Modern love the pod cast supported by produced by the island at W B. You are faster. Oh the from the New York Times and W B, where Boston this is modern, the stories of love loss and redemption. I'm your host magnet Chakrabarti, the forbids a verrecchia. The perfect man is sweet, smart, sensitive and can feed her carb addiction. She wrote about someone she thought checked all those boxes in her essay boy, what a fabulous baker it's red Abbi Jacobson, who stars in broad city and who you can

now in the drama, six balloons on Netflix the two loaves of bread caught my eye. Then I noticed the man in the goofy hat holding them in his profile picture. He looked like a carpenter or shipbuilder someone who should always wear flannel a man with broad shoulders and a beard perfect for catching crumbs. I swiped right. We matched scanning is Instagram. I realized he made food for a living. His feed feature croissants the size of a huge head zucchini, lasagna, coconut donuts, cauliflower, pizza and bacon and egg pasta as it turned out. His bakery was within walking distance from my apartment, so I decided to go check it and him out. Meeting the baker in person on my own secretive terms, seems safe,

well showing up for a potentially horrible blind date, and if there is no spark at least said, go home with something yummy for lunch. So one hot Sunday morning I went deep into Brooklyn, passing factories and rickety buildings with garages. Big enough to hold bulldozers Looking at my map, wondering if I was on the right street, then I saw the sign. I had expected your typical hipster bakery with exposed filament light bulbs and a five cold brew, but his bakery seemed more like a scientist's lab. The space was enormous

Hi ceilings and the air was chalky. With flour dust, the Baker was in the back wearing an apron covered in flower. We caught eyes immediately. He put down the bride, he was tossing and ass. If I needed help, I have found that the longer you date, the more people, start to remind you of people. You ve already debated. This baker, however, was unlike any man. I'd ever met. His forms were sinewy with muscles threaded together, like the twisted hollow bred in his photos. after I asked him what they had. He began to talk about the bread. I grew up in a blue collar, Ohio town. Where bread comes in two flavors white and brown. I couldn't keep up with all the details. He provided about grains

I'm not shy, but being around two made me feel as if I were under water. I kept my eyes focused on the loaves in front of me and finally, ass, which bread he preferred. Oh, he said hesitating. That's like picking a favorite child. He picked. if a sharp knife and like Zorro sliced off a generous piece handing it to me my crush, was born. I began following his bakery on Instagram to see what it had that day. The experience mimicked everything I loved about living in Europe, going to the bakery for bread and pastries that have been baked hours or minutes before talking to the people who made them once I decided to eat one of the bakers, bad get straight from the bag. The way everyone does

in France. The first bite was so tasty. I actually muttered an expletive from my friends, soon knew all about my crush on the Baker and his bread, how's it going with Baker. Boy they'd ask I love this guy for you, I kept hoping the Baker would ask me out, but he wasn't doing so. Finally, it occurred to me that if I really wanted to go out with him, I should just ask him, but how I had lived most of my life waiting for men to make the first move now in my mid thirties, I'd get that ask a man on a date in person and sober at least, and everyone seemed to have an opinion on whether girls should ask out boys. Men thought it was an excellent night. Yan urged me on guaranteeing the Baker would say. Yes, they walk me through strategies and role played.

Some women thought so too, but others tried to dissuade me with advice like I. Wouldn't he probably has no trouble getting a date until then. I had never thought about the courage. It must take for men to ask out women Technology and acts have made rejection less personal, but also at times crueler vanishing peep onto the ether without explanation or apology, but my fabulous baker boy was no longer just a J peg. He was acute woods Egon. I who made really good shabbat or if I asked him out- and he turned me down I'd- be too embarrassed to see him again, which presented a bigger problem. Where would I get my bread? I had plenty of chances to ask him out that summer, but succumb to my insecurity. Every time. One day a friend made me go back into the bakery minutes. After I had left, To get her a loaf of bread and chat him up to know how psycho that's going to look, I asked I was

in their eyes here she said, go by the I returned the baker and his team were eating lunch. I'm back I announced to the room. All looked at me as if I were crazy, but the baker got up from his seat and said it's a good thing. I walked out with two loaves of bread, a bagel and a cookie, but no day the more I thought about how react the more nervous I became it was like kneading bread. If you work it too much you mess it up. The trick is in knowing when to stop. That moment arrived at the end of the summer. When I decided to move to a different neighborhood knowing I wouldn't make the truck back to the bakery every weekend and decided it was time

I walked in on a rainy Sunday morning, bad for business but perfect for asking out unsuspecting men. When you don't want an audience, Hmm wearing red and white striped socks, the Baker greeted me with a smile and said they had a couple of specials, a kale vegetable stew and butternut squash donuts have both he said, will bring them to you as courses. A few moments later, the Baker emerge with a generous portion of warm soup served in elegant China with a slice of his signature, bread, my heart, leapt a little when I saw the he greeted cheese on top. He checked in on me half way through to ask if everything was ok, I was feeling

Under that morning, from too many drinks the night before- and I mention that his soup- it helped my headache- go away. You're hung over, he asked he rushed off and returned with a great fruit, flavoured fizzy beer sang. It would make me feel better. It did a half hour later there wasn't a crumb or had dropped left in my ball. I was stuffed, but then the donut appeared. So I told my stomach to make room donna was so big. I needed a knife and fork to tackle it. I could have second guess myself all day, but I eventual got up and approached the baker who was alone at the counter. I knew if I didn't ask him out the end. I would always be now just as I was about to speak. He turned on the blender. Ireland by its war. All I could do was laugh when he took my plane. I thanked him for great meal and I took a deep breath and said

Do you want to hang out sometime. relief, set in as soon as I heard, the sound of my own words so much so that I wish I had just done it sooner. He stared at me flustered and confused. We could talk about bread or something I added at that. His face softened I'd be up for that. He said do you have a card? I pulled one from my wallet and slid it across the counter I'll text you he said as I left. My adrenaline high was, unlike anything I had ever felt, not only because he had said yes, but also because I had asked for something I really wanted later that day. However, I found myself back in familiar territory watching my phone waiting for a text friend said he had several days, never occurred to me that

might not tax that all. I had this romantic idea that if I were able to summon the courage to ask him out, he text me back and we'd go out because it's the grand gesture works. Isn't it you take a lead and get rewarded for it What I had somehow missed in my middle school nervousness is that the grandness of my sure was known to me alone. He had no idea All he knew was some girl had asked if he wanted to hang out and talk about bread one day pass and two after a week, I checked the bakeries Instagram account to see if he was still alive. He was all I had been getting was really get customer service.

That and the lesson and love- that's Abbe, Jacobson reading, Betsy, Rakkeed essay boy, what a fabulous baker we'll catch, with Betsy after the break. I love spelling my boyfriend and I often play spelling bee together. By together I mean sitting Tacs,

we each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed it may have happened again. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was get nervous. I sent it to my parents or something like that me and my dad. We like to play spy together and I wish her out. I it J see, K, P, o t yeah now run. Nice I'm same as earth's sky, the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at N Y Times dot com, slash games, Betsy Variety says she in the Baker haven't talked since she asked him out after he goes to her. She

started buying her bread somewhere else, but she says she still misses the bakery. Vegetarian, so my diet is basically bread, cheese and wine. I would walk back to my apartment with like a bag full of chi about of begets cookies, and I was set for the week was great. I remember him saying something like he could eat an entire loaf of bread in a day, and that was just the biggest turn on for me. So yeah it was a great bakery. He was very talented wherever he is. I hope he's still that's one. That's he says she in the baker met not long after she got divorced when she was just getting back into dating. I met wicker boy when my life was pretty messy when I swiped him on I thought you know what I'm just going to go there and see what happens so. Bigger boy was sort of

for foray into how complicated dating was going to be dating still complicated for Betsy who's. Now, thirty seven doesn't like apps, but she's gone on some days with people that she's met in real life and she says she did learn some from asking the Baker out. Anyone who gets divorced and has to start over, they have to answer the question. What is my life? it's going to be like now, and who am I going to be an I realize that I didn't want to be the girl who sat there and waited at the table for the boy to ask like if he wasn't gonna ask me I was gonna, ask him because I wanted an answer. I think he was alive all shell shocked in a little surprised, and I felt a little bad in the moment. I know that definitely took him by surprise, and I think, if I did it again, I would tee it up. Little better, but I don't

and I realized that I was the type of person to take these kinds of risks and it felt great. Betsy has taken other risks to after her essay came out. She left New York City and move to hand over New Hampshire where she's working on a collection of s I totally different person than I was when I met husband and when I got married you know it's it's crazy, but I I I like who I'm becoming

and we'll have more from Abbi Jacobson after the break the I love spelling my boyfriend and I often play spelling bee together by together. I mean sitting next to each other. Individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed inside they may have happened again to. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words, then I always get nervous. I sent it to my parents or something like that

me and my dad. We like to play spy together, and I wish her out. I it j see, K, P, o t yeah right, nice I'm same as earth's sky, the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at N Y Times dot com, slash games, here's Abbi Jacobson that totally relate to asking people out and having a muster that courage to to ask someone out is so scary

and I felt for her- I wanted to have wanted her so badly to you know for him to say yes, but I think it's more important that she got the courage to to put herself out there in that way. I'm not one for waiting for things to happen to you, I'm sure I tend to try my best to go after the things I want Syre it, really related to her and felt for her. In this moment, the thanks again to Abby for reading this week's essay, you can see her in six balloons on Netflix and in broad city on comedy central. The day, Well, Jones is the editor of the modern love column for the New York Times. He says that Betsy's as it gets at an important question. Where do we get the bravery to make, cells vulnerable over and over

see in people stories that- some outside event like moving That is what allows you to finally make your move. And ask someone out, because you feel like the clock, taking and it's now or never and in this case. She needs that she needs that endpoint to feel brave enough to ask, and that is just such a common thing. If we're shy and we're afraid we need to get our bravery for some outside. Like deadline, that's forced upon us. the next week, Linda Carter Leni, it's clear, we're meant to be together, he insisted but I've already been called to be a monk. Maybe this is God

way of telling you that you should be a nun after all. But if there is anything that I was certain of now, it was that I was not meant to be a nun Modern love is the production of the New York Times and W B you are fast and NPR station. Its produced directly and edited by Jessica Albert John Prodi, Caitlin O Keefe and am receive it. Sound design by Matt read the idea for the modern love podcast was conceived by LISA Tobin. Where's Adler, as our executive producer, Daniel Jones, is the editor of modern love for the New York Times and adviser to the show music for the past courtesy of APL, magnet offer birdie scene The.

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