Listen to this episode on our podcast page or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform here.
In the eighteenth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle interview stand-up comedian Kellen Erskine. Kellen has been featured on other lesser-known shows such as Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, and America’s Got Talent. He was also one of the comedians featured on the Amazon Prime docu-series Inside Jokes. They talk about the stigma of “clean comedy,” navigating a commonly profane profession as a Latter-Day-Saint, and Kellen shares some of his showbiz horror stories and moments of inspirational triumph.
Kellen’s appearance on Conan
Kellen's special Composed, on Amazon Prime
Kellen On Twitter
Kellen on Instagram
Also check out the new audiobook from Babylon Bee writer Frank Fleming, Hellbender
Show outline with links...
Story 1 - Kanye West Joins The Newsboys
Story 2 - Media Horrified By Lack Of Violence At Joker Screenings
Story 3 - Media Warns Excessive Forgiveness Could Set Back Outrage Narrative Hundreds Of Years
Interview: Comedian Kellen Erskine
Kellen talks about bombing on Jimmy Kimmel and in front of Robin Williams. Ethan tells the story of his miserable attempt at an open-mic night. Ethan and Kyle answer a subscriber question about how satire is not always necessarily meant to be funny.
Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
In a world of fake news. This is news. You can trust you're listening to the Babylon Bee. Here are your infallible hosts Kyle Man and Ethan Nicholle reporting from their thrones built out of chick filet sandwiches man? This is delicious through
Oh hello, we didn't see you there we were just eating are: are chick fil, a Thrones thrones we have to have the servants come in and replenish the chick fil a thrown servant that we sit in we closed
chick fil, a Sus, please more chick fil a I have a spicy chick fil, a throne,
It's giving me a weird rash, so what's your
chick fil, a order, Ethan Spicy, chick fil, a sandwich like two of them and fries. You get
all the fronts yeah I get. The fries is CHI Act like a victim like I guess, you're, not there, then I guess I have to eat them. I do is ending yeah. I I'm
I'm a chicken strip man. I do like those two like when we went recently to chick fil, a you ask me for chicken strips
and then you're like. Oh, I don't know because I ordered on my phone, so
no, no, no the meal, I'm like! Oh! So I added a meal, but I kept the chicken strips that I already added for you, and so then I ate those extra. Oh well. I guess we've got to eat these extra chicken strip, darn it
Sad did you see? Did you see that story? I saw it on discern news, which is Adams discern D
is that how you say that does earn about it was DIS right now
this right now, kinda like now this but disrupt. There was a story of some chick fil, a guy that
crawled into the manhole to get somebody's keys on, like the like. A customer drop
keys down a super magical, chick fil, a employees like leaping down into the manhole to save the cues. I have
very problematic that we're using the term manhole still non gender,
conforming personal them hole. That was, I can't remember what they
I think they call the meeting and souls and maintenance was for nothing good. You can add a whole to I mean I am a man who's, not a great name, but them hold me every yeah.
Just a whole for human to go down the human whole, the whole person whole person hold anyway.
We got a great show for you today, people we got comedian, Kellen Erskine
coming in today. Awesome. I don't know
how many people know about him and I have to admit I'm bringing him on 'cause. I'm a huge fan for people
are huge fans and they're going to be excited to hear, but also I really. I
think that our audience is going to love him. 'cause he's like a clean comedian, he's he's a latter day ST.
They don't like to be called Mormons and yeah. He can't come warm will ask him about. That seems like a lot of syllables to force people to use them
Laddie laddie your ladder or safety can use like shorten it up. It's like
saints, who were previously known
those Mormons it's like the prince. The latter day says previously were known as Mormons until recent order were down is Mormon,
yeah. We're excited to have him on if seen some of his stuff on the dry bar comedy yeah he's a dry bar superstar,
because I was just randomly well
so that when he comes on tell him, so he can blush he's coming straight here.
The temple in SALT Lake City
really writing an elephant, and usually we record the interviews like at a different time, and then we pretend, like the person just walked in
this time we're actually trying to actually happening we're trying to time it will walk in and say hello there I wanted to SIRI is so actually we need to make sure nobody cares
it's behind the scenes stuff. Yes, they do. They love it. You know who loves it. He loves it.
Is that Frank Fleming, Frank that Frank chuckling in the background
hey my best writer speaking of Frank, Frank, has a book out. Yes, he does and he's not paying for this or anything, but we have decided. We would play a clip from the audio book because it's really funny in his book hellbender
his book hellbender and he just put out the audible version. So let's play a clip from Hell, bender good job.
That is not excellent. Once again,
sirens were going off and
It could see that something big was happening out. The windshield
forward for a better look and could see a giant lizard creature, fighting a giant robot.
What's going on? Well,
these forces are attacking the city. Rice explained, do
watch the robot punch, the lizard.
So are we rooting for the robot or the lizard?
I don't really follow politics. Rice shrugged
I like to take sides
the of and I'm sure that sure that Frank's always inspired by the Simpsons, where they, where, where they are the aliens, come down? And it's don't blame me, I voted for Kodos. All humanity is enslaved.
Almost like there's a wider point to his satirical work.
There's, if he's getting something deeper, it's really
honey. I haven't finished it, but yeah. It's
really fits. I read, or just
some does these really 'cause. This is his book where he completely kind of went off the rails
just did whatever he wanted to do and he self published. It is this whole
side thing where there's a person in training. I think it's a little girl
like a young girl being trained by this mafia guy like how to be a monster guy and she keeps getting it totally wrong. There
this funny little side stories anyway. Read it
read: he'll bender, you can get it. You can get the copy, hard copy or the Kindle on Amazon, and then these guys knew
audio version out for those of you that, like to listen to stuff, which should be all of you, 'cause you're, listening to stuff-
and you know every advertisements- good 'cause, it's free cousin,
actually promoting it, because we like it not that we don't like other stuff with remote. That's true here for her. Well all right, sir, with
Should we jump into our stories? Let's go every week, there are stories. These are some of them. Can you
yes joins the news boys,
oh yeah news, boys ha ha ha ha ha. That's not! I don't know that's Dc. To do. I know, and
I think of. I never know the mill caster toast
does bird in all the milk Amsterdam Captain Crunch is wave if they think about cereal. Yes, they don't serve breakfast in how
the answer. What was there really really popular one?
in the ccm take
to your leader. I remember that name. Shine was that that was them right now
Sorry, I'm sure everybody want to watch again like I wish that name or not
and then that God's, not dead, yeah. Oh, that's them! Oh yeah!
You got with Michael Damn, Michael TIA yeah yeah, so I should do it impersonation since you been doing
Then it on the enzyme, roar and lacking Diane, uhm yeah, so news boys,
I feel like they've, always been around there. Just this constant in christian cult-
sure they were like early 90s. I mean I was never into him, so I feel like I don't know what to say.
Only thing I have on news boys and I'm afraid to get this out. There is that I heard from one guy, so this sounds like that: a guy that used to transport artists
and I know this is true. This is a long time ago. Maybe it was in there. Maybe there aren't a bad day, but this guy that used to transport christian artist to their concert, and he said that was like the one standout group he said like is that they were very nice to him. You know when we post this article,
few people said that in the comments, oh really so it started out there. So I don't know how scared I want news with and I'm sure Michael Tait's nice.
This Connie guys nice well under it, the the the line up kept changing too, because they were the original news. Boys appear for a lawyer and then they started getting a rotating in different guys. So might have been
from people I don't know who is a jerk and who was the jerk, we don't know,
but I'm sure guys in there I'm sure a lot of ccm artists are like Justin CCM for the yeah. I was one
there's somebody that that duplicitous that they completely fake their faith just to get yeah. I don't know if it's fake
it shows it is just there just now,
old dudes and now there all of a sudden famous yeah. I think I think
out of people you're like nineteen or eighteen in year, in this on fire little Christian, but, like you, haven't, really thought through your faith and a lot of people go through their doubts. In that phase we imagined
things suddenly skyrocketing skyrocketed as a musician, and this like worship, leader Christian, you know, profit of music.
Yeah and if you, if you decide to say anything like you know what I kind of doubt or I'm not totally sure it's like. Ok, there goes
entire career, yeah and
Bigger problem, I think, is that we elevate these people yeah. You know when it's like we should be talking about.
Jerks in hotel rooms and cars. The only one.
But I'm the only one would elevate, is Gk Chesterton, that's right! Yes, he should be there trying to make it a saint, but it got denied sad sad.
Well, you know Kanye West though so this is based on the true deal that he was like he's like hole,
church services and worship, services and yeah legit preaching it's weird.
I don't know you know it's one of those things where I'm hopeful yeah, but it's like at the same time.
People jump on the celebrity bandwagons and then all of a sudden year. Two later it's ok game. They rated
Have him be like the preaching like wait? Let's, let's let Connie preach, but it's funny that
or like yeah he's faking it. You know, there's no way.
I would save him and it's like. Well, you save you. You punk a lot of a
messed up people, but he had like a legit had a preacher from like the Masters University, John Macarthur Master, Seminarian Macarthurs, that's where you went yes, yeah wow, so he's legit, so he could have had you if you had gone through and finished here. If I finish
it, could've been you up there instead of here said, I just have to write jokes,
This is where you're going to end up kids. If you don't finish college, is it bad that I'm not sure if
never heard a Kanye West Song uh.
Yeah, the only one I know of is the as the everything
so is huge? Apparently how could you be so heartless? You remember that one I was like. I don't know ten years ago you be so
Are there yeah? I'm sure it's listen to my old timing, jazz and bluegrass? Well, that's true! You don't know any modern stuff, so
these famous guys, I don't know them at all yeah and then someone
here's his most famous song and I'm like oh yeah. I've heard that you've heard that at Walmart, but I think it's tough yeah. Well, that's where you here
or other kids, listen to music. These they have a Kanye's bump in the bump in the county. I think it was pretty explicit, so I don't know how to really. I don't know, I don't listen to that. Cussing music, yeah, just Bluegrass.
Next story, media horrified by lack of violence at Joker screenings sphere, disappointing. You know after they high
it all up. I know they really got us bleeding. This is going to be like all excited like the clown Pocalypse
that all my virtue, signalling tweets ready to go. I had 'em all prive drafted,
NRA. The blood is on your hands from this Joker shooting and then nothing happened. I was very sad. I always feel like a little dirt.
When were joking about shooting, even shootings, even though it's a shooting that hasn't happened, it's like a fantasy shooting, isn't even a fantasy.
Something clicked like imaginary shooting, even that like I still feel bad. I like the wrong fantasy, shooting
Pretty funny. That's like something that that's what video games are it's a fantasy shooting
I definitely felt like this. Like everybody was
it's like when there was the the White Nationalist Rally's, they're hyping up, you know in the ten people,
go up and then they get all disappointed. That's how it is awesome. It's just like
I saw some means. Someone did the Pepe the frog and he's painted up like the Joker in the
ideas like pokmon, with a stick, and it's like come on. Do that do the shooting come on? You know it would have fit so well into the narative. There was one article after Joker came out and they said they were reporting on someone that was thrown out of the movie theater for smoking, a cigarette. It's like two people caught smoking and talking and Joker
yes only pointed out that that would be like this would not even make the National news. If it wasn't the Joker movie yeah,
Imagine that coming up when we have local news reality, local someone was smoking. The movie theater to me,
that was there. They got there. They got their murder. That
is the word world secular, select.
Eight hundred thousand and sixteen percent murder 'cause the person who
Whoever breed that end. You know they died just a little 'cause that secondhand smoke is very gradual,
so when, when the other people in the theater die of lung cancer and like fifty years
will be able to run the story on it, first death from Joker, so he think about it. Anybody who smokes around other people is like a very
It's a he's, a very small portion of us, of a mass shooter yeah, but if you add up
but the point of one percent, they killed all the people, they've probably killed like hundreds and hundreds of people. If you put all the smokers together in one room, it's like the
biggest collection of mass murderers and we go down this road. We could justify just going.
The resting or cash,
shooting down anybody. Smoking were like people die, died from stress in they are murders. If you die from stress like your boss killed you yeah very slowly, it's true!
so all the bosses, all the ceos, are murderers. It all leads back to Joker. Somehow it's frankly, it's all
it's weird how they turned on Joker. So much like I remember there is every so excited
about it. No, it's so artistic and it's like a daring
yeah. I don't know where I'm going to live that way. I think it was the director
and it wasn't in the directory, say something about how well culture. One reason he left you can do these mix, though I think you're right. So you can't do comedy anymore, pc culture and they get real. They really don't like me to say that and they then they cancel you. So then,
try to find something, and suddenly it's like the Joker movies going to make every murder people have you seen Joker, yet, no,
now I have like no interest in seeing it was there because you
like super movies, or is it just a particular one uh
now generally don't like superhero movies. I mean just kind of bored by him, but there's everyone smiles when I'm interested in seeing this one. It just looks this looks dark and
I don't know I'm just not into these, like so movies like that at
some Adam Forward does not like superhero movies hate, some love the dark Knight trilogy though it
it pretty good, and I didn't like the dark Knight trilogy that much an and I love superhero movies.
He says jokers a masterpiece which makes me think I'm not going to like it.
Well, I think it's one of those movies that just happens to be set in the Batman Universe, but it's like
didn't necessarily need to be. Joker could have just been a something someone
They just had sex script about some psycho guy in there, ok, through the joke around then we paid his face like a clown, perfect ship, it ship it anyway, Joker be care,
cool watch out because we don't know what's happened now and by the way we're recording this early in the week. So someone gets shot and Joker screening. We don't think it's funny, then. I would like to just cancel everything that Ethan just
Media warns, excessive forgiveness. Can I try it again. Is that a five give MR three dimensions for giving us
you know when this was such a big forgiveness that referring to he could be five giveness. Five was big, Meech
warns? Excessive forgiveness could set back outrage narrative hundreds of years, so this is referring to
the bottom gene and Amber Geiger trial.
Yes, Jean went over there and his brother. The victim's brother, went over and hugged the police officer who shot his brother. I get that right. I think I got the
yeah she's, the one who went into the dark apartment thinking, it was hers and then suddenly she thought there was some guy in her apartment, laying in her couch eating ice cream or something
I got there in the dark and she shot. I don't going
I got to say I felt I was very like convicted personally convicted and I had to repent when I saw this image of the guy hugging. I don't know
so you didn't. Well that's the weird thing. I know everybody I know cried when they watch this amazing video of him for giving her and asking the judge of you can hug her.
We're talking here is there's other other response.
Well, anyway, I will notice- and I I I I felt like I was all upset at the police officer and my God, please out there saying they can just kick down the door and shoot somebody in our. You know she got just as seen on on my car and then it's like. Oh, the brother is like forgiving her and I am not like
what kind of a what kind of a witness is that for him. You know it's like and all the people that saw that example, christian forgiveness. I was amazing, yeah hunger for like a full minute. So with this
I was referring to, though, of course is that there were some people that were upset actually upset at the forgiveness, which is, I didn't think this was
real like. I thought our cat there's just try a couple of fringe people that were upset for some reason, but like this is actually a fairly widespread
once at least on you, twitter,
some of the work websites like license operators to semi there wasn't two sides over. There is kind of one that I really saw was that people felt like they were so may,
but she didn't that she only got ten years, and you know so.
Then they felt like this kind of like piled onto that. That he's hugged her too and forgave her,
and then there was this whole other idea that that he it with this guy Bishop Talbert Swan, who I never heard of till this tweet.
He just tweeted the the story showing him showing brand hugging amber, and
Post dramatic slavery syndrome syndrome,
it's just so bizarre to think that that's you know that the.
The branches in some weird man,
Allstate. Where he's doing the wrong thing or something I just her forgiving yeah I'd. There was this. There was this fear that
like white people, were try
you extrapolate this like, oh for
and for all your sins by black people.
Given for all your races, no all black. I should do this or that I saw people
It's like you. You love this,
because you think that black people was it some response. I got
for somebody that I that I don't think that I think all black people that that we should be okay with
black people being killed or so
that is so bizarre. What is this
attitude about? And everybody has to take it out to this thing like like it wasn't
queen, Amber Geiger and often Gina
between blacks and whites,
right and also this hug was between blacks and whites would
to be we all own it. We all it's all part of it and when
I appreciated about this moment with Brant gene was, it didn't, seem racial? It was like human to human he's being human and you're saying
you know, I I assume when
I like. These light senses happen. People is go to race, I'm a Simba,
all the time yeah we were
for the whole court,
thing, we don't know, we know. Maybe they made a good case that this was an early
people shooting, I don't know I wasn't there, but if he was convinced to that and he feels
that she's going to prison or whatever it makes it I mean in I don't know this is
deeper stuff from on Monday morning. It's not Monday
well, it's actually Wednesday Monday to
I don't remember where I was going with that and I get what you're saying and
it's not necessarily. He was saying was okay when she did that that was the whole yeah yeah. There was a huge burden like his his his brothers. Did you know and and he's saying he's not saying it's? Okay. Did you say I forgive you and it's like wow. You know this guy who was
actually harm, but like most of us, weren't actually harmed by this
You know we have sought from a distance and we, you know, we said all right. We we took sides or whatever, but he was not not ours to forgive it so
drive me crazy people act like they can forgive on behalf of other people, sure you know we forgive you for the murderer.
A hundred people, and we were there only.
Is a skill that, but I do think as Christians. We think a lot more about
what forgiveness actually means. It's just a topic that we bring up a lot, and so I think, there's a weird disconnect with this topic between just kind of the secular response to it. Yeah.
It's interesting, because there's just no, I don't think there's anything in most of our minds. That says that we expect
what else to do it that it's right,
That was kind of what prevents he's excuse forgiven, doesn't mean you're excused. Well, that's kind of what
we're assuming was like. Ok,
so you're saying that everybody that you now expect forgiveness because of this- and I don't
anybody was saying that there was a there was an op ed in the Washington Post. I thought was pretty bad and
the headline was white. Christians do not cheap in the hug and message of forgiveness from bottom jeans brotha,
and then in the articles, as if white people expect all black people to extend forgiveness as quickly as Brandt gene did, then they understood
are there black people nor black paint
and it was it- was that that element of like trying to extrapolate
when you were saying like seen everything to this lens of though this is a lens of race- is a race issue. When I was just it was a guy for giving someone you're right that that harmed him deeply, and I thought that was.
I was really powerful. If you look at it through a christian perspective,
when we had Kira on Kira. I just blanked on her last name. Davis
Davis ON was one of our. I think it was one of our best episodes with one of the ones we've gotten the most. I think it may be the one I've got the most good feedback about she
talked about race on that, and she made a great point about how we we always get
in this race, stuff, race stuff, but at the end of the day, it's about sin nature, and it's all sin. We all do
and we need forgiveness. Forgiveness is what we all need. An
sin driving this whole distraction, and
I think this is kind of a reminder of that like when I saw BR
go for that that I didn't think of it. As a as a black guy and a white woman hugging to me, it was like.
To me was humans: no, not that I couldn't see color, I'm not saying that, but why can't we
Alright, well, I think that's our stories. Do you hear footsteps outside the door
wake me up nail in their skin,
something else we have to extend.
We have to wait until you actually walks in the door. Will you know I'm just kidding
So you can edit it
gone will pretend that he's coming in right now: hey Kellyn, hey! That was my impression very good.
Presenting an exclusive Babylon Bee interview in his here Kelly.
Your skin has stepped into the building. That
good timing using thank you want to say hi Kellam high. That was a great great
I'm sure I do like it. When people get my name right, though they get it right yeah. I have a really bad name for entertainment, yeah. I think I've heard it before
well, I always know like. If the host of the show doesn't ask me, might what my name is at least two or three times before he goes
is out or she it's not like one time guys.
What's your name, I said calendar, it's gonna be like alright anyways. I was like there's no way this is.
He did is
and he's like. Alright welcome to the stage Calvin Earthshine Bursky nurse kind. Her skin had spelled her sky, but
I sent Nicole in people all the time as their reading and I think he's his name- can't really beat Nicole last name Nicole
it's weird so then then their head. This is there singing ahead and then they go
then Nick Kolej right now the kids little flourish, weird yeah that yeah, because my that was my first impression too, and I realize that, like culturally we're just or at that at a weird place that I never considered before,
or they like you're a man. So your last name Gabby. Meanwhile, most last names are men's name, but you never see a woman who's like for last name is like Stevens or Evans.
The heater said you never think of it. She's a woman that shouldn't
we are Kyle's. Last name, I have the manliest last night, football, which is man just man,
you can't get much more toxically masculine, so everyone in his family sounds like a superhero yeah. My wall in my wife is destiny.
So she's destiny mode, which sounds that's awesome incredible,
and we go to this. But why didn't you when you had kids, like name them all awesome stuff? We almost did a middle name spider for our first
but never did middle name, chicken Manning Millionths, which you can I mean, and then you kind of disguise that let you know he could have had like a bus, solemn, you interest short, it's Matt.
They go at all with that and stuff like that. Yeah you make the fun
the middle name funny to kind of like you know, Kyle is a you get a as a car is a man that kind of things. Rather that's rough.
We have a legit static comedian. Here it would be got up. Your campground shoot my son, my newest son, the latest one,
newest and most improved model named Gibson and his middle name is gray, Gibson Gray
and that right there to me, sounds so cool see later on, and I'm already he's only two already going up now, like if you're gonna become like them novelist or a like an actor just drop skin, because sinking, gray, sound
and so like. I don't care about the last name. It's so funny like watching stuff like game of thrones, where, through
Angel yeah, they say wait a minute. Thank you MIKE. Thank you for clarifying that make a great record scratch and for home, schoolers green game of thrones, a it's, not a game, secular television show,
the secular but the the well, and not just in that show, but in general, like what last names of men to lake you know, you're you're, a
whatever it is. You know yeah. If I was going to do that with that, your honor scanners goes don't do that for a thousand years or skins have lived in it. I like the name like Yahoo. Do whatever else suits you best you ever he see someone like meet someone with last name. You like you could use,
change that yeah. You know what I mean. Do you know where the origins of your last name like me it to me
can sounds like a
small weasel like creature appreciate that
ten, eleven weakest, Petrone S and it's scottish okay yeah. That makes sense. I just yeah. Okay, the Jonas is a reference to
Harry Potter for ok. I didn't know that way. I didn't laugh 'cause. I, like oh yeah, petronas, if you think we're being funny but looking cigar company. This is a recurring joke. So I'm not really that clear. No, but Harry Potter. I don't know about star wars and about stop the guys are into these days. I think
read your interest so yeah, who is Kellen, I don't even know you never introduce Helen made his stand up comedy debut on Conan November. Twenty,
seventeen. Does that mean that you're very first stand up gig ever was being on Conan O'Brien was your debut first time I ever did Stan amazing.
People that were it's crazy. As my first late night, I did America's got talent before that, but it didn't go great. So I can hear I don't tell me
Oh really want me to delete that
Dan. We had a new assistant. This is the first week we got. He wrote he created a intro for us,
also appeared on Jimmy Kimmel and the Amazon original series inside jokes. I watched that was great. He was also featured on.
Season, seven of NBC's America's got talent. Is that the one that went bad so I can watch the?
How did it go bad
it was good. It was good for my first tv gig because it didn't. I was only on three episodes, but it was good for like just experiencing tv for the first time in on reality. Tv shows like that, when they just always have cameras in your face all the time and that's sort of like the disadvantage of the age of digital technology is that if this was film like reality, tv wouldn't exist the way that it does, it would be much more authentic because what they have with Digital. Is they just record everything constantly all the time? So then that whatever narrative they want to tell about each person, that's what they give you, even though
recorded? You know easily sixteen hours of me in the course of their through interviews and b roll and performance and Everything America's got talent. America's got tell and that's just how it is for every that there are to cancel. They can get that like fifteen second little like whichever
fifteen seconds of life in one right, yeah yeah. So if they see some of that, they don't really want to have them proceed on the show. Then they will just show like five seconds of them being nervous or something. So you feel uncomfortable and you're like well. This person isn't ready for this, even though maybe they were just waiting to go to the bathroom or something like that
so there there. There was good for me in that sense that I didn't get a lot of air time and it's a good thing, because I I was still growing as a comic at the time I was happy to be on, but looking back, I'm I'm glad that I did so yeah. I was on for basically two and a half episodes, and then I was off how a man Dell was one of the judges that year this is two thousand twelve and then a couple years ago I was doing a show in Santa Monica and how he meant Delta showed up. This is this RON. Moore was a comedy club in Santa Monica is off the prominent just as little club, and he went up right after me. I didn't even know he was there
but after his set, he came back to the green room and he was like you are so funny. Why have I not heard of you- and I was like that's right- this is the first time remember this part
I think we just this whole interview. We just want you to tell us about all your greatest failures purchased like one slash two hour. Just so is the crazy at the end of America's got talent just to show you how the
does work. We know us. I am doing that. I think it is it's been a few years, so I thought that I was going to move on because I had a good set both times, but they don't. They also not show all of that yeah. But
then what do you actually tell jokes to the actual judges like I did?
Yes, they would they later like. First, you go through a bunch of like different steps of like pursue the other phase lines or what they don't. The cattle call the beginning with the thousands of people. The judges aren't even there for that they're. Just clearing throwing you from one room in a big auditorium to another one to a conference room you getting passed on from producer to producer and if you make a
all of that, then they tell you that you're going to go there for the taping and the actual taping we've narrowed, five thousand people down to sixty, and then they do two two days of taping and then that's made into whatever an hour long episode. So so that's what happened
there and then, but the second episode that I was on, I got my went from San Francisco. Second episode is in LAS Vegas. That's the next round at that time. That's very different now, but with the way they did at the time is that the three judges sit there in this massive two thousand seat theater, and it's just
list them. That's awkward just doesn't work for comedy. It works. So weird, yeah, literally everything else. It works if you're a juggler dancer a singer, you're, not looking for a reaction. Every ten seconds out of a crowd. You do everyone else, does it to silence and it's fine
comic. It looks like you're bombing and that's what it looks like to everyone on tv, 'cause, you're, just telling a joke, and then it would show the judges even if they're laughing it looks like your bomb
because here in this giant place, only three people left a joke. So yeah like I walked so
the the in the seventy second so did like for jokes and the last few times, but when they showed it later, they just showed one joke, and then they just showed a clip, a joke that I actually did well and
but then they just showed a clip of them sitting there and that's what I'm talking about well, the way they can kind of massage things is it
people see. Oh, the judges didn't even laugh rather than people just making up their own minds. All the judges didn't even laugh with that doesn't deserve to go on. So I thought I was going on because I did well
in front of the three of them three people and then I didn't, and at the time I was ignorant, I thought is going to change my life at a very different perception of what yeah he shows could do for you and they can't, if you,
you get all the way to the very very end, but I thought that, like two or three episodes, this is going to be my
I think maybe I can make it a little bit further, but I thought I was going
and I didn't so. I was upset and I so I walked out. I go to the back to the big room where everyone else is in waiting to get up, and this woman comes up to me. One of the interviewers and she's like she seems to be very concerned because I was disappointed now had to go back to my family and tell them to show hidden area, so they wouldn't see. I would just go- is about to call my wife
since I didn't make it any, I have to fly home now I thought is going to go to New York, so I'm in this emotional state still working the deja. All of this. You know dreams crushed step
they wanna get you breaking down, but at that yeah, I'm so vulnerable. And this- and this is what happened with so many people. They do this on purpose, very designed for which is a gross. She comes up to me how you doing you, okay and I'm just I'm telling here and not remembering that, I'm like I'm like and everything you have. This is all on purpose, so them saying you know, I thought I thought this is going to change my life I and I'm on the verge of tears and as I'm saying that,
in my peripheral vision. I see the boom MIKE just slowly, what hollering and view that's fantastic, and I was like one and then a camera from the day yeah this just zoomed in that I couldn't see. So it's almost like hidden camera, a motional moment yeah,
so they want to get in there just like pulling it out of the users, that's compelling they did
and it's buried somewhere on Youtube that I hope nobody ever finds this moment right. Just like Dan. Can you go looking for them on Youtube, consistent, go find that clip, but it's just
gross 'cause. They doing the show notes they do that
people all day. People have just been like you feel, like their whole, life has been shattered and
Luckily, luckily I've done enough stuff since then that I realized in the scheme of things that that didn't really matter. But at the time I thought my world did, you know it had fallen down and they just want to grab every part of that.
And show it to everyone yeah it's just when I was in junior high, my friend, who was kind of a dork. I was a dork too. We were dorks. The most popular girl in class. Ask him to the dance
and then when he went, it was just so they could all laugh at him and humiliate him.
And I feel like a lot of these reality shows are like it's like. If all those kids that
add that up together like we're given a big budget
exactly you bring this bigger and make it we can all join in like that's so true, not completely. There is inspiring stories, but those still so manufactured too, but anyway, it's gotta be fasting to be part of something like that
I'm not done with your bio that give me some more
he's garnered over thirty
fifteen million views with his clips on dry bar comedy. That's like the whole population of United States, well known as at three hundred million
yeah, there's like ten percent. It's like thing. Instead of a lot of people like seven percent, it's like all the Mormons at least we haven't mentioned
Kellen is warm. Excuse me more misses her triggering term. We can't say Mormon, I'm so so
latter day saints who until recently were known as Mormons previously known as Mormons,
as soon as we want to have young 'cause. I saw you on 'cause. We mentioned this on here,
show inside jokes on Amazon,
when I was holding you watch through vet angel. Ok, I'm the only clean com,
either one clean come with us. If you bored and that's what I loved about it, I was so fascinated by. I could relate to it so much now
just being somebody trying to be funny, and but you know
coming phase and like not just being sort of has the gay
You're just I'll make any joke because offensives offenses I want, but your relationship with your wife and your family
when you're making this pursuit, that's not going to try to do real estate or some some
Bob, it's more like. There's a structure to it.
This degree you go get the project
will predictable and results
getting a real job. It feels like yeah it I feel like you're, aggressive you're, wasting your
I mean, I'm saying it as a brother in that right, I could
there are moments in that show when you were on their eyes was crying with you and your your crying. I just I was, but when you
talking your wife's got talent. No,
yeah I've cried a lot of tv, so I get a moment in a hasty we'll make a compilation. Vide crying moments
we know when you were at how
been awhile, so I washed it but just
reaching out to your wife the support that she had for you and but
feel your vulnerability. When you
like you, we're going to make it, and I think the moment that you got the call and you found out you're going to be doom. Do entree
spoiler alert the shows about the
these comedians through
getting sad, making it to the biggest company
estable or whatever in the whole world, or something and maybe that whole crying home. It was maybe it manufactured in you that wasn't delayed. Anything yeah was a real.
I was really I I wasn't my leg really hard
to make it happen, but I like how you built that up and then just just disk.
He did it all of his your leg. You know you you, you didn't thing you're going to make, and then you found out your leg into the biggest comedies vessel in the world or whatever I don't know something whatever it is. You made it into something is in the war. I don't know, I don't know yeah. I know it is like the day every kind of like there might be bigger ones, and you know Pakistan,
Hong Kong, N, Korea, N Korea is being another Mongolia.
So other than that evening, yeah. So that was when I saw that you bounce your jokes off your wife on that show.
I do I'm about that process. 'cause, I'm terrified to bounce jokes off my wife and we talk,
but this one here yeah, my wife doesn't think I'm funny so doesn't work. Well, it's yeah. I see, unfortunately, she's a pretty accurate barometer to
because I mean she will laugh when you think it something is funny but yeah
Let's show the only showed like I tried like five or six things, and it was a merry very real moment where she's. Just like you know, that's a beauty of a good joke is that even someone who doesn't necessarily want to laughter is an involuntary response. So in a way it's almost the most honest thing you can say to someone. Without speaking, if a laugh just comes out,
Then it's like you can't lie about, and I know what her fake laugh would sound like anyway. So when it does, I just like, when you're trying to make someone laugh for that game, you're trying to make it kids love. Who can make each other laugh like you there's it's undeniable it just. It comes out. Even when you're trying not to
so yeah, it looks, it can kind of look like she's. Just trying not to make me feel good about.
I but she's, essentially protecting-
maybe I don't know
take it that way at all. I was
when, when I saw that I was like man, because I remember when I was working on my own, I was working and trying
stand up comedy just. I was mainly just writing a ton of ideas
talk about this so that we had lunch before we had this podcast but a but the thought of
bring this to my wife. I don't know why terrified me. I don't want to find out their bad, maybe maybe that's it is being a noob people want to. I think, that's why I like twitter is so popular to use, because people who people can just tweet jokes out there
pretend like they're just killing it. You know without without actually getting a response back or anything
It also works like in a reverse engineered sort of way, or I want intentionally be coming up with a stand up joke, but my wife and I will just be in conversation I'll, say something that will make her laugh and I think that might work you know and so I'll write that down and that isn't always true too. Sometimes I try and prove wrong, like I'll, be so committed to this idea that I think is funny that she won't laugh on it and I'll try it out any
wait to be like well I'll show you then half the time, I'm like ok, fine, you're right! I remember, I think Jerry Seinfeld one time so that Twitter is like his nightmare for telling jokes, because you don't get any response
just like putting something out there and just I think that
I don't know yeah
If not then I'll I can I'm susceptible to like. If I only get a certain number of likes, I pulled it down 'cause. Maybe it wasn't good. You know it's a very it's weird, but it's also it's kind of like that. I hate it, but I have to use it because it's a way of getting myself out there, you kind of have to use whatever medium. You can't
if you hate them well, yeah hide agreed,
find fasten that nor Mcdonald 'cause he don't know. If we
how to do anyone, twitter, but cuz. I think his jokes
so based on his delivery,
I don't know how many to I seen him post his jokes in twitter format and they definitely don't they're not as funny, but he just
went full on Sirius on Twitter, pretty much. She hardly ever jokes on twitter yeah, it's odd in half the time he like predicts.
Lex yeah looks at all times, but whatever this is for me, which is kind of like that about it like he. Just I don't care this winter. For me, it's not for
now, for you get akarere yeah. Maybe he doesn't even know that people consume. It is not texting. Somebody his own little gambling diary, because I don't like who's re tweeting, like tigers, now, power three home
it looks like someone retweets, but then you always get like hundreds of retweets when someone like that makes some celebrity just something mundane and they've got like thousands of retweets. Your list
yeah. I remember yeah once I'm couple years are camel anything yeah, Justin Bieber, one time he put hello June on the first of June, and I got like two million likes.
I was like I just spent like an hour polishing, my dumb joke that gets to retweet sad, I think you're funnier than Justin Bieber just say thank you
everyone needs an ego boost. You could put that on your next. Like you review for next comedy special funny,
funnier than Justin Bieber Kyle Man in agreement that Monte
still not through this bias, along by we got along one. This is our new interview. Format where we just slowly read the bottle and take it to the bottom,
with his signature, laid back style and intelligent material await? How old is this bio? Did you
write this manner that you find the body cavity,
and this is enough. My website, though he has been named one of the top ten new comics to watch for this year's New York. Comedy festival is that this year that was in two thousand and seventeen. So this is my website. Has a bio, that's updated,
inspired fired into the annual fired. Did you guys
start? Have you? Has this been two years in the process of getting me here? Yeah yeah, we wrote this Bio two years ago in hopes that you would
we've been. We've been messaging, you on Twitter and you just kept not responding. Ignoring twitter exist in twenty seven, no apparently 'cause I mean people are getting getting their old.
Dug up from like ten years ago yeah. So it did you
eleven year old damage in tweets that we can dig it. I doubt that
something I auditioned for SNL last year and it did it did
cross. My money, apparently weren't racist and I didn't have anything yeah there is
and then I was like I wasted when I find out that I didn't get it. I was like a wasted all that time backs
rolling through it are like when I was on my southwest flight paid eight dollars for that Wi Fi. I tried to search through my own tweets and they're, just incredibly boring
that's all I did. I ended up deleting a few and then the saving a few to re use. Now that I have more followers that soon anyways the old funny jokes, when you have like two hundred followers and
yeah, and now that I have one thousand one hundred now,
is that weird, like people's perception of things like like Ivan?
yeah. You can go on a tv show on Amazon how you one thousand one hundred followers but twitter is like
Where is it much tougher animal anything allowed people realize it takes a certain kind of person to get like crazy follows on there
it's weird and it's interesting. The whole concept I actually do have three thousand and seventy six. Just
settle, it would be to sell Tupper grounding. I realize down there now held specific that way, but I'm going to verify,
but it is interesting to see ok. Seventy two Dan can verify
but it is interesting to see how differently the different things matter like this and what the currency of each social media thing is and, like I said I don't like it, but I also have to pay attention to it at the same time, Youtube the same way like Facebook is kind of becoming the new Youtube,
now a video that that would have gotten forty million heads if views it gets like one one slash two million, but that's the new four
you know what I mean. So it's just constantly changing. So what I'm saying is don't judge me. I just
prodigy and became your three thousand and seventy
that means I lost two and just find one. That's always how it is. I try to say something funny. I'm going to get some share, so you can get some followers and then I lose followers. So the trick of twitter, it seems like it's taking stances on things that are
right. Yeah you supposed to be able to be right on the right side of something that was like yeah. I agree on the crazy thing too. Is you don't need something to be amazingly funny? What you need is a more famous person to retweet what they thought was funny. That's the crazy thing like when I was on when I was on Conan Seth, Meyers retweeted me the next day, and I know that it wasn't a coincidence. He had been watching 'cause. I know he's good fans with D'Arcy Carden end with her husband,
so, but the tweet that I had that day like if I, if I knew that was going to happen, I would have changed it
because it wasn't a great use. Maybe a bb.
Yes or what it was really dumb thing about, like. I think that I bet that dogs are way too excited on their way to go dog sledding for the first time
Well, is this still in exciting the dog yeah. I have a ton of jokes that are better than that, but that one ended up getting like way more retirees and I'd ever gotten. I got way more followers and I've ever gotten, because one guy was more to it, like I said
I had plenty of jokes that were way better than that, but because none of them got notice, so I think that is what happens in twitter if you, if you're on in a movie or something like that, that's just going to happen but growing on twitter just on Twitter, it's just from people that are much more popular than you re, tweeting, one
Bing and boom. Everyone else is like. Oh, this guy is yeah. There's a flip side of that too,
as I've had you know, 'cause. I got some
name dropping here, Nick Offerman,
a good friend and then when he conceded the voice of axe cop for me and when everyone. So if I need something shared he'll retweet it for me and
it's amazing, the guy with that many followers that famous a lot of times
doesn't really doesn't do much too much. So I do think that no
probably there was still an element to joke that was funny enough that, like it helped he gave it a boost, but I think it
we doing that. We do it all day, though the weirdness in the fickleness of what gets shared,
what doesn't on the internet?
That was your one name drop for the day. By the way, even he was always name dropping people in how many minutes ago, yeah me and Nick Opperman hanging out with my one named Brad, so I got shit, I'm going to read Callens tweet
hugs, letting must sound, really fun to a dog on his way to do it for the first time. It's good
ruin the delivery you're butchering it butchering it. You gotta do it in it, but he think one hundred and forty three retweets you got it so that was all on the signature laid back style.
Sliding must sound, really fun to a dog on his way to do it for the first time and his later, is that Callum
Caroline asked? How would you deliver that? How would you deliver that Joe? I don't I've never said it is not a standard. Does this ugh slitting
and even now I can read you my newest one idea, and we got sermon here and I think that's the thing to us. Tough is seen something do well and then a year goes by and that still your pens tweet by the way, the sun,
so petty. Now that I'm talking about it out loud by to sell it, because it's so is an important
but so my newest one I finally got to replace it, and it's I'll say this one. With my with my voice,
now. How do I talk? I don't know
I order ginger ale on airplanes like they don't sell it anywhere else is feel special. That's about eighty retweets worth of
after from you guys see now that I know I know I'm I need. I don't know what we need. We
to make the delivery more awkward like we need to be about twelve inches away from each other, instead of
three feet away from each other, then that way, it's
where to sit in a room and someone in when I'm trying,
with the ideas and I'm picking like these guys, I'm like try
read the headline in there just like huh, I don't know half the time. Cows got his headphones on, never mind it's gold. I know it's cold, I'm just running with their is. It is interesting that idea like reading a headline, because there is no tone of voice. I think that's where a lot of the humor comes from and the way that those jokes that are designed or more Tord, that how would someone read this rather than how would someone here this and the same with the onion? That, like I watched the
movie that they did a few years ago, which is terrible now the onion movie yeah some when they realize that so much of the humor just comes from
reading, something that you create pictures. I've just love reading in it. So it's so funny because you have what you create in your head is like Stephen King, when he's talking about description is that your job is not to describe everything's to lead someone just far enough where they fill in the rest,
they fill in the rest and that's what I try to do with a lot of my jokes to
us now, just signing is not on any yeah. It's kind of treating them be more intelligent right and people feel me about, like I have this joke about the the map of the United States and how it looks like we were colonized the opposite way from EAST Lake from West to EAST because leave you looking at looks like there's one guy in charge of does
signing the whole thing, but his boss just gave him an outline of the country and said you gotta fill it in with fifty states, starting from the left side and the guys I go yeah, there's plenty of room
yeah. I saw that on your special I love, and then that is a great again also and its the and the moment that like laughter will start and then it'll growing is the auto feeling yeah and it is so much more fulfilling. I think for both of us, because it's
because there is another way to tell the joke- or I just say: have you looked at a map it get
a big on one side and then small on the other like a guy running out of room, and it would still be funny, but it's not as funny as just sort of hinting up to a point and then yeah. So I I a trying right more jokes like that. We,
you know, this is really weird, really smart stuff, you know, and since you are so intelligent well yeah, I
it's really brave of you to rely on Americans knowledge of geography to for a punch line. It is a litmus test and I'll say that joke kills two slash three of the time
and I tell it pretty pretty close to the beginning of my act and I can kinda tell how the rest
if it's going to. Is you out
so in the towel after that? If you know how sorry guys good night, every yeah, I will explain every joke to the death from here on out. You guys didn't get that one. Daniel Tosh is a great line because he's very good at that too. He starts a joke off the is supposed to be the whole joking when he goes out right off,
feeding baby birds feed, it so do
clean comedy in like you see that as a
handicap. Or do you see that more as like a creative challenge, or
I have you look at the luckily for me- is just it's just who I am so it's not like. It was never like I'm going to be the clean comedians who rank and whatever you can call,
which is fine, I do and I'm available operategigswhichisfineidoanimavailablehetellinggmail dot com
but the clean comic at G email. It just does not. I think that's the other thing I do hold. I am clean, but I don't like the stigma. I don't like the label of clean right on so I,
am. I enjoy comic like Nate Bargatze, where, after you watch him, you're like oh yeah, he didn't swear it and talk about you, but you're. Not thinking during his set like
I bet he does really good at birthday parties for kids. You know it's just there, and so that's that's what I strive. Do you do birthday parties for kids
I am my base rate is three grams.
Today, so it's just who I am and when I was in the beginning, I I I I did not so much of dirty stuff, but with the stuff that, like I made the mistake of just trying to joke around with what I thought, maybe an audience would think is funny in a lot of the beginning comedians a sort of do that, one with a comedian. Do it took me years to like, ironically, get to the point where I would
I'm just making jokes about what I think is funny. I cut out the ones that people don't like, because, ultimately the audience is the editor, but I want to at least on my part in this land of this, like when they're, not to compare myself to a lake Picasso, but when he was painting it was never like. Well, I would
the masses really well. This is an l is just that you do your thing and whatever, whatever works, will naturally static, and for me you know, I keep that in for artists it's you know, they see their paintings go up in value and they didn't really have a full say in that. No and no artist would be able to predict this. One will go up for auction at half a million. This one will be thirty and so yeah for for me. First then, if it is, I mean- and I was raised- and I still am in a member- the church's Chrysler, the saints. So I was raised in an environment where you know we, we didn't curse and it is funny I
I will admit that there were some shows early on and we're. I tried and it just didn't work. It doesn't sound right because nothing is like is like you know, someone like a kid who learns a second language in their household b, as both their parents speak different languages and they grow speaking with no accent verses like if you just started in Mandarin right now. In a k they get caught,
who's really bad internet go under cover, naked drug dealer or something yeah. I like hey you guys. It was sort of cocaine. Do we have in boxes today how many drugs may I purchased from? Yes, this is the same thing. So just it didn't
It didn't work out and is it like? Is it wasn't just the the cursing? It was that, but it was just topics in general that it sounds very contrived if it's not what you actually think it's funny yeah, you know it's.
The yeah makes sense respectively. When you start out, you like you, go for what you think. People are gonna laugh at right, and that is the thing
exciting by almost any form is that when you start really making something you love and that resonates wow, I'm not alone
yeah which on that topic like are,
I don't know. I don't know a lot of latter day. Saints who are
comics. Is that a lot of just
the or are there a lot of closet in order to use in the lonely thing like a pursuit for you? Is that, like a lonely process, there's a ton of just the only good one? So no there's you have like Mormon Nightclubs, Lettered, a scenic clubs latter day saints, or is it just because you have like a whole comedies set just
and the jokes? Only mormons? No, not at all. No, I don't know more yeah, and that was the thing I don't have and I never wanted to be labeled as like the the Mormon COM
either and by the way there are plenty, that's the name of this park and there's the Mormon. I would go in the morning coming for the cleaning, the cleaning.
Please come just mail for parties right yeah after this year, I'm only going get a higher corporate birthday parties no
It's not that I'm like ashamed. I just I didn't want to be pigeonholed and I I I feel like there are plenty of other things, the job, but it's a it's a similar reason for why don't talk about you know six. Other topics like that like there are truly topics to choose from so I just kind of wait. A couple of
because I want to talk about what I think is funny to me and by the way I wouldn't say like if there was a member of the church Jesus Christ latter Day saints who did that was their thing or like that was the thing that make the made them laugh the most talked about church. That's fine, and maybe it'll be good at that, but there are also only going to appear.
Feel to a worldwide audience of. So many of you know what I am yeah yeah such a small facet of the entire world, and I feel like it's it's fun to be able to make other
left you and I I once fans in every no matter what their never done denomination it. You know, if any at all, it's not like it's a I haven't. You know
it's not like my I will
Brian Ryan Hamilton is amazing. He is he's another member of the church,
So there are there that makes sense. Yeah yeah, I always subsp.
The property brothers are Mormons milling press the brothers
not comedians at all, it just came into my head. I feel like LDS people can recognize other LDS property brothers.
Yes or no or Joe. I don't feel like they're from some. Let me see a picture. The chiropractors are Dennis 'cause. That will speak guys there, an hdtv in the twin brothers yeah anyway. That's a total site,
but I didn't really. I really I hear like just doesn't have to be a super long, Epic biography, but like just that
How did that start? Like? I don't know what you thought your life was going to be that you would want to be a stand up. Comedian from the beginning sitting in your church of Jesus,
Christ of Latter Day saints we got short now we gotta. Maybe we could,
come up with the church of Laddie Laddie Church,
the saints I wish. I had that story. A lot of comics have that story. Like my parents put on Steve Martin record on US foreign, then I knew what I
or do you know where they were you're going to be a doctor like your dad yeah,
you are secretly listening to comedy in your room, yeah yeah. Ah I just invited just met somebody recently, a friend of one of my kids, my daughter and she said that she wanted to be a fireman when she grew up- and I was like
Do you want to do that and she's like well, my dad is a fireman. I just think that's interesting, that, like of all of everything, are you hear about these military dad? I just met a guy in New Jersey who is like his dad was a cop and hit so all of his brothers were cops and he decided to go into entertain me.
He became the black sheep of the family because it didn't do the one thing everyone else did, and I do think that
limo little limiting to me like. If my kid wanted to be a comedian. That would be cool, but I am also not going to be like weirdly offended that he doesn't choose the one
of so many choices that you can do in life, especially when the late there's so many things like. So. The important thing to me is that my kids find something that they find interesting and that they're good at like when that Venn diagram when it meets 'cause. I took me I was interested in a lot of things, but this is one thing that I kept coming back to. The humor was always sort of kind of where it naturally came and so like, especially in this country, when there are so many things that you can capitalize, they can make money off. Of that, you can't in most other places, why not try and marry those two things and make money off of them and so yeah. So as a kid I heard friend of mine give me a Steven Wright cassette when I was like thirteen four
gene and he's like a one line account from the eighties okay and these days and stuff like so I married an axe. More is always the same. Guy he's like he's bald ideas like kind of one Charlie, hey Alex like it is a great just. All of these jokes are brilliant, he's the ill e as a joke. It's like went to a hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the
shape of a house.
I knew that I wanted to try stand up. It was never a thing I wish. I could, like I said, be ambitious and be like I'm going to be the greatest comic in the world, but I knew at that point that I wanted to try it
it's cold and it was. I was one thousand two hundred and thirteen at the time and then the first time I did stand up. I was twenty two and even then, like the first year of stand up, it was just great to actually get a joke every once in awhile I bomb most of the time but wanted
did- work is the greatest feeling in the world. Even then I was like I and I just wanna, build a whole shows for the rest of my life. It was now I you know it was never an even like I get to a place where I am now like when I did come on in and I still like. I said I think it's the confidence. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, but I still like standing behind the
the other waiting for those curtains to part is standing there like. What am I doing here. Does anyone know I'm not so this was not supposed to happen. How do I trick all these people? This is not supposed to be watching this, I'm not supposed to be in this place yeah. So I'm still in that. I still just have that sort of purse.
Effective, but, like I said, I wish that not everybody has that there are people like. Why am I not famous yet yeah? Those are the weirdest like. How is it not obvious, like none of us, it's so hard? How do you think you should get it
So if you hadn't made it in comedy like what would be what would be your career,
it was my roommate. Is I hate the word made it. The term is such a that it could mean anything right.
It really means nothing actually yeah, it's it's I I would be I'd, be a writer. I would definitely be like trying to either right on the show or be like
novelist, like writing was always something another impossible career. Thank try to get. It is a like car salesman. Yeah. Have you ever considered doing? Do you guys do some instruction, maybe grown and out to encourage you to do something that some good money little more steady, yeah? I work for a water softening company for years. This is what I did yeah. I just the language I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life. That is probably where I still would be. If I had
ok, that's a question: that's really for working, our fans purchased these
first softening that's what I'm plugging what I used to do we're ruining your career in one podcast interview, so I worked with John Pinette one time. Do you remember him? He was great. He was huge dude like four hundred pounds, but so great energetic so funny had sort of iconic bet on Chinese. Buffets is great if you look him up, but he died a few years ago, but he was so nice and so funny is this EAST coast guy? He
discuss guy and he I was so excited to meet him 'cause. I seen him on tv and everything was in like the last episode of Seinfeld he's just
beetlejuice. Is it going watch that
our home school for Homeschool, Kyle, probably didn't see it either so an rlds listeners. I guess so
so I can do when I met him for the first time he said so sisters this all you do and I was like no, I work for this water softening company and he goes our man, my what is really hard. So could
you help me out with it? It was like I didn't know was a bit, but he was like asking me advice and I was so bummed out. That's what he wanted, but at the end of the week he gave me fifty a fifty dollars bill.
She said I remember how it is how it was to be you and that really stuck with me that he actually is the only comics over like given me
money in Arlington implement like that. It was really neat to see that, because I worked with guys on the other end of the spectrum, who wouldn't even talk to me for the whole week, Jeff Dunham,
where they just no names over the ad. There was no sense of sympathy, empathy or anything like that. They were yeah they're, just so behind. As I start to go into the green room there like this is just for us yeah. You know it's crazy. He does his puppets when he does radio. He brings puppets into the stew
you know how like comments, will do radio like at a color, but he probably doesn't have to anymore 'cause. He does stadiums, but when he was doing clubs you get up at six hundred am before on the
of the show of the day before I do like the morning shows or during his puppets into the studio, to like talking of my
nobody can see me happily myself ticket, so I can't make
none of them. So are you saying publicly on the Babylon Bee podcast that Jeff Dunham's, a big jerk,
We always need an angle. He did say anything. So there wasn't any title anything people click on e, the controversy that
this shows I did it was when he was just on edge about to do theaters, which is kind of the goal for every comic and some like Kevin Hart and Jeff. Dunham Dankook got to the point where they did stadiums after theaters, but he had
just breaking in the theater, so I was doing this comedy club in San Jose with them, which is essentially theatre. It's way too big to be a comedy club was my. It was like my home club. I love it, but it's very difficult because did you wanna copy got to fill the place of most clubs, see like one fifty two hundred, but when you have a hundred feet, fifty people that I've seen in a place that seats five. Fifty then the ship- it's it's not good,
like the show still feels are kinda like three judges yeah there is that tell so, but he would fill this place out. So there are doing shows there is on my hold on club. I'd never done shows that were sold out, so I never had that actual feeling before of people just they were just into because then even like
want a joke. Doesn't do really well, you still have like one hundred people laughing so they're building it feeds on itself. So I had this great set greatest set
ever had in like three or four years of doing comedy fell like a rock star like on top of the world. Things are going great, working with Jeff Dunham and kill the right now and up. He had this thing. The other comic I worked with on this were most common, every every other coming in the world. You do your use that and then you introduce them. You you name a few credits
if it's Chris Cotan have eleven things. He wants you to memorize, but really you introduce so weird yeah work was good, but you introduce.
Yeah. You do. You seen amount late night, but we do a lot of work on the stage with him. You just end your step, you get off the lights go down, and then he has his. Ladies and gentlemen, this
ok monster truck voice over in the sun, be using this written just for him yeah, and so I put the mic in the stand, and I said
I walk offen. I wait for that. To happen, but he's backstage he's right, there everything's gone dark and the music doesn't start. When he's back there
I'm standing in the dark brooding- and this is his puppets- yelling Adam? Why do you even do this? This is for children so
so how you, but the feeling better than I ever have in stand up just a rock star, and I I get backstage and he says he the S, the staff member then we'll my card out with my with the puppets. Could you do that?
like right, then. So this is what it looks like to the audience. I kill it bam. Micah
stand lights, go out, couldn't have been better and then
the guy just pushing out this yeah. We can wield cart with puppets inside you listed out, hi yeah yeah yeah. Well, they all saw me yeah, because the lights are out on the stage, but the rest of the please let up yeah yeah and then it's immediately everyone's like Jack,
just works here,
and then I walk off and then boom, ladies and gentlemen,
the weird thing about when you do a
So if you do it like an amazing show in another city, never been in, isn't it a weird
after that's over and then
you actually don't know anybody there and this year
back to being like nobody's laughing at you know you just gotta, walk down the street
Just so weird in your loan, in your hotel room, completely yeah. It's like it's like you're Superman, an when you walk out of the club, the door catches. Your cape in your whole custom, just flies
and you just walk in there reading those are really good. Now, that's! No! I'm just good at this.
Note that joke and I passed it across your favorite killing writer, Kellen, Rick calories. More of those rights for we have at the end of lease haven't finished this.
This bio, the killing, has written for some of the top comedians in the industry, including how he Mandolin Frank Caliendo. So that means you wrote for him and he wrote the ram yeah and maybe they write for,
you know, so I don't know where he found this. This must have been a bio sent like with a writing pack
or something that's not something like usually mention with Howie Mandel also is the day after I think maybe now it's
because I I can explain it right now
windows nt is durable, probably that use anything, but he was super nice. The day after I met him, his assistant contacted me, and I invited me to his his production company and we just went through some jokes that he was going to do a jail cell because he's like he's up there for a year and he puts on the televised, shows all over Canada, and so we just ran some jokes. I mean I try to punch him up, but I was also super nervous at the time. So I don't think
edit anything. So that's probably why I took that out eventually and then Frank Kelly at Frank's, that Frank's fun all thrown like some premises, and then I think the only one he's ever kind of cap was one where, because he very much knows what she wants, and I was full time writing for that which is good because he's very specifically he doesn't he's I what the reason I think is the best impression, as is because he won't just be like a typical impressionist, will do what
Christopher Walken worked at Mcdonald's and then so. Zero yeah, fries yeah, everyone has secrets were well, but I can't do it around what he
He doesn't do more if you're walking for about Gary Bucy working trying to work a sewing machine needles yeah. So this this finger. Do you think this guy put him in a silly situation? That's what the regular kind people
people eat it up board. They don't have to do anything and they just like cool the line from will get the old. You know yeah. We heard that- and it's just so friends very good, because he he he puts him in very, very specific situations. He has a great and he'll do people they don't you don't usually hear or the sun we are coming out of that like his Morgan, Freeman is dead on, but it's so we
sing it come out of his body and Morgan. Freeman is Morgan. Freeman will like me a rate what's happening in the show that I will be honest and realizes that Frank could remember what joke to do next
kind of legal he'll. Do that's my impression of Frank? What? If can I do and
version of inception. This episode
is this: who is the guy who played Chris Hemsworth? Have this great Chris hems worth an it's Chris hems worth auditioning for a part, and so it's like it's neat, because it's something it's not like a silly situation like crystal gems are working at the bank. Is him doing
I think he would actually yeah yeah and it's not in a movie. So I haven't got to
thing that that I have done that? I think he does every once in awhile is a it's again like, admittedly, it's it's a bit cliche, but I thought the the idea was funny that was who's a
right from taken who's that because we it's lame,
this happens to me. I forget names that right there
his name. Is Jesus Christ Ethan in taken?
No? No! No! No! I was just using example.
I was. I was relying on your intelligence to fill in the punch line for now and see that movie. That's what counts told me to do with my job. What is the
you can't remember that name. You can remember that twenty word name of my church
it's if Liam Neeson, if you got a call from a like a telemarketer, if and then it's going into the taken thing, I like it because I don't know who you are, I don't know
if you want if you need to know so, that's a yeah good fun. So I can't technically say I've written for him, but he hasn't used anything
so yeah written form. Isn't it yeah. I wrote episodes of shows where
didn't use anything and I run over the whole script and then, once now I watch on tv. Oh, they didn't use it, but my my name still pops up. That's cool yeah that works. If you get,
in your bank account yeah. I got the money,
well. This is. Do you finally get to the end of this you'll be like welcome to the show calendar skin yeah?
please finish this by oh? Well, see you later
Frank Caliendo, that's the end of the brothers. That's the end of my yeah
so what's happened since two thousand and seventeen well, I Jimmy Kim
is that in the Jimmy Kimmel's aren't skipped over. It somehow tell us about the Jimmy Kimmel Bomb.
Hold on give this. Your big mom stories is the big bomb 'cause I was thinking about taking here 'cause we have a subscriber portion where we put juicy stuff
thing. You could tell your bomb story I'll tell my first open MIKE night story right listed and only teasing him if he's in there
what do, and we also have you read unused headlines with us and you can judge
and read them in your
future laid back style
units for hate mail here, all I'll start writing one right now. Here
If people want to find you on line and when we will check stuff out, in fact, I could probably throw a clip
when your best a little bit San unto our pockets. If you want me too yeah that be great, if you want to become
three thousand and seventy six twitter follower clip. Should I use Conan well, the most selfish thing that a human being can possibly do is leave an empty shopping cart in a parking space. I just hate what that says about people right, you're telling me you can meander for two one slash two miles inside Costco, pushing the
thing in the moment you get to your vehicle you're like not another step as well. I don't even care anymore. You guys can try this to every time, I'm inside a grocery store. I take someone else's cart. Try it full of food. Take it it's much faster! I need to try new things. You can do that it isn't wrong, it's not stealing
look at the he possibly even Sadia excuse me, I gathered that these things need to re gather. You know the route, that's how I found out that I, like Cummins. You know this is not stealing putting in extra bike lock on a stranger's by it's pretty crazy. The bike locks are legal. You have any idea the amount of power you wield with managing nation of like la
so many possibilities. You just walk past the Baskin Robbins and be like when you're close, the jury will need permission to buy and what we don't have to show a photo id and a hobby shops to get paint. Yet all of us are just one Amazon click away
from buying orange cones and making traffic go wherever we want. I have a land line telephone and by just came with the tiny house that I rent in LA I was talking to my neighbor in our front yards recently. This guy's nosy, some of us have that neighbor this guy's open about it, though it's uncomfortable he very casually through this and into the dialogue, Kate, Kelland. The other day I picked up part of a conversation from your cordless phone through my baby monitor yeah. This is a real thing that can happen. I didn't know. I also didn't know how to respond to. These is smiling like a weirdo,
so I said, actually I don't have a cordless phone, but occasionally I do stand in your baby's room and talk to a the special is on prime with the cold in there,
the specialist from two years ago. So I know you love that stuff
yeah, that was the peak of killings career two years ago, said on. We haven't really followed in the last. It is on prime and it's called composed
imposed. Yes I'd. Somebody message me on line there like when you. Where can I see more of your stuff, and I was like it's on Amazon, prime? But if you don't have prime it's like three dollars and they message me back, I don't pay for comedy. I was like. I am sorry I forgot I'm doing all this for free, for everyone
pay for comedy. That's great. I like that. That's one of their core principle assume that that's what you're going to die on. I live my life. The way my father raised me not to pay for commentator enough hilarious things in this life and have to pay for it. Walrus is, for example,
all right, you're at Kellen Erskine
Twitter. Is that what you're telling? I think so your name
put on Shawn's kind of looks at them
will be at the Ontario Improv. When did this come out? I'm going to be there yeah yeah,
and actually try to go, I'm going to get it. I can get free tickets there claimed not busy would night. I wasn't joking. I can get free tickets there, but we're just making fun of this guy won't be back. I will pay for it. So great segue. Neither do on my cousin works there. Really you wanna go.
Send me you and what's the day October 16th Wednesday, eight hundred o'clock and it's going to be it's going to be in all clean, show opener 'cause you're, the queen comic. So can you bring kids? The other guys are clean, two hundred and eighteen and up yeah, otherwise, circling which doesn't always happen so yeah, alright exchange calendar. Well, everybody! Ok! Let's do it
alright, let's jump into our uh. Did you get all your self plugging out of the way, just making sure yeah instant?
Instagram Instagram. I hate Instagram thanks.
You guys are great, don't pay for Callens Comedy and don't follow him on Instagram follow all you want. If you want to be some instagram dork not months on Instagram too, I ready for hate mail. Should I play the jingle, I always assume I should
play the jingle, but I'm going to do it anyway. I really miss Adam Ford. What
Oh, yes, it inside thing you do little inside joke Adam Forward
found in website and then people that don't like it now
now that he sold the website, they email us in sadness Adam for they think anything
this is bad on the website. I really because he's gone
with the rim, we autotuned are a voiceover geitz, saying just saying that in impersonating them and it doesn't work.
Auto tune very well one of the monotone guy, so you guys,
really funny. When you explain the whole now that you've got all the information, you need to laugh straight on a christian podcast to have a bumper music that sound
like the devil, you know who thinks it's funny. Frank, plumbing, sorry,
I'm just using my buttons. Now there was well timed, so we're actually not do
meet mills right. We're not!
we do not. Do we have that one? Don't you guys just call that mail we're going to
the hobby lobby. When are we going to save that one where I fiving him for his good joke? Oh yeah,
I try to tell jokes on here: either. Doesn't listen because he's already he's reading something else. I know I feel bad. I listen to a MIKE okay. I was trying to tell a joke and I totally stomped all over him, so just got I just bomb this entire part. Yes, the full time and it's brutal,
ok, so sound like me on Kimmel, which we're going to get to in the subscription portion
so you know we're going to do that, we're going to do the kids yeah and it's not hate mail yeah, it's not a mill,
ok so great that we're going to need ok, great great thunberg. Yes, we talked about she wrote under giant boat, create a she said
that we're going with this were staring at. You haven't broken. I can't like probably zero dollars and twenty cents. So
yeah. So we made we had some common
about. How we talk about this last week of kids say how dare you and get mad, then you can't criticize those. If you have a position, you just take the kid and tell them to say I agree with all of these positions. Then. Therefore, if you
criticize, then you could send your child. How dare you? Why are you criticizing children? So we actually got a fan to send us their three year old daughter, saying how dare you write attack the bad,
but let's listen to this, whose name is Jacob right? This is Jacob's daughter how they attack. So now,
wait. Do you have yours, I got some too. I got my kids help out. First, this is Calvin. These two he's just
to talk? He just got to the point where he doesn't just say. One word only says like he tries to put him together, but he kinda has like a french thing adds towards here. We go say, say: I'm just a child. How could you say you're horrible? You destroyed my childhood,
my dreams: you've destroyed them. How could you how dare you
my favorite part of all of that is how you preface it with like. He just learned to put words together, but then listing
so it's like, maybe he hasn't learned how to put words together, because when you talk to him, you sound like a three year old
you say how do you can use to do the same thing with MIKE?
He really needed those. He just said how dare you
all alone, and is it I did
Oh now, you just started to say that yeah you anyway, that was all impersonating. So
so now? If you we just want you to know that if you criticize the Babylon Bee, you criticizing children
We need some emotional music Ethan. Doesn't your new fancy board? Do this the only
well, I have to have it prepared. I have what's the emotional meaning I don't know.
Why are you? Why are you attacking the children? Think of the children
what time you think about criticizing the Babylon Bee? How dare you? How dare you the music sounds like I'm shopping and hobby lobby? This is the ultra cool music. This is the softly and tenderly nothing.
Very good? All right! That's the email! Now
that this is we're signing off their stuff were so
to say. At the end, I was forgetting I always remember, 'cause, I'm a robot of some kind. So if you want to go to to hear the extent
version of our podcast, you can go to babylonbee dot com, slash plans and sign up at any doll
for Mount level and you get the full podcast
awesome and you get to hear a cool story about Kellen Bombing
and you get to share in the humiliation and laughter. So
this like on America's got talent for the rest of you, thanks for hanging out with us. Yes,
good day to you, hey. I have a forgot. I can push the button in here. It goes. Oh wait! That's too
would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills Adam poured for creating their job. The other rider export tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers and you Lois until next time. This is Dave D, Andrea, the voice of the Babylon, reminding you to go for
Transcript generated on 2019-10-15.