This is optimal living daily episode, five hundred and ninety six, the secret to interpersonal happiness. Bali about jobs and habits are net and I'm just a moloch. Welcome back or welcome for the first time, if new, here This is where I simply read to you like librarian, to a group of kids, her father to a child, monseigneur childhood and authority figure. I deftly don't see things that way. In fact, as a list of the show, I consider you in old friend older I also have a sustained for optimal living daily, which is convenient anyway. Big big thanks to gusto for sponsoring this episode, gusto is payroll benefits and h are built for small businesses is really simple and paired with Greece. Customer service. So you spend less time on paper, work and more time and what you truly care about sign for gusto today, gotta gusto dot com, such old and get started with one month, a payroll, free and safe poses from the massive blogs and habits a new powers

I surely so get right to it and start optimizing your life, the secret to interpersonal happiness, valuable bout of then habits done that. As much as we desire being connected to others, good friendships, a wonderful romantic relationship, close family members, disconnection always comes at a cost. We get frustrated by other people. You know it's true. You might be really good friends with someone, but then they get angry at you for some reason, or they behave without concern. Duration and all, sudden. Your mood is much darker, you're, not happy with them. Maybe they're not happy with you. His king Gos, sour, very quickly. This is such difficult problem that you could devote entire books to ways of working out these kinds of conflict and frustrations, but I've won technique that, if applied consistently

will lead to allow more happiness. The secret always take the good hearted view of other people to take some explaining. Let's take a look at two ways of looking at other people number one, the ill intentioned view when someone does something rude, you think I believe to be so inconsiderate or who does that? Basically, you see actions in the worst possible light without putting yourself in their shoes. Most of us do this regularly without realising it I'm your mad or frustrated with someone. This is what you're doing number to the good hearted view, when someone does something inconsiderate and I'm not saying our actions are justified, you can try to think of those actions in a good hearted way. For example, maybe they're having a bad day and or grumpy that as an excuse or actions, but you can understand the feeling of being grumpy or Maybe they were hurt by something you did. What you mean I realise, and their lashing out, because of that hurt, does on a nice way to react, of course, but we,

In all relate to feeling hurt and lashing out, so the good hearted who is at this is someone you care about. Who is hurting, forget the personal offence, think about their pain and become passionate towards that pain. Let's take a brief, get the ill intentioned way of seeing things then go into what I believe, transform, most people's interpersonal happiness. The good hearted view why no intention view is a problem is easy, neither rudeness and consideration and plain wrongness of other people. That's because we're lucky and it from our own point of view, and the EU should cease in the same way as you do, for example, they left thirty dish, is our big mess in the kitchen. Why didn't you just clean up instead of being inconsiderate, you feel are not acting as they should They said something kind of mean to you, you ve. By the they would be mean you're, a good person who doesn't deserve that they are matter you for some reason. You don't deserve that. What's their problem, of course, there are much worse things, but these are some typical interpersonal problems,

common reactions. These are natural reactions, but looking at things, This way caused you to feel bad about the other person. You're frustrated angry funded or hurt. You build up resentment, It also react badly to the other person. Sizzling. Hurtful, or angry lash out ignore them. Whatever Habitual way of responding to these things might be this obviously, will make them react valley to you and our relationship is hurt, you're, not happy and neither are they. This isn't a good situation, the problem ill intentioned view is that it doesn't help anybody Andrew relationship. Worse yet is self centered you're, seeing things from your own point of view, rather than thinking about the other person whom you care about. Both of you or your relationship together, the solution, the good hearted view against the South interview, seeing the ill intent since the other person isn't ideal, not that any of us

our ideal. So what about a good hearted view, while this approach Tracy use empathy to see the good heart of the other person to that they are good people with these intentions, who make mistakes and are having trouble of some kind, for example, reason: someone might act badly. Number one day and you when we didn't realize how you will take their actions from their perspective there's nothing wrong with what they did. Your interpretation may either. They are wrong, but that's only one way of seeing it number two are caught up in their world and weren't thinking of how their words or actions might affect other people. This, of course, is self centered, but we all do this probably every day number three. They're having a bad day are in a bad mood or are in the middle of a tough problem in their life. This causes them to react badly to. You is not an excuse for baby. Easier, but you can understand this as we all go through it number four, a bad habit of reacting to people in certain harmful ways. This doesn't mean they

a bad heart, but instead they develop bad patterns when they were young and one point. These patterns were meant to protect them from harm, but now they just harm others number five there were abused by someone I heard in the past and other worry that you were going to harm them, so they protect themselves non use, but more weight, understand people's behaviour number six, you did something that they took offence to, and so there reacting valley to something you did. Maybe you didn't realize you did this, but that's the world are number seven did only were trying to do something to help you, but you took it the wrong way. None of those excuse babby here, here it's wrong and be rude to yell to be violent, but ACT barely is human and a judge, everyone Their bad behaviour means we will be friends with anyone ourselves included, because if we are honest, we have to admit that we act badly, sometimes to wear out looking for excuses, but instead to see the good heart

the other person. Yes, they acted badly, but it's with a good heart. If we can see this process, we can see the other person in a more kind light and react to them in a more help. Way some ways we can react now that we see them in a good hearted light number one. We can try I do understand them, maybe even talk to them What's going on, people often lie to be heard and understood made them feel like what they're doing is understandable. Number two- from this place, we might also share how their actions affected us without blaming accusing or guilt. Trippy instead is from a place of wanting to resolve the conflict. Number three we might give them compassion for the difficulties are going through. Maybe a hug or the appropriate equivalent just a hug the two where we're trying to commiserate with them and make them feel better, somehow number four or we might just feel the computer. Inside and not let ourselves get caught up in resentful or frustrated emotions and instead to sleep

a person alone until they feel better. If that's more appropriate number five, if the other person is genuinely harmful you might need to get away from them for your own protection, but with compassion human don't be so angry at them. These are just a few options, but you can see that these are Things are much more helpful for the relationship for the other person, and our own happiness, you might say well this rewarding or excusing, thereby behaviour. That's one way to see it, but I believe is more about getting caught up in our own self centered view and not engaging and unhelpful and harmful patterns of thought. With good hearted view. We are more understanding, more compassionate, more likely to be happy and have good relationships. The next time you feel difficulty the someone try, the good hearted view you just might find some happiness in a difficult situation,

You just listen to the post, titled the secret to interpersonal happiness, belly up about a observed habits done that now, get some brief comments on my own, but really quick. Thank you again to gusto for sponsoring this episode you he's gusto to handle your payroll benefits and hr. Forty thousand businesses choose gusto due process. Tens of billions of dollars every year, his d best payroll for small businesses, because it's easy use it'll save you time, it's reliable and they have your back. You don't need an eight hour expert. If he is gusto with great software, service, you can focus on what really matters. In your business, not payroll, you can have automated tax payments filings and forms, plus flexible payroll, accounting integration and more sign of her gusto today, gotta gusto.

Calm such old, that's gee, you ask tee, o dot com, slash o elderly and get started, one month a payroll totally free as for days, because one thing all add is that it's not easy to catch herself. We are caught in a whirlwind of emotions. When you're I say, to my mind, is difficult to step back and say: well, let's look at this from their angle, but it is easy to do that. If you practice meditation has won the biggest benefits I sound because the most basic form of meditation, which is focusing on your breath and then catching yourself when you're thinking letting go of the thought and moving your attention back to your breath, is exactly that practice catching yourself when you're off the path in some crazy thoughts and simply realizing it. We put ourselves in these elaborate stories are aren't true. Much of the time increase arguments inside our heads and meditation can help you pop right out of it. Whenever you want that's the biggest benefit, I've seen for meditation personally, so this is something

struggle with, you might want to look into that. That should do it for today, happy Saturday of agree. We can all see you tomorrow, where you're optimal life but ways hey. This is Dan from the optimal financed daily podcast, which is a lot like this show, except more focused on personal finance. Just in hand picked the best posts he can find from blogs and authors light were meet safety, Mr Money, moustache and more- and I read them team five days a week. So if you and joy despite cast, come on over and subscribe to optimal finance daily to and together we optimize your financial life, you ve been listening to optimum living daily, be sure they hit the subscriber to stay up to date. On these new episode and heads pod cast doubt how that's o Elsie, I cast dot com.

Free gift, as well as more actionable tips and resources to help you maximize your potential thanks for joining us. Remember, your optimal life awaits.