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Dr. Robin Smith: The Truth About Being Emotionally Full

2018-10-15 | 🔗

New York Times best-selling author, ordained minister and licensed psychologist Dr. Robin Smith explains how she overcame a series of personal setbacks and a condition she describes as "emotional anorexia." As a best-selling author, a regularly featured expert on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and host of her own national radio show, Dr. Robin appeared to have it all. However, after a serious car accident left her unable to work, Dr. Robin fell into a financial crisis. Dr. Robin says the situation became so dire she was spiritually drained and felt lost. Dr. Robin discusses how she confronted what she calls a gnawing hunger in her soul and how she finally nourished her spirit back to life. Dr. Robin also talks about her book "Hungry: The Truth About Being Full," in which she teaches readers how to recognize, survive, embrace and conquer what she calls "emotional hunger."

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I'm Oprah Winfrey welcome to supersede conversations the podcast. I believe that one of the most valuable gives you can give yourself is time taking time to be more fully present your journey to become more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us starts right now, doktor, Smith was born in Philadelphia in nineteen sixty two, the door, a nationally known psychiatrist and academic prodigy Robinson college at the age of sixteen and later graduated with a doctorate in psychology Doktor Robin then opened her own practice an arm the desire to heal and inspire others began appearing as a guest export on local television programme My producers heard about Doktor Robin and decide but she was someone that we needed to meet and two thousand five doktor robin
came a regular on the upper show where she always deliberate powerful. In practical advice so, she was in New York Times best selling author, a motivational bigger, who spoke to sold out crowds and the host her own daily call in radio. Show here's the thing no matter who you are or where you are, and what station in your life, you will at some point have setbacks. Unfortunately, because that is the circle of life. My son and we joined today by Doktor, Robin Smith, who was an expert on the upper Winfrey show for many years for a total of thirty five appearances. Did you really thirty five times at thirty five times, I didn't realize that that's a big deal is a very big deal to beyond the Oprah show all those years, oh yeah. During that time you were helping, so many people find their way, and in the past four years before
since we saw each other and in those four years a lot has happened too much in that time. You lost your money, you lost your assets, oh yeah, you your house was flooded. Yeah, you were in a serious car accident. My house was burglarize too, oh, my goodness, and you lost your beloved dog Kelly. Yes, like use your door, my child through a child's yeah. I note that it is you do now to me with Sophie and perhaps most most profound and most difficult, as you also lost your way. Absolutely absolutely, and you know it Oprah. What happened was as each thing happened as each loss occurred as each trauma occurred. I kept thinking that was bottom and that this was gonna, be now it and I was ok. I've I've suffered and now I'm going to take this suffering and life is gonna, get better and then something else would have,
In two thousand in a car accident left under Robin unable to work full time with men. In bills plus having to take it? for elderly mother Robins money quickly, to dwindle. I was the walking dead. I was miserable. I was aching physically and emotion and so at some point I just The boy was so overwhelmed and so depressed, because I could not imagine that this was my life, and I knew enough to know that God doesn't make mistakes, that the universe is absolutely on time and on point in every moment, and so for that reason, as any good child kicks and screams. I thought what is this really about mean by it leaves you where I live, cognisant enough spiritually aware enough to ask that profound question? Yes, not! Why me now, but
What is this really about? What is is here to tee? What is this is the ultimate question: yes and you being a psychologist and a spiritual therapists, as well and in Ordain Ministrant, an ordeal minister, new to ask that those questions, and so this was my invitation to really have a very different conversation, not just with God and the universe, but with myself with yours, with me, and that conversation led to Doktor Robins latest book, Hungary, a very person look at the relationship choices? Career setbacks? I'll? Do it? They can leave any feeling empty and hungry for more? You know what it's interesting when I read your book Hungary, which are going to talk a lot about that today. But when I read hungry the whole time, I was thinking Robin Smith. Doktor rob
We have always been so helpful in consulting other people with their relationships in their challenges and their difficulties went through all of this yeah yeah So I knew that. Yes, this accident had a message, but I didn't have a clue what it was ok and shortly after the. Were you where you incapacitated where you live?
I was having a very hard time walking and moving, and I was aching and- and I couldn't manage my body physic way, because I was so much pain and then I didn't know that Kelly was gonna die when she died and she was fading and fading and then all of a sudden it was time and she was gone. So when all of this happen, do you do fall apart? Does your faith hold hold up through that? Or do you stop and say God? What is going on all three I fell apart. I absolutely my faith
hold strong and near people say will what does that mean? And what that means is that I still knew that God with sovereign CS louis- and I say this in the book- that a quote that I love affairs is that God, whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience and is an yells shouts at us actually in our pain. It is here megaphone to rouse a deaf world, and I would say it was gods megaphone to arouse a death and dying Robin here. I mean it was so I'm I'm what God did you have to get that loud? I mean it was just too much to bear. Was too much
the bear at some point. You have to stop and look at yourself and say what is this here to show me? Where am I off course? that's that's a question God. Where am I I am, of course, because this is somehow reflecting back to me and said how off course I am. I am. Yeah me and then sulphur? You took a flood and a robbery, the death of your dog them all up the survival of lie. Yes, and so out of that, you wrote the book hungry hungry When I first started reading this book, I thought oh gee, robins, anorexic and she's done now tell us about who decides She's told me our business like catching leave that may my God, robins anorexic and she's gonna, tell me out what is really hungry. For because you ve been so I haven't company secrets for now. All these years you ve been so thin and I've said well. Ok, maybe because I have the exact opposite problem, I think all skimming people around erects it
that meant my thinking so you're, not anorexic, I'm not on the idea. Just how great genius I do I mean my mother, my grandmother, but wasn't I've got so many other issues that need. Let me, God have why not you do right in the book about something I'd, never heard phrased in all my years of talking to people in listening to other people's dysfunctional issues and stories. You write about emotional Rex here and that I was I did not know. There was such a term yeah I mean starving to death, you know start mean emotionally in spirit and being in connections and relationships that we're draining and pleading and destructive. I was with people where I was star emotionally and trying to tell myself oh it's, it's either me it's my issue and it was by issue, but not the issue. I thought that it was.
Or maybe you're not really hungry. I mean maybe You'Re- maybe you you want too much robin when you say emotionally anorexic explain to me what that means. What it means is someone in this instance me, but a person and a lot of people are like this, who are calling themselves fall off of crumbs, so you can't get fall. Although the crumbs of life, the clumsy, why you speaking, therefore gas, metaphorically and yet so that if our relationship is not enough, whether its work with sure, as you know, you're not being I know, you're not being fed and you tell yourself the lie: the lie: the lie. You know that this is ok, but this is
I didn't understand out was so hard to comprehend. You are doktor back now. I know and Doktor Robin ice me. I am. I am yes, you will for years. You know this. You ve helped other people, they had us for themselves. So, all those years you were on the show us counselling, other people and counselling people in your private practice in your private pragmatism, were you hungry? I was hungry, but this is what scarier Natalie was. I hungry. I didn't and this is why, when we ask, why did all of those tragedies need to happen? Because here I had this amazing job with you, both on television and radio and well, let's go back to why the the all those things happened because you know your life is a metaphor for all of our lives, and I want people to understand that no experience is wasted.
And we're horrible things are happening and when wonderful things are happening, no experience is wasted and everything in life is happening to grow. You have to feel you up to grow. You have no way to help you to become more of who you were created, to be asked,
everywhere. You knew that and I knew that. That's why you didn't that's why you're still here, that's why I'm still here, if you didn't know that I can take you out, did it and it was by the flood just say I guess I give I mean really uncle uncle, but you did know that I did know me. I didn't know it and it's interesting when you talk about what fills us. Yes, you know what adulthood really is open, and I did say this many times on your show. Adulthood is to finish the unfinished business of childhood, absolutely, and so all those things that happen that were bad, that we just talked about in my life, where we want to say we're back door challenging that we're meaningful and they wore painful. It was my invitation. It was the invitation of the universe, saying you, ve got some stuff Robin that, isn't it's getting in the way, ok, and so it took a flood and a car accident and your dog dying and a robbery. Yes to wake you up, yes, but everything that is happening is happening to wait
us up and its because we are so loved by the universe we are so cared for that it wouldn't want me to settle for crumbs, emotional crumbs and call it a meal. Don't go anywhere or to come after this short break today's episode is supported by hallmark cards. We say I love you too. The people we care about all the time so much so that sometimes it can start to feel a little bit like a habit. If you're king for a way to make those three little words mean a little more this Valentine's day. Try sing them with a hallmark card, because when you share your love in a hallmark, hard you're taking that everyday reminder and turning it into the kind of love they can hold on to that stays with them long after Valentine's day since hallmark has so many kinds of Valentine's day cards you can find one for every important relationship in your life this year for every Valentine's day cards you buy hum
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me of myself, so you say in the preface that Hungary is about awakening and becoming conscious about our thoughts or feelings and actions not about the hunger for food, that's what we were talking about, but the craving to reclaim and embrace our true identity about finding ways to be kind and compassionate to parts of ourselves that we dislike this honor of which bring a shame. Did you know that you were at Such dis ease yourself, do you know that I didn't know it the way? I know it now. I knew that there were pieces of meat that long for something more and I said well, I'm just broken. I was broken. My spirit was broken, my money was broken, I mean my dreams were bro. Everything was broken and I was hungry.
A life that was unbroken. Ok, so explain to me what was going on all those years. You were on the show, counselling, other people, while it's you know like driving under the influence, and so just because I could help other people, and this is one of the things that is so true. People can help other. Praise here, but also to position he'll thyself. Yet, for I mean so that this this illusion, we have that yours don't need to be heard themselves or that yours have to be fully whole right to be able to be helpful or use for that. A priest who has never been married can't do good marriage there, but it's not true, but what is true is that, if someone like me does not attend to their own injuries and a very full,
kissed awakened way that I can help the whole world as I go down the two, because it's true that you can understand a thing, intellectually, like an intellectually you or can hear this, and you can hear that everything happens for reasons when you're in the heat of it and the thing that in your face is challenging difficult, terrifying, horrible. Absolutely it's hard to believe that that actually happens for a reason absolutely ass absolute. So it's one thing to know it. Intellectually, it's another thing to live it's eleven, and so this was my call. You have come to Jesus mean that you're gonna relay, and I and I believe this about hungary- that this book could not be now. We could not be written, but it would not be released until I could sit with you.
And look at you and look at myself more importantly and know that the shackles that I was living in argon? I just really believe I believe the universe said you are not going to write this book and it's not going to be released until you yourself are free I get that so tell me this those years when you're on the upper shell counselling, other people did you feel in any way that you were a fraud or that that wasn't your authentic sell for that You were being able to offer to other people what something that you couldn't even give to your site. It's interesting! I didn't again. This is what is terrifying in some ways and why those challenging times had to happen, because, if
because I felt for we can grow and I was happy I mean I was in here skippin. Yet covenant were flying here and lay on the floor with your dogs, and now, when I was going home and having a happy life and or so I thought, for he comes back glow of fame hit. It's interesting. I had a conversation about funny conversation that was really so profound. Yeah, we're Jamie Fox and Jamie was talking about how fame is amidst like it's a mistake and that, once he had the mist after doing re, that he could walk into a room and just he could feel he can feel the difference in the way people people treated him. The missed the messed amidst the famous domestic fame
Ask them the being able to pay my bills missed in the being able to you, no support family and and do things that were really a blessing and a gift, but when they were gone, all of a sudden. It felt like won't. Maybe I'm gone too. Who am I, who am I and I talk in Hungary, about identity theft me? What does it mean? To not know who you are you're. Who am I, who am I and so all of a sudden? I realise that I was. Limping and walking around, not just from all of those tragedies that happen, but because I didn't know who I was with out so many of the things that had kept me comfortable and that was the gift meaning when they were gone That's powerful, two: are you when you don't have the euro, name on the shore line. Who are you when you're not doing the radio show? Who are you when you're? Not when you don't have your beloved,
I'm sorry you who are you and I'm not sure if I can pay my more, are you with me? What am I lose my house? We? What, if you know what is that, how not to be we are faced with yeah so mean so, who am I an? Is my gift and my value, my intrinsic value? Is it there because of who I am as a human being as a divine. You know, creator of God, or did it go out of the window with that last appearance? good, that's good! So do the fame go to your head and I mean that in in the most recent why did it did? It cannot spinning a little boy I'll tell you what it did. I dont think it went to my head. I think what it gave me was a false sense of security. Ok! Well, that's what I mean yeah! What it did is it. Let me think that I was gonna be able to financially the ok that I was gonna be a bomb in my mother's. You know was now
they want to mean that I was gonna, be able and my grandmother just died at a hundred. Eight hundred and eighty that's good Jean demagogy has done. Is our good jeez? That's what I'm trying to work. Some of this stuff happens, but nobody here alongside might suffer, but truthfully I thought, I'm gonna be able, I'm gonna be ok and my mother and my grandmother, my family is going to be working to financially be ok and all of a sudden that wasn't true anymore. That was no longer the reality, and that was petrifying. It was scary and it was necessary. Let's talk about that fear that fear of you know not knowing if you're gonna be able to take care of yourself? I mean that is where we are with seven point: nine percent unemployment rate in the United States it's a lot of people are out of jobs, people, no other people who are out of jobs and what that does to your sense of.
Am? I am not to mention. How am I gonna take care of my master am I found was actually but who am I without my identity? With might my job, I mean it was a huge challenge for me to really look at this issue around financial security, because all of a sudden, the savings and all of the things I thought I had done right. They warn enough. They weren't enough. They weren't enough to sustain my life. They weren't enough to sustain the people who I felt that I wanted to help me. My parents had been amazingly generous and foreign educating me in and being there for me, and all of that was now at risk. Did you worry about and do you worry about you write in Hungary about, and I think this happens to everybody who has at some level of success hitting high sea? I think that's the after you going hungry for the
Hungary for the high note and you talk about Lionel Richard. Yes, I want to mention that yeah yeah. I talked about Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston in their early das and that people say that drugs kill them. Drugs didn't kill them know what killed them is that they were striving and how They were starving to hit the high note again. I would agree with that. One thousand I'm in Whitney, said right before she died. My understanding is, she said to Clive Davis, I'm going to hit that note again. Yes, she did a hip that area that note Again- and we all know that note was gone- that might note was Goin migrant was gone, was killing himself up all night because he was going to dance and he was gonna top. Throw our he gets going. I mean yes what he was when I read this article in in Vanity Fair, where the author said, Michael friends say that he spent his whole life trot, not understanding that thriller
was a phenomenon I think. Further to this day is so more problems and in the other album in the history of the world, and he was even when he sold twenty million albums with bad, he was not satisfied. He was always trying to come back here Hungary Hongry hungry Hungry Hungry, to hit that high level? I know of thriller again again, which I never accepted. It was a phenomenon and do know that really changed me reading them, because I thought to myself do not let that be too let that be yours chasing the high note. The Oprah show us. You have to create another wisely yourself right, which had a totally which is a totally different life and if you're going to stand in that space of comparing yourself to what that twenty five years, where you are lost, lost your lost, I mean really lost,
so line or resource says something which I love. I heard what I mean model, which we say this, which is what he does now mean, is when he's doing a concert, and he gets to those notes that he says can't. I can't hit those zinni more, He said. I just say to the audience. Everybody single law, however, help me help me and what's powerful about that is not only is he doing it he's put it in the light so he's not, so he doesn't have to fear, lead us and even have to fear he said. Look I can't do what I used to do. I do
yeah and you all seems still like this, but I can't do that all thing. So in the light- and this is what I've done in Hungary, you can't hurt someone when they put their own stuff in the light you can't hurt, you can't be hurt by it. Does me somebody can't hurt your feelings, but it means that that hiding our pain and hiding our shame when that stuff. Is in the light. It's warm and its embraced and you're. Not it. No. Not only is that not only is it that it is. You know what Bernay Brown says
daring greatly referred to bernay now and she says that vulnerability absent is really the greatest act of courage because to put yourself out there to risk opening yourself in your heart gas in that way. First of all its what allows everybody to see themselves in you, yes, and it is really for me what actually saves the life and soul of the individual. So writing the book had to be cathartic. Writing the book was a huge think, but I didn't know what I was writing it that I was actually going to save my own life
as I was writing parts of me- we're being reclaim and parts of me we're being explore because to say it out loud out loud to write it down to write it down to acknowledge for yourself or myself, how lost you were a loss to know my mother, and you know this was I'm petrified as I wrote the book because she was worried, what are people going to say mean doktor Robin? What are they gonna? Think I'm in your patience and around the world and your public- and I said there think that I was in trouble like them. They're gonna, they're gonna, see like oh. She really she really get yeah. This journey, I trust somebody who's, had bad salute way, having no what minors who has suffered and who is unapologetic about the vulnerability and the fears and the tears and the eight. How did you do the work, though? How did you get
to their? How I mean I did a lot of things I meditated I prayed. I went to therapy which I done before, but I made, but I did it differently. I did it awake, I didn't not covering up. I did it not re scripting abuse and neglect because neglected irritated knowing a whole, and I gotta get myself out, and I have to myself out right. No one else can pull me out of this whole, and in this way it is my sanctuary where I will learn to be still to be quiet. Listen, I'm not only to the voice of God but to learn to listen to what is my own true and authentic voice to learn. What does that voice sound? Like many of us, don't even know what our true voice. So like we're so unplugged. I was so unplug that I couldn't tell so am I wrong and my bad am I mean? Am I say Emma, while, if I know my own voice,
Now what I am, and I'm just going to pay attention to that too- that I don't have to understand it, I dont have to analyze it. I dont have to know the origin of it. I just have to trust it right trusted and trust me. Are you home yet I'm home, I'm home, and it was a long long journey. You know one of the things that I I'm so aware of is that I barely made it out alive. I barely made it out alive and the people said you know what were you suicidal when I said not, I'm not in that way can actually what I said is the universe wasn't going to cooperate and let me die before I did the healing now. So, if I leave here- and I don't get back to fairly safe nobody else I was. She was brain that, but it wasn't gonna let because it was the cheap way out
the wanted dying would have been easy absolute way. I mean not on my family and friends, but are you I would have had to do the work and I would have missed out on this moment of knowing that there is a worthy being in me, not because any one else thinks so except me, and the creator
last chapter of the book, says it only takes too there's a story about visas and being questioned about his identity, and you know who is he and he said you know, and in your law talking about an jewish law. It says that you only need to witnesses. My father is, is the first witness? Yes, and I am I am. I am that's it and that's the great news of this, but of course we want loving people and our village and community to farmers, but at the end of the day it only takes too at the end of the day, do you feel closer to God closer to yourself? Yes, do you feel that this journey of being hungry and searching for what would feed you? Do you feel that you are now whole I've absolute, I feel closer to God. I feel whole. But what I'd like to say to you and to
one listening is this. We don't want to think the hollowness is a one time deal right holders and an consciousness being awakened. This moment is clearly was I gotta choose that this moment arisen in the next breath mean that our next sentence, I still have to read choose? Am I going go back to sleep or in the next breath? Will I still be awake to myself. To nature, to creation to God and to you, and so yes, I'm home, but not home, in a way that, where I think Let me sit back and that's that everything's everything's take on Cairo no well, I'm not gonna have any more problem. Now, because remember adulthood is here for us to address the and finished war, I've tried and most people think that oh childhood was that now and now I've moved on to rise. The real deal on the bottom line is this that home really coms
when we are able to know that our child injuries have less power in our adult current life. That's that's freedom and dignity and liberal? Yes, because the thing that everybody has to get is that the pain that you suffered as a child, you weren't able to do think about it, and it's not going anywhere is ugly, why he's gonna be there? Is there it's not going and absolutely and now as an adult, you get to heal the wounds and clothes that war,
because you can and somewhere for the one, absolute finnish, decent and something the thing that matters most to me is dignity and are an amiable right to be free. What is freedom, freedom is being who you are unapologetically, I believe in God and got his love? I am grateful for this moment. The world needs an open heart. What is the sole and unshackled core of energy and light that mirrors back its own beauty. What is your definition of God? Love and peace and freedom? Have you always been scourge person, or was there a moment where you realize that there was a connection to something greater? Always been there
as a little girl. I pretend to be a radio discharge. He and my radio station was called W g o d, somehow. I was a little kid this sense,
vast spirit has always just been with me in a very deep way. If you could ask God one question: what would it be that question? Let me see the world and creation, as you do, show me how to do that. That's good! That's good! Your greatest fear that I would abandon myself and not lived the life. That's mine to live! What is your secret strength, outrageous faith and a huge, compassionate hi? What's the best piece of advice should ever gotten he quiet enough to hear gods voice so that you can find your own? My parents told me that what are you know for sure that I am loved
and that got his sovereign and that the universe is perfect. Doktor Robert Sperm is but thank you. Thank you so much and I was good rob. I was I move away free and you ve been listening to supersede conversations the pod cast. You can follow superficial on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook if you haven't yet go to apple, podcast, unsubscribe rate and reviews. This pledge gas join me next week for another supersede conversation. Thank you for listening.
Transcript generated on 2020-01-26.