« The Rachel Hollis Podcast

443: Inspirational Life Lessons from The Skinny Confidential, Rob Bell, Andy Grammer, Kristen Chenoweth & Dr. Drew | Mastermind Series

2023-07-12 | 🔗
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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their game. Changing flux, path, format: you can earn your degree on your schedule, see convey education seamlessly into your life Imagine your future differently. That e we set ourselves you impassable means and in the end, the anxiety comes and then the depression, and then people. Why are you upset? Why are you sad what's wrong with you carefully fears. Breathing, you probably have anxiety, you probably happy downtime. Some people live, which oppression I'm one. That's not that's, not something that's really known on, because I don't want to be a winner right with us, the true and the young, regeneration has given me the chance to say yeah. I have that stuff and it's okay hi, I'm rachel Hollis, and this is my podcast- I I spend so many hours of every single week, reading and listening to podcast and watching youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do. On their shall. We
talk about everything like and how to be an entrepreneur. What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan for intermittent fasting? What's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for you, whatever it is, my guess or into I want to unpack it so that we can all understand these. Our conversations. This is information for the curious. This is the rachel Hollis I guess I all we are back with another episode in our mastermind series. This is where a single topic and we look through sick plus years of interviews here on the show. find some of our favorite wisdom to go along with that particular subject today its inspirational life lessons. These are stories that I have heard over the years that I found so inspiring in the moment and bring back
give you some motivation and some inspiration as you go through up today, you're gonna hear from doktor drew Kristen china with the skinny comfort, actual rider rob bell singer: Andy grammar, like it's a whole gamut and Hope you find something in this episode that you really dig. This Is today's mastermind the word apocalypse in its ancient meaning means to reveal or to disclose so apocalypse for many people, as this feels apocalyptic like it's an end, but true apocalypse isn't an end. Its a revealing of what is so if like, are our government structures are education, structures and economics structure where more of like a smaller group, people have all the wealth like this isn't working. It's not serbian everybody well and the
only way to get to a new create, it is. You have to like have the run nation and the exposure like you, said it so unbelievably painful my wife christen. I talk about apocalyptic hope like just rip off all the masks. For four years we ve had a political party, america, that's been against getting more people registered the vote because it doesn't go well for them, where people vote in an election, but now there being honest about it He had had shocks you and rex you in your like so angry, but but my son called the great on masking. Let's just take all them, We might as well, because the only way you can ever re order the world in a way that serbs more people- so I say Yes to everything you have said about pain, heartbreak loss, but also there's an ancient pattern in play. Here. You witches you huh
to get the full revealing you gotta, get all the truth out Gotta get all the way down way under the wound. Otherwise you just keep putting little band aids. at the end that built into that is this ancient pattern of orientation, disorientation, re orientation and whenever you go through a disruption a tragedy, a global pandemic that put you in disorientation all the reference points I used to drop my daughter off at school. At us. time and now she's like in the back yard or laptop where it what's. What is what its debts right, you don't have a disorienting and there are these two this in disorientation, the one to dig in your heels and to fight it, and long for an earlier perceived ideal at a time when everything was better just make it all great again like we thought it was. The other half is too low
the pain and the disorientation to break you open so that you expand so the urban new possibilities and you allow the disorientation to be a great in They gator of imagination- and you can see, yeah you don't I mean you can see it everywhere. You can see these two responses. I would never make any promises. I would say there is an ancient pattern, has thousands of years of wisdom under girding it, but what eggs actually will happen. That's a meal Whole thing is a mystery. We don't we don't know exactly where its headed all we know is spirit is always lurking in whatever the masses. That's the invitation of a spiritual vision for life is what However, the churning dark waters are spirit. Is in them I was restless. I had all this adolescence eggs and energetic, never very good student, and on about you out? I just
Somebody telling me what I had to do. Just maybe mental saw there was always somebody better was always a better still, someday more popular who knew where the parties, where there is always a better still. now we'd better athletes, but I live this world it was ranked, and there is all he's a ranking and then I got into college and I got in this band and for the first time I could write the songs and it was like god I could. There were being about taking one I was experiencing in giving words to it and The tribal like you talk about near events. There was something like a nineteen year old about it. We would do this rock shows and there was something try: and communal like caused me aid for the renewal of the seas, but I may do. I gather people and say these things and people would sing the lyrics back. Then the ban look up as they always do in college, and I was tee water, skin and wisconsin like you, do and efforts this chapel service for college
and I am volunteered to give the sermon sermon. We might and for me always raised the existential question. What's for lunch was just some guy I am a sweater of us talking about stuff that, whatever somehow connected with in that ban the hours the lead singer with all the sir is an art form? It's like a long. Lost art form Try that so I volunteered and I got up to give this talk. I had no idea what I was doing. I like what appears to such a bizarre and I got up and I merely took off my birchen stocks, because I this awareness, but that I was on wholly ground life was never gonna be the same again. It was like help. People access the big mysteries of life. That's that's what you're here to do. This art form. So there's this ancient story about moses. When you the burning bush. He doesn't take his sandals off because
suddenly, the ground is only he takes the sandals off because he rely. Is the ground has been wholly the whole time and he's just now waking up to it. So this is the invitation for all of us. Your waking up to the sacred gift that is your life. Then you get these moments. We are like everything's. Ok, it's not isolated despair comes from isolation. This event exists disconnected in space and time from other events it doesn't it's so so the someone will say, I'm just a mom. I just sell insurance, I'm just a teacher, which means there's just this act idea and it has no larger, contextual web of meaning, but the moments of joy, peace, serenity. The moments when we go. This is what it's all are always moments when whatever your engaged in is use, Hence it taking place within some Larger field meaning reverence. You get a lump in your throat, the heron
back your neck right. You get like some sense that all of this is actually connected with all the rest of it. yeah and that's that's the great. Ask in the modern world is the ancients were much more tuned into this. They saw their lives taking place within like a larger drama, but for so many people, it's garage door that opens the car goes in the door closes, it's all separated units which is Are you gather the people that you do we We know that this system that is telling us that we ve just bought more I'll be ok. We know this system is alive. against the very things that make us feel most alive? So even these past six months there are days that are just like this day You're, not a red and yellow I'm done bother state so doubt rage, bitterness, despair, hopelessness, some is a feeling of lost miss? course you're, human being anger, and you don't even know towards what yes, so so the first thing.
Is to learn to be the observer of the experience you're having for many people. The last thing like in these days, were living and overwhelmed or anxiety becomes aim. Anxious, ray and subtle shift to. Oh look piety so just learning to observe. Like you mentioned, you carry I'm not walk around and just even though six of writing out. Ok, today, I'm anger at this person Fourth and today I feel like just getting it all out is actually an act of observing it and what There does as more and more grounds you in the. U that can observe you have any experience for many, people be only you as the you that's overwhelmed by whatever it is, so the practice is getting better and better at observing it, because then the question becomes whose observing it there's some you there is some infinite indestructible rachel is observing rachel having these experiences and the moon,
or time you grounded in that infinite indestructible. You then that's like that's like a centre. Oh while I am like I am jumpy today, may take nothing for me to fly. Ok, I wonder that is interesting, I mean it's random and it's not random how we got here. There are things there experiences we had and stories that we had to tell to make sense of things that happened back there and a story works until it doesn't so yeah for many people going back and mining there passed so got. When forward them not nostalgic. None of this is like basic human wisdom. I I came from these people I stumbled into a stage in the second act as all the stuff, the apple like they were already. Droughts. Right your parents and their drivers and their parents, but, like you, stumbled it was stage about. There's apply it's already unfolding. So, let's start there, was not a blank slate you enter.
Into a drama but lost and hope and lasting longings she like all of it and, of course, over the course of your life you're, going to have moments of insight about how the events and the events when you were younger, shaped you I recently when on a fifty mile, hike that five, zero. It was one of the most physically challenging things I've ever done in my life and my sidekick mike pilot was key on he knows for serious you guys. I have used Qian minos for a while to help me with my work out, but this was the first time that I have strategically use the aminos to give me an extra boost of energy in the afternoon when
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school year ramping up now is the best time to get. I excel My listeners can get an exclusive twenty percent off. I excel membership when they say today. Just two I excel dot com, slash hollis that I excel dot com, slow h, o l, l, I ass the most effective learning programme out there at the best price I think that, for me, and that's that's how I always want to live my life, I want to sit down with people who have different opinions than me. I want to have friends with different opinions. If I'm sitting in a dinner table, ten friends and we're all agreeing with each other. I'm to be bored is fuck right so up and that's what our whole podcast is. We don't bring on every single person that we agree with every single thing, yet in here different sides and see why people come to this conclusion.
and I think, to take what you're saying on a micro level is even the content that you you consume on my yes like how much of that is and I'm really purposeful, now about whose instagram story I watch. What, what's populating on my new speed, I will meet me me me me right eye, I don't even like to look on the left hand. Side of the room. I mean our sue. Do my work? Do my business serve my community and get off right, and I think your constantly listening to the news consuming different kinds of content? You it's like so much inundated right. I think a lot of creators get so burnt out because they start to have success on it. Platform. Let's call in your case that's called a book or let's in others, let's call it launches, maybe social or blog and all of a sudden You know new people come into the business like any to you to jail. He had a hard cash. You gotta go speak. You need to go It is like all of
the things that you're not drawn to are called to get thrown into the mix and all of a sudden becomes this huge overwhelming thing that you hate doing right. I don't ask for permission, perhaps in some little, if, if you don't like me, I'm not the one for you, I get it there's the door like I'm we much no I'm not for everyone, and that I think that goes back to my childhood in high school. With the big. Thing for me, as I just felt like, I was an impostor in a place that didn't belong right, some showing up to an office. Ninety six, you know, I'm going places in dinners that I don't wanna go. Do I'm interacting with people that I didn't necessarily one interact with them and not? Is it wasn't it personal thing? I just you solitude! Wasn't It wasn't my thing like the I'm, the guy- that if you put me on a mountain top with like ten books and some food, I could be up there for a month before my quick shit but I got my interact and say hi to someone so right, like I said
been called you a place like this, and I don't think there is anything wrong with any the big cities. As a matter of fact, I think everybody at some point should try to experience a big city. Just if you see a different way of life is I'm appreciative of like what it can bring it yeah. You know it's faster pace. Theirs. Energy there's. You know it's easier to get things done quicker. I I I did a blog post on this, like you can be simultaneous We really grateful that yeah has met by like also complain that it's for me, I gained fifty five pounds. Loafers britain yeah you yeah complain about that bitch about that. I don't know where you have to be,
the other eye on where we got caught up and not re, and also meanwhile like all he did was like jackson, sperm somewhere in the way I got you not just walk away. I wash legged many sitting here asking me why what's wrong with you, what like letting go, eat her tits, her yeah breathing hers ray it's hard to carry this like you, I think that you we can have conversations of like this sucks, but right and I don't think a nerve women talk about were allowed to talk about like I am so freaking grateful. I am so grateful for my pregnancies for having other babies for all of it and simultaneously what happens to our bodies in that process. we lose what we were like. I don't think enough. Women talk about it and therefore we don't really get the opportunity to grieve the loss, because your body changes forever and not just stretch marks and not just weight gain
but also like you're vagina is different. I'm sorry and call she's in her twenty. She does not need to hear about like it's different things are done, I'm sorry I for china design, I mean a million dollars, rocked I'm getting my vagina design, I'm signing a contract. You already signed it that, after I'm done having kids there's a foot, china whisper doctor in new jersey that has a wall of six hundred for china's behind him that you free conduct we have learnt inhaled, I would have died. We are you. being for real, I swear on my life, but what? If okay, I don't know anything about how that would work. But are you not concerned that if someone works on your vagina, you will lose sensation I know, and I only sensation with a new thought this through Lord. I thought you, I've thought it through. Have you like what what ends like what then I and why I just really wanna get things done when I'm done having kids and I think a lot of people do, but they don't talk of sore so then we're all looking at instagram
like. How does this person looked like the right or for kids, but there's no transparencies? I have no Shame in my games to be completely transparent that I would like a little lip and talk when I'm dying in you, you already signed it away. So I hope you are how little hard act at how many women I know who have had the full time attack after they have, but no one talks about nobody's hawks about it. I think I have a couple: girlfriends were alike, look at these results and I don't think I would do it because I'm pretty too, I am a boost, and after I had kids but the whole. I was so terrified that I was gonna die on the table at the moment clueless and I just feel like I just liked helmet like, although just black we lost, her bad. She cared too much about how she looks very keenly, but then at the other side, I also think if men got pregnant and add baby. We know he plastic surgery would be in the hospital. Let me tell you something with it. That was the case. If men got pregnant, we would have been destroyed as a species,
in two years. We would have you seen us get colds right, I dunno I mean and that we can't we can't do that. We don't have that. We don't have the pain threshold. ok, true story, air glands best eggs was me first advertiser ever back when I had a blog. So I have a special place in my heart for only eggs with more farm, fresh, delicious tastes plus period nutrition like six times more vitamin d ten times, more vitamin e and twenty five per less saturated fat, then regular eggs, egg lands best, better taste nutrition, better eggs, for more information and delicious recipes visit egg lands, best dot com, the
I love to see the beautiful clothes that people where on social media or on a red carpet, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm a genes and t shirt, kind of girl I am for as long as I can remember, I ll Clothes that are comfortable that are breathable and that hold their shape. That's why I like it cotton last longer holds it shape and if you have quoting that at least sixty percent cotton, it's less likely to be achieved and clinging. There are also health and wellness perks of cotton, typo allergenic, an releases odors and stains more easily in the wash it breathes. Well, it absorbs moisture, and it just makes me feel good, so don't forget to check the label and make sure its cotton The fabric of our lives, the
I would love to hear cause you're amuse. You said you just got back you're trying to switch from like dad to york mode, and I dont her men talk about that. Really. No, no tell me about that yeah or even my like the timing of my life where usually wake up at six two little girls like me, or you know, the you had a little and dislike suggests are grabbing your face to wake you up and then, if that's, if that's the case and you're with them until you drop them off at school at a thirty by the time I get to my office, my studio, it's like it's like day, yeah! Nine thirty is jumper midday and you have that too little. Yet, although thought ass, though there are so tired by nine o clock and about its is really good. There's nothing wrong with it, but like that, of being worthy of being on a stage in for a lot of people. Yeah, that's what I'm really do a lot of work on right now, what you really kind of funny interesting work, yeah. That is why
Thing and then going home and being just completely of service to these little human rights and the way five year old. Calls me urge that keeps the a big data yeah, I always like the sweetest condescending single data. The big deal is the idea of kind of like self love and self acceptance and seeing it for threes Whatever era go, we're like the only guy like for people that really want to achieve if you are giving up yeah, but the truth is that you're, not good at it so you actually are, rather than taking a step back you're taking a step forward in a different direction, and that help me right, as when is like, I need to win. I need to achieve okay, I'm getting better at self acceptance that is actually moving forward right. It's not just dropping my hands and going I give up meeting meeting validation. Yes, I have
I heard this quo or read this quote few weeks ago that I have said ten thousand times since then, which is it's better to fail at being the future version of yourself sixty that, being the current one thing of achieve achieve achieve mig total sense to me when I was twenty one to come into it, and I just ran the re yeah, and only trying to be of service everybody else. I love what I do there's so much purpose, but at thirty eight with this pandemic we all collectively or like we should take a look. Exactly how are doing this. Is this the version of success that we want yeah, and so you know I felt bad for any of the team. Is that didn't get to go to their problem or know just like different generations, but also there's like oh, but you also there's gotta, be something. Wonder understand about life. Yeah yeah! That's Well yeah. There was a beauty in that process. There is a beauty and that pause unit. As far as I am
so hard. Also it was horrible, but there was in. I just keep coming back to this, like slowness, at least a mom from someone a ban on the road, like literally on the road every single week for eighteen months and just sort of feeling like my life, was running me not me running my life and now being the mamma and not being present, not seeing my kids missing, all the school functions like all and then sudden it was just gone and what I loved about that process too. Was that all of this stuff we were chasing didn't matter anymore. I think most of my stuff is grounded in pain, kind of what you're talking about. So, if I, if I sing just keep your head up because then sure. I say that as my mom just yeah like backgrounds it in a way that you are here yeah, not bullshitting you. I am brutal. we from sharing and I'm trying to stay up here, and that is something that I think
If you know, if you're in them the business of her now uplifting hope even those words don't are there. They carry it's kind of like the word god like oh yeah, to any of the beauty of that, because it's so there's so much since then rent it and then I think. and and when you're doing that with speaking orthe music. I love the connection that you have with fans peoples on thursday. Yeah but got your music to that sure, but this put them The type of music did I make and the connection that you know major events like people coming to. things enable the dm that I woke up this morning were like so excited to come. Have leukemia, you listen your son, religiously. Like up. That's what we're doing too near we're like pushing you through the point life, you know that Can I make I heard this quote. One time like music is like a spiritual chiropractor,
If you do it right, yeah will come in and they leave the like music matter. So yeah and I think at some point everybody. Has a burden to there with how they will be perceived? And if it's, your purpose than just go like tat that's okay. This is what it is. I dunno what to tell ya. I know that that I will be perceived a certain way can do a poem for you. Of course you look at literally any okay, so this is the poem that I usually start concerts. I'd have a different one. Thereupon, the third night, but there's one that I've been started for a while. It is called knave and it goes. It is no longer impressive to me to watch these colleague, documentaries, exposing it behind the things we buy. We love or eat is a bunch of sheep. people run by money, sex and greed. I'm not impressed with the focus and what they say it might be. True. We ignore the beauty of the fourth insisted on low hanging fruit. What about my soul? What about this life? What about the infinite space in the sky,
what about the galaxies possibilities. Women in my daughter's Ivan label, positive optimistic, the guy them the happy music, watered these words. Come with it after taste of stupid, Smart people are the ones that use the smile but learned their lesson as if the society, the truth, the reality is that it's depressing. I do not agree. So if it's stupid to see the good in everything then hell yeah call me naive. Right, that's like this, like that, my home and it's really hard to continually be uplifting in a world that is difficult, yeah Therefore, when it becomes rebellion than people go like ok judges like lions right, I think that's underneath Right is when you that's all know you monsieur rachel Hollis per yeah and she's so happy,
this fact. Why are you so happy right? Don't lie to me yeah and I'm on with I don't want a lady yeah, I'm coming from those like the world spot brain theirs, it still thursday. what are we going to do about yeah? Are we gonna just like agree to like give up, or do we figure it out yeah out of how we show up with light there still somewhat beauty in this way, This does so much love if you are looking in the right places and if you are trying your best to work when you stop we're on the things around, you start as a street performer, and so much of my initial take on music was like just me, and my guitar Are just journey. I know that in your years its animal gremlin instead, I'm on you're over third street you're, the beginning your career in any form of our anything really imagine is like you just trying to get good enough to be of service to other people re playing in these bars.
Is the the tv's on or you're just out on, the street just be completely ignored, and then, if you finally graduate to some club thing, then you play and if you happen, to create magic. This is my favorite part if you happen to create something bad go in an unfair situation. Then it's and you have to like pack a boy stuff, while the crowds just watches all the magic, just like drip off happened slowly out by really just did something we all had a moment together. That is like wrapping is is this brutal yeah. Everybody here is like what swedish you get to create something that other people share so see. What I'm getting yeah running on his grammar, tik tok? I'm seeing people share it and tag. People like you did this for me or their sharing. This. you saved my life to someone who is adopted as the prisoner adopted them. it gets to be like this little device to tell someone something that can be hard to tell
yeah in the beginning. You have this huge stress that like can. I even do this wasting my time if ever going to be worth it and then, as soon as you get a little bit of success, then you're like I can never do it again, and then he gets hopefully, if you're lucky some more success and you're. Never do like that. At some point you gotta sit back and go. I'm sure why is this speech come up and I don't really do speeches and so that the limit nerve, racking yeah and the only thing that I know to be true, is like I'm not going to do is wait until the very end and just try. I just know that if I show up put an hour and a half of my heart in every single day leading up to this thing, a great yeah. Of course it is that's where I'm settling back into in my life right now like. I know that if I show up and give my heart for it amount of time everyday, yeah things things usually work out. If you look at the curve of how it goes, it works. If you are
Unlike me, who, for the last ten years, has been overly praised and been seen as special in many many situations that you're in yeah that can't be healthy? for you know they have anyway. I can't think that's a good way. Anyone rain, but every hotel you get too there's like they give you the best room and chocolate with your name on it, and so, if that happens in all the situations that you're in that's a little bit, that's sick, a problem, and so then I'm doing some work to get rid of that as the best I can and yeah, but then also like you said, you need some sort of an ego to get in front of a bunch of people in one the space and give them what they need. Yeah and that's just kind of if you're perform are you you realize you're waiting into that place yeah and they need to get better at whatever the balance. is that some I'm reading this book, which is also of europe's from frank, the strength now
ok, graham getting on the already bought it, and it's very much on the idea that if a little bit, I would say I think it's a early for me, but maybe not saw it's about the second half of life and that what makes people happiest over there and they find the people who really shoot up high to the special thing have a laugh. That a fact that everybody will decline. No matter who you are, you will decline as part of life, and so they find that people that are super successful and high achievers have a much harder time in the second half when they start to come back down here and the people that never reached the super high world order. A compromise is being one of the pack are like a little bit happier. Yeah that is really fit has to make more, is being tat. Ok, how do I do this job, which is it has this whole aura of rock star around it right and and still find crean of space in my life,
to wear and not in a way that, unlike proud of that it's it's, the hard thing even talk about cause you're like well, you just such a big deal, it's so hard to be normal like sincerely. Oh man, I I'm not being served in this way, is not good for my party and I don't find enough spaces where I am just really do this weird internal work of how do I get that with myself right and especially for men that feels awkward? in the week feels like really wait. What why don't? Why do I need it? First of all, how do I even do it, and what does this process is? It felt like going to class having not done my homework for some billy, I'm really bad at this yeah. So then you you're going from this place. Thing you're, telling of the very special too, like I'm action at a good at this and a novice so here are rightly school narrabee. But
tell me why. What are you were? Gonna wanna: what, in with you now How does this all come together to create love line what that was, the radio shows tell you, but lake. Love line like we knew it yeah like I'm, watching your lab, maybe out at all so we're doing enough five days a week. the guy, I was doing it when there was a guy named put the poor man and he sorted torched out, he got suspended and then angry with me for not coming with him in it? Although station told me they would sue me if I and my wife wife's omission divorce stupid. I was trying to convince him that we'll get it will get through this just cool out up suing everybody, including myself, and that was the end of the day. Point. They had been there with ricky rack when you try to young to remember him. He was unable to be at the time television producers
television producers have said we want to make a tv show out of this, I'm like alright. How do you do that? I understand what that is, but ahead, I'm interested sounds fascinating. Ricky couldn't make it deal with them, so they turned to me and what who do you want to be the co host and I was like I have I don't know anything about any there's. No, I just deal with whoever give me on the radio, and I try to give good information out and You as it was by that point also on the radio. You know my diction experience was becoming very useful because the addiction stuff a start to really accelerate all the trauma stuff was coming. then you know the childhood trauma is really going to be commonplace, and so my experience I get I was very useful. Tammy older help these kids and things that we are talking to on the radio They turn a minister who do you want to do the job with, and I have no idea but I went out running. I can show the spot I was in and I thought
Oh that guy we had up on the shore one night, who I would I would he they gave him a shift in the air and saturday afternoons. I used it actually actual saturday mornings, and I used to time my nursing home rounds with his breaks, because I thought he was so interesting and funny, so I could hear him talking to callers and things and he came up on the show one night about three months before this question as Mr Bertram, he was mr burch m on the radio with me and I think by the epithet, Adam corolla guy has got the sensibilities for this and I called management and they go oh yeah he'd been brought, somebody else. He, interestingly enough, moment was in new york with the sports guy, Jimmy kimmel and kevin a beam which was them, yeah. Okay, right then covering the mtv video musical, and this was like a dream. Come true for music, poor kid from north hollywood, he had a per diem. His best friend Jimmy was with him, is unbelievable and they were like hey come back.
sanctions for a screen and he's there. Can I get it what's marked carlo doing come on? I don't want to the course them come back we did very well in the screen test and they were like ok here and they they told us both. You know Come back on saturday will do a pilot, which really will how that worked, and They put us in a make booth saturday morning and they said work out. Your relationship will start filming in an hour hymns, we didn't know each other that point and I remember, after about nine hours of filming that day, these stage magic came up to us and said how many years you guys been working together and we went this morning and we both thought. Oh, that probably means something. That's so that relationship on that pilot is the one you see that show that show initially was distributed by an organization called new world who had some bunch of tv
stations they own new world at that point was go disintegrate us through fox network, so was a fox late night network show with real stories the highway patrol access hollywood. Those are the three this. This is nineteen. Ninety five- all of a sudden we were seven shows in these shows been law, seven shows into production and Fox bought new world, so they could own their television stations and cancelled on new programme. So we went from a show that was in production that cleared ninety percent of the country for a network late night show and out of production god. This is tv and three months later, mtv picked it up and say we're doing it again. So that's how we ended up on mtv and mtv became such a hit so fast. The radio station then brought Adam in and then it was able to be syndicated because Adam was there.
At that point here- and we did that for like eleven year, but some of the notions I had when I went up there in nineteen. Eighty four, with thy textbooks, was causes material. I remember thinking to myself this material, meaning access diseases and general functioning and age at its etc hard when we adopt when it was shrouded in all these latin terms. You don't even used infection, was called manila, degrading, manila assessment of the ices and end. We call the veneer real disease, always weird I was like you need the stand. It is not that hard. stand. What you're doing because I was I'm twenty four now and I was eighteen years ago- and I know what's going on You talk about this and we were the first. We will talk about sex and stuff like that and so on. Became this safe place. To answer ask your questions. and there you don't eat her. Dad there's a place that you could not go anywhere. I e in the there was a key piece of this to which was that The world did not.
acknowledge that adolescents and younger ultra having sex. It was not right. It does not consider the so we had this so called actual revolution in the seventies, and no one knows old ever gave any thought too. I wonder if the kids are going to want to be seven drought, I was with the adolescent them or we we got the message and we took off with it and that then so now, I'm twenty where we gotta do something With this we have to help these kids, because The biology here is now becoming a problem. Absolute hiv and aids so that was sort of my that was my credo, through all that and then again with the addiction the traumas doktor leaking, and thankfully I was trained enough to build. Do that to wait, because we would have the kinds of conversation you and are having right now, adamant gets, frustrated with that. We we, we could tell from We listen to voices and weak it. We would feel in a way I develop. Strategy which has some you develop sort of his as an object in therapy and his as somebody doing therapy you list
with your whole body, yeah right, you how you react, feel you don't just the cemeteries, your with your whole body and When we had just voices, we have to really concentrate and see how they made us feel, and when people had childhood traumas, we could tell within the first ten hence we would know, and so we started bedding with poland, which are the MIKE Africa. I a buck. what age that happened. Not did it happen what age and we could, and I had I hadn't ability where the quarrel, the of the voice is just the way it was but remind me of a certain age. I could hear it argues that happened at eight. I guess yeah, and we are right now It shows how why every sort of sort of bedding to make that point that we could really predict it with great accuracy. Also people started to treat for sexual? Can those people started recovering and talking about in helping other people and asserted of they started the whole damn
ship turned on the other direct. So I am deep in the world of interpersonal neurobiology, it's called the person neurobiology ex has mechanism explanations of the brain is at an end, sent an autonomic nervous system and how this works and in a hand, Weeping way, let me just say essentially what happens to trauma is that peace. mediated through the vaguest nerve that peace. That is true, The ties essentially separate from the rest of your brain and that peace is no longer integrated or a regulated by the larger system, its separate, because we here emotionally handle it's literally shattering and shatters the upper limits of the child's capacity to regulate, and so it gets kind of pulled or pushed over here. again, this is a cartoon version of what's what happens biologically an.
then it becomes strictly speaking, something that phase in memory, and so the partly adult will say. I don't think about anymore, doesn't bother me and yet that peace is there. The body is constantly there with this part of the brain expressing itself in an express is itself through emotions at her, seem odd in this regulation. It also through attractions. I come to mind, does it needs to get in these to be heard, get its needs met and it does it through ways that sort of affect people's mental health and so things I got d are in those sorts of therapies are about getting that partial re integrated with the rest, the brain, so it can be regulated I want people to now. No matter where you aren't are in this. Life is called life, no ones,
no matter what seems almost perfect, because when I was growing up, I was little Taipei perfectionist and with with all that, comes but impossible protectionism and thank you said yourself that that you can in no way winner and for giving yourself. I said a lot of young artists possess a business Simon. That's why I teach and talk with the most. I used to think that the millennium lesson was hilarious, like my feelings. Oh my mental health day, any fifteen minutes to myself and I thought no bucket up without their inward, make the money. Then you can play, you do I couldn't understand turns out. They taught me a lesson which is why in another, is my what I learned I've learned a lot. It's very important talk about mental health, and meditation another thing that I used to make fun of it's ok starting out in saying unfailing. I was on,
the graham the other night instagram. I saw a young artists that they don't know say I've EL. Today, the minute I got a bad I felt at the audition I was waiting for. I feel that the dance call with fifty other women I failed and she said hashtag normalize failure. For me, that was another great lesson. It's we ought not. None of us wins at everything and beaten possible be impossible, and I'm glad I not from her. I don't even know her name, I'm sending love out to that person because that's again input we set ourselves up to impossible means, and then the anxiety comes and then the depression and then people. Why are you upset? Why are you sad what's wrong with you? I don't care who you are. If you're breathing, you probably have anxiety, You probably have you downtime. Some people live which oppression. I'm one: that's not s, not something. That's really known
I don't wanna be a winner right, but that's the truth and the young regeneration generation has given me the chance to say I have that stuff. It's okay, I don't wanna be a disappointment, to anyone that may have a vision of me to a family member to my friends, but you have to the biggest lesson the lifeless, and here you have to give you some. A break you're going to a me. The only thing you can do is if its brought to your attention is say I'm sorry I own of mental health, especially at the past several years. I'm grateful for at first like I said it made me a comfortable and out of a certain generation remember, so we don't talk about a strike, this love. I met a cheer. Why am from Oklahoma? Yes, I may is not apply known for its. You know bees are healthy approach to me oh, how waste we suck it. We continue on an I've made of it. here about growing up its color push it down.
Sit down, wait out, pushing this way down. So all the stuff you struggle with anxiety, depression perfectionism. All of that you push it now right, but what happens? Eventually? comes up. It comes up either in cigarettes. Really that's been. My biggest hardship is to learn the work life balance because I am driven yeah and I- and I do want things perfect- I want it as perfect. I want to be great, always does it's not real. It's again a pressure we put on ourselves, not real it can't it can't happen. It's been really great to share stuff from my deepest darkest place and funny stuff too. I mean not just it's not shakespeare. The really dark, though yeah that no one would think I would have right, because I'm me and I'm happy all the time right now. I, though, debated so much whether to put that in, but the authentic part of me was like nah he, he gotta put it in because
you're gonna write the good and the pretty you gotta write the bad and the ugly cause it's a party for sure now, and so thank you for noticing that I thought it was important that it was important. You know each chapter's labeled thoughts about humble pie, thoughts about, many thoughts about closure thoughts about loss, but about forgiveness. Compassion is a very hard things to talk about. I was just talking about it with my make abarnis forgiveness and compassion. Probably the hardest so difficult when you feel wronged, I'm so loyally a lion. So am I still wrong, it's very hard for me. Not just cut the person off, that's not healthy for them. They actually done they. Don't probably care is not healthy. For me, forgiveness is there for us. I dont know why that so hard, that's a big life lesson to hold onto crap ain't worth it
and I've actually lion tamer laughed at my some of my behavior like. Why should I care now? Why did I care so much like the person doesn't, even though they did that problem? He felt and the world doesn't revolve around you and the day you wake up. I tell my young just a lot say you know we the day you wake up and realise the world does revolve around you. I don't mean that in an mean way, I mean it in literally we all wake up and go. Oh that's. Just my perspective. I have a trouble with no rights other with now and I'm learning that no is very powerful and continue to run myself in the ground. If I dont use now I was adopt. add- and I remember it from the very first feelings I had that, and I I am a christian person. I knew that god was guiding the thing How old were you when you were adopted a week? I wake up
all. While my my daughter's, I was there and she was born. So I have a special place in my heart for adopted babies, the air and for your parents are solely first thing, Thank you for saying that yeah. I have a question. Obviously my my mom, my adopted mom, who raised me is my mouth. I wanted a beau. Yes I did meet my birth mom and I just wanted to say to her. Thank you because she gave me life, but my mom gave me a life of graves yeah. I guess she said. Are you mad at me? My first then I said: are you kidding I'm hooker hateful, I'm so great. Some want to tell us the young artists that it's arrive. Yes, I got a job I get, but I arrive and be on broadway I had four roommates. We had the clapper,
lights. I ate rama noodles. I was on broadway way in the fantastic four hundred eighty bucks a week. I was willing to go anywhere and work. I loved it that much so if you don't love at that, don't you love the process. I love the process still do Do I look forward to rehearsal, like some people are like, oh or even an audition? Yes, I audition. I look forward to it. Maybe I'm going to get it. Maybe I won't maybe I'll learn something also put rules. I myself, I didn't even know that about myself, but I never said I'm just gonna. Do this, I'm just gonna do that. I left to do at all and that comes the heavy load of of different kinds of working, but I really do love. I remember the first time. I've got a job to host something as one that really host like, and it was the drama desk awards. Many many- I guess- and I was like I don't want to stand in front of my peers and try to do hosting I'm not trained that way. I remember I got a great lesson, one time from a mentor
You I know it just be yourself, I think that's gary. An actor. I don't you know, and then I started to realize how just be you I don't, let people see you and then you're going to do a roll and then you're going to do this tv show and you can do this movie and have no roles. So the younger generation that say is not happening fast enough. It didn't happen for me overnight. I worked to leave any extra money. I had had a lesson, any extra money I had. I mean it was very slam very slim times, but some best times in my life, so because somebody doesn't answer you in three minutes doesn't mean I'm not interested. Not your friend don't have an answer here. We're just going to take a second The Rachel Hollis podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis, its edited by andrew weller and jack noble.
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Transcript generated on 2023-08-06.