« The Joe Rogan Experience

PODCAST #88- Andy Dick, Brian Redban

2011-03-10 | 🔗
Date: 03-10-2011 The uncensored podcast of Joe Rogan. With Andy Dick and Brian Redban.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
the joe rogan experience is sponsored by the flesh light if you go to joe rogan dot net and click the fleshlight link in the upper right hand corner answer code name rogan and you get fifteen percent off thank you very much for listening and here we go buckle up bitches what fuck andy dick i brought my pussy ladies gentlemen andy dick has joined us thank you so excited god damn people to anticipation the build up
it's not my pussy it's the guy that's the guy that it's a cat well that's put the cat guy it's it's a that right here and he has to go there right away just to make everybody feel comfortable as they go to some dark places with them at ease my pussy immediately put everybody on edge i put him in means i feel like that that puts him at ease talking about your pussy yeah or just being just being good old andy it's me get all the entity it's good to see you i haven't seen in forever it's been years well i ran into you at improv right no i think well maybe i don't remember that emails drink and i remember running into you at canton that cancers jerry's oh yeah yeah i know was that you know it wasn't your girlfriend don't know we ran into the i ran into you there with your couple of years ago yeah you were with your i guess now y yeah yeah yeah um and then and two i think more recently that was the improv
a picture of it on my website can you take a picture i have a picture too dave foley on does the that's the flashlight it's a flashlight fleshlight something you fuck are you serious you out andy dick and totally different and show it to him open so i'm not yes i should start sponsor yeah that's right here actually want temporize are right here behind the flashlight night light too i am completely sober right now just so you know tell for how long it's only been i think it's creeping up on three months which is but that's a long even a week for me no but not in that way but after a week i feel great and then another week i feel better and how long has it been since you've like cut every thing out even just for a day or two i do it all the time
yeah you just smoke all the time no no no that's not what i mean it off all the time you need to yeah i know sometimes i don't smoke pot for a week a week okay ok yeah especially not performing i'm not performing and i'm not writing sometimes i just don't feel the need to use it as a tool like i use weed especially as a tool that's what i was trying to tell you back in the newsroom we're days your evening arkham mixed signals fella university where you were given off very very very strong signals that were right on the money you would scream in front of network executives you fucking freak you're high right now when you called will problems because we would try to do a scene and we couldn't do the scene because andy literally couldn't do it started right here lowered oh what are we doing here anyway like andy we have to go home okay we've been here all day rehearsing we gotta do this fucking scene and your baked to the jill
to the ewells no i would improvise a lot and now you see now you it's fun but you can't you can't get you can't get high and do rehearsals that's the problem you can't get high when you're waiting on other people then you can i don't know we'll talk about that well i mean i think it's just it's disrespectful to the people you work in with well you're high right now and you're working with me this is not the same thing because i'm not doing something where i have to remember and recall things and do things in a certain order i always i was always good always remember my lines and i was always right i was really professionally i don't know if you remember well sometimes you weren't and a lot of times you and paul simms would call me out when i was in high rise as possible i know like reno made them so high i got was trying will exactly it is like that i got sober these these twitter followers calling saying i'm on cocaine right now you know charlie sheen what do you think charlie sheen's doing right now what is he doing
if you're just drinking or doing drugs well after some of i saw the one where i didn't see the machete thing what happened with them i don't know but the machete thing i saw the photo but i've been watching the u stream can machete in his hand like what is going it's we're this train wreck amber unexciting located off the tracks into the woods yet do you think he's okay now now now if you are he's my favorite person in the world right now because i fucked up your life with you look at charlie sheen you i'm alright finally overshadowing me i would actually help me get completely stone cold so i was already sober when it started happening just like a month or maybe a few weeks and it started happening and it's almost like god shoving me into my mirror my face because you know i've never gotten that because i don't
elite smoke crack and i don't do that just drink beer and i drink one by the way this morning and the reason i'm late i mean it it really was me i was laid my i didn't tell you i mean i did tell you my distant showed up walked into my kitchen like here get some water you hungry i'll cook you some eggs and then i hear up do i turn around and he's halfway onto the counter god he's like fainting is headed i really need to feed this guy but then boom right on floor head first his head open blood gushing all over puddling up on my is kids floor in the main house right you know i'm not i don't live there i live in the shed in the back you know my whole story right now sort of okay we'll get into it but so blood and
he's flopping around like a fish on the floor above him and it's just me and him thank god the kids god the kids want their sport kids wasn't there even when i just when i the story for story for lena she's the one that was in lives in the main house and owns it but i pay for it but you're welcome any and poor kids to only two or mine but anyways but the thing is is that she just me telling her the story start crying she was and i didn't know what to do but i had the foresight to grab a paper towel thing shove it under his head so he wouldn't keep but me with his eyes rolled back wouldn't call nine hundred and eleven and i had my finger down his throat so i wouldn't swallow his tongue you heard that right away they don't put anything in his mouth when okay okay and we on for like like minutes on like this guys going to die right here and i
i gotta go on joe spot so you just left him right i waited at the paramedics came and they say it's gonna to be fine in hospital right now as we speak is in that so is it an epileptic seizures orders now you know what it is and this is the honest to god's truth he i made him so i said you can't work for me anymore 'cause we used to drink he was at the the with me all right we and that was pretty much one of the last times the wheels came off i went no charlie sheen was there how long ago was this like three months ago thank god and that's why they did a hair test and you know all traces of cocaine showed up because this goes back six to nine months hair eyes but but i wanted to prove that i was completely clean for at least a couple weeks so i
the urine test completely clean of all drugs you know this is on rumorfix dot com yeah i didn't know that they yeah i wanted to do it i said because these pictures came up with me to come can i want those are old pictures they're putting them up and they're trying to pretend like it's happening right now can't continue to be silent about it 'cause whenever shit comes up i'm like whatever it'll blow over but i don't and i know try to defend myself well you have done so many things though that are people that are just speculating you know as to you i mean also has to do is bring them a photo and groom it's a story it's them and and and they think it's happening that day will be of course the worst though do you understand how they would again on a grand conspiracy i know you're right so what is it like to be the guy that they call when someone hits the wall you're the guy that charlie sheen hit the wall so many get andy they're gone all right we're here is nancy grace we have in there yes
pop tart coverage on dead babies in florida for the week and concentrate on andy dear there has there have been there but we have found the bones of a two year old but let that woman that's coming later and eric is in the studio if there's a dead baby in florida dance anti applying bonded she's on that story i wonder if she does babies to make to make a tv show she doesn't like me white trash people meth she's horrible well just an angry broad
the little she doesn't seem like a pleasure filled happy fun person the other subject matter so god damn dark i will show it's dead babies yeah or she talked about me once when the incident went down would you say in at the buffalo wild wings out and ohio now managing hey that's your there with your family andy dick is drinking on the broad with his out ten four have children that's not what happened what happened is i was i was drinking a lot and this isn't temecula not cool the whole columbus was using arrested for drinking and temecula and you're not an indian some crazy shit i was with an indian
i got my drummer is an indian american and drive it up here in a guy had a motorcycle on you had a jacket and it said sober indian on the back of his jacket there rare should've taken a picture in that they love the fire water unfortunate that it just isn't really a supposedly this is how it goes without being too ignorant it's not in their dna because they didn't really drink into white men yeah like get asian yeah like that when if they can't metabolize the alcohol right when asian street they turned a forgetful leflore flushed often i read around a lot of drug agents yeah okay aug's but i'm around drug white people and black people that's why they some people get fucked i've been fucked up we've all been so he don't drink without yes i do you do what i do shows and i think they have like fifteen shots on stage in vegas and i completely los i could mosall ability to communicate i wanted
looking a line on my back and i was looking around me and there's shot glasses all of the station i'm still talking microphone on laying down i've done it when you're laying down on completely ridiculous still target in the problem is those wild fucking shows are fun they're great loves it too because like this is really happening this is some theater of humanity here this is really you're the only other person in the world is not good to do all the time now not all the time but every once in awhile i've got to have a show that with the wheels turning iraq and the car is in the woods hidden trees bounced off rocks and you're and you're the only one really laughing laughing hysterically into the microphone trying to tell your stories and everyone else just like well that's that's not good if they're not laughing too i like the when the wheels go off and everybody's wheels are off i want everybody to join me in this little fucked up part that happened to me in texas if you get if you're more drunk than everybody else it's usually the issue is
many states that you can't go to right now canada canada is making a joke but i really not allowed in canada and the last i was going to i was i had to work and a dog i was in line for customs to come in and a dog somebody had their dog with them and i'm cute he and i look up and the guy holding the leash was a police officer anything come with the dog just zero in right on me with his nose because i just smelled like pot i didn't even have it on me for what does harsh kennywood talking with the right home can be no more barking noise left its little body parts of horse
it took me in the back room and it was it was lately humiliating it was a strip search and then and then they found nothing had nothing and they i give you this pamphlet why me i just said why me said that effect it's basically why was i violated and you and the way you were dressed it was the smell of the pie god damn dog but i'm saying it's like a rape joke dress like that shouldn't have dressed like me i should have just like a hippie dress like a stony slut and you smell like we did that poor little dog an update about my assistant but i guess i'll check
fine because i've been talking was talking to him the whole way here is fine it's just the just and so what you were trying to say is if you if you stop drinking abruptly you will and this is true every time i've gone into rehab they they say you need to take this pill and it's called a lot in and i'm like why i don't take pills i just don't take pills i don't just don't like to some shit they used to give people the back in the cowboy days i don't know i think that was like something that people would get addicted to back then but i tried to salah did well either way you take it and you don't get you don't have seizures but if you don't take it or if you don't tape for all like if you want to stop drinking and you're drinking heavily like eh the day and you want to stop you gotta just taper off you gotta like if you're drinking twenty day then drink fifteen then drink yeah oh yeah sorry you got it or you gotta go because you can sync no no you can die from the withdrawals my fee
and my assistant could have died he he hit his head so hard that alone could have killed him you would have been freaking out and fucking weed is illegal right credible incorrect it's just god damn incredible yeah because if you had a choice between the two like if someone said you you want to have a drink or have some weight it's always we'd always one or the other look at how calm calm you let let me tell you let me i tell your fans how many do you have by the way on twitter two hundred and seventy five thousand motherfucker well i hope it couple of him come over tonight there loving it but people are saying you guys are fucking killing me there love and you're going to but let me tell you guys something 'cause i know joe rogan from how many years ago was it one thousand five hundred and twenty e this is not the job i love this guy is almost practically cuddly i wanna hug up on him and snuggle up by a fire and let him read me it's story but this is the guy that i worked with fifth did you say twenty
it's been yeah i think it's been so now it's ninety six let them do the math one thousand nine hundred and ninety six was in the middle of seventeen greater coming on twenty years he was i don't know if you were taking creatine steroids are jacked no i was just being just being mean you being him at that time was straight edged well i would drink every now and then literally i was was why i thought you still weren't thinking i was just a couple of years away from my last fight so i font which by the way i read something on twitter that you've never lost a fight no somebody seems a lot of the last ones somebody down there and i lost a bunch of times it was the lunch times in taekwondo in my last kick boxing fight i got up ms but this is after you started smoking pot no no no no this was no i haven't fought since one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine it was a long time so
we did news radio remember nine four hundred and ninety one to go workout you took me i want you to come on one of my workouts this guy this is this is this explains him back then first of all you you are i don't know how to describe it you were live wire you didn't care what people thought you still down but now you're just more your more intellectual about it's more cool like i heard your whole thing about what's got called dmt when i was fascinated listen to the whole thing i actually ask you can we do it on the air on this podcast you said no it's too hard core i'm going to do it on my own then it has talent the recovery rate for alcoholism people use them all yeah yeah and i i was going to the i walk i watched and i watched there's a guy into pangle right up the street from me that makes sense who does that i'm going to i'm going to do it folks i i'm going to do it because i don't want to drink i don't want to i don't flopping flopping around my kitchen floor floor cracking my head open and dying but he was back then twenty
fifteen years ago he why was you what the word is angry you were so fucking angry it was hostile and you would you would attack everybody and anybody even paul simms and but me you the girls would run to their dressing rooms crying you know that i'm not exaggerating crying i would run to the bathroom and punch holes in the wall we on the crying and you would always call me out for being high in front of people because you restrain edged and the and the bottom line just like i was high dude it was because you were stopping work
i was always have by you i was afraid of yeah i know you were having fun but i would often times having fun at other people's expense i don't know about that listen i i you know i am it is true that i would get upset very easily at thing everybody wasn't nothing it was a you know real all you always a reason but my point is is i didn't want to even go to work so i was afraid of you well how people were upset you und you know that you know everybody was instead of you all the time it was a constant source of struggle i'd love you dude i think you're incredibly talented your euro awhile dude and you don't get that kind of comedy unless it comes from a real wild place you know and i love that about you i think you're really fucking funny i've always said that but you gotta understand that that comes at a it's a very selfish package a lot of time
that while person and you you oftentimes don't think about how other people are perceiving it but i know that i am guilty i've been guilty of that myself and i know that you have to all right here you're right you know you can't argue rationally varmint like that where everybody's it's not like we're just partying we supposed to be doing the show what you're doing disrupts what other people are doing it becomes a problem and it's not that i don't love you it's not at all but the town did something that i want to be angry for no reason it's just i'm standing up for what i thought was right yeah you did and he i i hear you saying that when i first moved are you're a different person you just seem very diffuse so you're so chill now really i think it's a lot of is the tank yeah climbing the tank i want to get in a regular basis has made me re evaluate although there's a bunch of diff paths that we go down in our personalities we automatically let me just say that am a different person too i'm sure seventeen years i'm not stuck back there
either well you know i'm a lot more i just i'm just more chill too i think was intelligent now you know back then i'd be arguing with you but now i'm like you know you were right maybe you wouldn't you know your e would get angry we would when we would come back and you would apologize and we'd hug it out or something you know we had we were always regulation was it was like it was like love hate mail but we always made up we always never to the point where i remember i walked into the dressing room because i saw it rocking you know if this
this trailer's rocking don't come a knockin but i took it you know i went the other way this trailer is rocking i gotta come in and see what the hell's going on with his dick in his head it's joe it is i think in my head so andy you're fucked up and you had your dick or a whole lot it was flashing and you're pulling on it in your hand right in front of me also that it was with it was like later after the show that was well i was in the dressing room with my girlfriend i was it was like a trailer it was like after the show yes party okay yeah that was the end of the night then i can imagine me look you were doing it for shits and giggles it was fun you know it was half party in half your crazy half half half i was attracted thio fucking dichotomy for me back then i was sexually attracted to you and just as equally fucking fright and of you
so i wanted to maybe what was sexually mass was put off all those barriers for you buddy you really didn't like you knew you subcontinent date on you well do you remember the episode where you guys wrestled around the ground rolling around where you thinking that like this is the hottest scene i still i still jerk off i'm just kidding but listen i didn't get to go where he took me he took me i don't buy a couch i have sitting right next to me out of douche chills way wanna spray but yeah that was back in the day spray bottle just in case you got a clear l from my soul come on you
i'm not attracted like i was back then i get some fish and i don't know what it is i think maybe because you smoke a lot of pot now but you puffed up a little bit your puffy or you're not necessarily you're still muscular and you probably strong as fuck you could knock me out with one punch but you're more than us lean not as disciplined i don't work there anymore yeah well i worked out like a fucking i was going to say if you got here i was pretty disciplined with my daughter you looked fucking this guy was that any clothes on in fucking crap he took me to work out this is why this is why he looked like that he workout everyday for how many hours couple hours a couple hours a day if i cut my name 'cause i was working out does come on what they say to you they say back off but he took me there and let let me work at let's workout you do my workout and i go i couldn't do twenty minutes and i but i
he was my ride so i had to stick around and watch him work workout him and he went thirty two minutes into it worked out so hard that he's now over at in the corner with his hand on the edge of a giant we can just vomiting vomiting vomiting and then it goes ok
hey i got up one more hour to go like he kept working now he worked out to the point we bomb it's crazy the only i threw up the other day the kettlebell work on throughout to the point that if you push yourself over that line where everybody is that whole body shaking and you're not bombing is out of work out your instincts telling you to stop at that instant you have to push through this and yet the mind the mind has to use the the body like it's a car you have to be able to stop on a gas is the wheels are spinning and try to get out of the mud you got to keep the pedal to the floor forget about what the key engines one way you get to keep and you got to treat your body like that is the only way your body really truly become stronger do you take pills did like creatine all that steroids and i took a lot of different stuff now now now i take human growth hormone and testosterone i go for foreman replacement therapy why do you think you need more testosterone no no it's not for kids what it does is you take it's very light does the korean way all it does is keep you at healthy levels
i like soy milk and ed onami makes everything nice tits right now in my pussy boners hard that's right those two things make you turn you into a woman i know you do not really like i like both of those things too and it sucks it really yeah you gotta take some like tribulus with that i so do injections the data testosterone's now it's come out let me ask you though is is this stuff is your heart okay is not hard it's hell have you had your heart testing of course what about bones i heard that that that over time it weakens your bones so that we can hear but we are in like arthritis that is it probably does wonders for your
it does wonders for your body when i give you get a job and he just got a card i don't do injections of cream values as a very rubbed cream on your belt and now i don't think we we give me a little about if you jump over the green imagine what would happen have you ever like run out of whatever you jerk off with i like he's like astro glide i think that'd be a good sponsor what we have left all we have less new flesh loop up one like to talk to them to
anyhow have you ever run out and then you have to use something to go around your house because you just need to drago off and what is the weirdest thing you've ever used the juice that comes with bolognese really good slimy i'm pretty standard juice that comes with bologna it's like you see here yeah it's like that said you don't know how brian that's so typical so used to the way that's absolutely disgusting that's why would mark the course for a brian answer you're so you mine i think the weirdest was olive oil which isn't even that weird yeah that would actually be good for skyland dh ea and shit spit i've used speak spit sucks 'cause i think has some work we give it to get back to this hormone conversation is kind of an important subject name like i like to jerk off and when you get i want to think about your dick listen fella you can think about all you like
i've always loved him this for sure the strangest podcast ever human growth hormone it gay sex what happens is as you get older like i say if you have hypothyroidism your thyroid stops producing a certain amount of thyroid hormone they just supplement it they give do you know road or whatever and you are you don't have that i do have that too yeah everybody does need to certain age your your body stops producing as much memory you you had you had the the yes i that would allow us to our locals but you used to have a ring is gone now yeah he went off on my face wow that's cool yeah it's just it's a cream that you put on it's called protopic ointment and ointment have to it right away and there's some other stuff do you do you like treatments and treatments and shit like that but mine mind is very mild i heard that it was because your rack
you're like oh your body's overworking no it's an immune system thing it's autoimmune assistant yeah they don't know exactly what causes it but you know like michael jackson had a horrible way we had it all over his whole body i just have it on my knuckles don't you when you don't get pigment in your skin and it just turns what is your immune system is fighting against your pigment well that's what i was ok so your immune system is overworked all bodies in a battle all the time so but using in system is attacking things that shouldn't be attacking but just explain this this human growth hormone when you go to for it just like him he says he attacks things you shouldn't be attacking well not anymore though not since not since bot thank
when you get blood test done and they find out what your levels are at estas or knowledge that you should go i could tell they going to tell your girl that's fine i can tell you a girl girl sense it the ghost sensing girls love to fuck girls so they have this center really really do you really have men have large nipples but not booby i mean let me see they get hard now that means the pencil racial let me see anyway what happens is you go and you get a blood test they find out all your levels an it makes you feel so much better to get you know a normal level of testosterone normal ever of igf all these different things all these different things that keep you healthy should i go in and do that for sure but i feel great this is this is what happens when you're dying forty something resolved forty five eventually you're going to be sixty eventually going to be dead but there's just no stopping that that's just how it's always been done
just the way it is right children people go why would you supplement hormones well because it makes your body operate like a younger body because it gives your body the things that it's missing and people what happens if you don't have to do that you know what would it fucks up your body first there's no evidence that it does and second of all if you don't you're just gonna grow weak and die right it's like it's not simple to may to me it's like it's it's it's almost like a pragmatic choice but how old are you now forty three i didn't know we were that close in age and you feel like one million bucks yeah i feel great is once i do the right thing eat the right foods take the right vitamins lots of lots of vegetables lots i mean it means i stay really helped liquefied bet yeah but you were always on my trip and used to show up for work with bags like big plastic bags filled
herbs herbs and various vitamins and concoctions and he would sit there sorting his pills out for fucking hours like sometimes we'd be rehearsing yeah pills on my desk matthews desk all those or were real yeah they were real they weren't perhaps and he would just take all these different herbs and that was back when i was really stupid i didn't take anything i did a multi vitamin i didn't take a god damned if he did take one thing cheese burritos yeah i saw you just ate do you like a lot of those did you know he likes it why don't you like should i see a lot of count every once in awhile no i eat healthy i just need a lot of food he eats a lot but you were appetizers two meals to desserts to cop shows are you still work out yeah i didn't mind your body needs fuel man if you don't want me back you just look puffy well i'm fat no definitely have more body fat i have a surely have a bigger belly then you let you work out at all yeah yeah i just hike i'm why do old man workouts i started doing
ninety x we think about this is brutal and really good so i should do it yeah things like that we were doing a different thing every night okay one guy you're doing you know dumbbell love clean and jerks the next night you doing chin ups and you're doing good roddy and then you doing yoga yeah just make sure by shocks the should have your body does your body work don't you think they should have like a p five you know like they should have different levels so you know what is it r g g a three what does it do for ok what does it do i don't know it's all the stuff talking about makes a younger younger you take a little ounce
every day you might want to look into it it's very very very underground crap i didn't like no you know you're in there but i just love because it rhymed with cocaine or came and like cocaine like that connor did you get this okay any negative but pro came that's positive for all we got out there listening online if called prochain compound and he's got this is g judge three's hand but but that but that that's not what's in here i just cut the lid off yeah use it as a disposable that's not what's in there the g the prochaines actually just this clear liquid the ticket but every day there's i ran what's in this stuff it has long tripping cilantro parsley chlorella some some acid off it has the flax oil that three hundred and sixty nine oil it has it's bananas apples it has all kinds of algy's and green powders three different green powders it has the flax seeds it as chia seeds she has every fucking
thing you can imagine i put it in a vita and it liquid even those tiny tiny tiny black seeds become liquid and they go right into my bloodstream and this is all living end time so we're on the same path but just try to get it from the earth from
well you were all look not you make that yourself or do you have so many you know i do it i made this up it's the most comprehensive smoothie that jumba juice can't even touch do you just do you like what do you say like trees i have the most amazing he would let yeah i ships reach long live i late i really like can bryan film you should if i feel one coming on you can tell the film listen well worth doing mallory out all the hits that our is but whole got the nd will get double those heads yeah i will i will promise you double yeah you got a video called you claim i watch the uncensored version of it q clam okay i watch but i don't want like your flip phone going up my i'll let you fill me sitting there and you can hear
coming out whatever you want and then i'll get up and you can see no we need you're gonna sell it up you know i don't want to see it coming out really the only way you're getting over actual with no no sexual sexual you're taking a shit you want thio task then i want to see your dick we got i mean i got a barter here i work on the barter system through like do it black one for the team we'll go in and i want to see it a while you could see it you want to see it erect impossible impossible if you're a mile or a mile away my dick would rate being with your fucking here would be screaming at night here is not nice you go and get with your girl and then she'll get you going and then run out of the room with your boner it sounds like a good idea what you bargaining with you got gold coins and i'm not noticing and then you can see me shit lived to do the most humiliating thing desperate saddest thing and if you do it joe then you know you have to do is show me your dick and then we have film of him pooping that take it for the team bro really think the public will get us a good that would be on teensy consider that all right it is like a chair between him and my penis and erect boner so i don't know ugo you could put me in one of those dog cages and i have a dog cage that's the next place you gonna be seven bell we'll just we'll just filming pooping on the pee pad when the dog what did you say
i said that's the next place you're going to be living pal you're living in the garage outside your chicks house it's a shared it's a shack should have said what no was i drinking someone who i gave you to give you you did okay what is that like i'm such a germ freak i've always been jumping well i pimped it out first of all i downplay it make people feel sorry for me but i wanted to be i saw them funny people related to all the characters i didn't see it it's not a comedy go watch it and it's a very well made draw except for the half hour did you like it well everything up to the last half hour when they say his kids in there for like so they can have health insurance or something there was no reason for the last half hour morning could they have they have judd apatow his daughter singing that just the bell of the glamour crack and ever from from cats and that really it's her singing in her school for real i thought about that this
yeah it was i was serving i wasn't thinking what you're thinking but you know know it does it has like five different endings that goes on but basically just watch the movie but my point is is that i realized that i and you probably experienced this by observing me but i really wasn't around as much as i obviously could have been for my kids and my kids are now about to not be kids in lucas is only two i don't know in a great stand up to him he's doing doing great just moved to new york and immediately got he called it he packed that he passed i guess this call like that that sounded negative to me i'm sorry no he passed i guess the
casting now now he can perform at the comic strips not the biggest one we can perform every week now the comic strips of one of the best clubs in new york is awesome it's one of the best the place where everybody goes works out how he he can he that's where like louis c k were right a lot of the front okay that's he moved with math and if it he's on twitter but doesn't go on much but he's act lucas deck and he needs help he showed me the i gotta text the first morning after the first night that he was there just earlier this week and he said here's the view you're going to love this here's the view from the bunk bed the top bunk from where i'm staying strangers house they had never met and it looking down onto a computer screen and on the your screen was the poster for brokeback mountain now i can know by and i can be with guys on it but i don't really want my kids to be i like
i texted back get out of there take the first plane back i freaked me out he's like that's something that's a game guys wow isn't it weird that i would freak out about it's funny that you would freak out about it don't you didn't happen to mean that you don't want it to happen to him is that what it is i know i know how straight all my kids are and i don't want them to be being taken advantage of what you think you feel like someone is going to catch him these vulnerable and they slip something in his drink or some steroid that happens isn't that like he's a handsome carol is not a big thrill for a lot of gay guys to get a straight guy to do something yeah because
that's why i think that's what you every dollar we you might you might you might be one of the straightest guys i've ever met i've got to see that the owner i know i know this gay guy joe i know this gay guy that does hair and he goes to people's house to do hair and heat every time he does a guy he tries to sleep with the guy or do something he says that we like one out of five people actually do it they do like straight guys do there's a dude i worked with i don't want action would show because everybody on the show will know he was behind the scenes guy and he was a gay guy and he told me you'd be amazed amazed at how many straight guys he's blown yeah he just like i guess that happens happens all the time what would use the bathroom okay well should go to it still had problems we're gonna third while you're in there third door
this is also a world when there's a handy docking great i love it i can't i love i love how he talks about your dick and stuff in it you can just sit there for kind of like nervous what's it's like i wait for the storm to pass yeah it's like when you're when you're in your car and the the big wave of rain comes down like i mean we should just pull over and wait this out don't drive right now if you're in miami there's a wall of water and funny that's andy dick yes is a more of water in miami talking about your dick is so funny i love it about me talking about you making me uncomfortable you really find your philly fine you're not uncomfortable area no no never in all the years i've known you you never get uncomfortable no i'm pretty open minded violent sometimes you have i think you've pushed me or gotten violent but i only pushed you out of my door while you had your dick in your hand you crazy fuck i think it is
you cuse me of being violent but you don't want to own up to what causes the reaction to you have violent anymore no much more much more mellow now thank you marijuana is marijuana it's also the tank going into tank regular basis we're not at your house it's real simple there's a place down here in burbank called soothing solutions is a place in venice that's the best place it's called the float lab and if you go to the float lab dot com you'll see what they have there but i want to go to my favorite place called joe rogan's house can i go eventually like do you have to change the water every time yes every time no no you don't change the water every time it goes through a filter system ok every time i turn the thing on how much was it the tank it's everything is about eight thousand dollars that's not bad but it's still very expensive but it's you're laying down long ways yeah it's completely invaluable to me you're laying down okay yeah it's like a giant in bed like a bed you know it's like four feet wide and paid
these seven or eight feet long saltwater eight hundred pounds of salts in the water so you're yeah you float in float and it's heated the same temperature as your skin and there's no sense experience no sensory input rather top part of your body is out of the yes exactly and you and you can brief you can have your bars are under one arm i don't know what other people do the guy who's a friend of mine who set up the tank for me not only did he he had this crazy experience where he kept waking up inside dreams like had a dream and then boom he would wake up and realize oh my god i was dreaming and then boom and wake up no you were dreaming again about waking up from dreaming and then he realized he was in the tank you know like you when you strip away all the input
all the sensory input you're just left with the mind outside of the body your brain literally is unconnected to your body because it's not getting any information from an la it's over stimulated by everywhere in new york and i said no i in our in our sure asian overstimulation not just over stimulation but a lot of bizarre stress an occupation because what i apologize and i'm sam did from putting bizarre stress on you know i'm not all know you're not at all you know you know i know you know the people when people are freaking out talking about big toe is gonna be so mad this is working with andy for five years is what we did every day so you've never seen his dick ever i'm sure he has i think i might have picked him out of scene there was a scene where i had thio pull my eyes it was fucking it was meeting there was a scene where i was supposed to be naked and they had a kick andy out of the studio i was totally
make it and i was went over to catherines place and you made me yeah you fucking leering shit staring at my heart hogwash cut it up cut out all the hogs darren would have been fun you know what funny in before before we got to that we're talking about the tank the tank but what we need to try it man that you wouldn't do it you know it's funny about indian closes when it when i do i open my eyes you know we're always talking about different comics and stuff but every time we anyone talks about in the deck it's always like do any dick was at my house last night was just walking around going hey do you guys have beer and then he just went into the apartment he hung out for like five hours later every single person has a story like that you just did you at one time used to just wander the just last year i do these things called when it's time to be someone be you operate tacky or something like that tmz guy i pushed i pushed his camera away and he got mad and actually i grew does mike snapped it off and then i was like talk
india but it wasn't attached and so what did he do he pushed me over pushed me really it's on it's on so that is not new tools yeah if i want to but you know what i wouldn't win give him no nobody would believe me was there video you really not allowed to be just shoving people like that i didn't show you he shouldn't supposed to ever shove someone is if they get in your face and you're you're protecting yourself i think when you come up to someone just shovel you showed me my back did you hear about that woman that got knocked out and i think it was in new york guy in a woman were arguing over a parking spot and the check was four feet one thousand one hundred pounds and the guy was a small guy too he's like one hundred and fifty pounds but he punched her she hit him a bunch of times and then he punched her and knocked her unconscious and she fell back and bounced her head off the concrete and now she's fucked she's got bullied
in the brain had to remove a section of the brain all over a fucking parking spot and she started verse though she had him will supposedly that's his story but who knows what will remember that was a fell in and he had aggravated assault charges he had a bunch of charges already in his pass so he was really not a fucking preacher it wasn't a choir boy but it's just it's so sad when you know you hear about violence over nothing like that member if you maybe five years ago there was that road rage incident where people i knew one of the people barely i can't even remember the who he was got out of their cars to continue screaming at each other and then the one guy took out a knife and stab him in a road rage a friend of mine a friend of mine when he was in high school there was a kid who was imported to the school from jamaica he came from jamaica and straight we was important came from another country means know what it is
reward students are you import products this is you and for the cycle path this guy anyway they get in a fight an argument on something to go outside the kid pulls out of giant kitchen knife a good jamaican guy did you make it and just stabs the fuck out of this kid while these suburban high school kids are freaking out and screaming no one's ever seen any violence at all a little fist fight this guy pulls out a knife he's coming straight from jamaica and just stabs the fuck i was no he didn't die but he was in the hospital for almost a year like you had to have like ten different surgeries his whole body which is mean stabbed him like four or five times in the guts literally you know got cut open like a fish will never be the same thing of stabbing in the guts what i never did hear anything more or about artie lange when when i don't know i you know we always we love that dude i love when we have the same lawyer do you yeah and he but he stabs
i don't see him i don't talk to him he's in the york i'm out here i know you know i i had done the stern show since he had been on it so i have his book i'm reading it he's doing great is there must be a rich lawyer when it once or twice actually no i did it a few times while he was on it but i didn't keep in touch them unfortunately but i i did into this guy this guy was it was a real it was way before the attempted suicide we were at a bar and this guy was at a ufc event and this guy apparently was friends with already's assistant and didn't know like the assistant didn't know what the fuck to do nobody no what to do no one knew what to stop but they all thought that he was on this dark dark road it was all like everyone was scared for him you know when the guy was like you know could you call them up like what would i say you know hey already that's what people are saying rogan who you barely know yeah you know i worked with the on man tv in nineteen ninety four and i've hung out with a few times at comedy clubs and stuff and i went to see him but i mean i don't know him enough to be
exactly the same with me and charlie sheen really hung out a little little bit then i was having my darkest hour during less than perfect and you know they literally said go into rehab or you're fired then just fire me i mean is that arkan they brought charlie sheen in at home is she brought me to talk to you but he was sober at the time and he really did help me i started going to meetings i got sober and he helped me that was why i went remember i just remember thinking wow this is cool charlie just fucking bad at it was fucking cool and you take a picture with her monitor facebook now facebook wasn't around even but but that's so i reached out to him because all the all my people you gotta help your boy like the same things down my boy i mean held me up and i'm like ooh my being selfish years so i'm called i didn't know his number i don't know how to reach him but then when he was on howard stern i'm like oh i have howard's number i can just call now right and so i called in but i was calling was calling from this chad and i had a really
shooting connection not out but he's like oh hey buddy and we started to talk and then now i could have helped and then they put that do you really think that you could helped possibly had i got on the phone because if i can get over there and my energy is infectious if i could get over there i could i think i could get him to stop i'll tell you what i got my assistant to stop drinking then he had a he had a fucking seizure on me but i just said that's all the more reason that you really need to fucking stuff right long period of time right but it seems like charlie sheen what he's doing i mean the way behaving and acting he's got this crazy like i'm invincible thing going on yeah something now well that's what happens is not a manic thing what does that have to go i don't know if i think it's from i mean he admits he smokes these rocks is seven gram rocks do you know how much that is that would be about i would two under this much cocaine and
just norton little smoking rocks how he's like works well he's going to suffer and his older years of suffering and some things going on i've known you can come back you can bounce back and try to bunch of people that back in the day had heavy cocaine habits and they almost all developed neurological problems yeah like fuckin parkinson's and all kinds of show guys have like heavy duty like hollywood style smoking it and they get fucked little richard pryor they get fucked up when they get older just wondering i was wondering if drive faster memory made that movie bright lights big city where i was like you would remember that he was like in the bathroom we dropped it in the toilet and like i wonder if he that's another thing about who made american cycle isn't it isn't it by the bretton easton ellis then he write that as well
did he hard core all those crazy dark movie not all of them but right so i don't like american psycho you did what they did to me i remember getting in an argument with someone not an argument but rather a disagreement with someone about the book where they were they were saying all he does is like describe all these really fucked up scenes like man i couldn't disagree more like he's he's making he's not passing any judgment all the things he sees and describes to you but i wouldn't say that it's just making a bunch of shit up he's really accurately painting a character assessment of a fucking associate a psychopath but to me it seemed like he was he like me is all that yeah who's making all the connections the way a psychopath would make it i thought it was brilliant you know but there's a lot of people that don't like those kind of movies the violence in the death in the blood that doesn't bother me i i like that part there just really gotta admit there was no story less than zero or american psycho american
lesson zero americans i go the book had more of a story yeah but you know it's always the case you know you try to whittle down a a bill a book into a couple hours of film it's just what was the last film you liked i haven't don't ask me 'cause i'm to move in a while i guess i'd like to i'm saving my money or i'm saving my money i'm saving my money to put a bathroom in my shed yeah you have a what do you do now just gotta go in mountain dew cans big weidman the whole whole so i have a i say a bucket to make it to once again downplay it let me explain by the way i put in five grand to put out really really nice it's like a man cave it's gorgeous you're planning on staying there i'm going to stay there until my kids are eighteen or older you guys have a degree in five more years yeah she's wearing on yeah with the top down you know the i many days and like i can see why we're not going out anymore right is i'm crazy she's a little crazy and we just
but crazy mashes together yeah but a lot of time but i can just go to my man cave watch netflix or do whatever jerk off porn port that's nice so you're right there with your kids i'm right there and thank god because it's at a time where especially jacob he's sixteen he really needs me to be there and whether he wants it or not there's been times where he's been screaming at my face but i just absorb it and i just i'm thinking you know this is just and years and years hangar anger let it come out and i just absorb it like a sponge and i don't get mad back looks like he i deserve to be yelled at and i just let him and now or just like super fucking close and saying my daughter who is thirteen five more years and they're adults like i said lucas is an adult in new york on his own do you were using lucas on one of your shows you did you have him in the audience for of your shows shows which do you mean you're doing live shows let
and he says no no no he know when we were when we and i still do this when we go around the country which i took a break from because the last time last time i did it is because when you know i got i went to jail again are you kidding me i had the best show on my fucking life i went out had a little wine and i start making out with this guy and the guy was like thirty years old everybody this is one thing i didn't talk about all year because there's a lawsuit still up in the air you know like that so it not allowed to talk about it's kind of over now why you talking about it because it's kind of over it's kind of we're yeah we're on the tail end of it let's say but anyhow i'm making out with this guy and he's making out with me i don't attack him you know i talk and then we start we're making out his girlfriend comes up went berserk his girlfriend brother is a cop suddenly there's twenty cops there tap going come with me hand coming just very very angry it's a
you know the mason dixon line all the way there without it's just filled with homophobes right where was this was in west virginia this is in west virginia with science you read making out with a dude in a bar in west consensual consensual man consensual i didn't write never again that's the last time i did the shows have been over a year ago was the best show ever but when i do this show back to the point when i do my live show lucas opens for me and that's all it is is not he's not in the audience i do plant a couple people but i get i do i do this thing i don't want to give it away but i get the people there it's always someone new i find within the town they were suing you yeah wow it seems like you should be able to sue them once again your story is the boy who cried wolf i don't know it's completely accurate we went there i hired the best lawyer in town and i'm taking a picture of you
folks love you so much what happened in columbus oh i was just pissing in this you do the thumbs up again that's good in the street in columbus oh i'm doing it on because you close your eyes hang on just here we go well you know what you drink as much beer as i do i thought it was something else that they peed on a person or something oh i'm not like that the lines of people among cross so now you've been sober for three months are you doing a program what are you doing what are you doing the program alcohol anonymous is that what it is or narcotics so if it was i wouldn't tell you 'cause it's anonymous oh but you told doing a program it's likely just a secret let's call it yeah i yeah i'm doing i'm doing everything everything turn to man that you can do everything known i've always you doing
i've been fascinated by those those those programs that try to reset the way you're thinking they were the approach that they were they were they were they were get you patterns at the very least it was positive thinking that's the very least right at the very most at a at the very most i don't know what you believe and spiritually but at the very most you're actually making like a conscious contact with god right that's a very most and then but at the very least if it's if it's positive thinking fuck it that's good enough sure you know if you're praying then pray a prayer at the very least is pas the thoughts you know you're you're not sitting there worrying or or or or or being angry you're praying you're at the once again i'll say one more time at the very least you're positive thinking remember that back in the seventies positive thinking yeah i'm writing i love joe rogan should i write i love mail rogan stones subject
i want to know what what it what it's like what is it like when you go into this thing and you have to sort of matt okay i have a problem you know well the weird thing for me about the program and i'm going to say it again it fucking works submit and used to time and you let go and let them they literally in the program they say let us think are you let us hold you up let us be we let us love you until you love yourself like let us love you until you learn to love yourself and then that's fucking awesome you get these people in their fifty years over twenty years sober even one year sober even have three months even the guy that has four months sober i'm like wow this guy i want to hang out with him he's got one more month of me but you know i'm the guy that knows the program inside and out i've
three years of sobriety in a row you know that that's why did the into that show three years sober i don't know if you know that mmhm three years now the other thing is is i don't like this is me personally i'm i'm going to preface it by saying once again it works i've seen people get sober and stay sober i've seen people go into the program and if they drop out of the program they're fucked but the thing that the weird me out and it's and it's a thing and it's an american thing is that they caught they call it a disease okay this is where i start getting weird so if alcoholism is a disease i have a disease so it has to be treated and it has be treated by in the graham there's certain things there's steps and and that's how you treat it like in cancer you know the the the the i don't know if you think about
when people get cancer and they get radiation or the or the chemotherapy or whatever like that i don't believe in all that stuff i don't i don't there's other ways to do it you know like the gerson therapy you know about that let me chemotherapies incredibly effective people that have cancer as our live today because i agree i certainly organic diets and all those things are absolutely fantastic for you but they're pretty god damn good with chemotherapy these days it can it can really help yeah yep i know what you're saying though you're much better off having a very healthy diet and roots diet and you'll probably avoid a lot of will watch the movie was it called a beautiful truth or the beautiful truth it's about the gerson therapy you'll deal okay but anyhow so here's the dichotomy that bugs the fucking shit out of me so so i'm disease let's just take me andy dick so the look at that look at that powerful he's kind of disease alcohol is
so then when i'm on the streets of hollywood in the midst and in the throws t h r o e s when i'm right in the middle of my disease up to my eyeballs in the sickness of it all i'm talking talk about like stumbling around and i can't you know help me why do people laugh at that and take pictures hi there and i'm on the plain dumb you know exactly what they do that's a picture that exactly but that's a take connie if you saw if you saw somebody with with multiple sclerosis with those with those things there that with those those those sticks do you walk with even go look at him look it up and eating videos way oversimplifying it it's not that simple it's not is something that i am simplifying if that simple much more sympathy and much more compassion for somebody who really does have a disease so that's my point
so so do i have a disease or not you fucking asshole listen if you if you don't feel good if you're sick and if you have issues it's a disease if it's a mental disease of addiction it's a disease any a dick jerking off is a disease do you have that often teacher i'm pretty good about it just like today no more than once a day what about your girl i every everyday whenever i want to settle down creepy motherfucker an addiction i don't have an addiction issue in that regard i have addiction the games i addictions i get addictions to activity what's your favorite game right now i don't play any video grams you stop i can i have the same thing i play online for eight hundred and ten hours in the time i can't stop much it's too much fun can really fuck fun really i stopped back at toe jam and earl i played all the way to the end remember tell your member tell general was that on intend that a things on that toe jam and earl i beat the fuck
thing and then i went you know what now i'm done use it but i don't understand why you're getting upset about this classification classification the diction on a one because i don't believe it's a disease i think i drink a asked low i think i i have a proper you know i i i drink low i don't think it's a different let me say that if it's a disease if i if i had multiple sclerosis why can't i use them silly you we your simple fine you may not it is a bunch of different kinds of disease i just like is a bunch of different kinds of drugs caffeine is a
explain to me why name is rex plain to me a different y y it's a disease yeah why i use your hat you of a mile easier i'm not now no right now you're feeling great on how to stop doing it for a while but cancer can you figure out how to not have cancer so it's a type of disease you think your doesn't mean it's not a disease i didn't i ended when you woke up you have a right and how did you want alcohol right when you woke up this morning no no like ever like when you're into he likes to write when i woke up you wanted a drink i needed to realize that have so it is on your body addicted to it too i was weird exactly strange that we become physically addicted and connected to substances that are bad for us that is weird so what does bizarre human trait i know that's why my friend my assistant where is my friend collapse flapping around fucking because he didn't do it the right way he wasn't careful about taper off lot so i guess so i would ask him because he lives in orange county and he did
say a week ago in kind of in in a bad place i said well get together and get up here i need help he has a truck and i bought this loft bed i'm trying to open my space up my shed i had this gigantic queen bed that takes up half the things now i'm getting a loft bed and i'm going to have a whole sure i'm going i'll send you pictures you gotta do like a youtube video any dicks cribs just invite you over i thought about doing the houston you know when you stream first came out i was on it for i was addicted to it i was so because i was wearing that ankle thing there was another whole year i had some lindsay lohan dangle things she wore per month i wore that fucking thing for a year you fucking out here fucking here kredible romania be sober for a year but it's not even that i could have both weed while you're on our thing i found that out like in the last month i was so fucking
there is only a month left but i was tired everyday thought that it was it was only yeah but it's only alcohol only alcohol then i don't know why i finally said wait a minute and then i looked online i asked a bunch of people and i tested and i was scared was he went to jail if if you drink on a you go to jail and i don't like jail jail is on plans will was the the rumor that she had gotten it from kombu chitty because computer he's fermented that the number that you know i don't remember that but that that would be yeah that's the same because of that which is a pulled off the shelves gt's compute the color has yellow when i know about that but even if it even if it did something hello sign yeah that right okay as you can tell mind because mine went off a couple times when i was performing at night clubs because of the booze vapors just coming up for floor tell it was so my new like
it wasn't even a shot of booze yet vapor the comes that's what it's like i mean it's a pretty it's it's testing coming out of your polls were pretty sensitive how do you know did you have to wear one now i just know about it i if i ask rose i can't believe i wore a free here you work for a whole year what did you get arrested for that you have to wear it for a year what was it wonder why i don't know that wasn't what i was talking about earlier in buffalo cold winds into in temecula and i couldn't talk about it ever so i could never tell my side right the but the way they describe it is that i went up to this girl and ripped top down and not true at all and my someone's baby and rips her her top down the the middle of wild wings didn't happen all wild wings wild wings she should been there after hours it's a bar and she would have is is that she was seventeen she won
an autograph and a hug and i gave her a hug and that was it and then she said that that i ripped her didn't say anything creepy to or maybe i said oh what you're so beautiful i'm always complimenting everybody always feel obligate and the thing is is that she was like overweight she wasn't very true so you think and i always feel obligated to give people compliments like they eden they want it and it really validates them if it's coming from a celebrity you know that i never feel that that you feel ob it would be like why definitely feel obligated to be nice to be what i want to i think we have a unique opportunity don't someone to make them want to feel good and that's what i was doing that she and flipped it around so she was just crazy is that we've done and and and and and it's proven because her her friends call we found me called me just so you know she's playing you and here's the this back during my space she's like here's the myspace
is that she sending to me and all our friends go i got this guy i'm gonna get money out of their home and and and i and it was funny because i did a i did an interview for the paper and i pretended to cry whoa i got all this on myspace why don't you put this online because nope i believe you are you are the only one i tell everybody it's true do you understand the point for you cry you'll have these myspace must you have the actual photo of the month so you late i've already done might yeah i wanna know it's too late i wore them for a year and the thing is over it's behind me it's done andy dick dot com needs an update what's this is name i don't even know now we don't do that no i really don't know i don't know right now i'm telling you the people are loving freaks a the other journal i live answer and that's not even counting the people worldwide how many freaks are listening to this thing there's a lot as a parent my friends are louder and you in russia might my followers eleven what we're doing right now that love it powerful
get the andy dick file this assholes at least you finally came out of the closet to people always talked about making guys from day one this guy had not read all your interviews he extrapolating what he wants out of russell smith you fucking don't do this you know i i just read this and get all negative right i'm not like that are the you're gonna i'm really not i road we had we were you try this on the podcast not done right down to the rain we had a chat room for awhile and pasta doesn't work in other words all what i love to talk my con my name is let's say like a hundred times it's a
as well anything to get attention everybody wants to here's what i'd be like if people do anything that's what i love about twitter i'm in love with the because i control my world and it's all a bunch of love birds sure if there's probably later when you're up with a creative way of saying all i'm sorry that you feel that way how much how do you feel about being that that that that that that i always go dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot blocked and then i go other thing i i them right block all haters you know when someone i block all haters yeah that's all good andy but what we're saying is when you read all this shit while we're on line while we're doing it get the right cut the conversation off that we learned many close close that shit fuck you can't get on twitter and just deal with all these negative people and have fights with the money i don't i don't that's when you're on a show like this if you're broadcasting something there's a heightened need to be paid attention to i thought i thought that you would have a lot to say about somebody who you
only committed clone just their silly people out there man they don't know you they should go i guess andy dicks gay and i didn't know it i'm not gay by the way sometimes i'll be gay okay for the stay on joe this show me gay for the stay what does that mean mexicans use it in prison and they go to president bone each other they call it gay for this day what does that mean just to make the make a deal and they're going to fuck some dudes when they're in jail and when get out there back gay for the stay during the stay while we were in prison prison were going to fuck some dudes and then when you get out it's all only well we're at where at where at where we're at in that sort of a prison of our own right now is that your sleazy guy voice i wonder why you have been acting lately you're out of here practice spelling all the time i just did csi halloween i have planted two episodes of community with chevy chase you don't watch tv put commuting why what movies on nbc everything i watch is strange
i'm probably going to be doing i got offered two parts but i was not in a good place and i said no both times and i had not seen the show but it's called drop dead eva it's a girl shell bucking love it i'm a dick into it love it i've seen every episode twice at least 'cause i'm showing it to all i live in a house of girls i live in the shed and in in the main house there's five girls because i was not in a good place and they didn't know the show i thought drop dead diva it sounds like a reality show about about runway model i really didn't know but it's a very clever awesome show that does empower women's on lifetime so the woman show but once again i'm i'm in love with it and margaret show is on it she said so you know twice and then i find we saw him and i called margaret how can and i got in touch with the creators names josh and i said dude i was out of my mind i don't know what was wrong with me but you're so fucking rocks goat to see it i'll know if you'll like it ok 'cause your girl
let's check it out it's not like fluffy girlie it's like it's powerful women i bet here girl i know her but i can't remember jessica good motherfucker well you already said what they don't know what did farrah fawcett taste like listen because i want i want i want to know what was so what you're trying to do now by all this clean yourself up you're trying to really start working again that's you try and i write what i guess i'm mostly for my kids but then after a few weeks of being clean i'm war right yeah i'd love i love what makes you you i was i retired for like two years let do nothing nothing and how do you do that it didn't work eight through all your money to write quickly i it's horrible you gotta make money to horrible you do you're very good at it you might
not only be well off on a day to day basis doing great but you must have so much fucking cash tucked away in accounts maybe even buried in your fucking knowing you with spend it all in gold buddhas have been with all his conspiracy theories and all the shit underground weird she's into because because i know some because link my ex's mom is telling us by silver i gold by bullion fine place to bury it let me just ask you sense that so you don't have any silver you know any gold buried anywhere when the shit hits the fan but you're going to need bullets and gasoline we're going to need your not going to need gold i don't give a fuck about your goals you have any venison i need to feed my children it's not going be gold man that goal is nonsense gold maybe one thousand years after the apocalypse start to develop some sort of monetary system again when you say gas then you need to have a car
and you know you need a light things on fire you should go very far you can i heard you need like a hummer yeah when that when that is not always comes it's thing there's earthquakes and you can there's no roads anymore i need a little more you're gonna need bio fuel unity of farm you need to make corn and make your own little over halfway there look it's we have comp we have four compost heaps we we were getting more common well it's good to have food that you actually grow in developing your own yard that's definitely a god damn smart thing mean we trust much in the food system that's in place right now but their concert the finding new asteroids that are heading our way constantly finding meteor impacts they just found a big one in the congo a big meteor impact is this your masturbation lotion am i see this isn't even my fucking house dude that's talking about everyone die is not bad it's right by the computer just lotion
i love this shit you saying and you pick up his lotion that's freaking you out here this is better you really honestly though your name are you red band yeah ok out everybody's talking about you on my thing so do you really do use this to masturbate again that that's for that computer when i'm over there i mean it it bind here or there when he's when he's on this computer he has this this computer because that i just spit on my hand when i'm on that couch what happens to you when the wheels fall off the makes you want to come in you know gone but no room if you've gone like all these years of beings with without drinking or if you've got like three years in a row being completely sober what what sets it off kids you right back to it when you know that's bad for you well i just seems fun but that's the point i get to a place where you know can i can drink i can drink a little beer well i can smoke a little pot
and then it doesn't happen overnight for me is slow it takes months and months and really really do you ever start out like yo hey i'll just have a little beer and smoke a little pot and then that night i'm looking for coke no just going to say that i'm doing it for up again and i've been able dabbling in the world impulsive thing or is it a physical thing i think i honestly think the crux of the issue is boredom and i get to a place and i argue with doctor drew about this i asked him right through this face do you think i'm an alcoholic he doesn't even answer you just laugh apps hysterically doesn't say yes no i mean the answer is in his laughter right but but to me that doctor drew he's a sweetheart yeah laughs at you
no but i'll call it he really is in the house i know it really is he's helped me immensely i just called in jazz today yeah because mike why i talk to him as a where where doctor patient now when i've never been on the show course yeah celebrity rehab yeah yeah i remember i was in the sober house he didn't know that i don't really don't watch tv i try not to watch those things is not good your agent okay sir yeah like me me and him if you were here we would talk about the red branches it's a good looking guy but a a pound at least make the boy feel good so let me ask you one question have you ever had a homosexual experience it's now the
it was a part the fuck is that about even if it's just a little looking well you know what the is really he's a girl so every experience he has with girls is a homosexual spirits because you a girl he says a lot i mean a technically the gassing ever did i used to play doctor with my friend growing up but we'd play doctor on other girls so while you were always kind of gave while you were naked would you yeah we all been eight three girls and me and this guy but we were like well why would the doctor need to be naked huh why is that afternoon i don't ask questions don't ask questions on this question is a malpractice doctor i smell and they believe that they believed it knows a thing or two about lawsuits he sees one coming you might want to listen when andy dick says you're on the path to ruin might you might want to pull over and read the map there's nothing wrong which organism eight year old girls
well when you're as you're in here when you're a well i don't think you're really tricking them you're all tricking each other well obviously that wasn't a good doctor like he said doctors don't take off her clothes you porn videos does it feel with the doctor takes office i it must happen you know because you always hear about dentist molest seeing their patients when they're out it must they must be like attractive jesse that lately yeah that was that was stephen root stephen root plays louis ck's dentist he put them under and then he starts he's literally just tripping out he goes into a dream it is his time there are some of bin laden is talking to osama bin laden who is i think it's chuck sklar yeah chuck martin playing some many third osama or one of his minions of one of almost minions starts sing a banana him go just take it eat it it's a banana just a banana i don't know that stephen root in the dream in the dream is stephen root comes in
this dream thing it's just a banana take it but it's like i said the appeal and he wakes up and then and then steven reid is zipping up the zipper and going you're done there was nothing wrong with your teeth and your your fine move it's such a good emphasis so hard core i love that show in roots stuck his dick louis c case mouth as a dented it must happen all the time does it happened to a friend of mine i wrote a song about it what happened he said that he put under but then he said that he liked it and he would go back he said he got put under to the point where the dentist fucked him she's right for any city like didn't have gone back he said he learned to like it in a proper learn would like if he was out cold as you learn the like if you wake up and coming like i i don't know i don't know if he was out call i think my i i'm i'm if i said that i i take it back up i think he just got to the place where it was too slow you know you know that stuff is hard
four i remember what is it called a nitrous oxide right now i just oxide either i take it when if i have i hey i haven't gone to the dentist here's a really nice i'm afraid of it but i remember just i i would always say i think it on your own with no no no at the dentist's office i would say i would i would feel it and i'm gonna i still feel i don't feel anything uh it's like i would make them turn it up i can hear it going i can hear it going up and i'm like i still i still i really i still feel completely normal but really i'm like starting to roll things are echoing like that i'm like i'm feeling better and then i start streaming i listing conscious just let you go crank it to the max i started screaming bring on the good doctor how you staying awake are they shocked at the dosage there able to give you thanks you tolerance must be through the roof for everything out there yeah must be your body
well we got some new shit processes process it were working bonds double time double time they just mopping up whatever the fuck you're taking in there just a whole crew of clean up crew like for the valdez oil spill walmart dudes in orange suits throughout your body just ready to rush of toxic my body is my friend about three years ago said you i've never seen anybody drink as much as you do i'm sending you to my doctors and specialists going to take blood test is going to do a liver test at kinney it's already fuck yes after we got done fucking did each please every fucking test and this in the midst of me drink acid final do it because you know you be right and i want to stay alive i don't want to die right every test came back and they said you have the liver of a fifteen year old soccer player you are completely healthy your blood is one hundred percent
awesome you were drinking all the time all the time but i have a fifteen year old soccer player but i was also thinking that i was also doing this and and i and i do exercise like back then i used to run five miles a day all that stuff is just cleaning up all the out and the exercise but like i said i'm stone cold sober and i plan on being this way for a very long time too many people have died you know right i'm sorry yeah just like star legend and right and mike d was designed also in chains bassist yeah he is on celebrity rehab they played a clip on him on the opie and anthony show this morning clip of him going in somewhere and and talking too like a drug dealer or something like that you know you ask asking for weed and he just slurring his order was really hard to understand what the fuck you saying yeah i honestly believe god is putting this in my face and saying you're next mr dick clean it up my my assistant flop
around on my kitchen floor with blood everywhere why don't you just get like a really big guy as an assistant and so in like you'd pay him like look don't let me fuckin drinker doesn't work anymore no no i have to just want it doesn't work then you don't know andy and we try to keep play from like that it'll repress he'll go crazy and i will do everything in your face i'm trying to look up junk in your face you're right on chansen you telling your idea for a game show it's call let's get anything arrested and so it is it's a it's a show and they just where's the game part in there that just that just happens naturally a young boy in his underwear rings your doorbell ding dong you like come on in cops tackle you you know that's a that's a myth by the way i don't go after young girls or boys so every every guy and girl i'm i'm with i have a girlfriend right now she's twenty one there always have you ever thought of having a tranny that would i think that would be so attracted to train chance know when i want when i like
my women to be women and i like my men to be men right separate and i also don't like threesome yeah i had a couple like i'll have a girlfriend i'll be like black guys so cute let's let's have a threesome and what it always happened twice and i don't do it anymore and ultimately it's those two you know i flock and and then and then he's there and i'm i'm kind of in the him but that they start fucking and then i'm standing next to the bed going are you guys almost done i don't like it i'll never do it again there is you should talk about that on stage yes i just did it's over do you do stand about you stand up i guess i do this weird you've never seen my show my dude weird i've heard conglomeration of music and i tell stories like that i have never told that and like i said music and i do characters at the very end daphne aguilera comes out i don't know if you know that
actor daphne again there you can go why yes ma'am you're into the show yeah i love that show by the way thank you house love it coleman as the best the best i went to et last week and they said because they're talking about they want me to do a show of the us and this is the first time this has ever happened what do you want to do and what kind of show do you want to do i was dumbfounded i was like your give me like what i wanted to write a buddy they may maybe they're doing that with you because you're you're very very popular and with the fear factor audience and what do you like you're just happy you're just comfortable probably for the rest of your life but i got to get a show going and i said and and i i was like i was cornered and i didn't i wasn't expecting that kind of question what do you want to do and but immediately i said i wanted the antique show yeah do it again now so fucking great you never saw it i did i saw the marilyn manson sketch was awesome i also 'cause i just posted it today 'cause somebody was asking about no i'd seen it before ok yeah years ago it's very fun i love your music too thanks
yeah i mean you a lot of people don't even know that you do but he's want a great musician i should have a great song environment for you like crazy itunes itunes i have three albums what happened to it why did it get cancelled what was the issue do you member lisa know you don't remember lisa she was an intern and news radio the blonde girl that became your girlfriend member tony remember tony appelstein gray i her walking into that dark stage twenty four what was it you know because you're so high you don't remember i'm not that high you know high anymore at all right now yeah i'm high but i'm not that i just don't remember the number the stage stage probably wouldn't remember we get angry please see this is what he thinks is i can hear since you're building up crazy so it's actually builds up crazy socks when he wonders why go andy shut the fuck up just so angry it's not
and i can do is it is never angry for no reason it's reacting to your insanity trying to anyhow overcome the environment that you're in only walked in with this girl and i swear to god there was in this dark stage it felt like there was a shaft like a beam of light just coming down on her she was she she was lighting yours actually had could be mine and tony looked over at me and she told me this later she said that tony said look you can date anyone you want in hollywood but don't date and there so the same thing exact happened like a big guy try to keep me from drinking she immediately felt pressure today to andy andy was the forbidden fruit he sealed the deal that sentence he sealed the deal first we went after five years for him she was working five years power over her woman should still to me it was my glass ceiling on women
so what happened why did it well she's a mirror we were both crazy no the tv show you said it fall apart because of this girl i was that that was the i was sober three years of sober gaiety and really help like i said that so brian you put an extra syllable in there i don't know but she she was key in in keeping me sober but i basically replaced drugs and alcohol with her pussy i mean he fucked her there was one time one day i fucked a nine times in a dec yeah i mean i just just couldn't keep my dick out of her if it was my choice i would just have my dick in er and i go everywhere with my dick inside i but in fucker enough and i fucked her so it was one of those things too where you wonder where you're like i can't believe she's fucking may every time she was so hard every time so you were which is a ten right oh god like an eleven and she's married now with kids she married madonna's guitar player now they're gonna be able to find her she's
i hate that i'm talking about whoopsies yep sorry you aren't married her way now we could have gotten married we really were in love i was but you know it was lost blues lost because i remember not really her company i didn't enjoy just wanted to shut up tank clothes for five years you have to go on with just shut up to you because i wouldn't say that but yeah you know did you put her on your show yeah i put on yeah you can and you can see here on the show yeah do you go to andy dick dot com i i spent ten grand to put up everything that i've ever written and directed cool if you go to the it's called awesome video clips whatever you go there and then all these little buttons comparable the one that has dave grohl's face from the foo fighters it's very tiny you really have to look and find it's hard for me to even find it is the one that she's a she's in a couple she's also in the the hump augur for that outcast isn't
i had all these great people so on my show kathy griffin so i stand up and you still didn't explain how did the show fall apart because i because i stopped pudding any any attention or effort or i the show was like a pain in my ass i can't i don't i don't want to work i don't want to write i don't want to look what the writers are writing i don't want to rewrite i don't want to even show up to work i gotta i'm trying to hang on to my girlfriend and this horrible situation started happening with her anna celebrity really yeah it was bad oh he was fucking her yeah gary coleman you were trying to hang on to her yeah and then i do want to name the guy well i used to talk about it but i don't know that's already out there then let them find it i don't want to bring it up because i forgive if not his of course it's not really weird thing is we're at real food daily were sitting down and he comes up and i knew him he's very famous movie star
and i'm like oh hey meet my girlfriend lisa you know what he teaches acting classes you should you should take classes well he's great he's like the best in town oh i know who's don't don't say what is his first initial j yeah because he prided with you no no i just and then i would say within weeks there fucking yeah he did it to a friend of mine is all over the friend of mine was he was dating an actor they were at listen to this they were at his house and the phone rang i guess his girlfriend was living with them the phone rang at like three hundred o'clock in the morning and this guy is on the answering machine like he calls out and she jumps out of bed to answer the call and then the phone and leaves the room right yeah is there any movie playing on the tv joe i had i started joe that might be no don't don't don't don't don't because i don't want call it wasn't the fly
there's no movie i don't know what you're talking about well it's just talking about your member listen don't i had a story well i started i started to record conversations i have tapes of those guys talking i have tapes of her and him talking about how to get rid of me wow they were kidding like why don't you go on a vacation and you can take it literally this is one of them and take a pic of him like grand canyon near cliff and just tell him to keep backing up wow wow it got really sick someone's talking about killing you gotta pee again you got a urinary tract infection you mean men's premium lager i when i drink when you come back you just saving up for a comeback while this is the strangest podcast of all time how bizarre is podcast
pretty great you enjoy it yeah i think this is the best thing ever the best thing ever i i would love to do this every week but andy dick i think it would be the yes you and i have completely different taste i would this be the best thing because you either have guys act like an old married couple and it's in so fascinating we always did i know but it's so fascinating to watch because you it's it's like in like a normal person that you know forced into this sort of a dichotomy it's great i fucking love it you're welcome i used my strong stream of your asian to clean off the globules of shia that we're still yeah side that's so funny you said that i buy that i cleaned it off yeah did you do you have like explosions no no the girl that was spent the night last night to talk and there was also it's not who i think that you're not coming nothing nothing how long have we been on like more than our we usually do two hours i'm fine fine i'm ready have more like an hour and a half
come into it somewhere like that don't you hate when you're trying to clean the shit and it just won't come off with your pc so you try harder and harder well i did i got poop stories i got every fuel off there's one that's kind of under the rim i have to really ever had i don't know how it got there already i piss on you uhm no and i'm not at home with the old man because i fucked well because i've peed both or a couple of you have you have only one like once at the roosevelt the whole everybody was in error i just thought it was funny everybody was in the hot tub guys and girls and i will buy it because i i only will do it if i know they can wash it off all do it like all the other people in the shower because you can run right on the front of my opinion i peed on lisa lisa peed on my boy is a girlfriend it's an offer in the fucking shower so here they are there's a bunch of people i remember only one of my friends who was a fat guy not a sexual thing from its moral getting fun
i i'm laughing hysterically and i'm just an because then sit there and it takes some like it five or ten seconds to realize even what's going on because it's so unheard of but i'm peeing going in a circle peeing on all of what is going scream have to watch joey diaz at a gay club once tells who is he who is the funniest guy that ever lived how stand up comedian he's a buddy of ours he was at a at a gay club and big a big line to go the bathroom there was a guy in a bathtub like lying there in his underwear and it just had a sign said spit on me people would walk by and spit on him all the clubs going on and this is jaya line to go to the i really suggest he goes if i piss on you and the guy goes share go ahead so joe do you want to wait in line to go all the way to the bathroom just pissed on that i like it i have a weak stomach for that shit
i make you sick really i really have it we are so strange i will always do that you're in the water they were in chlorinated water the other one and everyone else is in the shower but it's disgusting i saw a thing of i shouldn't be alive that show have you seen national yes i should not be alive when it was cold and there was this this family a couple on two daughters and then they were dying in the desert and then the little guy bill said mommy can i tell you something my teachers said you can drink your own pee and then so mother urinated in a bottle and made and the daughter drink is she drank it the one that didn't drink it her kidneys shut down she started to die she was practically dead but she did come they rescued everybody and they came back to life but even but watching that show my point was that i started i had to plug my ears when they show code that her like reenacting pissing in the bottle and they showed it
yellow liquid and they showed him drinking it even knowing it was a reenactment i was still like going to throw up yeah that's hilarious all the shit that you've done you watching guy drink piss and that freaks you out girls girls drink piss weather is a good guy or girl i've drunk pissed before you had sure the reason you ever heard of urine therapy i hear you wake up in the morning you drink your own fresh here and i can't believe you did that i tried it for how my days i try to couple of times i did what does it taste like for real doesn't doesn't taste that bad terrell first of all i know it's can this is darrell and i know this is salt and stuff in it you know like vitamins and minerals and so you drink com but no i don't drink even the smell of my own cum makes me drive have you ever tasted it accidental e about other guys come especially other guys that's disgusting absolutely if you had to drink one which one would be p the smell of your own come freaks you out doesn't freak me out my stomach starts to turn
i started so how do you get involved in gay activities then he's not a bad because the load get me the fuck out actually i like to see a load shootout i love it's exciting you know what it was load shut the fuck up causing troubles over there safely i want to know you didn't answer my question i really am curious does pee taste salty yeah it's just a little salty it's really not that bad it's all in your head when you drink it it's like now you gotta watch the video i made a video of him drinking his p card san francisco i made a deal with the the dj i might i might have to because it was to their talk about liotta machida whose was the ufc light heavyweight champion who is is japanese and brazilian guy who is into a like ancient medicine and that's one of the things that his father
times drink you urine in the morning it's got all this you know i hear it is very very very good i don't know i mean so probably bullshit i don't you know i just tried it i didn't really totally believe in it but i i tried it because a friend of mine who it also been into that kind of he's like into being a shaman all that stuff he's drinkers urine when he's done mushroom trips and tell me it because you that's how you get really high when you do a mushroom trip when you urinate the sell side it actually comes out in your urine and then you drink that again and it re process three system on you just go babu whoa shoot you through the that's something i might do yeah it apparently that's the way to get super completely blitzkrieg on mushrooms have you done mushrooms if i do here right now would you throw up yeah not throw up and start driving anyway what i was saying is we did on this radio show and it's not a big deal to the guy dry heaves dude no name from san francisco hey was all dry even when he did it but i just drank it it's really once you get past it is in your mind my mind being on fear factor for six years dude i saw people
get past some gnarly show there are things on there that seemed to be illegal now they're all legal know like some of the dead animals or like animal parts yeah they only need to cook really everything we did we did anybody get sick ever play diarrhea sick but never liked it in trouble but we did have a problem here's something for the folks at home if you are allergic to shellfish you're also allergic to roaches really yeah i guess i guess there that that they have that exo skeleton whatever it is that makes you allergic am i right about that their bones are actually on the outside of their skin sure yeah that is what a cockroach in a lobster and shellfish i could eat bugs if they were cooked because it seem like a no i'm telling you it's not that big deal it's all roach i eat a big madagascar hissing cockroach it was no big deal molly and alive alive it's all in your head i'd seen seen so many people do and i'm not eat
as a medium like there's nothing bad about this is not that bad at all tasty doesn't taste good but it didn't taste terrible like i would totally eat a gang if i was starving to death maybe if i was starving chew those mother fuck no i don't believe wine he's so bad it's also a shit let me smell it that's not you're pissed bro yeah i do want it says not you're pissed so i do want to see how full of shit i'm going to throw up just face warm you fucking liar it's apple to your wheat bran interrupt our fucking train of thought for that well he wanted to see me listen if i smelled it i'd start her what we were talking about before you came in the cockroaches i could only eat a minute they were cooked and with insulted that i could eat him i'm telling you the flavor is not that bad ma more impressive ship was when people ate like habanero peppers i can do it where it where sweat is dripping out of my scalp have you
watch those videos online where people eat those ghost chili's there's one sort of a pepper i forget what it's called i forget the actual technical name for it crazy that's the name of it looks like you heard of it red band and it's insanely powerful like like many many many times worse than a hobbit like you can die kind of well i don't know if you can die i guess you probably could but when people take it they make videos of them take 'cause they're in agony just fucking screaming agony and then there's some people that like there's a woman in india who eats them like their candy and then rub them on her eyes and nothing happens it's like this bitch like like immune to it somehow or another you know i love that i love that something you can get immune to poison oak by there's two ways and i did it i did i did one of the ways one of the ways is you pick and you have to pick it with like a napkin so you don't touch it with your skin which is weird but you pick the tiny little baby red leaves this poison oak which
all over california the tiny little baby red leaves with a napkin the shiny shiny we lead to anyone's and you put it in your mouth a bunch of them and june june june june june children and swallowing and your meeting i did that wow that's a hot but the better way which seems better is you get a goat i'm doing we're doing this that we have three acres i actually have thirty acres really i'm not like down and out just so you know i just don't have liquid cash but but anyhow you get to go we're going to get a bunch of goats maybe one or two or three going to own them in our property where we live there's three acres and there's a ton of fucking poison oak just this morning i had to mend fences right before my my and had a seizure i was mending fences their dogs are getting out in the neighbors are complaining and i have a wolf by the way is ninety percent wolf sort of got what are you doing with the wolf you can see a picture of him on my twit pic account for windows you can't trust those
and things i am a little worried but trust wolves wolves are not dogs when you get one of those percent wolves i had a friend who had a three quarter wolf and i was like this is you are just taking chances here he wanted to bring it to a farm to letting it stay with a friend to think killed like to she yeah it just went over and had a a blood orgy of sheep is gonna have a great meal when we get these guys hop this dude's fence hottest dudes fence and got in the sheep pen just slaughtered he might have been in the collected was covered in blood he came back they had a like lie to the guy wanted to kill him the next door neighbor who is the farmer wanted to kill him because he killed twenty of its fucking sheep things that are covered in blood every sheep just had his throat torn out in their dna and didn't even kill this i mean didn't even eat the sheep just tore their throats out and went back home and had some dog food he is he is displaying some
disturbing behavior already sure is dominating you how old is he no he's not dominating you know the two other dogs dominate him he's a puppy but but a puppy is still this tall this tall look look he's like three feet tall but the thing is is he is he's getting these gophers in these rats i've seen a rat or a gofer and i've seen the tail slurp into his mouth and down his throat like spaghetti he just like swallows of these things holding it is is to you got to be careful as of rats well can i tell i remember when you got to be careful as though i were a red band i was in the middle and you're in the middle of talking about this god damn monster you live will we got to be real careful who is a poison oak can we go dog listed as of yet was no get get some goats let them eat the poor they love goes exactly but they eat they eat the and all the pull it out so there's no poison oak in your yard then you drink the goats in your immune and you drink the goats ok it shouldn't you know this for a fact your encourage ing people
yeah what if their throat closes up and down you know what don't you say rogan experience is not responsible for any of these ideas an edict as we do not endorse them or support them nor have we researched them and i i believe it's probably if not we'll have someone look and i did it and it worked and i have not gotten a sense because i i had i'm very susceptible to and i've broken out like like a leper you're so into health and you're so into like vitamins and supplements and you always have been used to eat raw clue things of garlic i mean it's always been there's like five close of raw garlic in here so how you that and then also this troll don't know what is it do did you ever go to therapy about that shit oh yeah i've had my when i was having trouble with lisa and that other person i had three therapist at the same
i would go from one tell more different stories see which will work no there there was there was one good idea i mean how many people go to therapy and in hollywood for real just because they need an audience we need someone who wants focus one hundred percent on their out of that is a lot of it do that's what i used to think when we were on news radio that was the most i'd ever know like that was the first time i never really been around actors and i never how many people were on therapy and i'm like i'm sure some of these people are actually getting helped by this but how many people are just probably every cast member was going to therapy on our show right but i remember one time one of my therapist this is during the lisa phase and i was i i couldn't sleep i would lay there and the thing is that she was playing us both she was still seeing me and seeing him and i would lay in my shoes at the same time horrible i was waiting and go down under and she's all salty
uh no but i would imagine him i would imagine him i would imagine him going down on her like this and spitting on her pussy so really all the you know the fly i forgot what a great flood default the fucking ground training thing is kind of creepy trying to come up and i still have those tapes too you should release those maybe but with more of his voice changes name to mr mr silly pants you know people draw their own conclusions we've already talked about him before this
one therapist i was i i told him i called him this is an emergency i really i i'd like to come in and and see you might my girlfriend at the time actually she we were both in in hell she was out wrote a suicide note and and and it's i think she's going to commit suicide i i really i don't know what to do because i think i'm possible and i don't know what to do and he literally said okay well listen i got a skit adil you said that phrase they called you a drama queen without saying it yeah i got a skit that'll yeah that's exactly what it was he just called you draw which maybe i was you cried wolf again how funny is that you cry wolf and you have a wolf i don't cry wolf i always think it's real that's the thing it's yeah but it is your right i have a wolf people think i cry wolf so do you think it's popeyes you know i i had a conversation with a fully about you when
you are related to podcasts on the air actually listen to it and one of the things we were talking about is how i said that andy always needs like a handler you need someone to just sort of guide you and keep you like just generally out of trouble and the one not anything about news radio i'm not you but one of the great things news radio was that there was work for you to do it was like there was rewarding very very you know was very good writing the character was great and all you guys some great t thing i did it we were so lucky dude you know great i'm stuck back in look about it i'd come on man how about you it was the bad i never forget the moment i met andy i met him on the set and then he came into my dressing room and this is one thousand nine hundred and ninety four and elect like again no acting experience remember no no actors and didn't and sitting there and he goes do you think you're going to be famous
yeah and i go i don't know he in and goes i know i'm gonna be really i know it i go you really think so you're one hundred percent definitely i'm gonna be famous wow that i'm ready yeah you were just fired up about i remember being famous i hate it now that's why i live in a shed well when you would like to continue whatever your were back then that's that thing though man you just trying to make it happen i actually when people come up to me in a because i got a young a lot of young people say in the make me famous or i would be famous i yell at them like why there's do you do you do you you want to do good work right fame part like i look at people like sam rockwell or paul giamani yes these are people i look up to do great work they're famous but there perfect money as an actor they can also go out and for the most part they're unrecognizable yeah or even one time like people come by cool people come up to but not freaks well the trying to freak so yeah the problem actually paul giamatti yeah he gets weird at all i
i love sideways but you see that is great i love it did you see moon and love it sam rockwell love it i worked with his girlfriend leslie leslie them i hope they're still together she's cool as she's that the hot chicken talladega nights she plays my ex girlfriend girl those guys have to have and james early yeah you because you know they're not in a travel size they're just doing good i could have had that if i wasn't your right i was like just uh fucking boring what what makes you so good is that you're so crazy you and uh not that i understood that about me what makes me so good is that the crazy on all that's me unbridled running around in circles on each one we both looked out that we had news radio to harness as hard again and the outlet could come through the brilliant writing like you said all sam's and and and and joe joe fury and the and the job josh and and and question around all those guys who
a drake sather shot yeah love that he wrote that he's the one who wrote that vh1 fashion well he wrote zoolander heroes zoolander i was you know i was supposed to be will ferrell's park we know that he's serious yes i did the table read it was written for me by drake sather drake sather wrote the fashion awards shorts that i did i played the character that's my character then we turned it into a movie we put derek zoo and he because ben was doing his shorts i was doing my job we put them together we roads in lander you know they wrote it and i did the table read and then i got stuck on the show called go fishing one six episodes with macaulay culkin's younger brother oct kieran culkin and you couldn't leave and they said you just got out of rehab and you can't rock the boat you can't do that zoolander movie and ben stiller and thought it was too crazy well they said you can't walk away from your tv show
and i said man ben stiller was calling me at home saying just walk away from it i do it all the time yeah and i looking back do you realize what or whatever a fork in the road that was and i went down the wrong wine and still have all the so hot right now bad i'm i'm not into that meet the fockers movie but god damn was tropic thunder good yeah he i walk he's he on cloud nine and we're not friends anymore and i don't know why what happened i don't know did you do landing i think he's running for office is he i don't know was trying to like separate himself and really get away yeah just really and the cool you must feel that like you know i told you that i was going to be in burbank and so let's do it here you immediately online or tweeting guess just want me at his house and even tweeted that you sent send me a text okay you don't want me knowing where you live i mean but but in his defense he immediately texted me back
that's not it at all you can come by anytime some other time i just happen to be in burbank and that's where we want to do i really did immediately thought totally get it i get it you don't want me to see your way yeah girl you don't want me to meet your kids how many kids if you if you yes i have yeah have you are outside of if you are sober for a year you can hang out my house and tell you okay i'll i will we need a we need if i could put you under the honoring love it gives me you got to know though that people think that like okay now you know i am yeah i i have a caring always had you know what i have now hang in here what shows me thank you got a record that is a funny thing that we said when we were on the set all of us did we said you know when this thing is falling apart if it 'cause we gotta figure out a way to all work together 'cause we had such a crazy chemistry bath what
sitcom we could put together right now my dave foley i work with some shit just do news radio but do it podcasts the only time i worked with any of you have any anybody from news radio again was more a she got me on e r i played a really great character on er i i ran into maura once at one of those ah a couple times when she was on e r and i was on fear factor and we got drunk together like the old days you know like those those nbc things and we had fun i was like man we had we all had such a crazy connection there was always an unusual cast it was known as the women always get along great like you know you and i we got in arguments we always made up and all we always we always it will brought it around but when we had fun dude we had fucking finally those sets after after we're done filming we had parties yet the crew yeah crew is there on the ground we haven't even the nurse remember that guy who was the nerves that was cool giving the camera massages remember wasn't creepy to andy he was a great guy i'm just bullshitting about the creepy massage
i do remember here's the one thing that the the don't give the punch line away okay but the very first week the law we're we're we're rehearsing these radio and in the first week and there was somebody else playing joe's part do not give it away because i don't even know if you know the story and we we're like in day one day two day three i don't know what's going on but we're doing we're rehearsing we're doing table reads and this guy that's playing joe's part before joe came on board is coming to me saying i don't think they're liking what i'm doing and i'm going dude you're so fucking awesome you're subtle your real i love it and i think they love it there just not if they're not happen they're not laughing big deal is your do great the next day his seat was empty we went a whole day with no one by the way you weren't there yet he had been fired and that guy was ray romano wow
did you know that yes yeah i knew it and i didn't take over for a i take over for the guy who took over for oh you're right they brought then they brought another guy in and that can fuck and shit the bed was a sama but he was funny too i'm not going to tell you i bet he's working i don't remember who we yeah i don't know what that is working because i remember seeing him later but then that then on jade like on friday was like the last day before because member we used to film on a tuesday or something we're like right so on the last day that you that we could have before we had our camera blocking day monday joe shows up and stays and but nailed it like like paul sims loved you i loved him too yeah do you talk to him not really mean either i called him i called him when i saw that he was one of the consulting producers i think on boardwalk empire right
he's right i don't know no he was on a flight of the concords of kind of like causing also and we're talking catching up and he invited me to his wedding and i didn't go out i didn't yeah i really have i couldn't go into it i think i had a gig the how to go they don't remember why i didn't i was probably in a bad place but and i and we were talking we feel bad about not going to weddings i do too i wish i wish i all of them i don't want to go to any of the i don't neither i have so many friends have been divorced and are there so many of them that are in the marital wreck and oh so much my day foley came in the podcast and i was crying dude oh so much fucking money he's supposed to be paying three times what he makes every month welcome to my worst i've been reading his tweets i know fuck what are they going arrest him he owes a half a million dollars up there chaos he's that they got him at the peak of his earning of his entire
yes completely unreal is not real and that's it yeah news now is not making that i know that you run again at work com and by the way yeah and that yeah so yeah anyway so when people ask me to go to the wedding i'm like fuck a friend of this is no bullshit this fucking guy lossed everything he lost every i talk about him on stage just a bit about divorce do i know i'm no no you don't know he's a great guy and he lost everything in his first one man and his second wife came along during the first marriage broke up his first marriage had married the second wife and the second wife didn't want a pre nup and they had a fight for it and this guy had lost everything in the first one it's and then he's like i wanted to come on my own marriage and my jesus christ you go into another god damn execution i'll never i'll never again i will get married again understand it with children and that's why i did it you know i'm like jesus christ you
and have children very important i live right in their eyes the kids i live in the show on but it was very important for her i know it's ridiculous we important for her so i did it but i just i think it's absolutely ridiculous the you gonna bring in a bunch of people that you don't know and they're going to be a part this agreement that your relationship never all based on the fact that when it falls apart we're just assuming that all of us are going to be irrational and greedy and occasionally where is that we have to be fair very occasionally marriage that i'm worried about it's this divorce it's not the idea of being bonded if you're together together who kids together on paper over here together legally it's when you can't get away from each other it's ridiculous that divorce is the most ridiculous aspect of marriage you're married you're married and you start pudding in like you start putting a new factor in how much lawyers make and then how the with my buddy you had to pay for his wife's lawyer i had it with the girl i'm living with now i said look let's come to an agreement and
not bring lawyers in because when you bring lawyers in your taking food out of our kids math true and you're putting it up the fucking lawyers apps and i paid the right tens of thousands of dollars maybe up upwards of one hundred how about my friend paid millions who i'm not telling you i'm not he's a big he's got cash he went through one of the more you have the more they can take two and a half years we went through a relationship divorce where he was paying for two lawyers at the that's why i'd rather live in the shed i let my ex take my my money goes right to her i'm like you know what i'm done with this fucking shit i don't need anything as long as i have my fifty two inch flat screen plasma whatever hd all that the sound and with this one necessities i just need the very bare minimums and to be with my kids that's beautiful good food and then you can have all the rest of it you fuck well how do i like i know know you're saying just like the world is fucking the world is that i'm done with it you know if you want to try to take money from i don't have it
so it goes to her what do you take my tv because that's all i got now i got my tv and my dogs over it all my money i don't even know i sometimes i ask you did a couple checks come in oh yeah yeah we're fine we don't even really where do you envision yourself i'm going to get another show i already know that people are starting to come by ice do you think that in the light of this charlie sheen shit though they help they're worried about you it helped me how did it actually there was a guy rob riggles he had to show last year it didn't go through but i went in and test it you know what they want me to audition turn the tv on you know and you can see you don't know additional things oh yeah i do i go you know what i humble myself okay you know what i'll roll my sleeves up and i'll show him how it's done and i go in i do it and and ted wass the director said rob wriggles jumped i didn't know who he was he jumped up
room said i want to do the scene with you and i went why who are you and ok i'm the leon the guy that wrote it or on the lead oh i'm so i'm sorry again we did the scene we were laughing we're having a great time i leave ted wass calls me at home and says no you're you're the number one guy and there was no there wasn't even a close second right and what i'm asking but nobody realizes charlie sheen thing listen i was on cbs and everybody wanted me and then they went to cbs and said we found our guy this just for a small right the band leader like it was in high school and i like the band it on that you know but once again some some some homosexual crazy underwear anybody would get that k anyhow so he said
you know i just wanna let you know that your your your your number one everybody wanted to we went to cvs and cbs said in no thank you we we we can't hire and to take we already have one of those name is charlie sheen so how's that helping you bro well that's ask if it helped you and obviously that took a job away how that was a long that was that was a year that was like last year now he's out you really think that perception is changed that much in twelve months you think that he's going always going to be fine i'm gonna it's going to be a slow steady climb hey come on hello yeah i am helped out anyway i hope i might not get on a network show tomorrow i'm not i know i'm not going in the i'm just i'm going to have you along i think i know how you're brilliant i'm gonna have a small little show and you're gonna come on and try and help me and i will help you absolutely i was i was going to be a small little thing i don't even need money anymore i'm gonna go to a network like like an easy type situation i'm gonna be able to do a show and you don't need money to be funny
it's not about money you just you know you can be funny you don't need money right i need you go well with you to come on i'm going to need my friends i don't have as many left i need people to rally up around me and help me out you to have a show like that to have like some sort of sketch show like the old andy dick show you could totally pull that together yeah because you don't need money to do that that's it's cheap now i heard towns i listen to kevin pollux podcast because he he had dave thomas on and i was a an s c tv fanatic when i was like twelve or or whatever i to record a on a little radio shack cassette recorder and like listen back to it all shitty sounding and last you can actually hear me laughing on the concept and he and and sctv was done back in the day the budget of every episode three thousand
course that's incredible well with the reason dollars for each do your own thing on the internet i know you did for awhile you had that one weird interview show house arrest with anti dick you no money involved is at my house and you should have where what happened it just it just ended up ended you know what for a long time i didn't have your number and like yeah we didn't there was no twitter it wasn't that easy to get in touch now and touch me through twitter like that again sorry would you start talking again yeah yeah i'm glad i'm yeah that too i'm going to lay we're going to do two thousand and eleven version of the odd couple me and me jock character and my the ambiguous who's out of control lobby one is that you were working with it we have some morning all well in in the aisles because they have to be that way there was one guy i i see was the well you know i think neither one of us completely have our shit together but obviously
well i think you do there be more out of control know in real life though you have your shit together or i keep it together but it's a constant that really what why the part i'm a fucking savage the pot no i'm i'm i'm rageaholic a nice in the body of a vinyl you he's a radiology not religious does frank shooting i just work out about a i have a lot of energy i have a lot of aggressive and i always have loved them i mean i'm i was attracted to it i do and not been gusting i think a lot of people are but you know i keep it completely and totally together but i do it with body maintenance i have to make sure i work out a lot have to make sure that i get the tank a lot i have to you know i think all of us are still no one is just getting through life and everything perfect so you have just happy in everything we have to remember you think about your problems you think about how what hell you're in buddy well it's also what causes your problems i have way way way less problems now than i did
was younger because i understand life better understand myself back i understand my own behavior i don't you wish that you could be you and i could be me what we know and how we are and how i am i actually think are chemicals literally changed and we could go back with with this this this this knowledge or whatever it is the these chemicals coursing through our van things and start over no i don't want to start over you're you're in a different place but i know that i could i could but you know what not even starting over indians i have something i have that you have and makes you you though i'm sure you do this makes you you get where it also makes you humble because quite honestly anybody that wants to be famous anyone who wants a successful you're saying it's an impulse struggle with ego we see you struggle with the idea of grandiose ideas like being being then you really are being this amazing person that deserves all of this attention you know the humiliating moments the humbling moments actually really
around you off so in you can't do it's impossible to do what i just said except that i can do it what i do now is i say you know what i am i can do that i can start right now with what i know and with the chemicals that are my natural how i might i am i feel different we were like if if you want to learn that you've learned over the years start over starting now that's a part of shedding everything off and i did no pun intended the shed but i got rid of everything i own gave it away it sounds very healthy i had some approach your approach sounds like the correct people think i'm doing bad i'm doing better than i've done in years you financially physically yes i think you have to exercise to do
do i just went i just went on an hour and a half hike yesterday also important it's one of those things that sounds so frivolous when people talk about exercise you say you should work out like oh what you want to look great so you have a big once again tell it tell it to my god damn tell it to imagine that broken so important sonic handed or bicep yeah i heard him i tried not to hear him everyday this mother fucker i don't really know the podcast that well you guys have that kind of like he's not really bumping how is this your house yes and then all your equipment yeah this is expensive shit yeah well this podcast is for real son it started out was just a web web cam also you started it together yeah how many years has it been trying this is my video editor has been working with me forever he makes all the the see if any
crazy videos you see online is really well edited stuff it's all his work you know which one fascinate me and i did i did see this the car got you praise pile news to you but the carless nancy yeah i just loved i loved i did that i thought was fascinating as france and bill cosby stuff yeah that wasn't even us that was somebody else on the bill cosby think this is jonathan taylor thomas if you want to keep looking there's probably a million i'm over it and i heard that you guys what's it called broke bread or water under the bridge you guys made out un carlos misses never haven't talked him sense of the word you guys look good luck to the guy you wear were involved in a terrible situation where a guy was it was victimizing all these comics was stealing other shit and nobody wanted to be in the room when he was when he was in the room nobody wanted to be onstage they would light the light up to make sure that you knew that he was on stage so you wouldn't do new material it was crazy and they
all got i don't even care it's also it's valid conversation yeah you know i mean it all came about and i didn't want to happen it's not something that i was looking forward to and it would it was totally unpretentious i'll be on planned we have no idea what's going to happen when i had it i i i may or when it was happening and 'cause i know you and i all this isn't going to be good 'cause i knew you were just going to get more and more well i wasn't even really that angry with you brought him down you brought example asino he's a real person but he knows that one that's right the look at all of it about you know all what it what all's like it was about it you know he's better off that expo as well you know he was out of my mind i don't have a he was living in some crazy lie state where you know you really believe his boss he wanted that to happen that's why when when people do terrible things like serial killers a lot of them want to get caught you know a lot of them do
shit because they want to get caught i always leave a little some yeah and when you do fucked up things to people man i think for real that there's somewhere in the back your head that you got to know that that's affecting you you can't just skate away clean you think he had that sure yeah i think everybody everybody does fucked up thing but he denied complete total sociopath eventually giving in he yeah watch the movie i am comic he just flat out admits it and i am comic i feel bad for the guy what is that after all i am atomic mental illness who's some documentary about lots of different comic con stereo in it never heard of it yeah i don't know i don't i didn't hear about until after israeli made but apparently he's on it you know whatever may you know give
i made it i i never talked with pauly shore for twenty years after in the army i didn't i didn't like him that he was he was a little bit like you but but worse because he was is very aggressive and just outright means and i i wasn't used i was a naive kid from from the suburbs of chicago i was just this nice guy in sweet always full of happy love and then he he was mean to me and and on the right in front of people on the sat and i just didn't want to ever work with him again but over the years he changed and and then i changed now we're friends again and now we're talking we're talking about doing we did in the army now and now i actually came up or my my thought an old assistant of mine came up with the idea of doing in the army a cat because it's been twenty i'm telling you mazing know it really could work because the first movie were in the reserves and when you're in the reserves you can get called up to active duty at any moment
twenty years later give this away right now someone is rewriting the script right now in the middle of it but it has to be me and him going to somebody else i would no it has to be twenty years later we have to be old and we're and we're alive have i would i will welcome somebody to write the script just make sure you send it to me so that you know i can do it now this is really going to go to paulie and paul is going to demand some sort of something down now but we're friends i did a special on showtime what was that stand up special yeah i can't so how much they end up doing these days well i never like i said do stand up i do this character to do meu like i tell stories i mean how often do you not doing in touring anymore you're not going places i'm starting i am you know that place that's called borderlines and one thousand oaks no you oh they'd love to have you well they wanted me like two or three times what is it the club club or something so comedy club in thousand thousand oaks
really you'd love it all open a couple of years ago then they asked me to do like even five different times only probably can't pay you your money but like i want to do it because i don't because when i do it i i fly my son out i fly tim walsh out the guitar player i usually bring an assistant and i just and then and then there where's my money you know so i'm like paying for everybody right little bit in this one i don't have to fly anybody out or do anything or pay for anything and that they they pay for me to fly out rightly and and they put us all up in wells cram into one or two hotel rooms but still i pay for their food i'd pay for this but here i'm going to do show and i'm to still make about as much as i do when i go on the road will you ever do the brea improv in irvine improv those are great 'cause they're not close right and then like a real but there's so many people in california that can support that many comedy
have you ever seen me on the marquee many many times i'll be there and i see that you have just been there or that you're coming up you have you ever seen the movement yeah yeah yeah but you're right i haven't done it's been awhile but i'm getting back into it will do listen we're going to end this thing great to see healthy so great so motivated sounds like mine is a good place good i truly root for you do i love you really do i've been so glad i'm so happy to see you puffy what is getting you you're always great and i'm going to take you up on your offer of going into your t yeah i really don't want to gather and we don't have we live close to each other and i know that i like having friends like you i like having a god damn bulldog in my corner i need it i thought this kind of energy back off i got joe rogan in my fucking corner girls and brian charlie sheen's producer producer the is the fart sounds but don't do it you fuck don't stop it alright
you want to get ahold of you they can go to come on brian anything is twitter i love it and then on andy dick on twitter at andy dick and on twitter can go and i put on a lot of people website just youjustandydick dot com you can see everything ever done that i wrote and directed i don't put like in please follow andy i'm sure you'll get some fucking hilarious tweets god damn character the real deal is not fake this is real this is really handy you don't take selah to grow one of these fucking things you know weird shit has to happen it's like a sea monkey you gotta meet my friend joey diaz and where it is there's just not a whole lot of opportunities in life for someone like that to develop great now so thanks a lot thanks for coming on in the great to meet up with you again and talk about some stuff and go over some of the old days and love you can't wait to see your boner go to joerogan dot net and click on the link to thank you to the flashlight and if you
joe rogan and click on the link for the flashlight entering the code name rogan you get fifteen percent off that is it for this week weekend comedy magic club sold out next weekend gotham in new york sold out and so there's still some tickets open in eight and other but hey shut the fuck up alright that's it shows over that's a vagina put your finger it hasn't been washed thank you thank everybody see next week it smells like a pussy
Transcript generated on 2019-10-04.