is this song is this all right if we go in a what's going on it's still burn it's time for the monday morning podcast monday yes october raw what's today the twenty eight twenty nine thirty it it's gonna be there already at this is my first live whenever i'm sitting on at the very acid rain metro sexual couch this looks like a lot of guys blue other guys on this thing this is this supportive the reverse does you hotel the way they have this thing the w hotel it just looks like everything's been just on and she yolo do she's had a threesome there is something this looks like zero like gay chain of hotels are just caters to gay people you don't see this is why this is going to be where with the live crowd cuz to me that was no big deal everybody got real quiet they're like it's like that was a problem is heat rash and gay people are easy saying that there should be segregated hotels

no i am not ok i'm just there would be nice if you could separate them from the general population in the hotels that's what i'm running on i'm gonna out kate trump and flock and whenever the next stupid election is going to be i'm going to out hate them just going to start calling him a pussy and i'm just going to fucking hey even more than him then i'm gonna get elected and then i'll tear down whatever part of the wall he made which i know is a hot but issue here in arizona they should have the wall all they stay shouldn't that's what i owed run on a platform owed run on a platform that gay people should have their own hotels i am so sick of walking into lobby seeing men who the hands with other men just started off on some

bizarre like that just so i can watch my opponent don't wait a minute i never even thought about heinous you know why won't hillary clinton go away why can't you just under stand that nobody likes sir she just fuck and hang around just like that fuckin kid just shows that nobody teller this party and then she rose up you know you know happened but there are no one ever poured blood honour in a fuckin problem that's what they should have done defined fuck and get rid of you know she just keeps hang around like she's a winner you know jim kelly hang around after losing for fucking superboss it'd be fuckin dead every once in a while and nfl crew finds the fuckin guy goes hague jam let's talk but your career i want i really i really don't want to i did ever

career but all you want to dwell on is the negative god she's a chusest i've missed you trust me she's gonna fuck it gonna take volume you still can hear it what louder what this was the domestic ice listening at home who can hear this total we find this like five hundred people staring at me bitching that they can't hear it so i'm holding a microphone with a yellow windscreen and a little fuckin lapel mike right as far as i can tell only the forerunners for some reason if i can hear me everybody has some sort of australia next loud sing out pocket people foreigners company what the fuck did you come here for to tell us how fucked up our country is eleven people come here it makes a bitching about this country is just like that i don't do that when you go to australia tijuana fucked up

countries that only around the edges is it livable unbelievable you can see the ocean did you just completely ever no man's land no man's land to one of the most poisonous focused ex ever do i say that when i go to australia no i don't i just gotta look at the surf oh my god it's gorgeous absolutely beautiful look at that sad tat guy blown into that giant horn we used to own this view way back in the day but his ancestors did what is this what is the call on that you don't owe me i never understand that when i was in fact in canada the rule was where they were they say like ice i call them the the natives the natives of canada and they got all fuckin offended they said were called the originals

what channel does the original six original people you know what i mean the original recipe of whatever fucking syrup they're trying to sell you you don't need me everybody loves candidate like they're a bunch of friendly people they're not they're all bunch of fucking racist sticky people there in a bad mood from yegg in that sab out of the four countries in there what are they do they kick all the indigenous people all the way up north in order to give a perimeter between them and the polar bears that's what happened you know you ever see any these big hollywood types talking about them merrill strip you know i picked her i'm still pissed at her that she said the martial arts are not the arts a really but would you know

but then i get you wear wig and you pretend to be other people like by all means let me listen to you about social issues you get your fucking god damn car to go back to your gated community when did she ever see minorities when she's looks into the front seat of whoever is driving by all means merrill tell me tell me what society is like from behind your gated community somebody told me today that it's it's their legislation right now going through what does it go through the government right now i'm thinking schoolhouse rock songs right i'm just a bill yes i'm only a bill the edge off to the white house where this opted sought in the attic i was back to a bunch of white man and they go to see if it will be a low

how i hope and pray normally wouldn't sing in public but i feel like him in my bedroom i have plush furniture like this in my bedroom within our what the fuck it overhang sorry to this go out again with sorry sorry i'm sorry to each and every one of you especially the millennials i'm sure you're fuckin heard about it and you're gonna hashtag some sort of me to me too i couldn't hear either me to me too i also had something bad happened is something you can say in this country three fuckin meals a day nato nato first world try me joe flat screen to be made but he dwelling on the negative pocket feminist man i swear god i want to go to one of their events in just get up to that microphone and just be like excuse me a gang is there anything good about being a woman and

point during your day you like thank god i'm a woman or i would add step in that body that mud puddle whatever the fuck i'm supposed to transpose take my fuckin code off oh a little more respect for these feminists when they care little bit more about guys jackets you know it's ok a fucking issue that they care about you know in the seventies we forced to wear cloggs a lot of our there is blue eye opener ac earls gives a shit i listened to a feminist but not if she's why you know what i mean to say you know i won't here the day you were white woman in the united states of america what is the problem that some take away your rosy for the afternoon they shut down broken trolley down at the mall what what is happening in your world now seriously all right look if you live in some honey bubu lifestyle right you're living off the appellation somebody got rickets

line disease right husband where is short belong to me it is where's that long underwear with the trapdoor buying back you know what i mean you know he's goin out when you puts on is best overalls right those guys haven't right those guys know how to live out there do we want to get along with the woman you gotta live right off the appellation trail you know you gotta be off the grid and you just have to have no television ok and then you can slap around all you want and she's never got enough this is just how it is you don't i mean if you have a dirt floor like taking a beating is not the big empty seems like party a life it's like see was worse than we ever did for women is linoleum

like wall the wall carpet than we lost all of our power you see when twitter first came out women were just hash tagging whatever you say no somebody's gonna take a snippet that put it on like a new shell and then i'm going to get in trouble are you trying to say that women deserve to be beaten on dirt floors at that point you just gotta go with it just be i guess and i'm running for president in fact twenty twenty don't even get me started with the gaze in the hotels that's right you run the most hateful fuckin campaign ever you dont where the confederate flag all of your suits if you look quickly have all the colors of it

and then in the end you just totally flip the whole thing you flip total think you have an openly gay guy as a fuckin like sitcom level gay you don't owe me not like real gay like tv gay you don't owe me tv gay it's kind of like when you watch wrestling how they enhance their personalities that's what they do with with gay people on tv they gonna just go for in through the roof with this ass yet i wanna make rather than just having it coming out surprisingly every once in a while i don't wanna talk about it feels like what it what does

feel like how long have i been doing ten minutes and forty eight seconds there you go this is my world this is my life this is what i do this couch is not this couches feels like it was made out of old coats like a couple of old tarps or some shit like that i was trying to be plush this was considered like right here this was considered fancy in the 70s i could just get this lapel mic up to this this anytime there was a button that was sunk all the way in it to try to make this look plush you know even though it feels like fucking week old bread that you land on

honey all i want is a little does what it literally have to do have the fuckin put that might down here just won't clip on in any fuck an area that is acceptable now the people at home can't here because i clifton honour them this is like the biggest lapel ever that she's just a bumblebee through specific barely noticeable isn't it aren't you know what i don't give a fuck what slits reed but some let's look up some phoenix news here phoenix news ladies and gentlemen let's see what's going on and greater feed eggs shows reminding me of you guys remember when cheers went off the air j leno tried to do it live and the whole cast got shit faced remember that and he had nobody to talk to fuck it will do in life let's look up phoenix news all right what do we got here all right update woman critically

injured in west phoenix shooting has died let's see woman shot killed in phoenix early saturday morning standard that standard ok homeless man beat cbs worker for son block that's a one suspect is desired is described as looking like if che guevara fucked a lizard phoenix police arrest suspected deadly shooting what is going on out here stolen truck from phoenix captured on speeding up when they have anything nice phoenix wedding invitation designers must serve

algae bt arizona here we go they don't like markedly martin luther king they don't like the gaze j j goddamn gaze what are they gonna do they gonna walk around and enjoy themselves get back we're gonna want you feel it warm at twenty one accused of abuse

three year old boy see ladys it goes both ways women also beat man let's read that one this is always uplifting her i dont know why this there it is there we go ok phoenix woman twenty one accused of abusing a three year old boy my first question is adjourned be like what what did the kid do you i mean can the kid walk is it big enough to make a fist you know me there's no excuse to hit a woman so if this kid was punching honor you know because it wanted to breastfeed or some shit then i think she had every right to just pick him up by his ashes

but gosh is that whatever push him write off that plastic putting a phoenix woman who's been who is who had been reported missing earlier this month along with a three year old boy now faces child abuse charges in a case court document says i'm not going to say our neighbour i swear to god first named looks like tequila twenty one was arrested thirsty on suspicion of one count of child abuse in connection with injuries to the toddler how shake it off investigation said in a quart i also see how far into the beating of a child i can go just how quiet this crowds going to get the child was beaten on its birthday because it wasn't a happy with the cake they suspect said well if you didn't like the kick your shirt you're not gonna like this lit candle i'm not reading the rest i'm not reading the rest of this this is too sad

i don't know what is wrong i take this back it's fun making you guys for could really comfortable i'm adjoin the shit out of this read some more sad news in phoenix let's see how far we can by the way you can feel the downtown area by re to blow up i'm tellin you gotta great food area down the street god you got guy arena is a sea the escobar man that you'd i can feel it i said who's in cleveland and i turned around i know what's going to happen in detroit and whose kid who phoenix is the detroit of the south west it is you just never had a riot cause you don't let african americans in you stay that's what yes that's what it is who says no to a day off you guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves what else

local headlines is what i'll ended with this year i do assure you goes too much right valley traffic closures that's not exciting thank you for backing that up man now it is i did not pay money to come out with you too the traffic report i can listen at home i am radio thank very much count offers free dog adoptions to ease the crowding right let's talk ok we are to go fuck and beat up kid let's talk about abused animals is my dog where in their no my dog lives in a house out here that i bought for it so go fuck yourself what was happening is the amount of money that i was spending to board the dog was than a mortgage out here so i said fuck it and i up like a hue hefner lease with my

trainer it's like guides long is the dogs alive you live here rent free and you take care of it i come out visit whenever i want is like cool i go when the dog dies then you know you either by the house so you believe you start rent and he was i call so you know damn well that dogs get fuckin sirloin every night it's clear the dogs is clio and she barely remembers me now cause she's gettin treated so well fuck it houses nicer than my one and allay so they a gulf mr gil trip but there are now let's talk about this saga this shit over here and talk about what you guys do two dogs and this day what is with this fuckin advertising am i a netflix whenever coca cola we are so much more than cola yeah you're fucked

gum disease where's nea she's right backstage he'll be a minute i'm fucking with the issues at home taking care of our child it's not gonna happen not gonna happen sir just like your dreams that is not going to happen your dreams come true in need come on out here by anybody watch texas tech oklahoma game jesus it was like no flock indifference in them none whatsoever way i beg you to everybody here thank you thank you to everybody here that is dead is come out to the office comedy podcast network are first ever podcast first of all its better smashing success because when you walked in we had the weird caddy shed play outside

play that corn all fuckin gave you can drink a bunch of bears this is so it's all about all about hanging now get fucked up listen into morons you don't know how to read do pod chess that's what this entire thing is all about our eye woody guy houston orbital spoke in houston astronauts going up two to one do the one against the la dodgers i don't know who to root for in this one cuz you know i live in los angeles you know i know houston just had that hurricane but it's over right everything dried up those fans look happy and dry when you watch the gay may almost almost to the point i was just go look out nicest looks what was all that fucking complaining about cases ice it rains a little bit and everybody out houston start losing their fuckin minds you know i think one of them is ever sent a postcard to seattle those poor people sit in rain

three hundred sixty days out of the fucking year i will guarantee you not a fucking peep not a peep from houston used jesus what a shady city that its nasa are you people down there i bet that whole fuckin houston that whole fuckin hurricane i bet it didn't even happened i bet they just let some day i want to go down there when it was all excuse they killed the last few people alive that that were part of the fake lunar landing reenactment at nasa so got rid of them and what else goes on a tuesday

yet the clan right outside their that drags people to death which supplies in getting applies break here and fuck in arizona there is one other thing what the fuck was talking about was talking about now then they got haliburton haliburton change they fuck a name i know we're over there to fuck in what are we doing over there where we were concerned about their freedom we gotta get these a racket to be free gets awkwardly silent here oh you know what i did it up so anyway i think i'm gonna be i think i'm gonna tell you right now why the fuckin stroessner gonna win the world series ok i'll tell you why it's gonna happen it has nothing to do with baseball and has to do the fact with the jason law head is rooting for the dodgers these air

night jason why had grew up in cleveland right he's fought ok the second you come out of the room the curse of that city just engulfed him and every he goes he's like the mush abroad stale just tear up your fuckin tickets ellie its own you're not gonna win another gate and i have no idea machine running that there's gonna be there's gotta be seven games i hope will be seven gives give me something to do i do this is going to be seven games do you know that there's going to be seven gamesir does somebody know or because of the money you think it's all about the money that's why i don't get that's why i don't give to charities anymore i'm done with bucket charities i didn't give one fucking dime to houston want to walk up to me up to your neck and water with i live in houston had then i'm gonna give you money right but i'm not give

any of these fucking things anymore cuz they're these fucking organizations they keep time i'm convinced that the most of them they just they just keep the fucking money that's what anytime you see a tragedy just know that there's a bunch of people going on i can make a bunch of fucking money off of that hashtag i care to right and then you give them twenty dollars you feel like you did your part you know what i mean how much money think trump collected before i went over there what those bounty paper towels it just handed porter rico he must have made a fuckin killing but we spent the rest on here plugs and focus on honesty and how he became a redhead as they get older and our understanding it brown hair six somebody transitioning i cannot get somebody like changes religions that all this is going to make sense everybody

uk still kid fuckin hear me i don't know what to do should i stick this and my fuckin mouth then can you hear me how that is a good does this work is this working for both of you maybe if i click this onto under the microphone jesus christ you know what this feels like right on this feels like when i was in summer school and i'm just staring at the fucking clock like twenty three minutes twenty three minutes jesus christ why did i wear a sweatshirt out here oh by the way i gotta do i gotta do a promotion i gotta do a promotion i saw i went to a movie premier of the thirty four thirty the nature boy rick flair is common out i have to tell you this right now might be the best thirty four thirty ever fuck and saw it should be not actually it is ninety minutes

ninety minutes i thought it was only thirty minutes over ninety minutes sir it wasn't your dream came true see that everybody i want to start a charity for this guy in a portion of the proceeds are going to go to towards him the rest of us are going to go to make a new fuckin drunk it up put his picture on the base drumhead each day thousands of people are dying of cancer and i want a boat if you can this number we put a slight dent in it and i can get the boat oh my fuckin dreams and finally get rid of my wife and living openly with my mistress please take the number down the first three people that call it will get a free t shirt with a donation of over three

times the cost to produce this t shirt no one will check to see if the t shirts were actually sent out that's a move people these two fuckin this three moves to make in this country at this point you exist in the future one either grow weed and its separation that it becomes legal at federal level and you can get it out of your fucking state because i know in colorado the adjusted drowning in the shit they got more we then they got hippies they got me oh my god i gotta tell you that the dirtiest look and white people you ever going to see in your life or in colorado i can't imagine be in a minority in colorado looking at the white people dare you gotta be thinking like how the fuck are we working for these people

how are these people running shit i mean every body just looks like they fell into a vat of put julie right you know i always inner tube in shit they just live outside the just i don't know that's like in the denver area you know then you get out in the western part of the states and then did then it gets better you got the illuminati in the rocky mountains it out i mean they make short stays nice and cold up there so the body of their first wife never never melt away you know i mean that's what they can do it that's the cold war what you gonna scheme with the third wife today yeah we're going on the double black diamond that's code for i'm gonna fucking steerer into a tree you know that what's going to happen with global warming really hits and all the snow melts up and fuck in aspen avail the amount of dead women that

to be underneath there the amount of first wives the before i made my first will million love you don't owe me when i was at the college level before i went pro you know i don't know sometimes i think you ought to be able to kill you for what's up cuz this like too many people on the planet and then also can maybe like put them on their heels that's saying you do it but just the fact that she would know it was okay i think from where i sit whatever really positive effect on the relationship i think the reality tell viewing would go down i should do these more because with you guys and i won't get in trouble you know i mean it's gonna by myself and there's dead sale

stop sounded like a fucking around it sounds more like is this guy reading from his own manifesto the otter come up with creative ways to get rid of people like us the optimal number according to something that semi semi is five hundred million people on this planet it were up to six point five billion so i think that this is things that you can do like stop rescuing pitfalls you ve just set them free and let them wander the streets in packs and then everybody has a cyanide pill you out so if you get enough if you want to be ripped apart by a packet wild ducks

you can just eat it every once in awhile baby you do that like i know like there's some sort of incentive for your family if you off yourself you know what i mean i think if you off yourself that's an even better workers and they can like prepare revenues have a bunch of carcasses on the side of the road that cause diseases which is good but after a certain point you be once we and under five hundred million now you just killing the chosen once the blue chips right they shed like an nfl combine to find you know you gotta get yours every country has get their roster down do it down to one number right you're loud a hundred thousand people you're not allowed to join by race religion sex or anything like that right and you just have the best of the best of

race sex religion all of that fucking shit that we care about right you just have that cruise ships now no cruise ships that's not going to work cuz that's awesome environmental disaster i i regret doing that bit on my last special i never thought of all the oil that was gonna be seeping there so my new one is that you just let him pull into port and then you just see two small malta they die happy you there's silly add to their flip flops no no no no that's right this time like this don't you think there should be more caring somebody told me to do that there actually selling land on mars

can i somehow get in on that can i sell you the whole fucking planet four hundred and fifteen grant you can get out there and figure out there's no atmosphere then you're going to die i mean it's there you can see it what right do the telescope i sold you that if you can get there grieve it's going to be all yours it's going to be all yours that's the way you know something right there that be the first wave of how you get rid of people you sell land on mars anybody that goes to buy you go ok you want you got a little bit and come down here to claim it and then they walk into a room like joe petty good fellows right you put gone to their head you like hey wait a minute what the fuck it's like we'll do you obviously dont want to be here rather go to mars is too crowded you know i'm going to send you to heaven man you can see

all the planets like good people wonder if there's if this life on other planets you don't mean like why would you you know who gives a shit if there is you can't talk to a bit too far away you know what if they're smart enough to get here do you really want to wave your arms you know why don't you just hitchhiked down the fucking i wait and see what happens are echoed you some reads here for this week ok here we go look who's indo chino indo indo gino talk about how every man looks better in a suit you know what i'm having gay thoughts you know i was gonna fuck man

i would i would prefer that he was in a suit because i don't want to feel dirty afterwards i'd like to feel that i was with the gentlemen that was raised right lasting i'd want to do is fuck a gay guy from denver wherein is flip flops this fuckin wine shirt it's probably the last read for these guys right indo cheat always making it easy to get a perfectly tailored suit at an incredible price you can choose from hundreds of top quality fabrics and personally you're so just the way you want it whether whether it's for work wedding are and others other spent another special occasion i can't read people and oh cheetah has suited up hundreds of thousands of men and our the largest made two fuckin madge

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do you know where to post your job to find the best candidate zip recruiter is different that's why zip quota would sit procure you can post your job to over one hundred fuckin one hundred up just curse to give myself time to catch up one of the webs leading i feel like i have like the strawberry my hand that i'm just never going to eat with this little lapel like somebody said something really interesting you dont say really little fucking acorn with outta you can post your job over one hundred of the world's leading job boards with just one click show you can rest easy knowing your job is being seen by the right candidates then zapruder puts it smart matching technology to work actively notifying qualified candidates about your job within minutes of posting so you receive the best possible met matches find out today wise

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the gray one may andy's everybody about to go beyond these may be it is always one kind of doesn't do it right dodo beyond days beyond ease up someone kills you tonight i had do was listen to me i don't have to mike's i should have three i don't know this fuckin wind screens is soft does your take when you wear repair this fuckin shit they

for the lady is dry and out your fuckin clam alright sir ok me andy's everybody me undies makes you but what monday's your but will be proud to where i hate that fuckin word see they're your ass you know but just to you know i'm an ass man i just that word never just but that's it gave a flat ass you ve won over lower back down here ankles you know i mean that's all i'm built naked eye of the exact same silhouette is the pink panther began big features fuckin straight right down i swear to god you could i ever icing off my back to marry me undies makes andy's your what will be proud to wear and check this out i'm not the only one who loves me undies listen to my life

time listener and me undies enthusiasts george has to say is this george michael did he write this from beyond the grave maybe you are the first month me on these member that when he was shaken his s data will be nice touch body and book in jerky bob in a fog imported de there get rest with jesus bus double wearing my fucking cowboy boots i like that guy and now he's dead i write a note from george and a billboard listener and me understand i decided to try out me undies because i love be billboards me undies jangle i smile every time he sings at this reeks of being rewritten by the advertising what kind of man says that

i just look out the window and smile do you do just smile when gonna believe a word of this although it so easy to skip ads in a podcast i always listen to bills reeds and i'm so add me under says stuck with did al gore right this it's this is about is sincere resume if i told you my theory on why hilary keeps fuckin losing even though surely lost once it's because she has might do carcasses charisma and she's is com bull in our own skin is al gore and you combine those two and what you have is a dope that loses two an even bigger dump man this is a trump state i can feel it oh yeah is making it better for you it's too late it's you at a chance you get a chance at a day off and you said no this is the fuckin candidate you ve always been waiting for

just come in and wherein is red tying this fuckin silk underwear tell you how it is all right though it so easy who gives a shit about this fuckin guy smiling looking out the window with silky balls before me and these are used to buy a three pack of underwear it retail stores until i realise that i wanted to treat my junk to something more comfortable in its and that starts with a great pair of beyond these cradling the family jewels to get twenty percent off the best and softest underwear and socks you will ever own for free shipping and a hundred percent this fact should guarantee gotta be unleashed outcome slash bird that's me on bees dot com slash per hour i started to hide something here forty minutes everybody just like that just like that forty minutes that you'll never get back thought he was gonna be standing up i thought there was to be moreover show i thought the bijou girls

i saw i monies will stand up at so fuckin hot in here we stand up he's he's stand up he wants the world to know that the fuckin podcast waiting speak up i got two fuckin microphones here how much more can i speak up sir they can killing each other out what they amplification are they both polite now you go now oh god we above board in the nineties i dont know offend you with my yellow skin and your black skin i want to sit in this big chair cause i feel like i would think that i know something over here here we ladies and gentlemen welcome to another episode of masterpiece podcasting while this way now got and he has a whole new sound and here i hate that i met the fuckin old age where i have to cross my life

when i sit down i don't what happens members a kid you just fucking sat down i guess it they're constantly stretching out my fuckin hip this couch was supposed to be now so i saw the premier of the rick flared nature boy vote i don't think i've ever fuckin laughed at hard i mean i have to go back to like a richer prior special there is arguably one of the funniest fuckin human beings ever and i have to say some of what i can comment about that guy in this nature boy thirty four thirty that you have to fuck it see is he did not run from anything he owned up to everything good or fucking bad they were sitting at talking like you know him fuckin around and his wife and it was just gone yet you go how long were you faithful foreign your marriage it just goes one day anyway i couldn't do it i couldn't do it i came home and i spent a day

my family and i was like born out of my mind i was in hell and it was so fuckin refreshing to hear a married guy talk about how badly he wants to continue fucking as many women as it possibly could right now no the laughter gonna go down because this too many women here in every guy has to sit there and act like he was you know like problem think about it right fuck and now i don't know what you talked about everything just being like just all the women he was with and then one point they cut back to his first wife we calls number one now this guy is a fucking legit and she dares cutbacks hamish she's a psychiatric wasn't a family man

i was doubled over laughing and then you know it definitely has its add points but he doesn't run from if you can say he's a bad father or if he's baby like an alcoholic i don't want to ruin germany the lines but he was to say like i don't know if i'm an alcoholic i never tried to quit there was just one fucking closing bit after another sky it's like i will close with that i would close with that i will close with that and i just kept going he did tell this one story i'm all twisted up in my twenty fuckin microphone he did tell this one story to the crowd that was there he talked about how we one night he was on the road and he was out party in regos and i woke up with a couple of ngos i woke up next to an alien which is what he calls being like black out drunk and just waken up next to some woman you don't even know and they say name goes i woke up and it was an alien we had on one side in an alien on the other and i looked

my rolex was missing so i wake the way not but i go why was my where's my watch and they go don't remember they go you don't remember and it goes now because the last night you through your ouch into a ball spaghetti and you said i got fifteen of these fuckin thanks this was just a throwaway story but a club this is packed house i'm killing just numbering lines that he said tell you have to fuck and watch this guy is it's like i'm tell

they ought to give him like the mark twain award there always given to like these these fuckin people you know i'm data they give it to some people that a funny but then other times it just you know sometimes that's like that guy is not as funding is fuckin rick flare you gotta get him in there you don't you know they wouldn't thou cats it's always like the you know that the arts may metal street and but lumber black the fuck are you you don't you think she could fuckin be that good an actress after a couple of back body drops you think she could do the flare flop and keep that keep that period correct wig that she has on i don't know why i'm trashing merrill street i have no idea what you know why because she's always getting towards europe yeah fuck her for doing such great work is the dumbest shit you know there's business works if you trash anybody you u inevitably you end up working for them i can't tell you how many times at

you haven't got a lotta active work but every time of aragon acting work and i'm in the fuckin hair and make up i always get to skip the hare part of course i go to the make up cited the trailer inevitably somebody comes walkin in unlike our shit i trash that person didn't hear that podcast all right i think that you guys want to listen to some reads here for this week can you hear me as everything fine is this is this working hours spent so far because enjoy this is something i should do more of it i've already have one guy boys always and be one guy boy i did like it all right on monday i discussed silkworms and how they take this spittle from silkworm that's how they make a silk shirt some go silkworms hey you ugly red faced fucking twat you really

think silk shirts are made from silk worms really jesus fucking christ do just think about it just think about that for a second bless your heart bill but sweet fuck man get your together and go fuck yourself you know it's funny is i did and i still do until i was sick like wait while how would they turn that spittle into thread but i also used to think that a fuckin i think a pony was just a little horse i did and i remember these people down the street they they had up they had a little pony just remember i just don't think a why what one is that thing gonna fuck and grow up and become a horse

i finally one day ass my mother when i was like fifteen and she just looked at me like how did you come out of me what do i googled here what is silk made out of its is gonna say silk but what they should call it a fuckin silkworm than what is silk meda what is silk fuck you sir this shit i know that you don't know ok everybody likes to feel so goddamn smart what is silk made of this right here if there's ever a hunger games and definitely not gonna make it right here the protein fibre of silk is comprised mainly of five braun and is abuse by certain insect larvae to form cocoons all right i was kind of right the best known silk is obtained from the cocoons at the lover

of the mulberry silkworm wait a minute was i write what the fuck well it wasn't spit it out i thought it was basically a silkworm spiderweb why would a worm make a spider web built maybe suicidal i dont know there's another way to make money often suicidal sink silkworms each year over thirty thousand silk worms commit suicide and i would like to buy a tesla so please send your money in our right fat but billy no roles a star just came out that speaks to everything you ve said about being fat almost automatically meaning you're not help

today there are a lot of people who say you can be in good health while carrying fat but that's just to soften the blow to people who can't lose the large anyways thought i'd share you're not is is nea says you are but maybe feel a bit of a moron just kidding go fuck yourself i had no idea but you guys lab at these people shit not me i thought you were all sitting at home as offended as i was gone hey don't say that about bill bill was my podcast friend

well well well well i guess you get to sue you fuckin friends are when you do something live are utterly dissolve should bear my short term memories i don't you know what the fuck i just said when i just read that you can be fed forget i know you're not gonna wanna be fat like that's a big thing now to be fat be proud of it you know and they talk about fat shaming all that shit yes it's like you know you should just ignore what everybody says and you should listen to your heart go in for them oh god lose the wait i'm gonna call out here i was achieved joke that was an easy one i set up you know easy i took you to the left and then i went right that's what i did was the old misdirection ill comedy cross over there are right nicely counts naturally kuntz that's right are yet another once they're the ones cause and all the wars billy in the mirror saw this article about nicely that i thought might ruffle you're feathers

the line we buy says it all ok this year this year's halloween confectionery us is so great i have people you what if what is of confectionery it's a white it's a candy store what kind of an asshole calls it confectionery you know it's funny i got this acting gig right now by the way i got to promote them why you gotta see next private come out next year it's called front runner front runner starts you jack minutes gary heart if you and i remember gary heart gary we went a little rick's layer on the rope right bang some woman and then all of a sudden you couldn't be president anymore that's out that's how bush got it because this guy was a good looking

i and the ladys liked him and that's all you need to do when the presidency right you play the saxophone you had a jump shot you don't owe me you do some like that everybody fuckin left anyway that's come enough by the what all you here on a movie set is people go and copy that copy that copy that i need discover their copy that in i get it when you say that like us can you know you look a little c b radio copy that i get that you don't owe me but people say it to just other people now this one person will be aid can you will that over they undergo copy that so why did you just say ok it's a lot quicker can you move that ok got it copy that those are the same kind of people they call a fuckin candy store confectionery let's call it

all back the guide is goes copy that it was waiting for the end of the bit see that now how does he know about callbacks how does he know cause netflix has released thirty thousand stand up specials this year we are creating a comedy special housing bubble over there come watch greatest open makers do an hour of their best material that they're down to what this point there's like everybody has our special i went to freeze myself after i die don't they tap that here the cryogenics right next to the conflict you're right i'm a freeze myself so them when they figure out how to cure death they can unfreezing me and i can do a bit of luck into an hour long one man show on netflix about what it's like to be in a forty year com net nicely everybody by way of his family

watch that on netflix now that i've made fun of them just screwed can't find it just scroll left for like twenty minutes anyway this year's holloway confectionery will contain palm oil grown on land that should lawfully be habitat be habit by carry this aid should be eighty eighty lawfully be habitat to a rang a tense i was also rang a tank like the drink rang a tense rhinos unclouded leopards out the fact that is despite commitment to clean up supply i change this is on top of them siphoning there this is this is a lot of times it's not me this is the scent

this is on top of them siphoning pocket screen just went out finally to make a point it is on top of them siphoning they do of water from national parks that you have spoken about this take water on a national parks where they had agreements native american tribes that have since expired what's it going to take to end nessler corruption maybe you can take this up as your cause the way the first ladies though this is how you stop that would you'd have to do is have politicians politicians have to start earning fuck you money rather than being grossly underpaid the fact that you know as a pod castor comedian an actor you can make almost as much if not more money than the president of the united states is fuckin pathetic you're gonna make they should have fun

you money the second become present this year's dig up just be that come in i got pitching machine that just throw one fuckin he'd all over the place should be a bag of money it tie me there then when these guys go hey can we siphoned spoken out areas like now fuck you won't get down we won't help you get reelected i don't give a fuck i got fuck you money i probably wouldn't work i know sometimes i could i do sometimes i do so i guess you don't buy any naturally crunch bars everybody stay away from their bottled water and whatever else they make do they make thongs aren t feel how the pod cast just immediately fuck and slow down the second i started reading out loud spoken unbelievable why do i do this what do i do this to myself what is the shame is because i was raised catholic i accidentally made two girls

girlfriend i write i like this guy already high william the bald big fan from kenya all this is a second language i love the podcast and efforts for family is amazing amazed you can watch it over there now could see go on go on the internet you can actually watch all these people you know you know what efforts to family i feel like captures the frank character that's loosely based on my dad you know which one i think does it the best is mexico you know because they can they got a lot of fuckin same kind of people screaming yellin temper you're gonna make it just fuckin works great somehow that'll come off racist but it was supposed to be a compliment long story short i have had a crush on to wait is in my college class for over four years jesus christ this guy move slower

one of them is dying of ovarian cancer and i feel like it's too late jays is not bad we care we care in phoenix i bet you guys all pictured a white vagina flock and act like you guys care how you try to bully me into your fuckin phony given a shit they probably showed that hurricane and fuckin houston on comedy central out here it's a little you people care guys are all about yourselves all i know where i am innocent you follow a white vagina next dynamite forbids a for vagina meekin to meet them

since four serial killers it would just be like women's body parts we're so offended fuck all you will steer even harder into it did you hear that they're gonna start haven't jeffrey dahmer day in wisconsin instead they have and all you can eat miss and all you can mystery meet day it was trying to do it's a perception that all they do is a cheese up their sake we done grounded because i'll keep fucking government this guy's at a crush on these ladys for for fucking years but since breaking up of my previous girlfriend three years ago

sided to not get into another relationship so the whole time you with this girl for three years you had a crush on two other women for four years i love this guy he's a fucking mess all deal with these two girls was light flirting from time to time what is like flirting in kenya what gotta do some starving job you want a piece of bread just fuck it within you can have the you gonna write back next next week your bill we are not somalia or ethiopia we actually have food in kenya running water and skyscrapers anyways i d really that was flirt with one at one of them is the fun friendly kind but she's

end of loose parentheses open relationship in sending nudes types are right that's the one you're bang you fuckin double rapid right a rapid and the other is conservative there is conservative introvert virgin but i really just enjoy your company right there's one you have kids with this is an easy one while a few days ago it was my birthday i had both of them and you had both of them you just gonna stop there you bang both of almost she's not a virgin anymore and i wish i had both of them and some few friends over this is a second language can we for a party i had a shitload of booze on our i've gotta guess right now the one that he thinks is loose withheld or alcohol and the virgin blue everyone at the party that's what i'm telling you

maybe i've been in hollywood too long but this can't be linear and has to make a left turn at some point to spend it into the second act ok well a few days ago it was my birthday and about over our era blah blah blah blah blah they came over i had a shitload of booze and was on autopilot the whole time but apparently i had the balls to ask the two ladys to be my girlfriend or he was drunk i don't believe this is a true story did he watch some canyon version of the brady bunch when peter has two dates in one night few days later i get a text for both of them asking whether i was serious about asking them out now and again the dilemma of choosing between the two who i really like an that i haven't been in a relationship in a while it basically forgot how to be in a relationship are shut the fuck up you

exactly how to be in a relationship that's why i want to be in one advice would be appreciated ok and the origin dania which is swahili for go fuck yourself all right well i think i think you gotta go with a whore you know if you don't want to be in a relationship but you did say girlfriend i would you sewn up to a just peace just be like listen i've been i was totally shit face when i sent that

but i have had a crush on you for four years you always gotta go with honesty with women guys go and do it you know i always think you got a lie to one and all of that shit you gotta just just fuckin lay your cards on the table is the best thing you could do she didn't they won't get mad they might get a little upset depend on what you say you know friends now graphic you get where do you see this go and i see you laid off the edge of my bed on your back with your head hanging off as i fuck your mouth while watching sport centre that might be a little too honest you could just say you know just looking and have a good time i would just go with honesty i would tell both of them do you

the fact that you not an relationship right now you get to hit the reset button you just go total honestly i would tell them exactly what the fuck happened to say had crush on both the fuckin for i would have talked of both same time but i would say i sent it to two different people and that's what i did and then just wait to hear what they say that's it and if they don't like it who gives a fuck take you and your honesty to the next situation of telling you are right that's the best way to handle the fuckin thing then i don't know somehow you just tell em what's goin on our christ i gotta tell us or his story free one time when i learned about honesty i was in my fucking early the mid thirty's out just sick a line and i met this chick she was like twenty two years old so we get back to my apartment this ladys leaving right now she can't bear to listen to this right now so we get back to my apartment start making

how's everything as she goes wait a minute she goes like wait a second she said where is this going and i said no we're only chatting me i go i'm like fifty years older than you by the time you're thirty i'm going to be like eighty six years old all right this is going to go nowhere so whatever you want to do sexual but you don't want to do with somebody like you do with me right and then you'll never have a mid life crisis you got it out of your system know what she said you and our right now is it do they not as prudish is you think they are don't be a fool that's the number one thing you gotta you gotta go with the fuckin honesty do you like me no no you don't have to be made you not to be me

i like you but not like that girlfriend loves my long hair i don't go fuck yourself jesus christ what do you do next go up to somebody with leukemia my girlfriend loves my sick free body but i don't i just know about you guys have this thing with disease what is it with you eyes and disease why does it make you so said its mother nature trying to help us they should close down all the pharmacies okay and if you're lucky enough to be disease free you'll live that so we need to do tough decisions have to be made ok so i've been growing my hair out for a while since i enrolled in college i'll do that's the time to do it good for you grow your hair out livia steed seagal years in your twenty

get biased sword sit there indians dial meditating out on the fuckin some sort of bluff or what i never went to college really i never lived there we call on the compound the wide area the grassy area just try to act interesting anyways and i'm about to graduate this upcoming spring my girlfriend in a few friends convinced me to grow my hair since they are all they hippy type that's not the cool long hair skype for because a university in denver i dont consider myself a hippie at all but that is the crew i run with since i have no most of them since can high school they are all close friends a couple of them have long here too i was open to the idea since i've had short here for most of my life before that the long here turned out looking pretty good too my girlfriend though loves the long hair on guys a few days ago told her passingly that i've been thinking about cutting it and she immediately seemed really

concern saying i just don't think it would look good and but i really love how it is she just dating you for your hair sir but that she's only our data guys with longer hair dude if you're looking to get out of this relationship one quick trip to the fucking barber this is the easiest break up ever and you gotta go hard core i get like a cop flat top hair cut detective mustache this is the easiest break up ever her concern kind of annoys me as she was saying that she would not be attracted to me in general if like if i cut it to me it seem pretty shallow considering we ve been together for almost three years yet did she doesn't love you she doesn't love you get your fuckin hair cut get out of there that's what i i'm pretty fed up with my long here and everything that comes with it knots hair trying you know get in my eyes

yeah do you yet you learn something you don't you did something for her not for fucking you right here like it you telling you you don't like it she says she's she doesn't like the fact that you don't like it it's all their sir all right this is what you do you fuck her one more time and then you go get your haircut i dont advise you doing that that's mean i just i just needed a laugh ok here's the last one everybody them alone will be almost at the end of the plot guess our and ten minutes just like that first ever live one you go right guys lie on tinder surprise hey all bill twenty nine year old single lady living in virginia along with me

studies singles my age it seems i've had to try out various dating sites and apps over the years but haven't had any success cultivating anything more than a date here or there i realized this my god this is so fuckin long lady maybe we got to the point you get a second date that was a cheap shot admittedly that was achieved shot i got anxiety and how long this was rather than admitting that the fact that like to read out loud i blamed her i'm sorry and i'm sorry for your horrible social life let's continue i realise a lot of this was likely due to the fact that i've been pretty overweight my entire adult life thou now said however the last year they have not managed to lose a hundred twelve pounds a year that's fucking awesome it took a year and a half good for you hundred twelve pounds accounting she's not done yet

she's like john l why she's gettin the rings at the end of a career and two taken all that shit the press is finally living up to our expectations i love it accounting encountered by changing my died and literally running my tits off on the lips go for an hour five times a week that's fucking amazing good few anyways last week on tender i match with the very cute twenty nine year old guy he initiated the conversation we had a great back and forth comparing what podcast we listen to i found out he actually lives in ohio and was only travelling in my area for work for the next few days are right that's a red flag and he's on tender he's gonna get his dick such a right that's it you don't want to know how many brothers and sisters you have and what you're hobby oh do you like to cook fantastic why don't you cook my balls in your mouth

as i strove my dick over here that the brutal honesty women like honesty anyways i know i should have called it quits then but i got some of them had that can actually hold the conversation it seems to be a real rarity these days he asked me out to dinner but because of my died in wanting to be nice i offered for him to come over for a home cooked healthy meal when you didn't filament of the back story now he thinks he's think he's get nato this is how guy stake ok we want this whole me to think that end guys have to be honest about how they think aright he came over was just acute was just ass cute and person as in his pictures the great conversation kept flowing people

you just met somebody on the internet invited them over to your fucking house please tell me how to fuckin pistol taped to the inside of each leg great conversation kept flowing in six hours we were making out we both had up early the next day he left with plans to hang out again the next day of the work we did and ended up hooking up he left virginia the next day but we continue to message pretty constantly over the next week with him initiating the conversation most of the time i swear to god this three paragraphs left and i want to apologize to each and every one of you i want to have a benefit for all of your ears having to listen to me have two fucking read this damn long please call the number at the bottom of the screen and a portion of the proceeds

go to everybody's eardrums in this room and also my dodge to dora hemi pickup truck for forty grant anyways all seem to be going pretty great except the eight hour distance in between one another vulgar ok guys never looked at a globe however you know what there's an eye in virginia there's an eye it ohio they must be pretty close don't they out the ties by avowal in the middle of them there's something all seemed to be going pretty good ok seventy eight blah blah blah nothing really came ok however i just had a feeling something was quite right so i googled i've guarantee he has a family nothing really came up except is i don't know what proof then a few lines down i see an old wedding gift registry site with

name i called it swear to god i didn't read this before you this sounds bad out loud you should hear when i require lena just hear me stuttering in my brain i searched all the girl names on the registry along with his last name on facebook and been go all over this girl's profile our cue pictures of a sweet couple the other half of which is the guy there was and i was in bed with a week ago the son of a bitch is met married what do i do here bill the wife all the guy out on his shit and rip i'm a new one do i send his wife a message and tell her what he's doing he tried both the whole although women are going yes other guys like now now move on move on his travels the majority of time for work and i'm sure i'm not the first person he's done this to hear

they deleted is tender profile and our text message have only been p e g for the most part so i don't have any concern concrete proof to send her i feel completely wretch wretched w r e t c h e wretched hour and i was right jesus christ wretched i thought this when you like puking retching our right everybody's got a degree in the rough i feel completely wretched terrible for the most part i unknowingly played in this entire i played into this entire situation no you didn't you didn't unknowingly of this is like one of the oldest fuck stories on the internet also any dating advice for me moving forward is also appreciated thanks for the vice and congrats on that beautiful baby girl yours thank you very much

all right or billy became a father first of all i gotta be honest with you you're kind of go in hillary clinton on this thing where you're not taken any spots ability for this loss whatsoever you're blaming him you're calling him a piece of shit year of the electoral college your boy aiming sandinistas rebels everything but you ok you went on tender tender the total hookups site it's full of fuckin scumbags like and then guess what you meant a fuckin scumbag so what i would take out of that is

not go on dating sites and i would try i don't no i would join like a fuckin sports league or some shit like your place some softball i will try to do some hobby thing i know this sounds like an old guy think but like you know the fuckin internet is the internet now if you want to go blow up disguise to make you feel better i made you you can also do that i made i mean i don't know what i do i just when i fucked up i just go i fucked up and i just i walk away from me if you want it if you want to do that that's up to you i don't fucking know i mean who knows maybe maybe his wife is a blow on em you know let's try to blame is innocent wife now you know i just feel like in this age of hyper feminism the way women always just stick up for other women that guy's need to start doing this so i have to stick up for this

sweet piece of shit here maybe maybe you know maybe just to the love's gone in the relationship they got the kids he doesn't want to leave he just wants to know what it likes to have fun again and you if you were fun any gay fuckin you know it's kind on you though because the first night when you just hung out all you gotta do is look at his wedding ring and if these where in a ring you'll see the indentation from it i mean you gotta go a little bump bump bump bump right man i don't know why i blame it for you i blame you i have no excuse for this fuckin guy i don't know i mean what about george clooney in that that movie ways flying around on the plains and he showed up and that woman at a family you know did he say anything

he did was to call up in the air right reviews back that woman and then he went to her house and he found out that she was married and it was like i'll fuck just walked away that's what guys still think we just we just walk away women start poland hedges out of the front yard so put rabbits the fucking stupid shit like this that's why we die sooner than they do because we just hold that are not just fucking bitch

we need to carry that around the rest you like women get to get it out we ass a thing if he has kids and shit like maybe he's just going through a fuckin phase these work it out you gonna blow up that family and their dad's gonna leave and just just so you know there's gonna be two kids cry of this guy has kits as you have kids person i would just take the loss and move on i would just go like listen i i checked it out i found out your marriage you fucking piece of shit and because i'm a cool chick i'm not going to call you fuckin wife go fuck yourself

you could do that oil just before you to sit i don't know what to tell you i can't through another guy in the bus like this that's what you would do they ago someone in the crowd so that's what i would do keep losing weight and move the fuck on which you have to listen to what you have to go yeah you don't gotta look at that guy like you gotta look at that guy like when columbus was sailing ass the ocean he didn't see land first he saw branches so he knew that something good was common right that he could exploit and cut arms off when they didn't given of gold ok allegedly i got a new evidence shows that he was this what what did you find some scrawl it into a fuckin tree get just look at the sky ok you and after you take some losses on your way to a championship ok you don't blow up the whole team

down the fucking arena that's what you want to do just know this takers compliment you lost so much weight you were worth risking a house for i don't know i got nothin aren't you know what that is the plod cast this is the first ever mike podcast thank you guys so much for coming up i hope you had a good time i hope you enjoyed it i hope it was fun go fuc yourself and i'll check in on you on thursday thank you goodnight