Ought to take a pause here to give you a quick preview of? What's airing today on doctor Phil take a listen the facility- this all happened over the course of the last five days spent tuesday and wednesday with the girls title sunday morning. She decided this is a tragic ambush cyber bullying. This is an epidemic and it doesn't just happen to other people. The warning signs that every parent needs to know that DR phil check your local listings and for more on today's tv episode log on to dr phil dot com now back to fill in the blanks welcome to fill in the blank. Bright words who has been a guest on this. Podcast is a? U s! E professor and pray.

The idea of Frank I ll answer associates a survey, research and consulting firm, now knee was on recently. He invited me over two years house for a focused session with a group of u S, e students, half of them identify as republican or at least right, leaning in their political views, the other half identify as Democrat with A real left, leaning me. or liberal view- and there are a few independence in between and he asked me if I wanted to participate in that to see. If we could talk about how to Eliminate or at least improve on the divisiveness between these two sides and get, I am too maybe communicate in a more productive way. I said

You better, not asked me. If you don't want me to show up, I did show up. We spent several hours with these bright, intelligent, articulate past it young people on both sides and by the way it was a friday night with college aids in los angeles, and I cared enough to take their friday night. Nl I to come were to this professors. House ends, down and go through. This is just no law. your productive to be possessing an us versus them attitude. Look there's this too to that. We have to learn to work together in this episode? We're gonna die, I've been to an awful lot about why, Why we have this stance where

or like gun fighters out in the street. Where weaves where'd off an inner. Any kind of interaction, diametrically opposed frightened, We are going to demonstrate how to have an open, hopefully responsive debate, republican versus Democrat to do this. We're going to have to be impromptu and The only way that works is if you're willing to listen, you can't respond? If you don't listen, we're going to do this impromptu in front of the group, so it's gonna put he I on the spot, where all so going to talk about how to get back in touch with the fact that we are dealing with a human being on the other side, because ever buddy- admits- that they get so wrapped up.

Then their values that they forget theirs. a human being over there. That has a lot in common with me, promising you it's worth. Listen, it's worth a look cause. I believe it gonna give you two things. an insight into what this. I see. This is based on. and some real hope about the future, because you can't listen to these young people and not come away and say well look the brains on them? We're going to debate tonight and you're gonna. Tell me what topics I have twenty two different questions and you guys going choose for them and would you fit two many debates on each. So I wanted to issue a special guest. Who cares? What you are thinking which you are feeling is why the cameras are here so come on out special gas because

the. So what do I have to do to get that kind of reaction to get to her there is one thing that I need you to learn from this whole conversation. It's not what you say that matters is what people here when you are debating when you're arguing looked him straight in the eye, I make eye contact and I dont look away. And it's hard and probably one of my problems, and I need help. I really do is that I look for the person who's most annoyed with me and that's the person I stare at so the whole room could be going like this and really into it, and I focus on the one individual that is.

it be a hard time. Why is that our work? A lot was juries and We always went after that person. The nine we ve got will focus on. We focus on the person we don't have. As the real closing argument takes place in a jury room not in the court room, and so we go after that person. We can get them there. and we know we're making progress, I don't want to preach to the choir. I want to preach to the people that don't agree with me and see if I can persuade them. So I assume that's why you focus on

the person that you don't have giving you minimal encouragers with everything you're saying so think of this. How often you see a conservative who comes to your campus? It you really don't want there. How often are you trying to move them over to your side versus to dismiss them or embarrassed them to debate them, not to change hearts or minds, but to embarrass that doesn't win anybody over college Democrats and college republicans should be doing so much stuff together, because you got one thing in common: you care about your country, you care about your country. Don't you you care about your country, don't you Don't you realize you've got that in common that you actually care about what happens to the future of america. Close to the question before you move on. Yes, I do a lot of work with law enforcement, particularly with negotiators, hostage negotiators. That sort of thing

What do you think the number one objective is with an effort negotiations or if the working with someone that's taken hostage is what do you suppose their number, one objective is in establishing their relationship with the hostage taker? What do you think was her life know? Of course they want people out. What what do you think understand the reasoning I might say to humanize them in a way that they also have some like with their families friends in a sense, some of that is right, but they will tell you this. They have never had a hostage taker? surrender or release a hostage until that house take her believes the negotiator understand and why they took those hostages to begin with, have to agree with it. They

to know you understand why they did what they did and that hostage tiger never later on those hostages till he knows that that negotiator gets. Why he did that and It's not happening on college campuses. They're not you're standing. Why that person that their objecting to being their feels the way they feel and so you have to agree with them. Just at you under They are? Why they're, taking the position, you may think, is total crap. You understand why they feel that way.

These Democrats give me a word or phrase to describe republicans start with the engineer, word or phrase inscribed republicans fiery nationalist emotional responsible. That's even a word or phrase to describe democrats may act as sensors when she says prejudice anyone on this side, It's a reaction to that. It's an assumption! Do you think that it's an assumption? That's deserved in the same way that I am prejudiced. She is equally as prejudiced. That's a really strong thing to say what was the word: you used sensors sensors. How do you respond to what he said

Money here, I think, would happen. Florida. Just now is a good example where disney spoke out against the dont, say, Gabriel and before the legislature move to take away disney special tax. That is settled in the Democrats. Censoring me: that's the one I like one of my biggest issues is like like, for example, don't say: gay, isn't even really in the legislation so assist the hijacking of these narratives that aren't really entirely accurate. That kind of stokes division in itself is a really strong accusation. How can it snow division when don't say gay specifically censoring certain information in in elementary classrooms? Now it's the the bill is about limiting sex sexual education and sexual orientation education in the classroom. It's saying that it's the perspective that that should be not shouldn't be done in

I am certain that he can't teach religion and public class in setting. Why should you be discussing sexual orientation? You teach you now elementary small children, about a virgin birth in the bible, and that has to do with sexuality if public highschool tee? you're, a professor at us. He mentioned christianity or invoke the virgin birth. I think the democratic side would believe you would be upset about that and try to censor that be cancelled them. I mean they would probably not I be fired but possibly sued, but I'm not saying in a classroom setting I'm staying at home, you're saying that owes children are two hundred developed to be able to understand these kinds of topics, and yet at home and at church you're, you're you're talking about these. If the state can't pick a side with religion, why is it teaching kids, something so you're, going into the private life and even back to your point of of ways not even taught in the private life or in the home, is about sexual orientation or under

scanning you, cats, message, trafford knowing this has actually young age or even letting them have the boys to how that that come out of and a lot of time sexual intelligent all that comes in sexual education, yes part These turn the school a lot it is already censored because of legislation. I have a question for you rose. We don't start times was to learn? First grade, you don't start pre algebra to run for right so why? If we already regulate, I partisan patient objects coming out: regulate the ages there, taught something as in his sexual orientation. We are, regulate other subjects, because you can regulate what's not there? and the matter is that the american school system is so lacking in our sexual education programmes in the first place that any removal of some sort of education is going to really impact students,

I was able to learn about how you know health Sexual relationships or healthy relationships dynamics. If I had learned that in school, I think it would have been a lot healthier for me. then learning about it on the internet, where that's, unregulated and that's gonna be unsafe, even learning the vocabulary. Words for certain body parts can help don't feel more empowered and confident in confronting sexual abusers or knowing you know, is a safe touch. Is this not a safe touch these the things that I personally. I don't trust my my fellow oh americans, to teach their children at the certain ages. She said that we are lacking in equality, quality education, hundred my question to you is: what is the purpose of going to school? Just a simple question What is the purpose? What are we met to learn in school

we learn in school, in addition to subjects the paris for taking part in the marketplace, how to be citizens in a democracy and how to interact with other people, socially, the grooming language we see coming from the republic and party accusations towards algebra. Did you, people and democrats that we are supporting roaming that we are trying to put children in sexual danger is, quite frankly, beyond the pale and the right wing media that spreading it is pretty dangerous and is probably going to result in real world material are got tons of. Families are now saying that kid stepped off to school, expect them to be learning the basics, language and learning about numbers and certain things. Your turn. My third fourth fifth grade, the lonely talks back hated. Three we're talking up tiny kit, like young kids at shouldn't, even have to think about if they are to come to these thoughts, let him come to fruition natural.

I can tell you in section three on line sixty seven, the word specifically that is used in the bill is prohibited. How can you tell me that the word prohibited is not? Censorship goes to questions your sport show of hands Who has read this floor to bill two three, four: five Six, seven, a view so thereabout these students in this room. Right now I haven't read it not trying to shame anybody for not having read it, because, because I haven't read the bill, who should decide what it is that should be taught? Who should make up that lesson? I am. What I'm saying is what should be the credentials of the person that decides the content of the curriculum? Should it be a pediatrician, the child psychologist? Developmental psychologist, I mean schools social vessel

into our societies its fundamentally there to build and grow society to make them more economically viable and yeah sure it's a state. but we also to get schools as a social investment in terms of keeping societal cohesion. What credential should someone have that puts the early, curriculum, it shouldn't be one person. First law should be multiple people with doctorates in education people, child psychology. People in europe pediatricians, who know the hormonal changes of kids over each raid kids are such a sensitive and such a temperamental prop project, and we have to be willing to look at them age, the aid we can't. You know use of business market or, like any format, that look at them as individuals who are going through severe changes. Who agrees that it should be a multi disciplinary task force that okay, so you've got. agreement on both sides of the that comment,

Secondly, it should be a multidisciplinary group that comes together and takes in to account age a proper in this psychological readiness, physicality or model maturation, things of that nature, but what you just did is something that rarely happens in these debates. You gave a rash and specific answer. You brought people together without answer, yes to two thumbs up good for you for what you did, and I want to compliment you guys, because several of you ask them questions. How often is that happen in a debate? Will you actually seek to learn something from the other side? So why is it that you don't want to have these students cancelled, and yet you cancel your saying to them. Let

this education happen. Let people decide, but she don't allow people to come onto campus and points of view that a different than yours check out I've got a secret with robin mcgraw, with Eric beauty, by known as the forest to the stars and king of roses, designing

opulent arrangements for a listers elite fashion, houses and luminaries around the world. Now, robert and Eric talk about some of his most over the top celebrity flower arrangements and his experience with grabbing on to life's beautiful opportunities that you don't want to miss this be sure to subscribe, follow and listen to apple podcasts, spotify or however, you're listening now. Stock up and save big now store wide at the lowes truck load event for a limited time, save up to fifty percents on select tools and accessories from the brands. You trust and buy, to walk twelve inch. Dual bevel miter saw and get an adjustable stand for free plus, get deals on appliances bath and more pets, your local lowe's or visit lowes dot com to shop. The truck load event today, while supplies last election variable

It's about twelve, twenty nine to one lemon isn't the issue here. More is the animosity from both sides. I I've experienced it myself from your members last year. One of them- and this isn't a group shot. He made fun of me called me. Well, because I am outspoken and yet We I mean you're right here, don't happen, and and at the end of the day, is nor you know, oh, who wear wears a screenshot? Who cares about that? That's not what we're here for we're here to like build bridges and understand each other and not really high, to do when their names being called and there's just you know, looks and certain things where we can't milburgh as our say: you're cut kamel. I said you're laughing my camera, because we had a bipartisan that it was not the I also think that, like doesn't really matter, look I didn't want you interrupted we're all being respected. Thank you and you guys I'm seeing people cross the adjourn. I didn't finish my son and I just wanted to point about point out that I am

friends on the other side, and I know that even we have mutual friend through an outspoken republican right, I'm so sorry, I interrupted you as well, because I do want to be respectful of your voice, as well. So I apologise but This is so counterproductive. You love in our members, while our members were speaking, we pointed at multiple times and you guys kept laughing and laughing and laughing. And all of us, I am really sorry to anyone who had experienced that I'm not on us dams, I'm just kind of here, but we have to consider the social context of where we exist and the fact that we're post, zoo and a lot of us are chronic. We on line, and we ll at least I know- and I think a lot of people should know algorithms intensely make echo. Faces that become more and more divisive, because, fundamentally these people, who craig algorithms don't care about us than all care about her feelings. We hear about engagement,

it scared. Sometimes, when I go to republican spaces cause, I have the assumption that I'm going to be hated against because of my skin or my sexuality or whatever, and obviously That may not be true, but on the same end I feel like there's one publication, come in looking had democrats and people in general, as just you know, eve awoke to use the words guy said, which I don't feel is an eye accurate description of either side too? Like look at someone be like him behavioral immediately naive. It does not produce what we're trying to do here, which is how to construct a promising and instead of getting angry at each other, which I understand why you get angry at each other, is very You guys have said is very fair in terms of anger like I'm very sorry than on his part in the war, will that sucks so you see jiffy or yours. You, dance and I think that's terrible, I think that's horrible. And just a sympathiser empathize coming back. two francs original question, which is the are you scared,

this, I would say that its companies evaluate too, kind of question, J, you're political feelings. when the demographics of a campus are generally those that are more level especially having experienced something like so directly cancel culture, I'm: not I'm not involved with either parties and I'm is actually a student journalist, and I would say personally professionally, like I see The polarisation in the intolerance like have a really negative effect on our campus and- and political discourse, people, just don't wanna talk politics! People don't want talk about the news of the day. people don't want to comment on anything because a worried one way or the other that, they're gonna say is gonna, be judge fiercely by people and its causes this culture? Where people don't want to engage in public discourse, they don't want to get involved. They dont want to participate, and I think, and all agree that that is very hard or to our democracy. For me personally like to use call these words

this kind of horrifying, like this doesn't seem to be like a politics issue seems like you guys, just fundamentally don't like each other as people. It seems like this- is going beyond your poet if the old beliefs and is really being like an assault on on both sides of your characters, is this not an example of passion that goes beyond passion, I'm confident in that I know what I'm saying to by this, or that we started using cemeteries, tell you first, there's no point to using words like down both sides other than trying to get your point across. Why, thing people on this side are this passionate reposed passionate appointed like what leaves aggression and anger and I believe, will be and understand that, because, yes, some of what's happened to you, what you ve been, so sounds fucking, warlike, son

it's for and that sucks. But why do you think people this response towards conservative politics when we feel the exact same way about conservative politics that we feel that we're getting this response from conservative people. I don't think it's so much a political issue. I guess politics. He got radicalism both sides. Yes, but it's a generational issue. We have the attention span worse than a goldfish. People cannot even watch a fifteen. Second tiktok. I'm surprised you wanna sit here. How can people actually engage in a conversation that in its for two hours, if we can't you watch a fitting second tick, It's a generational issue. I think that this conversation has brought out some of the worst. Both sides, both vocabulary, but also just in Both sides are getting pretty wild up right and

That's just not my experience with republicans on campus and I really hope that that's not your overall experience with democrats on campus. I mean, I told they think I'm getting to know everybody and feeling a longer apathetic towards your point of view, can announcement but I wonder to build a: I'm wondering? Are you trying when an argument make your point and get it across? Bang bang bang or are you trying. To solve a problem reach, common ground cause us like for a while there, some problem solving going on and then I think it deteriorated into trying to win an argument. Trying to win an argument or trying to solve a problem. I think we try to win. Arguments is trying as part of trying to solve a larger problem. His point is enforced

the best thing that you all have done on this side is that you asked questions, because that will both through the question, you'll get a better understanding of where they come from and in the way that you, the question your box in the men a little bit, so you doing both at the same time but you're, giving them the chance to be heard on your side? There are some of you who are really reaching out to that side who are trying to find that common ground because there's a humanity. My life is about conflict resolution. Now and I believe that we are far worse today because of our previous president, and I now say so publicly because he never saw a complicated one, didn't, engage and provoke and make much much worse and there was a time I want to say that, because I do not want to get the shit of him and all the people. what him and adjust wasn't worth it.

and then I realized the damage done to you all. There are several people over here. You want them to feel what she felt, but you want to punish them for what she felt as opposed to establish empathy. We don't spend enough time trying to walk, each other shoes. We don't spend enough time. China learn each other's challenges. You have been blessed with instant information, instant friendships instant everything across the. What do you do? You find a reason to each other up, but don't forget that there are people behind these beliefs Everybody's been certain for a long time. Can we do like a two minute exercise? Let me die here's what I want you to do. I want people to pare up What I call a standing diet, There is a rule to this. There can be. Zero small talk.

You can't say anything. Let me have you but I'll use using example. Come right here Let me have you. Ok, This is a standing diet. You can't say a word. I just want you to get right here and make eye contact. in each other's personal space. We got left and right, I just want you to make eye contact, don't say anything. This look at each other Everybody on the laughter by unripe find a partner knows no, don't talk find a partner, and yet in standing, diet like this just make eye contact Don't say anything. look, each other in the eye look away. We don't do this enough. and obviously I'm leaving you here. This is the ultimate pregnant pause

you probably have looked anybody in the eye this much for a long long time than real? you're looking at another human being. They have parents, brothers sisters, get up in the morning. They decide what aware that decide what you're gonna do? Did you don't start on a human to human basis, then your building a house on sand. You don't treat each other. As human beings, then, whether its crime violence the mugging insults. What whatever kind of disrespect for another are become so much easier if you dont regard them personally,. And if you do regard them personally, then it's so much harder to disrespect In this regard, the worth of the human being and it's such a fast pace society that we don't really take

to look at each other and regard each other as human beings. I think this is so important, so give each piece of advice. number one is, you really need to show, and you really need to mean that you get it that you understand it. I get that something really bad happened to you but under and why it happened. Second,. please don't make a statement, make a difference. my students, no, I say this all the time and I mean it so much. I actually work you'd be successful, but the only will you do so is not by trying to own people or embarrassed them will use land. to insult them will drive them apart. We bear hugging them you should be pulling them to your side, not pushing them away The more than they love each other risk let them more than they respect themselves and watch humming

People will listen to you and learn from you and their ideas may change. Would you give them. I spend a lot of time hearing what isn't said, Anne reading, what people say non verbally, I saw you talking about your experiences on campus you'll. Both sides you are taking a lead in what you were saying and you what you were reading and on the screen shot? I felt a lot of pain being experienced. I think any time I see anger, I see hurt, fear and frustration, and if you look, ass. The anger behind it is hurt, fear and frustration. I believe in principal arrest prosody you get! What you give what you can the universe is what comes back in Look within yourself. and give away what you need the most.

You'll be amazed how fast you feel yourself up. If you feel marginalized on campus, are you feel attacked reach to somebody that you know has go you feel that way I quit was being attacked. For example, if somebody had gone save man, this much really stuck for you and I'm sorry about that. I, though, you're human being, and I love you as a human being. A promise she would have gone home feeling better that day give away what you need the most and it fills you up, which kind of goes back to what I was You do and I was having you look in each other's eyes, the sex Piece of advice is, Really do believe that. The job of every one of you in this room is the star in your own wife, and you got Ask yourself what

How the star you wanna be, is it inspirational or is it a grassy what kind of start you want to be in your own life. I'm so impressed that all you came here tonight to do this? It isn't both my mind that you give a shit enough about this. Life this world, where we are right now that You came here to night just to talk about this. Spress yourselves in here each other just. Like publish it so impressed. I would not have done this at your age based on the way you have seen here today. Do you feel that their actual hope for bridging that that gap between us do you have hope our generation cause? I know you don't that one day really,

I have more hope because of this conversation, some of you are bright as hell, and I want you my class. I listened to you're putting for your arguments and the stuff that you know for those of you sat here and did not participate. I don't know why, because you're not going to make things better unless you get involved, detention back and forth is unnecessary, cut it out for those of you who are participating in it, but I think you're getting that educational so and is set up, and it really is a privilege to be able to do this and you ve no idea how great it is to sit next to him. Well, just though a more optimistic than he is and now that I'm workin on him- and I gotta tell you he's. He's he's move it a little bit like I said I hear what isn't said and I think I've been a lot of people that didn't come out that have really been processing a lot

What's going on tonight, and I think the fact that their here is participating of really come in those that are here. Even if you didn't talk tonight, that's a lot of effort to be here on Friday night come listen to a couple of old guys talking. I mean that's pretty good, so I give everybody credit for being here and I am up to. Speak about this generation are more optimistic after the night and it was forgot. Your nose optimism forgot here. How do you deal? with these people. How do you live with these people? How do you get along with these people- and He recognised if you actually have one of these people in your life. I recommend that you don't try and fix a narcissist I've made stabs at. I have made efforts. It

back when I was a young lion and was going to heal the world and take on whatever it's above your pay grade, you're not going to do it, I'm not going to do it. There are those that believe that you're not going change a narcissist, no matter what you do and people ask me ask why not can't anybody learn to change and sure in theory, anybody can learn to change. People asked me where these folks come from wide somebody turn out to be a nurse. Just and somebody else doesn't and is not true of you kind know that and maybe know where to start working on them to change them. Nobody really knows where this comes from I'll, tell you what some of the primary theories are. Maybe I'll give you some insight to that.

Huge yourself from failing responsible for fixing it people ask, is something genetic. Is it environmental? I think the research is very ambiguous, birthing most people would agree that it's a learned behaviour most people would agree that they come from the extremes of parenting. They either had apparent that was way over protective, And carried the kid around on a satin pillow and made the child believe that they were in title by turning amend a spoiled brat, we say we're not raising children were raising adults, so whatever you do with your child, that's what's your creating as an adult, so I said the extremes of parenting wanting

You ve traded your child in such a way that they become a spoiled brat child, so they become a small rat adult. and the other extreme of parenting of courses if they ve been neglected or abused And so this is a reaction of, to be so arrogant, it's kind of a get them before they get may strategy and life where they just become so self protective by being arrogant, and haughty and entitled that nobody ever gonna, do that to me again because I'm gonna put myself above, everybody. So I can't be hurt. I'm gonna fly above the crowd. Where I can't be hurt. These are theories I'm not presenting this to you. In fact, I'm telling you what psycho dynamic say when they say you look at the parents. If you want to understand why somebody turns out the way they do as an adult now disease.

Make it easier for you to suffer these people or not Maybe it does. If you are not that way, and you have empathy. Maybe you're standing. It gives you a little bit of staying power. But, as I said before, I'm one people that thanks. Anybody can change omni incurable optimists, but these are people that just don't have a good prognosis. There's some mental illness problems that have good prognosis like phobias, has a phobia anxiety. Deal with, that nets got very good prognosis. personality disorders. Don't have the best prognosis because in the individuals eyes, what they're doing is working for them, then though their belief is, why fix what ain't broke,

a narcissist doesn't respond well in part, because they don't see a problem. They think they're special. They think they're unique. They think they how'd it go at all and they live in a fantasy world in which they are the top. They are the unique and tidal special individual. So what is there to fix it? the rest of you that have the problem catch up. Get your game together. I dont have the problem. You have the problem, so you can change what you don't acknowledge. heard me say that A narcissist is not going to acknowledge that they have a problem. So why would They have to do list. and the answer is they? Wouldn't they don't? They don't have to do?

this most personality disorders don't have to do list because they think what they are doing is protecting them working for them. Getting them what they want. So if your not going to change them. What are you gonna do? Well, you're gonna have to learn to deal with them. You're gonna have to Learn to not. Allow yourself to be set down by these people to not get in to their ego. Circle, where you just get all down into this dark bottomless pit where you can not ever do enough to make these people happy. And the first thing I want you to do is to establish some boundaries and recognise, not your job to fix them. You couldn't fix If it was your job and you cannot

Let them have the power to determine how you feel about who you are, if you give them the power, To determine yourself worth. in a relationship, whether its romantic or as a family member or at work. What ever the situation, if you you give them the power to determine your validation yourself worth, I promise you you're going to lose because they have to put you down in order for them to feel better. It's what I call levelling they either have to build themselves up, so they feel equal to or superior or they have to shoot you down, so they don't you, ve got anything over on them. That's love!

they can't be in a one down position ever so they always have to in some way keep you from having. Any advantage, and if you feel good about yourself, if you are at peace with yourself, you think you're in touch with your authentic self? If you have a The sense of self worth a good definition of self. They can't suffer that. Because it gives you a sense of power and peace that they just can endure. So they have to take that away from you that after tear that down. You cannot let that happen, so That's why I say you ve got to set up a boundary and you cannot take the bait and you cannot be the case And let me tell you what I mean by that these p

are going to say things that anybody would find offensive they're going to violate your rights and it's not just being assertive assertive this is when someone action away to protect their own rights, but they do it without stepping on anyone else's rights. Aggressiveness is when people assert their rights and they trample all Over someone else's rights, that's what a narcissist does. They do it by gas lighting and Gonna, tell you what I mean by that, and If you're dealing with a narcissist get out you fire extinguisher, cause you're gonna get gas lit, they are going to talk, You in such a way that any that goes wrong. Is your fault. anything that they do. Is your fault.

You're going to hear phrases mentioned a few of them before didn't say that not mad. It's not that big a deal. So why are you being so sensitive? Why are you blowing this all out of proportion? What is wrong with you, and it all keeps coming back to what's wrong with you. And they are happy to answer that question you or to sensitive? That's the gas adding phrases you're going to hear. If you don't have a boundary you're going to take that bait and start Questioning yourself whether or not well, maybe it's me, maybe it's What do I want you to? Do I want you to remember this conversation it we're having right now I told you this was gonna, be a little different that I just to be a conversation and want you to remember when this happens. You know what

when I was on my walk and I was listening to doktor fail in my ear buds this is exactly what he was talking about you decided to run for congress. Did you, Thank you were gonna win clash. Yes, you never run unless you think you're going to win. I was so naive. I you know. I ran in two thousand and ten against an eighteen year incumbent in the democratic primary I thought I'd shake every hand made every voter I'd know, idea why I was doing dutch felt like I was the daughter of refugees. I didn't know how to build a campaign. I didn't know how to as for money, I dunno how to walk into a senior center and give a talk at my first interview was on Chris Matthews. I'd never been on tv before he was so mean to me, but it was, but it was the best ten months of my life, because I it there's nothing like living afraid in terms of really just like like. I am not if

by going through that experience. I am not terrified of anything you know next week I gotta get give it to the mental speech at yale in front of, like you know, twenty tons of people and I bring it. You know like because of that, national raised, because every feel fearful being than ever. In germany, we happened at thirty three and so yes, when you run for offers, you think you're, gonna, win and the thing things I ran again lost again, that's harder because you, your secular, raise you ve kind of like Yeah, you didn't make the same mistakes. He learned the lessons. You run a more perfect campaign and then You realize, oh, maybe This is about me like. Maybe you just didn't want to elect me but even that I felt like a gift, because you know when you say that's the best athletes braun James kobe, bryant, it'll work. Ten driving were kept them. You know again drilling sixteen seven. hours a day with something happened,

then early in their career, you, whether they make a shot or letting it picked on the first draft. Something happened to them and that put a ship. I a chip on their shoulder. So I a chip on my shoulder you rather you about my bio at the beginning, like while the commerce, because I had a chip on my shoulder the time I was thirty three and was like art not going pick me I'm going to show you that I can make a difference in every area every day since then I get up and do my sixteen hour a day. Drills do I mean an in in shell that I worthy of being a public servant that I am, We have been an american unworthy of like fighting for people and that I can make a difference, even though you didn't think I could yeah. If somebody had said well, this change over soccer.

You wouldn't be sitting here today. Is your point right. You didn't change yourself over a soccer. You said no, I'm going to keep doing this. I don't care if I do a cartwheel or not I'm going to keep doing this until I right in your right, Michael Jordan. I think it was middle school. I called a junior high back there. I think he was cut from of his school basketball team, she wasn't good, he didn't make the team so he went out by himself and said. Are you gonna cut me? Ok, what's this look? What happened since then you really do. Fine resiliency from those things, but what's the messy Two parents of young girls. How, They do that. How did they still that in them stop protecting them?

irritated is put in front of mine. Was telling me a story about her her father when she was eight think he was in the military one day he just walked in and he just took her pillow cause. I don't need anymore like it's. It's like that kind of just tough, like we coddle our kids. protect them if they forget to bring their homework. It's all we got you don't we all know what it feels that eleven feels like him to make a mistake or to not get picked. It were like. I still have parents who call me for their daughters, right recommendation, leisure them make their eighteen. They can email me so It's just that. We, as we start that I you know my group would like immigrant parents. working class day. You know what I was doing. I was in sports hearing. They know airlines college daily recommendation letter. Nothing and I do not find so. I just in this whole intensive parenting is over.

I rise over we're literally buildings. Zero resiliency in children, and then we wonder whether medicated we wonder why you know they are not able to deal with strife That's what I worry about with the generation in the universities right now, not just women, but these it's that are not be required to do some of the things that generations before them have done there not having to take the other position there not having to deal with adversity. If I have to applicants in front of me and one of them has a college degree and the other does not, but there matched in every way other than that same, intelligent, same work, history same whatever much the same way. I used always say I would opt for the car

each graduate, even if it was an irrelevant degrade of what I was looking for, because I knew one thing about them. I did know about the other. I knew they could set alight term go. They could stay focused on it. All across four or five years I knew they could get along with people. I knew could put up with professors they didn't like, and it was their job to get along with the professor, not the professor job we get along with them. They knew they could get back jackson on time. I knew they could do what it took to get through a degree. I don't know that about college graduates anymore. I really don't, it seems like the system is bending itself to them as much as m bending themselves to the demands of this system, at least not nearly as much as it seems it was. a generation ago word two generations ago, and I think we're coddling them too much,

it was that I think, where did that, come from it, as some of that did come from the fact that technology you know we had so much misinformation disinformation that we we felt like we had two conall and protect infantile lies our children and just people. You know to not be able to kind of make their own. Decisions have come up with their own conclusions, and I think that you, when I'm young people say there asked him very well researched, meaning that they really go well currency every piece of its money as it come up to the uk, but just tell em, maybe not believe it. You know that really do like asked questions and about it. So and in some ways maybe we had colleges having caught up to where kids right, and I think that which is again have to log in future culture, where If you really want to be judge, you make a difference, Climate change you got, actually sit in the room, a listener climate deniers, because

the only way you get stronger in your convictions and make the difference is you need to make us feel when you hear the opposing point of view- and I think that is a shift right that we have to continue to say and make two people glad. You brought that because I've met with a lot of college students in the last year, There are things about them. It bother me, but one of the things I have noticed, is they so more assessment. They are so moved him smart. They have so much information at their fingertips and they have the command of that information. If they will just get. transmission. If the hell just get into gear, they are so smart. I just if they will get that part of it solved, I feel good about the future of mankind because they got so much information in their so smart, so articulate boy. They make an argument, but this is what I find,

That's what I don't know. If it's a kid saying I don't want to hear from the Taliban. these may be the adults, because I actually think because they actually bullet you have the wisdom to go through the information, decide for their own. What is true and what is not true again, if in that they will want to hear all sides all pieces, again just to get stronger in your conviction or to learn so that is something I think the panel was swinging on that I really, I really really do you think that this generation is is exceptionally bright. Don't leave me alone at a party united mean unless I know everybody there, but, but I with with live, shows I just kind of decided, I'm not gonna, I'm not going. His time being nervous, because it's fun thing to do and then I think I Quickly realized: there's nothing really get nervous about aid to tell you there, but I guess

Under the category of like father, like sir my personal hill is, a cocktail party That is why personalized some autonomy. I don't think I'm interesting to talk too small talk wise, I'm not interested in what they have to say. Small talk was so I would rather get a root canal. I've be having allowed at a cocktail, were any people think I'm an asshole sometimes too, because I'm so quiet I usually am judging you, but not meaning to put it on my face. I just you guys, like you hire, I think, I've its fascinating to me to watch people try to make small talk when it's not necessary, Were that I'm amused at that idea? Then you try to rob me into it. None like none anonymous, get hunger hunger here but baviaan stage our do. I have no problem. You can put me in front of you know. A hundred thousand people and say, kill five minutes, and now that doesn't bother me and offer and that article

a party that you do that all day tone. I was the same way you put me in front of a hundred thousand people with something to do a fine I'd, rather do that than be in somebody's living room having a chitchat yeah, I'm just insecure about that. But I'd rather not do it. He he really hates it, and I am the worst at it because I get stuck in it for thirty minutes, yeah? I dunno how to get myself out of it. Do you get nervous if you know the other one's watching? You know now that bother you? No no I'd. Rather her come much. I think if I did like alive shown you were there, we I'd get a little like. I guess we ve done that yeah so we you guys nervous when the baby was born when it was coming like when it was actually happening. Now, just in time leading up to it. I think we were I don't think we were nervous. I think we were excited, but I think we were definitely anticipating like this is gonna, be a very big change and

we will deal with that yeah, I guess we have been mean who, MIKE of course, we were nervous I didn't it wasn't like. I wasn't nervous because I felt unprepared. I think I get more nervous it like unknown things, and you know that's obviously pretty much- every unknown thing that you could not know which I guess you know that's. I guess. Maybe that's why I don't get nervous to perform as because I'm pretty nine are pretty much everything that possibly happen, but yeah baby was like. I think we are excited. I think we were excited. I think we were definitely like. How is it going to affect our dynamic in our life? right that we want to make sure we still have our life and then we have a baby, and I feel like most people of new babies. They can separate the two, but we done a job I think for the most, but it's funny as it sounds. You gotta had practice with the ding I completely where the dinger, because our fingers, their dog, so tell us about dinner, more energy than three babies so kind it

Be cuter than a baby: he really might not our baby, but now every other baby right, but yeah dinger is the literally the best dog that you could dream he's like the weird science dog he's like you could, if you could like put all the traits of a dog that you want into a computer, they print out, dinger Where'd you get dinner at the espy cn hawthorne You almost didn't get thing right, yeah guess, work or told you some crime. Yes, somebody said that he was temperamental. Polar, and am I so yet dot on his tag, and so I guess that's why, a lot of people were walking by and not paying attention. which ones are being good for me because he was sitting there and the lady that runs that the whole species was kind of giving giving us a too and down you know like sick. Looking at the sounds mean, but I was like.

May I wasn't looking at mangy dogs because it was like made me, feel bad debts. These dogs were like so in company and so I was gonna hanging back and she didn't realize that I was kind of you know, back on our tour and I looked down and dinner was just kind of like a man hey. I totally interrupted her as a k or about him, and she we went into the computer and saw what the red tag men. She was like. That's not right, and so she took me to a pen like one of the play pens and brought him out, and I just kind of sat there with him for private thirty minutes, and he Do you know, did a bunch of zumiez and then eventually he just kind of put his head on my lap, I mean, and if you know dinger, that's the cutest thing in the entire was so meant to be meant to be your relationship with fingers. Like your relationship with me

exactly you both pick me yet not so you got to dig in either how long I don't know he's cause I dunno how old he is nobody. Nobody could guess how old he was because his he has. The energy still have a like a six month old puppy yeah and then, but he's he's like a kind of funny tween size, so I think, he's probably three years old and I've probably had him two and a half years, while I guess not now three and a half years, so he's priest probably closer to four but he's a good good did and how you see with the baby he's pretty indifferent. He goes up to her and kind of snuff, sir and If now, but he's not, we haven't gotten like full connection between the two of them, but he definite goes in notices, Hearns, benzene. We know he knows pretty uninterested though after he knows why she's there yeah, but once I yak as a cause. She carefully interact with him. You now obviously

initiative, sure and all that snifter. He he licked her on the cheek yesterday. She smiled so they definitely there definitely communicating somehow the.