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30: How to Stop with the Constant Competition- SPECIAL Girl, Wash Your Face Edition

2018-02-09

To celebrate the launch of Girl, Wash Your Face I’m giving all of our Dais listeners the first few chapters for FREE! My hope is that by sharing my honest stories as a working mother, former foster parent, and a woman who has had all kinds of insecurities about my body and my relationship, is that it will spur other women to live with passion and hustle to awaken their slumbering goals. Enjoy this gift of the Fourth Chapter! For the rest of Girl, Wash Your Face click this link---------> amzn.to/2qSzmjj!

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
You guys it's Rita, Hollis and I'm here is my friend track. Shelton was a region, I live in the dream. Man we you too listeners. Why we're hanging out together right now we're going because we're launching my new podcast straight up and I'm supermax seller, add if you guys you're, not already familiar attract. He as millions and millions of fans all around the globe who come to him for a very unique style of coaching yeah, Human rights are, the point is really I can put it from the heart and break it. Do those native mindsets breakin through a majority backing list, are we have people's lives for love that so, you guys want here more you're, already listening on a podcast platform, go subscribe to straight up with Trent Shelton Short: let's go, let's go.
One of the cruellest things that I get to see as part of my job is the manifestation of the product or products that I dreamed up and created and figured out how to do like. So many of you as a business owner, you get these ideas in your head and it is incredible to get to watch them come to fruition and I started dreaming about one of our most popular products. The start today journal. I served dreaming about this a couple of years ago. I had been doing this daily practice based on several different people. I had heard about several different things in a kind of put them together into one daily practice, which was every single day. I wrote down the dreams I had for my life, but I wrote them as if they had already happened. There's something really powerful about claiming a goal as if it's already done, and I wrote down every day- and it was how I set my intentions and then I would post about it on social, and so many people are like what are you doing? What is that? Where do I get that journal and I was like eyes: it's not a journal, it's just a notebook, I'm just riding down the same thing every single day, but what I think is interesting, as business owners or creators is often times. In fact, most of the time your audience will tell you what it wants from you and I kept pushing it off because I was like you guys. This is not a big deal, but it was, and people kept asking for- and I finally just thought what if I turn this into a product and I started to dream and plan- and I literally taped pictures to the wall of my office, of what I dreamed that my journey,
would look like in the intention behind it and I wanted the covers to be really pretty, and I wanted it to be something that you could do once a quarter and then, as you completed, each journal you'd have a stack of this evidence of how intentional you were about your life and we figured it out, and I mean you know some times we messed up on the shipping and sometimes we rest up on the interior, but we failed our way to where we are today, which is the start today journal in the hands of hundreds of thousands of people. So incredible such a blessing. For me to be able to go on Instagram and see, hashtag start today journal and see people all over the world using this practice as a way to aim in the direction of their dreams. So if you are not familiar- and you want to check it out, you can go over to the Hollis code. Dot com forward, slash shop and find out all about my favorite practice turned my favorite product and, if you're not in the market, to buy remember that episode. Seventy two of this podcast gives you the exact step by step so that you can do it in winter.
We note book you have laying around for free, you dont have to buy a product, but you should be doing this daily practice. It will literally literally change your life. Welcome to the day s podcast? My name is Rachel Hollis and I've built a multi million dollar media company with a high school diploma. Google search bar each week, we'll share direct tangible. Ice or inspiring interviews with the same intention. These are the tools to change your life. Operate, the launch of girl, wash your face, I'm giving all of our days listeners the first chapters of the audio book for free, my hope is that, by sharing my honest stories as a working mother, former fast, your parent and a woman who has had all kinds of securities that it will soon
other women to live with passion and take ownership of their own lives. Enjoy this, gift of the first three chapters and if you want to hear the rest, all narrated by me order girl, wash your face on audio wherever books are sold. Chapter four the. Why I'm better than you I feel we need to confess I shaved, my toes, how do we do? sometimes not all, time mind you, I down in the shower and see my big toe sprouting locks long enough to break It's embarrassing sure, but a quick, wipe of my razor returns, my toe knuckles to their usual silky, smooth glory, none This would be such an epic admission for me to make that I once made fun of a girl and freshman year, english class for doing
exact thing. Poor guy. I feel it such a jerk even now, a hundred and fifty years later, friends. Let me pay a quick picture of myself in high school. I was solid twenty pounds heavier. I work those from the goodwill, and I was the press- then of the drama club. I someone who teased others. I was someone who got teased. But there was that one instance when I did tease the one and only time in my memory that I actively made fun of some one else, maybe That's why it sticks out in my brain, maybe that's why it's still feels so shameful woke all this girl she Mina actual name is Tina, but I'm trying to write in code here. Was the girl, who always seem totally confident and herself she developed breast,
breasts and a sense of humor light years before the rest of us and she was popular in a way, I would never be one. And missus your caddies english class, when we were so Was to be riding a paper on Sorrento Hurseton Schmidt mentioned something about shaving. Her toes I dont know why she mentioned it. I assume popular girl share grooming tidbits, the way the rest of US mortals talk about the weather, but anyway, while didn't say anything to her directly. I talked so much smack about it. My best friend later that day, who, what shaves their feet. More importantly who has Harry Digits in need of shaving Schmidt, clearly has some kind of glandular disease. She's, not copying. Two went every day Gillis conversation most people would have forgotten about a conversation like that by now, but it keeps
haunting me years later, because the whole time I was mocking Sh Mina and her Harry Toes, I was, holy shit now too, this day hand to God. Whenever I looked down at my big toe and see that it's looking a little shaggy, I think about what a jerk my teenage self was right. It's one number one harry digits ray phone number to hypocrisy A story about Harry Toes, a girl named Mina and the ad us an answer. I should have really worked through with a licence. Therapist years ago may seem like the most frivolous topic ever, but then I dare say that tearing down other women is usually based on something, no less frivolous, then the securities of our fourteen year old selves. Why do we do it ladys? Why do we gossip Why do we rag on each other?
Why do we say hello on Sunday morning with the same tongues we used to lash others behind their backs a few days later. Does it because feel better about ourselves. Does it mean Us feel safer to mock someone who has stepped outside the parameters we deem acceptable. If we can pay out, there flaws, does doing so diminish our own. Of course, it doesn't in fact The stones we most often try and fling at others are the ones that have been thrown at us. Have you ever shaved your toes. And what I really mean by that is: have you ever made fun of someone else. Have you ever pointed your finger and their direction and ignored the three other fingers on your hand, pointing back at you. We ve all been there, but does it make it. Ok,. Bringing others down, won't elevate. You
recognising that all words have power, even the ones whispered behind someone's back. Is how you would just your behavior. A few weeks ago there was a woman on my plane from allay to Chicago she and her husband were travelling with two boys, the younger? of whom was about for her. Was also the worst behave. Child I've ever seen. Before we even pulled back from the gate he was screaming and I don't mean a wine or a protest I mean screaming bloody murder about having to sit in a sea when he wanted to run around his mother had to forcibly hold him in the chair for at least half an hour while he hollered to be released. Everyone on the plane, myself included, was miserable until he stopped but a little while later, when I got up to go to the restroom, I saw why he finally quieted
he'd been given a big bag of gummy worms to happily eat his way through friends, I will be honest with you. I was disgusted. First of all, as strict parent who was raised by strict parents, listen and him scream. I thought oh heck, no, author, take off. I was thinking about his mom. Thinking about how she needed to discipline him better. Have boundaries. Get support from her spouse and when I saw that she'd rewarded his bad behaviour and with sugar key you mean near the cross, Lord Jesus, I kept thinking there woman doesn't have a clue later baggage claim. I saw the family again four year old was wild, jumpy upon the stop luggage belt hitting brother and running around in circles, while everyone stared
It is wrong with his mother. I kept thinking. Why doesn't she get a handle on him then saw her standing next to the luggage carousel utterly exhausted. When I really looked at her saw she was near tears. Looking bewildered and totally overwhelmed, her husband were the same, shall shocked expression as their son ran in circles around them and a gentle voice reminded me, Rachel you'd, don't know their story. Was so humble and my ignorance. Maybe The little boy had special needs that made it hard for him to control his impulses. Maybe. Who had struggled and foster homes for most of his young life, something I should be grateful about, given what we we ve been through. Maybe this little boy was just badly
maybe this little boy was just badly behaved and his parents were struggling to discipline him because been older son had been so easy to manage at this age,
hey all our next women's conference is only a few weeks away and if you have never attended before this is the events that will change your life rise is a three day: women's personal development conference, where we laugh until we pay our pans and we'd have about our things that we cry and we find community and we create the road map to changing our lives or businesses or whatever it is that you're working on. If you want to find out more your curious, what it's all about, I highly recommend you go check out the intervention and see what our community says. You can hear it straight from them. It's at: let's rise, dot, co and, if you're looking for the next one, it's happening in Toronto. On March this through the seventh that's Toronto March, there, through the seventh check out all the details at the Hollis code, dot com. If you have been looking for a nudge, if you have been looking for something to kick start change, I promise this is the thing.
Whatever the reason I will never know, because instead of asking or offering the benefit of the doubt, I can ass. My judgment on her before I even ask myself why things might be this way when in judging other women It's been on my heart for a while. It's something I've tried a rat my brain around fully, so I could put it into words. I see it all around me in so many different ways and that poor, tired mama on the flight to Chicago reminded me of What I want to say what, I want to say, is that we all judge each other. Even though we all do it. That's not an excuse Judging is still one of the most hurtful spiteful impulses we own and our judgments keep From building a stronger tribe, or from having a tribe in the first place.
Our judgment prohibits ass from beautiful life, affirming friendship, our judgment, keeps us from connecting and deeper richer ways, because we're too stuck on the surface level. Assumptions we ve made Ladys are judging has to stop So does our compulsion to compete with everyone around us. Let me give an example of that too, when heard that some of my girlfriends were going to run the Nike women's half marathon in San Francisco. I was excited For some of them it was their first race. I was also overjoyed because it would involve a weekend trip somewhere, Amply play invited myself along for the ride the plan, for us to leave on Friday Drive five hours between away and s, f, hang in town on Saturday then run the race and drive home on Sunday. Wait scratch that They would run the race ah
stand on the side of the road and clap for them while they jogged by this fell. Especially interesting, because I am a runner and more than that I competitive about running like to challenge myself. I liked it I bigger and better races I like to beat personal record and push myself to be the best. What I do Do not like What I had never actually done is cheering For others, while they do something, I am fully capable of doing right along with them. I kept thinking what, if I didn't mean to prove myself in this situation, what if making myself into someone better has what to do with my willingness to be of service than my willingness to compete I went to San Francisco. In fact, I'd do Rove everyone to San Francisco, because I figured the last thing I want. If I were about to run, thirteen miles would be the drive four hundred miles.
It's worth saying that, while I did all of this and had so much stinking fun with the Ladys didn't always have a good attitude about my willingness to be a cheerleader. On Sunday morning when everyone headed out bright and early to the starting line? I got my of together and headed in the other direction five mile marker about twitter, Minutes into my journey, I realized it was unlikely that I would get a cab at six, a m on a Sunday morning. This time, I realise that walking alone in the dark in downtown s, F might be. One of the dumbest things have ever done. I legitimately thought at one point c, This is what happens when you try and do something nice. You murdered on the streets of an unknown city. It pretty dramatic when I'm in fear for my life and haven't had any coffee anyway at point, I decided to turn around and head for the finish line since walking
felt safer than walking two mile five turns out. Why to the finish line met walking up approximately thirty two hills that were taller than some mountains. I know sweaty and grouchy by the time I arrived grumbling under my breath about the whole ordeal and thinking why on earth did I agree to do this. Then I saw my first elite marathon runner alive, marathon runners, are those soup or humans who run a race and like five minutes they look, cheat as or gazelles as they fly down the road and they are truly breathtaking to behold. As someone who ran twelve and a half minute miles and my first marathon elite female Nurse by comparison run like six or seven minute miles. I would ah. Since I'm always so far behind these athletes in the race. I've never been able to see one
stood there and watch one after another sprint by Anne felt so less to see them in action for the two. And a half hours that followed. I stood in that exact, spot and cheered on strangers. I lab non. Stop my skill, The preachers daughter finally coming into play, screamed until my throat with sore, I yelled all the things that encourage me when I hear them from the sidelines during a race You are so strong you're, almost there, you can do this, and the last. One is something I've never heard, but always tell myself when it gets hard. During a run. I over and over again, when ever I saw someone who looked ready to drop, you ve lived, through tougher things than this don't give up now: five really it was there and that exact spot, though I Not from mile twelve in their first ever half measures,
You can see it in a picture. Someone shot of us You can see it in a picture. Someone shot of us screaming, like a maniac and try not to throw myself over the fence to attack them with hugs. I was so proud of them. I was laughing and crying as if their achievement was so how my own I jogs alongside them, outside the track wrath. In the joy of the moment- and I heard God very distinctly say imagine all of the things you would have missed today. If only been out here for yourself. I never would have seen the elite runners. I never would have been there when my friend Hannah ran her personal Bess. Thirteen in point one miles and under two hours I wouldn't have been able to stand next, a joy who put me cheering to shame after running her own race. She screamed louder than any one from the sidelines encouraging other runners.
I wouldn't have been there to hug Katy in Brittany. I wouldn't have seen any of it I would have run another half marathon like I'd done ten times before, and I have nothing to show for it, but a little extra pride and the banana they give you at the end. The first step getting past the desire to judge and compete is admitting that nobody is immune. Some of us. We judge and little ways Rolling our eyes at the way someone is dressed, frowning at the badly behave child in a girl she store or making. Assumptions about another mother at school, pick up, who has serious expression and whereas a suit every day and seems uptight, for others Gene is a bigger problem. Parading your little sister, because her views are different from yours viciously gossiping with other women making the social media to write hateful things to people. You don't even know simple
because they stepped outside the lines of what you think is good. The set step is recognising that just because you believe it does I mean it's true for everyone and so many instances judgment comes from a place of feeling as though you, somehow got it all figured out when they do not. Judging each other actually makes us feel safer in our own choices. Face is one of the most abused instances of this. We decide that our religion is right, therefore, Ray other religion must be wrong. Within the same religion or hack, even in the same church bull judge each other for not being the right kind of Christian Catholic Mormon Jed I I don't know the central tenet of your faith, but the central of mine is low
Thy neighbour. Love thy neighbor if they look and act and think, like you now love, thy neighbor, so long as they were the right clothes and say the right things, just love them. Yes, I also believe, and holding each other accountable, but holding each other accountable, takes place inside community and relationships holding each other accountable comes from a beautiful place in the heart of friendship them. To sit down with your friend and ask with love if they ve ever look. At their own actions in a particular light holding each. Other accountable comes from apply is of love. Judgment comes from a place of fear, disdain or even hate. So be careful about dressing up your judgments is accountability to make your conscience feel better. I have
tirelessly over the last couple of years to create content that caters to women, have spent numerous hours, trying to figure out exactly what women like us want in life No, they want Do you know the number one thing that I hear most emails about most get asked for advice on most friends how to make friends how to keep friends. How to cultivate real valuable relationships. That's what women are craving. That's what they really want and hope for and if that's true, we have to At the beginning, we apart from the beginning, and we teach ourselves to keep an open mind. We began with that, first hello or handshake, and we stop ourselves from making decisions, not founded in fact and experience. We look, four commonality. Instead of seeking out differences.
We ignore things like hair or clothes, or wait or race or religion or socio economic background. We Pay attention to things like character and hard and wisdom and experience and no it might not be easy, but I promise you it was will be worth it. You tribe is out there. If you haven't, found it. Yet. I challenge you to consider that may be your people come in a different package than you thought they might things that helped me one non judgmental friends we some become whoever we surround ourselves with if your friends, full of gossip and vitriol. I promise Start to develop the habit when you're looking for a community of women look for the ones who want to build each other up instead of Terry. Other down number two
Policing myself. We're already judgmental- and let's be honest, most of us are we have to, a card on policing ourselves when I find myself judging someone in my head. I force myself to stop and think of com. Mince about that person. By doing this, I'm learning to look for the positive instead of reaching for the negatives number three dealing with it. Usually our judgment and gossip come from a deep well of our own insecurities git the bottom of? What's going on with you, It's making you lash out of others. The first step Were becoming the best version of yourself is being honest, truly honest about what makes you tick thanks to our You, Sir Alison Cohen, sound engineer: Jack, noble Are sound editor, Andrew Weller.
Ladies and gentlemen, did I mentioned I have a book coming out. Here's the thing. It's called Get out of your own way sceptics guide to growth and fulfilment and we're The priest cell window of windows- I am super, excited about having written a book for both men and women about the twenty lies that I once believed that were keeping me in my own way. I have written this. The perspective of some one. That is totally differ. From Rachel Hollis. Even if the format is somewhat similar to grow wash your face, I wrote it from the respect for someone, who's been skeptical of tools like this book or even is that I was getting in my own way and I and I think in uncovering the truth. Behind those lies, not only did it helped me my own way to help you get out of yours. In uncovering the truth. Behind those lies, not only help me get out of my own way. It I'll help you get out of Europe's. There are two ways I want to say. Thank you for preparing this book
I've created in the course of course, yes and iii course, a sixty minutes each course called finding your why it's a phantom stick resource it's available absolutely for. Right now for having pure the book and. If you go to get out of your own way the book that calm right now and follow the problems, not only we get Icarus, you can hear the first thirty minutes of the book. And get out of your own way comes out March. Tenth, I'm super super excited about it, get out of your own way. The book dot com hit that link follow the problems, and I appreciate your support.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-16.