« Last Podcast On The Left

Episode 186: Fairies

2015-08-05 | 🔗

It's time to descend into Fairyland with the boys this week as we discuss the wide varieties of fairies, their practices, and why you should never eat their tiny cakes.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
There's no place to escape to this is the last time. That sounds much better, Gabriel Iglesias Glacius It's one of the last podcast on the left, everybody I'm Ben Kissel, joined by mark is part time staring at Marcus Parks and I was going to say in studio, Marcus Parks, but so is Henry Sobrowski maneuvers Bonica Graglia's been recap: men, glasshouse, Pangri, Cambrin, Glasya swimming rigs yeah. I'm glad I got here yet up. Yeah, that's great, that's that's great,
yeah, it would be around here we are at. I love all your hits. That's if a man with Tourettes controlled the universe and could just create latin singers in his mind he dreams about them, and then they come to light. When Donald Trump's president, a man with Tourettes, will control the universe will be very happy covering some really light subjects here on last podcast in a less so I think it's time we get into some really hard core stuff is what I'm saying all right. We've been too easy on you, yeah can right, take it easy all right. It is been easy breeze, your you're, just covering drifter murder and having sex with dead women who care today we're getting a hard core deep into one of the darkest topics we have ever covered. The lands of, I can't believe we're going there. This is really our nine eleven, the land of fairies everybody on today's last part doesn't allow me to put it this way right. We came with the idea to do fairies again to do a break from we it to the it's. We've been Josh Anya. Yes, because
we've been very serious up until now, covering very heavy subjects. We want to do something. Light on theories is dumb no dumb topic. I realized this. Is you don't even know? I'm still like gnomes has more meat to it. Yeah they don't tell Reese, doesn't don't tell Terry the gnome, then he very upset. If you think he's dumb yeah I'll find a fairy. You know what I want to grab a fairy and be like. Oh yeah. I want to make your knees, got explode, yeah, teraflop or Chinese together and turn off a kid ask, falls off and pick up her outside. She would like Fuckin' bubble gum. I love Fuckin', a fairy like I said God Dam.
It's in butterfly yeah. You haven't changed one bit Terry. What you been up too yeah, I just been up to my eyeballs and turpentine getting die. Oh my god. Alright go back to some hard for a got. Damn ferry pricing around fucking asking for it all right go back to turpentine bath! Please henries back! Thank God Mark is I'm so happy. Your brain hasn't been full of murder, drifter sex, random macabre this week. This has been such a wonderful week. Let me tell you about the books that I've been reading this week. I have not been reading the hand of death. I have not been reading the most dangerous book in the world. I have not been reading Henry Lee Lucas, the drifters Tail- that is nine hundred and eleven as a magical ritual which you should read if you ever, if you hate having conversations with well normally like if you hate small talk, start reading the most dangerous book in the world, and I will never have a normal conversation again. Of course, the most dangerous book in the world is just a loaded magnum, which is kind of fun yeah these are the some of the books, and these are the books that I used for this x research. I used a field guide,
two demons, faeries fallen angels and other subversive spirits by Carol, Kaye and DINA Mac about and that one is actually very, very fun book that recommend anyone. I cracked open volume, seven of men, myth and magic. Okay, the entry by K in breaks who's written quite a few books on ferries good end the power of magic by Derek in. Julia Parker at book that I've had. Since I was a kid I did all of my research on Yahoo answers this week. I think Yahoo has all the answers. Don't go that don't go to Yahoo for any sort of scientific advice or what's happening with politics. Go there to discuss fairies and you'll, find the truth. Can we just go ahead and say fairies aren't real and it's all done? No! No! No! No! No! No! No! I guess fairies are real, but again for this episode, I'm not even broaching the top topic of Fairy this interdimensional beings as connected aliens, because you know what why
Why add any truth to this episode? Absolutely well. Here's are a little bit of an introduction to fairies fairies as with bees, a good the follow concerning fairies, is, if you don't bother them, they won't buy. And they're also pass by smoke. That's very good! That's a total myth about the be by the way. I've never once said anything negative to ab I've. Never even looked at it be wrong. I never had sex with a b wife. I eat little bit of their honey, but that's just their poop. I just think that you smell like a dear to them. I think that's possible. I've been attacked in ran down by bees multiple times, so I mean, like your whole. Lip is crusted with powder, right. That's the problem! No, some
he's, can do good or ill. Some are who the wicked and even the best of them need to be treated with respect. That's the number one thing you need to know about fairies is that they always must be treated with the utmost respect like Aretha Franklin. I agree with that lover: yeah because many are helpful. Brownie brownie does it is he's a racist I The brownie fairy, the brownie fairy is the subservient helper fairy shows with the night, it does all the work for you that you didn't want to do with the night, much like a slave because they do it. But you know, technically, you don't have to put a weird like spiked collar on a brownie to make him do it, and steel his family and kill his daughters to make him have no lust for life anymore. You have a very interesting sense of US history and yes, by the way the legend of the brownies comes from long before the times of the dutch slave trade.
Very good. So yes, many are helpful. Brownie has turned into a malicious boggart because full is played a practical joker. So what do you guys think buggered or Bogart? I mean I like a good Bogart Bogart is what due to a joint of all, your accent sounds like Ben when he first wakes up in the morning now there are first the heroic and romance fairies of the arthurian legends. An medieval romances like most of this episode needs to be done with it, ' What is a medieval romance exactly he didn't rape. He didn't raise romance in the middle, even though the Middle ages Guinevere later Lance Alot, alright, yes, yes, she would dicks and pussies smelled like during that time period. Oh, can I ever like a boggart. The great example of these fairy romances is Dana
oh of Ireland. They are. The aristocracy of fairyland who ride and fight and hunt and within a beautiful land exempt from death or change the land of and each one of these fairies is Delicious Lee white uh, I see fairies are usually depicted positively as dainty win, some small or even tiny usual females with a butterfly like wings, but once you down at their feet. You will see talents,
Instead of to exactly I don't lose sleep over here, so I can't stand about this some parts available and they are so tiny that the whole royal days can be caught under a men's hat. Oshit, yeah they're, all just a bunch of vegans there, all Gwyneth Paltrow's. I don't like these fairies one bit their obnoxious there annoying me. I don't want to be on a date with him at all. You want to get barbecue. No! I just want to dance on the head of a cake without leaving a print on the icing God. Well maybe
So these fairies they live in an underground parallel universe that can be entered through holes in the ground. But it's got the tiniest doors you could be not connected or not, and then a fox comes and goes through rule in the box. Butler opens the door for you and there's nothing but tiny, cakes and little shoes. I feel like you're really on this cake thing. Did you have breakfast this morning? I'm I'm pretty and speaking of Fairy Food Henry. If a human visits fairyland an and eats berry food, he or she will usually not rejoin the land of the living, also
another way to get caught in fairy. Land is by joining a fairy. Dancing ring for fairies are always dancing in ring and if their dates anywhere outside of a ring, they are thrown out of the club in their tortured to death. Yeah, these areas are living in the old blog. You can't eat the food. Are these berries are terrible? What do you think nobody came from my friend, I tell you what I know. Tiny foods in the in thing rings and I wouldn't want to come back to know I don't know, but Xbox and Netflix. Now you don't sing in rings twenty four Seven you're, tired, tiny, pastries, in tiny arose to beefs nothing. But this is my on my face yeah, even imagining that fairies dancing on the tip of my fucking cock. Yeah and I would assume they have curly fries in fairy land. I love a good curly fry. The best way to keep fairies away is to keep your house clean and tidy. While also leaving around food, drink, water and towels.
I want you to be an average new, lower east side. Squatter within also keep your apartment really nice and clean. You just have to be a stand up, comedian with no possessions who just leaves out old food all the time right. So currently, I actually I'm living like the fairies want and all I'm getting is mice and cockroaches. So I don't know what I'm doing wrong varies: going off your dress in a full lace like sheer outfit, with a tr on and go to your landlord and be like. I seem to have a fatty The station in my hair, for cover the whole place is crawling with roaches and mice. I've almost a scan to ask them to leave, because I love the sound their tiny feet mean when they dance well we're not going to talk about the fact I did have a conversation with my mouse. The other night will move up, yeah yeah like you're, DUMBO, yeah yeah, I'm a dumbo he's the mouse and he wants me to join the circus, but I don't know where there is one, but he keeps gesturing towards his gun
This is how you apply for the circuit man he's with his little nose closer and closer to the gun was a lot. I don't know both ferries often considered to be neither good nor evil. They are a capricious bunch, mischievous and spiteful, but- The whole not harmful in less. They are DIS, respected. Remember that very thing to remember about fairy yeah, they like people who work at the DMV right very very capricious yeah. Far too much power. By the way people at the DMV So in one thousand, six hundred and seventy Jaune Aubrey the english antiquarian. This is my question. You may have heard of him. What is an antiquarian antiquarian is the man who deals? an end to queries. Now this is my question. Is that like a hipster, is it like a dude with a handlebar mustache and only listens to a phonograph and like two thousand and fifteen? Is that what he is pretty? I mean
the guy that it's a guy that deals in antiques like, for example, Jack, smart from last episode that Henry Lee Lucas. By giving him a place, he was technically an antiquarian, oh and he brought a little fairy a little ferry back to his place to that there was a drifter who killed a whole bunch of people. So this is what John Aubrey said after he carefully corded an encounter with a fairy being dumb good weather, good spirit or a bad return, no answer but disappear. Order with a curious perfume in the most melodious trying missed, w lily, believes walls Finally, if but I do know the figure out of only especially when it's cool so with her
I love it. Niles claim he sounds like Niles Crane from Fraser. Yes, I don't think we better Fraiser reference before you think we have congratulations to both of you, I'm the dog in it, I'm the sort of racist Vietnam veteran or maybe it was world WAR two well. There have been very hoax In the last century, the most famous being the Cottingley fair that were found in Yorkshire, England. The pictures, while, admittedly, are pretty good. They are pretty convincing they're, not so much so that they fooled even Sir Arthur Conan Doyle of Search, Sherlock Holmes Fan, Dude was ripped on, cocaine
Maybe in like this first have some writing powder yeah. I can look at those very dancing everywhere, Maggie overnight. It would seem like four or five years. They're telling me hey, you could check a guy shoes, but you can find her my shoes whether or not he's a butler or not, but with a menu for Sherlock Holmes book. Oh man, I got another idea. What he's got another guy he's going out with his best friend elementary? That's, I think the man, oh man, I wish I started restaurant man. Sorry this isn't a book you just dumped well on the pages, I just need some more writing well not only did didn't sick man. Yeah? That's uh. The founder of Penguin died, Penguin Publishing, yes, Sir Arthur Conan was a noted, spiritualist and invest. In fact he added good! I'm published a lot of spiritualists pamphlets right out around this time, so he was always looking very hard for any sort of proof that
some sort of supernatural presence in the world, but the two sister eventually admitted decades later in the 80s, that most of the fairies in fairy pictures were just simple, cardboard, cutouts from a children's and that is absolutely fucking totally obvious pictures. It's just like yeah yeah, that's fake, however, one sister does maintain that the fifth picture there from five pictures. She maintains that the fifth picture is in. It is, admittedly, the most haunting one that has a little bit of transparency to achieve. She maintains that that one is real. It's not I believe her because she's a woman and they don't lie women- do not lie. I've read that they told me that before yeah I've read that book woman don't lie in other lies from women yeah. I love that written PAMELA Liar welfare. Please have a more morality, all of their own, which does not
respond to human rules and ways call demand respect, but this respect thing again. What have they done to deserve it? They were to make food that poisons you. They live in squalor. All they do is dance around God. But they all they want man. How much you know dance like nobody's watching right? That's all they want to do. I don't know. Love by you, never hurt, eat, pray, love, Ikka, it just seems like subway performers with poison in their pockets. That's all there, Showtime Showtime, Showtime demand to be respected. Yeah yeah. I know almost kick your face in your late for the train, I'm disappeared, I'm playing all hip, hop songs and I'm actually not very good at break dancing right. I didn't write american spec and you've got my respect. Well, what they hate about all things Monday's Ness
Oh, you can have a bad time. You can't be a miser, you can't be a skinflint, no stinginess, no movies, no bugaboos allowed uh, no Scrooge MC ducks in the fairy world. No, no, no 'cause you'll get a little spanking from a tiny hands yeah. They just all remind me of the Macaulay Culkin's character in party monster bunch of maniacs these people they're. All these fairies are on drugs. I just want to do a little bit of a crossover and just imagine Henry Lee Lucas catching a ferry in his hand, just snap his neck right. Well, it's fine! and just wrapping around his dick, like a cock. You know, just like oh well, got that she, done. It was the second one. I regretted the most One thing about fairies: very open, sexually,
Ok, so this is all just Fleetwood MAC is that the deal is that what's happening here? Yes, it's just backup singers. For bands in the 70s, since when ferries were this is honestly Charles Manson. Through this whole, these guys are on a bunch of drugs hanging out in a random random commune, and you know Charles Manson was like the one rule. Is we respect each other? That is it? You may be asking just a very open sexually. What are their over again. You know like. Where do you put it? Where do you put Are they like humans? The answer is absolutely not they're similar, but not exactly the same four. Male fairies in this. So I want to put it. Can I read that directly from the book I mean this isn't. Actually, this is a direct quote. All right has is from the book the magic of the goddesses. Yes, I found, which is just because it just a lot up. When someone obviously put a lot of work into making up the fake menstrual cycle, for
thing that doesn't exist right right, right, right, a weird kind of thing: 'cause. You know a guy thought about a four foot tall voluptuous lady, for, like a four inch tall. Tiny, tiny, lady bleeding from the pussycat. That's all he thought about Ray months. You were the whole book about it. Well, not all Fairies are tiny. Some, like the Irish, believe that Astro fairies or six to seven feet tall, oh well, my kind of very yeah. That would be just like your kind of fairy, but if they actually had six or seven foot tall irish people than the Irish would have made some contribution to basketball. That's a good zero. They have some great fairy Myers basketball players. Well, if you're wondering about the cycles of fairy. I know you are oh yeah, everybody is they do not men straight first female furries do not they do not. Men straight were guessing
that's cool. There are very female or have you LISA It's once right after she mature so and then not again till she given birth, we and her baby Hunnam Cheney, little torpedo very it. It's ok, Imagine it sweet memes well coming out of them fairy fairy breasts You know like. Can you just make it so they don't men straight it all. We got your menstrual, they mention. Once they hit maturity. They give birth, they men straight after each birth. Only after each They men straight once more and then they just obvious. Like constantly all is ready to take the seed of a human man. I've met fairies like this before. I definitely heard that sentence before, but mostly it's to keep you away. So there are always wanting it to ferry ferry vaginas,
dream elastic Ok, so how elastic are we talking here, like Acme cartoon through a black circle on the wall, and it makes it rain tunnel like how How big are we? Can we talk about like Chloe, seventy elastic, Rolanda, L'Ecole Smith, last very elastic on Anna Nicole? I love her. You would almost say baggy. Certain changed have changed, but they're so elastic. Then they wouldn't. They want to welcome. To their womb. For if you didn't know female fairies and covet mail. Hume, dna above the dna of. Very male 'cause. They like getting gaped and we'll all be. They must be magic 'cause, it must fit. He must fit on your penis like a like a like a finger pie say again. Not all fairies are tiny. Imagine prince over on or princess titania over MID summers, night stream back in the day when you,
go out to eat with your parents and they a quarter machines and there was a slimy little green things you could put on. Your thumb. Remember things that are really cool monster. Yeah. That's how I imagine the bad thoughts in my head to be oh, great, yeah! That's how I imagine what fairy looks like sitting on your deck. That's why I wanted to funk Prince Oberon he's like half donkey right. Doesn't that make me like a plushy like technically yeah, something like that you know, the half donkey was previous weird discovering later on people who truly believe in fairies, and I just think that they are the saddest group of true Flavors I've ever met their wonderful now that I'm getting into the sexual organs part of it. I've gotta been to him. This is for this is just to make men like four five year old white guys it only want to have sex with twenty one year old, japanese girl right I mean I'm just so happy that the brownies have a group of people they can beat up just got a flood. Well, yes, you know the well the female fairy
desires the male dna, because the ferry spa she's needs human DNA to improve their own species, because we are above them, isn't like one little seed. One little sperm like huge, to them, dammit people you're, also human size, not all berries, are tiny. Just can't imagine I mean I make big sperm, yeah yeah I've been told, I make big thicker sperms like you, could see it and it goes stuff like it's like where's, my home my dick talking yeah, and so I feel like yeah yeah, I mean honestly, have you some kind of confused. I feel sexually confused in each load. Henry only has three sperm, but you may what happens when the mail fairy we had sex with the human female. Well, I have been thinking I do just picture this fairy just inside of a human female vagina, like John Goodman in the hot tub,
You know his arms are on the labia that deliver his head is resting on the on the client in the water, Spain. So it's a little actually warm in here. He said somebody had me albino or something happens, I'm kinda ropa. I think it. I believe it well. First of all, the female womb is very hostile. The fairy sperm that makes fairy impregnation male to female, extremely rare, and when it does happen, it is said that albinos are the offspring of a male female or a male fairy, and this email he's gonna come over just to come a racist math there. I think so too. Yeah, all the real well I'll buy knows people or people with albinism, as they prefer to be called they're. Not a race been. I am not
I know your right to my mother, I'm sorry, sir! It it's not going to help you get the job here at books, a million yeah they're, not a race of people; no, no they're completely different. No, I do you can be an albino white, you're, gonna be and I've never well. I say I've never seen an albino asian. Well, one thing in together and call themselves a race and take over another raise your albino asian listening to this show send a picture of yourself to the Facebook page, and I will send you five dollars in five dollars: you're giving people awake money away constantly now, because I feel bad for the albino Asian right trying to make this life harder for you for his life better for anyone. Everyone stay up behind the music on Vh. One used to do those are like how did Milli Vanilli until c lose all their money. We're watching Henry do it. I will say when I defaced all those dollar bills. That is true, it is a federal offense and I pulled out my dog, my my wallet when I was going back through, like I went through the
is the scanner and they had to check my wallet in the opened up and they sold the Defeis dollar bills and they're like what is this and it's like? Oh, it's, nothing and they're like you're not supposed to be. This is uh right and I literally had to throw them all out in the fucking garbage, but through in a way money is legal yeah. You can't write on that was of course, Comic Con Henry promised a dollar for everyone. He saw the last podcast shirt, believe it or not. He came home with just a couple. I left uh. No, I didn't give any out, but I did leave three dollars for the made in the hotel fairies you're asking they have the power of levitation yeah. Of course, I could course did you yeah yeah. Do that the answer is yes. Yes, the answer is absolutely yes. Not all fairies have wings, as
will find out. There are many different kinds of berries were about to get into it. These rules are too fucking loose right. Let us now get into the actual practices of fairies, and perhaps the most disturbing fairy practice of all is the act of stealing human babies and replacing them with one of their own, which are features known as change. Then again, I'm going to go back and reference the alien human hybrid episode and talk about how, if we want to say that fairies are old time, representation bins of alien visitations humankind, and it may be that this is where that is based out of. Is this idea that an alien race is trying to combine with our race in order to create someone that can live within our dimensional space air It is either that or this is all based out of loneliness, really just just crushing, crushing loneliness well as
and at the magic volume seven says the birth of a default moronic or exceptionally the child is an old track, since this big dawn of time are ugly kids, just the worst curse a family? Can half, but sometimes the ugliest babies grow into the most beautiful people? That is very true really is true. Yeah. But one explanation for this: for a child such as this being born is the existence of changelings. Now, british and Origin changelings are described as pale. Big headed mentally retarded or deformed human otherwise known as like the royalty yeah, the entire country, yeah and actuality. These are not babies at all, but elderly. Feeble, often senile old fairies who are traded for healthy, human children, as we said earlier, for dna. Now, that's
crazy retirement plan. When you get to go and be a baby yeah, it's kind of a Benjamin button type situation. I want to be a baby now yeah, it's like Jurassic Park, but I guess the fairies yeah DNA than what the what happens to the baby just when it grows up in the fairy world, and then it dies like the matrix yeah yeah blue pill red pill. Well can you are you ready to bend the spoon yo man? You just took both pills, I'm sick, oh I gotta tell me know you got some ginger ale, So my goodness, you truth or not. Do I get you alone don't fool. Unfortunately they can. Themselves out you're going to work at a gas station for the next forty years ago. You lossed fishberg. No, no, I loved you with houseguest man. If you forgot gray,
how's go Smithfield N, Forney, standups, literacy, Lawrence Fishberg, never watch my daughters porn! Please you gotta gotta, pull! No doubt it goddamnit. I must stop telling everybody now, as changelings grow older, they are notorious pranksters known for stealing milk, just like just like they weren't being fed milk. The ideas that ferry said also because that's a main phiri food is milk cream and butter, They are also known for playing music that forces people to dance against their will. You mean like the bucket deejays down in the beta, and they also break valuable, J. It's to tell exactly if a child is a changeling, but a baby born with teeth is high. Suspect also that's a sign of a baby that is a vampire. They also sort of sunlight like yeah. Let's do forced to dance drink milk,
ever everyone knows a juggalo craves their milk well, that's the only way you can get the juggalo fart, which is one of their mating, sounds milk faygo in Eaton Old Funding, black and mild whenever our juggalo listeners. I respect you and I respect the people you respect what year they also like respect. They do it. You have to respect a juggalo 'cause, if not they'll smear their booby pain. All over you, the men and the women. Oh, my goodness in Ireland, suspected changelings were burn, to death on red, hot shovel. You know you know who never would have made it out of that alive, Crispin love, so but ugly man Abe Vigoda that may have never would have made it. We wouldn't have those people in eighteen, twenty five, also in Ireland, young woman was burned to death as a changeling by both her husband and her family working together, because she didn't want to help invent, but stuff butter is good.
Lube in Ireland, and way of dealing with changelings in Ireland was to whip it into All the fairies came to take it back. So many retarded kids yeah, You know it's just not having a good time. You know now we treat them with respect and we give him Many hats that teach him how to weight, lift breaking compete against each other. In the cruel games known as the special Olympics yeah and back, then they were just destroyed immediately Russians, just put them in cages, they whipped him and we put him so you know force them to do athletics and sometimes the manager. It runs, don't forget about that 'cause! That's when you can hug all the people, which is inappropriate because there's a problem. Yes, I know he was mentally disabled in running a restaurant. It was fine for him to hug everybody, but that was like a weird. Year old white man. Just like you know I like to give him my favorite customers a little bit of a hook,
don't mind the planar. Then I may be called cystic the point. I'm not fully convinced that man didn't walk out of that restaurant and become totally normal, just like Kevin Spacey and in the usual suspects. I think, just like man. This toy thing is really working out. I'm hugging everybody, you know also did a lot of hugging welcoming customers into his restaurant that Jerrod oh my goodness, he's alright, that's english Changeling tale tells of was always hungry, never learn to walk and lay in its. Cradled year after year and had a strange hairy face. The mother's oldest child, a soldier came home and was dismayed by the odd creature. Soldier suspecting that fairy mischief was afoot, took an empty egg shell, which he filled with malt and hops, and he
is it on the fire. Laughs came from the cradle. I am who'd ever so old, Fitbit change, my Titan massage soldier brew beer in an egg before before the changeling knew he had been tricked. The soldier went after it with a width and the changeling ran out the door and returned the normal baby too. It's great I'm going to go to a strip club and look at some asses. I was how was dancing the other night. There's a beta breard elder. But baby man came in and just kept saying twist and shout Hello. I love how you ask kind group and there's just slap the weird tin cup on the table over and over again and through weird to medieval coins that those it was good. It was a good night. Then I saw Brian again, I think we're going to be together forever. He made me soup,
eggshell. Well, if you are a new mother father or if you've got a baby on the way. I'm sure this story is particularly disconcerting when you may be asking yourself, how do I hard to myself against such a horrible thing happening. Well, the guard babies against changelings, the Scottish would mix whiskey with dirt feed the baby as its first foo. Also with the parks is, did the Marcus is a child right? I didn't know, and I've got I never get sick and never get sick, Marcus, patted his stomach ever so, but I I do believe you do never get this look like a changeling for a second yeah. You really did other ways to protect against changelings Arta drapes. Father's trousers over the crib or hang in open pair of scissors above the sleeping child or
surround the crib with a ring of fire, all of the things to do or just danger, your child just make it like. You know a fire match from W W A so you got canes got to be lit on fire by the undertaker or bizarre carousel. This just involves scissors well in Ireland. Here's another thing that you can do. A charm was made from old, horseshoe nails Han excrement chicken. It for our southern listeners and salt that you would rub on your baby and that would scare away the changeling who would then return that not at all. Until he challenged perfectly normal. Baby that you and your wife deserve. So I don't want to be anti irish anymore. I don't even really be isolated. Do it, but it just seems like the Irish did quite a bit to torture and
droid near the Mentali challenge. Obviously they don't do that anymore, which means at some point a reformist had to come along and just like, don't your babies, who said hey, hey, hey, no, I'm just like any other mcgillicuddy on the block. I love to do it to an ugly child, there's nothing. I, like better covered, I know the retarded get all covered a chicken when we got to stop it because, there's, a thing called television now, and people are taking pictures of me right and we're losing it, but we're losing some grilled, ok, so every single time. Let's put this way every single time, you want to rub the butt chicken shed you're retarded kid just six to their wife without a condom, the old catholic way. So you guys there's been already a of misunderstandings about fairies, specifically from the two of you, I just refuse to accept any new fairy facts into my mind. Right right. I think that's a very good idea. I had well be open gentleman, alright, because we're about to go into
another subset of fairies. These are not your stereotypical, tiny fairies, not even your Charger Princess Titania queen yeah. Okay, these are data Serena Williams, fairies, that's what I would say. The prince is my mind. As I see What's your Serena yeah, you know Serena Serena Williams. I see her body out of your but lack one everywhere. Yes, fairy wings on the scale like I think That's what I see Serena and Venus the world wars, dangerous, threesome, they'll, kill you! If you mess up, I want to be dead. That way, I would love it and what a great time for women sports, Rhonda, Rowsey, hey, USA, women Soccer and Serena Williams. Again, I hope She lifts me over the threshold someday. I would love that idea. Well, the fairies were, cover now. These are
nature fairies, forgotten, God, spirits of stream springs and lake, spirits of trees, guardians of animals and plants and of growing crops. Also put it this way: if you run an Etsy shop and you make Fuckin' charms or someshit, you can just make a charm at any one of these things and you'll sell at least twelve am well least yeah first step is the Nixie Teutonic in origin The Nixie is a freshwater, femme, fatale fairy three related to the mermaid and that she has a fish like tail and heaving bosom. However, she did, not so much into her tail. But I do like her texted, I like it. Should I look at the fish part of it. No more plans will kind of urban hello good day to oh, my god. It's alright she's come really green. Her skin hair teeth, all of it totally green she is also been cited, posing as a gray doesn't make any sense right. Continue. Okay. She is this
from the mermaid, who is usually interested in only sex yeah like a tawdry fish. Let well that's how mermaids kill as they bring. Dealers in men underwater, not understanding that men need oxygen to breathe. I should care man, you still fucking the fish part and it's not like she's got a human vagina, no you're. Just like the thing is again, a tips are great numbers in the mouth is greatest pretty cat, nice, hair and stuff like that, but she still got actual human vagina know if you want to have sex with the mermaid, just go on the top of your roof and fuck your shingles. Well, her penchant she's, not necessarily into sex her big, thing shop, the oh, my god. He often appears in market places under the guise of an old woman like a hassidic woman. Looking for deals deals century twenty one,
he's usually discovered by a child or clever villager, who lifts ok, exposing her fish tank, clever villager. I would never say 'cause, then you could say someone like TED Bundy was a real yeah, most subway sexual people. Subway sexual assaults are done by people who are just really clever villages, but no being out of pack subways no reason to be a clever vigil. Villager keep your hands to yourself judge. I thought she was a fish very well they're, clever because they notice that she drips water wherever she goes. So you see an old woman, piston herself right and the first thing you think, is better lift that seems like there's a nexium town. That's a clever villager! that elderly woman, urinated in public, doesn't look embarrassed enough. They had been. Tamari mortal men for Never a young wife vanish is. It is certain she was a nixie if she was last seen sinking into a body of water and the turns the color of blood. I feel like
Peterson? You need to use this on in his defense for all the women that is killed. This is a damage. You is a Nixie, no not been fond of but I mean I mean believe me yeah. I was around Corrado's, real, clever for one person herself and left her up from next thing. You know diddle diddle, Diddle, yada, yada yada. We were married right and then she just disappears. When am I going to do about it? Jenna fish plus, you're free to go Mister Peterson and another innocent man. Exonerated by judge, Duke, am I own, do fairy law male version of the Nixie is the knock, who is often heard shrieking. Bring shipwreck. He takes the form of a bird but his uh so been seen as a horse or a horse or half of a ship
or a gleaming silver court or other reasons former make leads right. Stick to one there's a problem with these fairy right. Do you is it that they could just be anything? What's the point even happen? One form if you could be like six other form, I just feel like an uncle was out with it with a with his with his, you know, knees and she just was like. What's that is like it's a knock and then she's like what that is, it's another, not even a boat and a horse can be the exact same thing. It's a knock. Yeah uncle Trevor is going through a divorce because so we sick of making up fairy tales for his daughter so was getting bored, and next thing you know we got a whole free leave for can differ ographie, going on hold like Silmarillion about Horsh it now than ac, very dangerous to protect yourself against knock spit in your water before you drink it all right whatever So that will protect you against a great great, great, also a good way to just you know more and more
ways last podcast on the left makes your tinder dates more difficult. That's right! Spin in your beer, electric myself from a mail nick. I have to go to the bathroom For some reason do you came back, but I did so fervor? swipe right. Another of the water spirits are the Maros, a kind of Irish Sea Ferry there, never seen without their red caps covered with feathers and are said, charming and seductive, but extremely vengeful. If wrong, first marrow sighting came in eight hundred and eighty seven ad when one washed ashore of schottland. She was documented, being one hundred and ninety five feet, long with seven foot finger a nose as white as a swan cool I will say cool I think, would be a cool tattoo This also sounds like cool tattoos. There's another good thing for, ladies: if you want like a full back tattoo
sexy or one of those full like leg tattoos all this sh. It's also good ideas for that. Oh yeah go read the field guide to demons. There are some amazing illustrations in that book. A lot of good tattoo ideas, Of course, this was in schottland this he's got so they just measured by how far three people can spit, and so one person spits the other one goes to where that person spat landed, spits again, another one more, and so it was one hundred and ninety three feet, and it's also the farthest demand can pistol. Oh yeah, there's all different kinds of units of measurement in Schottland the mail marrow is deformed and unshapely with green hair, a red nose and tiny eyes, they stay underwater and keep the spirits of dead, so there's in cages at the bottom of the sea. It is said that Female Melrose prefer human lovers. This mythic stuff, oh, but you know it's not fake. In fact, our friend Ragnar from Iceland will absolutely say that these people are not fake and we
I'm a little bit on our gnomes episode, the huge Griffith and I actually do fully even stuff like this is where I do believe in L or don't get me wrong right. We're making politician, I believe, an elemental energies, I believe in sort of interventional creatures and like or or entities are everyone to say, did come in and out of our multiverse because even if a king hologram, I don't want to get into it, because I'm already mad I'm already kind of upset about today's who cuckoo cuckoo. No, no, but there are things that they are taken seriously a lot of people. We listened to in a research of fairies. There are a lot of interesting series stories from people who live in harmony with these weird energies, but again there aliens. So yeah, but that's all I have to do tonight off dumb with a hildafolk they aren't busy but populous some say that their hats make them invisible, while others claim that their power lies in their special coats yeah. I bet it does. Invisible. Why don't? Why? Don't they just be naked, because there's
feel civilized Ben, then Oregon see I don't, we can see each other no mark is there. There is no answer to that. They, see each other. They live in a society just like we do, but it's invisible. They are the hilder filk asking the same question of us. You me tell me the Hilger folk wouldn't be walking around with their cocks entities. I told him I would be like a fantasy island, I can get yeah. Why don't you fucking Skype Ragnar and ask him let's Skype right now we come up from a dead sleep braggart which shot with the funk up shut up shut up. Weather dicks out, or not only Only asking the tough questions well, building a house on the hill Driffield Dwelling can be fatal, so it is very to check to see if they are present, because they are invisible. If you are uncertain, leave a tool behind at the building site overnight, and if the tool is missing the next day, it is said that the hill Phil, have given their sign that the space is all
It's also how you can tell if a bunch of illegal Mexicans are squatting in an apartment, building or some gypsies or something then they're, the Petapa free they from the Maori people of New Zealand. Tall red reading eggs. Eating only pay. Who does that sound like? somebody. I know we have to end the show now and they are rarely cited for they only move on foggy day, which is normally because little are little. What is it There are here to pair her pet apparel here, or we have one sometimes really grumpy
foggy days and he likes to sleep in it to Patty? The males are expert flute paint, that's where the big differences, yet they are preparing hay and when you say flute, that's the little thing you holding you holding you close it up there and you bend it and then you make it into a heart and you give it to a girl. No would you do with it? Yes, when you like to flirt with someone like you are an abominable snowman. Yes, I'm always busy make Valentine me need beautiful woman to make me feel comfort, Inn night near the males. There expert flute players and they use their skills to arouse human female, which is opposite of what normally happens when you are in a marching band yeah, I mean that's what Jethro Tull was all about yeah. It was all about the lead, singer figuring out that he could get layed play.
Flute, and I also take it thinking about old men. Looking at little girls in the park at used to be it was fine in the 60s to do that. It really was, but I'll take it back about the marching band thing Marching man, people get. I got a lot of dick in pussy. Yeah yeah I have my. I have my first I caught my first feel on a marching band trip. You caught it huh Copd, you Coptic Coptic being a real, clever, villager yeah. It sounds like you're supposed to ask for it. No, I was adopted a Coptic yeah, no, you Copperfield it, but what she expected to be copied. She was completely done with being caught while she was like yeah come out a couple. He better do it soon, because I gotta shine my glockenspiel before nine hundred and forty five Texas love the clarinet player. I'll. Have you now now we've gone over a lot of different fairy types here, gun over the ferry spirits we've gone over. The traditional fairs are going over a ton of different things here now you may ask yourself how why
what is the explanation for all this now explanation: yeah, Marcus yeah! You got some splainin too right fairies are sometimes believed to be the fallen angels that were not evil, for hell, but still load Lucifer in the rebellion and as the fair these were falling from Heaven Jesus held up his hand and they stopped short in flight, the most wicked the Lucy Fuji. Into the mines and caves of earth and became and No, I am sick of evil nerds the loot, the Lucy. If you lose, you lose a folkie or or the or the new teeth. I think I salute you, flew chip, the Lucha movie, they the ones that bust down bust into restaurants, with uzis, kill everybody those little member of the mole Shipoke firm
looks down. When I'm gonna, do you wanna mess with one of the Lucy foggy? Well, I'm going to do I'm going to ruin your batch walnuts with my tiny feet. Ok I'll, give you an offer. You can't use a bunch beer brewed in the shell of an egg and the beautiful some of my daughter muneca neck, how she dances on top beautiful icing cake he's never seen. Anything like well just just the feet of a fish or you won't believe it he's got the policy of a fish got that it's in my daughter. Some fell, of course down into the depths, but others fell into the sea and became mermaids and water spirits. Others fell the woods and others fell near habitations and those became brownies and Hobbes, whose duty, was to work for man without reward. Another belief is that fairies people who died before their time and we're too good for hell, but not good enough for Heaven or
they were babies that died before they were baptized like Chris Farley, could be one. You know what I absolutely think Chris Farley might be one or the lot who say that they took pictures of these theories. I think a good explanation for them is up there, but Oh no! No! No! I don't big bucks! No now that I believe they are reincarnated Chris Farleys, which explains why every single morning I wake up and there was an empty bottle of vodka in my living room, and I have no idea what happened the night before yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, I'm like a brownie ferry to come and help you in your blackout, yeah. Well, unless comma, we are to finish that bottle of vodka for bed Becaus. If we don't finish it Hill you should in the morning common theory is that fairies fill an intermediate space between men and angels. Spiritual animals and that comes from the shakespearean idea, because there definitely was they had like a view of man. Where was angels man, animal demons is sort of
'cause everything in fuckin' british terms, to be some form of hierarchy. 'cause. You have to know where you stand of course, given times for some reason, you can't be free, like a God, red, blooded American. As far as modern believers in fairies go there's a lot of different The people regard them, but they're. Definitely modern believers, let's hear a story an old Irishman who had an encounter with the ferry when he was but as they say, oh we'll add, always, certainly did he believe in He had seen some evidence. I believe there was such a thing as says: fairies well, let's see, never been so one time we were the macqueens where I grew up there. He bought a mayor from Sydney and She was a beautiful mayor, and she had a beautiful, mane and beautiful tail, and I used to pass an awful lot of the time. Com wrote her name,
in odor Taylor. One time morning I went up to the barn to comb. The main note in the main result: braided so I went down to the ocean, I say to them I was only around twelve minus supports and I told him I said something wrong with the mayors so mean so they all came up and The owner said right away, says open Nissian each the work of the theories. I believed it was to work at the favourites, because that was the what the Mcclain say and anyway Mclean he turn up the burn. You stayed there all night. But shortly before dawn, he kind nodded and fell asleep when he woke up the main resprayed. And there was nobody came into the bird, the doors wrist, who the heck, going to breed a million, not even mirrors, mean anyway, it had to be run by some spirits of some kind where people
don't see, though in the video is that actually the man is completely nude in a barrel of Guinness yeah. Nothing sober about that story of course Henry said earlier: he went to Yahoo NEWS for some answers. Modern fairies. Let's hear what some of these people have to say. Yes, here's the question why I kinda believe in fairies. I likes ready stories on the internet about fairy encounters. I don't want to seem crazy. I'm not I'm only thirteen too young to be crazy lol, but I love berries. I want to know if there real water, summing counters people have had with berries. What are some food fairs like? What can you do to attract them? You can attract fairies by doing offerings. Well, fairies come out actually consume the offerings they could absorb energy from them. They can also send a real creature, such as a bird squirrel, dragonfly or
other being to ether offering my fairies are named Moya Jills. They each have a different tree. They go to for offerings ice, cried their names using a crystal Anna Wigi board to talk to them no Ouija boards aren't evil their bits of wood with led, the numbers on them. I've been using one for thirty plus years again for your offerings. Home baked goods are best foods. Artificial additives and preservatives are not good, both for fairies and humans, you can buy goodies for them, but try to stick with organic goodies or foods without is artificial ingredients and the sources are pagan. I'm not crazy. Either. I'm a middle aged teacher and you wonder why our children are dumb, and you wonder why we're losing to China on every single level. That's who's, teaching him
and there's one more good one. This is another answer. Yeah it's okay. I've been studying these for two years now and I encountered one: is a woman sang a song to attract
is the next day some fairies kidnapped her about three feet, tall and hope, curtain fairy world and danced in a fairy food, and then the fairies told her back home and she woke up on the ground in months passed and people thought she was a witch and they sent her to jail. Then years later they sent her free because she confirmed that she was a witch and she had good health because the people didn't give her food and fairies brought her family food and food fairies like home. Well, I think one is milk and that's all the food they like that, I know and how to attract them, hopes this helps and that's also your traditional drug cartel kidnapping, yeah, oh yeah, also known as girl, with nose ring trap next to on bus ride wow. What an episode on here right there are
dumber, yes, indeed, I'm sweating profusely out of sheer stupidity. Oh my god, I'm sweating out all the knowledge they've gained over the last couple years. I hope you've had your fill of fiddle music 'cause, I'm sure we have covered most of this episode with fiddle music correctly you have done. Is it is filled with fiddle music? Yes, very good lunch little music is, you can fucking stand? I hate flogging, Molly, yeah, I love it. Do you like that you, like that irish punk she thought of plugging in telling me it possesses my feet like they have little fairies, and I have to kick him here: regular, regular periphery, Hey Everett, and that was very informative and educational and it's nice to know where I came from and now I just have to learn how to play the flute or I will just continue to
random things no one knew that Ben was in Aboriginal from New Zealand, so nice I was previously just a Bigfoot or Yeti or a Sasquatch, but now I'm also put the baby. Now you have enough information to go out and talk to any two hundred and ninety pounds. Stevie nicks, look in forty five year old woman that you want that's right and if she walks out or he walks out after you spit in your water, then it was never meant to be never meant to be. Couldn't handle your stuff in the first place, because if they can't handle you at your worst. They don't deserve you and your bad. That's right always showing your worst first, always always that's bad Thank everybody for listening to the show I want. I guess we all want to think Morgan Weingarten for sending us her. Actuary sciences practice head in the mail. I actually got to open up bongs and see a head.
Staring right back at me. So excited realistic human head. You don't see the grimace like smile on Marcus's space like a wolf howling at the night I mean I actually got to say what's in the box and there was actually ahead and that's bad. It was his wife said he's more in real skull in that, though, I just want to ask: there is not a real skull. What it is that it is a practice called that they have and they cover it in wax. Give me a picture of a dead woman. They say or the picture of a woman or a man, and they say they have to reconstruct the entire face using only wax an makeup, and it is amazingly creepy, but also somewhat beautiful. In my eyes at least absolutely sure, and I'm glad it's here in the basement of a mexican restaurant, I'm going to mount it on the wall, that's great
you know we don't big game hunt here, but we will mount human heads. That's right! Well, human heads that have been constructed, that's right, yeah and if you guys want to send us any weird ship address is one thousand and ninety three Jackson Ave San into the creek in the cave, pair of last podcast on the left to ninety three jack Avenue Long Island City, New York, one thousand one hundred and ten- and here is a reading from the say, tannic Bible for today. I want you to take this with you, because I've been thinking about it. They say tensed settings terms such as hope and prayer, as they are indicative of apprehension. If we hope and pray for something to come about, we will not act in a that way which will make it happen. The satanist So I think that anything he gets his of his own doing command of the situation instead of praying to God for it to happen, positive thinking and positive action
add up to results and again the man who wrote the satanic Bible with simply trying to get layed and those are just how you organize energy. That's really just have perfect rules for that. I will actually say that that entry from the say, tannic Bible, really turned things around in my life right, yeah like that is one of them to me. That's one of the most inspirational. It's great! It's easier, edens lot of fun. I would recommend do what I do is sit down. Roll yourself up. Talking like a bug in Gandalf, stick smoke it while list. Pizza, fagner and reading it out loud to yourself, woo, stupid she's. He does seem, hail, hail, sweet Satan, yeah, again Sundays, at one thousand, two hundred and fifteen at adult swim, please watch new episodes of your pretty face is going to Hell, I'm going to keep plugging it. Becaus Fucku, we have to watch it. You must watch it. I think they love to watch it. It's a great show and the fourth Saturday of every month, at one thousand pm, is the last podcast on the left live. Show we live streamed. It video wise last month
and we got over one thousand people watching it, and that was just announcing on the Facebook page were announced. It right here for the first time on the show We will be live streaming at every month. Now we got it down to a fuckin' sweet science, so we will be yes in the link, you'll be able to find it on the last podcast on the left, Youtube Channel and that's fourth Saturday of every month. At one thousand pm eastern. If you are in the area, be sure to come on to the creek. In that we had a fucking fantastic crowd there. Last night it was so fun. Every life show is amazing and it's great to meet everybody, and you guys are all wonderful people thanks. So much for supporting all the other shows here in the market, and I do have round table and top hat and, of course, markets with Jackie Zebrowski section of the human activities every is going great here at the station. So thank you guys so much yeah and one more thing for LP on the left at Ben Kissel at Henry loves you at Marcus Parks and go to comedyradio dot com, slash, merge to buy your last podcast on the left t shirt because remember the heart ones
In addition, there going fast, they are unbelievably, are beautiful in person once again. Thank you to Yogi, Yeah you make some good magic yeah. You really do the t, shirts are fantastic and we're sending him out this week so be on the lookout. Listen light a candle zhirkov bring some magic into your life cool? It can happen for you. Hail yourselves in Heil, Gein, Isle and may gusta two and every child all right. More shows. But the one you just listen to go to comedy radio dot com.
Transcript generated on 2019-11-18.