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It was maybe two to four would have been. If you knock on three hundred dollars, maybe three to six will open but being scared of rejection stops us from knocking and because it stops us from knocking. It also stops us from success, welcome to on purpose the number one health and well being podcast in the world because of you right. It's only there because the view I am genuinely so so so deeply grateful and appreciative that you choose every single week twice a week to him interview Gaston we do these solo episodes and I love that, you love the pod caused so much and that you keep supply. thing by sharing it by learning from it. By growing from

I am genuinely indebted to each and every single one of you. Today's episode is about why rejection hurts and six ways to gracefully deal with it. We ve all been rejected. We know exactly how it feels its hurtful, its painful it's full of struggle. It's one of the lowest things that can happen to us and rejection comes in different forms. It can be rejected in a relationship can be rejected for a job. It can be rejected after a pitcher proposal. It can be rejected in so many four ways: it's an emotion that we come across in so many did. in areas of our life and that's why it's so important to learn how to deal with it see When you go to something once or twice in life, it would be useful to know it, but reject It is something that we can go through a lot in life and actually won the biggest mistakes we make.

That we never learn how to deal with it. We just hope that next time, we'll get it. We just hope that next time we I something that it won't go that way right. We have this mentality that always just going to be better and I'm not saying that things are going to be better. I believe they truly do get better, but I believe things get better when we get better right. This is the truth he's get better when we get better when we improve our skills, we learn more, we grow more. We can do with things better. Now we ve all been rejected. We know how it feels How many times have you ever felt that its literally like being punished in the stomach? Will you feel some sort of physical reaction to emerge, snow rejection, that's because evermore. I studies state that the same areas of the brain are active when we're rejected and one we experienced physical pain. There is such a big.

Relation in science between emotional rejection and physical pain, the same areas of our rain triggered it's incredible even think of that, but I remember whenever I've been rejected, you can see all over me affects my whole body, a fix my you know. My physique affects my body language imposture? It affects every part of my physicality and I'm sure you ve experienced that as well. The amazing thing is that, whilst those researching for this programme I found some amazing letters of rejections. These were letters that were sent to some of the most famous people in the world and these letters were letters rejecting them, for talents. I want to read a few of them, for you just

you get a feel of what I'm talking about so I'll. Let you guess or think about who this is. This was a letter from deco records to abandon the executives felt that guitar groups are on the way out right and that's quoted. The executive felt that quote: guitar groups are on the way out, and the ban have no future in show business. The band was the Beatles right. It's incredible to even imagine, but there were executives at decker record. You believed that, and you too, Madonna received similar letters right when you read these laws, you just mind blown because in hindsight it makes absolutely no sense, but so often some of the most successful people in the world have been rejected, whether that's Steven Spielberg from film school where, It's Michael Jordan from getting into his high school basketball team or whether rates.

King at someone like Walt Disney right. All of these people have endured failure and rejection, and we What is that anyone you admire anyone you aspire to be like any one. You look too has been rejected. This is probably one of my favorite stories of rejection. This man was very successful at Yahoo. I believe he was there for about ten to twelve years, and then he decided to apply to other big companies. The first company applied to was Facebook and he was rejected by Facebook and he actually tweeted about being rejected by Facebook, and this is what he tweeted he tweeted Facebook turned me down. There was a great opportunity to connect with some fantastic people looking forward,

lives next adventure right, I mean who gets rejected by a huge company and tweets about it. I mean that's absolutely in Saint, even think about that. Now he went and then applied for twitter and the same thing happened. He was rejected by twitter, and so he posted again on twitter this time, and he said God denied by twitter Q. That's ok would have been a long commute now. This man is legally sharing his rejection from two of the biggest companies in the world. Most of us would see that as Korea. Suicide. Most of us would see that as extremely airy, because now all the competitors know that you are good enough to get into these two companies. But dismay, didn't. Let it face him when he did ass. He cofounded to start up a few years later, then, after building it up ended up selling that started selling. That company to face hook for nineteen billion dollars,

think about this. For a moment, the man was rejected from Facebook and Twitter a few years later: Saudis company to Facebook for nineteen billion dollars. His name is Brian Actin, these the co founder of. What's that now, I don't know how many of you use what sad, but I'm guessing a lot of you do. I found it grace, When I moved to the: U S, I realise what speed in the? U S and use what's up, even though in Europe and of course, in Asia, we use what's up a law, and I was just blown away. Tat here was a lesson that could have been hired by Facebook for a few hundred in dollars, but instead they paid no ten billion dollars for him and his platform. But it's incredible to believe that. He was rejected and there are so many are the incredible examples that I want you to take note of. So, let's take a look at some Now someone I Jessica out, but he's been on the front, cover Forbes for their success of her company, the honest company, but the thing is that, despite being on Forbes and being

from cover it wasn't always that simple, fairer and actually, in her interview with Forbes, she talked about how, when she first pits the honest company, she just how large a condescending knowledge or pat on the back of good luck and she talked about instead of the resistance holding up. It pushed her forward and she said she almost needed it this is really important. She said she almost needed it and she said I needed people telling me no for me to figure out exactly what I was going to do and how I was going to do it see sometimes hearing no is actually leading us towards the right. Yes, see hearing no for the wrong idea is leading What's the yes for the right idea, because when you keep hearing, no, it pushes in a direction of flow, to figuring out what you need to do. I started taking us. Let us greens, because, as someone who is always on the go, sometimes it's hard to eat healthy, so I wanted to make

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And on purpose Rhodesia listeners get ten percent of their first month. I better help dont come forward, slash purpose, that's b e t, t e r, h e lp dont come forward; slash purpose. Now listen to this. This is another huge example of someone, Lady Gaga who of course lost absolutely phenomenal year with the rise of a star is born. and all of our success. Gaga was actually rejected from her first ever music label and shit. signing for Deaf jam records in two thousand and six and was dropped after three months imagine that getting rejected from your first music label. Bang getting signed and getting rejected after three months it's crazy and she's described it as one of the worst days. Have a life and happened quite quickly

and what I really loved about. What you said in this instance is that if you give up after something like that, you never destined to be an entertainer what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I love that she talks about that, because she's recognising that failure that rejection that push backs, that setbacks are totally the path they are the way right. You don't have obstacles on the way. The obstacle is the way right these on challenges in the past, they are the path, and we see this more and more in the past, when we lived in forests and woods and land as hunters and gather is being rejected from our community was one of the worst thing that could happen, it would be like being excommunicated, almost literally felt, like a death penalty, because you, die from that loneliness and what a baby to survive without that community. Now, because of now a brain evolve to alert us.

Happening so when we feel rejected we're almost reacting to it in a similar way, and at that time it was a protective mechanisms to save us from death. And today it's trying to save us from loneliness it's trying to save us from a feeling of disconnection, but here's the thing what we don't realize is that being in a place where we not wanted can be the most lonely place of all, and this is what I ve realized in my jenny of rejection is. Why do I want to be at a company why do I want to be in a place where I'm actually not wanted? Why do I want to force my way into a place where people don't think I'm good enough, because if I forced my way in there are always going to have that down and crazy thing is that study showed that we perform or I q simply by visualizing a rejection expense without in the positive view, literally visualize and we live a time. You failed in your past

You will actually have a lower I q on test exams and any challenges that you take off to it. So we actually make worse decisions and lack clarity off to wear rejected, and I think we have all experienced that we all sometimes make right decisions- and this is one of the biggest mistakes we make- is that we try to make a long term decision based. On a short term, emotion and that's what really go wrong where we try make this long term decision based on a ship turn emotion. Now I know it's difficult because right now we're we're noticing and what it feels like more and more and more, and I read somewhere that direction rate for online job applications is ninety eight percent right. It's crazy to even think that that's true, but it is an I'm sure you ve experienced that you get there ought play him hold back right. You get this evil back, they literally says you know

Maybe that too many applications and you want the right fit stay in touch with you is really basic generic email and we ve all been there, sir. What I want to share with you today is very simply this six ways right the six ways to gracefully deal with it. We ve talked about why rejection hurts we ve talked about the people there into a rejection. We ve talked about the challenges that so many of the people we look up to have overcomes. We recognise that rejection is part of the path, but. How do we make it? Something that is gracefully dealt with?

Am I number one piece of advice, the first one that I wanted to start with. Is this don't take it personally right, a lot of rejection notes that we receive a generic and broad that assent to that ninety eight percent. We don't always get a lot of feedback, insight or information and the biggest miss we can make. Is we take that very ambiguous information and make it specifically about us? Beating yourself up is the worst thing you can do after rejection self criticism and doubt creeping almost straight away, and it's really important to recognise that

isn't personal, there's so many other people that received the same exact response and it doesn't mean it's the end. See failure is not final. Failure is not fatal. Failure, isn't the end, don't focus on everything. You got wrong, move on to the next opportunity after you do this next step, and this is the important bit right. I don't take it personally, even if you get that message in youth, had ten of them now you can't, starting in that person, because it wasn't directed to you personally I remember when I came back from being a monk. No one wanted to hire me because I had monk on my resume for three years. In fact, forty companies rejected me before I even at an interview with them. They didn't even get me to that opportunity of sitting with them in explaining my story in my skills, they just rejected me based on their online application. Now, if I took that personally and seriously. I would have believed that. No,

he's going to hire me because I was a monk that I will never have a future that I will never career, and this is what we do. We take a temporary piece of information and we start to imagine with a right. He sensationalize it's almost like. We start writing totally imagined if headlines about life rather than accepting in reality, what's happened, which is just the fact that we received an email saying we ve had lost implications and you're not gonna, make it through to the next round. We can't take it as a personal attack. The set and piece of advice that I want to share with you, and this is for when you get a bit more information. This is when you ve been too You interviewed, you been to a few. You you've been to a few meetings. You ve had a few proposals. This is what you have to do, don't take it personally, but do take it curiously. When we get curious, rejection. It can be useful as a way of actively learning when we don't take rejection personally, but take it curiously and actively

We actually start changing our lives. Instead of looking at our weaknesses, we can observe the process and ask ourselves: where do we think we can improve way? Can we re focus? see. Failure is feedback in really is a really believe this failure is feedback. It's not saying you he never make its not sing. You can't do this, it's not saying you're, not good enough, it's feedback, and if we can get actual feedback, that's awesome and if we can't we have to find the feedback. our see if someone's not giving you feedback or closure, you have to find that feedback enclosure to introspection and reflection, and we have to take responsibility, because when we do that, that's when we put forward but you can work on and learn any area that you want to. This is a great exercise to identify what that is Now I've often realise, when I've been rejected, that I do

do enough research, why didn't Panama I didn't learn enough, but notice. It's not me. It's not that I'm not enough! It's not that! I'm not good enough! It's the I didn't plan enough. I didn't learn enough right. Should that separates me, from being enough energy recognising their is just something that I need to do more of which makes me want to start acting now. If you folks from being curious, you won't even have time to sit there and feel that it's the huge challenge now Principle number three: it's something I call the rule of one hundred now and people that I know or friends that I have will say to me, J, your life seems so exciting. Everything seems to be working out life's great all this time right what's happening like oh, my God it always something good going on in your life. Now I used always think that about other people too, I

the other people who, as sharing their successes in their achievements- and I would thank all while, like you know, things just work out for them like things just- must work out for them, and this was really interesting so people usually see this when I'm interviewing an amazing guest on the podcasting, whether it you know that jock of age or Russell Brand Gazelle or Creasy. She's on recent people loved her episode or Re Dalia was on in all of these incredible or maybe maybe when this year I got got the today show or I got to go on Ellen, and that was a huge moment for me or ozone red table talk. But what we don't see is that I'm knocking on a hundred doors that month and we only see the one opens so the point being that if you're not on a hundred dollars a month. One may open sea life is all about us, if you knock on one door, it's likely won't open if you knock on one hundred toys maybe one or two will open even open too

doors, maybe two to four- would have been. If you knock on three hundred dollars, maybe three to six will open but being scared of rejection stops us from knocking and because it stops us from knocking it. Also, boxes from success. When you know that most things won't work, you keep knocking and feel really grateful for the ones that do open. So I know fact, but I'm going to reach out to so many different people to work with color right to do so many things and I'm sure, that many of them would even see the message and I'm sure them of the moon even hear the message. You read the message, but what I do know is that the more I ask the more I try, the more likely something is going to happen, and so one was scared of rejection when we fearful of rejection, we're actually limiting our chances of success. But when you open to rejection when you ok, getting rejected. Actually, the more you gave a the more use to you get and the more

open up for you, so you always have some to celebrate when you experience rejection. More often it's the It is ironic right. You'll always have something to celebrate. When you experience more rejection, the less rejection you experience, the less you'll have things to celebrate. Listening carefully, the more you experience with Jackson, the more things you'll have to celebrate, the less you experience, rejection, the less things you ll have to celebrate, because the odds, show rule of one hundred that you are more likely to succeed when you knock on more doors. Okay, so point number four: this is probably one of my favorite message- is one of the most important things that I've sad, a shadow and swam recently in people really responded. Wild too, and I said, he changed my life. Rejection is redirection. Right. Rejection is just read direction. you get to where you want in life just not

the way. You imagine that we have this picture perfect method of how we believe If something is going to happen- and that's actually want blocks us from getting there, because you have a view of what that road looks like and so your looking for that road, and when you looking for that road life and reality, is giving you a completely different path and because that path looks unfamiliar. walk at anymore and you keep looking for that road. But you can't find that road, because that road doesn't exist its literally looking for an imaginary road in a town right, imagine you she said: oh yeah, I think that there's this road in this path, leads me to that mountain. I'm gonna, take that part and a new keep looking for that path and whenever you asked for it ever and says without path doesn't exist as this path and you like all, but I don't like the look at our path. I think there's another path and that's where we get lost right. We don't get to our destination because we have path addiction right. We don't get to our destination because we have passed the dictionary

dictate our path and what it looks like and we want it to happen that way and the reality that no one in life has ever walked the path their addicted. There is none thing in anyone's life. There is no path in anyone's life that they walk. They got them there the way they imagined it too. Now I want share. A person. Storing disregard is well I'd, never talked about this, but to share with you when I decided, I wanted to do a pod cause. Now we launched a Porthos one six months ago and decided. I wanted to do upon costs, probably about twelve to eighteen months ago. It's been a long time since I started thinking about this and I did that my team and I went around amid a lot of producers, met a lot of companies and that a lot of production houses that sponsored and work can podcast, because I wanted to see who'd want to partner with me now. Some said no straightaway, like somewhere, rejections straight away right for whatever reason and again I didn't take them person

but I did take them curiously and I started to realize TAT I needed to have a concrete idea. I needed to understand what exactly I wanted to talk about. I needed to have potentially brand name or an idea. I needed to be clear to some degree to give people something to buy into now. When I did that one major company, right that decided. They wanted to work with me and they were very excited about it. While there were few people and in their excited about an feebly below, were not excited about it and what ended up happening is the people excited about it one, so the major company that are supposed to work with for this podcast. This wonder your listening to right now, literally pulled out two weeks before launched launched on fourteen February, two thousand and nineteen with my wife and the podcast company pulled out two weeks before I launched I had to scrap to get my podcast out.

on time, and you know what the reason they said it was. They said it was because they didn't think it was going to be a big podcast. That's what they said right and then I too choices see. It was an opportunity to be redirected or to retire and feel terrible and get aggressive and be mad that it wasn't happening right? I had two choices and I'm so grateful and I'm so happy, because motivated to serve all of you, because I had this intention of wanting to create upon costs where could go deeper than our relationship where we could collect more, where we could learn more about each other, that really mode They did mean guided me to launching myself and the best thing is I'm so, happy that I was redirected as no one You have my own podcast, I'm totally in charge of what I create. I'm com leave me involved in every aspect of this. Podcast is given to me more

but into my own abilities, and I realize this pattern that you can't expect others to spot your potential you let others validate your own potential, and this is the first time I've experienced this. I've experienced this time and time and time again, when first speech, my ideas, my media, my video ideas to editors to the news anchor stories whenever it wasn't. I've told some of their stories in previous podcast, but it's crazy to believe right, but remember this rejection is just read direction. Now this is principle number five. This is probably one of my favorite messages that I want to share with you. Revenge is not a response to rejection right. You don't try to prove anything to anyone. Just try to improve yourself, don't get lost. Get revenge because then in the future, if that person doesn't think you're, using and doesn't tell you your incredible than your trapped again

I too well known radio presenter, tell me that my work when I first launched this response before a lot of you were watching my work on Twitter. You said that it wasn't good any wasn't up to scratch and then, a few months later, when my work, he reached out and told me that he couldn't argue with the views, and he interviewed me for a show now. I thanked him at both times for his honesty, because if I respond, Who get revenge on him or to show him or to prove him wrong, or any of that again, you just being controlled by someone else right your success. If you let your failure control, you, your success will be controlled as well. I remember that if you let your failure control you, your success will control you as well. If you let someone else dictate your failure than you, let them dictate your success while we can get lost in that trap- and this is principal number, six hundred and twenty six and final tip that I have for gracefully dealing with rejection.

rejection is always right either way. Hear me out. I know this is painful to listen to, but but listen to me carefully when you get rejected in something, you, like you get better when you get gentlemen, something you love, you get better see when we give rejected and suddenly we kind alike- and you just stop liking it. Now, when you stop thinking that you want to pursue it That just means mean you did one really passion about that mean you didn't really love it when you love something which really important to keep moving towards it now in a relationship that very different, of course, here onto my career, unto my passion, I'm talking about interests under my hobbism told my best, there's some normally talk about relationships, but just to touch on relationships a bit you can keep pursuing somebody I don't want to be with you, but you can keep pursuing becoming the right person right and that's where the pursue asked to change. So

if you'd and enjoy preparing for the interview viewed and enjoy preparing for a pitch or a proposal whatever it was, chances are a truly isn't. my job that is in the right opportunity, you can force your way into a company start up a sea. jewish because of the name and prestige, but that one satisfy you when you hate it afterwards. So People want a job at Google just to say they work for Google, so many people, want to be an entrepreneur just to say their entrepreneurs show me the one I have upon us just to say they have a podcast. So maybe you want to write a book just to say their author and a lot of those people. rejected or doesnt work, and rightly so, because that's not enough, you have to love the process. You have to be committed to the process so I really hope you enjoy this podcast today. It's been incredible. Having you here remember these six ways to gracefully deal would reject

we talked about why rejection hurts remember everyone. You look up to everyone. You admire has been through some form of rejection. Let me know in Twitter on Instagram Linkedin, Facebook, wherever you are, let me know which message really resonates with you, which, when you're going to test and try in you, life. I lovely reading. Your reviews is well make sure you subscribe, make she rated and make sure you reviewed. Thank you so much for listening on genuinely so grateful Jackie have an amazing thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I have you, shared these all across social media. Let people now that you subscribed to on purpose. Let me know, post tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this increase

Billy conscious community, where creating of purposeful people your now a part of the tribe, a part of the squire, Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you.