Modern love. The pod cast a supported by before the work messages begin to pour in, let's gift ourselves a good morning, a good morning as a moment to pause and ease into the day. It's meant to run and chased. The sunrise or its gently settlement The routine a good morning, is a moment to be present to find clarity and be grounded for the day ahead. Good days start with good mornings and good mornings start with Yogi Tea Yogi tea tease me to do

more than just tastes. Good, oh from the New York Times and WB, you are Boston. This is modern. The stories of love loss and redemption, I'm your host magnetic regarding the baggage. We all have it to some extent, but we do. I usually unpack it on a first date Jillian Lauren- found herself without much of a choice, but where things went from there took her by surprise, Taylor, Schilling best known as Piper Chapman on the Netflix Series Orange is the new black reads: Julian's essay finding marriage without losing a self, when I met

I thought I was somewhere between the before and after picture. in a no man's land called cosmetology school. We went on our first on a balmy night in the early fall of two thousand and three I had met him the week before at a bowling party and he'd asked me what I did. I go to beauty school beauty. School is hot. He said Beauty school is not hot, I said. Anyone who thinks beauty school is hot is a pervert. Scott was not deterred. I'll show you, he said a pick, you up the beauty school and take you to norms norms as a kid you diner frequented by the sea

citizen population of West Hollywood, along with the occasional rock musician. Looking for a nostalgic breakfast Scott who plays bass for the band Weezer was the latter. The invitation to a dated norms was a nod to Frankie Avalon version of beauty. School Scott saw beauty School as some kind of holding pen for gum, cracking bad girls, who were a lot of eyeliner and had recently dropped out of high school, which was not exactly accurate. In my case, I was just desperately trying to find a career that would pay my rent, lend some stability to my days and maybe afford me some time to write in the evenings. I had only recently managed to escape the black hole of heroin addiction I was in

entirely surprised to still be alive and even more surprised to find that I was nearly thirty years old, so beauty school in my opinion, was not hot beauty. School was humiliating beauty. School was penance. I definitely didn't want any cute guys popping by to see me doing. Roller sets in my regulation. White smock. On the other hand, I have been Fool to say no to the most interesting date offered that I'd had in a long while Scott arrive promptly at five p m.

and waited while I punch the time part before a sharing me out the door and shiny green Crown Victoria. The start of the date was flawless. He opened every door, he was inquisitive and polite and I felt in my god he was the rarest of things, a nice guy. Moreover, he was my kind of nice guy, a blue collar musician with tattooed arms and a gold. Glinted when he smiled and me what was I I wasn't even sure yet. So I wore a dress that I hoped would compensate for my lack of other redeeming qualities, and I prayed that the past wouldn't come up before he had a chance to get to know me

And the we made small talk in the car Then, as soon as we were seated in our two top booth and had ordered our sodas Scott looked across the table and said so, I heard you were a slave in Asia. Is that true? So much for getting to know me first. where did you hear that my friend Dan Saad on some heed? True Hollywood story? He said they blurt out your eyes in the picture, but it was definitely you. It was true. I hadn't, given the show the picture, but I couldn't deny it with

Well, I wouldn't exactly use the word slave and so at the start, our very first date. It all came, spilling out My teenage years is a strip or in New York. My failed attempts at being an actress. The escort work, the years spent as a quasi prostitute and South EAST Asia. My inability to make a clean break from the industry, my addiction, my endless attempts to change the car crashes three Hap's. My experience was that men generally thought up

like mine, granted them permission to objectify me. I had seen it a hundred times. The moment I listed the catalog of my indiscretions. I automatically dropped a few pegs in class brains and general worth. Time and again I had watched the relief and men's eyes as they realized they weren't obligated to summon their liberal arts college sensitivity. Training in an attempt to respect me. Scott was different. You know when I said beauty school was hot. I was just playing with you. He said. I know that place is crappy in mind numbing, and I think that it's great you do it anyway. I think you've got guts for trying to change your life. I should probably marry this guy. I thought.

About a year later, after one road trip with him to sell on jobs, three rock tours and the decision that graduate school was more suited to my talents than beauty school. I decided. I do exactly that, and marrying would be the ultimate demonstration of how I would turn my life around right. With my wedding, I would get the opportunity to costume and set dress the climactic scene to my very own.

Redemption tale. I felt an enormous amount of pressure to demonstrate to everyone. I knew every one who had seen me so broken that I was fine now, in fact, I was better than fine. I was loved. I poured over bridle magazines, I contacted friends who knew forests. I scouted for locations and settled on a grassy field in front of a shrine that held Andy's ashes A stone's throw from the majestic Pacific Ocean, I was determined to design a picture perfect final shot for my movie. Between filling out graduate school applications. I feel it

I from my mother about the items on the wedding registry. I had just completed at Bloomingdale's honey. She said I was looking through your registry and I have a few thoughts. Do you have a pen of all you only registered for sex logs, and that isn't nearly enough. You need at least eight months because monks, chip and mine, thought is that the do value picked might not be practical. I took a may logs and I tried to shake the creeping feeling that this wedding inspired in others. The assumption that I had officially join them fold no surprise, as I had allowed myself to entertain the same assumption.

With my readmission to polite society, I had implicitly disowned the girl with the sweaty crumpled cash in her pocket The girl, in long sleeves, standing on a downtown corner in the middle of the LOS Angeles summer and who cared if that girl that huge part of me was cast aside. She was a disaster of epic proportions anyway, then again, that disaster had walked her. Self, into detox sweated through the sleepless nights and somehow found a scrap of faith to cling to. even when there was no evidence to support such an act of hope. I understand why redemption stories ended happily, ever after wants to see a married, so

Bing Beauty staring out the castle window and wondering if volunteering with habitat for humanity might fill that void, where she once had a sense of purpose. You know back when snagging, the prince and circumventing that pesky curse was all she had to think about, but in my fairy tale what it took for me to change, wasn't one big vow made it one climactic moment, but a series of small and consistent daily decisions to behave in a more loving way towards myself. My middle class. Jewish relatives wanted to nominate Scott for sainthood. If such a thing were possible in Judaism, because who else? But a saint would proudly take a tattooed ex junkie, Ex prostitute home to mom and brag about her veggie stir fry.

with each loaded. You are so lucky Scott is such a great guy comment. I felt a little more of myself dissolve when I stood in front of the mirror. While my mother took a picture of me in a stunning off white, silk, Monique Lhuillier, a wedding dress, I felt a tightening in my chest and tears. Pressing hot from behind Eyes I wasn't crying from overwhelming joy. I realized I was crying from loss. So not long after when I learned that Scott's band had turned down a lucrative festival show because of our wedding date, I suddenly said call them back and tell them to book it I love weddings, but my gut was telling me that I didn't want a big wedding,

This kind of ceremony wasn't me or us at least not now, so I bagged it expensive, new dress and all instead I borrowed of friends, dress and Scott, and I got married alone on a deserted beach in Kuwait during a half cloudy, but still glorious sunset, our wedding perfectly represented where we were at the time, not at a happy ending, but at a quarter and hopeful beginning Taylor, Schilling, reading, Julien, Laurens Essay, finding marriage without losing herself.

It's been seven years since Julian's essay was published, will catch up with her after the break car max gives you the freedom to shop. However, you, like you, can shop for a car online and on the lot once you find the right car you can buy. However, you want buy online and get home delivery in select markets or by our mine entries express pick up at car max and no matter how you, by your car, comes with a thirty day. Money back guarantee up to fifteen hundred miles, learn more and start shopping at car, MAX Dotcom Car MAX Carbine re imagined. I landfilling my boyfriend and I often lay following these together by together

I've been sitting next to each other of playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own- I feel a little betrayed inside. they may have happened again to I. Have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was get nervous. I sent it to my parents or something like that me and my dad. We like a sponge together- and I wish to out I it said a c k, p, o t Yeah now run nice, I'm same as ascii. The digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at annoying times dot com, flash games, we're back its modern love, the pod guest, a magnet Accra,

the Jillian Lauren calls herself a compulsive over sharer, but she admits it this modern love essay published, was scary. I was new writing about my life and I had all those fears. I think many people have when they do that, which is whose feelings am I going to hurt? My parents are going to be so embarrassed cause, I admit a lot, things that I think we get told were supposed to be ashamed of and what I found was that by letting myself be known, that I got much more support and sense of connectedness with the world around me, Julian, opened up even more about her time in Brunei, harem in her two thousand and ten memoir some girls. So what did her parents think of her sharing this story with world. There are really angry. There are really hurts,

and over the years they have become really proud, and we've been able to talk about stuff that really was swept under the rug before they still are not wild about this essay, but they do love my most recent memoir and we wouldn't have and to this point, if we hadn't been willing to disagree and go through the hard stuff, that most recent memoir came out in two thousand fourteen. It's called everything you ever wanted and it focuses on the next chapter in Jillian and Scott's relationship, starting of I always knew I wanted to be a parent, and the same is true of my husband, and it was a bumpy road for a long time. Now we couldn't get pregnant, we went through all sorts of Berlin.

become medical intervention and Shaw men and hit an hour acupuncture. You name it everything and I could not have anticipated the road in front of us that road led to the adoption of their two sons: the first Terek who an infant from a few Pierre, the second Jovi a three year old from the foster care system in LOS Angeles who joined their family last year. Both sons have special. Ids. We like to say that parenting special needs is like extreme living two point: we have these wild younger lives that you would never guess, but it's never boring a guy Add that that is what I want on my headstone. Never boring were people who really thrive under pressure, and we knew that adopting an older child out of the foster care system was going to be

We felt like well who, who better than has us we know that we're going to no, how to do everything, but we pretty sure we can you're in a hot somehow, Julian and Scott have been married for nearly twelve years now they live in LOS Angeles, with their two boys. My life is not at all the life. I thought I signed up for the glamorous life of marrying a rock star. thought I was getting. You know the perfect family right away, but it's much better. the coming up Taylor Schilling on Julian story.

this podcast is supported by the new Showtime original documentary, Cypress Hill insane in the brain part of Showtime's hip hop fifty cell, station Grammy, nominated group, Cypress Hills, unique ability to blend hip, hop and rock had icons from all over the map, praising them as profits of the legal weed movement, Cypress Hill defied the stigma of the nineties and cemented their legacy as hip hop superstars Cypress Hill. In in the brain premiering, this four hundred and twenty only on Showtime, I love spelling, be my boyfriend and I often play spelling bee together by together. I mean sitting next to each other play individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed It may have happened again. I have one friend HU. I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was getting nervous. I sent it to my parents or something like that.

me, and my dad we like to play together and I wish Cutler out- I it see, K, P, o t Jack Jack Yeah right I'm same as their escape, the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all our games at an why times. Dot com, flash games on the Netflix Series, Orange, is the new black Taylor Schilling. Plays a woman with a scandalous passed. So we weren't too surprised when she told us, Julian's essay stood out to her

I really like the idea of being in constant conversation with the parts of ourselves that may perhaps feel the most broken and bringing those into the present and that that doesn't happen in some big swoop of a magic wand that happens in tiny, consistent, daily decisions of choosing a different path. I thought there was courage in the story that I really responded to? Thank you to Taylor Schilling for reading Jillian's SA seasons I've of orange. Is the new black comes out on Netflix on June ninth and later this once another orange? Is the new black cast member Daniel Brooks, who plays tasty, is on like donkey Kong, so make sure you tune in and for the orange is the new black super fans out there be sure to check out episodes twenty three and fifty five of modern love,

a leash arena plays Natalie Figaro or fig on the show, and remember you can every episode of modern love from our archives, W B at Wbur, dot, Org, slash, modern love Daniel Jones. Editor of modern love for the New York Times told us I Julien Laurens Story stayed with him. He used to able to hide your baggage so much more easily, and and now it all comes along with you, courtesy of Google and in story is that in the stream. I love how, at the end of this piece to she, talks about the wedding and the ceremonies having to do with love. It's very sweet at the Did they decide to have this understated ceremony and think their wedding as sort of a promise and a hopeful beginning. We all do well to think about our weddings. In that way, coming up

we got modern love, Griffin done of the Amazon Series. I love Dick reads: a story about a break up in the days before you could follow your Ex on Instagram. You re. Wasn't Europe weeping in front of, Alex for all the wrong reasons. Was gallivanting around Chicago meeting people. It seemed ludicrous to admit that I somehow thought she might hang around Peoria waiting for me, but that was it occurred to me exactly What I expected modern love is the production of the New York Times and W B you are Boston, NPR station is produced, directed and edited by June, Albert John Variety and every seeber Additional sound design this week by Matt read an extra help from producer Catherine Brewer. Yeah for the modern love podcast was conceived by LISA Tobin. It was Adler's or executive producer, Daniel Jones, the editor of modern love for the New York Times and adviser to the show music for the project, courtesy of appeal.

I'm making Taco Party, see you next week. The.