« Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Why Do I Hate Myself?

2020-08-27

One of the more deep and emotional episodes of Anything Goes. Emma talks through her recent struggles with low self-esteem and self-confidence. What causes these feelings, the impact it has on us and people around us, and how we can get to a point where we’re comfortable in our own skin. Plus, answering a bunch of questions on relationships, how to tell if you’re in love, and will Emma ever do the WAP dance??

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ramble, hi, guys, come back to anything goes out to be so it up with the all the universe is on one today. I woke up this Learning I fell good. I made myself breakfast I went to a hare appointment was getting my roots done in like getting my whole head different shaded blonde, which seem it is, though it would be a relaxing activity, Wasn't my anxiety was so through the roof. I think it is partially here's my phone died and then I was forced to lake sit with my thoughts for a few hours until ass my hair person for a charter because, was like killing me that I deny my phone, but I can't I want to talk about a lot of things. because during my slight anxiety attack today, I realized a lot of things. There have been really unhealthy about my mindset recently
like I really want a target through with you guys, because even though this is about me in this is like not. You know, I don't know what you guys are going through and what you guys are dealing with, and all that is so personal. But there might be parts of this that you Need to here, because I know that I need to give my of advice to hey. I need to live reflect on myself for a second and like really. Analyze. Why am behaving the way that I am and, like you put my ego aside for a second unlike reflect, and so we're gonna do that today and the main thing that I've been doing recently Is I've been being way too hard on myself? You and it doesn't We make sense, but I think that it might be that been going on my phone too much going on. Take talk too much, I don't know, but I'm finding myself,
pairing myself to, like other people and social media constantly leg. super weird, because I know I never had this problem. I'm normally very Ten in in you know my skinner. within the past few months, I feel like I've been very like content, happy in my own. skin and like very confident and like I've just been feeling really good. I mean I had a rough patch before the good patch, but like don't I've has been doing so good in that's. Why, today, I realize like Emily. Why do you hate yourself, like? I have been in just shitting on myself constantly. Ok, I'm talking about leg, in the car with my friends, and I like looking myself in the mirror and unlike in I can't look or of Looking I'm like staring I myself in the mere, unlike picking apart, like my face anxiously looking at it like thing you everything I hate about it and. when I'm like around people, I might causally think
about how I'm looking from their point of view, it's so weird like I'm, I'm so hyper. Focused on my appearance, and you know I even had a little the little melt down and I archive photos that I thought I looked ugly in all all that and I understand, what's wrong. Really, I really don't know like, Everybody my life is so loving towards me, my pay hence our so loving my friend, so loving towards me so supported so complimentary towards me. Like I don't her stand the problem, and I wonder if the people can relate to this war. I do we as humans do I do have low. self esteem when there's no reason to leg, in my view, no what our normal thoughts, let's think for a second What our normal things that make me insecure for me. It's like acne!
that used to make me really and secure. Ah, you know like if I was bloated, or if you know I hadn't been, eating the best that we can. I feel like I'm not taking care of myself in like that, could make me feel you no kind of lakes although it shouldn't, because where human beings- and we can do whatever the fuck we want- and we should ever beat ourselves up about anything but like are, the normal things like make me feel bad about myself. But it's weird because I've been taken care. My skin, I been you know, eating well and taking care of like my body and only mean like all of that is enough that why I'm so stumped as to why I've been so hard on myself recently, I really do not know. I really really genuinely don't know, and I think it's just a matter of ice- they make a conscious decision right now to like turn that around, because what it's not fun to be around
like I was thinking about it today in my chair, I was my heard unnosed Emma. Do you think that But want to be around you and your complaining about how you look all the time when you looked fucking normal there's nothing wrong, there's no with anything could go wrong because the exact body the urine is like the body they. In, and you should love for exactly what it isn't that exact moment. What is your issue like there's, no way that that's fun to be around its not charge? meeting to be around someone who, like books in the mirror and like I don't want to see that, like that's, not charming, my friends we're doing that. I do hey. Don't do that like what the fuck? That's exactly what my friends do and my family there like Emma, top like. What's your issue, you know and like I don't know, I don't know and I'm making the conscious decision, starting now to turn That energy around, because to be honest, I dont think that its some sort of like a thing that can be changed
all it takes is just me making the conscious decision that I'm not going to like that anymore, the problem was that happens slowly and. Like next thing. I knew it. I realize Emma you're, like not happy in your own skin right now. You know a hard thing to emit yourself to be like you, We hate yourself right now. You know it's. To emit that you yourself, as you like, no like I'm fine, whatever whatever, but I try we realise that, like it, it's not something that I would that's not the want to live. you know. I don't want to live like that and if it did, it got sick, It slipped under the rug and I didn't notice for a while. But the thing is: there's no I can do there's only any of us can do about the body that we are born into and the life, you're born into its about making the most of it and sorry it's about making the most of it being proud of it being grateful for it
unlike thinking you're hot shit, because you are the thing- is. I've had a lot of leg, humble experiences recently, like a lot of you know, this might be part of it. A lot of like decent like really really great an amazing things as a decent, but then also does not even reach The right word like I've had some really great. Things happen to me recently that, like you know, are really good make me feel really good and, like you know some accomplishments. I've accomplished things that, like wanted to for a long time, and you know I've met people in my life that, like I, really love and care about like things like dialect, that's the type of stuff that like I should be so excited about in that I should be celebrating, but I weirdly think that I am coping mechanism in beating myself up Try to balance out the like positive things are happening. My life s,
but he is happy. Everybody is healthy, all bad. There is nothing for me to be upset about. I'm happy, I'm out Mama, I'm I'm a happy. I'm like not do. I feel pretty good, but like I'm here, be everybody that I love is healthy and safe and things that are really things that are Exciting are happening to me and I think that my brain is like Emma. This is too much good stuff happening, I'm about to fuck it up right now. The m fuck it up enough to make you have really bad self esteem issues for the next two weeks, I literally things that's all my brain dead and I'm making. conscious decision to turn that off and I heard you guys who are dealing with something similar, whether your with the right now in the present moment, you're going to deal with in the future or you dealt with in the past in your thinking. Maybe you know how could I have handled that differently? I think that its- really making a conscious decision to be like you know what I.
that decided that I'm going to appreciate myself, because the thing is it that leads to so much happiness everywhere else in life you get to live in the moment. you think like that you're funny to be around more fun but to ages, if honour your fund to be around when you feel good about yourself, your butt friend you can care about. Other is more deeply. You can empathize with others deeply when you love yourself and Those are all things that are so important to me a few episodes ago. I talked about how like one of my men, Core values was like keeping strong relationships with the people around me. The problem is when I'm having issues of self esteem like I can be there for us like I normally em in that now troll, that's normal. You know you're, not always gonna be completely emotionally available. I mean that's impossible, you know, but it's a challenge guys. It really is it's really a challenge.
But I really I mean I've, never really consciously been like hey Emma you're gonna love yourself now leg. It's time you have nothing to say to yourself. you're a good person, and you treat others well- and you know you do your absolute best and you know all of that. I'd I've never told myself like. Let's do better here. I normally like do things to make myself feel better, since you like spend time with other people. You know I put my time and energy into taking care of my body and all that, like I do that instead, but I think that we only this time, it's like not that easy for me. I also think that a big part of it is that, You know I'm out of place right now, where I've straw, Well, there's a lot of things that may mean secure for long time. You know one of them being acme. And one of them being like, I was taking his medication for a period of time a few months.
now during the winter and medication was making me really puffy in my face and swollen constantly, and during that time I was super and secure, because I felt like. ugly, unlike actually funny story during that time, when I was taken on medication, where phases really Swann had a bunch agony and all that- and it was just like really uncomfortable and, like I just didn't, feel good because of the medication like someone that I respected their opinion a lot at the time now I dont at all day.
Like I said that I was like super on attracted by my back, and I found that out a few months later after, like I, you know, I like me in this person, drifted apart. We work we weren't tight anymore, but like after that, I found out that, like that person was like saying that I was ugly behind me and this was a person that, like I, was really close you for a decent on of time- and you know it hurt really bad that like they would say that behind my back and that like they didn't, they didn't really even wanna yeah, so that really damaged me, because it was like this person new powers on this medication. They knew that My face was sworn from it. They knew that it was making me really and secure yet like they would say that, behind my back and like that really fucked me up really bad like to this day, and I think it's made me like recently
with this whole, like random self esteem issue. That's gonna come back for me, and I worry, or I M Silly thing you, my high look around my friends and stuff like tat, because I'm constantly thinking that like would, if my friends think that I'm ugly, because that's happened to me before Somebody who I thought was a friend or somebody who cared about me a lot. That's what they told me like words like fuckin, calling me ugly behind my back till it. Somebody that, like they didn't even know that well too, which is like in weirder. You know like going around in like talking about me behind my back. In the only thing we have to say about me that I'm ugly and we were like really clarion. It was just like mine blowing knew me. Ah I mean like. I wish it wasn't true, but that's like kind of coming. Up to haunt me. I don't know why that Hermes, so bad, but it did in randomly. That's been haunting me a lot and so on.
That's why all these insecurities are coming out in front of my friends and such like garbage. Some already kind of low self seems already gonna blow for now apparent reason, and then you know red, my brain is like returning to that, and you know thinking about that time when, person said that about me. I found that out and that's just like weirdly, for front of my mind, even though that person is completely not in my life anymore and doesn't matter in their opinion, doesn't matter in there obviously not the best person ever if they're calling me ugly, you know I mean I don't know, but regardless, like that shit stings, And I think what I need to. Really really put my time and energy in focusing. Do right now is like realizing it's not about other people, say Who cares if somebody says your ugly like who gives a fuck it's about what you think when you look in the mirror, how do you feel about yourself as a person, as you know, all that the other thing is too
looks really don't matter that much like think about me that you love so much. You really think that their very beautiful you, even if they're, not fitting whatever the fuck stay, that society as blah blah blah shut the fuck up about that it doesn't matter like people become beautiful, even become attractive to you. You care and love them when you care about them and when he loved them, that's how it works so then, the day like, let's you're dating somebody and like they don't know like something conventionally unattractive happens to them. They get a shitty haircut or maybe get a full buzz cut, or no, like they have ago allergic reaction all over their face her something like are, you gonna, think there was attractive when you're like fully in line with this person? I know you don't give a fuck in the same
those other way around. If you re people in your life, they're not gonna, be judging you, for your looks for fuck's sake. It's just insane to me. And there's someone your life where you know you don't have that feeling towards them, where you don't love them like that, and that's normal too that's fine as long as they don't know, the you know about just doesn't need to be discussed that person in that flat, but Moral of the story is here: I am making the conscious, vision, to only listened to myself, but myself in the mirror and love whatever the fuck. Is there that day bloated, not bloated, breaking out crying laughing ten, not ten whatever it is, I'm gonna make the most of it and it's hard it's hard to come to terms of that? It's are to be happy with exactly the body the urine, but you know the thing is I remember as a kid I mean I've always been very, very
to call myself, very hard on myself about everything right, just like by name her like I've always been. Like I mean you suck like that's just the causing voice in my head, and I think that's very standard for human nature, but I remember feeling that constantly, and then I remember an adult tell me, Emma you're gonna grow out of that it gets so much easier when you're older now Azores, like what liquidity impose it people like, I think I'm always gonna be like this, but ever since I have this realization say they are salon that, like I need it. of the body than I mean I've realise, like the big picture, which is that yeah Who cares? Who fuckin cares? If you have the right people in your life, then loving yourself is so much easier, but also it does need to come from within, and I think it is something that you need to find within yourself
that's only I'm still figuring out in a minute. Do my absolute best to convince myself that, on the hottest person, I've ever seen every single day when I wake up, is that- sick now, but I'm gonna do my absolute bass and try to have the best success ray. What that that I can. Ah as we all deserve that got Getting like emotional. I got choked up for a second. Thank you, Billy for sponsoring. This episode of anything goes self care and routine are very important for a happy mood and a happy life that was deep, but whatever you're using to get ready for the day should make. You feel we get me Billy, they ve, created every day essentials by delivering premium, raises in high performing bodyguard directly to you know: pink tax no visited the drugstore, no breaking the bank. Billy dot com such Emma to get their Sartor Kate for just nine dollars that includes their award. Adding razor to refill blades and a magnetic holder that keeps you razor saving dry and between uses.
I love their razors. I've been using them forever and literally my friend the other day came over and she got my shower and she used my razor and she came out and she was like what razor is that and I was like Philly baby check it out and she's like oh, my god, I will Billy's out to change more than the way that you shaved they released. Three completely clean must have products dad. You were teen lip balm, dry, shampoo and face wipes, which, coincidentally, are my favorite body care products, because those are like the only things that I used. The razors are just so good. They get such a close shave and keep my legs nice and smooth when I'm at the beach, because I've been going to the beach all the time. So I need to have smooth legs. You know what I mean to express love for anything goes good. It's a small way that you can support the show, while getting the best razor you'll ever own. It's just nine dollars a year. Starter kit, plus free shipping always
go to my billy dot com such Emma, that is spelled my b. I allow I e dot com, Slash Emma check it out thanks Billy, listen, we have to be living in the moment here. we got one life. This is what we get. We need to make the most of it and. Let's all really really make an effort to like. really really care for ourselves, and I think that that such underrated advice I really like. I know that, like everybody's ways, love yourself, whether it so not easy and sometimes there's no reason for why you are not loving yourself in the way that you should and normally when people say this shit unlike shut up like shut up, I'm always saying now, but I also think it's, because I'm so in denial of the fact that I really hard on myself and it's not just with my appearance.
I've been really ardor myself about so many different things like you know certainly thinking that I'm annoying when I'm around people which causes me all this unnecessary anxiety and caused me to like not legs, say things when I like wanna, say things like I'm always like backtracking milk I'd. I should say that and say that, oh, my god, I was annoying what I said like whatever that is so annoying to be around people like confidence baby. We don't want any of that, but I am doing now right now and that's not even me. That is not me, but the thing is addressing it had on noticing what you're doing and realising that you want to make a change that you can have a happier. Life is one of the hardest things to do. You know and comfort. it is for me right now to say that I've been in secure recently and that I've been like kind of annoying leg. with the way that I'm like backtrack everything that I'm saying and like trip thinking everything that I'm saying and quadruple thinking it. You know I look every five seconds like Ireland
early war make up to dinner the other night and I went to the bathroom. And I was like oh may- make looks like really blotchy. just took out a make a boy from my pocket that, coincidentally brought it was coincidence, I knew that I was gonna have freak out about may make up, and I took my whole. above in the bathroom, because I was feeling so insecure about it. Who gives a fuck like why, like y know, I went about like ten visiting, may make, above that, not living freely leg, we need to be living freely here, and I mean the thing is like obviously like you its checks and balances, like it's you're, gonna, be perfectly confident all the time whatever. But I think that, really loving yourself and everything that you're doing, and all of that is so crucial for having it a good life, because I just not noticing that, like its affecting everything for me, it's affecting like my anxiety, you know it's affecting leg,
friendships Emma my relationships in my ability to be there for others and, like I'm done it's embarrassing to made the you been slipping, but I think that's the first step to fixing it and so I will be working on that encourages work on that too, and also you know, be proud of the things that you create whether its homework assignment or a project or something for work or it's art, so he painted something or what Hurry some song- I don't care being proud of those things, I am never proud of things that I create rarely and that's just so sad leg. I work hard on. You know these things and I deserve to feel proud of them, but I never give myself I never let myself feel proud of myself in I'm done with that. I'm, Mr. proud of my damn self, for what I do and hold myself accountable for this shit that I, don't do this shit that I do wrong and that's it
and that Miss badge I've. Really. I really am making this a goal, and I really hope that you guys do too. The other thing I've been struggling with is like focusing on my past, like I feel like I've just been, king about like my past decisions in all that, unlike just regretting things that I've done- and you know I talked about this with- I believe my best he Olivia. Ah, I think I our targets, as my friend Olivia, Bow remember, who it on my wits couldn't doesn't really fucking matter at all. And you know she was like Emma like listen like we are, who we are because of our past. We would be nothing without it in you know, you can have done things that you don't they are now
proud of you don't I mean, are things that you don't feel good about or things that you like places that you fucked up like? Where would you be without those things like I would not be the person I am without every single thing that I've done everything and is actually funny because, like actually recorded, the opposite. The alluding to now was supposed to be a different episode, where I talked about Actually, it s a story about like this week that I had I dislike terrible week last week, where, like my plumbing, like basic plumbing in my house, had be turned off go to a hotel. I like this. we can only got hives in, like on my face during dinner and like all this shit happened right and I were court at all. guess about it and, like I also They get my nails done super last minute, while I had Billy my home for the plumber. It was like this whole mass of a weak right in Something went wrong about it, but I list to it and
Sounded set like such a whiny little brat right, I was like complaining and blaming and planning for the whole episode about this terrible week that I had and You know I listen to a back and I Emma you don't sound good here, like you sound like a fucking spoiled brat, you idiot you're, just like you're talking about you, had to get your nails done for a shoot and about distressing. You out was that stressful. For me, Yes, it was, and it was it like a tight time crunch yes, but talk about those things. Emma is not the right message to spread. And so I listen to that and I was like I'm not proud of that at all, and I don't like shitt about myself when I listen to it cuz. I wasn't you sound like a brat, and I know where I was coming from, which was not a bad place, but I also like wasn't proud of it. I am proud of the way that I sounded and because they sounded like a fucking, brat and.
It hurt my ego. Little bed knows a damn like that socks. I thought I was better than that. You know I thought I better conveying a mess. it's better than that in like not making. It seem like I'm some sort of bitch right that just like is complaining about dumb stuff. It doesn't matter at all to anybody, but me but I'd. Alas, I fuckin sat down and record No episode about it and it was awful. It was awful till his into for me. And so we're scrapping em we're doing this one in sad, but I like in the moment I was like Emma you suck for that I was a shitty episode, you little stupid bitch, but then something about a more, and I was like that Super useful lesson: leg complaining about things that dont really matter is not cute and I've never thought about that, before you know, I mean I was like venting in whatever is like healthy normal, but I think that
like in it is, but I think that what you have said extend, unlike you know, Nobody has such unique struggles that unless it's helpful for others, I'm not going share it. You know the story that I told him the things I was complaining about it wasn't. helping anybody. So what's the point of that, but, something that I learn. I'd never thought about that before and me listening that episode back made me realize that in that is for valuable. So now I'm trying to look at it like instead matter yourself for recording a whole episode that, like is now useful and just made me sound like a fucking spoiled brat, instead of like being ray myself. For that. I am going to learn from that in all we share useful things moving forward, something that's funny, something that's interesting, something as educational, something that's helpful like anything of that sort that This has a positive impact. I dont want to be like you know, spreading like
any kind of negativity at all, and I feel like that gave me the energy on Sunday night anyone mean to do that and there was and, like you know, I'm looking at it now underway, run like proud of myself for realising that- and I am proud of myself for like not put- now because I was proud of it and you know, is a learning experience and the thing is, you have to learn from this stuff, not be yourself up over it, and I think that that's like huge I mean me recording that shitty podcast episode that made me seem like a spoiled brat taught me something and is going to change, who I am forever it Small little thing, but it's gonna change. I am forever it's like. If you kiss somebody that you wish you didn't kiss it's like. That seems like it's just a stupid thing that, like doesn't matter- and it seems like inconsequential just like sucks to think about. Like let's say you, like you, egg
crush on an asshole and kissed him in the alike, I wish that I didn't have that on my list. I think most people can relate to that feeling. What did you learn from that, though you You want to higher standards next time. That's a really random example, but I dislike I've been I've like talked about that with people recently. So it's all my mind but like. You learn something from that experience in only mean, and it didn't go for nothing and anybody who is going to judge you for the things that you on that you're, not proud of yourself does, understand the big picture, which is that that makes that made you who you are and it's just that mother Fucker, that's all I got alma, I mean really. I think that we,
all need to be so much easier on ourselves, so much more loving towards ourselves and make that a priority right now. Let's all change our mindset, it's a conscious decision to be like I'm going to have a better. Relationship with myself starting right now and I'm a do everything I can to make that possible, because it's just you and you you're, working with yourself here and it's not easy, and I get that in this a process, but The first step is to become aware of the fact that you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself, and then you can start taking steps to fix it because you are in the drivers. I am in the driver, see right now. This is totally in my control and if I'm motivated enough. I can fix it and I will, and so you guys, because our struggling with similar view. Our are down the line or whatever
So I really hope that you know that is something that you know either you guys can relate to whatever. I hope that it was useful. That's always Michael. and if you guys are going through a similar thing, I just want you to know that I'm here for you were in this thing. Together it doesn't matter who the fuck you are where you live, how many siblings you have how my toenails you have. I don't give a fuck everybody struck with this shit and it really sucks to see yourself in a spot that you're not proud of proud of where my heads out right now, I'm not at all, but it took me having a meltdown about it. To that, I'm gonna make a change in I mean for FUCK's sake. I could wake up or when it could be better when I can wake up a week from now, and it be completely gone in a fucking memory and that's exciting to me, and that should be exciting to you. Guys to this stuff is not like
maybe it'll take more time. Maybe you won't but its exciting to know that we have the control the change that stuff. Let's get into questions sorry Strawn Manuel I think you're, a pretty letter of responses. Episode of anything goes as much. Of my cats literally saw may level like they're, my soul, maids. I love them. I. Their letterbox everything from cleaning it up to covering the smell is a constant battle. and that's why I've been using pretty later pretty letters kitty, litter reinvented, unlike traditional litter, pretty letters super like crystals, trap, odor and release moister was in dry, low litter that doesn't smell on top pretty litter is virtually dust free which keeps everything clean. It arrives
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one more time: pretty litter dot com, promo code, Emma! Thank you pretty litter. You guys are the best in your doing amazing things for our kitty cats that we love so so much of him to answer some questions now that do not relate to this topic, because I feel I get some I'm literally just can deliver roulette where I dislike scroll, my finger then stop on one. Somebody said ham. I've been having so many mental breakdowns in identity crisis as these past weeks, and I don't know what I need to do to make myself feel better. Is there anything other than therapy that can help me lighten my mood and enjoy life. Love you in the podcast love you so much. I did touch on a lot of that just now so like I feel like, but I do want to talk about identity crisis, because I definitely have these all the time specially recently- and I mean even right now, but even right now
I may become having one just trying to figure out like who am I trying to get back in touch with that? You know what I mean. To be honest, I think it really comes down to like talking it out with yourself in having a real conversation with yourself checking him with yourself. I never do this. I avoid this at all costs. I hate it. I hate like being in my own mind by myself, because what happens grip? worryingly terrible anxiety and I think that's because I avoid lake Having alone time and my own brain sometimes being alone totally fine, for me, but being alone in silence, consciously thinking to myself and talking to me of avoiding that at all costs, but I think that's really really important, because I think that you need to figure out
what your goals are for yourself and you, and also you can write it down journal mega laced. I did this today made a list of all the things that were bugging me and all the things making me really anxious and all things that I was doing that we're here, full towards myself. I wrote him all down and then another page. I wrote down a bunch of things that, like I, want improve, and then I want to see myself do it could be anything it be picking up a hobby. It could be in ways that I want to speak to myself. In my own mind things, I've got just wrote him all down, and that really help me so said what something really embarrassing. That's happened to you with a guy like an embarrassing guy story. Ok, I'm thinking of this kind of a later funnier story. So basically, I been talking this guy for a really long time right, like a brilliant
time, but only overtaxed, never faced time. Nothing we'd only text it and to be honest as very intimidated by the guy, because he was like a really cool to me and like some HU I like weirdly admired not even we we admire that genuinely admired. This person was like holy fuck like this person's really called me like they have a really cool like there is cool like it was leg. Scary to me, and I was so. I was intuitive as present for sure and we for a long time- and I was like scared of this person- they actually Ask me to hang out one time and I I d them and told them that I had a fever. For like a whole week and refusing out with them out of fear, and then they actually ended up going on a trip for a really long time, and so then we can hang out
for a while anyway, and we just texted while they were gone, and it was interesting in fun. And by the time he got back from his trip. I was like virtually in love with him, without even really knowing him at all and I didn't know him at all that point. He didn't really know me either, but I think that we both kind of had like a like. I don't know I mean I guess I don't know. I think we just had- then we would click pretty well. I don't know, but basically. after this whole month of us talking. He gets home from his trip he's like its timing out in at this point I, like fuck, I already put this off like a month go before you left on your trip, saying that I had a fever and I didn't have one, and that was a lie, and now I've been this off and now there's all this build up, because we ve been talking for like a month a month,
and now I'm really nervous because nervous before, but I didn't really care now. There's more feeling in because I'm like oh shit, like I've, been talking to the sky. a month over text and like now, I have to meet him any. It was like taxing every single day leg, not one day that we didn't text towards the end of that, like the so like, and we were very excited to meet each other and like that to me was like so much pressure. I was go fuck. I need to be like perfect for this guy. Okay, so it's that night. I'm calling everybody inflexibility, my oh my god, I'm so scared, I'm. So we're out one on one. I'm like this is my worst nightmare. I am so terrified right now. I have no idea how I'm act. I was leg No, I want to be able to lay abnormal I'm gonna be awkward. I really hope this goes well. Some getting ready, I'm freaking out freaking out on the phone,
with like everybody likes screaming me like. I can't do it, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it, I can't do it cannot do it? I can't do it. I'm what weird over fever again like? I cannot do it and then I am I remember I went I was like walking up my stairs. I remember it so vividly because it was like it was very vivid to me and he calls he faced times me and I'm like. No, no, no! No! No! No. No I was so scared. announcing our let's go, let's do it. So I answer the call and I don't know I think you are gonna get food or something so is like asking me about it like what you what I wanted, something like that. I tell you guys. I could not get one sentence out like a mite it. This might be a hat
be their moment Ya'Ll, but, like I, he was like. Ok there go to this restaurant at school, and I was like yeah? Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know yes, and then he was like. Oh, what do you want a lousy, oh maybe, like man would mean going over. How have you here that they have a pizza, their zones? Good, like your did not one sentence out properly, the entire phone call. I hang up. I sit on the floor and, unlike Emma you just fucked up so fucking bad. This guy is not even going to show up he pricing shares. Oh weird, you literally, couldn't get a sentence out you freak like. I was so embarrassed and I mean you know coming The whole thing was fine, but. a seriously embarrassing. Don't know that
scenario is ever discussed, so I don't know. I don't know if that was something that leg. only. I was aware of her if they were aware of also but super cringy and sad. I really feel bad for him. I'm actually surprised he showed up so mad kudos to him for showing up after that. So that was a really funny, embarrassing boy, or I hope it has enjoyed that ok, somebody just said: do the walk, dance it isn't over the warped dance is, it is a takes up, dance trend there. Is it going absolute viral on the tick tock platform? So here's the thing. How do you put this? I will never do the wop dance ever here's the reason. I can
I find the bone in my body. That would allow me to shake my ass on the internet. Listen nothing against anybody who does do whatever the fuck you want. It is none of my business, and that is true but you will never see me shake my ass on the internet. Not imagine I don't. Leave How born so that's kind of like system, error rate there like, I don't have one so that kind of complicate things to you know it's like well. Don't have an ass. So how am I supposed to figure that one out you know what I mean anyway, will not be doing the wop dance. It is funny. Thou GSM, like seeing like people, do this dance in it just like it Listen, I'm not judging anybody. I don't like this is not like shit.
on anybody or judging anyone at all. I really don't care. It's everybody's businesses, their business, it's none of my business, but it crazy to me that, like that is a dance trend, it blows my mind and like seeing like really like grew adults doing. It is just so funny to me in its she's, like bizarre there's, nothing wrong with it. There's no judging anybody for it, but it is very bizarre to me- and I hope you has known him saying- listen if I, if I could do that dance, I would I might try it just for my own personal kind of enjoyment. If you know I mean, but when it comes to that being on the internet, no promises on my here, somebody said. When you started here, you do. Did you fear what people would think in your hometown or at your school? I wanna go after my dreams, but don't really have the confidence in fear people's opinions in judgment. Thank you. If you answer this, of course,
I am answering it. I was super scared. Luckily, for me I started during the summer and I literally didn't hang out with anybody the entire summer meeting. I would one person and she knew about it and she was probably judging me downwards- totally fine, but she was nice about it. My facing us all matters, the thing is, is that what I did was that I just didn't tell anyone. I and tell anyone and I started doing it and nobody knew about it and then eventually people figured it out and found it. But the truth is like what we really that judgmental you know they do. They say fine you're back yes, but like it does, matter because there's a bigger picture Bigger picture. Is these p you're around right now in high school you're gonna be way from in four years, unless, whereas, like pursuing a Surely that is a life long journey, and that is a life long thing that
Things you joy. If you decide do of rural life, whatever that passion may be think about the bigger picture, and I think that our really help because that's kind of where I was at I was like. Okay, am I going to get a few dirty looks in the hallway? Possibly am I going to get laughed at possibly or people get to say that I'm doing this for nothing possibly, but I don't care because there's a bigger picture here and if it works, then look who's going to be laughing now. You know what I mean like who ends up laughing when you know you succeed at that amen. Oh, this is such a good question. Oh my god. I love this question. I want to do a fucking full episode on it, but I won't be they talk about relations, and dating in love too often, but it's just something that fascinates me so much. And like consume, so much of my mind as a teenager, that I can stay away from the topic. I think that's super com.
like I dont know what it is about me, but like I'm obsessed with like relationships not like, even necessarily my own, but like other people, unlike analyzing their relationships like I just love that shit really be a relationship Europe is if I wasn't a youtube- and I I mean that ah but alas, here we are, I wonder if it's, I wonder where it stems from to be honest, but, How do you know you're in love? You know I okay, so it's crazy cause. I think that you think you're in love multiple times before you actually are. And I think it takes being out of the situation to realise that so The first time I thought I was in love in retrospect. I think that I may have been, but it was so not reciprocated that I don't even know if it count
like I I was, I was very in love with his person link the person I really was in love somebody, but the thing is is that they treated that love so badly in that light, constant forgiveness, an unconditional like they were not unconditional with. The thing about love is that its unconditional, you know that love when it is that way. When you like look at somebody and your like, you could literally. Do anything. You could say anything ever- and I will still love you regardless- that when you re truly love. Someone like you can I mean obviously there like a fucking asshole, that's different, but I'm saying like: let's Somebody came to you and was like I'm like,
really bombed Alec. I need your help it if you that's a no brainer for you, that's step one. If somebody doesn't look so good that day and you still love them just the same, that's unconditional! That is another. If you would literally go to the ends of the earth for that person like, if you would do anything drop any thing for them. That's unconditional love! That's love to me as well! I think that it's rare to feel that feeling towards someone where you're like. I would do anything for this person and I would go to the ends of the earth to help them if they were a need or work things out with them. I would never give up on them unless, like you know, sometimes love, fades in that's totally normal unhealthy in it sucks ass, but it does happen, but I think that
Two people unconditionally love each other, therein love. I think that there is very, very few things that could get in the way of that because when you love somebody that deeply you will do anything to keep our relationship as strong as you possibly can. I can argue sometimes course are you know, but heads on things maybe Are you? Gonna have communication problems, sometimes, of course like these off these? they're all normal. Does it mean that you're not lover that your love for this person is an unconditional? But it's about how you here no it in your motivation in your like DR to fix it like the thing that I realized was in the past. I never really like. Was concerned about maintaining my relationships in there in their health. Because I was kind of not, I didn't love the person enough. I dont think too, like fully care about, like.
Keeping the relationship is healthy and strong as possible. Like I was more like focused on my alpha my ego in these relationships- and I wasn't has focused on like the other person and like keeping my relationship with them as healthy as possible, does not make sense, and I was Thinking about like what I want to bring that up to them, just like fuck them, they don't deserve that. You put it ego aside when you're in love with somebody, you put your fuck, everything aside and you like you're, just like fully there with in for that person and, like you, don't think about anything else, you don't think about talking to any one else if you're an early in Japan, you're dating you don't think about. ever and listen. You can think that you're in love a hundred times- and you probably be in my opinion. This is all my opinion. in my experience thought I was in love before, but this is because I'm fucking sensitive it I didn't really
what real love felt like until I did actually fucking, feel it, and then I was like wait. That is actually the craziest thing that I've ever felt in my life. It's very very different and, to be honest, I think, Real true in love truly feeling for someone else is something that. I believe is more rare, then We all lead on. Don't get me wrong now, like you know ye you a grey relationship with somebody that you may be aren't even in love with, but you like, love them in you'd. Think that it's like working in its fine but like there this different feeling when you're in love with someone like it, is a very different feeling. it's so much more selfless like you, don't give a fuck about. There's no ego in it. That's the big thing, If somebody like competitive with you in a relationship and stuff like that, unlike you know, competing with you are judging four things or like whatever that is
being in love? That is like you might love the person, but you're, not love, and if there is like a crazy amount of mutual respect and all that it's not real, like, it's a very, very, very sensitive, very touchy, very special thing, an honest the thing about when you're really in love with somebody is that you also know because you're going to be really scared of it. I think you're going to be like this is really really terrifying to me. You're gonna, be very scared and you're gonna. Think that your dying because your leg, why do I feel this feeling towards his person such an overwhelming feeling that you feel like you're dying when you're feeling it like. You literally feel you just want to lay in a bed in like stare at a ceiling for like
days on end like it's almost like in its very emotionally exhausting feeling when you're in love, somebody think and- the last thing I saving and love is that you can't even fathom doing anything that would hurt them, like the thought of you, cheating on them like makes you sick, but even thinking about like the fact that you could do that, because you wouldn't, but the fact that you could do that and in the fact that, like that one ruin the whole thing like you have of almost a phobia of ruining it because you're so in love with that and you just want to do- you never want to hurt them even a little bit like the thought of hurting them at all. Like literally makes you wanna burst into tears, it's in extreme. killing by its so special, and I believe that everybody feels that, at some point there, their life one way or another and. and it really is special and I think that you can feel
multiple times in your life too, I dont think that just happens once they think you can feel it multiple times. Thank you. Might you might just fill it once you know you might feel it with your family. Although We're time I'm in love, but which I don't think you're, usually in love with like Europe. I mean you love you family, but you're, not in love with your family, elegance, weird incest. Ah,. You could be in love with a friend, though, in a way to like. I think that that can kind of go both ways like friend, but I do think that there is something to be said for relationships in the emotional intensity like the intensity and the fear when you feel that shit is like really it's really intense I can literally talk about that all day, but I will stop because they re, usually Emma's shut up with the savvy shit shut up. Somebody asked me: how do you compliment boys? I would compliment I don't know, that's a good question. We need to have a mail on this podcast, so that we can ask I don't know, I think they with girls as long as you're.
complementing something that's like rude. If you like, a hot nice ass, you can't really go wrong with complementing. I feel like as long as you're being respectful about any compliment. It's good, but I know another with. It's hard work has now given Billig when we got you a pretty today, I feel like for me with guy, I am, I will say like it. I mean he's big o, my God leg in common, their outfit. Of course, if you like it or if they do, have a good outfit? You could be like? Oh my god, like your hair, looks really good. Today or oh, my god, you just look so vibrant today. Look so good! Today! It's awkward though, and guys is really awkward. I don't know cuz, you can't be like wow. You look so handsome like what the fuc, the eight I dont know, thou in ya. Summon me on that one you like aiding somebody's easy because you can like. Oh my god, you look so good, like whatever in its way
easy but like when you're like not dating somebody's like a friend or something like a weird balance, where there is not really words in the dictionary, for it we to just tell them. Oh my god, you good today, King Somerset tips on how to avoid by income, thinking that you like them, but then you never end of wearing them. It makes me feel guilty because I just wasted my own or my parents, money thinks I'm a love. You love you too, I use it is all the time in what I've actually figured out. Is that every time I'm going to buy a piece I come up with, Three outfits in my head that I could wherewith innovate come up with three? I'm not gonna buy it unless it's like a crazy statement, peace that Leggum obsessed with that I'm learning in a frame or something I don't do it. I think of three office in my head that I where it with stuff that I already have or so, that I could easily get and I think that really narrows things down deciding along think the times. You know you have something real like well like this is cool, but
only nine where it. If you can come up with three of its four it you're, probably an end of wearing it. If you can't you prime will be able to, God bless you. Somebody said: someone who is really wrong here with your pass on social media. But do you ever from time to time get anxious less panics from it how do you handle this type of situation? Let me stay safe levy, so much I do get anxious about it. You know because he and others people that I talk about like there's a store, I told stories about people today in this episode and there's always a chance of those, bargain, Alison and whatever. But you know I doubt it with most of em or, them and think any of them would listen to this like any of the viability of reverence. In my whole, entire life, except maybe two of em that are like my friends and like funny, but like I don't I don't it that does make me. anxious, but at the same time, it's like I try to give up.
Never even like the people might not even know that it's about them, you know like whatever and at the seams. I'm like. I really hope that, like a lot of the stories that I tell the personal experiences that I talk about are helpful to people into me, like you know, as long as I'm respecting the privacy of whoever I'm talking about it's like What else am I supposed to talk about as Humans, we share life experience, but this is like I can't talk about anything else. I want talk about my experiences in life and like I want to use those to help you guys, because that makes me feel bad. about the pain that I've endured or the good moments that even during helps me, you know, show my attitude for those moments in all that, so, like I, you know, I'm careful bout it and I'm thoughtful about. Let nobody ever knows who I am about or whatever.
My best anyway aiming in you know, there's always gases and stuff like that, most of which are usually not right. But that's, ok, have your fun Some has right who knows either way. by me telling the story is that I hope someone in more made some laugh or whatever and it's kind of the end of that so like it does give me anxiety, but at the same time I combat it by remembering that, like these stories could maybe potentially help one person, unlike that makes me feel good, so Somebody said: hey, I'm. I was wondering if you have any advice on making sure people are not new life for the wrong reasons in our just using you. What did you do about it. I hate this, because I have I get really but the I've talked about my feelings a lot today. This is
of that won't even talk about my friends have the time it's a lot easier when you're in a room by yourself, and it's just you you know, I mean I really struggle with this. and you know it may seem like something that's like dumb to complain about, but I anxiety about this today. To be honest, it's like I've had so many instances in my life where I've been like. While I think I've really good people around me and I've been wrong and Their true colours show eventually, and they were in it for the wrong reasons, and I think what scares me the most renown, the people, my life or people that I like love, more deeply, that I've ever love people. My life before, like my very small, God I love them so much and I like but- and I mean I trust them with my life truly, and I truly no that there in my life, for the right reasons, but at the same time my ask our trust
she's a little bit because naturally, like I've been used before you know, for whatever and. four different connections or firm. You know excellency whatever like it. This has happened to me time in time and time again and I get it like whatever like it's fine it doesn't happen all the time. There's a lot of people to come and go my life that never even wanted to use me. They just maybe weren't the right fit itself. every single person I've ever had? My life is try to use me, but there's been a few inches Is that really really stick with me where, I've. Let somebody into my life with open. Firms and name just turn around and stabbed me in the fucking back so bad to appoint were like. I'm so terrified of that. I know that heartbreak that I felt when that happened to me was so painful and
I know it would hurt fifty times worse if it happened with the people that are my life right now, and so it's terrifying think. The thing that you need to remember is that, like em person in your life is unique everything prison your life is different and you need to let them she you who they are Somebody is very conditional with their love for you very conditional about when they help you when they are there for you stuff, like that. It's a pretty telltale sign that therein for the wrong reasons another way to tell is if they like, only want to be around you, if you have something. for that day, and they don't don't just want to expend one on one time with you, that's a huge thing. If but he wants to spend one on one time with you off the phone
no money involved, no, like other people involved. Nothing, no other factor, that's a great sign that they are in it for you because they like you and they like to be around. You is even worse with dating, I think the dating the whole using, Four blank thing is even worse and it could be whatever like using for money using fer. You know somebody else's boy, body which is fucked up or using someone fer, you know like allay, will you know like fame things like that, whatever and it even more painful my way in what's a scary, but I think I've found that, like you, let people privy wrong and you give people a chance aunt. You have your guard up and you keep your eyes peeled and, sorry to see something is a red flag, dont ignore it cause. I ignore red flags like a specific example.
billing. If I meet someone- and they like want some sort of like shout out of some sort or some sort of tag, some sort my now, like you, don't wanna, hang out with me. Why You just met me five minutes ago. Why are you asking me to post about You like that so shallow to me. You know and that's like something that I notice like a lot of you will do that and guess what I ignore that alot. I have ignored that in the past and it came to me in the yes So joining or the red flags and be honest with yourself about where you think their heads at your God knows used on immunity resolve with some people and cut this fuel, I will forget. Painful cuz, the second you're in love or something that's one, that she gets people not like you'd, even be in Love ii. You think you're in love or the second that you think that that's your bestie and you're ignoring the red flag. That's when she gets painful. So anyhow, I'm answer one more and then I'm out of,
because I need to go to bed and likewise Cuz, I really weird day a really weird day, Ok, last questions, another dating question because I don't know why I love them so much this is. Interesting and arming of ever talked about the. So, if you guys are here at the episode. Thank you first and this is a fun one. Do you think ok to talk to multiple p, what once all of which you could maybe Sears updating, but of course, assuming that everything is casual. So it's not a cheating situation, so this me is a little bit messy. I dont tend to talk to more than one person at once, I really don't like overlapping it. Listen, I get it sometimes are testing the water with a with a few people, because it's just like. You, don't know which one you're gonna like you, don't know me like you have to try new things dating is like kind of like sifting through
everybody to find a needle in a haystack, unlike in some areas you now, if you hey peace is in your hand, to find the needle because you to move the mile around good metaphor Emma anyway. There's a self love coming through anyway personally for me. I don't do this for multiple reasons, number one eye you really don't like more than one person at a time and half the time, I'm talking to somebody that I don't even really like, in that sense of going nowhere. So that's number one. number two? I think that it can be messy, because if you end up. Like getting serious with his person really fast. It can end up becoming see because it's like, oh he had now of all these loose ends right, like less EU target of five guys burgers enterprise. I've less aid going to five guys. This is like talking to me his like amusing me as an example. Let's I'm talking to five guy I've never done it made her life but arms again using me as an example and
I end M finding one know my that's the one I like that one. He in and click the best he's really cool whatever I'm gonna, I think I'm it pursued this guy more seriously. Now you have four people that you need me hey sorry, but I am now in a relationship. Sorry, the problem with that is that number one that's can nap hurting those for other guys because they're gonna be bombed. Possibly But also its kind of leg, weird for person that you're like D de, I don't know like I just feel guilty about it, because I feel like I'm hurting more people than like whatever than I would like to That's why I just would never do that, but also I don't think I've ever have an opportunity would like more than one guy like every blue Moon was to say that so I dont like have like I'd, never that happens like I got options. You no enemy is not me, but listen.
think. As long as your respectful as long as you're, not like eating anyone on or string anyone on or being like on, boiled the one person that you end up choosing. I think it's fine. If that's what like makes you feel, good and like TAT, makes you feel good and you like enjoy talking all those people in your genuinely trying to work out like who you want to. Pursue more seriously than like, I mean the Alec work it out, it happens it's normal, unlike whatever, but I think that she's important to make sure that all of those loose ends- are tied up before get serious, but the new person, because you I don't want that messy shit cause it can get really messy and you, want anybody to be sabotaging your potential relationship that you're trying to grow and like all of that, so. And as long as you're being respectful- and you explained like hey, you are really gray. I loved my time with you, but I am
you know pursuing somebody more seriously and I'm really sorry but like I would love to be friends or you know you know, nor do we again like when everyone Lugano care, but just like I'm sorry and MIKE be honest in you know, don't ghosts them. I mean. I know that, a lot of people who does people on that's fine, do whatever you want, but in my opinion I think it's just much better to being good guy, with everybody, communicate and move forward and yeah I mean that's that But I do think it gets messy when you're like consistently, like, maybe even being romantic with these people, a few being romantic would like a bunch of people wants. That can be like consistently. that can be really really emotionally damaging for you, at least in my opinion, I mean some people are totally court, that multiple people and it doesn't fuck with their head, but, like I don't feel like TAT would be good for my brain and I would really really confused me emotionally. So any users. That's that
these episode, I hope it has enjoyed. Thank you for listening to me. I hope that this was useful and and I really really like loved super personal with you guys today, and I hope that you like did. Let me know if you want me to do more stuff like this, where it is really really talk about my feelings. I huge advocate for talking about your feelings. I say this to everybody, I think the talking your feelings helps you grow and helps you learn from things, and I think it's just so important. So, whether you listen to me and your fuckin talking back to the screen, I don't give a fuck just talk to somebody about what you're going through and your you go side in work through it. I love you guys a lot. This was very deep, very deep and yeah you better the best, and I will see that next week have peace out