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96: A New ”Girl, Stop Apologizing” Chapter: Ask For Help!

2019-05-14

Today on the RISE podcast, I'm so excited to share with y'all another exclusive chapter from the audiobook version of "Girl, Stop Apologizing." I'm talking about a vital behavior that is ingrained in me. A habit that everyone needs to adopt: learning how to ask for help. In this chapter, I dive into my best tips and experiences on how to find resources to help you achieve your dreams. In order to achieve your fullest potential, you have to understand that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. 

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My new book Girl, Stop Apologizing is available now! It contains some of the most tactical and detailed information I’ve ever given, all in the hopes of inspiring you to stop making excuses and follow the dream that sets you on fire. Get it right here — amzn.to/2RxC6eY

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey guys. It's reach our houses, and I'm here is my friend. Trent Shelton was originally you. Don't I live in the dream? Man? We? U tell listeners why we're hanging out together and now we're home now, because we are launching a new package straight up and I'm super examined at the seller. Add if you guys are not already familiar Trent. He has millions and millions of fans all around the globe who come to him for a very unique style of coaching yeah, William generates or the point is really can put a stray from the hardened breaker do those negative months it's broken through of which only you back. In Mostar, we haven't people's lives for love that so, if you guys want here more you're, already listening on a podcast platform, go subscribe to straight up with Trent Shelton Detroit. Let's go get one of the cruellest things that I get to see as part of my job is the manifestation of the product or products that I dreamed up and created and figured out how to do like. So many of you as a business owner, you get these ideas in your head and it is incredible to get to watch them come to fruition, and I started dreaming about one of our most popular products thus start. Today journal, I served dreaming about this a couple of years ago. I had been doing this daily practice based on several different people. I had heard about several different things and I'm gonna put them together into one daily practice, which was every single day. I wrote down the dreams I had for my life, but I wrote them as if they had already happened there, something really powerful about claiming a goal as if it's already done, and I wrote down every day- and it was how I set my intentions and then I would post about it on social and so many people. What are you doing? What is that? Where do I get that journal? And I was like guys: it's not a journal. It's just a note book, I'm just riding down the same thing every single day, but what I think is interesting, as business owners or creators is often times. In fact, most of the time your audience will tell you what it wants from you and I kept pushing it off because I was like you guys. This is not a big deal, but it was, and people kept asking for, and I finally just thought what if I turn this into a product and I started to dream and plan- and I literally take pictures to the wall of my office, of what I dreamed that my journal would look like in the intention behind it, and I wanted the covers to be really pretty, and I wanted it to be something that you could do once a quarter and then, as you completed, each journal. You'd have a stack of this evidence of how intentional you were about your life and we figured it out, and I mean you know some times we messed up on the shipping and sometimes we rest up on the interior. But we failed our way to where we are today, which is the start today journal in the hands of hundreds of thousands of people. So incredible such a blessing for me to be able to go on Instagram and see hashtag start today journal and see people all over the world using this practice as a way to aim in the direction of their dreams. So if you are not familiar- and you want to check it out, you can go over to the Hollis code, dot com forward, slash shop and find out all about my favorite practice turned my favorite product and, if you're, not in the market. By remember that episode. Seventy two of this podcast gives you the exact step by step, so that you can do it and whatever.
note book you have laying around for free you not to buy a product, but you should be doing this. Do we practise? It will literally literally change your life today on the rise podcast. It's my pleasure to bring you another chapter from the audio book of girl. Stop apologizing. I Rachel Hollis and I've built a multi million dollar media company with a high school diploma and the free information I found on the internet in the fifteen years that I've been building and scaling my company, I have become deeply passionate about helping other entrepreneurs to do the same so each week, I'll be sharing tangible and tactical advice and inspiring interviews with the same intention. Bees are the tools to change your life and your business. This is the rise, podcast behaviour for ask for help.
it's the eleventh hour girls I was supposed I have given my publish the editor in this book last week I had to an extension and that extension says that this sucker is do today. If I want to make me publication date, I want stress how late in the game, I am on this creative process because then you'll understand how insane it is for me to be adding this chapter right now like starting a chapter brand new when I'm post to have this whole thing safely, tucked into an email and off to a lovely, Gallon Tennessee, so she can copy added it. Instead, I'm going robe And I'm doing it because it occurred to me this morning, like a light, bulb going off, that I can meetly forgot to include an incredibly vital behaviour that you absolutely must adopt into your life four days I've been wandering around thinking? I know I'm forgetting to tell them something. I just know it.
then I remembered what it was only excuse for not occurring to me originally. Is that its and ingrained behaviour for me now that idea Think about it as something extra to add in by I get your dams emails and your media based emerging filled messages that are fall to the brim with overwhelm. and I am reminded that not every woman does this. Oh here, it is ask for help. ask for some dang help. can not listen to the chapter on ambition and allow it to fire you up. If you also going to figure out what resources you need to get you there. deciding to take adult tat dancing lessons because they light your hard on fire doesn't just acquire new patent, leather, metal, bottom shoes and a soul, action of Yelp recommended dance studios. It all
requires someone to watch your kids, while you gotta class, ask for help. Attempting to grow to a new level in your multi level, marking business doesn't just require classes and webinar, and a six social media presents it all requires someone to help you around the house, since you will have less time. For that ask for help. I get it girls I do, I know that it feels awkward for the vast majority of us to ask for assistance for one thing we hate admitting to anyone, especially ourselves that we need it for now. There. We somehow gotten is twisted idea that copying to the fact that we can successfully do it all means that week think about how ludicrous that is, the most powerful people in the world have hope teams that they delegate to They're getting help in every single direction,
cleaning their houses to expanding their businesses overseas, but you you with your fledgling business, your loads of laundry and your two kids under four you're, the one who is supposed to navigate this all alone. Dude no way you ve gotta twisted perception of what success in any area of life looks like and it's not even your fault, either I blame the media or more every. I blame every perfectly styled woman fabulous. Looking woman who's ever been on tv or the internet in the last fifteen years. Us how? Tell us how much assistance it takes to keep her at that level. Every magazine who showed us? Thirty nine ways to Brian and Turkey for Thanksgiving, but did it mention asking your sister to stay the night with you the day before, so someone was there to help you with the baby. While you cook for the family, I
every Nancy Myers movie with those dreamy houses and all white wardrobes. Oh sure, she's, does the zany hardship of navigating our relationship. but she never once showed the staff of people required to keep those mansions clean or those Ghana gardens tended while our heroine was building up her catering empire? You ve liked We only ever seen examples both in real life and on screen of women Doing it all it seems to me that women either try and handle every single thing on their own and don't how much there struggling or worse have help all kind of help and won't come to it.
Hey all our next women's conference is only a few weeks away and if you have never attended before this is the events that will change your life rise is a three day: women's personal development conference, where we laughed until we pay our pans and we'd have about our things that we cry and we find community and we create the road map to changing our lives or our businesses or whatever it is that you're working on. If you want to find out more your curious, what it's all about, I highly I commend you, go check out the end ram and see what our community says. You can hear it straight from them: it's at: let's rise dot, co and, if you're looking for the next one, it's happening in Toronto. On March this through the seventh,
that's Toronto March there, through the seventh check out all the details at the Hollis cold dot com, if you have been looking for a nudge, if you have been looking for something to kick start change, I promise this is the thing. Madeleine Albright once said, there's a spy she'll place in Hell for women who don't help other women. Well, I say, there's a spell: place in Hell for women who have the luxury of assistance, but won't two other women that they do watching a segment on the today show a couple of years back and there was a famous celebrity their sharing her new product line. The woman had young children and a husband whose career was as lucrative and as demanding ass, her own I really love this person. She so beautiful and she seems like such a genuinely good, Mamma and wife She's made a big name for herself in the lifestyle space. She has
come the woman that many Mama's and homemakers want to be, and when they, asked her in the course of the questions how she does it all, as in How did you build this multi million dollar business and managed to parent well and be a great wifey? She looked right. at the interviewer and said something like. Oh, super organised my jaw hit the fan you guys she went on to breezy, explain how any mom can do just what she does if they, hi themselves and work hard. I was so disappointed in her response. I wanted to cry. sincerely wanted to cry like a baby, because here's the deal this woman has a massive platform. ten times bigger than my own, and on that particular morning I can imagine how many women were watching her looking up to her
hoping for some guidance or inspiration, and she faded. She had opportunity to tell all of us what it really takes to live life and a business at this level while raising young children and she didn't take it there is a zero percent chance, a zero percent chance that shit that have helped having spent years and years working with celebrities. I guess she's got a housekeeper and at least one nanny, if not to she's to have an assistant and because of their level of celebrity. she and her husband even have some of the higher level domestic staff. You might not have even heard of before things like how managers and nutritionist shafts, and you know why for them. I do begrudge them a single second for their help. I just wish the Talk about it by now
talking about it. They run the risk that it won't occur to you. If you see there perfectly prepared dinner on Instagram, when you know she was at a photo shewed all day, because you were still in her feed. It might make you feel bad because you struggle to get dinner on the table even worse. You ve been home all day it might occur to you that a housekeeper or a chef helped to prepare that dinner, which perpetuates the myth, that you could also do it. And have it all. If only you work harder, they is alive from the pits of celebrity hell friends when operating at the levels, you'd like to be personally and professionally, are asking for help. Maybe that help comes from their partner. Maybe there help comes from their Mama or their sister, maybe there
comes in the form of a local college student who babysits or local cleaning lady who scrubbs their toilets once a month. Tons of ways to get help, but to start we need to understand that is required in the first place before we can take the next step? Oh buddy does this alone. When I put So plainly, it seems like common sense, doesn't it, but then we can. across terms like self made and start to wonder whether that still what we should be shooting for. I love the term self made particular when it's used in reference to my own success because I know how much work it took to get from there to hear I was the one who got up before the sun I was the one who logged all the miles on business trips. I was the one who cried over the piano and stressed about making payroll me me me.
For years I held onto that title and the idea of doing all on my own behalf it fired me up and helped keep me going when it felt so lonely on this entrepreneurial journey. ass few years. I realized something, though I m self made and also not it's only recently that I understood that no one is ever truly self made because impossible to build big things entirely by yourself, full team of people helped me build my company over the last decade, a massive tribe started out as a handful of followers told their friends about my work and are still the greatest type squad. I know took family and babysitters and nannies to help keep our family afloat. During the times I had to put an extra hours it took
the world's biggest cheerleader as a husband celebrating my winds and covering my losses, both financially and emotionally. In those early years. took a village and it's still, takes a village took me raising my hand and asking for help. Hey. Me: can you help watch the kids this week, and so I can get some work done, hay and ram friends? Can you share this in your social media feeds to let people know about this book? I wrote called party girl hey manager at work. I can be all your priorities, but not without another team member or stand shown the due date, I'm only one person when I want the train for half marathon, asked someone on Dave's team at work. If he could coach me, the Anything thing I knew about him was that he was a marathon runner can, taught me everything. I know about running long distance. When I wanted to write that first book, my mom,
came to town many many weekends and helped the boys, so I could write she would show. Web in our upstairs bedroom with snacks. At almost the exact moment, I was ready to throw the computer against the wall when this Company I've built started to scale so big and so fast that I didn't think I could properly run it alone anymore. I saw a massive amount of Vigo and ask my husband for help. Do you know how much pride I had being a female founder, an seo with a high school education, a lot do you know how interested I was in admitting to him to myself or to you? That Couldn't continue to lead the company and we'd this tribe simultaneously now interested at all, but the thing as I learned over the last decade, how easy it is to burn out or worse give
but your dream, because you're trying to do too many things at once, so I've learned and I ask for help I have helped you guys. I have so much dang help and I'm always looking for ways to free up more of my time. So I focus on my values, people, ask me all the time how I do it all and I am beat a shout from the rooftops. I don't we have a full time nanny and we had once are all this was three months old, because of moves or additional kids added to our family. We ve three separate nannies, though not all at once in our history as a family these women Martha, Joe Joe and now Angie have loved my children well and made it possible for me to pursue my career. While pursued his it came in early and stayed lake. They allow
just to have weekly date knights and occasionally they stay the night, so we can get away we have never had family nearby who could help with our children, and these women were our surrogate family. I can't Imagine how we would have managed without them Three years ago we hired a housekeeper full time. We about and planned for years to get to the place financially where we could afford a full time housekeeper and it's the greatest luxury in our life. The were kids. We had the less we wanted to spend our knights and weekends, doing laundry and mopping force we all craved help with dinners and grocery shopping and someone who would take our minivan or are many schnauzer to get washed. I have an assistant at work as well as a team of people at the hall as company who support me in my business endeavours. Are you style to pick out flattering outfits for me when I go to fancy red carpet events or on tv shows.
his hair and make people when I'm going to be on television and a few times I've had a woman come to my home and give me a spray tat in my bathroom. She had a pop up ten I thought it was magical if this Help- seems excessive challenge you to weigh it against the level of content we ve been able to push out into the world of the last five years, I wouldn't have been able to do a tenth of this work. If I hadn't had help if this Help seems unnecessary. Well, dang says you know have to go full tilt like I do, but please teach herself to raise your hand and admit where you're struggling. You I don't need to be in a specific financial place to get help. You can trade with a friend or simply ask your partner for more support. You do need to be in a specific emotional place to get help You do need to realise that while you are blazing a new trail for yourself, you aren't required. Walk down it alone, the point-
in all of this long and crazy rant Is that if you struggle with admitting that you need help, you have Is it a good hard look at what is required to get you to the next level? as a time commitment involved, and you already feel like you, don't have enough time. You might need to ask for help is a level of knowledge involved that you don't already have. You might need to find a teacher the promotional level involved. You might need to ask your existing customers if they'd be willing to help you get it out into the world. I heard once that most people who chose to death on food do it includes proximity to someone who could have saved them. It's a terrible reality? What happened is that their sitting at a table eating the group and when they began to choke. They feel embarrassed that their struggling in never
play, they stand up from the table and when their friends ask if they're, ok or need help, they waved them away like everything's. Fine, they go, another room, so their struggle won't be a bother to anyone. It's until there alone, and really fighting for brass, that they realize they need assistance, but by then it's too late. Friends Their struggles, don't mean that your weak, they me your human ear. Experience doesn't mean you won't succeed, it just means you haven't yet still. pretending, stop faking it. Stop suffering in silence setting yourself up as a martyr stop take he all on alone and then feeling bitter about it Of wasting your time on activities, you hate as penance for the time you want for yourself, you can Do enough loads of laundry too your husband support your dream,
You can not volunteer enough hours at church too, Your sister understand your goals. You can. On your way to autonomy over your own life is a human right. You were granted when you became an adult. If you need to When you need to, raise your hand and ask for help, regardless of what anyone else thinks it there are a hundred ways to learn to swim and one very easy way to drown, and that is being unwilling to make your drowning in the first place,
We should hang out on more than just as podcast, which means that the next time you are an interim or Facebook or Youtube be Sir and Type Rachel Hollis into the search bar and check out all the fun things we have going on your favor platform. Ladies and gentlemen, did our mentioned. I have a book coming out. Here's the thing. It's called get out of your own way, sceptics guide to growth in fulfilment and we're in the pre, so window of windows. I am super excited about having written a book for both men and women.
About the twenty lies that I once believed that were keeping me in my own way. I have written this from the perspective of someone that is totally different from Rachel Hollis, even if the format is somewhat similar to grow wash your face, I wrote it from the perspective of someone. Who's been skeptical of tools like this book or even the pot Castro listening to for ever and ever its through. That lends
I'm talking about the ways that I was getting in my own way and I think in uncovering the truth behind those lies, not only did it help me get out of my own way to help you get out of Europe. There are two ways I want to say. Thank you for preparing this book. I have created an e course any course. Yes and e course a sixty minutes each course called finding your why it's a fantastic resource, it's available absolutely for free right now for having pure the book, and if you go to get out of your own way, the book that calm right now and follow the problems. Not only we get Icarus, you can hear the first thirty minutes of the book again get out of your way comes out March. Tenth, I'm super super excited about it, get out of your own way. The book dot com hit that link follow the problems, and I appreciate your support.