This is a podcast from the bugle dot com audio newspaper for a visual. I love you lose on welcome to issue two hundred and seventy of the Bugle Audio newspaper for a visual world for the week ending Friday, the 30th of May twenty four It was. May I dissolve money in London recently picked up. My fifth consecutive second place finish annual british Silver Medal winning championships the result, I was absolutely delighted with, and you sure. The USA is not frank, Sinatra of funny stuff that due the garland of great jokes, the big bird of Bob filled banter. It sergeant show. Where is John Oliver, how Andy? How are viewers are we? back. I was in the UK last week, shooting a couple of interviews for the HBO show more on those in the next few weeks

I was going to be back. I ended on my list. Was the Champions League final together? Let's echo, which raids against Royal Madrid. It's often said the football is like life on. That was definitely true in in the case of this guy. My they think is the richer club, one another wins every time it was a happy inevitable ending, which is specially good to be back in the run up to the World CUP. To basically remind myself how fucking excited I am about it, it was. Should be in a country where there was an actual story on the news, a story that was not a short about a player at England's training camp. Stretching It was an amazing thing, adults talking to microphone, saying Gerard, look, Blue's, look at him stretching their. How do you think that something looks from seventy yards away outside his body? I think it looks good. Also my way back, I had more so for sweet little, how you tell it to light for the flight and it is never a deal when you'll delight is longer than the flight itself. But for me, the choice

to witness I truly unnatural, wonder of the world Andy, and that was the site of two visibly wealthy teenagers are ironically reading yacht magazines, one of the single worst things of ever see in anywhere at anytime. That's the future John yachts. Oh it's at that is the you who said their return. They are just preparing for a Kevin cost, a water world style future if they just concerned Citizens John, a sucker for John Johnstone, Backside, Americans just temporarily embarrassed yacht owners yep, so do not judge a book by the magazine cover it is reading. The old saying goes vehicle. Two hundred and seventy two 70s, of course, one of the legitimate criticisms, but the birth years involved in this podcast bit too

70s two one hundred and seventy plus the number of decoy, great grandchildren of Winston Churchill currently alive in the UK. Now no world war, two there were several decoy churchills trying to hoodwink the Germans into assassinating an actor instead of the real Churchill. I think it was approach virtual thing, more than an anti actor thing, but I guess it worked on two levels and they didn't manage to keep you she'll say through the wall, but afterwards they started breeding with the decoy. Mrs Churchills, which I guess you know that's understandable. They would fancy each other and there's the generations past. These have increased exponentially the church attendance now, two hundred and seventy bogus Churchill. Grandchildren, even the family, don't really know who's who anymore, and if this continues by the year, two thousand eight hundred and forty three Ninety nine percent of the UK population will be decoded pendence of Winston Churchill and then maybe you get will finally be happy. This is the week ending Friday, the 30th of May twenty one thousand four hundred and seventeen years to the day from 30th of May

two thousand and thirty one, which is one computer projections, predicts, will be the first day that the tabloid press run a negative story about Prince George of the flaws in a rocket pack into the one in massive greenhouses: green houses, Gardens Kew, the Juke of Duke of July Nantwich Birthday Party Birthday party. As his great grandmother the queen and shouting, I could have you'll killed with one phone call that seventeen years from today story this week. Your book goes to the polls polls suggest that your place itself up your prime, the has a complicated relationship with itself. It's a fiery relationship. What Richard Burton and Elizabeth Tyler? Well, I've explosive faults, dragging the whole world in animal follows up with a marathon sessions of my cup bureaucracy,

me to put it this way when this assault hanging on the front door of the a you building in Brussels. You do not want to open that door because I pulls the pin the middle of a twelve hour constitutional drafting orgy. It's also much a love hate relationship in Europe. As it is, I tolerate tights relationship. The European Union was supposed to be a wife, taking our differences and turning them into a positive, rather than taking our differences and using them as a springboard for blood boss on an unprecedented scale and do general sense. It's it's been a success but lost week. There were elections to the European Parliament across the country, and there was something of a lurch to the right and he was historically on the when your blood used to the right. Terrible things inevitably happen afterwards. The european political spectrum is something of a bat shit barometer. It is the canary in the crazy moan and when that thing start squawking too loudly, it's probably time to start digging some trenches in Belgium. Yes, well, as you suggest, you don't need to be a rocket hissed

trying to think that if there one single continent in the world, one continent that should other dangers of swinging politically to the right Europe would be pretty fucking high up that list, I would say, taught four or five and thought You can probably excuse investing into sinks into retrograde extremism, but really Europe should have picked up on those hints from in I mean cautionary cricket bats. To the face it's been. Concerning Jonas, it's been huge basically extended middle finger to who the european political establishment I pandora there, a bottom of resentment is been uncorked and basically a full, in fact, a full double bird flip to the int. Aau and uh. Another factor in this sis drift to the right is anything, I mean. How is Europe allowed this to happen in one of the factors in it? is the importance of the european elections to the voters across the continent, and that important is

Basically roughly as important as wondering what the difference between table tennis and ping pong is or trying to remember all the words the Boney M, classic of historical gangsta, pop mall biker in the Czech Republic and Slovakia too. Countries released from the yoke of communism and embraced into the bosom of the Eu Tent. They were going to eighteen on thirteen percent turnouts and in Britain we yeah that was worth the whites. Wasn't it I'm in Britain, thirty four percent of people could be a cost to struggle all the way to their local polling station, which is about standard for your european election, so basically. This is your up just basically pressing the snooze alarm button, saying: oh, it's probably not going to be bad as last time. We swagger hard to the right. There's been a lot of debate over what the causes of this beta

a lot of it comes down to the perception amongst a paper around Europe that the e- U political elite, basically sit around eating scrambled Faberge eggs for breakfast. I'm not really doing what they're supposed to do. Eight, it's hard to draw significant conclusions from any single sets of election results for the european parliamentary elections, make a pretty strong case for the argument that Europeans that completes all cells in a worrying walls as old as the continent itself. Your skeptic, I'm fall right. Polities, see significant ground to watch the french Prime Minister Cold, a political earthquake and ought to know if it was truly a political earthquake counties much. It was a shame in choosing storm, some very depressing parties around your my dying so low to even call them policies a slightly misleading that that not a policy like expression of joy in any form the more what policies in the sense that a white is a

Aussie they're, essentially funerals for humanity. The Uk Independence Party, all UKIP old for shorts, my age, big gains in the british election and the french national front, led by the a bomb and I of decency in a pantsuit form. The pen also made big gains and the truly terrifying greek NEO Nazi group golden DAWN also won seats, though misleadingly named, of course, after a sunrise. But if it uh The kind of sunrise you mistook for sunrise when the world in fact was actually on fire. The french national front of one hundred and twenty five percent of the vote in France and were described as fascist Germany's finance Minister, when a german leader do it, gives us fascist and the the label sticks appealing that thing off. Germ

Charles the angular Merkel described the far right victories at remarkable and regrettable and said that the best response was to boost economic growth and jobs. Although again, she really has to say that Andy. There is no world in which german chancellor can say. I actually understand the frustrations that people have and will work to wrist also pride, so mission field, it's a country. She. She can't say that that's not an option without people start to kick the tires on their spitfires the Mixer Lapatinib shot. Right. Winger said this: all people Dimond one type of of politics: politics by the French for the French, with the french good luck with that, a male remind you, Madaba PEN, over the words of shelves to go. Who said, how can you govern a country which has two hundred and forty six varieties of cheese,

bring Lupone said that she will now use her mandate to defend France and uh. It's crazy measures like votes for immigrants, although to be historically clear, Francis Day of defending itself, is usually completely rolling over and waiting for someone else to come and defend them for them. Maybe that's the kind national defence. She was referring to a Uk Prime Minister, David Cameron, said the british public was do solutions with the EU and their message was received and understood, frost, for a long ass Europe to pay attention to France. After describing his party's defeat to the national front as painful and uh the week was split between political leaders, saying they had heard that dissatisfaction and the right wing groups claiming a seismic victory that would propel them even further. As you say, Andy, let's get all this in perspective. The election turnout in general was forty three point. One percent, according to european Parliament figure. So this is still an.

Overwhelming landslide victory for people absolutely not giving a shit. It's we've always got that as if you even tried to spin that Continental turn out as a positive for saying this was the first time It turned out had not fallen since the previous election. I know this was an improvement on lost time of zero point one of his friends. Well, under that they've taught Europe to dream again, we have started lifting are testicles out of electoral food processor, that is, that is a good sign. Marine LE also said this tonight massive rejection of the EU. What is happening in France prefigures what will happen in all european countries that return of the nation? Now, I think. Nationalism has a pretty checkered record, as we suggested on this on this continent, and also, I would argue there is a time and a place for nice and John I'm not time and place

is it in Brazil, starting in two weeks time with footballs? That is the only time that you read. This kind of thing is acceptable: foot football sport The sight vision in the United Kingdom, as I saw you, kept purple posters where every everywhere on the streets like stick on siren, Coulter Self Destruction, an much is being written in bloviating about UKIP's leader, Nigel Farage, who is like a one man echo from a time. Britain should be desperately trying to forget, he's constantly photographed with either a point of beer or a cigarette. His hand, in a support his claim that he's a man of the people, I'm every man, I'm so not handy I'll, say this. If not you'll for Rosh is every man, then all I hate to everybody. Well, the I mean this is the part of Perot, which is current popularity that he's food is the kind of man you could have a chat with in the pub orbit. That chat would probably end up with you calling him a fucking nutjob him calling you.

I knew then telling him to stop ruining the quiz, not by shouting out Brussels. As every answer he suggested. The election had put the UKIP Fox in the Westminster Hen House, which not sure what do you want to be aligning yourself with a fox as a political party, a large Berman renowned principally for thieving stuff, from peoples, bins, peoples, british pins, murdering defenseless, british, Walter E with low levels of personal hygiene and high volume sexual intercourse. Is that something for a political party to a spotted? Even this nations, once favorite Celebra Fox Basil, brush the former t vystar. Currently is embroiled in lengthy legal battles over unpaid tax and a noise abatement order should state that mister brush real name basil. The fox insists that tax schemes he was investigating were technically legal and that he was supporting grassroots ranking in the Cayman Islands and regarding the noise abatement order, he said are two Fox is not allowed to fall in love anymore 'cause. This country become one of her eyes. You supporters said were Nigel speaks

he doesn't sound like he swallowed a book of sound bites and yeah. That is true, because when he speaks it sounds like he said but in English, history book from the 1920s, a bag of marbles and three bottles of red wine and his view sing them old, backup symbol tying, usually into a microphone it will. He sounds like there is justifiable concern in Britain about what you keeps electoral victories main for the future. Ed Miliband is the opposition leader all he that you can put one votes by counting simple solutions to serious problems that have built up over generations, then sighing. But there isn't a simple on sir I'm not clearly ridiculous on the causes. The? U Cape manifesto perfectly, simply testifies what could be simplifying Lee simpler than pledging to build a simple time machine to go back to the late 1800s and live permanently and selectively in Britain's glorious past God. Save the queen, Anti

Elizabeth Victoria. There are real one: oh yeah, oh yeah. She was all queen and also x Minister, Tony Blair said that you could this so that God rest his soul. I mean he's still alive, but his soul is long. Dead said that you can use on immigration what regressive and that under the for under that for salt, there is something unpleasant and Austria, and the problem with that statement is that employers that you can't force all is pleasant and a nasty in the first place. They are a disgusting book wrapped in a revolting cover, but they've to pick up things run about twenty nine percent of the votes and clean, not everyone who votes for them is not in the image of their there. Opinion splitting leader and, I think part of the prom there's just this massive dissatisfaction disconnection with mainstream politics- and this is proved by

the the facts- jaunt- that the number of tattoos of politicians that peep in Britain has fallen dramatically over the years, even as the overall number of tattoos as rocket it up. I mean back when we were growing up a solid sixty. Seventy percent of this nation zinc was the likes of Clement Attlee Winston Churchill littlest They Baldwin I Bevan. Now you go to the beach you're lucky you can see a single Chris Grayling Tatton in an entire afternoon, and that shows what brief politics has become and Ed Miliband is sort of in a forefront of this. He is, he was it possibly the least appropriate party leader in in this nation's history. I mean it's hard to think anyone less suited to leading a bullet. But other than main cause There is no relevant experience, he comes to a privilege background and he is unnecessarily young for the job. The very least he could do is look and sound authentic. If you're gonna have slick, media, managed politicians at least make them a slick and B. Look like

paid attention to an end media management classes. The british electorate about convinced by Ed Miliband as a vegan, would be if a pig walked up so in Minnesota. Thoren said you can eat me, I'm a lettuce go on tuck in and he got he a picked up. One of these completely irrelevant political micro storms for getting the price of an average family food shop wrong. I think he said it was seventy in the actual figures, a hundred pounds a week frankly, if your leader of a political- but you should not have time to uh contemplate going to the shops, you should just be living on takeaways frankly, and also to be fair. He does that he does spend seventy on his weekly shot, but he spends it all on watermelons, which he then paint faces on onto them up around his dinner table at home and pretends to be holding a cabinet meeting, and that is the clue this thing he will have to relevant experience. She

he become prime minister at next year's general election, so there any grounds for optimism. Well, you know I'm not a god, fearing man, John and that feeling is entirely mutual. But I assume, if I thought praying was, well I'll, be asking a big man to pull out some of the old magic one of his finest ever continents cause Europe needs now, John European Union, or does it is one of the greatest political ideas and his would be a real shame if it wast itself up the wall in a morass of needless legislation and bloating. This and I dreadful on. You know it's one of the founding missions of it was to stop Europe from killing itself. It began. One thousand nine hundred and fifty one with the formation of the European Coal and steel community and in the Schuman Declaration of nineteen. Fifty, the french Foreign Minister, Robert Schumann, Little Bobby Shumin popping up there in the box with a terrific little paws proposal for a supranational community. He said this probably born of this year, which is solidly united, unconstructed and constructed around a strong framework, and One of his intention was to make will not only unthinkable but materially in

possible in the nations involved France, W Germany, ITALY, Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg. Why not Luxembourg? Why not joy in for fun Barragan mind twice in the previous thirty five years, most of those countries have been key pulling the living shit out of each other and that much european history prior to that had also been spent, killing the living shit out of each other when you're got bored of that. We sell around the world and killed the out of we have we found elsewhere in the world. Sometimes you got the ticket to up to it, but sometimes it ourselves other times we outsourced it to all could cater to decals. Look small box will fall starvation, So it's been a step forward and I don't like massive can't mental walls done, because I'm a coward and be as a consumer. I don't think they represent good value for money. So I think this european idea is something that the continent should be. Sing to the wall, some shots of it wasn't all a rightward drift. There was also a swing to the left in some areas in Spain. There's a brand new political party called Appadi most party, and it was uh

He formed way way back in twenty fourteen and it registered one point: two million votes, eight percent of the spanish vote and now has five seats in the European Solomon amongst its aims, our poverty reduction, social dignity it controls on lobbying and trying to stamp out tax evasion, which I'm sure are lefty affectations that they will simply have to grow out of when the realities of government come calling. A quick bit of Adam NEWS now and footage captured by scientists has revealed a parasitic wasp. The pace with evolved a zinc tip to drill on its snout to bore into fruit. Now this is very exciting development. So, John, I imagine it's been huge news in the states are offering something Marvel have already bought the rights,

the new superhero, the zinc tipped wasp. Well, I think it's the first sign of the animal kingdom. Finally, fighting back in its age old battle with the top dogs humans when you're, not dogs, out of the top dog slot, you know you're pretty fucking special species functionality that that is going to really kick start. My movie career, I'm going to be the sink tip, wasp buzz around singing people, but not dying from it. So I think when people are kicking movie creator not trying to make it start again, I'm going to defeat the pewter tip v but it's very interesting. This sink tip drilled wasp appears to have concentrated on developing industrial machinery rather than transport or military hardware. And it's not the first time this happened cause the 19th century naturalist on Alias Paul Kuhn, came back from an eight year expedition in Africa, with sketches of gorillas with citing source for arms and giraffes with tv aerials in the head.

There are also rumors that an armadillo with machine guns and out somewhere in Madagascar is at, but with those rumors are as yet made up, but we cannot rest and I'll buy pidal laurels anymore, these animals, how to knock us off evolutionary purse John and we have to respond as we've always responded to any threat from the animal kingdom by hunting it to extinction. Beyond your emails. Now this one comes in from Robin much of the beagle I've been catching up. I downloaded the back catalog and it's taken me six months of listening to wade through all the vault it's to get to the present in May two thousand and fourteen as a consequence of what could be called a punished. Or self flagellation. I've learned one penises are always funny true, but particularly on a roof How long until congressman nails to Red Square that particular funny, or wangle from Napoleon's corpse. The most

in Paris reason allowed. I did some of that. Those Napoleon painters, jobs that we got on and we did on the vehicle the previous week and I doubt if I think, from still still but old account, if not for the whole of Napoleon and certainly for his penis two wearing my Orange bugle socks in orange vehicles. Golf and drinking from my eulogy mug makes life better. Well that never has a truer word being spoken and you can buy all that much after the bugle, podcast dot com and three I know more about cricket now that I ever wanted to know. Well, I might be more than you ever wanted to know Robin, but uh there's not all that you need to know you need to know more. We need to devote yourself to it. Cricket will save you from the harsh realities of reality and they conclude only around the special price for his twelve one joke in Google, one hundred twenty seven, the best joke I've heard in ages, It was a great joke, no question about that. We were making world class joke for those. You didn't hear it it's on, but we were talking about this last last weekend, while you're here by coincidence here, is

Here's a joke. It came a little while into a particularly costs heavy bugle. It stings a little bit John to be honest as a as a as a citizen of the United Kingdom, as always, the lamb used to start the pipe yeah yeah? Yes, although I'm that girl really yeah using every now and again, it's been falsely swearing at Google recently yeah? I don't know why. That is pretty funny any suggestions. Well, maybe you just need to listen to the words of the Pope. Alright. Well, at least I don't finish where that's not twelve, today, I was gonna, say twelve, pretty much the jewish attitude new testament isn't it

oh Andy, button help with that. But in hell for that job, that's a way to make the absolutely foul truly sublime well. I hope you enjoy that job you, because I'm going to suffer eternal pain for your laughter, Lego that some I mean in many ways, John, that is not only the highlight of my professional career, but arguably it's in the top four moments in my life, and I understand I only say that, because I have one wife and two children who might at some stage listen to this. So I have to say full, not talk, one, today's counties, ten and three excluding the clip of the last one. All right will that mean that gets into a whole philosophical letters will count as this. The

do you get your emails coming in to info at the people below cost of come and get a check out sent out by ST cloud dot com, slash the hyphen bugle. We also to buy your ticket for my Edinburgh show at the stand. Also, there's a charity gig on Wednesday, the fourth of June at the hideaway in stratum right by stratum station in South London, starts eight hundred and thirty doors from six hundred and thirty tickets. Fifteen pounds raising money for the stratum, youth and community trust charity that my my wife works for featuring me, Russell Howard and Tiffany Stevens, and you can get tickets at hideawaylive, DOT, co, dot. Uk unquestionably the show is events of the millennium. Now just time for a quick section, a quick report now from the Bugle Pool Championships held last week and Gypsy Hill, South London and

CALL John's. I'm sure remember: the Google pull changes resulted in a convincing wing for a very deserving champion: Andy Zaltzman, the thirty nine year old Father of two Absolute demolished, the Well bait and former british number, eight point: three million francs John Oliver, and one of the finest displays of tactic. Poland Cuban ship that the game has ever seen a many founded expected close contest, but Sir Salzman one frame after frame was all of a spotting and break building, while, frankly, it collapsed. Lung hippos, hammock and Boltzmann's masterful safety play allied Allied Clinical Pottinger pool balls in the pool pockets well, apps to run away with it last year and Bacon official who claimed the title in considerable style. I'm delighted to say that we're joined now by the Bugle Pool champion Andy Zaltzman, Andy hello. Thanks for some time off from this recording to talk to us and that's fine, actually no problems in the studio anyway. Now you must be delighted with your form on those are truly magnificent performance. You won by a Franklin, almost embarrassing margin in the end. Yeah well

just got out there and concentrate on my pool shots and let all the hype gets me and was delighted with an absolute thumping victory over John my thoroughly and rightfully demoralized opponent, when, where next Friday, off the shoulder going to tougher challenges, the challenge John Oliver was able to provide on the pool table. Yes, why with all due respect to John uh. These are the kind of matches I expect myself to win an. I did win by an absolutely colossal distance, accurate Speaking with Andy and now joining us from New York. There's the defeated Build Google finalists, John Oliver, so So what went wrong well in wrong, I mean that was that was an absolute showing absolute of one off aberration and just look at look at the school board for the series. That's all that so this proves nothing she can do. Click occasion? John! That's what it shows! That's what it shows now will be back next week With the official Bugle Football World CUP Preview and that tournament cannot start soon enough from a point view of ignoring all world news

listening big loose. We will speak to you again next week, goodbye boy.