« The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

The Unhappy Millionaire

2019-09-24

How can winning the lottery ruin your life - while contracting an incurable disease feel like 'a gift'? Dr Laurie Santos hears about dreams come true and nightmares realised; and talks with Dr Dan Gilbert about why human happiness isn't defined by these major events in the way we all assume.

For an even deeper dive into the research we talk about in the show visit happinesslab.fm 

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
How happiness lab listeners I want to tell you about a new podcast. I think you're like it's called the last archive and it features one of my favorite new Yorker writers. The Harvard historian Jill Upward Jill asks the big question who killed truth. She looks for clues and events across the twentieth century from a brutal death in Burma to the invention of the lighted factor to the relief of the polio vaccine. The last archive is, unlike any podcast you ve heard before it brings history to life with archival tapes, intrepid field reporting and old, timey radio drama reenactments. The last archive unfurled, like a classic nineteen, thirty mystery, but takes on the big issues of today wouldn't you like to know who killed truth then check out the last hour have brought you buy. Pushkin industries have included a trailer at the end of this at the so you can subscribe today on Apple Spotify or ever you get your part casts. It was the worst thing.
That ever happened to me. These were the words uttered by Billy Bob Harold Junior, a man whose had been unremarkable before a fateful event that ruined everything on June twenty Ninety ninety seven before that thing ever event occurred. Bob was a relatively happy middle aged texts. He was a religious family man who care deeply, his parents, his wife, Barbara Gene in their three children, Billy Bob work the local home depot stocking shelves with electrical equipment it wasn't the most lucrative career but Billy Bob. His wife found ways to make ends meet his life by all counts, was relatively blast but on hot summer evening. Everything aged within months. His marriage had fallen apart, his body bed, Barbara Jean filed for divorce, Billy Bob tried dating younger women but still felt terrible, he lost
almost fifty pounds making him look sickly and got his child. Would later say that his personality completely changed. He switch from. Happy dad. They knew into a moody depressive. In May of ninety. Ninety nine less than two years after that incident, which have not yet named Billy Bob couldn't take it anymore. He locked self in his master bedroom and took his own life. So what was that worse thing ever occurrence? awful event that destroyed Billy, Bob's family and his entire her life? It was this Billy Bob One, the Lotto Texas, Jackpot Little Texas dry in a split second, he was thirty one million dollars richer. Now that Wasn't that kind of worst ever event, your imagining when we think of tragedy,
we imagine the death of a family member, some disfiguring car crash or total financial ruin. What Billy bought experience is actually something many of us yearn for. He became a multi millionaire overnight, he was so The rich, beyond his wild streams, wealthy enough to his job and to buy what ever He and his family needed for the rest of their lives, but the one four fortune. He literally prayed for its we didn't make him as happy as he expected. I bet you think that would be the case for you most are convinced that making tons of money would feel good, but, as it turns out we're probably wrong and not just about money. Research that we suck at predicting. What will make us happy generally, both When were imagining, how will feel when we get what we want? The good stuff like hitting the jackpot, getting the perfect job being accepted to our dream school, but also
When we envision some of the worst events, a person could possibly into her. Why are we so bad and making these predictions what's going wrong. Our minds are constantly telling us what to do to be happy. But what, if our minds are wrong? One of our minds are lying to us, leading us away from really make us happy. The good news is that under seeing signs in mind when it's all back in the right direction, here listening to the happiness lab or is it. If you have an enemy, go buy them a lottery ticket because on the chance that they win their life, is gonna, be Really messed up, I'm speaking with clay cockroach he knows that the misery Billy Bob experienced after winning the lottery wasn't a one off
he's a clinical social worker and psychotherapist. His business address is up near Colombia. Nickel in New York City, but more often than not He can be found in central park or on the banks of the Hudson River, I do something unusual in that I walk with my clients instead of meeting in an office, walk and talk, I think better on my feet. His methods is psychotherapists or novel, but clay also works with a rather Particular clientele about years ago, I started working with the super wealthy people in one per cent of the one percent. Somehow my name got passed around this very small world as some who doesn't ring judgment so if you are struggling, with I can't find a place to park. My yacht, I had no judgment about that. I'm gonna help you. Your problem is as real as someone else's clarifying that providing council to the richest of the rich generates
certain amount of hostility from the other? Ninety nine point: nine percent who think the mega wealthy had a pretty good being anxious about yacht parking, doesn't play well with well most people honestly, the general public, when they find out what I do, they dont have a lot of sympathy because they bought into this idea that they have a certain amount of problems that are related to money, and they have this belief that if I have money, my problems will go away, but when they find out that there's somebody out there that has a lot of money and they still have problems it busts that fantasy. So this thing that their working toward I just need a little bit. More monies must all by problems. You really challenges that belief system claims right that most people believe they just need a little bit more income for their troubles to end one study ass people how much money? Would you really need to be happy? What's an income level that, if you got it You wouldn't need anymore.
Who are currently earning thirty thousand dollars a year say they need fifty KGB happier, which makes sense, but do folks who actually earned fifty I think that was all that's needed. Not really people earning twice them a hundred thousand dollars said I need a salary of two hundred and fifty k to truly be happy. This myth more money equals happiness, so I just gotta get some more I'll get there. I just gotta get some more. We ve all heard that money can't buy you happiness, but is that really true, two Nobel Prize Winning scientists, Danny Economists and Angus D in teamed up to find out they test but how annual salary in the? U S today affects them, different measures of wellbeing. What did they find? Well, it turns out. The income does affect, while being for me, lower salary levels, if you in ten or twenty thousand dollars
earning more will make you feel less stressed and happier, but that effective income on while being starts to level off, and it does so really quickly. Based on their estimate. It is much better to earn. Seventy thousand than forty thousand life is a lot different, but it's not a lot different from seventy thousand two hundred and fifty or to fit, common Indian found that once you're running an annual income of seventy five thousand dollars getting more doesn't help you dont, get less stressed or happier your well being just flat lines, even if Double or even quadruple your salary, that's what the day suggest, but it's definitely not what most of us believe when I first got out of grad school. I made fourteen thousand dollars a year, and while this is amazing, you begin to think: ok, there's a correlation here, more money equals a better life, I keep working until you get around seventy five
eight thousand dollars and your basic needs are met, but you ve learned a lesson: more money incremental He is going to make you happier and your life easier, but you start getting more more money and more more money and it's not working like it used to. When I went from fourteen to thirty five, I just need to work a little harder and get up to two hundred and fifty our intuition, that more money equals more happiness means. We don't realize the host of problems that come with being incredibly rich, but clearly seen these problems first hand. In his many clients they stood. They're not sleeping at night. They dont have good relationships, one of the most common Olaf's crises is guilt. The wealthy Also by into the idea that money brings happiness, tat Cognitive D. Of being so rich. Yet so sad and pitch two emotional turmoil, my life is perfect, but each would be. I shouldn't complaint. I shouldn't seek psychotherapy to help me deal with my problems, because I really shouldn't have them
and like Billy Bob Harold after hitting the jackpot, the rich, often struggle and their close relations I do trust because they ve been burned a lot, particularly unromantic relationships, you get into prenuptial agreements, and are you only getting into this relationship because I'm gonna buy you nice things. Even casual friendships can be hard to maintain they caught the one percent for a reason. There's not a lot of people out there that have this kind of money, so a majority, the population on a fundamental level, you're not gonna, be able to relate to theirs alone. Isolation. Are you being my friend because of my bank account if we after lunch, am I just expected to pick up the tab. When you're talking about your weekend. I had this one client that gotta be friends at the local Jim. They were talking about their weekend that they went out with their wives and that we he just happened to have taken. His how to Paris to try out this new restaurant
so how do you talk about that without it feel like you're, rubbing your wealth in someone's face, but the biggest problem places? Is it the Richfield trapped for most problems we encounter in life, there are painful, but culturally septuple solutions if in a bad relationship. You can pack bags and leave you hate your job so quit. But if you're loaded and Miss trouble about it. You're not gonna, give away you're too attached. It gives to my freedom, so you say your trap, the golden handcuffs, so I have people who say, I can't get rid of it, because it's amazing, it's great but are there so much unhappiness and isolation and guilt that comes along with having this. Ironically, the rich then fall prey to the same bias. We do maybe the problem Isn't that money? Maybe it's chow! they need a little bit more. I've worked with people who had fifty million dollars and they say yeah, but I really
I can't do everything that I want. Theirs is wonderful painting that would really eat into my savings. This one guy had a hundred million dollars but had a sense that what I hit, that billion that's when things really change, and you think that's it's crazy you have more money than you could possibly spend, but there, urging for happiness and people to me and I understand its heart. It was hard for me to think that, but living in this world. Working with these people, I understand money is not going to buy happiness, so be careful what you wish for. Be careful what you wish for? That's a warning. Many of us have heard before, but it fits with a groan body of research showing that nearly every amazing thing in life. Tons of money to an amazing house to the perfect grades. Those Things simply won't make us as happy as we predict they well
Almost all of us believed that we would be happy if we could just get what we want and the only impediment to our happiness is that we can't always, what we want. This stand, Gilbert he won't want, favorite books on human psychology. It's called, Sir pulling on happiness. It turns out that people get exactly what they want their, not always happy when they give opposite a movie. What they wanted. They often are, That's a little bit of a mystery. It's kind of mystery that attracts psychologists, this puzzle as dear research over the last two decades has shown stems One of our most exceptional cognitive faculties are unique. Ability to run mental simulations of the future. Brand new faculty that is wired into the human brain? No other animal can do anything vaguely like it. No chimpanzee is ever thought about whether it's gonna look good in a bathing suit when it retires, but these brand new abilities are still invaded testing in a sense, we have an ability, you might call per section one point oh and
still being worked on. So it's got bugs one of the bugs and inspection. One point out that a Billy We have to plan for the future is that your brain can stimulate all the parts of a given tat, when you imagining things unfolding overtime, you can't imagine them unfolding in real time. Can you Could then somebody would say, imagine moving Chicago and you'd have to spend four months imagining moving to Chicago that's how long it actually takes so of the wonderful thing. Is about simulation. Is it gives you a quick, sketch and then it runs into hyper speed, but that's also one of its flaws, because a quick sketch, often lack, important details when things run at hyper speed. They run right over the details. That often matter we missed the critical d else of almost any good event. We try to stimulate, but let's Look in more detail. At the example we started with earlier getting rich on our wildest dreams, what kinds of data to say why players miss when they think about winning all that cash
close your eyes and imagine winning lottery. Most of us imagined ourselves in a bathtub full of money or on a yacht. Quitting our job buying a big house, all the things we can get with money. You're, not thinking about the things you're gonna lose. It's very unlikely you're going to continue all the same social relationships you have with people who need money, but don't have any. Under the number of people and relatives that will come out of the woodwork begging you to help over and over fail to realise that the social groups to which you would like to belong, don't want to have anything to do with you cause. You got your money, the wrong way, and on and on? None of that is in our mental simulation of the future. Dan has shown. There's a nasty consequence to missing important details. It means our emotional predictions of how these events will feel are way off track Would you rather have a weakened in Paris or gum surgeries kind of a one item iq test in almost everybody gets that right,
Would they don't realises that the weekend in Paris won't be as good as they think it will be, and the with feelings, won't last as long as they expect this. It is true, thankfully, for the gum surgery, these tumors predictions being wrong about how intention of it will feel and how long will feel that way is what Dan has christen impact by us and one famous study. He asked young professors at the University of Texas to forecast how they feel when they got tenure that permanent possess and they all knew faculty crave. Dan tested people's predictions, using a seven point, happiness scale. Most professors thought they'd be really happy if they got tenure around a six out of seven on that scale. But how did professors actually feel when they heard good news. They report, only being five out of seven Dan. Also, ass to what happened to professors who got bad news the ones who found out they didn't get tenure. They assume they'd be three point, four out of seven on that happiness scale,
but in reality, actual professors who got denied tenure will only afford wait seven. On average, they felt a whole plead better than any one expected I see a similar, Miss prediction all the time in my college students at Yale students are concerned. They'll be ecstatic if they get a good bread and are sure they'll feel devastated if they do badly psychologists have now seen the same pattern in many walks of life lovers per day, they'll take a long time to recover from a sad break up, but bounced back far quicker. Drivers believe they'll be devastated if they fail to get their licence, but aren't sad out of the DMV empty handed as they think sameness for job applicants who are passed over and even peace, its guessing how they feel about a positive or negative. Hiv diagnosis. Put simply the good won't be as good. The bad things won't be as bad as your mind lead you to believe. Dance has
that this pattern stems from yet another way our minds lie to us We don't notice that we have a tendency to get used to stuff even when something feels amazing at first, we can enjoy it forever, This is a phenomenon that psychologists call. He dawning adaptation. You be really really happy endlessly. All the time or your emotional system isn't doing its job, it has to come the baseline. So it can once again guide you to the next good thing that you as an organism ought to be doing. He Donna patient means that, after a while, we tend to go back to baseline level of emotional satisfaction. My students are happy for a while, after getting a perfect grid for a couple of hours, as they may be a seven out of nine. But after a day or so they just go back to them. Usual set point level of happiness. The good bad events. Don't move US or down for as long as we think. So. Just a hard and fast truth that you can't.
Stay at ten for ever and ever and ever p mistakenly think they can. They think happiness is a place that if they could get to it, they could build a house and live there. Their entire lives. It's only a vacation destination as place. You can visit more and more often few do there. Things and you can stay longer longer, but you can't day forever does an import thing to know, because people often feel that if their happiness has come back to baseline after something wonderful, as happened, something's wrong, why didn't this marriage this child? This promotion give me the eternal happiness I was seeking, because there is no such thing as eternal happiness, so happily, ever after is just not psychologically relays of all. Happily ever after is only true if you have three minutes to live, but this process also has an important upside. We get so all the bad stuff too. Horrible break up the chronic illness. Worse job with the lower salary, as we totally adapted these things,
gradually start to distress us less. Unless the problem is, we don't realize it, despite the fact that two months. Prior, I was sitting in my bag crying when, as out like wishing, I would die it shows that lake life goes on It's not the end of the world. The happiness lab we'll be back in a moment. Basically. I remember I was on tender all these great stories on timber guns is telling me how she met the man of her dreams, super, beautiful, beautiful guy blue eyes, full lapse and how He changed her life forever. I like TAT. I was so that in the home after chatting
and for a while and tender Raphael fail, agreed to a first date, something really Loki. The coupled just walked around getting to know each other. They didn't even tests, but things picked up. After that we were hang out for hours and hours. We decided to go, to my neighborhood, so we can. Sit by the river by the Hudson River cause. It's pretty its washes sunset over there and we ended up having sex and I thought I did everything wary like. I carried condoms around In my mind, I was doing everything right but fail, I was about to hear the sort of news that Nobody wants to hear the next day sort of came down with what he thought was like a colder. Thing here, like a sore throat and whose feeling very fatigued and. Then, a couple days later, I start circle out the same thing: her beautiful boy with the blue eyes, with first to seek medical advice. He sent a text. I went to
Doctor and they think all this might be a sign of herpes. That was a weird text message going to urgent her crying and I'm like Anita Herpes, does Raphia got her he'll diagnosis soon after those for a few days. I'm Ambrose sing about crying. You know I like I an arrow honest die was the worst thing in the world. Not only was I like, physically uncomfortable, but how many date, someone has anyone. Gonna love me, in addition to being a physical pain with red, bumps, honour, genital She was also an emotional pain. Her dream, guy dropped her in a flash yeah. He was like. Oh this changed my vibe. I knew he was a very, very distant. I thought like ok, we will have this thing like we can go through it together and sort of like learn it together and figures out together, but he was very much sort of like in it for himself. I felt sort of of betrayed, though I were, but also others. Coming to my mind, rough religion only feel
betrayed by the man who gave her herpes and disappeared her died. This also freaked out the people closer to her. She was like one of my oldest friends but then I can find it in her when, unlike certain my crimes that have all these itchy red bumps and the guy's ignoring me. Now things changed, she's like I just think you know be better from my own sanity. If you use toilets it covers when you were here, and you know If you use hands- and it has our Latin is that so that was really hurt. For me, this was one of your orders. Yeah. This is someone I've known nonsense wherein diapers and she's not supporting you for one sounds like one of the most scary times in my life here sounds off on. That's love is horrible. Let's take a second to predict how you would feel and Raphael a situation. You can track an incurable and highly stigmatize disease. Euro mystic partner has ditched you and of your oldest friends are shunning you because of what happened with
describe all of this overall as a good thing. As positive change in your life as a present from the universe. Is that a rough analyses it she even wrote of her ravishingly dot com, which she titled getting Herpes was a gift from people really what the hell is. This aghast leg almost angry. Unlike my meal, delusional all sorts of things, and how would you possibly think that's it gets so why is it a gift? It's a gift, because I'm more knowledgeable. It's a gift because I've been able to write things like article that helps people Raphia as all the fall out from her diagnosis has given her insight. The people who really matter it's a strong litmus test for those who are really going to be there for her. Friend can't accept all of you, warts, in all pun, intended. There there not really are frightened their fair weather friends, you know, but it also
Raphaelites, a new filter for her dating life. It saved her I'm figuring out, which guys were worth her time and which pies Justin get it He said some damage shit about. Oh, am I gonna get it. If I kiss you and I'm like now, it's on my vagina. Do you think you know when you change anything? Would you do mean it sounds you learned so much from this like? Would you keep you? Do it over again keep it first of all of a dick ass. He was, he was really hot, really high and the sexual really good. So I don't regret that Secondly, it It helped me and my dating life. I feel a few months: After I was diagnosed, I met my current boyfriend, who than the other for three years, and I told him right away and he was fine with it. So that was nice to know. That's like, especially when you're. When you can try something like Herpes, you tend to think with all my lights over north ever going to see the me again, don't ever going to want to date me again, I'm never going to get married this and that, but fi, unlike their people, that have much
much worse problems. Then law. Red bumps getting Herpes much much better than feel and may have predicted, and that kind. Adaptation to adversity is some Dan Gilbert has found over and over again, but we ve and consistently? Is that in the face of negative events, people don't feel as bad as they themselves expected to other? Where pray, bad at predicting. How will feel after a good event, winning the lottery Dan has observed where worse predicting how will feel after a bad event, losing a friend, failing to get a job or even getting Herpes our impact biases. Even when we make predictions about negative life circumstances, because where problems overcome bad events more quickly than we think one of the things we fail to do when we mentally stimulate. Is we fail to consider adaptation?
We are remarkably adaptive animal. We have been born and bred pick ourselves up by the bootstraps in soldier on when the going gets. Tough. We get going Dan cause this capacity to overcome adverse. Eddie, our psychological immune system. Just as our visit, immune system kicks in when we get sick are cycle. Gloomy and system turns on when we're in mental distress and psychological immune system works really really well as soon as we start feel bad our mind deploys a whole host of mental defences. You ever had a friend experience a break up. You know at first the really unhappy and then pretty quickly they get around rationalizing. She was never really right. For me, this is really a chance for me to start my life over. I don't think we had that much in common. In the first place she didn't like my mother when mentally simulator break up you mentally simulate the anguish, but you never mentally stimulate the rationalizations what's amusing, about all those rationalizations, though, is that the happiness
get from rationalizing. A bad event is just as real as the happiness we get from something objectively good Well, there's no doubt that when people rationalize everybody around them feels that they found some sort of phony and sub standard form of happiness, I dont believe that firm in it. Happiness you get when The person you are love, says yes to the marriage proposal, isn't qualitatively differ than the kind you produce for yourself when she says no There is actually no data that I know of to suggest in its inferior form of happiness, and indeed, in some cases it can be more long lasting rough well as misery about contracting Herpes was very deep and very real. But her misery was also short lived, but what about six it that are so horrible there's no a person can carry on normally what about events so profound and so on that they change our lives forever. After the break will hear about the true power of us
the logical immune system, how it can, hence the most terrible incidents a human can endure into a form of joy, we'd, never exe act. Nineteen years old, amended humvee I'm thinking, I'm gonna die. Good to just just close my eyes and just count, let it happen. The happiness lab will return in a moment. I join as an average amount because I wanted to I wanted to be in the action. Jane remarked, as had just finish high school in a small town in the south, the only of a single mother from El Salvador after graduation. He does I did to enlist in the army. It was John after nine eleven, and he had a few predict of how things would go. The process was three years
I would be in it. I would give back to this country. It would give me up truth travel to give more discipline. It would give me an opportunity, give money for college- and I remember one of my sergeants INA one day- sit down and talk to me and tell me that I need to be prepared because we were going to be deployed sometime soon. Response to him was I'm not going anywhere yet I just got a basic training very naive of me and he was absolutely correct and right in the sense of where two months later I was play with the rest of you now hand over to the Middle EAST, going to war, J, ai. Part of the initial invasion of Iraq in two thousand three. It was all the tough transition for a nineteen year old and within weeks, tragedy struck here. We were, you know a few days shy of a month of being in Iraq and escorted the convoy with City car Karbala when the four after the heavy that I was driving, went over roadside bomb last through the entire truck and everything it was carrying the ammo
there are few and other explosives. It was a fireball there's three other soldiers in the vehicle with me. They all got thrown out of the vehicle, but I was trapped inside and within a matter of seconds, the somebody was engulfed in flames and I was completely conscious. J I was, and inside the burning truck for several minutes. He described screaming ass. He watched the skin on his hands melting. Eventually he was pulled from the vehicle, but the damage was done. In addition to broken ribs and lacerated liver, he had third, greed burns over his entire body and he'd been gulping flames into his lungs through the whole ordeal, He was immediately met of act first to Europe then to the? U S: Army Burn Centre in San Antonio Texas. We're coming out of my medical indies. Coma we Slater and my doctor, essentially just kind of laid out You know all the cards, and this is the circumstance you
and feed yourselves, you can't walk. You can't sit up. You can go to the bathroom by yourself, they also told me that I will no longer be able to remain in the United States Army, which was incredibly difficult and challenging when this happened. You and ninety- and you spent like next three I just twenty twenty one. Twenty two and ass well, the meeting next week there how much to get thirty. Four percent of my body was burned, and majority of that was third degree. So it consisted of for the listeners. I can't see me it causes that have my head, my face my arms, my hands portion of my bed portion of my legs there's no way to really fully described the pain unless you ve been through it, but was incredible about being burned, survivor impatient at the time The party you bite, it isn't burned, still hurts because they usually used the areas of your body that are not scarred, as and to do scheme graphs and usually that donor cited, is more painful than the actual injury itself, but generous physical pain with now.
Think compared to his emotional anguish, when he enlisted he'd been something of a local throb. You know it's when it is growing up. I always heard you know from like my mom's friends, you know how these women need, I would say, hell my God, he's so cutie, so this he so that in So our group just think alike. That's what I am you know. No one ever said he has an amazing personality. He's funny. Is these whatever tickled and nothing is cute. In so suddenly I look at myself, I'm like that's like you. What I see in the mere that's not and that person that I see I do not recognise. I have no relationship with that individual the old J had died and, as you can imagine, I fell into a deep dark place of of I was deployed I was angry. I was resentful. I was a victim in every sense of the word deep burns and thick skin over his entire body
dozens of surgeries and hears of his young wife wasted in the hospital plus the permanently. Of his good looks and his military career. Those are some of the most profound and tragic events a person can endure. But how does g? think about all these awful events today I can tell you right now that what happened to me is a blessing. That's right as a blessing Considering the fact that I was trapped inside of a burning truck for five minutes, unfortunately only have what I have I have a lot of friends and I know a lot of people that unfortunately have missing limbs are, you know have are more scarred in our or disfigured you know, so I in that sense, incredibly fortunate, so cool to hear you say that you are incredibly fortunate is again. I think people who just heard the story, you guys convey explodes expense that decent chunk of his twenties announcement, having major major surgeries, lose whiskers, arrested his life and then you're, saying I'm working
like I'm the last year will I am because you know I think, about how I am blessed to have a second chance at life I don't want to take this second chance for granted and J. I did take free opportunity that came his way a badly injured vat, open doors that J I never dreamed of. He became mentor for other burn victims which led to a few loose speaking gigs, telling story, so openly built up objects, confidence so much so that one friend casually mention that jail should try out for an acting job. He decided to go for it. I became actor on a soap opera on my children and that led dancing with the stars to ask me to be on the show and then add, I in some other shows. After then, I wrote a book about my life and my mother's life in my family life and it became a New York Times best seller. I mean people magazine put beyond a cover, because these cars. I have this incredible ability to get paid. Attention
Fifteen seconds of curiosity right like who? Is that what happened to him, though,. Fifteen seconds of curiosity that people have it's. My job mine too, that fifteen seconds and turn it into thirty seconds into forty five into sixty seconds into five minutes. Ten minutes ago, if time of actual educated dialogue. This is who I am everyday I thought I wanted in life. You know I wanted to be a fresh professional football player and have fame and have all this money and be able to do all these things. If I would have accomplished those things. What I be as happy as I am now you change anything when you do or differently. Now in change, anything. I ate one hundred percent mean that, but you wouldn't change like the explosion. This the is a surgery. You keep all that yeah because The life- I have no mean a beautiful wife and beautiful daughter in
the beautiful eyes that I've crave for myself, I mean cash I'm blast. With bad events. We often don't realize that some good can come out of them. Then Gilbert his unsurprising that people like air Sea positive, the negatives, even in the worst of circumstances, he's seen it time and again in his work on he Donna adaptation startlingly, if you ask people who lost a child, which is the single worst advance that people can imagine experiencing, and indeed it is one of the worst events, people can actually experience. If you ask people lost a child, they never say gee, I'm glad that happened, but if you, the name, the good and the bad things that have come from it. Tender more good than bad things. That's a very stunning fact that we should just sit back and marvel at the possibility that the worst thing in the world could happen to us
and probably more good than bad will come out of it. There are awful events that how'd you to feel pain and hurt and loss, but we're fighters. When push comes to shove we're really resilient. Problem is we don't realize that can you understand the power of the psychological immune system are remarkable ability to rationalize in the face of adversity. It makes you braver you realize that you will make the stakes and eight will be o k there's a lesson there for all of us After making this episode, I've become even more convinced about that lesson. He Donna Adaptation means the loss of life aren't going to be, as often as you imagine just as the house will be more temporary than you hope, psychologist I already knew that winning the lottery and other great circumstances don't bring lasting happiness. But, honestly,
We often forget about the flip side, so I'm not make a conscious effort to be a bit braver, to stop worrying, So much to remember that I haven't, I, emotional superpower, one that get me through the worst of circumstances, and I hope, you'll, the same because even though your mind might tell you otherwise joy, doesn't come from everything in life working out perfectly. It comes adopting better habits and better behaviors, all strategies will be discussing in coming episodes of the happiness lab with me doctor lorry centres, If you enjoyed the shell I'd be super grateful if you could spread the word by leaving a rating in the review It really does help other listeners find us and don't forget Your friends If you want to learn more about the science you heard on the show, then check out. Website happiness, lab effort,
you can also sign up for our newsletter to get exclusive content. The happiness lab is covered in and produced by Ryan Daily. The show is mixed and mastered by Evan, Vila edited by Julia Barton fact. Checking by Joseph Friedmann, Freedman and original music was composed by Zachary Silver special thanks to me all about Carly, Migliore, Heather, Fain, Maggie Taylor, Maya, king and Jacob Weisberg. The happiness lab is brought to you, Pushkin Industries industries me doctor, lorries. A strange thing happened to me in the library, while back I needed to pick up a few books, This was before the quarantine, a question. Was nagging me. It had been nagging me for a long time who killed truth. This truth problem. It isn't just bad its deadly.
It's also way older than it might seem this mystery. Its historical Angela for and I'm a historian of Harvard and staff writer at the New Yorker husband out of time trying to solve mysteries like this one so anyway, I was at the library Everything seem normal hum swiped my card the elevator down to the basement. Upon volumes of the shelves, and then I saw it something I never seen before down here, at the end of the rope, hidden in the shadows green door. There was a sign on the door, a tarnished breastplate, We barely make out the words it read the letter archive
tv and radio confuse hello right, right hello. How are you no one's there, the voice from the past, places great. We waited very firewall, heralded the discovery which assured and want to ban time granted it in here
These long before Karuna Virus a congressional debate about the government's role in developing a vaccine. Is there any other term for them as socialized medicine, hold horror movies therein here to punch cards from the forgotten history of the National Data Center at work referred to as being that work is now operating in records of records. Bird songs considered America, foremost Songbird hermits rush all these voices from the past sound. Nobody is heard for decades, maybe somewhere in this vast last archive this corridor of the mind like a fine. What Looking for an answer to that question. Killed truth, I decided to start a podcast. It's called the last archived hotel. Stories from a hundred years, a history of America and our army. It's about truth and evidence.
Have you any order found Mimi back here I'll leave the door unlocked the last archive coming brought to you by Pushkin industries
Transcript generated on 2020-05-26.