« Last Podcast On The Left

Episode 224: Creepypasta XI - Lemon Clams

2016-05-19 | 🔗

It's time for another Creepypasta episode! Tune in for stories about deadly rabbits, human meatloaf, homeless men, and a potatoes that are human, or humans that are potatoes, or something.

Aftermath, Decay, Dhaka, Distant Tension, Spacial Winds, Ice Demon, Noise Attack, OctoBlues, Redletter, Return of Lazarus, Static Motion, The House of Leaves, This House, Unseen Horrors, Welcome to Horrorland, and Bet You Can ver 2 by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
There's no place to escape the two
Technically, for a frankenstein that doctor was jewish yeah, you want Frankenstein the monster with his son. Technically he's not officially jewish, because the mother has to be jewish, the wife of Frankenstein we have to know what her religion, what regulates monster had a life you're talking about the only person doctor first, I was was bent to eagle. You know they were each other. Well, that's how we got the hunch with only a hint, a cat in his years. Alright, so this is the last broadcast on the left I'm been gets. All that is Mark is pouring rain. Were you Henry? Don't certainly don't feel like I slipped on a bus stop last night, certain that's great! I got old little bit of what remains someone maybe call hanging over. My name is really I'm a bit of a hangover is rescued today, because what
Ha, certainly not questioning everything. That's well! You know what helps hang overs carbs and today we got a horrible load of horror in our crew people, the Apple Co. We we have not done a spooky spaghetti episode in quite a while. We've covered such serious subject. So, what a fun palate cleanser this will be. It is fun I, and what I like most about creepy pasta is is about is the effort that were not put into writing them. Marcus did amazing restarted and he found some great stories for us this. I got the book of it. K K, yeah, there's a lot of crap out there as far as Creepypasta goes, but there's some really fun stuff out there, and I was able to find some pretty fun stories for a three good from SEP today that will talk about yeah as C p, which is quality, quality, yeah yeah, it's real cool stuff like fresh stuff a year from model, but Don Mario Batali. Can you imagine how is feet smell in those clogs? He wears wedding, mozzarella, being orange rubber shoes anywhere signee Orange feet just jammed and they're covered and chefs wet. Think about that with that man who uses his death weird, wet hair loss to make pasta fresh for your faces yeah. Can you pay him a thousand dollars in any other industry? It's considered if your larger, if you're obese, it's considered kind of disgusting, what is it for your for? Your in the culinary arts are like? Well, he you know he makes good food. He eats apple, yet been never trusted skinny yeah, but that is right. That is true. The thing about network this coming good come the stop of for one thing, and it makes me really upset who now works in a mandate? Would all their chefs help me lose weight? Are we doing real talk? Okay, okay, works. It out old man. Anything their shops have to lose weight which way. Alton brown looks like a holocaust survivor. You have to go back to being fat high, every should be fat. The problem is a more of a tally, looks like
his body smells like parmesan. Yes, it does and who the nipples little pepper, owns alright. So before we do this, like like like as this tradition, I so if you're at your office right now slip off, you're Where, if you're a man go into the, I want you to go into the stall right now it wherever you are in the office. I don't I'm sure if you work in an office, you shorten your pants before, because I know I did I don't watch any food I started might have had a lunch going off I want you to take off your fucking dumpy khakis, and I want you to pull off your underwear and I want to throw it out just so. You feel free go back to your desk. If you're a woman, just look on your skirt for right just There know that your vagina there know that your penises there, alright, if you're at home, draw bath a cold one. It's like you're sitting in a fucking bucket of farm and I want you to go in the Plex, some pics of the finest thickest
Orange Haired, Garfield Fuckin', toes that you got in your fucking cold, share your old cedar box and open it up and get some and that cool nuclear hemp paper. If you seen that show it's pretty good, pretty good burns, your fingers actually bad for the first smoking right but crumble it up like in to kit down down? to your fucking gnarly lips. You dogs really get ripped. He ripped because it we're about to enter tentatively footstep by footstep to the graveyard world that is Creepypasta creepypastas Creepypasta is okay That said uh that you're sitting like a cold stone broccoli in freezing water. You could be nothing but comfortable on my first you first. Story cold I told you to smile by He is two hundred and thirty eight thank you. He sounding hi. He looks home.
It was the second of January. Two hundred and four am I woke up to a knocking on the door. One knock every three seconds. I slipped on my slippers and walk down the stairs as I walked down the knocking on the door got faster almost like a heartbeat, don't don't don't don't don't don't when I got to the door the knocking stopped. I looked outside. And nobody was there. I went back up to my room and went back to bed. Thinking was about some kids playing a prank which would have infuriated me. Oh yeah, at four hundred and twenty one am, I woke up to front door slamming shut. I jumped terrified. I looked over at my busted window to find smile written all over it. In the frost. I grab my
next to me ready to call nine hundred and eleven find a message written on it saying I told you to smile, cried and ran for my life running outside of my home as I got outside I knocked on my neighbor's house across the road they answered. Hold me while I sobbed So I'm really over reacted with the phone. The police exactly five hundred and forty two, the police, came to my neighbors house. After an extensive search of my house, they told me, There have been no evidence at all of any one of my house other than me, The messages on the window work on same with my phone. It will get some sleep and advised me to see the doctor about stress and anxiety problems, fuck that I knew it happened to me was real and I told those pigs to take their fucking hooves and walk back to their fucking cars. Like your improvise, something sorry, I don't think you said that it doesn't seem to be rich
the following evening. After spending the day at my neighbors, I went home, I went up to my room and set up a camera. It was aimed at my bedroom door in my bed. I set it to record and went to sleep for suture kit Thankfully, I slept through the night. However, as I watched the footage, I couldn't believe when I saw at three hundred in the morning something crawled out from under my bed. It was a completely naked anorexic man. He shut up and looked at me on the bed. He did so for another hour, not moving at all. Then he moved. He walked over to the camera until his face took up the whole. He was extremely pale and had bulging veins vein over his head. His eyes completely black with a huge smile on his face. He stared
camera for another two hours, not blinking, just slightly twisting his head every now and again After two hours of him staring went past, he walked back over to my bed and crawled back under ice the video forward until it showed me getting up and walking over to the camera to video finished, I was frozen with fear. The video showed him going back under and but not leaving whatever it was. It was still there. It was fun it was about. I thought it was Chris Helms Worth, isn't that nice skinny, since he stop being sore? Oh, I love him in as Thor, but so funny I couldn't help, but think of that all grays do come
Is it how long would it take for them to develop an eating disorder? So we're not like your anorexic eat your door out. We are superior race. We are here to say no you're like too skinny. We only eat as much as we need. No, you only require as much energy as required to lil. You need a car below your skinny. Earth shattered snr self esteem. We had so much confidence, but they don't respect brainpower. One look at Scarlett Johansson. I knew how would I ever be as perfect as she is the mass suicide the grades, because they could never live up to our health and beauty. Standards which are in pot It is impossible because you know what legitimate impossible things of photo: Shoprite and Lena Dunham being perfect. So yes she's a treasure and she's a treasure she's like if Winnie the Pooh had nipples, oh well, yeah, he didn't did he
alright. So now it's my turn. Now this story is called wristband, it's classic yeah. This is a classic, alright, so Ben, that's my name wristbands and we have no. We have no author no! No! No! This is a classic going. It's been floating around for awhile, folklore, all right, sir, all right. So this one starts off with all these. Well words, when you were admitted to a hospital the place on your wrist, a war, a white wristband with your name on it. So then they know we are. You know but there are no other, but there are different wristbands, which symbolize other things. The red risk hands are placed on dead people. I don't think that's true. No, they are to Tags, have there no difference or that you know the ones that that the concept of respect, no, it's like the red Wristbands and they can go to like they can get backstage at you know at at a bowling alley. Hooper yeah is like yeah, I'm tab. They keep that day, backstage red recipients like I'm over twenty one and I'm dead. I can drink a bunch of us, okay, so the red
Chris friends replaced on dead people. There was a surgeon who worked on the night shift in the school hospital he had just finished. The operation was on his way to the basement he entered elevator and there was just one other person there. He cash we chatted with the woman with the elevator descended when the elevator they were opened. Another woman was about to enter when the doctor slammed the close button and punched the button to the highest floor. Preprepared you just hit it just, and it said aggressive move just standing next to a woman in a closed box. Well, I mean start punching the wall and no matter how stressed you are, you can still push it with your finger in there, but he really went nuts. He was punching him surprised. Ok! So now the guys punching the elevator door and go to the tower hit your text, so it rain today, but he did he's a doctor, Henry so price, the woman reprimanded the doctor for being rude in Why did not let the other woman end because he just closed the elevator doors right on her and the doctor said: That was the woman I just operated on
died. While I was doing the operation, didn't you see the red wristband she was wearing, so he was herbal doctor. We know that for a bad the woman smiled your arm and said something like this the price that I wore to the hospital I'm alive. Ok, there you are. Oh, you were just at the six flags, which is something like this. You know what it is that something is quite like that very cool. So the doctor was a terrible doctor. He was haunted by a patient that I actually think that's a great reward for any doctor who fails on the operating table. I would think that doctors would spend a lot more time making sure that they did a better job if they were haunted by the ghosts of the people they killed. I agree, but I think
be a temporary haunting that we spend their lives bear with misery. Forty five minutes tops otherwise. Otherwise how are they going to concentrate on the next one by making sure to save the next one? Yeah? That's true. I went to the Winchester House as a part of our trip from LOS Angeles to San Francisco. What is that It is written the bill by the air of the Winchester Rifle family, Sarah Winchester, and it's basically built about the how her life was haunted by the ghosts of the people, the victims of Winchester rifles that was invented by our house J or stay. The hammers must never stop it's pretty sweet yeah breath and you go in there and it's just a big kitchen, yeah long dining room table and a lot of living rooms. Yes, is that not all the whole thing about it was that she could never let the construction of the building stop that the hammers must never stop. So it's a really bizarre place, like you know, doors that open to know where
the gigantic right? You know just none of it makes sense. It's like a big may. I know I've heard about this house for many years, and you know when you hear about the ideas of the of the staircase is the go to know where the doors that open no where and it seems like a cool idea and then, when you see it in person, it's really haunting yeah, because really madness look before just sounds like a concept, but it's like there's a door. The deliveries leads outside of the house and stuff like if you just just so happen to me, I'm blind newsboy who's in there delivering milk jugs that day, because he, the milk jug guy, died of a heart attack in his sleep. You go through the wrong door. You become the goose of the religious school yeah. There was a hole slot thing issue about it. I also mister parks. It's your turn. Yeah. This one is from a website called scp and it's really cool. What it is is that it's the whole to the website. Is that there's this secret research facility that finds and captures cryptids another strange macabre thing
and all of them that they write case files on all of 'em. Is it real yeah? Ok, It's on the internet, it's on the internet, so this one. This is the case file for item SEP. One hundred and seventy three. You click description, move to site nineteen. Ninety three origin is as yet unknown s One hundred three is animate an extremely hostile. The object cannot move, while within a direct line of sight line of sight, must not be broken at any time with scp one hundred and seventy three. Personnel assigned to injure container aren't to alert one another before blinking object is reported to attack by snapping the neck at the base of the skull. Or by strangulation? In the event An attack personnel are to observe class for hazardous object, containment procedures, personnel reports, sounds of scraping stone originating from within the container when no
is present inside this is normal and Changing this behavior. This behavior should be reported to H, acting C l supervisor on duty, the reddish brown. Substance on the floor is a combination of feces and blood. Origin of these materials is unknown. The enclosure must be cleaned on a bi, weekly basis, special containment procedures. Item scp. One hundred and seventy three is to be kept in a locked container at all times. Personnel must enter sc one hundred and seventy three container, no fewer than three may enter at any time. The doors to be re locked behind them at all times? Two persons must maintain direct eye contact with scp one hundred and seventy three until all personnel have vacated
We locked the container one hundred and seventy three recently identified as tv's Jaleel white. Yes, I was going to say the Arby's roast beef, so it's very similar to the procedure of getting that wet meat out of there getting the tongues to take it from it's like weird, like liquid, getting stage so gross. That's good, though glad you like it it's cool yeah. I love that one Henry! You got the next one item number scp. Twenty six one object. Class safe description scp. Twenty six one appears to be a large black vending machine with no front glass panel and a small keypad on the right side, as P26 one was recovered in Yokohama, Japan, Scp twenty six one was brought to the foundation's attention. After an investigation of an urban legend about a magic vending machine that was circulating on the internet, scp
two hundred and sixty one was found in a back alley behind the large shopping center with a ham written sign, saying out of order in japanese tape to it. But why does it happen? send, but it was. It was written. So, P261 has no marks or identification of any kind and know locals, remember when or how it came to be in its current location, intern, link two hundred and sixty one appears to be a basic vending machine equipped to vend food and beverage items after key was made in the front door. Open, no abnormal materials were found and it. Determine that s c p. Six one has never actually contained any food or beverage items the keypad connected and operating correctly does not activate any of the dispensing mechanisms. When money is placed into Sp26 one and a three digit number is entered on the Keypad SEP two hundred and sixty one will vend a random item. It is uh how these items will appear. However, as
P261 will not operate when the doors open or when recording devices are placed inside the number on the keypad has no effect on the item vended, nor The pattern been detected Items are always some form of snack food and typically have bright. Attention grabbing packaging if six. One is used several times in a short period of time. Or large amounts of money are entered before an item is vended SEP. Six one well, sir to it's bizarre items while still food Their suitability for human consumption is often nonexistent. Log of items been during testing phase, eight, the little bakery seven grain small tube, the size of a candy bar with a green button made of aluminum packaging in English, when the top is twisted off A massive quote: unquote, dough is extruded, quote, unquote, DOE, several enzymes in bacteria that have not yet been identified on contact with air. These the dough to rise in quote, unquote, bake killing the microbes in the process.
Produces a small round. Loaf of bread weighing two hundred and fifty grams taste describe. Is good but also we're going to put this we're gonna, really we're going to criticize it's coming out of the magical vitamin k to we're going to fucking review these things I gotta plug in chewy. Jeff Sakarian is sitting there what clan thick black big baggy, with a plastic tube on the side containing water and twelve clams packaging in ditch, following on package instructions, the plastic tube was cracked like a glow stick liquid in the bag, cash to steam, venting from a whole that popped, open top of the bag. Burning one researcher, Anasol steam we finished after thirty eight seconds after which clams were found to be fully cook. Infused with a mild lemon flavor on investigation clams match no recorded species
and client club clubs. I almost got food poisoning just reading that if you get clams from vending machine you deserve whatever comes scientists eat. Whatever comes out of thing, you gotta feed it to dogs or monkeys or, of course, if the dog lives you can try it right. So this one is just unknown to small measure. Bag filled with small multicolored pyramids packaging in an unknown language. Pyramids found be very hard and unpleasant tasting compared to chalk in taste and consistency. When placed in hot water pyramids open and produce strings that quickly dissolve coloring the for the same shade as the pyramid search are ingesting. The water reported stomach cramps two hours later, but other effects they deserve whatever they get again. I wish you would just kind of like keel over but unknown alumi. Box, with a small glass window on the side and a large round button on the top scheduling, an unknown language boxes seamless and appears to be filled small round animals covered in fur, each with three small
in a single large I pressing the and causes the inside of the box to rapidly become super heated cooking, the small most alive muffled noises and scratching were heard for several seconds during the cooking process. After one minute thirty seconds, the front panel opens and gives access to the now cooked animals, Professor Kane volunteered to eat the animals with no Other researchers willing to do so I'll. Do it don't do it yet that I haven't had lunch yet yet yet alright taste described as crunchy and very spicy with a small hint of beef. A the first taste was crunchy. The first he's yeah home squirrel, flavored squirrels. Now with beef unknown, tall thin aluminum can packaging in an unknown language. Opening the and caused a chemical reaction with the liquid inside the can liquid is apparently
not intended for oxygenated atmosphere and detonated, violently causing several injuries and killing two researchers testing continued in area cleared testing area the smell like citrus for sale Well, that's the one! You don't want! That's the one that put that on the log, so those are alien ones right, yeah, I think so either alien ones or multi dimensional ones. I like how it plays off the japanese idea of the vending machine called right as well, and how Japon People fuckin' eat anything. Yet they get panties. They get liquid panties from there to. Let me download the panties are in liquid yeah. They don't even they literally those models. Don't wear those paintings they did. They find are all they rub. Fuckin' tuna can actually do the cans with him and then talking here, that's not yeah. I know that picture of them wearing the pants, no they're not wearing these panties there's no way those girls are dead. No there. Alright, alright very good
the machine story- yeah man, I think, really good for a for a vending machine story- yeah, really good right, definitely written by a heavy person. I didn't think about bird bird. Our driver very strangers in virgin machines, the offer so we're sure we're for magic, one that gave me something weird or home before all. For now sure I agree vending machines are very important to the office over her shoulder her soon right. So now I got to read a story this one called homeless man, so ok, yeah, so some ok homeless man. That's the name of the story, got it somewhere in New York City. There's an old homeless man missing both his legs from the knees down. So that's kind of fun. It's really sad because he said he sits in front of a foot locker yeah I mean one of the great ironies. Okay,
this guy's missing both of his feet from their both both of his legs from the knees down and he hangs out of the spot along the streets on the corner of Lexington and the east. Twenty first near, Graham, a steep grammar see park a nice area approach him after nightfall. Give him some change. No pennies, no dimes and ask him What did you see the other? What did you see? on the other side, he will. And tell you all about his travels to the other, realms in times where he, where he lost his legs, and how he lost his money in that damn up to you whether to believe him or not, but as listen, you'll, find yourself being drawn in with every story. You must stay alert for the Man will notice your inattentiveness and with with a scowl. He stop imparting his wisdom. With all the wisdom that made of almost never go like wow. You did everything right, ok, and with a scowl who will stop in part in his wisdom he will chase you
fast as he can tottering on his stubs, which is the correct word for running on stubs, yes on his Stubbs. The other reason why you must stay alert is to check on the time before You must interrupt him. Do not finish whatever story, he is telling you at the moment and say I've heard enough old man good day and good luck, then walk away make at least two left, turns around the block. Before going about your business, you must do this because anyone who stays open past midnight is never at least not in this. Plane of existence. Thank you for clarifying. Maybe they just got a job at the foot. Locker right, so that that one is really, I mean, You can literally do that to any homeless. Can you see with no legs because they always have a story, but most of the time, the story is, you know big problem
lollipops. Diabetes, comes like a thief in the night and only yearns for is your precious precious? Yes, This next story is called the wonders of tubers. Ever since I was young, everyone has commented on the fact that I look just like a giant potato. Strangely, I've never considered the possibility that I am potato I was born in an abandoned thriftway, just one mile from in local nuclear meltdown mode. Skin was spotted with deep, wet holes, Those were my wonderful ear, tubers at that time. I was quite content just listening. It was so peaceful, but then I sprouted first, I tuber and saw how come What's the world really was I needed to explore it, but how? Lynn and round it seemed impossible fret, not dear readers
For soon I would discover the miracle and majesty of tubers, with Three stout tubers. I was easily roll myself out of that place and on Ford's adventure, later, I would encounter my first humans, a gang of children playing in some fields. I watch them saw how they moved propelling themselves on two legs and happily grabbing each other I left. I was so alone. I wanted to do what they did and soon I could once again with the magic of tubers. I sprouted sick appendages for legs and two long, squishy ones for arms. I stood seven foot five inches and I was glorious when the children turn to play. I was ready to join in They sure were surprised to see me yeah. I chased them through the field for hours they cried and
and I listen so carefully and soon I was crying and screaming right along with them each other. So much that day they taught me the importance of companionship in this cold cold world, and I taught them how to grow those wonderful tubers on their hands their feet, even their eyeballs big gushing, boney tubers they're still out there playing with their tubers they've gotten so good at it that they barely look human anymore. All they bothered keeping is there screaming holes which they exercise constantly? I always scream As a courtesy So whenever I meet a human in some secluded place and they offer that same old in that same trembling voice that humans just seem to have Why I just stretched my massive screaming hole as wide as I can and whisper two birds.
So he thinks he's really just being the class clown he's aware, potato anything aware, potatoes, a good thing to call somebody that you don't like sure, but it does seem like he likes the children. He loves the children just misunderstood. So whenever he talks, he screamed, I mean we could live in a world where laughter you know, implies suffering and screaming implies happiness. Yeah he's the Linea Potatoes until the beginning definitely reminds me of one from Metallica like him like eyes, openings all that I see it does That would be pretty well. You know good episode, Metallica left out of that song. Thank you for your. Thank thank you, sir. Thank you for your service. Hey there. Broadcast listener. Are you looking to spice things up in the bedroom, been fantasizing about surprising your lover within ventris, new toy or adult movie, but here's offer you won't be able to resist, go to Adam and Eve
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He lives in to one of the middle drawers and pulled it open, revealing a small body wrapped in white material. Are you ready he asked Slowly and reluctantly they nodded when he pulled find the sheet the woman fell, down to her knees, crying and retching husband, lowered himself to her level and buried her face into his chest, squeezing I shut in a failed attempt to remain stoic and calm for his wife. He opened his mouth to speak no words came out. He cleared his throat and quiet choked out a few barely audible words. That's her our on the table lay a small child around the age of eight her face. Arms and shoulders were half eaten with tiny, rodent bite marks scattered across her skin, stiff white hairs
her torn dress and matted blonde curls on the half of her that remained intact was a joyful delighted, smile frozen for the rest of time, gasp, the man wife, continue to ball into a shirt. Looking at with her tears that attack I've hesitated, we yeah, we pulled her out of a sewage by one arm was bend over side, the other outstretched in her face and shoulders. You could see The man stared blankly at the detective, who slowly continued we're not sure when animal was responsible for this, but dash friends except might have been it's not sure why rabbits would act like this, but specially when the. Was still he stopped himself from continuing. Why did we name her Alice, the mother, sob
hysterically into her husband's shoulder. We could have named her anything else. I think in the world as the, and began to sob as well. Please placed hand on his wife's head, In his other hand, he held a tightly crumpled note with an untidy child like scroll that read I'm cold for rabbit hole. I know you'll miss me and I'm sorry, but don't He said, and she got to me and she got to hang out with Johnny Depp at the bottom. Go ahead with your bottom Carter. Wasn't bottom Carter, yet your first plane Helena Bonham Carter she's there Johnny Depp would smoke at her so cool. He lives in France in a castle, yeah he's got armpit hair all over his body cool, don't
name your kid. Alice always got eaten by a bunch of rabbits. I say this is again I mean not to victim blame but you do it if you go and get killed by a bunch of rabbit, rabbit that somehow happens to you sure you deserve It's like. I saw a man on the train the other day that he said he called this board out. It was like champion violin player. He said accident rendered him carrierless because he lost both of his hands and he gets to a point in my head or if you are Campion, violin player. You think you'd avoid any situation here.
You get into an accident that would make you lose both your hands. So we got a job as a chainsaw sales men who really messed up with both of his hands, so he was kind of so he was. Did he have the cup in a string around his neck? Now he was cold pension it with his stubs. I don't know how he wrote the sign. Well, that's a good question. Very good penmanship. Just because he has no hands does not mean he does not have friends and family, but I would imagine I mean I don't know how we would have a hard time being friends if we all stop having hands. If all three of us stopped having like it, never happened. Yes, we would have no choice but to be friends. How would we put on belt? I don't think you have to worry about looking any, which way I would Gloves call me like definitely on hands. We get clause yeah, that's exactly what I would do yeah. That means that you can get to it all. I think, of his ash from from evil dead. Where are just like. I just want to insert my hand into a chain saw, and that would be me doc. Tape: a clothing hair to your hair. What
always getting into people's car windows. This one is called, try the Meatloaf, it was a wet. Cold and cloudy day in New York City back in nineteen, forty three that uh and walk down the street he held an umbrella as it rained out the man, approached a dark, abandoned old building and was all bored It was a downpour outside, so the man pushed the door at the old building open and slid inside. He close is umbrella and walked further into the dank wet depths of the building. He heard water dripping. The man suddenly heard the sound of a meat, cleaver chopping up meat downstairs. It's like radio like old time, radio on the sound how Michael Winslow Police Academy he looked down the dark
case. Okay, it's not we don't they get a hold of. Yes, the man slowly walked down the stairs into the basement, hello. He called out all of a sudden. There was a thing in the basement with eight wins and had rotted red flesh had a tattered white apron on glow. Blue eyes fangs and claws on his eight rotted red hands, as well as his two rotted red feet. The monster had pointed ears and roared sigh. Three young, the creature also had a long dragon like tail. The being was chopping up. Hunk of meat on a little long wooden table with a meat cleaver
and gasp in horror and noticed bones of a human skull down at one end of the long wooden table. The monster stopped slicing the chunk of meat and look directly at the man tried a meatloaf, the group to why it boys and then roared and read out of the basement, stairs out of the building, opening his umbrella and running away as fast as he could some people. Don't like me, what the hell is wrong with this guy, the human, it's pretty Paul Yes, me Lopez, people, there's no he's just trying to be low. This is trying to be sweet special for the day. You just got this guy in his chopping up, it's like when you get like when I had the deviled kidneys from those suckling pigs. I got. Is restaurant Atlanta children, this chef chef came to the table and he's just like the chef got four
lovely suckling pigs in this morning and he wants to do something fun with the and also so disgusting, no, but he said, try the meatloaf and then screamed at him. No, I don't really nice really enjoyed the Meatloaf. I mean may be the meat loaf. Well, I think you become the me love and you try to me love. Maybe unless you try the Meatloaf, maybe then you should become his sous chef yeah. I don't know I just always think of Monsters INC. Yeah. You know when they were still sweet. Do you always think of Montana always think of monsters even like mid sex? Oh yeah, Billy, crystals away John Goodman's character had yeah. So is this Saturday night live. He played yourself less about as you come so talented Henry This grimm tale of the macabre is called the sleepwalker.
I have dreamed of more than once that a man may attain immortality by you said you would sleep voiding daylight for his own by the light of the sun that he ages. Knowing this secret one might go living indefinitely. Only a few one hundred people in the entire world take advantage of this arcane knowledge moving anonymously by night among the larger cities and actively shun the attention of those who would expose them to the curiosity or, worse of the masses. If you've seen one of these extraordinary beings, it is without knowing it, of course there. The periphery of there at the periphery Your view one evening at an out of the way tavern eyes half shot cigarette, dangling from shadowy lips sweeping the change for him on the bar into his pocket, just
you arrived consciously mark him as he shuffled out of sight, with the salute determination of determination of a sleepwalker, so something and you did not him, and His memory returns so quickly and sharply Becaus. This is so no, that you acknowledge. You have seen him study. What little remains to you of his profile he's q lier slouch, for you will never see this individual again or rather he will never. Let you see him no matter where you search through the balloon, the end of the night, you will always have left a few steps ahead of you, leaving behind some ashes or drain the bottle. Next to us, some of the glass I lay out of smoke on the stagnant air, his will be the joke at which the know drink is still laugh You will never hear his voice, I'm
if you go to the seven hundred and eleven, because that's where I'm working tonight like in golf so mad cute, good love, God is very sweet. That is the unit is a three hundred pound man with like the weird like, like red contact lenses in a steampunk hat: oh no! No, no! No! That's a guy, tiny or than me! That's one hundred and forty pounds, six foot tall, but his girlfriend Yeah could be, could Wallace beautiful woman? Well then, she Montero is. Why do people who have chain wallets always look like they have? No money in them
No one. Ever. What have you ever wanted to steal a chain wallet? I had a chain wallet, Itis kickass, one with flames on it, but I know the one that had a Metallica slow go. I don't have the same wallet. You have the same with the Metallica logo. Yeah. Was it really long? The wall yeah the wall, and it was like a that. You can put your checks and mine was like the load error like school, with flames, Metallica symbol on it. It was a bad time period for all of us. Yeah yeah, the the late nineties, were a it was as what kind of what I had they probably big one. Is that how big your body is not use the same kind of currency, though no that's right, I'm sorry No. So now this one is called the tiger. Now we have a few more left, yet we've only got a couple left yeah the tiger, the persimmon persimmon persimmon, the Tiger, the tiger in Ben Kissel. The toys are written by Maine, the persimmon
We're going to put some of that ice is a story about a cat in its fruit that would have persimmon is persimmon. Is a fruit? Isn't yeah? like a gale, oh really, oh, alright, a fancy The tiger in fancy gay apple percent. So. This is a fun story. One night, a taiga came down to a village to eat a child in people. Into the window of a certain how's, the child. Crying in the mother said a Thai guys coming for you, but the child did not stop The tiger saw this. He thought to himself this kids. Scared me at all. The mother then said: if you start crying, I give dry, persimmon, it's bad. Yeah. If you, if you don't, stop crying she's going to give him dry persimmon, so the child me, please stop crying in the tiger thought what a fearful! the a dry persimmon must be and gave up the do eating the child and went to the cow just to steal a cow. Just at that. And a robber came intended also to steal a cow, the stick.
The Duggar for echo. He got us, he got. He got astride him and rode off the tiger thought this must be the seven and ran off at full speed, The people of the house had heard the noise and praised heat and raised a hue and cry, but the robber whipped up his cowin escaped when the Dade on the rubber realized his error and jumped off the tiger in a panic, The tiger also felt relieved. So that's good. I guess this kind of win win. You would just be. I can imagine you in this it like you one thousand years ago, as you, though, but as the town storyteller and they're, like KEN, please change storytellers. No, he thought he seems to be hungover and sarcastic. These are the stories just don't tell the story of the tiger in the persimmon with the drama must be, but first of all what is persimmon gave fruits. No, yes,
I just nearly all the confusion, a lot of confusion. Is that a cow or is it a tiger? You have to be pretty federal. Could dolls. I think it's a tough man, a coward tiger, yeah yeah, you could pick them out. I know the difference even in the dark. I think you could do it sure you can just close close your eyes and lick and you could I think that's a good date when you run for congressman socializing Lake Boat Castle. All right. This is our last story. It's called son. The fucking yeah
once upon a time, I was a big sonic fan. Sonic was like my why I love him for life in one day, I'd be able to focus and have millions of humanoid babysit five Needham in real life. One day I was jerking my car. If June splatter, all over my gas, I realized the new sonic game coming out called so can a chart in the adventure of admins that those excited- and I picked up my little mess up the wall over my MAC and shooting computer different, looked up new sonic game and it was spoken for as my dog it was actually called Sonic screwdriver operation. It would have to take out all the races in turn it into a like mess with the bloody calm all over the place, and it's rated early childhood hi. I ordered a copy. All. It is two million years the game will arrive in two minutes later. The game mail man gave it to me is a pistons. Oakley is based, as I open up the game and slammed it into Monday, Tendo the game, so it was not available for purchase in self through millions, two thousand fourteen eighty. If that was possible, I threw a bit and smashed my poking tv, a later jump out a window and it all drugs in later committed yeah.
It. Just sounded like Holden Mcneely from the round table of gentleman talking about fucking video games- oh wow, good, Lord! Well! This is just one and so we've been on a lot of different journeys. Today, Honda Journeys, we've all learned a lot. I did learn a lot. Cinnamon is sure what the reason it is not right, Grey's I have eating disorders that runner executions, learn that and the internet did bad. For everyone. Yes, remember when they took the sold us on the internet, as if it was going to be a great curator of intelligence. I don't remember there being like you can have a conversation with someone in Asia. Someone in Asia. Mia was big on talking little asian girls,
yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right! The world of tomorrow yeah, it was always a little asian girl you're talking to and with some grown man talking honey. I know you realize that human trafficking yeah that's true. Well in Williams Burg, it seems to be buried. The future is now there's a lot of asian girls with big fat. Ugly men, though, yes are these purchased no well, who knows, there's a lot of wealthy people in Williamsburg Brooklyn, but either way, my goodness. What a fun creepypasta this was, he was great. We went on a lot of different roads, feel good feel cleansed yeah yeah. I got to yell and you know how much I love to yell. I don't get to do it very often, but when I do, I look at me. Look at how relaxed I am yeah. Look great you're, not vibrating anymore, chill bill, brotherly shaking and that's good for market is good for marketing yeah right. So, let's see what do we have do we have anything to announce? Well, we've got plenty of stuff going on I mean Shitman were coming to the UK. The tickets are on sale.
We're going to Manchester or southward suffered an and London. London is almost sold out already. So guys get your tickets right now go to it's in towards dot and search last podcast on the left Manchester is getting real close to go, get your tickets now, because these are the words coming in October. And it we're it's. What may yeah yeah? It's me it's may and the tickets are already almost sold out to go. Get your tickets now and before that, we're coming to Atlanta Atlanta were coming to Atlanta, either June 16th or 18th, one of the 216th 16th we're coming Atlanta on June 16th we're going to be playing at the Earl which I hear is an awesome venue. It's awesome, I fucking love it's in EAST Atlanta, I'd love it laid out. I cannot wait to do a show there, and that show is also almost
sold out so get your tickets. Now I mean we got people coming from Fuckin' Florida to come, see the show all the way from Florida Tuscaloosa. Oh, my goodness, I hear one of them, some music man, another one sells books. We gotta shake that bookselling man and burn him at the stake, hate, books, awesome and then in July, were coming to LOS Angeles. Don't forget we're doing our live, showing of the last podcast on the left. Cut of Jackson WU, which is, and that one as well is almost sold out guys. I mean thank you so much for all. Of the shows that you're supporting should we just came back with two sold out shows in Chicago Chicago Bach, and a made guy was amazing. I don't get to comment to juggle. I love did we thought it was, did Discogs great, very attractive people yeah? I got very drunk
yes yeah extremely drunk anymore malort, Mormon or less Milord for main market Marcus actually liked it. I did so. I liked it then I hated it and then I wanted more. It's just very bizarre yeah. I love vinegar and it's got like a vinegar taste like I love like vinegar, and you know how I mean how much a little pickle and it kind of reminded me a little bit of like a pickle memory. You know no, it's cool memory. Just sounds like a fucking, the smell of a flooded toilet spray, yeah it tasted like Abraham Lincoln's top. Cat right now. It's like it's just Skype me fuckin' had from whatever I got a couple more shows that are we're coming back to Baltimore yeah that one is in the works right now. We've got a couple. Other shows that we're working on so you guys so much. The only reason why we can do this is because you donated or pager campaign, that's patron dot com, slash
test on the left, the more you guys give the more cool stuff we're going to be able to do, and the more cities were going to be able to come to an even you know it's possible that we've got some small tours coming up in the future and that seriously is only possible because of you guys. So if you want to support the show, please go to picture on com slash last podcast on the left. If you think we deserve it, I mean we love doing this show and the more support we get the more we can. Do for you guys, because we got the listeners in the world and even when you know what man, even when people complain about the episode being a little bit late man, it's that ain't, the problem in the world to have the people are excited about what you put out to the point of impatience. Yeah good we just went on vacation. It was nice that when I went on my first ever vacation day, I did not go on vacation. No, you didn't. You could say that works like a bucking bar work, the creatures that live under the ground in the center of the earth book, because I always like to work that you went back to Texas and killed a bunch of snakes.
I rented it yellow Camaro. I will look like such an asshole. I look like Rodney Dangerfield from Caddy Shack everywhere I go pulling into with a good Funkadelic Camaro, just like that play in everybody's working for the weekend. So I think the irony of having a yellow Camaro Camaro is you don't realize everyone is kind of laughing at you yeah. I had a blast, though it goes so fast yeah. Well, I'm happy. I had a guy fierri sunburn, the entire time with my sunglasses birth around my sunglasses. It was great. I love guy Fiete and if you guys, wanna last podcast on the left, t shirt go to cavecomedyradio dot com, slash, merge, You can get one there. We've got some new t shirts in the works right now that we're going to be coming out with soon, but thank you guys so much follow us on Twitter. At LP, on the left on Instagram at LP on the left, I'm at Instagram at Marcus Park San go check out. My music show the lucky Bancho it makes
It comes five, almost Instagram a doctor friend to see if you want to see Miley Troelsen tribulations of I'm on Twitter at Ben Castle still have mainstream password, I'm much better at Henry loves. You we got a lot on twitter is that we offer us is at LP on the left, yeah and yeah. Thanks for support of the show's round table of gentleman. Listen to that you're drunk with your friends, have a good time able to stop it for everything politics section of the human activities for a mental health advice? You want to hear Henry Sister to talk about her vagina and uh and, of course, page seven for your entertainment needs and hail Satan and, if you're in San Francisco- and you want to go, store check out the haunted hate, walking tour was pretty ugly animal Jim Jones House and we've also got some thank you's for people that have sent us some awesome ship want to say. Thank you to Smith of for sending us an awesome. Little Freddy Krueger, Bobble head. Oh my god, it's so great a sweet uncle acid shirt for me, a bunch of great books.
I also want to thank, let's see here, who else finish it. We got a lot of so much stuff, yeah, Abby to most creek road can to miss cook. Thank you very much and also I forgot your lunch- that is a bunch of craft beer, no yeah, a bunch of really cool ship and also thank you to Haley PETE and Kyle from Metro for sent us nice picture in a sticker and just generally for shown, as they are incredible, you guys are incredible, yeah, we'll see you all next time on Chicago Tamasheq tomorrow yeah little midwestern name, all very good. Penmanship dairy, good, OMA, scarily, good Abita, Meshak Heavy was the one that sent us the beard anyway. Thank you so much and if you guys want to, if you guys want to send us anything, send it to a creek in the cave, Karen Marcus Parks, Your last podcast on the left to ninety three. Jackson Avenue. Long island city, New York.
One thousand one hundred and ten very good job market. Thank you very much. I've only been working here. Six years I told hell yourselves how he more shows like the one you just listen to to Cape Comedy, radio, dot com.
Transcript generated on 2019-11-18.