Now a word from our sponsor better help. Sometimes it can feel like life is just one problem after another, and it is easy. To get overwhelmed. So it is very helpful to have a therapist who can help you keep your head above water. My own experience with therapy, which is quite vast, has shown me that so called problems like anxiety and depression and panic are actually workable. Speaking of panic, I've had a resurgence of late. My own panic disorder come on elevators and airplanes and has been very discouraging an inconvenient, but my therapist had been massively helpful in a show me that, even though it feels like a huge set back, I can actually get back to baseline by learning a few. Key skills and bringing them to bear when I need them. So if you are thinking of giving therapy a try, you might check out better help. It's convenient

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everybody happy friday time for bonus meditation. We all know, of course, how much it sucks to get into a fight with somebody with whom were close turns out. However, there's a meditation for that it comes from the great or in who, who also teaches the emotions course over on the ten percent happier abso go check that out. I should also say organ is a new dad. Congratulations to organs, family! Of course. This means there is now a new person in the world who organ will love and probably get into a fight with at some point, so this meditation may have even deeper meaning for him at some point in the not too distant future

the little background on or- and he teaches mindfulness meditation add. Also nonviolent communication in secular and buddhist contexts is a long time student of Joseph goldstein, Michel, mcdonald and John said chateau and a graduate of the I s spirit, rock, the passing a teacher training probe he's also the author of a great book called say what you mean: a mindful approach to nonviolent communication, which is a practical guide book for having more effective conversation. Here we go now with orange ace over hey. This is organ Family and intimate relationships can bring us so much joy and. As we all know that, also be incredibly hard and conflict Inevitable and any relationship, key to finding a way through, is understanding that difference isn't a problem. Not only is it

completely natural, but it can be opportunity to get to know one another more fully to grow closer, even to strain your connection, so, let's practice together Settling the mind and body and exploring what important in this situation, both for you and for the other person go ahead and find a comfortable posture relaxed, but also upright, You can let your eyes closed or keep them open. notice, the sensations of your body sitting. Can you feel the way. and happiness of your body. Next I'll offer some suggestions for how to explore this conflict. First,

and two fine, what's most important to you and then. Trying to imagine what might be important for the other person. as you listen see, if you can keep Some attention with your body or breathing to help stay present and grounded most Conflict happen at the level of our strategies. What we want. So bring to mind the situation that drew you to this meditation, something involving a conflict or a disagreement with someone. To begin honan on what it is you want in this situation, make it is spent

Civic and concrete as possible. What could this person actually do or say that would help Do you feel better about things go take some time to consider that.

Ok now ask yourself what matters about that to you. If they did or said that what would it gave you. take a few more moments to just let that question sink in and see what comes what's really important to you, underneath these words or actions.

The great now ask yourself that same question again in light of. You ve just considered what matters about that to you In other words, your listening even more closely for what's important to you here. What really matters to you about all of this at the core.

Then, once you ve got that notice how it feels to be fully aware of what matters to you in this situation, anything might come up. You might feel clearer, more empowered. You might feel sadness her grief ever you feel, is all right see if you can just now It is those emotions and make some space to feel them.

So next, let's shift your attention to the other person without giving up on what's important to you. and without trying to resolve the situation? Put all of you Attention on this other person in your mind, what do they want. What would they really like you to do or say in this situation to have a sense? If not, can you imagine it.

Now you may or may not be willing or able to give them what they want. What you can do is validate why they want it. So. Look a little deeper. What me. matters to them about this. Why is this important to them? Ask yourself that quest. and then listen for what comes.

Next, just as we did before, ask the question again and what's important about that: if they had that, then what would they have keep looking listening inquiring for what really matters to them at the core. Here.

How do things look to you now? What do you notice. Finally, can you find some genuine curiosity about the whole thing? What would it be like to value what's important to both of you instead of pitting one against the other. Taking some time to contemplate both sides of a situation like this can help shift your perspective and create more so as for dialogue,.

When you're ready, you can open. Your eyes begins. Move your body right thanks. So much and good luck. Big things to orange will see right back here on Monday for a brand new episode I am make a little ask here. If you like our show- and you want to support The work we are doing there are some quick and very the things you can do to help us out. First, please leave us five star rating and review. Those are really helpful. There's a reason why podcast hosts ask for them all the time. please fill out a short survey over at wondering dot com, slash survey. These surveys really help us up our game, its incredibly useful for us to hear directly from you the listener. So if you have time, please feel that out and speaking of wondering, because we had

questions about our new deal with wondering just to say here. Episodes of ten percent happier have always been available for free wherever you get your pod casts and that is changing, even though we have now signed up with wondering. However, if. Want to hear new episodes one week early, you can download amazon music and get them there or. If you want to hear new episodes early, an ad free, you can subscribe to wonder he, plus in apple pod, casts or to the wondering app okay, so lots of new options. We ve been getting a lot of questions about this so under clear that up, don't forget to take the survey. If you ve got time that would really up happy listening.