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choose for more than a hundred and eighty thousand titles, including audio books, original audio, shows news, comedy and more go to audible, dot, com, slash, modern, that's slash, modern and get started today significant other, but you can't choose your in laws when free spirit, artist, Henderson first met her future mother in law, a conservative christian. They didn't exactly hit it off, but she never could have imagined the event that would bring them together. Actress Constance WU of the a b c hit series fresh off the boat reads: artists, as essay marry, a man who loves his mother when miles and I decided to live together. I asked him if his mother, Terry, would be upset. we Henderson first met her future mother in law, a conservative christian. They didn't exactly hit it off, but she Never could have imagined the event that would bring them together after

Since womb of the ABC hit series fresh off the boat reads: art I know my job in Tallahassee would be ending at the same time. and the move felt right to both of us. Don't worry TIM. If his mother, Terry, would be upset. We set the kitchen table in his apartment near Fort Riker Alabama, while the warm fall evening pressed against the sliding glass doors. Miles, would graduate from flight school in a few months and the are would be sending him to Fort Bragg North Carolina. My job and tallow has, he would be ending at the same time and the move felt right to both of us to worry about it. And unsettled the way I remembered her and she refused to stay in our guest bedroom She stayed in a hotel across town instead in our home, Terry was cordial.

Terry came for turning visit three weeks after we moved into our tiny rented house on the outskirts of Fort Bragg. She did not bring made She was tense and settled May I remembered her and she were few. Stay in our guest bedroom. She stayed hotel across town. Instead. After miles had put on his uniform and left for the base Terry suggested, Turning out miles is favour. This, like burnt, stick stew, meals. History that reached back to their air was in Texas. She even the sugar cookies, that miles liked. The kind could never get right and she talked about home. where church and family on the second day. After my

had put on his uniform and left for the base. Terry suggested that drive to the mall in Raleigh Spring, folds, slowly and North Carolina and the air was cool and damp, even as the first daffodils pushed through the wet earth, we climbed into her rental car and The grip, the steering wheel and outside it poured and poured when he has sex with you he's disrespecting you I thought about telling her that he sometimes disrespected me on the couch, and Terry launched into the reason for her visit. you know, Brad, and I don't approve of you living together. She said prefer it, but when we reach the shopping living in sin. Hands gripped the steering wheel and outside the after and poured

when he will sex with you and disrespecting. You I thought about telling her that he's sometimes disrespected me on the couch once in the kitchen. She talked for an hour and a half without pause. Without my input, but when we reach the shopping center, the space between us and it is about the exchange as if she weren't used to buying. turning shopping, as good friends, often will inspecting sales rags. Eating Chinese in the food court at the makeup counter at Macy's. Terry tried on lavender eye that looks nice on you. I said she smiled shyly into them, summer. We stopped at miles's home in the Texas Panhandle on our way to Fort Hood in the central part of the state. His his unit would spend nine months training there before heading to Iraq,

as we turned off the highway onto their gravel road. A steady wind blew it stirred the dry grass and ruffled the cows in the pasture miles spent his days outside under the big Texas In the summer, we stopped at miles is home in the Texas Panhandle on our way to Fort Hood in the central part of the state, his you would spend nine months training there before heading to Iraq as we, da the highway onto their gravel road. A steady wind blew it stirred the dry grass unruffled the cows in the pasture. Miles spent his days outside under the Big Texas Sky, he rode horses and worked the ranch with Brad. I stayed inside with Terry. She said

me how to make her meat loaf and wrote the recipe for her sugar cookies on an index cards. For me to take to Fort Hood, she talked endlessly. Hardly pausing it was as if she warrant used to having an audience but before she could get into the sinful parts. Someone interrupted the conversation anyway miles and I were married in less than a year and by then the point was moot. At Christmas, we are back in the Panhandle. The Henderson clan had assembled for the holidays and they were a hard. And miles is sweet baby smile She cornered me once about the move to Texas, but before she could get into the Terry greeted them each with a stiff hug.

Miles and I were married and less than a year and by then the point was moot Christmas. We are back in the Panhandle. The Henderson clan had assembled for the holidays and they were a hard drinking heart. partying lot. They gather Uncle Rick's Canyon House, where the cousins played cards and drank Coors light will aunt many chain smokes on the back porch Terry, greeted them each with a stiff hug. apart at one point in the card game. Was raised, a Catholic and her mothers I went to mass every Sunday But when she married Brad a conservative protestant, she set aside her faith and adopted his while Brad's family were church going folk. None of them approach to religion with his hard line is ill,

after him at the hangar on the base. Terry came back to our apartment. She helped me pack up our life, so I could go home to my family in Florida. Together. Someone asked miles where his mother had gone. He looked at them over his shoulder toward the back room where the kids watched cartoons, the cousins world their eyes and sniggered miles was the only one not to laugh on the day miles was deployed after we left him at the hangar on the base. Terry came back to our apartment. She helped me pack up our life, so I could go home to my family in Florida. Together we box the towels and the better. the crackpot and tv we loaded them into miles is pick and Terry drove the truck back to Texas. Wear it

just tell me if my son is alive, no ma'am the soldier said he's not. I couldn't imagine that kind of backbone. I had listened silently through my own notification Then thanked the soldiers as they left but later when it had all sunk in this new reality and the things we do when we lose someone we love her reaction felt right miles was at the best of her. He had her face her build her texas twang as much as he was to me. He was more to her more viscerally hearse,

then thanked the soldiers as they left, but later when it had all sunk in this new reality and the things we and learning the horrible details of miles's death. Terry came to Florida to help me sort through the things sent back from Iraq. There were two black plastic bins filled with, miles, has possessions carefully labeled and organized still covered with a fine dusting of iraqi sand. Although they were illegally mine. I was next of kin. After all, it didn't feel right that I should have sole access to them. We sat in my garage with the doors open while heavy sheets of rain poured down outside and sifted through

there were two black plastic bins filled with miles his possessions, carefully, labelled and organised still covered with a fine dusting of iraqi sand. although they were illegally mine. I was next of kin. After all, it didn't feel right that I should have sole access to them.

We sat in my garage with the doors open, Terry heavy sheets of rain, poured down outside and sifted through miles raised it in the desert. We sorted through his for some trace of miles. She did not know what I knew Fried already done the same. The Audi had laundered his books when it was all too much too much to remember too much life packed into those plastic containers. Terry and she pulled our t shirt from the pile she raised way like her face and breathe deeply searching for some trace of miles. She did not know what I

FR. I had already done the same. The army had laundered is closed before sending them home, and this too was lost. What remained of was the space created by miles is absence thick impalpable, with our grief. Losing a spouse is in no way like losing a child, but all law is in some way like losing ourselves months after miles is death. Carrion. I struck to reorient our own lives and in that search we found each other. We began to bridge the distance that had been pressing. Her small hands into my shoulders I have heard people say that you should never marry a man who does not love his mother. I

asked, and we read the final seconds of audio from the in flight voice. Recorder, pull up Myles had said at the very end Terry stood behind me. the hardest parts, pressing her small hands into my shoulders. I have heard people say that you should never marry a man who does not love his mother. I was lucky miles loved his mother, fiercely he loved me we're playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up the and I see that you have completed a few words on your own. I feel a little betrayed. Sorry, it may have happened that there is more than enough to share

two. I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous that I sent it to my parents or something like that was my bad. It was like I love felling, my boyfriend and I often play stalling, be together by together. I mean sitting next to each other playing individual and she sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own. I feel a little betrayed same as sky, the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all HU, I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was getting nervous at assented to my parents, or some me and my dad. We likes this time you together and I wish for the grout J C K, P It's yeah right,

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im style extender. I love that I love the way it smells. I love what it does for my hair. I feel like it just like polishes it up and makes it last longer without washing use. The code I'm at living proof that com for a free travel, size, prime style, extender, with your twenty dollars order, still lives. I'm her native Florida we checked in severe sugar radio, a pod cast from W B, for the lost lonely and heartsick we take questions, no matter how deep and dark and offer radically empathic advice subscribe to dear the radio on Itunes or your favorite podcast app, act, its modern love, the pod cast a magnet. Marty. You just heard that beautiful say written by artists, Henderson ART, still lives in her native Florida. We checked in with there and began by asking her exactly how she met miles so

miles and I met in a his wife, but with the. She may be the trash yes way to meet. The love of your life has called the knight library, which is a pretty good name for nightclub, I think, but We always swore that we would tell people we met their mutual friends, which is what we did for a long time it artists, awhile, to adjust to military life better when she went from being Wales as girlfriend to being his wife, but with the new, deeper partnership. a more responsibility miles, a link to the things I did could reflect on him. I got the military wife gets pulled over on base and it gets back. You know it gets back to her husband Back to his commander, then he gets in trouble, so you have to be careful have to be respectful. I saw

strong connections, but when miles was deployed instead of staying on base has been our the my husband than that wife back ME as miles was moved around the country artist followed getting new job. in making friends wherever she went, but eventually getting up You did again and again exhausted artist and she realized her only constant. or the men, women and children in miles is unit. These. Different and I don't know if it would have been better, but it definitely would have been in more understanding source of support after heat I heard from a lot of the military wives. Decided to move back to Florida to live with her mom, a decision that wasn't received well by other military families

a gift card to Applebee's, and I was so touched. She was a woman I had met once she put a note in the card saying you know. If I lived closer, she a different, and I don't know if it would have been better, but it definitely would have been in more understanding so we're such support. After died I mean, I heard from a lot of military wives, I had known some. I did I know. Well, I remember One woman sent me a gift card to have peace, and I was so tat. She was a woman. I had met once she put a note In the card saying you know, if I live closer, she would have brought me. You know a covered dish. cast roles are the sort of food you bring when someone's grieving, but because I was so far is the best she could do

I guess I should say it's been a long time since I've been in a really serious relationship Terry and I are so connected and once it's Facebook official, it's really official, so I posted a picture of the two of us together. Terry immediately sent me an email or a facebook message and asked who he wise and what's the lie. I think she was genuinely happy for me. After putting this piece artist's decided to. A long time. I guess I should say it's been a long time since I've been in a really serious relationship, and so I posted a picture on Facebook. he. No one sits Facebook official, it's really official. So am I posted a picture of the two of us together.

Harry immediately sent me an email or Facebook message and ass we wizen. What's he like? I think she was genuinely pay for me. after publishing. This piece artist decided to write a memoir about the experience in more detail, including an. Police, similar tragedy that she experienced much earlier in her life, so they Life is funny you Add time when I was five and plane crash, so I wrote and there was a problem in the plane. I must have known something that it's one of the only things I remember. I remember asking him if we were going to crash. Life is so strange to her. Father was a licence to commercial pilots, but he was flying his

INC, but at the last minute, the tail caught in some trees, and so we went sort of nose first into the ground and he died instantly. I think- and my spine was crushed my lower spine, but but they fixed me and I can walk the similarities between how miles and her father died are just too strong. Sometimes it feels like more than artists can handle, but there have been moments of steadying grace that have helped her find her way months after miles died. Artists was going through his belongings. She found an unopened letter that was a

Miles had written it just in case he didn't come back from Iraq. Here's a short excerpt. My dearest artists, you are the love of my life. The few years that we were able to spend together were absolutely the best of my life It feels like more than artists can handle but there have been moments of steady and grace that have helped her find her, after mild, I'd artist was going through his belongings. She found an An open letter that was addressed to her miles had written it just in case he didn't come back from Iraq. Here's a short excerpt, my dear Erie. You are the love of my life, the few kept that we were able to spend together war absolutely the best of my life, and I owe that all to you I greatly regret that I had

so soon, when I know that we would have continued to grow together, and Live your life on earth to the max. You have so many options with what to do with your life, pursue your dreams wisely with something that I believe is very honourable worthwhile and necessary I pray that in my life and death I see others lives and kept a few from ever having to experience this war. I just regret that it had to come Price of causing you any pain, thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you in any way. live your life on earth to the max. You have so many options with what to do with your life well in a haystack. You just hope the right candidate comes along, but not when you use Ziprecruiter Ziprecruiter Technology finds Qualified Canada. Look on you always

I in fact four out of five employers who post on Ziprecruiter, get a qualified candidate within the first day. if group for a really long time and in it I remember the therapists counselor, he told us one night. This thing that his Grandmother I love felling, my boyfriend and I often play falling, be together by together. I mean sitting next to each other playing individual, the words on your own, I feel a little betrayed in have completed, may have happened again. Your I have one friend who, we may have happened again. You can. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was get nervous. I sent it to my parents or some Me and my dad, we put it out. I think I got to see it J, a c

Jack. As I will be in all our games at an why times: dot com slashed games, I'm SAM is risky. The digital passes editor for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all our games at an why times. Dot com, slash games used to say about her. If you took everyone's hers and hung them from a tree like fruit. When you asked everybody to pick one any one, they wanted that we would still pick our own, and so I mean that's how I think about it. Rape, I mean I lost miles, but he was amazing,

so glad I got to know him, and I don't remember much of my dad. I heard he was pretty great too. I think that milesplit lot, like him, The artists Henderson author of Marry, a man who loves who loves his mother marry a man who loves his mother, her memoir is on remarried widow. She lives in South West Florida and rights full time we ve posts miles, Henderson's full letter to artists. At W B, you are dot, org, slash, modern love, more. The support for modern love comes from audible, dot,. Audible, dot com brings more than one hundred and eighty thousand titles to your ears. Audio books, like beetle,

looks like beautiful ruins and sweet bitter are just a click away, download the audible app if the ruins and sweet bitter are just a click away. Download audible, app and listen on your commute at the gym or the beach there's something for everyone classics The trial go to audible, dot com, slash apple dot, com, slash, modern and get a free audiobook. It's that easy go to audible, dot, com, slash, modern and get started today. Welcome back now a note from modern love, editor for the New York Times Daniel Jones. Now, a note from modern love editor for the New York Times Daniel Jones. When you look at Iraq and Afghanistan, the US has been at war for the pretty regularly from spouses who are left behind people who have gone off to war and how that's that strains there, who have gone off to war and how that's that

strains, their relationship and all the ways that we try these days to two deal. Skype, and does that make it easier? You know it seems like the answer that is is mixed, make it easier. I it seems like the answer that is, is mixed and have can be as much of a strain as it is. that constant access can be are a strange as it is a joy because you just your world are so different and your constantly ping pong back and forth between the two of them, Dan receives a lot of military themed submissions, but Blindsided by artists, Henderson's essay when Dan read it for the first time. He thought it would be about a challenging relationship between a new wife and her mother in law. Not talk. A lot I give advice to writers about not. Giving everything away at the beginning of a story and

and people discover the story Is it that's fears they feel like you know you need to be upfront and you need to tell people what they're about to read and what they're doing it's less obvious to feel like you need to be up front and you need to tell people what they're about to read and what you dealing with, but be kinds of rules apply. You want to reader to Bi curious, you want them to be surprised. How you order, story is important, it almost seemed strange to be talking about craft in an essay but you're taking a reader on a journey. In this case, it's the same you're taking a reader a journey in this case its the same journey that you and this went through this, and this was a shocking moment for her and she the reader through that same surprise, and even

She talks about how her mother in law reacted. First, how her mother in law reacted. First sort of the expansiveness of love it's just a wonderful meditation on sort of the expense stiffness of love. Dan Jones since modern love for the New York Times artists Henderson's, as was read by Constance whoo hoo, filled a very strong connection to the peace when she read it for the first time. I chose this particular story because I had actually just finished. I read so many stories stories of soldiers, and I read so many stories of about Yours and I talked to at least eight different army psychologist hearing about experiences and the different kinds of people they

two and doing all that research and listen to all those stories made me really connect with this particular story thanks again to Constance off. can see her in season three of the ABC Comedy Series fresh off the boat it premiers this week there's more information on our website. W B, you are dot, org, slash, modern love coming up next week. the hall STAR of the new drama Christine she reads as a story about dating while Manic one more I met a man in the supermarket producer and slept for days, but you wouldn't have known it to look at me. My eyes green, my strawberry blonde hair, but the strawberries to shame- and I literally sparkled at will. Gold sequence shut, the supermarket manic taste is always bad I was hungry, but not the Proteus. I was hungry for him

and his well worn genes. Yankees, capsize, Ayscue. Modern love is the production of the New York Times and W B you are Boston, NPR station its produced, directed and edited by Jessica, Albert John By and Tobin or casting consultant, is. for the modern love podcast was conceived by LISA Tobin are casting consultant is Amy Lippens CSA. Iris Adler is our executive producer. Daniel Jones is the editor of modern love for the New York Times and adviser to the show music for the podcast, courtesy of a I'm making a Joker birdie next week.