« The Joe Rogan Experience

PODCAST #115 - Maz Jobrani, Brian Redban

2011-06-20 | 🔗
Maz Jobrani, Brian Redban - Date: 06-20-2011
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
We're broadcasting- hey everybody, I forgot to say: let's get going buckle up edges or anything like that. The Joe Rogan experience podcast is brought to you by the flashlight. If you go to Joerogan dot net click on the link for the flesh, light entering the code name Rogan, you get fifteen percent off the number one size, Tillerman Maz Jobrani's in the house, yeah fuck, yeah, bitches, just Rogan experience, music 'cause, it wouldn't be a podcast, wouldn't feel like a real show. See now boom were in action, see that monster Bonnie feels it feels a lot more legit right now it does. My good pal Maz Jobrani is with us and we have to talk ship before we get started about the Fuckin' Tascam. Dr one hundred. This is third one. You dirty bitches about aid task. Am mp3 recorder. People get your
fuckin shit together about ass scam, so bad they are yes there you go healthy, you go not Tascam, ask him, says monster run. It gets all these great reviews and honestly, it makes some great sound. It sounds awesome, it's an excellent piece of kit as it were, but unfortunately it fucking breaks all the time. This is third one and no, I don't send it in for warranty 'cause. I ain't got that kind of time and I'm a fancy man Maz Jobrani right. So I just order another one with that one click shift on Amazon com. This is the third one you like Lex Luthor in Superman, never wear the same pair of socks. Two days in a row, I'm like a black rapper throws away his white sneakers. What the fuck are. We gonna, robot, Charlie, worthy and Charlie Murphy's are throwing new sneakers you're going to Scotland as it's over. So
it's over it's over those knickers, your comedian you're, not playing basketball, Charlie Murphy. He wears like those ridiculous wrapper chains, you know they're covered in diamonds and bling bling, and he doesn't wear them all when he goes on stage. She takes him off and he puts him on his cousin. Rich's head rich is like his torment Rachel hold on the changes that it is a good shot or somehow it just doesn't want to blame too hard reasons day now does want industry from the mass is very hard for a comedian due to be too blinking like only the acarnanians could be blanket. Does not like you notice. I can Williams, can pull it off. Yes, get that whole persona thing down, but yeah. Why? Guy with a lot of diamonds like what the fuck are, you I saw prince in concert recently, I saw prince in concert. It was amazing because amazing eyes and then I'll take that a comedian could never dress like prince, and you get a certain legally certain licence to be weird music yeah, exactly like he came out at one point with like, like fur like fur leg warmer
can, you imagine, is a complete in a covenant states, Joe Rogan Shop, leg warmer cigarette he's is pushes it Mary Ann lucky love. Oh my god. It's crazy lawyer! This there's something about him that to them is very it's it's! It's weird is like five foot. Easing eighteen pounds and he generous women's clothes, but he's sexy. They want to fuck em owns it. That's what I as I was when I was there when my wife, I was like there's nothing else. This guy could do like he's made to do this, that he can there be that he would like to advise you ve. Let go you PS guerreros. I lay a resource that is, as you can't. All it does is he's a brilliant earnest.
This is a weird guy and I think you know all brilliant. Really. Brilliant artists are all I'm finding are almost completely fucking, crazy, absolutely yeah, all the good ones. From back I mean, even like all the composers Beethoven, all those guys were all nuts and their fucking minds. You have to be to think about. There was fucking nothing but access hittin, trees back then that was the sound. They heard a little bump and one guy figures out. You know not really, but you know people back then that did figure out how to orchestrate music and how to create music and compose incredible works of music that are still listen to hundreds of years later. Yeah it's pretty nuts man and we don't even know what his ship really sounded. Like that's the crazy thing, but also the
I was listening to the radio when signing time. I could somebody's got like autistic, like autistic people somewhere like geniuses in one way, and- and you know in about two cigarettes, you know if they have problems. Another way, this one kid that were saying autistic couldn't communicate that he's at home with his mom and dad that they watch some some movie that had like Beethoven Concerto in it just watch it once because, like twelve years old, the mother goes to sleep middle of the night wakes up things, the tv's playing it again, the kids at the piano playing that song from watching it once learn the song. So so these guys are geniuses in one way, an crazy in another one yeah. We talked about autistic autistic savant's on the podcast a bunch of times before 'cause there's. So many really amazing examples of that kind of power. I bet a lot of famous musicians and composers and geniuses in the past were probably autistic savant. They just didn't know how,
I know so they just consider them geniuses yet or maybe there's like I mean, there's even certain exists among the old prince like this levels that you know that you got to get the rockstar whose roots we had an amazing. But, like you can't, like you, know, remember his address, you know. So I need someone to be Osborne. You wanna baby sit up, you know, I a lot of that stuff. Is that, like these guys, are you know yeah? but it is an amazing that music, for, like hundreds and hundreds of years, was just written down like you couldn't record it so like, like composers like when they created a piece of work. It's actually like eating yeah, and that's how you like this is. My work is what I've done of of combined all these notes in a certain way, but you can't even get to lose sing of them. Do it right? You know they never got a chance to record anything, will never hear Beethoven actually directing any music time travel yet full time. Job but is amazing now that for hundreds of years it was just written down fucker.
I wonder if it would sound any different too, like I want a better life could be listening to the Beatles when they to release the mano version, which was supposed to superior version with the motto versions about the beetle songs as they were recorded in minor and then later they re Master Dammit stereo hysteria was a popular and that's. What you grew up on was listing the stereo music versions of what was not supposed to be stereo, so people actually like listening to the motto versions now, but I wonder how much of that is like people just being like all. You should have heard that some people do. Thou, though you should all man the classic that, when a real Yemen is like, you know, hd versus why it's kind of mixed different to that arise that come out in stereo that what really necessarily spoke to be out more. You know it. So I actually have both versions, and I definitely I could see what people are saying. It's more hard core heading in everything seems mixed properly compared to like what now like some guy in sums, unity, Ajax labs like no. I think this low jingle over here should be louder. I think I'm gonna have to get in the fuckin vine.
I think I'm going to have to buy a record player and some headphones and listen to what the fuck everybody saying, because when you talk to like real audio they'll, tell you that, like like Vinyl LP, is a way to go, and then you lose something in the sound. When you go to CD, you lose quality a layer. Can you, even by a record planning? What were you now, these actually so records at best buy? Now, all really add the music industry is trying to find a new thing in which one of the things is going. Rachel go on back to vinyl sounds better whatever the that's all up to debate. On my opinion, Is that, like you, think, like old TV's will make a comeback? Would that be funny? If you go any like this? Is not hd yeah? Well, it seems like they could get away with it with Blu Ray where they don't have to have compression anymore. They have compression to get it to CD to digitize it like. Maybe they could add that quality to it. If they stretched it, made it a larger file. I think they are, I think, slacker whatever that that the version is. I think that that is something that's very close to it or what
people it's just not talk, because I'm real audio people goes up. So the reason why I even brought it up with somebody on my message board made a post, suggesting that I put out my next cd on vinyl and I'm like wow. I've, never even thought about doing that. That's kind of weird suggestion I might kind of cool, it is a cool idea, it's kind of like I don't have you heard about this, but I guess Steven Wright is writing a novel on Twitter. Did you hear about this? Do you hear about this? No, he straight up like he found out. He took you know how he's like I mean he's known for the shorter jokes right, so I decided well. Twitter is about being short, so I'm going to write a novel. So supposedly he's writing a novel, and you can come in at any point and I don't know what's going on, he doesn't care, he just got it. I have to follow him. Is it Steven or Steve, with a vi think is with a v? Actually, I think I think it's tvsd right, but but what I am saying is that the same thing, if you can, if you busted out with like everyone else, is coming out with like the new comer per month per my Albemarle, like this like that
bust out with you know a record vinyl. That might be a way to go. This can't be him, he only has fifteen thousand followers. I don't know, I'm not sure is that real yeah? That probably is about right. How could you find out if it's the deal or not will usually there verified I'm verified Joan River Right here, says, is very ad. Follow Joan Rivers, but Steven Wright doesn't say, verified I'm going to take a chance and follow anyway, cuz? I think a lot of those old school guys, like Steven Wright, are probably just now embracing technology, so that might be a real number. He might really only have seven. We can re release their website and bits and salad what is bitmap since they've jpegs and go yeah. If I would be good, I know focus on school with everything, because everything we all go back to like three. Second video gifs. Instead of having you stream, having given enemy, I was so he has the right and he is right in Israel, Morocco. This is hilarious. Mozilla. He's writing a fuck, a novel on Twitter as we have funniest,
I can't wait to follow her, those like that is as a disease. That is such a great idea. Any ends tee see, unlike every post, to be continued in Bulgaria and the continued, and yet it just follow along with it does so. Strange is lacking. But addressing the question. This was extremely untiring for Harold because of his attention would drift and for some reason, the abstract speech that his mother was making like a toy train. His brain would stay firmly on track. We Turning through to be continued previously unconnected subjects, Harold had the opposite of a dvd. He needed to go, go some to some school somewhere. Some typo need to go some to some school somewhere and learn how to space to be continued out to be continued in that out space to be continued out. The last dream he had was about a man who invented mirrors when Harold work up the next day.
All he could remember was that he to be continued. Had a dream about us like this is ridiculous. I selected this is definitely him. This is definitely him, but this is one of the weirdest things. I've ever heard. Anybody doing civil rights are mania of what is it. You know he was a guy in a single handedly. His success through this monkey ranch into the the whole Boston comedy seen. There's this great documentary by this guy France, Alameda FUCK. You have to look it up with the name of it is. If you ever worked with him before yeah friend was a comic from Boston. Boston common heritage through reach into the sea because he got successful and when he got successful, everybody kind of freaked out and was light was saint when stand up stood out. That's what it's called Boston. Was this incredible place where there were soon great great comedians ever local guys and they would just work locally constantly and all
Stephen Right got discovered and steam right started, doing Letterman and Carson and everybody was like holy shit and he got his HBO special and then everybody is like where's mine. When is it going but for me kind of like change the tone of the town, because it used to be this almost like. I want artist colony, but not so fucking gay right now there are savages, they were crazy, Coax Norton, we'd, smokin, whiskey, drinking animals and they were fucking hilarious. They were just doing it to make everybody laugh and to get by and get paid. But then, all of sudden, you know the the sort of appeared in Steven Wright Form Steven, even all sudden became fucking, huge, famous and rational, and these so like yeah Stevens good, but I'm fucking good too yeah yeah and it kind of changed the whole tone of the town. You know guys started like really working twords deals, you know it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it became you know that it became. There was a different goal in horizon. It wasn't just being funny
crazy. How success can get in the way of art? Yes and often does often does but doesn't have to. You know that now manage right, it's manageable role: people it was the sold out out like shut up stupid. You don't even know you're talking about is you're still doing good stuff. What part of it is I m like with you? I mean I know, like you know, by seeing you the coffee. So when I first was, you know when I first started there like the good thing about you was even when you had a show or anything going. You still kept that mentality of I gotta get up and create and right- and you continue to do that, and so the idea is, you can get out of that cortical artist colony Lena with success, but then, within you remind yourself like a boxer, I gotta keep training. You know it's also. I think your motivation changes. Your motivation goes from the being the motivation of odd just trying to make it. I want success. I want to be recognized to you get some success. Then you go ok now I just want to do good stuff. I just want to have fun now. My interest is just on the jokes: it's creating the new bit just on putting the act together and it actually becomes more fun.
How exciting is it when you do like of emu is so, do we call with a bit or something that you let him is I'd like it's good is getting a big paycheck. We like that. I would call on you to have their say and like it is so excited about it. You know, and it is because it doesn't always come about the problems of successes. It becomes harder to write in your stuff, If you put yourself in those lab kind of situations where your, ok, I'm going to out some new stuff here. People come expecting you to always gonna you do those killer. What the things you know, yeah yeah yeah, that's problem, but you know and that's funny, it's a fun problem. It suits tester, but it's fantastic. That's when the reasons why we like doing that south behold: Israel, small, it's like eighty people and I just I'll fuck around and not even know what I'm really going to say about something and know that that's what you're doing they know that you're fucking around a lot- and I do most of my real bits to I want to give him solid stand up, but I also want to use the opportunity to fuck around
child. I never do a full like a fool sacrifice, set I go up there with only new bits and just eat dick. Here I don't like doing that. I don't think I d like it either. The only time I've recently tried, some like that is the last factory- was do some with Kevin kneeling on Tuesdays. What was known as seven minutes a new material and then Kevin Kneeling comes our stated. Sit with you raise a funny. Guy got a risk with you and kind of like makes fun of material, but also give you some ideas and the audience will they're supposed to know that. That's what they're therefore have whenever I go up there, I know how many guys knew you would come in for this and like two or three wheel, clap the rest of ours will show. The idea is you're supposed to. With seven minutes a brand new like never try so what I every time I've gone up there. I've like just gone into my blackberry and looked at the ideas. I've had that I just put down that. I haven't rift on, I just go.
Riff and it never know you never, and beautiful and grill for good things come out of it. You know gotta take chances, man, that's a stand up! Comedies one this one of the most important things about it, constantly moving constantly taking chances. Some new thing comes out, NEWS get on states. That day I went with Anthony Wiener when, when the ship anyone down, I went on states that night and had ten new minutes, because I was just think about it all day how ridiculous it was. I was just laughing at we're living in a fucking, Coen Brothers We have used the domain name, an elder, no damn good it's even steady, number fucking, guys name is Weiner and he said, take pictures of his dick is sending it to women. I mean it doesn't even seem like it could be real. I know it's ridiculous. It was a movie. You would go, that's shity! Writing! This is right. Yeah come on. You, gotta get another name on here. It's like whenever these senators get caught, doing geisha it. It's always the same thing that these anti gay senators they could gain out. Goddamnit manage it. Isn't that easy? This is the this is the solution. This is really what's going on. Well, there's! So,
going on now. It seems that guy I just they just head. Just Sir Andrew is Andrew Cuomo Miracle, most son. These is now the Governor New York. Is chinese, envisage a thing anyway, Governor Cuomo was up there talking about savings; they just showed a clip of criminals like make, as he seems like he's these. Like these a quorum, He can't eyes, like seems like is legit running back my mind. I'm, like I hope, is not bang in some lady ugly. Is he gonna like that? The almost visa lady he lived through a duty we would have to earlier now your cable, it I mean it's like you know the winner. No I'm you didn't do had no actually have now. Sales have just like setting pictures of peace, a freak you just a freer, so now he's got so. What I'm saying is that you can't give if governments give governor Quota Corner Cuomo were found, be having an affair he's done. I mean it. You can't yes, I agree with you yeah
in this day and age. This is really going to be a time real soon, where there's no one left to run for office. Bonnie everybody's got fuckin' skeleton, that's hilarious. Do you think that wiener during the whole that whole week before he like step down? Do you think he was like? Please let there be a death deadly hurricane? Yes, please let there be an earthquake in Africa right Gary Condit thing, member! When nine hundred and eleven happened. Remember Gary Condit, Chandra Leavy, Chandra Leavy was his assistant. She turned out missing. Everybody thought he killed her 'cause. He was having an affair with her craziness and then you know they found her body and we got if they really got off yeah yeah, oh my god yeah, and they apparently connected her murder to the guy who killed the few women in that area. So it might have actually been legit might be the serial killer. Who the fuck knows that concept that you had this kind of funny. You should riff that about pretty soon will be no one left to run and it'll be like the most Une sexable people like someone. No one wants have any sex with like you get like really ugly kind of like you know, just like warty
people are gonna, get you gotta be someone is not that they know was attracted to run because they like what is knowing. If anyone had sex with that guy, I think it's going to come down to appoint real soon, where we we have to come to grips with the fact that everybody wants to be present and by that wants to be in control like that. There's some serious, like sexual weirdness, going on with you that some domination shape you want to run things, but also with power. I mean that's like I mean that's part of the you know, that's part of what comes with it. I mean it was. Funny too, is the when that Dominic stress when the IMF guy What's funny was there, I don't know, explained historic zombies. Rather insurance God was the produce of President the IMF, and staying at the Sofitel hotel in a three thousand dollars a night sweet he's, also supposedly going to be the next possible possible president of France. So he's being geared up for that, and so the maid comes into clean the place and he shows up naked any base, Eddie Chaser around and try to rape or something you fucked her mouth did he, oh my god
So he is only every means that worry this story. You know you're really happened, but but that, but the thing it was funny assumes a french dude and then, of course you know, then he trotted. Then he tried to leave the country, I should say allegedly factor Mouth Leslie I'll say, allege that that's that's what our sources, unless what our sources have told us that the internet has been suspended and look into that at all, but but but but the point, but it was funny is, is I was reading that some of the French, the french reaction, where they were they were like they say like? Will the French aren't that faced by the whole they like? They expect their politicians to be? Oh, if your partners in France is it being as somebody then it's weird
the euro. Will you know our mothers there's a thing we talked about on his part ass before called tax or plasma, and they say a cat parasite that infects human beings and change their behaviour, and it makes men reckless makes men very aggressive and reckless makes him do crazy shit and there's a huge population of a high rate of infection, rather in France and Francis, like eighty percent and eighty percent of the people are infected by this toxic as much as eighty percent, some areas, juice, which is insane and it's it's a parasite, reaches the man. What is your men and women as it affects women, but the women? It's tough document how it affects women because they think it makes him more submissive, but would with men it makes him aggressive, really jerks and make some really reckless that explain. You and smoke summer that none of the catch the eye rules. So
that's why I like pregnant women, aren't supposed to touch catch it if they would tell that your wife, when she was pregnant, don't touch any kitty litter, don't ever go near any cats, oh wow! Why? Because of this talk so plasma, but huge percentage of I mean is this. Guy has talk. So, if he's from France, I mean he might make him looked out where he just whips his dick out made. So these great it'll be a great plea in court. Be like I haven't talk, so plasma you know, feel free to use it I'll, be honored. If you guys use that that maybe I possibly had something to say stocks of plasma defence, it some it's very plausible. I would like to see this guy tested. I mean, if you really did. I do something fuckin, reckless and crazy. I think anybody wants to be in a position of power like that. A lot of them have sexual things. You know absolutely the Clinton would sweep is Dick out on girls crazies just way. Mr President, we whip is take on a state, trooper version, fuckin good typists.
Secretary of what I was thinking, I was thinking like all these guys like when you get to that level of power you should have like. Like I was thinking you should have like a counselor. This walking around with you twenty four slash, seven and you're like hey. I think about that. But my dick out almost forty years, I realize dude the dude. This would be like yeah whip out your dick. Let's just go to mine, you should totally do that would be awesome or you want to bang the made. You should totally bang the. Maybe the President IMF washed, how 'bout Arnold Man, oh my god, how 'bout that crazy, asshole flag and everyone is in his house. How funny is that, if you're in his eyes, e Fuchs, you that's just the rule yeah? No, he was fucking for ten years, man, crazy! No, it didn't matter who do you think I'm a hard honestly cleaning his like? I must do you know this is like he just bent over, and I mean it's ridiculous. I jokingly said like maybe trying to save money on child care, like you know, have a baby with the nanny
take care of his free. You know you, you know. Arnold is probably my when he started banging. I mean he was so big. You know when he was are we building an area like that, and this is only one way to do that you have to be on steroids. You have to be an testosterone, and in Arnold was, like you know, known allegedly, for being a guy would take just fuckin massive quantities of everything. That's why I was so Shoe Jeff. You look at the photos of him back when he was Mister Olympia. Unholy fuckin shit will know that the levels of testosterone like I must have been taken, are partly through the roof sweep away. With luck. Everything yeah near me. I thought you this everything. Doesn't that doesn't that lower your sex, drive or or suppose it like makes your penis what happens with lowers your body's natural production of testosterone, because if you inject a bunch of testosterone in your body and you bring it over a certain baseline when your body is like what the fuck is all this test doing, So your vices, we don't have to use the ball shut. The balls down, so you body shuts,
call down because you're squirting in your body ten times and natural level of testosterone, so I can get it in a thirty inch, fucking arms and all that when you see guys like that and you watch them pose ever see them pose yeah, they have the tiniest balls you've ever seen in your life like terrified. If my balls were that small, if you see those dudes in those little like banana balls eminem there, never there balls or nonexistent like their balls wither away. I would love it. I think that is whether you need my balls and you have only like girls with ongoing gross things. That might awesome. Did You know. I'd rather have two small little q ball things attached to it in these big droopy old man throats with a fully manned throat balls. I have pretty average sized balls, I'm not that I don't have big balls baby had elephant balls that they were like. I get rid of these elephant balls, I'm happy with my balls cool scratching. Your balls is best
being in the world, but I used to think my balls are big until I saw these balls and Joey Diaz balls. Oh yeah yeah. My balls are not that big. Those balls are ridiculous. Joey Diaz has huge balls, but always has one that are trying to escape its body. Balls like they look like worms almost well the sag way lower than their supposed to when he pulls his balls out like that funky. You know it doctor dude what one doktor olden sire Joe balls look like. They belong on Joey, Everything about him is a cartoon to egg roll, so courses, his balls look like softballs and old radios. That's what it looks like you could have his big giant ball like a fuckin speed. Bag is there's a classic he's, a human like no other, very few joy ideas out their role in the past.
Here. I would everytime assembling wise and they're just show just following Himera. I now write things. He says this is weak and I was with him and like we're in the van going from the hotel two blocks. Go from the hotel to the venue removes some people crossing the street in front of him. We're just gonna sit in the joy to hurry. Your cock succumbing to take my fucking Ghak. India's existence go at risk and the funny is Formation of words come together and everyone just cracking up. I would like to the things that we don't know about you, but I think there's points where he just sings. The another way really love. Opera songs is denying the fat man Insight has evoked year old iron plasma ever ever. Who's got all four afford. These three forms so plasma is that all too often there is always a fuckin, eight cats, nine cats,
This didn't just get a new one. You gotta new he's got eleven now, I'm pretty sure it still hasn't. Now in like a two bedroom apartment. Eleven cats do not get a big house, and I have two cats and they drive me nuts, these little mutherfuckers shiting all over the place. It's annoying man. My office smells like cat shit all the time. I always gotta clean that this smells like cat shows. They just take stinky dumps in there and it's gross. I gotta clean it out and fucking when they take a shitton hour later. Like you, mother, fucker, I hate it so much thinking out my fucking house gets gross right. I hate it. My place is so small, and so I have to have it in the kitchen. So I'm like cooking last night- and I just my cat- takes a shitton. Then it's like you know: fucking food mixed with Shih Tzu, they did spray it in that now it smells like a limit forest full of shit. Don't have because we don't know I'm allergic to cats, so we don't have, but we have a neighborhood cat and they always go in our backyard and they
no the shit, and I never knew I not and never had kept so I thought catch. It was like little like bunny shit. Now it's like serious shit. I'm causally legs like what thought was here in my car. Has this thing we're like they? They pee on certain sides of the letter box, like the p, my cat peas right in front of the opening, so it has to put its by like right, the door of the litter Box and he had shit the other day and just sprayed my wall with she'll God, there's such a dirty little animals- and you know when you let him out in the wild. That's when you gotta be worried about Toxoplasma yeah, that's when they catch it, they catch it from rats on the so in other ETA become dangerous. Can it it faculty and very dangerous for little children very dangerous for babies and like that, their immune systems not ready for a real creepy, fucking ass she became dogs are even better than I it's ridiculous dog. My dog latelies been digging up shit and hiding bones and there and putting it like, like just cartoon style like digging holes in it, got in a fight with like a pot
some of the other day or something like that, and I don't know what it had. It looked like. Maybe a baby of some kind, all chewed up and brought it into the house and just left it right on p paths that we lose a lot of baby pass. I don't know what the fuck it was all right, so tiny. If you dog, killed something, that's gotta be little fuck yeah. I would urge you, don't we like five pound or something eight pounds is so small. How could she kill anything which people can she killed? I think was probably had already, but she decided to eat it, but she brought it in and laid it on the pee pad like she thought it was poop. So that's kind of cool. No, it's not gonna went dead corpses and fucking shit on my walls, one I'm cooking, the dog outside, will not that dog can a hearty common swap that sucker up we are What if I were to buy a huge doghouse or make a doghouse? That was big. You know to like let the dogs stay in there for
a dog you gotta dogged and needs a lot of human attention. You can't do that. You can't believe outside of migration. We ve never been dogged. People in my or animals live in ever had in my mind, my kid gloves dogs and we thought about four minute gettin one, but then I realized than I just be there. I'd have to take care that doggedly s three years old he's not going to do it. Yeah kids will tell you. Oh I love dogs, I'm definitely going to take care of it. Dad next thing you know you're walking that far they everyday Dagmar. My boy has like he is just fearless shook up to any like when he was a one and a half. We went to some family friends, ethical, rottweiler, big scary, look it and he was up trying to kiss. It was like no, no, no, but he was just he goes for it. I don't trust dogs, oh yeah, no babies 'cause, they get confused. I think babies are dogs that's the problem. They don't associate that with being a person, so they'll do like check a baby just to let a baby now and I'll check ability which, like they not forget my territory. My I've seen dogs,
before it's scary. I was going to you every that that place toast and on third over there on the wooden leg near was already has good place, good food and they we were going with a friend of mine and go sit down one time and we're about to sit in this girl. Like five year old girl. You know cute little blonde girl. Five year old. She got like a little bloody nose going and I was like: oh poor girl fell or something, and then, as we're sitting, we sit next to this dog and the story comes she was up there playing in the dog bit her nose and cut her? Well, I would like ok, we don't want to sit next to this dog licking his dog. Was it look like a regular? It wasn't any kind of like it was like it wasn't golden richer, but regularly it wasn't like a month yeah. It wasn't anything at the fucking girl in her face a girl. I don't know what she did or what happened. The dog was still alive, but had beaten to death yeah. You would think right by the five year old baby, yeah can't dog
yeah. So I'm always worried with my son man. He just yeah, you gotta, be real. Careful is right up there. You gotta always think that a dog will consider your baby to be an animal yeah. They don't they don't consider it to be a person 'cause. It's not I really in a real little nor ip choice does not a saint yeah. I see Maz Jobrani. He could tell me what to do, but this is a little mutherfuckers pitchfork him up. Yeah I take my food turn. Take your dog food which I've had the worst week. There's this bird that's outside. In my three. The animal kingdom idiotic die out of birds as bird that, like I dont, know what it is, but every time it gets dark, it goes through like twelve different Chirrup things like it's down sex somebody's breaking into a car. You know it's like we re in keep on doing this whole entire night, the bird call. So I'm thinking about like poisoning or slingshotting or shooting this bird. I don't know what to do because it's been all night every day this week you know how long you'd be out there trying to slingshot. I know you break every window unit.
People listen to the park like. I know that motherfucker our lives. It was him with that: slingshot yeah, it's horrible thing to Bb Gun, BB guns are pretty accurate, yeah think biking even see it. It's just as big as one of those ideas you get in your head. You like I'm, going to put an end to this, and then you end up being like, like wile e coyote or like Elmer Fudd. That's how people like fall from trees and break their neck, and I are trying to kill sunburnt tweets outside your window. Yeah I've had times when I don't feel like the mosquito that mosquitoes are worse than you sleeping. Then you like make nor it ignore. It keeps coming back like fun. Let's lights go on now they go around. Looking for the mosquito against your whitewall like he disappears. He reappears you're swinging ship. Your eyes are trying to focus on my God. Fucking tears in his sleeping yeah half hour later. If a cat man, I'm sure we don't realize how few bugs we have in California till you go these costs in the summer time any real.
I go near a lake, our coasts, lake, in the summer time you like mother, fucker this ridiculous earlier, but you how cool lightning bugs I do Miss lightning bug when you're just going on your backyard answers like those glowing paradise, but those are called up within a bother. You like smell good, but I would say with with mosquitoes like they never have mosquitoes like a pig meat, mosquitoes, not a fuck, a paradise whenever you book it be good out of Mexico. You, like all payments, is great. Here's the beer, his tequila whatever and like half an hour later, you start getting busy like and every time they show those stupid corona commercials where they got like throws his cell phone into the water. I'm like show the fucking mosquitoes man I've, never that comfortable yeah, that's one of the good things about Hawaii too, not too many bugs in Hawaii. History really make that trip out volcano in the middle of the ocean. Yeah yeah, that's not a bad thing! It's not that many bugs man, but California, as far as like no bugs is probably as good as it gets anywhere in the country. Florida floored is ridiculous as well that we live in the jungle here,
just 'cause, there's an apartment building doesn't mean it's not the jungle. You've got a little pond next door. Fucking alligator in it was that you could be living in Gainesville. You could be living in like a nice part of town and take a couple blocks. Go for a walk, oh, what's, there's a dinosaur can dinosaur poodle, eaten dinosaur, wandered the streets. Community, wanna dragons in fuckin' monsters and alligators are not that aggressive they're, not nearly as aggressive as crocodiles, crocodiles, are really dangerous. Difference between an alligator and a crocodile the looks are different, a crocodile their teeth like stick out of their mouth a little bit and they have a longer snout alligators. I got shorter stub your wider snout, but there alligators in general or bigger than crocodiles, right, crocodiles that they can get bigger out. I think maybe american alligators might be bigger than american crocodiles, but the biggest out the biggest crocodiles are. The biggest of that is that you know
the form factor. So similar, though I mean shit. If you didn't know- and you saw an alligator and crocodile you would say- that's the same thing- a mexican and Guatemalan exactly yeah- they don't look much different, but apparently they are way more aggressive. Crocodiles are much much more aggressive. I watched some documentary on alligators and crocodiles, and they had this place in, I believe, is in Florida where they were raising them and they had all these crocodiles. These alligators in one crocodile and the crocodile would run over the top of the algae head when they would feed. She would like be Bitch just stepping over them to get to the food just super way more aggressive than the what in general you're right like that I'd like I don't know how people like I am in once in awhile, we got like mountain lions and stuff, but generally speaking at the you know how much we know with that. Sucker just hanging on a crocodile or alligator shows up in your backyard. They do yeah. Well, there was a funny story. Miami about a guy was running from the law and in a high speed chase ditches is car wife's. His car up jumps into
fuckin' riverin, wherever he was or jumped into a lake. The moment he jumped in he got killed by an alligator. Oh my god just landed like right next to an alligator in the alligator jacked, I'm right in front of my god. Let me see if I can, That is hilarious. Talking movie, the guy jumps out of the car dives in the water and right away boom gets killed it and those jobs are good man. They got alligators working with. That's like I was actually read when it is a measure that is a Cumana Commodo Dragon right, yeah, some guy I read in the paper this guy was like on a boat or something or he was surfing something happening on a boat any in anyone's shipwrecked sailors, poor guy swims through the first piece of land he finds he swim.
The shore and a Komodo dragon confronts him. I was like this poor guy. Can you imagine like it's like a video game is like you survive the thing, and now you shall be like. Oh great now kill him. What's next, you know. Did he live, I think he live holyshit. There was a guy who is dating Sharon, Stone Sharon, Stone's boyfriend, oh yeah. Do some, like newspaper guy, or something like that yeah parent Lee. He was in a whole roomful of Komodo dragons at like a zoo yet had white socks on and the Komodo Dragon mistook his white foot for a rab. So I just snap down on his foot, guys fuckin screaming and that the poison they have in their saliva. They have botulism all sorts of horrible bacteria in their saliva and you get deathly ill from those right. So you have to go on some radical antibiotics like immediately or you're, going to die because that's how it kills things, the Komodo, dragons bite things and then just follow him. Just infect them with their saliva like there's a video of one that kills a water buffalo
and it bites US water, Buffalo to Jackson and a leg in the water Buffalo runs away, and then it slowly follows it for a day while it poisons itself slowly gets poisoned from that bite, fucking crazy Nicholas the diminishing those guide dire. He live now he loved, because they were right there and they got the thing off of em. They got it off its foot, but you know he almost lost foot. That is crazy. Stuffs did this so dangerous fucking they played by hold different set of rules. Area is sixty five million years ago. These and other fuckers were Roman Elsa. Yeah, that's crazy!
animals. Generally, I was thinking about that lady at Seaworld. That got the whale that just took took her, I mean. Can you imagine I mean I can't I mean? Oh, it's terrifying yeah. You can't talk your way out of it terrifying and the really terrifying thing about the killer whale thing is that we know that there are smart. We know that they're intelligent they're, not as smart as us, but they're, pretty God, down close. They can't change their environment like us and we show there's no evidence of them being able to create things and build items like we can, but we know they have dialects. We know that they're super intelligent as far as their language and it varies from sector sector. We also know that they're incredibly attached to their family, and they have like this really broad language that we don't even totally understand. So we know There are these super intense, intelligent animals and we still lock him up in swimming pools. Yeah, you know, go fuck you! I don't understand what you're saying what are you saying get in there like? If that thing was saying please I want to be with my mother, please let me go if you could actually talk what they really feel he'll be
screaming in agony every night. They stop stuff them into these little tiny tank. Take a refugee camp yak. They make performing one of the ways that makes it performs stuffing them into these little tanks at night to punish them yeah and then now they learn to jump. So you can edit in people clap for you know when people clap for you that's well. It killed at least two people to that is crazy. He's killed it he's a ban fucker you does. He had deal with their bullshit man and you know he's right. I see is point FUCK man, aliens came, they were smarter than us and they just couldn't understand us. We're talking them like we'll get our shit together, will stop polluting the ocean. Please don't fuck and eat us yeah and then need to start treating people the way. I don't understand you bitch, so she was throwing as though the people zoo- and I will schedule
evolutionary of wales- he's a good CHE Guevara plus the now he is. Is I mean look, I'm on teen people, one hundred percent, but we should have totally rethink, see world. We should totally rethink anything were super intelligent animals like TAT, entrapped Freedom Fisher, their depressed. They have to be using. There's no way could be a happy. Fuckin imprison dolls. I mean it's pretty entertaining for your kids, but but beyond that, like I took my kids to the to the aquarium mentally Bay and he was able to tuna, have the he was going He would see the shark. He was a shock shock, it would take my head, I was holding you take my head and just twisted However, the shark was, I was like they should be, could hire him out at the front, be like you want, or from this guy he just takes your head checked Murschel, oh yeah. That would be great commercial right. That would be great commercial, but that's different. That's fish! Yeah, that's true!
themselves are stupid. They don't even take care of their young there's jirkov on eggs and the eggs become babies. I don't care about fish, but dolphins. I know that they can think. Oh yeah, you watch the covert. Did you see the cove? Not it's really cool terrifying. You see this. Water of Japanese. The Japanese are fishermen so hard. The watchman, because you know their smart, the dolphins are smart, is far too little weird intelligent, aliens almost like little water elves, their playful little water, L, soup, smart. They seem benign. I mean I don't know, sir. They have both sides, but they seem very dull rape. You, the rape, you, but you know, rape and on your I'll. Try it out one! You imagine that. How do you come back in
port city, video, online, of a woman getting humped on a dock yeah, but dolphins Alagic guys a guy. That's a gay dolphin gave rapist dolphin great yeah. I don't know man, I think, eventually we're going to have to come to the conclusion that zoos are really cruel, inhumane punishment and there's prisons. Oh you've been to Lesum yeah, I've been always do it's just miserable horrible. It still works if it's not even open. So it's horrible. I like old, ghosts. Bravo fucked up and went to the zoo on mushrooms awful. He said it was so sad the saddest day ever said all you. I do. You feel all the negative, sad energy from these poor animals, people staring at them and the animals are usually Bobo in its. They seem like every little display went to like the animals is looking for. Shade didn't want to entertain, you he's in a corner summer
crocheted and then they had like an elephant thing and it was like it was in the back and they had like. We didn't make it. The guy was like it's a long, long walk. It's so poorly thought out too, because look human beings have a bunch of systems that are put in place to ensure that we breed to ensure that we succeed in life sure that we in things accomplish all these things. These are set up in order for us to live. You know the human way over Anna, throw there's always instincts set up. Nurmi minds to one of the big ones is to kill things too things to survive, you know they did they get that charge. That mean that's what is fun for them? That is what is the joy of life. I mean it seems cruel and fucked up, but the joy of life reliance to take out a gazelle and that's what it is. That's what, therefore, so, if you're going to have real animals and you're going to have them in these a lockdown environment and pretend that it's good for them and for
and it's a good environment, you gotta? Let them kill things man yet its liking. It is it's like gum, I would to Kenya once and they have like the animal preserve. So you just go in and this I know you you actually kind of someone like you, their turf now right to check it out. So it's not they're, not caged, but has actually really interesting. You go somewhere there. They are just doing that. Natural thing was a lot more natural, it seem, the one thing was were driven back and we saw rhino and we were in this little like they give us this like minivan normative gives it was. It was a year. This is little van and we had like this driver. This canyon driver it wasn't at all like you know he wasn't armed, he didn't seem like he was. He was there to protect us. He looked like The gods must be crazy. Remember like the skinny, it seems like that's the guy that was driving. There was no defense mechanism, I'm like this guy stops and where there's like eight or nine of us all Westerners, an this rhinos like eating and we're like look right of he looks up and he gives us this, like look of death,
it's almost like you just interrupted, should unite in the middle of no business meeting, and we ought we all freaked out like it was an intimidating. Look like go, go. Go in the guys I like, like, like fretfully stony, like the cargo inimitable is accurate and our President tell us with these guys. Do I guess a color blind, the rhinos and they end, they just see something, and if it it, if its disturbing them, they just right, they would ramp, they would have. He would have rammed us and, though Tipp you over now it's you know whatever, however, plays out of plays out either. We all. As you know, you all get stomped some shit, so fuck, pretty crazy, dude debts, rhinos in hippos or two of my number one fears as far as animals guessing hungry hippos, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hippos hippos, I think, are responsible for more human deaths in any other animal in Africa. Other than ants really believe ants are responsible for more human deaths than any other man skill.
Well how she did in Africa. They got real problems with with giant swarms of poisonous ants. Oh shit, Army, Anson, All these different there's, so many really vicious ants, especially like in the Amazon, is a thing called the bullet ant and they actually use them for coming of age ceremonies where they make these young men stick their hand in these gloves that are filled with these bullet ants. Oh my god. These bullet ants it's unbearable pain for like twenty four hours. For each bite like unbearable, like getting your hand slammed in a car door all day long, that is crazy, like insane, and that's like the coming of age thing is that if a man can get through this, he can truly be a man did not even under
but in Africa Bryan Callen actually was working when he first got out of college. He wanted to work with insects and he wanted to study them in overseas and one of the things that scared him off is 'cause. He went, I think, to Bornea. He went to some crazy fucking jungle and they had to put turpentine, they all slept on platforms and they had to put turpentine all over the legs of the platform, and they have to be elevated above the floor of the jungle, because if your leave, if you leave him on the floor, the jungle and the ants come up once one ant bites you and sends a signal there will be, millions of ants on you poisonous ants on you and you won't be able to stop it. There's nothing, do they will eat you from fishing. They take out elephants. They climb
love, elephants, legs and they climb in their ears and start eating them alive through the more I hear things like this, the more I realize like I just want to go to four seasons like waffles every problem. Today, it's all good man. I know some people like adventures and we're going to go into the jungle and edit out my you, go camping, bro I'll, be at the four seasons. You know Brian said that date, so they poured turpentine all over the legs of this platform that they're sleeping on you know they have. The hut in the hut is above the platform, and he said in the night you can hear them. He said, there's so many ants there so terrifying that you can hear them marching that is creepy You hear millions and millions of anxious waiting stumble on something and whatever stumble on whether it's you know, they'll climb up a tree and find some some young birds. Others are stuck in the now small arm, millions of em, so like theirs,
a lot of jungles the birds will try to put their nests on the highest possible branch, and a lot of it is to avoid ants. That is, If you answer mother fucker like just like you know it's it's funny guy like when you know the wind, when you travel, you realize what you were saying like it's like the like the amount of stuff. That's going like they, the difficulty to live, or some other places like when I went to came. For a wedding. Just just just go to Kenya, you go you gotta, get like shots for gay fever, yellow fever, jungle fever, all kinds of fever area there, ok, malaria, outside as it were, with the four where we ve got enough. I have yet it over motherland the order, the motherland we get, some jungle field yeah. That is the motherland too. That's that's where it all began. That's where human beings were hatched yeah, that's pretty crazy that still so fucking. Why
it's crazy right and you look at Africa. The continent like give ever like those documentaries on african compared to any other constant continent, you'll like what the fuck man, wildebeest, lions and crocodiles, saltwater, crocodiles and fucking. Great white sharks off the coast of South Africa, ants little Jesus Christ. No continent is crazier than Africa. I guess strangers, probably a close and don't even get started on the flies now annoying. That would be in your eyes sitting on your face, all the old Soviet and whenever you see those poor, starving, kids, it's one of the saddest things about those years. The eyes have covered with flies shit. What a fucking crazy place on earth, I'm obsessed with the Congo, man, I've, gotta, a bunch of documentaries and on the Congo one of the best.
This is from the BBC, but one of the most fascinating things about the Congo is there's so many areas of it like people barely get to yeah. There's like this, it's unbelievable how fucking dense it is in one point in time Europeans tried to settle it. They tried to build these giant mansions and chat, and some of them are still there like in frame just get swallowed up by the jungle is as to why it was crazy. You got you got that you get nature and then you ve got like rebels fighting each Armenia, so you might survived the ants rigour. We too taken down by the whatever the congolese rebel. Whoever you know, yeah there's a lot of problems because they're fighting over resources, there's a lot of minerals in the Congo. There's a lot of minerals. They used to make cell phones and she'll like that. There's a lot of that is they harvested. Have you ever performed the South Africa ever God? No, you haven't huh uh. No, they do festival. I want to go with it, I'm not supposed to be pretty sure it is man. I know I'm tired of traveling man I enjoy going to the UK like once a year, but even that it's like enough. I go to Australia once a year
Now I hear you too, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the trap. I mean I'd, be curious to see it, but I mean it's funny. 'cause people ask like the fun part of stand up is actually being on stage and doing a show and I'd rather just up the block to sunset. Abrea is going just do it here then get a frigging plainwell we're in a great spot too, because we can work so many places around. Here you go to comedy MAGIC Club, Hermosa Beach. You go to the ice house, you can go to San Diego, you can go, you can go to Irvine, you get Abrella Ontario, you can do all the improvs, you could do. You wrote it all these clubs and after a while to start back up on the first one again, you know it's like one thousand five hundred and twenty weeks later yeah and they just doing these same clubs. Over and over again, I don't even performing side of Fs South African. You just clam claim. You can't again help you SA, I'm sure it's great place
De Edward yeah. They get good music, but I'm not gonna. Let me I say I was I was just at night and I would like it to go on like this. There was like than offered to go this summer, the thing is, I would say, 'cause. I got two young kids now an my wife, so I was like well maybe I'll. Just take everybody with me right and I was like well, maybe take the nanny too, to african dude dude. I started doing the math, I'm like I would be like losing a lot of money to stay over. They screw it. I'm going to stay here and bring Chevy Chase. You must have a big international following now, because you really become like as far as like. Would you call it the persian community or the iranian community, where it's a little bit? You know the persian computers, like my first probably it's funny like like Tripoli, one timestamp trip was like he's like you like to Persian, Elvis otherwise known as pelvis, so though they had suddenly a Tripoli line. So so so that no that's like my like you that your beauty, the Persian moodily centres and you got like Arabs, you know
and then after that, like them like you, ve got like NPR types that or intellect we are there. That's Larry S. Tell you of the fact that you're different is is actually pretty funny. Those is actually good like to stand up and in front of you will know the difference between IRAN and Iraq Universal, as opposed to like the universal, whose like what the fuck you Vinos all aim, shared load up. So it is so it is so it has become a thing. What happened was an o seven. When we're still do evil me I'm at an air- and we went out to this- is a tour that you guys with process of evil, comedy actually evil comedy tour. It was actually originally started with Mitzi Shore who put us together and called it. The arabian nights yeah, that's right. This was in two thousand. She put his arabian nights and Iranians aren't Arabs, so we do shows in like inevitably like Iranians would come up after would be like it was a good show, but we're not arabs- and I was like I Know- and IRAN is a very sensitive about that
I see where the National Geographic article this this journals went in, IRAN is set out in a really people, and he goes. I ask people. What do you want the world to know about? You is it the first thing they were always says: we're not Arabs. The second think we're not tear tests so that it it's better to be a terrorist in an Arab in their mind. You know that's kind of can we know so little about IRAN other than the IRAN hostage crisis and that you guys are trying to get nuclear power and blow, yeah! So you know the negative sheet exactly exactly, and then we know about this. Most recent almost take over the government yeah, the green. The green movement was because what happens in oh nine, there was elections and there is obviously voter fraud, but they so than there was protests in the streets. I said I was kind of that was the first time where I had America's coming after me. Go like while you this is so many beautiful women like they're, like as the protesters there's a lot of women in them, and there was deeds and genes. So we were caught up, go like the others, we weren't burgers and liked
friends, and like no man, I thought that Tehran and Legged is international city with the I ran is much more sophisticated and much more ahead than we ve been led on how we leave lump demand with like Pakistan and Afghanistan, even those coming like Afghanistan things. Probably the one is like the least developed you know, but even those countries are given that they have a lot of western influences and also a lot of the universe was with technology stuff. Now, there's a lot of people that are advanced in his country, specific gonna, major city. You know going to see s house the bus, so you're going to see some dude driving a Mercedes. Benz is a multi millionaire and you can see some dude like pushing a cart who's, making five dollars a year or something interesting right. So this exists, but it's like, I think a lot
pulls image of the Middle EAST is just deeds and turbans, and women in Burke US and as I foresaw the burka as Ex Venus is, is pretty exclusive to like Afghanistan, where they would wear the universe. Full thing with a view to make them with a blue thing under the Taliban were that the cover themselves and they just barely sciatica little mesh. I love S. What love my girlfriend awareness could become a sexually s. Look, there's the weakest pimp moon and on another, not cover everything. Even your nose, a letter tat, the kids out or some does have the eyes out before the eyes with the stars over the noble seed market that online Superbowl by, I think you found your niche unique burka, Brca Sex, getting aware sex clothes woman at the mall in Texas. I was in Texas recently and there was a woman at the mall that was in full gear. Well, they could see with their eyes yeah I was like wow. This is crazy. She's really going. You know, she's going
fuckin biblical. Doesn't making statements? Go exit say: that's how they actually we did. We did a show in an outsider movie with Ahmed and and you have to show a lot of people to cover up shows or either they do the traveling, the west of the western educated or their ex pass. So we have to show cheers and also coming up and this one girl came up in one of those six. She was fully covers, suffer the eyes. Well, a cigar picture with us as I what the fuck am. I know what's going on what the fuck is, he could be everybody. Has it hasn't that's over here over there, like you, don't know who this person is you don't ever going to take off their burger and the most beautiful woman in the road? You know, I love that subservient to you right. You only you actually washes to bring legal area is what everyone it's funny could actually indicates. So now you got to get you the burka, which is Afghanistan any like the veil kind of thing, with eyes covered, which is like Saudi Ray,
That alot then like any wrong. You get some that are religious that will cover like their hair and everything we see the full face. Then you got like do by. We got to get these. Girls is ridiculous. They they were the like the thing and em and Anne, but like they're blinged out, like you'll, see you'll, see like designer shoes. This, even the even the thing that covers them. Cumbersome, put like a little strike diamond studs the stuff real. If the weirdest this is high, and then that is actually there they're they're pretty cute, like there I'll take like they d in this, because this become this thing there now we're like the women. It's wheeling. They want their like the hair to seem like its puffier, so they take a cab, unlike things like this and they'll roll her over that bump, and then they put it there. So it looks kind of looks very like star Wars E, like a princess in star wars. They might as well be star wars. He would just crazy robes,
will be one canobie ship yeah it is. It is some Obi Obi, WAN Kenobi actually know what the Obi WAN Kenobi. You know what I was in. I went to Morocco just to travel, not to do shows this was years ago into Morocco and we went to FEZ, which is the coolest place. The fez cap comes from that. You know the fest camp like that with the little thing right anyway and they told us I went there with now my wife, who was in my girlfriend and she's, been studying in the south of Spain, so we'd like took a boat over and we had no preparation, like you should should research before you go so like on our way on the boat were reading this like little guidebook, and it goes whatever you do, don't accept. A guide 'cause they're going to in FEZ, is going to try and come up to you and want to be your guide and talk to the hotel to get you a guide, we didn't have it. We didn't hotel, like we don't know where we're going to stay in my in my girlfriend, without kept saying she said my wife that she's like we need to go to the old city, that's supposed to be really nice, the old city. Now I don't speak Arab.
Speak Farsi, so I had no idea, you say old city in Arabic, but the Moroccans they speak. French. I think I've taken three years of French so the whole time in the train. I'm like how do you say old city in French, I'm like? Is it lassie to you, know Vecchio, you know like that's not it. So I finally asked some dude he's like nine scion Ville means the ancient city Lawson Ville. So our plan was just Landon FEZ, find a cab and say take us to Lansing. Orville so we get a cabin covers like where, in the Lafayette, lousy, Elvis just Lonsdale Ville Vienna, you know he's like tell it will again. I was a kid just go to hotels, so that do takes us a week into the ancient city and then right when we get there, some guy like flags him down. He comes the dude walks over the passengers and leaves his head in Sicily says something in Arabic to the to the driver, and then he leads to us egos hell I will show you you look for hotel. His intellect, like sorting out you, look for hotel
and we're like. No we're, ok he's like no, I will show it. Don't worry any got into the car, I'm like ship were getting kidnapped and he takes us to some like, like like they have. These like old homes that have turned into hotels was really now but like nobody would stay in their. So it takes us there anyway, so he becomes our guide. Unintentionally is now our God knows what you're told you of those or avoid. I tell my wife, my shit. Now we got a guy like how do we tell him? No is like don't worry, you thought? U, I show you around. If you like, then maybe you can Give me like bring up the money thing. He's he's like that. We take here, then, is that we take a corner, that motherfucker right is one of these situations. That way you like. Ok, this guy's, a local. He kind of EU feel intimidated, cause you like. They know each other somehow I don't want to let you just do kind of like let's go along, but just be ready to run at any minute, so we ended up in some he's like. Let me take you for dinner. We go to this restaurant, I'm not kidding. There was like balloons and banners all this ship was up, but there was no one. We were the only two eating at the
and the waiter comes at the waiter, was so excited to see us is a killer and it's like the waiter was the waiter slash. The cook. Slash the owner like you would like go cook in the back and they come sit and watch as it was created. Is it why, with only one can always say those crazy? Is these guides they ITALY, where there will be one Kenobi like the gown, with the hat like during the day they wear it and that's the official like FEZ like Guide outfit like that, like that's an official guide like the government, I think Nazism is guys and the weird one when I realized it was Obi. Wan Kenobi and I was like I was like George Lucas- must have come to fez and come up with this cause, my wife, the next day she got. The guy goes, I'm going to show you the castle today and will I he takes us to like the castle he's like ok, I cannot come close. You
I come. I see at other side, I guess you don't let the guides come so shall we go, we take a picture to and they were like how's it going to find us, and we start walking and across that, and I'm looking for the guy literally across the street in one of those over one cannot because that's what shown up with only one Kenobi Office like with put on he's kind across the street, watching us nodding and is like keep work as a kind of kept. I on us analogous star wars like what we want is a weird like that, like like disappeared sounds like I was a joint Lucas must become a higher and gotten a guide. Its did. It came up with a fucking Obi WAN Kenobi wow, that's so weird. So how long is this guide outfit existed? Do the guide outfit was is like day day. Fit and then by night he was your kind of dress, regularly. Wow, that's so strange. How long did he ask how many years they've been doing this? Is we didn't turn tradition? I didn't ask about that. I didn't ask about the alpha. I just I just realized. There was a bunch of guys with the outfit around like it was. Basically you have like your clothes underneath he just throws
robot, it's almost like yeah. It's almost like you know like a judge like they just put it over ten years. Monkey that robbed you there's a pet monkey around. There was it's funny, you say that, because they actually, first of all, they do have pet monkeys out there that, like like do tricks and stuff, but what he did was he took us to a rug store that he's like you want to BC rugs and I'm like at the time I was living with my mom like I was dating my girlfriend, but I was living my mom and I didn't have an apartment, so I had nowhere to put rugs was like no, I don't need a rug he's like just come. We look at the rug and so finally, like we go into this place these guys. The Moroccans are the biggest sales people like they would like. They will fuckin'. They will push you to you by, like the guy. He came out as, like you want it look at drugs. I was like. I don't really want to look at right. He's like just look: it's ok,
they bring you up mint tea. So now I'm looking at you know my girl, I'm like. Oh, this is fun going to give us free mint tea and all we gotta do is look at some rugs and it's like ok out of these ten with you like, I'm like those are kind of nice. Look I give to you, for you know whatever five thousand dollars. Like do. I don't have a place to put me he's like ok, which three do you like: I don't want any who's. This negotiate aren't even nor was negotiating. Finally, unlike ok, first, while waiting for my for her to bus we'd like look dude, we don't want to fight the rugs but she's just sitting there going like she said 'cause later on. I asked her. Why do you but she's, like I thought, you're the man you gotta take? It was like no, you gotta come in it's like that. I das and then finally funny was. I was like. Oh I got. I got the Trump card here, because what it was literally in some back alley with like bike, like barely likely, they barely had like, like, like the door like Vienna, lose all old school. I like the bells like when it would. There was nothing technical about the place and when I got the Trump card right here at the do, no I got no cash bro,
I got credit cards and I said that and he's like. We have credit card machine. He went and got those uh. The old troll are, you know the whole thing and, and then they fuckin' they sold me three rugs yeah, I'm not kidding and the funny thing is they shipped it to the America and I'm not kidding. I had no place to sit at the bottom. For six months I drove around three rugs and my trunk and others so I guess you haven't. I I gave him away to relatives that had apartments like I actually started, started talk. I understand you and I go like for six months. I was going around trying to sell it to relatives. You know you just look have some into you know, but that's how they get you man, but it's like that's like one thousand two hundred bucks men, one thousand two hundred bucks after idea of what they are. I don't know if they're worth it, I have no idea, he scored. He scored on you, oh yeah, they ate for month. It's funny how cultures there I like that barter and- and I like to try to get you to buy them on the street. Sweet peddling is like a big part of a lot of culture that freaked me when I first went to tee wanna,
I'd, never seen that before in and mass or people just selling everything in the street every this is like way back and then I went with wheel oh yeah, ever derision wheels easy we're doing the comedy store in La Jolla and we ll do know how to get there. I go you to go there. You know where the fuck you was going when we get back to America yeah, I'm not sure, I'm not sure, totally laws, no navigation systems, but yeah. This is like the late, 90s and shit. You know no one knew where you were last man I was like. We gotta get the fuck out of Mexico was in Tijuana for twenty minutes. I was like this is crazy. It's like I couldn't believe this stark trust between San Diego crossed the border. All the sudden you're in a third world lawyer hold this is this is girls everywhere now what with girls walk in its trade and eighty see guns open? Yes, like open guns, ass if it was like so many creepy little fucking spots, and we were dry,
these little weird cities and I'm going to Toyota Supra Turbo Shiny little, looking like an La Duche bag. Looking like a victim and a federalised look free! That's the problem in these places is the cops or even look out for the cops are trying to rob you man. I had that in go where the guy is, then what they do is like for what you walk in and like the mixing, the mexican bizarre I went into like there's nobody there. It was a dead. It was like middle of the day, no ones there an I walk in the Gaza, hey you want to buy like a bag or whatever you want to buy a shoes. I'm like no, it's alright! It's like about some Unlike the cocaine like not unintended, then he's like fucking pussy turn on your like what happened. Man, we're Bros, like you, fucking pussy, just 'cause. I don't want your heroin yeah man, we gotta get outta here. Man yeah Mexico is trippy place. It's so strange that it's connected and people don't seem to recognize that threat.
Connected the ox. It actually said that is, but Mccain just came out, not another. This means anything but Mccain just came out so that giant forest fire. They have gone all right now and in Arizona you know about that right, huge out of control wildfire and they think it was started by illegal immigrants setting up camp. Oh yeah, you know, there's a lot of guys. They crossed the border in Arizona said you know little campfires in Schitt's forgot to put the campfire out giant one hundred and forty thousand acre, wouldn't notice. How many acres is now that's crazy insane, but it's so I'm actually schedule to do some show in Mexico like in the fall and was funny as I can of people always scared of the Middle EAST stuff. But, like my wife- and I were talking about- like you know all these kidney user stuff going on in Mexico and it's like, is it worth going down there and you know I'm thinking about the same thing like Cabo as they just thinking of going somewhere in Mexico, but is it even worth going?
I heard that if you go to resorts you're fine, my friend Matt just got back from Cabo. How goes the Kabale time? He loves it combo supposed to still be nice, but there's Acapulco, which is real dangerous. Now Ohka Pocos supposed to be dangerous. Cancun is supposed to be a little tricky. They for the most part avoid the resort towns they don't. They want to suck up business for everybody, but in Acapulco that Jack people in resorts really Alka Pocos, apparently pretty shady right now, but Cabo supposed to be still good. I wasn't tablet was good. It was a nice resort, it's actually funny before all this was kind of going on. Like five six years ago I went to Cabo and we're staying at the Hilton. It was a nice place and it was kind of fun because everyone is out there. Obviously, you know tourists in their bathing suits, and these two dudes showed up. It was like it was. It was like Keystone, it wasn't keeping others like it was like bumbling idiot.
They showed up these two guys with with empty bags like duffel bags, almost with their shirts off, as if they're tourists with jeans, obviously not tourist, going to be nice to mexican dudes walking around the pool like just check and shit out a like is walking around looking for a place to start snatching things, and I looked at my wife- was like do those guys seem like they fit in here she's like no, I was like I better tell somebody or whatever to the management like those two things. Don't look like their hotel. So then I sing another get escorted out in walked in, but it's like, they did not by me to invest in a bit surprise. You look the part therein, therewith jeans with their shirts off, obviously not you know just did not fit in at all. It's weird how quickly it's changed. I went on vacation in Cancun. I think in like two thousand and two thousand one, and I don't even think about going there now
it's too bad too there's so many spots I want to see. I want to see all sorts of the mayan ruins. Somebody did palou man, I've been to Chicha, Nizza and there's one outside of Mexico City. I would love to see them. I mean they're credible. I guess there's that that exhibit in Cabo that underwater art exhibit ever seen it where it's just a bunch of statues. Underneath the water and you can go down there, I think it's scuba dive or do something like that. Where there's just this huge art piece underneath the ocean On the other hand, I can- and I guess, if you're a good artists, they will, let you add your own work to it like of your real so it's kind of cool. So all these really good artists have been adding things to it and I guess it's just amazing. That's not ask and the only way you can get to is why scuba diving, I think so, I'm not sure I'm not I'm not sure about that part, but that's what I kind of guessing. Maybe it's about yeah. Well, that's cool,
I've got to write that country man. They got to figure it out. They did was Columbia Street in Columbia and Columbia. Apparently you can travel there now and they used to be. You know back in the 80s when the cocaine crisis was going on, Columbia was just ridiculous in a Medellin was a goddamn war. Yeah. But now, apparently you can go to Colombia like they've, taken care of care cleaned it up. But I don't know if they're to be able to do that with Mexico. It's just it's so close to the supply of the cash supply of America is like right. There they can get the drugs and get that shit across quickly and they're doing crazy shit like rolling heads, discotheques issued out about that way, I feel people and roll. Having at what point do go I killed them. I cut off his head rolled. It is the role that it a discotheque. If there's anything I been thinkin of his, I guess Japan is so broke right now that that day itself cheap to fly to Japan right now they need people to come to Japan, because no one's going now, and so I heard that there's like flights for like ridiculous amount of money from allay like three hundred bucks
so my budgets to go to Japan while I'm like now, would you go to Tokyo? Would you do that or is it doesn't know about? read up on what the levels are as far as radiation goes, but the problem with Japan and the radiation is that I don't think they've been entirely honest about it. I don't think they've been honest about the leak. You know, there's that they're finding out that all three of them are melt throughs there their they're funny at all sorts of things where it turns out that the actual damage done by these you know nuclear disasters is who will far far greater than what they had initially forecasted. So who knows how far the spread of the radio So I would have to hear bout that it would be a fucking shame to go there for a three hundred dollars ticket yeah. It's just luck in New Jersey for a bargain get bigger balls. I would love to go to Japan, the man
we want to go. I was always hoping that we do. You have seen Japan such an amazing piece of history in other than one part of the world, so unique there their innovations as far as martial arts go and swordsmanship in literature and now and then that's where the book a five rings came from wood. The book of high rank as one of my like guide books for life that Malta was harshly burka and that's all that samurai way all that shit came from Japan is amazing culture. It does seem like a pretty crazy and they feel like after I don't how they were before world war. Two physic after World war to the became more capitalistic than we are even you know like. If you see like any footage of singing ever it's like you know they like little the neon lights in the end, just like the amount of like the Japanese and the products they love, and you know so I don't think, there's materialistic
I don't think they purchase things and own things. I think there's a lot of emphasis in the culture of owning thing. Ok, I think they spend their money going out to eat and spend all their money drinking and make up indifferent, and you notice often has a lot of them have all have like eyelashes, fake eyelashes. Nay, scandals has so much money that the men and women as a matter of men are what rock and fake eyelash while you gotta do. Is that by the end of the kind of did they spend a lot more money and how they look like I solely the other agents. What that Americans, what I saw them so a ranch? I saw a republic not no seven methods, it does every seven kids antifreeze further revision. Man well I'd want whatever Odette rider say machine. They all had like their their hair down with the brown in the dead, the blonde streaks in it, and they all had had liked or their genes that protocol some three hundred dollars. They do they do the other was the Japanese seem to be the most european of Asian yeah like they're, very much into like you said this kind of a difference. You look at different look. You know there are little
hipper in their way. You know I'm saying: stop it mixed with hair stylists interested interesting, how many japanese people are into american culture and oh yeah, how much they follow it and are really really you know hammered by Elvis and Michael Jackson was like? It was a superman for them yeah. It was crazy yeah, it's a fascinating culture. You know when they had all these problems with the tsunami's in the earthquake, and everything like that and people would wait in line for food and water and rations. They were orderly yeah. Their culture is like so polite, something with something inside told me that they went to a bar or something in Japan, and people were lined up like at the bar, as opposed to like the idea of just come at the bazaar mentality. Right, that's pretty crazy. If you think about that yeah they're, much more discipline, much more discipline and humble degeneracy babble. The movie babble now need a result babble now it is also great movie in a red to the director juicy immodest Paris. You know y know with
dog fighting all enormous I bought on DVD and I put it down somewhere I have to get in the mood to watch a movie with subtitles. This dude he's an intense he's. A great director he's done, like he'd done, I've seen a few of his moves. I think he. I think he also did twenty one grams. I might be. I might be mistaken, but I think you're right he's got like the movies I've seen him do all have like two or three stories and they all kind of intertwined, somehow and this one babble was amazing and it had like three stories. Goin on one of them was its Brad Pitt and dumb, and not now me Watts, but but I figure name anyway. They they go to. They go to Morocco and their visiting Morocco and in some shit, goes down and then and then and then there's another story of a mexican family who's. Trying to get to a wedding, I think across the board, and then they get into some trouble
and then there's a story of this Japanese go. This is what I found out that you have anything. It's so amazing. This girl, I think, should have won the Oscar for best supporting actress that year she plays. She plays a deaf girl, who's like just depressed and living with her dad in this stuff and she's. Just as an actor like, I don't know how you play def and I don't know how you do it that well like it's. The most amazing thing was really cool about. It was so this girls, like a party girl like having a good time with their friends but she's depressed, and what was this intense scene where, like out there and I think they do ecstasy or something, and they end up at a nightclub and it's the coolest thing 'cause. Suddenly it goes from her perspective. Imagine from a deaf person's perspective, a nightclub so like it's like it's like really loud, but she's, not hearing. The whole thing is just kind of like muddled and she's kind of around and the most most intentional, I'm gonna get goosebumps. You gotta see it. What's it called again: Babble called Babel Babel. It has a great soundtrack to an end, and out of it and this
this girl killed it and she and Revolution to Hudson Jennifer. Hudson from my dream, dream girls is that the movie and I saw her. I saw some of that and you see the whole thing in that, but I think that she won because it was like a popular like she sang in that I'm sure there's some good acting in it, but this girl, just now it out like as an actor to sit there was somebody kill it like that. You like there, you know and is, but it was all Japan and it was. It was pretty cool. It's a cool like night like tonight in Japan, kind of such an unusual culture, man yeah, it's a really crazy place. Yeah, they invented the suicide bombing too. They invented invented the kamikaze we know they did. They got people crystal Meth, really that's how they got him to do kamikaze work very easy and gave him crazy. Amphetamines made him just fuckin. Do ninety shit? Is that your answer? You know it's interesting is when you realise, like that's: that's got to know like like when you realise sometimes a motor nation behind some things, like my dad before he passed, he used to tell me that
a lot of the mullahs in IRAN. They there like a lot of people, smoke opium. It's like smoking weed, but it's opium. I must say that a lot is mullahs actually smoke opium and ended up down a bit about in a stand up about how the reason is. Gonna talk, a shit to America's caused, hi and sunny start making sense says even like Gaddafi. Suppose each is high kinds of meds, and so you realize what a guys out there talking like he's, fucking twenty Montana, have you seen some of the quote? What he's going to fight to the death? So you know somebody might give em Credit is like I mean his followers be kept credit for, like all this guy's got balls. You stand up to America, but the guys fucking high he's just talking shit.
The same thing with these guys that are kamikaze and it was like. Oh wow, thanks a lot of balls to do that, yeah. If you're flying high on meth, he like yeah, I think about the king, take on this fucking boat. With my little plane. I just saw a movie guys remember that movie airport, it was big in the 70s, it was kind of the airport yeah. It was about a terrorism act that this guy, this guy lost his job. The economy was shit and he was going to kill himself to collect on currants, and so he went on this plain and was kind of cool the sea like how planes used to be where people are smoking. You know it and all this crap and had he blew up a bomb on the plane, and it was so funny see how a how we used to think if a bomb blew up on a plane like how this low whole came out and some in the wind
around the little. I go it's when the end here. You know that line and I suppose you are actually the ground or anything like that, but it is also we're just seeing like how the airport security used to be. How like this, how movies like this? It was a movie about a terrorist blowing up a bomb in nineteen. Whatever seventy nine or seventy two or something think was even earlier than that, but they made for movies about it. I other you guys was, it was so this was actually an actual thing that happened in those based on true story. No, no! No! No! This is just like the there take of terrorism, backer, seven easier and unlike bombs and blowing up a plan, Well, there was on its territory and nineteen seventy it was. There was some terrorism back then you know I mean there'd been that then event that happened. The Olympics Eunuch Olympics. What year was that was seventy two that was tool epochs. Indeed, we ve had terrorism forever.
Well, they say even like if you go back to like the whole jewish palestinian thing like before, before Israel became a state, the Jews were doing terrorist acts to try and get you know to to get more locks year through the Morlocks here, not having always know what an oppressed people are always do and the terrorist tracked but banal, but that the thing with the with the with Ways air travel stuff. Now, even now, when you travel, when you go to different parts of the world, it's raising the sea there take on terrorism and their take through, like the airport like I'd like we have just seen like I've been like. I've been of airports now, sometimes in the Middle EAST, where the deuce, like straight up like like he's talking on the phone, is really like those ts. A guy is on a earpiece Latona. Just like a go ahead, and I was joking. I was like he's like go ahead. You know you, you know
you can go because you know it is in a word. We were authorised like another that now my tat, you ve jokingly, but we're like I've had that you know I've had dudes like on the phone, not paying attention. I won one TSA dude literally like he was. He was kind of he kind of like moved out of the way and he was checking six asses as they would walk by where his mind was Australia. You do in Austria, like I've done, is again like on domestic fighting, to take liquids on and on So I don't know what the deal I was about to throw the water when the guys like now bring it on it so wrong, and I'm like that's kind of weird but yeah Please don't make me take your sneakers are viewed as we're different places. Different takes on it all things, ridiculous, or like I'm so later, when I, when I made my wife, is studying the south is misused anymore. Bayer was like known to be like a drug like drug slash like you know me
for all these like russian mob. Anyone whose do some illegal shit goes to Marbella and when I landed at the airport there You know how like use it, there's like a customs this and that there is no like you could just I was like I could have like a bag filled with heroin right now. And they're like come on in man, so it's known for being like an illegal. If you go down there zone I'll tell you I realize I was walking on the beach. Well, I was walking on the little boardwalk. I saw this like big. You know how russian some russian dudes are just like their big. This guy was big head, like this short cut short shorts, no short on like black socks. We have given me on. A cell phones is walking like with a gold chain. Like these russian mod like come on man, I like Tony soprano going out for a walk. You know russian MOB, they scary to me than the italian Haliae italian mob. So much ego and flashing Isn t like all this the John Gaudy did you know everybody liked
out of John Gotti's like wow. This is like the ultimate gangster. No, this is the ultimate thing you're not supposed to do that supposed to be on tv, where everybody knows who the fuck you are not supposed to be so blatant about it all wearing fucking, fifteen thousand dollars suits and having people knocked off in front of steak houses. This is ridiculous. You guys are going to ruin the whole thing and it did wind up ruining the whole thing, whereas the russian mobsters less than a russian mobster guy clipped was tv. There's no russian John Gotti's. There are but you're never going to hear about it. Yeah. Well. The thing about the Russians to is like again. I talk about this on stage and it's total truth is like they. If you watch any time like there's something going on like there's, I would say like whenever there's a hostage situation like these guys so bad ass, they show the military shows up and he just kill everybody.
They are there. We might save some, we might say the hostages, but they'll probably die here. You know there is there, but we're gonna, kill, kill the hostage takers kill the hostage we might kill each other there, so bad ass. That's why I'm series is like the biggest mobsters in Russia is like. Vladimir Putin is like my these, the leader II, when he, when he left his prime minister, he made them a medley, the other guy. What was his name guys, the slit, my marina, but he Ebay, the other guy in is the president, and then he just became prime minister is like push it like. That is like this dude gangster, gangster ship yeah and he's a magnolia, Judah, yeah nvm and he's a black belt in judo like a legit black belt, still, trains yeah flips people do the Fuckin' air. So he, let's everybody like Obama in like pitch I'll, kill you and you see it in the eyes like when you watch like what I'm sorry again, I saw the press conference is the contrast, if you can, like you too, but maybe like there's like after September eleven there's a press conference with Bush and putin- and you know like Bush was
with the speech you know with us- are against us more about the hall. Her hope of ETA Putin was just straight up like what he going to there's gonna kill them like who, like anyone were turban, will kill. You know, as I see it in his eyes, like he's like he's thinking like ok, I will say what they need to save what afterwards some dying is going to happen. Apparently you know, Bush and Putin had a meeting in a bush was so offensively ignorant that Putin, like a media least started changing the way he negotiates deals. America afterwards, like just didn't respect what
we had to say. Bush is like giving him advice about things and it's like probably the fuck. Are you talking to Maine, I'm Vladimir Putin, which you just the son of some fucking CIA, just happens to be the puppet in charge like I'm, really running shift in Russia, yeah. That's the difference between like the President of America. The President of America is like some sort of a fuckin' figurehead for giant corporations. The guy who's running Russia is really running Russia, yeah yeah yeah. Absolutely back man ass, you, I always say like I don't are with Russia's man: tough tough world of there man. You know that that Fucking story Moscow, where Phaedr million NGO, that the former heavyweight pride champion came from Hanover Wash documentary on that kind. That life. You know you link, look at him up there in that mining town near area, jet freezing, fucking, cold
like hours away from Saint Petersburg, Russia by train with the fuck. Are you doing? Yeah man yeah some hardy? Ask people yeah man, little fuckaround. You know they have wolf problems up there I'll do that yeah they're, having giant packs of super wolves that are banding together for the first time and killing livestock, because it's so fucking cold this winter. It got so cold up there that many packs of wolves joined together to become one giant pack, because they're the freezing temperatures were killing all of their game and they were getting desperate. So they form sort of a new strategy and would go into Fucka Townsend, just Jack, all their all their livestock who discovered the worst way to go. Could you imagine if you like walking home with the girlfriend or wife after like dinner? One night like I was great dinner, and then you owe back you like. There's a pack of wolves are terrified my goodness. We ve killed them off in this country, and then we see restocking like they're having a right now in Idaho. I believe it is because they
Stockton, the giant Gray Wolf from Canada, and they brought it in the Idaho to try to like bring bring the populations up and now the populations are out of out of control and then, like the several thousands and then another killing live organs, fucking things- I mean you have to worry about him with people too, because their big animals hundred eighty pounds and they will kill people like all the big bad one shit little by riding hood shit, where there was always wolves. That's because was used to kill people before we figured out TAT since Jetson Guns- and you know there was, There- is a real issue- eurobonds, were the Wolf Russia's as why there ever there was a great documentary on Yellowstone and the cycle of life and Yellowstone, and one of the things that talked about is how the wolves got strong over the winter and all these other animals got fucked
All these other animals like they couldn't find their vegetation. They are digging through all the snow to get their plants and the wolves who just eating all these deer. So they would be well fed and they would be stronger and the livestock the Cariboo, the deers. They would all slowly start to weekend and they would all just get taken out by wolves fascinating. To watch my it's crazy. I toothache game. I want one was a member as a kid in IRAN in Teheran. I was a bit I live. When I was six m. Are my dad was like my dad was? Was like a manly man like you just like you know, he was, and he was a self made millionaire neron so like he was like back then like he was like the godfather, like the Shity would do for people. He was like the godfather, like straight up like Don Corleone like come to him, whatever you need done, but he, but in all his friends, are like wrestlers and shit like tough dudes lot of wrestlers out of Errata wrestlers yeah, and then my dad was a big drinker 'cause. He was from North northern IRAN Tabris, which is near the border of Russia. So vodka was like water like they would drink it all the time,
just have this memory of my dad. We were coming home from a party he was obviously drunk. He was driving us home and there was a pack of wild dogs like down the block from where we live, and my dad was so crazy, like like Manly, he pulled the car over and picked a couple of rocks and started chasing the pack of dogs with wrong God. Vodka, I'm coming to him like family, in the guardian, stone rocks at wild man, I'm sitting I'm sitting there as a kid going like damn. My dad is bad as you grow up you like no man, my dad was drunk with the fund, Iranians are famous for their. Their physical conditioning is like a lot of techniques that they used from IRAN. That are still used today, like in physical conditioning and certain like that. That shield cast and a couple of fitness moves and there they were the wrestlers from IRAN. Where are known like internationally. For being some of the
is wrestlers in the world, especially when you consider that IRAN is not a very large country, but consistently produces top ten world class wrestlers like every year yeah, we rustling is one of our big sports there in its in its it was it's a huge thing like chic beach. I seek baby recognize. It was a legit wrestler at one point in time. Yeah yeah, yeah he's wrestling and weight them weightlifting too another one like it. Ronnie is always compete, it's kind of weird it's manly country, yeah, mainly countries, but it's fine. The other thought that came to mind with the walls we need. Some other wars is having a kid. I'm sure you've seen it. It's like it's funny how these children's books and, like you know, obviously you know big bad wolf but like once in awhile they'll be like you know this the cute little war for the cute little like some animals it like in the hippo. My my son loves hippos. He was somewhat like hippos enough for the most deaths it, but my sounds like a leader.
Hippo hippo there and like their so cute, and these polar bears smoke. Oh yeah, exactly Coca COLA Cola Bear yeah, yeah monsters, it's crazy, fucking evil counts, yeah It's funny like you could be like you could do like a spoof like up behind like a like it behind the scenes in like some actors that alike so lovable being such ass old method. That is actually the zeal areas. Like the fuckin, the star baseball player tells a critical fuck em, so graphically fuck still remain hero, fuckin, real love about that you fucking she'd, biting your car tyres off hilarious, there's a great picture on line of this african guy running from a hippo, and it's it's a funny picture and it terrifying picture, it's funny because the guy made it he survived. He got away from the hippo, but it's fuckin terrifying, watching it man this his disguise running in the
essentially a gigantic wild pig. It's what they are. There are different kind of pig there in the family of pigs and pigs are ruthless. Assholes yeah and this giant wild pig is chasing this guy down the street. It's fucking terrifying, Mozilla. Thirdly, one of my thoughts at that point would be are these like this was a run fast like I'd, be starting to think about, but you don't say it like. Have you ever heard of a news piece about these guys? Like you know, the only thing that keeps you safe is that they can't run too far. 'cause, there's so big. There are so big and it carried so much mass and a lot of times they spend. They spend a lot of their time in the water they could run, but it's not their best move to outdistance, but this guy was running fast. This thing looks like it was like right on his ask. One of the beautiful things about this podcast is that we have this message board at Joerogan DOT net and whenever we bring up something like this in the podcast there's a thread It's already dedicated to the mall Giovanni POD cows at an earth. What is his name, Mr Denison? He puts it up. I should give a guy credit because he puts it up. Yes, mister denizen, cool motherfuckers always doing this.
But I know somewhere on this thread someone's going to put that picture of that Hippo China I think the internet is a beautiful thing in that respect. Yeah. You said that picture that in time in Africa, so have you seen those pictures I think it was might have been Mogadishu? Have you seen those pictures or like like of these guys when they were chasing dudes with machetes? You remember that shit. There was something going either get anything it was more than two years ago, the hood scene, it might have that might have been there. Yet I would be rwandan idea that too Tutsis and the tools are, what are you hungry, say: yeah, hotel, Rwanda, but it's crazy to see human beings chasing each other. The dude was straight up chasen. They would, is one dude. They had machetes in their hands and use it first. First thought is like holy shit. Second, thought is this: Guy
Number Man is nuts. He said they go like take a picture of this. You know I'd be like ok, I could tell the story I'm not going to plug in and then the third thing, it's just that poor guys, like he's going to catch him and they're, going to find chop them to pieces. Crazy human beings are such ass. All's well, especially in Africa. Man has a long history that should go down and that what we were talking about the Hutus and the Tutsis. However, say it's only correct me: I don't have internet, please somebody on twitter correctly. Those guys like one of the things about the horrors of that war is that they would go into a town and kill thousands of people with machetes, just chop him up, and then they would pollute the river because they would throw so many bodies in the river. The water from the river would become undrinkable because it was rotten with human bodies. Yeah it's a fucking. It's a terrifying place that Africa is so fucking wild.
So far, it is to this day in two thousand eleven, it's probably the wildest place, but just war in general, like they were talking about the just caught one of these other Serbs, serbian leaders of their mothers, Milosevic and then there is another guided his codified, his name but there, but they ve got all these counts of human atrocities against him. He was a general, I guess go to town and they ve capture the enemies and then they would say you see some like you know, hey it's all go we just want to capture the town, so all the men, you guys, come out and will let you go and like the man will come out and they would mass it. Would they get em out by law? saying like it's all good and once they come out like they would massacre the men they raped the women. I mean it's just like. Why do you gotta? Do that? It's like you know what I'm saying and old School in this context, my God, people adjust Hutus and the Tutsis it sees in the hotel, Great movie hotel Rwanda by the thank you, create culture and Perry, four one one and Frederick Lambert and Real
hey. Can I set out to my brother in law. He loves to show Pd Pd money. I don't know if he's listening right now or not he money. What's happening Brother Pedia Money, he loves his showman, he loves your show. I was in Vancouver and we came out of this steak. Restaurant I was with bad Bobbie Ann Savage Science from the Rogan Board and we stepped out of this steak, restaurant and, as we stepped out those ay and he put his hand on my shoulder and then he pulls off his ear buds. Shows me his ipod and he's listening to the podcast. That's awesome! How cool is this? It was ridiculous. I was like wow that is fucking nuts man. That's a surreal moment right. So surreal, it's like, I heard sting in an interview that he knew he was starting to make it when he was at some meeting in some office in the high rise- and I don't know if this is true or not. He said he saw the guy outside clean the window and then I was like singing Roxanne or something should I made it well once Eddie Murphy saying that in that movie, oh, my god, it just became. I didn't even know about that song until I saw that movie and Eddie Murphy was saying in the movie and I'll, do it as a kid that might have been one,
favorite movie moments, I went into that movie being a huge Eddie. Murphy fan hydrogen up and Then, when they introduce some like that, you like he just he basically lived up to everything you expected and then that movie got. But I wasn't movie now, like you know where to go the bar. You know you best. I accept black russian here, like there's a new sheriff in town. That name is Richard Hammond, oh my I still great man, yeah dude he's the best. No one was a better comedic actor in a movie than Eddie Murphy. In my opinion, yeah forty eight hours- oh my God, Nick Nolte just took over and it was the right amount of vulnerable the right amount of bad asan, cocky right amount of self deprecating. He was like twenty two at that point, Dick Ulous, ridiculous, an a killer stand up. Oh my god. It's almost ashamed that he had all this problems with trainees and what have you
he doesn't want to go on stage and he doesn't want people to heckle him because God dam at one point in time. If you go back and listen to his ship when he was like nineteen, he was a brilliant media. Nineteen years old, he was very fond extra, rented some like old videos, and there was a comet like a national competition and they were they showed the top five winners and he was if place one everyone, but I've heard of him. Then they are not allowed to do anything, they have gone well, he doesn't even do common anymore. It's a weary lay his brother. Does you know it's like Charlie's out there
carrying on the family name is funny 'cause. When people ask me about how I got in a comedy, I was in college and, like I thought about doing it a few times and I was always intimidated. 'cause I've done acting as like in place, but I wasn't. I wasn't in front of an audience and talk about. Like my point of view, is you know so? I was in college and I saw these two guys and they were just horrible. It was a comedy competition, and so I told myself the next time. There's competition, I'm just going to do it. So I would tell you I say you get inspired by greatness and mediocrity. I was inspired by mediocrity and the funny thing is I'm just like. Maybe a year year and a half ago, I'm at the comedy store in the original Romana Tuesday, and I just came off like this big tour in Australia, where I was like headline in front of a lot of people, and you know it was like automatic. I called on a Monday just gave avails for every night, and so I get a Tuesday night show. So I go up and it's like the crowds, not that great, I'm not into it. I'm like I just got off the road, doing one thousand people and like
in an hour twenty and now I gotta do fifteen minutes. I don't want to try anything new. I don't want to be here like. Why do this? I get off stage, I'm just all over the place. Nothing really hit and the only person laughing is Johnny Zap. You know yeah sure and what's funny about Johnny's app is in the past when I first became a regular coffee store, Johnny Zap, actually I'd like giving me like. He watched the set one time and he started giving me tags, and I don't know who he was. He will tell you I was around with Richard Pryor- was here this and I thought that you like a genius of comedy so he gave me like some tags and quickly I realize there's like no. This is through the hangs out very easy. It's crazy to the hangs out like you know, 'cause, then he started giving the tags like these are horrible. So I'm sitting on stage, I'm kind of dying and Zap is the only one laughing and I'm like thank you Johnny, and and then I'm getting ready to get off stage and Steve Burns. The next comic and Steve always like does like a long kind of jokey intro for me, like whenever who's next module Ronnie, I don't know who that is
whatever is nice guy, I'm sure, because my watch what you do like that? So I start doing there, Stephen I'm just written all over it, and it's just get like this is a very mediocre set and walk enough stays. Zap waves me down it's a Tuesday night and my heart cats ask out of tag for me and he goes Hanan any Murphy's here and I thought he was in the main workers. Eddie Murphy is always in the main room. So I thought you'd like already moves in Amerika. So what so some walk, and, as I walk in Eddie was Eddie was sitting the whole set watching my set in Mitzi seat, it's you see, I want asked Eddie, I'm like I got. I just died in front of my comedy hero about that. I turned around waiting for my body, whose common to get me we're gonna, go to the laugh factory, Eddie walks down in front of my body. It gives me the quick little look doesn't say anything just keep walk it. So, in the back of my mind, only saving graces of thinking to myself. Here
the comeback is going to end up on the tonight, show that would be like what inspired you to come back and be like you know. I was watching this mediocre set one time, because the reason he came back you brought anywhere feedback. That's how I roll man, that's what I was talking about this on the Kevin Smith show about going on stage, and you know how some guys will just go. Onstage fearlessly, like Chris Rock, will go on stage fearlessly with a batch of new material, and just pass it out and see what the fuck happened and if ever comes out, comes our, but it's so tough to bomb bomb in front of a guy like Eddie Murphy must be Defarge and tear? Oh, my god I was is that anyone is oh here's. A funny thing was half way through the set. I'm like it was a Tuesday night, as kind of like gives the whole time, I'm going just get it together and get through it and be funny, Van Patten? Pardon me like I'm all over the place only has really not into it and might even like
some other go up there, just gonna riff for five minutes for new material. I just wasn't. You know that you're up there make wiring put in re, so half way through the sent em like do get your shit together and make it a good sense because somebody might be in the audience an I swear to God, the past twelve years. I've been there. I've never had that thought and I thought to myself and then the other voice, the comedy store voice, came in my head. I was like who the fuss going to be inside and who cares like the whole point of the coffee stores to go with? Who cares like you know exactly so, is one of those like care who's cooking in this audience that has any kind of influence of agents or something it's not going anymore, so don't realize when you talk about the comedy store at you know, that's like one of those like I used to say when I lived in Boston that that was MECCA. I would hear about like Kennison and Rich prior, and that was the comedy store in Hollywood, but then you actually get there and you Oh, this is, and in saying this I oh yeah and no one's watching the omens paying any attention and that fuckin MIKE is just turned on at one point the night than theirs
coast even now, communions tag team with this no club in town. That does that, by the way, all the comedians just bring each other up. There's a fucking host like a professional show and the guy will go up and I'll bring people out and will do little time in between giving your intro and get it straight. I don't know if I can get your interest rate, the store in oh, no, not at all, is endless, but about Bab beyond, because that's where I actually grew as account like. I I done one year comedy then it became it then can real economy store and was great because there was no pressure, it was like you, gonna I got used to ship crowds. That was what was weird when I started before the laugh factory in the room Well crowds- and I was like- oh, my god, you're so nice at the improv with the fuck yeah, it's so weird and it's weird seeing guys who started in town and started at one of the clubs with audiences. I actually saw couple comic comics one time I saw this at the laugh factory. One comic go like I'm, not going after so, and so and I was like. Oh that's an option.
The other option at the store. I mean how many times admits he shoved you on after some killer, does a marked Lawrence type characters and will go up and destroy ego Mars and also, and also what happened like the weirdest one. Had was one time. It was one of these thin nights. Not all night not must have an audience. Dice does a stop in here, But I do like an hour and the crowd in is a thin crowd, but it's his crowd. Crowd, start loving him and I'm trying to make work on issues like Canada. Words like like the Iraq war and in front of work on some like war and glory, Chevalier, negotiate and he's doing like an old fox and for this I thought you know he's doing it, don't do it in the Lebanon and then it was weird he does one joke and some others feedback on the MIKE and it looks at the MIKE for second, they looks at the audience he drops the MIKE and he walks off
in the end. The piano players neither does no one there. No one is that you said no one is run in the asylum and ever nobody, even someone who's next is dead, and this is kind of like that's weird, and no, some like I'm next, I gotta go up so go up one stage of you. I know how goes the Junta Mars Iranian over you fuck. I was but that's that's just makes you tough. You learn, you know what I'm saying my heart is set for, fall and ice had a bunch of hard sets, fallen, dice following dice fallen, Lawrence Form and steely following foul Richard prior when richer, but I still don't stand up shit. Those were those we're we're times, but Mitya was always Ross about tat that she thought you were any good. She was going to give you an easy spot. She thought you were decent and in our spark sparking you should throw you on in the worst position possible. What is it
actual yap when I'm on after more law and soothing its funding, though that you get, but I think that would be fun. I think that you like it like the best challenges that have just been, but try that is, it is in the low. But after it's over was here he's a things. Sometimes sometimes it works well if you go in there with, like I'm fucked mentality. Here, if you write the wave, the internets get your like one time. I did what time they were, they were doing something in the main room. It was a black, it was the black film Festival and they had occurred but he show and his Busby headline by Eddie Griffin, so people had comment expecting eighty and eighty walk and and saw that they sold tickets and he's like in pay. An assumption is that you get upset about something go up so then to them. Someone came to me the like. We need
we get in there to closeout the show, so there expecting Eddie Griffin and I walk up, and it was so funny 'cause they just everyone just got up and started walking out and like there was like one table that hung out and literally like I was so like defeat at the top that I just was like thanks for hanging out. I said I feel like I'm. The the rolling credits at the end of the film feels like for them, for everyone just leave it and that one table was with me 'cause. It was all safe, self, deprecating material because it was like you know. What am I doing here and it was like one thousand five hundred and twenty min and you live. Sometimes, though, if you go into that situation, where it's still kind of a hot crowd and then you go in and now you gotta performance for in and it's like, they get. You know, they're, not laugh. And then you trust him crowd work and is not working, I had done, more better Mondays, Improv one time it was funny cause. I've got good side because I did I did Friday after next. So I had some street credit. The black black bread, Brac Community abruptly and answers
Holy Molly Donna shop. You know this this character in them in the movie, so I've been doing, you know I did chocolate Sundays, I did Cobby store want and then I overheard a few people talking about how much better Monday's was. One of the toughest black, comes as a how tough could it be and have given way to go on and this one other comic. Hey man, you got you shit together in Tripoli, was there to his eggless abroad. Just hang in there that the data and I went up there and I it's so much shit as it was this like it was a crowd. Did you go in? There is as early in the show, and you expect it to be a good crowd. It's one of those things where you get like a couple of laughs and, like you hear the pin drop kind of thing, and then you try, another joke is not working. Then you try some crowd work and it's not working, and then you start I guess you don't think so. Your instincts like ok attack that attack the chick were in the pink. You know, whatever the just look, whatever the pig wagon antennas for whatever you know, attempted attack the dude in the purple leather suit. You know it's just funny, but then, but then you like now
they're, going to kick your and then it is going to like. Given that light man, to pick on someone when you're bombing- oh my god, I mean it's really don't feel confident to pick up so yeah, oh well, it's the worst bombing in a black crowd is really hard too, because it's very hard to pull yourself out once it goes down. White crowds will give you some room, yeah black eyes like next year, all UK has a great story about bombing on Mobile Monday's that he went up any because we realised that there was no recovering like they didn't want you to recover in ally. He tried out a joke and it wasn't. It didn't work, and that was it there like nags get off. We could try some other shit now get out of here. Come on guys, it's it's, but you know. I think it's also it's good to do look of room like that were people who have any did they know they have no problem with Boone. You have the stage will quickly
not the best thing to do all the time, but every now and then it's good as a little reality check. Yeah ship better be tight son, but come out that gate swinging, yeah yeah and the most important thing is the first bit that first got to be strong, so hell yeah, oh yeah, you want to open with your clothes or, if it's possible, if you want me to set that bit shop with your personality beforehand, yeah you're right right, yeah, the thing that you learn when you do that exact ever learn this early on. I was like never believe the height is sometimes a nice you'll kill, and you like, I am God, it's a nice. You die and, like you like, depress me, you can never go with like the good thing about these lessons on those things is to go. Listen man, my shoes, funny they they didn't work tonight, but my site, that's a phone joke! That's a funny joke! I've had sex before where an usually happens in the comic store original room, where it's not like an all black row dislike this crowd of kind of. Like you, few Norwegians couple Aussies couple a euro hipsters is it's all: there
mix crowd and I'm having a blast and there laughing and I've seen comedians like me. Like you know, you guys, don't get it, but don't you go to the Euro, get I just go like does. That was a funny like up. Like you guys all Vienna ride this fine. I dunno funny. You know I know I'm funny so fuck you guys. I got another eight minutes and I'm not you know. Well, you know the problem comedy. I've always said. Is that it's just called comedy and it's not like you, never go to a club to see, live, music and it says, live music and you don't know if you're going to get a rap and are you gonna get fucking roses classical music eat? It's very clear now we're going to go to when you go to a blues club and get some blues. But when you go to a comedy club man, you can get anything yeah, you could get my jib roni. You can get Dane cook you get this guy, you get that guy everyone's got a different taste and some people might love Judah Freelander and some people might hate him and love Tracy Morgan. It's like you know. It's like it's like. It's also subjective man,
there's gotta find your audience yeah and one of the beautiful things about showing up places where it's not your audience to showing up on some random night at the improv is that you can't stack the deck. So you have to make some people laugh that don't even fucking know you don't know shit yeah, some sure. Now you must get these huge crowds of, but who no master brawny. So they come out to see you here and now, but at I think, every now and then you gotta go in front of my love. Actually I love, like I always say like I don't like to be in front of everyone. That knows me. One reason is you feel like: ok, they might have heard a lot of this ship, even if his new now with the internet, it's gone up and second, I love. I just look like, for example, one thing that happens with my audience is like what happened was when we first did the axis of evil. Comedy tour came out on comedy central and a lot of young like middle easterners, started following us, but then they started bringing their parents
growing up like in the Middle EAST and community like it's like you know, you you're, very, like you, you don't go to blue. Like you know, you gotta be nice and polite em, you could get. You know, get a little edgy, but you don't cos. You know like there's a whole thing like for the longest time with my mom, and my like that I was asked, is still the meat don't cost. Definitely not around. You know Persians you're not going to cost. How much do you cuss on stage ever? I don't cuss much like us a little bit, but I actually was funny. Is I like now? What I do is if I make a reference to something like there's a joke, I do where I mentioned masturbation. I actually make fun of that's why I love having a mixed audience. 'cause I'll, look I'll! Look at the white guy in the audience. I go now. Hey MIKE right now, there's a table of Persians going! Oh my god, he said masturbation. You know I brought my mother. She doesn't speak English. Now I have to translate masturbation at the pharmacy. So I riff on what they're thinking and inevitably, there's always like this one table, that's dying of laughter and I've had people come after show be like dude.
I wish you with my mom when you say that she was told the truth and the mother told the cool with it. I would just I had this recently at the tamper improv I was doing it and there was literally is all very like the sting sweet, older lady that was the mother of this other eighty. So the other lady was my mom's AIDS. The other than the mother was like my great grandmothers, age and I said master. How did the riff and the funny part of the whole thing was, as I was doing, the riff, the it was leaning into the grandmother. Translating everything- and I was like holy shoot- is actually happening- the crowd loved it 'cause. I was making fun of it, but it's actually happening. Oh that's! Funny! Yeah! That's funny! Do you like perform in the best? I love, I mean I mean still love the original room, just for creativity purposes, you now and then, and then what Jamie did with that using. I think, maybe I guess look. We all love kill innocent.
Our audience is like whenever, like like, some of the cities, I love like DC, is one of my favorite cities. First of all, one of the things a little bit DC, it's very international. Secondly, everyone in DC is doing ship like whenever I say couple days in DC, you meet people like hey. Where do you work is like I work at state? Oh, what's State department, ok, cool! What do I work at the agency agency CIA, like people do it and I would say like when I worked very, be those kind. I would hate that do not see. I not do it. It's a crazy thing. 'cause, like I would say like I was there recently I was like. I was like what's great about you guys like if I'm an ll be like what are you doing like I'm working on a movie about a spy who goes to South America overthrow the government, I go when you come to be seen. What would you do that spy was gonna, go to South America over the love of it. But it is you feel like you in them, part of like you meet people that mean like are doing shit, I'm everyone
I'll, be there actually had a moment? I'm arose as there. It was right at the time of like right in the heart of the Bush administration and reverse homey security, Tom Ridge member him under the first guy, and he seem on tv and is a talking at his older dude outside this, like fancy, restaurant in DC and he's sitting there talking to this like attractive young girl kind of you could tell his body language was off flirty you and he's a big dude too, and I was like this guy's just pussy, like every other he's had a homeland security. Mecca, you admit it you want you want. You want to see the tailor good Orange cry of everyone who see the red button, actually road that he's all areas. Let you see those cars, a guy's when you're out there I supposed Ella as both like anywhere. You know. You don't see that. Let you know I need to live on you're still here, you do in most of your work is on the road I am most. My mother, I mean I live, listen, I lay a lovely and that my family's here, a lot of my friends here and whether wise
but when you travel around the world you come back. I was in Norway and his life negative land that, like a negative three with wind shield, the windshield dislike went on Winchell factor, it's your negative fifteen or in Chicago yeah. This is a great city, but in December it's a month if a crime like what is wrong with you, people, you know, and the beautiful, I would say the great thing about LA it's so close to such so many great, but I in the Bay area, so I love going up to the bay you go to Santa Barbara gotta sandbar to Vegas. San Diego eleven is close by Elly, is an amazing Citys, overpopulated oh yeah, if, if we Levin Ella though it probably so much more enticing. I would say that like when I'm DR around got, if I wasn't it live here, are probably appreciate this more in public. Why? What an incredible place I should live in L A this there's a a great amount of shitheads in this city, but it's just because the numbers the numbers are so, but I mean that you know what is funny like whenever I go to New York, I love New York in terms of like it's like a playground for adults. Like you just jump in a cab to the next restaurant, you go to the next club. You gotta go all night
You can want to live there. I would want to know I actually. I always thought I wanted to live there, and then I did two projects out there. I was there for four months at a time and it was like I got an apartment at the corner of house than six, which is like the heart of the village. I was like this is place, dude from seven a m till three a am every day it was like noise outside it was just so like cars, honking and and construction- and I was like you know, New York, I think, is good. If you're twenties and you got your buddies and your all make some money just want to run around like, I guess the ratio of women demand is like this. Like I don't know, it's like fifty five to forty five really a lot more women than men and a lot of models walk around New York. How about you survived, like Boku Howard, stern type, caught cash flow? I would be into living in new elected Manhattan, like with some sort of apartment that overlooks central park, like that you have you, got like Madonna Money and get some one else: crazy. Twenty million dollar or
yeah 'cause I've seen some online. Some people put some up on my message board as well, and there was one that had like a corner building was a corner apartment with insane views of the city. That's some of the most beautiful things. When you look at a real city, Scape Ass, lit at night. Oh, yes, you're, fucking, amazing. I just think that the numbers of people when you're in a place like Manhattan, the all the influence they have over you all the people around you all the time. I just don't think you can have peace there. I don't think you can well, that's what's crazy is when I was living there on those stance. Like I remember coming home one weekend an I went, we have a house here and I remember hearing a bird chirping outside. I was like I've not heard a bird chirp, except for here he's got Bergeron he's got the alarm noise to the bird server that chirps different different noises now, but New York is New York is great to visit in party and stuff. You know, and even though it goes back to the weather under the crazy experiences in New York, where, like us any day
no meeting I walk out in is pouring rain, unlike what the hell happened in his hot humid. That's me: to the world, most of the world's deal with whether we have to deal with whether we just have to deal with the once a decade or two. The world moves ship falls down. They just sold the father of the Bride House. Only remember the movie father of the bride, what does that huge, really nice house and what is a memo me stay Martin? You know and he was like the father of the bride and Rick Moran as having might have been. Some like that, but I just saw that house on some website. You're they perceived tat, would be most ideal house in California is. It was actually picked for the movie because of how wholesome and nice look where gonna get really was Malibu we're was. It was again my pasadena some
this one, where Martin Short, plays like a gay wedding, direct a wedding during yeah, like a german gay wedding, he's actually very funny when I was leaving Kevin Smith Place today. I did his podcast this morning when I was leaving his place. They had one of those tours where there's like a bus that does top to it hire people are out in the open air and there is a star sightings and they're driving through the Hollywood hills pointing out celebrities houses, I've fucked! That is why they show people way sleep. That's weird, as in general, like I don't know like I've, I've done a few tours in my life like what, even if it's like a like a museum, I guess so bored so fast like I want to spend an hour for you to tell me about this painting in the painter, and I just read five min move on Muslim sitting. Second van parallel, really Kevin Smith lose also lives. Here I might get me office bus for some people. Man meeting celebrities is very important, is excited about it. It's weird how you must be fuckin huge in the Persian to me
Well, that's how big are you is weird, like you know, in terms of yeah, I mean the persian community. Like knows me, as a celebrity, it's actually funny I just I was just in I was at lax two days ago and had all these like flight problems and we're running around from SW trying to get american airlines and coming back and then I you know, I got the Google alerts so like it sends me like if you ever get mentioned in something like a send you so I was just like. I got the Google earth and it was like celebrity spotting. It was like huh, I look, but it is so funny. Somebody was like Maz Jobrani, spotted at the lax and was even funnier, though, is like it's like. You know like Justin Bieber has like ten thousand celebrity spotting's, like you know so I got two celebrities that lack of work in my way lowly Persians per year. Actually you know it's funny. This happened to this was the weird one, one time Erin Catering I had just done a gig and Jordan of all places low and we flew back and we could zone
like. It was actually really cool with the first time. The first time we ever did, Jordan was again with with me. I'm at an era we went into the axis of evil. Comedy tour out in the Middle EAST would have five countries. We, like twenty seven, shows thirty days all sold out it was like, is big fish papa. You never say you love to talk about anything. You want some countries like like lead. They go talk about whatever you want, because the Lebanese they have had a very liberal. The very Beirut force was one of the most amazing cities in the world really to check it out. It's amazing, it's like the nightmare is crazy. There's like no rules or regulations. The women are all beautiful. The other food is delicious and then and then you've got like that, because you can go check out the bazaar kind of thing you know and then you could go out into the mountains. I mean it's just amazing. I had a great time every time I've gone to Beirut and you can see there on stage. Where do whatever you want so yeah now so that's Beirut! Then you got the other countries where a lot of times promoters will say no sex, no religion, no politics
yeah you like. Well now, I'm stuck, you know. They say that, right before you go on stage right, yeah, but that's the funny thing is when they say no policies. That means no local politics and thank God I don't know about the local politics and I'm not about to challenge. You know the shape of do by with some Vienna stupid shit. So I let you know that you're allowed to make fun of America. You make fun of America, I can make fun of IRAN. I used to make fun of the president and they loved it. If you make fun of their neighboring country, they like that is hilarious. Either they love it. How close is the government of IRAN to being overthrown? It's the call man, it's it's interesting because there's like I mean I I I love politics anyway, so I read up on it a lot you know and and there's so many different analyst like what is in IRAN right now, it's over seventy five, maybe eighty million people and there's a lot of young people like like a majority of young.
They have the internet and they want a modern way of life. They want to live, but the problem is, if somebody pointed this out, they were saying when the iranian Revolution happened under the shah. A lot of the people that were in leadership position under the shah had been western educated, and this guy made a good point. He goes so when the revolution happened, they had the money and they're like screw it we're out of here. They went to France, they went to London, they came to. America live their life they're all good. The people that are running the country now are not western educated they've. Been part of this Lucian, also seventy nine, and they they also. You know they got nowhere to go and when the when the Ayatollah took over. That was all U S back right is an issue with the Sha, where the United States was at a disagreement with the shots back the Ayatollah ears on him in this this conspiracy theories and the sword, but I think I mean I'm a big part of you- can go back and trace it to actually a movement happening. That was an eternal movement
because what how was the shock of the shah Western as a country lot and and and and had a lot of progress for the country. Nonetheless, under the Shaw like as under any dictator in in the Middle EAST. There was still a lot of people being persecuted. Like opposition was not looked, it was frowned apon and you would have like these like and you had different parties. You had like the monarchists, then you had like the nationalist, then you had the socialist and if the communists and you had to have the religious Islamist, so you had all these different parties and any time anytime, anyone would say anything or criticize the shah, like some dude, would disappear. How to put together with Slovakia was the secret police so there's arc eyes of like intellectuals that would like you criticise them and disappear, and so there was there was that not so eventually, what happened like the Khomeini's history goes that he was actually exiled Lycosa them.
So many yeah, so many she was legit yeah. I'm trying to get my son to learn Farsi is the funniest thing seen this kid he's got like an american accent already have these three right, yeah he's three Lake Mary. He sucks it up anyway, so he how many had been exiled to Iraq and he was getting back. Then it was kind of like the twitter of today he was. He would sneak his sermons back into IRAN with tape cassettes. So all these other religious guys there was a visit. There's a city named going, which is a religious city in IRAN. They were all getting like his sermons and he was criticizing the shah outside of a rod. You can do that from outside, but you can't do it from inside Susan from from outside and What happened was there was all these different opposition? The Shaw and discontent was growing. Protests were growing, and so
does our kind of banded together and what they would do is very similar to the protests were happening during the green movement, two thousand and nine, where people would be protesting and then and then the government would shoot into the crowds and kill some people and in the muslim shiite religion like like once someone's, killed like something like seven days after some his morning day like so they all go out more. So these guys every morning in the end, the Shaw's police would show up and shoot some more and it just we grew and grew so the protests were originally like. You know one faction, but then it became more factions and then use. Then you get the point where you had like lawyers and doctors protesting in the streets of IRAN like people, there should be supporting the regime, and then you had the bizarre ease they run. The bus are is like the economy. These guys shut down the economy. The oil company went on. So all this shit came together and then and then it costs of the revolution app and I have a friend of mine who was young back then he said what was interesting. He goes
like when the shawl left. He goes for the first few days in IRAN. It was totally euphoria because it always like we got rid of America. We got rid of the this influence and he goes, but was weird, though, was gives cause for the protests. All these facts of reckoning because now, like one guy would be like hey, we did it brother and the other guy would like yeah. We did do it comrade. He like wait a minute brother he's a muscle, islamist comrade I'm a communist and they would say turning on each other, then the ships are turning and then and then the Islamic took over and now we're in the shit wherein, but all that stuff by the way in a lot of people have talked about this. A lot of this stuff did happen like in fifty three. There was a democratically elected government, the guy was named most and the U S. Actually the CIA has written their story of how they did it. Could data of the democratically elected leader in IRAN. They overthrew him and put the shot
Anne and so like whenever any American like whenever we talk about wars, stuff and the like, we just gotta bring democracy on my mother fucker. There was democracy and we overthrew it. You gotta read your history. You know it's a fast ain't time that we live in when people talk about going to war, do. You know when they're talking about disarming them if they continue with their nuclear program. Oh yeah, oh yes, strange times, there will Israel is like coming they, they they say would like if these guys get mean, and Israelis did, that to the Iraqi to one of the iraqi facilities back in the day where they infiltrated agony and they bombed it. But I guess I d ever ever lesson that George Galloway Spirit, you know who this is but he's a perverted name. He's a british MP, you gotta, listen to guys really he's actually very well educated and he'd make some good arguments anything. It's almost like it's funny how he like I've, seen him get in debates with, with, like tv commentators like on Sky TV pages on the street,
highlights the wisdom, George Galloway, there was so he was started by the other. Was him there was talk about like somebody came on? He was talking about this whole. Put me in a possibly doing in a strategic, bombings which cost surgical bombings rat and he was like to IRAN. Is they know somebody cities, a densely populated cities in his like somebody, Facilities are in bunkers that are, you know, knows miles down on underneath the ground and he's like how you going to do strategic, surgical bombing if you get to drop a nuclear bomb on the thing to blow it up, so he's like you're out of your mind, but but you should, but you should check out Georgia. He did a thing where it was. It was around the time when Israel and and the Lebanese were fighting like a few years ago, and this one girls funny for Sky NEWS. I think, like is pretty commentators issues like here to defend the the Lebanese. You know that the Hezbollah s point of view, George Gallo and the guy rifts in there is like first of all,
and I get a good is like you know your ear. Your introduction of me was very biased from the data that are, of course, I would expected sky news on by Rupert Murdoch, just those just cause these like. Secondly, you need to know your history is active in fighting for dinner. Just goes into the ABC there's like blonde girl like, but could you so? The question is in irish guy, I think he's irish. Ok, I have heard this guy with the dude is like when it comes to arguing is pretty, is a pretty bad mother father when it comes to arguing well I'll check out some of this stuff. I m fascinated by the Middle EAST, especially right now, because we're at such a strange time, you know with the internet, and you know that this new, using Facebook to organise and and and basically overthrow government after government, they keep toppling one after the other, an I'm curious as to what we Actually seeing you know the problem, it's funny 'cause. If you talk to a lot of, is we always say like, for example, like with what happened in Egypt? It's like it was a positive step in the right direction, but the question is talk to me six months from now talk through year. From now with uh, they'll be they know where the people that are alive today even benefit from it or
their life shit here and then the next generation benefits the world's Roma. Fuckin' turmoil right now. I don't understand it. I don't understand economics. When people start talking about economic meltdowns to me, the look at it, I go at the end of the day. There is the same amount of shares, the same amount of people. So what the fuc went wrong. We were living like kings just a couple years ago and now everybody's fucking in the sugar because of what of an inflated economy?
What does a little bit? I'm part of the things that I'm starting to see. That makes some sense to be zero. I allow them to get lost in it all too, but some of the things start making sense is when they start talking about, like the difference between the haves and the have nots and like how like back in the day like a ceo average, would make like twenty times more than than the worker. Now that some of these seals are making like three hundred and fifty times more than the average worker, so you start going. Ok, I see like right now they're saying that a lot of these banks have made them like they weren't affected by the economic crunch, 'cause. We bailed them out and now a lot of these bankers or making a lot more money, and yet the economy, supposedly still bad and people that had mortgages that were belly up or still belly up money in and of itself is so strange to me. The idea that it's he's done nothing but confidence. Now, there's no! It's not gold back yeah! It's just it's so hard to pay attention to everything. There's just too much shit going on in the world the world. Absolutely too many goddamn
what's going on is too many new science inventions that I have to look at every day. There's some new one. They invented where they installed some micro chip into a rats brain in the rat, recovered lossed memories and they think they're going to eventually be able to do this to people, but just so much fucking shit going on. I can't pay attention to everything. It's impossible, yeah! No, it is it's pretty! It's pretty coming sometimes too crazy. Where we live and aiming at a point in the middle of a tweet got it, we had a tweet dude. What how many? What is your twitter page? It's at Moscow, Brat Master, Braun yeah, I just I just gotta get Goin. I got you here. Ok, so please follow M M Maisie J O B are a n. Where are you at soon? Will people can go to the website or icy would do in this? Parliament are also well. I guess now you, minister, binational dot com and people can go to minivan men that comments you, our Madrigal and Chris Spencer sounds awesome.
Working people see you stand up, could restore laugh factory in progress, go to Moscow, brawny dot com. You can find information mass, Joe brawny dot com. I will be at the core, the Music Hall of Pitts Burg on this Saturday, the 25th with Joey, Coco Diaz and then this Friday, the first of July we're going to be at the Mandalay Bay Theater. That's a full day. Glad show armies, Archer, fear, Jody me and not dog best. Guess I'll buy you a guess. Button bright is gonna, be there and hug him. There's gonna be a lot of people in town that weaken has also. There is SAM's having a ninety show that we can now for three. They re yeah Israelis. That's so this really cool Strip club and he's doing it. I think Friday, Saturday and Sunday agenda haze, ok, cool war, which will help to promote that as well and yeah. So we'll see you in Vegas dirty bitches, so that's it Pittsburgh. On Saturday, the 25th and some tickets still available, but they're going quick information is Joerogan dot net. You could find everything-
and I will be back tomorrow with Russell Peters and thank you very much for tuning in and thank you very much the flashlight. If you go to Rogan dot net and click on the link for the flashlight entering the code name Rogan, you will save fifteen percent off the number one sex toy for men. She tells me that it's like Mars, Joe Brawny, lays generalised grab me my leisure haven't you are. My brother was very good to catch up with you and see you again and thank you ever. I will see you tomorrow. Bye, bye,
Transcript generated on 2019-12-06.