« Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

I Need To Leave LA

2020-09-10

Sometimes living in LA can be like living in your Instagram or TikTok feed. It sounds like fun, but it also makes it really difficult to disconnect. Dealing with that, and some anxieties that come with it. Plus, questions on healthy eating habits, ways to stay motived, dealing with panic attacks in a public place (like Coachella), and what to do if an ex has your nudes? 

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ramble YO again, hi guys welcome act. Anything goes. Where do I start where where do I start? You know around us I'm just gonna start by saying a little. Thank you two guys for coming back. If you do come back or even if your new thank you for checking it out Just thank you guys for all of your support on the podcast. It means so much me- I know I'm sorry about this before actually my first Epps Anything goes when I switch from stupid genius. Anything goes stupid geniuses, my old podcast that I now despise, with every bone in my body. If you are out of the loop on that those episodes are so up. If you guys
when I listen to those, although he them as soon as my podcast production company allows me to because I hate them, but we ve evolved anyway. I just wanna. Thank you guys, for you know connecting with this podcast income with me through this podcast. Recently, its fell like one of the only ways that I can truly communicate with all of you it's the most intimate platform I have and I feel like. I truly feel like heard. On the podcast like. I feel you guys hear me here in a way that you don't on any other platform and to be honest, sometimes I wish that I only had a podcast, because I think that the connection that I have with those of you who listen it's so much deeper than on any other platform. And so that's why I think it so therapeutic for me, because you know I have that connection with you guys
here that I dont have any rules in it. So special swords wonders. Thank you guys, for you know connecting with me here and me here. I'm very grateful for all of you and I'm excited to vent once again. So what are we talk? about today we're talking about LOS Angeles, because I've been here for far too fucking long in a row with, like a little three day break I'd like one three day break from allay in the past six months, and I've just been here for, like six months straight, no break
Nothing in this is like the longest. I've ever been in LA with no break, and it is getting to me and I've been trying to pinpoint why, like, why? Can I not be here for six months straight like? Why is why? Is this damaging my brain and I actually had an epiphany about it yesterday and I realized what it is in here here. It is recently I've been needing a break from social media more than ever. I feel like it's really toxic right now for some reason I'm really vulnerable, so leg mean comments and she like that are getting to mean more than normal, and so it's time for me to turn the phone off right and that's fun and all, but the problem is. Is that when you live and allay- and you turn your phone off and you make the effort to disconnect
and you go outside and you go and grab a coffee or you go to a restaurant or you know you go to the beach or you do this. Isn't that there's a chance that it's not gonna be a disconnect? A very good chance and explain why living in our lay, unlike, staying in allay, especially in you know that center of it all on the core of all, which is basically where I live and where all my friends live, is kind of in the middle of it all Everybody hangs out in shit like that. The problem with living in area. Is that? U turn phone often you walk outside and its literally you're just seeing your instagram explore page but in real life and I'll explain.
almost every time I go to a restaurant or I go to a coffee shop or I go shopping or whatever I am faced. with people that I'm seeing on my instagram constantly like I see people that I know like almost daily one way or another whether it's like, I already listed all the he's like a switch. You know that, but. No matter where I go and allay unless I drive far away like far away to the beach, or something like that. I there's a very, very good chance that I'm gonna see somebody that I now and that makes it really hard to disconnect. You know what I mean when you turn your fee. one off in it feels as if you're still living in it and you This things they paparazzi were. I dont get paparazzi the lot, but leg or you know whatever, but like things like that also feel like I'm,
oh connected to the social media world, because then it's like? Oh I'm, gonna, see, that later. You know what what did I look like we would I say everything: ok, like whatever their kind of no. scape here from social media, realm. It's like yours, living in a real life? Instagram feed, Tik, Tok feed, probably more tik Tok than Instagram, but regardless it's crazy, and I think I realize it That's why I've been feeling so shitty recently, because I dont there's nowhere for me to escape to, and I m somebody who desperately needs escape because I dont like this shit, like I love making videos for you guys. I love
making podcast for you guys. I love putting on outfits imposing photos in it till we inspire somebody. I love all that shit and I love meeting you guys I think more. The issue is actually seeing, like other creators and other things like that out and about that's what gives me the anxiety, not meeting you guys not like that. active posting on social media and being present on social media, but it's the fact that, like when I turn my phone off, I'm seeing all the people That I see on my phone in real life and I hate it. I dont like that. It is such a surreal and uncomfortable weird thing that like it makes me feel
living in the matrix or something because its leg. Why, like like? It's not like you know when I lived in San Francisco. If I turn my phone off, I can go out into the world, any would be the real world. There would be people that, like you, don't have like a normal life like everybody in San Francisco and in that area, the area that I lived, the peninsula. Everybody had a normal life like nobody was a normal. Everything was like very like nothing was like crazy. It was so calm. It was so like you know. You could truly disconnect there, because when you turn your phone off, you weren't gonna, see the Hollywood fix and then turn
left in sea, like everybody who use on your for you page earlier that day like if that's not gonna happen and listen, I'm guilty of going to popular places like I go to popular places that a lot of people go to an that's my that doesn't help like. If I really really wanted to like not experienced this, I could drive a little bit farther away and like go to a restaurant. That's maybe twenty minutes away rather than two minutes away, and I wouldn't this issue, but the thing is that I want to live in the area they live like I live in this area. It just happens to be like a very popular area for influencers and stuff to hang out, and I mean it's kind of making me isolate myself in a sense, like I mean, there's a select few people that I I have the energy in I to talk to you right now, and those people are kind of annex
option but like. I'm, so I feel so connected at all times seems like I don't ever feel like I get it. I ate it shut off, and so that's really tough for me, and I never had this issue before, which I think is so weird. I feel like there's an influx of people, Are in a now that weren't here we'll go like, I think, there's a lot, the influence or pop Malaysian in LOS Angeles, I feel it is growing. which is great. You know what I mean. Everybody is, I'm I'm all four, people moving delay in pursuing their dreams and fuck you Like I'm on everyone's team, I want everyone to succeed, and I'm here for it leg. I'm not saying like everybody needs to leave allay like stop coming here. I was here first, I'm not saying that because listen, but it that's not fair. Like one
I moved here. I wanted people to accept me with open arms. You know they mean it's not any once this is not anyone's fall and I think that lot of people. It's actually really fun, like people like seeing you know influencers that they know leg about eight or influence or by the way, and I hate that I'm using it, but it's just like it just flowing. Let me flow ok anyway, like for a lot of you It's fun to see people that you know, or you know in its fun, to see people that you see on your Instagram on your view, page likes for a lot of people, that's exciting and that's fine and it's sorry and they like that social stimulation like that is something that they enjoy and for those people, I'm so jealous, because I feel like that, and I think that I used to when I was younger. I loved it. Like I love going to parties, and I loved going, you know,
and being social and stuff. But recently I have realised that that's not something that I really like any more and I think that's totally find it. I don't know five grown out of it or what I think, a big part of it ass. It my anxiety and it's only. I dont have social anxiety like when around me. Why I don't have. That is not something that I would say. I have, and obviously I haven't gone to the you know any doctor for that either, because I dont think that I have that issue, but I have pretty bad general anxiety- and I think that a lot of my anxiety comes from comes from the fact that I know that allays a very small tight knit way everybody as each other kind of thing, which is weird because it is kind of a big city. people all over. You know twenty mile radius, there's so many people in a lot of em know each other because we're all in a very similar industry, not everybody who lives, obviously, but there's a very large
population. I would say of people who are in a similar space to me, and so it's kind of like the one big high school and I've said that once and I'll say it again and you know I left high school for reason I not thrive and that environment I, like one majority of people around me, feel like a stranger, its weirdly comforting, mean knowing that I won't ever see that person again when I'm at a you know. Coffee shop in somebody says: hey like your shoes, its comforting to me when I'm in a place like New York, where I feel like I'm, never gonna see that person again listen. I lived in New York, it might be a different thing. It might be a similar kind of vibe where everybody knows each other type of thing. I don't know I've never live there, but I know with here it's like everyone knows every one and I it's
Overwhelming and it's scary and it's like its click and there is it socks, and I don't like being in this environment, I don't like being around. I like meeting people that have different backgrounds to me. The two different things than me leg, that's exciting to me and like enriching for my life, because I like to learn about other things and not
my own space, you know, but listen. Is it partially a an error on my part for sure, like there's, probably busy millions of people in LA that, aren't exactly what I'm looking for right? The problem is, I don't know how to find that and in my mind it feels everywhere. I look it's someone I know right, and so that might be me looking at LA. glass half empty way rather than a glass half full because allays edge of exerting there's. So many different types of people- and I just might be looking in there places at the same time. I am not even really looking for new friends, and I don't know if that's even something that I want
so regardless, I think the main issue is it's really hard to disconnect here. When everything that you see on your phone is happening right here. So that's gonna what I'm dealing with with that in its been giving me a lot of anxiety, not to mention my anxiety in general. Has been really bad just about so many things and I think it for any of you guys who struggle with anxiety. It feels like you have this like dark pair of glasses on and everything that you look at you see through that dark pair of glasses. So everything in your life could be going really well, but you're gonna see everything in a blurry dark way you're not gonna, be seeing it clearly for what it really is, which in my life right now everything's.
Really good, and I have nothing to be worried about ah m. Yet I'm looking at everything through a lens of anxiety and if freaked me out, but I think it's because there are so many things that are out of my control, which is like obviously, ok, Emma yeah, there's somebody that are out of your control. Everybody can say that, but I think that sometimes I realize it more than other times. You know I mean like I checked, troll. What someone else says about me. I can't control what people think about me. I can't control how people perceive me all those things. I cannot control those things and I think recently that's been really really making me anxious. But when I'm trying to return to is this mindset of who gives a fuck, you have good people in your life period
Who cares about everybody else who hears about how those people see you? If you have those core people in your life, it doesn't matter, but actually even more important than the core people in your life. How you perceive yourself, it all, goes in one. It's all one. They all go hand in hand as what I'm trying to say like, he being worried about what the internet in what other people and allay think of me directly correlates with my view, myself re now, which is a little bit injured and I'm slowly but surely mending it. But you know I've definitely like, I, if you episodes ago, I talked about how I've been having really severe selves. We must use in their actually getting better. I've been really trying to make the conscious effort to be like hey, let's not think about ourselves like that and so for a little update on that. I'm definitely doing better. It's not it it's by no means perfect, but I'm really taking steps to fix it in fix myself
and fix it fixed away. Look it myself in the mere I'm really really doing my best in making that conscious effort is not an easy journey. it's not something that happens overnight. I didn't expect it to, but it's every day it gets a little bit better and every damn talking about it more, with people that I love and stuff like that in that's helping me get through it. So if you guys are on more journey with me, and maybe you decided you. We wanted to do the same thing as me, I made that episode. I hope that you guys are having luck with it and keep pushing because we're gonna figure the shit out together, but allow with that whole kind of anxiety, lens that I've been looking at life through that kinda times led me having a slight depressive episode and for the past you're, so I've been feeling a little bit depressed, not super bad bud.
Definitely crying alot, definitely really exhausted, physically and mentally, can't like really struggling to get out of bed and stuff like that, but. I actually feel like today, I'm out of it I'm a little bit anxious today, but I'm not depressed. I don't feel depressed today, like I felt motivated to get out of bed this morning, which was really good and so luckily the episode wasn't too long of that, but I think that anxiety depression for me go hand in hand and if I'm anxious for too long it'll turn into Depressive episode in the whole thing is a fucking mess and I feel bad You know telling you guys about this, because I don't I don't want to, come on here. Every week in like complain, rightly that's the last thing I want to do, and I am not complaining. I think I'm. my goal is, I want to show you guys. I want to be honest about the way that I'm feeling and like thing
I'm dealing with because I know that there is some of you dealing with the same thing- and I hope- and I want you guys to feel better about those things and feel more normal, because it feels really good to know that people are struggling with the same thing like even hours. Talking to my friend the other day, and I was explaining how I was feeling- and I was kind of nervous to like explain it cuz I was like I want to be a Debbie downer, but then they were like I'm feeling the same way like I'm feeling really fucked up in my head to like there's something bombing me out in I'm feeling like conniving into premises. from sieves. I feel like I'm kind of having a depressive episode as well and it made me feel so much better to know, hey, you know what I'm not alone in this. My friend is going This too, I am. This is normal and you know. I'm gonna give advice to them and then I'm take that advice to you know
and it helps I why sorrows biting a hang a off? Oh, but I think it's really help me get out of my. I mean I've been talking to therapist a little bit. That really helped me a lot, and I usually, like kind of I have a little bit of PTSD with therapist. Because of my parents are divorced. I got a therapist and experience was really bad for me. Hated it hated it. But you know recently I was really deaf I'll. Let you know what I think I'm going to try to talk to a therapist, and I did, and it was so helpful. I just did a call with one and it was helpful, and it's actually really help me and one of the main things that she told me when she was like Emma. You need to forgive. Yourself self fer a lot of stuff. You need to forgive yourself for Literally normal things you done in your life.
I'm very hard on myself, very tough critic, with myself, as they talking about on here, and she was like Emma Unita like forgave yourself for the things that you ve done. The Europe proud of you know what I mean Because none of those things harmed anybody, but you you didn't with all the things that I need to forgive myself, for I have nothing to. With any one else, it's like I harm somebody else with those things it was things. I did the harm myself, for example like staying in toxic friendships for too long or you trusting somebody who, like ended up, betray me or even, like not being you know, a super good friend to people in kind of
in like emotionally, mostly available which might have harmed other people, but you know there's nothing I can do sometimes I'm not able to be emotionally available all the time you note stuff like that, that leg I can't go, and I can go and apologize to somebody for she was a. U need to forgive yourself for Is that your matter yourself about because all the other things you can go and you can apologize to people and have a conversation with them, but there's a conversely that you need to have with yourself, that's even more important. you know I mean because I think people forget to have conversations with himself and even if you like me and you live alone in you know, you'd alone of decent amount, like sometimes you forget to like chicken with yourself and the other day. Actually, yesterday I was driving to the beach, and I was just kind of thinking about
I was actually kind of ruminating anxiously about just like a bunch of burdens that I have right. and I kind of thought about it more and all the sudden- I felt this like light feeling in my head, like abs, light, meaning like heavy vs light, like light like it made me, feel like a weight had been lifted, and I literally felt myself subconsciously forgiving myself for a lot of things like letting people take advantage of me and shit like that, that's the main one, I would say I like felt myself for giving myself for it, and I mean when I tell you I bought my eyes out. I did Boma eyes out, but it was because of their
has told me like you need to forgive yourself in I had that seed planted my head and then it click run. When I was driving at the beach and then I have felt a lot better since you know but it's all about the having those seeds planted and having you know, people to talk to you. They can plant those seeds because you can't plant a seed in your own brain. So I just recommend you guys talk to people about what you're dealing with, because even a little bit of insight from them, or even just like a shoulder to cry on that shit is crazy. Helpful. So I don't know Yeah, I'm just ready, I don't know, I think the moral of the story is, I need to get out of our. I need to get the fuck out of here in this I am grateful to be here. I am grateful that you know my life. what it is, and I
wouldn't want in any other way, and that's that, but. I am in desperate need for a little disconnect and I think that's very clear. So. There's one a tweet me any fun destinations that you think I should go to that are covered. only cuz. I don't know how that whole thing is working right now, maybe nothing with a plane, maybe anything kind of close to la that you think it's fun he's tweet me and let me now, but maybe let slain the mood. I'm gonna talk to you about. I didn't work out class today day. Let somebody did today. I didn't work out class today, for the first time in a really long time, because they're all closed, but a workout class that I don't go too often, but I like relatively alot, berries, boot campaign and of his own. It is they are doing outdoor classes, and so I decided to go and work out. Clauses are so
weird I never realise a really weird. They were until I tell the class outside broad daylight, where I could see everyone, because normally the rooms are dark. Young workers, are really weird in the instructors are so in saying that I forgot how like high energy. In saying they are there just so intense that kind of pisses me off, like a kind of makes me angry, which kind of makes me work out harder, and maybe that's what they're doing but like their voices in the way that they like yell at you'd. It just like bugs me, but at the same time like literally makes me so mad that, unlike fuckin going Hammy when I'm doing it so like maybe they're onto something, but also working out outdoors for me is leg. Really, not. I don't know, that's my favorite thing. Unless I'm going for a run, but like it was so high and like I got a rash on my face from it, and you know what I'm being too
good, let's do better was actually get to questions from you guys. Somebody said what tv show movie: slash music, you turn on when you just want to zone out and feel better tv show I like things that are funny like cartoons agreement. Forty is a good one or you know something. That's like almost I Billy. Cartoons are better because your brain like knows that it's not real, so you're, not like afraid. They look. Let's say you act like a scary movie. One you're like anxious better, yeah you don't mean because it like it the second animation Ivy League and animation does in you feel more disconnected from it in a way leg. It feels fake, which is good. Whereas, like sometimes watching, like real tv shows and like shit like that, movies can like make me more anxious. I've always been somebody that, like to watch cartoons when I was anxious sir Gringamore needs a good one. I mean
I don't know, there's so many like fun little animated things that you can watch for adults or even for kids like evenly to watch fucking Spongebob like Washing Spongebob watch It was in like things like that, make me feel really com when I'm anxious. Ah, I also love watching cooking stuff, so I cooking videos cooking. Take talks, cooking, Youtube videos, cooking series on TV. That really makes me feel safe, shows that our kind of like mindless like the office or that's kind, of only one, I've ever watch that was like that, but like the office, is a good one to because it just really like it's, not it's funny and its light hearted in a dozen. It feels not serious. You know that's a good one, I don't know and then asked for,
is it. I later was no really com music, like things that are almost kind of emotional leg, the band Beach house. I will make you cry but like it makes you feel safe in away or even like losing like taming Paul, or like Magda Margo, more chill albums stuff like that, any chill he's velvet underground stuff, like that she's relaxing anything like doesn't make your nervous system go crazy, even like jazz, like french sounding jazz, can we really nice and something random, but like french music, like the kind of old, french, music or, like Frank Sinatra, feels really good, sometimes for your brain yeah. somebody said my friend is in the hospital right now and I can't even visit her because of corona, and I feel so fucking useless that I can do.
Anything to help her. What do I do? Well. First, please forgive yourself for the fact that you can't go and see her. Ok, that is not your fault. That is absolutely not your fault, and you know that if you could- You go visit her, but you can't so forgive yourself for that and let go of that burden because that is so unnecessary and that something I've been trying to do with all my things. I have the exactly mindset. Even if it's not my fault, Even if something is not my fault, I will soon be like it is my father, you don't I mean, and I. I myself for things that are out of my control, you, you are not in control of the we are in a pandemic and they, your friend, is in the hospital. That's those are things you cannot control. What you can control is being as helpful as you can so checking it on her frequently checking and on her calling her
You know face her, sending her fun things to watch. Let's say like you know, you could sender some movie recommendations. You could send her a playlist. You could send her flowers, or maybe postmates something to her hotel room. I don't know if that's allowed at all, but anyway, stuff like that. Do stuff that show that you care that make you feel good. You know what I mean. It's calling her twice a day and sending her a playlist of sorts once a day. So, like that's like three things that you can do for her per day, if that makes you feel good, do those things and just know that that's the best that you can do, and even those things show how good of a friend that you are- and you are a great friend for even thinking like this, So forgive yourself an do those things somebody said advice on eating and not feeling bad about it. I haven't been
More than one big snack in one big snack day think they might want one big meal in one big snack a day. I feel horrible. If I eat more than that, I hope you're staying safe and I love you. This is slightly triggering for some of you, so I want you to skip through it. If it's something that you know is triggering for you This is something that I totally understand, because I've struggled with this on an off my wife, and I think what you need to remember is that your brain is lying to you. Ok Brain is telling you that, like food is your enemy and that, if you eat something bad will happen, and for me, eating and anxiety go hand in hand. So
if my anxieties really bad than I start to get anxious about food, and I start to become nitpicky with what I'm eating and like I get really obsessive about it, because I'm anxious and like that gives me something like focus on its super twisted and weird, but it does happen to me. So you need to remember that your brain is lying to you. You mean to eat, you'll die without it, you'll feel like shit without it, and it's actually a really amazing and the whole food is something that is so enjoyable and it's so fond and it's a so sure thing, a few you know allowed to be whether your cooking, with your friends or your family or you're, going into a restaurant or anything like that food is something that I think it
Dan Age, you know a so many people associated with the wrong things. But food is a really great thing and fixing your relationship with it is not an easy road and I'm still on the road to making it as good as it can be. I mean, but it is a ongoing journey and it's hard to get yourself out of that spot. but I would say what you should do is make a goal for yourself so say: ok, I need to be eating a little bit more so tomorrow I'm gonna eat in extra snack. That I wouldn't normally eat. I normally would do one meal and one snack, but tomorrow I'm going to do one meal and two snacks see how that makes you feel wake up the next morning realize weight. That was totally fine. Nothing
and so then say you know what today, I'm gonna do to meals and one snack. Take it up. A notch seo makes you feel you're, gonna real is this really isn't so bad? Nothing bad is happening to me. I'm completely completely fine. I just keep trying to push your own limits with food and gaudy or comfort zone with it like. If your comfort zone is one big meal in one snack a day, go out of that right and try to add things to it. So you know one extra thing here tomorrow and then the next day, maybe switch it around and at another thing here until you're eating ass. If an amount of calories that are healthy for your body and you're, not limiting yourself and listen. It is an ongoing
he and I know how hard it is- and I it's so hard like I this I can relate to more than Polly anything like. I really get it in its it. Tortures you constantly, but d, make goals that are unrealistic. Take it slow, be easy on yourself. Don't you know, there's no need to like fix it overnight. Do it slow and steady and that's what's always helped me. and I really wish you luck and I'm so sorry that you're going through this and be patient with the journey. Ok, this is really interesting because, while will get into it, somebody said
want to break up with my boyfriend, but he has my nudes in that scares the shit out of me. I just need some advice or how I can do it. I'm not happy anymore, okay, so, there's something I've done dealt with, not the nude element, but just feeling, like somebody like knows personal information about me or like whatever things that, like our private to me, that I dont want the whole world to Know- and this is scary, I know exactly. I have anxiety about this constantly and I have not cracked the code, but I'm going to give you some advice on how you know you can handle your direct situation, because I think the thing with nudes.
is that the number one you learned a valuable lesson right? What did you learn from this that the repercussions of sending a nude? It's not worth it? You know I mean, and it's really scary, and want to have to deal with that down the line, and so I think that moving forward now, you know: okay, I'm not going to send nudes anymore. I can fucking be nude in person. I don't need to be sending nudes it's going to damage me later, possibly and make me anxious, so I'm not going to do it anymore. That's the first thing. You've learned a lesson: that's a positive okay, but here's how you do it. I think the key is to be a civil about. All of this is possible. You need to be, like I mean number one. You can't stand a relationship for a reason like that. I was talking my friend
the other day about how We're staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons like a reason that was like you know that was not like because they love the person. It was because they wanted to avoid something very soon, or to your to your problem here, and I realize I was like you can't do that you can be in a relationship out of fear of what they're going to do and you break up his trust. Me. I've done it and I would never do that again. Why His number one, it's not healthy, for you number two, it's not healthy for them. It's a super lose lose because you're gonna break up eventually. So here's what I say you do. Break up with this person in the most civil way possible, be kind, be honest don't raise your voice. You say: listen, I'm so sorry, but this is not.
For me anymore, and you know, I really appreciate the time that we had together, and I appreciate you as a person- I just I think that this relationship is what I need in my life right now. I'm sorry and I would really really appreciate it if you could delete those photos right now in front of me, because it makes me really uncomfortable that you have them and I have been getting a lot of anxiety about it and I would really really appreciate if you delete them for me and if you have his nudes,
You can say, and I will absolutely delete yours as well. I just think that this is better for both of us. If we both know that those elements are gone now, listen, I don't know how this would go over if he's a good guy he'd be like for sure. If he's like fuck now, like fuck, you bitch here's the thing, you can't worry about things that are already or control all. Can do is hope that he wouldn't do something I that now, as in the way to deal with that anxiety, is to look at it like this is going to happen, is he gonna? Leave them are something probably not buddy Are you going to survive? Yes, is gonna, be tough? Yes,.
But you have to look at in both ways yet to realise the possibility right. There is a chance, but I think that if. You were honest with him that that was making you really upset. I really think that it would take a pretty fucked up human being not to delete them. I hope for you that he does and if he does in he's a big piece of shit, I say: communication is key. Try your best to be on the same page with him about that somebody said you feel you always live in EL. I know I know I answer this literally once an episode. Does people ask me that quite frequently in my answer changes every time I want to get out of this motherfucker so bad.
Get out of here. So bad. Somebody said how do you deal with anxiety when you're with a group of people or in public? This actually reminds me when I was at coach how la not this year, obviously as it didn't happen, but last year, and we rather Billy Irish set and I had a panic attack in the crowd, because someone was like filming me in like a really invasive way in, like it just made me feel really. It just triggered a panic attack for me, and so what I did it was tough cuz Coachella is like there's not a lot of places to escape. There's people everywhere, but I sleep walked to the bathroom by myself. It was all the way across the field and took me like fifteen minutes walk there, but I just walk to the bathroom and I went into the
bathroom stall and I sat down and I just close my eyes and I called my mom and then the reception barely worked, because the reception at Coachella terrible but for some reason, calls were going through for me last year. Don't know how it's possible- and I did I called my mom while on the toilet. Now it's like I'm I'm really anxious and she kind of talk me down and made me feel better and then I was able to reinstall myself into the public, but I think that the key is to either have a second by yourself find a little place. You can escape it's going to the bathroom or you know are going in saying that you're getting something from your heart, but just sitting in your car for second like having a moment to yourself can We helped just to gather your thoughts, cool yourself down, close your eyes may be like put a song on your phone and put it up to your ear and just listen to a song and focus on the song focus on something else focus on
how many tiles or on the ground crop count the tiles count, how many fuckin little metal Hold you have on your shoes like a nose. Will metal tolls, you don't look at your hands, focus on your hands focus on your legs, like look just like focus on anything. That's not your anxiety and just kind of like get your mind off things for a second by yourself and take deep breaths and close your is it just try anything any fear like me, and you know your anxiety feels or when you're talking to somebody, call someone and be
listen. I just need to talk this out real quick. Do you have a second and just talk through me, like I'm, really anxious about this? This isn't this and when you get it out and you talk about it, it'll help so much because it kind of puts everything into perspective. So that's what I do. I hope that helps somebody said: what do you do when you feel a lack of motivation about literally everything, I had this for a few days when I was gonna going through my depressive episode and I you know honest. It was leg this time around cause it
different every time, but like I felt really guilty about the fact that I had no motivation, because I have a lot of shit that I need to do, and I was doing none of it because I didn't have the stamina to do it and I actually think would help me was going to the beach by myself really because, even though I didn't really want to go, I went anyway and I did that for myself, because I knew the getting in the ocean would make me feel better, and so I that's what I did. I In the ocean laid out for a little bit got back in my car, I'm home, and I felt a lot better afterwards, because I did that for me and I push myself to go to bed and do so. That I knew would Brighton mood and maybe make me feel inspired the thing is it
show hard when you're not motivated till. I get yourself to even do something for you and that's the tough, it's not like. Oh, I don't want to do my homework or I don't want to do my work in general like it's like. No, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to get up and cook something I don't want it like. I get it. The thing is, if you, make it a challenge to do like one of those things a day. It will make you feel better about. Yourself in it'll help bring the motivation back because you're like you know what I can do it and it actually felt good, but it's really hard because you, you tend to feel like thought of the energy to do that not only have to do that. So why would I do it? The thing is, you need to do some suffer yourself, even if that
literally lying in bed in watching movies all day for a week. That might be what you need to recharge. But if that, if you do that and it doesn't work, then that means it's time for you to get out of bed and do something for you go shopping, Goethe to the thrift store, go to a coffee shop hang out with a friend, you haven't octave. While, whatever you think we'll be enjoyable for you try to do something enjoyable, because I think when you're feeling on motivated, because you don't have anything that you're looking forward to and you don't feel like you know, any things enjoyable. So it's hard to be motivated because you don't feel it goes joy and what you're doing, but if he try to find something that you feel it might bring you joy chances our will and you'll feel better afterwards and then, when you need to go, you know, do the tedious things of life?
you'll have a lot more stamina mentally. So he said: do you get anxiety when you leave a store without buying anything? Yes, I fucking hate it. Sometimes I literally buy things that I don't even want, because I feel bad and that's not smart. So don't do that. I need to work on that. so it is. It was your favorite girl scout cookie. I lay some hours and the peanut butter ones forgot what those who hold those users willing not only over it. So he said when you think it's the right time to step up with a guide. This can obviously go either way for guy girl. Whatever, like I guess, the question is like. How do you know when it's time to like take it to the next level, with somebody that you're talking to, I would say when you start to feel really strong feelings and, like you, don't want to talk to anybody else like when you're, like I We have anything to do with any one else. I want to be with this person person, only I have only eyes
for this person, I think that's when you either make a relationship official or you know you have a conversation to see if they're on the same page and maybe potentially work towards starting a relationship with this person, but when you're kind of like I don't want to be with anyone else. That's what I think you said it up Hard to do that, though, like for me, I'm never the one that wants to say that shit, I'm always like well, I will wait for the boy to do it, and I will just say here and know what I want, which is a relationship or not. Who knows, but I will just wait for them to say it. I don't know if that's a bad thing, but.
somebody said. I you sarcasm about myself. Wait you off in the truth. Is them it's my coping mechanism and I make fun of myself, so I dont given the right to others. I've been struggling with myself esteem for quite some time any thoughts on self love. I mean I may never said about this kind of,
I think those two episodes ago and listen like kind of about my whole self esteem issue in all that. But the thing is, I think that self deprecation I mean I'd, do this constantly, I mean in real life in my videos like, I cannot accept a compliment like it is really it's really tough innocent. I dont think that there is anything wrong with a little bit of you. No fun harmless joking about yourself, but I think the key is just knowing that, like those things are true like you can be kind of sarcastic about yourself and make fun of yourself in a way that is harmful to yourself esteem or that doesn't reflect your self esteem and I think the key is,
Maybe try to take a break from the self deprecating jokes, because I think that those can get your head because you start to say these things so often about yourself that they become real in your brain and I think for a while practice. Sang nice things about yourself, even if its by yourself like practising like. Oh, my hair looks good not being like, while my hair looks good, but my skin looks like shit. You know what I mean by Gazette Legged. Don't. Practice those things when you're on your own and like looking in the mirror and saying nice things and it like it's almost like retraining, your brain and it sounds dumb and it. But it's it's really. It's replacing the mean and negative things that you say about yourself with nice things and not go super long way so try that out, but I think overall self esteem has to do with like it there. So many different variables
And it's such a constant journey and you know- and I totally get it and I'm struggling with it right now. I mean I think what I'm really trying to do is focus on myself in my relationship with myself and growing that relationship with myself in truly being in tune with me, bending time by myself going to the beach by myself, I literally did that once and think I'm like a new fucking person, but I ain't- I usually don't do shit like that, because I usually when I'm by myself, I'm just chill at home and whatever, but I'm trying to do. things with myself and realise that number one. I don't need any one else in number. Two, I'm happy with who I am whether people are giving me compliments or they're saying something mean about me, I'm happy with what I am and like living that being proud of myself doing things that make me feel proud things like that anyway, this is like a fun fucking Muslims,
sycamores dark shit. Ok, my last question is gonna be also kind of depressing, but I really think is important to touch on some days. I do get anxiety about people investigating too much into your life. I'm asking because I know it's something very personal for you, but does it ever make you anxious that we will try to know everything? I love you. I love you too. Yes, it does, and this is one of them. it's a huge cause of anxiety for me, and you know it is something that is inevitable in the space that I am in and with the job that I have I'll a job, but you know with the position that I'm in here it is natural for people to be curious about my life.
And I understand that in I you know I get it, but it is really emotional for me because number one. I refuse to talk about it, because I can't it's Ike. yet that that is where I draw the line I'll tell stories here and there once things are far enough in the past, but like number one, it's tough to do even that his I might tell a story in everybody might think that they know who it's about. But chances are that sought the case, and a lot of things have happened to me that no one knows about there's a handful of things that people have known about is a handful things. Are people have speculated about?
but no one knows the truth, except for me and that person in those people and no one knows and people can guess all they want. But the thing is that I don't want to talk about it. I dont want To explain it, I dont want to explain every failed friendship in every failed relationship. I want to move forward, And I also want to respect the privacy of friends, and you know people in my life. They don't want the attention. I want a respect that because it would be selfish of me to bring people into this when they didn't sign up for it and sometimes it's out of my control and sometimes things get taken out of context and even if.
something's completely false. You know, they'll be a whole, there's a whole narrative about it, and you know I understand it's it's I did that. You know this is something that I did like I'm and I know I'm not angry at anybody about it. I don't like you know, obviously, but it does make me anxious, because it's something I don't want to talk about, and I dont want to address it because think about it. If I do address every single, failed friendship and every single failed relationship in every single I mean I would have no other content, I have to lead something's needed. Private and the problem is that you know that's really hard for a lot of people, stand in a way because they think that I'm so open about everything that, like you, know me now
wanting to talk about a handful of things. That's like you know. People are like what the fuck, but it's like. Listen. I need to keep things private because as for not only the well being of the other people, but also for the well being of me and I dont want, feel like I'm being used for things, I dont want to feel because I'm always on edge. Ok, I'm always ready for me to figure out the someone use me, and some of you even use me on accident didn't even mean too they might even genuinely care about me but they're like well. I also see an opportunity here, so it's like in the law is just crazy. I have to keep a private and it does give me a lot of anxiety, but here's the thing you know at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do, but you will speak
waiting or saying this are saying that I can't control? I cannot control it. There is nothing I can do. I could say anything about it. I can explain the whole situation, it wouldn't matter it doesn't matter. People are going to believe what they want to believe, and I don't want to talk. But in any way- and you know what not to be an asshole, but it truly is my business and yes, I put my about on the internet, but at the same time, I am, and I absolutely have the right to say this is my own private thing and I don't want to talk about it. I'm
To say that, and I'm allowed to feel like that, I don't need to share those things. If I do not want to, I don't, and I won't unless I like, when I'm likes seventy years old I'll, just come out and tell you everything and I can't wait but not now see you guys in forty years. anyway. I love you all. Thank you for listening, hopefully, is episode. Wasn't too much of a Debbie downer tweet me some topic. So your me to talk about which we me questions. The twitter is at Agee. Podcast leave us little review. Apple podcast five stars would be amazing. and write. A little note about you know, maybe something that when we talk about or really anything feel free head down, there check it out.
And I'll see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. I love you guys a lot, and I know that there is lot of anxiety in you know. pain in the air. Right now and I a lot of us, our feeling it, and I want you to know that we're on together. We're gonna get through this together and be patient with yourself through this I'm in through any time to be honest and do something for yourself today, who gives a fuck about anybody else. You are your own best friend here, your own significant other you're, everything to yourself. You are the only person that you're gonna have forever that's guaranteed. might as well make their relationship as healthy as you can trust, I'm so work on is not gone so well for me, but I am trying to take my advice love you all- have an amazing day piece out: