Have you twenty twenty two and we're back you're, leaving listeners, whether your nursing baby new year war raging hang over odds. Are you ve already had enough of the flowery lovey dovey self improvement? We do that we get on january first. So on offer. Have something different. What you're about to here is a podcast worth of uninjured did moaning and groaning about petty minutiae, followed by achieving and non aspirational dirt bag resolutions, because I wanted to put no effort into court- the habits and neuroses that have plague me. My entire life and led me to this moment and in that endeavour, I hope you'll join me without further ado. Let's start with the first rants of twenty twenty two the she's, a writer. brooklyn, I nine and the co host of areas for losers and ninety day bay. Please welcome marquise yarrow marcy for being here had a thing

For having me, what are you going to rant about on our anthem, I'm going to rant about horns. Honking horns. I feel like they bad around gas. I was so worried what direction you are you take this and I love the direction is going over to you. Mercy, ok, I'm from Louisiana and if you a horn down there? It is one of the rudest things you could possibly do, but there's so much reasons why you need to I've heard other people say this before, so I'm not the first person to think of it that we should have different sounds for, like a more polite sounding horn or hey your gas cap. Open horror, and are you got your blinker on in its confusing the rest of us like there's a lie reasons why we need horns and we shouldn't be afraid to be shot in traffic, just fur helping out other people. That's my peace. We ve heartening, that's exactly right. I think it doesn't make sense that our horn lacks than nuance of dogs, bark,

like. Dogs have a warning bark. They have. I'm scared bark there I'm thrilled bark, they have a stranger bark, you know and we do have the one horn fleetly agree. I mean every once in a while. I will execute some road justice, you know and can his guns and went back and forth faces. I need you understand what justice. If it is so I would say this to you now in your board, a plane, say or fly in an airline year, let's aids, united and they have boarding groups. You know groups,

on through, say seven and you look down on your little le you're out your phone there and you see that you're boarding group for great you wait for four. Then you look around you looking you see this five boarding she's a six sporting, but they call the yet, while united is not enforcing the rules on other only to boarding groups, winners, suckers, and I feel the same way that if you are in a situation where there is one main that goes straight and one lane that turns right and the one that turns write his fly and right along and you're staying where you're supposed to be in the lane. That goes straight and how the son you see the car as passenger right to your right trying to get in up ahead. They know exactly what they're fucking doing, and I will go to extraordinary lengths to keep the space between me and the car ahead of me closed, so that these animals cannot squeeze in when they have so clearly chosen, not to be part of society. I get it

It does happen that I lose that battle of wills because they know deep down that I am bluffing and I dont want to their car and they get up in front of me. That horn is a friend of mine, oh right and he's here to protect me. Ok from his car, you know, and I do a shake my finger. I shake my finger at people constant We do things where they make my horns, a boy. No I mean I feel like whatever makes you feel the safest mine is an angry bus driver, so wherever you feel I like your power, is that's what you are and should be. I really got into it this morning with somebody in this situation. They were describing, and I will say that when this person tried to get ahead of me, I did swerve left to drive forward to try to get back in front of them. Oh here's, the thing people say people in l a are nicer than people in new york. That is not true. They contain their rage and animosity and they save it until they are on the fetid, crowded streets of this town. Yeah I've seen

Real personality changes from other people. It's interesting to watch some one very nice gets so angry just because another car did a thing they didn't like in people, have their own rules about what other car should do, such as even like? We learned it and drivers, then it's like. No, no, so they shouldn't do that you're like what are you? What are you talking about? I dunno we're all trying to survive out here. If we can't all agree that horns are great and have nuance horns. I also think that all cars should come with like a little ticker inside, and so, if you were close to the car you should able to. the little message, symbolic, hey! Absolutely you ve earned in my lab. We gotta be conversing home in the lines of communication. Hey sometimes what you want to say is I'm not mad, but I just need you to know that you're supposed to be going.

Forwards. I'm disappointed, I'm not mad. I'm disappointed cause. I do wonder if a sizable amount of traffic in cities now is built up of that tiny little time of people on their phones at red lights, that little moment where it. Just like the, I would say it's the worst quarter. Second in human life yeah, which is the like the light, is green and you're like I don't want to do it they'll make me Do it, though, maybe hit this horn? Don't make out? Don't make me hit this torrent toyota avalon I'll, hit this fuckin horn. I feel nothing in those moments. Nothing. It is here Sound of your horn, requiring oh h, is happening because you knew not only you being rude but you're, putting everyone in danger. Dino. I've heard that a future reality which we might have rather lasers and all of our cars. Instead of that they should shut your phone down. I support that. I support I'll, do I'm I'm actually, okay with both and they get to operate a breath eliza and then they there, some

moreover, a I developed, but you must make sure your eyes are facing forward and I hope he does he's gotta. Do it yeah he's gotta. Do it guys guys the man of the year should do it. He should do it and I know he wants to help us. So I whitney Leave it at that note. She is a stand up and writer on this very point, gas, please welcome, pull the in all in policy thanks for being here. Thanks for having me, I'm excited, so let's welcome the huge fat fan of the show. Alright, alright, I didn't approve this alright policy. What is your rant for our rent upon my rent is

bout when people ask to split a bill evenly, but they didn't order evenly. This is a problem of the one percent. Every friend of mine who isn't rich, doesn't do this cause they're headway consider it if it's so inconvenient for you to split a bill. Why did you get your ivy league education? That's all I want to know like just say you don't want to be friends with people in other socio economic classes. That's all you're doing is making it more uncomfortable for other people. I used to live in

princess, go, and I used to be friends with a lot of white people intact and every time they want to hang out made insist. We go to a fancy new restaurant because they are a phooey which, by the way, is not a personality. Ok, so I'm already buying my way into a friendship, there's a memberships be for this roaming country club and I get there and the meals would be tiny. Little fucking portions of foods to hang out with his friends. I'd have to plan to have a first supper before a second supper like some kind of diversity, higher hobbit. Ok, I would have a burrito before my broader or hints, and then after all, this inconvenience than you have unknowingly done to me. We can't split the bill according to our tax bracket, because it's just a bit of extra thinking for you

I'm a vegetarian or a hit. One time I went to a fancy: ass stake, restaurant with all my friends and they all wanted to eat fancy stakes. I got a fucking glass of water and a salad, ok and just as we were handing in our cards, one of my friends right as I was about to be like just pay for what we got like nonsense. but she was like when I was a waiter, I hated it when we would be asked to split the bill uneven wage, and so then I had to just eat it. Unlike the food at a profit, I we had to split the bill. I was at this fucking meet restaurant that couldn't afford spotify premium droughts there. If these were there were commercials, interstate restaurant, and I cannot think of a better analogy for inconsiderate, rich people who force you to split the bill with their cheap asses. To appreciate this first, why

paper out a breed of there's a real social dilemma? That happens, which is so this would happen to me a lot because I know you ve met me. I think I'll call the old economy. I didn't we. is weed, as it is twenty first century. What was this made in a cask? Benjamin Franklin drank this. We don't need to do this anymore. You know, we need this is crazy. We loved I've, moved on theirs better ways to make this conversation palate we take medicine now to have fine, absolutely and so a lot of times. It's like wait. A second I got food. I didn't participate in this socially acceptable drug taking session. That is all in drinks at dinner, and yet here we are splitting the bill, but then there's another issue here, which is there's an uncomfortable other alternative which you don't want. Okay, so let's say you just you weren't super hungry. You got a sandwich. You go out with people, they got steak, salads and drinks right, and you say I don't want to split it. There's a moment where it's like. Oh, no! No, let us just

get your sandwich because we got so much more and then you feel bad luck. No! No! I'm not looking to be taken out to do. I want everyone made whole tonight. You know what I mean yeah, let's just walk away or what I think we need to start leaning into this. We need to start leaning in and be like yeah and pay for my uber to get here. ok, now, you'll be now you're becoming an inventor becoming the villain. Now you're, just a villain understood nothing of them. John. Should we get a bottle Y know its gross, it's just bad grape juice. What are we doing here on a diet coke when they pick a restaurant that require is like a pre snakes menu? That's like seventy five doll, uninterrupted, no warning you he'll back yet

I thought you were never getting dinner together. I wasn't one other point I want to make one other point is unrelated, and I made this week I'll say it again: a dinner party, just a restaurant that serves one fucking thing only I you and you have to bring wine anyway. You're still buying dinner is, can we meet at a restaurant? We can each get something. Instead of the thing you learn to make their professionals the do this, I feel like they say, is coming from someone who doesn't doesnt cook at all. Actually, I'm like I'm. I would love a dinner party because I have friends were like amazing at baking and cooking, and I'm just feels different when its home cooked yeah and you have to say how good it is hm yeah. No, I definitely wanted this you're saying the negative things I'm saying the positive thing, but you're acting as though I'm agreeing with you, I don't know I I am on the same page as you. You want to you, want your friends to either cook for you or take you to dinner, and those are the only acceptable option unless someone is me. Thank you.

rand, yeah a comedian, writer and star of don't reach in the bag and host of the war report park has please welcome. She lay with sharp things remain here. Thanks for having me things are being part of our granteth on I'll, throw it over to you to rent about. Well, I don't know what I'm excited to find out what it is. I would I like to read today and many days about cookies, cookies disappearing. In particular, when I'm stressed out, I tend to turn to cookies and I recently that re acquainted with an old favourite vienna fingers speaking my language yeah. I love it. It's a simple, clean. minimalist cookie. I got some from a store great. I went back. They weren't there, no problem I'll go to another

or I went to another store. They were not there starting worry. I go to a third store, not there, and then I get this fear bubble in my chest that they had been discontinued. I am learning about this right now and on the same journey with you, it was frightening. I've had this happened to me before my all time. Favor. cookie- is a cookie called lemon coolers. Now those were like a you know, those wedding cookies that have powdered sugar all over them and maybe bits of almond or some wackiness all it was like that, but with little chunks of lemon, and those saw me through high school and most of college, I say most of college, because college was just a year for me but I bet it made me it helped me get through that year. I had a lemon cooler box top in my high school locker. Like that's what I was known for. Huge family alerted the huge fan party or identity, I loved him so much and then they just disappeared.

I found what what happened in and they re appeared, but then they disappeared again and now they're just gone, and there are lots of forums on wide of people trying to make their own, who want a whole made store made cookie. No one wants that. You want a store made cooking because it doesn't the love you not looking for love in your cookie you're. Looking for efficiency, I'm gonna give cookie that a grandmother made from a recipe that came from her aunts for a beloved child. I was, think capitalism. May I want a cookie where they said hey if we can get the price down by one point, two percent. We can make seven million of these things is your absence, the kind of cookie I'm looking for. That's what I'm looking for as well. I want a cookie where people had to cross the picket line to make them that's what I'm looking for it I don't feel good about. It could be, unless I know, was made by fuckin scabs yeah, absolutely absurd

at length a sweeter. I thought that what was happening rest vietnam, fingers and I thought- oh, no, oh no, oh no, and then they appeared to schools, album and commodity down and I was like I don't know how old are you There are five seem right. Would then I found out that the company that makes them is one of the kellogg crew. having them right now, so I'm not having them right now. I was worried because the lemon cookies that sounded pretty sophisticated- and I find often that, if you're, not careful like a vienna finger, it is just on the edge. It is just sophisticated enough that america might say fuckin more these thanks rights. These are we have. These are not enough like orioles get these offer myself, because I love vienna fingers you feel like mine. cookie, or am I eating a cookie in a power These are cookies. It's the shaped.

of lady fingers, pretty sure I didn't grow up in a family that was allowed to eat lady thinkers that was not my lot. You hit a vienna thing. Are you close your eyes? You can imagine. Clearly any woman coolers though they look like a wedding cookie and it seems like, could be fancy. The box was like just straight cartoon. It was pure sugar. I only anything that is refined separately. I will eat sugar out of the bag, so trust me, it was definitely something that would mean very very ill. So I am very sympathetic to this issue of things. You love being discontinued because I've recently gone through something very personal which is talk about obviously did some refreshing of their menu, adding items removing items they are moved. An item called the mexican pizza, which is heading in iran,

now, because it is neither the hall, so they also removed the double decker taco, which was among my favorite, because a double decker talk of supreme was just a taco supreme with a layer of beans and a soft shell around it, because when you take a bite of a taco bell, taco anything can happen. And I mean elixir like old ordinance that they find you know it just goes everywhere if you're in a car, you're fucked, but you put a double decker taco in the car. It's caught right, the beans and the soft shell kind of catch it. You know almost like in like school cafeterias. There there's that glass that has the wires in it that like shadow prove glass, a double talk of supreme is a shudder, prove taco and the bigwigs over there. The talk about this enormous, very frustrating situation. So I understand so. I very much appreciate your. And thank you for sharing it. Thank you for letting me share that with the world, and everyone just keep an eye on your favorite cookie, but I know what I mean cherish it cause. It could be gone, it could be gone

Furthermore, Alomar, that's a lesson for life as well these crickets director of video development and he's leaving california forever? Please welcome illogical and eliza hit us with your own. John, as you mentioned, and waving california, I'm going to move to know carolina? Don't worry if you like our video content, I'm still going to be working at the company, although maybe not after I finish rather what I issue it is now. moving. There is a right wing talking point that I am coming into conflict with, which is the idea com. This california, it are not familiar with it? the idea that california isn't free. California is a failed communist state. Let me tell you who is moving to a court on core. I have major issues with this autumn

about to say this as someone who is from north carolina and was north carolina very much john, when I moved to California, I want to tell you the first time that I walk into a grocery store because my mind was absolutely blown they had laid. Just right there, you got no blue eyed on the camus right next, Jesus in whatever you can buy it at any grocery store any time of day. Do you know what a abc stories drawn, John? What's an abc sooner or later, in eight issuers, what they have a north carolina. It is stay wrong. Liquor store do you like our industry and our carolina is a state run enterprise. You have you want by liquor. You have to go to a special store that is closed. A lot. It's close uncertainties

the weak not being able to buy liquor anywhere. I want anytime, I want, is a huge, tangible loss of freedom. For me number one number two. You know how many weed stores there are within walking distance from my apartment. Currently, John. I want you to know something in all the conversations we had about you moving from california to north carolina. It is not occurring to me until this moment that there is an implicate related to what you're about to say there are three and well that's great. There must be no airlines. Have you moving to a place, its facets of freedom in and they don't have used, said democrats, social life, communists, there must be we'd stores must be five or six weeks source in walking and from your how you're new home in nor in north carolina now John they're zero there not within driving distance loud wheat is illegal and north carolina.

I can get it now anytime. I want three convenience stores. They all have a little bit of a different personality. They all have every kind of product I want. I talk to you ran from north carolina the other day, a state again, which is illegal. and they told me they had to choose between not hi. I m going to learn yours house in listening to their dear talk for so, answer me that what you're saying is that? Because we'd has been made Legal and north carolina. Wheat is only available to people who can afford to get it illegally or get out of state if they need to that's correct. Otherwise, the people that live in that state don't have that kind of freedom. That's correct. And I actually don't think, there's any other issue as serious, where there's a miller story as we. I think that is the only black place it. Basically there. There are lots of people there who will no longer have access to weed in certain southern states without having to drive or be get a ride out of the state or find it

legal way of getting worried because of the kind of excessive power of the state over our right to make choices about our health about the drugs we take the medicine we take the care we get done it on sunday here, which is my inability to threaten the needle, on more serious, This is our uneasily part of this right, When I practice I was told stick to the wheat and workers. Is you really know intimately but not nobody can tell me that nobody can tell me that fucking job and what's number three eliza. Oh, that was it

This is great, who is from north carolina north carolina. If I wanted to pick a third one is just the elephant in the room. A couple of ways is that is, has to be around a bunch of fucking conservatives, which is going to drive me crazy, while Elijah you know. I know this is on good fun, and I've said this before I'll say it here: you're making mistake by moving to north carolina. You should stay in california, and this is a kind of a big life decision that I think you're making after the pandemic. At a weird moment, condition for you in your life, and I think it's a mistake and I think it regret it, and I think you should not move. I think, as a fair analysis a forty you gimme that feed back again in very graceful away. stand by while good luck with the sushi Eliza cone, everybody hey, don't go anywhere, more love it or leave it coming up. Logger leave! It has brought you here.

Indo geno talked about an especially stylish person, you know and how their look reflects their personality. I want to tell you about a fuckin fashion, icon. I know his name is thomas thursday prince. I am talking about a prince prince among men, cool name, tommy vietor. Thank you le petit, prince this guy knows how to rock every look. You can imagine straight leg, beige, pants straight leg, navy, blue pants, straight leg, khakis straight leg: khakis! This guy makes it all work. I saw him tuck in a sweater once what no message on someone off, maybe not for the terrible commute, a sweater. That's how crazy curb storyline, I'm not sure I think it was before

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that's easy, ass for something in their life. Would you like to donate a dollar, and it's like why so you guys can write it off to pay even fewer taxes than you already like it. Like what what's this dollar foreigner like all its defeat hungry children and it's like I'll fire like you have food. Are you asking me as a middle man here when you have fallen stop it's like when the hotel chains are like all you should by hotels for unhoused people so that they can spend the night like you have hotel rooms like give them a hotel rooms. Its psychological is like recycle is like know about you recycled, like I am producing very few plastic bottles. Are my own. Every single day, like the companies, are ass, leading us into spending money to ameliorate their crimes and its

actually infuriating, and they can do so much more than we can there's something about at the very end of the transaction, basically being offered an opportunity to either contribute via a charitable mechanism. We have no information about through CBS or guilty for not doing it? You know they create a little guilt opportunity for you. That moment- and I agree that as very frustrating is like one of the terms and conditions of this, what are the terms in addition, saw how much money are you making? What you're doing here, You mean, I know it's like very basic, but undoes noticing more and more of it and it's extremely frustrating, and I wish that it would stop how much this goes into the drains pocket come into. This goes into reads: pocket. You know exact customer checking with them see it ass. You are these people, even when it sees them, Why doesn't he? Nobody knows me

your wall greens. Why don't you tell me what you're spending you're ill gotten gains on now? I think I know it's you best answer, since we go fuck yourself. Yes absolutely at nine hours were gummy bears you kidding me fuckin racket. Thank you out for joining us yeah. He has a problem with donating to charity and we under. And where that's that's what I think sick of it here, visited by three ghosts. And you can have a new ran. Yeah less it wasn't it being haunted for your lack of generosity They are being haunted by the spirit of hungry children. What are they make? The playing out of the ghost of christmas future, for example, when everybody those great may do so. My thanks, but few, a stand been writer on this very podcast? Please welcome Johnson kaufman josie.

in studio allow. This is amazing. I feel that the energy at this table- this is great I don't know, I'm gonna get there. I do. I do feel the andrea soon I see him per se. Here yeah same written on the show is your first, I'm being on the show. Yeah I've been kind of like a voice in the back. Writing some of your best They found absolutely. If not the about some of the most well known, the most famous pipeline inquiries, a monologue lay yeah, you can say one Yeah, I mean all economic lines you love comes oh no you better, not that's gonna, my catchphrase, mercer yeah in the room to what What a lot of why? I think that its understanding, you know what I like now said now add also you also famously popularized this

oh yeah I this this yeah lake and now this I I can't even are an azure. Well, I'm kind of moving away from it. Y Y yeah, yeah, totally so josie. What is your ran fermented on I'm here to rent about something that I think could actually really bring us together, and that is James cordon phobia. I think we as a society need to overcome our james court phobia and first I want to clarify that in no way do I think that james cordon, the man needs my defence grech, easy, rich and powerful. Yes, he's totally rich and powerful was its performance in the movie musical cats, like so wretched that even andrew lloyd webber's, as you begged for it to be cut? Yes, that's true, that's a true fact: he did not want his scenes in the movie

physical. He thought that was the one thing keeping it from ascending the greatness and as a means to his wife and kids on planes. Probably I wasn't there my there. These rumours, yes, he's a rumours, and I can see that being true. We all deserve to see a movie musical and theatres othello James cordon jump scare, and we as a society. Also I get it. We hate the empowered theatre kid. We are an american society, Chad in a virgin, lindeman miranda's work. And we don't like air, we really don't like it. Isn't it Gordon's agent is just too good at getting him work best agent He is like that. That's not as well and is it is. It is felt that for some reason he does not want to spend any time at home with his wife and kids. It's not our problem. It may not be right, but it's not our problem. I don't really care about any of that. What I really care about is that the twenty eight team will be peter. Rabbit was really really good, and I can't talk about it with.

one because deems corners taught build, and no one saw other than me and my friend megan, who also thought it was good and ok. I see this like not very important to anyone but me, but James corden voices, Peter Abbott, in one of the best performances of James curran's career, because he can't see his face. He can't see his physicality. All you can see is kind of his pithy weightiness animated into a cgr rabbits body, who's very soft. He looks very soft. The hair technology in this movie is great in live action, talent, we're talking donald gleason and rose byrne, some of the most charm wow people. This is a cast acting in hollywood right now and they're doing physical comedy unseen. Since the days of the fifties of charlie chaplin and with this e g, I rabbit like donno gleason showed up to set acting with the tennis ball on a broom and he did a great job sharing or he steps in a bunch of

rakes and they'll had him in the face of that is exactly what I like about a comedy. It's really funny rose. Burners, delight see a voice. So horny hedgehog. All these things are true about this movie. It's so good, and I can't to anyone, because no one wanted to see it, because it's two hours of james cordon talking- and you know when I say this- I think- is James. Gordon backlash has gone too far- all right. I think people are piling on and I I think, a lot of people don't actually have an opinion about James now. I think- people have no interest in having an opinion or caring one way or another about james courting being in or not being in something. I think people chose him as an avatar. for their own, seven attic everyone wants, if you like, a jock hating on the guy who burst into a song and no one likes feeling prank by song and dance like the cinderella, video of him camilo, Kabila's singing and dancing in the streets of no one likes that no one wants that and say this about the james cordon

camilla cabello cinderella, which I found out very late in the game, was not a disney property but based on the original story so funny, which I love. That movie is not very good note and it does something that I find speaks to the kind of cultural rod of this era, which is sings a song about starting a small business, which is, if it's a million to one while never examining the consequences of living in a six society. When her success at being addressed, maker, as a one in a million shot, thereby implying that if she does in fact succeed, it becomes a dressmaker in this horrible world nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and eighty nine others will have to fail yeah so that she can be a million to one like the song should be. it shouldn't be a million to one. It should be three to was not very sad. It's a sad world, that's yeah! You think okay you're a dressmaker and how fine you did it, but the reason I raise it is because James Corden he's great as that little mouse, you think he's greatest

I think, he's great is the little house I'm already taken in my something else. The funny is part of that movie. They got a genuine laugh for me is a moment when James Gordon turns back from a person into a mouse, but it's not uniform its body first guide, I got that was fucking, o area. If you like that- and I think that you would not only like peter rabbit, love painter, rare logic is great, and into the woods when bad hours began, I'm sick of everybody attacking james cordon and enough thing cinderella movement reacted scary topic, which is these mice loved being people for a day and they are just as smart when they are mice in this movie. These intellectually king human minds are before and after trap, yeah in mouse,

and have different personalities. They could have written or world absolutely another trapped back there. It's the clock has yet it is indeed kafka kafkaesque. also. One more thing: I'd like to say is peter rabbit too was my first movie back in theatres after cobain and kept the original humor and the spirit and the wit alive. So it on netflix right now, peter rabbit to the runaway go see straight: twink dialogue, lease and acting his little heart out streaming b? before and James Gordon's gonna make you laugh with his ways. Acting is doing a very good job pay. Remember you you, when you can have you heard the backlash to the backlash James Gordon, where it began on that very episode. I'm starting a movement Josie figures about you for having me

he's a comedian, actor writer and producer. Please welcome Roy junior Roy thanks for being here yo. What is up This is my angry, now retired, a shit voice and honestly I am shaken. I like your voice, completely change. Before we started whatever you say goes from here on out. I was both serious. It had gravitas, it had depth, it had anger, but also disappointment, I had those emotions coming from places. Sincere, I don't know you know what the problem is. Anger, angers, misunderstood as an emotion, anger comes from a place of love. You think it's love. that you don't know how to properly express anger. Is their pete love. You think! That's why I drove my car, that rouse, because I thought just cause: I hated them. I think we got our whole as well, but that's a different situation, while begging

we're being around Bonn. I will throw it over to you when you get a rat about ay need to just take a moment. If we're just going to be honest on just how ungrateful you you can across Europe America's pay you for Americans. Let me tell you some also from alabama. Second touch you, americans you clap all of these gig carnegie people in twenty twenty, then you get there. Three ending in a couple build and story opening up again and now you're talking shit to one given them three stars bitch and cause they forgot just sauce, betcha by bringing you rahman, whatever the fuck, I bring you ve had what have you hate you take it? You have to understand that literally ten years, ago. This didn't exist really five! Six years ago, this concept of just hey stranger, bring

hitherto me some cheesecake factory and along the way, stop at seven eleven and get me too milky ways, and then you get mad cows. The accidently rabbit snickers. How dared you any body that is working in service of you does not deserve your shit, whatever they put in a bag. That's what god wanted you to have you have to learn to stop going against the cosmic forces of the world. I ordered, well bill one night and they brought me dominoes. I give him three stars. No because I care eight, that the two slices was missing, but still I ain't that dominoes. That's attach. You have to pay, stop giving shit to people no, all my overdrive didn't have the peppermint steadily bitch is called five fucking stars every goddamn time, five star, every time, although crowds out there,

man's ledge strangers in his car on a regular basis to take em where they want to go in your mad, because he did but the radio onto the bright channel union money is resolution, five stars and thirty percent tips for everybody calls like more. How do you feel about unsolicited christian music in a writer But that's not. My cup of tea depends on the left or the right, sometimes I'll make a phone call their turn the music. Now you just gotta, to yourself, you gotta, lotta Passiveaggressive, these people. You know I would imagine one day you could do is just say that you're more into the devil, and could you please turn it off right at work? I don't just dislike this, I'm opposite christian. I think it's evil and I worship the devil. So imagine if I play devil music, that's what your christian rockets to me just so you that's very new play. God is love and will protect you what

I hear is something far worse. I hear the devil I know if I'm the person to be given in car ride, share advice. My uber rating is a full point. Three and I don't know how that happened. Well, it's actually it's interesting to think about, because your whole vibe has been one of great support for the uber community and it sounds I get in the actual car. There are some challenges. The ever to vomit incidents since two thousand and eleven and it's hard to bounce back. And those violence. Yet I take it down a couple point: you you don't one one star via lucky: vomit you get one star then, if you clean it up, it should be two stars. I gave them fifty dollars on the spot and then he in fact still snitch hit me for the seventy five clean viii. That's thanks! Yeah result. You know I got a couple vomit america, so you know

One was me, the other was a guest. I don't want you to think that I'm just the one always doing this. You are a guest here. You are a guest in this car. How dare you I'm not running into a ralph's? I can see that judgment in your eyes with and respect for my take on puking. Is you gotta, like kind of roll down the window and like act like you're, just getting some air and do a kind of I would say I gotta, be gotta, be a kind of stealth. You gotta be like one of those you like one of those. You know one of those alien planes that that only the sixty minutes people saw like nobody's going to see it. Just like somebody walking by like Dennis puke out of the window that car nobody knows Smells like am I just yawning you don't know, see it If I'm going to puke out a window, I think I'm gonna be more proud about it and I think I'm going for ace, ventura heath ledger the dark knight, yup hair flowing out the back seat of a patrol car. Just like the retriever that has got rescued from a puppy mail, a goal the receiver outside for the first time in years. That's your

I've been here before you yeah. the all right we have one more rant and I'll just let you all know that I was not told us was happening. This was stealthily planned joining us now for rent rant on its highly keefer, our writer, a valley good. I do really stupid seated a weird distance, like I feel, weirdly close. You ok in these tracks, hives what I just know that what I to say you are girl like look you're. care very little zones. Can I have my doubts, John? I we ve heard before is it we are. I know it is as a whom good, ok, let's go, go. I've got people have said cognitive, zero rated. I instead will say they are actively ruining big goods. Ok,

take first, the brownie. For some reason we ve decided all bodies are now filled with dozens of hard wads of chocolate. So if you have any, they consider me up this is chocolate repel your bright down his sister, a layer of sediment. If you get a job edge of it, no yo keep making your point. Your point that chocolate chips are bad. Yes again it within the base. Good. If you want to eat a loose bag of chips. That's your that is where you stand over the kitchen sink in any or all good jobs or bad by only mean in terms of baking, is wild sentence. I'm some say if you would have Eminem, that ITALY, that has its own contacts to put us in a big good. I will move on turkey's you please do cookies are soft and delicious. I bite down into it and I find a globule of sugary sweet. Nothing has flavour. It ruins the begged good itself. We will you tell him that his consciousness you're doing about this. parents are not cried. She using their current. You want to cook

that you can kind of gum is basically what you're too I know I wouldn't be able to sink my teeth all the way through without them finding a hard resistance, repulsive it's about the texture job, that's what I'm saying so chips and crunchy able to celebrate now that the the idea that that's what you're going to offer me then, as they're crunchy popcorn, what did I say, we're talking about a programme to how we're talking, but that's a different situation. So you don't like dogs, you cookies. I dont know Well, here's another is right because, in order to calibrate for the chip, which is often very sweet, milk chocolate, which is the worst chocolate-

Sorry bright eyes. You have a good commissioner. It is true that gets up as you come so salty that if you get a bite without the right number target chips, ear, deceit and pure salt, I don't feel as though I should expel any of my precious time on this planet. The life force I try to bring into this show the the words that I can marshall to say any kind of a defence of the institution beloved institution of the child. a chip cookie. I am not saying that this is dispositive. I'm not even saying that this is logically important, but I will say it is a word I will understand either of those

with that. I know that I will say it is worth noting that when you, Google, cookie- which, why would I do that, I go ahead. Casino. You unilaterally is urging this late at night, your little lonely eaten it ships out of a bag. Jogged you cookie, is what comes up when you look for a cookie. Is the example of what a cookie is. It is the avatar for what a cookie is. Why not because people hate it, but because it is so beloved in so delicious and such a perfect delivery system for sweet and salty deliciousness that it has become what we think of when we think of cookies. This is a bit like saying I love catch up, but nothing that heinz makes at which I am sure is saying that someone could say tat. I may be kicked the fuck out of a studio causes nonsense. Could catch up is heinz hindoos catch up, and I hear my talking about I would argue sponsored by the hides corporate anything to resigns teresa heinz for all that she did in Two thousand and four effort to elect John Kerry, and I will always

member when she told the story about people standing up at a restaurant in georgetown dc applauding her husband after he lost. I think it is very telling that, in order to defend the cookie mine was go so wide next. You cited the history of the world in the country and what I am saying is simply a matter of course, and if you like, this If you like, I do like waiting into fighting essentially at a rock, you may have to hand rising, but you are describing a joyful experience in a negative way. You have invented something that is an experience. No one shares We have, we all know how much it sucks t jogged chip cookies. Am I right, ladies, what lady, in the rubble of grace of the edge to is that so if I am speaking into existence, a experience of the world it has never been expressed. For that. I am we're happy to share it with you that you might know the alternative, I'm just saying so. Can I just kind of the question? Absolutely you can estimate cause see what I've got more points, but go ahead

question, I'm going to I'm going to use in parts and- and I'm not asking. I want you to be honest. Alright, this is not to push us in one direction or the other, but it is a sincere question would at least admit here at this table that the chocolate chip cookie, even if it's wrong, even if you're completely right the fact that its terrible, but what I will do so far, yes, is the classic first option for cookies, right like if someone's gonna absolutely. I asked and that's entirely why? Why do we always hear that? And you know that if someone says hey, do you want a cookie? The most likely cookie they come back with is a chocolate chip is the most common cookie you can get basically anywhere. It is the example cookie if, let's say we live in your version of society in and they sent. I hope we don't. I really hope we don't, because I feel as though you're doing to baking like what the hearkening did chair iraqis, you're gonna have to go

we'll have more contexts. I haven't seen the movie and I tried to read the book and then there's swords in it, and I was like you're in space. I gotta stop you right. There can't get the swords or his base, though I don't don't mix up making is if we don't have the chocolate cookie anymore. What is the normal cookie? Is it oatmeal raisin? Is it sugar cookie? What is the first cookie that comes out in the cookie cookie world? What I'm seeing is in my fantasy of what the world could be. There is no hierarchy. We don't have to have the number one we don't have to have the leader of the pack they're all valuable, except, of course, the chocolate chip cookie and here's another problem, because bright is slacking me during this rant. So my point about the chocolate chip says that the cookie asking me to salty two thousand when you have a dark chocolate chip. The cookie is that very sweet, so that a reset your guy would, I get hold on a second hollow regarding its hold on a second.

that means we endorse lloyd's there, our chips designed for the baking, your cookies people, earth milk, chocolate chips- are a kind of bastard asean chocolate ships, at least only on that tool. House, yellow bag, semi sweet chocolate ships, they are designs, they are produced by the best minds and the boy I dont- we don't know that whose how do we get there I mean I am saying that the bag of chocolate chip said tal house produces is a product of generations of trial and error, creativity, testing failure, successful sales failed sales to reach the eye. deal chip, the yellow bag to house. More. So would we have this reputation? Oil? If I got a cookie, it's gimme chocolate chip. It actually drives down people's ability to judge a good chocolate chip cookie because, oh, what am I going to get that's the diff so it does not. It does not provide for questioning I got so open.

It is our produce them right here. I wonder you clear. Has declared himself eight shock that x, where that is fairly fruit, is its incitement chocolate. I mean what are you? Oh, my god, you have had your time. I am so you'll. Be really think. I would point out how, by about one ira, cookie mine, you are going to get this because you ever commit a crime. People like who sought this coming. This is going to be the moment ever was like. Oh yeah. There were red flags, they saw a little too far for the rack via lithuania have threatened I note your prisonment miles. I essentially to jail for this. I was never get. It will give you. Could you know? I'd be honest. I don't see that we are just about. I thing about this. Is that for you to say that giving people too many talks should cookies makes them unable to judge how could you cookies, actually quite the opposite, they're getting a lot of trial and error, they got a lot of public affairs, and that is how I like this cookie. I dont like this cookie. I, like semi, sweet bittersweet like dark. I like upwards of ninety percent objects, which they do make. Thank you, jerry delhi, to which I would say,

What, if you look at the expense of american gesine- and you say: oh yes, cairum, inheriting cuisine, oh yes, shopping trips in the popcorn, which discharge of salty glass thing right when I bought it from attaining I'm gonna give you the floor. I think I'm going to go ahead, yield the floor just to have two more boys, quick while building and just lucky case. You can't look, I feel like there's, probably just a settled sanctions between there was a younger, thinner, gay voice from the from new york or of any other day. Now, it's back to me, yet I think any other, italian wine when I brought this up before people say. Oh, you have read out the oven, to which I say: that's the one time it's a liquid chocolate, its it's my point. You read the oven, a hard not of chocolate.

and, of course, finally, and maybe bride's level of agar speaks to what I'm trying to get it as just as it has if the last year or two, the last six years as tight as anything just with something as wildly popular does not make a good effect, it might make it bad and that's it, and that thus ends my rant about chocolate. chip so cookies yet and it doesnt, I do go to jail. Please I'll show this of the court's conan for fear that it will lead to my conviction that whatever private make use of and whatever could me, we What is the ep has just committed it yet another you know. If not, then we know and I just want to say we are a lot of fun here today and I wanted to be a place where people can share even opinions that make someone comfortable cause, like I don't believe in kind oh culture there, I don't appreciate that. I think this has to be a place where people come in and speak their minds, even if it makes people anger even makes you upset, even if it's one of the stupidest fucking things Never in their whole life. Even if it is so fuckin tom that it makes you want-

tear out your hair. When you hear savings may have during this, when we won't hear it when you can hear it, because the point is so fuckin stupid and outrageous design, to elicit a response so ridiculous as it's hard to find the words to argue against it, because it defies every kind of common sense exe. Periods, understanding of the world literal human sensation. I want that to be something. People feel comfortable during an ideal, very much. I mean this would be the last time I do this red ever, but this was a good time for sure and also she's out each other to general how each other's right to get I gotta get out of here tone of the soldier recipe. People were, That was a lot of anger, but also a lot of love when we come back it's time for some dirt bag resolution. Don't go anywhere, love it or leave. It is more on the wet lubber leave it is.

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It works like say you go to berries once in a while say you have a trainer, and so I say go to the gym once a while. It works with everything else. You do so. The trainers like okay, the coach is like okay you're going to go. Do this today? That's fine, but go do this tomorrow. Also they just keep on you the whole time future great rapper for him to pivot. To this, as it is a panel, it's what's wonderful and I'm in futures doing this jump and stuff drake to imagine monthly. Fixed costs is the price of a single personal training session in the gym, but with future you get unlimited training and workouts with your very own elite coach, pushing your performance to the next level. If you are ready to invest in your long term, health and wellness. You can get started with your future coach right now with fifty per cent off your first three months at tri, future dot com. Slash leave it again: that's try future dot com, slash leave it rarely see future me a love or leave, it has brought, you buy, keep some resolutions are made to be broken, learning any language calling

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we all know the resolutions we make every year eat better call your sister dig up that body and tell the police so that that family can finally have closure. but we all know, you're never going to do that. So instead, this year, we are bringing you our dirt bag resolutions. These are the resolutions to be comfortable. Just doing what we want to do so without further ado. Here are this year's dirt bag resolutions and how a keeper ice is here with her durban resolution. I just want to say that I am committed to downloading tik tok again. Yes, I I we did thinking. I've got other things going on. It turns out. I don't and everyday I I opened my phone and I go as if to open it, and then I look at reels on instagram and it's just not no, it's nothing. It's um! Look. I don't think this is inappropriate

angie, but I'll say it anyway. Reels are methadone. Tiktok is the drug. Now that affects about that I'll. Tell ya it's instead on Does the new year's resolution man is to make sure that we take care of the people in the gig economy, the food trunks of people that are really out there, trying to help keep this country guy and on? If you single data truck driver they needed on that now, good. No, that's not a resolution for me and our relationship has again statues the pitch That is a good idea that your sharing yeah This issue will just swing by truck. Stop you know say I really got a really nice area. They got loose showers in a bag. You get to feel like this is turning a little criminal listing. I should probably step rovard junior thanks come on serbia to talk to you about your now jersey, Is your dirtbag resolution, my dirt? resolution is I'm going to make no effort to make my instagram explore tab any better.

right now, it only reflects my worst desires that tertiary. ass members of bachelor bachelor at so many times Do you shall a fan at its that I keep clicking on? I dont like them, but I do keep clicking on them, and so there sticking around forever. I'm a lot of those therapy. Ten post slides that are like why a crushing be toxic. I love clicking on those I'm going to make no effort for it to reflect more cultured or rich in our world. I love my garbage explore tab as it is whatever it turns out that to imitate shallow. Content is in ninety two. Ninety nine percent of explore caps I raise your hand in his studio. If intimidate does not appear in your explorer tab. Ok, it's not majority might be exactly half I'm going to say. We gotta be once mile hesitated Josie beggars

Why don't are having a alex? What is your dirt bag resolution? I'm gonna play more video games is here. I love you. I love I'm globally. Falling into becoming a gamer I'm an agenda. Finally, in cell space, by being a nice despite a girlfriend, by the way. That's what's going to solve the unsolved problem, because once a guy like me joins any movement, it's over like lil, NAS, X, antifa, anything that I you know I mean I didn't ruin anything by being a part of it. Yeah you're in fortnite, and somebody calls you a seaward and you're like I have a seaward for you. I care about you. I have a secret for you, corporate charity, yeah honestly, I I think that, like video game, not like fortnight but like the storytelling and video games is fantastic yeah, I think, haven't. I started playing applying like assassins breed alone in the pandemic and, unlike I, have been missing out on story.

that is as strong as any movie and with graphics that are vivid, I played castle wolfenstein. I got to kill myself a bunch of nazis very much enjoyed that and, as reported by daily routine, I should get up ice. Nazis for like twenty minutes and then You know immediately go back to what I was doing the night before another plan, I'm gonna play more video games. I wanna get more invested in videogame storytelling and find a small little. independent video games, that, like some guy in toronto slaved over for you know six years and it's just labor of love, I'm happy to give him a buck for it on the iphone start, letting I really want to get more to get him. Yes, Alex adelman everybody. Thank you. So much for joining us thanks guys What is your dirt bag resolution? I am going to start saying the stuff that I behind your back to your face nice again tomorrow is promised and you need to know say those things, everyone

tomorrow is not promise ethos, vienna, fingers and in a tub. we're getting them. You know yeah sharp. Thank you. So much of this great thanks for having me home what is your dirt back resolution? I still need a a lot. When I was a kid and then I was started reading like textbooks and then I just stopped reading. I'm to read again, but way that I don't worry. You know I mean like and unselfish way where I'm just having fine, it's as effective as television, but it's probably something I can talk about with people less. I just want to do selfish stations for me in that way, I'm a selfish reading fish reading suffers reading. What's rembrandt reading into like him, both saying on ad on social media that treated, I drops as self care. By automatic taken a moment for you and put in some I drops as we have lost. We have lost

anything bad moisturize you is considered so care like, even if you're just drinking it was like face mass? It was like You know skin care now it's like have a glass of water as a treat. That is what capitalism is offering us today and I for one love it now for a word from our sponsors are probably the Thank you and use. Our lives are at mercy. What is your dirt bag resolution. Ok, my terror resolution is too feel really good about procrastinating and being easy to take it, as a sign that psychologically or physically, I need to just chill out, cause. My procrastination it gets worse. worse and worse, like if I don't do it on monday, and it's due on friday. It'll just keep happening. So I'm just going to embrace and say: hey trust that the other part of your brain that you aren't

control of its work in this out. For you, I love that resolution. I think that's great advice. I have the same issue. I am a I'm actually, as we are doing this, I am also procrastinating. I'm act The army was actually in that meeting. I am in the midst of a very serious for day long now procrastination, I went to a meeting this morning with someone who expected something for me on Sunday. It is Wednesday and I and a message two minutes before the beginning of that meeting. Saying I'm sorry, because I knew I had to make eye contact with them. In the me I can't with this uncomfortable illness at the top and who's gonna put it fingers, are handling it right now. I can't do it. You know it's better to be late and do it well. Than to be rushed and on time and the thing babies crap. So like look watered down lines? Not only did they give you a deadline and then they don't even like need it for three weeks

film the arrival they had a whole different relationship. You bringing this thing Here's what I always say. Always this late, not if you set the pot sir. bladder user in gaol. I'm gonna tell you in the future that you didn't need this today. Ah, oh did you guys know that we're all gonna die soon chill out thank you so much for joining us so nice to meet you thanks for being here and having me this is fine. This is really fun. Thank you and that's our show. Thank you to Alex edelman marcy shara Roy wood, jr pull the canal and jocelyn kaufman chalet was sharp Elijah cone and how the key for we will be in your love it or leave it feeds on january fiftieth. Can we turn, wife and a happy goober three to those who celebrating

Rather, I believe it is a crooked media production. It is renewed produced by me, John love. It and the eyes in burke Henry James is our senior producer. Housekeeper is our head brighter johnson, kaufman, Pallaby denominate peter miller, are the writers are associate? Producer is brian seminal bill. Lances editor and kyle segment is our sound engineer. Our theme song is listening, performed by sure sure, thanks to our designer jesse Maclean and Marisa Meyer, for creating and running all over visuals, but you can't see because this is a pot cast and you are digital producers. Our marconi in and Milo came me a common and mad to group for filming and editing video each week, so you can either The third and I'm louis for top step aside, because I'm a real. The union has picked up this spring we are so excited the free for all new episodes of keep it where we explore the biggest and allowed us ways. Entertainment pop culture and politics collide catch up on our most recent air views with hollywood legends like Michel, yo, Judas and surely rough. On top of that we

time to chop it up with alexander scars guard cute and sugar and christian kenilworth. So join us for new episodes of our podcast. Keep it every wednesday. Listen wherever you get your podcasts