Bill Burr is a standup comedian and also hosts his own podcast called "The Monday Morning Podcast" His latest special "Walk Your Way Out" is available now on Netflix.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
What's going on huh ha March, third, at the car theater in LAS Vegas NV with young Tony Hinchcliffe, then next big dates I got after that are the seven where I'm at Shays performing arts Center in Buffalo tickets go on sale tomorrow. For that and then the 20th in Portland or at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall two shows first show already sold out. Second show is almost sold out, don't sleep everything other than that They are sold out like ox. Nard levity live for February, 17th and 18th is already sold out and everything else I haven't announced yet so that would come up
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website is filled with hundreds of articles One hundred and eighty four pages now used to be more on things that consolidated things removed. What is unnecessary, but it's all filled with inspirational articles, articles on nutrition on vitamin absorption on exercise physiology different workouts of the day different article on the motivation. Friendship, had to get it together. We have a full variety of strength and conditioning equipment and also we have a real on academy, not just a link, but we have an academy, an actual gym in Austin TX. Which has us just an amazing facility, including tenth planet, Jiu Jitsu on a dot com, use the code word Rogan and save ten percent off any and all supplements pile My guest today is one of the best stand up comedians ever one of the best stand up to
that's for sure. That's alive today he's a good buddy mine, he's God hilarious, fucking hilarious. His name is bill, Burr experience join my day, Joe Rogan Podcast, my name all day life, I said fuckers said pushing the fucking computer away. I got throat coat tea. That's right, you're ready to go Billy Burns, hey. How are you like special out today out now this right? What you were young shot at the Ryman theater in Nashville Tennessee, that's where they used to do grand Ole Opry is a beautiful place. Yeah, and I done it in two thousand fourteen Vince Vaughn Wild West. He has a comedy festival. There are a few done. Yep, that's right. Did it yeah the rhyme in there for the same reason yeah? So I went out there and I was like you know I was like. I don't serve first place it at the grand Ole Opry Elvis. You know, Hank Williams, whatever you like, I yeah yeah yeah. Now the theater you walk in you like. Oh wait, a minute to see. I just had like that magic in it now was went out and I had this great sat and that's just
No, you just stick it in the card catalog going alright. Next time I have like I just burned all this material, so I gotta write a whole new hour and come back here and so next time I go to shoot something I think it was about a month before I did the Tabernacle for my previous to that, so I already knew, which was cool before I wrote my next hour was going to shoot it. So are you wanna a two year schedule? You think that's the way to do it, roughly two years, but I have like a vibe of when, like this was overcooked and just 'cause, I got real busy with F is for family. I would have liked to have taped it like about six months earlier, but it made it I think it it made it better or whatever, but I would have just as far as You know what I mean it's it's kind of like in this business. Does that thing you don't want to be overexposed, but then you ' want to wait too long, so you gotta try to, and then that's also now, like a
so and so successful and he waits x amount of time. So I'm going to do the exact thing. It's really. It's really like whatever you're trying to do so. It's kind of different for different people, like those Youtube stars like their thing, is all about just constantly putting out con stuff yeah, where I think that road that I'm on is like right now, I'm out there promoting this shit, and then once it comes out and everybody scene and the like in an and I'm done promoting it, then I just sort of disappear until after the family comes out. I'm kind of a big believer in that of you know be out there when you got something that's going on. Don't just do shit to do shit. I called at like extra tv ok he's just here to be here and now he's over there. There's that guy again 'cause, I find myself people that I'm fans of's starting to hate people going like K, fucking get away from this fucking guy,
and then I'm thinking like do I actually hate this person or I don't know what it is, but there's definitely a tipping point. You know his real smart about that Daniel Tosh. He doesn't. Do shit. He doesn't do a fucking thing, He sells out everywhere. He goes, he's got millions of dollars, so he's like. I don't need to do shit overexposed as it is my shows on constantly I'm not doing nothing. He won't do interviews, doesn't do podcasts, yeah Adam sounds another guy yeah doesn't do I'm trying to the last time I some promote a movie in yet I see all of his movies and through the grapevine always signed some big thing with Netflix all his move going to be over. There was like, I guess, I'm watching him over there and I've. Also. Just sort of like and it going to I talked to so maybe then he doesn't do any press good for Basically, I might be wrong, but from what I heard, he does very little if he does any yeah now he's smart he's got his core audience I watched Jack and Jill with my kids with my six year old, my eight year old, it is
in whole Larry. I love as you watch when you watch a really silly movie with a six year old and an eight year old and they're, literally falling off the couch laughing at sauce, and you realize, like he's, making movies for little kids like the people who get bad at it. You know, like all those movies are stupid, not if you're six, if you're six there can. What, if you just get a stupid move, yeah, that's what I like. I don't think every time ago seems sometimes it was to me make me laugh right. I like to this is hand one. I love that movie yeah. This was coming up with layers to rival. When I was little Bobbi Kelly, we watched water boy by Bobby B. Should we watch that thing like fucking nine hundred times like it was kind of like a go to you know we didn't have watch you try to kill a day. We just went with the little vhs thing. Yes, I probably saw that movie at least three thousand and forty times yeah in Happy Gilmore. I saw Gilmore at least ten times. It's a funk great forget the name of the last one when he did was spayed when he was he worked at the bank in the supermarket.
Watch, someone that was his first dental x, one that came out like last year. Nine and see it my short term memory shop, but that was found was a funny one took not his movies. Are there always consistently that way? You know that kind of money that kind of movie. No. I like that their unapologetically silly now, because you so he's a guy that gets a lot of shit. He just doesn't give a shit like. Oh alright, you do like this one is another one that made a zillion dollars, avoid the press to find your core audience. Do what you gotta. Do I like that? What you're doing like that, like that sort of schedule? so. I feel, like that's kind of like the same amount of time that I do around a year and a half. I start thinking this things about done and a year, and I feel like when I could kind of pull it off, but not really. You know that you know you take it out of the oven too soon, then this is like that you know inside was still little mushy. It's you know, yeah you go out there and you kick this shit out of him every couple of years, hopefully Hopefully they like it and then then they'll come
see again in your next door and that's all you hold them and that's all they owe you is just like. I saw you last one year still in my wheelhouse of people, I'm going to go see, but the second you fuck up I'm going to go, see you when you can ask you, can ask fans to do anymore than that yeah. What about the other stuff? I did that didn't suck it. So now yeah, but your last thing sucked in this two minute too much unbelievable stuff being put out. So you got to kind of try and keep up. Yeah. Our issue fear had a real good point about that too. He said that you know one point time comedians used to have the to do a special and it was like their best special like an HBO special and, and they would slide off. They would all slide off every one of 'em like Kenneth and the worst like tennis, and you watch Kenison's first special and do you watch like listen a louder than hell that that said and watch it? First HBO special fucking genius just falls out and if you don't get it understand, because it's not one thousand nine hundred and eighty six anymore, but if you were in
one thousand nine hundred and eighty six and you saw that you would have been blown away, you would have been like in the presence of greatness, like he's on my Mount Rushmore. That got me too me too, but then the stuff after that is dog shit, get worse and worse network n. As far as I can just I mean I never met the guy, but just as far as watching him as a fan, he kind of seemed like he stepped in every single pitfall of being a getting some fame yep everything like not trying as hard broke, girls showing up late to shit, getting out with Bon Jovi, getting a bad reputation to Mtley Cre. It wasn't bon Jovi too, but yeah. It was one of his early specials, like bond movie, was on the beginning of his special. I just remember: he drove Mtley Cre to the whiskey for the kext.
Put my heart, video. Oh, that's right! That's how much ality 80s do well. That's a great video that fucking kick start my heart. Still to this day, when that comes out of the gym, I get fired up. It's a great song took great fucking. The dialogue in the beginning is brutal though he goes here. We are you get something like this is where it all begin, and the guy goes and some of the car goes yeah his home sweet home and then they all go. Yeah. Oh pull, give me some volume students, the 80s, those yeah yeah, this driver, but Baileys drums in this a fucking amazing man wow, you forget how long these guys have been around how long Tommy Lee's been around. How are his arms not falling off. That? Can you a little volume on that Jamie? I want to hear this
fuck yeah. This is the best treadmill song of all time. First time I ever can treadmill for some ever did stand up when I drove home from next comedy stuff. I was listening to this all excited that it in a four cylinder yeah, that I did it so fucking great song for working out man yeah. I think this is the best song. Ever I played the the comedy jam with Josh in those yeah yeah yeah. How can I get tell you do trying to keep the eighth notes on on on the the snare drum with such I'm falling off? That was, that was a you were explaining me something before the podcast start. I want to talk about on the podcast, because you're talking about drum technique in you had like a slow motion, video of how you do it in your kind of leading this stick. Do a lot of the work yeah. I got this gray. Teacher R Davie, let you played with everybody from Mars, Volta to like Miley Cyrus. So whatever your gig is like total progressive, crazy. I can't even been
Some of the music he's played gotta know where one is and then you can also just do the straight popped or whatever, but his technique is the first time I saw him play he's got this drum. Can I should I should show it to you later, looking at it and with you know, Layman's eyes I was like how is this guy's arms not falling off, but his technique? You know as I've you know take lessons for well over a year with them. Now I can watch it on a different level as far as like his technique is sick. So he's not fucking arms up and everything he's moving his arms, giving people a show, but it's. It's it's hard to explain like. First of all, I'm not a professional, it's also hard to when, like over a podcast, but like he's yeah, it's it's letting this stick to the work, an he kind of equated it to like if you'd like dribbling, like a ball or something like that, or maybe it was somebody else if you dribble, a basketball is like every time it comes up to and once you get it going you're, not slamming it back down to the floor, you just sort of controlling the rebound. It's has something so
to do there. It is, this is the one if you, if you play a to turn up the the volume just this is just going to board the shit out of people with no. No, no, it's not you see his hands. How loose his hands are seemingly opens his hand he's getting you know. Well, you know guys an animal man, you Love drumming huh, really deep into this shit. Literally, I tried therapy. I tried to how can people in shit and it's just like yeah, I only get so far but like that stuff, like just totally clears my head, and I like it because it's like comedy where there's somewhere to go with it, where, in its analysts, endless like this, really no end to how good you can come as a comic. If you keep pushing yourself at this little skill sets that you know that kind of weak and you can just keep making you know working on it's the same way. So it's that going for the next thing. That has me just present, trying to work it out,
and I just forget about everything else, and you know I even the kid now, my wife, still, let's me, go play for another day 'cause. She knows it's good for us, so that's like it's like a meditation on top of like a little bit of a workout because you're throwing your arms around shredded, like you do looking as a Travis, Barker and Tommy Lee those kinds of jack veins, they're all shredded yeah. Well yeah about that part of that. I think, is also like if you just sort of struggle this also up to, and I'm not talking about anybody you just mentioned, but there is something something about if you do heroin in your 20s you're kind of like shredded for life, I don't know what I don't know what it is Iggy pop. I don't know if you did that way. If you did hard drugs, he definitely those guys are like these guys are just shredded. It's very rare that after you come out of that, you know Keith Richards, all of those guys that just Keith Richards is like you could pick that guy up with
you. Fucking fingers his office in you yeah, it's like he's, did pilates not just shot heroin for like three years, look at a guy. He still shredded his skin skin is giving up like he's losing the elasticity, but he still still the I saw there. Yeah he's his body is very odd. I saw him I saw him in a you looking and he's like seventy. I saw him with queens of the stone age back at him up by some downtown la how long ago, like fuck it about a year ago, and this is what I loved about the guy. He went out there and like one song and he had his fucking shirt off, give a he's a bird crusher of music and that's. Why that's why I like you know when they give Madonna shit for torquing at fifty eight, it's like it gives a fuck. I mean there is something you know there is like. There is something to be said about
it's all how you do it. He did it. I felt like he didn't give a fuck, but if you're kind of doing is this desperate thing still trying to be good looking, then it gets a little uh. I guess it gets a little cheesy, the Madame thing: it's not the twerking, it's the shit that she says the twerking. You Like I'll I'll suck everyone's dick who doesn't vote for trump like that kind of stuff, like really wild, she's been able to hang around for fucking forty years doing it I mean well, but it's just like don't do that anymore would have a tooth falls out what if you're blowing somebody it just goes wrong. She he's seventy years old and she's? Like is eighty five years ago she says a hundred and twenty two years old, my fifty eight ten years older than me, she's in better shape than I'll ever be in he seems a lot older than that. Messaging, I mean when we were, she was already a grown woman when she broke. She was like twenty five. I think she made
quick. I remember when I was in high school, told a story before, but when I was like sixteen, I was in love with her and I found out she twenty seven and like that bitch old Jesus Christ. I thought kicking him to the curb at sixteen. I just thought you know bag. I don't even hear Prime yeah. I know it just retarded. I was sixteen. I didn't know any better, but I just remembered here and she was in her late 20s, so cool it's over those when she was kind of chubby to to. I did think twenty. Seven, though, when I was a kid like when I would see a twenty seven year old, guys think that's a man because he's got it figured out, he's on his own, yet I'll Bullshit, I'm going through is all sorted out. His fucking head. I used to think that I had a whole about that. Forty eight and I'm just like going to be forty nine this year and I'm just like still figuring shit out. I had a whole bit about remember when your kid and you thought they were real. Grownups like you.
When you were confused. You get yelled at you, get sent to your room like one day. I'm gonna be a growing up and everything is going to make sense. And then one day here in line at the supermarket and someone goes paper or plastic. Sir. You, like sir I'm a sir my grown up fuck. This is it then you realize there's no grown ups. Just a bunch of babies. You got ahold. And they're all pretending and they look like they're grown up to you, 'cause you're, on the outside, but once you become one of them, you realize there is no grown ups. This there's some that there's some men and women out there, I'm not one of them. Have you met one yeah like who name one. I've met a few As far as like in this business, as far as like people just like, I would say, anybody like who was they have like this super successful in this business, but and it just go home- you don't mean you just go home like that's an adult right. You know it's a goal, work they fucking crushing. You know if there is an after party, they make their appearance they.
I have a little seltzer water and they're gone and they get eight hours sleep that cock until they're. Talking to the wife and the kids like to me, those those are adults to do What I do is you know to still go out and fuck I have a couple of whiskeys and wake up a little hungover going out God. Why did I do that? For the nine million times in my life, like I yeah, I'm not an adult yeah, but I don't I don't think there's anyone like that. That's a comic! I don't know anybody. That's really funny that has it all totally together. I've never met one yeah name one. They don't exist funny yeah, they don't exist, they're all up a little bit too. So what I mean keep it together. Like paying your taxes showing up on time all that good stuff adult like, but all every every one of us is one she pressing. No, it's not bad, but everyone of us is one shitty decision from a disaster every
office at any best way. Act. When I watch people, I don't know when they watch them, fuck up their lives like there's. Always the first feeling I have is panic. When I see it on my God, God imagine what they're thinking Imagine yourself in their position. If I did that yeah yeah see when pulled over for drunk driving like fuck. Oh! No! Oh, no! The whole fucking thing giving your money to the wrong people. They miss management broke becoming a fuckin alky. I just read something about why it's one bangin the made all the bag in the main thing made or the nanny you can have a maid or a nanny life well Do they have to be disgusting? That's, like the Catholic Bang is nanny, he did right. I was never confirmed that was never confirmed. She confirmed it yeah, but what does that mean? She needs a book deals. Get fired. Who knows unless he came out and said I never fucked her and he never.
These two are going to do that too. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of you know you don't like the town. I didn't like him. He went on bill. Maher show cut this ridiculous argument with SAM Harris and I realized what he's all about was like oh you're, one of those guys like Colin SAM Harris to racist 'cause. He was talking about the problem with ideologies and religions and the tenets of Islam, and he started yelling at him, calling him a racist and didn't really their stand. That SAM Harris is actually a scholar, knows a lot about religion and just got way over his head and looked really stupid. So the only difference between me and him is he did that on tv and I do it over the phone put my friends. The only difference is you're funny you're funny. If you did it, you have self deprecating humor. You would have liked to fuck my talk about go talk to the guy at the gas station. I just stopped at right before I got here when I found out, they didn't take credit cards. What happened it just take for you know I was a madam day I just I was a contempt really yeah
because what it was was. I was getting up against being here by eleven an gotta get home to take my. Wi Fi to the house, 'cause she's going nuts staying in the house with the kids. So I got that thing and I gotta sign this other fucking. You know life insurance. You know I gotta do all this adult shit and I'm think I got this little window to get gas and I show up in this fucking industrial park. There's no gas station. I finally going all the way down and whole time there was like it's thrifty and I'm thinking like in a fucking car rental place so pull in an I stick to cry and rise. I stuck it in I'm going. This is too easy 'cause. I know I have the exact amount of time to get her right on time and, of course it's just like. Is this debit? I'm, like you, can't MIKE now and they go go in and see the the guy behind the register and like yeah. I try to use my credit card and he goes out. We don't we don't. We don't take credit cards here and I go why? Because I just take debit card. I just kept two year old, just wife,
what's cheaper and I was like I that's. That's a good excuse have like sixty dollars and only going like 39th, and then I had to go back and get my change. It is looking at me like, say fucking idiot. It would have cost you like fifteen more, so I do that. All the time I'm not a big fan of those fucking debit card, only ones that stupid. Why not? You never use your debit card, major credit card anyway, because that's your money, so some Bud takes that and then cleans you out. That's your shit. If somebody wipe your credit card number, that's their money, so then they call you up and they just go. Hey Joe. Did you buy a ham, hock and fucking Van Hoover had a strip club. Why, no I didn't! I was in Burbank good luck with that one does anybody ever bought a ham hock it rip dude you've. Given me every piece of the Fuckin Elk accept that I've got some hammock for you, some
in my bones, he can chop it up and make marrow with. So I gotta I gotta bunch of mine is a lawyer who prosecutes identity theft, which a lot of lawyers don't want to do, because it's unbelievably tedious and they were, they call up a lot of times. They cover up the credit card companies to fight for their case they still. To go through that maze. If you'd like to do this press one, if you'd like to do that, press two, you know and they're trying to help them out. So But that was one thing that I remembered at all things. He told me not to do because don't ever use your debit card 'cause if they get that and they clean you out there your fucking money, you know, and not only get a mortgage coming up and then you're late and you like no, but somebody took my money and blah blah blah blah blah cha credit card. They have to deal with it. I had attempt recently and uh I'm thinking I'm wondering whether or not it's because I switched over to windows 'cause. You know I have this. Those computer. Now I get pissed off at MAC. People got matters clearing her and I just cleared my throat again I switched over to this windows. Computer 'cause I get in and these max they switched over. All the
ports and now you have this usb c and you have to get an adapter if you want to use all your other shit to it, I got resent a stone french right. I can't there's no place to stick the yeah. You have to get an adapter. Yet, yes, I was like what the how about the Iphone seven with the little Nabil, color, lightning thing: yeah yeah! We can get a splitter with that where it goes we you can use a regular, but it's all extra money, extra money, and you fucking lose. Am I think the idea is that eventually there's going to be some peripherals that are more powerful and they don't work on the existing ports. But you know like I got this so this Lenovo Thinkpad and I will love it, and this is the second one I got, because it's got everything. It's got an ethernet port. It's got HDMI, I got all this shit. It's tiny! The battery life is fucking forever. It's got this that battery in the bottom, but for the first time in a long, sometimes somebody tried to steal my identity and I'm like a cheese. I wonder if it has to do with.
That one. The windows thing that makes sense not really could be, could be something else I don't know, but It's Nikki at least when I have a business management company. They contact me. They put the stop to it right away, that's cool, but it's it's disconcerting that your shits out there. You know that someone is trying to find you security number and attached to your credit card and if I something yeah I've had it happen gas stations where they put that fake scanner on they put a fake scanner over the. So, as you scan through and you're even allowed, you even are using it like you're using your credit card. Buying gas, but you gave them your credit card information. Yeah I've two times credit cards, that's happening at gas station restaurant start another big double swipe thing: yeah, restaurants! Well, that's people that work there scumbags you gotta go! You got to go cash. Much as I know right, Isn't it crazy? This never happened. You don't know me. I know
a guy he's dead now, but he was one of the first credit card thieves and his name is international Sal, that's at least a column, because when he got arrested, that's what that was but his nickname was was international, Sal 'cause. This isn't like the 70s and the 80s with credit cards first came out, he would get those those carbon slips from restaurants and they would make up new credit cards and and sell them to criminals, and he would just get back as in bags of cash from it and I was gambling. You go to the pool hall that I went to and just he was like most perpetual loser. You've ever seen your life like he could not win. It was a Michael sounds Oscar winning movie this guys life well in a way it probably should be mean he was. He was a trip, so how did they end up dying cancer, bad colon cancer? It was real. It was real bad.
In a body- Mind- Hollywood would switch up this. This. The script is just too common, go What bridge like Thelma and Louise? He this would happen me the other night. When I was on stage- and I was joking about then go into the moon and somebody yelled out go see hidden figures and I was like yeah 'cause. That's a history book like I just love how people I'm not saying. Those obvious is women existed, but like did then now and do the over correction. Where is like, these three women hi, it's just like every time you see a picture of like now, so you'll see like a thousand like a hundred worker bees. Nobody knows the fucking is like we got there, all of those people, but it's just like it's like when a team wins a championship like if they want. If the Patriots win it's going to be all about Tom, you don't run. One's gonna know the offense of lines, name if it. If, if, if the Falcons win it's going to be about, you know, I don't know who your
Jones are Matt Ryan. You know these guys. You would know this time. Brady's get some wacky diet, though some article about Tom Brady's diet being bullshit. Do you know about Tom Brady's diets gets crazy diet. No, I don't get into people's personal. I watched the game now, but I don't I wouldn't. If they, if they had like Tom Brady talks about beans, fucking rice, like I fuck. No, I just want to watch the game. I don't watch pre pregame. I don't watch post game. I don't need you to break it down. For me, I watched it I I I I like to certain people that if they were to break it down, it's the same thing with like what you do to certain things. Like the reason why I like you imitating, was I learned about like the leg kicks I'd like you always hammer that home how much set your shop, the other guy down? Aside from the fact is, you know, I've been kicked in. She everybody has in Charlie horse, and I just don't understand like that, one that Conor Mcgregor had against.
What's his face, there Ortiz I'm the worst, the names he picked by the second time against Ny S D, when just watching him repeatedly kick him in the leg and then in the end he Mcgraw leaves on crutches it's just like his foot. I like how much is your adrenaline going going like crazy? Did you feel a thing yeah that you can just keep kicking somebody in their leg, hit their bone with the top bone? If you, if you want to be missing your message in our souls, whatever the hell, it is- and we just keep talking- I can just picture myself kicking the guy once going. I just grabbing it and hopping up and down like the guy on family guy. Most of that would be lit while it's happening. I've broken, I broke my shin, I broke my foot a broke both feet. Elbows elbows are away that a lot of times guys break it. His guys will cover up and your foot like your instep slam into the elbow Here in instep always loses always share
out now when she is driving, wasn't wears off and you realize you've broken your instep kicking someone as hard as you can in their elbow what? What is that pain like agony, just throbbing, your foot, swells up to like the size of your thigh, it just gets, becomes big balloon. Of black and blue and a You know it's funny after watch my wife, you know going through labor and everything I said. The only men that could actually relate would be people who do that for a fucking living like they will fly, They couldn't even relate, it seems yeah, it's genitals. Generals come out. Have a job crazy, a whole new level of respect. For my wife I was just like. Are you told me the funniest thing when she went into free, pre labor? You know, and I was just gone. You know tell me to breathe. I was running to get the stuff, you know it's pretty prepared and there was some code something like, as I was like in: where did you leave I have a bottle, but she goes when you said that to me
She goes. I was almost ready to black out with the pain and she goes ice. I had to start if he asked one more time with that code? Is I'm going to push this baby out and fucking throw it at you? My wife is hilarious. She's funny on your podcast to not shave she's funnier than a lot of comedians. I she's hilarious. An but she has this. What I love about she's got this Spirit man. She just really like when I met her man like I've, never met anybody like this very few people. I met my life to have like an enerji. We just like wow, I I want to be around that, like she just had this amazing, like really like. She throws itself in the shit and I was really kind of you know. I was like garden, and all of that so was sort of the perfect kind of balance, but every time I I think I've seen the end of of that energy. Like she does something else so yeah I was pretty,
The amazing. So that's a great relationship and you're both growing you know she's growing, on your grown now. Did she hit me with some fucking classic lines and one time you know I was calling her out in some shit. She was doing, and I just took it like a little too far. I should have stopped like probably five minutes early and I was still going. I go and you fucking blah blah blah blah blah, and you do this that another in the car. Right as I stop, she goes yeah. Well, you know pony Friday that my friend and we both just burst out laughing, and that was just like the end of the fight she has that ability where in the past you know you know what date people either they would like to nice, so they couldn't handle how fucked up. I was or the worst, they would just as fucked up as I was and was totally toxic, so she's just sort of like grounded
yeah that that's so important when you're you're dating somebody or married somebody or whatever it is. They have to compliment you and you have to compliment them. Some sort of a way you can't be the exactly the same and who you are is different when you're with different people. You know, if you're with a person like that who can crack a joke middle of the heat of everything you become a different person. They become a different person yeah. But if she's with someone who doesn't appreciate that you know I mean just like you become like you're, not just an individual you're in India jewel, who relates to other people and become someone different when you relate to those people yeah, it took me forever to to real is that, yes, it was. How can I can't break up with this person? that's so I figured out I was in love. Well, that's a good one too, though. Yes, no every time I pictured breaking up with Iraq
picturing her walking away and then me going like no, not gonna go back, and then, after denying that that was love for a good fucking eight years I was just like yeah. I guess I guess I have found the one that's enough, used love this way too many p. Throwing that word around like a beach ball at a concert. It's just too abused all of that shit and then, like all of that stuff, that people say that when you first see your kid all, they fill your head up on what the fuck you supposed to feel yeah. I was talking about this son of a thick on Kim like I was what I saw my kid for the first time I was like afraid like I would like I didn't. Have that start crying. I was just like hey and I sort of just put my finger that led to the like hold and when they left me alone, The for the first time like the magnitude of it was was, was definitely huge, but I didn't feel that whole, like you know the second I caught saw my kid. I knew my life it changeable, but I didn't feel that for like twelve hours, it was
until the next, but I think is my head was so filled up on what I was suppose. I was like having an out of body experience. It wasn't till on the next morning. My wife is playing like Stevie, wonder you know what some chill music and stuff, and I was just sitting with their and it just sort of you know, and you know it baby baby sneezes or something like that. You just just fucking hit you but even then I never had like that. Blubbering moment to me it was kinda, scary, too, and uh and kind of psychedelic, because when, when my dog I was born, my eight year old is born. There was a moment what I was thinking, how many babies are being born simultaneously right now, all over the world, and if you could look at it on a screen, would be a swarm of humanity, just just a heads popping out of This is just wow wow yeah, just if you could see every baby coming out right now and then and then I thought at the same time. I thought about this baby because in an old lady and dying, and I thought like how many old people are dying simultaneously, the same time right now.
I think this to say that, because everybody hacky thing is you're supposed to say this Second, I saw my kid I burst out crying and blah blah blah blah blah and then so then it becomes like if you don't do that, you're not going to be a good. Dad you don't care and all of that type of stuff, but I just think that that kind of became like that the hacky default thing and then I also. This is all just theories, of course, and I'm not going to research any of this, but I think parents outdo each other with their stories about what the fuck they felt and it just because like they, really they really like they're, not saying people most parents know, and I've learned to kinda already be like well just sit down next to you, like your Forrest, Gump and I'll just sit down, and just start talking to so you just had your kid alright. Well this which gotta watch out for you know. I remember my kid in blah blah blah blah. Do it's like airplane? He noted mean, with with a fucking person, talks to him, and you want to kill yourself just wait until you start going to school and you
but you gotta, hang out with his parents all the time, because your kids become friends with their kids and then you become friends with these people that you would never be fucking friends with this is what I do is I just look straight ahead and I don't look at him. I don't respond to what they're saying and then they just sort of talk, quieter and gradually leave I'm going to have to go to dinner with them. Your wife can be friends with some lady. You know, let's go on a double date: ok, fine you're, going to go there's one guy. Now he talks and he doesn't look at you. He tells me these stupid stories about his kid in the basketball team and he looks at you for a second, so Adams in this basketball start, looking dumb he's like in the coach won't put in the game, and I'm saying like that's a good players, could player could be not in the game and he's fucking, rambling rambling with no regard whatsoever for your attention span, the entertainment value of what he's saying he's just the underlying insecurity of not being able to look at you or he, so in self involved. He selfie, doing some weird thing with his hands: really click talking with his hands and I'm going Jesus Christ,
literally. What do you fantasize about doing too? Not just running just running away? I don't want to hurt him. The guys hurt by life he's so damage I live. I don't want to do anything to my just want to fuck away. I always picture those people and I have a giant roll of duct tape. I just put it on the it's like a cartoon level: speed nose, cartoon level, I just put it in their mouth and I go and the last one it comes up and over their head and then it hangs down the whole rest of the tape is hanging down over there awkwardly. And then I just go back to eating or whatever, and they just sit there and slowly have to take it off. Is some brutal fucking people? It's You know there's a bunch of weird people that you we get closer to him and closer to them and you find out about their life. But you know what those people that I want to do that too. I'm sure they're talking about me so for sure yeah yeah, I'm sure they let me too. This is how
it would seem like he was in a bad mood. Now, all the time this is friend of RON Whites, who is a friend of mine who uh the first time we met me my god, I don't know and runs like I'm telling you he's a good guy like that he's a day. At two hundred and we're all buddies together now, but he's like I don't know I just I'm guarded I've been beat and down by some of these fucking basketball stories, these assholes and tell you and my kid he's a good player music player. Did you put him in the Ah, just you think of things that you would torture? Somebody talking about and like I would never do this to you. Why you doing this to me, you're, not even thinking about like verbal waterboarding, you like in your own little Guantanamo, that's great way to screen like when is the desert rain coming. So I could say I don't need dessert party problem hanging around with comedians to is when they say something like for good percentage of it's funny. It doesn't have to be funny all the time, but a good percentage when you talking to people that are
funny at all and it never comes, but surely there's something funny coming eventually: nothing, never never something compelling nothing, not a god. Damn thing just and then when I start thinking like those duct tape fantasies and then I start making myself laugh and I have to pretend, like I'm drinking and then get all weirded out 'cause. They see some weird look on my face and it still think total thing just fucking it just goes s usually breathe. I take these breathing exercise. I do the Wim Hof method. Where take all my breath in that I let like fifteen twenty percent out this The way you do that across from a person- I guess he's not looking at you, he doesn't see it. I do I do it. Does he look like he just got shot in your waiting for the ambulance when you're doing like you just try to hold up ok, but together just stay consciously be together. Try to stay present,
try to meditate in the face of overwhelming retarded conversation. Just try to detach. Myself from whatever they're saying, find, find a happy place, find a peaceful spot. Get raw fingers. It's a form of like deep, deep tissue, massage brutally painful shit really painful. I get raw and this guy, that does it he's fucking rough and He knows how to do it. This guys rough. You know he he has a metal bar, I mean it really, it seems, are going to change device, it looks like a chisel like a fat wide chisel and it has like thin layer of like rubber over it, and he takes his metal bar. It has like a handling. A sword was wearing a mask at this point, I'm naked, unfortunately, and he's digging this fucking thing into my back. I mean digging it in like all of his weight and he's like pop popping over the scar tissue, and I have to
go deep into my mind. When he's doing it, I just I could go deeper and eat. My eyes are closed. My face is in that thing you know when you get in with us in a few, if you could see my face would be like. Pushed in smushed little massage chair thing or massage table thanks for going to doing that. Red bull jumps out of space. My body is the world champion at that he's he's traveled more in that flying squirrel suit, ease travel to further distances than anybody. Do that red bull jump that guy he was and he was like on call you just fall. It was a falling like a stone from space over about the guy that fell into a net, did. You see that one I just did the coming out. I I totally derailed you're, not okay, okay! I I find my happy space well, this guys do and I have to do that. I literally, I think I'm going to go just be in deeper, in my mind, to ignore the pain, because the pain is so intense. The way get that basketball guy is. If I uh, I told my wife that he did
and it annoyed me and then what would do is. I would just be egging him on going like. So what? What is the plan and just and just keep on going? And then she would start kicking me under the table because she would start laughing and then I would have to turn what he was doing into a show. That's the only way to do it, or else I'm just going to stay. I would probably, if I actually dealt with the emotion of those kinds of movies. I would probably start crying. I would probably break down there, fucking do this well, I would I just feel like I have to talk to the guy I feel like I don't I wish I could do. I get him high on ecstasy and talk to him just give and to completely remove all of his insecurities and fears and ability, and when you talk to people you got to be thinking that they're listening to. I can give a great suggestion, for if you have to keep going of the couple like that you got to get the corner. Booth So then you're not directly across from each other. So you don't have to look at him. He just you can just sit there in your meta.
Station nodding and he's not going to look at. You see his peripheral as if you're actively listening and you could be looking at. You know if it does with this guy he query who get you he's a little on the spectrum, some going on. There is, if it bleeds we can kill. It is a detachment. The attachment to way he communicates where it just it just seems like like sociales not present, is very odd, very odd method of communication. I had a yeah, I I know somebody like that you can talk to the guy in like in one I'd, Tell MIKE you know, I can't you know you have this thing, but you got a it's got to be fun for the other person. Here it's got to be something there, and you know, we've all done something like that. We've all said something that someone didn't want to. Listen to for sure. Not me I walk in turn a scarf scarf in those snoopy aviator goggles. That's right! Everybody wants to my bullshit so there was that guy that jumped right heat
somewhere and he fell into a net. He didn't even have a parachute. They like a gigantic net somewhere right was not what it was. How far did he fall? Twenty five thousand feet: Jesus Christ. This guy, this guy, so diving skydiving twenty five thousand feet and he doesn't have parachute he doing tricks what the fuck kind of impact must have been like geez Looking up at the very last minute he has to turn around, so he steering himself at the very last minute Jesus. What what kind of fear the very last minute to turn look at that holy shit. That's insane. I mean how fast is he going at that point? So now he's not moving now he's crying, because you can't We got away with it and doesn't know why the fuk you did it. I know why he did it. You know what I want to hear. I want to hear his opening line to a woman in a bar. I bet it still worse things like glitter,
to compensate, rather than just you know, getting a book hey baby which is signed. Got to do this shit and then talk about it loudly in the vicinity of women. Luke aikins is his name. Jesus Christ, My buddy Andy Stump heals the world record for The longest in one of those flying body suits the longest distance. We travel like thirty miles or something fucking nuts. What did he jump off of jumps off everything planes whenever he'll jump off a rocket. If you let him he's crazy, is a Navy seal he's out of his fucking mind. Out of his mind, the squirrel suits look funny shit, the oh yeah. I would never do it, but it looks fun as hell. They get real close to the ground and then they hit the ground occasionally and then well he's dead guy on Bryant Gumbel, real sports, his fuck his fucking toes when that's right, clip something with his toes just like it came back to prank ever break. It was like Good idea is a bit of a death wish and the other reporters like yeah yeah. He does he does. He was just laying on the ground like moaning in this agony, the worst
agony I've ever heard there was that don't please don't want to what is this cuz they're going to play it like haunted me. This guy on when these Youtube videos, the guy who's, climbing up the tree to chop it down or something, and he just fell he went straight down and shattered both of his legs and dude. Don't pull that up these I've. Never what I've always look away the sound he was just in the was this because he felt himself doing this is that what you're hearing just like. Ah, over and over again, just like his soul, I mean like, if you get, if you had fucking loaded, nine millimeter within reach- you would blew his brains out like that was the level of pain, Jesus Christ, yeah. That happens a lot of guys when they make trees. Since they set up tree stands and some guys are tough guys. They want to wear a harness like they have. These harness is that most people where they strap around your way a strap on your legs, and then it hooks to the tree. So you can't fall off the tree, but
a lot of guys that want to be tough guys, so they climb up these tree stands and they don't have a harness on and they fall off. The tree stand, and you know, you're falling thirty feet whatever it is, and you you just fucked, and then you gotta crawl, your way out of the woods or not or that someone finds you days later and you started death is any but falling out of the tree stand and then getting eaten by what they were just going to kill a I'm sure. I'm sure that's happened for bears. 'cause people go bear hunting and they did Bear hunting in tree stands a guarantee if someone's been eating that way, one hundred percent a one hundred thousand No, no chance. I would never have enough confidence in my ability to secure a tree stand correctly. Past a certain height. Knowing that a bear was going to be coming too. That's just to those two factors of falling that length and then also yeah and maybe right in front of a bear. What's more fucked up is how fast the pair can get up a tree
bears can we have seen that one they run up a fucking tree like they're running on the ground. It's insane like the only up to a certain size, that's what weird like when they get to be like four hundred pounds. Plus they really can't make it up. Trees anymore, the too heavy their nails can't like for their body weight on the biggest loser for grizzlies, they making away into the water to get this salmon. I don't wanna. Do it is really more more black bears then grill loser run up trees, but they they we run up those fucking trees. They just brought up and they're up like you. Can't youtube? Video of a guy, like he's he's, like you know in one of those stands in the fucking thing, looks up and just runs up the tree next to him, and now it's above him yeah in science and seconds, that's like when you get in fight in UFC, football stadium. You want to be in the row behind the guy, so you're punching down for sure bear went from being on the field to like two rows behind this guy and the guy sitting there with his fucking. I don't know what he had
bow and arrow or something yeah, it's bone arrow, but there doesn't wanna bone arrow. Is you could kind of just slow, we turn and look right at 'em. Shoot'em. Writing those could you uh you might be able to, but it's not going to kill him instantly. The problem with that is there going to get ahold of you like a bear, was right there in front of you and you shot it with a bow and arrow. There's two things that can happen: one: it could run away or two it can attack you and if it decides to attack you by the time it expires it's going to take like thirty seconds for it to and by the time it expires. It's kinda, fucking mall, you, you know, but Leonardo he got attacked for like a minute and a half to it. If you seen hidden figures, I found out that Leonardo story was uh. You know it supposedly based on true story. We had Steve Rinella in here was a historian on uh that ancient wild west shit- and he told me- was all bullshit he's like first of all, the guide get mauled by a bear. Yes, but he got away and crawled back to camp and that's it
like. He didn't have a son. The sun never got killed like there was no sunlight and all that shit up. Nobody fell off the cliff. But if, if you actually made movies. How shit really happen? It would be like you have to watch that guy in the fucking restaurant with you not looking at people like that's how they would be that's why people go to movies 'cause, you got to have like a. Well, my my my wife was watching that women's March after awhile, I couldn't watch it anymore. 'cause it wasn't going anywhere. It was one hundred thousand people standing outside of green with each other. They will all in the same page there would. There was no nothing like it didn't go anywhere, no arrests all over the country. Millions of people marched. No rest, that's pretty amazing. That's 'cause! They women who can't hit him
It was a was if those were guys eventually, the cops would be sick of them when they did send a plain clothes. Gotta go down a light, a car on fire. What cops were there taking pictures with them cops warn those pussycats whose cops there's photos of cops with paint cats with the with ears like Kitty CAT hats, he was, he knows. No, it amazingly one comment. The guy makes on a bus with Billy Bush, the grab him by the you see and that literally spawns a march. A tablets for even more amazing is that those hats are all going to be thrown out and end up at the bottom of the ocean in a fucking Octopus is going to suffocate on one of them. Look at these cops with pussy. Hats are stupid. Those are our protectors, they're serving and protecting right, pussy hats on anti ribbon.
Hands. All of that. All of that I just fucking like can't you just say what the agenda is: do we all have to dress in the same fucking? Silly hat like this as a sign of solidarity. People love that, though I know there is that twenty comedian- and now are you I'm with you, I don't like it either. I think it's it's group think how dare those people do what they like to do? Joe, don't think they like to do it they just like to just get together. Just a big just refusal of admitting that this guy won some crazy popularity contest that we put on every couple of years. They should just get together with each other and they should create shit. That makes money, that's what they should do, make money make money and then they have to come to you It's like podcast right now give a fuck what we were doing and then also we started making money hey you, you want to read the Legalzoom, so you do it. Definitely generate some money that way right and there's a lot of fucking people marching
think about. There was nine hundred and seventy thousand people. That's a Whitney coming soul, mate. In la alone, they thought eighty thousand people were coming, there's almost a million. There was a million where, where they downtown, thank God, yeah. It was a swarm of humanity. Oh that's great! Let's fucking! Quite God, yeah go downtown, thank God you can come to my fucking neighborhood was last time We saw a protest against the President like that, though, especially a new president. It's never it's a new time with the internet. Now they can. They can organize these things quickly and get together. Yeah! I mean I don't. I don't know what to believe like that whole picture of Trump Sonag, not Creation versus Obama. Inauguration. They put the photos side by side and I'm just supposed to automatically without any checks and balances. Be like ok, that's those photos, are of I'm supposed to believe that Bill Clinton was checking out Donald
once wife, without seeing what he's looking at and then Hillary vaguely looking back in his direction, vaguely and people or peered through his soul. How could you tell she was turned around? Oh, it will show you, because we've watched one thousand times, but you don't know what he's looking at. He says it. He says it wrong. He says it. He litter She says it. He moves his mouth eagles Ivanka once he had and we want to watch it together. Watch this look, look, look, look, go fullscreen, Jamie Watch, Ivanka, go back, go back, go back, he says it. It replies it a couple of times here. Why are why? this look at looking at Adam. She ain't vaguely looking back she's peering through his soul. He stares at her look that are suitable to give her. Look at user. She turns away immediately watch But what he's looking at you know what is going on here, he's looking right at it longer heat, as it comes back to a go back to handle that you're gonna get it while watching at the very beginning, the very beginning January Blanton descendant of the nightmare on this now Jamie missed it go all the way
the very beginning of the very beginning of the video now we said AIR Force Guide already mystique. As he says the beginnings got here. We go Ivanka, so I don't see the car. Oh I see it. I don't see it Monka, Let's, let's make up some for the AIR Force guy? Let's see, let's see what the fuck he's doing it again, sunglasses. I think disease jerk enough this jerk, that's why his head isn't moving not only Master nine year, you denying that look she's. Given him. Look at that look she's, giving she stare and look at the short lived when he shoots over at her and she it takes so she just bust him. Look at it and he stared her down and she fucking looked away, raise the fucking man of the relationship watching watching guys come on, come on. She has her mouth open as she turns away like Jesus hi, everyone I Ivanka Trump, six, a Tracy, sister in the 80s, it's got good. Looking kids, he does. He does amazing she's good look
she's, amazing, good for him good for him. If Bill Clinton wants to vague look in the direction of of a beautiful woman off camera that none of us want to know when you want to convict him on what he meant to said ivy? He might have been like like like lightheaded, he was a growing growling against with his mouth shut. You could not convict anybody in a court of law. You are nothing's legal or not legal. You are judging. Thank you in a court of podcast, you manatee, I am judging him. You are sure you just send it to the chair, but the coupon cast court is a lot like civil court. You know, like you, a critic, criminal court. You need a lot more evidence. That's why don't we just got off in criminal court? I've never understood that he gets off when you need more evidence. Less evidence. Yes to give away, always ship, I'm not saying that that doesn't make any sense now. Doesn't it doesn't? What do you need more evidence that he did it or he did you show me like acquitted, you didn't, do it all
Now you gotta give me your trophies in your house yeah. What is then you fucking tight x? How to fuck does that work? How can they have a civil court where you have less evidence and that's where all your money, like freedom is worth one it works. Because or it worked out. I think he moved to Florida to get around it. I don't know what the fuck happened, but like 'cause, I think he did it. But what am I basing that on? You know? Well, play some jazz shit? I mean he's in jail for a very innocuous crime, trying to get his own shit back with a guy in the room that had a gun, the guy didn't even brandished the gun he he tried to get his get back. His stolen ma'am watched a thing on that in they made they up by. They made some threat that then it made it kidnapping and they did. They did all these little fucking things and he killed. You know he killed two white people. So that's the the white quartz got him years later, yeah, that's the
one, that's what it really was here is complete bullshit 'cause. The reality is, if he didn't kill those fuckin two people were people didn't think that he killed those fuckin to people. If he did that, I mean they was OJ. He was still on an NFL today, whatever like it, probably would have been? You know in and out, and that would have been it. He might not even done any time they were. They might have like sided. Him, because these people are stealing his stuff, he would have agreed to do as couple of signings at Fucking Caesars. He decides footballs and some helmets and it would have been over. It would have been over that would've been it would've gone to the Venetian where they have. The boat rides and oh yeah sales in their yeah J, yeah That's a weird one though, like we, everybody's has not decided anything is just taking pictures into a boat rides yeah. The signing folks know sciencelogic pressures, though, can you your camera it'll, be up online, CZ, dot, com, that'll, be it yeah, don't touch him just stand next to him. That's a weird
case right because that's a case where we know that. That's not! Why he's in jail but we're all happy. Um! Well I mean I don't. I don't know how I feel about all that fucking shit. I mean, I think you guys did it. He did it. He did. He wrote a book about it. Remember that if I did it, I want to tell you or something I think was called. If I did it was I dated this is how I would do it now. Yeah, whatever happened that book, that book never got published right. No publisher wanted to originally had a publishing deal with that. Is it
That's about all! This is why I rubs me the wrong way that he's in jail is because all those fucking white dudes that did all that shit like blowing up churches with black people in it like back in the 60s. They would literally be sitting there laughing during the trial and they would get totally acquitted and black people weren't allowed to come along and take the fuckin four wheelers and their hillbilly shit there's still afterwards and like a civil court, they just completely got away with that's why it still seems kind of fucked up it's for sale, but they changed. The judge ordered the golden family, that rights to the book. So they get the publishing. Oh, so you can buy it. So it says it's by Fred and Kim Goldman. But oh my god, I didn't write it. They did. Oh, they took away if no, they put the, if and I did it because I just saw a thing on the. If it's written in red letters inside the I r while just there it is that right there, that's crazy and it's written blood red, wow. Well,
What cases are you talking about? A guys blowing up, I mean. Obviously, there was some horrendous civil rights violations that took place in the 60s and the 50s as well I'm all you know all from from slavery on from the eighteen, sixty I'm just saying, yeah and then the the table gets turned and this guy does it, but he has the money to get off, but then he still pays for it in a way. So that's why it just it doesn't still doesn't seem. You know it's good, because you know he killed two people, so he's not out there, but it. It's a different crime, though I mean what he did was a crime of passion against the next wife who I agree with some other guy those other crimes. Or in a lot of ways. More heinous 'cause, they're, completely race related If you go back to some of the lynchings and some of those horrific pronounced guys. You know they got, they fucking took pictures, you ever see those. So those are the aggregate photo ugly is for young kids smiling and
evil in the fire and ice yeah. They have a evil and that the kids have like evil. I'm about Patrice would show me those photos and would point at the kids going look at that girl bill. She's like probably forty, eight right now, where the fuck is she, what is she do for a living? And I was just like wow. That's true yeah, that's true! They're out there yeah yeah! Well, when you think about how many people have actually got arrested for murder versus how many murders get just never solved is a it's a crazy number. When everybody looks at those fucking, tv shows about cops, and you know most crimes get solved, but the reality of murders. I think it's like something like: seventy percent go unsolved, something really naughty like that yeah I talked to a cop about that one time and I won't say it over there. It's fucking br,
wait, we won't say over the exits. Outbound, well I just wanna. It will encourage what yeah give people the green line. Yeah does that yeah, because we try to come up with the perfect murder right me and this other guy up to Rosa on this podcast, and we had this call listen to listen to our our plants. Mine was the funniest guy, alright, so mean about it, because it's over because you already caught involves somebody else. It goes somebody going to get scared and they're going to they're going to cut a deal. It was fucking hilarious, dude I got like literally, and I had worked this whole thing out immune to rosewood, the top each other to see which one was better an I got likely it's like when you watch american Ninja Warrior and the person likes stumbles on those first thing and goes right into the water. That's what happened so he told this basically how to get. I guess you know the audio does exist, so he basically said: if you have no priors and nobody fucking knows you know,
we've never done anything, and if you, if you want to do it, just somebody just completely, not even can two yeah, that's a buddy miles. Account said the same thing: nobody saw it like this. Nothing like there's no way, there's! No, because there is no rational connection to it. There's no trail to follow. Have you heard of this stuff that their developing that's essentially micro cameras with GPS units that are the size smaller than a grain of rice, like literally like sand and the id? Is that eventually they're going to spread this shit everywhere? There will be cameras that record everything everywhere you go and it's just a matter of time like now, there's more cam is now today than they've ever been before phones and see valence cameras and security cameras that one right there right there. This is: more cameras now than ever been before, but it's nothing compared to what they have potentially lined up for the future that they're going to have
like grains of sand cameras everywhere. You just vacuum your house to scoop him up. I'm talking about there street. You show me jerking off at least have that will there ever be a time where there, no privacy? That's the question in time with zero privacy well happenings. But this is the thing. The reason why they're going to get away with it is because people are such fucking voyeurs like the more private. It is the less I want to see it 'cause. I always think like. I would want someone to do that to me right. Anytime, there's, like God, I can't think of an example, but it's there's just been so much so celebrity photos that got leaked where they got into their. I feel if they like naked photos of I never look at those fucking things. If, if so, do you know intercepts like a cell phone call, don't listen to those things? I just. I just think your. If not feels gross yeah google good for you, your moral you're, more a person, that's good yeah! I mean I don't know
and say I'm a moral person, but just in that at that instant, maybe I am you're. Definitely more. I don't have a more out on top of me in the past. You are, I mean you're, not you know ridiculous. I mean you you're just a guy, but I'm a continentals. You got a slightly annoyed in a gas station type. They have a lot of work. I got a lot of lot of work ahead of me. You should get a punching bag, I I have a speed back. That's not good enough. I guess it is not because speed bag. It's not rich, it is no real exists, it's exist and I hit it exist. I hit it. I and I enjoy it. I blew a bet you do and it's good I do I do enjoy and then I go and I play some drums and I enjoy that, I'm so I'm not degrading. But I'm saying it's not good enough. I thought you are judgmental. I am there's certain things that something that I can hold in these beautiful hands of mine told me: wasn't real big speed. Bags are fucked
weird, it's a weird exist. John harden, have you seen hidden figures? They haven't heard, good women got a little break, speed bags versus have bags down in a way that you've never even never heard how beautiful that's beautiful, now heavy bag set the fuck up my hands at all. Let's look up your hand yeah this 'cause. My technique will be fucked up because I don't have the time Joe to go to the dojo, like you have for thirty fucking years and get it down and I'm going to go in there and I'm going to fuck up my wrist and I'm gonna hit it with the wrong yeah watch a couple of Youtube. I know you're at your hands. You get one of them, how your hands get a water bag water bags. Literally like you're, punching into water to heavy. We live in a desert, but just goes guge same water, be there for It's raining now complaining. I love how they said the drought is over like it's like. No, we have enough water right now. This now has to last us who fuck knows when it's going to rain again, something like the mayor or some shit said that out here that
that is now officially over now every douche bag out there is taking an extra long shower, but they never stop watering those golf courses. The golf course is a huge problem, but they you know what they stop: watering the median strip on sunset in Beverly Hills that was unsettling. I was like wow. They letting rich peoples grass go Fucking Brown. This is scary. This is getting real. Well? They had rules right, like you, were only supposed to water, your thing at night and you can only water at a certain amount of times a day like when it comes to your lawn, but they don't. Those rules of golf courses did they golf courses, like especially private ones spend spend of dot millions of gallons of water every year. Just now I yeah, I don't know golf now good for you, I I don't it's so mind, numbingly I can't get into a sport with there's nobody trying to stop me
when it just go. If you have to get yourself with about I'm going to forgive myself, that's all right, you get on the next hole like I don't give a it's. So I respect it. It's it's! I don't! I don't think it's a sport, but I think the the people that are the best at it, our athletic I've seen the people that I've seen do that, I'm telling you, if you threw a ball Adam, they would tense up. They just don't have any athletic They will get on a golf course and they can keep it on the course and they can shoot. You know they can break hundred yeah. I I the in the on the in the fucking pageantry of it all the fucking clothes in the bags and then you know I like either- is that I don't think there's ever been a fucking spy. Cuz there's so many fat fuck Nana, let non athletic people playing it. There has never been a sport that is adjusted the equipment, the ball, the fucking, the clubs that you use to give you more
distance to help you hit it straighter. It's like literally. The only thing missing on a fucking driver. Now is training wheels, it's fucking brew. They should just have it guide, you back and then come come right through. That's truly baseball never went to aluminum bats if they did it with a look at the college level, but the price level that just like now I mean you can't you can't do this they, but they but baseball when they when they were going through you No one was watching. It was an exciting. You know they they made the stadium smaller. They you stop the ball people on road. They look the other way like what I did and they just had these king Kong guys going up there just smashing him over the fence, and but I'm just saying like you like, I don't know I like, when guys got busted for cork in the bat other, those the most ridiculous thing to get in trouble for our core
inside the bat member bats at breakneck once in your pet, but that was always. That was that's another thing too. I couldn't watch, that's just so embarrassing. It really quickly try to try to pick it up and discover the cork well. This is what you should do like if you're going to do that, like the entire time you're a pro you should. The bad boys should never deal with your yours, guys, okay, Sonny! I got a look, let me so down to earth so that when you file your bus with a corked bat, when you go to pick it up, no, it's going to look at the! U weird! But the thing is these: you know these. These made baseball guys. They just fucking drop the baton, some little eight year old, scurries out and picks it up. So the second you give a fuck about little eight year old, like I think, you've run enough there, Sonny boy. I think they realize that that's on the up over, for you could see the court, great when it snaps. When I got, I mean the
sportsman to be a dude. I knew I said that a month ago I can take the fucking back brakes. I have no idea it's not until they pick it up and they start looking at it, and then the announcer literally tells me other inspecting his bat. This could possibly be a cork situation. Then I know how much of a difference does it make to have cork in the bat it's just it's just a competitive edge. I mean you still have to have the barrel of the bat meet the ball, which is so fucking hard. You still have to do that, but it could be the France which wind going getting to the warning track in going over, emerges hitting the wall in and get it out. You know, get a grant right double or something that's only. That's it that little amount. This just gives it just a little little little push. No shit little poor, Sammy Sosa's downfall, began thirteen years ago today that it's me also got busted with cork. So what do? Do they drill a hole in the bat and they just hollow it out somehow or another? What the going on that one
That picture you showed showed what's exactly it might have been the one that picked up off the ground, the comic grass and So I didn't know, I thought it was a good they, the central, the whole follow this down. It says if a cork bat has been courted transfers less energy to the ball, which makes sense kind of to me, but transfers less energy to the ball. I don't know well that doesn't make any sense yeah. That does make sense to me, although I have no fish well. Why don't you but well? It seems to me, but it makes more sense that if a bad- that was solid. That does make San Diego about was solid, more massive, a chance for more, but it is, you would be able to swing it faster for this lighter. So no I thought it was 'cause. It was more of a spongy thing and you know what that's right 'cause. I think they drill from the top. Thank God you said that 'cause there's, probably a bunch of people screaming right now at their fucking players going now you fucking moron. It's lighter! You can! Oh that's what it is why we start like they had it like up again
the like flush with it. Do that doesn't make any sense, because that doesn't now they think about that. That's the nerf bat up to the fight that would break. I thought it was like which I guess it does bounce more. You know you for your listeners for the record. I said I had no physics background. So definitely don't no. I don't yeah. I would think that it would. It would hit harder right, it's just so it's just a matter of it being fastest bats be coming through this just which is why the swingin, when they're warming up this win, all those other bats swing to bats. Right yeah put a and that swing that. Yeah, which I help some people say it, helps some people say it doesn't help, but don't you guys do that? You guys, like run with like wake weighted vests on through the mountain yeah, it's bad for your joints, but some guys do it. The best way to do it is hiking hiking with weighted vest, is okay but running really not such a good idea, especially there's a lot of guys. Do it, though the put a weighted best on the run on concrete dissed
who won the Tito Ortiz fight asphalt, eight one he wanted to choke them out as quick fight. He got caught in a guillotine early in the fight, but she'll lost the guillotine. Tito got on top. He took his back and he got like it was like word of a rear, naked choke, but more of like a face crush he just he does. Just a gorilla. I just gotta, be a lot of people thought it was a work. They thought it was fake. There was a fake fight because he did so easily. Well it it's fake, because the choke was right, but it wasn't fake. He just kind of he did. We call goon them the goon somebody there's sometimes like you could just get someone's head and just crush it and you goon him, whereas, like the right technique, they want to do that the main yeah the right technique. Is you go under the chin? You rap your head around the back of the neck in that way that you could just get mad, Maximum leverage in its perfect technique, but he just looked for slower, John to the back of his head. If someone's eye socket so like right there and I get their head and I'm fresh early in the fight you're, not even tired, and you get fucking crush
the head, usually goon. Somebody does a lot of guys been groaned. You know, I love that word yeah going, digits a word like there's there's certain techniques you do like you know it's funny. Is it just totally defines what are in the second? He says. I know what that is. You just had no respect for my style, walk through all my pussy kicks and hits, and just fucking grab my nostril, alright, alright, alright, do you watch game of thrones? I stop. My wife would just would refuse to get into it. So you know I the mountain I just Mountain grab that head and crushed it. He encrusted Higganum head and he just smashed his head with his hands The only one I saw was when that little shit king. You know like this song, this guy saying any fucking goes alright rip his tongue out yeah, and I was just like like who the fuck would listen to this little shit to this guy. So
he slips. The guy gets on top of grab some any just fucking goons. Am he grabs his head and he fucking Goens boom boom. Smash, what the fuck that guy is fucking. Gigantic, too he's upset. Meanwhile, the other guy was killed in love. I would I love: is there watching a fight to the death but they've never seen it done like that? So there's there's always, that level of gross out. It's like working. Your way through porn yeah, we just start up with, basics it and all the sudden you just go into darker and darker rooms. That's the same thing when it watch watching people's fucking get hurt, yeah right, like torturing. Some of the death is more terrifying to people than just shooting him from a distance as a sniper yeah, you could like watch people who fuck it like the fact that human beings understand pain, '
then they inflict it like slowly and other people is the most fucking like animal istic part like every time. I hear that shit that people get that little ITALY torture, another human being like how you go home at the end of the day. Thinking you did something good is just fucking. I just gotta get information out of people Bill Burr, there's people out there that know things you gotta find out what they know in the best way to do it is to cut their fingers off while having they proved that when you start to cut just to tell us, I'm going to cut your finger off, they will tell you whatever the fuck you want. I would yeah, but sometimes they won't sometimes they'll tell you some fake shit and it like how many fingers in do you think you get in the real stuff, probably nine probably nine, and they think about that last thing- that they need to open up their Iphone? Alright. I just opened in the refrigerator great drawer, I'll, tell you with one finger. I want to still be able to you're somebody can you do yeah, I I don't know I mean it's look well what what war crimes, how 'bout
But how about you know you're not allowed to do certain things not allowed gas people, but you're allowed to drop a nuclear bomb on him. Are you allowed on which it shouldn't be like war? At this point it shouldn't be legal war should be. Illegal! So what do you do when someone attacks just well, they sure. No, no, I'm just saying that we should be progressed enough. We should yeah. I'm saying promise the rest of the world and people common people I'll. Do we're not exactly civilized uh. I don't think anybody is, I think, going to war and it's not a civil fucking thought it's just. It would be great if everybody 'cause, you need regular people to do it. So if everybody was just like yeah we're not doing it, if you rich guys want to go to war, you guys go fight each other, the death, but will fuck watch it on pit. That would be the ultimate but note, but there's a complete lack of trust with you know. Different countries do cultures, different races and all that. But if you could somehow get everybody on the same page to be just like
now, you know we're not doing that anymore. So you guys find. To different way to fuck and take over the world is something that that you know, but you know that that could never happen. You get cam. He could turn it down to watch the apprentice and you watch them. Try this fucking get you know Vince Neil and the culture club guy. They can't even get on the same celebrity apprentice yeah they watch it They can't get on the same fucking page to write a song, so there's no way you're ever going to war right there. They asked me to do that. Show celebrity apprentice back when fear factor came back years ago and I was think about doing it and I'm so glad I didn't do it now, 'cause, whatever, like me and Trump didn't get along. What have you thought? I was a cunt and now it became president. I was like shit another fucking enemies with the president. Imagine that Rosie O'Donnell right now she probably barely leaves her house she probably sitting home, gone fuck, fuck, fuck, you get audited or something well she's to shit on him constantly and then he started shitting on her and they would go to war with each other. She was uh.
Have you and she would shit on him and make fun of his hair and make fun of him and make fun of his life and his family and right, and then he be the fucking president and then in the debates, he was mocking her in the debates like she was, as Clinton, said, something the things that he says about women which have a real fuckin problem with you because she was like you know: you've called women. This and you've called women that, like ok, he's called people that and some of those people happened to be women. He's also, old men that, and they know that why don't understand one of the things that he said when he said she's, a nasty woman why they latched on like he was attacking all. She is a woman and he's saying that she's nasty, if you said, he's a nasty man or he's not good man or or whatever, like Zach Lee exactly. It became this thing where women like you're, not supposed to mock women, make fun of women like or we equal or are we not 'cause if we're equal
should be able to shit on you the way I shit on everybody. If I don't like your character, you know is a bad move. Was that t shirt? That was the future is feminine? What's that there was this thing that these women were wearing it. When I went down to go vote and it's just like. You are so fucking you're making people not want to vote for Clint, yes, yeah, because it should be. The future is like some sort of unity and what you're doing is like. Oh, the future is we're going to fucking now do to you. What we've been complaining about. It's going to be so then right then you lose any sort of a feeling of like oh, this person is a victim or like This person is a good person to know what you are is a complete fucking psycho, who just hasn't got to sit at the controls. Yet exam now you want to be that and then you're going to you're going to ram it down everybody's throats, and it's just like that needs to be.
It's. Why? I can't watch CNN or Fox because there's I can't just sit there and listen to me as much as I rant and rave, which is fucking pretty ironic. I can't sit there and listen to people screaming and yelling each other 'cause. They don't want it, they don't want to come together, they don't want to find what's right, they just want to win they have aside and if they have a side and then a look at the other side yeah. I I wear red ties, so I I argue the red tie. You got a blue ties. You argue that it's it's childish, hash tag on with her yeah, the I'm with her thing? Was driving me fucking crazy to look or what do you mean you with her like it is just her. Is it about a woman or is it about? Who is the person who run the fucking country? It's 'cause, it's not her to see you when I die. I rather than I thought those you know see, and then you know you see that the you know the kind of box out Bernie Sanders and is that they might. It was almost like a fight and he might have been a better match up. Who knows he was way better match. He was, it wasn't compromised,
If you want to talk about someone financially compromised, he wasn't compromised. He was like maybe the only guy ever running for president that wasn't completely tide into the financial system. They can always find shit on you be like well, you know he was absent this. He didn't vote for that when they try to get him on. They didn't vote for this, so they didn't vote for that, and it's just like well what was fucking attached to it and I don't get why that's legal or it's like? Hey you want been drinking water for children and it's like he vote. With no against that, and then you see like what it is attached to. It is like oh yeah they're, going to start fracking next to a fucking. You know exactly hospital or whatever I don't know The CNN Fox Divide, the left and the right device never been greater in this country. Then right now, there's no one objective: new source, there's not one source that just tells you what's going on and doesn't do it from a biased perspective, but I like to write, but I think that divide only exists between the people that watch that shit. It's kind of like people like do you watch the UFC? Do you not watch you up see if you watch UFC your fucking into this shit and I think there's just news junkies out there.
That, just mainline that shit and they're, the ones that were that divide is like that. But someone like myself like I I can. I can listen to somebody. I tried to anyways, like whatever your point of view is I I try to listen to it, because I I try to keep that out of my head, because if they kick it gives me anxiety, I can't You can watch it. I can't watch it on my mother. I was watching last time He went home. My mother was watching this. This kids things we get like little nephews and nieces and I literally couldn't even get through the Fucking kids movie 'cause towards the end there, just kept putting these obstacles in the fucking anxiety it just built to me. I'm not built like that. I can't handle it just literally watching a kids movie watching this thing going. And you just get him to the end where he gets the fucking thing and you roll the credits and it's fine. We stop having like you know, and then the little robot almost falls into the trash bin. I know is not gonna be
it's just. I can't even handle that XL there's no fucking way, I'm going to sit there watching news. I hope that people like you with the future. I hope that we realize that this fucking left versus right thing is stupid, but people love to be a team, they love it. They love to be on our side, is winning and your side and go fuck themselves and it loads up. Then we won how many people you see on Twitter there's like we won get over it. We want. I saw a lot of that, a lot of. We won can handle it. We won mega. What is mega, make America great again hashed. The game. Aga hey. You know people have a right to tweak. What are you doing? They definitely do what's interesting, we're working it out. I think we're working it out as a civilization like at a little bit of faith to you came in with the cameras in the grains of sand. That's future! It's going to take some time. That's going to take about fifty years. I'm going to
fucking leaf blower, just just fucking walking down the street with anything below it, but meanwhile have video footage, you won't be able to get all the grains w everywhere. They literally covering the surface of this of this planet like dirt little pump just got to be a thing that I always thought. Like I don't know. I I read about this 'cause, I always late night. I fuck Go on the internet as I fall asleep. So I can't remember if this is my idea, somebody came up with that would be really cool for like say if you're like Some level is celebrity where everybody is always taken. A picture of you. If you had could wear a suit than anticipated the camera flash and as their cameras flashed, you would flash back at him and then they couldn't get anything and then you could just that they are eating. Your soup is everybody's, taking pictures to you and they would all go back to the developing room or whatever the fuck. They do look into their cameras and not understand what was going on. I just feel like a UFO landed in front of him. Yeah, there has to be a way like I feel, like future money
is encountering all that there. It is Anti Papparazi close, that's about it. I I knew that what I do is to sort of the come up with the hi. This is Jean not captured. So how does it three m reflection? Stuff? That's on like a lot of shoes and some The clothing ever turn the flash off, though Williams and it's in a dark, and you can't see the people which is the opposite reason of taken off, but does it work yeah a show? I've got a better photo. This is just an article use some of the phone I knew I was too dumb to come up with that. So there wearing hoods that stop like, I will see their face or anything. You just see the clothes not really with the reason they want to take your photo. That many problems, but you can see that guy is. There might be a reason way to get around, or before The screen there's new those new cameras that they have now are so good on. A camera phones are so good in low light that you don't even need that anymore. You just take a photo of it. I mean they can capture incredible images in pretty low low.
Right with the Iphone seven, all those like TMZ guys aren't using Iphone Corso for a reason. Ok, right, a strange time, comes a privacy slowly, but surely it's all going away! We're taking collars were going to move bill. The mountains, not fighting any of this shit, I'm just I'm just going to now add just look at it disappointed. Why do we have to do this? Come on guys, let's just go back to playing checkers with Lynnwood, it's not going to happen! We're going to keep going forward! I'm a little nervous about it let's get out of those, can I get the rest day ahead of me? I can't go down this rabbit hole, it's all good! It's all good! I'm going to be fine! Well, it's just a little tiny baby that just happened to tell jokes for them: yeah she's, depressed she's, the best. So what's her future going to be like when it comes to this shit, that's what's bizarre like what are kids going to have to deal with
fifty years from now I kind of bizarre integration with it. They'll deal with it and they'll find their fun and they'll be happy and will be gone. So try not to be a cunt. I don't want to tell you all I know is I got a special coming out. That's right, spinning around so parents out right now, right now, it's uh right now and I'm very proud of it, and I, like the look of it, the whole thing. I like the jokes that I did on it. I hope people feel the same way because I'd like to continue my privileged life here and the when is black and white, no, the last ones, black and white, this ones color, rather each one, each one, do. I have a look, then I'm going for the same way I try to improve as a comedian. Each time is a little bit of a different thing, and you know I've always felt you know that we went through this horrible period of stand up, specials, where they they didn't. It was just a complete lack of respect for the art form. Is this amazing thing that one guy away?
We can go out there and just talk into a microphone and people will fucking. Listen to it for, like you know, I don't know an hour or so, and they just started shooting it every bodies. Look the same in order to do for this look uh! Well, I'm not going to do all my give you all my tricks but but I was go out there. What I was going for in this one- although that's a shitty image of it on this thing, but there was a few constant films that I like Look up like I I always to with the with the a little bit, because it's just clearer than real life. So I try to like: turn it down a little bit, so you gave yourself like a little instagram filter uh You could say that now, like a snapchat, they just making it not look like I'm standing in a tropical fish tank and a clown fish is going to swim, but it's just like just like when you look at hd, it's just like fucking like, oh, my god, look, how fucking white that t shirt is and you get like distracted where and I think it makes it
not look real. Where is if you look at, if you look at like, I know it's just something I would look at old concert films. I look at old, stand up and be like. Why does this look like this really happened? And why do is all this shit now looks so fake in a lot of it was it was? It was just too fucking clear- and it was also like edit edit edit- it was going through and makes your brain reset in it it rather than drawing people in you giving like like a an an epileptic episode, I did my last special almost entirely from the waist up with no at its very few at its own time, and it is what I want to show a side shot or one. I want to show like my whole body, that's it I try to do it. We are right in front of me just watch and just like you if you're sitting in the crowd at a comedy show, and they wanted. You know they. All I want to like show the audience it was wanna show this and cut back and forth like every time you do that you make up, person realize that they're watching a film know their brain reset to yeah. So you would
drawn a man in a way. India like it when somebody watches you do is show you not all of a sudden up in the balcony or earning around or swooping in. You got to have a little bit of that because it does have to it. Doesn't to be like you know, sort of like a concert film, but like it's all, are you you've? You pick those yeah now when you're doing stand up and you're also doing affects our family. When we had this conversation the other day at the store, we were talking about how it's just kinda, swoops in and takes all your time in. He now lay out during those the other, the heavy writing part of, and how much, how much time do you spend doing that show F is for family which, by the way, is fucking awesome. I love that child. Thank you. It's coming out again in Maine how many episodes
do it I'm? Well, this time we did ten, they gave us six, the first the first season they gave us six 'cause. I think they were like what the fuck do. You guys want to do and then they saw it and then they liked it and that's what I'm guessing 'cause. It was a weird order. It's like one slash two order. So now now we're doing ten, so that comes out in May. I just realized the math didn't work on it 'cause. It gave me six and I still was a half ward, but they used to do twelve, but then they would everybody down the tenth so now like when you write that how far in advance do you start before you it because it takes awhile to together in the film it like we're, we're mapping out the the third? If we get a third season, because it's you know it's kind of I'd like you just kind of put it all out at once. So we have to see, hopefully the people that watched it the first time come back again and then more people come, but as far as how that works is like give you really like it's it's
the war room to do with season. Is you map out the season and you really have to like work all the bugs out of it and and that's the time when you like we going to go big here. We going to have this more grounded is just going to happen happening, you really work out the big emotional moments in the storylines before or you get in there, so you can because, as you start to write and ten people in the room and the ideas of flowing it's. You can kind of veer off, which can be a good thing. It's not like it's set in stone like this is what we're writing but, like You just sort of know, like you know, we're going from four K. Point eight would be then be to see and then how you get there. Sort of the art of writing it. But, like you, just want to make sure that all of say you
aid over to see and then blow blah. It's got. We got to go back to this. How do we correct all of this, depending on the type of show that you do? You know like our select? try to keep wicket grounded in a certain level of reality, but also take advantage that it is animation, so you can get a little absurd but like, and it's just like a balance of that's like a fucking recipe like I, this too much salt here you got it. We right, a little bit more of this cell. This is the first time I've gone this far anything so now. I learned a lot in this second season about that We're really hammering out this this third season- and you know I don't know, but I'm all Nuvi at the ship. Could you ever written anything before like that No, I think I actually could be a decent writer, I'm just I just don't want to do it 'cause, it's so much fucking work. I just I just don't want to just sit down right. This whole fucking thing send it to a
studio and then be like changes, change that through this block of all the way back to the beginning. Like you know, I think if I was, if I didn't have as always having my head is like or I could just go to a fucking stand up cake and do a real time and it's done yeah. I have money for my fucking ham, sandwiches for a month. Why do I want to because I how hard writers work? It's like it's fucking, unbelievable, like the level that how hard that those people work versus, like the fucking credit that they get in so so I have such a level of respect that, like I am you know I've. I've talked to some people know like a you want to write a movie script to some like that, which I I guess I know I could do it, but it's just like the right movie strict and do is family and forget to stand up and try to have
special, be better than my last special. That alone is going to take up so much time and then now I'm I'm going to be. You know married to be a dad this, like only so many hours in the day and then when, when I get to play drums right right so do I want to also add that if you don't play drums and you start going a little wacky yeah and then I'll be a dick around my wife and kids yeah. I've mom that way with martial arts. If I don't do something some kind of workout like I do like some of those well just don't work out for a few weeks, that's not even on the menu. I can't do it. It's almost like I have to brush my teeth. I have to work out. I have to maintain a balance, if I don't have that balance, some it's weird, because it's just a hobby but I'm literally obsessed with it. I've watched fucking watched all these drum video drum covers. I watch all talk about it all the time, your balls deep, yeah yeah. Yes, it's like I think it's harmless things like that: heart rate, it's fun, it's a fun thing to do and yeah. It keeps me it's like something you gotta have something looking for
It was hard as hard as like. I got some road gigs coming up and I so fucking excited to get, because I right after I did that special. I think I did comics come home for Larry and that's about the only road I've haven't I haven't to lax since like November. Is crazy, so I'm like chomping at the bit to get out. There like last night, I tried to do an hour man, like God, I just liked with all the new ship Where would you go last night down? Largo come the ice House Friday night, the Sls tomorrow too, with Maine yeah I'll, be down there and I just got to the ice house is the best. I know all the points I want to talk about Anna, so I just have to start talking about him, so I have to go out there. So I'm going out and doing some club dates, and you know I'm bringing some really funny guys in front of me. Will you bring him
Pulver Zijo bar neck us I got. I got the Del Rey up in one of we do San Jose, and you know I'm just I I do I want I'm. The whole thing was wait for the kid to come in and she got up and now that that's done now, it's just like be out. I gotta get out there. Do it, I gotta get you doing theater gigs. Are you doing club gigs doing close when I'm working out an hour? I mean I have to talk in front of it, but I'm not going to make people deal with all of that bullshit. So watch me work some shit out where you going to San Jose you doing the improv yeah, that's a great club yeah. So I'm going to do like like a Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, it's sort of an off night kind of thing. You know, and you know I always feel Monday Tuesday, Wednesday people more forgiving. You Saturday, people like I want to show right. So a lot of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays I've, told people I'm working, my shit out, you know ticket prices, you know, aren't that bad and um yeah
it's fun to see too. I love watching people work out yeah, but I'm I'm I I I'm not one of those people that like is working to get off the road. I love the road I love doing the road and, like you know, I go to games and shit like I'm, going to go to the Carolina Duke Game when I'm out there, which is fucking legendary shit, like that's just like one of the that's like a bucket list. Sporting event, whatever sport you're into is to go there and just experience like that level of passion. In his Steria for college basketball- I mean it's like you know, said overused word, but it is a basketball mecca. So that's part of your fun for the road, yeah like a day game that you do the gig again when, as far as like drumming like this this rehearsal spaces that I know of that. I just and it's the shit because
no, I'm not in town. So I don't have any responsibility, and I just go in with my Iphone in my all, my music put the fucking headphones on and just fucking go nuts for like two hours, it's like, rather than I guess doing, the treadmill, which I probably should do more, but I just do that and it's the greatest thing ever so like it I'll ask him. If I go to someplace- and I have enough time, you know I'll, ask you for my podcast. If you have a good rehearsal space, cuz his good ones and bad ones, you know the fucking worst ones you go, then the drum kits the not fucking tuna get old heads and then everything's been over torqued and you got to like fucking take the Steph try to get him, you know they get all frozen up. Don't think that a lot of people that they get bummed out about the road is because they have to do the road like one of the beautiful things about you, don't have to do the road you like to do the road like. I remember one of the things they used to really bum me out when I would do clubs Who would tell me that Richard Jeni was just in town he fucking hated, he hates being on the road he was grumpy. Just hated hated, doing stand up 'cause. He always wanted to have a sitcom. He wanted to be like the next Seinfeld and it didn't have form so he's miserable
how to me he was like my idol. So it's like this guys like one of the greatest comics ever and he doesn't like doing it like this is all I wanted to do. I'd show up at a club and they'd be like. I can't believe, I'm headline and I'm here. I'm doing it and then say yeah she's, so nice someone's are actually having a good time. Richard Jenny was here last week and now is bombed out yeah, but you never know they'll it's scuttle, but the club he could have just been in a bad mood was a content we accepted then all of a sudden it, like the you know the fact that he's not here to defend whether whether he know I liked. I mean the the level that that guy wrote in this specials that he wrote he had to have enjoyed if he enjoyed some of it. But I was friends with his ex girlfriend and she was telling me that that was really the case. We just didn't was really trying to help. I know that you would have confirmed that yeah. I know. Well, I think back then that was the carrot, though the carrot was always the sitcom is like. That was what everybody went for an if you didn't get that you felt bum down where somewhere along the line. We realized that's not necessarily true, you're, better off without the sitcom you better off, just being
big name stand up comic and having a good time. You like their own shit, you don't have to do with producers, but when he came up you had you had to be given a special you couldn't just do it and then so the network money was crazy and if you could get to syndication, you were you assess for life. For this indication shit now like when Netflix, there is no syndication, it's just it's automatically. Syndicated I was on two shows that went to syndication. It's not the same. It's not what everybody thinks it is like if you were one of the owners of the show it's big time but like I was, sit news radios in syndication I mean I got but don't get me wrong. I got a lot of money from it, but it wasn't like it goes down Feldman, but it goes down to like seven dollars. Checks really quickly like, however, that fucking math works yeah. I think, with my buddies, like you just take pictures of residual checks like in trying to beat each other. Two of my friends got the one cent they. Within a month, because I didn't think that exists.
So I got a lot of like dollar seventeen um. You know I got I got a friend of mine, I'm going to say the name of the Fucking movie, but like it's a big time, fucking movie and everybody loves it, and- and they showed it one time on a network for twenty four hours straight and he got played for one playing cuz. It was just one day, but they sold advertising for twenty four fucking hours. Ok, because they just do and then they sit back and wait for you to sue them and are you going both? Is this going to be worth it to you to go through that so like? This is probably twenty bucks anyway? Well, what I learned, unfortunately, it like the one commandment of the ten commandments that the number one that's broken, I think, is stealing it's just an it is. How far is stealing? Is you basically have you to have the illegal side of stealing and the legal side of stealing? So any smart crib
well is trying to make his business legit. So he does to hide his fucking money anymore, but he can continue to just rob people fucking blind 'cause. That's basically what happens is everybody just like I mean some of the deals that I've signed like for shit like it. Ok, if you audit us but we're uh, the off by like three percent, then you have to pay for. The audit is like you literally just built into this deal, a license to steal three percent plus what I have to catch you with. So you could still nine per to to basically skin, like whatever nine percent off of this fucking thing, and then they go to sleep at night and they feel they're good people and they don't give a fuck that they're driving a car that you know a bunch of other people paid for and they took the money they don't give you yeah yeah legal loopholes, legal loopholes and find print yeah. It's it's a dirty world stereo. That's why, as far as Trump like not reporting his taxes and all that type of shit, it's like you can
only get so mad where it's like alright, so because he figured out the game, he's kind of like well, I'm just Robin from thieves. Right like that whole fucking bolt politicians are so underpaid. They need all these guys money to get in there and then when they get in there, they gotta hook him up and they give him these governmental contracts and the fact that they were allowed to just fuckin overcharged like the level They do is just this stealing so you're giving you like, like. I have no problem playing paying taxes. What fucking drives me up. The wall is knowing that, like the amount of money like say, you give him fucking. Fifty grand like the amount of that money, that's actually going to go for the supplies to make a school better to fill the fucking pothole and the amount that's just going to go into this guys. I want to shiny watch. My wife needs fake tits fund on the side. That's what eats me up at night 'cause, I, you know yeah
see what Trump did was filed for reelection. Five hours after he took office. No one's ever done that before every the files for re election like a year out from the re election, he filed for reelection five hours after office. That means when anybody addresses him any sort of a campaign ad. They have to address him as, if they're running against him, to anything because he's already running for president again he's running for president in two thousand and eight so he's essentially changed the way. They don't say that you don't say Mister President. Now I don't know how it works, but Mister President, president, pull it up and will be able to figure out what it. What means figure out with hey the guy he's organized, say what you out of the man is organized he's. Definitely organized he's mean he's been just jokin and fucking, shucking and jiving in business for a long fucking time you know and he knows how to get his name on things. You know
everywhere you go, there's some giant building, that's gold and it says Trump on it. I think we're going to be all right, we'll be alright. You know thanks well yeah. I mean, if he's kind of the amount of people he's already fucking and right, you figure. The midterm elections come two years in he's, got his shit. He's have sprint for fucking two years and then I Everybody else is just going to vote for fucking blue ties and blue bras and the fucking next one right and you think so. Yes, I mean that's. What always happens after fucking eight years of Clinton right. Then it went Ren and then eight years of Bush. This will make it better. Let's go over to Obama right after eight years Obama. Let's go back over to fucking. Let's go back over to the red side. I think we would like to see someone who is more in the middle of things, though we would really like to see someone who has more maybe libertarian values or someone who's more just now. I would totally writer clearly left some be a little more secure. His insecurity is what scares me the most like like
tweeting know that shit. He said about his daughter and everybody that was some weird sexual thing, like he's so fucking insecure that people are going to think his daughter is not good looking. He says what he wants people to say he wasn't thinking like context. I I viator: how did she die? They everything he says. It's like the same K. This is the same three things like he gets like. He was fucking, has time to watch, SNL right or or like or cease. If, if somebody like our own award show like, why are you watching the golden globes right? What do you give a? What? What to Meryl Streep's baby, who gives a fuck says you're the leader of the free world, man fucking, not good, enough yeah look out to the ocean and see what's coming at this man? Is he wants to be loved up across the board by everybody. Yeah, I I don't know, I don't know what it is it's a way here and what's funny is, is by finding fascinate as far as like the way he, if you want to be loved to behave hate to behave the way he does, and you know
we just have that you know my way or the highway just ram it down. Your throat shut the fuck up. It's just this weird. You know it's weird, it's weird that you could have that personality and still want to be liked it just like it's like to do you. Who enjoy being treated like that. Then why would you treat other people um this way? I don't know, He don't know his limits of ram it down their throat, his epr. How much is a you like stupid Hollywood movies, with somebody grabs at two by four when I clean this town up like it's just like he going to hurt a lot of people, because there's a lot of innocent people are going to get caught up in the wash of a very simplistic solution to a huge prob. Let's get rid of all of 'em. You know, like I, don't know, but I'm just a comedian. I don't have the fucking answers. I just wish. Like I don't know what this Jamie. Would you pulling up here? This is about why the things that are brought up when filing early ok
things a candidate for president subject to different rules in a president is afforded different projections this Has critics on edge and already existing concerns about Trump's business? Entanglements are now heightened by fears that US nationals could fund funnel cash to trump through his campaign committee trump status as a candidate could also make it difficult for non profit organizations take actions for aura against Trump and his administration's policies. Tab exemption organizations have leeway for political action, have Morley ok for political action than other nonprofits, but are still prohibited from certain political actions. Leading come to worry that Trump's filings could be a tactic to reduce opposition yeah, which 'cause, that's legal, that's a great move. It doesn't considering what he's done so far. It doesn't make you feel comfortable, I don't know, but will survive. It will survive it anyways. What do you do this to fucking depressed? I just can't you just have.
Somebody fucking levelheaded. Who did you want to win? Oh god, I liked Bernie Sanders, but I didn't like I didn't like his entire Dema. Ization of anybody who had money was automatically just was so simple in that everybody who is broke was a fucking hero it just. It was just cartoon, like people away more complex than that. An I don't know to be honest with you. It's too fucking big. I just knew that I didn't I didn't like Hillary or I didn't like Trump, and I was praying to God that those weren't going to be my two. It was just like two trains. Fucking cut this save track just going. Please don't be don't leave me with these two could
you just fucking. Not what did you not like about Hillary? I just I just didn't think she was. I just I didn't trust her. I just thought she was a big time phony and I just felt like she would just fucking do or say I don't like the fuckin two thousand and eight that she blew the bankers. Don't worry, I got you guys. Just completely doesn't give a fuck about all the people that are upside down in their houses and then has the nerve to act like she's the peoples candidate, which is really a sticking point with me with Democrats. Is they fucking Erin they act like they're men and women of the people. It's like you guys are all filthy, stinkin rich to you and you guys all end up being multi millionaires in a bit most highest. Paying job you can get is the present which pays five hundred grand a year, okay, age, so you're, all the two hundred and fifty grand a year, which means you're going to shit taxed out of you, so how the fuck did you end up being worth four thousand and fifty hundred million dollars. There's no way what you're doing is above board every politician crushes it in the private sector. It's insane
everyone goes fucking yard. Nobody starts a business and it shits the bed like they typically the percentage of senators and they make like. I don't think twenty grand a year, so my figure this and they have the amount of them that are multi millionaires yeah. The most disturbing thing is public speaking when you find out the speaking for the bankers and she's doing these two hundred fifty thousand dollar hour long speeches and there were there washing their bribe money. It's the people that I paid you to get in there. You did what they wanted to do and then just like a comedian, you get to your call the store and they grossly over by stupid, about it that you that you're giving a speech that not even listed in the city of any like a deep, fried eagle. I think that if I give a it see it so vert like it's almost like yeah serial killer that wants to get caught, so I just felt like, like she, I was just going to be more of the same of that preaching this fucking rhetoric, as they just keep deregulating shit. It trump. I feel like what he wants to do aside from you know. I think he
I think, he's at the level rich that he finds the government a nuisance and he wants to do. We regulate everything so by the time he leaves he can put a golf course on top of a pipeline on a fucking You know sacred yeah, yeah, indian reservation, Land native american reservation, like I feel like that's what he like his rules are beyond the bullshit that he say, and I think he's gay morning there and he finally gets to like you know, adjust the whole mixer yeah. So I how the fuck he wants it it, but here's the thing he had to win the presidency to do it and the fucking guy did it, and I have to say it the storm watching that guy that he weathered was amazing. Yeah. Yeah. He got that you know and that people would so clearly I mean I all those fucking late night shows hated the guy. They basically campaigning against him. I mean you're old, now that you sell it, you seen them in our lifetime like people going from, like you know who you voted. For
really, oh, hey you too personal to now. Just people like total, like overtly. I don't know this so so much hypocritical shit and I'm part of it too. But, like I love when people, I you you know, you know of that, was saying it to like that. The fucking celebrity apprentice. The host of that is now president, but then but you're watching the Democrat in the republican national conventions and there's comedians and actors speaking at them yeah. So it's like well what the fuck yeah it's kind of all, just well, it's always been late night talk shows and talk shows the people running for it can do sketches now on SNL, like the whole thing is just become like this orgy clusterfuck and well it's a popularity contest, and now they got a person actually popular. Who want? I mean, that's really what it is all these people that before before Obama ran for office. Nobody knew who the fuck he was. He wasn't. A popular person I
trump's managed to do is become a popular guy who won the pop thirty contest. He was already popular. He was already a huge figure in american culture for decades. Everybody knew who he was so he's the first guy I ever to do it like that. Now the thing you were saying about Arnold, that if Arnold, if there wasn't those rules that were in place to keep Arnold from running for he was born Austria that he could have done it. You know I mean in this case you might you might have to in politics, was when Clinton played the saxophone on Arsenio Hall. That was like that was like the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show for like politicians going like wait a minute. That's like I don't have to fucking talk Policia. No, I just have to do something cool. So we have the sunglasses on every is like this guys. Cool man the first, that's right, yeah, those ray bans on like Fucking Tom Cruise had those wayfarers yeah and he made George senior a fucking war. Hero become a one term, president yeah. Well that
Also, a little bit of RON Paul, not I'm Paul Ross, Perot Ross, Perot, yeah, Ross, Perot kind of threw the monkey wrench into the gears in that election that's a that's one of the craziest guys. He took fellow the whole head, half hour an hour long spots on television just bought the tv station just bought and see for an hour and explain the tax problem in this country and where your money goes, he made more sense and then I go to bed the Bush or Clinton. But the thing is you can't get people to vote for them because they they worry that that throwing the voter I don't believe that I think you're encouraging more people like that. Remember what happened, this do it with two comedians. How did this? How did it go down this fucking road? What do we do right here right? It's becoming like meet the press with two people who depressing wow.
Addressing we don't know shit yeah. We really half ass, I'm going to somehow try to go on the road in not talk about this shit 'cause. I think people are sick of it, which really fucking kills me trying to promote my specials. We just went down the rabbit hole for a fucking, half I'm going to try to get away from it 'cause. I think I think people are going to need a break. They definitely need a break. You could see it in there Jason. Someone brings up trump on stage. You could see unless you have a really unique point of view or you just been about the whole thing. You know I mean and I've seen people take- that hard stance left. The hard left stands on stage and it's just depressing now all women's March material got any that now. I did it last night of Conan, I just burned it did I made photos making fun of Madonna saying how she just not just saying how great. She is it self promotion how she was working, her back, catalog hit songs and she wore obare like I'm protesting. So I just started shit like you know the put a wall up between here in Mexico. In my way
well. There are no borders board alive, so I can go. You can down this son, I tunes, so yeah, I don't know I like when people do show, because I I'm full of shit. So I like hypocritical behavior, but I'm did to get back out on the road. I hope people see my special I'm going to have to bounce out here, because I got to get my affairs in order now that I'm a dad yeah and also the affairs yeah get my there's here without taking some milk, I got some milk great, absolutely uh. When you going to a helicopter ride we got to do that. Did I haven't flown since the beginning of November, so I got to. I to do list gig somewhere and we'll fly all right. I am bringing an instructor, though. Ok, ok, I'm not taking out the great show.
Yeah. No, I yeah I'll bring an instructor will go, fly up, Dennis Great will go up in the fall. It's still a weird gig like Bakersfield or something yeah feels great. Do you do better yeah? I know what the bakers feel that Cortana, let's fucking, that's it! Let's, let's, let's go in there still pick you up at Burbank. It would just fucking tell you want to do that. Let's fucking do that! Yeah! Let's book something 'cause, I don't feel like. I got a strong our right now, I'm opening beautiful, What do I do we can happen which at right now I'm it's forty plus minutes strong and then I could bullshit for half an hour along the walking Woon did show who fly up dude be the yeah. Let's do it, let's, okay, okay, we'll books on all right! All right! That's a done deal all right see. We got a call at six. We did it six, I'm sorry, I'm not bringing this up anymore! Ladies and gentlemen, I just want to see if you had to take on it does differ than my taken. I'm I'm is
part of it is. You are Gary Vaynerchuk tonight, eight pm that'll be the next podcast and fits in here. Tomorrow is depressing yeah, but as individuals we can, we can be respectful of one another. Yes try to be a better person. Yes, all right. A lot of note ladies go and then to Alex Jones episode: nine eleven CIA. Thank you! Everybody for tuning into the podcast and thank you to our sponsors. Thanks Caveman coffee go to Caveman coffee, c dot. Com use the code, Rogan, and you will save ten percent oh they're, awesome coffee! Thank you to square space for a free trial and ten percent off your first purchase. Squarespace dot com, Slash Joe, you can make awesome website, all by yourself. Thank you to stamps dot com. You don't have to go to the post office. Ever again, you can buy and print official US postage for any package. Any letter, any class,
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Transcript generated on 2019-10-14.