« Monday Morning Podcast

Monday Morning Podcast 12-9-12

2013-12-09
Bill rambles about proper murder in war, traveling in Europe and chocolate covered berries.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey, what's goin on still poor innocent, the morning podcast from for Monday December knife. Two thousand and thirteen are you doing How are you, how do we get who's? Your Christmas shopping? Oh my god, their story. People, thereby for there's time? What am I gonna? Do you know what you the dough. Just back, I'm a fucking cake right. You walk, Up any emotion right near Fuckin, cunt, happy holidays fuck. All You know it's always why you like me, you judge me and my goddamn gifts like a gift for you, it's right there you get frosty in your cubes right. Who else does it for you know and now you know now. You know who really cares about you? Sorry, I'm gonna, grumpy, the mood of having a great time over here, stood still in Europe I'm in the Emerald Isle, Ireland, I'm in Dublin, Ireland tonight quietly tighty Tito
I did this morning already called the European Anthony guys to announce the second annual Patrice O Neill Kommeni benefit all the proceeds goes to his wonderful family, his loving family were girls who didn't give some money for victims strokes, it's just a great great, better! down that we're doing again this year, because some People wanted to come last year. We only did one show, so people still want to come out. But also a bunch of other comics, were like what the fuck bill. How come you don't ask me to be on it and I was like well listen. Yeah. I tried I did my goddamn best right so don't it again this year and I'm just gonna keep fucking goal. Hopefully as long as we can because what betrays was dawn? He was taken care of his family so where his friends and stepping up and God dammit wanna cheese, help us step up by buying a fucking. What we well built, but first, why don't you tell us about Wonderful, tell that's all the show what God damn it, I'm gonna write.
You have the wonderful Jimmy Norton Nicht APOLLO David, tell all in Quinn Day, cook talent, mice, rich Vos, Bonnie, Macfarlane, Keith, Robinson Robber, Kelly, big J oversight in Herriston, ok, is about a show out there will? Then god dammit you go to it. But if you don't come on down Tuesday February, eighteen, Two thousand and fourteen, its around. So right now will have the link you follow me on Twitter. I got that up there already dogs for a wonderful, wonderful cause and dumb its becoming a great thing. Now we're just gonna be salaries nothing, I'm just great friend, and how funny was in his unbelievable work it's now also become a kind of like a reunion thing. It's really become a great thing, so we'd love you to come down shared experience with us while raising money for a wonderful costs day ago and die summer. You bitch,
me going like dough wise it on a fucking Tuesday. I got school the next day. I understand that I apologise, but you know if you want a great loss, of comedians. You know to do a benefit Tuesday is the night when the you guys are in town, most people, gigs on Saturday night in that type of shit Some people are out of town Tuesday, nice is the night I picked because you know much as you want to go to this thing stand a comic wanna beyond the shell, because we all love the guy. So that's why it's Tuesday night! I know it's a bit of a pain in the ass, but it's a goddamn charity. You betcha charity. All comics are working for free, okay, so go fuck yourself. One person who complained about that. It knit annoyed me so much that I felt like I needed to address it there. We are onto the podcast, oh my god, the play it's a bad and the thanks. I say I can't
Fight, if I just did the sun Opium Anthony Butter, a unified, told you about it last week, I will I need to warn you guys. I went saw the Sistine chapel. It is the Sistine chapel. I thought it was the sixteen as in one sex and I was sitting there with the lovely near as we were standing a fucking line that wasn't that bet that bad, because it was the winner time. Basically, this is a deal when you go in to see the Vatican Yesterday, the ass ended the Vatican. Ok, and I'm gonna really sidestep the easy job there. Ok, with all due respect, all the victims. When you go into the aims of the Vatican, you have two options: go into the Sistine Sistine chapel you'd go left! You go right! Ok, if you wired, like.
Go to the right, you'll go right into the Sistine chapel but if you an unlucky dumb current like myself, you go right, left right, pocket, ongoing left and I went left and die you go through the whole Vatican Museum and within their they have every vestment, every fuckin spatula every light bulb every fuckin. Priest ever used and you, walking through it and it just keeps saying Sistine Chapel assisting even I still thought I was sixteen, because I'm a fucking idiot right so in every other room. The ceiling is painted, so you walk in. You like, as you said, is, is this. This is the first game. Now I'll keep Goin keep gown ratio. By the time you get through all this shit, you don't even care anymore than you walk in there and its work decorously small, not near he's biggest. They make it. Look on tv only make it look like it. You know what
take up those ceiling of your living room, just that one picture God so diverge Surely touching the other guys finger it, isn't it's just a little fucking thing that you could cut out of the ceiling put on the euro. Gets all your friends house one weekend. Is that from this this, Staying chapel do yeah. It is. So why did he was worse? Is once you get in there and then you looking and you stuck on my questioning their favorite than what the fuck all the guards who are staring they're just sit there shooting people all time here and there and that's when the stand. A comic in me Slash control, free kicks in you, like you know what fuck you fuck this stupid picture and you silly outfits from three hundred Ten years ago, are you got every goddamn thing in this museum? Exceed that every fucking shoe ever
plainly: what are you that everything about the catholic church in here, except for the rape, murder and the fuckin pedophilia. I love the balls to say that, because they are their own country a sovereign state as they say so as much as I want, to say that aside from puss can do. I didn't have the balls to say that or the wherewithal to think of that. In that moment, when it was being shift, I didn't know what happens like what happens if you say something like that when you're on the Vatican grounds, just kick you back into ITALY, you don't mean order, they take it down into some tension and basically treat you like each treated a lot of little boys. I couldn't resist sorry about your fucking, Jesus fixing it now, if you're Jesus freakin, you still listen to this year and it s all right, ass? You know what that you don't. I think anyway, supply
had so so I mention I said Sixteen chapel too near what did I say do I said you know what this fuckin line is so long already forget about. The summer time. So you know we should do. We should open a bar across the street. I go, we should call it the seventeen chapel. You know and she's looking at me like. What are you talking about? I see no sixteen chapel in question. Seventy chapel you get fucked up. Fifteen swung from standing in the light of the sub, got them long. He just sort of Carter, hedges. I built you realize it says steam Chapel realise that I just smiled at her. Then she just started laughing at me just realising what a fuckin idiot that she's decided to spend your life with and I'd love to,
you guys that that was just a joke that that's just a silly fuckin anecdote. It isn't it's a hundred percent fucking true, a kind of new was sixteen, but it just became sixteen in my head, I the same disease. My dad has worked for joy. Always entire career. He called them John on way We like Dad Elway Elway, we like what is it way. Anyway. This dish this job on way of telling you this guy, he can, you can run, he eat, confessed, tat its anyway. I heard you just. Let me finish. Let me finish this guy. So I think I inherited from him. I don't I don't hear well of soul. For my own thoughts is near, would suggest, but either way
somewhere along the line. If it the sixteen travelled to me that it makes sense to be the sixteenth everytime. I think I'd like to build the bedrock of stupidity right some ask someone else comes along. Ways, but since then I have left ITALY. Sadly I left ITALY. The food was spoken on real Anna you'll kill me silent around here. I was that I set my shirt, making only fuck annoyed that that there was just to my ear god dammit. About now about a snake move right here we go literally laying here with a fuckin pad a paper under my recorder, so stupid I'm I'm not funny sitting down. I got the laying down of standing up don't walk around for an hour and a half a fuckin hotel room. I gave with all that
scratch or anything. I thought was in the head thought that there was a bug in there like a star trek when they crawled into that guy's buccaneer. Where were they dropped as little maggots in there. Terrified, anyway, plumbing ahead. So I leave ITALY it's. Why up to war, Waited glass go so I have to connect in Amsterdam is fly up. I saw the entire world, caused of ITALY. It was insane, and I just watch that world war, two documentary They can have all that stuff. You know these soft underbelly of the Nazi when they came in here and rather than go on in this one part, they came in the southern part, had a fight through the Fuckin mountains and that's all Taken in you looked out from the air so much of it like it's really impressive. Like even all show that zillion people over there like how much of it is still those
in this field. So when you look down and looks like world war to forage, except now, it's in full color, like I have to expect that's the start- die bombing in straightening, some poor bastard trying to run into the fuckin tree line and I You fly over the Swiss Alps. And then right on up, and I was just fuckin incredible him- a goddamn. Pressed up against the glass like some. You're old, on his first trip, I really ever geek for this travel stuff merits its autumn, so landed in Amsterdam all the way up to Glasgow Connected, no fuckin problems. No nothing people scarlet deck foolish; they call it have. You show up the fucking way, He checked at me and was going to my show that night, but there's a guy check on me the other, the other lady who was working. There was kind
We should go into their looking at you like you're, a fucking terrorist enough, even You look like run Howard, always got where you saying I don't fucking now we're gonna call me. Where we stand at a fucking, all tell how long you here I mean for a day really loyally for a day for Augustine applaud the whole fuckin place. So what do you think? We think I'm here for. Did you see that cloud in front of you. What you think, I'm doing here, Mr Pasty, is you you dumb fuck? Let me in your country right then I'd like that like that at all over up in Scotland, it'll give a fuck like I said: freckles cut, I'm gonna see, though the fucking shit check. There was great Sawa anyways went down. Did the dead. The show the salary is guy Gary Little opened up for me when I was a fuckin right, great guy
die afterwards. I hung out with him and that cabin bridges and a bunch of fucking drink whisky scotch. What the fuck are. You drinking decided night, talking comedy another type of thing, so I want to thank everyone. Came out to that show it was just great It was amazing, like seriously when I was on stage and like Scotland, I didn't I didn't like I was outside of the United States, suffer a couple times. I said a couple had done things, but are you know they thought they would get out whatever making fucking baseball references stupid right so that when we agree Next day kind add a little bit of a delayed flights flew down Sudan tat. One was awesome at a bunch of people came from Germany and Belgium. Telling me I should do, shows there so maybe allowed those the next time it was just ass, the Miller actually spent and extra day in Amsterdam.
And I was trying to be mature enough to let go outside and move this fuckin thing I was trying mature enough not to go down to the red Light district, you know. Across the street, where our stem from the Vincent Van Gogh Museum saw my guy, I'm gonna give not museum another chance, because I getting their anxiety when I go to museums because I go in there and it's all these smart shit there and I could give a fuck after the first exhibit like I literally just want to run through the place and get out of here and down. But I went to the Vincent Van Gogh won an absolutely loved it. I loved it for the first time a thick ass. She appreciated art,
I hate to say this. I thank her for the reason was I went by myself. There was nobody else there, so I didn't notice. I'm always like twenty miles ahead of anybody who I gotta museum with those fucking people, gotta museum with that should get the fuckin the headphones and the rapporteur and I just go from exhibit two fucking: exhibit they gotta watch every goddamn film an ice. I don't. I should respect people like that, but I don't I hate them so anyways I went to the Vincent Van Gogh. Museum then say they just have his paintings hang another fuck and war. Let yourself down, I don't know It was always a zillion miles away to me right. So I'm looking at him It is amazing, as they were, I was still in and out of their in thirty five minutes that includes go into the gift shop I walked in
and the first thing I saw was he drew a picture of like he was taken this class any he had dropped like your picture, like the skeleton of some like that of painting, draw a picture, paint and fuckin human skeleton. So we in it and in the end you put a cigarette in its mouth, is like a fuck you to his teacher so immediately. I like this guy this guy's that Thirty two shows right either the same. Is our work is not that guy he's a guy's gonna. Fake. I go, get you some both in the fuckin late. Eighteen, eighties, soil, all this shit. I really liked it. Let's go, let's is deeply I can say I really like his chalk period, these with shock or whatever the And why should I wasn't into the thick paint with the lines was that there was great for these stepped back. The more look like what the fuck he was painting you gonna cost, look like a bunch of lights. How do you do that you now he can't stand
Forty yards away with a long paintbrush, they didn't have that technology back in the eighteen eighties, they didn't don't even tell me they did. They look closely. It is paint yet a bunch of sand and leaves at it cows. Of his mind. Like is up Is there a fellow like their part? You know the damn thing to cut you off, for, although some people say love is the most important thing life, but you know it's not worth it. Turning yourself into Marvin NASH, like Mr Blonde and Marvin NASH, all at the same time, Jesus Christ, it's fucking, horrific. Seventy medicine still, while its do a little better advertising here. Night, hang on a second hang on a second.
Can I go to serve you wanna show I did over here in Europe and some most try said I pretend to be stupid and I just started laughing outside of that person ever heard me try to read out loud. They would really retract that statement. Aroused him a moron, but Europe cannot sixteen shovels, you can sign up to your fucking spell spelling Bee group there whenever my great everyone. Men, great I'm here to tell you about the man great men in it, and great this holiday season. Think the man great. What is it great you ass. They are one hundred percent made in America cast iron grilling grates that are revolutionizing revolutionizing. The way people grill named one of two, Thousand twelve best grilling accessories by men's health magazine man's great man grades are the poor a gift, this holiday season, click on the matter, We'd, better at billboard, dot com,
in eighteen. Ninety nine holiday special remember each Monday morning Park asked order, comes with a heavy duty, grilling brush again, that's the man grill enhancement system order today at billboard dot com. Right. There was only one fuck up: that's not bad! That's! That's! Not bad one over our right dollar shape club. Everyone knew no. The deal for a couple. Bucks about dollar shave club dot com delivers amazing quality razors. Where right, do you dare door? Not only does it save you, a tonic cash saved you from charging for the drugstore for before a pack a blade personally, I always get stuck behind and you know- and I know some hipster trying By some mustache tremor, what they were trying to search gotta get past, always old, lady crap, I dont get stuck behind them. You get stuck by some jerk. In order to be behind, you don't need to be. Why is that because with dollar shake club for just a couple bucks a month, a maid.
Quality razor blades is delivered. Writing a door. That's right! Nobody wasting time and no more head up for twenty bucks. Every time you go to buy raises. Everybody airs The dollar shade club blades meeting me and you should too genius idea, absolute genius try replacing your old shaving cream with Doktor Cavvies Easy Shea butter from dollar shape cod dot com what's your face. Will. Thank you later waste time at the drugstore by the lady, paying pennies gonna doll shape Club, com for large far go to billboard dot, com and click on the dollar shade club banner teachers dressed. Level low and your bank balance high shave time. Money, gotta dollar shape club Cardboard slash bill bar. I one more. Lou Plus, might Hulu, plus you I would try Hulu dot com now with Hulu COM. You can watch your favorite shows anytime anywhere Hulu plus, like Hulu plus
lets you watch thousands of tv shows and the selection a clay movies on your television or on the girl, with your smartphone or tablet and it all streams and what hd for the best doing various possible with Hulu plus you can watch your favorite current tv shows like Saturday, I live immunity and family guy. You gonna! Let you get out check out exclusive content floating Hulu originals, like the items staring at the outset, Myers and Moon boy, starring crystal dad from Bridesmaid Hulu also offers a great selection of acclaimed films, Rowley, seven. Ninety nine, a month you can stream, is made tv shows and movies. Are you want one do you want? What more do you need I'll tell you what right now you can try Hulu plus three for two weeks, when you gotta Hulu, plus dotcom slashed capital B, I L, L the special offer from my letters make sure you used the Hulu plus the council failed to get the extent of free trial and they
we sent you once again go to Google plus the like build now. Click on Hulu plus Banner on podcast page at billboard. Dotcom that wasn't too bad was. It was a sort of painless factor that takes three minutes. Aright aren't back to the past year. What else I want to talk about when I was over England, I really studies crazy story I went to London year. They had a marine over their guidance Alexander blackmail, Fanny just got Held for life for murder, of an afghan the insurgent its real. Basically, what happened was I guess they shot this insurgent guy. This
Alexander Black men, walked up to the we're gonna get the quote here. What exactly did he say? He just walk to the insurgent is the guy was lay there. I guess wounded, Annie, He shot him in the chest and said shuffle This mortal call sorry shuffle for some mortal coil you jerk off by Wouldn't do to us. And for some reason, the fucking job, a fine man, a camera in his helmet, and they filled it so now Britain has to act like they don't care that either that now they have to act like they give a shit. That's conduct unbecoming up good fuckin soldier if any We can find a poor second moment in any war in history with that that doesn't happen that's Aachen, about or on the other side, when they catch these guys were they can
You guys get him alive and cut their fuckin heads off so far. I am concerned that guy got off easy fuck him Am I the only guy some praise In private Rhine, whatever they like, a guy go. You came right back gotta kill in their guys. You set em over there to kill me the guy's inevitable, didn't do it in a proper fucking way. He saved the british people money. Now ass, a fleet that guy porridge anymore right. It's war You train these guys to murder people. He goes out. He does. It in job emerged this guy and now what got act like your outrage. Does it was felt that guy get fucked over
In fact, over the same way, the forty nine is did when they played the same. Look, I'm not I'm not pro war, I'm not, but I am also not a fuckin moron. Ok, you can't train people to do some shit that then stick em in those fallacious, fucking environments where that really are no fucking rules, regardless of whatever convention Geneva invention or whatever bullshit, that you signed Gimme a fuckin break all right. I don't think what that guy did was arising within the context of war I mean morally, isn't right are roaming more, wars and right. I don't understand was pinned down the fuckin shot that Guy Anna had they give em. They give a metal things. Fuckin stupid thing
so the guys who do at least ten years and pray speaking. I hope they send them to those Davidson Opium Anthony's one iota son that guy do the Good fellows jail. You know I'm took don't put on the union's at the start. I ok now beginning. You'll be great if everybody around the world just quit. Every army now would be perfect. Just let these fuckin nerds with their ties right in their beards and shit. Just let them have it outright. There's a fucking! have you thought a vibrating, the lyrics to a hippie sought. Sorry fuck go. This fuckin tour was towards giving the debt
Let me I swear to God. Nor did I want to talk my way through it, because I just read the fuckin. You bobby your block, highly recommend highly recommended, I'm thinking of everything he said not broken escapes me. Gonna, just focus on tonight's gave here in Dublin. I'm not thinking about how I have two fucking connecting aid. No one more fuckin time away over the goddamn Helsinki now think about that shit that fuckin flight might as well be twenty years in the future. That's bullshit! I wish I wish I believe in them Anyways, what else? Well, I guess I just in itself football. I did not want a second of it yesterday on the other side of the planet. What I was doing is trying to get sick. I guess I believe, like shit and although I did get some, I got some friendly emails from some clever brown fence. Notifying me the Patriots One hears, what pay you red, haired fuck
I haven't you guys exhausted the red haired angle that so many other things about me that are stupid, look and that you can make fun of Jesus Christ enough what the fuck I get it. A red balls you fuckin times, you know I got a job Attic forehead, you know, I'm not going. You guys out. You figure it out. You one track ponies right, hey read! You read out fuck hope your proud of the patriots when nothing cheating all day to get what you want? Brady's Assisi piece of shit: a guy. I dont understand people watch, I felt football every week and they don't see what's going on and they start blaming the other team. You know did you see whether patriots played the fucking who'd elder. We play there the guarantee remember we played that fucking game and the other the game
didn't call you referred to me. I was everybody, those fucking Lee love to a breeding meeting. We need fuckin. These pigeon feel guilty for convulsion its head. Turning to everybody It's stupid, fuck, Browns, fan, noticed at the end settled out of court. Did you notice that the they settled out of fucking court to them those fucking. Those hits. You understand that you understand that they are all about making money. Ok,. It drew breezes out if Tom Brady is out of paid Manning's out, they lose fucking money so there, dexterously protecting all of those quarter, blacks. Unlike in all sports the stars, we'll get even more cars, are right. You, dumb brown, cod. Ok and as far as the past interference calls, if you're mad at that, don't get mad at the patriots. Get get me
a GM or say in Peyton Manning of benchmarking and complain. Fucking our say, spearheaded changing the rules of coverage. You combine that with the that the NFL has hit theirs adjuration point where. There's no more sports fans left too. Watch the NFL, so now they have to get people the casual, fanned the person who doesn't give a fuck okay. If you don't give a fuck about the sports, That's what the euro is on. In the background, the way to get people's heads to turn is scoring, so everything is about scoring now. Ok that pass interference. Call when I was growing up was called coverage. That was great coverage two years ago or a Maybe. In a few years ago. That was great college. Now, considered past interference. It's absolutely fucking ridiculous. Its travesty. I've said every week or the spoken podcast didn't you.
To be the hardest thing to do in the Inn in professional sports in Anyways is they hit the curveball. It is trying to cover a fucking receiver right. You can't if you can't have any more, you can't touch him. Basically run next door, but I think you have to hold your breath because you not even allowed to breathe on with this fucking point about it: the singular. You cannot help to helmets and now they hit low and thou guys like grown. Ascii just got his knee blown out because the other guy Cleave would like us? two years ago that what about a dirty hit? Why did he had himself love now because settled out of something you can't you don't I want to help it settled. Courting a cave. Fuckin talk him so jet lag, they gotta go low. Are you fucking constantly internet who sit there saying that grown Cowskin made out a glass such this off? Really you could take a defensive back.
Going full speed into the saddle? Your knee you can, you can handle that. You're, fat, fuck and codes of glad your dreams didn't come true, honey. Like that? That's right, I came with no gloves nobler go fuck yourself? I can illustrate can week what else that I see. Rosebud tailgate legend there, some fucking commedia, that your bardic asked me I saw the broad pinewoods gave so actually watch some of the highlights of that that was very out of character. Via showed Thornton, I dont see don't get down there. I don't think he does either. I don't know why you did that. I know my showing just got hit more Shan. However, the fucking supposed to say it now, but yeah I don't condone any, although I did find it's funny, another Penguins France, not job, but the other ones talking about dirty hits. You know
they looked the other way with the absolute fucking. Just some of the filthiest talking people ever have played for the penguins and they just look the other way. You know macbook I'll Sammy's than all of those guys the amount of fucking careers. Those cuts ended. And none of the penguins fans having problems that they got all Sanderson in their ring of honor, acknowledging the bitch about shorten the fuck but having said that, I dont condoled with it happens to my team or my team, stool. That's that's! That's dirty play Yet when he should be punished but The majority of resumed do some like that now, if he does it again, then he's a dirty pieces, but I know he's not gonna write our eye with that. What else can I talk about?
what shall I do? We're oversea sports? I went to a premiere game Premier Football League game. Yesterday I went to signal first. Ever but I guess Arsenal was heavily favoured, It was an incredible Sverige. Really yeah, I guess a club itself. I guess you could call it. I don't like naming names on the pod Kasparov. They woke me up a ticket, through the promoter, and we sat basically seats in the house like the club seats, the leather shoes They gave me a little Blakey. Foil went out there in case I get cold. I took a picture of it with the hash, a cosy, smug cod. And I went out there and it was, it was great lets them Second, the songs and shit, but if we are finally in England. I would definitely picketing and I would go. Probably learn all the songs, and then I would go sit in the upper deck.
Because a wooden wanna get shit faced them up the whole going singing songs look great so anyway,. It was zero, zero Millville, the exact fucking reason why Americans do not watch soccer for football, whatever the fuck, you want to call it. Only but was still beautiful, fucking game. The watch it really. Is it's a lot like hockey? To be honest with the acceptance of grass, Long story short arsenal, finally fucking scores and the host. It breaks the song about arsenal? I don't know they ve got news back in the day. These always win wondered nothing. They they go to school. One goal is like a bunch of kids. They just would go back on defence and you couldn't score on as all crowd would sing a song one, nothing arson altogether. You gonna fuckin lose and all this shit so anyways. So they go up one now would like two minutes left and they all start singing the song, the whole Fuckin stadium set for this
little corner. That was for everyone and they their winter. The second virus doll places singing they got their scarves out, hold it up going nuts big, Oh in fish and chips looks on their faces amateur, however fuckin time and what the middle of the second verse averaging, scored. Did it take the wind out of their fuckin sales? They went through the air If people are going fucking insane, somebody like like a little smoke bob that had this blue smoke. That was the cover of everything I guess you're not supposed to do with the cops all came running over. I don't know they just told the knock it off America. They will drag like two rows out beaten with clubs, but are and then the blue smoke, this gotta went all over this one part of the stadium. I would add one the one I had a great spoken to.
I highly suggest it. If you are, they recommended. If you come over to England, you definitely gotta go Go to one of those where those games primarily games. It was fuckin tremendous and I planned go into many more and hopefully in the future, but this is up to them. I'm not there was interesting, was all the maniac scottish soccer games and the rich can scholar rugby who would have thought right. A push comes as a column, gotta Rugby, I guess in England that makes no sense to me. I would think that rugby would be like is. Is it like an elite? Is sport. I get the. If I was even talking the cabdriver this morning was gone in Ireland. He was go yet a lot. If you re going to become doctors and something less those guys do is this. Is this even remotely falconers Eric? I have no idea. I've been on a plane, everything
they feel less forty or so I don't know. Ah, that's how founded as Pakistan is a time for the year. We cannot yet not yet. Oh Jesus, Christ, Robinson no Robinson, Kenobi traded a tragedy sign with the sea at all fucking mariners for more money. Why would why would you do that? Why would you go for play second base with the New York Yankees he's gonna get a hundred. Ninety million dollars now turned forty million. I wanna go play for the Seattle Fucking mariners it what the fuck at the Seattle Mariners take had given up all they got their money. Then they learn anything for the Texas Rangers given toward a million dollar contract to a fuckin shortstop to give a short of forty million dollar contract to a second basement. I didn't it would poverty. I know he's fucking devastated. He was trying to say I'm not mad at you know I gotta take the money. The difference of fifty million die,
I get it I get it Yet that is a total slap in the face of the New York Yankees S supposed to happen. The Yankees you're no good are the biggest fuck him. Don't pay one hundred ninety billion does any leads, gladly see, I ll have a good time losing Robbie. Yeah. Gotta, do shelter. Although Seattle talk in a bunch of shit they're all the same Warner dog yeah, we're going over pay for more people see what Yankees created under the Red Sox supported at at at at at at at at oh by the way, big, congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks France for once again screaming mindlessly Eddie crowd. Scream a meter, whatever the fuck you doing out there.
Regulations on the plan that was awarded to you, that you'll probably have for like another two weeks before somebody else. Besides they gonna break. The record is any proud failed yet will they set their mind the screaming for the sake of fuckin screaming. It does have a lot of sea expanse. Think that I'm getting on their team, I'm not. I have money on you chance to win the Superbowl. Fact, if you guys do not win the Superbowl this year. I feel it's a monumental failure, because I dont see anybody else in your way whose, in your way, nobody. It's yours, too fuckin lose. You got the best garden, defects in the ETA fell defence, Wednesday, being shipped you think you can handle Peyton Manning fuckin hat box head of his at the very top. If you could put a topic On his head- and it would like that you could just pull it always to the brim- would be wrong. Thing on his shoulders, so what does that mean?
There is not a good quarterback. Now it doesn't, it doesn't mean, is not a good quartet's, a hell of a point you just made cleverly just for one week, just not sure don't pay Manning anyways Did you guys are going to want it, but that's stupid, loudest crowd thing. I swear to God, and I M in my heart of hearts. I notice real Seattle, Seahawks fans? Were there at the game they dont participate? I know they do this way. When I go to Red Sox game, I dont think sweet Caroline, I dont by the pink hatch. I don't believe that Oh shit, I don't even were red. Sox shit now want to go to a fucking game. It's got to so ridiculous. So. That's stupid, loudest crowd record when it should be done is secretly they should be recording crowds really want to figure out which one is the loudest. If you're gonna throw out the acoustics of the building,
I'd versus outside versus stadiums, deliberately designed to be louder, If you tell everybody they're coming down there, what those fucking bull horns arise. They see out of spirits, fuckin grow up, ok, if you re in the price, though blue voices you gonna win the Superbowl, the sheer ok, then you can scream and yet there, what are you gonna do try to break your own, Could you give yourself another fuckin plaque, everybody gets a ribbon Right does very little pretty fuckin bullshit for this week. What do we got here? Let's Can you? Why would someone some emails for this week? Fuck am gonna called Christ. Little fact for the podcast
hello bill. How are you doing out you showed in Amsterdam last week and it was a great show of abuse and Georgia time in HOLLAND? I did I had a great time should I tried not to go down to the Red district, but I had to do it. You know how do you not look at hookers in windows? Some real? so I would say that by myself, like a total fuckin creep, I looked out. Fascinating then said all of that and I actually saw one guy walking out, whereas cross the street shut his dislike, that guy, just fuck, the woman paid money in factor is just Most bizarre thing ever, but there are there really good. Look at Euro As far as like When you get, there was one unbelievable fucking gorgeous
wasn't that she was so good luck and she wasn't even looking out a window. She was just sitting. There are little desk it I'll. Just like Look you don't. You want to fuck me taking money out, knock door, but I'm not going to stand here at the Fuckin window right, that's fucking recorded moving around here. And I also size scale required. I was out there and they play this fuckin insane music As it was scaling around almost like this poker music, I got up the video I swear. You got all that shit. You sounds like Hitler, youth, Miss music. To me. I don't know why you see if I can play some of this, for you I'm trying to find this video. I send it to everybody. Nuth called it Hitler Annice hopping.
This will be she's gone honest people escaping around. I just came on this walking by myself and a good guy sorry anyways, let's get on with this thing, a cinch where we anyhow, I wasn't sure view being sarcastic when you stated Holly it never slavery, I wasn't. I didn't think you had did you guys had slavery and a bunch of people corrected me out. Right, because I was an hour. Let me set this up right before every this email Basically, I was in HOLLAND on December fifth That was, I guess, Santa Claus, his birthday nodded.
Oh- and I guess just officially that is Santa Claus. His birthday standard clauses was alleging that lead, allegedly Jesus Bill, a lead Thirdly, a real person. They don't know where he lived at all that its very Jesus like, but maybe he's a real fucking guy December fifth is what he was born and they celebrate by dressing like Santa Claus and essentially putting on black face, but its supposed Represent he's gone down every chimney in this city, so he's got shut all over his face. And his nea was saying so when it big sort of streets rather than put all over their fucking, blackberry, so I was I still have abundant go. Won't you guys not doing it like an offensive way. I mean you guys didn't have slavery right and they had this day. This big laugh and I thought that. Although they always like. No, no, no, no, and I thought they might like. No, no, no we're so against slavery. Don't put that shit on me. I
I guess I guess I was Rock, so here we go here the facts Since you are like me most of the time pretty unformed. It could be that nobody you that ships from HOLLAND transported about half a million slaves the transatlantic slave trade, the seventeenth century I The shit out of Wikipedia so must be valid. That's lairs use. Actually. The slave trade was one of the reasons that HOLLAND, flourished in the golden age as we call it so yeah. We did play a role in this, not really part of our history. Were proud of. You might ask yourself: why wrote This is because I'm a cut delights to tell people they are wrong. I don't think your account. I think that's great that you informed me of that so today, a gulf right there.
But why would they go up like there? I guess because they could make it diagonally across from Africa right. I love you go straight across your color. Where are you at this point? You instead of cars should be like in a rubber, maybe north of that caused the mouth of Europe. They have to reinforce. Every three minutes have done. You are this part cast our fuck. You fuck you with you with your brain out. This is a reply to that. Twenty two dating sixteen year old. Our notice! Is it Georgia to reply to it anyways a few weeks ago somebody wrote it was saying that may say where he was twenty, two or whatever I forget I fucking, He was my nose. A sixteen year old sister was dated twenty two year old. What should he do so? I think someone's responding tonight, I'm guessing as it says, three. Twenty two dating sixteen. Ok, my dad start
dating my mom. When he was twenty two and she was fifteen rose, his dad told them he could trouble and advised him to stop. My dad told him. No, it is legal. The age of consent is fourteen or something here yet when you're fucking somebody that that young, you probably want to be a little more specific. Nor is it. The legal age is like for traders opted for days. Sixteen whatever The difference is fifty that you fucking arrested. He's anyway. He said they ended agreeing. They ended up agreeing to go. Ask a lawyer, whoever was wrong had to pay. My grandpa paid the lawyer fees and my parents have now married for almost thirty years, but if some
forty, two year old wanted to date, my fifteen year old daughter, I wouldn't have yet absolutely absolutely That's a great thing that your parents stay together, like that did your mom even get to see what was out there before she ended up with your dad Jesus Christ. First restaurant. She walks into she just like this is the best food. Ever it's never going any better than this That's good for your rights do not feel it involves a war, but why would she before? Why can't she go out and do a guys do I'll? Tell you why? Because what we do to take skills, ensure that before this purchase a guy getting laid that's his skill or write a woman latest just gluttonous behaviour savings. Where is the challenge? There is now you're gonna fuckin, borrowing
and have our entire bar on one. If you wanted to write. Like what is impressive as what we offer guy forget to one one. That's like do you know the fuckin brass ring. What is, press it for one. Would you like a fifteen on one and what is impressive about it, that you could Physically, take it this bill. Where was just well, there was a whole that the level of ignorance are. Let's plough. What's this plough ahead after that forty one, forty, eight men, said Billy Red Billy, Redcoat, Coppola, Frances, Ford, cobbler, Billy, red cobbler go with Are you going to check out any foreign films? Why or overseas dude? I can't even read advertising you think I wanna fuck a watch of film heritage. Up and down like I'm fuckin texting while driving euro? If they want to do that list, to my stuttering voice in my head.
You can check it out any foreign films while overseas. I suggest you do it's a trap, seeing the cultural differences, I led the lunch. In France would check them out from time to time. In case you, don't Ok, here's what you're missing tits, direct. Betty Hills, style, slapstick, derivative, Monty Python, dryness, derivative theatre, drama, the occasional deck and more tits It's great, though so maybe you'll get lucky. I don't want any? That means it s. A lot of kids casually show somebody's Deca. They do a lot of money. Python, Betty he'll, take you, already see the originals? You know why the fuck I want to wish you think I have some better than that. Don't they. What are those fancy films that comes out at Cannes? They can film Festival wrath of cod. I bill where's, Letty, Bruce Bill, state of comic, I'm not even a huge carbon geek
I am, however, of freedom of speech. Geek Comedians are the most important people when it comes to this. So why aren't eggs who, for the most part, operate independently louder. What's going on, I just read about a blog girl, bashing, Kurth Metzger! I don't, oh he's fucking Larry's goes. I didn't know who he was my looked him up and he's really funny makes good points about that stuff. The blogger. Just plainly labels him Complete labels and thinks he's not just because she can't understand is contacts you're out spoken about it. I've been honest when asked, but why, people louder? Don't you speaking very vaguely gladder what bloggers bitching about comedy or bitching social issues. When the single out so and so, and so, and so, but there positions to speak out against the stifling of the art. Doesn't anyone want to go down as the guy you stepped up and articulated what they believe? Does
after we malicious but with some charts and grabs, you could explain to people like that. Blogger, Jim Norton debated I'm just gonna bring Jim Norton up here that their missing the point. Well it all, there is also you you can't help. It just goes away. If you talk about it get like more hits: it We just like let lazy reporting I saw and Jim debated that blogger on commercial. The house called there are totally biased, and you know I thought as you know, after all, the ignorance that she was talking about like. General terms with which she define stand a comedy and comedians, and all that, like it, actually talk about how angry comics, where I thought it was really ironic that she was sort of the epitome of all that
seem very angry. She spoke very generally about stand up and really had no idea what she was talking about thought I said that did I say that other fuckin podcast, I don't. I don't give a fuck about look. When wants to go to a comedy club. I've said this before they wanna go calmly club and take comedian seriously. They are well within their right to do that, but just because They decide to take a cab, but seriously. Does that mean that that comic now, like meant. What they said in the joke. It doesn't make the job not a joke anymore. Because someone decided to take it seriously. So can only speak for myself. To always why I don't talk about it, because I think it's silly. Considering all the other shit that's going on and then also to sit there and act like.
I can't remember last summer her rate joke like to sit there and act like that's. What's going on. Out of pocket I did that I've. I've already talked about this, so you know where's Lenny Bruce lets them. Maybe you think that's a Lenny Bruce moment to fuck and say that I read I guess what you say, what the freedom of speech, but that the block had freedom of speech. They have the freedom to work, get past off about it and if anything, it probably helping comedy. Maybe a lot a rapist wouldn't come down and company clubs Gazeta did did think that the very Huber for them It's nice to know that there is enough comics out there that have the brilliance to understand that rapists before their caught. You know, like to laughter so there you go Everybody makes up a right, Adele dating a high school check, Dear Bell, waiting.
Accidentally dating a high school check. It can happen she soon hot you so psyche just gonna blow you you know she older than are years, I'm already making excuses for this guy a twenty four year old, expatriate Australia that now lives in Europe, its every bit, the sexual buffet that Teen titty comedies of the eighties promised our desire to get in Crete because accidently dating a high school check you just we use the word teen. Ok, that's so does it seem so, accidental once scented said, please don't be creepy and continue However, I've recently started dating a certain lady and she's in every sense of the word. Smart is a whip caustic as hell and yet warm when you're, both alone together. So here's the backstory I've been here Two weeks I arrive at this at this House Party,
I don't even make it passed the front hall and I this girl, everything goes great. We hook up and we ve been dating for a few weeks fast forward, a bit breaks off plans casually mentioning that she has to study for her. This other language, the rough equivalent to the American S. Eighty as a team, don't get me wrong. The subject of school has come up. Example was, object. Was she interested Et Cetera, Et Cetera, how This is where the language barrier can be a bit of a bitch. The German. In the French can also refer a university at school, I naturally assume she met diversity. That call me Agitated sixteen seventeen years old of algae. To bring this thing full circle of wondering what I'm wondering do I bring it up break it off with this chick to give any resell. She was Joe. The French also refer to universities. School
Naturally, so she met university back home, a grudge sixteen seventeen years old. So how old is she. What do you do it? Don't you don't tell me all she is did you bring it things full circle, I'm wondering. Do I break it off with his check, which I think can be a dick move. Given that we have already had enough Lord of sex, to make HBO look like door, the explore To leave now would look like I've been leading her on slash using her order. Stay with her and risk our relationship becoming strain by the different cultural gap, for example, for example, she's dealing with the high school shit that I have long since resolved myself. Essentially I like this girl lot. We ve got a lot in common literature, art sports boughs and she doesn't find. The fact that I could, act. Pre seventies play boys creepy a huge fucking plus,
given the woman outdated, do what, when did I are attracting like sex offenders here this week, collection of porn. Tell me how old she is. The you she's in high school still lives with their parents and his french. They could be temperamental. Fuck do how old are you he's twenty four? It is the age of consent, and how old is she. I don't know what you say in your sir. How old is she I'm not comment now that do I need. I need numbers, ah right right back to right back. Let me know how old you work out. What the fuck you're asking me there Why is that I gotta go to the other half of the fucking known goddamn reads here: maybe I'll tell you a quick little story is something for you bedtime.
I invite everyone. The holidays are coming a business owner. You know what this means absolute crickets face it. The next couple of months are the key before the storm. Now is the time to do Something that will dramatically help you two thousand fourteen. What is it a voice? voices, the simple technology that helps you to make more money with a voice He voices toll free or local numbers, call routing tools and professional dial by name directory. Your business will look like a million bucks and what the voice, if you can take a call they will. Transcribed. Voicemail, Adele email. It too, you you'll, never be cut off. Again a voice has been saving companies, thousands of dollars every month, making them more efficient, more productive there is no quicker easy way to transform your business for two thousand fourteen with Eu Voice. You can try it before you buy it right. Now. You get a thirty a free trial deal when you go to your voice, darkened slash, bill bar or go to billboard dot, com and click on the voice banner the voice TAT car bill.
That's a voice, dot, com, slash, billboard or billboard dot, com and click on the EU voice. Banner. Ok, stabs dot com, And yes, I realise that just mispronounced when a stamps dot with the holidays. Almost here, you don't have time to go post office traffic parking it'll, be packed with everyone, mailing holiday gifts packages. So what to do? You stand star com? Instead, They have stopped com. You can avoid all their hassle. Man, I'm going to the post restoring the busy holiday season, everything you would do at the post office. You could do it right from your desk by imprint official you, postage using your own computer are printer print postage for any letter, a package the instance the instant you need it. The male than caused by fix it up so easy, so convenient doesn't get any better. I used in Stockholm to send out all my t, shirts and my dvds, I've a moron. Figure it out. You can't do right now. Get this special offer when you use by
they burn be. You are for, No rest trial, plus a hundred ten dollar bonus offer that includes a digital scale. It up fifty five dollars free postage come on. Man can't beat this deal. Don't wake understands our car right now before you do anything else. You click on the microphone at the top of the whole page typing bar that stance, dot, com enter bar and last but not least, This might be mother, favorite, name of anything. I've ever advertised here other than one white Charlie's sherry's berries in search story when you or received the gifts, why but out of town, I haven't gotten sherry's berries, yet override sherry's berries, since the The year is all about delicious holiday food law, not send an extra special holiday treat your friends. Family business associates, saucy, everyone. You know, I've never met a purse,
new devil of Sherry's berries, said giant dear strawberries from sherry's berries, rolling eighteen, ninety guy, that's over a forty percent savings, gonna berries, dot com, click on the microphone type and bar be? You are for my listeners, double the berries for just ten dollars more berries. Terrific we'd all at a gift They also have delicious products such as Christmas cake, pops, cheese, kegs, dip, pretzels, is the only way to get special. Ninety. Ninety nine sherry's berries offer sorry, but the fog it myself, Good, I approve this ridiculous hullo
August by this shit. This employees life Christmas probably cheese, dip Brussels, its search for everybody. Some say eight six zero does too, better with the very start of punch drugs oh, please spell out the words or by all means berries, be r r. I e S. Berries click on Michael, follow the top right corner and type in Burma you gotta, see these enormous berries for yourself. God I swear to God. Is the copy go to bury stock com click on the microphone Tippit Bur type in Burma, GPS, walls and deputy berries in that? Don't wait now order or as a juggler There is for the Falcon person in your life.
Oh shit, I needed that that was wonderful. Surrogate complete so that what we need a conference call get what I'm in Helsinki, alright up here we go the show is over. What do I care rapid up? This could out the other wrap up and I'll. Tell you the story you wrap up here. We go now that the show is over. Don't forget this for your free trial of Hulu plus hullo. Plus Revenge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your team, pc smartphone or tablet support this podcasting an extended free trial of Hulu plus when you go to the park, has page bird dot com and click on the Hulu plus banner, or go to www play dot com, slash bill, that's Hulu plaster! calm, slash bill, you can
better by some sherry's berries because I'm gonna get in trouble for that. Fuckin, red number, change and Cosette was hilarious. Ripen tears away here. Was I say so anyways the tore continues tonight, I'm in Dublin and I got to show the victor. And then what do I go? The whole rested awake travelling here I got here. Binkie Tuesday, Copenhagen ah Ash at Copenhagen Wednesday. That right thinking. Copenhagen then also Thursday and Stockholm. Friday then I flatter Iceland for the last one and now I've ever some unbelievable shows. I gotta say said the man at the London thing
I I already Glasgow and now she's Christ, Amsterdam, fucking punch strike, you like it, I'm but those amazing great crowds, thing, and then London, just as far as let's just all the american comic, that have come over and got near breaks in London. You know bill taxes to Patrice O Neill and honour, not that really definitely is a special that was one of those we and ass. I was doing it. I was. I was really nervous before the chosen shit like I did not have not taken any this trip lightly in. This has been an amazing just an amazing, thing man to be able to go all through your appearance. I normally here for like a day and that type of stuff, but that this is to be getting of many many many tourists for me over here and now I'm hopefully can be seen.
The same thing about Australia. I know about Canada coming up in March. I just every decent come out to the chosen had buncher Stana Comics overseas we have to me, that's like the biggest compliment you can get. People Cutler COM is coming out. You shoulda coming up saying that they actually like what you do such really cool, and I met a bunch of cool fans too. That a couple people were. There was some one night in London. So She got me a cigar which is great. Please don't bring me anymore cigars, because our I'm trying to cut down and then have it. But I gotta think this do Jimmy came in giving a cigar. It's just a great meet the fans and type of staff and people. Dvds and Shit- saw were so really nothing funny. It's one of them only half way through this tap way. Tonight I was there ever you came out, and now it's been great, that's. It may go ended up nicely and my apologies. Berries, Dakar. I didn't I didn't look at the copy before I read that this I'm too fuckin image
Reach shit like that. I'm sure you have wonderful chocolate covered berries, You can't go fuck yourself, I'll talk to you next week.
Transcript generated on 2020-03-07.