« RISE podcast

70: How To Get Past Other Peoples Opinions: An Excerpt From Rachel's Experts Academy Keynote

2018-11-13

In this episode I deal with one of the entrepreneurs greatest enemies: Caring too much about other peoples opinions. Heck...I would even venture to say that every human being must deal with this formidable imposter on an almost daily basis. This excerpt is taken from my keynote speech at my good friend Brendon Burchard's amazing event Experts Academy. I hope sharing my battle scars on this topic gives you strength and understanding to fight your own battle. Thanks Brendon for letting me use this audio clip!

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey guys, it's reach our houses, and I'm here is my friend Trent Shelton was a rigid. I live in the dream: man You tell listeners why we're hanging out together right now we're going because we're launching my new package straight up and I'm supermax seller- add if you guys you're, not already familiar attract he as millions and millions of fans all around the globe who come to him for ever you're, a unique style of coaching, yeah, really rights are, the point is really I can put straight from the heart and break into those negative mindsets breakin through a withholding you back in this area, people's lives for love that so You guys want here more you're, already listening on a podcast platform, go subscribe to straight up with Trent Shelton Short: let's go, let's go.
One of the cruellest things that I get to see as part of my job is the manifestation of the product or products that I dreamed up and created and feared out how to do like. So many of you as a business owner, you get these ideas in your head and it is incredible to get to watch them come to fruition, and I started dreaming about one of our most popular products thus start today journal. I served dreaming about this a couple of years ago. I had been doing this daily practice based on several different people. I had heard about several different things in a kind of put them together into one daily practice, which was every single day. I wrote down the dreams I had for my life, but I wrote them as if they had already happened there, something really powerful about claiming a goal as if it's already done, and I wrote down every day- and it was how I set my intentions and then I would post about it on social, and so many people are like what are you doing? What is that? Where do I get that journal and I was like eyes: it's not a journal. It's just a note book, I'm just riding down the same thing every single day, but what I think is interesting, as business owners or creators is often times. In fact, most of the time your audience will tell you what it wants from you and I kept pushing it off because I was like you guys. This is not a big deal, but it was, and people kept asking for- and I finally just thought what, if I turn this into a,
product and I started to dream and plan, and I literally taped pictures to the wall of my office, of what I dreamed that my journal would look like in the intention behind it, and I wanted the covers to be really pretty, and I wanted it to be something that you could do once a quarter and then, as you completed, each journal you'd have a stack of this evidence of how intentional you were about your life and we figured it out, and I mean you know some times we messed up on the shipping and sometimes we rest up on the interior. But we ve failed our way to where we are today, which is the start today journal in the hands of hundreds of thousands of people. So incredible such a blessing for me to be able to go on Instagram and see hashtag start today journal and see people all over the world using this practice as away
to aim in the direction of their dreams. So if you are not familiar- and you want to check it out, you can go over to the Hollis code. Dot com forward, slash shop and find out all about my favorite practice turned my favorite product And if you're not in the market, to buy, remember that episode. Seventy two of this podcast gives you the exact step by step so that you can do it in whatever note book you have laying around for free, you not to buy a product, but you should be doing is daily practice. It will lose. Early, literally change your life.
Welcome to the rise podcast, I'm Rachel Hollis and I built a multi million dollar media company with a high school diploma, and a Google search bar each week will be sharing tangible direct advice or inspiring interviews with this same intention. These are the tools to change your life. On the six episode of the rise podcast, I'm sharing an excerpt from a recent keynote speech I gave I had the opportunity to speak to a room filled with business owners, and I wanted to talk about the reasons that we, as entrepreneurs don't get as far as fast as we think that we should one of those reasons, other people's opinions, worrying about what someone else thinks what customers will thank her. People on social media will think or a mother in law will think of us for having goals and drinks for our life. I thought, since bar meek last. Ninety days is all about this topic pie, which shared actual steps. They view can tank to get past this thing and keep it holding you back shout out to our friend Brenner Bouchard, who invited me to speak at experts Academy and for sharing this audio clips. I can share with you all right. This jacket thing.
That is why you are not where you want to be right now because I have something called: oh, oh, wait for it. other peoples. Opinions here Let's dig into this. This is the only one that actually like pulled apart in really finite detail because I was like, if I can just get them to give this thing up. It will change everyone's lives. So this Manifested for me, I was a blogger. I had a lifestyle blog and we exist. Stood off of influence, your marketing, we did white label content. I had a team of five. We were building something really great, really proud of my team and I had children and I had this business And it really started to bother people that I was working mom
crap forming working, mom curse for being a working dad. I thought I believe in you, sir. I just like you just moderator you were you stretching where you praising the Lord Grey so so I was building this business. That was really proud of, but we had crossed over a threshold just to be totally honest with you. We have crossed over threshold where we no longer needed my salary to support our family so First got married poorest, church mice working together, things right. And men Dave's crew you're starting to grow and grow and grow and explode, and then all sudden. If I were, into I didn't have to work now where and I was working when we needed the money. It was incredible. we're proud, look, investing,
your building with higher supporting your family. Anyone have that in their bright look just you. Ok, you a cop Then we don't need the money anymore. And now I'm selfish because well, why wouldn't you stay home with your kids? Why? What do you want to be with your babies? Why? Wouldn't you want- and I was like man I just spent- so many years, building this business to the poor, just getting traction, we're just starting to make good my we're just starting to do these things. Everybody else wanted me to walk away from that because- they wanted me to be the kind of woman that they are. Kind of mom, that they are. I couldn't do it I couldn't give up on the business. I couldn't give up on the dream, and so I did what so many people in this room are doing. Right now I pursued my dreams for myself in the dark.
that resonate with anybody I will chase down my dream. I will do the thing I want to do so long as it does an inconvenience you in any way. I will show up for my family, I will throw the biggest most elaborate thanksgivings. I will do the tattler birthday party that we can put on Pinterest, because I want to prove to you. I'm a good mom that's when I started to have anxiety, attacks. Who, here are things. Here's the question that I always ask people who are struggling with anxiety who you trying to please. cause. I really believe that a lot of our anxiety comes from believing that we need to be somebody different than we are in our core. So for me I M an orange:
born and bred. Who is a proud entrepreneur in this room right now? I love it. I love the puzzle. I love trying to figure it out. I love learning new things. I am super freaking proud to be a well. Dave now is with me on this journey, but for the longest time I was a woman own business. I was so freaking, proud of what I had done. That big deal. Do you know who we're my women business owners in this room? I now love it. Do you now that two percent to freaking per cent women owned businesses will ever break a million dollars. Two percent I was really freaking, proud of what I had built, but I didn't want anybody to be mad at me. I didn't want anybody to dislike me. I didn't but want anybody to call me in to question so I started to having debilitating anxiety attacks. I would
work I would function. I will take care of the kids and and I would get in bed at night and cry. cry and shake under the covers and Dave he was like. I don't. I don't know how to help you. I don't. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what's wrong and I'm like. I can't tell you what's wrong, I don't know, I just know it's bad. And I handled anxiety by drinking who's your drinks to deal with strengthened anxiety. There's like everyone's like. I would come home every day from work, and I came from them from this very busy job to these two toddlers and here The thing this is going to resonate with both the moms, but I think especially some dad's. I kill it at work.
I am so freaking good at work I can be on. I can create the content. I can write the words I can take the pictures getting home. His heart. Who poles in the drive, wherein there like. you know that thing that going to about the release they would ever Their car in the ground, like release, release, release relief. Now Just me: ok, get home from work, and I would for glass of wine, and if I had that glass of wine Then I might not scream at my kids that night. That resonate with anyone here, if I could, just have a little bit to take the edge off here. thing ya. Can't Yale and a man and raise your hands at me for the good stuff and not have the courage to do the same thing. We're talking about hard things
come on. I now I'm not the only person in this room that goes home and immediately pours themselves, the glass of wine or has some vodka or does something because they think that if they can put alcohol in their mouth. Then they won't hear their dad come out of their throats. There they won't hear their mom scream at the kids and I did that every night I would come home and I would drink and that's and for a while, except that one glass of wine doesn't cut it after awhile. Then glass and a half. Then you need to. Then you're waking up every single morning of your life. With a headache and you don't have the guts to admit that your hung over. That's how I dealt with anxiety. And I realized tat, I was getting really close to having a drinking problem like a legit alcoholic drinking problem, because
As to me, the trigger is, when you go from, I want a drink too I need a drink. fill in the blank with whatever your personal version of coping is an unhealthy way, and so I just to go to therapy because I didn't want to have to have Be my journey. to a lot of fair p and what I realize was a high, what horrible, like oh, my gosh, so horrible people pleaser, where my people play is as yet let's go to church
hey, aren't next women's conference is only a few weeks away and if you have never attended before this is the events that will change your life rise is a three day: women's personal development conference, where we laugh until we pay our hands and we talk about our things. We cry and we find a community and we create the road map to changing our lives or our businesses or whatever it is that you're working on. If you want to find out more your curious, what it's all about, I highly recommend you go check out the instagram and see what our community says. You can hear it straight from them. It's at let's rise dot, co and, if you're looking for the next one, it's happening in Toronto on March Fifth, through the seventh that's Toronto March. This, through the seventh check out all the details at the Hollis code, dot com- if you have been looking for a nudge, if you have been looking for something to kick start change, I promise to this is the thing so this
How I got over caring what other people think which Pierre we for sure going to turn into any course which I just figured out in the front row yesterday. Why? What's the number one thing you're people caravan like other people's opinions, and then I thought, if I could teach them that I will be a billion air, nobody still that idea, I've already trademarked it. No, I haven't. here's how I get over it. Number one: I want you to look practically at what is actually happening, so what Explain this there are two kinds of other people's opinions, hypothetical. And proven, ok, hypothetically is, if you have not heard some one com to you straight up to your face, like a great song Tell you the thing that you're pretty sure that their thinking about you is hypothetical,
and the problem is most of your. Are letting hypothetical opinions rule you're alive. You are you sure that your car An crystals comment on Facebook was about you I know her, I know what she's thinking you're pretty sure that those people are making fun of you you're, pretty sure that your and our limits bugging your friends on Facebook you're pretty sure, but you have no proof. Most of the things that you are afraid of right now are are in your head- your head, many people are afraid right now, they're, like no bay for sure rage. You know not, therefore sure judging me, you know someone's. Judging you, you know everyone's perfect forgot. Ok great! So you have to ask yourself: is this really?
or is this imagine, and I don't even care if passed behaviour, said that it's likely does it matter, I went to see that their per got one of the greatest gift I have ever been given with subsequent they are put into a book that has currently been turned into a quote. There goes all around the world and I get tons of credit for it and it's not my therapist quote. She said Rachel. Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. do they love you. None of your business. Do the hate you None of your business does it matter either way. When you can free yourself from someone else's person options of you. It changes everything. So, if you right now are drowning in the hypothetical you need to snap yourself out of it and get back to work because the thing about other people's opinions. This as an excuse.
This is another excuse that we give ourselves for why we can't get where we want to go hypothetical opinions. The kind of opinion is proven. Someone Really actually tells you that you're a jerk someone- Actually tells you that you're bad mom, either in person or cause they're trolling you on Instagram on Facebook, whose experience that fund before a guy who's, this. Straight out, they tell you all the way is that your tuck cast what therein That the answer we will pray for them, but nay, look sorry that is How does the first time ever in my career that I've kept on were burning? Customer gesture would like I feel it
Jesus, but I gotta let I'm getting there. yeah Why would you care about the opinions of the guys why? I'm curious, why Who here has had some one tell them something either a troll on the internet or someone who now has said something about the business, their building, the dreams at their pursuing the person they want to be whose actually had someone say something to them. Wow, you guys are surrounded by. and did you let a detour you. I can look at these a plus teachers pats I've been here.
these high performers, whereas no teacher, I went right back to my work. I serve the world. Come even if you Let us stop you from doing what you were doing you let that energy get in. You Let jar your momentum because of didn't. You wouldn't remember it right now. If you can bring it up. If you're like how they did attack me yeah, they did say mean things it got in. and the only thing I can tell you- could cause people would say like it doesnt matter it doesnt matter it does. I heard a woman last weekend. who waited line for an hour at a book signing less than half a million people are only mean the internet. This is the first I'm someone waited in line for an hour in a book signing and then came to me and said I mean actually
hated your book, but my friends liked it. So you think you can get a selfish and I'm sitting there and there's a hundred people online behind her and I I wanna be respectful to hurt. I might well she's. No, she's drank her now, maybe she confused. You read someone else's book and she thought it was mine, but I was so startled and I took the self because, unlike what am I gonna do like Albert, I dont know what to do so. I took this healthy, but she walks away and the whole time. I'm now taking pictures all these other women and I can get my head. I hated your book. I hated your book. I hated your book to my face and it hurt my feelings get hurt. My And so I know that it's easy for people to stand up here and be like it doesn't matter, your human
Our guys amateur grab a quick cup of coffee and, while I'm gone check out some of the awesome products that we have come in at this season from the House company guys rise in Minneapolis sold out. Our annual women's conference actually sold out in twenty seven minute. We know it's kind of insane and if you are one of the people, so I wanted to go, don't worry, we are adding another date, so save it eight July, eighteen, twenty eight. We have no idea where we do not know what state we literally chose the only weaken I had free in the summer time guys it's gonna, be epic, stating my feelings. My feeling,
you're, human and and my skin is so much thicker than it used to be, but still still gets in so question is: how are you going to respond to it when some does or says something to you that hurts. What are you do? Are you gonna take get. Are you gonna? Let it throw you Oscars? Here's the deal every single time that we're starting to get great momentum feel like that. Every time you like me and I'm killin it, some on comes out of somewhere someone, gotta comment someone's got. Something in your like oh man, where that really that really through me off, cause grew up. Pentecostal. My me am, I would say: well, the devil is coming to get What I do believe, no matter what your faith is. I do believe in my heart that when you are out in the world trying to do good things, that bad things will try and take you down. That's just real.
You have to have a plan of attack the next I'm that that happens for you here something that I have done, that this is this maybe going to be a little, I don't have these countries, commentary, what I've done, the I wrote Brennan said the book. That's been really successful. My six book, my first book I wrote we put it out into the world and I had self published it. And I would go on Amazon every day. I'm sure now you ve ever done this gun On everyday, I would read: reviews right and the first, like thirty were views. You get it's like your ma. Am your sister, your neighbor, your kids, kindergarten teacher. You are like I am amazing, I mean a wholly crap and my writer wow, so that was me everyday law. Ghana me look, ok, and this is where I left off five stars, that's beautiful and then one day I got my first one. star reveal she
called my book. Trite and vapid, that I remember it all these years later, tribes and vapid. And I went into such a shame spiral immediately. I was like she's right I'm a terrible writer. Why did I tracked this? Try? It is vapid, it's stupid, and that was one, you know, there's like stages of grief. This is like stages of like writer, agree for creator grief. First, one is a hundred percent there right two people actually just went to take notes. I'm making this that this is not a real thing. Don't write, detail some next year, they'll be like stages of writers, green from doing it. I should have done something. Ok That's why I thought you know what it is she doesn't no me so if I,
Find her on the internet and I become friends with her, then I can explain to her what I was trying to do then then show like my book cause. I'm a paper plays a remember. they're all these crazy whatever and then I thought like just snap out of it, I thought. Oh man, If one bad review can throw you office badly close the laptop. and don't ever right again and so on. the decision. That day, I have never looked at another review for anything of minds and said day good or bad, for that. We look at me so God now, because here I realize the only reason there is going to read. The good reviews is because I wanted validation.
The only reason I was reading. The good reviews is because I wanted the validation to keep writing. and if I need that validation in order to create, then I'm creating from the right space I've never look to another review since then for anything that I've ever done. My husband obsessively checks, hex them who have days or he's really pissed, and I like you Amazon again, man like dont, do it to yourself, doesn't matter. The thing is, I hope that I hope that everybody, I hope, that you have to anybody that picks up my books. Hope you love him. I hope that you find some thing in them resonates if you have that they make you laugh. I hope that they give you courage. I hope that they give you advice, but I didn't write them for you. I wrote them for me. Wrote them from the place in my heart that always wanted to be an author. I wrote from
eleven year old girl who wanted to to create something you want to see her name on a book. That's what I write for I right because characters in my head that I want to get on the page. That's why I write I write because I've, a God given ability to do so, I right because they live in a country that allows me the freedom to do that, to be able to It is a gift and you are trying to create something because you wanted to be reviewed well or because you wanted to be able to really be received. Or because you want more fans, you are Doing it for the wrong reasons, so staff looking at your reviews, second, we're still on other people's opinions. I know you're like while we ve been here for a while here. Something that really changed my perspective of other people's opinions. I know we hear this. All the time like you are,
five people that used around yourself with most. We hear that all the time, but here's what this looks like for me, I was able to change my opinion of what other. Well, thought of me by hanging out with two kinds of friends. The first kind of friend was someone who was further along than me in area that. I wanted to be in so, let's stay I want to I'm train for a marathon now If I wanted to train marathon, and I Hung out with my family, who is severely obese on both sides doesn't work out and also when they don't understand something they attack it. Anyone have family hours like that. And if I wanted to talk to them about training for a marathon, how much momentum do you think I would have from that conversation
somehow we do this all the time. Instead, If I wish we did, we had. There was a guy on David team at the time who had run like twenty five marathons, and we start how can a him about it him and how do you train would eat the night before What kind of shoes should I buy? What schedule should I be and be? He had done it because he had gotten further down that trail than I had already. He was able to look back and me like. Oh no you're, fine, you coming! Oh, it's supposed to hurt this bad. So, Having a friend that's further, along than you, are down the trail, who can tell you it's gonna, be ok Brendan? Is one of those friends me Brendan. Is the guy that you too? In your like this report published this week, horrible article and he's like coming, I haven't I'm totally fine, it's normal being with someone who's perspective is different. Can change your perspective? That's the first kind of frightened.
the second kind friend that you want to find in your life, I would like to just use the letters that I wrote down in my journal, which is a friend d g, a F Who knows what that means? ask your neighbour give a flip so. I have one of my best friends and the whole world shoes, so of course, she did not give a crap and still does what anyone thinks of her or what anyone thinks of what kind of woman she supposed to be or what anyone things her hair is supposed to like or what anyone thinks that she supposed to dress like or be like or speak like, and if you hang out with people who are that confidence in themselves. Guess what happened to you.
If you are struggling with other people's opinions right now, I'd love to ask you who's in your circle. In our the kind of people who struggle in the way of what other people think. I wanted to talk about the Idea of being people, please send it, we have a lot of them in the room, and this really resonates under this idea of what other people think of you wear my people? Please is again. though, I struggled with this for a really long time- and you know going back to their earlier story when I was having the anxiety attacks and I had to go to european. I did all this work when I started to understand was: I was having anxiety tax because I was trying to be two different people. I was trying please everybody and I wanted to show up for them in the way they wanted me to show up and then I will go to work and try and be who I really was. The most path
thing that ever happened to me in my entire life was realizing. I was at a personal growth conference and I'm sitting in the stand, and I epiphany moment. I was like God made me this way. He made me this way so there's this thing that happens to those thus who have been dreams and big hopes and wanted you crazy, Outlandish things there's this thing: that happens, society or our family or community or friends, try and tell as all the reasons it's wrong and when someone To tell you all the reasons your dreams are wrong. What it feels like is, these are all the reasons that you're wrong so for me, I had these big hopes and dreams, and I beat myself up. Captain Should I want to stay home, but these kids. but I had the right. So I standing in this personal growth
I had this moment right. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, we're we're all made differently. Our creator makes all of us differently. And to assume that I should be the same in woman on the internet or the other moms at school, to assume that I should do things just like they do them. is denying who my creator made me to be one of the most powerful. Understands in my life, but that mean that people would suddenly except me just because I have learned to accept myself. and so here is what I know to be true when we are trying to please other people, what we are trying to do is to get love. Are trying to get love by. having a certain way for them. I just want to encourage you right now You can never like everything time that you are doing that every the time that you are doing, something, that's
not who you are really inside you giving away pieces of yourself. You are trying to buy their love. paying with little pieces of yourself. Here's my ambition because it bothers you Is that book that I wanted to write since I was a little girl, but you don't like having to watch the kids on the weekend. Here's them! here's the way that I dress. Here's the way that I look, here's the way that I speak. Here's these Means that I have missed you keep trying. Time trying to pay for someone else Is love with yourself? Listen up. You cannot ever pay enough to make your self worth someone else's love. Some one loves you because of who you are full, stop full stop. They love you because of who you are. You deserve love, because human being,
you are worthy and enough as you are today, and if you keep chasing what they think of you. If you keep giving away part yourself, you will never step into who you were meant to be.
the advance reader copies of girl stop apologizing officially out in the world, which means for the first time ever people. Besides, my editors are reading my new book and I can't wait for you read it too. I wrote pearl stop apologizing because I wanted to give women permission to do just that, stop apologizing for anyone, Sup apologising for the dreams and goals and hopes you have for your life. Tagline for this book is a shame free guide, embracing at achieving our goals. So if you have a big audacious dreams for your hair or break, can tasks personal those for yourself. This comes out March. Well, then, you can free order now on Amazon.
Ladies and gentlemen, did I mentioned. I have a book coming out. Here's the thing. It's called get out of your own way, sceptics guide to growth and fulfilment and where The priest cell window of windows- I am super- excited about having written a book for both men and women about twenty lies that I once believed that were keeping me in my own way. I have written from the perspective of someone that is totally different from Rachel Hollis, even if the format is somewhat similar to grow wash your face, I wrote it from perspective of someone who's been skeptical of tools like book or even the pot castra listening to for ever and ever its through. That lends that I'm talking about the ways that I was getting in my own way and Think in uncovering the truth. Behind those lies, not only help me get out of my own way. It I'll help you get out of Europe's. There are two ways I want to say. Thank you for preparing this book.
I've created in the course of course. Yes and a course, a sixty minutes each course called finding your. Why it's a fantastic resource. It's available. Absolutely! Or free right now for having pure the book and If you go to get out of your own way the book that calm right now and follow the problems. Not only we get Icarus, you can hear the first thirty minutes of the book again get out of way comes out March. Tenth, I'm super super excited about it, get out of your own way. The book dot com hit that link. the problems and I appreciate your support.