« Real Time with Bill Maher

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 4/24/15)

2015-04-27 | 🔗
Bonus Bill (Originally aired 4/24/15)
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Now it's time for real time, two zero, your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the realtime monologue. Jokes America didn't hear good afternoon. Well, it sounds great. I think I might know why you're happy after one hundred and sixty five days of republican stonewalling. Finally, President Obama gets his attorney general confirmed the first one
black attorney general in our nation's sister. What this and she said her first priority, would you get to office will be to free Ben Affleck slaves so bad? I I. What is it with Ben Affleck, enslaves Ben you weren't alive to take it easy brother? You know. Eleven american presidents were slave voters. George Washington had black men whipped
long before they grow dash girl. Now, on the downside of the war on terror, we little Bobo came out today that a drone strike in January killed the hostages we were trying to save, but we also killed two Americans and that was on purpose. His work as they had joined Al Qaeda. One of them was going to Madame God, man, who was right from here in the the yeah yeah yeah man right from the sea. He would get this. He was raised an atheist by bungee, hippies and Northern California is dad becomes a super Christian, so we would like that, so he moved in with his super jewish.
Grandparents and then converted to Islam and his last words were screw. You guys, I want to be a Mormon pool, wow, that's a lot of changing around when I had an identity crisis. I just tried to learn to break this this kid crazy, but you know he was Al Qaeda, but you could tell you could always tell that he was from the os like when, when he issued that fat in fake tips that was dead, giveaway, okay, another international news over in China scientists get this for the first time have modified genes in the human embryo. Now, of course, they used a non viable embryo or as they call it in China, a girl and the scientists say the other
Let go chinese scientists are. The ultimate goal is to remove the bad genes in the Amber other cause disease and to add a gene for playing the violet. Your member shall Bachman Congresswoman four minutes that ok she's been going around saying that President Obama is bringing on the apocalypse right course bad, but here's her rank or we should rejoice because it means Jesus is coming back sooner than we thought that I mentioned, and at one point the Republicans wanted to make this woman president of the union.
States, I think that puts Hillary Clinton in perspective, but the real presidential race. You know it's not really about Iowa New Hampshire, all that bullshit anymore, flipping pancakes. No, no! It's all about the billionaires. The Koch brothers have chosen their candidate, Scott Walker. You know, Scott Walker is he's so creepy get this, I'm not making this up. He got married on Reagan's birthday like on purpose and he and his wife on their anniversary. every year they eat Reagan's, favorite foods. Why don't you just carry Reagan's? Corrupts around like weekended Bernie, why don't you miss the days when old, ugly, rich guys just picked out a trophy wife instead of a president.
Now, the other billionaire who spent a hundred million dollars on the election. Last time, Sheldon Adelson you familiar with Sheldon Adelson he's like a thousand, but he only looks nine hundred and Eldon Adelson's candidate is Marco Rubio, Marco Rubio, young brash, Marco Rubio. Yes, but before Marco gets Sheldon Adelson's endorsement Adelson wanted to make a speech. Strong on Israel, a pledge on defense spending and a kidney, those are the only three and menace it now, the other guy who of course looks like he might get the nomination JEB Bush and it was in the news today. Jeb Bush has lost twenty to thirty pounds on the cave. Man diet. He says.
Wants to get back down to lying weight for the big election coming in the cave man died is when you just eat lean meat and fruits and vegetables and, and today Chris Christie Said- oh, that's, the cave. Man died. I been eating cavemen. Thank you very much. They're terrific catch, all new episodes of real time with bill Mark every Friday night at ten or watch them any time on HBO on demand for more information log on to HBO com.
Transcript generated on 2020-10-21.