« The Rachel Hollis Podcast

483: 4 (surprising) Changes... That Can Change EVERYTHING!

2023-09-19 | 🔗

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
There are so many things I could clean to about how hard this year has been, what it is to raise four kids without their dad, what it is to go through the trauma with them. Of that whole experience, that's just one thing and I to cling to. I could look for stories that would back up The truth is that this is too hard that I can't do it that I'm not capable, but your eye. we'll never reach. for the story. Disempowered me? Is there a hundred stories of people and I situation failing and one story of some one in my situation succeeding. I am laser focus only on the one story and you. Call me naive, but we'll take naive over bitter?
any day of the week and bitter comes when I tell myself lies about what is possible for my life I blame other people for why I'm stuck. I am Hollis- and this is my podcast- I spent so many hours of every single week, reading and listened podcast and watching youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do on the show. We talk about everything. life and how to be an entrepreneur. What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan four intermittent fasting. What's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for whatever it is. My guess are into. I want to unpack it so that we can all understand these our conversations. This is information for the curious. This is the rachel Hollis,
hot, cast a guy's rate and welcome to another episode of the show. Specifically talking about change. Change has been a really popular topic for me. This year, slash may be the last decade, but in particular its ban, the central thesis, the central focus of my tour, that's been going on for the last six months and that by the way is in the last month october is the last month of the year that I'm doing the tour and its in houston- doubtless many atlas chicago, if you're in one of those cities or you want to visit one of those cities. Now is the time we're talking all about change and we're doing it through really funny stories that make us Pierre pants little. But I've been thinking a ton about change.
and this morning I heard a story about a transformation that one of my friends has just gone through, and I was so reminded of a really surprising thing that can totally change your life. Now ya'll stick with me for a minute cause. I now that you have heard me talk a billion times about changing your life or this thing is gonna change about today. I want to share for changes that can change everything now. Certainly there are all sorts of choices you can make your habits that you can develop. That will help you to make change in your life. Positive change, for the better. But my friend shared a story with me today that really reminded me of a very specific way to alter the way that you see yourself
and I was like all my I gotta do a guess about this. I gotta shows what the guy's, by the way, you're you're the guys in the scenario. So I have a girlfriend I've known her for five years and we're friends we're not best friends were acquaintance friends and we love to see each other when we're together. It's not like. We hang out all the time, so I see her may be once a month and when I see her the last nine months I had noticed, she's gonna help journey she's getting in great shape. She looks awesome and when I say awesome I am not saying oh she's a size double zero and she looks like a superman, to me, a woman looks awesome when they have that sparkle back in their eyes, when you can tell that their energy is vibrant, when they feel themselves when their feeling, good and she's has always really struggled with her way,
and was at await. That was very unhealthy for her body for her frame and made her very uncomfortable, not just uncomfortable in her body but emotionally and mentally. With some She really struggled with, and I wanted to talk about this, because I know that many of us, myself included, have gone through a similar situation, so I see her about once a month and she's just like crushing it she's. You know doing so well and finally, I am like hey. What are you doing and she's telling me about the programme that she's been on and how much it's changed and all the things, but why I was so much to buy and why I want to talk to you guys was she was like reach. I didn't realize how low
Oh I had gotten and she met low in terms of emotional low, so she single she gone to divorce a few years ago and she's like I didn't all. I did was work I didn't want to leave the house. I was nothing more and more depressed music. I had tried everything that I knew of to find a solution to help me with this, and I just I felt like a cat. Do it, which, by the way, if that any of you, I did an episode last week about belief and how you establish belief and how you grow belief about your ability to do something, because, if you don't believe it's possible for you than it will never be possible and for her it was very much that case she was like. I just thought, there's a zero percent chance. I will ever have a healthy body and then she found a great doctor and she found a solution and a plan and its working really
for her, but she was just like it's a totally different life. She's like I have never been able to buy clothes that I wanted to where she said you know I'd go to the store and they never had my size, and so, if I could find something in my size, okay, I found a plus size whatever suck it didn't matter, what it look like if it fit me, I would buy it because I just needed clothes and it was so hard to find my size so she's, like I'm shopping for the first time, said people invite me to go out, and not only do I go out, but I want to be there sucker used to hide. I used to stay home and said I, I realize now that I was getting more and more and more depressed, and I could see the truth in her eyes, because her energy has changed like her whole speech
everything is different and it reminded me of a fundamental change that we can all make that can change your life, how you fuck. Okay, this is wild direction, but don't miss hear me. Let me explain all of the thoughts I have on this and then I'll get to some other ideas too, that you might not have thought of so with my friend. She went on a health journey and it physically changed her body and if any of you have ever gone through something similar physically changing your Howdy doesn't always are certainly people who have an emotional attachment, or they ve got body just morphia, or they see themselves in a different way than they actually are. But for my friend for myself for other people, I know who have gone through physical transformations.
Just seeing something different in the mirror is enough to give you the belief that you could potentially be somebody new and it does not have to be weight loss. How many of you have ever gone through a break up and dramatically cut your hair ever dramatically cut your hair, and sometimes we do that and it's a bad mistake and we should have gotten those bangs, but other times you dramatic we cut your hair or you get highlights. Are you go and or you shave it off look in the mirror and you're like oh dang? This is who I am this.
actually, who I am. I am this person there's a great book on this topic, called cyber cybernetic and in that book a plastic surgeon is documenting. This thing that he started noticing when he would do surgeries, which was if he augmented, someone's appearance even the tiniest little bit. It changed the way they saw themselves and by changing the way they saw themselves They acted in a different way, the actor in a more positive way. They had believed they tried things. They talk to people because they had confidence, didn't have before ok. I have an example of this, but don't laugh and because this is so oh and I am telling you the truth: vulnerable ii, because most you, I know a guy
dudes here. But most of you are, ladies and I just feel like you're going to get this my whole life until five years ago. No more than that, until seven years ago I hated my hair. I hated my hair, now right. You can like boot, but rachel you're lucky and that yeah I know. But I know not the only person, I hated my hair. My hair is naturally very wavy, but not wavy enough to be curly, but it is wavy enough to be crazy frizzy and it's super fine. So it's not like it's not wavy and thick. It's like thin and jet a widget ugh I just hated it my whole life going all the way back, as a little girl and intimate school and into high school. I was so self conscious about it and I think
maybe because both of my big sisters had really beautiful, hair and we see them. Angola will that's what a girl supposed to look like, but also all the popular girls at school, I felt, like they knew how to make their her look. Q and I never knew my my hair- was always in a frizzy bonn of frizzy top, not just, you know headline. It was for easy and I didn't like it I got older, an alley web invent dry bar, then suddenly things changed, because I could go to a place and they give me a blow out and even getting a blow out. I would be like wholly crap, who is that? Have you ever had your hair and make up done for like a wedding or you have a special event and some does it and you look in the mirror- and you literally did not know you could look that way and when You see yourself, your like wow that's amazing, but if you are like me didn't grow up. You know I didn't do make
didn't do hair. I didn't. I wasn't into any of those things when many would do my hair and make up. I didn't think, oh, I can look like that. I thought oh, this is a very talented artists who is turn me into something I'm not, I loved it. Oh my word, I loved a blow out and I remember very distinctly getting to a place in my career about five six years. Where I was like you know why I'm gonna, splurge and people will think this is ridiculous, but I don't care I make my own money and I am going to pay once a week, I'm going to go down to the dry bar for forty bucks and have someone blow up my hair and then I am not going to touch this beautiful, cloth for seven days, I'm not going to wash I'm not going to I'm only gonna like keep it looking good. Until I can go back the next, we can do it again, and I laugh at that and like it sounds
so ridiculous. But then my mima went to the beauty parlor every week of her life and had someone put her hair into a beautiful beehive that she absolute lavish? That was what she and the other church ladys debts of. Meanwhile, can do it. I think I can do it too, so I would get well ass, I feel great, but never believe you know you wash your hair the blow up comes out and I always had just negative feelings about my hair. My hair wasn't in a great place. I just didn't like it and you guys like stop talking about your hair.
But I think we all have our version of this. We all have a thing that we look in the mirror and we don't like it. Other people won't see it and it doesn't freaking matter that nobody else gets it because you get it and it bugs you. My big sister is in her late forties and just this last year got braces and she got braces cause. She had a gap between her two front teeth. Now I always thought the gap was soak you I thought it was like supermodel like the rocket gap, but she hated it and she never smiled and photos, and it was a whole thing. The whole family guy Chris, in a show your teeth and should be like I'm not sure my teeth. It was her thing in like and so on her late forty, she decided to get braces to fix the gap in her teeth and she is so freaking happy. She had to wear full on waste is as a forty, something you're old woman, and she did it with pride because she wanted the thing
next and now that she is this beautiful straight to smile, no gap involved she's to see grin in every single photo. She had the gap in our teeth. I had my hair. It's time to reinvention tradition, Rita and expectations and rewrite the rules guys with three new collections from pandora lab grown diamonds. They can be And by everyone every day in their own way and come in an infinity of shapes, styles layering possibilities that help you to tell you story pending lab grown diamonds are certified across the foresees each stone is, individually crafted to perfection by skilled artisans, who are obsessed with beauty in their work. Pandora, lab grown diamonds, maximize radiance and sparkle, offering a new tax
on modern elegance, it's time to redefine diamonds with pandora lab grown diamonds, pandora lab grown diamonds diamonds, for all? Maybe Five years ago I was work one day and at the time I had a lot of young women on the staff who were in their twenties, and you know, twenty year old, always they always know. What's up, they always if you're in them twenties. You know it's cool. You know where to get the best this that any other thing I was talking about not liking my hair, and why the younger girls on the team as equal. Why don't you get her extensions
and I said oh no, I don't want longer hair. I just wish my hair wasn't so thin. She was like. Oh people, don't just get hair sentence for long hair lots of people who have fine hair get hair extensions so that their hair is fuller and it was like a rainbow launched itself over the office and a unicorn prance through, and I was like what she's like oh yeah, lots of people do it makes their hair thicker. So I was like whoa. Where do you go and she's like? Oh, you go to this girl. I remember she opened up her instagram. She was like this is the hair extension girl to the stars and your idea that girl and five years later she is still my hair stylist. The first time that I went for a consultation. I was so nervous because it was so outside my comfort zone. I was in a salon that, with super fancy, I felt very like who am I
to be here. I remember there were girls from like pitch perfect in the room and I was like, oh my. Why am I here like? I should not be in this room. She walked me through the process. She tells me the price, which is the will end of a used. Miata should like we're gonna do For you, it's gonna cost this much. I peed my pay it's a little bit and then I was like? No? I have made this commitment. I can try if it doesn't work, I can have them pulled out, but I can afford this. I've saved up the money. This is important to me. I think it will make a difference in all the thing so I agree I'm gettin hair extensions. I will never forget when we get through the hole
process which, if you have ever had a dime, you know it's multi hours, you get to the end, she's cutting my hair, you know cause they gotta trim it make it look good blow it out, curl it whatever and I look in the mirror it was like. I was seeing who I was on the inside, and I dont know if that makes you roy your eyes, or maybe you think I'm vapid, but If you ve never felt like the ugly girl in class, if you ve never felt like the chubby girl, if you ve never been the least popular, if you ve never had those feelings. you're not gonna get this, and maybe it would be very easy to roll your eyes if you ve never felt that way. But I felt that way many times. and I didn't know, was possible to feel anything different.
And when I looked in the mirror, I was like. Oh that's, who I am that's who I am. I think like for some of you may be getting your first tat too. Some of you its having the courage to dress more masculine for some of you, it having occurred to dress sexier. we all have a version of way that we long to look but dont, think is possible for us and getting here extensions. Easily one of the most expensive beauty decisions, I've ever made have never regretted it for one minute, And sometimes like well, maybe we should take them out because you know. I don't know, give your hair arrest or whatever, and then I'm like. No, no, I won't we'll be wearing these hair extensions when they put me in the ground beef
I even when my hair shorter, like it is right now it's now, at the link. It's that, if I didn't have these in, I would look like a drown rat my hair, so fine you're, like stop talking about your hair. You get my point. My point of this episode is not that you should get hair extensions, though you should. It will make you feel better. My point of this episode is, you would be shocked at how much changing your physical appearance, with beauty, with style with health with what, however, you will be shocked. How much that single change will change the other areas of your life. You will be shocked at much more motivated. You are when you change your physical appearance so that the outside reflects who you know you can be on the inside.
have you ever heard any of those expressions like dress, well, test well or dress for the job? You want it's because something happens psychologically when we look like who we think a more success. Person looks like when you have the things, a more successful version of what you want to be has irene but this study where they gave people of simple task. They had identified different words and it was. It was an iq test that was easy for anybody to accomplish. Then they split the group into two parts and they gave one half of the group white doctors coats right so think of like the white coat a doctor, whereas they gave one half of the group white doctors coats, they gave the other
half of the group a white coat, but they said it was a painter's coat right like reno paint the wall, and this is it's a smock. It's to keep things off your clothes. They tested them again. The people who thought they were dressed like a doctor tested twice as well as the people who were in painter's smock. It was the exact same jacket. It's because when we look a different way to ourselves, if we feel a different way. We act two different way. So if you want to change certain areas, of your life or you want to change and become a new version of you think about a really simple hack change, your physical appearance. The thing that you admire do the thing they are like. Oh someone like me, could never have those candidates. Someone like me could never get a tattoo. I used to be
If someone like me could never, I would never get Botox never and then I went through twenty twenty and I went through a really harsh divorce, and I saw every single piece of that stress in a line on my face and I hated it. I felt like every single time I looked in the mirror, I was looking at evidence of how hard life was an ironically, I was getting my hair done. I swear I'm not making this up. I was getting my hair done and the girl do my hair, just look so fresh face and gorgeous, and I was I hate who is your restitution? Your skin looks amazing and jews like a girl, it's not assign a suspicion. botox and I was like no, no, no, no. No, no, your skin is glowing she's like I'm telling you it's not the skin. It's this thing and I debated it for like a year because I
I thought this is not. Why am I trying to eat really clean at at at at? I had all of these ideas about whatever, so all of that to say I think we all have our version of you know be it's going into the exact closet that you have right now, but instead of picking out the same t, shirt and genes, you do one thing to attempt to elevate your style. You sort of level up in some way, because changing your look can absolutely change the way you feel about yourself, which affects every single part of your life. The first change that can change everything. The way you look, the second change that can change everything. Your memory of the future motto confused. You all somerset more time your memory of the future. Now perhaps you'd like wait a minute if it's the future,
How could I have a memory of it last week at an episode about belief, and in that episode I talked about how our brains think we used to believe that our brains were just getting a bunch of information and then making decisions based on the information they had been given, What we now understand is that our brains are making decisions based on past experiences, not what's actually happening around us, but what we have had happened, pass. For example, if you were a little and you were attacked by a dog and you have really horrible memories of being attacked by a dog bit you you ended up having to go to the hospital you had to get stitches. You were afraid it was painful and you find yourself today, forty five years old, still at the most terrified of dogs,
the very least really weary around them. Like you get really weird when a dog is near by and you're walking down the street, and you see the most beautiful happy we need dog the world has ever it doesn't matter that it's a weenie dog and that weenie dogs are perfect and that thou we need a, would never hurt you in its whole life. It just wants to listen. And love you and we're cute sweaters and be adorable. It doesn't matter that that dog is not going to hurt you. Your brain will tell your body that you are unsafe, you're nervous system reacts to the fact that there is a dog not because of the current rules. reality you are experiencing, but because of a past experience there, brain now seize the world through same thing. Here and with relationships one due to her you ten years ago now you ve decided all deeds are trash or you accident.
You keep bringing dudes into your life that are just like the last one, because your brain now expects that that's what you're gonna get our brain is working off of past experiences and because the brain is working off of past experiences, we often lose sight of the fact that the future is ours to create the future is ours to create an your future is being created, no matter what you do. Your future is created by. You know me What you do, if you involve yourself, if you dont involve yourself, you are still creating your future, the choice that you ass is. Are you going to create a future based on past experiences? That's what and when we are unconscious, when we're not intentional, when we just go I'm just going through my days, I'm doing whatever in the
mindset your brains, gonna pull from the past. Some of your, like you know why I know I've gone on some vacations and met some new people, maybe bought some new shoes. But if you look at your life over the last five years or ten years or fifteen years, it's all kind of the same. That's because your creating a future. based on the past. The beauty of that knowledge is that you understand that there is a flip side, on one end were creating a life based on what our brain believes as possible on the their end, your creating the life. You want calling your shot. You're saying this is where I'm going your foot we senior mindset your believing in what's possible your arming yourself with information and you are creating your future. Now I use
the term memory of your future because honestly and want to catch your attention, and I thought it was something clare That may be would help you to remember it later, but if you ve, never heard that kind of terminology you ma I've heard an athlete or in a limp in or a musician. Someone at a high level talk about until we rehearsing the big game meant they were her sing, the superbowl Italy were her saying the moment when he drove into the pool and got the highest level lemme gold medals of all time, too, and time and time again, if you talk to hyper farmers, they will tell you the story of how they would see it over and over and over their mind they would mentally rehearse the, sure they wanted to happen, and this is so common that if you talk to athletes about it, when, ask them to tell you about them.
but when they won the gold medal, when you asked them about the superbowl, when you asked them about the playoffs. Most of them will say something to the effect of they felt like we re living, something that had already happen. They will tell you I have I actually had First, it so much in my mind that I felt like it was already done. I had- seen so much in my mind that a new exactly how I would move, I could understand where the players we're going to show up. They have rehearsed and rehearsed and rehearsed it so that it goes exactly like what they wanted to know. You tell me: is that a coincidence? Is it a coincidence that across every industry, across every sport across different people,
walks of life different religions, different parts of the world that over and over and over, they will say something similar that by the time they got to the thing they were working toward had seen it so often in their mine that being moment felt like it was already done. I can tell you this from my own account ants. There are so many distinct moments in my career that I mentally rehearsed, so often that when they happen, I thought I disagree I want a body like my brain's gonna explode. I won't be able to handle it. My favorite example is meeting Oprah Oprah has been my hero since I was a little girl and I, loved her forever and I love her still and I had written I start today journal a billion times. Do you know that I got to meet her, that open for her that I worked with her
wrote it over and over and over I'd seen it I'd seen it. I had seen it and I remember the day my sister walked in my office and she was like Oprah winfried team just called she wants you to open for her on tour and I didn't scream. I didn't jump up and down, I remember just being like. Oh, this is how it happens and when it actually got to meet her and by the way she is so much better than I could have ever dreamed of. When I actually got to meet her, I was able- to stay present in my body, even though I was like on some will. I still cannot believe that I've got to hang out with her. I was able to stay present in my body. I have just seen it so many times that
means that you can make is to mentally rehearse the thing you want to happen: the life you what happened the future? You want to happen so often that it becomes a memory that it becomes something that you actually start to embody as something that has already happened. If you know anything about manifestation- and I hope that you dukes of talks about a billion times on the show the keys manifesting, the key to being at a vibrational frequency that allows you to be open. Enough to receive. Is that you're not desperate about it? You're not clinging you're, not going. Where is my partner? My dear. Whereas my dream job, why it where's the money that I'm hoping for that you have absolute faith, and so you just don't hold it tightly when you were
her something so much that it feels like a memory you're able to embody the spirit of like it already is. It already has I'm just gonna waiting for someone tell me like when I got the call about Oprah. Oh, this is how it happens. Your memory of the future and If you need a different perspective on the future and how it something that you can create. Go listened to the episode I did last week about belief. I really think that'll be helpful. Ok, the third, that can change everything this one's gonna challenge some of you a little bit, and I know that because I have been challenge with this truth. It's not always easy to accept, but this change will change your life without edges without question. That is whose fault it is.
Whose fault it is this one goes hand in hand with the greatest tat for success in any area. That I can give you, and that is take one hundred per cent ownership. Take one hundred per cent ownership of your life. Take one hundred per cent ownership of your experience, one at all the good stuff, the bad stuff. The mistakes you've made the awesome things. All of it, one hundred percent your responsibility, whether you're doing great whether life sucks right now, one hundred percent, your responsibility. You are the captain of your ship
You are the main character of the movie of your life and you keep acting like someone else's sidekick. Take one hundred percent ownership of this experience and watch your life change, and this is brutal, for me. I grew up in a really hard environment. I had very severe trauma at a really young age. I can look back at how I was ted and be like that's crap, I can look back at this trauma and for all long time. Even as a little kid, I knew that I was in an environment that was detrimental, but I have to tell you that about the time that I turn sixteen and I started to dream of what it would be like to move out of my hometown to move away to get away. I don't know how I this instinct, but I knew tat if I moved away- and I
was still miserable, then it would be my fault because for my whole childhood. I blamed my experience on my crazy family, my crazy family, this was happening a moment. Daddy were fighting and my brother asked away and we lived in it all towns, there were like all it just. Had this belief that I as where I was that I was unhappy, the unpopular frizzy haired rachel, with sharp teeth and braces. And that my home environment sucks so much and that's why school sucked it. I just how these beliefs- and I thought I'm gonna, get out of here- I'm gonna get away, I'm in a find a way to move. This town and I knew if I moved- and I was still miserable, it was me- it was me that belief
I mean it became a guiding principle in my life, the understanding that I was ultimately responsible for what happened next. And believe me. I know what it's like to be in relationships in your family, in partnership to have friends to have a business seizures have access telly created parts of your life that are awful and it wasn't your intention- and you don't even know how you got here It doesn't matter how you got here right now, what matters is acknowledging that this part of life is not working and do, the work to fix it and to make it better one hundred percent responsibility for your life.
Look, there are a million voices of descent of this idea. If you want, you can go, find endless information on internet. That will tell you all of the reasons that this isn't true because not everybody, has the same access, not has the same resources not Everybody is treated fairly or equally, especially not in the? U s we dont, all start out at the same. Starting line, some he blonde even allowed inside of the race. Those things are true, but what has worked best, for me, at least, is to grasp on to the belief, use that are most helpful for me and where I am there are,
so many things I could clean to about how hard this year has been. What it is to raise four kids without their dad, what it is to go through the trauma with them. Of that whole experience. That's just one thing and I could clean too. I could look for stories that would back up the truth that this is too hard that I can't do it that I'm not capable but ya. I will never reach for the story that disempowered me if there are a hundred stories of people in my situ. sean failing and one story, Someone in my situation succeeding- I am laser, focus only on the one story and you They call me naive, but I will take naive over bitter any day of the week,
and bitterness comes when I Tell myself lies What is possible for my life and I bet other people, for why I'm stuck that's where bitterness comes from, I know from experience, so I won't cling to that. I refuse, and you should refuse, find the example find the shining example fine, the north star. That's like you, someone who looks like you were, went through something similar to you that you can clean. Don't go see, they did it and if they did it, I can do it, but the only way that you can do it Is you must all your mindset around whose fault it is nobody's it is what it is, but take full owner, of what happens next, you fallen down
hundred times stand up again stand again. Go again try again make another choice: make a different choice. Get more information! Read a book take coaching get around other people get around other people who are successful in the ways you wanna be successful, don't give up because it got heart because if you give up because it's hard as not anybody else's fault, that's your choice. Its such!
a punch in the balls. It really is. It really is so hard to understand that. That's true, but that's what's true, I'm not saying other people didn't hurt you I'm not saying that life is fair. I'm not saying that any things equal, because it's not! But if you take ownership of this experience, then you take ownership of your actions and your actions are the only thing that is going to get you out of this place that you find yourself in the last change that can change everything Is your best he your best to your best friend, who is your best friend who is friend that you hang out with the most. I wanted to shift this a little bit because, historically, personal development. Everyone talks about that old line.
Where the combination of the five people you spend the most time with. We all know this and there's all of these studies in books and resources around your circle, your inner circle. people that you hang out with. We note I realize recently mostly Don't have a quote inner circle, most people don't have a mastermind. Most people don't have said. It's amazing friends and the like ooh. Let me swap out these two sucky friends and bring in two new friends, and then I've got six total that are awesome. I don't think that's real. I think, if lucky we got one great friend, and you're one great friend could absolutely beer boo. My best friend is my boyfriend and he would be my. Friend, even if we didn't get to make out with each other but him being. My bessie has elevated my wife in so many ways and now
Like all the obvious ones is amazing and kind and great in the sack and has been flax and beautiful hair like not those Its elevated my life because he's much better In certain areas. that I want to be much better in his incredible at being present he's incredible meditation. He is an impeccable health. He takes such good care of himself, he so carrying he so kind and the flip side? There are things that I'm way better than he is like. Oh, I love that you encourage me to do this. I love that I tried this. I love than a push myself further than I would have When you get around someone who is better than you are in, area. It forces you to level up in psychology is called deliberate act as you wanna, be a better basketball player. Don't play basketball play basketball with people that are twice as good as you are that are you begin?
better basketball player. You deliberately practice at a higher skill level. Then you currently have theirs, is that show that most people will make a sound three in line with their friends. Like the people on your life, you'll make us him or salary to those people, because that becomes your normal everyone sort of hanging out in the same level. The same is true for health. The same is true for knowledge. The same is true for evolution and growth. hang out with the kind of person you want to become. and maybe you dont know without person is yet but what Can do is take a good hard look at who currently in your life and should be easy way to do this is grab a notebook open up to a blank page draw lying around the mental on the left side of the top. I want you draw little cup and on the right
at the top. I want you draw little cup, but that cup is filled with water or lemonade or root beer whenever you want it to be, and then I want you to think of everyone. You regularly interact with your family, your friends, the people at work climb. and whoever you are regularly interacting with inside of every single week and when you think of person? I want you to ask a simple question and I leave their presence and their presence could be on a phone call zoo meeting hanging out for christmas. When I leave their presence, is my cup full or as my cup empty, and if they are are people who empty your cup and when you put them on the left side of your paper, if there are people who fill your cup or want you to put them on the right side of your paper, then I want you to look exclusively at the left,
side of your paper- and I want you to go down that lists and ask yourself, do I have to have this person in my life now? Ultimately, we all have a choice about whose in our life- but I understand that some of the people on that list- are you family and it's not easy to just caught him out and then bounce ever talk to them again, if it some one that does not need to be in your life family or not, stop interacting with them period. Just stop. I tried something recently that kept saying on social media.
And it is so real. I had a handful of friends that I was like. Would these people be my friends if I didn't led out on everything if I didn't plan every party? From being honest, if I didn't pay for every single thing, if I didn't constantly initiate, would we so be friends, and I did the oldest trick in the book? I just stopped texting and it's been like four months, and I am one hundred percent sure that these people will reach out when they want something, but it this boy, I'm good I am very intentional about my friendships and because I'm so intentional about my friendships, I dont often realise that the friendship only has life. That's on one side
And by removing my constant employed and just seeing it dissipate unlike oh well, that's answer so people would be on the side of my list with empty cup. And it's kind of a bummer, but at the same time people in my life that aren't the right kind of friend and someone who downright is draining you training or energy during your resources. Just stop. Now on the right side of your last. Hopefully, you ve got at least a few names of people that really philip your spirit make a date. This week go get coffee, go, have a girl, Maybe it's your boo. You want to invite him on a date pretend you're dating again. The very first time and your inviting them on a day and it's like q near gonna go the movies or its And you're gonna go have sushi, you're gonna go do something
and and you're going to wear a good, bra and you're actually going to shave your legs all the way to the top nus, not just to the knee you're gonna. Put some effort in and you're going to put energy into the person who fills up your cup because you want their cup to changing, who you hang out with absolutely changes your life, I think of these essentially change your wife because they change the way you see yourself. And when we change the way we see ourselves when we are able to see ourselves as something greater than we are today, we have a direction to head in just some food for thought that I hope you found helpful and if you did, I would so appreciate it. If you would send this podcast to someone that you think it would help just think of how you discovered the show for the first time, maybe as an so or maybe some afforded it to you that if screen shot a text message, however, someone shared with you, will you share it with someone else? I will be back soon,
more info and ideas and thoughts to chew on. But until then remember, I love you and I am waiting for you. The rachel Hollis is podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis its did by andrew weller and jack noble.
Transcript generated on 2023-09-20.