Social media. It’s in all of our lives. Most of the time, it can be used for good to connect us with each other. But sometimes, it can be a place of negativity and false realities that can really affect our wellbeing. Emma talks through her experiences with the ups and downs of social, dealing with things like body image issues, having unflattering photos of you spread around, and negative comments. She gives advice on how to handle it all, plus ways to practice healthy habits on social, and why she’s refusing to edit her photos on Instagram.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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wording, which is weird because I am at home right now, but hi guys welcome back to my podcast anything goes. I hope you are staying safe,
and taking care of yourselves. This has been a very confusing
in upsetting few weeks- and I bet a you guys-
like me- have been inside a lot
if not all the time- and I no person
It's kind of upsetting me a little bit like,
Not only is it upsetting? What's going on,
around us, but also being inside
create a lot of anxiety on top of all that such a kind of so many
things piling up on each other, and you know you're worried about your friends and family in
if you're like menial, live at home. You know I'm not with my family. I am alone in LOS Angeles, so spin very
the tough time right now, so I just
I am thinking of all of you and I'm praying for all of you and we're gonna get through this together, and I love you all and on that note, let's get into two.
Six episode. I believe it's our six up, so I am curly recording from
home, which is so weird because I'm used to being in a studio
Now, I'm in the comfort of my own home and it's so odd and amusing, like a portable microphone.
weird- it's we're not having someone else in the room while recording, but we're gonna make the most of it. My cats are making loud sounds in the background of you can hear that I apologize if not. This microphone deserves
a Nobel Peace Prize for not picking up that sound anyway willed
They we're gonna, be talking about in Instagram
melt down that. I had a few weeks ago, maybe a few months ago now that I think is like something that people don't
like. I would never normally talk about this, but I feel like it's a good thing too,
about, and you know this pod causes a great opportunity for me to tee
about the shit that I don't wanna talk about anywhere else. So I'm no
up to his eyes about it, and maybe we can find a way to
and from it together because
I've necessarily learned from it yet because it was kind of recent, so.
all right. So basically one night, I was on Tik Tok per usual and
my for you pages like the explore page. If you dont view not aware of, take Toggery now have an account based
just for you pages. They can explore page where the tick Tock algorithms gives you videos that they think you'd want to watch and you can see
through them in its fun. Whatever I spend a lot of my
things doing that it's not good or healthy, but here we are, I'm sorry
they might take talk for you page and suddenly a video of a guy comes up where he's like
these are the prettiest girls. I've ever seen in by some fucking me
article. I end up on this list with the rest of these women.
super honour, and I was like, while that is so sweet like. I definitely don't lay that's really.
I was really really made me feel good ideas like well, that's so nice, and that normally does
but I've been seeing those videos go round and I never been in one. So I was in one this simonov like while it's really sweet and it was nice and
kind of out of impulse. I end of clicking the comments section to see what people are com.
On the video and majority,
of the comments on this video,
basically saying why would you put Emma in this area?
not pretty Emma's, actually quite ugly, she
gross she looks like an eleven year old, basically like the meanest shit you can imagine, is what all these people were saying about me in the comments and
Naturally I was quite upset and so
kind of in a stream of consciousness. I don't even think I realized what I was doing. I ain't going to my ears.
Ram and kind of looking through me like. I wonder what people are seeing of me because you know none of these people have met me in real life and even on video people of different
but he looks different when you meet them personality. What do people receive
me through mainstream. So I start going through
Instagram and I'm looking?
my photos and I start nitpicking picking every single photo every single one. Unlike
I wanted to delete my annoyance around. I literally wanted to go through an archive every single photo. I was like. I don't even want to have a bubble
Image anymore fund being judged the
hard by thousands of
one takes our communists. Thousands of comments on this kid's Tik Tok, calling the ugly ass they aren't even wanted.
the on social media
in general, this is like the type of response on getting like Youtube is one thing but like
no instagram is very looks based right. It's like you know you and I'm like enough me like that
I go to post photos me where I think that I look now
as bad as usual. I also post
that's fine and she but, like you know, that's the place that I go to like puss cool outfits,
You got, I'm saying so I was like I don't even one avenue instagram if this is the type of responsible to begin
like that, so upsetting soil,
going to my- and I archived probably fifty photos- and I cried
and I stare to myself in the mirror for a few hours, maybe an hour on and off. I would like
Look it myself in the mirror and then I go
lay down, and I would think, and then
back to the mirror and I'd look again, and it was this like terrifying feeling of like holy shit like a lot of people, fucking. Think
ugly, and I don't think you realize that that's like it's like so bizarre, it's like it is
such a bizarre feelings. I never had that. I'd never seen that many people. I once think that I'm out
like yeah here and there and it pops up. But you know how easy it is usually interspersed with like
some nice commerce as well, but no every comment on this Tik Tok was calling me ugly and it
so upset and it affected me first
today it's like myself. Esteem was down and I struggled with bodies
the past and when things like that happen, it can trigger that. For me a little bit more
You know where I look in the mirror, and you know everything looks different or worse than it would normally
morphs, I morph into somebody. I don't even aware, and then you know I don't like it's like so weird link.
I can look at myself in the mere and then
No an hour later, I look in the mirror again and I look completely different. Sometimes
look like I gained ten pounds law
ten like. I have more agony that
like ever, it's so weird, but it's like everyday. It's almost like
filter comes on when I they in the mirror every time- and I never know what I actually look like
but this was just so triggering for me because,
the time actually thought you know my skin
good, and I felt like I was in I've, been taking care of myself.
and so it was like holy shit. Nobody else sees that or cares about that. They are just. They just think. I'm fucking ugly. I don't know. I think that
Social media, just it's so focused on, looks and appearance
sad, how it's not about personality when it comes to things.
Instagram or even take talk like I feel filling on Twitter and Youtube.
more about personality, but only instrument take tokens of like that. It's all about looks and it's kind of fucking unfair, because there's nothing I can do about it.
I think that's like the part of word. That's where the impending doom feeling comes in its farmers, and this is my face. I generally do anything about
I was born with it. My nose is where my nose is in my eyes is where my my
these are where my eyes are in. My hair is
or that it is in my lips. Look the way that they look at my face, a shape. The way that my face a shit
in my body, should limit my body shade and there's nothing. I can fucking do about it and that's a really weird feeling and
there's two ways. You can look at it if you're in a bad mindset.
Then we'll get in the way of well. I catch
Is this I'm fucked, but then you can also look
in a way words like what there's nothing I can do with its I'm skinny,
Wait for what it is. Sadly, it's a lot harder to view the ladder,
obviously that only that whole episode only really affected me for a little bit. It wasn't like a long term.
It's not like it's affecting me now like it affect me for maybe a week, and then I was over it, but it definitely took a toll on me.
So now tell that story to kind of maybe give you guys them.
spectator in a sense on my ghetto, who knows maybe
you guys receive comments that our negative.
whether its in real life or on.
Internet or wherever. Maybe you guys,
experience this. I just went away. You know you're, not alone.
I feel the same thing and it happens to me.
Happens to everybody else. You know, but
Maybe if you are somebody who leave
comments on people's photos or makes comments to people's faces. I mean I can't imagine doing that, but it happens.
cuz. It made obviously happens.
Maybe you're somebody's done that before or you do that.
Especially to somebody who may be their job
to be on social media, which is the grossest way describing the hate saying that, but, like you know some people, it is their job and
Maybe you leave comments on people stuff in assuming nobody's gonna, see it I you know. Well, we do see it and its success,
another thing that I've struggled with that's like kind of may meet the trunk and effectively self esteem, and
in the same room is-
photos on, say, Red Corbett's or at events like getting images
that are taken by like I don't know what they're called or not paparazzi, but there they kindly Pavarotti there like photographers Antonov that events right. I have a few stories about
that, and now that's affected me. First time I ever got my photo taken for press was at the streaming awards. I believe is, in twenty eighteen hand
You know I was not very used
this whole thing yet I never been on any form of a red carpet or any kind of I don't know if they call us like red carpet, but then there's also like the photo line. I don't know what you call it.
that before this is my first time- and I remember- was
First time doing it like in a suit
His way, I done a few other, like events, small events that had a similar thing, but
This is my first big event that had a red carpet where there was vote has been taken, a view, etc.
and I remember I was so nervous I was like- I really don't want to do this and I asked if I didn't have to do it and a first
answer was yeah, you don't have to do it, but then suddenly Billy, please please do it and I was like ok
so. I ended up. You know you stand on the right carbon you pose and they take photos you and you basically have known.
Troll ever wept photos they choose or whatever they.
post them on the Getty images website and that's that. So it's very final right, so you better do a good job
why did the worst job possible? I
Ninety out oppose and one of the Getty images that the ended up choosing was a photo of me in between poses. I was moving
and it is the most traumatize in an ugly photo I've ever seen it myself
ass. Our let's have actually use this photo many times since, during like
articles or during like drama like now.
whose videos it's a
that continues to be used by media outlets. Ok,
I never get to live, adapt its permanently there
When I saw this vote for the first time. I cried for literally two days
Is there any way we can get this taken down like I'm? I hate this photos. The worst
What are we have ever seen? I never want to see it again, please
just delete it. I will pay someone like. I ll just get this
photo off the internet please,
No, no, no! That was not an option and I was mortified. Ok, it killed me and
I got over it now. I can laugh about it. It's been long enough, but that wasn't the end of it. That was an end of it ever since getting images of this kind of in the death of me like it just never makes me look.
something about it. I just looked so bad and I feel like I'm the only one, because most people look amazing in these getting images
You know why it is, but I just look so fucking bad and then, and it made
we feel it so exhausting because you know I go to these
and I'm so excited and I'm so excited by myself in my make up and then these photos-
taken in me and I go, and I look at them in every time I hate them. I think there's, maybe even
If then, that I actually like the rest, have made me really,
we really and secure and self conscious and it sucks, because
I just want to feel confident these photos, because their piano, cool and professionally taken and to be nice to be able to use them in.
them in some able to, but usually I hate them. So then I
even use them, and I did subsiding most recently I was
a fashion show- and I was so excited about
make up my hair and all that, and I don't think I've ever
I was so mortified by those photos but different than the law,
she times I didn't cry about it. I've just like you.
What I know, but that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, and so I got over it. I got over it and probably two hours, which was a record speed
me, but you know some so getting better at that kind of coil amount of like it not being in my control and I'm still them still getting better, but I'm getting there. So there's one event about that: a little bit.
Another thing, that's kind of in the same vein of all of this is
for one time I did a shoot with a company and it was a bathing suit shoot and at the time,
when we did this bathing suit. It was the winter time
and I was not. I wasn't in as good of shape as I do. You know what
to be necessarily and I had not been exercising as much and I was fine,
They, it didn't bother me, and I did this bathing suits you with his company.
And I remember some there's some,
and scenes photos that were put out by the company where I
I didn't know that I was getting my picture taken, so they were not. I didn't know about it, so I wasn't like posing pro
really, as one said, as one would say like I was it.
Like I was relaxing, so I didn't look as flattering as I would have if I was aware that a photo
taken of me, and I was standing with good posture and all that and this vote
its release and some people get ahold of when they saw repose.
and they were talking about how I gained weight
I remember I was on a trip with one of my friends at the time in the car with them, and I start breaking down.
bawling crying because.
I had never heard anybody common on my way before
and that was my biggest insecurity is like I've always been really of straw.
With eating disorders. In the past struggle, the body does morphia
so having some one comment on my weight gain.
That I hadn't even really noticed at the time or maybe just didn't really
I mean it just wasn't really important to me, which was a huge huge step for me, because I mean I've had issues with eating since I was young
and so having somebody comment on that in having a bunch of evil common on that now gain weight. It took me back.
Like fifteen steps, you know I mean I was in a pretty good place with my body. It wasn't, there wasn't grey.
But it was better than where it had been before and so having people common on it, sent me down a spiral, excel kind of makes me sick to my stomach, it so upsetting for me.
and I think the moral of all these depressing stories- sorry, these early, really upsetting goddammit.
I'm so sorry I didn't,
I was gonna go here today, but I was kind of one leg
Now I started to talk about it and I feel like I want to
this vulnerability, and I want to tell these stories, because this is something that happens to all of us and I dont want like I've, always
wanted to tell these stories and it just never felt like the right time, because it was too
recent oros to real, but now I feel like it's time. It just feels right. So here we are and were telling the story
anyway. Those are all things that had happened that have happened a while ago. I've definitely improved since then. I feel like I'm a lot.
Less hard on myself about what the internet says. One
I know there is a potential
that's some comments might be negative about my appearance. I just avoid reading the comments, and you know I
My recovery time is getting quicker. It's like
Ok, something might kind of hurt me for a few minutes, but I can get over it quicker than I used to use to cripple me,
like days and now it only really upsets me for maybe a few hours so
I think it's just kind of take
that pain that you feel when those things happen and turning it into
just turning it into strength. You know what I mean turning it into once. You get through that a few times it's like once. You know that you can get through it. Then when it happens again you know that you can. You can get
again, you don't. I mean it's just training yourself too,
be resilient toward stuff, like that in its in
going journey, and I'm still learning you know, but if you're going through that shit
now that I'm here I'm right here and I'm right, your next to you and I'm right here.
In a moray your next, you in a lawyer and I'm ray you're next, you know
here I'm with you did, and I feel you and I happens to everybody.
another thing. I want to talk about social media and how it affects myself seem personally. Is I mean this is
discussed a lot, but I think that I want to put my little two cents in
just kind of the whole fake element of social media in all that just
the ability to edit photos and the ability to I mean
then get surgeries to change your body stuff. Like that, all of that being fine, I don't judge if you want to face,
in a photo if you wanna get whatever view on a chip change elements of your body. I totally don't judge
personally I have in because I don't want to.
But it's so hard, sometimes not too, because
I know that I would feel better about my lips if I got lip injections. I know that for-
act, and sometimes I wish I could- and I care
actually I could. If I wanted you, I wish that leg it would solve the problem like I wish that that would solve the from. I know it won't I still kind of want it sometimes, but I know it solve the problem and I've. Never a lot of you will think that I
are lip injections, because my lips get swollen when they get chapped and right now, I'm on Accutane, which has an acne medication. As everybody knows, I talked about every five minutes, but
that makes my lips really dry, makes everything dry for that matter, and so my lips get really trying to get puffy and then it looks like a big lips, but really it's just their inflamed, so I mean it's
a bad, I don't even hate it. He when they get in Flame
in Povey kind of his like it's a great selfie opportunity, but to be honest but
they do not have live injections. I've never gotten injections of any kind, but it
tempting in its hard, because it's hard not to want to do
when you see some other people, do it and you like coming
they look so good. I wish I could do it at that.
When you want to do, go for it. If you think that something, that's true to you and you know whenever go for it, but if you dont feeling it's true, you try to like me
You know, I don't feel that something, that's true to me and doing now
gonna be going against too. I am in a sense, and I don't want to do that. So
just no, they like its that's, not what it's all about. You know and I'm still
trying to teach myself that. But you don't need to choose
things about yourself to fit in
suddenly it feels right to you. Don't don't feel like you need to do something like tat to fit in, like that's kind of how I felt left not fitting but like fit in with like, what's good looking in the fucking public, I, whatever the fuck. That means- and it's all subjective, it's like
beauty is so subjective, and you know there might be some stereotyped for what's beautiful, I guess right now, but that will change again and
basically, what I'm trying to say is like theirs
I feel this pressure, sometimes too like be as good looking as I can, and if that means
changing something about my face. Sometimes I get tempted to do that, which is not something that's true to me, and it is upsetting. So
I'm learning did not feel that feeling anymore. I
also Ella doesn't help Gazelle AIDS very normalized here. So it's tough seven to do that, but I will I can promise you that
when I'm in my sixties, I will probably a botox but I'll, save that for when I'm sixty right moving on. I think it would be kind of cool.
I don't think we can do voicemail this episode, because I am recording from home.
usually have my producer provide those for me. So can't really
that today sorry about that, but we're going to do some twitter questions. The twitter is at eighty punk
We go forward or tweet questions check that out. You know dear thing, ok, so the first question is: do you care about Instagram likes?
Surprisingly, no like
I care about a lot of things, I'm self conscious
a lot of things, but randomly enough not to concern about it,
and legs, and I don't know why that is. I don't know if it's just because for me and said
is fun. I disliked oppose my outfits in post cool photos that I think are cool, unlike connect with you guys in a sense, in what
Were I dont really and see what other people are doing as well? I dont really care about the lakes.
I just never have to be honest numbers for me: I've never mattered asthma.
as like I'm more concerned about forming a positive and happy community. I don't really care about the numbers as long as the actual community itself is positive and uplifting and everybody's being kind and shit, I don't really care about how many people are there. As long as the majority of the people who are there are good people kind people,
in support of people, so that's what I'm more concerned with the next question is how to social media affect your daily mood. I think social media can affect my mood if I'm
too much as it does for everybody. It's really easy for me to become disconnected from.
My soul if I'm like on take talk too much on Youtube too much
audience around too much and I'm not going outside, I'm not living in the moment. I'm not doing things that are creative. It can easily
make me super anxious. It does is, to my mind,
we as well. I know my dad. My mama said the same thing, mainly my dad, but it can make me anxious. I've had panic attacks before from just being on socially.
too much. It creates this false sense of reality, like you start to feel like all of the things that you're looking at actually matter, but none of it fucking matters,
It matters. What fucking Cynthia posted on our Instagram vacancies in the Bahamas and she's swimming with dolphins? You start to think that that matters it starts taken up space in your brain and then
as you know, you're seeing how Joshua in Jamie are now on their seventh month of their relationship in their doing better than other ever and so in love than you know. You take that new calculate wow, like that sucks, like single
whatever, and it's just like all of that. Some sorts taken up space in your brain and you can't really think about anything else, clearly
till you have some time to separate yourself from your phone. It's like it starts to fill your brain was shit. That's not important, but you start to think that its important in taking up this unnecessary mental real estate that could be used for something creative that would make you feel calm happy fulfilled that
When social media affects me in a negative way, when I'm going on social media little burst here and there to connect with you guys to connect with my friends to see what everybody's up to and then I put my phone down and I spend time with people or do things that are creative or do things that are healthy for my boy
he whatever. That's when social media me healthy, because I have this balance in the only
fact it has on me- is that I'm seeing what my home
are doing or what you guys are up to and that something is actually makes me feel good in and make its like enjoyable right and it doesn't have a negative effect. So it's about managing MAC and once you can manage it, it's actually it's actually kind of a beautiful thing. But you know during times like this, especially when we're all kind of staying home and in we
can't really be around as many people and it's like harder to find things to do. It's like really easy to fall into those unhealthy social.
you have it. So I'm praying for all you guys that you guys aren't you know that you guys aren't going you guys, gargoyle hundred vowed to imagine you're not getting too anxious.
Somebody asked me how long did it take you to finally saw taking mean comments to heart? Sadly, ice
still occasionally will take mean comments to heart. I definitely have a way figures. Skin and unjust
such a better place with all that, like it takes so much
word upset me it's, but it's in,
going journey. I will never ever be there I'll. Always it's always gonna I'll, never reach the point where none of it matters too
like, I think, being a human means that what other people think of you or if they think something negative,
value. That's always gonna be upsetting. I'm sorry, but it's a matter of like how quickly you can recover what you do with the comment. You know how you react right like now.
I get a mean comment. It might upset me for a little bit, but I know now: ok, over this is time to put your phone down and do something creative right or talk to somebody that you love
and get yourself out of that head space. So I not get myself out of it quicker, but I
so think that less commons bother me leg, it has to be something pretty fuckin mean to bother me at this point next
question, some years with social media platforms, the worse for Boeing and portraying hate weirdly. I think you tube right now is a little bit.
get em. I've noticed a lot and negative comments on Youtube, whereas on Tik Tok instead
ram and twitter. I feel it things are pretty good, at least from what
Samuel at least with me. Obviously theirs
activity on all platforms. I've seen Tik Tok be a really toxic platform. I more referring to com.
on my stuff
now earlier. I said that there was negative comments about me and somebody else's Tik Tok, but I'm not really
going to that. A more referring to my comments. Section personally, I feel, like Youtube, has been kind of the toughest critics recently and that's all right
Keeps me gives a fire under my ass to keep going. The next question is: do you ever regret having your whole life on mine eye?
have moments of like impulsiveness. If that's a word, impulsiveness, that's a bit, I don't know that might be stretching stretching the vocabulary.
a year, but I have moments where I break down
and I stay things or feel things that are a kind of impulsive, and sometimes I do have moments where, like I'm really weak and unlike I wish I never even started this, I just wish I could have a normal life. I wish I never
whatever, but it never last more than an hour, and usually I end up coming on the other side of my breakdown feeling weirdly gratefulness
like you know, I'm able to be like you know what ok. There are some tough parts, but I wouldn't want my life anymore
Anything like I wouldn't want to any other way right so much. Ninety nine percent of the time I M just kind of grit, I'm just grateful in kind of rolling with it, but sometimes I get to a breaking point as humans do and I kind of wish that it never happened, but it also happens for a reason, and I have to trust that. Do you get validation from followers and subscribers, I sadly don't really get not. Sadly, that's actually a good thing. I don't know, I said. Sadly,
I dont get validation from flowers or subscribers. I think in the beginning, when a very first started, I you know for me subscribers kind of word telling me that I should keep going with Youtube and keep going with such a me.
And all that, and that was kind of validation that, like what I was doing, was useful for people or enjoyable for people to watch, and that was really useful, and now it definitely still does that is well. It reminds me that you know I have you guys and we have been
man, we have each other in its like a community and it's amazing, and so it's like validation, that what I'm doing is kind of worth it cause. I have that,
but it's not like validation like in an egotistical way like I do. It doesn't like boost my ego at all
reminded just validates my decision to begin and continue to work on what I do. You know so
I it goes a validation. I more need that from my the people in my very close life, because other people than know me and
I know them and I trust them Somerset,
had he come and heard the most. When you see them, I would say the com
They hurt me. The most are probably
ones that you say that I've lost my spark to them in a sense
like saying like. Oh, I used to love you and now you annoy me or, like I used to love you and now leg.
changed in shit like that, because you know
and I think, a lot of people who do
more things to me on Youtube or whatever
on any such media platform. It's like for me
I've been so proud of my growth in I've evolved in so people not agreeing with that. It stinks because they don't
we with me. They don't agree that my growth was great or or like a good thing. They think that its negative and that sucks, because I disagree
but it also makes me question myself and where I'm going in my life, are they write? You know, am I not
good. If a person in my leg more annoying now whatever like they are the veto,
they make less genuine, like whatever in
That's when I go to my friends and family, especially my parents and just say like
I feel like I'm being more myself than ever. I feel like I'm more connected with every
that I think everybody the watches my videos than ever. What do you think
Do you think I should change in a negative way, my losing it and I losing my mind like em.
Losing touch and
used in you know, my parents will be like, though, help me through and not be like.
No, I dont think you are, or maybe yes you are- which usually they usually am. I feel like I've done pretty well so far with that, but
Those comments affect me the most, because I feel like their aware
something that I'm not, but I think what it really.
Is that they're just misreading me and my growth somebody asked me: what's your
real opinion about the whole showering junk. Oh god,
Why does this never hand? It's like a king, my God, so basically
long time ago, I made a jug Mason
TAT story, basically thing like Mama.
In the car of Minos, making a joke about how
My mom was telling me to shower, and I didn't want to add that hygiene was,
to me, and I didn't need to shower if I didn't want to whatever totally a joke, but everybody
Basically, the haters got a hold of this and they were basically like started this whole rumour that out
our in that I have bad hygiene, nor that in a first it was fun.
to me exiles, like our
there is really not getting this joke. I was like it's so fucking obvious by my tone that I'm kidding, but, like everybody merrily
if we when, in fact they shower
We single day and most my friends say smell prettier, so
it was kind of upsetting because it was just like. I was getting
this negative attention about something.
not even true and also even if it was true who fucking
hairs. None of you guys are smelling me so who gives a fuck? I was like.
it's just it was so damn. That's a pick me up about piss me off about halves
it's just so unnecessary. That is what his me off.
but obviously I'm over it. Now, like whatever our pride, I should make no shower merge, thou, be kind of funny coming up its genius see every something good comes out of it,
Somebody asked me: how do you cope with all the negativity you get thrown at you
No I've kind of touch on this earlier, but I want to talk about it in a broader sense, more of leg, just
negatively on all on all hands leg from any point leg, whether its drama or rumours or pay
comments like whatever all of it in general. How do I deal with all of it as a whole because you know
every single day, I see shit about me. That's not good.
I also see a lot of shit about me that super nice and really night in Super sweet and that's
majority when I see, but at the same time you know I don't
day goes by weight on see at least one thing about me: that's negative, as does anybody who's on the internet,
I do. This thing recently moved,
so the time I do this. Sometimes I I crack and I end up reading I and a digging in reading shit about me
but usually, if I see like let SAM
my explore page on Youtube right and
on my homepage. This happens to me all the time I'll be on my you too,
the homepage and they'll be a video about me on the homepage. That is negative like something
Emma Chamberlain doesn't shower question mark o stinky, that's a great title. Example in gay. Let's say: that's my explore pay.
I will literally refresh the page immediately to
not even allow myself to click?
not even allow myself to think of it. Not even
I won't even let myself think about it. I just refresh and act like it never happened. They refer
again in there's another hey video about me, I will
she again and I continue to act like I did not see it and if you act like you, didn't see something its action,
pretty easy to forget about it. I end up forgetting about it. Probably five minutes later, and I don't even remember that I saw that video on my homepage. If I click in it on it and it
let it can sue me then yeah
can a bother means can upset me, but I just tried and not let it
I just try. Not to lean into it, if you don't lean into it, it's it's so much less significant in your mind. So that's what I usually do there, but you know sometimes late at night I'll end up clicking and then I cry, and then I have to call my dad or my mom and then the whole thing's a mess. But usually we do. Okay,
Ok, I think to be dumb of questions for the day in I'm actually going to talk about.
Something that I've been doing a mainstream recently. So
recently my answer. I have decided to no longer edit my photos. I never really.
I never used phase tune or anything that in my photos, I know
like change anything about myself in my photos, right
I would only use leg filters from this. Go
or whatever and I'd tweak the color of my photos
I decided I am stopping that all together. I refuse to touch my photos now. I don't want to edit them. I don't have no filter on them. I don't want to put I'm not going to
do anything of my photo, I'm literally going to take it straight out of my camera, roll and post it and that's what I've been doing recently and I feel like it's been. I just want to be completely honest,
like, I don't want to change anything about my photos anymore and I feel, like it's been really fun actually going to go. My instagram real quick. I actually posted a photo the other day, I'm wearing a Navy blue jacket, Navy Blue crew neck with a turtleneck under it, and a brown jacket and White jeans, and I'm standing next to a bunch of green stuff. Like
ants and if you zoom in on my forehead, you can see that I have acne. Oh my four
in kind of around my nose area in a little bit o my cheeks, and you can see it and-
I'm not gonna lie was kind of tempting not to edit that out by, like you know
some grain on the phone, our adding a filter
how to smooth everything out, like whatever is hard for me, not to do that, but I've just decided that I'm fucking sick and tired of it, and I don't care- I don't care anymore, it doesn't matter. You know. The point of that photo is not about whether or not my skin looks perfect. It's about. I just wanted to
you're, my outfit, to be honest, this kind of one Instagram is for me is a weird if you really think about it instead,
for me, as about sharing enough, it usually kind of funny
like whenever I wear a worrying enough it that I like em, like I have to put on my answer him. Why do
I think so they only to document it like it's. My diary of debt outfits that I appreciate from myself, which is weird it's a weird concept
anyways? That's! What I've been doing on Instagram makes me feel good. I'm decipher like. I feel good about just putting everything out there. You know anyway,
Before an episode
I wanted to tell you about my fucking data day, I've Phil
two videos and I am now reporting upon podcast
never been this proactive in one day. I can't believe it I'm thrilled society.
today's topic so depressing, but I saw
The good day, though
when I got to gotta down danfields good for me to get you down sometimes I I needed me to do that, but anyway,
This was weird talking to myself for forty eight minutes. It was odd, it's odd its.
because I'm not used to that. I normally have some.
Else in the room and record these said so weird, but anyway, on that note,
again. I hope because are all saying, safe and healthy and
staying inside and taken care of your loved ones and just staying tough. I also hope that you know this may be made. You feel a little bit less alone.
When it comes to and securities we all have em, okay and next
maybe I'll come over there
the more happy topic because I feel guilty about being this depressing, but that's what this part gets, the bow anything goes. So it's fine.
Yeah, I love you all enjoy your day and that's that ok, I love you all sweet dreams. He.