« Phil in the Blanks

Living By Design Series Part 1

2019-02-05 | 🔗

On this episode, I will be "Phil -ing in the Blanks" in your life. This is my new series where I will help you get “the edge” in your life. I want you to know who you are, and more importantly how you got to be there.  The only person you have to control, to make a huge change in your life is you.  What I want you to do is start Living by Design and have a definition of what success is in your life.  I want us to come away with a plan that you can get excited about. ….and that’s what this series is all about! For worksheets and more: https://www.drphilintheblanks.com/ See omnystudio.com/policies/listener for privacy information.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
But he's a first class kid and I have all of these secrets that I don't want anybody to know and by comparison I always came in second ask yourself how much fun or you to live with The last thing you want to do is Miss man yourself such that you wind up emotionally bankrupt and become emotionally unavailable, you're, the only one you need to control to change from being right to be unhappy, when I say I feel in the blanks I'm still in different kind. The blanks sometimes still in the blanks and other people's lives, but I'm starting a series where I'm talkin about filling in the blanks. Your lives, not somebody. She lives you're alive This is a serious it. I want you to get something out of look. I can't saying I can't dance. I can't you
draw a straight line, so that means when I talk to somebody they got yet something out of it because you're not looking at me for I candy say I cannot entertain you a singular dancing. So what is it? I want you to get out of this? I want you get out of this fill in the blank series happening less than one minute I wore You'd get an edge in your life. Here's the first edge. I want you to give. I want you to be able to figure out. You are and how you to be who you are where you are now think about that you give? No. What do you do you know what your job as your mom you're a dad Europe, but you're a baker candles. My God, you're an account architecture, a teacher, that's what you do. That's not who you are. So I want you to know who You are, and more importantly, how you
got to be there, I'm going to tell you how we're going to figure this out to help you figure out that distinction. I've got to give you some tools to do that. Okay- and the first thing I'm going to ask you to do- is move our position to understand what I mean by that. I want you to fill this sentence in for me. How would you complete the sins? I would rather be right than black think about that. I'd rather be right than blank there, a guarantee, you. Ninety percent plus I've. You finish that sends this way. You said I'd rather be right, then wrong. Of course, you'd rather be right and wrong it. Nobody wants to be wrong if you're in Are you mad or you're, picking out something? You always want to be right, so you'd Vinnie citizens I'd rather be right and wrong. I want you to move your position just for that. That. Your listening to me today and for the rest of this law thing by design series. What I want you to do is think about. It differ, I want you to finish the sentence this way. I don't want you to say
I'd rather be right and wrong. What I want she d say is. I would rather be happy then, right now, that's very different I would rather be happy than right look. We have enough right fighters, we had enough people at the other right right, right, back right, right right there always right, always gotta, be right. God, don't you you sick of those people who write all the time. I don't want you to be one of those other. Once you be right, I want you to be happy. I mean you might get an argument your kids, I get a haircut, know tat to shut up. Do what I tell you may be right because you're the parent, but does it make you happy? Does it make your family happy? So I want to ask you to move your position just for the time we're talking instead of being so committed to being right in terms of evaluating everything. I talk to you about in terms of whether what I'm telling you is right or wrong. What I want to ask you to do is look at it in terms.
Whether what I'm telling you makes you happy you can yeah right again as soon as we Fanny soon. As you turn me off, get out of your car finish, your walk, go back, don't have you or do you go back to being right, but as long as we're talking look at everything, I ask you to consider in terms of whether or not what you're doing in your life currently and what I might ask you, Do in your life moving forward. Does it make you happy? I don't care if it makes you write what eye care. Does it make you happy? So I'm going to ask you to move your position from being right to being happy, and you know what that might just stick. You just might decide. You know what I've, been ride. All my life it's time to be happy there. What I say move your position, or what do I mean by that? I mean think about it. I can say: ok stand at the hoodie. Your car now move to the trial your car, that's moving your position, that's what I want.
You'd! Do in your attitude your mind actually want you to move your position now? What do you have to do to effect? This change from being right to being happy? Well, let's call role, because I want everybody here that needs to be there. In order for this to happen, and I got some good news bad news. It's a short list. Has the Good news The only person you need to make this change. Is you the bad news? the only person you need to make this change. Is you wasn't bad news for you blame anybody, you're, not a victim UK? Well, my wife's gotta changed my husband get, no doubt no, they don't they can do whatever they want to do you. Who have to be the one that changes your attitude? Maybe they changed, maybe they won't, but what a call roll on who needs to be involved for you to start being rides Darby unhappy you're, the only one is involved, you're, the only one did you control and does not work well you're the only one
You need to control to change from being right to be unhappy. So let's just get this right. If you go live by design, the design is for you, everybody else, you can it Buyer I mean you can get them all excited. Maybe they want to follow you? Maybe they don't, but the only person you control the Jew. So let's clean your house earth, we were by everybody else later by the white. That's always been the case. You have always the only person you ve ever controlled and you have in doing it. On purpose, you made out of thought you were, but you have always done this on purpose. Now, you're, probably right Why is a twelve year old sitting around wondering why people do what they do and don't do what they don't do Member of the split second, I became obsessed with that a football game re now when I was like twelve years old and we usually play on saturdays, was big rainstorm. So we got rain down and on Monday the phone rings and this Elevation army calls and they say to our coach look
We ve got a team over here. We don't get to play all that much, and we saw that you guys had your game rain out on Saturday. Could we come over and play a scrimmage game with you on Monday? and the co says. Well sure. Of course we will now look. So I gotta tell you we're pretty cocky. We think we good and we look good and we got the best unit. Other black, with silver strives down the side and black helmets and black wristbands, and I may we think, we're really bad okay. So these pull up from the Salvation Army and like three pick up trucks, and it looked like the grapes wrath out there. These kids start fallen out back of these pick. Ups, nothing matches date on him, jerseys none of the helmets match and the kid lines up across from me he's got on a button up shirt for a journey and a number on the shirt is for and its on in masking tape. Now I'll tell you how
snotty. We were wherein the huddle back there and say: look at this gummy. What that's gonna come off. Why didn't you do it in magic? Marker Well, he didn't do it in magic marker, because that was his shirt. That was one of his shirt. It's. That was his shirt. He had to wear that school the next day. That's why he the number on in masking tape. Football pants had no football. Patsy road is blue. Genes up to his knees? So they look like football pay at football shoes, no football shoes he had on loafers, so we got. All this fancy uniforms equipment were taken were so bad and here's is ragtag team number four. And Uppercross for me- and I gotta tell you when they snap that ball that kid hit me so hard. It's still hurts when it rains. Hee hee
my shoulder. I thought I'd been hit by a truck at. I gotta tell you over the next hour. They beat us like they were clap and for a barn dance. It was like a track make we probably got beat fifth, A dozen these kids ran over us like we were nothing we're finished up and I cried over to the car to get in. I looked at my dad said what the hell happened and he said well, boy. You just got yes handed to your planet. It s. What happened I said: well, yeah thanks a lot. I was hoping for a little more in depth, analysis, the man and he said son. Those boys are hungry those boys. This wanted it more than you did that's what happened? and right there. That moment I became envious of those kids from the Salvation Army. In that moment, thought I want what they have and where you that seem, so
funny, because here I was we had all the equipment we had grass on the field. These kids had nothing, but they were so hungry. I mean they had that I of the tiger inside it members sitting there in the car hurting every part of me hurting thanking you know what if they can do so much with so little? How much? should I be able to do with so much thought I want what they have. Those kids were hungry. They had. This does desire this. Just I want it And when they got a chance to play when they got a chance to be on grass, they wanted to sees that moment and they our sack lodge. I gotta tell you, and it was just that day cause made friends with some of those kids and they weren't sitting around feeling. Sorry for themselves. They went the extra mile every
time they got a chance and trust me. You do something in pattern. If you do something, that's part of your personality, you do it because you get a pay off from it, and these kids gotta pay off from and hungry, they got gotta pay off from being committed. You get a pale, from it some way and if you don't get something out of it, trust me you don't continue to do it. Your wife won't be made up of things that don't pay you off in some way, though, you may think away doc, you feel I'm not getting a pay off for this are miserable. Look, I'm not It's a healthy pay off I'm saying you're getting a pay off. It may be a sick pay off. I mean you may sitting on the sidelines watching life go by and your pay off is you don't have to face the pressure of getting in the game you dont have to face the risk of getting out of your comfort zone. That is up.
Is it healthy? No, but it is a pay off. Is a pathological pay off, but it's a pay off. You don't do something. You don't get something out of you, do but you do in your life because in some way you're getting a pay off out of it. What I want you to do is start living by design, I want you to have a debt. Mission of what success is in your life, so one of the things I'm gonna be. Can you to do as we move through living by design is figuring out? What your pay off look for things you do in pattern and in say what am I getting out of this healthy sick. Otherwise, what's my pay off because when you identify the pay off, then you can control the currency and when you control the currency, then you control you
once you know what your pay off is. You can turn that spic it on and you can turn it speak it off and that will change what you're doing it will change how you're living? What ever you do who ever you are due by accident. I mean come on own, it you get to the end of your life in some way the. What did you do with your life at least say whatever I did. I did it and your life in some way the. What did you do with your life at least say whatever I did. I did it on purpose, live by design make a plan and choose what you're doing. And what I want to do here when we face Is this series? I want you to The plan that you can get excited about That's what I'm warning you do. That's why I want you to listen to this still in the black series about you, because
I want us to come away with a plan that you can get excited about now. Here's what I want you to do right down today's date, but put next year put this day and this month, but put Winnie Twenty and I'm gonna. Tell you why? Because. I want that in your calendar. So this time next year you look at that day. And you remember me telling you today, that one year from today, your life is gonna, be better or worse than it is today. It's not gonna, be the same. You're gonna be happier sadder, rich or poor, fatter skinnier. Married, her divorced, but it is not going to be the same. Your life is gonna, be better or worse, a year from now than it is
right now and a huge part of that is gonna, be a function of choices You make between now and then, and let me give you some bad news. Now that you ve heard me say that you're totally screwed you can not not choose, because not choosing is a choice. Think about it. This way picture a crossroads out in the middle of the country. Ok, big crossroads at in the middle of the country. Think about it. It's just two highways crossing each other in the middle of the country, and you come to that crossroads. What are your choices? You can go straight ahead. You make a! U turn and go back, you can turn left or you can turn right or you can say no
Not going to choose this gonna stand right here in the middle, the intersection and is lit life run right over me. Well, that's your fifth choice, but you cannot not choose You are going to make choices and I'm just saying oh nome, since you're good like a choice anyway, you might as well make a conscious choice so understand less get active about some things. Let's get active about using notice can achieve whose by not using since you're gonna make the choice is anyway. Do it on purpose, live on purpose, be on purpose, and I'm gonna give you some thanks to help you the first book IRA, which, back in our own, many a U propaganda anymore. So I want put it on the website. The things I'm talking about, so you don't have to but wrote something called life strategies and in la strategies. I talked about the tin loss of life and When I talk about laws, I'm not talking about tendencies are guidelines like then. These are things that happen sometimes, and sometimes they don't I'm talkin
laws and when you talk about laws like the laws of physics like what's allow physics like gravity, gravities law, physics, it's there every day it a law, you have a law gravity. You dont get up some more he's inside. You know those guys every day or not it's there every day, a year later I go step on the edge of the roof and step off The sea of gravities there every day you contested Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday Friday is gonna, be there every day and you're gonna figure that out. Just as you hit the ground, it's a law not a guideline, not a trend, it's not a tendency, and there are laws of life that are the same way. The enclosure unbelievably concrete, I really dont mean go, get on your roof and step off and test gravity, I'm just using an example where they say Don't try this at home. Don't go step off your room.
Five. This using as an example- and you know what I wrote the irish law of life when I was sixteen years old. Now, I'm not some Prodigy, admit sixteen say up: here's the first law life, but in looking back, I learned earth law alive. When I was sixteen years old, was working at Hallmark cards in Kansas City. They'll probably know hallmarks based in Kansas City, and I was working at Hallmark cards in Kansas City. I was on the Ford, a midnight shift and my job was to tear stuff up. They were really big into human resources back the, and so they match personalities, two jobs. They gave me a sledge hammer and dumpster, and I was supposed to tear shit up Oh, I came in every day. Put these die said they printed the cards from on the corner of a dumpster and hid it with the three pounds: Sledge hammer. That was my job. I thought how long this job last, how many good they have a think they had about ten million of them and they said ok now I was there,
this other guy. They said now: ok, you're, not gonna. Have Supervision cause you hear from four to midnight is really noisy. We're gonna put out his, whereas your mature enough to work without supervision. Are you I like? Like a cable, you even asked me that, are you me. So as soon as I leave. I have a buddy come down and we decide we're going to build a hotrod and I'm talking guys you're going to love this one thousand nine hundred and sixty six Chevelle Super Sport, three hundred and ninety six, three hundred and seventy five horse. We had a custom manifold sitting on top of this engine with three Holly carburetors on it. We had headers some some your slicks on the back, and if you rolled his car backwards just a little bit and pop the clutch, you could pull affront wheel. Off the ground about four inches, I mean we would go out midnight and fine people, We would raise them. We treated. Stupidity like it was a virtue that, because this was stupid, it would be.
Indiscreet remainder name my friend Steve Demon, and we would go up and down main street and Broadway in downtown Kansas City at a hundred and twenty miles, an hour trying to sucker people in duration and so on, Give a night were fly down there and is the Christmas holidays, and we each have a body in town and why fly in along there and look in the rearview mirror, and there is a cop on. Bumper at a hundred and twenty miles an hour in downtown Kansas City that this when they had em squad you're too young to remember, but these have a tv show called M Squad Metro Squad. These were the bad ass cops. We look now rearview mirror, and this cop is on our bumper. When I say on our bumper, you couldn't again no gum wrapper between his bumper and ours and look. This was it
era where they didn't like stay in the car call for back up, fill out a bunch of paperwork, and now they pull S oversight get out so just They pull us over Steve's bodies from out of town slivers out the back window, Runs between the buildings. He takes off negative Oh god! This is in good this cop lines. Ups up like crows on close line, we're standing at attention beside the car and he walks up to deal. As I to ask you ask you one time: what's name of that boy that run off and Dylan looks him straight, the ices yeah well, his name was SAM sausage. What of it? Oh, my god, I'm thinking that car,
hit him so hard. I thought it broke my nose. He dropped him like a hundred pound wrought bam right there on the asphalt now. Here's the problem, the next sky line is my friend and then I'm next and the problem is neither of us know that guy's he's, run off and the only person it knows his name is unconscious on the pavement and I'm thinking- oh my god, I'm comin up next year I wish I knew his name. I give him a social security number. I give his fingerprints, I can whatever you wanted, but no chance he steps up to my phone. Naturally shares art. I want to ask you one damn time: what's the name, it boy run off my feet. And having somewhat of a brain, says, sir. If I may. I swear on my mother's grave with just head Whether that afternoon she was not dead, shall I swear
on my mother's grave. I do not know that young man's name, but I can promise you it. I say I'm sausage, I dont know is day, but it ain't SAM saw us. You know right then right in Bam. I wrote lifelong number one. You either get it or you don't deal men whose kissing the pavement he don't get My friend and I, who are still vertical and still have or dental work, we get it. You know Mass with somebody like this, we get it and I wrote the first law alive life right then I didn't know it at the time, but in retrospect I figured out that night. You either get it or you don't now. Don't you Oh people in your life who don't get it I'll, give you a minute make a list. Maybe you start with european laws, I don't know, but don't you know people who just don't get it they?
stumble through life. They just don't seem to know where their going. They ask asinine questions they do stupid stuff over. Over again, I don't want you be one of those people. So what is it I want you to get? I want you to get that you need to take care of you, so you can take care of other people. I want you to take care of you, so you can be a gift to your family, I want you to not be one of those people. Stumbles around in life. I want you to be one of the people says there is a consequence to every behaviour and I get that so when I choose the behavior, I realize I choose the consequence.
And I realize I cannot not to now. That is just one of the ten laws of life. I'll put the other two. On the website. I'm not gonna, go through them all here. For you, but I will list so you don't need to buy the book I list and for you you know my dad, an alcoholic and we did not have a great relationship, but at the end of his life right before he died, he said something to me that I think was pretty prophetic. He was so were the last two years of his life, and so we did get along with a bit better than and right. Before he died. This was before I had ever been on Oprah before had ever done. Anything like that. He tell me something that really stuck with me. He said he said boy limitation. He said I truly. Will Eve that during your life, you are going
have the opportunity to intervene in people's lives in such a way that you identify for them threshold moments in their lives that are outcome determinative in where they head, where they wind up, because oftentimes people don't recognize the ground. Body of the choices they make, they dont understand when they come to the precipice of moments that can truly chains the trajectory of their life, and he said I predict. That you're gonna wind up in a position where you have the
Maternity to help people recognise when they come to those moments in their lives, and I dont know what he was paying attention to or what he was really focused on that point. But what I want you to get. Is I don't want you to stand at the end of your life and look back over it and I was twenty twenty hindsight. I recognise now that I miss some key opportunities to change the trajectory of my family. I missed the opportunities to change the trajectory of my wife. I want you to,
stand at the end of your life and recognise that you were alert enough, that you were situation really aware enough that you recognise those critical choice points when they occurred. I want you to stand at the end of your life and say you know what I got a wake up. Call that made me be one of those people that gets it. That made me stop stumbling through life and pay attention to what's going on, so I could seize the moment sees what's there and live on purpose and that's what this series is all about which, as you know, I believe, everybody has a personal truth and the personal truth.
You have one I have one, everybody has won. A personal truth is what you believe about yourself. When nobody else is looking. Nobody else is listening. You have a social mask. We all do. I do. You have won its To put our best put forward here, we always talk about putting on our Sunday best. At least we didn't the south. You know we always dressed up to go to church we put on Sunday best, but on a Sunday suits undershirt shirt washed her face went to church. That's your social mask, and about that? I'm talking about what you believe about you when you don't have your social mask on. And if you aren't honest with yourself about that, then you can't deal with reality. You can't deal with your authenticity. And here's why that so important we judge
right: the results in life that we believe we deserve. So if your personal truth is damaged, if you think you're a second class citizen, if you think your less land, if you dont, think you're, smart ass is good as if you think your damaged in some way, you're gonna generate results that second class peoples Hey! If you look at people that are really successful in business or really happy in her marriage and family, and you say secretly: well that's for them, that's not! For me. I dont really deserve that. Then you'll never generate that. If you have a damage personal truth, you will generate a lifestyle. The standard of living mentally emotionally physically, financially, socially,
that goes along with being damaged. I know that because I grew up with a damage what truth, because my father was a bad alcoholic and the problem the kids make. Is they compare their personal truth with other people's social man? ask so I would go to school, knowing that our utilities were turned off last night. I would go school. Knowing that my father came home drunk and got violent in the car John with my mother and sisters? I go to school. Knowing that the car had been repossessed and the windows had been kicked out of the house, Compare myself to the kid in the next row who had a Clean shirt on and scrubbed face and a smile and say, yeah he's a first class kid
and I have all of these secrets that I don't want anybody to know and by common Harrison I always came in second, though I had a damage, personal truth and fortunately. I was able to figure that out and he'll that damage personal truth. I was able to identify a currency At a young age that was able to validate me because I was an athlete at the time, I am, and so I got a lot of strokes, alot of currency, alot of income. For me an athlete both in my family and outside my family, and so I started think well, I'm not just from a broken family
I am actually I have an identity as an athlete, and I was first string first team versus first that without will that doesn't jive with being second class, so it started to create It's called cognitive dissonance within me. I had a conflict I had to resolve and I decided to resolve. It is being first class and did a second class that you have to ask yourself. What is your personal truth? What do you believe about yourself in here you need to do that. High cholesterol affects more than a hundred million Americans and is a major risk factor for heart disease. The number one cause of death in the: U S, while healthy lifestyle choices, can help me these high cholesterol. That's often not enough status or attack. The medication is proven to be safe and effective in the treatment of high cholesterol. There are multiple stuff Mmm Options available, but they're not
all the same if you have high cholesterol and are experiencing any challenges with your medication. Talk to your doktor because there may be another one that is more right for you check out, take cholesterol to heart, dot, com. A great educational resource from coliform circles. America ink, as with all, medications, side effects can occur with Staten Use and your doktor is always the best source for information and answers check out. Take cholesterol too. Art, dot com and talk to your doktor about by ending the right stand for you, you need to talk. Near ear inward and ask yourself what you say to yourself. What's your internal dialogue.
How do you label yourself? What do you say to yourself because if all through the day, you're putting yourself down all through the day, your labeling yourself as a loser all The day your labeling yourself as I am. I can't do this not gonna get this done. I don't deserve this. Until you change the internal dialogue you're, never ever going to get the results that you truly deserve. Now I'm gonna have to put you to work here- and this is a really important assignment internally, How long is so powerful because it actually gets automatic here's the problem, we speak and one hundred and twenty five words a minute. We think at one thousand two hundred to one thousand four hundred words a minute. I think about what I just said. We think ten
I'm faster than we talk, so you might say something out loud once and you can think it ten times for every one time. You say it. A bully at school might say something to you. That puts you down one time. And then you repeat it to yourself a thousand times over the next few days. So I Judah really turn your ear inward and listen to what you're saying to yourself. It is not enough to just think about it. I need you to go to the website that accompanies this podcast and you'll find at doktor fill in the blanks dot com for this episode. You're gonna find work sheets there, and one of them is gonna, be labelled internal dialogue. I'm gonna have a few examples there of what I'm talking about what constitutes internal dialogue, and I want you to stop making a list of what use.
Say to yourself, because until you write it down, so you can get some objectivity from it. So you could step back and look at it and go wow. No wonder, I feel the way I do. No wonder I feel the way I do. If I look at this list, I'm saying this after myself all day long, my god, no wonder I'm shocked, even get out of bed in the morning, if I say all this stuff to myself and you say it is often as you do, and I want you to start testing those thoughts testing them to see if the rational and what you're gonna find on the web that is you're gonna, find for criteria for a rational. I will tell you what they are right now number one. If a thaw is rational or not. It has to be grounded in objective fact: snot opinion. It has to be grounded in objective fact: number two: it has to be in your best interest
number three it has to protect and prolong your life number, for it has to get you closer to the health Goes. You want in your life for something to be rational. It has to meet those four criteria. Let me repeat him again for you number one if authorities rational or not, it has to be grounded in objective facts, not opinion. It has to be grounded in objective fact: number two: it has to be in your best interest. Number three, it has to protect and prolong your life number, for it has to get you closer to the healthy goes. You want in your life the list, those for you on the website, so they'll go right along with us. Will these things you just listed on internal dialogue. I want you to test each one of them against those four criteria. If it fails any one of the four cross it off your list. You can't
that anymore and you have to replace it with something that does meet those four criteria. So you're only saying to yourself things that are rational. This is a very important exercise. Dull, sky, this when you maybe drive and right now, don't do it. You drive and wait till you get home then On the website, and in do this exercise you we'll be shocked at the power of challenging the lies, you're telling yourselves and replacing them with rational thought, and if you don't change your behaviors you're, never going to get the kind of currency that you want mentally emotionally and socially, and some people hide from there soldiers by being a workaholic, I was doing I skill seminar, one time I had a woman come up to me afterwards and she said you know I was listening everything you said, but I just don't have time for it. I mean us really. Where do you live
you said in a white suburban, as what do you mean she's, I live in a white suburban, I have for children and they go to forgive, schools, one of em play soccer, one of play, basketball, one of them banned and one of them doesn't do anything. So she said. Get up in the morning I gotta for different schools. I drop a mob pick him up particularly active as those activities and I'm a real iter, racing around showing homes going here going there going here going to go in there and she's, I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just burning out. Should I just feel like he's. Gonna want any second, and I said well do something for me. I said after you dropped us gives off to school tomorrow. I want you to go home. Turn your phone off. Take the phone off the hook. Lock the doors go run a bath. Even a bubble. Bath get the stupidest magazines you can find and just
spend thirty minutes real acting in a bubble bath. She looked at me I was insane. She said. Are you kidding me, she said. Oh, my god, my mother would turn over in her grave us. Oh my God, we're living for dead people? Are you kidding me? Your mother would over a great I'll. Tell you what do it every day of the week list restless been her like a rotisserie chicken. I don't care. She turned over in or grey list spent around out. Why would you care she's dead? Give it a shot come on you gotta change, something you ve got to change your thinking, You ve got to change your behavior you're, making choices that have consequences. I had the opportunity. To interview Senator one time our model.
Say his name? I'm really not! This time he was one of the oldest people in Congress, and I ask him, I said: senator you ve met heads of state president's heaved. You Supreme Court justices. Tell me everything. Got everything you say. What's the most exciting thing to ever happened to you any thought for a minute. He looked at me and he said well, Sonny boy I'll have happened yet Wow, what a profound answer- here's a guy- that's been incurred. Greece, since Christ was a child and he's been fifty sixty year. I said I hope it hasn't happened. Yet how bout you? How about you?
I mean if you're forty years old, you ve lived. Fourteen thousand some odd days and life expectancy now is pushed into the nineties. Are you want Those people that, if I say what do you do for fun when you say, while you know where we used to fish, you know we used to we used to take couple weeks and travel I was last time you did that what is Mamma been six year some years really. Last time you had fun was six or seven years ago. Well, yoga! forty years laughed the last time. You really gave yourself a to have fun with six or seven years ago, and you got forty years laughed.
That's a long long time to do what you're doing That's a long time to be boring. I mean come on. This is no dress rehearsal, your burning daylight man. You gotta figure out. I got her define my life. I gotta redefine, is alarming. In this conversation with one unquestioned. I want you to ask yourself and just let this way on you a little bit just a much fun or you live with. Ask yourself that
don't ask your ass. You change your! They want. I'm distress yourself this. How much fun are you to live with the formula for a successful relationship this number one it's based on solid, underlying friendship, which means first, what friends do they share things? I support each other. They laugh, they talk, they elder friends, they invest.
It's based on a solid underlying friendship and it meets the needs of the two people involved now think about that it meets the needs of the two people involved. That means you, ve got to jobs. Job number one is to work to discover the needs of your partner. Job number two is work to teach your partner your needs now, if both of you were doing those two jobs, if you're working to teach your partner, your needs and your working to learn your partners knees, then you're, both teaching and learning. At the same time.
If he or she is both teaching and learning? At the same time, then you ve got to people moving towards each other, your each trying to learn the others needs and teach the other person your needs all of a sudden you're moving towards each other with a common goal of creating intimacy That might require turning the television off and in case you didn't know, if you have Television in your bedroom. Your sex life suffers fifty percent fifty five zero percent. So if you want to get lucky, kick camel and Foulon and Conan and cordon to the curb, get him out of bed room but ask yourself.
How much fun are you to live with your talk about how much fun you are live with, I don't mean just for your spouse or your kids. I mean you We have always said if I was going to be alone. I don't want to be a bad person to do it with so that means I got to get along with me pretty well and here's the deal. You probably noticed throughout this whole time that I've been talked to you that there is a common theme? What I've been saying that is being selfish on your behalf and you may think boy about it breathing he's been talking about. I'm gonna feel selfish. Well, don't don't feel selfish when you're putting yourself first do not feel selfish when you're putting yourself first and here's. Why you can't give away what don't have if you love your children, and I know you do then take care of their mother take care of their father.
The last thing you want to do is met manage yourself such that you wind up emotionally bankrupt and become emotionally unavailable or physic. Leon available because you have a heart attack and die, so the people that you love and love. You dont have you in their lives. You don't want to do that. You gotta take care of yourself because you can't give away what you don't have. So is it selfish for you to take some time to yourself? No Not a bit prolonged your life? Not have it keeps you vibrant and alive, so you can be there for the people that you love and love you. I don't want you to be emotionally bankrupt. If you allow yourself to get depressed and anxious and gray and burned out, then so your kids get old enough to get married and they come to you for advice. He's got nothin. I got nothin for
burn myself out, because a wooden smarted after to take a break and take care of myself. I'm sorry, I can't help you pick a wife for a husband. I can't give you advice about how to be a father or mother, because I'm dumb burned how do I died ten years ago and I've been absent in your life? All that time? Don't do that? You do not want to allow yourself to become emotionally bankrupt and do that. You got a treat yourself like a bank account. If all you ever do or make withdrawals you now ever make any deposits you are going to wind up with a zero balance. We need mother's, not martyrs, we need fathers, not martyrs. You ve got to take care of yourself, and that means you gotta make some deposit. You gotta do thanks for yourself and that's what I've been talking about along the way here and if you are a mother or father and you ve got kids at her five six, seven, eight ten years old.
Take a real, close look and you're gonna noticed something they have arms and legs vacant pick up their own room, they can pick up their own toys. Taken even make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and nobody will call child protective services if they have to make themselves a sandwich. You don't have to do everything and here's an interesting to put in your vocabulary, no, no! I won't take you heard. No, I won't take you there. No, I won't do this. No, I won't do that. We are living, a society with entitled children. They need to hear no turn off the television go side right. Some leaves get out now, Sir, Recent fresh air leave them alone. You want some time. With your spouse? I mean Robin. I used to tell our kids look this doors closed. Unless what view burst into flames? Do not open this door. You have to have some time for yourself. So the thing.
But you ve been hearing here. Is you ve got to take care of yourself and it's not selfish, because you do not want to be emotionally bankrupt. Take care of you. You deserve it to people. You love deserve it and you're, not gonna, believe what we talk about next week, Now, there's an accompanying web page that goes with this whole series. So when you ve been This list of this- and you can listen to his times as you want, do, but go to the website. That's doktor fill in the blanks dot com and you're gonna find every We talked about here there and you are also going to find some personal inventories. Some check list, some personality tacit. You can take to help you find out who you are and how you got to be that person. What we're gonna talk about, next time is what the hell. With what you found out today, because as a whole, other chat
And trust me, I'm gonna put verbs in my senses. Give it some thought were just getting started so long, bill in the blanks in your podcast air, then subscribed sewed euro. This episode.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-03.