« The Babylon Bee

Episode 5: Youth Group

2019-07-15 | 🔗

Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle for the fifth-ever Babylon Bee podcast. This week's main topic is youth groups.

(3:38) Trump Enraged As Immigrant Child Asks Him For More Gruel

(11:29) Story 2 Joe Biden Promises His Followers Eternal Life

(16:40) Churchgoer Takes A Knee In Protest As Newfangled Chorus Added To Classic Hymn

(24:46) Topic of the Week: Youth Group

(44:12) Hate Mail - With dramatic reading by Dave DeAndrea!

 

(49:12) Subscriber Exclusive Segment

(52:08)  'Why Doesn't Our Church Have More Programs?' Asks Family That Never Volunteers For Anything

(55:32) Crunched For Time, Pastor Pads Out Sermon With Random G.K. Chesterton Quotes

(1:02:15) Questions this week:

  • How do you deal with the issue that some people will think your stories are real?
  • Why so many bass player jokes?
  • Do you do satire of other religions?
  • Who are the most easily offended in your experience? Conservatives? Progressives? Reformed folks? Prosperity?

 

Become a paid subscriber! at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
In a world news, this is news. You can trust news so read to make it on your listening to the Babylon. Here are your infallible hosts hi man and Keith and Nicole? Yes, I well man and I am Ethan Nicole, and this is the Babylon Bee podcast thanks joining us today, we've got a lot of awesome says talk about some news and a topic that we think you'll enjoy. Yes, as we do every week, so I am this week. I miss church what and you know that feeling of guilt and shame when you miss churches just been pervasive. So I need I need to get that off my chest. Well, look we were doing a podcast was just like going to church. Yes, so this counts.
I am when people called the Babylon the Ministry kind of makes me nervous the Babolat yeah we do get emails or people say I am so. You know like when people subscribe, they'll say wade, I'm sending in money to support your ministry yeah. It seems like I selected. Some Christians is the with her ministry. Little loosely- or I don't know, I mean everything the ministry in some sense yeah. Yes, so I don't want to also completely playing playing fortnite. That's a ministry yeah cigar, wonder there's! Nobody is like a second Life ministry person like they do all their ministry in second life is grand theft auto and tries to get all the reach the loss to reach the people? Who little thing, though, I'm trying to use references that the kids will get with four tonight, which is still popular. I don't know the modern second life, any things like things like we're going to do a ministry in Everquest Ethan. That's not
grand theft auto and tries to get all the reach the loss to reach the people who in in those were you. You know you had a bunch of players online. You do ministry in like grand theft, auto king. Is there an online version that I don't I there is now yeah. There's like grand theft, auto online grand theft, Grand Ministry auto just mind. This is the this is we're battling the article ideas come from. We can, but we could do an article about a guy who goes in grand theft auto and tries to get all the reach, the LOS to reach the people who there are riffs people out of their car. It tells him about Jesus well, you know, because there's is going around like stealing cars and and getting prostitutes and stuff boldly stands on the road as a cars coming at him and he's like holding up his hands like or he like ways sacrificed myself for Seoul they gave. You know has like, ladies of the night, in the alley and stuff he could like. He could like. He could like stand on top of the buildings, and you beat like Batman and he's yeah. I mean for the he's waiting searched and he just Lee
flared up now. You're gonna be hearing this and a little bit of a delay a little bit because of our summer vacation recording schedule, but, ah probably there will still be a cover. The news by reading three Babylon Bee stories discussing them a little bit. It's like your ticket to stand around the water cooler with the Babylon Bee writers, and then we have a top the week in our topic this week is youth groups were very crisis at the border, going on um kind of yeah. It's been going on for a while. Now it's been going on since the dawn of time. This includes something timeless. Yes, ok, so the story that we ran was Trump enraged, as immigrant child asks him for more gruel. These serve. These have some more crisis at the border, going on um kind of yeah, it's been going on for a while. Now it's been going on since the dawn of time. This includes something timeless. Yes, ok, so the story that we ran was Trump enraged, as immigrant child asks him for more gruel. These serve. These have some more flared up now. You're gonna be hearing this and a little bit of a delay a little bit because of our summer vacation recording schedule, but, ah probably there will still be a crisis at the border going on um kind of yeah. It's been going on for a while. Now it's been going on since the dawn of time. This includes something timeless. Yes, ok, so the story that we ran was Trump enraged, as immigrant child asks him for more gruel. These serve. These have some more
crisis at the border, going on some kind of this thing going on for awhile. Now it's been going on since the dawn of time. This includes something timeless. Yes, okay, so the story that we ran was Trump in rage, as immigrant child asks him for more gruel. Please send these might have some more commitment have more what freaked me out about this one- and I don't know if there's somebody listening right now to the podcast, who does not know the reference, but this is like such a solid. This is a reference to Dobler's Oliver twist reading the comments, it seems like there's a lot of people who are not getting reference, I'm not super familiar with either Dickins or Oliver list, but that moment so that Connick yeah it's it's practically a meme. You know the kids standing there with the bull, it's all over yeah. He gets dared because he's new and he goes, and he asks for More- is everybody so hungry there in the workhouse you're gonna
a bit of gruel, I saw something even say they didn't know. Gruel was there was a guy to google with cruel has is like how far down the road of privilege we've gone that people? That gruel is, I feel like every cartoon growing up in Saturday morning. You know there was. There was like a scene, tunes you're watching you home school. I know I feel like this was. I was not home school, but I feel like this was a trope. You know it tunes you're watching you home school. I know I feel like this was. I was not home school, but I feel like this was a trope. You know it tunes are watching you home school. I think you know I feel like this was it. I was not home school, but I feel like this was a trope. You know it's only, but I assume you are. It's always a trope, the guys standing there by the is in cell doors and the you know, the little bowl of gruel is slow under the door or whatever, like a thing right, I yeah. I don't know, I don't know exactly where I learned the word Greul, but I assume my dad used. It might have pretty old fashioned he's born during world war. Two. So. We already had our episode about your daddy yeah. Let me start again yeah you know, and what's interesting
about this one is it's making kind of a big exaggeration of the cartoonish villain that a lot of people paint to be yeah. The reactions were so angry from the Trump lovers on this one which I think they completely missed, that were more mocking the cartoon, the liberal cartoon of Trump being like one of the oldest, like that's their literal vision of what Trump is like, and so people that get it seemed thing is hilarious, yeah more like that's their literal vision of what Trump is like, and so people that get it seemed thing goes hilarious, yeah. But I would, I would highly recommend I love Charles Dickens. I have not read all those books. I've read over twist twice. I read once myself in the night hi. This is a parenting tip, just a little tip. I want to I like reading kids books, allied
my kids. I I got my eight year old when he was eight sit through me reading the entire book of Oliver twist and it's long. The way that I did this is, I paid him a page rate of reading that would lead up to getting a playstation four. Now I had already planned on buying a playstation four, because the three is getting pretty old, so it was a purchase, we're gonna make. I just worked in Oliver twist into the deal, and so I managed to to read one of the great classics by one of the greatest authors of all time to to my kids so use that if you want to yes our parenting advice here, the battle on the is just blatantly shouldn't laden bribery, manipulation to see whatever it is. The the ends justify the means, exactly I'm sure, God does that to some extent bribery, the late in library there you have it you're, you're gonna,
to be in Heaven. Now I don't know so. I love this idea that you know Demi traps and Republicans and people who are neither of those hate, children or the people who want a lot of immigrants to come in. It's like. Why do you hate America? It seems like when people actually talk about this topic that they're not that far apart. That's probably true with a lot of with most things like you have hate children or the people who want a lot of immigrants to come in. It's like. Why do you hate America? It seems like when people actually talk about this topic that they're not that far apart. That's probably true with a lot of with most things like you have eight hate children or the people who want a lot of immigrants to come in. It's like. Why do you hate America? It seems like when people actually talk about this topic that they're, not that far apart. That's probably true, with a lot of things with most things that you have to create a cartoon version in order to have an argument, and it seems like people want to argue or something because, but can you really talk about it? It's like almost pretty much everybody unless you're really really really racist talking about illegal immigration and we just want some standard the border. Most people want that any. So what you're saying is you don't want the immigrants to have more gruel, no more greul for you, the more gruel for you? Okay. So this is
another Frank Fleming, article and uh. Yes, when the heat's frank, I have to read this paragraph because the kid comes up and ask for more and Trump says: Maur you, greedy little child, this stuff costs two cents per bowl. I should box your ears and then it's straight from the book that Zez Trump was then told that was illegal, which enraged him further. Another Frank Fleming article and this one heats frank. I have to read this paragraph because the kid comes up and ask for more and Trump says more. You greedy little child, this stuff cost two cents per bowl. I should box your ears and then it's straight from the book. It says Trump was then told that was illegal, which enraged him further. Since, as the freedom of the leader of the free world, he should be able to punch a child whenever I want trump, then preceded to chase the small hunger child, but accidentally slipped and fell into the vat of gruel becoming stuck. The secret service had to care him out still stuck
it's still stuck in the vet and all the while he was yelling I'll get you kids I'll get you all. I I don't know if that's from Oliver twist but uh. I don't remember that, but it is. That sounds like something that happened in one of those old fashioned. It's just the classic old Timey, tiny yeah. It's like, I think, like Cruella De Ville. You know she falls into that. I think that happened in the Glenn Close one. I don't remember that happened in the car too, but yeah. I love those movies where the trench will they really embellished in the movie. The trench bull is the most horrible bad guy in any kids literature I think, and to see her getting it like. She gets like food throwing out her she's fallen down. She's got lizards owner she's, just for like a good thirty minutes of the movie she's, just getting it trench. Will they really embellished in the movie? The trench bull is the most horrible bad guy in any kids literature I think, and to see her getting it like. She gets like food throwing out her she's fallen down. She's got lizards owner she's, just for like a good thirty minutes of the movie she's just getting it
send it back to that. That was a staple of every like kids movie, that we ever saw the bad guy falling into a vat of something or running away from wild dog. It has to be really embarrassing where that gets stuck up in the air and they're. Just struggling and they're running off to the sunset I'll get shoe kid looks like team rocket's blasting off again s, oh yeah anyway. If you find yourself being really defensive about something like a joke about Trump yeah, you re, read it take stock is so money. This is really common to like yeah. Well, first of all, even if it was making fun of trump like lighten up a little bit, just it's not healthy, but also like this joke
was making this joke, like one of most common things I saw in Collins was satire contains a at least a little bit of truth to be funny and there's no truth and has swing and a Miss B sweetness. That Trump is definitely the most compassionate person. Yeah yeah, I'm aggressive right, there's! No, there is a kernel of truth there, but also the there's a curly, a large kernel of truth to what is its mocking in its mocking the cartoon version of Trump that yeah the people are. You know it said to me: it's mocking the left argued leftist argument. Our second story this week, Joe Biden, promises his followers eternal life and there will be sore. Oh I'm sure that we have a lot of bad religion, fans listening, yeah yeah I want with a Venn diagram, would look like a bad religion. Fans in Babylon, be followers is probably a few yeah
for college. They have free college. We did another another article where there was there was just a fishing line with money on it dangling over the crowd. You know the you get. The image of the Democrats like having this this fishing pole and they're just come on. Yeah. Follow me to the polls, and I think Biden's was the craziest when he promised to cure cancer, and we talked about that a few episodes ago. Um for college. We have free college, we did another another article where there was there was just a fishing line with money on it dangling over the crowd. You know the day you get the image of the Democrats like having this this fishing pole they're just just come on. Follow me to the polls and I think Biden's was the craziest when he promised to cure cancer, and we talked about that a few episodes ago.
This was a kind of a kind of a collaboration. There were a few different ideas in this vein in our writers group. Someone said something about, I think Seth. Actually, our owner said something about yeah. It was taken from revelation like bite and by no promises. No more death, no more sorrow and work, hey and someone else said he promises eternal life. So actually I combined them in the headline. Is Joe Biden promises his followers eternal life and in the article he says there will be no more debt, no more death, no more pain for the former things will have passed away. I will wipe. I will wipe every tear from their eyes guys and then I've got. I actually got the bad religion quote in there. There will be sorrow, no more! Oh! No! I think nobody commented on it. So I guess we don't have. We don't have any bad religion. This remind me of it g K. Chesterton quote: this is your one. There is now a false idealism of turning government into God by a vague notion that it gives
everything to everybody. He said that one hundred years ago we need a win. It's and you'd expected only one recording that I've seen and I think there are other ones but restocking using. He talks very much like to have a british man like unless you can do it there. You see that. Thank you yeah. I like the idea that that government is this benevolent. It's and you'd expected only one recording that I've seen and I think there are other ones but restocking using. He talks very much like to have a british man like unless you can do it there. You see that. Thank you yeah. I like the idea that that government is this benevolent dd. I will give you eternal life. If you like, do you get out works? I miss how many people does works on just the id like, oh yeah, what is wipe out all your debt, like you, get what they're doing they're gonna make you pay it just. Do it different ways? Gonna be taxes like it's, it's all. It's all the same. They have a
this idea that there's these three or four companies that are always gonna be rich and he's got a bunch of money to pay everybody else. For I don't know, I just read some Thomas soul, please yep um yeah, you don't know what else to say that one so obvious that the student that thing is crazy. I have heard a lot commentary like the student debt. You know you you're you're, ending up subsidizing people who make a lot more money than you, because you're paying for these people, who are college graduates and make you know thirty percent, forty percent more than the than the median salary. So it's almost this transfer of wealth to the wealthier. Those are easy yeah. I drive you crazy that, like that student debt thing in the health insurance thing, it's like they're, both things where the money kinda sneaks its way, and so they can almost name their price and with that that seems to be the issue is not addressed. It's always like how can the government fix it by
giving it for free, which is just gonna, make it even crazier? Here's ah also mentioned on this article that um I was talking before about how I don't really see this big distinction between Christians, satire and non Christians entire necessarily, but we're always writing satire. That's you know publicly aware- and this is the kind of joke where you might hit a non christian- might be able to make this joke right. Joe Joe Biden problems yeah in life, but a lot of the details you know like when, quoting from revelation and yeah, he says my yoke is easy and my and my taxes are well they're, going to be pretty heavy. But still you know. I never actually read the article, and this is pretty fun couple disappointed in you. Obviously, we're painting him as this kind of false Messiah type. I do think that it feels like that. It feels like a lot of. I think politicians on both sides feel this way, but it's more popular to be. Ah, I don't know, there's just a weird connection between like replacing religion with government on the left, but I do think you do get the sense from a lot of these people that they think that they are gonna, be a little mini, messiahs, yeah yeah. That's that happens on both sides. I think total yeah totally. I definitely think Trump says: has a bit of a Messiah complex churchgoer takes a knee in protest as new fangled chorus added to classic him, this one's close to my heart, yeah. Again, I'm going to step away for a few minutes inland. If that rant. I believe this one is written during the podcast, but I think it
obviously we're painting him as this kind of false Messiah type. I do think that it feels like that. It feels like a lot of. I think politicians on both sides feel this way, but it's more popular to be. Ah, I don't know, there's just a weird connection between like replacing religion with government on the left, but I do think you do get the sense from a lot of these people that they think that they are gonna, be a little mini, messiahs, yeah yeah. That's that happens on both sides. I think total yeah totally. I definitely think Trump says: has a bit of a Messiah complex churchgoer takes a knee in protest as new fangled chorus added to classic him, this one's close to my heart, yeah. Again, I'm going to step away for a few minutes inland. If that rant. I believe this one is written during the podcast, but I think it
have been during subscriber portion. I think so we were. We were joking around during the subscriber portion and Ethan was talking about how he hates yeah I was talking about like I owe you because you were saying you know, stand for the pledge of allegiance or you know you stand for, but you don't say it or something or something like there's some kind of stand. You take that somehow I'm I'm pretty much a I go along with whatever. If everybody standing I just stand aside, I be the jerk who's sitting cousin, my kids will sit, but the one thing that I do protest is whenever they add like a new bridge or chorus to a worship song. I cannot sing it. I just bring yourself to do it can't do it views so amazing grace my chains are gone. Do you sing the you don't see? My chains are gone. Chris Tomlin bird. They do yeah because it yeah 'cause they like breaks out for that matter. I hate that. So much so you don't say I don't see. Why is it yeah? I just don't. I just stand there staring and I look around
heiress to see who my friends are, but there's like half the church still not singing with people that, like yeah you, okay, we're cool, we're cool. I look mostly older people, so I think they might also be those people that just don't sing anyway. That's true, I think, there's a lot of people go to church like why we sing so much we're all these right, the heck yeah. I think these this and then it all modern of who come to church expecting modern, music right where you're building up through these verses and then it all kind of unleashes during this course right, where you're building up through these verses and then it all kind of unleashes during this course in humans. Don't really have that right, because yeah came so have the modern thing where they go soon. They hit the highest no possible before you throw. It starts to bleed yeah. We have that. Are they sing in the entire see him in that hot? That hype, it true, but the dynamics of the him are often you know the him will build through the verse or through the stands and
has a powerful part. You know on the third line of the fourth line or whatever yeah, and but then it just repeats that four times and so people people want that. You know you build up the quiet verses, then the big you my chains are going on the bridge. The bridge is like a thing that I think, worship bands become very dependent on which I realized was. I was worship I was a Richard leader and then, when I was in a band, I realize that we're just using this. Thank you do you you had to like a repeated phrase and you keep building up the drums like judge, I don't don't, don't don't and then you break off into the diner yeah. So like yes, so it's a good way to make them feel like the Holy Spirit in their yes. Yes, yes, so so I think they felt like man there's no there's not that bridge in the song we really Jesus. For God. The Holy Spirit forgot to inspire them to give input a bridge, and so we have to add it now
then the so the drummer has nowhere to go on today. Done done done done. I think a lot of the divide is I disagreement about what church music is for. That's probably true to area like people, people think. Oh, this music is, should give me this emotional high. You know verses, we are so we are declaring truths, yeah and I I think I think, there's probably some merit to both of those views yeah, but when you go all the way one direction, so we need this emotional high. I never ah argue about it or complain about it in church. I know that it's just my, I think, I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to this stuff. You know so it's good, because I've been in music and I've like made music, and I think that I'm just it's kind of like you know how a chef would like judge food. I I never ah argue about it or complain about it in church. I know that it's just my, I think, I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to this stuff. You know so it's good, because I've been in music and I've like made music, and I think that I'm just it's kind of like you. You know how chef would like judge food
because I enjoy singing, but ah yeah, I kind of, but I am that grumpy old man, I'm a total, go build man, I kind of ran the gamut, because when I was growing up we'll talk about this more in the context of youth group, I think but um. I grew up because I enjoy singing, but ah yeah, I kind of, but I am that grumpy old man, I'm a total, go build man, I kind of ran the gamut, because when I was growing up we'll talk about this more in the context of youth group, I think but um I grew up. It was kind of this emotional. Like that to me I did not like the old hymns at all. I I don't even know most of them growing up because it because the church I went to was out kind of experience driven and so then I went when I went to college. I started hearing all these hymns and I go oh my gosh yeah he's amazing really good. These are why we're not seeing these and part of that just to be fair. I think is kind of like with old movies you're pulling like the best ten movies.
Like oh yeah, there were bad ones, they were bad when it's not there, but made no. So it's kind of like that too, like there's tons of bad hymns to I'm sure the best tippers in the top um in the garden. You remember that song, no! It's like I heard in the jungle. There was this period of him riding in the one thousand nine hundred toe like one thousand nine hundred stuff, like one thousand nine hundred and fifteen, where it was kind of these gospel songs, and it was it started to become this light. You know repetitious thing and there was a song in the garden. You know God walks with me and he talks with me. Oh yard, in you know a lot of that walks with me and he talks with me uh that one yeah, you can't stand it so so they're the same criticisms, people make about modern songs. You can make him about a bunch one about the very strange when to all hide a the hymnal. How about the Mormon him when we all hide a cola there,
it's a real one. Yet for those who don't know Kolob is the star closest to God, I believe in the hole in the Mormon religion. I think that's correct. Yeah. I had a question a mormon girl. Once I think I was googling come thou fount. I was trying to find arrangements to come out found and it was like come thou Fount, slash when we all hide to co lob. When we all what two cola I think it's high. I think it's pronounced HIV so weird that we use the word hi hi. I a verb so don't sing, but I just want to say also is a side note. This is a frustration of mine. Is the to is the quote: unquote: creative director ' 'cause. It's been publicly stated now that I'm the photo shop guy and so now, when Kyle does a photo shop. I know that people like- and this could be another thing where I'm being a snob, but that old man in that picture. You guys look at this picture.
Yeah, I told you in the picture, works really well on a point, audio well, there's going to show notes if you can find them 'cause. I don't know if you will find him, but you, Google, you just search on our site. Churchgoer takes a knee and it'll come up. You can see this guy and, like the angle of the background with angle, the guy in the head is like a different angles, looks like it has kinda like the fleeting like a balloon and his chest and his arms like massive. I think it looks amazing actually like for like a good thing for your photo shop. This actually is pretty good. Like I'm not saying you're horrible, I just it's a challenging photo shop, it would be really hard to do it, putting a hand on a body yeah. That's not just standing straight and in at a weird angle, that's very hard to find just the right angle, and so all things considered conceded I like his face is
hands are just so. I think you found a picture of a guy. Who's in pain was the idea what the you have to find. Whatever shutter stock gives, you is what you got to use, so you find out he's like grouping is neat and then you added the face of is like wincing. It looks like his knee is giving out, so I think it actually added some humor to it like this guys like yeah. This guys try to take anybody's old going through the pain test. Yep, that's great, so deflating balloon head man is our star Photoshop and looks amazing. All right so we're going to go to our main topic. Is it time it is
time and now the battle laundries topic of the week, our topic this week, his youth groups, a institution, an institution that is near and dear to the hearts of every american church, go strange strange place, a strange place. It's like you, walk through it eight weird time warp to this. This alternate dimension of youth group. I was not. I always felt like I didn't fit in, I think. Well, I think most people feel that way. But I really did not like all the way from as little kid a Wanna Sze any of those I hated these group games. I just hated him. I don't know why. As a kid I just felt like I was being manipulated or something I just felt. It felt. I don't know why I said it
be lated. It felt like the everybody. I don't know what it was everywhere. I didn't get why everybody liked it so much we're going to run around a circle, any candy. I don't know I just didn't get it. I don't know why he got. Is everyone having a good time havoc that forced energy? I can't hear you I hear when I when people are like that make I immediately. Even when I was a kid it makes me, go the opposite direct you like. No, I'm not having a good time yeah. I will have a worse time. You're. Trying to force me to change me, have a good one. Okay, so churches search didn't always have youth groups all the way back to to the early new testament church. Right I mean this is this? Is a relatively recent thing because you used to go to church and you just sat with your parents and even when I was going,
if you go needs it with your parents and then you break off after the service, and you have a a separate. They have age groups afterwards after the whole service. Well, it's kind of, like you know, there's two services so that at ours they make a big display kind of like right in the middle service and then the like a prayer. We use prayer, we put our hand out how much is new. I never see you put your hand forward towards the kids and up at a forty five degree angle, not at me and up angle, but we do have, but we put it out is if we are Gandalf casting a wizard's spell in the children, Omar wait as they were like every week as they go. We read like the area we just say like they're are the aaronic blessing or whatever? This is every week as go? Do they go to their yeah? But that's the part of the reason. People, weird is like putting your hand out and once again I participate 'cause, I'm conformist when it comes to just like simple stuff
and sewing fine I'll, be I'm not gonna, be the jerk who doesn't put his hand up, but I still don't get. How that does that make the prayer shoot towards them better or how's that work? Do you um? You got a cult. It feels like a pretty normal sure. Is it? Is it in a compound in the middle of the woods it's kind of like it's? The same idea is laying hands on, I think, except for keeps ever having to get up. I guess it's weird to me that you guys do it every week, as the kids leave. Well, that's never been there, they get like it's time for me, I'm gonna pray for them before they go off to their Sunday school and then yeah well, praying isn't bad, and then I'm praying that it's just the my Lord bless you and keep you Bob. I will come out in this. The Christian, podcast and bravely state that prying is not bad, bold. Building in bold, okay, so youth group we've got this idea that it's a good idea to take kids that are in their most awkward phase of life, to say the least, get one hundred of them
and stuff them in a room together. I don't know it seems like a recipe for disaster tend certain things aren't really there, like. I don't know like just the most obvious things. This is like the age where like sexual, hence certain things aren't really there, like. I don't know like you just the most obvious things. This is like the age were like sexual mentioned is creeping in really strongly the kids yeah. It's we know where it goes. I went to a youth group once of my friends and actually I think this was the same friend in the same church I had mentioned previously, where he had. This might have been the subscriber section, but we talked about how this guy pretended to shoot the entire youth group. I went to a youth group once of my friends and actually I think this was the same friend in the same church I had mentioned previously where he had. This might have been the subscriber section, but we talked about how this guy pretended to shoot the entire youth group and then said: you're old, you're, all dead yeah, that's the end of your life and it's like a so I went to this one ended. They did some kissing game. I I don't. I don't. I think I participated. I think I was just arriving and they were doing it, but it's like some
sits in the middle and someone has to run in and kiss. You know the person's eyes were closed and you kiss, I don't know what the point I was like. You know there's someone to kiss him and then they go kiss him and then they have to chase him around. What is this, however, the orange passing the orange or you yeah you with your chin under the neck and the basically necking without lips, and you know, there's people of different heights and if there's just that's an area, especially on females like very close, this is bad. Why are you encouraging guys to like shove their face up against women? That's that's awkward! I don't! Maybe that's not! That might be a I'm curious if they still do that. One did you guys ever play chubby bunny yeah. We also chubby Chihuahua, where you stuff all the marshmallows in your mouth and you have to say chubby bunny, add more and more chubby Chihuahua, it's ah all opinions. I wonder how many people have died. Yeah, it's gotta, be somebody's died
like what the what the mortality rate is: a chubby bunny participants. What are human blender? That sounds familiar. That's where, like it's a skit? Well, maybe you put the food there's like four people in a row and you put the food in the first person's mouth. They like chew it up and switch it around and like once chop ones, blend ones, mints ones, mix or whatever, then they, but in the next breath his mouth they chewed up in the next person had to end the last person spits it into like a blender container and they go through like ten different food items. So disgusting in the last, then we have this nasty shake at the end and somebody drinks it wait so they're actually spitting it into each others. Mouth yeah, like the last person, his youth group,
these leaders. Well, I was a young life. Yet young life is like a cult youth group like insane, like I'm convinced you're. Just like this call the number that's not going to the battle of these she well. You know, because young life, without the bank, they would try to be extreme because, like the idea of club with a call, the club is not reached its secular still like nine church, so they would sing like secular songs and then at the end, sing a christian song before they get like a fifteen minute message at the end of the idea was for it to be such a fun blast crazy time they want to come back. You sneak the gospel and that's the gospel sucker punch. Hey what's up was love that when I think we did an article similar where you know you got this youth group flyer, that's like fun and games prizes and then a little little text at the bottom short sermon,
Yasso Youth Group is is a crazy time. I'm sure we have plenty of stories. Wild goings on one thing I wanted to bring up was the youth group. No, I didn't yeah. Let me ask you with, and did you guys have a band that was composed of youth group? Now here's well! That was the what got me going to young life before I came to Christ. I was a little secular, grunge, guy and and but ever been talking about the band in I live in there like there's a mosh pit in, like so with some of the cool got banned, guys in our school were playing in the band the young life, and they will play the cool songs in every Masha causes like the nineties and and then so. I went and then so that the cool people got to play in the young life band and I ended up becoming the song leader of the young life band before I'd even come to cry my eyes, my band in high school, I feel like this is a common thing it is
when is my band in high school? I feel like this is a common thing. Probably a common thread for stories of youth groups is that band was not Christians, yeah, it's just guys from from the local high school that were like mine. I think the one opportunity to rock out for everybody yeah I mean that that's in that may be true of the adult worship. Group two is, I think, a lot of people come to church and you know just get want to get in both in the band 'cause. It's the only place. You can play music. Well, a lot of musicians come out of church culture 'cause. I think, because we have so much. We have such a strong culture of music sure. So that's pretty interesting herbal like I bought a um. I got for Christmas or something I got the what's the fender knockoff. Is it ah Squire Squire yeah, it's like their budget live a squire base. Herbal like I bought a um. I got for Christmas or something I got the what's the fender knockoff. Is it ah Squire Squire yeah, it's like their budget live a squire base.
Yeah the I got a wire it was. It was yeah because my brother played the Squire Bass. It lays it similar to the fender they named their band squire after the base like that yeah it it was. Ah, it was like the fender p base. You know it just looked like the standard guitar based body, but it was a squire. So it was the one that was, you know. Ninety nine bucks yeah my first face was like an all purpose base. They didn't even have a logo on any kind of just the cheapest base you could get, and so our youth group had six guitarists and a singer and no basis, so I said I'll play bass, so I I think I even had the knockoff of the knockoff of the fender for the my amp. It was like rogue yeah. I think I even I had the knock off of the knock off of the fender for the my amp. It was like rogue after remember robe to I think that was the cheap, the version of the lunch box or whatever yeah, and so I had. I think I blew it out within like a month that we had on, but I would just go up there
and I didn't even know you know. I probably knew three notes on the yeah on the thing and it's like. Oh this, this song is in in the key of G R. I don't know, I don't know change it yeah. Well, I got like I got very obsessive playing my bass when I was a freshman in high school, I had played saxophone school band. I knew some stuff about music, hey, sir. I really got into Primus so I which is like you, play lots of slap bass. Not the funky like tapping into which is like now basis was some like, especially if you're trying to glorify the Lord, and so I would. I would do like slap bass riffs, even if it was like in the sims list. You're supposed to be with the base is not on her. You know and be like oh, protecting tamped down, saying the seven, although I'm building in the middle of like a worship like a soft worship song, I and- and you know, the worship leader glares at you like walking up the line. What are you doing? What are you doing? That's why there's so many bass, player, jokes and talk about it, talk about it and I think in the subscriber second, but so youth pastors,
and indeed that you know the worst polluter glares at you like walking up the line. You know what are you doing, man, what you doing? That's, why there's so many bass, player, jokes and great talk about later time on it and I think in the subscriber section, but so you've pastors. Yeah you've pastors that, because the I actual breed that was one thing to happen to me like when I came to Christ, I became a young life leader almost instantly, so I was in a place of leadership. I, like I like I had been like. I had been a Christian for a week and they're already putting up all right cool its leader, the Bible study. I, like the low standards that made a lot of you, feels like a lot of youth groups and churches. Have that right? It's like! No, I'm not I'm, not picking on young life, yeah yeah, just in general, like it's, that's pretty common! If you're! So hey you have a face! Yeah! You know, I think you're cool, you have a you, have a trucker hat. If you could take you on your resume a tad too, can you leave the kids? You know yes, so Youth pastor's, youth pastors are.
Again, different varieties of youth pastors think we talk when we talk about this driver stuff too, but yeah there's the there's the well there's just creepy like they should not have this job, but you're, usually good at faking or you know, ah, you know being seeming like normal people, but then there's like the ones who just never wanted high school to end. I think is that and there's the good people that they really have a heart for it. Yeah I mean there's like the three main categories. I think there's this perception of youth pastors that it's not a real job like it's, the stepping stone to becoming an actual pastor. You know um and that's probably true in a lot of places that someone wants to be. You know. An associate pastor wants to be a lead pastor and it's like. Well, we don't have any job openings. What about youth? You know! Yeah! Are it's been liquor at March, our church, our car,
think pastors been there for a while now, but it was like a revolving door have a new one. I think it is a low paying job if it pays at all if it pays it all and ah yeah. I was cracking me up because my daughter was like manner in my youth pastor, he's taking me out to pizza and he's taking. Everybody knew through about two pizza individually, Michael, you get how it being youth pastor works like they give you a credit card and you charge it to the church and you take a kid out to eat, so he's probably just having pizza for every meal, so he can he's just using you guys. I'm just thing: if he's listening, I'm gonna be careful, you know used to be just babble on B, we're just anonymous and we could just throw articles out there now people know remains, I'm only saying, because that's what I would do, um. Yes, ESO Youth youth.
The youth pastor position is often the mail room of getting your foot in the door for for a for a real job, and it's, I think it's rare, but it's probably really valuable when it come up that you find someone who really has a heart for Youth Ministry like that's what they want to do. Like you, don't see, a lot of people were that's their goal. I want to become a youth, pastor, yeah, but I feel like if you found someone like that, would be like hang on to that person, because yeah it's a really or which one are you keep an eye on what else about about youth groups? We would like at some point to do it just stories of youth group yeah. We tell you have a story from youth group that you can on your mind right now. I I'd want to spend a bit more from campaign about chaired or not I yeah, I I guess I have. I guess I mostly have camp Camp stories store up to the camp stories. One two of the camp stories yeah.
We need like a podcast exclusive email. Would that work? Do you know where they would send to, or do you have to set that up um we're getting something set up? I think okay, so we can't announce it yet so um. I guess I'll give one story: um the youth pastor that ran our high school group um. When I was growing up, he ran it, for I mean I'm not going to say it was like off the rails, but it was kind of you know very basic. I guess terms I mean I'm not going to say it was like off the rails, but it was kind of you know very basic. I guess terms theology and this guy was more hardcore like he actually new things and he would actually teach the kids thing. You know hard. He was a good guy and he started to ask if kids wanted to preach. So we start he was a good guy and he started to ask if kids wanted to preach. So we start. You were volunteering, a lot. You know they got to. You got to give a little talk and our youth group is about two hundred and two one hundred and fifty something like that. It was a pretty big group, and so I got toe teach one Wednesday night. I think there's still a tape of it somewhere yeah and it was horrifying.
You were volunteering a lot. You know they got to the got, to give a little talk and are these groups about two hundred two hundred and fifty something like that. There's a pretty big group, and so I got to teach one Wednesday night. I think they're still tape of it somewhere yeah and it was horrifying. It it's terrible, and so it's like standing up there- and you know you kind of put this talk together, but you don't really know how to put together a talk yeah. I once you're in front of people way different. That's totally different! You don't expect it's on stayed in front of my peers and I get this whole talk about the book of revelation or something, and I think that's a good. That's a good thing to pick for your first ever sir, and talk about the book of revelation, that's easy, and so I did it and then I felt pretty good about. I was I was nervous, but I was like how that went. Okay and this other kid comes up to me afterwards and he goes um. Did you know that John wrote revelation and not Paul, then I'm like so I realized
that the entire sermon he been saying Paul. I've been saying what Paul wrote here was there, so that's how I got my start good staying nowhere, but up yeah. My first big talk. This was like what kind of setting this path where I think people thought I was going to be like this big new young life leader in the area 'cause I gave my is the night that I was to give my testimony a quote unquote, and so that day I had stabbed my finger on accident when I was getting ready for a skit. That night was trying to poke a hole in a pair of Mickey Mouse ears, so I could put a threat on them and put him on my head 'cause. They wouldn't fit 'cause they're, like kids size and why was stabbing the whole through the hat with scissors scissors went through like half of my finger and I had to go to the emergency room and lost
it up like actually get stitches. So I gave my talk tonight with a giant like Mickey Mouse finger, good, huge bandage on my finger, waking weighing it and as to you know, and that really embellishing my testimony on like go. They smoked weed like twice a nice because, like I had a past of drugs, anyone who's ever walked by marijuana. Joint cloud is like smelled at one time. I have a history from from my of drugs. You gotta spice up testimony yeah. Can you know everything you can to make it sound like is really bad and thing and turn around the Lord save me from the slammer, the big thing that happened night and not to like you, but was I gave they gave a invitation after my testimony in like a record number of kids existed, so is like well twenty kids or something out of one hundred or something that, because they were scared of your big where my giant finger. But
so then that was like kind of kicked off like I felt all expiring. Oh my gosh and leading people to Jesus and I wanted to, but the c said I have a house that I'm gonna be become a satire writer some day, yeah Sunday imminent and jaded, cynical, satire, writer g, all right, so we're wrapping up our topic, but yeah youth groups, youth pastors! It's just crazy thing, and it's something that I know it's a well that will constantly go to for humor, because there's just so much it's kind of this micro chasm of microcosm of a big church. You know, but it's these kids that are in this awkward stage. So and then yeah the awkwardness of you've completed, we haven't, we barely scratched the surface of almost a full. Do not miss so much. This is not appropriate to talk about yeah. We actually did have a thread where we were trying to get stories for this and we have from our group because it is such an aqua,
tense, hormonal phase yeah, it's like after the fact every, but all that every funny story that some post it was like. We can't read out loud all right. So if your youth person go to youth group, enjoy it your youth pastor with two kids Jesus, don't be creepy and don't be creepy, stop with the creepiness it's time for yes, okay and answer the questions all right see you guys later Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills Adam Ford for creating their job, the other riders for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers and you listener until next time. This is Davey Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to go forth and eat large amounts of chick fil a yeah. So
I played that up. You know you're making fun of those they were making fun of the media or making fun of the left steak and people aren't getting it. I don't know if that reflects worse on the people who don't get the joke or the fact that it is possible that the this criticism could actually be made yeah. So the joke was. The headline was Melania Trump criticized for decorating the White House with skulls of her enemies, and we have these skulls hanging from standing there. I played that up. You know you're, making fun of those they were making fun of the media or making fun of the left steak and people aren't getting it. I don't know if that reflects worse on the people who don't get the joke or the fact that it is possible that the this criticism could actually be made yeah. So the joke was. The headline was Melania Trump criticized for decorating the White House with skulls of her enemies, and we have these skulls hanging from standing there
a play that up. You know like yeah looking for one of those yeah once they were making fun of the media or making fun of the left. Take and people are getting in it, and I don't know if that reflects worse on the people. Don't get the joke or the fact that the it is possible that this criticism could actually be made yeah. So the joke was. The headline was Maloney a Trump criticized for decorating the White House with the skills of her enemies, and we have the schools hanging from standing there. Okay, so here's the hate mail. You should be ashamed of yourself to say what you do about our beautiful first lady, who has to take your crap on a daily basis, and yet you attacker Christmas decorating Christians. You are not scumbag, we'll get a good read. Thistle captain a Christian. He avoids switch to. Okay, so here's the hate mail. You should be ashamed of yourself to say what you do about our beautiful first lady, who has to take your crap on a daily basis, and yet you attacker Christmas decorating Christians. You are not scumbag, we'll get a good read, Thistle Captain a Christian. He avoids switch to
caps mode Christians. You are not scumbags. You indeed are really needs swashbuckling music, that Fonterra, I love the Yoda, the switch to the Yoda sentence structure. At the end, I see it more as like Shakespearean or like, like those festivals, they in carpetbaggers dare to insult the first lady. Maybe that could be the sound. What will have make it sound like they're in in carpetbaggers dare to insult the first lady? Maybe that could be the sound. What will have make it sound like they're in in carpetbaggers dare to insult the first lady? Maybe that could be the sound. What will have make it sound like they're in so the sword fight? I can hear swords clanging hear other people fighting the background like on a pirate ship and then it'll be like the fight they have while they're buying swords. You should be ashamed of yourself changing Ching
that uh here it is, you should be ashamed of yourself say what about the first lady has to take your crap on a daily basis, and you attack the Christmas decorating. Christians no come you indeed way, even better man, great, even better, even better, well guys, I'm sorry to say, but it's time to wrap this thing up. So thanks for joining us. Yes, that uh here it is, you should be ashamed of yourself say what about the first lady has to take your crap on a daily basis, and you attack the Christmas decorating. Christians no come you indeed way, even better man, great, even better, even better, well guys, I'm sorry to say, but it's time to wrap this thing up. So thanks for joining us, yes, and if you got any thoughts about youth group, etc, you want to give us some feedback feel free to.
We actually gonna continue on for another little bit here. For subscribers, so if you wanna become a subscriber go to Babylon, be dot com, slash plans, we actually gonna continue on for another little bit here for subscribers. So if you wanna become a subscriber go to Babylon, be dot com, slash plans, we actually going to continue on for another little bit here for subscribers. So if you to become a subscriber go to babylonbee dot, dot com plans, you can sign up at any level and you get to join us for our little small group little subscribers small group, but we're going to talk about ah this stuff. Why doesn't our church have more programs? Oh check we're gonna talk about Gh Esther in two.
Yes, okay and answer the questions all right, see you guys later Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills Adam Ford for creating their job, the other riders for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers and you listener until next time. This is Davey Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to go forth and eat large amounts of chick fil, A.
Transcript generated on 2019-09-14.