Modern love, the podcast is supported by produced by the island, W B war, Boston. from the New York Times and W B. You are Boston. This is modern stories of love, loss and redemption. I'm you host magnitude providing some, is our brief, the guy the gym, the girl on Twitter, your barista, but others are epic and take on a life of their own marina. Shivering writes about that kind of intense crush in her essay

life plan for two followed by one, it's red by Libya, Mun who stars in the predator in theatres now Kevin was everything and over wait. Ten year old girl could ever hoped for. In a man, his hair was the color of cheetahs and he was an incredible speller. It was decided. I was in love You live six houses down for me. He said making my heart turn inside out my family I just moved to Highland Park Illinois from Skokie Illinois, I know anyone here was this magnificent boy who actually had taken the time to calculate how many houses stood between.

I started to wonder if the glow from my wedding dress would make him look washed out soon after I began devising a plan in which Kevin and I would end up together forever. As all my notebook stated months of morning, strolls to the bus yielded a confession from Kevin. He had a crush on Caitlin who was thin blonde and cheery. My opposite. I didn't mind. I figured it would be healthy for us to see other people before we spent the rest of our lives. Together. When he asked me whom I liked I panicked.

I wasn't ready to reveal my plan, so I made a promise. I tell him every one I'd ever liked on my sixteenth birthday. It worked. He went back to lusting, Caitlin and I went back to picking out names for our children. on my sixteenth birthday Kevin who, by then had moved on crush wise to Hayley, was waiting in my driveway Admitting to your best friend that you have liked him for the entirety of your friendship is a

as accurate awkward as getting a bikini wax from your dentist. I could have lied, but Kevin had developed this annoying habit of reading my thoughts. Finally, I worked up the courage to tell him the truth. I'd had a crush on him for a few years, but was totally over it totally. He took them. It as any scrawny pale high school boy would buy triumphantly leaning back in his chair like a champion. I began to worry about the plan and our future together, not knowing That, a few months later, we would encounter our largest obstacle. Yet surprisingly, our relationship, how to change. Much after my confession about.

Four years earlier, we had started at your and where we would shoot hoops at one of our houses until it was time for dinner. Very nineteen, have any of us, even though it was really the late nineties and one night, a few months after I had partly professed my love, we decided to just sit and talk. Lament how high school was half over and neither of us had received our first kiss ten minutes later. I was wiping slobber from my double chin. Shocked at How easy that was the plan. was progressing much fat it than I had imagined a couple of months after our first Kevin asked me to come over because he had something to tell me. I grabbed my best in Greece greased my lips with lip mackerel doktor, DR pepper flavor. As I passed the fourth house, my stomach sink I realized Kevin was

to ask me out- and I was to have to say no, it was too early I knew we had to wait until after college, so both of us could get good at sex. That's what college is for right when I arrived, he was already shooting hopes The ball around until I was ready to explain, why we had to wait before we became girlfriend boyfriend. So I have a girlfriend Kevin said interrupting my thoughts. I was stunned that's so great. I yelled over my shoulder My mom said I need to be home to help with dinner and clean. My room, okay by their relationship, went strong for the first year and even stronger. For the second

I began to lose faith in the plan, then Kevin's first girlfriend cheated on him during our senior year spring break. as soon as I heard the news. I skipped up his driveway with a a ball under my arm it. Wasn't until I saw how devastated he was that I decided to focus my energy on putting him back together. before I could even get excited about the possibility of taking her place. College entered the picture and with it came our largest speed bump I was moving to Missouri and Kevin was staying in Illinois.

He came over the morning. I was leaving from Missouri I had promised he would be the last person I said goodbye to before I left. He cried and I made fun of him. Then we sat in my driveway dreading the fact that we went live six houses away from each other anymore, thanks to the wonders of twenty, century technology, we stayed close, but it wasn't until our junior year that the plan started up again. I was going through my latest breakup when Kevin suggested. I come visit him approximately five seconds after he suggested it. hopped into my car and made these seven hour track to Chicago I remember scanning the disgusting walls of his frat house as I swirled the contents of my red Solo CUP, somewhere between the last drink and his morning. Alarm

Kevin and I moved into the final phase of my plan. We slept together, For some reason, though, it ended up feeling more like a goodbye than a hello. The next morning we gave each other a confused embrace before I walked my car with what felt like one of the worst hangovers of my life. the cold to cargo air rip tears from my eyes as I slammed my car door and checked my phone, a text from Kevin. When do you want to talk about this? I wasn't hung over. I was heartbroken. I sat in my car

sobbed later that weak Kevin told me. He valued our friendship too much to take the risk of dating. I told him I totally agreed totally yet. I still wasn't quite ready to abandon the plan if I've learned anything during the approximately twenty seven times. I ve ass, when Harry met Sally, is that you need to ignore your best friend for a month, and in that time he will realize, he's in love with you and will come charging back into your life at the first available opportunity. So I ignored Kevin. x and calls patiently waiting for him to realize. We really were supposed to be together. when I was back home for New year's, I made sure every status advertise my whereabouts for the night

How else was he going to burst in at midnight to tell me he couldn't live without me, spoiler alert hated it the I decided to move to New York where twentysomethings, who knows longer believe in love, go to pursue more Hannibal goals like being a stand up. Comic One day I awoke to an email from my parents, the best while hoop in my front yard, had been knocked over during a storm and they decided to remove it completely. I took this as a sign to officially abandoned the play. this time. I cut Kevin out of my life completely and began to focus on more important things. Like my blossoming waitressing career years later, I was surprised to find myself sitting in a booth across from and in Highland Park he held my hands as I cried over all the time we lost, while

was too busy, ignoring his apologies and refusing his friendship. I asked if he could forgive me for trying to push him out of my life and he responded with I'm just glad there isn't a red headed to your old sitting. Next to you, we were going to be ok with that. I returned to the city or homeless. Dreamers rub elbows with the door

worse with homes, hopeful that our union would repair what had been lost slowly. We began talking again and keeping track of each other's lies. Our conversations were different now that I had given up these self consciousness that plagues girls who have fallen in love. A couple of months ago, I was crashing at my parents house, before moving out of the country. Kevin came over for quick goodbye before heading to work. He got out of his car and gave me a hug. Why do you have to move so far away from me? He asked, as our chins wrapped around each other show

is my heart once again turned inside out. I am no longer in love with Kevin, but I love him two letters, big difference. I love him when he has girlfriends and I have my friends I love him when he makes me laugh and when he makes me cry I love him when he says goodbye and when he says hello, I love him when he knows my thoughts and even when he doesn't. I know he will always be there, no matter how hard I try to get rid of him. The plan had totally

totally. that's a Livia Mun Reading, Marina she friends, peace, a lifeline for two followed by one will catch up with. Irina and Kevin after the break.

I love allowing my boyfriend and I often play falling, be together by together. I mean sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up scowling d- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed inferring It may have happened again today. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous that I sent it to my parents or something like that was my dad. It was the first time together and I was out. I think I got to see it J C K, P, o Jack jackpot panic yeah. nice, I'm same as earth's sky, the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all our games at N Y Times dot com, slash games. When we read this,

story. We had a lot of questions for Marina, but we also wondered what did everything look like from Kevin's perspective, so we invited both of them to join us and Kevin brought us back the first day they met with an entry from the diary he kept back and forth grade. May sixth, one thousand nine hundred and ninety eight, a new girl joins Name Marina she's at my bus stop and is in MRS Widens class she's kind, nine ice t Kevin says that, twenty years later, his friendship with Marina is still going strong and he told us what it was like to read the essay she'd written about their relationship. The first time. I read it. It was kind of emotional emotional. I I didn't know exactly how she was going to end it. I just kind of figured there was a few different rise to go and I dunno? I got a little emotional. I thought it was really cute the way that she spun our tail.

Let you know I got asked a lot at the time about it and I gave him a shot like it's just incredible writings. You know, regardless of my my first reaction everytime, I read. It was just how good the story it was for Marina publishing this peace was a bit terrifying. She says it felt like someone had put her diary entry on every locker in the high school, but the reaction she got from readers wasn't exactly what she'd expected after the story was published. I was surprised I'm with how many people were rooting for us to get together, and it was so weird because for so many years I was the only person, rooting for us and then this article came out and all of these people are emailing me and I think Kevin got a little bit of it just being like were you doing ask her out, and we were so far past that time a little bit of it. I still get it and my first reaction when people said that was like I'm like well didn't

read the story, you know what the way I read it and, of course, I'm biased. If you read it that way, you say: okay, they're, just really really close friends and they had different views of each other. In this way in this is how it turned out. Its has actually kind of nice. Sweet ended in and just Abby said. That was a. for a lot of people. Certainly my life I think Marina can attest to my mom was one of those people who read it and was kind of wondering what could have been. I love Kevin to death, but like we Like all the opposite things- and he like drive me crazy, but not an acute and fun way like in Bonn, strangle him in his sleep sometime so yeah and nobody like we got on each other's nerves, but it wasn't like all that so cute, they kind of rile each other. Up, Yeah Kevin doesn't like chocolate, so that's pretty. The only thing I need to say Marina says that she has one piece of advice for people who were in the friend zone. I want anyone whose

in the friend zone to break out of it by telling they are crushed that they have a crash and they'd like to date, because I think a lot of people in the friends own just accept that that's where they live and they never go up to the person and say I like you. I think we would make a great couple. Do you on a date me with is kind of psychotic to say, but very effective in finding out and not wasting a lot of years and tears over a relationship. That's not meant to be and letting go of her crush, helped Marina, find the person she says she is meant to be. With someone she met Through Kevin, when she was doing stand up at a Chicago bar, so I just bombed- and I remember Kevin- was there with a fraternity brother name SAM and I knew of SAM. He had always been in Kevin's life and they had been roommates at one point in

I remember being mad at Kevin for bringing of really cute guy to my horrible shell and then a yeah a few weeks after that Kevin brought SAM to another show and then eventually SAM started coming on his own and then SAM and I went on a few dates and then we got married last week. I skipped a lot, but the timing is there. Kevin gave a speech at Marine, his wedding. He read it for us and here's a bit from the end of no marina. For twenty years. I've never seen her happier have known SAM for twelve years. I've never seen him happier when two people who you love individually, fall in love with each other. Well, that's the dream right. I cannot take all the credit, but I'm happy to take a little Robin these two goofballs find each other to salmon, Marina or Marina and SAM hey. That was so great. I almost cry that was even better the second time

as for how this essay fits into marinas relationship with SAM well, the piece is Framed and hanging in a closet in their home, I don't want to go to walk in and see me just framing like every magazine clipping and all that kind of stuff, but I do have Marina closet and my dad went in there. It's where my recycling is very glamorous to was Something any saw the article and my dad was like SAM, the strong man. I would not allow my wife hang up a story about another man and under my roof, because my dad's, like this conservative, russian man and I thought very funny, but I always appreciate when people see that it's it's a story about love in its light and awkward and and funny and and sweet, and I really appreciate people who can see it for what it is: That's Marina, Schifrin and Kevin fish. Beam Kevin is a sports writer for the athletic Chicago and he recently got engaged

Marina, is a comedy writer, who's written for comedy, central and NBC. She just published a book of comedic essays thirty before thirty, how I made a mess of my twenties and you can too it's about her attempt to accomplish thirty life goals. Before turning thirty we've got more, after the break. I love spelling bee my boyfriend and I often play spelling bee together by together I mean sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed. Sorry,

it may have happened again. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous that I sent it to my parents, or something like that was my dad was the first time together and I was out. I think I got it, see it J C K, p o t jack, yeah yeah. Nice I'm same is risky the digital positive for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all our games at an why times, dot com, flash games, here's Daniel do editor of the modern love column for the New York Times. Pretty rarely do not love essays cover so much time in fifteen hundred words to be able to start off in childhood and wind up in adulthood and cover everything in between is pretty hard to do, without just

Rising everything but Marina Story, and on that arc of history from childhood to adulthood and what I love about the pieces. How sort of a lesson on the enduring nature of love and friendship that veers into romantic love, which is it work is normally fatal for the friendship but then pulled back out of that again and it sort of the sweet meant it on who we keep in our lives over time, no matter what and what What kind of love that is? and here's Olivia Munn things. I lived about this with that everybody, hopes and dreams and a lot of energy into hoping work out a certain way and, as we all know, in life, things don't always work out the way that we always hope or plan for

but the one thing you can control is who you are and how you see life and had a really great positivity at the end and she's, maintain his friendship and she's allowed it. Grow and change as she's grown and change, and I think that's a great lesson for anyone to learn. The again to Olivia for reading this week's essay Stores in the predator and it's in theaters now next week, Rita Wilson, my best friend since childhood, wound up back on the oncology unit. For her third relapse, I decided it was time to start online dating.

I knew from Nancy's prior hospitalizations that talking about lymphoma and pet scans was not her idea of fun. A far better entertainment would be for me to get on matters come, so we get hang out together on her hospital bed. Scrolling through potential dates modern love. Is the production of the New York Times, and that will you be? You are Boston NPR station its produced, directed an editor I just got Albert Caitlin, O Keefe and John Parodi original score and sound design by Matt Reed for the modern love podcast was conceived by these atonement. Iris abbot executive producer Daniel Jones is the editor. Of modern love for the New York Times and adviser to the show music for the plug cast courtesy of appeals,

I'm making Chakrabarti see you next week. the.