« Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Bonus Episode: Relationship Begins with Self

2021-10-06 | 🔗

Super Soul listeners… we’d like to introduce you to our newest podcast: The SonRise Project. It’s created by Emmy Award-winning creative visionary, mother and wife Kelli Richardson Lawson. The weekly podcast is a resource for parents and families to engage and share personal experiences with children struggling with depression, anxiety and addiction issues. In this episode Kelli introduces Spirit, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, media personality, host of Love Goals on OWN, forensic evaluator, wife and mother of seven children. Spirit says so many of us struggle with painful and often unfulfilling relationships with those we love. She says what we need to understand is that these relationships act as a mirror and are a reflection of the way we feel about ourselves. Spirit explains we often get stuck in the belief that life is something that is happening to us. She says what’s actually true - is everything we think and feel drives the way we show up in our lives. If we want change, then we must shift our relationship with ourselves. You can subscribe to The SonRise Project on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever podcasts are available.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
From Jim to restaurant to office. Your home has taken on so many new rolls over the past year and as some of us take our first steps back into the world calls. I was that our homes are still at the centre of everything we do that Why they have everything you need to create the perfect space like cooler, burrow, ugh batting Fit bit smart watches, kitchen, eight electrics and more. She in store or online at close com. For a superficial conversations is brought to you by capital, one auto navigator, where you can find a car get pre qualified instantly and see your real monthly payment without impacting your credit score capital, one what's in your wallet term, the same conditions apply
find out more capital, one dot com, slash auto navigator below five teslas nurse. My name is carefully rigid, some Lhasa Imo, mother away and an honour for nor I started the sunrise projects after a beautiful teenage son, to take his own life shoe my husband and I felt a spare isolation and a measurable pain. I knew my heart. We need a place from black parents to share their struggles, find mutual support and help our beloved children who struggle with mental wellness addiction or both each weekly podcast features expert shares their knowledge, and takes questions from parents and children. To me
the sunrise project allows black families like ours to find company. Now that we are not alone, while the purpose of the sunrise project debts to share support and not left. This conversation is not a substitute for medical advice. Finding the right healthcare professionals for your family's specific needs is crucial if we do not feel seen or heard insufficient speak to more than one professional to find right. That's good morning. We're gonna go ahead and get started. I've always I'm happy you're here, and I hope that we all the moment of silence and peace, as we share this morning as we learn from one another this morning and ass, we congregate in a safe space. That's always filled with love, with common I shall end with a mutual desire to heal, first and foremost ourselves and then ask
our families and our children died. Grant me the serenity to accept the things. I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom no, the difference, and this morning I want to add an additional prayer that a dear friend sent to me. Mrs peaceful morning set your head. Finally on the God of all hope: don't fix your eyes on outcomes your eyes on God. Don't expect a new year to fix than all dear count on your heavenly father to be faithful to his promises. Resolutely fix your eyes on Jesus, the one who started and will finish your story expect to be challenged. To count on twists and turns, but never ever lose your confidence and God you're tethered to him, and he is fully committed to a new level of faith will rise up here about its voice. Love is
bird and thoroughly enjoy his presence. Your private walk with God is so rich, so real and so powerful that whenever you encounter others, they suddenly hunger to no God for themselves. Every day calls for powerful prayers and fierce faith. You aren't over calmer place your trust and faith in him that has provided you with all the spiritual blessings needed to make it through the difficult part of the rays of light. Keep your eyes on him. The chance To initiate and perfect your faith, I am so honoured and delighted to welcome on Spirit who is a wonderful friends and incredible all educator and leader in this relationship space and the psychotherapy space, I'm she and her incredible organization are really changing the way we think about love life relationships and everything in between
for more than fifteen years, this licence, psychotherapist media personality, wife and Oh did. Mother, a seven yes, seven, shoulder raging and age from two to twenty four has delivered the answers to some of life's most challenging questions, She has an incredible down to earth approach and she promotes empathy, an understanding while eliminating the stigma commonly associated with our challenging issues. She's a National Board certified counselor licence, professional counselor, a certified. Lorenzo mental health evaluate are certified parenting coordinator, ordained, marriage, efficient and child sex abuse prevention. First, the legislator and I could go on and on and on and on she's incredible signals, a bunch of degrees and, most importantly, she's, a dear friend and incredible incredible out.
Investments are wellness space. She is the owner and clinical director of the brute practice tee to as enterprises based in Atlanta, Georgia, where she works. A couple of men and women adolescents you than families as a therapist researcher, motivational, speaker and more. She has been recently seen that is currently on on the upper winfried, that work for their brand new and scripted series called love gauze and she has been recently is wrong. Show such ass doktor fell to lie in tiny force courts, this yourself alive and more and again, most importantly, she's genuine she's down to earth. We met when she was in DC, a year ago, she was testifying with arise, you'd be P Henson on capital, hell about removing the stigma around mental illness and mental wellness, and so with that, I'm going to turn it over to Spirit I'm so great.
I'll bet, you're here with us. Thank you so much for being here and I'm gonna turn over to you. While I thank you, much good morning of mourning everybody. I was laughing to myself that the hardest part in all of this is usually democratic sitting through the I aids and sitting through the Red May, because of the the day. I never do it for any of those things as an end, as I love to tell people all of those things that you mentioned have just allowed me to come to this moment, and so I am just so honored and so thrilled to be able to speak to you all. In this moment, I always feel like everything has its perfect divination and no matter what has led you to this moment, no matter if you have come into two thousand and twenty one just excited and fired up or if you are I mean into twenty twenty one, with your heart, broken with yourselves dragging
with you being tired and uncertain about what tomorrow has for you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in your moment and so I really want to talk to everybody today. About is how do we take care of you before Are you continue to take care of everybody else, and so I honestly have been talking to Kelly about talking to you all phronsie. Very talk. First told me about this amazing group. All those months ago, and I think Kelly honestly, it was closer to two years now, as I started to think about it, because it wasn't last summer it was the summer before that, and so that is telling me exactly right how time is flying and not only that how long the day same, but how quickly at the same time they go by
so I don't know about for you guys, but last year it seemed like an entire decade was packed into a year whether it was I will pandemic that we are still crushed under whether it was the civil unrest, not just in the United States, but in every around the world in the wake of murders like George Floyd, like Brianna Taylor like Elijah Claim, and unfortunately the list to just goes on and on and on and now, as we move into what we know as mental health professionals is yet a third pandemic, a mental health can be like but we are by no means ready, willing or- able to deal with, unfortunately, I'm so today is so important to me to talk to you guys, because you guys are not just people but you are parents as well and Oh, I love to talk to my parents, because one of the things that so many of us
been trained in condition to do not just in words, in the parents who raised ass, where they did at the absolute best they can and they got it absolutely right or whether they did it from the dark as places of themselves, and there was so much left to be desired in the wake of our childhoods. Many of us have conditioned ourselves to be very, very end of the line and how we take care of ourselves in where we place. Shells and in how we show up for ourselves and Oh, I really want to talk to you guys today about the impact, some mental health and wellness, not from the perspective of illness and not from the perspectives? much of reacting to your mental health in wellness, but from a preventative perspective, sources are inherently italian, but did you know that few jarred sauces are actually made in ITALY, new Brutal, we D Italia, sauces, are authentically italian made in ITALY and craft,
with fine ripened tomatoes. Finally, aged italian cheeses, fresh cream, and the training and olive oil brutality The italian sauce comes in four authentically delicious varieties mariner a creamy Rosa, afraid, and for Cheese Alfredo when you're looking too impressive meal brutality, The italian sauce is the key ingredient you need for delicious highquality flavour and in aided experience come Up you'll hear a conversation between Joe Flam and Dan passion of the sport fall to people. You know a thing or two about crafting, show stopping meals grown. fear in my mouth house my grandma S house, you go to the store and you get to loaves of italian bread, and there is always the one to eat with the sauce during the day that you just all that you off buys saucers cooking. He didn't piece of bread in the south and the other one for dinner. Obviously,
just kind of an event. A rule always was. We walked into the kitchen. You start the sauce Lavie walked by the sourcing and start using the term all hands on deck situation. You see the sauce, you stir the sauce. You know the rules, you know it's a big part of it. It was one of those things that my house always smelled like growing up. The smell of olive oil and garlic eating up in the pan is very nostalgic of like being a little kid for me, wow now, as a chef, are you the tease apart. What was about that sauce course doesn't nostalgia. Factor is the sauce you grew up with, but like can you say on a culinary level? What made it so good? I think it's too taking the time in the effort to do it right cook it slow take the time surviving gradients and just putting the amount of time technique in love and do it to make sure that, if something that's great rehashing right, you're restaurant
Rosemary is named after your two grandmothers or both important figures in your life, beyond those basic lessons of time and ingredients. Are there other lessons that you took from them that influence how you could today, my grandma Mary she's. Ninety two now she's the one who made me form other traditions. We still make the ravioli for Thanksgiving. We still do face of the seven fishes. This is her way of telling me about her mother her grandmother, growing some sort of Chicago and what they did with her siblings, and it was like when I was a little girl. This is where I would go by the squid. With my map we were taken, back here with clean it. Let's go. For me to have those stories of when I was a little boy, my grandma, with lay out all the newspaper on the table in the mushroom and we'd, be clean and Squid, together for Christmas Eve, I have this great love and passion for that tradition Now, history that goes into that dish.
Discover more sauces recipes and male inspiration at Bertone, dot, com, Slash D, Italia, that's bridge holy dot com, slash d, I t EL, I a endless into the full conversation between Joe and down on the spark fall dropping September thirtieth wherever you get your PA casts. More of this episode, after short, break this pact- as to sponsored by better help. Is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving our goals? Wellbeing the top through what is causing you to feel stuck in a cycle of stress or sadness, cannot be figure out how to get out of it. Better, how will assess your needs and match you with your own licence, professional therapist? You can dark communicating in under forty eight hours, its but a crisis line. It's not self help his professional counselling done securely online, there a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas and the services even available for clients worldwide. You can
gradual, weekly video or found sessions, and better how was committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, so they easy and free to change councillors if needed. That's more affordable than traditional offline therapy and financial aid is available. There help wants you to start living a happier life today, visitor website, and rather testimonials that are posted daily visit better dot, com, Slash superstore, that's better, eighty lp and when the over two million people who have taken charge of their mental health. With the help of an experience? Professional, in fact, so many people have been using better help that their recruiting additional therapists in all fifty states special offer for super soul. Listeners get ten percent if your first month at better help dot com slashed superficial I wanna get you? thinking about your mental health and wellness as it pertains to your entire body, because Fortunately, we talk about it from a place of disconnect and we talk about mental health separately from physical.
With really realizing how not only are they all connected, but how it impacted or impacting every aspect of your life and its largest based upon which your ex brains in right now. But what has happened even before you pass through the wool and so to do? I want to spend some time first talking to you, but more Fortunately, I want to talk with you, because I not the expert in your life you are and you know better than anybody what it is that you need in order to move your life and to the places that you are praying for, that you are fighting for that. You are pushing or and that you are hoping for. So I want you guys who take advantage of the opportunity to really talk to me today. I know that some of
this will be one of those uncomfortable conversations, because perhaps you're not used to talking out loud about some of the things that you're thinking or feeling or experiencing and for other people. These may be things, but you say, I'm not sure I wanna talk to other people are in the presence of other people about it, but I want you to be courageous today, so that you get what it is that you need before you leave this call and if, for any reason, you find that you wish that you could say something, but you know that you just can't you wish that you would have said something, but you didn't think of it while we're on this call- or you know that someone else needs something, but surely not sure how to phrase it today, I want you to know that I'm not just here for you in this moment, but that I'm always always accessible, as I press is all about what I want you to understand, then what I entitled today's frustration about was that relationship begins with south,
and what I mean by that, is that everything that we do Our life is of relationship. We have relationships with our partners. Our relationships with our children, relationships with our spirituality, with our finances, with our co workers with our weight with our food, you name it. We think that we have. A relationship and often times hard that we are in control of is the quality of the relationship. The hard part, though is often having the quality of those relationships. Look the way that we wish that they would especially when we are dealing with people, or especially one we're dealing with situations that we realize your act the drivers in those relationships we often
think that life is something that is happening to us that were responding to it and we're doing just the best. Would we can't get by But what I want you to understand is that everything that you think and everything that you, He'll is driving the way that you show up in your life, and I want to say that again everything that you think and everything that you feel is driving the way that you show up in your life. It is even driving the quality of the relationships that you have in your life and that is because every relationship- and we have is a choice now grant We may not have chosen these relationships into our lives and what I by that is we didn't necessarily cheese, the children that we were going to get, but we made the then let us having the children that we ultimately gap and so in
everything that we're doing. If we can understand that He behaved our way into a place. It can offer empower us to behave our way to the place that we now want to get too and what is the difference? Being queen driving our relationships and being passive, put it the pencil in our relationships is that we often don't chart a destination. We are literally showing up in our lives every day doing the best we can try to keep moving, knowing What it is that we want, but now actually plodding the course to get their step by step, and so, in this day and age, it's war technology is everything in its leading the way I love to use that as the example to explain to people. You know most of us don't get in a car with
knowing exactly where it is that we want to go, and if we don't know how to get to where it is that we want to go, then what do we do? We pick up a piece of cake. Apology, we clergy in our donation, the button and then he tells us step by step exactly how to get to where we're trying to go and so I would tell you is that you relationships are very much the same. If you don't have an end destination? Where is your trying to go in these relationships, meaning what you want them to look like what you want them to feel like we're, Do you want them to leave you your life, if you don't their destination charted beneath. Had been wandering aimlessly in these relationships, but here's the interesting thing there is an unspoken expectation ten times for what we want. Our relationships to look like
our relationships with our children. Our relationships with our friends are released ships with our citizens and our parents in our coworkers and our colleagues, that our money and our body Our lives now what we want them to look like, but we just can't seem to manifest it can sometimes were able to do it for just Second, we see our wildest dreams coming true. The relationships are beginning to look exactly like what we want them to and we go yes, this of it, Mrs read and then is quickly if we oh I'd, headed in the right direction, it seems to fall off the track. And the one thing that we don't see him there is teach analogy, we don't do what they. To happen in order to drive things forward, and so instead we often get lucky in moments. In glimpses in glimmers and our lives. Instead of a consistently
and channeling and driving our relationships in the dark since that we want them to go because I want you to understand that if you are seeing success, some of it, I'm in your relationships, but you are not having the success that you got I challenge you to ask yourself: are you in the driver's seat being intentional in the way that you're showing up in those relationships, or are you statistically just getting? result? You want some of the time because you're sitting in those places long enough that statistically You should be seeing what you want. It's a very the same thing, the way that our mental health works and so on. I want you to know. As we talk about you heard me say everything that you think and everything that you feel is driving the experiences that you're happy
I want you to understand that there are literally we parts to yourself. There are your feelings. And your feelings are. The alarm system to the needs with your body has. And what I mean by that is, for example, when you are cold, that's a feeling when you're thirsty, that's it. Feeling, when you're lonely, that's a feeling right, and so we also have thoughts that go along with those feelings and all thoughts are Are the strategies that your brain comes up with in order to figure out how to get those needs met if I'm cold. I could go down the hall and get a blanket. I could go when turned a thermostat down
I could cuddle up with someone is their next to me. Right come up with the ideas for how I'm going to meet the need, which is the each for warmth and satisfy the cold, and I'm feeling, if I'm thirsty I could go into the refrigerator if there's something in grab something to drink or I could put on, pot of coffee could go down the street to my local t shop and go grab something. Those are the strata he's that my brain comes up where, in order, made, the need as first, which means I'm dehydrated and finally, those thoughts, lead you to a choice, which is the behaviour that you engage in in order to satisfy the strategy when you came up here, to get your needs met from the field,
things are the alarm system that your body told you was in need, and so one thing that is unfortunately so so critical, especially with especially in communities of color, especially in places in Spain, is what we have learned to put ourselves last the problem, Is that many of us are disconnected from our feelings? We taught in our lives, we do not have time for feelings because feelings, in our toll were told, don't matter, feelings are luxuries, That is for many of us. We were actually connected to our true feelings. Then it will cause us to reflect on air. Other aspects of our lives and so on dead of dealing with what were actually feeling, often time.
Our anxiety or exhaustion of frustration, our anger or insecurity. Trauma, abandonment, rejection, our whole lives leading us up to the moment. We take all the feelings that we have experienced over the course of our lifetime. And we figure out creative ways not to deal with them. We That's them down them away? them out. We suppress them justify them. We rationalize the experiences that we had to try to make sense of them and, more importantly, we just ways to just keep it moving. We are moving I was in miles per second oftentime emotionally disconnected Numb get on our feet in auto pilot just try to get to a destination with no sense
connection to how we feel the same the issues that we need to drive the quality of the experiences that were having an that's. Why so often, even one fine, we achieve the goals we set for ourselves, whether its They met goals, whether it career goals, whether it Emily goals We find when we finally get to that moment. After all, the blood sweat tears in years that we poured into those situations. They still feel lack lustre they often feel muted. We often find Us else watching everybody around us celebrating an inside we're thinking to ourselves. I thought this was gonna feel behind when I got here and in this moment yeah I mean I'm happy
tired, I'm relieved that it's finally over, but it doesn't really feel like. I wanted it to feel and the reason for that is that, because we're so disconnected from our feelings, and because we haven't done the healing work necessary to really be able to show up in our feelings, mostly feeling that we have or muted we're disconnected, and so the experiences become lack lustre, best, because the range of emotions that we'd numbed, so we don't have to deal with ourselves, become super soup overwhelming the divide to reconnect than to find ourselves again is something that we're just having. Hard time doing, and so what I want to tell you today is that if you are a person, The things that I am talking about our resonating with you there
finding their way to your heart? I want you to stop and ask yourself now, that the quality of relationship with the people that you love not about the quality of the relationship with your food or you're finances, or your spiritual growth any other part of the journey that your own, but I want you to stop and ask yourself How are you doing with the relationship with you When is the last time that you ve checked him with you with said: hey girl? How are we doing hey man. Are we good in there? How are you feeling in your body.
Understanding that ok, it's not a feeling good is not a feeling. Fine is not a feeling. How are you feeling in your body? Are you exhausted? Are you ain't? Are you frustrated? Are you overjoyed? Are you? intent you, a mixture of so many things,. Are you overwhelmed, and if you find that the feelings are difficult to touch, what might be your bodies alarm system, be telling you about you- and I want you to understand, you heard me say very early in that our body, Use and our minds are connected:
even for that, is because your brain is simply an organ in your body. Just like any other organ like your heart Like your lungs, like your eyes like your skin, and it requires its own care and often we're afraid to talk about the care of our brains, because what we think that it means- and so we don't talk about mental health because we don't want to think The very part of us that is controlling and driving, who we are, could somehow ever become ill could somehow ever become in need of care, If you really stop and think about their that's really an incredible idea: we should have a different concern about the way that our brain functions, but not a concern, let's make it a priority, because I spent thousands of dollars a year on skin care in order to make sure that my skin any issue that it has. I address
If my lungs have, A problem if they become unwell, if I get pneumonia, I have asthma. I have no problems going to the doktor to get an inhaler right. When it comes to my brain function. The part of my body that controls my hormonal regulation, they can shoot so much stress hormone into my bloodstream, that I can find myself dealing with issues like anxiety or depression or insomnia, or irritability or fatigue, or all of these physical symptoms that I don't recognize originate in my brain. Then we don't know the import, simply don't realise the importance of dealing with our mental health I want you to understand that so many of us are walking around ill. Not well and our brains, and we don't realize it. And we don't treated in the same way.
We treat the rest of us I d being ill, you know if you got it go in your throat or your nose was running. Are you felt a dry cough coming on you wooden without hesitation, think about going down to your local pharmacy grabbing you some great juice grabbing, you some great meds and happen into bed for a day or two in order to take care of yourself and it after a couple of days it still didn't resolve you, wouldn T hesitate to call a doctor in order to it those sometimes treated. If you believed that that was somehow connected to your emotions you're being driven by your brain. You found yourself depressed value your emotions all over the place in ways that you can explain where some days you feel higher than normal. Just
on top of the world and you can't stop the battery. That's moving in your brain. You can't stop your thoughts from racing and then days or hours later you find yourself unable to get out of the bed. You wouldn't necessarily. Thoroughly go to the doktor for that, because you would be afraid of the stigma or that something is wrong with you. And you wouldn't want to address those unfortunate issues. Even now there much like the other parts of your body it. He said your brains, hormonal system that needs care, and here, the really interesting thing. I wanted just kind of give you this pressure then I kind of want to open it up to conversation cause. I don't want to keep you guys to long today. I can talk all day about this, as you can see, I'm passionate about this, but I really want you to understand that the relationship that you ve been having with your body goes all the way back to even before you came into this world.
The exposure that our mothers had environment to the world around us now, only impacted us, but also oh have impact it our children, and that is because many of the day should we take in whether it is stressed in environment, or whether it is parks and from the world around US pollution, pollution in the air pollution in the water, etc, etc. Those pollutants that we taken to our bodies have ability to impact, literally the eggs that our fetuses hurry when we're having daughters and were birthing children, the same toxins that we are exposed to those toxins. Their reproductive organs are sensitive to those toxins, and so our daughters will experience the very same,
toxin that the mothers do, which means that when they come into the world, not only are their bodies affected, but so too are their minds affected already before them. Come into the world, but the things that we have been exposed to, and so that means not just them as the next generation will be dealing with the same traumas and experiences that we're dealing with, but still to go. Their children. And so I want you to understand that Inter generational trauma is real, Mental health and awareness is a legacy, if we leave to those who come after us, but also we can give given by those who have come before us and what is critical for us to understand as pair also, but as individuals, is that fifty percent mental illness, develops before
or an individual is fourteen years of age. I want to say that again, fifty percent Of all mental illness develops before individual, is fourteen years of age and seventy five percent of all mental illness develops before an individual is twenty four years of age. Which means that most of us have experienced things but may have caused us to be ill and unwell and our brains at a very young age and unfortunately it said east, ten years from the development of symptoms before we three people in our office getting care for their mental health and well Miss They don't even realise that anything is wrong. It happens, long ago that people actually think that this is their personality. Often
I'm children are even told than adults. Adultery even told that this is their personality. You ve always been affair. Child boy, We ve been highly emotional. You always- then all over the place, Those are the behaviors tat people. Our exhibiting, based upon their functioning in their thoughts and their feelings, which are impacted by the experiences that they have had in their childhood. And so I want you to know the body always keep score. It records every last expiring, that we have ever had even the ones tat we. Realize or remember, consciously that we ve had, and if you know believe me. I love to tell people go and Google, the number one song when you
for four years old. It may have been decades since you ve heard it, but the most that you press play on that song, all of a sudden you'll find yourself singing along and the words will come back to you like nobody's business and you'll say how on earth do I remember this? The body keeps the score, and when members, every experience that you had The recorder for those experiences is your brain. And the quality and the way that your brain is functioning is your mental health, and so what I would say to you in closing is if you ve, never giving yourself the gift of great mental health care in the same way that you look for great physical health care. Then I want you to consider and twenty twenty one, adding a great mental health professional. To your team.
Because your mental health is literally everything and how your brain is functioning controls everything that you experience. It connects you to your feelings. It helps you make your sign your thoughts and it helps to drive your behave, here, and so, if you don't have that great mental health professional on your team. I want you to consider, as you are navigate into this world trade to deal with every relationship that you have in your life. How can you clearly chart your destination if you're not clearly connect to what your body needs, and how your body needs to strategies. Those coordinates. Live your life in the direction that you wanted to go your middle,
professional? Is your coach? Is your confidante? Ensure clarity? Is your partner? Is the one place where everything is one hundred percent about Q. An absolute privacy in absolute confidentiality and in absolute order for you. About making your life look the way that you wanted to look helping We identify with those coordinator need to be taken those coordinates in? healthy and walking with you along the journey so that you can. DR your life in the direction that you wanted to go, and so I would submit to you today: parents but as you go out into the world and continue to take care of everybody else,
I want you to understand the Bayer impacted by how you are showing up in the world, and the question is how are you showing up in first Your relationship with yourself, you can poor from an empty cup and. Everything that you do is impact at her. Active guy, what's happening in your mind? Are you giving me so what you need to have clarity and wellness in your mind, so that you can have your pop runneth over. I thank you guys for listening. I will indeed there because I feel, like I said, go on an online, but thank you much for allowing me to address you today and any and every class
Jim that you have. I am here for it. Thank you Kelly, so incredible spirit, as you were talking about, and how do you feel everything We're saying was like that bothers me in a dilemma on autopilot, in Austria and anxious even the feelings at Bay and then driving myself to work in over were work That really spoke to me, and I want to want to. Thank you. Thank you. I also tat was quite telling me you gotta go over the top song when you are for years. All and for me it was a little child. Things are gonna get easier. In writing DE it talked about Sun rays of the sun? That's all. I think about that song that song thoughts are very positive.
And I ran on me. You said you know what was that someone you are for? I was one of those that yourself Amber. I know a lot of people probably want to come in or asked the question, but I just want to say thank you. I'm grateful for the conversation and further the inside were much pleasure and everybody wants to, share or comment or asked the question? good morning the morning spirit the morning Kelly and I want to say You forgot amazing thing tat the two had. Without I mean it was incredibly powerful. I want to ask you about power thing how to do that. You actually said yes to because- and I wouldn't, even though we say I'm a people breather track. I think a lot of people will then know me would say a pretty much there my ground, but there's always a feeling like I just I came out of a relationship,
The fear that was sixteen year than the last five years of it was the feeling of existing, and then I lost my mother in early February. I'm sure ninety one fear a major stroke, but the last three years that being one of her caregivers Although she was in a nursing home, she was very unhappy being there, and so I feel like when coronavirus happened. It was not so much of us having to be stuck, but I felt like I needed to be still, and so I took taken this time with during. They locked down to kind of try to heal from all that in fine myself, but then also, though it's I'm still being presented with people feeling like well, ok, so your freed up now was like any other someone is pursuing before relationship me by both the time time now, but I just kind of you I got married, they said
How can you love somebody else until you have yourself and though, how long I dont know, if I'm asking how long that will take a thin, I dont know if a man like you know but saying no, but then also being assured that I'm not retreating, but I'm more so knowing my body in my mind that until healing- and it is now time for me to do things- that other people we need to yet another girl. Yes, absolutely and see the let me say to you: God bless you especially as you go through just the trend, vision in the grieving of your mom three years, I'm sure still feels like yesterday. So you know my blessing or just tryin to just process and so what I would want to offer to you is, at one no is a complete an entrance and you don't need anybody's permission, their agreement or their understanding in order for you to do what you know feels right for you, but
Also in wanting you to continue to make no until you feel like you are ready to say yet than those relationships to make sure, you're saying yes to you in the right way, because I heard you say that you are working on healing, and I were to just remind you and everybody else. It's on the com, just gotta, you using you for an example here is that it is not I'm that heals all wounds, but what we do with the time that we have done so should go through this process of healing. I want you to understand that some things are therapeutic and then therapy, can be the ultimate game changer in your problem, and if you not enlisted a great therapist in this journey. I would strongly encourage you to do that because often times people suffer necessarily trying to help themselves get well by doing
what they know to be, because society has told us or were hearing it constantly and that in the news or in the media they ve told us all of us things that are therapeutic, but they fall short. Have actually been getting with a professional in order to engage in the ultimate poor up therapeutic, which is therapy will, they may say, eat ride. Change. Your diet exercise do all of these things, and yet they all have great impact on brain functioning, but at the end of the day you still have to process those feelings you steal have to go through the emotional aspects of what it is that you're carrying, because if you don't win, it still fits in your body. So when you heard me say that the body keeps the score every
we have happened to us in our life- is experienced and processed in our body. A stress some of that is good stress, so example: if we are getting married or we're having a child that we want to have, or we have a new promotion or move those things really great experience with often times, but there are still really stressful, enjoy. Into those moments, and then we have what's called neutral, stress and neutral stress is kind of like the when it takes for the air to be pushed in and out of your lungs, what it takes for you to walk across the room, things that you don't think about, but it still required energy and stress on the body and then we have negative stressed like some of the things that you mention. Right here we are in the middle of a pandemic. You dare dealt with or dealing with, the loss of your mom. You have people who are one in these demands that are being placed on you, and this is
in a long line of stress that if you have not taken the time to process so that you could Shit out of your body is still sitting in your body. And what happens when we become overwhelmed. When our mind goes, you know what this is just too much. I just can't deal with it. I can't I can't not, and it's just I push it away. Our brain then has to disconnect us from the emotion so that our minds stays well and we literally don't have a mental breakdown, but it also has to figure out what to do with that stress, and so it looks for places as with in our body in order to pack it away, and that's why we have the physical issues that we have, when the mind becomes overwhelmed by the stress that we won't process so. We have headaches. We have chest pain, we have a report
issues? We have heart attack, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes. All of these health issues that you hear when we talk about systemic racism and racism. Being a public health crisis it's not our melanin. That makes unwell or disproportionately affects us. In terms of our health. It is the quality health care that we get or don't get as a relation to the melanin and saw a lot of us walking around with so much unprocessed trauma. Stress that were holding in our bodies It is literally poisoning and killing us because we don't look for ways to be able to get enough of that stress and trauma off of us. So that we can continue to go on in the very best life. And so what I would say to you is you have an endless, did a great therapists as part of your health care. Not just now,
But at any point in the journey there now might give the best the absolute best time to be able to do that. As part of your healing because you can do it right from the comfort of your home right from the same device. It's your colony and from Tell em mental health is something that just about every fair, a post in the world is offering at this moment, which means that you could do it on a walk. I do it in your car, you could do it in your bed, wherever you me too, in order to pass All of the emotions and all the experiences that you ve been carrying and to the people who would put them demands on you. That would say I don't. Understand what you're saying of course, you're not doing anything over there. The world is slow, you should say yes, I want you to, I understand that you teach people how to treat you and so somewhere in this navigation. You have to continue to decide consistently what you want to teach
about your boundaries and about how you protect yourself and about how you take care of yourself. First, wherein again, but you don't know, their permission their understanding or their agreement. Dr your life and Relationship with them in the direct, and that you wanted to go to that Naturally, I did recently of my obi joy and for a recommendation for therapies, and she gave me some good name, so I'm gonna die every year. That is also on the other collars like to share or asked the question. I this Daniel Danielle, I mayor Kelly I am, I contribute inclination to sunrise project in Spirit. I just want to say thank you so much for Christmas morning. It was perfect. I also wanted, to
reiterate the point that you made on the story there we tell ourselves and other people. When were young and how that sticks. Cloud literally as you were talking about. You know that the narrative that we carry without like from the four year old I was sitting here, bigger cheerleader, like then yeah, exactly where I remember There were, I had a quiet one bed. There are part of a couple who said captain saying you know, because I'm stubborn, because I'm stubborn and her husband was saying it with him. The good thing is- and I know who who told you that you're stubborn and she felt I've always been stubborn who told you, but you were stubborn, And she were called at just as a youngster. Just remembering everybody would always tell her that she was stubborn and a kind of when we progress that it was really the chief
bill heard. You know moving so that that power, the power of her carrying for decades. This narrative that you would when they came on, he was finally able to let it go, and so you know I encourage us to think about what it is We were told that we ve always been and to challenge that is right I love that and I love to tell people that your relationships are simply a reflection of where you are at any point in your journey, especially as adults, because we're doing one of two things we are either here.
We in the trauma of our childhood and the period that came before this relationship or we are using the current relationship in order to recreate the same experiences that we already had, and so what the relationships do is they trigger those same feeling they bring them to the surface over and over, and over and remember you heard me say that you are feelings. Are your bodies alarm system to what it is that you need, though, even in that experience right, she chose a partner who allow third be triggered over and over. This quota quotes stubbornness. Which is really. I have an unhealed wound, as it relates to my needing to be heard. So she chooses a partner that there is a feeling that allows her to fight to have her voice heard over and over and over, but
cause, she didn't have a great therapist until she met you, she had no way of being able to process and give meaning to what she was feeling how she was thinking and how she was behaving in the relationship to give it the proper context. But Hallelujah, B b the idea that she had a therapist that could then allow her to heal that wound to be able to show up in that relationship in a different way, and so I'm talking to people all the time about understanding that, when we're triggered when we find ourselves having the same experiences over and over and over in our relationships that the only common denominator is us Let those relationships are triggering us. They are indicating the wounds that we are carrying that need to be healed and just because we think that ve healed Sometimes we ve, actually not healed at all, or
Fortunately, sometimes we ve healed in the wrong way and we need to go in some times and have those wounds we open to be clean. Out, the right way to be treated the right way to be here, old, and we have the right way much. Like again those physical symptoms. In a week break a bone and never get it treated or if we have a cut and we look back and go man, I really should have got stitches like it was deeper than I thought it was wider than I thought, and I didn't do what I needed to do and years later we look and say doc. Is there anything that you can do for this? any treatment that you can give it didn't heal properly. What can we do now to fix it and rehab? It Our emotional journey is very, very much it's the same way. So I
ain't you for share, and that is a great example, a great example of the power of therapy and in what we are able to do in standing in the Gatt for our clients, one hundred percent. I love that absolutely. Thank you, one more person. A girl again allowed America can t please. Thank you. First of all, there was there was. I just wanted to mention something that happened yesterday, something about your initial. Sort of sharing. It made me think of this that a tendency to very quick but his one dimension, so ashy last night happened a watch. This movie called soul, as I see it, what it is we are geared. We cite, but there's a decent one point near their debt was really interesting since telling a story. The garrison story about a fish swimming a little fish
up to a really big fish swimming in the ocean and ass for some help in the larger fishes. What are you looking for? You think I need to find an ocean think when you talk about you in ocean eleutherinian none. I noted it is water. I'm dyin, Fanny Ocean is left it there, but the thought of it in terms of approach, your life is, you know this fish is searching for something that they already have, but you know they just constantly pushing forward and not dealing with the everyday, and everything is happening around them immediately. Sort of what I got out of it just wanted to share, because I thought it was interesting oh good word that is so good and that is so trying because we are constantly in progress in the law, Instead, we want to be living and often time We don't realize it that our law- I've been in progress and the reason why we don't recognize that we are in the ocean so to speak, is because we're so caught up in the moment that we can't see the big picture,
oh, is that things were able to somehow come out of the water to see the vastness of where they swam from what lie. Before them and what is all the way around them in all the set in the perspective goes I'm in water too, in the ocean Not only am I in it, but I have the capacity to do whatever I want to in its vastness. That is the power of therapy therapy again right. It's us US understanding, That is long as we have breath in our body we the ability to shape and drive our lives in any direction that we wanted to go, but an They were able to see the big picture we are only caught up in, what's happening right in front of us and when
They set out on great opportunities to understanding and tired gap of everything that exists and is at our fingertips around us. Absolutely back. So, unless there is any one last comment, we will go ahead and close out below. Yes, please, hi. I just have a quick question: the one guess the I have been, I hear what you're thinking about the power therapy with interesting my eye, I encourage my younger, don't children, parity but dont when I try to go myself, I'm hindered by showing my true self, respecting that that is going to be protected. Our main priority and I'll go. Or what of this woman? Who is my therapist kind element forty. She has. She had sorority and maybe she'll tell them that told her, and so I find myself holding
back on merely trivial level, and I dont know how to get it right, dig in a great name of a fair price. Just there myself, though you guys we're talking, Okay, Lorraine, here's! What you're going to do you're going to put these fears aside, you're, going to trust that this therapist is going to the purple, let you need and you're just gonna let go, but I was wondering if you could keep to that. I know it sounds trivial, but I mean at night about a noise someone does she know that you may think something about me. It's not just that. I think it try and allowing myself to trust and be open to the healing about what absolutely and Lorraine, I'm so glad that you brought it up, because that is one of the biggest obstacles that most of us have and rightfully so, rightfully so I want you to understand. You have every right to have that concern, because here you are opening up you, entire life to a stranger and that
they very disempowering feeling in the beginning and you have had experiences in your life, can remember We talk about triggers right. So if you had experiences in your life that have taught you, you cannot trust people with your secrets. You cannot trust people with, vulnerability than that only going to be exacerbated in a situation where everything is about your life. And so what I want you to know is as their of haste. We are not just ethically bound, but we are legally bound to be your secret keepers. You have the absolute right not of just complete privacy, Also of complete confidentiality with your information- and
wait did it is supposed to work? Is that you weren't there appears is not supposed to have any ties at all or connection with you. A great there appears does not talk about your business with anybody and even if God forbid, they were to do that. They would discuss that in way. That leaves out any identifying information. So if they would about an experience that they had say with another therapist. Confidence as therapists go to therapy themselves. They would never disclose the privacy the confidentiality of their clients. It is simply it's illegal. A more and it is unethical and it's not what we signed up to do or to be ended everything that I would tell you, is one of the things that I talk to my clients about literally in the very first session, because I want them to be comfortable. It's important,
me that they understand that they are always the drivers of our relationship, and I let them know especially now with technology, and I love to say that, but the word This is a very small place and technology has made it smaller, and so it is very possible that you may see your therapists somewhere in Europe died life. Your coffee shop, a party As I already gathering like you said, one of those kind of things and scare appears we are trained to handle those situations like you, however, you decide, and so I will tell my car saw the time that I will follow your lead, if I say you somewhere and you walk by me like you, don't owe me, I will walked by I don't know you it will not hurt my feelings at all and we may have had a session earlier that day or I have one scheduled later on that evening. I have some people who, come up to me and say: hey yeah, nice to see you again, our kids go to the same. You know play on the thing: sports, Green
I told you- I have seven children so that usually works or they say you know, we gotta the same church and I'll say glory how a lawyer and will keep moving or they may to say this is my fear- is that I've been telling you about everybody. Does it differently, but is there a piss? We also respect the spaces of our clients, and so, if I see a client, in a particular space. Shortly thereafter I make space and I disappear. Those are my clients protected spaces, and I want them to have the space to show up in their lives fully and safe and comfortably so as their health care provider, my job is not to show up and add stress to their lives, but it's actually to model appropriate boundaries, and so what you may find is if you're pressed has been violated in past experiences outside of the therapy setting having that he'll want with it, therapist, maybe one of the most healing
experiences that you can have, because it is a right place to start to process the trauma around trust and it's the right place to see it modeled in a really healthy, safe way. So that's what holding you back. I would say absolutely in that very first session, even if you just want to have a consultation with that referral, that you got talk to them up front about what yours concerns are around trust and ask them what their plan, will be in order to make sure that you feel safe and comfortable the entire time in the process. And even once you leave therapy and a great therapist will be able to have that. Precision with you and be sensitive to that with no,
Questions asked. I thank you. Thank you for the woman. I love that response and so important, and I know that I personally, having a paragraph from probably twenty five years has been incredibly high up, and so many people on this car live just become a part of my village in terms of support. You are there We're not really. I really, I think, that's perfectly importance, but thank you for sharing as well to the call thank you you stare and really want to thank you for being here today and for sharing such incredible nuggets of wisdom I know I got a tremendous amount of today's session and really appreciate your being here. I know how it is you I know it's Sunday morning, you have a lot of things you could be doing. You chose to spend your time with us this morning and I appreciate that and then I want to turn over too.
I thought in the prayer rare again spare. Thank you. So much to have you back there. I let you know my thanks and I look forward to a thank you. Everybody saluting thank you so much nobody can chat, causes out and, and thank you spirit currently inspired we. Thank you, Lord than you, all seeing an all knowing and that nothing is a surprise to you. We thank you four spirit who is a light in this world? We thank you that she really, but many of us made it, but we made it. Moving through the year without feeling I just keeping it moving. Many of us didn't start to look at ourselves. Many of us didn't take the time to seek wise counsel from an expert we were so focused on being caregivers and parents that we didn't stop to careful ourselves Thank you for the revelation guy. Today we focus on ourselves We focus our eyes on you, God,
It reminded us that everything that we face can everything that we feel drives the way that we show up in our lives. Lord God. We know, and we thank you that you will be with us. We look to you and we are excited for the future as we move forward with power and so would give you think. Floored increases name a man, a man. Thank you, Tele and thank everybody today at this morning will be back next week. Thank you! So much, I'm telling budgets in Lhasa and you ve been listening to the sunrise projects past. You can follow sunrise wherever you less such a pact task. If you haven't yet open your passed out and follow this shell join us next week for another gathering of support. Thank you for listening. If you are someone you know, is struggling with mental illness challenges contact your doktor now me than that.
Alliance on mental illness or both you can reach Namese health wise at eight hundred nine hundred and fifty six thousand two hundred and sixty four Monday through Friday, ten, a dot m to eight p, DOT M eastern time or email at info at Nami, DOT, org volunteers are working to answer. Question offer support and provides The next steps be were listening to the super, sell part cast home too obvious personal selection of interviews with thought leaders, best selling authors, spiritual luminaries as well as health, and well no sex birds. If you and by this podcast in want more super soul. You can watch full episodes undiscovered plus start your free. Trial today at discovery plaster come let Superman God, you through life's big questions help bring you one step closer to your best self.
Transcript generated on 2021-10-21.