Modern love. The podcast is supported by before the work messages begin to pour in, let's gift ourselves a good morning. A good morning as a moment to pause and ease into the day. It's meant to run and chase the sunrise or its gently settle in routine a good morning as a moment to be present to find clarity and beeg as for the day had good days start with good mornings and good mornings start with Yogi T Yogi T tease me to do more than

tastes, good, oh from the New York Times and WB. You are Boston. This is modern. The stories of love loss and redemption. I'm your host magnetron puberty, the mother's day, is over for this year. Some people really look forward to those chocolates and flowers and others will David Beech wrote an essay about his feelings. The title just don't call me mom, Gideon Glick, who most recently appeared in the Broadway play significant other reads: us David's essay to celebrate our daughter coming into our lives. My husband and I

I did to host a party or safety would be blessed by a catholic priest and be given a hebrew name by a rabbi. We are the priest from my side of the family. Now we needed a rabbi. Russell was barely even culturally jewish and had just started his own consulting business, meaning he had no ex time for anything. So finding a rabbi fell to me. Many I contacted refuse to officiate with a catholic priest. Others asked about the mother, she, jewish they wanted to make it clear that city would not be considered jewish unless the mother was even if we gave her a hebrew name, safety has to fathers. Most people get it when I she has two daddies others persist asking no, but who is her mom with the rabbis? I finally just said: I'm her this,

bombs has silenced women in elevators nanny, some playgrounds and bureaucratic clerks in charge of postponing jury duty, realize that saying those three words would, in some people's eyes transform me from a married man into June Cleaver? I just thought if hanging out Beautiful baby, while someone else earns the money is mom. Like then sign me up. Unfortunately, I failed to read the small explaining that my handsome husband may start seeing me as June Cleaver to as a former Catholic. I come from a long line of passive aggressive mothers, my own mother who lives one floor below us, reminds me of a daily. If you really want to get me something nice for my birthday she'll same, I could use

few tubs authentic call when she saw me in a Broadway show where I appeared briefly and spam backs. She said it might be fun for us to go on a diet to get their mother's day. Is the worst She invariably turns down my siblings invitation for brunch in the suburbs, preferring to complain to neighbors, Building's elevator that none of her children invited her anywhere Russell was on a consulting trip from my. first mother's day as a mom or was in during the hardships of luxury hotels in Istanbul in London and deciding how gruelling it was the eat with clients at world class. Restaurants, as I dined on saturdays left over period spillage in pairs a nine month, all is expensive and since I wasn't earning any money I was determined to spend as little as possible.

I planned on showering my mother with the extravagance of a card. I would make myself early that fateful Sunday morning, after a whopping three hours of sleep, I was making my mother's hard when our doorman buzz loud noises made Ceety cry, so our buzzer, similar to the sound of someone being alike did it caused her to scream and made a use language that wasn't child friendly over the scream. I heard that I had a package downstairs, I assume, It was our shipment of formula from diapers dot com. Thanks junior, I said I'll, be down in a bit. I feared my outfit of boxer, shorts and spit up encrusted. T shirt was too casual for full service lobby I'd return to my card making. When my phone rang my mother. Happy mother's day. I said thank you. She said you have a package downstairs. I know I'll get it later

she clearly been making the rounds in the building moaning about her ungrateful children. So the pressure was on to make her card so special that it would equal a fancy, brunch and bouquet of flowers. A city, and I headed down to eleven B to deliver it. Our neighbour said you have a package downstairs thanks, I said: stop Four brownstone living and anonymous deliveries, my my open the door and I handed her the card which she pretended to appreciate David. This is lovely. She said Why don't you go down and get your package as I headed to the elevator, leaving Sadie with my there, yet another neighbors said you have a package downstairs. I start to wonder where the line is between a full service building and a full annoyance one.

when exiting our elevator into the lobby. You make a hairpin turn past the brass mailboxes. Before seen. Doorman at his perch, if I were directing a movie, this sequence would involve a slow pan of me turning the corner, with a jump cut to a close up of my face. As I saw what awaited me, it was not a package. Was not a shipment from diapers dot. Com on the doorman Stan was flower arrangement, topped by a clump of mylar balloons, stapled to the cellophane, a big card, yelled happy

mother's day. David time stood still, I felt as if I were in a vacuum with no sound movement or feelings. Somehow I managed to grab the thing and rush it into the elevator. I think I heard Junior call out happy mother's day, David in a non mocking way, but as in a bug bunny cartoon there was a factory whistle ring and steam coming out of my ears. So I couldn't really hear him in the elevator I assessed what I was holding. This was no gaudy embarrassment of pink carnations and babies breath if it's possible from a balloons and flowers to be tasteful. This was it and if my almost three decades with Russell has taught me anything, is that the difference between tacky and tasteful is usually the difference between a little money and a lot.

Even so, the more my eyes focused on this expensive riot, many green Eyed, Ranger garden roses. The more I wanted, instead, a bottle of single malt scotch a therapeutic size and some one to look after safety for five hours. As the elevator ascended, the full weight of the package became almost unbearable. I felt more than ever before the crushing burden of motherhood. We moms may feel closer to the source of our power that exist in the universe, but we are forced to endure the condescension of a society that acknowledges our role with pink balloons, envisioned my allegedly.

Working hubby lounging in his London hotel room, suddenly, remembering that it was almost mother's day and making a panic transatlantic call to the pricey florist. He has on speed, Dial while trying to figure out which arrangement would most impress his mother. He probably thought the way. I have two mothers to think about now: make it a double the possibility that Russell had merged me in his mind, with his own mother, hit me so hard that I almost dropped the heavy bouquet on the floor briefly thought about getting off on eleven and presenting it to my mother. I also considered

going directly into the trash room and stumping on it until it was unrecognizable until I realized that the shattering of glass explosion of balloons would only call more attention to my wretchedness. That's when I decided to do what so many moms do every day suffer in silence. I stowed the humiliating package in my apartment and went back to mothers to get Sadie as I entered. I could tell that even my mother sensed it would be a bad idea, dimension, Russell's gift. She again. Thank me for my card and asked if we were going out for brunch MOM mother's day. Brunch in New York City is like a combination of jury duty, the DMV and the number six train platform at rush hour. So no no mom another time, one of the best

Things about being a new parent as having the license to sleep when your baby does so, even though I've been up for only an hour, I stretched out with Sadie and her sleeping breath against my chest gave me a moment to strategize. How was I so upset, then they have a great life. Wasn't I the first to call myself mom why she be so offended if others follow suit? My father once gave me two pieces of advice, marry a nice catholic girl and always be sure to look an overlook. Looking overlook is one of those pithy phrases that makes sense one moment and baffles the next.

As I stated the balloons, however, those words gave me much needed clarity. I needed to overlook, come much. I felt like a stay at home loser and look a little more closely at the actual message on the card attached: the floral elephant in the room. So I wrapped open the envelope it red Deer, Daddy David, just as we ve decided better daughter, should celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas. There's no reason we can't go up every holiday, celebrating parenthood thanks for being the best and in the world and making Sadia in me feel so lucky lovey tonnes, Daddy Russell.

PS, because I know you're wondering I sent a different and much smaller arrangement to my mom, the best mother's day ever know. Maybe I see okay, yeah, Gideon Click reading David beaches. Essay. Just don't call me mom in the motorcade.

I love spelling my boyfriend and I often play stalling me together by together I mean sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee, I see that you have completed a few words on your own. I feel a little betrayed in ferry it may have happened again. Today. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous that I sent it to my parents or something like that was my dad. It was the first time together and I was out. I think I got to see it J C K, P, o g jackpot panic yeah? nice

I'm same as earth's sky. The digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at N Y Times dot com. Slash games were back. It's modern love, the podcast, a magnetar or Bharti David Beach still lives in Manhattan, with his husband Russell and there now eight year old, daughter, Sadie the studios were a quick walk from their apartment On my way here, that's what I should have said about my walk here. I said I'd to junior the doorman who's in the story and then, when I went through the door, is out in the street. Then I said hi to my mom. I was sitting outside on a folding chair. She guards the sidewalk, he guards the lobby having his mother. Close has given David and and Sadie the opportunity need to spend quality time together, but David says he continues to be

f old by societies, preoccupation with gender, specific parent rules. When I talk to friends of mine for mothers- and they said- oh, my husband baby sat there and I was like Wasn't he parenting the other night? I mean that wasn't. Babysitting and about Sadie. What does she say about having two dads she's, never defensive when people say oh, what a pretty dress? Did your mom pick that up for you she'll say? Oh, I have two dads and there is a time at school. I think where we were told that she called a class meeting to figure out why some kids still ask her, why she didn't have a mom, and so she led the meeting. I think she was six at the time and she asked

for an explanation from everyone, what they thought. The big difference was between having a mom and a dad and a dad and a dad. And finally, someone said nothing, and then she said right. So why do people keep Ask me that question David and Russell will celebrate their thirtieth anniversary next March. David says they witnessed decades of political and cultural change for same sex couples, and is grateful that his family is not so unique anymore, he's also dazzled by his little

girl on a daily basis. She is I'm not objective, but we have the most beautiful child and she corrects us and says: please don't call me beautiful, except I know you're talking about beautiful on the inside, but other people might not she's so much more advanced than I am one time I said to her. I said why do you think we love you so much? I think she was like five and I keep it on a post, it and art kitchen and she's. The number one kindness number two smartness number three strong. This number four works hardness and number five funny. and I was like ok, we're good Broadway actor David Beach on his precocious totter ceety. He was the city

His husband Russell in New York in a moment blue here from Daniel Jones. I love allowing my boyfriend and I often play following me together by together, I mean sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up stalling d- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed inferring, it may have happened again. Today. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous that I sent it to my parents or something like that was my dad. It was the first time together and I was out. I think I got to see it. J C K, P, o g

Jackpot panic, yeah. Nice I'm same as earth's sky, the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all our games at N Y Times dot com slash games, Daniel Jones. Editor of the modern love column for the New York Times. He loved David Beaches essay because it's to a universal truth about long term couples and parenting gay or straight I, over and over in essays, where gay couples are trying to sort of a break out of these. schools they get married or their long term relationships, and they they try to start dispense with the old, but often find themselves falling into those patterns anyway. Usually it's some sort of power dynamic. One person making more money and one person pulls back and becomes the caregiver to children

and it doesn't matter if you're in a gay or straight relationship that creates a power imbalance that people just did causes conflict, whoever you are the thanks again to Gideon Glick for reading this week's essay gideons. what is so not quite yet at the parenting stage, but this piece still gave him a lot to think about. I love how the author of this essay was two sides of one coin, where kind of relished being the mother and then also it became a symbol for all these things he hates about himself and his life, and I like how beautifully those two coexist in this essay.

we got. Modern love actress, many driver Williams, first operation. Last four hours after the surgeon came out, I stood before him waiting to hear our destiny. We got most of it out. He said we had myself. When is she going to die when you? Maybe to very few people, asked that question. Modern love is the production of the New York Times and W B you are Boston, NPR station, its produced directed, and It is by Jessica, Albert John Parodi and AM receiver? Ten extra help this week from producer Catherine Brewer, the idea for the modern love podcast was conceived by these attacks. I was Adler. Our executive producers, Daniel Jones, is the

editor of modern love for the New York Times and adviser to the show music for the podcast, courtesy of a p dot m. I might see you next week, The.