« RISE podcast

194: Rachel Answers Your Questions


This week I am answering your questions on the podcasts! I am answering, in real time, questions sent in by you guys on our voicemail line - I've never heard them before I recorded this episode. We're talking about divorce and co-parenting, what it looks like to date again, anxiety about the world starting to open back up and also, what to do when you're feeling stuck. I hope this helps you out, that you get a piece of advice that you need for the moment that you're in right now.


Your Fave's Faves is available now! I love to creating a little room for joy and that's why I called up as many celebrities as I could and asked them, "what are your five favorite things, ANY category. You're not going to believe what they told me. Actors, musicians, athletes, influencers, gamers, y'all! They're all here and they've all got five things to share. Subscribe now! -> http://bit.ly/yourfavesfaves

Check out our latest limited series podcast, Talking Body with Amy Porterfield! Amy has experienced massive success in both her business and personal life, but behind every accomplishment lingered a nagging suspicion that she wasn’t living up to some invisible standard of how she should look. Now she’s on a mission to discover exactly where that little voice inside her head came from, and - together with some new friends and fresh perspectives - how she can vanquish it once and for all. New episodes premiere every Monday. Click here to subscribe -> https://megaphone.link/CAD6011295509

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
The past year has roots so wild right like hard and good and a lot of chaos. And, if you're like me the morning routine, that you have for your day is everything it's how we figure out. What comes next? It's how we put disgrace
TED and sinner ourselves, and it is how we lay our priorities and figure out where we're going. If you haven't yet built a morning routine, I want to make sure you know about the start today: brand. It is a collection of gorgeous journals and planners that help centre. You help you practice gratitude copy, set goals and safe vote cast in the midst of chaos and in the case of the planner, it helps you break apart those big gigantic dreams into achievable by size pieces. You can find out more at start today: Dhaka, ok friends, this week on the pod cas. I am answering your questions, so a bunch of different people call on every week and they leave me voice mouths and they ask all kinds of things, and this week I
I am answering in real time, meaning I have not heard these before, but now having answered them. I can tell you we're talking about divorce and co parenting. What it looks like to date again talking about anxiety as the world opens back up and people are feeling unsure about how to process that, and also what to do when you're feeling stock and you start to kind of spin out an obsess over every different thing. I'm really covering all kinds of topics day, and I hope that you get something out of it. Here's what you had to ask why I'm here hollis- and this is my podcast I spent so many hours of every single week reading and listened podcast and watching Youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do on this show. We talk about everything.
life and how to be an entrepreneur. What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan four intermittent fasting. What's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for whatever it is, my guests are into. I want to unpack it so that we can all understand these, conversations this is, information for the curious. This is the Rachel Hollis. I'd CAS. Ok, you guys. We ve got a super fine episode this week because it is all created by
You specifically, I am answering a bunch of different questions from listeners that came into our voicemail line, so you're actually going to hear from real listeners what they're going through what they're wondering and then I'm going to give you my best advice on this topic and I'll tell you that I have not heard the, so I'm going listen to these in real time when you hear them, I'm hearing them for the first time and I'm just gonna give thoughts what it is, what I'm thinking, what I've done in my own life, and hopefully you will find this helpful or funny or interesting, or be it will encourage you to call the voicemail line and leave a question of your own, so I guess I just start
Zimbabwe in no particular order, and I dont think that these are connected. So we're probably gonna go all over the place. What's start wish this one morning I realize you guys were worried about midway. I will women relate them. Then you are always looking about men and women and that you better get out of the market, and how did you know how do they now by?
our internal waterways, left to Burma primarily help out of our time had a really does. He know where you were finally an early hour. Sunburnt bringing our boundaries lie really juggling with gallantry in another way, but just starting off with just nice, easy topic, divorce and co parent,
thing now, you know I love this question because it's it's real and it's a fantastic and I dont know if I have the perfect answer, but I can certainly tell you what has worked for us and give you some really honest insight into, It is felt like so I loved that you talked about this idea of leftover emotions and what it looks like to have boundaries. You said you know, oh, I don't think this is something you guys have dealt with because it seems like you moved on pretty quickly. No, I mean I think their death, We have been like a really big sort of highs and lows with emotion, and I think, will first five years. Anything you're, only seeing it from him, because I have not a very intentionally not posted on social about us, our family and sort of what that looks like now. It feels to
me to ride. It feels like not something I really want to publicly go into detail on. I wrote a book last year and I said my peace, I said you know. I said in the book that this was all I was ever going to talk about with that and and I've stuck by that I just I don't want this just- would have be fodder for social media, yeah, it's a really interesting thing, but everybody has earned process for dealing and he's allowed to. You know process how we want to do so. What I would term you is, if you ve seen if it if a perspective has been that, like always good from very beginning. I think that that is because we made a very intentional decision that it was comp lead. We about our kids, like.
Everything was for them and navigating the divorce was one thousand percent about what was best for our kids and enough time has gone by and a feeling has gone by that. I can tell you that there were times in this process that I hated him. That's the freak in truth, I am positive. There are times in this process that he hated me, but our kids never knew that. Like we were a united front, we still had family dinners, we spent the holidays together and it was so brutal, like, oh, my god like I could just crawl into a feudal position how hard it was to do that. But we did and honestly not to say that our kids haven't had hard times or that they haven't been sadder, any of it, but I think the real. In that they are so well
Jested unwell and adjusted fairly quickly was because they still saw us as a family, and we were so focused on that and the thing is ya- that is not possible for every family. That's not possible for every couple there's plenty of relationships where it would be to toxic to take that on, but for us we really committed and we kind of dead like a fake it till you make it or an act. The way you want to feel And I think for the first lots of months I really push that very hard for myself. I'm just gonna act. The way I want to feel an eminent positive and I'm in a reach for joy, and I think that I probably didn't hold boundaries very well for myself in the beginning, because all I care about was the kids and I think I do
in it. We like to my own detriment. You know, did things or a kind of didn't stick up for myself in certain ways, because I was just trying to make it ok for everybody else, an Irishman super honest. I got to a place where I was just like Ben anger of the men. I got really angry and I had to really hold boundaries like a really really hold them, and so I guess my advice is that you just keep checking in with yourself in what you need and during this first six months it what I needed as a human was to make sure my kids are okay, and so I made choices I would not have made. If I didn't have. Kids are really made choices that we're about best for them, and then, when I decided that things needed to change, I was really go with him about what I felt like was in approach
and what I needed or expected in that looks like a lot less interaction for a lotta months at because I I feel like I'm an affair, session, but I really I so much love for four days right. We had these amazing, your scatter. We have this amazing family of so much love for him as a human, but are also- and I am- I would guess he probably said the same thing like what was healthy was- I also needed. time to process how angry I was an. I really didn't. Let myself feel that in the beginning- and it hit a point where I man, if I dont process this, I'm not gonna be able to cooperate with this man at all, so I needed to do a lot more work and what that boundary looks like from for a while was that I was unwilling to interact with him in any way that wasn't about the kids. I did want to be friendly. I didn't wanna to feel to get myself in trouble, but like I
I didn't want him talking about me on social. I didn't want him telling store is, or sharing deed those are wishing you happy birthday because those were things were really only happening on social. They weren't happening behind the scenes, and I had a lot of anger about sort of acting one way publicly in a different way, privately so yeah. That is, I don't know that that's the same for other people, but for me I felt I had a point where I was allowed to ask for what I wanted, which was a boundary for myself and how how we can interact with each other and that time to be and feel those things was really important. So yeah I dont know if that helps, but at first it was about the kids and being respectful and being united. That was like the only way that we were united in that time period was like around them. and then when I did have time
that I needed more space. I asked for it and we ve slow. we- I would say in the last few months started to feel like it started to feel like a better it, sir, to feel more friendly, like it, which is hard like. I think I hit up like I let myself feel the anger for a really long time, and then I hit a point where it just like. I can't be angry anymore. Like I love this man, he is such an important part of my life. He'll be a part of my life for the rest of my life, and I just can't Hold this anger because me holding anger with him. No matter how justified I feel like it is, is like drinking. we then and expecting someone else to die. Doesn't it's not helpful? For me, it doesn't help my kids, it's not helpful for him like it's just grow so I I would guess we are. We haven't really talked about this time, but I would guess that it probably feels really similar me for him.
investing in a new mattress, he's kind of a big deal if you're not basically falling through a high in your current one. At least that's how I was raised. I was right is that you slept on whatever you had an you slept on it from the time you are like twelve. The time you are. I don't know twenty two, when I decided to get a sleep number bad, it was because I am a grown up now and sleep is essential to my life. I wanted to try and see if a better mattress would mean better quality sleep at all. we does choosing a new mattress along with things like may, each other room is nice and Chile making sure that everything is dark, making sure that I am off screens at least an hour before bad taking warm bath,
all of these are things you can do to get better more restful, deeper sleep. and if you are to place in your life where you are- do what I did. You want to try and improve the quality of the sleeper getting. Then you should definitely check out sleep number proven quality, sleep is life, changing sleep special offers limited time only at sleep, number stores or sleep number dot, com, slash rise. And I will say, there's like I'm so glad that we are in a better place now because I'll. Tell ya like when you have a history, this long with someone it just is like it would. I think it would be like such a sad thing to lose. You know that,
whatever it's gonna look like in this new adoration, like I remember when I started dating again, and you know he's had his girlfriend for a long time now, but- and I have known about her for a long time and so excited for them and just like want them to have the best things in the world, but when I started dating it was such a trip because I had never in a day- was the only person ever gone on a date with like, I had zero experience and I finally like told him about sky and he was over. He come for dinner, we're having family dinner, and then he and I were set now on the porch, we're talking about like schedules, the kids and staff and like I'm, I'm dating a guy and he was like a herd. Oh my gosh, it's crazy like, and it was like such a beautiful thing us trying to navigate this thing, and I was like was a moment when you started dating that you felt like, oh, my God, How is this allow like? What did this is so weird and he was laughing
yes, it's so crazy, dating sum for the first time and I just really appreciated like the bees of that moment, because he's the only other person that's gonna, get that the way that I got it. So I guess. all of this very long winded answer to say. I think that all of this is a process like you know. We chose we find for the care we experienced a lot of anger and pain and hurting each and all of that and then now he come back out this like more authentic real place, and I just hope that it continues to grow from here, but it's It's a process and I think it's grounded in what is best for your kids. That is that's what that's. What helps that's, what helps you navigate everything else and just a guess. From a tactical stand, point I would say over communication over communication.
share a family calendar, so we have real clarity on when the kids are at my house, when their his house, and originally when we split up, we had three days and then for days and then we'd switch so like I'd have to kids for three days. He'd have them for four days and then the next week I'd have four he'd have three and then at some point he wanted to try like weak on me cough which we dead and I hated hated it. It just was so like a week without see. My kids is just it's. It's too much. I really don't like it, but the kids were really liking it for a minute because they feel like it was easier to transition with, like their backpacks in their school stuff. On a weekend than a week day, you arrogant and all kinds of info, you do not need this much detail, but I'm giving it to you and so
for a minute. We did that and just really didn't feel like it was working, and I finally was like a hey. I got a I want to push back on this little bit. I that I really don't I I don't like this. I don't I the structure fills wrong and feels like it's starting to where, on the kids, like it's a really long time for to just go without seeing either one of us a good just wasn't my favorite. So we talked about it. We figured out a new plan. We transition back to something that works better, for everybody but again having that foundation, words about the kids and and how we can best show up for them is what think allows us to navigate. Anything else is wilds Post divorces wild when you have kids like this is crazy and I haven't met his girlfriend yeah, but I'm sure that that's coming
and he hasn't met my boyfriend, but I'm sure that that's coming and like it's just all its. Why but we're figuring it out, and I'm wishing you the best as you navigate this with your ex husband, and I hope that you find a middle ground, but I think just when it comes to those boundaries, just sticking to what you need sticking to what is going to be healthiest for you, because, what's healthiest for you is ultimately what's going to be the healthiest for your kids o k starting out, why an easy all right. So that was a question from a listener. Normally I would play the voice member, but she ass. If her voice can be left out of its authors, tell you guys she was talking about pre co? had really been being like a go, get her being outgoing, loving, her job being ambitious and then obviously the world changing so much inside of pandemic and
adjusting to that, and now with the world opening back up, it's like okay, everything's, changing, again and she's, feeling some anxiety, she's, feeling social anxiety, she's, feeling that, like oh, my gosh, it's Sunday night and I have to work tomorrow and what's it going to be like when I have to go back to the office, and so just all of the anxiety surrounding transitioning back to what the world is. Now I mean guess we should even say transitioning back, because there is no back we're not going backwards. We're going forwards into this new thing, and I love this- because I was just talking about this with the team at work today. Ya know me, and I M like the queen of like what the gall. Where am I going? What's the road map how my getting now what's the life I want to live like I'm, a bury intentional person about all of the pieces of my life and when I finding right now. I don't know you guys feel like this, but I am finding a weird like
I feel like momentum, is this thing that I've never struggled with, but or and right now and billing. I'm very debated. I know what the those are. I know what I need to get done, but I'm feeling this weird like star Being out of momentum because it feels like everything keeps stopping in starting does make sense, you guys, I don't know if you're feeling this but like I was just saying today, we have time at the beginning of covert where we went into locked down and we were at home and at that for a minute. We didn't work because we really didn't know what that was going on. But after, like TAT, these are something we all had to figure out. At least my company. We ought to figure out how to have jobs like right. We got laptops or working at home throughout the pandemic,
the thing that has not changed now. I know people got fur load and people got laid off and companies closed and so business and working, and all of that has changed for a lot of people. In this time, but for me, and maybe for my team here, they were saying the same that like we ve works. we haven't got now we haven't travelled, we haven't hung out with friends, but we ve works. That was something that we figured out how to do inside of a pandemic. It look different, but we still did it now, all of a sudden, the world's opening- and it's weird because the thing we haven't done in pandemic is play. We ve worked, but we haven't played like beyond, you know all the funds of the I did with the kids at home and we started doing puzzles and we watched million movies him. We found little things here and there that we could do safely,
but we have it really travelled. We haven't gone out to dinner. We haven't done these things and now with the world opening back up? There's this like Arava, filling this to you, but there's almost this mad rush of like oh, my gosh. I've gotta make up for this time, and so I am like I'm having. Why not like a Tuesday I'm? What did I just eat right now, just like giving every day like its Marty, Gerhard, like oh, where we're gonna go on vacation where we can attract like, I just feel like there's. We like miss this opportunity or remiss these time. Like see our friends or be together, do whatever and now all of a sudden,
now we're going to have time to the office and now we're going to have time at like, for instance, I got invited to go out with some friends this weekend too, like a really cool place and do a really cool thing, and I don't know two months ago I was like killed for the opportunity, but I found myself like I kind of want to just not like a kind of hunting just like beer, my pajamas, and not go anywhere, which is not because that's all I've done, and I find myself almost like same as this collars sort of feeling like A little bit overwhelmed by like all of the things and all of the people and were back out at but we're still in masks, and it's it's like yes, so I guess starting off with the fact that you need to allow yourself to feel. However, the heck you're gonna fury and if that means that you are like, I have been way Tang for this vaccinate
general, how rear managing this time period and you got it and you are ready to just go out in the world and live your life great. Do that. But I also think that if, for you feel like you're, not quite ready- and that could be just because you are feeling social anxiety about being run. People again, like also allow yourself to feel that, These are massive transitions. We ve just trained our body, we trained our mind essentially to be terrified of groups of people for a year. And now this light switch husband, flipped and it's like you're supposed to run back out into the world and be ok with that, and I just don't think that we acclimate quite that quickly. So if you find yourself feeling these feelings like let yourself process, however, you need to process. So for me that looks leg, probably not going to go out with friends
because I just don't want to. I really want to be at home in my pajamas and maybe watch a movie which is all for a year. So please don't judge me, but then, so there is also going to be a time where I am really like yeah, let's go meet people. Let's go hang out with go, get back out in the world, I'm just gonna. Let myself feel what I need to feel and I think I don't know how it works at your job, but I think most companies now have changed if you work in an office which it sounded like from your voice mail, you do, it feels like most companies are gonna, be so much more open to flex hours and how people get things done. So I how you, with our team at work, we're doing we're going back to Tuesdays and Thursdays in the office if you feel comfortable and I want to say that everybody on our team who is doing that has been vaccinated. So if you feel comfortable its Tuesday's in Thursday's in the office, the other days are virtual and if
some reason you don't feel comfortable being in the office with all of us then work virtually we ve, proving that we can do but we are such a close team and we always have been so. We ve just been waiting for this day for over a year, so we're really excited to be together. Just because we want to be free with everyone can. But honestly, if a member of my team said like him not ready to be back in office, nobody would bat an eye at that. So hopefully you have us Lara leadership team where you are- and I think you need to just ask for what you need. Summer. For me looks like getting outside travelling and, if you're like me off, birds has something that might help with that. The tree runner will help you tread lighter wherever this spring takes you the tree honours premium natural materials or light on your feet and light on the planet Aubert
has also printed the tree runners, carbon footprint right on the shoe, so you know its impact on the planet. Then they offset that foot practice zero to make it a carbon neutral product. My favorite, runner is the white on. Why? Because I honestly wear them when I'm on the go and I feel like they really complete and ensemble and their super comfy. This brain stay light and breeze. With the all birds tree runner find your hair at all birds dot come today, that's a L L B, I r d S dark com Oh right next question and those of the sun, and my life, where I have a career, but I have no family oh
We have a lot of ambition, but I do feel like I need support at one time, a family Can you not direct? Were you need in May when you need it so without having the family going from the next step of my life, to be more of a challenge and my question to you: should I forget that stuff I like far as a business is concerned, in spite of not having that direct connection with the family, or should I move very slowly, take one step at a time
doing more to produce day being through a better product. Now the issue in doing now is the time when you take small- You hear anyone or that you can give up hope you here when you next inverse mom. you're gonna run into discouraging thing. Only when you got a big one. When I go for something and I am doing blocked even took place, because of this fear of failure. So if you have any insight for me, I would love to hear it and I'm so open to being on your podcast. Okay, so we're going into completely different directions here, but I actually like it because I think this is a really common thing.
that a lot of people do when they are feeling blocked when their feeling stuck, they start to kind of spin, meaning that you're like oh this is the issue. Wait! No! No! No! This is the issue. Note we to this end, we sort of sea all of the things that are working instead of all of the possibility of what might so, let's just break apart the different questions that you asked me, and maybe we can sort of get to a solution that will make you feel like you have some direction, because I think that is the biggest and most important key. When ever we are feeling
stuck is ok. We're in this spot were not sure where to go in the absence of direction. Will just spin like a top in one place, and so the best thing for you to do is to take steps to move in a direction, even if it's like not the perfect direction at the beginning. So, let's start first with the question you talked about. This idea of you have his career but you don't have a family and you feel like if you had a family, that you would More of the support that you need, as you move three or career luscious, get real practical with you. First of all, wanting support in your life. is not the reason to have a family images murmured you wanting to have a family, which I presume means that you want a partner and children is not like you. That's not a choice you make, because you want personal soup
or in your life. First of all, there are millions of people who can tell you that they have exactly that and they still have support lots of people. Listening to this, podcast right now probably have a partner who is still not supportive of them even though that was the intention behind why so, let's just start with Why, too, have a partner or why to have children? I think that you pursue having a partner in life, because, like that specific reason you want someone to who life with you want someone that you can move in the direction of your dreams with a partner by your side, and let me just tell you something: this is like. So often,
big, but so God you guys that I did not know that. I want to give this advice to you, my friend, you called in, and also anybody who single this thing that I did not understand because I met my ex husband when I was eighteen years old of Freaking child No idea what I was doing now ever been on a date before and honestly it was beautiful and incredible, and I am so grateful for all the years that we had together. my mom when I was little. She would always tell us that we, like, oh, if you, if your partner that doesn't understand your doesn't get your doesn't know. But what to get you for Christmas or doesn't like see, things and knew that you, whatever you need to just tell them, you need to communicate with them and you need to tell them like. This is exactly what I want for Christmas, or this is what I wish you liked about me, or this is blah blah blah blah, and in retrospect I love my parents, but they had the will
this marriage, maybe ever, and so I dont know why it took me getting divorced to realise. Like I love you mom, but you are not the person to give advice on our relationship, because what that advice gave me as a young woman going into relationship. Was that like? Oh, if your person doesn't get you you just like keep over communicating how they could get you better, and certainly, if you find yourself inside of a relationship, that's one way to pursue, but now I am thirty, eight years old, and so for the first time as an adult I am dating, and I can tell you that when it's the right partner, for you you don't, have to explain anything, and I don't mean that in the like romance, Comedy you complete me like bs garbage that were sold because
I dont believe that anybody completes me. I believe that in partnership you have to hold people who come together and they make like this beautiful thing but nobody's completing anybody else, but what I can tell you, because you said like you, want support and that you know like. Oh, I don't have the support as you pursue a partner pursue some one, but you don't need to explain yourself to meaning, like you don't need to explain the joke is there already laughing as they have the same sense of humour, and you don't need to explain why that, like puppy, we know chasing the older dog major crags there already crying, like I dont know if, if people listening to this will agree, but now
now having experienced the situation where I'm meeting I M with someone who is with me at this age like grown up adult thirty eight year old, Rachel, then, and not have to like explain, is like a game changer, a game peter- and I actually thought this the other day like not that it would ever have wanted to go through divorce you ever want to have to put my kids to this hard thing or my family, this hard thing but like I am so freaking grateful that I have this perspective, for my kids when their older and they start dating people, and they are wondering what it looks like to pursue a partnership,
Why you pursue a partner or what that is. I just feel like I've such a better perspective for them and for you who called in I think that it's about wanting to be in partnership and wanting to do life with someone, but if you are walking into dating with the expectation that you're going to have support in a certain way, I just feel like you're walking into this going. How can this like? How can someone give to me, as opposed to like what are these gifts and beauty, that I offer the world and one of the gifts and beauty that this human offers the world? And how can we, use those gifts and skills and beauty to compliment and love each other. Well, I hope that that made sense, but I just feel like you're allowed to want
partner, you're allowed to want children just because you want that for yourself, it doesn't have to be and bend shouldn't be because you think that it's gonna make it better for you to have support as you pursue your goals, I am so excited to announce that for the first time in over eighteen months, rise. Women's conference is in person. I M beside myself you guys, if you have ever been to rise women's conference than you know how special it is and if you ve all he wanted to go. This is the time Labour Day weekend, Austin Texas, my town, we're gonna, dance, we're gonna, laugh we're gonna unpack the hard stuff our life, the good stuff in our life, we're gonna, create road map.
to where we want to go and hear from incorrect noble speakers. It is three full days of programming. It is a community of women who are like minded they're, not alike, were not the same. Women come from all over the place, different rules Jenny, different political beliefs, different sexual orientations, different ways to believe and love and think and hope. But Commonality in us all is that we want to become a better version of ourselves you dont, come to rise conference to become someone new. You come to rise conference to take ownership of your life. and to remember all of the things that make you so great in the first place, so I hope that you will head to rise, live weekend, dot com check out the video check out the things that past these have said. This is a life changing event and if you are feeling sluggish, if you're
killing and motivated. If you feel like you need a kick in the bud or a chance to go, hang out with a bunch of incredible women, you need to come to rise. Women's conference is the only conferences year all happening in person, rise, live weakened, dot com labour to weaken, Austin. Texas! Me, you, a bunch of awesome other. He bore and a chance to be together in person for the first time in a year and a half. So that's one! The second question you ass was about. Should you may Little moves one big audacious bow to move in the direction of your dreams, because you said that when the bold move, you know you're you jump.
to the deep end and there's a really good chance that you're gonna get some kind of traction that way or should you pursue these, teeny tiny little moves that make it really easy for you to get off course, because your kind of moving slowly. So I can tell you ever getting this a bunch of different ways, but I ll just give you the hard and fast rule the splash. Exciting sexy thing is the bold move. The thing that actually creates lasting results is usually the tiny, consistent every day, actions that get you
sir, to where you want to go, but they do it by interests instead of miles. Here's how I think you combine both usually I will make. I will start a process with a bold move, followed by tiny micro consistent every day, seven days a week, intentional choices to get me closer, and my bold move is almost always further. We have been at rise conference with me before you probably done this exercise and if you haven't rise welts only for women, sorry brows, but rise women's rights. France is coming labour to weaken in Austin Texas and you can find out details, I'm sure and shone out or whatever. But we do this thing out rise: COM, France, there's this paves that split up into two pieces that says we do on day three It's never again from now on so now,
again from now on my bold choice when I make a decision, to move in a direction to let's say get healthy to pursue a big ol always comes down to essentially What am I never going to do again and when I'm a promising that I'll do from now on? And it's usually just one thing like human beings will do anything in our power to live in to the perception of who we believe we are say that again, you are living out every freaking day every if your life, as who you perceive yourself to be every single decision, you're, making every habit that your falling into good or bad whatever it is you are doing, is always always you living up to the standard of who you perceive yourself to be so
If I want to make a bold change in my life, if I want to be really all in in a single direction, I will often choose a never again kind of thing that just feels like who this new version of MIA's and here's an example of. Maybe you guys are going to think this is so weird, but just honest honestly, that's what I did. Years ago, I went to a personal development conference and I like had this goal that I came up with a. France and I really wanted to pursue it, and I just knew TAT. I needed to make a choice that I wouldn't leave this conference and like have some thing that had changed drastically in my life to remind me of the other goal that I was going to pursue and I don't know why. But I had this was years ago and I always wondered: try giving up meets a love me I meet now, but for about two years at a neat me and it came because
at this conference, and I thought you know. I've always wanted to add that for health purposes. I want to see if I feel better, so I just at this comes out. I don't need any more. It was like my neck. again like never again, eat meat anymore. From now on, I'm going to pursue these healthy ways of getting protein, I'm going to be plant based and see. If that makes me feel better, I tried it for a couple years and I'm back on me cuz. I really love me. That's not the point. The point was I made a decision. That was black or white, yes or no, no wiggle room, no sort of you know like vows like, oh I'm, gonna go like we're going to die at or I'm gonna. Do this eminent, I'm an exercise every day or eminent. The goal that I had set for myself had nothing to do with health, but giving up meat. random. The giving of meat to me was like that is a bold change and honestly, your
all change could be like I'm moving to New York right, that's a yes or no, that's a this or that that's a black or white. That's it there's no grey area. There is something that you are saying. I am doing this in pursuit of this thing that I want to have and I was working on professional- had nothing to do with my health, but that was a choice that was just like the first thing thought out, and I was like: ok, that's gonna do so for you maybe there's a bold choice like that that you can make every day, you're living out that you have made a change and then it looks like every day, while you're living out the change you ve made, you are doing at least one thing, one intentional thing that you can pursue. That gets you closer to where you want to be, and that
It is your like man. I wish it wasn't the case. I wish I freaking wish that it wasn't just about consistency and like doing those little things every day, but it just is, it is like I wish that it was. We could do it in different ways. I wish we could take three months, often than jumped back in, but really, if you want to see traction, if you want to see this exponential growth, it's going to look like you just consistency. Consistency consists Consistency beats intensity every day of the week. Most people get really intense, get really excited, they go ham, you know they get their Jim membership or
they make a bold move or they sign up for twenty seven different online courses or they do something. That's about intensity, but they don't follow it through the consistency, which is really the only thing that matters. So if you want to see growth and change, then it looks like you finding sort of both of those things. I think it's a bold move, followed by those consistent actions that are gonna, get you there. Having answered that question, I think there's a bigger peace at play here, which is when we feel stuck. We start to just process every thing right: we're processing the fact that, where single were processing the fact that these goals do, I want to be an entrepreneur order. I want to follow this career path. Should I move? Should I stay childhood trauma? I don't talk to my mom like we just starts spanning out, because in these harder seasons it's usually easier to us
then it is to start to take action, but honestly, the only thing that's going to make you feel better is action. I think this a lot with anxiety. You know, I know a lot of a lot of listeners really struggle with anxiety and I've talked a lot about my own struggles with anxiety in the past and often times there was a really there's something very connected between feeling, anxious and our fight or flight response and fight respond. The body is literally like responding you're nervous system. I do like why what's happening, I need to do something but like there's, nothing It really helps to take action, sort of feeding the flight response, which is just move to move in the direction to take a step forward the way that you do. That is to focus on one thing,
and depending on where you are right now, you may have to focus on something that is like a goal for a week from now or a goal for two weeks from now. Just something simple that you can do that you can start to feel like you're, making traction against, because in the absence of sort of knowing the whole big picture, or what happens next? The most. Poor thing you can do is to stop the obsessive sort of spending thought and for me that always looks like ok, I've got it. I've gotta, move I've gotta, do something: let's what's the next right thing that I can do that's gonna. Make me feel better in this moment and that's gonna get me closer to sort of accomplishing the direction that I want to move in. So I hope that the hut was how why noisome covered a lot of topics on that one, but it felt like you were gone.
and a few different directions. My friend and I just want to give you some thoughts there. So hive answered three questions from listeners and I hope that you enjoy did. I hope you got some yeah, maybe some ideas are just some entertainment out of this conversation Morven, Anything Ya'Ll I'm in a put the number for my voice mail in the show notes, and I hope that you will go call in you- can allow us to lay your voice, like you heard on the show- or you can say like hey here's, my question, but I don't want my voice played like you, also but on the show, however, you want to do it and I'm start doing actual, like advice interviews with listener. So if you would like to be one of those, let us know when you leave your voice memos while, but I love answering questions about anything like business or dating or divorce. Her I mean I'm I feel I am an expert in sex, but I did I could give you some. I don't want to give you some ideas, but whatever like
Whatever you're dealing with call in and let me know- and let's keep this conversation going, if you like today's episode, I hope that you will consider sharing it on social takes me, shot tag me or tell you, friends or if you know someone who's going through one of the topics you heard today send this along to them. Thank you for listening. I hope you have a fantastic weak and until I talk to you next time. Remember I love you and I'm rooting for you, the Rachel Hollis Pie. cast is hosted by me, Rachel Hollis, our show is produced by Chelsea Harvest. An edited by Andrew Weller, with additional production, support by sterling coats. Our executive producer is Cameron Bergmann. The Rachel Hollis Podcast is a three percent chance. Production.
Transcript generated on 2021-07-12.