and that's what a lot of it is a lot of his coming from them being victimized when they're young and they in turn start victimizing other people it's the most common form of how they think pedophilia actually travels back and forth almost like a disease it's really fucked up it's like a disease of the mind you could give it to somebody
and fuck with their sexuality if you think about it if you know less to care if you molest kids and if you look at all these guys that wind up being the lesters a lot of them were molested his kids it's horrible man so obviously a lot of them don't do that and don't have the urge to do that but there's something that happens to some of 'em where it becomes this really fucked up thing that just keeps passing on for person to person from victim to victim which is a horrible stigmatization if you've been molested could you assume if you tell people than everyone i think you're going to be molesting kids what a weird thing it must be to have that impulse two an impulse that you know is horrible i'm so glad i don't have that i cannot control my brain i definitely cannot i definitely massively horrible fucking thoughts but that is never crept in there to the point where i
i can't imagine what draw it is to the that would draw it would be to be with a child just now to draw there's something broken men some crazy disconnect in your mind i look at sexuality and i look at i would like to be with someone i would like to share a moment with someone accomplished that knows what they're doing i would hate to instruct someone i would never want to sleep you say that you say that but do you remember that movie ten with bo derek yeah it's pretty hot right yeah okay imagine bo derek and for whatever reason she's been an island for the first twenty four years of her life which is never seen a man and finally you in her meat and you're hanging out and it's going to be the night which she doesn't know what to do i think you fucking help her out i definitely a good showing the way i definitely tell her a bunch of how it
works like hey when i'm done oh my god look at that she's so pretty what's interesting is that that book lolita what is up look i don't know i read it i want to say i don't know i read it i think i read it in russian oh no wes where to go can you speak fluent russian now i can understand russian now wow now how much can you read but none anymore you should be able to use to because of the because it's a different alphabet and i can't read it at all anymore and i thought i would be able to pick it up a little bit i have a diary written in russian well yeah when i was backpacking through you because we were all traveling together after russia i start i was keeping a journal i was right just writing in russian 'cause i was like no linkin 'cause no i could be on the train i could write whatever i want and no one could really read what i wrote a very purple journal like it was today eats meat
i like riding bikes yeah man you're those kind of life experiences are the stick to go into the place where they write those things and learn how to write in that language and write your own little blog and speak with those people in there that's a crazy experience man that's that's very enriching i've been telling i've been telling this story on stage now of riding motorcycles and in vietnam through rice paddies how when i called you on the phone yes it great story because because we have been drinking and smoking when i the motorcycles and you called and analysis into i and have music map me in reality any like what are you doing told you and you're like this fucking bert this is what it's about you like it's very it was a very pivotal speech in the way i looked at that show 'cause you're like you like these experiences fuck the show these experience define you and
you need to talk about this on stage you like literally think about look around remember your surroundings bring this up on stage and i was like i will and then i was like fuck you and the sun was setting and it was fucking beautiful and there's oxons in between the rice patties and there's birds and listen to spare in spanish caravan by the doors and i'm fucking flying and and now we just had this conversation with you and i'm looking at my shadow in front of me racing me and that's my my and i'm like oldest the greatest thing ever it was like and then i've called oh wow i think it works so well with joe will try with her and she was like half the fucking bike if you have high blood pressure but that's the hardest part is telling these stories on stage two totally different reactions it would be great if she coached you on right on heard the conqueror you are the machine she screams at you or that i'm ashamed i got i got the audio i told the jay oakerson it's so funny 'cause they're like rogan
spirited like it was that great i got the audio i was going to post it and have someone do animate it the others i'm trying to write about those experiences now on this new hour and it's just it's really fun but you know what man you when you told me to tell the machine story on stage i learned so much about this about the art of storytelling in the art of stand up standup mesh together the hardest part is that over that how long it took to get that story good an every story starts with like only one little twenty part and you just gotta do it all the fucking time you just gotta figure it out and work it out and need it out and tell it as many time you can yeah it's like you got to figure out what to cut out to maybe a better way to describe what was happening you know its is that there's an art to it some people just geniuses at it yes some people to tell stories guys can't wait
can't wait to hear what happens next some people there pacing to joey diaz will slow everything down dog let me tell you something one thousand nine hundred and eighty six north bergen nj is me and peter ham sandwich and it will go into this fuck me it's like you like your little kid like give me the popcorn his father always carried a comb in his back pocket he come out with his gimp and comb his hair remember those columns used to have with the little pointy things would break off if you only have like you have like two fangs and then you'd be missing a fang they didn't have the other friends who visited thank you have to kind of like move your hair out with it the fucking part where it doesn't work the thing i was telling i was telling steve oh this i was i just had steve all my podcasts and we were talking about the being being comedy and being at the clubs the thing it is is that off but in the funniest thing you say you don't realize you're being funny sometimes right yeah
and you have your friends around to be like hey is that a bit and you're like no i i feel silly for saying it like no that's good like joey that and that is what's great about joey i swear to god when i say i have been with when was he said the funniest things that no no one could write you'll never be able to find this straw sure and write it yeah i'll take another one two thanks jimmy and and you just feel like he said in my pocket one time i go i have a big dog is a dog kennel trust dogs i said why he goes progression when i first came to this country i got attacked by dogs five times the last dog walked past me and then came back to bite me and you're like what the fuck man like and then he just has a flat on his face not try to run a bit yes tell you his life yeah he's just funny charges no her do it i told him i would cause a guide a cool that live near
the best when there's homeless people break into my house joy drove by every night how many homeless people broke in your house a couple because under construction or renovating no first one broke in brownies very fucking similar you can't scare him really yeah i was sitting i do with had dinner my sister's house the girls when inside everything sort of destruction we got like a big dumpster out front it looks like it's under construction and i'm sitting off to the side which was a gore in the darkness and this girl just starts walking in walking up the driveway to go into our backyard and i see it i'm like wait do i know i must know her it's a weird thing when you get robbed that you're like it's like a such confrontation that you're like like if you ever been like in addition to someone's like hey man and you're like oh i must've person high and then they attack you and you're like oh fuck this is how it starts
that was what happened this girl is just going on back here and we must know her and i go can i help you and then she was like hey and she likes said something like i work for the d double here were some child's organization something was like no this is this is your breaking in my backyard and i start shouting at her and she just keeps walking towards me should the let's get it all priscilla is one hundred and thirty pound bull mastiff a beast of a fucking dog is going at her like leaping at and all this keeping up is a little tiny like dog fence that we had in our front yard time fearless this woman was you couldn't shake her head i think a heroin addict probably move yeah and i was like mother we called cops and the cops show up i don't ever wish it on cops i love 'em they showed up in three minutes there are three minutes the woman had already taken off i told him where the words she went and then
like yeah it's you know there's a new heroine dealer in town lot of junkies and homeless people are going to be loaded around here until we stop that but he's like i'm so right and i look at both my daughters are in the in the doorway and they're looking and i'm like hey man i told the cops would you mind if the girls come down for like two seconds and you just let them know that they'll be like you're going there's nothing to worry about and it's again are you going to come down to georgia and i'll come down and then had lollipops and they put notes on it that said you are our heroes and they gave him to the cops on me talk about a hard fucking breaking moment these cops are like ladies well first of all we will be circle in this box all night long nothing happened this house we will keep an extra good eye out in this house in georgia starts pulling my shirt she's like dad let's go dad let's go let's hold on george he's not done i think she's like dad dad i think we should go to the house and i was like george it's fine
by the guy gives a speech and we walked back to the house and i was wearing this shirt and she goes you are wearing a marijuana shirt like oh that's hilarious cops don't give a fuck no they don't give a fuck about pot they want more people on pot everybody just relax bose bringing the homeless people we had a port a potty in our front yard do you know anybody it's overshot the heroin actually shot in that's what hedberg used to do
yeah i didn't know him well though mean that was when you know he had gotten gangrene and like i think it was two thousand and three stanhope pulled me aside to tell me that he was in the hospital and hedberg's like his leg was really fucked up there where he's going to lose his leg 'cause he had gangrene from shooting in the same spot and i know well he was more of a friend a stanhope but as a comic i was a huge fan was a person is a huge fan of is but as a comic i like really respect to them so he was a great comic yeah just interesting too and really unique and he just always made me laugh i just really and i always enjoyed like his his like handed such absurd style it made you giggly yeah it was so unique
yeah like that here when i guess when you hear the reference has does that help me to mitch hedberg reference last night no i didn't hear it do frain party of three to frame party of three what happened to the do frames i say we start a third party third party of four yeah he is he pacing in his his style of talking i used first comic i ever heard say ain't and it was it was poetic yeah man i ain't even gonna do that yeah he he had it down i would watch i would pay right now i'm not even joking if you said to me i have a like a thirty for thirty no thirty for there is the hive and thirty for thirty about mitch hedberg that's an hour and twenty minutes the covers all the all the real i'd pay easily a thousand dollars to watch it while strong words i would i'm
man black guys i find that interesting me too i wanted to do is freeze for comedy central where we had like almost a podcast but we were where go to at all the comics and i would have them tell me their best tell story their best for story and then i compile it all into episodes about comics telling stories about a tell comic style sure about mitch thomas telling stories about stanhope like imagine you did with stanhope and i just everyone add on my podcast i just took like five minutes of side was like tell me your best doug stanhope story and then i just compile that into a three hour podcast let doug listen to and then at the end of story go objection that would be a bad ass it would be bad ass maybe i'll do that about stanhope it's not a bad one i got a gang stories i'm sure he's always been a character i told a good stand of story that marilyn manson last night did you hear what i think
oh i think i not take that back i told on stage isn't weird hanging out with marilyn manson very fucking bizarre it was odd a sugar and in the process of shaking his hands like oh shit it's marilyn manson i get into and dogs like mansions in there and i think there was like i was thinking of a guy from bubba the love sponge or something oh ok and i was like ok and then we walked in and i went oh that marilyn manson and i just like super easy to talk too really smart fucking do yeah you know he's a really good artist your cs workers at work i worked at barnes and noble his book came out book and i was just i was like he was from florida i was from florida so i read the book it's fucking really interesting it's an interesting way to write a book like it will a com
i should do what he did he had a gallery opening are showing his work and i went to check it out it's really interesting i mean he's super creative guy very creative so you can kind of see how it look at that i mean that's really good stuff likely that's beauty alert yeah no he's really good it's bizarre weird shit your the hunter s thompson when he got there it's got look at the one to the left that the highest thompson look at that is fun he did it he did a video he did a video dealing with these jester day about uhm about cutting donald trump's head off do you think he sells at is a preppy i die no we did a video of a cut in dollar terms had off and that is that is not gonna farewell now i think that's a legal now right like once when some of the president i think you can make jokes about
i can't get their heads off and then i was like oh i made a video too it's a little different and i showed him mine and it's me in a thong coming out of a port a potty i saw that and he was like he goes laugh he was like oh that's funny that's not it's really funny and i was like well how much did it cost you to shoot yours yeah he got a rubber head the whole deal that hunter s thompson from manson is fee an amazing one if they have prints of that i bet you could call marilyn manson and ask him if he has a friend that would be annoying you don't not at all not from you it would be annoying like so he called me and said how do i get your dvd amazon dot com stupid what is a thinly veiled request that isn't right that's why i'm not famous i go marilyn manson ago do you know how i get one of your albums download it on itunes people get mad there are some bands that you can't buy on itunes right cool man
did scott is that men are scott is the designer kinner keenan tool is dude the fucking the tool album with a prison sex on it i love this greatest fucking greatest album i'll love that album top to bottom one of my favorite albums that's when i got into xyz and go to college man that prison backspace to listen to that shit when i worked out 'cause it did like that was like a weightless open song is what you get fucking far sober good jams man that is a great fucking album that was a great podcast you had him on yeah he's interesting he's a really interesting guy he's very smart dude almost too smart cool boots he's boots ankle boots motorcycle boots he makes really good wine really good wine
obviously not as somalia or anything like that but i know like what taste good and his shit takes really good i mean he knows so much about it like you talk to him about it like the way describes it and explains the process and he's super super into it he's i'm fascinated by that guy him and him marilyn manson what was the other guy trent reznor that whole there was a whole genre now those turn into club d they turn into diplo or skrillex back then they data albums well those guys make albums don't think now you know they do one song and release it and then they tord do you ever are you on snapchat at all no diplo on snapchat is one of the most interesting lives of human could live he is in my right here go on private jets i met diplo a long time ago before he was sure he was famous but like he was going to a truck show on travel channel and we went out he was so
trusted in hosting is that i really want to get into hosting thank fucking god they didn't pick up his show he travels on private jets to helsinki then to tokyo then to abesa then to i mean he's he's in in vegas once a week with skrillex they do a party and like it's the crew easiest parking life man he's a super bowl and he's super bowling he's done he doesn't look like he spends a ton of money mother than private jets but but he seems like he's got his shit together is a really sweet too and they do a show in vegas every week screaming skrillex i i watched on vice vice land what's the tv sign on noisy the host i forgot damn it is a great host of noisy he really is a fantastic host speaking from a hosting perspective very laissez faire casual host he i wish i knew his name give him a shout out
he went to vegas for a weekend and partied with like all those guys and just their lifestyle and how much money they make i mean they were making you know and then i didn't even know that dj amd remember that guy who he thought he died of a heroin overdose or but he was in the plane crash and he was a great fucking dj like a legit gray dj and i was like well i just tell you some reality star i didn't know you dj like he went on big boy in the morning i think and did a was first person to do mashups of like run amc and sweet home alabama home alabama on the fucking breakfast club and everyone's like oh shit it was funny it's a fucking i i got really into that that's one of my warm holes that i went down was started googling everything about these d js and then i end up watching a girl doing drums have you seen these girls that do drums fucking baddest thing
is an interesting what shows have come to in vegas like a thing used to be in vegas is you would go to vegas you would see a band and you still do that alot in vegas but more often than that you have dj and these d js they have regular shows of these places yeah they do it all the time would you take this is a silly question would you take we looking for i was going to give you a bottle of take a residency somewhere i don't think so i don't think that would be is fun what if it if it was in la i think i'd like to do whatever the fuck i want to do i like doing exactly
doing it the i don't i don't want to do a resident only be required to be in one spot there is a like i'd like to schedule phoenix one weekend boston another week and i like to do it like that i don't like to do it where i have to be somewhere yeah every week it's not a bad thing but if you can have freedom take freedom always a little more than what they said what if what if the hype that is being bill burr doug stanhope my yourself you fitzsimmons did once a month in vegas and did that show in vegas like that like that yeah they would commit to that i would commit to that that would be saved by the way i definitely commit to that because i would be on getting probably making sure dinner was ready for everybody but why do we have to fly to vegas why don't do it here want to do it exactly we did last night yeah see don't complicate shit oh yeah i guess
in the store we all live here on the fucking flying somewhere else good point oh yeah sometimes i complicate things just 'cause i go i'll be fund up for us all in hotel rooms so you're thinking about having a residency you want to be like dean martin and fucking sammy davis junior rat pack please german everybody wants me to new graph pack is the gang gang's all here broke back row pack thrown out bro but doing a super show is that you know like what last night was like a podcast super show we should definitely do that more off there was so much fun it was a one was fun things i've ever done in my life it was so great because like i when i did my to honor that said i did it with tom and bill and i make it we smoke cigars and halfway through i went away that had to be a bill to do something like this all the time is have my friends coming together yeah and us just hang out and drink and bullshit yeah we do that all the time that last night was just i'll never i will for the next week
i'll remember moments of that and just giggle i wish i was there for the sarah tiana bill burr pornography fight yeah very bummed out that i had left when that was going down it would have been it was an interesting it was an interesting debate i think it all started with condoms in porn yeah well people get weird when it comes to watching people fuck some people don't think to be able to do it i'm into the weirdest shit now i broke my governor talk to me i'm fucking choking no no no no no i was into i got into quicksand porn for a second will you remember come and let the girls mascaras like covered with like sweat from gag and tear that doesn't turn me like my big my my big thing is close up orgasm closeup you like him close yeah 'cause that's the way i see him in real life my wife is one that fucked me up she was like why was someone is like guy giving the girls gagging she was like i don't fucking tag no shit and if it was something
my god and then she was like she was like she's ok but that's still funny you could watch something that you don't even do and i went what do you mean she's like you're watching something that's total fantasy like you have no attachment to that so it's almost like this if you have is something totally even that you masturbate too and i was like that's a good fucking call so i tried to really i lit into like what is my what is the what are the things that actually turned on in real life and one of the things is with my have an orgasm i'm usually down there and that really turns me when that happens i'm like oh fuck so i got in really into close up orgasm i just got super uncomfortable so the rest of the world everybody listen when she is hurt there's another thing called down all the way down blouse saying yeah but it's very it's very no i'll be answers to
i've been to grow like bend over to electric store shoe or something you look down her blouse and skirt it's that's a john rhe of it but the the john rhe i got into if you look on pornhub it's down blousing and it's just girl with loose fitting shirts cleaning which is the real like that is something that i walked in the kitchen and my wife will be like doing the dish is in her pajama top shirt and you'll see like a side tip maybe like yeah how's it go are there tigers in here is a tire in the city yes see look look look look this is hilarious and that's all it is is down blouse are so it's like the women are working and you see their tits accidentally while they're working yeah it's like four hundred thousand downloads so this girl is sitting there she's jiggling art it's back and forth yeah and just pretending that she's working and usually they're talking to you like about
just mundane stuff gotta hate to clean i really wanna suck some cock like is a lot of these because it's moments that you get in real life when you see a woman's tit from a down lawson you're like whoa and it's not pervy you weren't doing it on purpose it's very pretty what you talking about with a little pervy this is proud fuck it's like you could almost here nipple but not quite oh i just thought i just saw it i just thought how come this is on the youtube if you could just see a nipple how can we got sixteen thousand download views people there is no need donald trump again yeah they haven't found it yet it's in the with that lady over on the right with their big boobs that looks like you see her nipples too yeah you know that race car video where the girls top pops open she's going to sports car in their riding fast as you well known in their top pops open there's something super sexy about that and it's
watching a girl gagging on cock look at that girl chases jamie what's going on look at her she's like you want to see my test no psych i don't think so psych it's like almost i'm going to do an equivalent blousing an equivalent of this but with what's called down dicking down ticking then it's just me you can barely see my dick ok i get it and yet it's not bad right no not at all this girl oh and you keep going come on move yeah fall off to the side we had down blouse ings but you're weird shit and oh shit what happened i because i was watching regular i was watching regular porn and then it just it just kind of escalated like was like he told the dominatrix one thousand jesus she showed me some videos that was bizarre shit she showed the video that i was like i don't get it but then i got it
like it was it was a girl in pantyhose and she was like by the pool and her friend was sprayed with the hose and it wasn't even like that's all they were doing but it just looks sexy and i was like oh shit it doesn't have to be hardcore porn can just be something hot like something where you're like oh fuck and then i my that covered for my wife and i was like i should find stuff that is more connective healing grown porns and you're like how does she not get in there but how come she just isn't being a model or yeah like she's so beautiful the fuck happened there's a girl that gives massages do you know who the girl talking about she's she's got black hair i watch a lot of going to share this one time okay they you know they those you would you like to share this video on facebook you're like no posted by facebook timeline ok so i was doing it too in the morning but there's a girl that gives
she gives massages and she's all in white she wears all white and she is so beautiful she might be i as beautiful as anne hathaway like that kind of just she looks like an half what kind of if anyone knows this woman i'm talking about send me a picture or just send it to jamie anything there's a bug to them know there's one girl specifically well who woulda thunk that that would be a market that someone could corner them with saj on youporn that she's got that down yeah whoever thought backroom casting couch would ever be a show that's a whole thing i watch just because i try to figure out if it's real or not i don't think can be i think you have to sign papers i know by watch it the same way i watch a magician like i'm waiting to do the trick right away to your slip up and
dave seriously and he's like what how do you know my name huh i think i'd recognize that guy in the locker room yeah just from his voice and is a hernia how strange that there is that that is a genre like you're excited you're there with them wise casting these girls like let me see what you could do okay now say do it now yeah yeah get on your knees loan your hotel room he says the same burbage every time so i'm gonna send this tape casting directors but i think first immediate negative suck my dick in your life and you and uses the look on her face that comes out so fat she's like huh and you and i i go i go i go literally if this is real this is real it's casted porn stars aren't that good right as an act yeah exactly they are not that good well i'm sure if he's made above tipm over the years he knows you can do and not do so you could always get someone to sign the paper after you do all this stuff you should
go to youtube channel with all the fails all the people that walk out on him yeah but then you can't use their footage you blur their face i guess i want eva do you want to see the reaction yeah i don't think you do that there's like certain laws and you know the there are different different states do vegas you can do it not crazy shit in vegas that's why they did cranky here's their yeah have you seen have you seen oh shit what's the what's the price practical jokers no i have not it's a funny fucking show i keep it's really good i don't like prank shows but it is a funny prank show and you have never been a fan of pranking people now i'm a i'm a i'm a fan of doug stanhope and doug stanhope's fan of them so
but i take it on by proxy yeah i watched it because they know i would watch exactly prank shows but it's fucking hilarious you know we used to have a really fucking good prank show jamie kennedy dude i remember that show yes what was it called the x's the x factor x no not the x jamie timmy kenny kind of experiment that's it and he used to say like you got a text or something like that at the end when he didn't need to say something like that yeah j kennedy is an interesting guy because he is ics dream lee fucking talented but he's not working right now or i will see him at least some at the store the other day i didn't see it set though yeah you don't hear about him that much it was it was even on that show that ghost show ghost whisperer show or something like that
because he started dating that girl that girl i think fucks everyone's head up wow love what's your name again jennifer love hewitt oh yeah man i watched her day in the life on mtv and it reeked of fucking crazy like reeked of crazy she's like i bought you a present to her friend a friend like you don't need to buy me presents old i like you she's like i i thought i present while some jamie kennedy did something i'm gonna put this out to listeners if you can find this for me i swear to god it would be it would be the biggest gift in the world he did a show with still with stu stone do you know the name of the show it's two stone it was called getting making it or something they were rappers it was a scam did reality show wasn't reality show it was scripted but it's about them wanting to be hip hop stars i'll blowing up blowing up and so there's an episode where they were j
he is doing a test he's going to do a tv show or movie with tracy morgan and to do the screen test he needs to get put in blackface he needs to be dressed as a black man so they they dress him as a black man and he gets all dressed up as a black guy and tracy morgan convinces them that he's very convincing as a black guy and that way you should do is him and stu stone should both get in face paint and look at like black people and then go down to the three mafia show and freestyle for them 'cause black men free the three six mafia will really appreciate it and joe there is a moment where they're driving in a car to long beach dresses do black guys and there talking to each other and they're like do you think this is a good idea is there hidden cameras in the car
i don't know man do you think i mean we just going to long beach right and then the other guys like in that were snoops problem and then they go into the three six mafia and the three six mafia is like they start wrapping and then he goes is jamie and like huh you dressed as a oh my god oh my god all black people in rap and how good was it who gives a fuck i could not stop traffic it was the greatest thing i've ever fucking seen and i saw jamie kennedy one time at the ontario improv and i was like dude i gotta take two i can tell you how hard that made me laugh and he was like yeah can't find it anywhere like mtv dropped it and they like burn it you can't get it because he's in black thing 'cause he's black he is in he looks
so much like a black man you can you'll find an image a screen grab of battle now weird is that how weird is that but think think how strange that is i get it that it was from minstrel shows are black or white men would put on black face and do that these it offensive representations of of the black men but that's a different look when they were doing it they were doing like this big thing where they were put in like white around their lips it was like really exaggerated that with this guy's name al who's now also held roles and thank you mercy when he would do that yeah jamie pull up some video of al jolson in black face see if they take it off you to do you think they take that shit down now or do you think i could watch it can't that actually might be in the public domain 'cause it's like one of the first but i would worry that it was offensive that it violates their terms of service now no it's already on youtube didn't bill cosby like takedown the
little rascals he owns the little rascals little rascals and tucked it away but i hear the rape we're going to start entering it again if you i got raped getting them airing i'm kidding i'm kidding you look at alger holy shit give me some volume jamie turn this up a little bit how crazy is this this hi is ladies crying he's moving into tears i walk one million miles of one of you smile on my back
this is so crazy my marriage but sometimes the fun time then i know where the fun times ten he doesn't even do a good impression of a black guy or maybe black people are different 20s yeah but he's using the words is it a black a would use he's doing it as a white guy as a white guy yeah well it's just really bizarre first of all is bizarre when you think that that was top of the food chain entertainment nineteen only seven so less than a hundred years ago give us a somebody went to you and a concert and the dude was wearing black paint on with white stuff his lips and he was saying that song you would think you were in some sort of a weird abstract modern performance art show you know some weird
alt hipster vincent gallo would do that now is something strange that but then he wasn't joking around that was like he was trying to like be what a wonderful song al what a wonderful song lick those people were apes like just in one thousand nine hundred and twenty seven they were so goofy that was fun for them to like to go see the al jolson movie that al jolson's a hell of an entertainer i love when he sings he's got a beautiful voice he sounds just like that was the first talkie that was the first movie was sick and i found that one was yeah man i had just silent films until then wow so that guy must have it ball and i he was slinging that make up covered deck all over town i bet there's a part of him that was like do i need to put the makeup on mami yeah they probably would know he was another make up fuck that would suck did you like jeans means here you know if you had the kiss makeup on you went to a bar would know what's up find
remember watching him in the first movie that he did with tom selleck with spiders yeah yeah i was like oh shit that gene simmons yeah he was a bad guy in a few movies and he still a bad guy he's a fucking asshole fuck hello i hate you is it in so we covered this you had a bad experience with him yeah he blocked me now the twitter black blocked me wow that was the height of his good looking this from did you ever have tom selleck powerful tom selleck and gene simmons than i ever have well did you ever have like this is going to sound crazy maybe this is just florida but did you ever have like people dresses in black face for parties and stuff for like halloween i'm sure probably saw it when i was young for sure trying to remember specific instance can't really like that was a popular cost
from when i was a kid was being a black person ok you know what i know i remember i do did he played mister t yeah so that was that that's a that was a common one and they would wear black face and they'll put a bunch gold chains on uhhuh on this day when you put it the shoe box shoe polish but like black paint all of your face yeah you have like a fake mohawk in college they used but we have a social called with a couple so we had a social called pimps up hoes town where everyone would just dress like black people miss so politically incorrect but that's you know i don't think anyone of the insight we at a social called google longer and remember i want to organize it and i handed out like makeup so peep
you put war paint on and one girl i just took a picture just has just put it on blast up jesus like i remember walking out we share that pain just cover yourself with it there's a picture on my facebook love it i sort of got she posted it herself she i remember this party was like why would you post it up yourself how bizarre is she but that was like i don't remember when ted danson did it and everyone's like oh you're not supposed to do that that's right he was like the last white guy to try black face like publicly try it the backlash was terrible and he thought he could get away with it 'cause he was dating whoopi goldberg and i think he told a bunch of black centric joke yes yeah like racist jokes
oh ted danson once you like n word jokes actually see how do we have do we have transcripts of his act probably there's probably video of it no and i know there's a picture guaranteed is a video that shit no that's when people if it didn't have videos back or if you took up the other we just get out for real yeah i remember watching it i'm going to watching video of it i think they film that event is for the friars club right something like that dad is weird ethnic group that you're not you're not allowed to be asian you're not allowed to be a black guy but if you're a white guy you could become a redhead no guess at now literally nobody get upset if you were black you dress in white face and no one cares no one cares but if you're black you can't be a chinese guy that's offensive and if you're chinese guy can't pretend to be black that's offensive too i was i used to live with this girl from peru and one halloween is i
move to new york this is probably two thousand those parties nine nine thousand eight hundred and ninety nine and i went in i went in to a room halloween she was dressed like a puerto rican issued peruvian and she was like she liked all the horrible stereotypes that you would say would be the things that lowest common denominator puerto rican woman reduce you had all over her and i was like valley you can't do that and she was like why not it's a good costume right and i was like no those people exist and will be around them tonight like can you imagine someone and when is valerie and she was like it wouldn't bother me i go yeah because you have a good job and stuff like this poor person is getting they handed by life every night and you're dressing aslam culture appropriation what do you think about that amy schumer culture appropriation what what about it you didn't do know about it nobody talking about her and goldie hawn did a video
of them singing a beyonce song but it's i guess it's the politicized beyonce song okay they shot a cover of them doing a beyonce song and fucking the internet went after we're in a hard fucking way amy schumer who was with her goldie hawn so they're trying to be funny yeah i guess i mean it's not very funny it's funny i guess if you if you like for if i don't know i i dare you audience when after because beyonce's black no yeah and the song is about black women this call formation home and it's about it's the song sheet of the super bowl where she stepped up on the cop car loni love went after her what she say she was like no you can find the lonely love clip but only left starts crying in it she's like she's like yeah how dare you take that for
this is not your story shit yeah huh cultural appropriation is interesting because i have kind of been guilty of it my whole life 'cause i love hip hop i don't what is is not being a hip hop fan like when is it be cultural appropriation when you like when you cover someone song culture appropriation doesn't that sound weird i guess if you're pretending that that's your life that you're talking about but clearly she's not right she's is having fun singing a song that beyonc sings 'cause she's a fan i guess is not the idea yeah it looks like they're having fun just doing it for the fuck of it i mean i'm looking at this i seen people being silly what do we really getting offended by we get offended by this
yeah wanda sykes is in it they were really offended i didn't i didn't not only did i not care i couldn't sit through the video well there just being silly yeah i mean looks to me like they just having fun who gives a shit if people were really upset about that like come on i guess there's i don't know i don't i don't know man i think we're finding way too many things set with lately not anymore now that trump is in office trump's office make all my fucking videos you want you know what it is man this is everybody getting a voice everybody getting a voice the world has a voice and they're looking for things we have set by and they see the yes and they go i think this is wrong you can't do that you know they decide they're going to go after you can't take that from us like she didn't she made her own copy of a video she made out like a parody video people do it all the time who gives a fuck it's not it's not like you can't still watch that beyonc one and by the way if you don't like this you can
fun of it who gives a fuck got two million downloads but people getting upset by not good i mean or good like go ahead get upset by it but just at a certain point in time it gets real weird you know it used to be you could dress like a cowboy and indian you can't do that anymore the combo off you can't a girl cannot be pocahontas anymore if pocahontas still cues
with cultural appropriation there used to be a popular halloween can't do it bitch you are not native how dare you offensive piece of shit you cisgendered white priviledged asshole god dang yeah remember when you get dresses a bum yeah you can't do that anymore cultural appropriation of homeless people yeah yeah i work way too sensitive but that's how this guy got elected that is a big part of it big part of it there's a bunch of factors it's not one bunch of different reasons got him elected but part of it is because we're tired people are tired so my friend matt sent me something that's so hilarious this is a real thing that was on tumblr or someone was talking about cultural appropriation in terms of learning languages and that we in less you're chinese you shouldn't learn
in chinese because its cultural appropriation really yeah you this pro tip by the way anybody says pro tip is a douche bag unless you're joking around and you say pro tip pro tip yeah and then you say something that's really stupid pro tip don't learn a language if you do not come from the language barriers why at the language bears the bearer of the language i eat don't learn from french and less you're french but if you're not french don't learn chinese if you're not chinese don't learn icelandic if you're not icelandic it just appropriates culture more that's fucking ridiculous it's our it's awesome because it's so silly i so silly i really think that's how guys like president trump get in the office dude i'll tell you what i always have voted for hillary but i get angry like the way the guys who voted for trump must feel
the i get angry when i see stuff is just absurd like there's a video we have that that you seen but it's it's your names in it so i thought you were in it so i clicked it and basically is a social justice warrior who open mic and doing stand up but instead of doing stand up he just keeps repeating your jokes are not funny the inside world are real these are real in it's like i think it's got you and jim norton are in the title of it norton joe rogan social justice justice where you stand up and i was like i came you might feed on the side that mean i don't think so he's just using the stage usual out that people shouldn't tell jokes because they're not funny you know that any joke intended to harm any joke that has someone else is a target is harmful and that any joke the about anything like racial say actual that i guess are funny i don't really know did you see did you can you do you know the video
don't even give it anything well yeah i don't yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but i was like fucking that you get your in bed you like and you're sitting up right here like this fucking this fucking idiot fucking guy exists well this people that find things offensive right there's some people that don't find anything offensive some people have find everything offensive and then along the way there's a bunch of people on the spectrum all all of them have their own reasons why they have a line that they draw and then they don't like it anymore and you're allowed to do have a line anywhere you want man if you bet you when you impose that on other people that's the only time it becomes a problem if you if you think for some reason that just because some people like a certain style whether its style music or style art anything comedy is just one
saying that people make right if some people like that style and you don't and you get mad at it and then you start deciding that these jokes are harming people and these jokes are damaging people well first of all every art form whether it's music or whether it's movies every art form is allowed this sort of false we have this understanding that you've created some fiction right we have this understanding that this is not necessarily the person who's written as books exact thoughts on things nor is it the person who makes this movie who made a fictional movie that's like it's a work of art right they've created these scenarios these people didn't really die not nothing really happened in that but in comedy for some reason you can't say so ridiculously offensive fulling knowing that you know in the audience knows you don't believe it but when you do do it it's really funny so there's that
you're saying well you you'll do something really funny that super offensive like your karate kid joke really funny about mister miyagi yeah i don't want to give it away but i don't care although no no okay okay okay i was wondering how to get here if you think that some point daniel sons mom would be like i think this jenner's trying to my kid this is true right i forgot about that joke it's funny and it's offensive maybe that's not good exam because that's actually logical joke but is that right yeah that is a logical soul who article with there's a met many as we say thought something is completely ridiculous he don't mean at all and the only say because it's a funny thing to say yeah and you know to take that and extract it and to say that that's
i hate crime when you know you know that that person just fucking around like do you member when tracy morgan got in trouble because the set of his son was gay stavam people get so fucking mad like what's interesting is that there must have been a few people that believed him yeah he's so crazy though tracy is always crazy i only met him once he's a madman and that crazy i've only met him one fucking time one story one time that's a great story so i can only time i i hope to run into him again i know he's heard this story and he didn't like it and he was like never happened but i can't wait to run into him tony woods tonewoods got because a couple people ended up telling that story a couple like a number people and already worked work for the guy that was telling it and saying that it happened to him so i guess that's what happens when it goes into the ethos
and tony was got fucking pissed 'cause tony was work tony woods there the whole night and tony's like that's our story was like yeah i know he was like that's bull no one takes our story burt and i was like yeah i don't know a day i sorry that's how that works i guess yeah with a minute how can it be yours so you don't want you to automatic as he was talking about it no no no tony was just like its other people telling was something that happened to me in you how can that be right but you were there no yeah right so it happened you too no no no he was saying that other people were telling that racing organs to other people other than me and him and tony told that other thing yeah he texted me and the number people guy were already worked with a guy in australia told it it just became something that we were like well it's already been stolen was just all take it that's hilarious yeah and tony was like really upset because he would came late to it you know tony and listen to podcasts he does his own fucking thing and he just called me one time he's like yo sugar bear i'm in australia the fuck these people tell
our story for and i was like oh sorry tony just yeah i guess that happens in australia who is in australia and they were tell someone australia told it and tell us in australian heard it tony one of the greatest moments it like what we had last night i was in dc and tony woods came in tony lives in dc for these you don't know tony is one of the greatest com hilarious hilarious guy very slow like meticulous like old school player and so tony comes in and in the back of the room is like hey why don't you tell that tracy morgan story and i was like is that tony woods my wife is there right and i go tony and he goes yeah i want to hear what it sounds like so why don't you come on stage and tell it with me so he comes up on stage we to mikes and i tell my side of the story and he corrects me
you know how everyone's got their side of the story yeah and like i remember it man i remember it very vividly that i was a passer by like i was just hanging on and i was there for the story i didn't really do anything until he's like that is not how that happens to let you read and and then he said he goes do you really think he's like the reason he took his sword office because you took your shirt off and i was like there's no fucking way he tony remembers it totally different the only thing we agree on is the very end of the story where when he said that's how you get out of paying a check that's the only thing we agree on wow yeah it's interesting how two people can share an experience and it be it be i mean it's very similar in like the places like we went to mad max at the bar we were at an i told tony i start telling all stage tell it well the human memory super flawed
really flawed they find that more and more that when there checking out crimes in the in particular that the human experience like memory is like one of the worst piece of evidence to get around yeah neil degrasse tyson is talking about it is that the it's like the the difference between an actual reality how people remember it is sometimes significantly different your brain just puts together a narrative and sticks with it yeah and then you know if something weird how but are crazy happens sometimes you are all jacked up on adrenaline and your brain just create some goofy ass scenario and then that becomes your memory that becomes your reality how weird dude are so malleable in that crazy yeah but how do you ever think of like manchurian candidate type shit like that the idea that they could trick you by put in like a word in your head if someone says that work you fucking snap and you
turn into an assassin was pavlovi and it's going to be connected to pablo bian 'cause because when my wife's alarm goes off on her phone at five hundred and forty five priscilla wakes up until it gets up and starts wagging her tail stand by the fridge she's ready to eat she hardly ends alarm go off and she goes now we this is how and it's almost going to be similar but there are things you could say to put me into a mood yeah yeah like like i mean immediately when you're like this sounds this is going to sound silly balls to get to the when i said i'm going i will bring you like grab me one that makes my heart race i go over but drinking yeah yeah yeah learn by myself i got a partner although i like like certain things like that those are pavlovian response
so you want to get high i can excited i went oh yeah i would love to get high today like when like when stanhope when i see when my phone rings in stanhope i get i get excited 'cause i go it's one of the very few calls i don't i don't send a voicemail and i but even the voice mails are ten million times fucking better he gave me a fucking voicemail that i want to play it's so good and put and then sometimes you get one for him and johnny depp and you're like fucking stand this fucking phone calls are the best so i see this joey diaz phone calls 'cause you know joey diaz's phone call is going to take sixteen seconds what's up what's up tarzan and then you fucking
back to me cock like yeah alright alright i love you brother i'll talk to you later yeah now we're lucky man we know some weird people are you nervous about the future now that donald trump is president do you feel any differently 'cause it went down what did it went down yeah it went down he went down donald one the ship went down i was joking on stage this weekend saying that it can't be that bad for me as a white guy like that's the truth is that he's not he's got my interest protected like he's a white guy too he's not going to start out long white guys and his sons a white guy and it's going to be tax breaks for people that make money you know i just i just i just don't like like like this is going to once again this will sound bad but i'm in my backyard
oppressed or this morning and like every market you never do those we have satellite tours and guys that are built my house wrong mexican and i saw him come to work and i thought man that sucks that the what he said about mexicans america america stood behind the tab and cuz he's guys aren't rapist and murders are the coolest guys in the world that are fucking killing themselves so that i can have a better life and they're doing it at wages that quite honestly are affordable only cuz a fear of losing their stability in this country so they don't argue or stand up there and that's kind of how the immigrant labor works a tad bit is they don't have a they don't have an a not a way out and i thought that really sucks and i saw for the first time that way and i was like these are all really cool dudes and it stinks that last night they saw that or like we lossed and maybe they didn't see it i don't fucking know now a lot of them did i know some mexican folks that we're pretty upset and here i am you know
on on on the winning team regardless and like again i'm going to win whoever wins if hillary turns i'm a liberal i want everyone for good things i win if donald trump wins i'm in that camp too i win their you know so you're a winner of the luckiest guy in the fucking world the whole mexican thing is very strange because it's real this is why it's really racist it's not like you're dealing with an exorbitant percentage difference in the amount of people that are mexican descent that commit crimes versus the amount of people that are of american born that they commit crimes right we both agree on that it's probably like not much difference at all but when someone comes here from another country and commit a crime we look at it far worse than if someone
was born this patch of soil commits a crime you know we decide that that's a big deal we decide that it's a bigger deal when someone from over there comes over here illegally and commits a crime even if it's like the same percentage as just people you know if you get like twenty percent of the people commit crimes we want no matter what their immigrant or whatever you look at the immigrant ones as being more significant 'cause they don't even fuck it supposed to be here yeah and they're doing those crimes it sliding doors what if that person just never come here that's how people look at it but it's probably a percentage of the population
are what and then it also depends upon what does that person experience like they're coming from the congo or some crazy fucking place i remember my friend went to high school with some kid i but i want to say the kid was from jamaica pretty sure he's from jamaica and apparently he was a super violent kid this is first time the united states and he got with a fight in a fight with some boy he went out to his car and he got a fucking giant kitchen knife and he stab that kid right through this stomach in front of everybody and everybody for any cut some other kid in the other kid ran away and he's chasing him with the knife trying to cut him holy shit yeah and this is his first days in america they just let him into the school and this kid went into his fucking trunk and pulled out a knife and i guess that's how we rocked it in jamaica and that was like what he had been exposed to so that the situation if you're letting someone into a place
legally or illegally i don't know how he got in i don't know the details of the store i just know the story but then people are scared because they're like oh this person's been living in the congo say ok so what is xenophobia then based on the fact that they don't subscribe to the same cultural rules we subscribe to you can say that xenophobic or you can say that you are very conservative nationalistic and you can look at it as a proud trait something means it's it's a real touch and go issued especially right now because what's going on in germany and a lot of parts of europe where these syrian these are coming in yeah and they've opened their arms to him in germany and it's kind of like really out of control like germany's had some horrible salts and rapes in two groups of my and that are actively targeting white blonde women for rape well that's the truth and i won't say any but there are places in this world where the social norm of rape is rape the social norm women just
get raped and they believe that's just what happens 'cause their women and there's a lot of those people there's a lot of those places a lot of those people to this the sheer numbers of humans that subscribe to that kind of thinking still in twenty sixteen shock you if you could just look at his numbers on a board if you just looked at the worldwide population how many people would accept something like that you'd be like whoa yeah we're just getting rid of beating a child right adrian peterson did it and everyone fucking attacked him and i'm sure he was like i just hit him with the switch it was pretty brutal but now but there are places were in this car true you could totally hit a child know with anything and then
places in the world where you can hit someone and no one say anything yeah and that's where that's part of like if you try to dissect xenophobia maybe it's that is that you go there social norm is different than my social norm and i don't want people i mean that that sounds like i'm defending xenophobia well i have a theory that i've said several times in the podcast excuse me if you've heard it that's the cradle of civilization if you go to the middle east that's where civilization began so old is written language the old form of mathematics it like it's umair like that's the responsible for all these different first first agriculture like they dare like a really depending upon when you think that two men human civilization was established whether it was re established but those people back then that that was a a really complicated
did civilization and it was like six thousand years ago yeah i mean when we try to think about like how long human beings have been on this planet and how long we've been living our lives and what we've been doing this is a really really recent thing very do think about this slavery was just two hundred years ago yep one thousand eight hundred and sixty five black people just got rights as humans in the 60s that's that's so like like you know one of the things i watch roots and one of the things that blew me away was that was that was a call when black people talk like black people is a ebonics demented bonics came out and people couldn't those were fucking up in arms hey learn the language speak the way we speak and i thought hey motherfucker when we brought
and he didn't teach you how to speak at all when they were brought his slaves it was better if they didn't speak english but you know what the problem with that kind of thinking is on both sides problem kind of thing so you didn't bring any slaves over here i didn't bring anybody and they weren't slaves so both things are fucked up but there and this is where so acknowledging there's a ripple is a giant ripple effect from being right over here slaves that to me says that like what we should have done and we probably still show do is figure out a way and not just that ripple but the poor immigration ripoll that's for in white neighborhoods russian neighborhoods you got to figure out a way to like get neighborhoods that are really poor those are traps especially the crime ridden neighborhoods a really poor yeah i think we've got to clean those up this week we have cuts that we just let scab up in faster and we don't treat dress the wound like that's kind of what dean
there's crime ridden neighborhoods are they like cultural wounds and we don't we don't do shit about him 'cause it's not us it's ass can't fucking pay attention that but if presidents did that instead of fucking flying over to afghanistan and dealing with some nonsense it has almost nothing to do if you in if if me could make an argument that we can intervene in mexico right now you know if you really want protect peace and love mean every time you go to juarez and you see a bunch of dudes heads cut off their hanging him from fucking overpass with some sign they put some cops and chop them up and garbage bags you know this you know there's a good argument that you that's all the drugs are coming from these people to is a good argument you go to war with them they never bring that up that's right up never never it's right there god dang it you know what fucking sent me through the roof in this election is the media cover the end of like a one of the things that i was i was watching like i was laying in bed yesterday and i was just kind of listening to the
thing and they were they were saying statements like well florida is definitely going to vote tour is definitely in a vote democratic because of the hispanic population how rude i thought and i thought what an ignorant statement to assume cubans mexicans are identical really stupid he didn't say i'm can cubans are that he said mexican some and not from my experience in this is limited but i did grow up in florida and i do live in la and that's were these the the differences cubans will speak spanish in front of you mexicans don't speak spanish or funny when you hang out with like two mexican you're standing in like so you're that what i like in line or something mask is usually just try to assimilate so they don't raise a red flag it's all based on the fact that as a cuban if you come over to this country if you step foot on plan your automatically a citizen as a mexican they don't want you here they want to send you back
is that the case still so if you're cuban refugee and you land in america in a second you step foot your naturalized citizen how weird and that is the bone of contention between cubans and mexicans is that and that's why cubans when you go to miami two cuban guys will speak spanish right in front of you right in front your face and you just like are you guys talking about me well cuba also cubans rather they tend to be more conservative much better conservative vote very republican it's very very can primitive sort of having said that a lot of miami did vote democrat i think but i think that's predominately the jewish population the snowbirds that came down 'cause it's too but in like broward county and why it went down but i mean but i grew up in florida cubans there's no there's no limit to just miami yeah now all my best friends are cuban did cuba has an interesting kind of a flare to it right because it's got a different thing then say mexico like you think like there
your language has a little bit more of a like a song type of thing to it a little more flow to it you know they're all dancey and movie and and they have incredible athletes incredible last year's talking right about that like if you like if you were going to do a dance of the two languages yeah it's going to be like more like who knows what cubans like a lot of i don't know yeah yeah they have a quick a sort of a will there's a flare to those people can use the same words we say would like cuba phrases like a boss or get bob dole sits on the banks again that's as on my skin but nonetheless came out there was like how gay okay about the like a duck you are
to say that still or is that you could say in spanish you're not race is different in spanish not racist i said money called on the on the radio the other day what is monticone again gay guy you could say that i guess i don't know let's see if we come back to haunt you let's run the gamut i'll say gypsy pikey an american and see if i get in trouble pikis still touchy if you're in england yeah i have a friend who lives in england and their neighbor their friend actually that lives also in england had a bunch of pikeys move in next door to them think they pulled up the caravan they pulled up the caravan and they just decided to live in this neighborhood and then they uh there's an open lot so they pulled into this open loud the caravan they stay up to two hundred o'clock in the morning they started having parties e rob in the neighborhood and these fucking people have these bomb ass country houses outside of london and they're just living the dream you know they make this dope ass you know they make this dope
as house in this beautiful countryside and the pike he's moving right next i don't know if is a bad word pikie only things over the travelers i think they prefer to call themselves all i'll be respectful to the the travelers move and they put the caravans which are mobile homes they leave garbage everywhere they fucking steal shifts and they can't get rid of him they can't get him out of there because there have because of their culture like their cultures that they travel around and so the european government or the uk government has a stab lish through certain like things they're allowed to do and one of them is there allowed to just like live in a place where nobody lives there's so arbitrary within reason i mean i mean sure they have like boundaries where you're not supposed to go but next this guys fucking house wow the lincoln lose my mind apparently this guys like this really wealthy guy that bought this insane house out in the london countryside and they just the travelers moved in right next the party all night the bonfire
doesn't shit fucking bonfire they beat guys asses if they talk shit to him so maybe this is in a good place to have a fire at two hundred o'clock in the morning i step up punched out doing the face and laugh oh nobody can do shit they live at different world they live a totally different life than you or i but there people people would just so malleable man that's what i was getting at before that's why one of the things that concerns me about trump is that the president becomes sort of the way the people that follow him he leads the way they sort of fall in at least in some way he represents how we feel about ourselves so we feel about ourselves like a really you know the wae just got ten feet higher you know that kind of stuff yeah thank you dick encourage some ridiculous douche bag or a from people that might otherwise be persuaded till to relax
and settle in like people might go the other way now what do you mean people might get more progressive and more shitty now that trump is in office so dude i got i'm going to be really honest with you trumping it gave me a lot of confidence whi i don't know i don't know 'cause i just was like i just never thought that would happen like i never thought that happen then i thought oh that's right crazy shit happens all the time like crazy shit happens all the time all the time like i could like now i'm going to say i want to be a movie star but i could be a movie or tomorrow like someone could go a couple of weeks but a couple is there maybe take seven months but but like that could happen to me i could amount sitcom if i wanted it tomorrow 'cause that could happen because trump became president getting real bounce in my step wow look anything is possible anything is fucking i really thought there was no fucking on way in hell that would ever happen i mean i almost thought last night was awash
and i don't know why we even referencing the election and then all the sudden bill burrs like they just took fucking ohio yeah it was like a like a war like you took pennsylvania he took lord yeah there still undecided in new hampshire that would hussein took idaho what they saying was kind of down to alaska and when he got alaska is when someone said he just one they go he just got alaska the one that that is the state that nobody campaigns in that's what's interesting knowing campaigns in alaska now well i don't maybe they do but i think for the most part they ignore it because the last date was but the results in last its way the fuck over there you know if you look at a map will ask is yeah you got so all the way up and then you gotta go left it's all the way the fuck up by russia way up there dude have you gone hunting up there yes dude alaska is amazing except the bugs the bugs are brutal this mosquitoes are off they change nothing like in your
you can't even breathe 'cause they go in your mouth rn i went fishing we went salmon fishing up there we did some gigs and we got out of the car to get to the boat and we got out of the car literally opening the door there was a cloud of mosquitoes that found us instantly and swarmers we panic like little girls jump back in the car and shut the door we started change our shoes while we're in the car and where there was one hundred mosquitoes in the car with us fucking insane insane they only have like a couple of months to live yeah and they all come out in droves but i tell you what i like dude i like alaskan apple a lot amazing i like people in anchorage a lot i like people at bars i like people that you met there is like a certain feeling that they have their more alive because they have to deal with nature there more alive 'cause they have to deal with grizzly bears when we were there grizzly bear stumbled into some fucking school the grizzly bears walking there
outside perimeter of some school they were talking about it they had to fucking chase it off like what a giant one like a big ten foot grizzly bear yeah i was wandering through some backyard area moose wauconda college campus is all the time when i came in it when i landed in anchorage i got in the car from that i got in the car from the airport to the hotel and a moose cross the street on the way to the hotel jesus cry the airport it was by the airport and i went freaked out i was like are you shitting me inside that happens all the time and you gotta be real careful well if you run a moose when it's running like now when it gets cold out great around like late october probably mid mid late october but they get horny as fuck and they get super aggressive and they get so stupid like dick is so hard and they're so fucked up imagine if you only have sex once a year just imagine being a person you could only have sex once a year and when you start getting tours that time of the year you start grow
weapons on your head you had said that you said that on our podcast so they don't always have horns the antlers fall off off these antlers are actually actually looked it up this weekend to made out of bone i heard this podcast do this with john dudley john dudley and i was a fascinating podcast what happened what happened what happened do we go down which show which is like a light flicker knock knock we gotta get the fuck outta here man it's covering the trump man now that trump's in order he's going to hear me in front of his hair i want to get to things drop a razor like one of those electric chair buzzers and a bag of mushrooms that's all i need from you buddy you raise my taxes just let me see this bag and do this to your hair would love to fuck with her just shave it off man let it go it's not nothing good going on up there good tweets today though did he
no no no comics comics or would they say yeah the ones that weren't like two butt hurt about it but there's a lot about her today it was so ridiculous like come on let it let it play out will see what this says yeah like friends of mine who i go i know are funny we're just like like just saying just like not like trying to be funny about it like this isn't funny there's nothing funny about it you need to have a serious conversation with your children about racism and rape you like her okay what about hillary clinton and so you want to an office hillary and defended a child rapist was laughing about the child rapist being able to pass a polygraph to remember were norm in the back of the comedy store and he was talking about bill clintons charge it yeah i looked those up those are fucking legit yeah there's a lot of stuff i mean who knows how much of it is real allegedly did a lot of shit allegedly you know what man who knows but not good
none of it's good it's all gross so it's not like if donald trump didn't get in we were out an angel you know anyone of that age so that's a weird age bracket i'm age on the generation where when i got to college they came with the phrase no means no just they explained date rape at my age i'm forty four so anyone over forty four any woman over forty four probably dealt with date rape and a lot of times there was a like a stigma do not talk about it you know yay and i'm just saying i'm the very beginning it there's a whole generation of girls my age and just younger that have dealt with it in the same way but now it's being brought to the forefront and people are coming forward and saying stuff donald trump is what seventy do i mean i think he could hit women when he was a kid probably they probably hit women didn't think anything of it is that could throw his mom mom down a flight of stairs and no one would say a fucking whore
the card is theirs is rough yeah maybe on the couch just throw on the couch just get off mate get off me keith rooms and someone nice and soft and like you don't you decelerate when you let go you know it's like a light judo demonstration if you dated a judo check we dated rounder just got mad at you and start fucking hip tossing around the house right through the coffee that i could do bouge right through the glass coffee table like one of those leave the weapon movies just fucking she's grabs you and hip
classes you do were in the front yard the sprinklers are going off exactly pulled up member that lethal weapon he used a fucking triangle choke that was the first time we ever saw a triangle choke in a movie ever mel gibson lethal weapon he played that crazy guy and he learned from horry and he learned jujitsu from horn gracie really yeah hawaiian gracie was the stunt coordinator for that movie and he helped that movie sort of helped get him in with a lot of hollywood people that wanted to learn jujitsu i realized how effective in love to party without gibson all man get him drunk and start talking about jews just wind him up yeah just wind him up just tell what it was jews in money man i don't get it it's like a light in a bar and walking away it's funny man because he's a brilliant directory just give it a thing they giving him another chance
so here it is is that gary bucy yeah it's gary bucy he was on todd was gary bucy shitty jiu jitsu there's a lot of space there boys too much space he goes for the armbar for terrable guard terrable guard and he gets punched a little bit here a little bit of ground and pound this is like something to watch this oh my god he goes to the triangle he grabs it secures it let me see how it handles us here gary bucy we should just bite his dick and there are no rules here ok this is a terrible god damn triangle he doesn't even secure it underneath the knee would be great to those looking up the crowd like nate diaz he makes mistake number one and triangles he went with the calf over the instep touched the calf instead of go totally behind the knee it's just not i could i could do better i can do a better trial date pushed choked him to sleep now d tap what happened there
he didn't get that this is bullshit what is this that is it let's go back again i believe this go back again now here's what you want to do you won't get an angle and then you want to make sure that this in steps underneath your knee that way it's locked in place he can't get out of that so you switch go before that see what she throws the leg up see this is all sloppy shit he grabs hold of shin but what he supposed to do for realz grab ahold of his right foot pull his right foot down until it locks underneath his left like see how it's all fucking loose and sloppy which nobody get stuck in that triangle just hop right out of that posture up and beat your fucking ass posture here on the bottom stupid if you have if you have a triangle you gotta do right i don't know how horny and let him get away with that they should have made him tighten that up what what is it is it a possibility that it's just class differences no no no no it's just it's just a move like you do it right
you do it wrong when you do a triangle and you got somebody locked up right if you get someone's arm in here if you do this you don't have any leverage you have no leverage but here mother fucker where you going i wouldn't fit in there nowhere you would fit in their mother up you in their squeeze you to sleep it's not a matter with anything that you're going to fit i'm going to make you fit i'll fit you in there and for sure i'll fit you in there and then someone like with bigger longer legs day of fucking fit you in their heart there's some horrible people to get stuck in their guard i think is big is my friend brian weiss called beast and brian has he's a big strong fucking do did a lot of bills and shares about probably in the two 20s somebody better real athletic dude and he was all legs in this mother fucker if you got in his guard it was just just being constructed with
giant bones and huge muscles just screw he's in the fuck out of you and he would lock triangles in places so if you ever roll with that guy you needed to stay the fuck away from his guard 'cause he's just all eggs and power like the amount of strength that you have in your legs like people don't even recognize you don't you don't unless you have rolled with someone who's develop their leg muscles and the dick de scary to pull up to moves with her legs like there's certain guys that get to a point where they get really really good at that when you roll them you realize like how much you take your legs and you run upstairs you think of that you take you because you could have a package in your hand and you could run up the stairs throwing your body like plyometrics up these stairs you can that with your arms but you're so confident choking someone with your arms so that's totally fucking true yeah you like we're always you always take advantage of your feet there always working thank you you're carrying yourself everywhere you go your bob
he's carrying a whatever it is from your waist up your carry one hundred plus whatever the fuck it is pounds from you know that's what your upper body is your legs are con if you think about like joey diaz or here is even better ralphie may not fucking strong ralphie mays legs must be fucking in say my body has giant ass leg muscles oh yeah he must you ever see you know oh i hear there's a comic he's good friends daniel tosh and he's to be overweight and now we're doing a voice over thing and he lost like two hundred but his calves four can you go and i was we're doing voice over i kept saying is ames eddie eddie he's married to meghan mullaney ease anyways cavs realty and i'm a chemical in it were in the voice of a booth and tosses list
sing to us do voice over and i keep calling your calves are huge is yeah is there another fucking those are ridiculous i've never seen guys like that in my life he's like i know i know i have big calves i go no i don't think you thursday and you have the biggest cows i'm looking at tosh is in a sound booth laughing hysterically and i go we should enter a calf contest those are the biggest calves and gives on those things bert he used to be three one hundred and eighty pounds that's why he's got big calves and i was like oh this is uncomfortable that's a very good tosh impression i felt talk when you're doing that it sounds like his inflections outlook the real guy yeah but you could if you have the flexibility in the dexterity you can do so much with your legs your legs control like marcelo garcia was one of the greatest jujitsu players of all time i did not have a big upper body but yeah this giant ass fucking legs and he would squeeze the shit outta dudes and control them with his legs there's a big part of his jiu jitsu
game was controlling your body legs about you would i used to i used be able to i used to be able to squeeze my legs on like when you dress with friends i can them in where i put my legs around their waist and squeeze 'em and i remember my buddy came in would be like i just shit my pants yeah it took that too far yeah maybe that guy was kind of shit anyway i'm going to use this excuse of the wrestler wrestling with burton just shit myself want some of the weird shit you did with your friends are going on you so i have my friend paulie he whacked a stick against a tree you know kids are always do shit like that and the stick broke and it went i'm going to flip through the air and hit my eyebrow like cut the shit out of my eyebrow but like it was a half an change from my eyeball it was like the pointy part of this stick that's capped off after you whacked against a tree went whipping through the air and
but i think about that all the time i could have been blind yeah i could have been blinded in that one dumb move in the woods with my friend who is an eighty eight just wanted to hit a tree with a stick with this could easily went blind from that i thought about that all the time like that one fucking moment at one moment like if i just went like that if i just ducked a little or raised up a little rather just on it so i have to do is raise up a little and it went from here to here i'll have to do is move as terrifying yeah i didn't the commons or smart we usually we used to put a hose up her ass and water not good it's so not good guy from that we used to do it all the time coli blowing each other's faces we going to new smyrna when you get out of the from surfing you shoot the hose water up give yourself an enema and then
the cable news here right now meet cayman island regal used to shit on each other oh my god you do it when they weren't looking like you do it but when you hold it in there doing nothing i'm not even looking i hear hose i heard a buckle you just hold it in there and then just turn around and shit on what the fuck man what the fuck are you talking about this florida jeez this everything is florida goes back to florida but you guys did produce lynyrd skynyrd explain that you produce the greatest one of the greatest bands of all time three steps is an amazing fucking song how 'bout curtis lowe the ballad of slow change the song people don't even talk about and you know it seem bigger is if you grew up in florida you remember that when i ride distinct i'm sure they did is all over the place but i distinctly remember bringing you can get
metal metal or glass bottles if there were zero dollars and ten cents each and i bring them back down to the to the circle k by my house and you walk down with like ten glass bottles on your fingers and walk down the circle k get him in and you buy the candy way that's aligning has about collecting all bottles and bring him down selling it and i was like fuck man that shit wow that's a great song man really i got into that song once like three years ago you know how sometimes you go on a trip and for what the reason you know like you sitting on the beach or something like that relax and listen to your iphone you know listen to music or something and you have this one song just resonates with the moment for me was the about curtis lowe i was in hawaii i listen that song like thirty times over the weekend yeah just such a good song no i mean this is it loses a little bit of a stretch but i went through a period a couple years ago or i'd all i listen to is an access while
what is great in excess if you haven't played in awhile when you listen to yeah i'm telling you that album that if you the best oven in excess it is such a great dating yeah that kind of choked himself out jerking off that's how he died it's gotta be feel good it can't fill that good and people dying forward it's gotta feel good now they just fucked up people just like weird shit i watch the movie of them there's a movie of them that was on a ford was called but really great movie and i i guess not in this in access phase i was riding motorcycles a lot of the time and i was listening to in excess of others riding all the time wow i would want to hear what the fuck is going on around me i put in noise reduction headsets these little ultimate ears plug 'em in europe you mahaiwe
you can't hear anything anyway right fucking windy biggest when you ride motorcycles all you got to be is like tuned in just yet it's amazing how sensitive you are to every other driver oh yeah you have to be when you see those guys zipping in between lanes which is a weird thing to be legal does that freak you out yeah i'm because i've written motorcycles i'm very respectful if i see them i give them space me too i move right over but i see him but sometimes don't seem like you hear you hear harleys which is really good but there's some of those like smaller bikes like they're just there all the sudden you like i don't even see specially if you listen to shit loud in your car you know if your fucking jam into the led zeppelin immigrant song donut around that's what i listen to when i get in the car no tank really yeah come from the land of the ice and snow would've been better not what about good bad time hammer of the gods
turn to the beginning of that song is one of the best beginnings of a song ever bill burr calls me up one day and he goes you're not going to fucking believe it he goes led zeppelin stole all their music i went and listened to it it's heartbreaking it's fucking heartbreaking their fucking thieves do they want to leave it it's one of those things that i didn't even want to listen and once i listened and i go come on really and i called him i really was dude i can't believe how bad it's like all left sich what is making people left voicemail messages yeah just a few years ago people would still we i don't have a lot of voice mail for clean invoice from as much it's always full i don't ever and does that it might still says i'm out of the country if you know me you'll find me yeah i don't need that you know jody as you can leave a voicemail who beat your ass i've made that mistake text message either you got call column dog i'll see you call me i'll call you back and when he calls you you got gotta you got to return that call there's no
so like i'll get later get to it later he's essentially our dad out of all of us he's he's the elder statesman for sure you know my phone does now is it gives me a text of what the voicemail says yeah that's a new thing with iphones fucking crazy it's kind of weird i mom i'm switching over when i do an experiment for the pod
i'm using a windows laptop and i'm a try to an android phone really want to try this new google pixel phone for a few months i'm a try a windows to exile i look at people at the airport they have like windows laptops monthly to do on that thing what's happening on that thing is that any different i got my a you experiencing anything like you these are like fifty percent the world interfaces with completely different devices than more than the other fifty percent yeah yeah one side use an iphone and max and some some people use you know i phones windows it is possible but they do sync up well together so often times some has one they have the other and then you have other people that are just use an android phones and the using windows computers or max they can use whatever they want but windows computers are much more a greater percentage of the people using computers in the world than anything yeah and when you when you look at him they look like they look old they look like they have new ones now that look better we can touch mid ship a lot of north yeah black yes what the a black
computer that's what i bought bullets silver i bought a thinkpad about a black think bad you know it's crazy i was i did this in philly i told everyone to put their phones on the table i did that i want you know talk about no i want hey siri set a reminder to watch bird chrysler sausal at ten pm on show time november eleventh look at this they do it okay i'll remind you well how crazy is that well that's one of the reasons why i want to try this google pixel because the google pixel has this new thing called google assistant that's supposed to be the next level not only that it's contextual so like i can say hey searing bomb paul berk crasher and then and then or as wouldn't be siri what's the what do you say to those dairy queen is daryl daryl daryl yodare what up dog hey dude how old is burt kreischer
and then it'll say how old you are and then you could say where was he born and it knows who you're talking about and say oh he was born here really yeah what is he it what have i seen him in well if you go to his way the pedia you shut up siri just cause me to a website next level it's contextual meaning it knows you're talking about like you can ask someone you can go ok when's your birthday and will tell you their birthday you don't have to say when is bert kreischer's birthday it remembers you talking about her which day is fucking insane the coolest thing about series that i can just be laying in bed and be like hey siri set an alarm for five hundred pm and set an alarm for five hundred pm that's pretty cool but you could always just set alarm lazy but nobody like if you're laying in bed you don't like to get up and swipe and enter your pass password and fine
in five oh i could imagine using a regular alarm clock when i go to a hotel and i see that stupid thing next to the bed that's flashing twelve oh what is this dumb thing that i have to fit you're out everybody's a phone your phone is going to your going to set an alarm on your phone not only that your phone he knows when you switch to daylight savings time and it resets it for you it just happened when i was in new york all the fucking clocks were off and i was like fuck i'm late for the taping and then i looked at was like oh my phones fine yeah that did it to me on sunday i woke up i thought it was late but it was actually an hour early that was great yeah that our sleep they should do that every day isn't it cool fee though that we have to fucking change what time it is because of when it's dark and when it's light so that's one of the reasons why those people in alaska superior they reach these stretches it's never dark they have these weird moments in in july like when aria
we were there we went outside it was two o'clock in the morning and it was like six thirty pm out here that's also arguably why there's so much drinking in russia yes because i remember we were there during the white nights and i remember being like you'd get done your night and you be like it's time to go to bed but you go out and would be fucking bright out you go in your room and you have to close all the blinds to does it get dark it never got dark the white knights how long does it last twenty four hours a day not mean for how long is the year probably power have to ballpark it may be like week maybe two weeks ago durant nature's whim but uh could be two weeks but then for three months going in i would say maybe maybe a month going in and a month coming out it is well like i remember walking around the streets at like one thousand one hundred o'clock at night and it was bright like five hundred o'clock in the afternoon do you remember thirty days of nights no it's fucking great vampire movie that takes place in alaska they
the vampires arrive in alaska when it doesn't get light out for thirty days so the fuck off dude it's fun fucking great they kill the power sort of eating people and their cool vampires they speak in some crazy dead language they have fucked up teeth they don't have like the straight up vampire fangs how i lied about her mouth is filled with all these weird jagged tearing teeth and you know i love also about vampire movies vampire familiars that bitch tells everybody out yeah there's always one dude who is a bitch as of sound everybody out for the hopes that he that will get you close up on that guy's face you get it see what it is these vampires look like just go to the full image view image others are big yeah this some pictures in prague find some of find some we could see that's just sloppy as a sloppy is al jolson memory hum there you can tell that's a good one
that's a perfect one so there you go that's good costume designer right there fuck yeah earlier and make up whatever you wanna do that's terrifying yeah tape searchers in westworld he's in everything have you been watching westworld yes i got man i'm fucking geeked out i should've texted him or something but i'm watching westworld i see the guy in the fucking cable and i go god damn it was like fucking tape and all suddenly gets out of the cave and i'm like shut the fuck up tax right and i'm like losing my fucking mind takes balling out of control so he's working all the time constantly but he's got a great look there is you know i'm jealous of his beer
it's a strong bared it really is it's got like curls to it it's it's like it's it's a perfect beard i wish i had the cat commitment he will he pulls it off to it like it makes him it defines him better yeah because this is that's why his beard like he's eccentric he knows a beautiful eccentric person he's someone i was lucky that he's he's an example of why i'm happy to have a podcast 'cause i got him on your show and then resell tumor i love you my podcast and then spend time with them and it was like i love that guy he's a great guy he really is a great fucking exist super positive person like super positive super loving really good friend always always love hanging around and his friends were like any letterman these phones with a lot of people you know any comic yeah got friends like he's got a ton of fucking friends who doesn't love tate tate's awesome yeah we know some good dudes bert kreischer
that's why we gotta do we gotta do and some good women to morgan murphy how fucking funny when she last night she's hilarious she really is she's fucking funny man i gotta get around here suppose the world she she treated last night i fucking hate the us i'm so but i don't live there hashtag los angeles and then right after that i started noticing that cal exit it cap cal exit cal exit it's a it's like the brexit they want they want california to separate this hilarious with uh largest economy in the world like we just separate and be on yeah the funny thing was going to win jerry brown he's going to be working crazy asshole fortunately will bring him back him back buck yeah man given full reign to look dude the best is last night when everyone started meeting admitting having crushes on morgan murphy i didn't see that part
oh that must have been when you were doing your set probably someone was like a you know it goes i just gotta admit i've always had a crush on morgan murphy and then someone else goes too and i was like i'm married and i have a hard core crush on morgan murphy and morgan was like i don't know what to make of any of you fucking drunks to probably try to avoid a gangbang by negotiation she's a great man she really is funny you remember when she did that carlos mencia yes can funny was yeah see say the rest say what it was she right after the men see a beef broke out where he was stealing the got caught by the way this is great i didn't know that happened in the or yeah i thought it happened in the main room immediately watch i never been the goal like that but she then said carlos mencia stole for me too
it is a routine that i made in nineteen thirty nine yeah something like that and then she right someone found some ridiculous with that and then she went into his bits which she did them all looks she took his worst material and did it soon for deadpan hello my name is morgan murphy i perform the jokes you about to see in the year nineteen twenty three cause with performance of a two thousand and six judge for yourself but i search you see similarities i work very hard in this material so tiffany line if you don't chill you're going to get it more if you don't chili you're get it so how do organize these podcasts we do more of those live podcast and when do we deal how often do we do what do we call it i was just keep calling at the end of the world called the end of the world podcast yeah it's the end of the world the end of the world podcast is just the end of the world and we're going to do will do live once
like we did last night and will do him on a regular basis do it once a month you think yeah but next time we do it we can just have people just walking in and sitting down and grabbing microphones it was just too many people as it is and like burr got interrupted a bunch of times then fights broke out between people that weren't even supposed to be there and people that we wanted to be there so will fit that next time we get set up to come in once a month yeah he'll do he loves being here he loves it flies and johnny lives right down the street pop in there yeah and doesn't have again have an apartment here it has and has stayed a little apartment yeah so they'll he'll be here all the time but we could do those do anytime we want and we call me into the world once a month yeah talked with you last time was so much fun and when stanhope read that note at the beginning where you know he was like he was panicking about it was really super worried it wouldn't and then i was like come on man it's just going to be easier response is perfect it's just
hey man don't worry we'll just hang out and talk will get fucked up enjoy it yeah easy this is going to be easy i think man i i'm i'm in any of your podcast once a month i'm fucking in yeah even if maybe now once a month maybe we do it quarterly i don't get people jazzed up for it prime people up and have some reason do it you know we could do a gang of those those are so fun and again it's one of those things were all together like that we all just start making each other laugh like when we were laughing at burger you could see bird start ramping it up like he he's got an yes of his friends too you know we got all excited can i get dheas on d is a supposed to come by last night but i think you have a spot somewhere at ten and i was gonna shoot over there afterwards but it probably went long yeah you know it's hard to get him to go out when he doesn't want to just do it the i will do it the way we we like that spine eminem's with
the way we supposed to go to a site which is like we get the core of like four guys or three guys for guys and then throw out some in it's the guys that we know that will be fun down there like jim jeffrey shown up was great minus two styled yeah we were like why i wished i would look at each other like what in the fuck is going on here is that a baby but jim was so confusing you don't be a good idea yeah i'm down for a lot of stuff but i think last the better honestly i think four people is the maximum i think we were way over the top yesterday you know at at time it was so difficult for people not everything we did a great job considering of not talking over each other but it was really hard like there was a lot if people start a rant and someone would just shit can it and ran into the rant and then they would have to try to restart the rant and then someone else would recognize there's a weakness and they'd to step into is like oh this is bad that's what you need you need guys that like a good at
i'm not saying that i'm not saying i'm perfect at it i definitely have flaws but like i will i miss you when i got on that stage i was like i was out there to interrupt joe bill greg or dog we do you know one is trying to do it it's just like you might have something really funny to say and you've like feel like you gotta get it out now but someone else is still talking and you're like fuck once going to talk and then three other people are waiting to talk like fuck i'm not going to get this out i'm gonna forget it it's hard and noticing when you go oh there's a punchline right there but in my head i go bird of you recognize that wouldn't you also in the way to hear it greg fitzsimmons take on that very recognize punch line will be could be better than yours maybe maybe or you know either way he's talking you know like let him let him rant it out there's nothing worse than like someone waiting while your rant because then you feel them waiting in there like up but you get it it's it's it and you still doing okay you're in a row your you try and dance with me mother fucker you trying to step in on the dance you know and when you're in mid stride it's hard you know and
the person around you have to kind of recognize that one of the big difference is the difference between someone who's talking to you and with you like some people just talking to you and they're waiting for their chance like when you're done talking and i'm going to talk at some you were talking with you like you were talking and then they go okay and then they start asking a question to talking with you and they might have a rant they might not it might have something funny to say and they might not but they're having a conversation with you and that's way easier to listen to see when p we'll just start talking at each other and they're not listening to the other person that just waiting we're all guilty that sometimes sometimes you fucking zone out you know when you're talking to people but if you if you're not engaged the people listening to be aware of that too so it's going weird to listen to yeah it would be weird to listen to i can't monkey i can't wait to listen to the podcast it's up right now the youtube versions up is the itunes versions up now it's still rendering ok
going to upload it when this podcast make sure it's not by tomorrow morning i want to listen to my flight i'm going to be pissing myself will have it up tonight where you flying baltimore oh shit baltimore what you doing up there i'm doing the comedy factory what is that where is that i don't know you're going to have to google it guys had already just say boy john rollo come visit holy shit ladies and gentlemen i don't know i wouldn't say this out loud but this is already the last podcast take a look at that can't say it out loud now i can i don't think i don't know if he doesn't mind sharing his numbers oh he's trying to pull his numbers up no that's what is downloads are for sixteen hours that's pretty amazing fucking amazing guys going artist podcast
if you are ever curious of men are fat shaming like this is the most recent one you guys it together as a minority did one in our in our set made a bet me are in and tommy made a bet by january third we did our bmi's and tom and i both registered obese so so but tom lying about his height but regardless he he's buggin five nine he says he's six foot you look i'm six foot like a half in the six for jamie no right up next to me he's close but no no no you're hung out with tom the tower over you no exactly but he's taller than maine i'll tell you five hundred and fifty eight hum or five eight is part five i think it's b might be six feet it's possible i just itami lying about anything but he know he always does it online it's a misinformation he feeds to himself to make himself feel better same way says the time
fat and he's skinny there's no no no he's really honest about that he even says like when this first started he goes when is for start who is fatter me or or bert he's like you said this on free podcasts another and he's like me for sure right yeah and he's like yeah so that's what i think i was definitely fatter than him he goes but he's fatter than me now same weight right now with the exact same way right right but you might be built different in him he it yes he has a cop body and i have more like an olympic athlete in the thirties cop buddy so says a girl so we are bed is are you didn't are you said that neither of us could get to just simply being over weight on the b i might skip all with you could definitely do that just take two hundred and twenty five if you listen to me i can get you down to almost nothing the message that what would you want away like ideally would you want to wear it was funny 'cause tom said you know we should be waiting like one ninety yep that i would look ridiculous my head would look huge
that is a weird thing that happens to people when they gain weight your head gets bigger yeah my art size they have you my head is i can look right no no no put my head on feel how big that is whoa dude this is look at this amount of space between his hat in my head is fucking ridiculous look at this do this like several inches like look at this i would spend massive head look at this pace we're talking about here now in my head i mean i'm like no exaggerations a solid inch all around the front yeah and so that's crazier has a giant i would like smarter what how can we not smarter my mom says i am the
you're not tapping into it maybe that's what the booze is you like too much information too smart i want to take my break at my high school entrance exam number it registered i want to take my high school entrance exam again and see if i've gotten dumber or smarter you definitely dumber for sure it's not that you're dumber so you forget all the stuff that you had to memorize from i don't remember anything about calculus you put a division problem in front of me or percentage of imagine if your brain kept growing and you have an issue and she had it you gotta kill brain nails by drinking in order to keep your head from pressing up the brain from pressing up against the side of your head by the only way you can get past that is to just fucking get hammered every night if you don't have massive headaches or panic attack 'cause i think that's what i'm doing rain maybe that's what's going on your head is so big in your brain inside of it keeps growing and that's why your booze in it you just and trying to kill the weeds kill the weeds
and the feeling that makes you feel lonely and kill all that stuff kill at so anyway here's the bet with me in oregon tommy so we're going to get just just too overweight which is like two hundred and twenty five why don't you guys just get healthy going to try try but why do you say that you can do it i can do it yeah i w one hundred percent you could do i totally can do it so why don't you just do it doing it i'm doing it right now do it right now yeah i mean you have three hundred and forty four that's not doing it we're not right now none of those are diet these record these were extras and i don't know donna extra what is the difference not really but anyway so here is the bet though if ari if tom and i can get to under obese then already has to pay for a trip that the three of us will take if tom are i can't get to under obese whoever can't or of both of us can't then we've got to pay for the three of us to go on a trip i like it yeah you want to be in a vet nope no i wouldn't
against you i try to help me with my diaby key ptosis yeah for sure one hundred percent no sugar no alcohol exactly say if want to do it sunday i'm starting i'm starting a diet so you did drink in is to squash anxiety yeah for me mostly like on the road i'm not someone who can just like chill yeah i'm i can not to in a hotel room and just sit there like when i get off stage and by the way and this sounds this is going to sound like make a lie but like i don't really drink onstage i bring a drink on stage for the first show i don't touch it i'm talking for an hour and then we're talking i don't drink between shows on the second show i definitely have a drink but that's that's one drink probably i've had throughout the whole night so it
at night when i'm done just working i'm like i'm gonna i'm have a couple beers i'm done working and then i'm like well i'm not going to sit my room sober and that's what i should do but like i die definitely so you had that many bar no no no no but just at the bob to the club have a few drinks and then go back to my room not plastered but definitely with definitely with probably six hundred more calories than i should have had and that's where the weight yes when i stop drinking it literally tears off of me now how long have you not drank for what's the longest time i just it wasn't drinking for three weeks how much weight to lose i got down to three two point two hundred and thirty five was the lowest i got but i wasn't really working out at the time how much weight do you usually wear right now i'm two hundred and forty two so you lost about ten pounds ish about ten pounds eight to ten just not doing anything i didn't even change my diet i was eating like shit but i stopped drinking just 'cause
we were going under renovation and i was getting allergies and i got sick and i was like i'm not going to drink i want to get healthy so i didn't drink and i wasn't smoking pot and then all the sudden i was like is boring i know shit vaginal mash watching a marching band but they don't have the instruments they just play the tape i what i like is long periods sobriety followed by pot like when i when i take a long time off like many days off and then i'll smoke a little weed then i go on like adventures yeah i'm going adventure of the mind or i'll go on a hike and i like to get fucked up and going to walk up hills and shelly that really hey and when i don't look for a while and then i do it then i get a different feeling out of it yesterday was the first time i smoke pot in probably three months must hate you it was so much fucking fun it was so much fun that i remember sitting on stage it is really interesting i had
like a very surreal moment visiting on stage and looking at the lights and look at the people go and you know what man this is why would anyone not love this drug this is pure joy i'm happy i feel confident that i feel good about myself makes you friendly yeah that makes you a little anxious sometimes what does do that right will give you a little bit of anxiety or a little bit of paranoia yeah but yeah three weeks was recent i didn't drink and but i wasn't because i was sick so i but i just lost like eight pounds not doing anything and eating kind of shitty yeah i don't know what to tell you because if you keep if you want to drink all the time it's going to be super hard to lose rate for real but if you could go back to that go back to not drinking if you think you could perform have a good time and be you and you definitely could i don't i don't have a problem forming without out called all yeah now i know you know after the show but even then i mean if you just decided like you you want to step away from that you could totally do it i would like to i would like to i would really really genuinely love to be able to smoke pot by my
in the hotel room and not lose my fucking mind what about candy like pot candy like a small dose man i've done it and i sitting there i'm sitting on the couch and i'm stone sober i'm like this is going to be my transition to relaxing and then sudden i feel my ass holes mesh into the couch and i'm like i ate too much and then i'm like ok i can't breathe all right you know what i'm going down at the bottom getting a glass of wine and i'm going to fucking relax and then you down there and you're weird and some lady sits next to you and i want to talk to you do you think someone sneezes and you say god bless you and now you look at your christian get nervous around you yeah xanax would be the alternative that's the that was my old school way of like just going back take a nap xanax and going to sleep in the ambient but that's fucking drugs i mean it's the same same i know adults like several adults that take adderall and ambien all the time a lot yeah that's the combo apparently as a com
and these guys like this guy if you knew him you know very successful tech guy you know it's one of those tech guys and he's taken adderall every fucking day takes it every day gives him an edge and then he goes to sleep so take a sleeping pill my guy who used to work with used to take me a daffodil everyday with death and know is interesting i've taken it before many times i've taken that's called new vigil new vigils of the newer versus provincial individual i haven't taken but i did take a provision once or member but take individual several times and it's weird because it doesn't pick you up like a speeds it's not like caffeine we have a crazy buzz but it's like you're a week you'll like tuned into things is actually it's lee illegal in the olympics so yeah yeah yeah so has some sort of performance benefits to it and apparently i might be spreading disinformation here but that's nothing new google is for your
office you want verification apparently was invented as a performance enhancing drug but they had to give it some sort of a medical reason that we would take it and they said narcolepsy because it kinda keeps you awake keeps you fired up but fighter pilots like it apparently jimmy kimmel jimmy celtics at them yeah i mean i i that's a by the way that's a rumor information bro sign but bro science but yeah i've heard that he's mark elliptic and he takes so yeah really a comedian is narcoleptic imagine that you're on stage this
for the fall in the midst of it in the sleep in the middle one of his monologues you know hitting your head falling down hitting your head is no joke that was the hillary clinton story from two thousand twelve that's also what happened at bingo bingo had some sort of a seizure recently and fell and hit her head she's in really dire straits dan but think is flying back door now but he was it was one of the reasons why he was probably a wee bit hasta i'll this tuesday night is it he pulled me aside when i got there and he's like a barely holding it together yeah he's like if we have a safe word have you notice it to say hey doug could use a shot yeah mean he's keeping together better than a lot of would be much better than maine love that guy now i love that guy all right so we committed to it burke and the world so we'll do the in the world like will do with four people will do it every couple months and we'll we'll swap people out yeah it would be a function called the end of the world the other wildlife from the store how
already i think we did three one slash two hours to shut the fuck up are you serious five it's five hundred and ten hold the shit barrel dance five hundred and five pro pressure fried night la machine november eleven one thousand pm showtime do not fuck this up folks at that dvr goddamnit get on it please please get on it when you guys were cool as fuck promoting it all throughout the podcast last night my pleasure my friend i know it's going to be hilarious i'm excited that you did it to release that you're spending more time and stand up you know i just think was like we were about your shell like you show is fun and i love doing it but you almost like not having your potential as a comic 'cause you're so funny you gotta do it right we have to do it so so we gotta put in the work yes anything else tell his people bird cast on twitter yeah i got my note alike are in our been talking numbers a lot and so for those you don't know are you i'm on our taxing our first day numbers to each other just because we are full disclosure are that's a beautiful thing about the friendship
i've had based on meeting you a lot of is is my friends we tell other how much we make we tell you what are numbers are we so that we don't forget fucked or that they can get better things yeah and you got to be honest to it's like i think it's important like to that is not so good in cleveland summer clear out or a yeah pittsburgh was rough for me we open up our lives and in front of each other and go through our podcasting go you had him you didn't do well out with him how come i wonder why like we're numbers were low on him but what's really cool about podcast as opposed to we might as well just keep that song on just slightly lightly as opposed to anything else is the numbers are so hardcore where is like you get lycra things like all we have a one dot five on the nielsens you don't really know how many people that is you just guessing based on this algorithm they created over a very small amount of houses it's not that many people you're pulling from it's certainly not a hundred percent when you getting a podcast you see that number that is one hundred percent of the people that have downloaded it yeah one hundred percent there's no if ands or butts
it's very it's something might have downloaded download it twice if they're crazy but for the most part without whatever percentage you have the repeats for most part that's you people yeah tommy and tommy and already always talk about this and they're the one he said you need to really focus on your podcast you're slipping on your podcast so i picked it out every wednesday i focused on the guess i only get guess i want to talk to that i'm interested in now don't do bullshit like he seems well whatever just get a new guest i do guess i want and i released on wednesday a man my numbers have tripled in in like five months and aris numbers are going through the roof toms numbers are fucking sick right now yeah podcasts are exploding and we could people to reach your podcast how bertcast dot com just just type in broadcast dot com and i'm going to but my next the emissaries of the next level stepping up to the next level that's fine i'm going i'm gonna i gotta get i gotta get a i gotta get a jamie yeah i get a j
in a studio i would love to get a studio studio when love ya fucking studio i love your fucking studio i need a fuckin studio percussion in the studio alright will be back this this weekend ufc so i'm gone have in time and see you soon lot of gas next week so i'll see about thank you everybody thanks for tuning in the podcast and thank you to our spot service thanks to onit dot com go to nn it use the code word logan in you will save ten percent off any and all supplements get your dome corrected with alpha gray and normal were also brought to you by uber you can drive with uber make some side cash mother fucker go to
drah i e o now go to uber dot com you b e r dot com forward slash drive now that's uber dot com forward slash drive now thanks also to cave man because the cafe natan me through my day go to cave man coffee c o dot com get some therefore hearken awesome coffee de licious ray posts i mean these guys are connoisseurs use a code the rogue and you'll save ten percent off any other coffee thank you to legalzoom go tool legalzoom dot com enter the code word rogan at checkout for a disc count and jack threads don't try before you buy or try before you buy do try before you buy never buy before you try that's it never i was trying to do
suck my head never buy before you try jackthreads dot com enter the code word rogan and you will save twenty percent off anything you keep at jackthreads dot com code rogan that's it we did everything right that's it folks that's all our ads that's light that is life for the week ha thank you everybody thanks for tuning in banks everybody who came out to the end of the world podcast and now as you see as we spoke with burt today burton i decide to start doing things more often why not right fuck it so that's what we're going to do are we will be back next week i got a lot of awesome gas coming on next week folks next week i have got shannon the can and bricks let's go champ he'll be here are graham hancock is going to be here with grand
carlson scott adams going to be here next week to gloat about how donald trump is the new president cuz he likes that dude steven kotler's here on wednesday we're gonna have some fun folks lot of fun so i'll see you soon or you'll hear me i guess and thanks for tuning in you guys if you are looking for some other shit to listen to man i've been listening to a lot of arisha fears podcast lately it's really fucking good he puts a lot of time into it a lot of thought into it if you run out of podcast to listen to and you gotta
long trip coming up download summaries i really suggest the one with henry rollins it was one of my all time favourites it was excellent then i said i was going to do that at the end of podcasts going to start recommending other peoples podcasts well that's a good one go get that one thing apparently recommended that one before matter fact i know i did but it's so good you should go get it anyway that's it you fucks appreciate guys much love big kiss
Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.