Modern love, the pod cast supported by produced by the island at W B. You are faster. Oh the from the New York Times and WB. You are Boston. This is modern. The stories of love loss and redemption. I'm your host magnet Chakrabarti the when you think back to sex Ed class. It's not hard to come up with a couple of memories

might have scarred you for life eggs that you had to take care of dolls that really cried flower bag babies, not to mention having actual discussions about sex in the classroom, but in this week's essay it's actually a parent hope. Edel men, whose a little traumatized to buy her daughters, experience of sex, Ed, her pieces, read by Julian Anderson. You know her as agent Scully from the X files and Stella Gibson in the fall. She starring now in the new Netflix show sex education. The member

from the Middle school came home in my daughter's backpack on a Friday afternoon. Next week your six great child will participate in a flower sack baby exercise. All six craters were to report to school Monday, with five pound bags of flour dressed up as dolls and carry them everywhere for the weak. The idea was to teach them the responsibilities of teenage parenthood. We incur parental participation, to make this exercise a success. The note concluded there were so many confusing directives. I didn't know where to begin, how could a flour sack simulate an actual infant

Why did all the newborns weigh just five pounds and weren't sixth graders a little young for this kind of thing we pick babies out of a hat today, eleven year old daughter announced punching a straws for the top of a juice box, mine's boy boy. But she started crying because it would be too hard, so Miss Lee. Let her give one back exactly what was being taught here. I couldn't help but wonder also minds adopted. She continued he's from Japan. I don't think Americans can adopt from Japan. I said she said it's a game

but was it twenty years ago I knew a fourteen year old girl, whose class it's in a similar exercise carried raw eggs around. For a week, the children took it seriously, cradling the eggs between their palms, and jagged sobs when they broke still. Those ninth graders were physically mature enough to get a baby started, my daughter and most of her classmates weren't what impression, with a week, make on a child her age. So far, she just thought it was really cool too

the old school from a website. She chose the name for Mico because it meant little friend for me cause middle name. She decided would be from nature. She asked for ideas, I suggested rain river and leaf she promptly vetoed them. Then asked me to then asked me to leave her room. What school memos never tell you is how much parental participation your six greater will tolerate eleven year old girls occupy and notoriously wobbly zone between childhood and adolescence and adolescents, a mother, is an embarrassment in the morning can be someone to adore a dinner and a pariah again by bedtime. Yet beneath this ambivalence girls,

desperate for reminders that we love them and always will, even as their abruptly banishing us from their rooms from my own fractured adolescence. I know a mother's patience and fortitude are what daughter remembers most. My mother died of breast cancer. When I was in high school, too soon to teach me how to change a diaper manage colic or stay sane when my husband drove off each morning, leaving me with an infant who cried fourteen hours a day, I never missed my mother more than when my daughter was born print.

mothers newborns had mothers rushing over when they needed days. I there were days. I thought I'd go mad from exhaustion and grief. This lasted ten weeks the better part of motherhood began. My mother had given me everything, but discovered that in seventeen years she gave me enough still. I never forgot the longing and self doubt of those first months and I never my daughters to feel it. I found to be present helpful mother for as much time as we have together That's how I found myself eleven years later, stitching plastic bags filled with flour into

the torso of life size, infant boys. When I finished, I prompt him on the kitchen counter. I stared at him. He stared at me for make of the soul. Adeline welcome to the world. The thing about for Meiko, of course, was that he had virtually nothing in common with an actual newborn. He didn't pee poop burp spit up, Wake up shrieking like a siren. The moment you lay him down, neither did he, what gummy smiles triggering a love so sudden and huge you didn't know how to make it. oh how to make it fit. Despite this. He bore a real baby from his dewy gaze to

We Brinkley to Brinkley ankle skin Monday morning when I walked into the kitchen and saw him balanced on my daughter's hip, I literally tripped, then I remembered who he was. The sight of one's eleven year old daughter with her own baby is automatic parental freak out time, no matter what your politics And for all I know this was part of the the subliminal plan the have been Might have been lost on the students, but it surely lost on the parents no way no way did we want our pre teams having babies, after school. When my daughter announced

are dolls, sat on the grass and cheered for us during pee, but the boys played keep away with theirs. the meaning of parental his upation became clear. I lifted from echo from the couch and handed him back to my daughter, diaper change time I said, and so the week began Every morning, when my daughter, strapped through me, go to her chest, I showed her how to press his head safely against her collarbone at dinner. He sat in a high chaired by her side afterward. I made her sweep the non existent mess when she laid him on her bed to do homework. I instructed, if a old enough for a high chair, her old enough to roll

and had her lay him on the carpet and still caring for for cold wasn't work. It was unprecedented. Fun She wondered aloud if she could take him to school next week. To I, on the other hand, took an alarming detour into irrationality as the week or on the more for me cause care diverged from real infant care, the more assistant I became at night I'd hijack my daughter's tooth brushing time claiming he needed to be fed while she showered citing all the showers I'd skip the showers I'd skipped as a new, there. I can see setting her alarm for one, a dot m, keeping her.

For an hour and waking her again at five. Aren't you taking this too far as my husband, the family's voice of but I didn't think so. Wasn't the whole point to make it real. So, on Thursday. When my daughter asked me to baby sit for me co during her after school drama class, I refused got to go to the library I booked deadline was approaching and I needed time to write. But I can't bring a to class. I library a new born into the library I said, and sent her off all day

In my mind, her request my refusal, her downcast, face my obstinacy. Her tears, here's the more I thought about it. The worse, I felt what was wrong with me. I could take for me, go to the library or leave em in the trunk of my car. I mean he was a doll. I could help my daughter, except I couldn't like every motherless mother. I live with an acute awareness that I can be taken from my cute, awareness that I can be taken from my children at any time

Biggest fear is leaving them before they can manage alone for sing my daughter to care for for mica. Wasn't punishment. It was preparation, He too had to face motherhood without a mother one day, she'd be better equipped than I had been, but here's where the plan fell apart by focusing on what I lost, I'd lost sight of what my daughter had if Heaven forbid she. she wouldn't have to do it alone. I'd help her, of course, I'd help her I'd, be there. I was there there. I was there and I realized that what this.

wasn't anger or resentment but envy. I was envious. I was envious of my daughter because she had me that afternoon I met her at the bus, stop with an apology, I'll take some eco today, I said it's okay, she said briefly, I decided to bring him with me in my absence. She figured out a plan was not what I wanted. Why did I suddenly feel so sad? The next morning, the Mancos last day of school, we woke to a soft rain.

after breakfast, I daughter, strapped him to her chest one last time she shrugged on her raincoat grabbed an umbrella and hugged me good, bye from the front window, I watched her walk to her father's car. I was proud of her for making it through the week. I was proud of myself for finally backing off. and then, just as I was about to turn away Face a moment of such grace, it nearly stole my breath. how's my daughter, bent to get into the car her jacket, bunched open and she autumn magically rounded her shoulders and moved her umbrella closer to keep for make a dry the natural.

gesture of maternal tenderness was small, it would have been easy to mess, but I think somehow it was meant for me to see the Gillian Anderson reading Hope, Julian Anderson reading, hope elements, essay, maternal wisdom, five pounds worth will catch up with hope after the break

the I love telling my boyfriend and I often play spelling bee together. By together I mean sitting next to together by together I mean sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up spelling bee- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed. Sorry, it may have happened again. I have one friend I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous. I sent it to my parents or something like that.

me and my dad. We like to play fun together and I wish the out I forgot to see it. J, a c k, P, o t Jack. Yeah, yeah, now run nice I'm same as ascii. The digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at annoying times dot com, flash games. When Hope annulment came to talk with us. She actually brought from it go with her he's just sitting here barefoot. You know any that has little jumper staring ahead at nothing. He is creepy I walked into NPR with him like sort of balanced on my hip, and then the guard at the door gave me a look because at first glance he really does look real and hope sent us a picture to prove it. It's up at our website, w

move it is about our website. W B, you are dot, org, slash, modern love. It's now, eight years since hopes peace came out and she says whom it go has become the stuff of family in my daughter's bedroom she's now in college. He sits on top of her bookshelf and we live in a canyon, that's in a fire zone in LOS Angeles, and occasionally we have to evacuate and whenever we evacuate I make sure if that for Mikko comes with us, because he is one of those valued family heirlooms. Now that we wouldn't want to lose Williams, now that we wouldn't want to lose and hope still remembers her daughter, shielding Fu Miko from the rain, but that moment at the very end of the piece struck me because it wasn't just that she presented herself as capable, but that I saw her showing and when I said that my mother hadn't, given me everything but she'd, given me enough, I felt that she'd. Given me the skills or

care that I needed an order to be able to care for a child and love them with my whole heart and that little moment, I felt that there was some confirmation that I had And my daughter the same and that even if I didn't live to see her into adulthood, that still would be the foundation that was most important, but hope says she was determined to be with her daughter. As they became adults, because I was seventeen when my mom died. That was sort of always a number in my head. You know if I can just get both of them two hundred and seventeen, if I can just be at their high school graduations, I will have given them most of what they need, because my mom gave me. most of what I needed and so As the older one past seventeen and the younger one is right on the cusp shall be seventeen in two weeks I feel like they are, have grown into very competent individuals and I'm not, as can.

And about them as I was when they were younger, but as her daughters have grown, hope has entered a new phase of parenting, one that she doesn't have a model for we'd hit those moments where me Whether I didn't know what to do or didn't know, you know what a mother's role should don't know how to handle the situation cause. I would say, I don't know how to handle this situation cuz. I had to do this one on my own and I can see that you know you'd like some help for me. So let's talk about how I can best be of support to you. I have gotten to the other side of the adolescent drama, with my older daughter and it's beautiful to have a twenty one year old, she's, so terrific. I think I spent a lot of time being anxious and worried that I might not do it right You know: I'm not a hundred percent sure that there is a way to do it wrong. That's book! Annulment she's the author of the book.

motherless mothers and motherless daughters, which explore the lifelong effects of early loss. We got more after the break, if your hiring, you know I can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack. You just hope the rate Canada comes along, but not when you use it for cruder zipper. Critters technology finds qualified candidates, for you then actively invites them to apply. In fact, four out of five employers who posted zip recruiter, get a qualified candidates within the first day. Try it free today at zero, cruder, dot com, slash and my tea that super cruder, dot, com, slash and wide t zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire I love felling,

my friend and I often play falling, be together by together. I mean sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up scowling d, I see that you have completed a few words on your own. I feel a little betrayed. In theory, we may have happened his editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words and I was getting nervous. I sent it to my parents or something like that me and my dad, we likes this venue together and I wish Heather out freely moving. You know what she the lesson that she learned about herself and I'm same is risky. The digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at annoying times dot com, flash games. Gillian Anderson says she related to hope story

The thing that I recognized in it- I guess, and also hit her the humor and and and to have a parent who's willing to admit their mistakes is a gift and it gets passed on it was really moving. You know what shape the You know, I'm being a mother and that grief. You know, able to be honest enough with education to debuts on Netflix actions. Are about here's Daniel Jones stuff of they are necessarily about the person that we think cope's doing the so gesture. For and touching and unexpectedly loaded with the way it brings hope to think about her own. thanks again to Julian for reading this week's essay, her show is sex education which able to on know

I don't need to leave my daughter on her own with all of this. Like she has me, I don't have to teach her harsh motherhood lessons at the age of eleven. It's just a really charming funny, so funny and touching and expectedly loaded with the way it brings hope to about her own past and the loss of her mother, I don't know these relationships, just sort of and our lives. In a way. I love the way. The cheese able you know look at her daughter and thankful. I don't know delete my daughter on her with his like she has me, I don't have to teach her harsh motherhood lessons the age of eleven, it is too The charming funny and deep rotation on what motherhood means for both mothers and daughters next week

modern love is a production of the New York Times. The woman. He was staying with weighted full days to cool the police When they arrived, they found his id credit card. bring in sound design by Matt. Read the idea for the modern love podcast was conceived by LISA Tobin. Iris Adler's, our executive producer Daniel Jones is the editor of modern love for the New York Times to the show music for the podcast courtesy of a pm, and if you love the show, tell your friends about us. I beg the Chakrabarti, see you next week, did by Jessica, Albert Caitlin, O and Joan Karate. The for the modern love. Podcast was conceived by LISA Tobin. Our executive, Daniel Jones

the editor of modern love for the New York Times, an adviser to the show music for the past courtesy of APL. The.