Hollywood power couple DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good discuss their faith, courtship and marriage as well as the spiritual keys to their successful relationship. They candidly share how celibacy allowed them to form a deeper, more soulful connection. In their New York Times best-selling book, “The Wait,” they write, “To wait is to delay the temptation for instant gratification in relationships in order to get what you really want in life.”
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I'm over Winfrey welcome to supersede conversations the podcast. I believe that one of the most valuable gives you can give yourself is time taking time to be more fully. Your journey to become more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us starts right now, when they first started dating in two thousand and eleven movie producer administer Divine Franklin and actress, making good seemed an unlikely match. She was the beautiful actress, often photographed on the celebrity party. Seen he's the straight lay studio, executive and ordain Minister committed to making movies with an inspirational message divine, had also been practicing celibacy for nearly a decade. Megan says she was ready to embrace her new found faith and commit to a higher vision of love. Together they wrote the New York Times best selling book, though
eight a set of principles, they believe will bring. Clarity to the search for a spiritual partnership divine in Megan believed that the greatest mystery is this. We can never know how long it will take for gods plan to unfold for divine in making that waiting period was a miraculous opportunity for deeply personal reflection and transformation. Well. I remember when you all we're going to appear on CBS this morning with gale and gale was here for the weekend and she was reading the book covered cover and she brought the book, the breakfast and yet the book than their echo. What is in a blog and shortly after you were on the New York Times, is a bestseller that is say. I never imagined this being a newer times best seller. In thousand. Sixteen a couple writing a book about the weight waiting to have sex unto you actually get married
resonating, with a public to the point of being a bestseller, because I couldn't imagine people saying oh a book about waiting. We go get that right now in a culture where there are so many messages on the opposite side: yeah it is like this cuts through well, it's interesting is the last time you and I had a conversation superstar Sunday we're talking about produced by faith, and now you say actually faith that same phase you ve been talking about for years and preaching about lead you to Megan in this relationship. Absolutely absolutely It said it is true that in this is faith in action for real. As you know, in years of believing in wanting the right, wanting the right maiden wanting the right partner and not settling- and I just said you know, like a god- is not brought me the right person and I have to have faith in
eight and have you no delayed gratification to get the right person, and certainly he delivered well beyond, and so you were in a place say the dark of the soul, but you in a place. You know bad. You- shouldn't ships and reach the point where you actually had had What was it a vision or a spark or a thought door that areas arrogant red device was actually is as interesting how it happened because I was just coming out of a relationship that I've been in for almost four years and it wasn't. The person wasn't bad the person, for me- and I wasn't good for them in I kind of was playing house and playing wife, but I wasn't his wife and over time. It became was it's yours wasn't mine. I was in his face. It was his room. It was his wars. It was here
you know, living room is, is living arose, his friends come over and after a while I started to act out and started to be kind of just like some destructive when you just you, know, you're acting up because you're a frustrating you're upset and you that you're, you know not getting what you are putting into the relationship and essence, and so when the vine and I reconnected on jump in the broom. I remember thinking like wow, that's the kind of guy I wish I could marry he so Easy and I was looking at her light- that's making good. She has talent like superstar, not even out of my way not achieved, and I was thinking he was out of my way just because a how amazing he was was like Lord. What am I supposed to be doing, and I just felt God telling me like it's time for you to get out of this relationship is time for you to focus on me, and so I did that I start focus on God and and in that time, as already God save, does he say Bergen
the rules? You know, how does it come to you when he told me the device was. My husband has sounded like that. In the end it like Devonshire husband. Where was that how what was going on I was praying urges on my knees, praying, and I was just I reiterate for aid has now I was praying for help. I was praying for growth. I was praying for healing, I was praying for majority. I just felt him saying just focus on you, so I spent the next nine months just focusing on me and really you know really finding myself, because even at that time I still haven't added to be celibate right away. I was still making mistakes are not in terms of sex being a mistake, but as making mistakes in terms of putting myself in a better position where I wasn't have. What the results that I was getting him. I lie in relationships in relationships. Just emotionally which in the relationship part of it, but I have my life. Absolutely though it wasn't until a few more
as an until a few months ago. I, why decided become selivant. I started telling friends and family that he was my husband, everyone's Ike and you some crazy. We had not started dating alleviating mental know any of it, so you manifested this yeah yeah, but everything was confirmation you called it in his hearing entered so then I started speaking it so they started. You know, shamelessly knowing it and then eventually people started coming to me in saying stuff, you didn't frontiers, come here and say we, you know, he's been celibate for ten years, oh yeah, they wouldn't have any because I was like I was at our house knows so this really crazy, Jose Brigade told me that demands my assessment and she's like ok, she's, like ok, she's like You know he's a minister right and I was like now. I didn't know that and that what a scare me away- but I know a guy told me so I'm ok with that and then she's and you know that he's selling it right and I was like why, just because I'm a bit too she's like he's like four,
how yeah you you were place Alabama now without a new seller bill, new still making mistakes Taliban before I got it right in the end, it was just before him and I got so. You had made the decision years before to become celebrate. Why will give us give us for you? I I was raised in the church, so you have a very early age. I was always taught you know. Well, wait. Wait till merit inside deafening subscribed to that. But when I go to high school you know I didn't wake, but I was still telling people that I was waiting because I didn't have enough courage. Let people know that I made a different choice in my life and got to the point where, because I was in the church- and I was also speaking us- are preaching those fifteen yeah. So I was teaching people on how to live, but I felt like I was doing it publicly but privately. I was doing something different guy and the public person
the private person were at war and for me I have no peace. You weren't walking the talk. No, I wasn't because I'm like yeah do that, but I go home and I'm doing some totally different, and so it got to the point. When I graduated USC, I was a year out of school. I was in a relationship, and I said God I don't have enough strength to get out of this. But if you get me out of this relationship, then I am going to practice to wait, because I need to align my pie so what my personal cell, so I could have peace, so you say right on the page. One for we even get into book is to wait, is to delay the temptation for instant gratification in relationships in order to get what you really want in life and become the person you want to be so you believe that waiting, meaning not having sex were really clear means not
sex until mare and you you're married, helps God to reveal things that you would have missed. How so absolutely I mean it's interesting. When we got together, we both know you're gonna. Wait We learned in the process was because we weren't being intimate in that way, we were able to really see each other, for who we are. We were able to really spend our time getting caught did emotionally spiritually being able to assess. Can I spend a lifetime with you if the sex goes up? down at certain times in our marriage. Do I love you enough, DR respect, you and not. Do we want the same thing Zat alive. Can we really be joined that way, and so what I realized in the past was most relationships that I went into because is started off sexually. I didn't have the clarity or the disarmament to see what the person was, because the sex clouds that this exodus you like, ok, well, you know: that's Mobutu need to be
and you become physically dependent upon that person. You make excuses you, okay with stuff, you wouldn't be okay with long term. You know it's it's the stuff that I feel like a lot of times relationships last. You know two to four years: it's because it's taking us that amount of time to figure out that we may not even like this person at all I raise being you now or we may, but they just may not be right for us a more than are showing you over and over and over, but then the six gets. Way because it so you say that this is not just about sex, but it does begin with sex. Explain that well because waiting. We believe that when you press this delay gratification. It helps you in every area of your life fresh, like think about career. You know there are things that you want to do your career. There are things that you really want to be, and we were you want to go, but if you say hey, I gotta have it now lie times. You make the wrong decision correct when you practice, isn't gratification and so the weight spices quickly in this area of let me live, Do the hardest thing we're
the delay dictated to have sex yeah, because if I can do that, then I will really unlocked the power of patients. Which will then permeate every other area of my life, and you talk about something here that so fantastic. I think you call it gods timetable. Which is which is really. Everybody has their own idea about. When anything is supposed to happen, God has his own timetable for you, that's right in this decree, the God created us and he gave us the desire to want what we want, and he also knows when it's ready to come to the world and when people we re to receive it. But we want to rush We want it now and we want it when we want it many times that works against his divine timetable in a way that can be destructive tat. Only who we are, but also the people come in contact with powerful you right here. I love this book passages on page on forty six, the man who recklessly gives himself over to his sex drive.
Denies and distancing himself from his device Nature, preach, WWW, Coitus chaos, drama legal troubles, illegitimate children, everything side of the plague that Moses, worn Pharoah about an exodus. Worst of all, he becomes manipulative and callous, willing to do or say anything to get a woman in bed wow. Can we get amen to that? I say this illusion is for men to allow themselves to be vulnerable. I mean I mean that is just such a mouthful. I mean that I mean when I first read that passage. I just thought about all the women who have been recklessly you. Whose and bought into it and manipulated and the chaos and rights right right, because there's no accountability and asthma and you know were raised in a culture where that type of behaviour is almost encourage. And rewarded and sometimes
we find validation as men in that behaviour, but it's the same behaviour. The suffocating kills us because I had noticed when his ex before marriage. I will have this one sex after marriage and we wonder why most marriages end and why you know infidelity is so high. Tat is because it's not like you get me I do ok, everything our practice out the window. You know what you have practised, what habits you have there still there Yeah, so if I have no discipline sexually, I might be with my wife, but wait a minute. You know I still have these ideas in these thoughts in these urges that I have now. Put myself in a process that is so profound because, don't you think- and I know so many women over the years having interview they think that the words
Do you imagine veil whatever you we get married on Thursday, what Tuesday, Wednesday and last week is over cause? You said I do ray and it doesn't happen that way now know doesn't. I think it does start with you. Aiding life beforehand. You know everything that you want to see: beer reflection, your marriage, you have to start practising it and it's gonna be trial and error and you're gonna make mistakes, but that's how you prepare yourself, so I will No, how the weight, how delaying the gratification of having sex before you were married, also strengthened other areas of your life, and you know, allowed you to be more discipline in other ways that you didn't even expected. How did they show up for you
I was very much a kid who grew up in the business. You know I grew up. I knew my job well. My work was but outside of that I had no discipline as anything else beyond work, and so when I started practice in the way was for me transformational because I began to have a different type of discipline. I begin to be, very intentional about what I wanted a beginning very specific in the past. They had a lot of luck and I had gotten by very well at this time. It was like all right, I'm getting so different point, my life. What do I really want you right here that it wasn't just a spiritual practice brought about discipline for you, but it also brought about a sense of clarity Oh yeah Fisher, it's it's like. I could breathe in a different way that I hadn't, before my mind, was totally different real. It was just open in clear and specific and again intentional and As a result, my career changed. I went firm, always kind of play. The sexy girl and the love interests, and not
They getting a lot of rules that had a lot of meat to them, like I did when I was younger and it help me transition out of that into being the lead on a tv show, an embassy in doing this. You know second black woman, thirty years who had done that and then getting another lead and then transit shows it receive oh yeah totally totally totally and for you. How would you answer that question? I would answer you know as a man who super ambitious and want to conquer the world when I began to practise the weight that perspective shift help manage everything in the office totally different, when you're in a hurry and you wanted Now you go in there. There were days that I would go on. Now is an intense and, like you know, I'm not in vain,
but in the movies aren't haven't, and nobody knows who I am and I'm not make an impact, and all these things- and I was just calm down you're on the escalated to waste- was to be so he's gotta go one every day and relax and because I was practised in their privately, you know it really help me be able to apply professionally. I think it's interesting to that. You write that casual sex is a gateway drug to other desires. For quick pleasure. Oh, my goodness, absolutely it is without question without coercion. And yet, when you came out with this book there actually we're critics people saying now wait waving is not a proven device for successful marriage. What do you mean to say that I was like now? There's somebody criticise and we always critics Oh yeah, what do you think? We're surprisingly the criticism? It is interesting because it one of the things to, as is like a lot of people look at, is if we're trying to be funny, tissues, are for
anti sailor that we're antis acts that we're, like you know, think it were better is now it's not thou issues. At the end of the day I ll on the other side. He lived on the other side, we made a choice to just do something different and that difference transformed our lives in in a credible way and and brought us together, and has been, the pillar and our marriage. That has been one of the most amazing incredible experiences in relation to what about and I'm sure there are lots of people who are listening to us now, one or other of the partner. Usually the woman might be able to say I can wait, but if I don't at some point, I'm going to lose him. You're waiting doesn't work. I Mozilla imprisons waiting to to guess you for me, because if he does leave me because
I'm not worth him waiting in his eyes. Then he's not my husband. If someone is not does not think that I am worthy of wanting to be the best version of myself and wanting to get healing and wanting to set myself up for success don't do that with me- that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with them and I certainly don't spend three or four here is wasting my life with them. Amen to that, I think you or talk about something I think is really important. You call it authentic love and you say that's what both of you most wanted was authentic love. What does that mean for you acceptance, the biggest thing for me was some. Loving me for me without having to change? We and I go didn't predominantly white, never one of two black families, so I always had kind of underline. Issues with acceptance, and I just want to someone. They say what I already know, which is that you're not just the way.
Sure sure enough and end the only people that have ever said. That really is, but my mom, my sister, but we're bled. It is someone else that if they were coming into my life and then to be a part of my life and the rest of my life to love me just this way, and so I think out of that healing is coming marriage for sure and is absolutely been incredibly nurturing in helping remind me of no one would so as something bad about him. You that's rode off his back. I used to cry about like a week in my funds, be so hurt in the hearing. He's brought in even that area alone has been. It just reminds me of a goddess, because even if someone else told me that I couldn't receive at the way that I receive it, because the respect that I have for him, what I got two four from the way is that you know there was a person,
some of you at one time that you with a party girl, you one girl, and I think it was on the second day or so I went to see different. That saying that you felt he saw you there and not whatever the picture of you or the image of you like is isn't. Yeah a second date and we were talking outside and he just started to say you know you have seen whatever tabloids here what everyone on the internet is it. But this is what I see, and I say this and I see this nice. What did you say you? What did you see You know, I just saw the truth and I saw her to heart. I saw her love. I saw her consideration. I saw her. Preparations are dedicate you know. I saw her honesty and I was literally united in that moment just talking to her about what God had revealed to me and the quality of character and the quality of person and the person that that I thought she was
and so when they, even though I was saying I was, I ok, I hope soon think I'm crazy. He gravely wing and really really windy. You know or Theo. She had the vision about. You got a god. Literally spoke your name to her. You didn't know that when did you know in your heart that she was the one third date, but it was on the third day because I want to happen under other you'd hate. Yes, and I would never do matches that was like on my list of like things do not do, because I was entirely It was like. I don't need actresses period as here got worse Brigham and act. As I said, Lord, you have money, that's it. You were at the third day. You know we went to the movies and afterwards we heard in then we just kissed, and in that moment I was like oh wow. This is if habited like it was great, was that we lay around that was that kissed. It was late, but yeah hold sway.
Because I think it s a little above were standing. There were like our eyes, because we don T leave our who we literally it was almost like our bodies were swaying I had a really fully fully explain it, but it's cheapest. It's almost like something you feel when you go into a chair, Do you like it with a spirit is- and here I was just a kiss- images- bears- What Lord only knows why haven't you ever us today is the net most of the actual question we waited you waited. The end of the year The resulting from the first cares outside the car was the way work was away worth it yet with David Yasmine. That's how you like to give any kind of was especial special. Did you
I saw you have rose petals of the whole thing I mean it was like you know it s. The best part of I liked about it was, I mean obviously, besides obvious fire. Where did you learn? That was that we felt like teenagers. We fought like two kids losing their virginity and discovering each other, and there was something so special about in a ring being able to re live with the person that you're married, that that innocence of rediscovering another person for the first time when your wedding night, it just was really Well, I'm happy for you. I know that's really amazing and show the purpose it now. Sharing, that this is a really intimate part of your life, a special and proper A part of your life, intention behind this is what you want people to know. What to me have hope in old have hope in this issue of love and finding love and is just it's it's a thing.
It is so painful, so difficult, and so we wanted to write a book into share are hard to share our lives, to give people hope and ass. I think the choices you making love can really alter the course of your entire absence. Absolutely it's really just about wanting to encourage people. Rather, you been to heartbreak. Whatever you ve been through, that there is another option, something else you could try, that will probably give you more clarity and discernment and preserve your integrity. So, at the time, whatever choices with that prison? You don't walk away feeling like you, lost something it and gain anything or girls the how it turns out. I think the words preserve your integrity are so value because so many people walk, relationships where they lost a piece of themselves. There you're, the guy, but we were in order to to be with that person, and you feel worse about yourself and so on
important and ass, I wonder, is worth the book is, for people had been powered about taking ownership, accountability and authority. For the decision that they want to make, so they can become the people, they won't be an awesome person doesn't want to be with you. It's a process of of elimination, right, yeah, anybody who doesn't value you you get to that bottom line. A lot quicker and it may seem like you're, going to people view like war. They won't wait. That's ok, because that person doesn't value and doesn't understand that you are the prize and if they can understand good. Thank you very much was x. You given that much closer to where you're supposed to be with the way did for us. Is it showed us we both for going someplace, and we both want to get there together and that in daddy and being on the same page and I miss in point of view in the same commitment This brings you so much peace and brought us,
How much happiness, because we have to argue about those things and we both would like committed, and it just created a call, a clarity and a connection that has laid the foundation for what we're doing and who we are and fill the sin. I feel the presence of God when I feel the presence of guy every morning, when I wake up before I start today, and I do it. My affirmations in just feel. Like ok, look, I'm with you, I hear you. I've got experience, love when many smile when I'm holding her look in her eyes. I'm feeling Marcel. I think I experience it do. Ok!
gimme a thick. Ok, the biggest choice I had to make to fulfil. My destiny is closest. To choose me big. That's the biggest. The big and you, Sir, my browser. It's not as emotional too to quit. To quit. My job was one of the biggest single hidden in Egypt. Yes, I haven't seen with clean. I gotta do it. I wasn't really. Oh yeah, I'm just we're. Ok, wiping her tears, let that y yeah yeah. I quit my job. I got you a point where I done as much that could do the job and I felt like Guy saying it's over, this: is it in order for you to get to the next
chapter of your life into the next level you have to quit, and stepping out two years ago has been the best decision made because it is opened up. All the other things got one to bring me which far exceed just producing them. Well. You have creates this morning. I ain't right in this way. Wow. That was good. That's good! You thank you! I'm over Winfrey and you ve been listening to supersede conversations cast. You can follow superficial on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook if you haven't yet go to apple, podcast, unsubscribe rate and review this pledge gas join me next week for another supersede conversation. Thank you for listening
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Transcript generated on 2020-02-05.