Ryan Higa, Paco, David, and legendary YouTuber Anthony Padilla discuss all things YouTube from algorithms, societal pressures, fame, and what it takes to be a YouTuber in today’s age. Anthony explains his history at Smosh and gives us insight on his journey back to finding himself through therapy, content, and acting. Guest: Anthony Padilla http://youtube.com/AnthonyPadilla Order Ninja Melk - https://ninjamelk.com Follow "Off The Pill" and send us your questions and topics! http://twitter.com/OffThePill http://instagram.com/OffThePillPodcast Listen on: Apple Podcast - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/o... Google Play - https://play.google.com/music/listen#... Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/6XBRxzv... Hosted by: Ryan Higa Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/notryanhiga YouTube - http://www.youtube.com/RyanHiga Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/higatv/ Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/therealryanhiga Contact Information: Media Inquiries - email@example.com Advertising - firstname.lastname@example.org
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Basically we sold smash into, doesn't eleven, and I thought I had control of it for a couple. And it comes as a fifteen hours like oh wow. This is not mine anymore. I feel like Youtube is now honestly have it at her in every we regard except for the over saturated market did you feel, could headed if with when you're talking to me. Yes, You must get the IP claps Goin welcome back to another episode of occupied gas, their noses. Coming this time. We have very special guess, Mr Anthony, but and then a barbarian everything that, because I see that you earlier yeah? No, I action the desire to soon as it down the one within just kidding.
Talked about. It will go through some of that. We also have David the moderate seed ample right next to me, he says used to energy. At this point, I think he likes it yeah so yeah I mean we are here with, I mean I'm sure multiple price, I'd. I consider you and obviously overseeing the like grandfathers of Youtube, because you start in the very beginning. I am honoured. I am honoured. But he got me you were like. He really was your people before you know it, even though I don't know I don't know, I can't really. I have never been able to take that people say it's a shut up you, but if you think about it, when you start X, I don't even I was in on you too been or five yeah yeah yeah, we sort uploading November two thousand five, or will there wasn't really anyone that that up we consistently arrived. There are other people, obviously, but not personalities per se, are not people that people would come back to say over an area as well
people who don't know just probably a lot. Let's be honest, the everyone's different time there are people who don't know you and in who we had a few, a bunch of since the Gulf WAR are from smash, smash has over twenty five million subscribers. You recently started well recently, like two years ago. Also use goes, got your own channel, which is an about three point: three million subscribers, which is pretty crazy like two years right, it's nice and healthy, and I like it here, and yet you been just working in your own channel. We just did something together as well. Yeah yeah has it been: it's been really nice. Now really nice. There was a trinity, in period, that was really difficult going from a channel. Our know how many million subscribers ahead, when I left twenty three million or whatever to do my own thing and then people came. Over and want to see what I was doing there but truth be told. I was still trying to figure out what it was I want to do. My own, you know in white, started smash with Ian back in the day we
figured out without anyone watching but now I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do on my own, and millions of people are watching. It was a lot of pressure, but eventually years later now, I feel, like I finally figured out what it is that I want to do and I am really enjoying yet I mean Your content is more geared liked. Her towards an odour audience and year, whereas Felix Marsh was a little bit more for younger people right coming in yeah for sure you know I'd, it was. It was just outright straight up comedy for lack of better term might save a little bit more shallow, because there wasn't really a message that we were always trying to spread or anything like that. Just come for laughs and and and leave with a smile on your face and now the stuff that I'm doing I I hope. Has a little bit more of a deeper messaging. I hope people leave My videos now feeling like they understand people more with the
yeah. I was I to spend all day with blank. You know, so the one eyed shot with you Reign was. I spent a day with legendary. You tubers, and basically gets a funny waited he described Legend legendary I've been doing like You are one of the most. Legendary use it without uttering a little money, because it's like you were first, like you guys were the first we're not talking about me. They know, but you're in it, and you have addressed said you guys refer. I remember I started geomancy nicely David was before I was already in here, and I remember watching the Europe. Came on video is was featured on the homepage of you to a wise one. First crazy, happy rate immaterial yeah. I use your homepage. Were well, there is no money to be made, so there was no one complaining well yeah sure. Now that is crazy, though I'm honored, yet you guys are. I'm I mean people call
e oji right, but then, when I think of smash, unlike actually know there I mean we can keep going by Serbs and raise new car amazing. Loving know it is really difficult for me to compromise so probably good to stop so what when talking about it's really nice e point, seven billion tool views on smash channel that you helped create yeah. The ad hoc created. I I initially made smash as just a website, and Just for me, my group of friends in high school- and so that that logo and everything was me as a fourteen year old kid you know in my bedroom- isn't like tinkering way with a little logo and stuff and its. It is strange that you know it became a brand and then I can leave that continue to do my own thing and that brand still exists. Oh lot meant not to get right in.
Do it by how I mean it wasn't a split instant decision when you decided to leave smash now how long were you unhappy there? I know it's a long story: yeah yeah yeah. I started having my second guessing everything in early two dozen fifteen, which was about year year and a half before eventually left, because I realise how much this brand I thought I had ownership of was really just. You know that it will We basically be sold smash into doesn't eleven, and I thought I had control of it for a couple years. I didn't come two thousand and fifteen. I was like, oh, what will this is not mine anymore. Other people are controlling it. They want to be a certain way. I want this to evolve. I want this to kind of keep up with. Me as I age in my values change by, because it was in mind because it was owned by a company. They had very clear ideas for what that branch should be
should remain as seeing me are, give us an example of light like something that they let you try to do, and there are like none alone. That's not like, like egg is to continue doing now. Is that something you tried to do or leader or no? I didn't. I didn't necessarily. You know I gotta be honest and in a silly try to do something that they outright said. No, don't do that, but they were now you know twenty thirty Bull, working without mean a giving direction to them and They were all doing this thing and plans. Being made constantly. I couldn't tell everyone to stop and in a production on a million different things that were going. Behind the scenes I could come in and change things it wasn't. It did operate the same way as just two guys. Obviously I there were so many more moving elements to it that it became apparent that it wasn't me So when you say in two thousand and eleven
you mustn't. We saw this when when you say that you sold, what does that mean? You better still had never understood that? Yes, because we're still on it clearly all the time. Yet what changed? Basically, from two thousand tat right before you sold it, what changed accompanying approached us and said hey, we can offer you x amount of money in stocks, We will now own the company, one hundred percent- you will be. Employees of his company will be salaried. We will pay. You well, and you know me growing up from a pretty poor family the bourbons Sacramento I was like yeah. You know that sounds dray. I dont know what the future of this is. Gonna. Look like and I get to have a guaranteed paycheck, which is very strong, like smash it the time, oh yeah, it wasn't like we weren't shore at in two thousand ten year that this was continue. Yeah. I was twenty three I was like
I need to make sure that I am set up in any that I can- and I just had a fear that I was gonna be stuck in poverty forever was like this. My way out you know Gimme that Gimme that pay and you month. Pay check and that that stock, that you value the count we need to be worth, I will take that hold on then, hopefully sell it for the future, and then I could retire or sub my own company in the side or whatever. And spoiler alert when the company shut down last year that stock just evaporate and nothing ever ended on actual William, was useful to you guys get screwed Yo Yo Yo biggest route, by which I also I also fuel. Slightly responsible. For that. You know asian tussle, I feel like I If our smarter, I would have asked more questions, I would have had more people looking into it for me, I would it done more research instead of me. So excited sign that
line right. Gentlemen, look over your contracts was a lawyer, but I now. If the lawyer really had my best interests, and there are other people that that had their hands in it, that I knowed and have my best interests in it, so maybe it's safe, to say that you know a twenty three year old from a small town was taken advantage of or to have so I guess there were union on the same page. During all this, we were yeah. We were, but I feel like we really didn't you research. We don't really look into it enough often there something about the pace at which we were creating content and just moving constantly that it felt like we couldn't really take time. The really. Take it all in, yeah we weren't able to really soak it in and understand what we really doing or that you know I can. We speak for myself right now
What I mean I mean that makes sense, because I think it was around the same time. Maybe two thousand a little earlier, like two thousand nine for me, where I almost gave up my channel do a Nickelodeon show wow, without it look like, it's a show that actually was created. The eye was caught super ninjas, ah based awful on interest stuff, yeah, that's what we know is this is it went off, relate to seasons, I think, but anyway I wasn't. Cloning show and China we're gonna do it, but then they said you got it. Rid of you channel or everything on is not nickelodeon appropriate, yeah yeah I get. I was pretty clean, though by me in agriculture that similar really what I again I get because Mcluhan super super clean, but it was a time were like I'd lily. I was considering it like. I was probably more on Youtube and I was gonna make on nuclear,
There was something about it being a real thing. Right here is no new Youtube is gonna, be a thing sigh. I completely understand. Like view someone told me, hey here's a sally, and it was a great oh yeah, yeah back then for sure, yes, I mean, I don't think, that's how did they can be helped like I said you guys, Rebecca pioneer right, so no, but there was no rules back there. Now, there's like the business is the wild west in you. You have to go out and that's what it was. So young people are Nellie saw the gold mine, oh yeah, other people yeah? I really think that what I did not actually have dismissed the price per se The artist so yeah yeah, I remember back in the day there was talk among, seem to community about you guys, working with the Disney executive because of your manager. Here, yeah he started off as our manager and he became the president of the company.
I want you to too much the up until now or went when the company dissolved he was. He was still there. I think he left about six months before I did for his own personal reasons, got it all, It is going back to kind of what you said so there there is. Seems to me like a lot of different pros and cons to being like a legendary Oji Youtube. You know like one of because being taken advantage of clear idea back then, when no one who is known here, so I guess we aren't that if there's more pros and cons did you wanted to explore on or maybe a comparison of like the Youtube yours now than they have it that I get a lot of people can You were in a way because you had to deal with those hardships. I see you're saying I I feel like Youtube, is now honestly have it better in every regard, except for the over saturation There is so much more competition and really that's that's the only
inside the icy. Maybe there's more than I dont see because I'm kind of disconnected from the now, but a few back in the early days. It was thing things are on your own. It was the last of money in the market. There were obviously less viewers. On the markets, you two were to have content even be viewed by. And brain then take a seriously companies intake is taken seriously and I feel like all of that has changed, and the only thing that's that's become difficulties. Now there are so many people that are better part of it, Why I mean a big difference to his. Like you know, back in the day, be it there was a me, we say: there's a lot less people, but there is still a lot of people. Are you? I mean yeah considerably, but I like back in the day it's like, if somebody made something awesome. Eventually, people would find that person right. I feel
now you gotta be with some. We gotta get some kind a hook up like you, gotta be collapsing unless you're, like magnificent by healing you have to like me with an empty in or you gonna like be friends with somebody. There's always like you, gotta have a she's in the lab and do all these things were like back and there's just just make good stuff and then eventually it appeal values we might vice of people if you like. How do I get my consent, like outweighing, create a fan base and I'd always be like make good stuff focus on making good stuff, don't try to get fans will come to you and eventually people find yourself when you made good enough staff, can't say that now that doesn't mean Lay down like it's usually like just just do your follow your dreams and knowledge. I know now, through the mass lay ass, follow the algorithm. There's there's like twenty one days worth of content uploaded every minute on Youtube or something ridiculous, I'm crazy. Yeah, this is insane
and all of you to like once admitted or not, but I feel like you to speak I'm just a gaming in music platform that are there on trending half time it's like music, yeah, I got enough. It was always like that or not, but I feel like it's it's gone that direction. Use the trading tab you have to it out, I wanna see. None are really, I think, I I'm curious yeah, I so, but it doesn't. I don't. I don't understand, and they will be a video with like ten thousand views on it. No one understands how trending works. I think it's some combination of the spy. Which we are coming in, and the insurrection there, having with the content and also where they're coming from, I do understand the exact algorithm yeah no idea either the algorithms always changing the prisoner tigers and yeah different times its origin.
Is it. You were always chasing the algorithm yeah need you. Never you never know what is gonna work. Really. You know that the better way to do. Things now is just like try to get an audience stay with your videos on, as you can so it goes back to what you guys were saying: make eye contact, conscious, keep go and governance that, if our now it's not just its not just make good content but its make captivating content that people feel like they can't click away from because their constantly on that point there's always at least one other video that can be seen on the screen at once, unless it's in full screen and that It was always enticing them and your battling keep people watching instead of clicking the other persons, the rail but ass thing too. You need to have a really good title thumbnail, yes, so that they may click ok from someone else's we're here to go to yours and also you know the type. Thumbnail is all that really matter if you think about it in this context, and
Video content is just there to prove that it was worth that click, it's almost backwards now exactly up. And that's the secrets of you to find us tat our exploit a little bit more because you decided to several make your own content. You you had millions people's eyes on you near where I'm sure you felt the pressure of light. Yet you know your former bosses looking over his shoulder and a lot of us, Can we show there, but you do at is open creativity how much did you play around the algorithm is up or were you more strictly like now? I want to do what I want to do. You know how do you? How do you play the game like? What's your minds, it now yeah tackling initially, I didn't even know what the algorithm ones from me, I just made content when I first left and- I experiments with a million different some videos and the things? That's the thing that stock where, where was content, I was a little bit longer and appeal.
So a general audience that didn't necessarily know have to know who I was to view it so then I started making more of that and that eventually evolved into that. I spent a day with series, which is what I just shot with you today, Ryan yeah it. I think that really works, because it's it's captivating, in the sense that it's a subject, that's easily digestible people like. Oh, I want to learn more about whatever it is legendary you'd savers or you know pro as players or flatter, there's or ass, a modest and these sticker because the way that I added is, I think, it's captivating. My editor is extremely good and then the contents long enough, that the Youtube algorithm rewards you for that watch time right right, that's kind of a formula lights well yeah for sure- and you got it you have to unfortunate. I tried the fight for the longest time really. Here is your concept like no I'm sticking to what I grew up with it, but you have to? U have to a certain degree you wanna be. It will keep yet I didn t or keep doing it,
the career re height they have to do is to find a balance, and I was always so against it, but I like I finally got to play Ok, I'm willing to give, because there's no point. If, if no one c, oh yeah yeah, it's a hard position to be because I wanted to but I like that's, why I started that's why I wanna keep going that's what gets me up in the morning, but at the same time you want to be able to keep doing that and anyone can we keep making content at all. If people are watching it. So you have the final happy marriage between this is but my audience wants us where the general public once when they find my yes and also this is what I like to do and it's so game. They played figure out what it is that you like verses.
What's gonna get people take us from a legendary you'd go check out his voting, which are not as serious as their you'd was in ice tens of theirs man there you, you know, I I I just see for getting the name c on that, and I don't know if this is why I mean we already. Could we already talked too, even though we know that you guys are cool and stuff like how we're it be to have ie on the show. It's a on my shoulder, cause it's either because they would be you too you in here I mean I distance myself from doing anything, smash related and I'm happy with that. For the time being, because I really one establish myself as an independent creators. As someone that's do in their own thing and People will always saying Anthony from Smash which doesn't bother me, but the aim time I I feel like I could beaten known for What I'm doing now, just as much- and I feel I need to do that before I
starvation revisiting my passed in, and you know inviting people used to be a small shortest whatever you know how I feel we need to, but does not mean that I feel like it, so you're, saying legendary Youtube, reside, handling or like fitting. Then you guys as I am. I brought it up on your shoulders right, would use, really asking yourself law stuff. But it's just so weird scenario, because I guess it makes sense if it makes sense, because you can really interview yourself the owl. So I know I know what the hell's going on my lying all. I know what you I wouldn't want to see your answers to our questions. To warn you, I could ask em right now off the bill part has just about. When we were talking about one ass you use a chance. Now I gotta question you're so new year. A lot of you tubers. They want to make the transition into Hollywood, and it seems like you in your work the very few you to preserve stay true to the platform and trading in being a youtube.
In every sense of the word, do you have these? still have desired. I mean I don't know if you ever did, but you have desire took to cross over yeah yeah. I I I do really enjoy acting, and I have You ve been enjoying learning how to get in touch with my emotions and spress those emotions, not just your through my therapy, which you know help me get over all that stuff, that we too about with companies in my old company and all that. But it also help me realise that I've been avoiding being in touch it. My feelings for so long and acting kind of goes hand in hand with therapy. I feel it'll I've been able to tap into why I'm feeling the things that I'm feeling and acting, is a lot about that. It's about feeling. Things are not saying or trying to show things which is actually feeling them and I feel like. That's something that a lot of people don't really get a lot of on Youtube, so I've been taking some of them.
Like optimum, like I'm, still talk about my feelings on here and see how people feel about that, and then I feel like they. Also people want to listen more when you talk about your feelings in your vulnerable, so I want to get good at acting too, So that maybe people listen to what I have to say, because they can they'll stacy me exploring my motions on stream Do you feel, like those videos, were you do explorer? Most emotions do a lot better, yeah Fischer for sure, and people have, I think they feel will it more of a connection because they feel, like you know, I'm bumping real and I feel like on Youtube is kind of hard to find people are being real. Are you referring to some people, use it on offering it anymore animal understanding? For my god, I general piazzas chef, but I have a follow up question. I guess because I use this platform, the being over saturated, where a lot of in the beginning was kind of like
You know it is a lot more raw. This is, we are deserve, how we feel and then it became like mass production when you took feeling out yet it's so much so that we need to keep pushing these out this content continent that in a way the audience is now are looking for something more authentic and genuine. That's why you do have that connection. A lot more yeah, exactly feel like I'm just I'm tired of shallow content and I don't enjoy watching it, I don't enjoy making it and I'm honestly, like, I feel, happy must be given the same way, I'm feeling, because I'm just tired, It was. What shall we do? What is shallow content for me? It's it's coming. It's. Almost like it watching something and feeling like It was really just entertainment. You know it's fucking orange video or am I getting? something specific, as I honestly don't watch that stuff, it's something that feel it doesn't really make me.
Leave feeling like I learned something or you know. Maybe I yet learned some. Subject or learn something about the the human psyche in some way. So how does that sound potential? I don't know, that's you get your interests, ideally like learning and are what are some things on you too, that you like watching anything that has education attached to in some way. What's that german channel the start of the k, that's all animated and saw educational Kirsty stuck out of something like deserting the cake, never say what say we say eight. I hope I hope I offended some. And when I say definitely yeah, I'm tired and you'll get again cancelled radio, cautious, with exchanges only the russian version of discipline everywhere, you gonna get. So can someone Hansel Germans in the rush
but basically education is what you're saying you want to learn. That's that's! Where I that's what I feel like, I didn't waste my time coming out of order Something like this like a podcast where people are talking about how they feel their experiences ray I also enjoy that, but coming for consent laughing in leaving unless a concept that makes me laugh kind of says something about. You know human behaviour in general or something I will enjoy it, but I don't find myself compelled to keep coming back over over governor while I'm That's one of the reasons why I like doing the progress as well as Keziah. For me, take my own self. Thing, is they hardly dialectic like these homes? since I could never normally have Nord videos right on and then also like talking to people that you relate to other you tubers here and you know up until recently, a lot of the? U no talking Balikh, burning out and enlightened and feeling like this, the pressures and all that stuff was very kept to yourself.
Up until the past few years. I didn't know your feeling any of us get. I mean no, most people don't and for the most like you. Don't really put that your content like it when you were would smash like you do like beckoned, if it was just like schizophrenia, discusses. How can we help laughing but, like I mean for you yourself, I mean point where you were when you What's my feeling that cut? Ah I mean, if you work How can a burn out and it was more a burn out because of workload, or was it because you just didn't want to be creating that gonna content anymore? It is more than just a deal. I created a kind of content. I M a workaholic, so I love working all the time, so I didn't really bothers either workload in Boston. More just don't you wanted to get out of it yeah and I still I still enjoy D. You know so I wasn't really black and white because I stood still enjoy it, but I felt like I enjoy it. Or as more being pulled sword other kinds of content, but
looks like you said you always enjoyed acting. Did you enjoy acting in that style? I did not. You got right right super over it Agar couple years. I would imagine so yeah. Just acting link all It was like that's, basically how I would define my acting in smuggling just like high put it like kids, like that rate like it, you got over it yeah. You started when I was seventeen eighteen and I was making concept that I thought was a funny and at the same time people or a couple his younger than me, which end up being twelve thirteen fourteen urals, thought it was funny in a kind of fit in with with what they are interests whereby, as I grew Last March was twenty nine. I think I couldn't keep making content for the same, people that I was making it for when I first started right that right and so and so when you first cause you said you are doing what you want to do now.
When you first had left and did your own channel how law like what I guess I didn't watch enough to know. I saw the first couple videos and, as you know, it was being talked about like how. How was that process could have? They must have been an. I know you had some struggles. I saw some interviews and stuff, but like what are you doing feeling during that time It was already supportive right who really scared of you knows really happy with all the support that I had other other you tubers fans from from back but smash community seem really supportive of everything. But it was. It was a struggle because I wanted to make stuff, and I didn't know what to make, and I also felt like This opportunity had been given to me to create content,
and Youtube and speak to a large amount of people- and I knew that I made a lot of people happy when I was making continents semaj, and I wanted to do that for myself. But I didn't know what to do. And I was also giving myself press. The two immediately I get bigger numbers and appeals who just Many people as I did on smash, so I had immense amount of pressure constantly over my shoulders. He wasn't really until I got over that, I was able to focus What? What is it that I like to do like? What kind of message do I want to spread by these videos? I realise that I'm tired of watching, like I said shallower stuff, but also negative negativity on Youtube is such a huge thing is popular right now, yeah from a lot of commentary. Animals and reaction channels in things like gathered,
saying react to channel that that that is a positive space where there are channels where people react to things in a negative way. Unlike roasting is so popular and suchlike, then I just got kind it's hard that I think we have a choice about what kind of a message we want to spread and how we want people to feel after watching videos. So why not take that and make it something positive that makes you feel good and on the cheesy wholesome wayward. You know, like this? This is grossly smells feels like I'm in a cold like this is not you not being honest when you're trying to be wholesome here I try to make my content. I try to have be like some and make you feel like just make. You feel happy at the end at the same time, come at you with jokes and be really fast pace and a little bit at the same time got I've
explained earlier that we have not put then the word so that I've got good dog. Is that clearly shows that you thought about it? Read so, and I like you said you went to therapy, but he still going trust me, that's good its good and I would recommend it to everyone that can cause it's made me realize things about my past, maybe more sympathetic toward my past self and therefore made me more sympathetic towards current self, because I understand why I am the way I am more right. Okay, well with that being said, we're going to take a quick little. She she break and then get some therapy, and so we will be right back, just want to say thank you to our sponsor anchor anchor is The easiest way to make a pot cas it so easy. In fact, we decide to use it to distribute our show. This show off the pill podcast
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is the world's leading music streaming service, and now it can be or go to for podcast too and we're back yes, are we talking about just now how there is there is a connection between you and I'll call. You guys first met that are an issue break. We I just found out yes forgetful. You guys were actually you guys have met before very pleasant. We did, I did a short cut in an icon and it was a CUP american idol buffer. You tubers, I savings more, so by Ivar Kindness, Iraq. Getting out at all, oh yeah every day is like a mercantile Dona. Nobody did I Ok! Never, while survivor ok any moment challenge. Yes, it did not show, and I had asked me on his work the gas judges the fight,
before the top three were big. I was within those four by need, the top for it was small, ass gentle marbles impunity by all the with devise all judge in the same guy was a big amazonia. Oliver relies on the same day fuck that pockets. I don't know we do not know what I said, but I apologize I paused early. I kicked off. That was his rightful agree with diamonds. Your ideas are rising. Oil prices have got that. In that case you what you deserve pogo. You know you deserve the again anyway. That shows how far back we go, we're old school friends. Well, that's all schools to think beauty. Pageant marbles are old school because I can still- yeah. I remember when there were new. As I remember when Janni came along with all this gross for she's hobby Irish was even that big eyes goes funny. She has some guy she's gonna blow and she did she say
then a pretty pie. I honestly didn't believe like I knew he was big, I believe that his content was gonna, be while he changed your right I didn't believe those last transcend lived, it complete We have many adjusted town, that's ok! This guy's, brilliant yeah, yeah yeah, he's doing he knows how to craft things. He knows how to get people what they want to help. Smart, small and he's number one right now right to still or is it wasn t serious, but why not talk about that yeah fuck about another? So I guess what a big caught out upon it. I dont get it speaking a number one is the question that I'm I'm kind of cares about is not about twitter question. Nodded twitter question was David July. Question are yap, it's true from the heart. Let me say that we welcome your a kilo, so I know that, Both of you guys were the top most subscribed in the
world wide number of number one at certain points in history has made history I think I think, at a certain point. Either when Rhine was number one smash was number two in Wyndham Smashers number one Rhine was was number the kind of Anthony idea did at any point, did you feel competitive when you didn't really no riot, did you feel competitive with Brian when you're talking to even yes? Yes, you can talk to,
In our view, is that it wasn't it wasn't like it wasn't like. Oh this sucks or anything like that, no judgment about the content or Rhine personally, but it was a cool space to begin. It was like we were racing for subscribers at the diamond. Was it felt like the whole world was watching, even though we weren't making videos about it? We weren't, you know you are trying to milk it or anything like that, but it felt like people are watching me. Maybe we were just in our heads about it, but you know, com answers were were constantly. You know when you comments on people's channels, have been our commenting on the channels, and you would just see it there all the time, so it would get your head when you're up there and that that race is going on people are posting the the difference in subs staff, and it was it was exciting and even back in the day on your profile page, it would say number one thousand squire. I I'd like that great right, not good to or even for the day right. It was a number one most view
for the day. Yeah yeah like that. So I'm sure it's a mean subscriptions like we ve talked about before it doesn't matter as much Yan vice yeah, but at the time it did, it was a big deal cause. It actually meant something that people like yours. Farmers will get your videos, you always endorsed top subscriber lists, as they were topmost viewed lists of the day of the month of the whatever and those who believe that people would frequent and that's how you would get new viewers is by making something landed somewhere on those exactly and well they're gone by El Rightist. It's funny cause. There was a bit of like competition, but, like I think, like the first and I met, you was Youtube, live yeah and assuming Dave Estimate met everyone even care of all you guys that eleven seven thinkers alone or nice, and I was in college early on
a burn em like just to use it as a scandal. Some seventy five at all, as a kind of shy can offer by like super talented, so arms we go yeah he's he's awesome, but, unlike we met everyone in everyone's super night it what it was such a different feeling could. I just went to bid con for someone like eight years, and this is even before the first of its kind and no such a different view. Like when we that First Youtube lie whenever one met up out just like man. This is like a sense of like, like family, family I governs. What do I do not yet everybody so nice and like welcoming into gal, I think, are review. I definitely seen you before. Like you were such a nice feeling now I mean to say that people are nice, but it doesnt have theirs. So many people and new people that it feels a little does it feels differences. That is not that we expect is feels very disconnected.
Know how to network now- and it's all were almost trains and networking yeah. So they meet you and they talk in a very specific way, and you know it's you Oh it's a rehearse thing that they say to everyone else and the tone their voice was. I owe my guy I saw denies but insect not the annual genuinely to upload your actually connecting in any real way right, but I dont think people realise that it's weird could so common out what it is those colleagues common Alex I haven't been to one of those convent does my first them. Anything in like a long time, and I would say well, this is so weird they are so different. Wasn't an over well, maybe it was it was, and it made me feel really I grew up watching you and there are like huge. Either they ve got. Three million serves yeah biggest they're back in the day, as I like your holiday, you're, like twenty five people by saying I washing elementary school and there like like eighteen. They adults, yeah yeah. It's crazy guy, actually
interviewed Joanna Syria and she is nineteen, and I realize that she was four years old. When I the flowing, and you can't you too This is crazy. While so another question if it's too personal by it, I'm curious regular, having allowed people curious about how do you as it as a large youtube or when you're dating talk about that. I am furious. I realise that you would like to take a step by step inside. You haven't, you feel like you're like the lottery in the water. They include the fact that a lot of people are carried. It would have been better if he did it. Oh hazel about dating is its confusing landscapes, be in because you never know what
whose intentions are. I have a personal fear of being cancelled and for some reason in my head, I think that someone is going to set me up in some way. So I'm like parents. Someone down like there's gonna, be some crazy rapporteur. That's gonna go under cover and date me and then they're gonna edge like trying to get me to say so I don't know why I like I have these weird irrational, so it's complicated actually cut to remember that about you. Couple irrational fear! No! Yet they didn't mention something else in the past too, that you wouldn't I remember what is some kind of exactly exciting thing. I I have and sings I'd right and I had pang attacks for a very long. Maybe that's the thing I'm trying to remember, maybe, but what triggered that? What sugar pack attack or what? What triggers it for you now it's feeling completely overhaul
happens, a lot less frequently now. The last time I had a less somehow to panic attack was, I was about to carry Oki with a bunch of people at eight. I didn't really want to hang with, but I had agreed and I was like we'll have to sing and part of these people are even want to hang out with them, and that was enough. That was enough to do it for me, how really, but for the most part, it's it's a fear of fear, that's what a panic tat really is, so it cause if you start getting anxiety and then anxieties, Everyone feels anxiety, but then it really start spiralling out of control when you start getting when it sets building on itself, you start to feel fear. He say I'm about to get a panic it.
Can you like just bill? Is this? Is this thing this is gonna, be such a terrible situation. This is not the right place to get one and then start going bigger and bigger and bigger, with the way that you feel it your whole world's crushing down. It's gonna be the worst thing ever in that it becomes that because you have the fear and going to therapies out when all they kind of change, where didn't happen way less. Ah, I don't know that. I don't know that did maybe but a big deal help me back in the day get get over cause. I was having panic text multiple times a day for a while, and I think what really help me get over. That was. I read some article on line about it and they said no links about how it's just the fear of having parents act. That gives you panics act, which is a really weird thing, did read on what that doesn't make sense and then they mentioned that it's the fear being out of control. So They mentioned also that it be very difficult to give yourself a panic attack, because you'd feel, like you're in control of giving yourself
So I sat down and try to give myself one and I was unable to get one and I realized it was because it was the fear that was causing it, and then I felt more control them. And that healthy that that didn't get over as a good advice for people who have panic attacks year, I give it to yourself. It's also scary. Look as some people may not be ready for that. Really my ready for that, because a k we want to give advice and I went out to sell help no lawyer we're not their ability. I were not. There was any way, not lies, but this is ass in his experience as much as you remember, you mentioned water know. If it was ass facility by members. There were saving lives that my my mom olonnois phobic and budget.
Dumpy will like me. I mean that means that she has just very. She gets back sex all the time in an intense fear of not being control as well, and that's kind of made her reside only within the boundaries of the house, because that's where she felt most comfortable. So do you feel like learning more about yourself and how to deal with the panic attack that you ve learned to kind of like let go.
Away or you holding on more tight a little bit doing that now, in its help, me like go a little bit more and I've become more comfortable. Knowing that something that makes me company may happen, because I'm I'm just I don't know, I don't know why I'm dislike. If it happens, it happens, and that's really helps me Didn'T- do feel that what you are feeling with with anxiety and Hank attacks had to do in part with you becoming very famous at an early age. Maybe, but I think most of it was that I I think they might have happened regardless if it wasn't, if it wasn't, Yoke is, maybe it was from the fear and anxiety that I felt around maintaining that? status of you know. Whatever
I was like number one, most subscribed to the time when I was getting. I don't know it's like two thousand and nine or something when it really started happening pretty intensely for me and I was up there in the top. Maybe that's why you know I had a lot of anxiety about that, but I feel like it wasn't that then it would have been anxiety about my finances or something because I grew up without much money and I feel like I would have been stuck in that night. They ve been really stress about that as well. I think it's great that you're talking about this right now, because there are so many more than ever, young kids were getting super famously
on Tik Tok, like a mid con, you see these little kit these twelve year old, let ten year old, kids who have millions of fans the end they dont know how to deal with there's. No, I was it is there's no book or therapy book on how to become famous yeah. There's there's no right! Well, this probably right way to do it with his there's, no one that will teach you how to do it. You have to navigate that. I feel like I've like. I was fortunate enough to blow up in a time where the general public didn't pay attention, so I was able to still go right to the store. I was able to still do whatever you know. I don't feel like people like Jeffrey STAR,
or James Charles can go to any store without having mobs of people. Be excited to see them and I feel, like I was number one most subscribed at a time where you were able to be a little bit more incognito, and I am glad that I was able to kind of warm up to it and read figure things out but table if I were to go from zero to a hundred now by were to become number one must subscribe now going from yesterday, not having you know any following, it would be completely overwhelming and I would probably feel burn out and fear and my all these things that would probably made me pull away from it. I think-
like I wouldn't recommend I don't know at what age, but like people who are at I'm going to say at least fifteen like you have two people who are under the age of like I don't even know what the exact number is, the kids kids becoming famous, I don't think, is good for them and any kid I mean look at look at every single like Disney STAR back in the day,
Together with my colleague, holding Mccoy caught by the Argo through some kind of faces, some of them making out ok a lot of them and that really messed up Miley Cyrus and my Cyrus, I mean a lot of people in and she gonna turn it around a little bit right. But everybody goes to that phase and in its it's bound to happen, and a lot of it stems from like they're on top of the world. A one point: you grew up with that becoming your normal right. He imagined thinking that your whole normal is this fame that you have as a ten year old and then or whatever even younger, and then you know reality had see when you any clothes and well and that that famous gone or you know how people men soaring you in the same way, when you treat you differently, he will trigger differently yeah and I'm sure part of feeling, like a has been probably really does. That's you in that only applies to certain people, not seeing the people you mention and then also just having something a lot of power to do it.
Were you want and then not knowing what to do with that? It's it's like. I think the only way you can really survive. That is having like really really tight circles and high for those people in that circle know how to educate you on that supports this year. Its amicably, it happens, it happens said I mean for me like having like different stages of like thinking on more important than I am, and, The stage of like wait, wait, no, didn't it doesn't mean anything again. And in seeing the nub like becoming number one and they become a number two like going to that site college as again is this like? Maybe now had we been in it for so long? Does it yet they mean much, but as a kid and now we're older kids at the time right. Iona happier like early one would imagine like a twelve year old when you were twelve and that happens. Senior like the biggest thing in the world
you see yourself a certain way realized like when they gets taken away from him and he will it's. You gotta go through that site, like somebody's gonna happen there, like is not a good combo unless you have like the best having your shoulders right right, which can only be provided by a support system of probably older, be right which is really like when you are at the top of the world who you gotta. Imagine the people around you, people circulating torturing, oh you, you, know, positive reinforcement, yeah things you don't necessarily deserve. Who was you're in like your circle like who are your men, tourism people, that kind of kept you and checklist you! You see, moreover, now, like I don T, do it. I don't know around a person. I don't think I really had any back then, but it was different knows I wasn't a mechanical casinos whose Youtube
and it was a low, therefore is, will the words so much under a microscope as it is now? Yes, also I wasn't going out. I wasn't super social. I wasn't going out to parties where people worshiped me or something like that. You know, and I was I was also- I think I said pretty humble I think part of it was I felt like. I was not deserving of anything that I had so I think that helps me not get into it in my head and I still feel like that. You sometimes you know. I learned that its impostor syndrome was his real thing where you feel like you don't deserve whatever it is. You haven't soon people going to find out that you're fraud and you can faking it this whole time ass. My reason people like you, but I have always had that- and I think that, as far as that is how it feels to have to think of yourself that way, it did help me. Where do you think we're leaving that feeling came from of youth?
like you're, not really worthy. Of all of these great successes I dont know I feel like I bringing maybe I dont know me no part of it maybe was with those like I'm just lucky. I always told myself. I was lucky, I can't say where they came from. Maybe it was my parents, and maybe my parents are greater than- and I think that's I mean like even for me, I feel The same thing yeah like I mean. Obviously there is a lot of work that goes into which you, I'm sure can admit to his well yeah, but a lot of his luck right and I think that's the same case for everyone to a certain degree right and there's like is actually a lot of people were very successful that have the impostors into and the reason why a real thing area had adopted a Dunning creek. When I was at is its love. It's where somebody feels like they know a lot, don't know that much of the opposite of the empire state like their deserving of every
yeah they're like a very smart people who, like talk a lot but arm well informed, yeah, sort o guy. Now I've met someone like that. Tackling occur shines out that, like you, that you're home there's a lot of people were very successful. When I want you to the people that are success, one have deepened syndrome. The reason why they do well because they don't feel like they deserve to their constantly working to try get that feeling like I deserve it right, that's true it is. It is a struggle that cause I feel I am constantly approving myself to who knows who but yet never, never, really satisfied in the sense that I feel like I did it. I think that to do this, I think that's good, because as long as you don't feel that there is more in life to accomplish more, to look forward to and build towards, yeah, but like that, I think about than anything about like like Floyd Mere, whether right, like he's great using his greatness in boxing knees
I he's all about him like I did this, and but he still great I'm here I am not going to. We're. Biggest fan does some sailor unless some of the best athletes, like Michael Jordan, the Kobe Bryant, like not saying that they're saying you know all I got lucky there like. I did this to happen middle ground right yeah, like they had aware that you earned it the exact date to me. I think their personalities are normal. I think they have something wrong with their supper. No really, I don't really think something's wrong with them, but that's why they're so great some kind of issues I mean. If you think about what kind Yea says: if can you when you say, without its accomplishment, he'd be weren't? They and types of sweaters can you imagine of Kenya had impartial syndrome,
I think I'll, be out of a guy. It's not like I were. There is something likeable about my dark disadvantage. You'd be a completely different mean. What would you be doing if you two disappeared tomorrow? If it disappeared tomorrow? I think I'll come change platform. Let us not try mixer, let's say social media disappeared cells are now as boring. It is I I just went to to retreat where, for one week Monday through funny, there's no internet reception, my entire premises- and I did that right such a big con. I knew I can neither as like, I gotta detox from this great armies in London, and I was the longest I ever went without just having some kind of technology.
Accessible arouses arms. It was. It was up north in northern California anywhere near separatist, how to feel it felts so be it. Oh, yes, the first three days I think, I'd be miserable averted. Three days I was reaching for my funny. I can catch. I look at that. Video see how people like my video person, I posted it right as driving, the resumption of anxiety on top, and why did I say something the video that people get a notice and I'm not gonna be there to remove it? But since we have same thoughts is really say, we're not to your degree by Asbury bad for me, but it is called another. That's that's! Something allowance will go through that yeah of the first three days or so, but but the last few days, if a really nice to not looked down my phone and also not waste time on social media cassettes. That is most of what I do on social media is just waste time and Phil.
Gaps, unlike if I, if I'm walking up a set of stairs, unlike scampering, so long suddenly got my grammar like a leg. At a urinal might well, you know. I got fifteen seconds then books what about when you looked low cost? Yes, one of the worst for me like. I know it's a habit. Beware It was so boring. Now. I remember without remember, looking at the wallpaper and coming up with the other kids, and I don't even do that anymore, but how That is a great because railways, pooping coping was drain. How I was like I was a present pauper. Are you ready, as it were at risk? What you wanna come in, but don't bring their phone into the bathroom is improved, really just took everything in yeah,
every let it all out. At the same time, it was it the whole experience was very nice and it gave me a little bit a perspective and I brought a journal and I wrote down the ways that I felt and documented in that sense, and I just referred to it as like. Oh that's, really, nice, that's it! It's a nice reminder! I wrote down about how much I dont like looking out my stats and how much I felt really good, not looking at social median feeling, like a constantly, might be in the no and in looking at the news had to be in the no that's that doesn't actually matter as much as I sought to challenge the justified. They know find you know alleged, but then that does goes like it. There's some meaning behind it challenge as meaning it is day no technology challenge, but then How are they the idea that they want to do something document as it does to feed the purpose, because people only one doc I spent a day.
Without my fault, I thought about W. I spent a day with people with that dont have cell phones are some areas like that's really not that interesting. I should say
walk around in my life, been read very positive. Great ex very few people without their phone are generally a little bit happier like idea, and I was really cause you you, you have your photo annually. Costly one be connected everything, but there's a lot of distress that that you're connected to concede that the bad things happen in the world or that stress often like you need to keep up to date and post stuff or whatever. You know. You said earlier to me that you feel pressure to post on Instagram and when I am, I thought it all. I didn't feel any pressure right to post or anything to keep up a way. It's almost like, like your phone as a shovel and your costly digging to find more and more and dig deep, the more like in a hole you feel like like. I can't stop, I can't get out and you keep digging thinking. Maybe I'll finds yeah down here
Maybe there's something good that'll make me feel good down here, but you also fighting a lot of stuff that makes you really feel not good or may see this kind of feeling a little crazy yeah more often than not. Yes, once in a while, you find a nice door, oh yeah yeah. I mean it's like it's like looking at Youtube Commons incessantly in your you'd like to look at our look at and everyone's. Why get that bad comic? I knew that can be there when I go as well. I know those why, right like you getting almost link you're, almost looking you're, almost you almost wanna, make sure there's none there by looking for them right, man, You know it's all. We do no other than you. Gotta growth is like biggest gas, should it something desire. So what do we talk about this pica you're? Afraid of that's gonna, be in the comments? Oh, what do I think What you see here? How cancelled I don't, I don't think I said anything that even I am I what
good of ours is hanging out. I mean it's as nice as widely as it is doing. These are fund for me as a catch up with people like you, and you know, it's we're still. Making on ten yeah, but it's just hanging out with people in a way I wouldn't like. I would you, guy, outside, along by certain things, yeah yeah, it does gonna make you feel like it's. The writer I want to talk about some deeper stuff, exactly which I might not normally in a conversation, but after this goes off like we're just going to the dirty yeah yeah dark started admirably, crying going to your therapy centre, gas come along. I got my cope with a friend took all right. Well, I mean that flew by from your blue by enjoy that he has a great airline guideline, much we're gonna pop something up for you, but anything when a block plug
video with him, we hosted a video when I plug something on their. When this is? U plus you plug Taber straw centres, inventing a pipe papers alternative, I have our own. I don't want your bamiyan David or an agreement like we're, trying to get rid of. We get rid of. Every straws gives their awful butler tension. There's gonna be a better way to recite, like there's gotta be other things mean recycling. Get strong. Gonna know anyway, the video I did with Anthony I spent a day with legendary you'd. Subaru too, can be a second one on therewith, legendary you'd super is gonna. Have you gonna have Jack's films cannot brand Rogers can be good fun. I would also like to say go to therapy. If you can, if you think about it, and you can afford it or you have a therapist. Here you, you, should, I think, it's great, for everything has gone Sigma. Shipping it is like now. Why do they must have cooler, thereby, I hope so I know it has been things like people call it that
help me learn how to talk to people, because I learned and talk about my feelings and not be scared about what they're going to say about it right and speak to people good against by positivity advice from a in daring to wrestle with there said, follow us on at off the pill on Twitter at after pill, podcast on Instagram and, like all, we always ended. We just breathe into the MIKE three to one year and aggressive, why man, let it all I know. I know it's nice to know the capacity of most aggressive one. Yet dope.
Transcript generated on 2020-03-28.