I'm Oprah Winfrey welcome to super so conversations the podcast. I believe that one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time taking time to be more fully present. Your journey to become more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us starts right now,. Here we go, how are you I met you. I miss you to me. I do where are you I am. I'm in New Mexico amend our little guest house that I dont think you mean seen that Danny built, since you were last year alone and it's quiet and it's the place where the phone buzzes, the least wow, welcome to the podcast,

thank you, can you believe it we're podcasting? After I don't know, I was trying to count. Add up how many interviews we've done. I think it's like eighteen or twenty. Oh really, that's a lot! That's a lot! It's I remember when you were the first time on with Tom Hanks first, you know it's incredible. We do I remember when you were pregnant with. I think it was the twins yes and there's The jury me that I think is at the Smithsonian now with me, holding my hand on your belly. It was so sweet. That's like bird came out, and I think anybody had seen me sort of in person. I mean people, not obviously you friends, but the kind of be preventing myself in its public way at this pregnant birth, though funding an exciting

dare I say I was near Jazel that day I think right which was horrible, but yeah, and now I have those babies are teenagers. I know it's incredible. And I actually don't know- of a more involved engaged woman who has held the sanctity of having a child and children in in A more sacred space than you have, I actually saw you become like a different. More flowered evolved, open human being with our first here Well, are you now it all really started when I met Danny and you realize you thought you were.

Clear about the compass of your life and then you go. Oh wait! No, there's more! There's more depth! There's other things here and that sort of the the big jumping off point I think of my interior evolution as a person. Would you say That's when the trajectory of your life changed, I would say for sure of my personal life, which of course has that ripple effect on every other aspect of your life, but yeah. Just this incredible sense of really supremely deep fulfillment. Yeah, I can t and fill it in you so we're doing this interview. First of all, thank you for even thinking of me to do the interview with you.

I'm always thinking of you Oprah, that's the truth, so this came about because here where's bizarre is doing you Their cover, which I just saw that cover. Have you seen it now. Now. What oh, my gosh. The cover is you. Hanging off of a cliff you hanging off of a cliff in evening, gown and sneakers. I think that that right, We did that's how how did that. Then I know that their issue, the harbours, bizarre issue this month is about daring, and so you actually decided

going to do something daring, because you were afraid of heights. That's what I t correct. Well, I am afraid of heights and it's funny because I've always been afraid of heights. My father was very afraid of heights and it becomes one of these things that you say about yourself. Oh I'm left handed and I'm afraid of heights, and about seven years ago Danny and I had been invited on this- he he is a sophomoric way to term what we were invited on, but I'll just say, hike and I thought to myself gosh, I'm so afraid of heights, and then I thought am I still afraid of heights, because I never put myself in that position. So how do I even know it's just this thing that I say about myself. Well, I'm happy to

Confirm for you that I am afraid of I, it was the most harrowing, maybe seven or eight hours of my physical life and if it had not been for Danny, truly lovingly talking me through one foot in front of the other. I don't know what I would have done, because it really it's this thing that takes over your whole body. It's not like. Oh that's, scary, that looks so high. It's your throat closing your body. Breaking down at the real thing. So, yes, I am a freer! Yes, you know I was with a friend once we who we were in telluride. Doing cod air ballooning and Mary K was it in for some crazy reason had said to me.

I'm afraid of heights, and I go oh it's a hot air balloon. It's not like you're hanging I'm a string and in we got up in the air and she starts trembling and says, I'm afraid, I'm jump over afraid we're gonna jump over and I said, you're not gonna jump over gonna knock you out before she could give you jump up, were it's gonna upset this? Does this whole balloon basket, but any that's the first time I I recognise that it Real thing it's just oh, I'm afraid hides heights that I could see somebody trembling and really afraid So Danny talked you into it. He talked me into it and he talked me through it, and so we did live to tell the tale. Fortunately, and down, and there the vessel is one thing to do a Juliet period, but to do it in

pink evening gown to do it, and I was never. You know, of course, they're not going to put me in incredible peril, and you know we did things that were just high enough and sort of just scary enough, where I could smile and throw my the air, but. Besides this cover, issued what he considered one of the most daring things you ve ever done. I think you know, I don't know. Probably believing and myself will you know, I've interviewed Bernay Brown many times she's the author. The best sewing daring greatly and the famous TED talk has millions of views.

Berna says that daring greatly actually means to have the courage to be vulnerable. So when do you think you are most vulnerable? Does vulnerability come easy for you, or is it something that you push against? Well, it's sort of my job really is to be vulnerable almost at all times at work, because it's this funny thing where, when you do present your performance for

whatever it is, the first hake or the first year performance of stage play or whatever it is you you're kind of all your waiting for is the response to it and response might be positive and encouraging and reassuring, and it might also be okay. Well, that was some terrible, and so it really is the hard part is the next take for the next performance or the next day to still be able to go into a place of exposing your feelings for what you're doing and in showing what you think is the truth of what you're trying to perform and said

aside the risk of failure, so that we can work. You are so good at it. You know I've known you for so long and as a friend it's one of those things that I just saw do not take for granted, but just accept that you are a great actress, was just recently watching your new series for Amazon, homecoming and you're vulnerability, just sitting in a chair, really makes my eyes water right now, your ability to just be so open and giving of yourself and of that art it. When you just sitting in a chair and. You're just sitting in a chair. Listening, things you do when you are listening, I think, are equally. Is power

as when you you actually speak in your work.

Well, I merely by or no amount of holding my hand where that with well, and you know, let me tell you something because you know it's one of those funny things where, as actors, we get appreciated on these singular level. You know young get handed an award for something that really a hundred and seventeen people put together and right. I will say that in homecoming enough cannot be said about what I accomplished without denying s aunt Jane, because he was amazing to work when he is just a terrific human being he's so professional he so ready and to just sit and really listen to him and just take in what he was offering me at all times was you know I was really

halfway there. I just had to really tune in to this young man and what he was bringing his performance. Well. Well, yeah! You both you both are incredible. So let me just say what was it about the series homecoming that drew you to this part, this role of Heidi, where your family podcast it's based on? I had heard the pot cat or it came out. My agent had sent to me and I listened to it and got so back then to wait what you know they at they get each one of them and on these incredible and it was very well done. I thought that the performance of your great interest, even like abound production, was amazing and and a fair amount of time went by and then I was told that they were gonna. Do it as some kind of a theory which treat me and then the most intriguing element

all with when they said, SAM S, mail who wanted to Mister Roby added, he he is MR robot. He is really then made the unusual moves right and directed every episode himself, yeah. Well at my great urging, because I also like where I come from, and film and theatre you know there is. There is only one captain, there's only one director and I had furtive experienced television through Danny who had done a series for Amazon called the lap I Coon, which was created by Billy RE, this incredible writer director who Danny I had both worked for in the past, and they had different directors almost every week and met Bomer. Who is a friend who is in that show and Lily Collins and just sort of hearing a little mattering, not criticism, but just what that take to gear up each episode with the new person and everybody getting up to speed and everybody understanding. Everybody I just thought wow that things like a lot of work and for me the idea of having one person's vision bring it altogether, because this is a very complicated story and there so many it's kind of its very insidious in a way in. Oh it, it's like something that coursing underneath and that sort of intricate building. I

Needed one set of hand really, and so I had said SAM the first time that he and I spoke- and I just said I would really want you to do all these episodes and he was a third. I her oh go well, I think, allow for sure do the first one and then all the lived after that it is a well could be super busy with Mr Robot and he was about to get married and had all these things going on in any civil. Let me think about it, and he came back a few weeks later and said that the people at Mister Robot had graciously created a space for him to be able to do this so that we can do it together in the way that that we both felt would be the most creative in fun and he's just a spectacular, creative individual

I can't imagine having done this he's like this happy genius, he was not for having a very strong, a unique vision. He's. Where the heavy genius makes you out and how might nickel now right. Always for him and to be his friend, you know here always happy. I just say his name operative make file. Yes, yes, and- you just love being around him and I never, unlike you remember that time we had that meeting in his apartment. Yes,. You me, and you know it's still a great idea- it's a great idea, talking about doing a project but just the idea of working with him. I m me: I love working around people,

for stimulating. Does it make you more stimulated and always found found? My joy I feel like my experience, could have. I saw him as a person who was living his dream and perfectly aware of it at all times, and that is what I strive for I mean I think he would sit next to Diana dinner and think the woman at my dream. Look at her. You know look. This is the place of my dream to be with these creative people making that project, and so I feel that I am happy that same attitude about going. And being at work and asking everyone to do their best and then a little bit more than that every single time, and you know I'm going to write that down living the dream and being aware,

at all times. Just this morning, I was sitting out on the back balcony porch having breakfast with Steadman. You know just some boiled eggs and some avocado from the trees. And we just seven just said we're making dreams babe making dreams in memories right here I mean. Isn't this a moment, and we literally just looking out at the back yard. But I just thought: yeah, and it's so good that you actually recognize that that's what's happening right now and it's so nice when somebody says it out loud because it's almost like you don't want to pop the bubble by saying it out loud. I love that Stedman just said it because then you're able to just fully be saturated in it and especially when you're working and you can recognize that, because it is it's, not the the effort that you want people to see.

Want them to see that it almost is effortless and that all that effort takes place when no one's looking. You know that's what I was thinking when I was watching you in the series too, the effortlessness of it all it's just I mean that

your majesty being in a good space within yourself. Don't you think I think it dad, and I think that for me it was a lot to ask of my family and could take this job because it was longer period of time. Then I normally work required a lot of homework on my part, a lot, a dialogue to learn every day, every day, more and more and more and more in it with relentless in that produce, and I felt so supported by Danny in a way. That was absolutely my waited inspiration. I thought, if I mean you know we ve all of them in his hand, to take care of I better come home with triumph. You know did come home without feeling, like I can't say what a great gay, because I think that happened to where you go off and you workin someone is home and doing that ten thousand things at a pig keep a home going play there

Own workload and feel that you're allowed to come home and say I had a great day and not feel that you should somehow discount your experience because he felt guilty. I never felt that. Did you take your while to get here cause I mean, I know you have a new don't coming out in December, so that took time homecoming to time. It looks like, we are working more than you did for a period. It will get that at what can it? We can look at it all kind of happened in a way. I was a little concerned to have these job so close together and now that there behind me it was perfect, as I just feel like. I did a lot of work in this one enormous period of time and now I finish this summer began and we had a beautiful family summer and the kids are getting ready to go back to school.

And I'll be in the carpool line, okay, and when you were doing this role for four Ben is back. I hear you play a mother dealing with our sons, drug addiction, whose played by Lucas hedges. He was he was the kid was nominated for the Academy award Right areas, role in Manchester by the scientific advice,

So was it difficult for you dealing with such a hard wrenching issue for so many parents? You know drugs are their biggest fear, or did you think I'll never have to go to this space for my own life? Well, for me, the thing that I really liked about this character in this story. The story is, I mean. Unfortunately, this is lived out every day, every hour of every day by a family by a parent by a child all over the world and especially in our country. The way we mis manage it as one of those rabbit holes that once you go down into it, you just think wow. How do people find their way through this and.

It takes place in twenty four hours, and I just feel like this particular mother is in one of those situations more. This episode after short break today episode is supported by better help online counselling. If you think you may be depressed or your feeling overwhelmed her anxious better help offers online licence councillors, who are trained to listen and help talk, your councillor in a private online environment at your convenience, better help. Counselors have expertise in a broad range of areas, such as anxiety, grief, difficult Multi sleeping anger, family conflicts and more better help gives you access to help that may not be available in your area just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and get that's where the counselor and under forty eight hours

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Therapist online and get help. I know many parents, many people find themselves in where it's that constant reevaluation of what is the right thing to do right now for this person, is it to love them and believe them and hold them close? Is it to not believe them? Is it to be hard on them? Is it to be easy on them and it's a constant shift and change of knowing the to thing to do to support in her instance, her her son, her oldest child, so it was definitely one of those situations at all times to trying to manage the idea of her her intention and what's the best thing to do, I, it was so incredible the story and so interesting to research, the story and and to and hear things, and you know I mean that's where really the internet to such a great source of a people sharing where you find all these forms, and you find all these these articles and things of people that have gone through this and Lucas. Did you know everything for Lucas to play? My son is that his father wrote in directed this film, and so here I was between these two men and hind warm my individual relationships with each of them and Lucas Lucas and I fell into a very immediate report and had a very close relationship and a short hand and an understanding of each other in a way to support each other. That, I think was ultimately so invaluable. He came and stayed with us for a while he's been thanksgiving with us.

Now, Danny and the kids really well all before we started, shooting, which I felt was important for my kids to know who I was going off to pretend to be their mother. Oh interesting, well, Henry had said to me so why, in movies, when you go play somebody's mom, why is it always a boy? And it had no interesting to me because, of course, one yeah. No wonder ass! I have a daughter, its mainly the story about the sun and in Bennett back I have other kids but its, namely the story about you about the same, and I dont know what to do. You know what Lucas Organ have Lucas come over and you gotta get to meet him and look at came over Catherine Newton, beautiful Catherine Newton. She plays my older daughter, she came and I would just send them in my kid down to the beach

go for a swim and I'll see you guys in an hour now have lunch ready, and so that brings me to what do those? What do you children? Think of you as Julia Roberts, the actress because you have been such a hands on me, in their lives in every aspect of their lives, have witnessed it for myself so when they find do you remember when they finally first realise when they first realise that you were Julia Roberts, America's beloved sweetheart actress.

I don't think they ever will have a true sense of that, because, just like me, my sense of myself comes so far before the kind of work sense that people have of me and of course, for them, I'm just their mom as loving and probably annoying as every other mom long before they even realize what I do for work. I mean, I really can't know the full grasp that they have. I mean I think I told you once when it was this kind of thing when they were starting to kind of figure it out, and it was like so you're famous you're famous. Well, I think a lot of people probably might have seen a movie that I'm in or might know who I am and then maybe an hour goes by.

Are you more famous than Taylor Swift, it's like trying to you know and their mind figure, the measurement for what does this mean, and I think it's ultimately it's like okay, I I don't really know what it all means we're just going to keep moving on the way we've been going. So what is your view? What did your movies have? They seem other than wonder they have seen much. They think they ve seen at Bali, which is Animal Charlotte web, which was boil up at your entire with web. You yet had a lot of things did not out of things we did start watching. I dont know why we are with the Mexican, I think was on tv and we were looking for going to watch, and so we stopped just the start

Danny and I were like- oh, I think it was just starting and it was not long into it. That Henry goes. I don't think I like this. People are crazy. Things are going on and it was like it's just bad parenting right now. We just need to to come off of this button. Do you imagine a day where you all sit down as a family and watch pretty woman. No, I imagine the day that we all sit down and may be watch. My best friend wedding were not do magnolias magnolias, oh my god,. Yes, we could do that, but it's also funny for me to say: hey guys. No, we should watch tonight a movie he would mom in it kind of funny. So. Do you believe that your.

Unconditional love will be enough to carry your choice into the world that we live in today. Will anybody I mean it is, I mean remember when we were kids and people would say it's a big bad word out there. You got to be careful, you know now, it's like. It really is a big bad world out there, and I think if I

Can just be part of a family that our love and our closeness keep the five of us in a place of being undaunted by the bleakness that you have to keep moving forward and love and kindness and hope that if we can keep that engine of the five of us going, then that will be the great accomplishment of our family love, because I think that has to be the daily goal. Yup, that has to be the daily goal that you all have sort of a

family mission right. Is there an unspoken family mission or vision that you all have for your family? How accurate regarding- and I especially because now it's like being apparent in a world that wasn't our world when we were there age it different than when I might have said TAT. My mom, like oh mom, you don't know what it's like to be a teenager today and even pro,

We didn't she probably dead but Danny, and I was the world how it was in that much different yeah. So we really don't know what it's like to be a teenager today we really don't do it. You know you try to be open. You try me sometimes I just go to him and say I keep saying no to so many things to the point where I dont know why I'm saying no except to say no accept, because I don't really know what they're talking about and so some time I d say to them.

I'm gonna say no, and I am now looking to it, because I don't even know what we're talking about so do they have found yet seen an able happen. Ok, Henry the lab and ok. So here is eleven to know so how what was the age they were allowed to have phones? Well, there was a kind of requirement about found and about having you know these devices to be able to communicate with teachers. And access schedules in a way that I wasn't really so so you didn't have to so that got answered for you. I know for a lot of parents. I know somebody right now going through their daughter is turning twelve and they're like we want to hold on to thirteen. I don't know if since I dont have this is an issue I dont know. If they didn't, they

each number is a thing or the maturity level of the child is what should be taken into, and also I was saying to these other friends that.

When you hold out so long been your child becomes completely ostracised. Does your child the one child? It doesn't have a phone? Well, you know there are times where you know hey when I will be talking about an issue of twenty four, a century teenager and he'll say but mom. I dont know why this is an allowance when I know that you trust me and that I am trustworthy and I think it is not a matter of trafficked within you within household it's about everybody else out there it's like driving a car. You know you can be an exemplary driver, but is about everybody else, driving a car, and I feel like it's the same where you know social, media and bones, and all these things.

It just become very wide. It has to be a continent open conversation and ok. So here's the thing: how do you manage you know? I just you know I live The tabloid steadman and I for for so many years- and it was hard, His family members and some of my family members. I couldn't- agent if we had children and every other week but there is some story about him.

Leaving me me getting dumped me leaving him. I mean all the time and I know you have experienced the same thing. Are you able to keep that away from your kids? I mean, if I see again, I think I've seen ninety seven times that you and Danny Motor are splitting. Are you able to keep that from your kids? For the most part I mean. Sometimes we are in the grocery store and I won't even know that something is out and we'll all be standing there like. Oh that's uncomfortable. This is really uncomfortable, but it's one of those things that it still can hurt my feelings only because I'm so proud of my marriage, I'm so proud of how much fun we have and how much joy we put into it- and you know we just celebrated being married for sixteen years, this fourth of July and there's just so much happiness. Wrapped up in what we have found together that it's such an insult to that when they just put us through the relationship, all of he's leaving me he's dumped me, he found somebody else or you know what I like is when they write the one hundred and fifty million dollar divorce and then a week later, a different tabloid says two hundred and seventy five million dollar divorce. I'm like well, somebody got a paycheck in the last week. This is good, I'm

But they do, I mean Hazel, asked me a couple of things there and what it feels like, and it is an interesting conversation to have with with someone who only her love for you and only has the best interests of their apparent at heart and says: what is a? Wouldn't you told them? What what are you told them? What do you actually say to them like people make up stories now that it is this I mean for the most part in my experience of those stories it. They are. Ninety eight point: nine percent fictitious name right. Maybe some of the places are right, but that it's kind of this I guess I've likened to when they come home from school. How was your day in the first story? How is a story of something negative that happened and that grab the attention and the interests of your mind and idea like these things, are the same things there, the negative concept of people's relationship and lived in a sort of work, a very unkind sport

and you know, people see it as a type of folly and the interests of people. Feelings are beside the point yeah. Well, I know I was so hurtful to me for so many years. I can't even or even no one I actually got over it Maya used to say to me all the time you're not in it you're, not in it that the person who sits down to write the story isn't even thinking about you, your heart, your feelings, they don't know you. It has nothing to do with you and has. Do you know what can sell, even knowing that it still was heard to me and you're, so right that there would be one kernel of to them. When there is a story about suppose at least eminent I'd, had this big brawl, big fight- and he left me I'd stormed off lab Arbela in my father's barbershop in National and the

Only thing that was true was that I was in my father's barbershop a national you now so that the way the world works, but that that still exist. I mean it's just incredible so Stedman and I going to visit my father at his barber shop in Nashville, obviously not a good enough story, but yeah, so I empathize and you know, offer you my you know highest regards for the way you ve managed to handle it, because it's a pleasant and so do I know my father s with children, learning get to your energy someplace out. I mean I really I don't. I don't like it brought to my attention. My friend would never say. Oh my god, I within the grocer this morning and saw you know yeah blah blah blah headline. They would never do that because I dont need it in my.

My orbit yeah. But I love what you said earlier about how proud you are of your marriage and how proud you are of what you been able to create. With your family- and you know, as you were saying that I was thinking now that could be. That would be worthy of a story every week, because that's really people want to know is how do you do that? How do you do that? How do you have the inner workings of your your life and your family with the fame and attention that you, obviously really earned and managed to stay so effortlessly real. That's the story worth hearing that when people way here that, I think

I'm mean dinner with you in jail and Diana, and you know yeah I would, but I just don't think it holds. You know, there's too much, there's too much content. First of all, there is too much truth and wait and and content of that kind of a conversation as opposed to you know that the kind of cotton candy it left pointless. You know destruction break up, I mean the thing is, is Annie, you know all that yeah go ahead. Now you go ahead.

You mention Jamie Motors have to start well because the thing about it is that he is here the grown up man who has married some one that he is never at any moment gotten frustrated with me for being who I am in the world, because it's not like, I can control it and so anything it

Happens happened to it doesn't happen to him, which I don't know how I dont know how he let me now. You know what kind of the old married couple we really don't get picked on by the tabloids that much, but it some you know back in the day when we did, he just had so much death to who he was. He was so sure of who he was bad to be. You know he d never got caught up in that frustration, and that was a great listen to me and really quelled my frustration and my acknowledgement of it at all. Where would you.

Means you chose well mean Jean Charles. Well, you know, you know we watched you go through your various relationships, various relationships and then, when that finally landed, I mean the moment I saw Danny Motor. I knew I just, and you know we always have to say Danny Motor Motor

What is the number one quality you ve taught you children that you can see they ve learned. I think I think we have really caught them, that they are safe, that IRAN a tape base in the family, and we really do share and talk about things in that. The truth is really the most ultimate thing you can accomplish in sharing and learning and growing as a person should be really honest, honest about what you know on it. That way you dont know and and truthful at all times, and I think that they really all three of them- have really beautiful characters and compassion and empathy- and I think Danny and I both are very clear about the fact that while we are their parents, the fight of utter all teaching her things all the time, it's not just the one way street from the grown up to the younger it. It's really I mean some time each one of them have done things were said, things were observed things and shared it where I just think well, where was I? I did not even see this happening, it so illuminating and just the amount of wonder that kind of surround the young mine that shaping and constantly threat of tabulating the world around them. It's really fascinating to be a part of.

Well well done to you and any motor and the raising of those beautiful children well done, because you know that doesn't happen by itself: it doesn't they get to be those kinds of people because they that is reflected to them, as as as as little people in the world and I've seen you do it, I've seen you do it. I remember coming to you when you re em, I or you were in Chicago you down the shown, and I came back to the hotel and there in the middle of Four seasons Galton or wherever it was there, was this big sheet tent, where the kids had made. Remember that and they're and I just I mean I stood back and watch that, because I thought there's not a moment where they are in your prayers

where'd? They don't know that they are also important, no matter what else is going on in the world, and you know. Having been with so many girls at my school in you know, having about. Twenty of them. Now as regular daughter, girls who come to the house and are here all the time and thanksgiving dinners and stuff, I know that instilling a sense of worthiness is the most important thing you can give to your children. Growing up feeling seen heard believed valued safe, as you say that that's the gift and that's because you and Danube able to do that well and we all want to fail

that way. That's what everybody wants! You know it's like. I remember saying to a girlfriend one time it's like I don't know why we hold our children to a higher standard than we hold ourselves. I don't want to eat broccoli every day. I don't want to always. You know be left with an hour of sort of quiet time in a book like. Why do I think that they want to do that every day, and so I think, having those sort of realizations that we really we all want the same things we want to. As you say, be seen, we want to be heard. We want to feel that we're loved. We want to feel that we're. Useful in this place that we live with these other people, it so important that we all have- and you know what I know. I know this one I know for sure the world is screwed up in direct proportion. Tell people don't feel that all the crazy, that we see that

shown to us in every area of our society is because somebody didn't get that it gets so it gets so hard to understand. Sometimes it gets so hard to understand when I think about the things that keep me awake at night and then I'm scared of, I think how is this even part of our humanity, that these are the kinds of things that we're scared of here comes in motor hi babe? How are you I'm talking. Private motor heightened motor our conversation will continue in the next episode. You can listen by downloading part. Two,

I'm over Winfrey? And you ve been the sting to supersede conversations the pod cast. You can follow super soul on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook if you haven't yet go to apple podcast and subscribe rate and reviewed. This part cast join me next week for another superbowl conversation. Thank you for listening.