To celebrate Women's History Month and International Women's Day, I want to take you on a trip down podcast memory lane and feature some of my favorite moments from interviews I've had with incredible, inspiring, world-changing women. Join me, Joy Cho, Erin Condren, Reshma Saujani, Gretchen Rubin, Stacey Flowers & Lisa Bilyeu as we talk about running businesses, stepping into power, finding the courage to fail, falling in love with the process and so much more!
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Your Fave's Faves is available now! I wanted to create a little room for joy at the end of this, the year that everyone wishes to forget. That's why I called up as many celebrities as I could and asked them, "what are your five favorite things, ANY category. You're not going to believe what they told me. Actors, musicians, athletes, influencers, gamers, y'all! They're all here and they've all got five things to share. Subscribe now to be the first to listen on Wednesday the 18th! -> http://bit.ly/yourfavesfaves
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Grab halves. Restaurant her platform allows you to order from over. Forty thousand women led restaurants, gotta restaurant heard dot com to fine restaurants near you, use offer Code Rachel five to get five dollars off orders of fifteen dollars or more limited time offer. Microsoft teams is helping priority, bicycles, reinvent the way they work when the pandemic hit. The bike shop had to close their New York City show room. They found a way to reopen by doing virtual visits on teens. Now the team can meet with two or three times the number of customers than they could before, and people from all over the world can visit their show room, learn more about
your story and others at Microsoft. Dot com, slash teams this Monday March, eighth, is international women's day, and this month is women's history month. So to celebrate we're going to be
Looking back at some of the most inspirational women leaders I featured on the show, I'm gonna
air some of my favorite moments with gas like joy, Chow, Erin, conjuring Rash, MA, Sue, Johnny, Gretchen Room,
and Stacy flowers, and we Seville you what's so cool about this clause.
Of women is I'm going back all the way to the beginning of the show back in GOSH. Like
two thousand and sixteen two thousand and seventeen when I did not know what I was doing- and I literally just called every woman in my phone and ask him if they would please be a guest on this podcast and share
conversation with me, and I can tell
you without question that every single person who has come into this eco
system has brought their own wisdom and insights and cultural except,
and says, and stories to tell
and we have all benefited from this knowledge. I think if I've learned in
thing and doing this podcast. Nevertheless, however, many years, it's that we as women have to feel empowered.
To use our voice and tell
our story, I mean, if your list
to this PS. Thank you. I appreciate the support
all I can do ever- is tell you my perspective. My perspective growing up in the exact way be exact environment. The eggs
place in the world that I was raised, but you listening to.
Right now you have stories. You have perspective, you have something that the world needs to hear. It's not
not only have the voices speaking that we are
he now maybe you're the next
son, who is supposed to be talking about what matters
the truth about what matters it's what matters to you, that's what I hope that you will get out of this podcast
pursued are honestly my work in general. I hope,
that you see an example
the woman. That's me who is not particularly special. I just have told myself
free again and again and as I have continued to evolve as a woman, I have continued to tell you what
happening in my life and how I'm working through it and what its meant to me and
somewhere in all of those stories. I hope that, even if what worked for
me doesn't work for you. It at least gives you
an idea of how to think about your own life. So
In these conversations. I hope you enjoy the stories of some of the most incredible women I now and if you are a woman, I hope you understand that you are among those ranks
you have an idea in your heart or something that you want to create. I believe that its there for a reason,
in this month of celebrating women stories and celebrating women's history- want you
yourself. What are you doing to write your
hi, I'm Rachel Hollis, and this is my podcast. I spend so many hours of every single week reading and listened podcast and watching Youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do on the show. We talk about everything, life and
to be not prolong what happened. Dinosaurs what's the best recipe for fried chicken. What's the best plan for intermittent fasting puts going on with our inner child house therapy working out for you, whatever it is, my guests are into. I want to unpack it so that we can all understand. These are conversations. This is information for the curious. This is the Rachel Hollis podcast. Remember when you spoke on the panel together. One of the things I love that you talked about was, I hate ass, a guy
I have not asked anybody that I've spoken to the part cast about having
health is working mom, because I tend to hate that I feel like those are the only questions that they ask. Women in business is about work, life balance and it makes me gag because we are more than that by
Do you remember you said something that I really loved aware and I'm probably gonna misquote you here, but you were talking about stroke.
A little bit with joy and then getting to go to target for the first
I'm in showing your daughter, the end cap and what that meant to
you for her to see all of your work come to fruition. Do remember that story or lacking up
eyes about your life that I am like. I imagine this scenario for you, joy, I bury impress it. You remember that Rachel in our line so precious good. I like what an incredible gift for your daughter to get to watch her mom, do these things gear and I think that it all kind of
came to gather around two thousand and fourteen. When I first heard recollection came applicant, I had just had.
I was pregnant with my seconds and ruby. My office was around three at that age when they can start a little bit understands up and she had gone to see.
We had a photo shewed. She got the sea like staff, but I really wasn't until the products came out in stores and I think us
share with our car, our collaboration that came out last year, two thousand. Sixteen. By that point she was four years old and see my face on a package. She announced
the mommy's company was Kano Joy and that I was in TAT, I was the boss of joy and so to see it
go. Every time we have a new collection come out which happens like four to six pounds a year. We
the store. On that day. We take a picture. We celebrate it like a part of that is me
wanting them to now that it's a great accomplishment have achieved this morning. I want them. Emma has indicated
in the stores, because they're not seeing the sample, is a process and sketches and the design work and all that stuff. But it was really a really took me up until that point, when I felt, like my kids, get tangibly understand what I do, or at least one part of what I do to feel less skilled about being a working mother, because I hate that I agree. I hate that we feel guilty and I think there will always be some level of guilt that I will feel because I think that I should always be doing more, even though I tell everyone you should not feel guilty, I will add I'm telling myself. I shouldn't
feel guilty. There's always something the back of my head, but when I see that my kids,
fired by it when I see that they see that you can create your own job from scratch and that your dreams come true and that granted life is not perfect
You can be what you wanna be a type of the thing and they can see it realized
show me that makes the time that I'm away from men working worth it. I also feel very
we need to be in a clearly where the majority of my group
and here in LOS Angeles, are other women who
entrepreneurs or other desert. A lot of them are mothers as well, but you see my first
to have other companies. That are
we'll see lion dollar companies and that their making stuff and sold in stores all the staff are. Therefore talk of herds are elevators or whatever it is an agreement at the kids. Don't know the logistics of these vessels says, but they just see all these women running businesses around they dont and end. The weird thing is they don't even know any of my friends who have normal dogs who go anywhere. I, unfortunately, is just because a lot of my friends I see most, they are other archers, because that's what I feed off. That's what inspires me. That's why I need to ban to, and not so I need till I be able to know that someone else
understands. What is crazy life is like, but it's great because you know Ruby, whose old
now she's five. Now who can talk about maybe what she wants to do some day. You know, there's a figure it out. She says she wants to be a designer and she wants to like does. I'm secretary
getting cholera. My guys, we would all by that for sure I definitely want their ruby line for sure. I obviously wanted a follower
path, but she's, just she's she's, very captivated by what I do these days, which is very cute and she loves. Seeing me my office is like crazy, colorful with stuff
Beware inch! It's a kids dream. So, of course, you would love that, but I think setting an example: railways and the day,
second example of that, seeing your mom love what she does and being and something that she she made
Ouch.
So inspiring is there something that you are seeing in this
You say that you are seen young women or women do or act a certain way that you just think like girl. What what are you doing like if you could,
stand on a soap box and speak to women. What is the one thing that you would say like? Ah, you gotta, you should be doing
as or if you only did that it would make such a difference. Now I dont know
that I feel like I could see.
Only say one thing, because you know why I don't feel like. I could judge saying that somebody else is doing something wrong because of its working, for them is working for them. My only complaint these days that I see in general is just that. I do feel
but there is a certain mindset. Deasey sometimes were people think that the work is easy
Are there things just come to you and really for me? Like you know things were people dont want take internships or they don't want to do the groundwork. It's simply that it took the early days off, it's like when you have to do it when you have to dig your ditches when you have to when you need to be an end term, when you need to do stuff that made me and so glamorous, because that's how you learn that the staff that I feel is missing. So I don't know, that's not necessarily speaking to business owners at speaking tat. Anyone in general on graduates, kids in college, looking for experience,
back in our day you didn't internships attire their meal. You will hopefully load from around us a point, but sometimes you get coffee and sometimes you have to run
and you know it's not glamorous and I think that's the thing is. I think that these days people expected,
immediately as you walk into the door into an opportunity that you got to do every single glamorous part of that job with opposition that company, and that is never the case. I am on my own business and it is not glamorous. Most of the time, and as I guess my answer, this question is really more of understand that nothing happens overnight
I understand that it takes time and understanding you got it. Do you have to do the work for the glamour the quorum called glamour stuff to come.
And that nobody just shows up at all of a sudden. Everything is perfect in you're getting paid a minority ear to do like typical pictures. Is it just? Doesn't work like that? I love to preach, don't quit your daydream, you know you and I have probably been enough panels to hear people say YOLO and you know just do what you love and gives you don't love it move on and X. I preach a totally different concept of take the pay checked or just take a break. I mean, I think he nine. I remember early on starting in reading about some of these female entrepreneurs and learning. I can bureau Wang Dan even start her brand until she was forty things like that. I realize. Ok, maybe I you know maybe having twin premium is not the right time to start a business, but it certainly can be a time to start a concept. I think for me, I like to say, was arm
necessity is the mother of invention. I felt, like my collection started to grow as my life changed and what I needed when they were. Babies changed when they started to be in school. When I started working more and at their just became a product should pop into my head, so I dont think it happens overnight. I think that's. The hard part is is for the dreamers that it is something that the did they take
time and sometimes takes a well thought out strategy or can happen organically so hard. There isn't an exact answer to that, but I do think if you, you know a work.
Knights and weekends, on this passion that it has a better chance of coming together than if you just jump in without a well thought out, planner without too much inventory or the wrong partner. So I just think it it takes. It takes time
when you started out so you start out- and you have the first product that you guys create is- is the journalist that at the journal
the planter that crash knows so we started. I started with just the easy stuff when you think about the things that I could print from home. Again I would, when I was literally at home, I didn't have any help at the time, so I would hopefully get out get an hour nap, Adam Twins, which was rare. I remember hearing them start to wake up and take no borders.
He'll terrible, but I'd also had my I would put on a public off. He had seven thirty at night and put the baby's down. My husband was starting a business at the same time he was, is and still is in the end in the restaurant business. So he'd go off to work at the restaurant. I would start designing and printing and literally he'd get home at midnight or one in the morning and then he'd help me load up my car with all my heart that every sheet that I printed during the day, I'd take it to Fedex Kinko's at the time and they would cut it down into no cards and stationary and stickers and birth announcements and holiday cards, and so that's how it started day. One was designing imprinting day to I'd sort, the orders day. Three I go to the post office in literally, do they click and ships as poor people? That would stand behind me as I'd. Have I think that he is like sorry thick another line, but now I worked really hard. I asked
like to say it's not fair, to say that anybody can be an entrepreneur or work like this. I I think any more sleep now, but I guess you know how it is with kids. I didn't get much sleep anyway, and my body learn to operate on very little sleep. I probably got five hours and I may be sometimes six before united here than wake up and start again. So am I just. I dont want to give these expectations that anybody can do this. It was really really hard yeah, yeah, so gay
partner was was helpful in two and then growing teams and my gosh. Now it's so nice to have just such talented people around me that I it's not just the one woman show anymore. Have you found
along this process where their times where you felt like
the impostors syndrome like who am I to run this company to build this team to do these things or have you always felt really confident and light
this is my brand and I know what I'm doing well.
I think I would when people say gosh, you know you're so lucky. This is so amazing. I think there's nothing to do with luck here, but I get that often- and I think it is. I looked up to people like Kate Spade and saw my famous faint favorite brands like Trina Turk, and to this day I look like I said: Vera Wang in some of these female powerful names. I thought why can't that be me and I, as it started, to grow in a different direction. That was interesting as I became friends with the founder of tiny prince at the time, Laura Chang. We collaborated on some things and I think it's sort of connecting with other women that have the confidence to do what they're doing you start feeding on each other s economy, when my favorite tee shirts is by Allison Olivia right now that say empowered women empower women, and I just think that that was that's part of how you you find your squad and you get the strength and the courage may be to do it with somebody else set up a set up a shopping party with a few gal, so you're, not the only one that feels like you're. You know putting yourself out there now. I think over time I started it to see I may like it or not. It was growing had to figure it out. This was a print on their man business and when the orders I it's funny one day, I told the story reformat when that.
Got all my Christmas card orders out, and this was two thousand five. I guess it was, and I thought I'm so ahead of the game. I got everything out before Thanksgiving. I meant to be able to enjoy Christmas with my babies and just have a stress three December, and I didn't think about the fact that people would then emailing their Christmas cards out, and so the first week of December was when all Christmas cards hit, and I go into my office one morning and my mommy's to come on Fridays, and that was my only day of help and I remember hearing I walked into my office, told of the you know the panel that showed orders and I just burst
the tears I mean, there's no way now hearing my mom is put France, the key in the door, and you know- and you just see your mom for some of you out there- that's when you just lose their lives like a kid again, as I've got these two babysitting beneath me and she says she's gonna rubbing my back and she says you know an errand. Your mental health is more important than
meeting we are shutting this down. You can tell all these people come back next year, but your businesses is closed.
Four December hasn't marks in it. Of course he sees dollar signs. It he's like all known as if that were not we're, not shut down, we will get through this week. We did with the latter's friends and neighbours at the time helping pack orders, but we we survived at yeah. If there's one thing
You could tell the women listening to this podcast. If there's one piece of advice that you could give them that you knew they would list
and to you knew they were adopted as truth, what is the one thing that you would say?
the one thing that I would say a gush again. I just think it is to not put so much pressure on yourself- and I know that hard but understand that tomorrow is another day and just knowing that you might not accomplish every single gold today, but the pressure that we tend to put on her size. I think his squashes creativity, squashes realistic goals and accomplishments, and I just think taking
note of that that we are human. We juggled probably way too much, and just not be so hard on yourself to make that less, but be ok about. You know a lot of these girls that I see the even have the planners. Do these beautiful weekly spreads, I said guys it. You need to be ready.
To cross things off here, make it it might not look pretty your plan or might not be beautiful, because you have to be able to Bob and weave to make an adjustment. And I think that is truly the key to finding life balance in your work and your career. Or there is a balance between the two.
I believe that being healthy is about how you feel not about how you look- and there are so many things that I am intentional about to make sure I'm feeling my best, but the number one thing in my life to make sure that I've got the energy and the vitality and the emotional stability that I need is honestly miniatures in it is the number one thing that I have found to make sure that I am operating at the level of energy that I need feeling your best starts with what you eat and Sakharov gives you the ability to not just eat healthy but truly enjoy. It was chef, crafted plant, rich meals, the build a foundation for Radiate health security is a new fishing company that focuses on overall wellness, starting with what you eat. Their organic ready to eat. Meals are made with powerful plant based ingredients and are designed to boost your energy, improve your digestion and get your skin glowing, and, right now so car is offering my listeners twenty percent off their first order when they go to suck.
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I had thought for so long in my life that if I did something I didn't work out, that it was literally bridge me in
It was a shock to decide but be like awoke here,
I can go find another day and it was a massive aha moment for me that, like I can live my life differently,
and take more risk. I didn't get rejected. I can fail and others
in tempers. You know when I was running a campaigner Rachel
I was so joy form
I was so every day was like an nude,
I've just feeling like I was alive. I was doing things I had never done before. I was an audience ass. They had never. I was bickering things out. It was,
hard and exhausting, but I felt very alive I feel like. I want to make sure that listeners really here that right now, because one of the questions I get asked most often is about this fear of failure and there's two things that Russia said that I should like are so valuable. Wine is even in
struggle of trying to run this campaign. Right, like you, were loving
It was hard as egg, I'm sure it was physically and mentally emotionally exhausting, but at least you were trying the only people,
never feel that because they won't even allow themselves to try the other thing that I loved you that you said was that you woke up the next day and you knew that I'm so here
I'm, so here I can send back up. I can go again and what I'm curious about is. Do you think if you had a push yourself into an unknown like that, would you ve ever understood that, in the way you did know
playing my life and living. My life says you know I would have
and I had for some time and I've been giving out before I tried in that all I can do that. I talked myself out of so many things and because again, if I would, if I didn't work, I wouldn't be able
recover and it was a fear of not being was recover. That help me back from doing things day. I knew deepen my heart, I want to do, or I had an idea
to do so. This was in,
big juncture, my life for me, because it like it, shifted my thinking ray.
Shit my thinking to realise that all you could try something in a car like your biggest dream and you could, it could not work out and you could have enjoyed the experience and felt alive and be ready for the next obstacle.
Our journey.
And so what was the next obstacle? Our journey girls are code, which is now so then I I lose
sitting there like. Ok, I lost but lake, I loved it, and so I want to keep change making. I wanna keep helping people on what is the one
saying that I saw on the campaign trail that like really moved me, but I think I can make a difference on it. You know much
My parents cameras refugees. I literally at a jobs which I was twelve like Basque, Robins retail, like you name it telemarketing, and I really believe in the american dream like. I really believe that leg through hard work through education, that you can like march up into the middle class and my family is really reflection of that and so on.
Running for office, I'd go into these New York City, public schools and I'd see boy in a computer elapsed full of boys learning the code not occur on site, and I was like, what's goin on here, like a new start
now. It was like a boys got, but I do know that that started in high school wanting to dinner said it. So I started kind of every day I got it.
Others in a working document, but during my lunch break my at night, I would go meet with people who were
professors, teaching computer science, teachers that were teaching science, education and like organise women? I just wanted to learn everything there was about. Why were there not why women are
technology, why were less than eighty percent of technology force female? Why were you know
computer science classes in high school or minutes all only twenty percent of them were girls. Why and how
came up with this idea about teaching girls to code in summer camps that were free and here's a being ritual. She didn't know how to code. I didn't.
I don't know about you. How funny I was polystyrene specifications measure. I was terrified at math science, but because
They re in that campaign and tried something, and it did it again
me. I suddenly felt well. I can check on other challenges about things, not be protectionist interest in a be ok it. So it didn't occur to me that, like I had to
had a cold meat, expertness subject to start something, what I felt like was, I knew tat, passion and the will to want to make a difference and wanted and want to create opportunities for girls, and that's where I was coming from. I hate that we raised girls and boys differently absolutely
We encourage boys last time I saw my family school
you have this too late. We heard her voice to the call to the top of the monkey bars and just jump into man ought to toughen up. It is normally kind of through physical best dealt with our girls pretty much from thirty months. We are protecting them in a one. In the name of of again physical danger, so warlike be careful, honey
You know don't when you're, Spain, too high, like your dress, sturdy little lake, did you get that toy back for her?
say sorry. The word were insulating our girls for
you're a failure and we're doing the very opposite with her voice right, I'm a big believe.
Rachel and our girls like, I just think that they're they're gonna healers,
they're gonna, save us
I ve been a lead us in that the more we can do to have in the past and land and allow them to create building innovate like the resolve, robot problems. That's also. I wrote this book because
Eliza many times a thing that standing in their way is not their ability but their perceived ability because a profession some so it's up, they immediately go to it. I can't do this, even though had they haven't even tried and its when it's been thinking that their minds at his text that only their good something about something all of us are cunegonde for this. But how can you learn- and I thank you again- you learn that through bravery and through failure
the risk taking we all face,
two kinds of expectations outer expectations like a work deadline or a request from a friend and inner expectations. My own design,
air to cuban ears resolution my own desire to do a better job of washing my face every night. That's my own inner expectation, souls upholder.
Regularly meet outer and inner expectations, so they they keep the work deadline. They keep the nearest resolution without much fuss. They want to know what other people expect from them, but their expectations for themselves.
Just as important so their motto is discipline is my freedom. Then there are questioners questioners question all expectations. They'll do something if it makes sense.
So they are making everything an inner expectation if it meets their inner standard they'll. Do it no problem? If it fails their inner standard, they will push back. They resist anything arbitrary, inefficient, unjustified. They always need to know why and their motto is all comply. If you convince me why
then there are obliges- obliges right readily meet our expectations, but they struggled to meet inner expectations, and I got my insight into this tendency. This is sort of like the origin of the whole tendencies. Framework was when a friend said to me:
thing, that's. Where does I know I'm happy or when I exercise and when I was in high school, I was on the track team and I never miss track practice. So why can't I go running now? Well,
would she added value in a coach expecting her to show up no problem, but when she was trying to
on her own. It's a struggle, so the soap
writers need outer accountability to meet those in our expectations of their motto. Is you can count on me and I'm counting on you to count on me.
And finally rebels rebels Resistol expectations outer and inner like they want to do what they want to do in their own way in their own time? They could do anything they want to do anything they choose to do. But if you ask her, tell him to do something they're very likely to resist, and typically they don't even like to tell themselves what to do like they wouldn't sign up for a ten, a dot m spin class on Saturday
They're gonna think I don't know what I want to. I just want to wake up on Saturday and see what I feel is doing, and I just thought you didn't act. Somebody's expecting me to shop is gonna annoy me. I've been there
Otto. Is you can't make me, and neither can I you know there is no magic one size fits all solution and people
want to say, like the secret to live just to get up at six, a m. It go running. First thing: are you know, and or or you know, everyone should have a hundred friends or where events like made every what we're all different and and we're happy when we have a life that reflects our own interests, our own values are until
four match our own yet no character, and
the more that I tried to know myself and shape my mom my life around. What was true about me, a set of some fantasy cell.
The wealth I assumed I should be, or what other people expected made for it to be that I became happier said that one thing that they like you we effectively
Were it not for ourselves that everyone's happiness project would be different was was really kind of important for me, because I was like we'll just tell me the best things to do and I'll do them and it's like will know
You can write that list only you can write. That was for yourself yeah. I think so
I became aware of you for the first time when one of my good friend, though I was going to her time and she was going to hurt him as a mom, and she gave me this quote. She's, like Gretchen Reuben, asked where you want to feel gas actual actually want to feel, and I was like it was like
It seems like the simplest thing. It seems like something we should all already know, but it was an epiphany to me. Will you talk everybody through that idea? What I'm so glad to hear that struck a chord with the, especially at a tough time? Yet this is a kind of a well established psychological principle that we think
are we assume that we act because of the way we steal, but to very large degree we feel.
Because of the way we act. So it's like your brain. It in your brain is thinking wow, there's so much yelling and Slim
of doors around here. I guess we're really angry and then that amplifies you're feeling of anger, and so what this means is. You can use this year advantage slight, like let's say or feeling, very sluggish. If you act with more energy, if you walk more quickly, if you talk with more energy, you will start to feel more energetic or, if you're feeling
early shy in your like? Ok, I'm just gonna pretend to be really friendly. Now going, you will start to feel more outgoing. If you,
our feeling very resentful or angry at someone in your life, and you think you can disconnect show my gratitude print for this person. You will actually start to boost feelings granted or like you, don't wait until you feel like kissing her sweetheart, because just
go ahead and kiss and from their homes the feeling of affection. So this is our lifetimes. We feel much like our emotions are just happening to us, but this is. This is one of the many ways where we can actually direct our emotional, our emotional state. I think it's very hard to dislike, sit there and change your emotional state
inside, so I'm always looking for like what can you do any outside to go in
and it s in the way you I feel is a way to do something. It's you can you can make your ass. You can't make yourself your loving, but you can at least I can, but I can make myself kiss my husband and then, of course, we my hands and makes me still loving, mother,
problem solved, so many of our listeners are they. They focus on
heavily on the goal and one of the things we are talking about a lot lately is falling in love with the process. Death like did that the goal could be a decade for
now you could be so far away from your ball, but you can learn how to enjoy today by enjoying the process, and I love that year grounding yourself in the joy that you find in the research. What is better, that you settings by Father says that all the time enjoy the process and its actually one of my twelve personal commandments, because it so true, because because the thing is, if you enjoy the process, even if, like I wrote, my book of forty waste is look at J F K. You do not know this that when a book fails in the marketplace, what they tell you is it did not find its audience, that's how they put it so that book did not find it is, but I had such a joyful time where I loved right in that book. I mean I just love right. I love writing all my books, its unlike what I not have done it now. I would not have wanted to miss out on the experience of written there, because I enjoyed the process so much the fact that it didn't work out. The way I want it was was less upsetting. It would like it well yeah, but it was not bitter, whereas they are just forcing yourself toward some gold
I'll. Have you done into the process? Will if things don't work out the way you want, then you ve kind of lost everything cause you neither Eve Eve you hated the brought you haven't like the processing, you didn't achieve it, but here's. The thing also, I think, is helpful like so that your listeners that you're talking about is focused on. I don't focus on outcomes, focus on accents because you can't say I'm innocent dynamited vessel
but because you can't control whether something about I'm so that you can say, I can't write every day I can write or whatever your processes
I can hire outside editor. I can join the writers group. I can read widely in my in my area, so I may so that I'm completely like up to speed like what are the things that you can do, what it
actions that you can take that might contribute to that outcome. But if you focus on the outcome, you can't control the Erika, and so it's kind of a wing
waste of your mental energy, because I think sometimes people think if they just whip themselves up into it, is a frenzy of desire that that will somehow speed their way there, but I think, actually drains and distracts people. I know I love that. I liked her mind the audience
the world that girl wash your face was my sixth but very go skiing earth, five bucks before that that no
he cared about, and the irony is that I like I never I lit. I have a full time job I run a company. I will never,
One, Ed being an author too.
My job, because I love it. It's my creative outlet, it's this thing that I do because it likes my heart on fire, because I am a book nerd and I thought man wouldn't that be so cool to be able to create a book yourself. So for me, it's
always always
about love of the word and the second that you start to obsess over,
the audience of the fans are, what the world thinks or whether or not it makes like the second. You do not you loser. You lose like the joy of what this thing is for you and I think that's true. My favorite books is big magic by let's go are where she talks about this idea that once you start to attach
money or fame or success to the thing to look to the creative process that you love. It starts to be more about what that call
If they can do for you, then whether or not explaining joy.
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we know of any Graham. It is our favorite conversation here at the office and I feel like when you know someone's number you're like a
We are you and eight seven. You gotta Viennese, yes, yea and eight seven yeah yeah, I'm in a seven, but I like to tell people that, because before I knew that, I
and ate, like I really Didn'T- have a framework to sort of organise a lot of my experiences that led up to this moment, but the minute I took it I was I like yeah. Now I live, makes its to meet those. It's been really excited. I don't know a lot of women who are aids, who will confidently
claim that number? And if Europe
no. What we like we're speaking in a language right now, if you please, I feel, like I've talked about ten million times, you can go, google it
But if you understand any Graham, you understand, the eight is the challenger which
Sometimes he gets a bad rap, but also the aid is a world changer mother Teresa. Wasn't a mark
your King Jr was an ape like there are so many powerful aids, but not a lot of women. Of course, you're you're home
is about power. Not a lot of women will own that. What was at journey like for you right where you immediately like hell? Yes or did it? Take you a moment kind of come to terms with it. It took me a moment
so privately outside ass. I might add that I now lie, and that is why I am right, but it was a very private thing because the novels like, oh my god, like all of the things that I thought I was a kid their true. Unlike now, people not like people are gonna know, and so it was. It took me a little bit like what I like about the India Gram as it gives you like the range of how you like what we have
are. We are at your best and then how you are when you're under stress, and so when I looked at it, I was just like you know what Stacy all of these years, that you ve been trying to pretend that you're, not an eight. This is what's making it hard for you like this is: what's making peoples have a bad reactions
You being a woman who is as powerful as you actually are. What would happen
you're just gonna show up in your full. Eight ness likes the what would happen if you did that and honestly, that sort of like what happened from you know with my TED talk going out like that happen before
had my big fall in, so it's just like that was already out there. So when I started document my financial journey, which was really hark as it was such a contrast to the experience of doing a TED talk and travelling around the world, it was like. I have these two really contracting experiences, but, unlike if I'm gonna talk about it, I'm gonna talk about it completely in that directly came from me wanting to own my
Agnes and being like, even in this space, where I'm starting over at the bottom, I'm still just as powerful as I was when I was standing on state delivering that TED Talk and since making that decision has been just like that
they never that's why I always like to mention it because it's just like when you know that at the core, this is who you are it's like. Why would you why fight it
why why really
instead any more and more and more have embraced. The more opportunities like rise have shown up that I've been able to say. Yes, absolutely. I will surely come to your stage and do my thing leg, verses me being let o pick me choose me, it's like. I don't have it
sort of being happening in my life is much anymore. It's more people are
pissing me in there like out and I'm like yeah I've been here lake basins like
The reason you didn't know it's because I was afraid to really embrace the nature of the because, as you said, most women are not a
and if they are either it's not it's not an easy thing to do, because people automatic
We assume that we're gonna be like this aggressive leg
zero tolerance, type personalities, you signal or woman, I'm just a different
the woman with a whole lot of power. Can you talk about how, though, how do you set back to power when you have been
living in another way right. Ok, so
think so I want to say this to about. Could it speaks a like how to step into the power so like one of the things with the eight so much like you how you were dealing with anxiety and really back hoping mechanisms? I was doing the same thing because I wasn't being my course cell. So one of the big issues with people who are in eight is that their deepest sphere is being controlled, and so they don't like
be controlled at all, and so they challenge a lie and they rebuilt and they real up against things a lot because they are attempting to not be controlled. But when you're doing that and your naturally some
and whose powerful ends up putting you in very dramatic situations, which is in turn
then do you then having to find your way out of a lot of stuff, so they I'd I'd noticed that, like once I'd much like you like, I was in a state of silence when it this way at the top twenty seventeen Shakespeare.
In something called nervous exhaustion and, like everything, should
like I couldn't think I could barely get out of bed like I, my body was
in so much pain that, like I'd like I've gone to the doktor cause, I couldn't fear out the pain and he was just like you know. I think you have five m out and out acts of frequently. No, I don't have that. That is not a thing that will exist,
in my body like that is not a thing and it would end it was. It was terrifying for me, because I had had examples of women in my family who had fibre
I had so so, as the doctors are trying to explain to me that, like you know my city
the shutting down- and this was going on- I was just like you know why there has to be something that I'm doing wrong in life, because my
body is having a.
Action that it shouldn't have expressly since the nervous exhaustion was preceded by the peak of success like the peak of happiness like I should be
on cloud nine right now, but I am in a devastating debilitating level of depression so anxious that, like I was like afraid to leave my bedroom, sometimes because I was just petrified of like what would be out there, and so it was
catalyst because I was like there have to be doing something wrong, because when things are going well like even if you're in paying you don't realize that you could do also be doing something wrong, and I just like okay, so my insides don't match my outside and need to fix this or I'm gonna have fibre Moussa, and that is not something that
when have I'm gonna be depressed, I'm gonna be bed bow like. I don't want to leave the rest of my life like this. I need to fix this and I have a whole in time.
Child that I'm also parenting? While all of this is going on, and it's very debilitating inside just like ok, I am here and I need to figure out how to get out of here with out like without in it, get out of
in a way where I dont come back here because I had gotten sit before, but it was never as bad as this, because I think I had so much more awareness because I had had their pe in the past that the law
super aware of how bad things were, and so the first thing that idea is, I was just like ok, I know medication tends to not work for me because it knows me out and then I can't feel em in. I have this false sense of hell
then recovery, and it just doesn't work for me- I'm just like well, people keep saying food can change things
Let me try food, and so I found this book the ultramind solution, where he talks about an elimination diet and how some food called information and all this other stuff- and I love the book because it's for the first
and I learned the connection between what we eat and that being feel for our body, like I wasn't taught that so I did. He know that what
was eating was affecting my body in my mind and all the other stuff. So the first thing that I did was I cleaned up my diet and then, once I cleaned up my diet and I found the foods that literally were toxic
me like Potatoes ACT, I eliminated all of those moods and then out because those whose were eliminated in combination with me going therapy, I was able to gain
some clarity, and I should like ok now. What are you going to do because you need to rebuild and at the time I could at work I couldn't get on state. I remember I had a speaking
and I was so depressed that, like they call my name, I went to this the the microphone
stood there and, as I was looking out at every body like ours,
overwhelmed by all, I could do was walk up the stage and walk out of the building. I didn't say anything at and take a bit like it was horrible, so,
I wasn't ready to get back to like that level. Work cuz, I was just like. I don't know if you can recover from that, but I was just like you need to make money because you haven't been working and you have a kid and you have to figure this out, so she said okay. Well, I need to restore my
dignity? I don't have the emotional capacity to you, no use matter
reason, go to work or use my experience and rebuild a company, but I do know how to work. So let me find a job that will allow me to be able to work, but it won't be mentally an emotionally taxing cause. I really need to focus our healing full time so after so my die was under control than I made. The commitment to restore my financial dignity gotta part time job working at it.
They and then I was just like. Ok, we'll money seems to be.
Big stress for you, because the money coming
addressed me out, but also the amount of money going out. Stress me ourselves like. I need to get my finances in order. What better way to do that?
Dave, Ramsay and then telling everybody on the internet about it, so I can get some accountability, so I literally like opened up my computer was like hey internet. I don't
how to deal with money. I know how to make it, but I don't know how to manage it and I'm gonna learn how right in front of you guys, because the internet can hold me accountable in it. What ended up happening is. I realized that I feel very well through talking out loud. That's my therapy is incredibly effective for me and what ended up
happening- is that, as I was documenting my financial journey in real time, I really started to clean up my finances and the more my financial dignity was restored. The more by mental and emotional health and healing was brought back to me in combination with my diet. Changes in combination with me only working part time and then slowly but surely like. I was like ok well, I feel like I can handle one revenue streamed in my company. What would it be
two monetize Youtube, since more of you guys are followed me so then I started a monetizing, then I just slowly but surely leg rebuilt my company to a place where I was
to earn consistent enough income for me to be able to resign from work.
Part time at the cafe and replace my income with my company and then
working in my company, my income is replaced them like ok, now we're going to put our
back out on the stage, because this is your top tell it. This is really what you want to do, but, as you come back out here, you have to come back
here with the wisdom that you gain in red.
Building your life this way and changing yourself in this life sobbing
this is why we really are. You can not get back up from this and the innovative else, but this person that you ve been within this very dark season, and so I will say that that's actually the most Blake detail practical.
Way of how I actually walk my way back into the power. I changed my diet. I changed my lifestyle, I restored my financial dignity and then I went back to using my natural gifts and talents to serve the world and ultimately earn enough income to be able to afford to be able to
care of myself at a level which enables me to be able
your full time? Four years ago grub have created restaurant, her a platform to champion and support women led restroom.
Raise awareness about inequality in the industry and to help improve things for the better. It's such a great platform that allows you to find
and order from local women led restaurants in your area and were excited to speak to one of the forty thousand on the platform Vanessa Fernand, as is the owner of the Gipsy poet in Houston, Texas,
Welcome Vanessa, so tell me about your restaurant Egypt's. We call this studio because you someplace, where a lot of expressions of article I mean see Beijing boy three and of course there are some pizza, the atmosphere of goods, etc. These are the most important things for ask: where did this restaurant concept comprise? I travel around the world with my husband for three years asked backpacker on those drivers I enjoy so marks the history, culture, Mew, seeks labours and their diversity that I found you fired me every day to make people to travel as ideal, but just one by we'll be back later to speak more with Vanessa. In the meantime, good, a restaurant, her dot com to find women led restaurants in your area, use offer code Rachel, five to get five dollars off orders of fifteen dollars or more limited time offer, plus grub hubs donate. The change feature allows you to round up change on your order. This month, donations go to world central kitchens work supporting women.
Had restaurants, who prepare and deliver meals to women and families impact it by the pandemic. If you ve been thinking about talking to a councillor or a therapist, it has never been easier to access that when everything switch to virtual, it normalize the idea of virtual counselling, something that I have been talking you guys about for her years. Better help is a long time partner here on the pod, cast an eye, love them because they assess your needs and match you with your own licence, professional therapists. So it's not like you just sort of trying to figure it out without any guidance, which is how so many people approach therapy for the first time. Better help allows you to connect in a safe and private online environment, and you can start communicating with someone in less than twenty four hours. It's not self help its professional counselling, you'll get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Whatever feels good to you, they have licence professional councillors who specialise in depression, stress, anxiety, self esteem, grief, anger, anything you share is confidential and it's always professional and affordable. I want you to start living a happier life today and as a list,
of my podcast you'll get ten percent off your first month by visiting my sponsor better help Dac come slash rise, join over one million people who have taken charge of mental health. Again, that's better help. H e lp, dot com, slash rise. What,
Your core values? Ina, you guys are so wrapped around this idea. The impact, and what does impact would like? Do you and your listening to this? It is
have to be the same as Tom we saw are the same as me, but one of the core values that you want to show up for with your community, because I do stake lots of people who,
been putting good out into the world, will not hesitate to do that because there,
going to get up a certain, no matter what their posting and that scares me, because if the people who have been creating content to make the world a better place start to be too afraid to post, then I feel like
the winds right then. I feel like the only thing available in newsfeeds is vitriol
and hatred and
vision, and so, if you are
Take greater nervous need us how this conversation man. I just want to encourage you to double down on
goodness triple down on positivity, even if you're gonna get shit for it because better to show
up as yourself in a world with so many people are
Fraid to create then-
to hide away, and I hope that its gonna go away, because it's not that for a long time, so we can chew girl ends and I've been trying to cling to, like
this into like a phrase that I can count repeats myself. It's not haven't yet the thing I go, which is
draw the be rejected
true to myself been accepted for being. Of course,
I remind myself that every single day, because every time you putting out cancer, whether you in the council was not right when he will. However, you was showing up at the end of the freaking day. It is you at the end of the day.
Lies down close your eyes, and how do you feel about this of an eye? That's what I'm going back to go unjust, reminding was.
Do I want to feel about myself when I am by myself period and if other people don't believe in my opinion, that is that luggage, everyone has
We do not use, but I will not, then I will not act to please other people, because when I myself do, I say I'm proud of you LISA
I am proud that use stood up thinking you were and what you believe that
I keep reminding myself of that. So how do you feel, like I mean
running a business after the two thousand and eight will have.
I mean inciting Lisbon. Two thousand nine is ballsy. How do you feel like that has prepared?
you two hands all, whereas in so many ways because he slipped the proof of the pudding where I was naive enough to not realize.
How badly the economy was and starting a business in two thousand was the western ever you know so I was needed. Not even
Well, that was a bad strategies and, and then in unity
fighting all market, let alone it was completely
Lee deteriorating, like all the house was that department in just approach,
The market was the most long existed so when we came random, guys dislike twelve hundred Bosnia market and none of them do well. What are you thinking bedded
yeah, I'm back down to the notion of bees so freely
good range. They can't you can only right
if you did when approachable. Was that good, despite the economy, despite it
not being in this attitude the fact that we have a meeting we believed in the products we wanted it to succeed. We did everything we possibly could be for all our money behind it. We win garbage. Dump me make sure the value we saw much to other people that they could be helped, but hot with ass, three dollars for approaching. But that's when you know that and what will doing is is hiding them
we successful with someone is willing to part with you know whatever you're offering, because one often is so much more want and what they have in their pocket like that's what you need to focus on these, so fucking good, they cannot is like, and I even just talk about my revenge for second right, it's like
in the light of events space, your entire business is built about going to be in front of people.
In other words, the walls closes down walkways people rage.
Michael my business so but you got to do it
Let me do online and let me be solved if we can get the people want to buy tickets on. What did you do? You went out himself ticket, you forget smashed it and you were so good. You couldn't be even more so
that's what the actual online themselves it even throughout the world. It's about you,
right now we're all in this situation. We cannot control weak handles.
I wish I could. I'm Annette, had a pleasant and wants to take ownership of the enemy in waste. So I wish I could take ownership at the edges so light of ok with all the things that are out of my control. What can I control anything
without a doubt, is my mindset period
no one has also rotation to quote control my mindset except me, and when I think about that- and I think I can naturally fully
Do the worries me? Oh my god, to sites like what is happening to the work that I can easily fall into that, which is why I wish to remind myself that we have the choice. I have chosen how I respond. I have, which was more perspective. I looked through my remains on choosing to use like as much weight. It doesn't mean this, isn't it doesnt mean people, don't have just be always excruciating things I have to deal with
the emotion show up, is a choice once I take ownership for that to mean that is the most view, therefore, that terrorism is the main thing, a plus
possibly tell me. So that's why
I'd love repeating the case, while in a world where things are not in uncontrolled, I've killed,
I need you have something that I can't control and my mind set its some. So if you're in listening to their right now and your leg, I want to her. I want to be in control my mindset, but I have no idea how one either
does that is this the way you ve always
and you ve always had this perspective. This is something that you learn all hundredth, isn't something I've learned to grave evolution.
As you know, I was a housewife and eight years- and I say like this
As you know, we ve been a house works like a hand, be the most used twice a human can make. I didn't make that choice
fell into me, and I didn't want to be, and so my culture being very meet very traditional. Am I kind of been encouraged if you will
you turn into. That is why didn't realize I didn't want it until eight years,
it's gone, you know I was miserable. I wasn't have patience. I realize ok well, in order to do that.
I e one. I have to achieve do something about it, but I cannot just sit waiting. My husband's come home and so were left with joy.
Like that's not shown him, that's not honor with Asia, and that's not fair me. So I have to ask: I have to take ownership, and that has been one of the fifteen
Johnny, or how to waiting that hardware identify things and a lot of people. I think people have their own life and shovel
was to me. It was emotion, it was the second I want the emotional, it would walk, how I would think it would
Take my body, I would say things that I didn't mean. I would say things I would regret, and I started varies somewhat by one is a mighty human, but I really dreamed I wanted a b and the answer is no and so overtime due west. I saw Quest forced me to look make.
Look at my inadequacies by King Love, TAT. I was sailing being friendly problem either as one of the greatest gives a my life because you are too was unique. People I've ever met ever and I remember what the prompt rosier having like a master mind, and I asked something and Tom: what is there she's like eyes? Stared nakedly miner had wisely, and everyone at the table was like what
He just say what there's something look here
Is it not, for everyone is now his perspective like if you have any sort of like I get him, and I
at tat sort of like mentality of kind of coming out yourself of acres. I'm you know he said this in that conversation is like some
You have to come out yourself. He sometimes you authentically have to be your own culture to get in your own face, and you have to be honest about where your messing up. What's
on. What are you gonna do to fix it like? I love that about him,
yeah, but I'm Lila back were written by repeated it shoot you.
You send nakedly, actual inadequacies and name it used to that is. Nothing is tricky
right
Heather and go ok, I'm bad
I'm sorry- I came to the great news- is I can get better. I want you and it's that shifted mindset that honestly takes me
I'm not believing in myself. I believe- and I can accomplish anything so far-
I must say to arrange an instrument, I'm not
that little girl and when she did, you play clarinets, ok
That is a super, isn't exactly been cool, but only play an electric good tower arrived, so
Does this anti rage? You know why you should be the world's best electric atop higher on the flickering planet. Would you believe me
Ok, why do you believe me, like? I wrote my yeah yeah anyone listening, abide, also saying question: what would that answer then probably know now addressing
plan to me by wind, said yes, because I truly with every fibre of my being believe that we can achieve anything if we have the right information, immoral and work for a blue
precisely where it's like, you could be
world class at it. If he decided
I dont want to be a mom anymore. I don't want to buy me. A brain is right. I don't care about my health, but there's a world where you wake up,
you pay me to talk. You go to bed plain talk. The talk you do now for ten freaking is pretty much guarantee. You gonna be good yeah. So right now the question
what's your life complaining to talk with our choice, so now I go back to how do we empower ourselves with our mindset we say
achieve something doesn't mean, is not, though, be fricking hot. It doesn't mean I'm gonna have to
sacrifice it doesn't mean. I have to give up everything. Do you not willing to give up? That's how you saw that suspending the traditional making,
she's. Not your sacrifice. I choose not to give up my life. I choose not to do next Wednesday to it
but at least you could write your eyes wide open.
To me the way our in Albania.
My son high.
I will
By the Rachel
was podcast is hosted by me, Rachel Hollis. Our show is per day
used by Chelsea, har fish and edited by Andrew Weller, with additional production support by sterling coats? Our executive producer is Cameron Bergmann. The Rachel Hollis Podcast is a three percent chance production, we're back speaking with Vanessa Fernandez, a restaurant owner whose part of grub hubs restaurant her platform is.
Most popular, there must have been a visa fancy backpacker pizza, that this is really important for me because brings me back to my travels with my backpacking Euro may come from that, because he was a fancy. Backpacker use like our monetary power base. We tomato sauce and was left here below that Russia and other good luck is right. If that doesn't really good. What had they been? Like inside the pandemic, and how did you up the shift in pillar as a smothered the sooner it wasn't me I'll, be staring at the beginning, because on business was all around the experience that we are very lucky that we have the support of the deliberate, largely grappled that made the translation easier for us so going to the website. You can look for female owned restaurant in your community so that not just this monastery, women's history, man, but also every day you have the opportunity to support and put your dollar where it really matters. I just need to fool of myself,
can't handle every they shine. Just how hard it is, am a female immigrants. We don't accents believing a brand Bunbury working hard every day to accomplish more and more and more things for joining us Vanessa to find women led restaurants, like the gipsy poet in your area, gotta restaurant, her dot com use, offer, could Rachel five to get five dollars off orders of fifteen dollars or more limited time offer, plus grub hubs donate. The change feature allows you to round up change on your order. This month, donations go to world central kitchens work supporting women led restaurants, who prepare and deliver meals to women in families impacted by the pandemic.
Transcript generated on 2021-03-29.