« The Bugle

Bonus Bugle – Space Gravy

2018-04-28

Andy introduces some classic moments in history plus some recently held back live moments including the best space story of all time.

With

@HelloBuglers@IAmJohnOliver@Aliterative@phlaimeaux@TomCBallard@awryaditi@TomEdwardWright@ProducerChris

More episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.com

We are proud members of Radiotopia

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
All the newspaper for a visual world renowned and no. I am very disappointed to report that, on further away from the british throne, wills lost almost welcome to bugle four thousand and sixty six sub episode. All I for all, I tell you something: the vehicle is coming to America, not only for the radio Tokyo talk to genetics, your on the tenth of my, but also for three law. A few will shows in San Francisco Portland and Seattle, on the fifteenth, seventeenth and nineteenth of my more details to follow later in the show enough is the longest ever. Some
episode title in the history of this proud, podcasting franchise. Of course there is no real need for a full bugle this week anyway, because the korean crisis is over hurray and everyone is going to live everywhere in absolutely all manner of peace and harmony, forevermore literally piece-
Anna harmonies, pinging off in all directions across the world do be careful if you're out and about you catch one of those full in the face and you might actually become two peaceful hand or harmonious or harmonicas the rest of your life. So instead we're going to delve backwards in time to that curse. It pre, eternal peace period of just a few days ago for some more choice. Chunks from the bugle live shows at the Melbourne, International Comedy festival and even further back in our latest installments of what the hell was going on x years ago, precisely where x is a number less than or equal to the number of years. The bugle has now existed. Let's start where x equals ten and go back to two thousand and eight and bugle twenty six. There was a world food crisis going on then guess she's, which social group it's the worst affected by that crisis? Was it a the rich or be the poor? let's find out the head of the
when world food program this week described the current global food shortages as a solid tsunami, which knows no borders sweeping the world. That is a beautifully articulated and deeply depressing point or phrase is not true for this tsunami is a clear respecter of borders, proven by the fact that, whilst countries around the developing world of rioting in the streets in the face of malnutrition and hunger, we've only recently started attention, because teachers just got a bit more expensive. The food could actually soon be a thing of the past. In Britain, the family food shop was going up, fifteen pounds a week on average and, let's not forget John here in Britain, we don't get tasty tidbits adult almost all the starving Africans to stroke. That's at the end, yet you don't see journalists reporting about that. Don't you don't you don't cost is going up forty percent worldwide since mid two thousand seven and a half playing these roles in protest in Cameroon became the fast I will hate the Egypt, many other comes,
he's in the West would love to care about, but just columns. Well, we got a lot on a moment in a moment we'll get around to it. The neediness is a real turn off of it. I've overall, is the President of Bolivia also issued warnings about the current expansion of bio fuels, which convert cereals in the field, and could this be the biggest q, yet the developing world not only have we gorged ourselves to morbidly obese levels. Now we are burning food as well as no production is on course to account for some thirty percent of the. U S, mice grow by twenty ten dramatically go tiling the amount of land available, the food crops we would rather have fuel than food people will go to restaurants in the future. Have their meals set on fire in front of them? Then they'll just sit back with a napkin in their lap watch. It burn pronounce it delicious tip the waiter and leave. I mean I don't understand why this is a problem. Then you would have thought that
the area where the world population is soaring up boards- and you know the pressure on global food production- is increasing. That's using a large chunk of the world's agricultural lands to MIKE stuff for all calls. You thought the following, but also with that you know the the bottom line is someone who's got the math wrong. My theory is, though, that's the world poll as a ways of coping it right in the Natchez Box. They must develop an immunity to it by now surely I mean we spent the last two one slash two thousand years line up against the wall running straight at them and flagging them in the plums or the cricket map. Surely I can barely even feel anything now. These people don't need food, they don't need food and if we can just starve off the excess thirty percent, the user disproportion at one percent of the food. energy of the world, then you know no one would have a problem. It is not real. We Monday the running translation for any american listens. There's to what not just in terms of though, to be honest, I think you can probably guess
The truth is on these are the old saying. Goes you reap what you sow and when you saw the seeds of global inequality, don't act surprised with what sprouts up come harvest time, but also I see. Why should always be us in the west that has to change hi, the war should be office, asked you jeez renewable energies instead of food by EAST, kill off you'll, walk on the poor people of the world, learn to eight the winds and the some That's not unreasonable They have been Royce riots around the world who would've thought John. That rice would be so popular. I've always found it a bit dull. As a staple I mean I could live without rice, but it turns out that people have high in the Philippines are fussy eaters than me. If there are people now illegally hoarding rice in the Philippines to force the price up, so Royce really has become the new gold wrappers.
start waving packets of Royce around in the videos strip. Clubs are going to be full of businessmen and Jean Royce into the g strings of lot. Bounces MO really smoke problem. and they thought they were trying nearly said Royce rules everything around me under the Olympics, Olympics in Beijing this year, all winning confessors will merely haver's auto port over their heads. That was two thousand and eight slips pop for two two thousand and eighteen, and just a few days ago in Melbourne, the Bugle life featuring Tom ballads and a d teammates house. We got a deal, we don't know, might spice Arkan oh yeah, yeah, ok, so well I'll make, In spite of what I want. Okay. Well it's! I think he really really talk us through this crucial breakthrough for the future of all great species as the space correspondent of the show. Sorry, I have the spelling going on and off the shore there's been the launch off
Spacex's dragon cargo craft that sent frozen human and bull sperm to the international space station to see how weightlessness affects the little switch. And I this is, this is really cool. I think this is saw. I I like on wait for this to be a success, because this is gonna, be like the one that saves you but I think the nightly nine hundred Pm Abc News. I can see that as a filming released Next ANZAC day. Oh I get it least. Oh, I get it back kind of show. No I think I was thrilled. I think this is the ultimate on foot every time a guy, like you know, having sex with a man he's like. Where do I go home? I'm like outer space? I think it's
terribilis it up. Man and bull sperm having a space is why we should have gay marriage, people just slippery slope. All I'm hearing there is place minus the space to check maybe isn't step by step. It's also depressing. For me, I've had a boyfriend for ages. It's very depressing! When do you love Spice is getting more man gravy. Then you are. I just think it's like a shitty experiment made up to like to punch
the least popular member of Math NASA scientists like shut up Jeremy. No one likes you, your own space, Jizz Judy go away like going to astronaut school for how many other decades and then having a window to the universe open to you and you're. Looking at some dude, just listen your life so sad, you know. being on the station and getting a delivery going. Oh, oh, what could it be? A message from a loved 1A magazine, my favorite, treat from earth know know some spunk and a bulges besta luck with everything up here guys, particularly in zero gravity, one small step for man, one giant in space. No one can hear you come
well I want him back everybody with good old fashioned gism
alright, how it in for time now it'll still disastrously. I think it's been since I've been involved with this franchise. Since October, two thousand and seven you've been over running shut up, Tommy Runspace Judy. It's not what the shampoo was very good for your hair support for the bugle is brought to you by simply safe home security done right. Do you like being secure in your home? Yes, me too, it's a lot of fun. Isn't it simply safe is home security you will actually want, and if you hold the kind of deep state info, this show does you'll really need it's thoughtful design and tiny sensors mean your home is protected and you'll never notice, simply savers. Even there there are no contracts- I repeat, no contracts learn more about how Simplisafe can help you protect your home, go to simplisafe dot com, Slash, Google
two thousand and tends to now and bugle one hundred and thirteen, which chronicles the final week without a tory governments in the entire history of the United Kingdom so far of but also police told story this week, countdown to vote to british democracy back from the dead That is for sure. It's punched its way, out of the grave like OMA Thurman in Kill bill and is now wandering the streets more powerful than ever, or at least more powerful, and he told me the last ten years well once the fear was that turn out to be around fifty now, surely we can dare to dream that two three people might actually vote I'll? Tell you what we have to thank for this and the same thing we have to thank for game show. An omelette whisk infomercials television who would've thought the tv debates would have shaken british. Do because the two is extremely dusty foundations, all three leaders
so basically in favor of getting the economy moving, which is good. I guess right so it looks like that crisis is going to be averted, whoever wins they don't really like each other. Much came across and they're, also not afraid of repeating stuff I said over and over again word for word until the nation just gives in and votes and Cameron has been criticized for crapping on. Kind of nebulously about change of it too much in this campaign, if I did write himself in a bit last night change only the 11th word that he said so he held it back quite a longer than usual and he also pulled a clever Saddam subliminal trick to emphasize the need for change, wondering a rapid, offscreen, costume change between each question. Well, what I'm Dimarino sick. As he changed into twelve versions of the same suit and tie between wearing at the start, so the change was barely perceptible did reveal something John, no because it didn't happen, but if it had happened, yeah much of revealed something and that's that's. The most important thing to remember
now Brown Brown's had an undeniably bad week, culminating in being other I don't. I live microphone called an old lady, a bigot. Having just had a conversation, with other suggested, nothing of the sort now calling a member of the electorate a lot. long live the no less a bigot he's, probably even worse than Winner John Prescott actually published. In the it's even worse than that. The thing is that in isolation, probably isn't that terrible, it's just that plays into a widely held belief that Gordon Brown Heights people now, if he doesn't hate them, He certainly has an active dislike for them. He had been a great 19th century politician Andy when you could govern from a wood paneled room with a fireplace in it, and you never had to touch any That's right been handicapped in this campaign by things like the invention of. vision and the invention of photography and the development of human speech and it conspired against him, and he struggled to convey his very important message of yes,
but will be even more if you vote for these losers, Yeah, it was pretty unlucky with this this big, it's common John, because someone forgot to switch his microphone off. He was. or is winding down annoyed after the lost fifty odd years of his life, and it just just came out and the press were all over again 'cause. I think it wasn't that wasn't that important. you know it was. It was the press. Press were all over it like here skin on the cannibals birthday cake, and was this what with the fresh subsection I'll tell you why? Because it all, it was a faux pas cool but most begins with a mark final and I'm but all politicians say that in what they think is approved massive limousine, the press, it it meant basically not do the job for a couple of days and just crap on about this comment. but Brown should have dealt with that issue had more balls, he should have said. Yes, I did call her a big it
I stand by that she is a bigot, and I meant that compliments. Britain was built on the I wasn't bigotry is what drove our empire. It's part of our shared birthright in this country, groundless and ill informed prejudice that clouds, the harsh realities of reality, and I appeal to all bigots of all Bigotti persuasions so unite behind me and the Labor Party, and we were a represent each of your bigotry to the best of our ability. Oh god, I'm tearing up things to say that what he actually said was ship packs. That is all I need inside out loud, but he did say it with his face. Conrad actually spent forty five minutes in the House of MRS Duffy. The lady called the bigger and I would really love to hear those tapes Andy. I really think It's probably just trying to convince her to say something: racist 'cause. All I needed was for her to actually prove him right up very late on pretty thick. Please please, MRS Duffy
it can be about the Chinese just something if you're really a labor supporter. You do this for me, please I need this or in a bad way, or it might have spent thirty of those forty five minutes upstairs in her bathroom trying to draw swastikas on things. oh well, this is Duffy. Us was the green, gravedigger soap, pretty big. Don't you think you just did that Gordon you've got soap under your fingernails all. Please say something: racist what port forward. Is to this year and just a couple of weeks ago, in Melbourne The bugle live featuring, Dallas Frazier and David, oh Daugherty, Let's move on to, NAS Rage, sister Now this is a fantastic fan.
The headline yeah part of the joy of doing the show is reading the news which, to be honest, I try to avoid in my day to day life. But apart from the difference in reality, even use the product is main job is to sell you on the need for more news. There are some great headlines, and this is one, and I want you guys to guess what it attains to the headline is simply this not to register apologizes for attention. Did someone steal all the macadamias in the convent No, it was macadamias. David was do. You know the way you see the car sometimes shaped like roller skates was Car shaped like a huge walnut and someone was driving and got angry and jumped at
you know what. Yes, we also heard that the not racist as were radical feminist group in eighteen, thirties, New York, who would castrate, will resume gentleman and replace the go nuts with walnuts. Another ball tampering crisis, so it wasn't. It was S. Korean police launched an inquiry into the system, Korean AIR's, infamous nut rage, Ares again and not explained on Friday over claims that she held water into a man's face during a business meeting. So these are two sisters, one of whom the elder chew, made global headlines in two thousand and fourteen when she angrily kicked a cabin crew member off a plane, presumably when it was on the ground after being served macadamia nuts in a bag rather than a bowl
Well, I mean you've got to draw a line somewhere. Were you sisters of suffered enough? This is some kind of brought to the me to come. What is coming up this house, it's good to be. You know to be passionate about things. You truly believe in what's love the future of humanity all the best way to serve a macadamia nuts yeah LISA. All the tales of really rich posh people losing their listen to a little go quick, quick cut to the commonwealth. Can you give us the the a couple of gigs the so have you been enjoying the Commonwealth Games here in Australia, well, I mean, I think, it's a it's a lovely event, because clearly speaking as a british person, they were during the course of our imperial history certain I shall we say, procedural glitches of the Saudi Royal, some of all former imperial partners and we'll find a way to apologize for that and by not apologizing for its and instead
having a quadrennial of sports tonight I mean what what more could Britain do really? And it's it's so it's so it's been what is working again, so it's been. It's been wonderful to see to see so now we have got so around of going the wrong way now so now, what is it well move on. Can you just move on to the next a I mean really are probably should have practice. This little bit more to the local so excited to finally learning to use Powerpoint the? Can you yeah yeah yeah
Well, I think we see the amazing influence of technology school because of well. We will not concerns the a b c. I t department. It was a little come world games graphic for that seo district, on Tom. and uh if they have been watching the australian coverage about full map of the
However, if you phone issues as well, so visual appeal straight in coverage here is the the the australian tv sports coverage map of the Commonwealth. I'm at shows no, my using technology about another minute show than telecom rules gangs, and it is out anyone not wearing yellow. It's been up to these sensational technology Mcdavid. Is it all and just missed out on qualification? I think yeah having left the commonwealth in nineteen forty eight and we had a lot. We yeah, I mean it's, it's it feels good colonial country. You know we don't have the little thing in the top left. corner of our flag:
I'm here at, but I'm not you know the red mom eyes to see the queen they're, not waiting for you to change to walk across the road sure I nearly got hit by stuff, but I'm making a point so back to the present day and the end of the global war seem to really know much thing for everyone and a good opportunity to tell you about the very a very impending bugle joined to America from the set to the thirteenth of May, Helen's is looks like slam drop in as a result, zones men and I will be part of the fantastic radio topia lowlife toll coming to have you got your pens at the ready, Atlanta, Durham, Washington, DC, Brooklyn, NY and Boston radio? oh yeah, DOT, FM, Slash, live for tickets, an information and then trumpets, please thank you. The people. I will be twang its way: West 41St, american shows of what is the only and my favorite live audience version of this boat you live. We all right colds,
comedy club in San Francisco on the 15th of May, the that's a in Portland on the 17th of May and then the Neptune in Seattle on the 19th, then on totaling off home. Do please come along appearing live with me will be Helen plus life of via video link up thanks to the but never sent which Croft Real the internet. The one of Alice phrase up before that, if you thing in New Zealand all going that pretty damn soon ole in the recent past pending when you listen to this I'll, be doing my right questions run on to show in Wellington. On Monday, the thirtieth of April and then Oakland on Tuesday and Wednesday, the first and second of my details at the New Zealand Comedy Festival website, thanks to everyone. I can just see the show in Melbourne and Sydney and to everyone who will come to see the show in future at the Edinburgh Festival from the 15th, the 26th of August there are Bugle LIVE shows in London at the underbelly on the fifth of June and the tenth of July and in Edinburgh. Only 15th and 22nd of August enough plugging, let's play out with something from around this time of year in twenty twelve shortly twelve shortly after of one
very, very naughty man. Indeed, I'm sorry and look I'm sure that there were some people who call Andy and desperately had to run to the shop on my way home to get a sad bunch of wilting flowers. But this week was the one year anniversary of Bin Laden getting shot in the face and happy Day Wallace and the one of the best uses for high velocity pointy metal that humanity has ever had. It is amazing to me that the greetings card industry left this anniversary alone. They the commercial almost every other cause for celebration on there? That was not a one year. Assassination anniversary line of college so confusing to Maine belly seems twelve months ago that we glad to see him go. We really found the perfect place to put that bullet. That always tell him the worst of health,
It's so much for him to go for him so and now he's gone the well these back to, and I thought I'd write you this letter for two of months ago, together we said dating Dhong. They do she's dead, happy death of a from mom. Now, I don't know how you chose to celebrate and the end that many people here in America chose to head down to sea world in Florida. To see a recreation of the daring operation by their incredible seal team, six, it's basically six sales in night vision, goggles on the with plastic machine gun, storming inflatable version of the about about compound this floating in the middle of that poll, and they use that gun to shoot suck adults another still wearing a long beard. It's incredible! Well, the best there is so What political events as well understand? You'll presidents has been accused of of milking it. Yeah somewhat.
Bin Laden is dead. General Motors is a life. I believe us being the the Democrats aligned on this. So I'm I guess on the flip side, you could say the also under Obamas Watch golf legend, Sevki Ballestero's is dead, but the Fox NEWS is still alive. So right now, quite sure Gaddafi his dad's, yeah and Apple compute? still doing fine yeah, Dade's brazilian Opel Gt Genius Socrates, Leslie Nielsen Comic Legend Liz Taylor and jobs. We have a positive contribution. Still can old cherry pick achievement but go still going traffic You know it's flip sides done flip sides the death of Bin Laden. Wasn't it the brought the whole of America together. So it only stands to reason that, twelve months later it is tearing this country apart present Obamas, you mentioned as being doing something of a public high fiving tool this week, basically going around the country and saying what two thumbs and is free
in pretty good about himself right now, now open login, that's for sure. 'cause I've been killed that guy He even released a campaign that remind people that Mitt Romney at once criticized the president for saying that he would go off to Al Qaeda in Pakistan if necessary, and up this put, Republicans in something of a tough spot, because the problem is that you called site press Obama is exploiting having killed Bin Laden without saying president. Obama, a bit louder and none of them want to say that But once the ad was released to go so much traction that Romney was even asked by journalist. Would given the same order to take out some of Bin Laden to which he replied. Even Jimmy Carter would have given that order and The greatest of respect, by which I mean with absolutely no respect at all, standard meaning of that phrase? Whenever anyone says with the greatest respect, it means that's with negative respect exactly the point is
that's a profoundly stupid question to it's probably. What does anyone really expect him to say to that would? of taking out Bin Laden knowing, then what we know now I have to say no. The issue Romney has, with these past record of flip flopping and he's not whether or not we have killed Bin Laden is whether or not you have changed his mind two weeks later and brought him back to life boom, sit down Romney Is it going to be out there in a little fishing boat in the Indian Ocean Like defibrillator, change, my mind, What if I only Jimmy, can also have had the balls to take out Bin Laden when he was president. None of this would have happened. Yes, he the force. I think I think history will judge call to on the further details of a merge of exactly this. The circumstances Bin Laden was so it was living which is not really yeah. What you, what
from an a lister as we learn think of himself as well. put on the bugle last autumn, not only one year anniversary of the death of Bin Laden, John, but also the one year anniversary of the first use of the term eulogy. That's right, it's been with us for a year old year is being in our mouth, so these to be commemorated yeah so that the in the compounds and if I'm four hundred and fifty dollars cash sewn into his clothes, which or maybe just like having George Washington's face. Oddly, most of his skin to keep himself angry about America, but that's an oddly specific, some John, because I've been on the internet and there are only three things you can buy that add up to four hundred fifty dollars are you saving up for nintendo Wii. George Foreman, grill and uh. Osaka Boosie atrocity, was he planning with that that's that is a fearsome list of ingredients and they found Buffalo's? Well, you know federal.
Everyone loves jousting. one cow? There are two things we know: Bin Laden, loved, one pantomimes and two realism and other I think, we're lost. They found one hundred and fifty chickens and I've been thinking about this almost nonstop. Since then John, and I think, there's only two possible explanations for this one is that Bin Laden knew he was finished. He knew he was a busted flush. The only way he could make himself feel relevant and powerful anymore was by on the hour every getting six freshly laid eggs and crushing them. In his bare hand, saved himself they've got it all z. That's what I was reducing the only other explanation. I don't how to break this. To you is that some Bin Laden was holding a chicken forty competition well Now he wouldn't do that. I've done the math on this job. I think one hundred and fifty chickens. It was most likely A7 round knockout Wimbledon style now. That, of course, would require one hundred and twenty eight chickens, but he
probably thought they'd be some fatalities amongst the victorious chicken. So we had twenty two backup chickens to parachute into the draw smile in the event of one of the winning chickens dying but but but with this. John is it You could end up with one of the chickens when, in the whole competition. Only falling in the final the winning semifinalist died in minutes. What? obviously, I'm yes, that's fat, Yes? I guess it wasn't really a fair man. You know that really didn't even occur to him, hum that shows you what kind of monster we were dealing with well, and are you You put a lot of thought into that. No one can take that thought away from you.