We are throwing it back to one of our popular podcast episodes. Dave Hollis and I , discuss how working couples manage career, family, and all of the things. We dive into our routine, how scheduling is key, especially with the awesome Cozi App-cozi.com/rachel. We also answer a really important question, can you change your partner? Enjoy this open and super honest conversation. GET THE COZI APP- Cozi.com/Rachel CHECK OUT OUR RISE TOGETHER PODCAST- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/rise-together/id1407481308?mt=2 ENNEAGRAM TEST: www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/dotest
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey guys. It's reach our houses, and I'm here is my friend, Trent Shelton was origin.
I live in the dream man
You tell listeners why we're hanging out together right now we're going
because we're launching my new package straight up and I'm supermax seller, add if you guys are not already familiar Tran, he
as millions and millions of fans all around the globe who come to him for ever.
You're a unique style of coaching yeah. Really,
rights are. The point is really
and put a stray from the heart and break through those negative mindsets breakin through of which only you back in this area,
people's lives for love that so
you guys want here, more you're, already listening on a podcast platform, go subscribe to straight up with Trent Shelton Short: let's go, let's go.
One of the cruellest things that I get to see as part of my job is the manifestation of the product or products that I dreamed up and created and figured out how to do like. So many of you as a business owner, you get these ideas in your head and it is incredible to get to watch them come to fruition, and I started dreaming about one of our most popular products thus start today journal. I start dreaming about this. A couple of years ago I had been doing this daily practice based on several different people. I had heard about several different things and I'm gonna put them together into one daily practice, which was every single day. I wrote down the dreams I had for my life, but I wrote them as if they had already happened. There's something really powerful about claiming a goal as if it's already done, and I wrote down every day- and it was how I set my intentions and then I would post about it on social, and so many people are like what are you doing? What is that? Where do I get that journal? And I was like guys: it's not a journal, it's just a notebook, I'm just riding down the same thing every single day, but what I think is interesting, as business owners or creators is often times. In fact, most of the time your audience will tell you what it wants from you and I kept pushing it off because I was like you guys. This is not a big deal, but it was, and people kept asking for- and I finally just thought what, if I turn this into a.
Product and I started to dream and plan, and I literally taped pictures to the wall of my office, of what I dreamed that my journal would look like in the intention behind it, and I wanted the covers to be really pretty, and I wanted it to be something that you could do once a quarter and then, as you completed, each journal you'd have a stack of this evidence of how intentional you were about your life and we figured it out, and I mean you know some times we messed up on the shipping and sometimes we rest up on the interior,
But we ve failed our way to where we are today, which is the start today journal in the hands of hundreds of thousands of people. So incredible such a blessing for me to be able to go on Instagram and see hashtag start today journal and see people all over the world using this practice as away
to aim in the direction of their dreams. So if you are not familiar- and you want to check it out, you can go over to the Hollis code, dot com forward, slash shop and find out all about my favorite practice turned my favorite product
and, if you're, not in the market, to buy remember that episode. Seventy two of this podcast gives you the exact step by step so that you can do it and whatever note book you have laying around for free you not to buy a product, but you should be doing this daily practice. It will lose.
Thoroughly literally change your life.
If we had,
more honest conversations at the beginning of this when it wasn't a problem that had become because
because of the silence, a bigger thing. It would have. Probably
and easier for us to perverse well
to the rise. Podcast I'm Rachel Hollis, and I built a multi million dollar media company with a high school diploma, and a Google search bar each week will be sharing tangible direct advice or inspiring interviews with the same intention. These
the tools to change your life in
weeks episode, we're gonna, throw it back to one of the most popular interviews. I've ever done it
a conversation that I had with my husband about one of the hardest seasons of our marriage and one of the most difficult conversations we ve ever had sense. We recently launched our own couples podcast. I thought it might be great to bring it back and to give you an idea of the kind of conversations that, even though their hard may
your relationship so much stronger, hope you enjoy this rewind and to get more info like this, be sure and subscribe to the rise together, podcast, which comes out every Thursday. I want to unpack,
I had gone to this. I got to this conference
really inspired view.
Having in others the feelings at you are having, and we're probably nine
remove from me going to the conference
and I was.
Honestly feeling frustrated.
And getting close to resentful is is, is the truth, but
I didn't want to tell Dave.
I'm feeling frustrated because you're not growing, because that sound so mean like
Can you just demand? Some one has the desire to grow or change, so
why did what is the worst thing? I think you can do in marriage or partnerships and work is say nothing.
To say nothing and chew on yours that man you're really frustrated.
just kept getting what those does films grow and faster, and then they they
come out in ways. They're are not supposed to like it here. You know, you know it's like. Can you
We the master, you need the master. It comes out in a totally inappropriate way because you're, not processing and that's hard because it
It's like, I know what I would hope for from our marriage and our relationship, but also
you so much and I don't want to hurt your feelings and I knew that it would hurt your feelings
so am I finally just got to a place where MIKE you, this is
this is super unhealthy on my part to bottle it all up.
Old saying to be unclear as to be unkind so its usual?
he's for work, but it's it works in marriage. I give you are fresher. Was you partner but you're, not telling them? Why
and not a mean way, but in a helpful in an hour or so. Also, though, I think
there is any learning to unlike having we're both better about it in the aftermath of confronting something that was hard. There were some tears, mostly for me
having to kind of look in the mirror at this and in Japan
myself, even in a season where I didn't feel like pushing myself
Some more honest conversations at the beginning of this when it wasn't a problem that have become
because of the silence, a bigger thing it would have. Probably
been easier for us to traverse, shouted again our minds, we sometimes make any
at the beginning seem
I get is bigger than it ultimately shares and if there is any
in this- it would have been helpful if we just had
or direct, honest, open converse.
Nation about how our feeling it may not it
acted as a catalyst immediately, but at least we have taken some of the poison out of what ended up being harder conversation when nine months had gone by and mustard was creating a bad yeah, and I think I want- and I meant to say my sort of tangible thing than our love for you to offer that too, because my hope that this package is always that we are offering tangible wisdom.
So I'll. Tell you the steps that I took to get the courage to have a conversation with Dave and
would love if you could then give them a that you, after that conversation, and so
I would just say to as your listen asks. I know we have a predominant.
We feel audience
screen, shot beggar listening to this podcast and put it up on your instrument today. Tag me admiral,
two Hollis Tag, Dave Mr Dave Hollis.
That you're up to and also send this to your partner. If you
that this is this. Wisdom is valuable or if you hear some of yourself in
conversations or your relationship in these conversations. Man senator
and today it might be
the catalyst that you need to have this hard conversation and for anyone guy wise who ends up with you, this. It's ok to feel it
It's ok to become vulnerable with your spouse. It's ok to confess to having hard times it's. Ok, I know to cry
you're feeling emotional, it's ok and the
the sooner that you can become comfortable being offered
invulnerable with your spouse, the sooner they can have a relationship that you are on fire for and
it's not it's not easy. It's not easy in part, because society and are pair,
maybe are our fathers or whatever it just
haven't necessarily always giving a signal that it's ok to be those things. I promise you,
you take a leap
spouse. This person that you are in relation with is going to lead
is so do it so,
I was doing all these things. I didn't want to say anything and I honestly see new
I need to have a conversation. So I started to ask myself like what is the outcome that I would hope for from this, because I think within
think business or life. If you imagine the outcome or the results that you want, your better frame, the conversation.
Sorry to think about the outcome, I prayed about it. A lot like Lord, please, give me the right
language and the right words- and let me come at this from a humble-
place, because I
a conversation like this could really
Easily, whether it
been me sing it to you or you saying it to me, can reach
we easily make the other person defensive. First,
So I tried to be very humble about it. I also on
drastically? I remember I talked
we slowly and I
it was. It was such a breakthrough for us because
many times in those situations, you can become defensive. Yes, you are the greatest debater I've ever met in my entire life, your legs,
to get. You could devil. Argue you to the end of the world,
an I tend to shut down in those situations. Could I hate confrontation so at them
getting. I think I said something like please. Please, please, like try and hear me and unfair
their urge and you were so open even when,
was hard to just receiving a and processing instead of jumping to that's what it felt like to me.
Yeah, I think anyone who.
While anyone who's gonna have a person that,
Care most about in the world tell them,
something that is yes,
criticism of them, the first, the first response just
human nature. Wise is defends general, but but but yeah. If, if, though, and I think
the credit that you deserve and having have this conversation in this way was. It was all approached with a
with an eye to my best interests
our relationships, best interests
Marriage is best interest, our children's best interest- all of it was
I love you enough to have a hard conversation with you in it.
Harder than in you still can trust me. If you,
as a listener. Thinking about having a conversation, it's tough for your spouse, they're gonna have to push through first the defensiveness second
there's. Probably if they're gonna be totally you nothin, I tell him in it like I was
proud necessarily of some of why I'd let happen in life. You know
some of the coping mechanisms and being a little more frustrated about some of the stuff that was happening generally and life, were showing up in having a little more detail,
then I'd like having a little
less enthusiasm about some of the social stuff that we were doing not being the best vote.
Of a dad that and I want to be, and when you have someone who cares about you who can put a mere up and show you those things.
Hard to have to let them look at them in the lurch
is a super loaded word, but you know there are some shame in having to confront not being the best.
Of yourself. So
where you were trying.
Cast what you'd hope the best outcome could be.
I actually, interestingly, ended up going down a little bit of a different path, which was
casting the? If I don't make change? What is my life? Look like
it's right like what at what is my like look look like if I don't take a dramatic,
of myself and
It is a thing heads up work, both great
there's a thing heads up work both great
Yes, we are we're gonna, be greater because of choosing to every single day tread of you better version of ourselves, and
I had just stayed in the kind of sir
that, I was, I still feel like
on balance, be up
good erosion of human
it wouldn't be great. It wouldn't be extraordinary, wouldn't be the best version and that
dear, that, like I mean I've, my kids Alaska.
At the heart of its ask any question you what kind of thing my kids
always ask what what's your biggest fear, and they want to hear like big
spider yeah they wanna hear like Godzilla is real and I
you have said- and they don't understand it yet not living up to my potential yeah right because
to whom much has given much is expected. It's written on the wall of our living room. I
I know that we're on this earth to change it. I know that we're gonna do even better
things, and we have already done and when you you are
There are strong enough to come and have a conversation with me about.
Having a life that actually accommodated live
it fully into my potential? It struck such a
Lord because that's the thing I fear the most and gods given me so many gifts and that I might waste them because of being in a funk and man that was so motivating that I was like a right. Yeah, hey, aren't! Next! Women's conference is only a few weeks away and if you have never attended before this is the events that will change your life rise is a three day: women's personal development conference, where we laugh until we pay our hands and we talk about our things. We cry and we find community and we create the road map to changing our lives or businesses or whatever it is that you're working on. If you want to find out more your curious, what it's all about, I highly recommend you go check out the instagram and see what our community says. You can hear it straight from them. It's at: let's rise, dot, co and, if you're looking for the next one, it's happening in Toronto. On March this through the seventh that's Toronto March, there, through the seventh check out all the details at the Hollis cold dot com. If you have been looking for a nudge, if you have been looking for something to kick start change, I promise this is the thing.
I'm sorry for having not been the best version myself for the last. However long it's been, I wanna commits a data being better. Let's,
do it together and end the accountability in you know each other
it has been a great thing, but them
while the model that Vienna Rachel was during the time leading up to the conversation was also
because it was so easy to see the impact of reaching for better and the
the fact that that was happy that the impact of reaching for better was having this extraordinary effect on. Just to you
and your outlook and your optimism and your drive
who do and be more for the tribe and the drive and to do more for the people it Sheikh, so well, I'd alert and air.
Part of it, too, is the
count ability you that can exist within an within a healthy relations.
So. I remember that when I told you all of that stuff
night when we had that conversation. I remember that your first instinct was it was. It was painful, for you
that we would even have to have a conversation
I reminded you about
conversations we had over the course of our marriage, where you had
confront me with some truths that were really hard. I
a few years, and this is actually in the book or wash your face comes out in February, but am that was it?
most plug and I don't care I applaud and grow wash your face is going to change the lives of every single person. Who looks at your welcome your welcome by I had em
Few years, when our kids reactor, where I was a workaholic anne and not in
that way like and I actually work- and they make us how sick don't show up
your family, don't shout for your marriage and we had had you had had to confront me with those trees that were very hard for me,
to swallow as
a young man like hey your
showing up for your kids in the way that you would want to, because it's easier to be at work than it is to be here and I
That conversation was devastating to me by it helped me
become a better version. It help it held a mere up to me so
so I was able to that night remind you like babe. I know this is hard, but remember how many times you've done this for me, and I think that that's what I have
ok. I just although we know it was a massive help because it
In that moment, I felt like
had failed in some ways and what you realize is everyone fails in some ways that there are times when it is especially
we have a healthy relation. They're gonna be times when one person
is pulling the other one up the ladder and then there's gonna be another time when that other person is pulling the purse up the ladder up the battle
balance and life balance in a marriage. It's a little bit of an illusion right, there's always
there are always going to be times in this work,
balanced conversation where work takes a priority to your personal life and where
Times where your personal life can take a priority to work, seemed
in terms of whose pulling
or leading or modeling or inspiring
you you want to be in a place where hey. If I have a season where it's not ideal, I can depend on the person I'm willing to help, get me through it and vice versa, her Rachel bringing that path was a
huge help in the midst of feeling in oh.
You have your link that feeling the feelings of having to look in the mirror, like oh yeah. Look, I'm not alone in this marriage for having had a time when I needed to have some ass. Something what's that
Sadly, we have this conversation is really good and then
decided gotta, you p w together, you P, W is Tony Robins conference unleashed the power within it was a conference I had gone to nine months before and really loved, and that was kind of this solution in our minds was like water.
You come and see, and I think
you may be walked into that weekend nervous. I will,
you know that we again skeptical
more than anything because
it just seemed crazy. I did you guys, look opinion footage.
Had its you hear something. It seemed crazy and in a weird
way and not enough. This is like a masculinity thing or something, but like the idea of needing to go to somebody to help you be a better version of you meant that you couldn't be
the better version on your butt,
I haven't got it just him. It was any mode. Oh yeah now urged that, generally out, just the self help space he Ash generally was
a little bit of an affront to what had for me in life. I caution
just so much blessing
having always had
This kind of.
Go my way funding to be honest and the idea that I now needed help
this from my wife, but from a giant
seemed seemed, but
the back end of that conversation,
going one percent-
now I didn't want to. Even though I go out, that's why we say rather sort of rice. All we ask
but you go out and it's a drizzling as a leader I sit in rooms where we're doing not trust ball,
you know like muck module or some kind of mentoring thing, and I always will say you will get out of this, what you put into it you get out,
thing and I always will say you will get out of this. What you put into a you get out of this, what you put into it, give your all. You will get so much, and here I just honestly
didn't feel like that was
The thing I wanted to do, but on the back end of them
It was like look if I'm
try and really reach for better
then I got a triangle. Alan. I was
just blown away by how power
going to something that was about personal growth ended up being when I gave as much as I did. I mean it was kind of like going to fair,
he first, Sir already hours which, by the way, I'm a huge fan of therapy. If anyone is listening and doesn't yet go to or have someone they speak to manner, we can talk about that separate US
therapy yeah therapies, an awesome thing, especially for you guys who think therapies and four guys therapy go get money
guarantee for me, no, no real! You guys, I'm not going to believe that might be announced something really exciting a couple of weeks ago, which one
that work going to be in movie theaters, I'm not even making that up. We have gotten so many emails and letters and DM asking us how you guys could experience one of our live event weekend how you could experience rise weekend if you didn't have the money to go. I got so many requests for this when we were planning this event and it really hit me in the heart. I so wanted an answer for you, so I thought and dreamed and prayed and planned and
We decided to work, poured the entire weekend and turn it into a documentary, and I'm so excited to tell you that Rachel Hollis presents made for more will be in theatres August. Second, in both the: U S and Canada,
so be sure and check with your local theatres get your tickets. Now you can find out more information on let's rise, Doc, CO, which has all of our event and foe, but I hope to see you there
it's gonna be so much fun. It's gonna be a chance for all of us to come together in community
to see a movie with Oliver bases on it, which is so crazy, but also to experience. One of our conference is for the cost of about thirteen bucks. I hope I will see them so we we went his conference. It was incredible for the both of us
but what came out of it was, and we had always, you know we had a.
Nine we always committed.
Oh great marriage and, where best friends and all those things, but we left that conference
and we were like. We don't want a good marriage. We don't even want to great marriage, we want an exceptional marriage and how
Could we live our lives in order to have an exceptional marriage
and I'll tell you
throughout this a former every single day. I write like my fifteen goals. My current goals, for,
every single day, all right I'll talk about
before, but every single day I write like my fifteen goals, my current goals for my life and there
big and grandiose in crazy and I write them as if they ve already happens, and one
the goals that I write every single day as I am an exceptional mom and the next one is, I M an exceptional work,
and often when, I'm writing that, then I will ask my question: what can I do
right now to make this true select.
When you get a tax, that is in the middle of the day, this telling you how sexy you are. How much I love you how much! I appreciate something: it's usually because I'm just written that sense and I'm asking myself haddock. How can I
all this up with action
and in my gulls part of it is the language that amusing and the goal setting its present tense. Mind pack, if you well, you know I'm
in sick physical shape, always you know hey, I just my brain thinks that, because I say it over and over its part of what motivates me to be in the gym five or six days a week, you don't buy, I want to get in shape that creates blue
gains in your mind. You say I m in shape in your minds like ok, I get at the truth. Are I'll figure out how to get you there and so the language in our marriages, I presume my wife and pursue word,
the trigger then, for what am I doing to actually pursue my wife if it's about our dates or as if it's about the text
in the daytime or that a quick found collar whatever might be. If, if I
say that every morning, if I write that down every morning- and I don't act on it- well, what did what's what
good is it so it actually acts as a bit of a trigger and is part of again this pursuit of an exceptional marriage. So.
To wrap up this little section soon off on a pretty hard tangent here.
How do you change some one else? How do you change your marriage changes? Only change yourself. That's right,
ok back on this guy and we're gonna wrap this up. One thing we haven't talked about for anymore, both pretty past,
throughout this idea, we both work like how're. We successful in this space
we need time by any a gram.
Sound like crazy people, always say this. Unless your listening, anybody done your any a gram, in which case your like. Oh, I don't know a single person whose done nanograms test and has a man like wholly crap, so little like.
You don't know what it is: e, N, N E, a g are a m. Any aground me
google like free any around test? It's a quiz, you take it.
Twelve minutes long device
personality types out by nine numbers
This has been around since, like ancient Greek.
It's really really old. Look it up. Each Greece look out loud
the Olympics in any YAP can look it up.
Submit around forever and
personality type is divided by number and when you do your test and you read what your number as you're
we'll startle, you you're like wholly crap. I didn't. I thought that that stuff. I thought I was this way because of my family of origin, but I didn't know that other people had similar family
The origin so
Gunnar, any grand number and then
This is the key there's a thing we're
you can see how your any room number works,
and doesn't work with your partner and that
like reading, the diary of our marriage is so crazy here. So I do think that something that has been really helpful is.
Reading about your partner in that way. So I'm a three. I met a three isn't achiever and nobody is surprised by this. If you know me Davis,
which is the peacekeeper, so he wants everyone to be everyone to be ok, we're all get word. Do whatever is possible, make everybody ok leads to work,
really well together, but then there can
so be it.
Pretty strong resentment that bruise between three and nine because
three as an achiever needs. Your attention.
And a nine can start to resent how much
attention, the three needs all of the time, the three perceived
as your love
I just want five minutes, and we will make issues in this pop up in a marriage over and over and over
so that has been really helpful.
Or just given us some tools like. Oh ok, I see what's happening here. I think this is really for like working couples. I can
This is just for any relationship. I have to really
it's an instinct to keep the things that I'm thinking inside.
So for France, and that our conversation that we had about making change, my instinct is low.
Get down shove it down. Don't talk about this, don't say anything, don't you know because,
I don't want a non computational rain and
every single time that I just will force myself. Have a conversation even if we
gotta go through some, so
Arguments are some whatever to get to the other side of it. It always comes out better.
Don't admires either way. I it's the same thing on my side, because my instinct apiece keeper is to tell
just what she wants to hear, which, when it isn't,
I actually feel creates the resentment
Inside of me and again everytime, I push against and say: hey
this is how I actually feel it creates a
short term kerfuffle
Return a cover is to follow where its it creates a short term
moment of you, know, maybe making or feel something that is about to insecurity, are alarmed. Why,
I why, by its again
usually better in the long run, because it it's it's again when these things, where like it can start as a very small thing and then three months
by, and she asked me where the hangers on, unlike hangers. Well, I think- and for me I don't ever actually out yes now for me and I
mad, but I'm mad, because my feelings are hurt and it is just
seen as mad
and I don't want to tell you why my feelings are heard, because that feels like very vulnerable.
To say like will it felt like there's a recent conversation. I think that you know minded time, and this is so dumb and
can see how dominance in retrospect, but at the time it really hurt my feelings, people listening. This are just gonna, be like you, our princess any to go high somewhere
So we had a baby sitter on a Sunday afternoon, and I
will excited, have a babysitter. I wanted to go back, let's go to coffee or let's go
so, let's go get whenever, and so I have
I do want to go, get coffee or lunch or whenever any hesitated and music
can week he's watching for bar news organizing this cause. I was like a big projects like all its have pulled out of the closet whatever and
he hasn't areas like what could we I mean I'm watching like whatever and like he just I could
they didn't want to go. Get coffee with me
and as a human being of course like you are just allowed to dress, want Wanna watch football, unlike organizer closet or whatever.
It seems insane to say, like it felt like massive rejection to me because
I want to go get coffee
at any moment at any time through Cogema you wanna, go hang out with me and talk for nine hours. Is such a woman thing by the way, I'm in so what
he hesitated and then he was acknowledged. Girl go, but I knew was a what he really wanted. It really real
hurt my feelings,
and it sounds silly, but we'll have triggers and a trigger. For me is like nobody wants to: nobody left,
nobody wants coffee cup you and me like. No, he doesn't want to use your my person you're my best friend, and it was like
we'd just what it was a spiral right I mean
fast out with anger, like I manage,
That would like vine, although, given
own coffee by myself, I'll enjoy edge replanting ever running stay there she put on her headphones. She went to the Rose Bush and she read. I ran round like I got
My entire closet is on the ground. I have a computer up with my fantasy football. I have a tv playing. This is a day that I was planning dang it, but, of course,
impulse again as a peacekeeper was largely through all of my things in a fire page Dixon half now that it but
it seems so silly to say that as an argument that happened in retrospect,
That is my own insecurity bleeding through
instead of just saying, I'm even together fourteen years
just saying Hey
I just want to hang out with you and like the response from my feeling, so that they could be like we'll dude I was doing
This is not about our to hang out with you just in the middle of something I just
down in time and the whatever, and then it became a whole thing. We are doing work through it
crying, and it took a few days
me to get over- and I was my thing to get over- it wasn't yours, but it too
a few days for me alike, decide
that you do actually love me what's in pursuing their backers of this describing a marriage around, but this is coming out of the conversation about any room. So if you
Now that the three
has these thing: yes, as a nine, yes, before year, nine peacekeeping, so
Comes into to try and fix it and then resents having too
completely redo their day to make them at the three I feel better. You can take a step.
I can say this is a part of the fat.
A few. This person is it
the bottom line is the more that you can understand why
you are the way you are why your spouse is the way they are or
friend our your boss younger. Whoever might be all the more
likely you you're going to be able to show up in a way that
acknowledges how they are in a way that best creates a connection that
I'll keeps you who you are acknowledged,
who they are not knowing
who they are, how they are, whether wired
you're gonna get it right some of the time, but man you're gonna, stumble on more than you necessarily need to subdue the test and understand how your.
Handshake you know can work back because
and once you do it really
So what are we said? We sad I'm getting help asking for help. Super important
being on the same level in terms of who does why or or having really clear conversations about, dividing in conquering too that you're, both contributing in different ways.
It is super unhealthy for our relationship for one partner to be carrying more weight than the other. I don't I don't care if you know you're.
If your wife or your husband is drowning.
What would typically avenant generals is like your wife.
Drowning with a way of carrying all that's at home or your husband.
Is drowning under having to provide be the only provider for the family. If one partners drowning, it's gonna, think the whole ship
Is is not healthy, so being on the same level community
getting a lot. Keeping that calendar, handy
and ready and and talking each other, all the time being really
Pension all about having a great relationship having
eight night having sex
there we said it were big big proponents of having sex with each other
that's the desk task or the brought Myers, Briggs or whatever budgets. China understand where your partner is coming from
it's the disc task or
brought Myers Briggs or whatever, but just China understand where your partner is coming from
years ago, I heard this saying the passer set it at a wedding and I've always loved. You said grace
giving someone the opposite of what they deserve and
think that that is so real and marriages are so many opportunities to give some money
opposite of what they deserve in that moment like as a human, your logically,
your closet, but as it is
partner, you could go haywire
change my language here, a little bit, it'll speak
To that insecurity that she has an all
accomplished a thing that I want to do. I don't have to give her
yes but I'm going to- because I want to
her grace and I want to live on her and take care of her, so those are tips, give anything else
I mean we liked. I suggest scratch the surface of the very first sentence, this episode of and what it means to have work life balance.
The illusion of balance. Is the thing I think
we have to also maybe just spend two seconds on because I get the question.
How do you do it? All yearnings
It is an you, are really available to your family and you have date nights every week and on and on and on and on and the
I guess I did talk about this in the past from last year, but the idea that bad,
it is even a thing like as in hey it's fifty fifty is not real. The the
The times when things get more hectic at work mean that you, it will just come at. The expense
of your availability at home.
Times when work can accommodate you're gonna be more available at the house, with your wife with two kids, but you have to create some.
Carve out absolute can't compromise it kind of space. I mean you're out of the country.
Ok, you can't get a date, no yeah that day, but
At worst show consistent about date night, we are so consistent about how our kids are dropped off from school or how we participate in being therefrom.
Or whatever else it might be, make a list
the things that are absolutely can't touch them
give yourself the grace of knowing that when things get hectic and busy, you will not as a family, to sit around the dinner table every single night, and that is o K.
And when the times at work I'll afford it, man take off
five or thirty, whatever in high technology
affords yes, so many opportunities, Hasn t a samurai were
from the house, yeah just get home and have some extra time. If you're you know schedule is something that can accommodate. There is no such thing as robot. Why also the older than I get the more? I believe that if you thought
out of balance with work and life
it's because you're unhappy in one or both of the areas
so work work, life
and spells out of balance when don't think your job, I'm freaking
of what I do. I mean we, we bow
If our really happy and our careers away like wings,
you we're both really happy and our careers and the things that we get to pursue in the work that we get to do so it never feels out of bounds.
To me because I love being at home and I
of being year. It doesn't
and they bullied into each other. Although the kids will come by the office or I will
In fact, we got two kids in bed. Last night I was working on a marketing plan for the book like it just in all fields
fine at all, I'm great, I'm so grateful I'm so blast. I live in a state of gratitude. It doesn't feel unbalanced. It feels like
How can I even the handle all these good things, because that's what I'm looking for you? So I feel like, if you're feeling on balancing you to have a conversation with yourself and I in the
do. I need to get my home in order to introduce himself to help me get support in this space or are both of these.
Is actually gray, and I just need to be starting my day and living my day in a space of gratitude for months. In good point, you about what
you're the best you I love you. I love you more thanks for chatting with me. Ten for good buddy.
We will be back with another episode next week in them,
in time, if you have a moment and
You can write of review or subscribe to the podcast. That is life to those of us who worked so hard to produce every single
sewed for more information. You can check out Deus podcast, dot, com or stock. Me
every form of social media. I amiss Rachel Hollis on every single platform, thanks to our producer, Alison Cohen, are sound engineer, Jack Noble and are sound editor Andrew Weller. Most importantly, I hope you heard something today that in
fires. You I'll see you next week. Ladies and gentlemen, did I mentioned I have a book coming out. Here's the thing: it's called get out of your own way, sceptics guide to growth and fulfilment and we're
The priest cell window of windows- I am super, excited about having written a book for both men and women about
twenty lies that I once believed that were keeping me in my own way. I have written
from the perspective of someone that is
totally different from Rachel Hollis, even if the format is somewhat similar to grow wash your face, I wrote it from the
perspective of someone. Who's been skeptical of tools like this,
book or even the pot castra listening to for ever and ever its through, that lends that I'm talking about the ways that I was getting in my own way and I think in uncovering the truth behind those lies not only
help me get out of my own way, it I'll help you get out of Europe's. There are two ways I want to say. Thank you for preparing this book.
I've created in the course of course, yes and a course, a sixty minutes each course called finding your. Why it's
a fantastic resource, it's available absolutely
or free right now for having pure the book and
If you go to get out of your own way, the book that calm right now and follow the problems, not only we get Icarus, you can hear the first thirty minutes of the book again get out of
on way comes out March? Tenth, I'm super super excited about it, get out of your own way. The book dot com hit that link
the problems and I appreciate your support.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-16.