On today’s Dais I chat with Curt Steinhorst the bestselling author of Can I Have Your Attention? We discuss the ins and outs of being distracted in work & life, tips on what to do about it. Show Notes: curtsteinhorst.com @curtsteinhorst Letsrise.co
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey guys, it's reach our houses, and I'm here is my friend: Trent Shelton was originally you. Don't I live in the dream? Man? We? U tell listeners, why we're hanging out together and now we're home now, because we are launching a new package straight up and I'm super examined at the seller. Add if you guys are not already familiar Trent. He has millions and millions of fans all around the globe who come to him for a very unique style of coaching yeah, William rates or the point is really can put a stray from the hardened breaker do those negative months it's broken through, of which only you back. In Mostar, we haven't people's lives for love that so, if you guys want here more you're, already listening on a podcast platform, go subscribe to straight up with Trent Shelton Detroit. Let's go get one of the cruellest things that I get to see as part of my job is the manifestation of the product or products that I dreamed up and created and figured out how to do like. So many of you as a business owner, you get these ideas in your head and it is incredible to get to watch them come to fruition, and I started dreaming about one of our most popular products thus start today journal. I served dreaming about this a couple of years ago. I had been doing this daily practice based on several different people. I had heard about several different things and I'm gonna put them together into one daily practice, which was every single day. I wrote down the dreams I had for my life, but I wrote them as if they had already happened there, something really powerful about claiming a goal as if it's already done, and I wrote down every day- and it was how I set my intentions and then I would post about it on social and so many people. What are you doing? What is that? Where do I get that journal? And I was like guys: it's not a journal. It's just a note book, I'm just riding down the same thing every single day, but what I think is interesting, as business owners or creators is often times. In fact, most of the time your audience will tell you what it wants from you and I kept pushing it off because I was like you guys. This is not a big deal, but it was, and people kept asking for, and I finally just thought what if I turn this into a product and I started to dream and plan- and I literally take pictures to the wall of my office, of what I dreamed that my journal would look like in the intention behind it, and I wanted the covers to be really pretty, and I wanted it to be something that you could do once a quarter and then, as you completed, each journal. You'd have a stack of this evidence of how intentional you were about your life and we figured it out, and I mean you know some times we messed up on the shipping and sometimes we rest up on the interior. But we failed our way to where we are today, which is the start today journal in the hands of hundreds of thousands of people. So incredible such a blessing for me to be able to go on Instagram and see hashtag start today journal and see people all over the world using this practice as a way to aim in the direction of their dreams. So if you are not familiar- and you want to check it out, you can go over to the house-
code dot com forward, slash shop and find out all about my favorite practice turned my favorite product and, if you're, not in the market, to buy remember that episode. Seventy two of this pod cast gives you the exact step by step so that you can do it in whatever note book you have laying around for free you not to buy a product, but you should be doing this daily practice. It will literally literally change your life as after months of waiting and a year of writing. My new book girl, wash your face, is finally out in the world's. I want to thank you so much, every single one of you who has pocketbook, I e both or a physical copy or on audio your support worlds, and if you are listening to my pie, causing having brought the book your dead, I'm totally can it. But I am serious about how I keep talking about it, because here legally
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you love your power aged and, if you doubt library goes far away from the. U care enough to listen here, love the wisdom wash your face. You will not be argued. Welcome to the day ass, I can find even Rachel Hollis. I built a multi billion dollar media companies with a high school diplomas and a google search each week.
Direct annual advice for inspiring interviews with the same intention fees are the tools to change your life,
episode? I chat with current Stein the best selling author of care
Have your attention were discussing the ins and outs of being distracted in work and life,
tips on what to do about it. We also got into our friendship and how you can navigate male female relationship in a way that respects to take her thanks. So much for him,
not with us today, but for me
I'm excited so for people who do not know you. Will you give us your buyer
Tell us what you do. What you're all about
yeah. So I study attention and speak and write and I'm a part of a team that works with companies and organisations on why we can't folks,
on anything and how that impacts are basically every part of our lives.
That's say that awesome and then I was like that's ridiculous response to such a thing of. It is actually really interesting, though, because you are setting a tent
ten, because you grew up struggling with that that crap
that's right. I I was a kid. I couldn't pay attention, so I have the HIV and there's deafening something ironic about the fact that today
speak on focus. As someone who can't. I often
I guess then I said
next session should have kindly western modesty.
Yes, exactly so, for you
you how like was this. I feel it in my
journey a lot of times? I wasn't conscious
Are we trying to figure out the answers for other people? I was just trying to solve the problems in my own life and then that kind of lead me to the work that I do now. Do you feel like that's? What happened with you, you're totally actually would have been a mute.
Specifically was I never communication as a kid. I had really great parents and definite
aunt em, but
a combination of environmental and then the fact that I
enjoy diving, deeply fur in the content and learning, and as long as it's for a brief in my time made it where I was able to survive. Well, then I started my first business and
It was this weird moment, because I was actually getting to do exactly what I was more
passionate about, and that was helping. People with their public speaking say had a chance to work with people that had a really big platform writing their speed.
his coaching them on speaking, and it was the first time in my life that I felt
overwhelmingly ill equipped to deal with. All that was coming at me and it wasn't like the hard work. It was actually just the endless inputs coming asking
to reply to an email and about my girlfriend, whose my wife and I had Gmail
tat at the time in the hall
There is so many options available in all this and I look up and I am working with a guy who is my grandfather's hero.
If all the famer and I can't figure out how to get myself to actually complete his speech, and so it was this shift for me. That said I gotta figure out, so no I'd know plans for it to become a professional endeavour. I think the best bike
sort of colleagues are vocations that we find ourselves pulled into, are always the things that people say I never ever anticipated. This would be what I was doing it just sort of and
tell me tell me about your book and talk about distraction talk about. What's what prompted eat a writer, and
keeps you on the road speaking to all of these different companies about. Why be
distracted, is so harmful. Yet so it's really interesting, because
you know. No one would ever expect some lady can complete book.
Whether reading or writing. Unless there's lots of pictures, the book was actually just this chance, for
to finally organise the ideas that not just me but the team that I'm on were working on.
thinking about and working with companies like literally what are we seeing work at companies? What
seeing the challenges, and I think the reason that I have the chance
do what I get to do is because most of us feel that distractions, a problem this
new by the way, even like Blaise Pascal, like the twelfth century was talking about the challenge of distraction, was
of the core issues of of what it means.
the human, and so that's not new, but there's just this confluence of events in technology and trends that make us feel very aware that who we
gonna be in the things that we want to be doing seem to be drifting further and further away from what we are actually doing site. I think the distinct place that we play is is not
an identified that that is a problem because there's a lot of people out centre like technologies, the problem, Silicon Valley, the problem in that's where we find more interesting, interesting things to discuss. In my mind,
I thank you- and I have talked about this before because it
would almost see MIKE our work is in opposition to each other, because I M, like I love social media. I think.
for media has creed
did bridges for people to connect all over the world for people to find community and friendships tat. They wouldn't have otherwise found in their everyday life, but
Then there is massive group of people
you hate on social media, because it is so distracting because its pulling us further and further apart from interacting in person yeah, you don't so it's funny, because there is no doubt that would be the
full response, like I'm on one side and you're on the other, but one of the great things about being friends is it helps
see the new ones in the conversation, and so what I would say it is social media can be one of the best tools when
well and rather than think about it as the enemy. What we actually should ask the question of is what is it saying about us and what is it changing about us? So, just like a couple ways that I I think can create a more help.
Your conversation are things like, like buyer nature, wouldn't be social and the things
for media does. Is it moves us from having a single, cohesive community that helps us shaped? What is important, which is what attention is its where we we put our attention on what we perceive as important
and its moves to more of a fragmented network where there's a lot of people without context telling us what's important in so
not to get off the social media, but we do need to come into it with an understanding of what we actually value and what we're looking today
otherwise. We leave confused and the women have metaphor distracted that such vent advice on it,
ever really thought of it from
angle of the important set your game,
I tend to think of you know the old saying like you are the combination, the five people that use around yourself, Wherefer that you hang out with most
and a lot of times. I dont think that people recognise that
your social media consumption is the other person in the room, though so who you are consuming. The media that you are consuming is a fact,
doing what you think and believe, and I love the idea that it is what you are deeming important. I haven't thought of that.
Or like I just kinda thing like man, if you are struggling with body image issues, and you only follow fitness models. Well, hello, like there's a reason you're consuming
Yet that says that you need to book a certain way, but I never really thought of the idea that this is
What you have decided is important. That's really incredible thing I think for listeners to consider is: if we looked at what you're consuming in this space, would you be proud, liquid,
beer intention that this is what we believe you think is important, others
great spanish philosopher, says Tommy what you pay attention to and I'll tell you, for. You are men. I wanted
things? I think that's really important about this, so it doesn't make someone feel guilty. Is we dont typically make active decisions on this?
If we really do have the capacity to we, we have very limited capacity to make a number of decisions.
Every single day and so
I have been saying that is the time I'm spending on site like it tells me what's important in such a conversation and say how do I filter out? How do I filter out the information in the the connections that I'm
then, I'm actually consuming and being changed by because we are being changed by them so that what
He does matter to me gets clearer and in it
becomes more aligned with the direction that I want to go because
its challenging when we have thousands of it
It's all yelling. This is important and then we feel guilty
that we are able to figure out what actually its life
Two I mean it's pretty obvious where this would manifest and business right. So, if you're distracted throughout the day,
I'm sure you have stats on how much like gimme some other groovy numbers on how might how often people are distracted and how that affects them in the workplace. Well, there's also
so fun once on this one. So you know, depending on the industry, it can be anywhere from an hour to even four hours a day can be spent cyber loafing, which has lacked wonderful feedback loop, like sixty percent of on line retail purchases occurred during working hours. Lamb and crazy, like eighty
I do not know that down.
As someone who sell things online. I feel like. I need to know that matter, but here's the other
What does that mean that were terrible people, because its two p m and I'm at the law of the day and rather than you know,
in taking a smoke break or hang out at a desk, I'm shopping on Amazon. Maybe not! I don't know that that that's a bad thing. You know what I would say.
is actually the bigger challenge here is that you know when we ve lowered the boundaries and the barriers we,
send messages with ease, because anything
I feel like it's hot potato and I send it back and now we're looking at people sitting a receipt
potato at my send it back and now we're looking at people sending or receiving two hundred and fifteen emails a day at work and eighty six percent of them are actually not crucial to work.
Indication ends its outside of any context most often, and so it's yet again the
creaming voices. Saying this matter. If pay attention to this
we don't recognize in this process is
just how limited we are in our capacity to it into like. We can't read all those email, so we make decisions, but typically not the right ones, as
what we choose to put our attention on, which is now
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Can we really challenging for how we think about and engage our work at? What this makes me think of is like a jokingly centres, but I really do have a certain amount of OECD about Bun opened emails on open text messages,
like the little alert things on your phone. It makes my skin crawled Dave has, I mean probably four thousand literally unopened emails right now. We have fifty voice
how's. He hasn't was like his phone is just it makes you wanna die, so obviously he doesn't care about about. For someone like me, that is a massive destruction.
Because I feel like I'm not on top of my life if things are
opened and handled. But then I
so recognise like when I'm on deadline for a book. Like I'd, just finished the book. I
my internet off on my phone and my computer, witness-
is the only way I will finish as if I am, I don't even have the ability to use it. What is the I can't do that every day in the workspace cause, I need the internet to do my job, that that makes you feel antsy and
I am constantly checking it because I don't want it to be on done
so first off. Any attempt to say you should care about that is, is not exactly realistic, so there's some people that need inbox zero there, some people that don't what I would say is is the the key here is setting up filters that may
it's easier to manage. The volume there's actually great ways that
knowledge can help us with the challenges of technology. One just like on a related note. One of the interesting things is that we are we actually in this weird misunderstanding of what it means to be successful. What does it work? It's as if we have
modeled ourselves like the ideal worker is the machine images to just never get us.
Did if we would just more discipline and we're just faster and more efficient, and it's like that act,
the whole model for that is being more like a machine which is the one way that you absolutely no, that you can have no value in the future because they are better than that they'll, be there. Don't worry. The machines will be there. So some practical here is used that knowledge is so like for a couple of her ways. Programs like unrolled at me, which can filter out newsletters and put him on the one Emel a day so that way, you're not having to actively open
and adjust for those? That's one thing you can do the other one, especially for someone like you Rachel. Well, I have any d, which means that
if an email comes in, I'm excited about it because it means I don't have to actually do the thing and chose to do. I use someone that worked with me. That is far more discipline. To actually is the first filter for email, so they have access to my inbox, either private email that that very few people
if they actually, I just get to me. But for the most part, if it's a base,
need, and I isn't actually personal
I don't even see it. I'm not gonna leave a lot to see it, but that actually the reason I do. That is because that means
but anyone who actually does have something that I can help him with engaged
Rachel. You send many an email. You actually get me yeah. Another way. Why have I mean? I know that people I think of like big, I don't know like Oprah for sure, is now opening her
emails- and I now I'm recognised in- and we first started to know each other. I did go through someone to access you and then
became actual friends and now I can just shoot you anymore attacks, it is it this
like I'm having an epiphany right now on a would be
actually changed my life to not have to go, because I get so many dumb emails. Oh my gosh and their brief. There are people in business. You can't just ignore that they sent you something, but no I don't have time. No, I cannot
no, I don't wanna get coffee and they put my brain, I'm so sorry! Well, yeah, that's a really good call. I never understood that thought.
oh, I thought some when you're like you know the president
and someone, one your email, and so why
There's a couple things here. First of I think a lot of reason. We don't, as we feel like that, it's the equivalent of a rider that demands renaming ends in here
that might have been in a different world, but today it you don't have to be,
liberty to be inundated by volume
I mean it's unbelievable, everybody thinks think they deserve constant access to you and it's some point
I make an all of us have to make a decision. Do we
to give an attention to the people who we
a shared commitment to work
we want to give hardly any
tension to everyone, so that the people who don't actually have any investment in us feel like suddenly good the ice
how responded John, and so I mean it- this isn't reserve we. We actually have the big things we do, and organizations is reached
true the way teams work so that certain people can
play the role of traffic off like they can be the filter,
and now everybody benefits for the from that, because everyone feels like their heard, but then the people that have real things really important things. They actually gets the focus that they deserve good thought for.
Very, how does this play
to personal relationships
if you and I have ever talked about this before, but I feel like it must be a massive is
something that you touch on when you speak on this topic, or do you tend to stick with business? Well, you know it's it's funny, because the focus of my talks are business, but the contacts with the elimination of the walls, the what actually makes it impossible for us to be good in our work, is the way the social domain, the various social domains. We have collide on to one another, and so there's no.
Separation. Like this concept, like a work life balance, you need to know women turn it off when to turn it on like this.
makes no sense and is always good advice for other people are what will do in a week, and so it's it's. We do cover kind, the personal side in the professional side on this, and you know the
The shortened simple is
it's not a matter of fully turning it off. It's a matter of agreeing to close
off other social domains for periods so that there is not confusion about what
and so conversation with my wife is when I come home from work. I travel way too much and it's really frustrating and hard with young kids, but when I come home from work
There are endless things that would speed up my work if I could just respond to,
But I actually I say, no, I'm I'm. I'm gonna get my full focus here. I'm gonna turn off
too much of the outside noises, and then that
is it when I'm at work. She doesn't expect to hear from me all day.
so. What happens there is that each domain gets the attention it deserves, rather than all the domains giving none of what they actually here, if everything's important than nothing's important, that's right is something I was just thinking, as you were talking through this, that is
the interesting this isn't exactly on your topic, but I think this would be a compelling for people who are listening is how we got connected, how we became friends- and I think how both of our both of our like professional lives, have benefited from being friends with each other. We met on a big call,
the lack of a better description. We're both a just gonna grows mutual friend of ours, and how did you meet just by the way? So there is a community that is kind of my life line of
leaders that are doing now
in work across the globe, but to have both a component that connected
face personally and then in a market, but a business like actually
and something the market. So it's just a small community of people across the globe and just can I met when we were at an event that was
those events and in immediately had often and she's, been affront ever since you are so she
got a bunch of us on a phone call, and this is so Jas, but she got it like. Basically every author she knew which, if you're just gonna go, has some pretty big names on that list and then there's me incur like a listening like all these people are being at the, but whatever it was. You had said some things that day that I thought
ass, theirs he has some knowledge. That would be really helpful for me and I have some knowledge. That would be really helpful for him. We don't do this.
same thing, exactly like I
to learn more about public speaking and how that becomes a viable business plan and
I knew that I had knowledge about social media and digital marketing. That would be helpful for you, and I feel like that,
is, I don't even know the word for this and we should probably coin it now in turn into a book and make millions. But you know four years everyone's efforts, I find a mentor fundamental or find a mentor, and I dont know
but you, but that's not something. I've had a ton of success with in my life, I'm like do these people grow on trees. I dont know where to find my mentor, so
I have found you know,
good old men tours and that I have just decided like Tony Robins Oprah Renee Brown like if you have created something that I can meet. You know this is what I think is interesting is that were not with were peers,
but we have a lot of knowledge to mentor each other in, and I think that its Ben I mean- I don't know- maybe you don't like me at all, but I have so benefited from knowledge that you give it
we over the last four months
however, that we know each other. I just think that there's something interesting about that idea for people who are listening, that it doesn't have to be like you.
The assistant and you get the ceo to be your mentor, I think that your peers can offer a lot of women.
And value yeah. Well, first, on the ice.
It's been really fine because
all the things that you said, but also just it's it's fun. When you meet someone that immediately, you say this persons a kindred spirits, this person, yeah stands Manchu or my challenges, but also lies in a very different world than me. You know
and actually so, let's just the opposite back to the stuff that that I think about is basically everything goes through. This lends,
tension for me and I think, one of
is it really hard today people say you know
Furthermore, we have fear missing out and we act like it's- that Brown Jealous, that my friends on a vacation on Instagram, which
now. It is what it is like this constant awareness of all the stuff we don't know
we ve never been more aware of like how much if we could just nome this extra piece of innovation. If we could be,
an expert in this space than we would more business would work. It's like you know
most of history. If you were a shoemaker you're, the only one like now you, and so
actually really nice to be able to say, hey, I'm not
We ought to be a social media expert, I'm not, but what I can
to can find benefit and so yeah, I think so,
written in the steps of that? So I get half
that work and to mutual benefit, and so yeah,
two I feel like. I want to say this because if I was listening to this conversation, this would absolutely pop into my head, and I just know other women are going to wonder so I meant to say it, and I think I even talked about this with you. Is it there?
is. It is really weird Elijah,
call it out like it's weird
to be a married woman in business,
you become amusing airports because no one can see me but to become a
and with a married man or any man like if one of these- but I do know, is weird and so
for the longest time. I would meet
men in business that I really admire. But I also felt super weird about Lee. You wanna be friends like how do you even approach satin away? That's not occurred or disrespectful to your partner, and I know that
people who can be like doesn't matter. It does actually matters a lot
So it's worth saying in this situation in case are people listen, you're, wondering I think when I first reach out to you I said:
the email, ok, I think I figured I'd love to like chat with you.
Super happily married his neighbors Dave, I care with you guys to meet each other. You're gonna be friends too, but I
spell and I've done that with a handful of guys that I have become like professional friends. With of light from the
beginning. Let's just be really clear on. I don't know the boundary like just that
why you to think I was a creep like guinea, because if you said
Some want to know the care really admire the work you're doing I loved it, get together for coffee. That sounds a little bit like you're, asking them on a date,
So I just think I know that was not where you got this caught. This conversation was going to go, but if I was listening to us talk, I would wonder: oh is that appropriate,
because there is some companies like you know how much I love the Rams
organization, and they have a really hard core rules about whether or not you can like
be friends like just to like I'm, not
making sense. But if you, if you and I worked together Ramsay Organization, we would not be able to travel together just the two of us
it will not be able to write in a car together, just the two of us, yet a leather actually a lot of a lot of companies that have pretty hard core rules
Alison is outside I base of their having conversation now she's like why sorry that took a weird turn, but I think if I was listening, I would
you're like hey, there are people I would love to grow and with my network, and
library with or whatever. But how do you do in a way that fills respectful, and I just think it was worth it was worth it?
yeah you I'll, I you did it cause couple things that, like I think about
to do this. Are there
on the one hand just to make it really clear its it would be extremely limiting to a professional. If we could only at it, we can only
age with people that were the same General Harris and let us like a really unhealthy thing. On the other hand, we
in this world that acts like that there are,
some real challenges, to trust if we don't handle it with wisdom and so like
articles and in this isn't like I'm no authority on it, but there are definitely things that, like any anybody that
in my mind that committed most to the person that this matter they ve Commander life to there's things we can do to make it like to to make it actually healthier and awesome inside. For instance, you said that, but my wife also
who knows and thinks about in fields are part of the friendship that I have with the horses and so yeah like Rachel. We ve got into.
We ve been on a video call with Dave? I'm excited to talk today. Five email and yeah can be my wife, my bought by Europe.
New York Times best sellers me. She loves this podcast so like there's, no there's no hiding, there's no
like male female relationship that I have professionally than my wife? Is
part of inside another is what makes it
yeah, that's what makes a work. It's really great advice, and I was thinking of that before us. Come,
and today, because you are the second male I've ever interviewed on the spot cast the first one is Dave
and for the longest time that was a conscious choice was way. I want to just give a platform to women as often as possible, but be
I for years, like really was praying for
some like cash? I just want some friends and business. I want some friends who are not people that I'm mentoring, but people who are above me who can work
beside me who know what it feels like or how hard it is and
I really struggle with that, because there aren't necessarily a lot of women doing what I do and then it's like
all. Is it weird if their guys and I finally just was like I if I think, if I approaches in the most respectful way possible and, like you said the Dave
them in its honour, where things are all hanging out,
rather than its possible. I thank you for talking about how to respectfully have a relationship are
I don't even know that I've read or write. Are you? Are you big reader? I can't remember oh well, how does this play?
to have being distracted, yeah
great question, so my friends in college, which is hard to believe that site fifteen years ago,
You suggest that I was the best reader of the first three chapters of any books. It I so yeah.
I read especially professionally, have to read, but
honestly I'm on the road a lot I get nauseous on flights and so your books for the greatest thing that ever happened to me because
now I can like I will do anything that someone asked cleaning the dishes doing a laundry cling. The house, you give me a great audio books and I will do any of it, and so
I M like a method to make it work, not just consumption without actually remember anything. I wouldn have an ever note open
but open world type a note.
So I remember it by an yes,
I've read some and then I do audio ok. This made me, I have to ask you travel,
more than any person I know, and you just said you get sick on fights wagons
sick. When I'm like, when I know when you're reading. Oh thank goodness, I was like what kind of life are you living? Oh, no, ok! Ok, sorry! That makes much when you make that decisions about this is not the job choice for you. Buddy pig eyes will be back in a hot minute with more in this interview, but now a quick word from a sponsor having rise. Foma no hurries, because we ve got tons of rise events coming your way and twenty nineteen make sure and check out. Let's rise Dat CO for all the info needed date, night schedule, one girl: do your future self a favor and get cosy. It's the athlete keeps my whole family schedule in one place, so I can add a date night with Dave and it automatically give added to both our calendars get cosy c, o c I or free from your appstore or at cosy dot com, Ford, Slash, Rachel pay I'll. Do me a favor wire listening to today's episode, take a screen shot, and
but it on Instagram or your into stories and tag me. I love hearing what you think and seeing what you're up to, and it helps the tribe remember to go us into this week's episode. Think so much again emphasise that from the topic of destruction. I just out of this,
As someone who is travelling time for work, which me
hence does kitty.
Stay home with the kids? Are she works as well? She say some of the kids,
so she is owning a lot more of that she's taken on the lion's share of what's going on at home, and you have little kids how how have you?
figured out ways to step in for
or help her. I was just in writing the book. I was talking about this idea that their attack
where our careers or our goals are different, things that were working on mean that we don't
it's much time at home and the way that you can help to ease that travels more?
are showing up for your partner support in different ways. So I'm just curious. Is there a device, have any tips or advice if you like
then really helpful for you that, if someone's listening and there, the partner that travels more or their wanting to pursue their goal or dream- and it means it's can be a hardship on the family. Here are some things that have been effective.
From the guy who travels. You know eighty three jobs a year whatever well. First off, I should just say that it is worth
Well because in one sense, because my wife, I always knew she wanted to stay home. She she was a coach and a teacher, but she's actually get to do what she laughed. So it makes it easier for me, but it doesn't make it easy and so on
and things that we just do and let's be clear, this is a constant work.
I think really. The biggest thing is a recognition that it's never been sat. It's never settled so like
highest level. The biggest shift for us. The most important thing is that we had to weave we ve gotta make travel the end, not the
but like we're on a team and the challenge. Is this difficult travel schedule
why that, rather than like Kurtz on one side and my, why, on the other side- and we are now enemies- and so that's ass- you detail against the problem, not you against each other. That's right.
So a summer? One number two is: I worked really hard to be really present when I'm home and to do as much as I can t say: hey go go to the thing with the girls, but that doesn't make up for it outright.
There is still a lot of days that it can feel lonely so faced time in texting is something that can be helpful. You know the next thing is like we ve just this is recent.
We ve had babysitters. We ve had helped. We have not gotten someone
come in on a more consistent basis and in a way,
how to make a decision that said, there's benefits in kind
Quincy to meeting on the road, and one of those benefits is that we are in a position to where we shouldn't make them burden to how we should make that Britain heavier than any state which means having some help to sign handwriting,
that weaken this can be the place at our friendship goes knacks, because I will preach on having
hope, even if it just part time but consistently the same person how much easier it makes it for that.
AIDS, and for you guys, if you're like, we know PAM showing up at nine a M on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and that means that Gimme gets too like plan her schedule around that so helpful. Yet in you know it's funny because a lot of times and crimson millions in college and so a lot of people think our will to give support, means that you're not gonna, raise your own kid
those people can shut up yet and it's the total abstinence support actually means that your kids aren't, like you, don't hate your kids, a gas you below them, and so
and it means that you can spend the time with them that you want to be spending like, for instance, here
to come and help us with the laundry, because I want to play in the floor with the kids
I dont want someone to play the kids. I want someone to help me with the other things that I can be shown.
Up in the ways that I want to show up. So no, I think I hear and also, if you have more than one child. This is our experience. You have more than one kid you're here
is coming and they help us like one kid and then your managing or your dividing in conquering it's not like any one in the thing
that you're lying in bed eating bomb bonds. When you have a nanny are when you have a baby, sitter is dumb and dumb people should not be listened to. So their opinion does not matter totally.
So lasting. Oh, I was just thinking about when it comes like. How do we actually manage it like a lot of? It is like a mindset management, and that means that, like, for instance, just in
discussion yesterday was my birthday and gas, and I put you off when you bring me my gosh, you do. We were you know and even their urine floor.
So this first birthday I was in Atlantic City and now and then had to Vegas this enough as it is so much worse and I mean like literally the worse place you can. Then, how did you turn out of curiosity like fire
people thirty five, I'm so sad for you
and wait sorry, I interrupted each other middle full. So this is the first birthday I haven't been home
I am hoping as the last one, but just like in a moment
vulnerability I called home at the end of the day, to signal
The kids and my three year Old Rand, who I'm really grateful because my boys, they really
loved that in that that's always the case, but he started tearing up and did not show my daddy wasn't coming on hands
It's really hard. So in that moment, and in fact I've just I've been kind of a mess ever since then that's the first time is over. You know he says: White Daddy, holding is now so in those moments.
A wise, I touched her and I say a those that's really hard. I might just sad. I won his home in my wife response to me by saying by helping me remind by reminding me of like this opportunity that we have and the fact that
boys love me and the that she sent me a text this morning with a photo of ran being a total
who fall- and so let me just turn this constant game of encouragement to one another. You know when she strolling I'm and we it's not just encouragement. It's actually saying we can make it. We can choose what our mindset is here. Actually, I should say one last thing about this. I don't intend to be on the road this much there s my law,
we have. We have certain specific goal which makes it easier to say this is a season, but I'm gonna call my kids in their sports from
older. This is a part of the process. Will I think, that's great t, because
There is a light at the end of the tunnel when we were early in our marriage, Dave had Dave was in charge of job. That was global.
And he traveled constantly and it was always international travel so is weak.
at a time and I had a little baby and it was so hard and part of,
reason I think it was hard was there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't know when this would end and it it be
This is how we pay for our family to live. We don't really have another option right now, so I think that's a great perspective.
and Daniel, I'm sorry that you are how many broke aerial, doing something fun when you get home with some friends over this last weekend and then when you get home, my
my oldest is very excited to make a cake that here.
Ryan is Atlantic City to Naples, forty Naples for it,
What how much your where? Where are you and then you get to go home within now? I like desert like be up. This is now it always is a burger. You know
friends and, like briefly, some time off July, but this particular
Ryan is Manic City to Naples, Fora, Naples, forty, two and vague s home for a very brief time than the king tune home for hours. Time debating our finer Cancun for well yeah. It's like I have a great picture of the beach and in total and then I'm taking my whole family, the Florida for unavenged, but also spinning, sometimes like that's just
This is a two week spread and is what it is and then yeah
So this brings me perfectly to the questions that I asked at the end of every episode and I'm gonna do the the third one first, because you more than anybody else should be the best to answer this, which is what
is the one item. You cannot travel without one item. One love love that actually used artist, so young for ya know. I sought here's the one that I would say was a game changer for me, there is a
there's a lab top stand that super skinny and lack. Although the emir dad it's either he's your weird stay at that so by the US it gives you gotta say that computer, the very first time I met her in person. We had breakfast ads
He is like at our table at our cafe, with the most intense set up I've ever seen of like
there is a really good reason. Why? Yes, I like evidence up your shoe. Men like you, spend your whole.
Looking down the laptop and then I'll send you wonder why everything hurts, and so this really lightweight thing. It's called the roost in it moves the laptop up, and now I have a real monitor, rather than like an assured future. Where I can't walk or stand up, do you have a deal? Travel like in again see. Is that hiding their green,
right over time. So there's a couple of things that you know the Bin
right now. I will only it was this wrong without question
I will only fly in the good seats or I can't do this speaking. I got my schedule, you crazy. I can't I can't sit in the middle seat by the purser and an eye interested what's funny, because people are further. I go live in those celebratory, unlike no, Europe is wrong. Comparison you're, comparing you here too. I am not drinking the wine, I'm not an inner. Now, I'm here because I am exhausted and I need not have to buy
elbows with for the next five hour. It's your couch versus the sea. Like you true, that's it that's what I should do so instead,
What time, when you're, when you're? Actually, I would love to hear this both ways. I would love to hear your morning routine when you're at home and your morning routine when you're travelling is indifferent. Are you trying to keep the same thing? Well, when you got kids version it like this
radical world and in reality, so there's prince
rules that are the same and so like. I am a I'm really really disciplined the night before, like the lasting. I do so I am at home. That means one week when I put the kid so bad I actually go in, and I can't get my whole day said if I pick out the clothes I'm wearing them. I I learned that take the toothpaste cap off like
everything up. Are you said my coffee? I use I may only look at the city is what you're saying what an innocent people like I want is many things that get in the way of the limited amount of time that I can get focus work TAT Morning and that's it so when it comes to hotel
this is a more rigid or like more just like cathartic. I would almost say like I come into the hotel tell often late at night, and I basically take out all the clothes that I need to have. First speech referred
so the consulting egg. I hang on. I I pull out all the territories.
and the next morning I charge up all my devices in my headphones and then the next morning. It's this shower straight into going to the breakfast place
I do some journaling my daily journaling routine is really like getting mentally and emotionally and spiritually aligned with. Where were what I'm that day and then
I've into work and that's like pretty rapid move
we worked when you're journaling. Are you actually physically writing or you typing and physically writing justice? Are you coffee person? I can't remember
I know what I mean.
snob? That's the assure my coffee snob! So what's your dream coffee like what, if you could have anything? What are you order? So I like poor overs, that's what I go
a more light roast for over and then, if I, if it's not it's risky coffee, then I'll get in America, no real risky
by the way should be the name of your biography. Gravity allows like a really good choice by governments without one for the rest, the day are: what's your favorite physical activity,
Are you I don't know what your work out and how often you do it.
well. So do you have a work yeah that that's a little question now
so I actually had the next thing. I have a thing called spinal stenosis, which means that I used to do more lifting type stuff, but I actually can't so running is the thing that replaced at my wife was across venture and across pinch approach,
I never ran before then, but I swear run on a consistent basis
seasons that like I did.
I try to do at least half marathon a rear, but you know so happy. I didn't. I didn't know this about you. You know that I'm a runner. Do you know that we have not had this extension
how can we have mainly because I'm a ashamed of the fact that I haven't been running quite as much
even running like in your life. Man, that's hard, gotta know, I'm happy to hear this because
so curtain. I are in a mastermind together, which is hilarious. Weep had exactly one
meeting, and there was a meeting that we had yesterday and I slept direct cause. I forgot that it was happening by what we committed to with mastermind was that we were gonna
have we're in a mastermind with other people? That sounds very where it like that, where our own weird thing
No, so we committed that we would have one video call a month where we all help each other with our stuff
and that once a year we would do something for weekend, and the irony that I'm just realising, as you say in the south, is that everybody in this group are runners, and I think our one thing should be a half marathon. I think that it would be like we would grow together and them.
Have wine and it would be awesome. Well you putting it on the
It has me saying yes, let's do it is assuredly
It all happened urged her. Why? Okay? So so the question ask everybody who is listening to me.
Then, you can take this in,
in the direction of your work, about distraction and focus, or you can take this just end.
I believe that you have, but let's
Everyone listening to this is gonna hear you gave a piece of advice right now: you're gonna tell them one thing that they would absolutely here and take in
and do it would become their truth, that would become something that they would do. If you,
the people listening anything that you believe is true. That would help their life. That would change their life. What would you tell them? Well, I know
pressure seriously. This is the one thing you watch it up right.
so I am in a hedge here, but the first thing
it comes to mind. For me is to recognise.
did the challenge of the world we live in is not just that. We not just that we're like on our phones instead of watching our kids. It's it's. Our awareness we are at. We've never had more access to all of the inputs that remind us of what we're missing and what we're not doing well in us and what a perfect human could do and what it was.
If we were better at our jobs and guilt
and shame and regret? Is it
terrible motivator for actually,
moving forward in any endeavour, and so I just I think, said the people need to that like world.
Hey, you know it's and we're not gonna do not. We can't do not. We are
woefully limited and as long as we can make peace with that
then, will actually have far less limits sake. That internally is
brown or someone who says now that you don't have
to be perfect, you can just be good. Well
that sounds if its wisdom
Poetic rather word is probably bring Abraham its eyes
every day or Shanna Carer River says it, but it's such a good. I, like Siena everywhere lately and I'm like Lord Sub, trying to talk to me, stop trying to send me notes. Troop interest means
there are no. That is, that is real.
Great wisdom and advice at especially as someone like me, I M, in achieving her. I am adieu, push really hard. I do want and it's it's a good like you, slow down, calm down, yeah. That's that's really good piece of advice.
Thank you. Thanks for hanging out your time is super spread so thin, and I know that you don't have a bunch of it to get around. I'm always really grateful when you give them to me and share
the advice, no wisdom, and I know I know
a that there are things that people are gonna take about out of this conversation today, but be
I just really wanted listeners to get to know you you're my friend and your super helpful and I think, you're doing really good work in the world, and I just wanted them to get to know Kurt.
just lie. Intensely tried to kind of pull it away from just as the stocking it's. No you a little bit better too on the personal sighed Anne.
When I tell them where to go, follow you said:
Can learn more yearning of all car announced ram because I'm trying to settle the initial notes as well, but tell them your answer grandma's, because these listeners Levin Instagram. I know your other places, but this is an answer. Ground crowd, yeah totally, it's just Kurtz. I most souci Europeans, as T ion
each or is he? I don't know why I just felt that item guessing that that's a necessary now. You know every single time. I try and like send you an email. I have no idea how to spoil your last name, so I feel like that was why now I've? Yes, everyone go follow ham, the book is called
yeah, yeah and
I'm sure that they will get to know you mark, as this is not the only time that we're gonna collaborate or hang out with each other by super procedure time. Man thanks so much for trouble me. We will be back with another episode next week. In the mean time, if you have a moment and you can write of review or subscribed to the pod cast, that is life to those of us who worked so hard to produce every single episode for more information, you can check out day as Pakistan or stuck me on every form of social media. I am this breach of Alice on every single platform, thanks to our producer, Alison Cohen, are sound engineer, Jack, noble and are sounding editor, Andrew Weller. Most importantly, I hope in presenting today that inspires you see it
Ladies and gentlemen, did I mentioned I have a book coming out. Here's a thing: it's called get out of your own way, sceptics guide to growth and fulfilment and wherein the priest cell window of windows. I am super excited about having written a book for both men and women about the twenty lies that I once believed that were keeping me in my own way. I have written this from the perspective of some one that is totally different from Rachel Hollis, even if the format is somewhat similar to grow wash your face, I wrote it from the perspective of someone who's been skeptical of tools like this book or even the pot Castro listening to for ever and ever its through there
lands that I'm talking about the ways that I was getting in my own way and I think in uncovering the truth behind those lies. Not only did it help me get out of my own way to help you get out of Europe's. There are two ways I want to say thank you for preparing this book. I have created an e course any course. Yes and e course a sixty minutes each course called finding your why it's a fantastic resource, it's available absolutely for free right now for having pure the book, and if you go to get out of your own way, the book that calm right now and follow the problems. Not only we get a course. You can hear the first thirty minutes of the book again get out of your way comes out March. Tenth, I'm super super excited about it, get out of your own way. The book dot com hit that link follow the problems, and I appreciate your support.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-16.