You're concerned that your foot fetish betrays the dedication you have to your significant other and makes you some kind of pervert in waiting. Is there anything you can do to course-correct your way back to decency, or should you just embrace this as an indelible part of yourself that you have the power to control? Or maybe no one should judge you for your foot fetish until they've walked a mile in your shoes? Welcome to Feedback Friday!
And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now let's dive in!
Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/604
On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Is your foot fetish really a problem as long as the way it makes you feel doesn't intrude on the way anyone else feels?
- Is your roommate just wagging the dog when she insists her pooch got fleas from your apartment instead of the other way around?
- Was there a better way to make it clear you and your significant other want to get married on your own terms than refusing to participate in the garter/bouquet toss at their pushy family's wedding?
- Would it be rude of you and your siblings to request your historically terrible gift-giving mother instead direct her resources to charity?
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at email@example.com!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi.
Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!
Miss our interview with Jonna Mendez, the CIA’s former chief of disguise? Catch up with episode 344: Jonna Mendez | The Moscow Rules here!
Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we...
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome to feedback Friday on your host Jordan Harbinger, as always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer Gabriel, Miss Raw. He well without an came gave. You know
Do those big man feels like a weirdo
Sandro it doesn't. It sounds like I just got some serious part of the show, but I still after weeks I, whatever Idas I had
rod debt is rod. Monodist should still
like there's a little five percent of its still alive someone. My scientist, Cavvies Germany, freaking crazy, like as a broadcaster having anything
we are with my voice is pure torture. It's just like a thumbtack and my shoe. In any case,
on the Jordan Harbinger show we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use
in fact, your own life and those around you. We want
I'll, be see the matrix when it comes to how these amazing people think and behave. Our mission here on the show is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker, so you can get a much deeper.
Understanding of how the world works and make sense of what really happening, even inside your own mind, if you're
due to the show on Friday sets today, whatever data, is it still Friday here on the shore
we give advice to you, we answer listener questions the rest of the week. We have long for
interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from spies to see owes athletes to authors thinkers to performers. This week we had Tom right, he investigates com.
shit from government all the way through to financial fraud. On this episode, we discussed one of the biggest financial fraud in history, corruption that resulted in Billy
of dollars being stolen from the everyday malaysian. It's really fascinating conversation. I got into corruption and oligarchs and shelter
Mason shady financial deals all around the world, including how us here in the United States are complicit in a lot of, as we also had
RO. This is one from the vault, always love talking.
micro. We talk about the beginning of his career, the foundation, training for jobs that actually exist. He is always so compelling so fun. You will definitely love this episode. It's from quite a few years.
So I think you'll really enjoy it, even if you ve already heard it caused, or for I have a decade ago, when you did so be sure to check out everything
that we created for you here this week gave it up at a crown,
off. My weird aid is here yesterday. I drank dish, soap, one, and it was an accident yes
I came home after a walk and I was like really warm and thirsty, and on the top,
on the kitchen island. There was a nice touch
a beer glass and at the bottom there was like three inches of of apple cider and there was a case of
jar of apples cider. You know like go on the kitchen. I, unlike what you call a jug of apple cider, and it was
ice cold and I was like what I'm not gonna poor more in here. I want to finish what Jen left, because she's probably taken an app, so I took it and I doubt
a bunch of it in an immediately burn, Aithra quoth. They get burned an ice to spit out as much like that. You know like when you're like slamming liquid, it's too late, some washing my face and wash em amount that spending and unlike
a thing in gagging engender like what happened and I'm like, I think I just what's wrong,
with that secular and she's going. Are you kidding me so she had been processing these perceptions from a tree in the
next door, neighbor's yard that are on my brother in law within next to him. He has a persimmon tree, so she's processing is like peeling on a pillow and a dehydrator going to come up. Well, she left him in the same
the work as we were, all cut him under the weather and had a cold and she's very pregnancy. She was like. I just can't do all this at once. Fruit flies started to sort of invade our kitchen in how you get
fruit flies as you poor, little bit of apple, cider and or apple site or vinegar, into a cup with dish, soap and traps them and you leave it.
And she left it right next to the jug of apple cider, in a place where we leave cups of things that were drinking and I reckon chugged it sir
Oh yeah, so
I and my throat is on fire animals, but that's why you have run monotonous. You don't have a? U graduated, you waited all the rod. Monitors maybe realised with some other. Does it yet that's a good point now
several raw rob vocal cords from slamming dish soap. Luckily, we use some fancy organic crops or its provide enough to call poison control, although I did very your fine
you're just read baby yeah. You actually called all you have to cause. It's like this is poison. What soap was it? I was like ours and I
they give the brand away, because I don't know that's a good idea, but they really go you're. Probably ok like it's, probably fine yeah. How much did you drink, but if you are like gurgling with parliament
presenting thought like I had a death wish and I just slammed a whole bottle of deer soap and there, like. Oh, you took a sip of your wife's, like my travel, admitted, happy yeah. If you'll be fine, you're, an idiot but you're fine, you're, gonna, be fine. You're gonna probably have the Russians and be really embarrassed. That's our professional opinion book, sir. Your problem is not with where you're just with what's going on in your household, but the different number,
like Feedback Friday, there's a deeper issue here, yet
moving re launch. This is our last episode of the year
I have to say this this year, flew by not that every year doesn't fly, but this one really flew by primarily because I spent like everyone else most of it. In my kitchen doing work. I have
amber giving my little sum up of twenty twenty talkin about how brutal last year was in many ways a wondering when the vaccines would be available when we could get back on airplanes and go home for the holidays and all that again and now
Were there and things like tat
the back to normal, but also definitely not really back to normal. We're still feeling our way through this thing very much
transition between the horror show of twenty twenty interposed. Panty d
world. If they're even is such a thing may be there, isn't that fast,
heading in a lot of ways, but I also know for a lot of us. It's just uncertain it's difficult, its intense its bring it up a lot of huge questions that we never thought we'd be asking ourselves, including the question
dollar. Sending us here on Feedback Friday, and so I just wanted to thank you
on the bottom of our hearts, gave me to speak for you and say thank you from you as well. Unless you want a charming really with your Ya'Ll oven,
I did us into your lives. This year, whether you wrote in with your question- or you just tune in each week to hear how, while the other people's lives can get feedback Friday to real joy, for me is my.
every part of you in the show just hearing
The story is getting to talk to you directly. I appreciate you guys sharing so much of yourselves with us, letting us do this,
I'm with you, even if it's just me, slamming dear so, by trying to keep some of their personal anecdotes minimal, but sometimes are due ridiculous. This part of the
I'm getting real with you guys. Looking for answers, finding new insights, it's really special. It's a lot of fun.
so yeah twenty one was another wild one, but it was also. It was exciting,
for us here on the show right this month, I'm going into my fifteenth year of podcasting fifteen years. So
four of them here on the new show once again, twenty twenty one was our biggest Europe.
Far. We hit our six hundred episode last week and this episode you listening to me
This is our two hundredth feedback Friday on they show alone. I had a view on or more before. We even got to this point right. So this is. This is a real.
Sort of achievement here for the Jordan Harbinger Show. I also got to sit down with some amazing folks. This past year
Listen Cooper, T Pain, Brian Chest
you found over being be re dahlia at least twice having Matthew mechanically
all right all right all right in all. Stop there,
The list goes on and on, I would say some of my favorites are not even famous people, just the wild stories that some of those scientists and people kidnapped by pirates in these types of folks here
my favorites as a lotta. You know we also sign that
the exciting new deal with podcast, one that I talked about a few weeks ago. I'm super proud of that.
of all Gemini by the time it was seen to this will have had our second child, which is the greatest gift of all. Hopefully, you know almost useless soda over bacon anything I'm a pod, castor
I'm a dad terms to my husband. I get to talk to fascinating people without having to leave my house slash. Put on pants. This career is a
they are old dream come true and I get to do all of it while hanging out with my amazing life and partner, my kids in my incredible team, and they just
make the show possible from the editing to the coordinating to the art work to the show notes to the videos in the transcripts there's a whole machine behind the scenes here. I just feel super lucky to work with such great people, but none
of that would be possible without you guys. You listen
the show you supported our sponsors, which you can find a Jordan heart,
your dot com. Slash deals. You share the podcast with other people. I am so grateful
by the way, gave. I know that we didn't talk about this, but you now Spotify. Does that wrapped thing where everyone shares their time?
I guess we were number one for all
eleven thousand people, which specifies a very small percentage of our audience.
and to be number one in that means like bigger than Joe Rogan more time than the New York Times Daily NEWS on these people's list, which is that's tough,
Organs got like three hour long shows in he's only on Spotify of people, as in a hen like they have to use the app, whereas, like eight
percent of our audience. Doesn't you Spotify? So the fact that we were number one on Spotify for eleven thousand people's list is really something still rapid. My head
and then I am very grateful for that. Thanks to all of you,
for being part of our family, whether you ve been listening since I was recording the shore in my laptop in two thousand and six or
you're joining us for the first time and if you are than welcome, I know I say this,
time, but I mean it, we have the greatest fans in the world. Thank you for making another
range year a year of insight and growth for all of us, I'm throw that we.
round each other in a pump for all of the amazing things that we're gonna do in twenty twenty two and since the last episode of the year
He decided to do another round up of some of the most interesting,
Flash unusual, slash, funding, questions that we received this year, hopefully send you in a Christmas with a little chuckle, or at least something to talk about at the dinner table. If the converse
She is a little dry, our
nobody, I know we're busy getting fat over the holidays and all that- and I am no exception, but I have to say, I've been workin out with my trainer. It's been keeping me completely sane. I've mentioned this company
for my friend started. It was based on in his company full of joy,
taking a massive nosedive during the pandemic- and this has been life changing for me in- I help them with the ideas. Why had to cave and try?
home training with work out and
There's been an absolute life ginger. I dunno how I lived without it. This is just something that is completely changed. The way that I move the way that I said I'm able to just run around.
My kid I dont, Renate Energy, I can roll around the floor florid Russell. I can get up without like using a chair. I don't have to do old man stuff, I'm very strong.
compared to how it used to be on very flexible compared to how it used to be. I actually look forward to it. They don't make you like cry at the end. It probably been the best thing that I've ever done.
For myself. Besides me,
being Jan and having kids. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but that's I'm trying to sort of like highlight bold underlined this for you, because I think you should try it as well there not a sponsor of the show,
My friend does on it. So there's the disclosure right there check it out, work out dot com, Slash, Jordan, W r k o you t,
You are k O. You teach outcome, Slash, Jordan! If you wanna see what virtual personal training with alive trainer can do for you there offering attend a free trial
us? If you tell em, I sent you, you get twenty percent off your first training package, W r k o you t dot com, Slash, Jordan. I just can't recommend this enough, though, gave what's the first thing out of the mailbag aid. Jordan gave I've had a finnish four feet for many years, but in recent years it has become increasingly worse, not as intensive Quinn Turn Tenos, but it's up there it's eating,
we constantly and has become the bane of my existence. Wait gave discordant, tearing Tino ever foot finish the again famously he does you. Almost all of his movies have seeds, whereas actresses are like putting their bare feet up against the car when she older they're, just like prominently on the shot or whenever really and defeat. This guy that chick
now that I that is like the least weird thing about Clinton's anti now I think, though, to yet exactly it fits so he continues every time I see girls wearing sandals or showing their legs I feel aroused, and it makes me feel guilty because my girlfriend and I are totally in love with each other and I kind of Felix M somehow cheating on her I've tried to do something about it, but every time it comes back with a vengeance. I fear that if I don't get rid of the fetish, it will affect my relationship and spiral out of control, and I will end up becoming a pervert or a stalker. Do you guys have any advice for dealing with this unwanted desire,
signed Quentin turn teen toe well, yeah, interesting question. I promise you are far from the only person to be wrestling with us, the research on
vanishes adds that the most rigorous it's hard to pinpoint exactly
how many people out there have a fetish or foot fetish specifically, but I can tell you a huge person
judge of the population? Is it something and a pretty big percentage of those people as many as
forty per cent of people. According to one study that we read our hiding it from
her partner because there
Fraid of how they'll react, and I know this offer
first thing is bringing up a lot of guilt and shame for you, but it might help to acknowledge that this isn't a? U problem
not even sure it's a problem at all kinds of evil of some kind of
as long as no one's getting hurt. Your action
are you gonna be totally fine? The thing is you're worried that this would fetish will occur
your relationship with your girlfriend, an spiral out of control and that you are
becoming like a pervert or stalker to use your words, but just to be clear,
you're not acting on this desire in an inappropriate way. You're not doing
Anything wrong. Ethically,
we're legally, I don't think glancing at again
sandals and lie Ralph. Sir rewinding, once upon a time in Hollywood to stare at Margo Feet makes you a monster. You might feel ashamed, but that doesn't make you some kind of predator ok bites
if you're, following a girl and sandals around a rally heard in front of you, you know your screen shouting Margo Rabbies feed and looking at them at work instead of actually doing work. Some like that. Well, then, is a different story. Leocadia definitely different in fact DSM, which is
Bible for mental disorders. Basically, it actually explains the difference between having a fetish and having fetishistic disorder order.
Into feed or hair or leather or balloons or feet, touching
their balloons or whatever it is? That only becomes a true to know that repaying too that's for sure, someone's thing someone's got that thing
becomes a Jew disorder when an individual has experienced sexual urges focused on those things and has acted out, urges fantasies where behaviors over a six month period, and- and this is the IMF
in part, the fantasies urges or behaviors cause distress or impairment in functioning. So the question is: is this foot fetish causing you d?
dress or getting in the way of you functioning well as a person. Well, it does sound like its causing you distress, you feel guilty. You feel ashamed, your keeping it a secret plus your stressed its going to spiral out of control took you do seem to meet that criterion, but
Is it impairing your functioning hard to say that depends on whether Europe, I don't know struggling to concentrate at work because you're thinking
toys all day or
spending hours every night, googling celebrities, feet pits or your obsession with people's hooves, preventing you from focusing for
exercising from having a healthy sex life that sort of thing. If so, then you might meet that second criterion to end
could be an issue that you need to resolve and look it's only so
full to try and light up your symptoms with what the DSM says at the end of the day, this
your life. This is your experience, is harmless at least right. Now, it's not like your asking whether you're schizophrenia corpse
recital or something like that. I think. There's a lot of
Ray area when it comes to paraphernalia and paraphernalia. By the way, is the technical term for having most finishes in general is kind of vague, also we're not qualified to diagnose you whatsoever. So there's that
so. If you want to deal with this unwanted desire, I don't think the answer is ghetto. Stop wanting it. Pretending
have this fetish is not going to make it go away. You know this. You probably tried, and as long as it's
destroying your life are hurting anyone else
sure it has to go away, but I do think you need to accept it as at least the starting point
subject means understanding that it's ok to have a pair of Philip desire, not judging yourself too
harshly for being into something idiosyncratic recognising that this attract,
wherever it comes from, is there and that's? Ok, once you accept it, then you can decide what to do about it.
yeah, I agree. Jordan, and maybe the best thing you can do is talk about it with your girlfriend. I'm guessing. That's probably the last thing you want to do, but I actually think it could be incredibly helpful need. First of all, it sounds like ninety percent of the distress that you feel is just your own. Shame your own guilt, the shame that you're describing probably comes from the feeling like you're wrong or your bad for being into something a little bit unusual.
Which again I just want to echo with Jordan, said not unusual, not something to freak out about, but I understand that you feel that way, so it makes sense that it's you don't bring up some shame, also working so hard to hide our party yourself, the towns pretty exhausting, to be honest, the guilt peace, though that comes from keeping it a secret and keeping it a secret from your girlfriend. Specifically, if you did tell her about this, I bet it would dramatically reduce both of those feelings pretty immediately
I mean it would be a tough conversation, but at least you feel like you're hiding anymore and the way you can tell her about this is you can sit down as I listen? I want,
something with you to be honest. It's really difficult for me to talk about. I've been hanging on to this for a while. I never told anyone about it, but it's eating me up inside. I don't want to keep anything from you, especially so here's the deal
I'm in defeat like a lot. I don't know why, but I am you know what I want
when Terence a movie, that's like a hungry person watch and master chef,
I've never acted on this impulse with anybody else, but every time I notice a girl's feet when I'm on public or whatever I feel like. I'm cheated
on you. I don't want to feel that way. So there it is that's my thing. I don't want it to come between us I'll work on it. If it is a problem
but I didn't want to create another problem by keeping it from you somethin like that, and then hopefully, she'll be willing to listen to that and have a conversation and open conversation with you about it. Now I can't promise that your girlfriend is going to be one hundred percent cool with us. We don't know your girlfriend, but I think there is a pretty good chance that she's just gonna hear that and say: oh, ok, that's a little unexpected, that's kind of different, but fine. I guess I mean everyone's gather thing. She probably as our thing. Maybe this will be a chance for her to talk about it. There is also a chance that
she'll be into the foot thing I mean I don't know, maybe we're speculating, but you know sometimes your partners into the same thing. I don't know you guys could explore working it in your sex life. Somehow I imagine that that would be a pretty great outcome for you. The other thing you can do, of course, is talk to a therapist about this. It might be helpful
Her stand the origin of the fetters pinpoint when it kicked in how it kicked in poor choice of words there. Yet again, still I regret the kick him back. You know what I mean like you, had a crush on a babysitter who never wore socks or something like that in the two got linked up in your mind, Bruno
or maybe something more problematic happen to you with feed, I guess that's possible too, but to be honest man, not all fetishist are born from trauma or whatever that's just overly simplistic. It's just not true. Sometimes you just into what you're into there's no need to pathologies it you just need to find appropriate ways of acting on it in your life, like with your girlfriend, so seeing a therapist that might not you know, quoting quote cure you of this fetish. You probably don't need to be cured, but talking to a professional would definitely help you come to terms with that may be unfair
the shame, the guilt- a little bed hopefully find safe ways to explore this fetish in your life in a way that doesn't compromise anybody else or impair your ability to function. Overall, if you can do that, then you ll be good at this.
He doesn't have to be such a liability. I think it can just be a preference of yours. That's a little bit different, maybe from other people's, but I do think- and I'm with Jordan on a percent on this- that you have to start by owning it and really opening up about it
agreed Gabe. You know he might always feel some type of way when he watches Uma Thurman in and kill bill it doesn't have to eat em up inside. My hunch is that the bulk of his suffering isn't the fetish itself. It's his feelings about the fetish. So, on
with gay man start talking. Maybe do some googling on foot fetiches, although be careful with those results, yield read through some fetish forums. On red it here other people's stories
We all less alone. When you realize how many people are in your shoes
another boy words there. You know what I mean I just
make sure you tell your girlfriend about this, the right way when you two are not good boots: okay and workers.
By the way. When I worked at the, why shouldn't even say where this was, but I worked at a screw, and I think this is papa.
I know it's public knowledge, so there's a guy at serious ex I'm satellite radio who throw them like also famously has evoked fetish. I
say his name because I dont want like, like it's been a long time since I've seen em, but he
is really really really into it. We have celebrities all the time at Siriusxm and we get like Carmen Electra and it's like two thousand and seven right. So she's still, you know top of the pops. Whatever
and she'd walk in or or like PAMELA Anderson would be there and stuff like that and we'd sort of all go
him in to be, and I can I can. I look at your feet heard to say: do some weird because he was
he's on the metal station is a very nice charming guy, everyone loves him, so we would sort of make it.
extra showy and the Greek get get down there and he's married and his wife is like fine. When she's like look if you're gonna like cheat with feet, get it out here
this I don't care, just don't cross the line you know in any other way, so he would just go to town. There were men
many times where we would watch like PAMELA Anderson get like chocolates letter to whatever from from this dude. We would
Three sit near like taken, we didn't have. There was no iphones and stuff really that that, at that time
had cameras, other phone all time low, there's never released
I'm footage of it somewhere, but yeah. I'm I've had like a front rosy too to all this has to.
over and our wild. It can get the Hollywood.
Urgent anyway, we'll see that guy's thrive
So you got another way about he's doing great, yet posted had bangers, Balin, MTV, lunchtimes, easier killing it. You know who
value around a Ralph SK. They, like the temper of you, tell us the amazed,
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on the Jordan Harbinger, show all right next up high Jordan and gave I'm a college student in LOS Angeles, and my roommates dog has fleas. Therefore, my apartment, including the rugs beds, clothes and couch, cushions all, have fleas as well and exterminator and professional cleaners came and my roommate paid for them because she
your dog were the only ones living in the apartment at the time of the incident. This is real generous of her, and I have no doubt that all of our physical belongings will be safe and flee free in a few days. The problem is my roommate. Insists that it was not the dog that brought the fleas into the apartment. Rather, she believes the apartment gave the dog please. This is pretty unlikely, there's no way that an investigation of this magnitude could just pop up from the floorboards out of the blue. My god tells me that she's only saying this because she feels embarrass store guilty, but at the same time this feels a crazy making and borderline propaganda. I feel a bit weird getting ready to live with his person for the next year if she can't even acknowledge the obvious truth that her dog probably just picked up fleas at the dog barked
Am I going too far with us? Should I just letter repeat and absurd lie if it makes you feel better signed exterminating the bullshit man gave I'd love to get horrible remade story. You have stories like this made me so happy. I'm grown up, I'm not living with people who are my family anymore. Also didn't we have another flee story recently I downloaded gauge.
The here someone
in laws like had a flea problem in that they brought fleas on there
person over to be thousands like day at least that's right? That's! For a few months back, there is like the guy wrote his Inlaws refused to give the cats flee medicine or something so every time tat visit. They would bring fleas back with them and they were on the bed right. You can sleep in the bed and then his wife was getting back at him for saying that her parents were not like taking care of the cuts that was
right, even though they all had fleas. It was just like the elephant in the room
She's a god you're mad at them. What should they do?
like literally like take a flea about a yet. It was crazy episode. Five six. If he goes wanna check it out. I guess fleas are
a really common point of contention when you're living with people. I never really thought about it. You know we would dabs of advance,
John our cats like you're supposed to and forgot about it, but apparently some people get really worked up about this. It's interesting. My first instinct,
was that you are one hundred percent right in your roommate as a hundred percent annoying, and that is probably the case,
did a little digging and it turns out that people can actually bring fleas into an apartment Emmy. We saw that with the inlaws right event flee,
can live in carbon and even hardwood floors for up to. I think, two or three months without a food source which is gross and also, of course, possible. It's unlikely, but
possible that the apartment somehow gave the dog fleas and not the other way around but
since your roommate was the only one living in the apartment when that happened, that would mean that the only other culprit was her bright. Shut would still be here
false unless the landlord of the Comcast Cable Guide track them in or something in which case it's really no one's fault, but let's be real. In all likelihood. The fleet
is jumped on the dog and the
I brought him in and that's what caused the infestation happens. All the time which do your point is totally fine.
But her fault, but the fact that she's denying it so hard is, is pretty weird, so she's embarrassed, I get it. She feels guilty fine, but why not just say that
This were me, I'd, be like man, I'm really embarrassed. My dog drive these fleets and I feel bad on the room. You read about an roommate horror stories and breaded threads are whenever also I'm not sure if it was the.
Augur if they were in the apartment already, but since there is no way to know I'll just pay for it now get flee medicine for my dog, and hopefully this doesn't happen again right ape like what's the big deal here, it's
not a big deal. I was just making it a big deal by being so defensive, but I guess that's how that's how she wants to play it and that's fine. I do understand why it's putting our
and they are on mean, though I mean if this remains so defensive about this, which seems like not a big deal than what else you gotta get weird about over the year that their living together. I could see this coming up again in some other contacts, so my advice try not to spit out too much here, maybe she's just being weird about the fleet,
thing and other, why she's pretty cool Jordan? Do you remember when you have been allayed people crazy, allay our crazy about their dogs? They are dog. People in general are pretty intensive other dogs, but there's something about Ella dog owners,
I don't know what dog owners are like the bay but down here if they feel like if they feel like someone doesn't,
like their dog or they feel like their dogs reflecting poorly on them. In some way, people full do all sorts of weird shit to deflect. It's like the dog is an extension of that. I see it all the time, so maybe don't hold this against your roommate too much. I would just make sure that she's, given the dogs and fully medicine, so this does not happen again, but if you notice, you re doing something similar in another situation, like I don't know, maybe with a roommate thing, she forgets to pay the electric bell than she turns around and
blames you for not venmoing her or something like that. Then maybe I would talk to her about this. Tell her you're not looking for a fight you're, not trying to put her down or anything like that, but you are noticing that she's dropping the ball on a couple things and when you bring them up, she gets a little defensive like what the fleas thing you can tell her. I'm not mad luck! It's fine! I'm not! Judging you! It's all good! If you made a mistake, you just
one or two acknowledge and work with you to fix it, and hopefully that will help her lower her guard a little bit and realise that she doesn't need to be so combative and so defensive when something goes wrong. But in the meantime yeah you might just have to let a repeat this absurd story about the apartment, giving the dog fully his, which now that I'm saying a bag. It doesn't pretty badger crazy, but if it makes you feel better fine, especially because you don't actually have airtight proof that the time brought them in and also your in college and this living situation isn't forever. So maybe just pick your battles right
Jordan have your head like a really bad remain. I've never had a really bad like really really bad roommates bites
I did live with a giant man baby, who would have literally two months of laundry on the floor, and he would have no clean clothes at all and he would go and buy new clothes instead of watching them and then his girlfriend, which Britain, somehow
but like he had a girlfriend, she later broke up with him for these exact reasons, but is grown.
would come over and there be a pile of laundry that was his tall is she was on the floor and no clean clothes
no clean anything should make. These are the same she'd you had two months ago or whatever I remember once they were like gonna do laundry together, okay and she was
helping him a gay doing his laundry form. They picked up a bunch of these clothes and, after, like laundry basket, number six full of close. All of these
overfish came out from the bottom because, like they were all living in theirs, so
oh gross yeah yeah so does, and it smelled like, as did they picked.
While the clothes you could smell like
musty, mouldy old, sweaty clothes that had been there for like two weeks, buried by other clothes and this pile it was so vile.
Certainly aware the apartment could have given the clothes silverfish, I'm quite sure
That is the case. I will say, however, that I had zero silverfish in my room. That's as close as I have to like
bad roommate. I never had anybody you like refused to pay rent or anything like that or like here was no met
labs in my house nothin like that you can reach us fright,
at Jordan, harbinger dot com, please keep your emails, concise, try to use a descriptive subject line that makes our job a whole lot easier. If you can include the state and country that you live in, that usually helps us get you more detailed advice if there's certainly you're going through,
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harbinger dot com, slash start to get started in those playlist work for any podcast Blair, including Spotify, our it next up Hague. As my girlfriend, and I recently attended
her mothers wedding all week long the bridegroom were dropping, hence that they were expecting us to get hitched very soon as well. I love my girlfriend very much and we do planning getting engaged, but we want to do so on our terms and on a timeline that feel comfortable for both of us at the reception they did. The garter belt toss tradition, where the groom takes the garter belt, offer the bride and then throws it into a crowded, bachelors, the lucky recipient of whom will supposedly get married next. This tradition, as always felt very creepy to me, but this time that feeling of uneasiness was compounded by the fact that the garter belt belonged to my girlfriends mother. The groom started calling out for all the bachelors together, but I want no part of it. So I stated my seat, the groom than singled me out, calling for me to participate. I respectfully declined, but it became clear that he was not taking no for an answer not wanting to make a scene. I called the groom over and I told them look I'm sorry, but I'm way to uncomfortable to participate in this. He seemed understand and went back to continue. The task
I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when I noticed the groom decided not to touch the garter belt into the crowd, but instead ran back over to my table and through the belt directly at me. I sat in my chair staring blankly as I let it hit me feeling like the biggest asshole in the room,
later. I asked my girlfriend if I had handled the situation poorly and she told me that at first she felt disappointed because it was clear that the bride and groom wanted me to participate, but after the group, through the belt at me, she felt like they took it way too far. That feeling was reinforced when another lady caught the bouquet and then ran it over to my girlfriend and said. I think this belongs to you. The whole ordeal felt extremely uncomfortable and overbearing after things settle down the grim, and I clear the air and everything ended up being fine, but I'm left wondering if I could have handled the situation better. Should I just suck it up and down along with us or was it
it had taken my heels and participate signed, arguing the toss aright. So this whole situation is so cringe. I don't even know where to begin gave, I didn't realize people still did
whole garter belt tradition- I mean, I guess, I've seen it in the nineties, but I thought it was a throwback even then, but I know it's like the bachelors equivalent of the bouquet toss, but I've. Never
really heard of this being done in the last twenty years. It's been so long since I've seen anyone do this
we didn't do this at my wedding, want it would horrify, Jen's sort of chinese Taiwan he's family, and it also makes my skin crawl a little to think of myself doing this cuz. I remember seeing it in early
these weddings and is being like. Oh, my gosh like this is so weird and amount of
is being uptight? I don't think it's just the way was
It was really a key in turingi in gross. I just know shade on
people who are into it or think it's cool tradition. I just for me. It's always made my skin crawl does a lot. We actually did.
little research on this and its even creep here that we thought apparently
The garter belt tradition began because way
the day like middle ages are probably even
Bridegroom used to immediately leave the ceremony and go into basically an adjacent room and just like seal the deal, and I guess to make it this is so Riddick at the to make an official there had to be witnesses which apparently meant that a bunch of
strangers and slash wedding guests would cry.
our round the bed to get a good view, and I
I am quoting an article. We read here, try to
get their hands on a lucky piece of the brides dress, as it was ripped from her body
over time. Finally,.
I realise that this was just too were creepy and they decided that the groom could
remove an item of the brides underwear and toss it outside the room to prove that he did the deed, basically, which still is
Oh creepy, so probably better than turning your wedding night into like an eyes wide shut part. Even I mean compared to that. It's a step up because still weird so given all of that, were you the asshole here, in my opinion, no, not really. It's too
you're right not to participate in certain things. It's not like you ruined the whole evening by setting out even stand up and objective
wedding I mean look, you could have just sucked it up stood on the edges tried not to catch it.
move down with the rest of the night, by giving them
Everyone was acting to you in your girlfriend all night long. I can understand why you didn't wanna sorted jump.
be part of that, if anything, the
room is kind of the angel here for turning it into a whole thing and throwing the belt at you and getting like one way too much attention on you. I think what the hell gave my missing
thing, or is that kind of weird baby? It's all too much yeah. I do
we're behaviour and its extra we're, because this isn't like his frat buddy from college. This is, if I'm understanding correctly, this is this- is girlfriends mothers, new husband, so that's like a step farther
we're not kind of oh feature here. That's yeah, that's even more sort of what's up with this guy is like
my wife's underwear, she's gonna, be your mother in law under pride, making you walk around with your future mother in laws garter belt. The whole thing is bizarre or made. Maybe look maybe have super of tight, and this is just not a big deal. It means whatever you want it to mean. I just gonna get eked out from my previous experience with this and the letter. It also probably depends on what
and of mother in law. You have, I would imagine anyway, when
girlfriend said she was disappointed. I think she probably just one.
to make her mom happy on her wedding day and yeah. Maybe
could have played along a little more. I probably would have and then just laughed it off, but as soon as the groom made it,
you literally in your face with the garter belt. I think he crossed a little bit,
align. That's on him, even
his wedding, so you got to cut him some slack there yeah. I agree, Jordan. I am glad you guys managed to smooth it over, though now you can just look back on and laugh the bigger concern to me, though Jordan is. Why is his family so obsessed with them getting married? I mean I'm sure if the bride and the
and that other lady who ran the bouquet over to his girlfriend word, pressuring them so much that the evening he probably would have been more of a good sport about the garter belt thing I mean. Maybe the family should super pumped about them getting married, which I guess a sweet, but it seems a little insensitive kind of tone, deaf to speak, like forcing them pressuring them too.
Mary, it's like chill guys, I give the young couples and space. Let them decide when they want to get engaged. It's their lives. If this guide didn't love his girlfriend so much as I get the sense that it really does, they might have actually managed to scare him off. I have heard about happening when families just got way too intense about mine super sad anyway. If all of this starts to get a little too intense for you guys, you or your girlfriend might want to say something, probably your girl.
No, she can respectfully tell her mom and are stepped out that you guys are on your own time line and that them constantly pushing you to propose not helping things and that its actually becoming kind of inappropriate, hopefully Bell realise that their acting like maniacs an anthem back off the real question is: are you guys gonna
thereabout Tosca your wedding, I think they totally shed any should force his mother in law, husband to just stand dead centre in the crowd and tosses step daughters, garter belt right Adam, so you just know how friggin uncomfortable that is. Maybe just put it right
head like a little used, underwear crammed lexicographer men and then, if the step that
mad. He should leave it and say if you think this was weird
could be happy, we're not getting married in the middle ages, brow fix it also used underwear, Chrome, it's gonna, be a federation.
For sure for sharing Glasgow belies the guy from key wondered human after years that is gonna be like feed. That's fine! It's no big deal, I'm up those crown, but people anyway,
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for cars, there's Edmunds and now for the conclusion of Feedback Friday, all right. What's next, Hydrogen Gabriel, I am almost fifty years old and my dear mother is and has always been terrible, giving gifts, she's, not a miser, but you can definitely tell she buys things from garage sales and bargain bins. She also re gifts, expensive cosmetic packages that cheaper
This is for herself my sisters and I have come to accept her cheap attempts by smiling politely in an donating or giving them away. Last year for Christmas, my sisters were super polite about the terrible jewellery and be dazzled Eiffel Tower tee shirts, my mom felt like add, got a great mental image about teaching.
Right now? I was plain baffled by the rolling pin. I got mostly because I don't even make pie. My mom says that her husband wants her to give little gifts like that and he gets upset if she suggests that
All we really want is money or a high quality item that will actually use. The irony is that she is always expected us to give her high and gifts to the point of self sacrifice,
When we were children without jobs, she didn't like handmaid gifts or a cheap trinkets. She never wore the fog Christmas pins or the drugstore perfume. We bought her by the time I was fourteen. I had learned to please her by providing her with things she liked. I've suggested many times that my parents shift the focus off of us and give to a charity or just trimmed down their expenses, but that was
but with crickets as much as I feel compassion for them and their need to feel good, I feel were all getting a little too old for this farce. So do we keep up the act or do we throw down the truth signed wrapping up? Yet this is quite a funny dilemma. Also such an interesting parent to have their mother,
expects a super fancy credenza. Why do I feel like? I need to say that with a smokers, voice credenza, Credenza Davenport? Why does she want to credenza from pure one imports or whatever, but then turns around and gives you a friggin rolling pin from the ninety nine cent store when you don't even bake? I get why you're worked up about this. It's not just that she's kind of being a scrooge with the gifts
it's that she's, not even considering what her children really need, and I am sure that that's the point
gradually the wrong way right of mom, isn't relieved attuned to you or eat
curious about what you actually want. Even
what you want is actually no gifts at all, but then you also
of husband getting mad when she does try to give you something nice that you'll actually use which that is so weird. I dont know
he's being stingy or if he literally just doesn't even like you guys or what, but between the two of them you
These are really getting. Shafted at Christmas, but look I know it's not about the presents its about the
charade of pretending you like what she gives you feeling miss
there stood or under appreciated as a daughter, knowing the
had to learn how to please your mom from a young age, but that she isn't willing to do the same for you now at all, and I know that might see
trivial or even petty, but I actually get that. I could see how that would sting
coming from apparent that you worked so hard to make happy your whole life. The thing is you ve already tried
talking your parents about this and they basically ignored you. So what do you do? Well,
You might want to give it one more shot, but be more direct. Maybe you
to be more explicit with your mom and that's hard, because
I want to hurt her feelings, but maybe she's
I didn't realize just how much she's missing the point with these guess, so you may
to be a little gentle with her. You could say something like listen, mom,
I really appreciate all the gift you ve given us over the years. I know it means
to you for us to open, presents together, and I know
you're doing our best to make us happy, but I gotta tell you I dont know if we,
to keep this up at our age. Most of the gifts you give us a sweet as they are to be honest. We can't really use
lorries never gonna put on that, but dazzled Hannah Montana T shirt, she's thirty. I promise you Christine's knock unaware the cork necklace she
you have done and even a middle school me I don't even vague, so I gave that rolling
into goodwill someone who actually needs it can use it. I find that I
not doing that with most of your gifts actually, because I dont
hang on to something that I cant use. I know this costume.
I'm and money not a lot of money, but but some so can we please talk about doing something different? Maybe you could ask us for one thing: we really need or
you can give us money if that's easier, but I'd be justice. Happy if you donated
with charity, or we just got together and hung out without any presence. That's honestly what matters most to me,
something like that, and if your mom goes, oh, don't be silly. We have to give presence, and I
Be the one to choose what you get then. Maybe you can ask
why this tradition is so important to try to get her to us.
then, why she picks these gifts. Why
and her husband don't want to give you what you really need an if she
Russia's, you off, you could even be like mom. I feel like
not listening to what I'm saying here. I'm confused. You say you want to make us happy, but
telling you what would make us happier so do you think
you can try to understand where we're coming from. Can we at least try something different? This
here and see how it goes and then hopefully
I realise that there is a much better way to spend Christmas. Then showering you with stuff. You could have found it a friggin treasure chest at your dentist. Allow answers that specific towards you. Remember the dentist off as they would have liked
a little thing with the ball, and you have to get it into the hall. You always gotta dentist, young diamond
now, my dentist would just be like ok, here's the
like little box. You get a reach him without looking, but you would you pull out like us.
Scraper, something! No! No! I there was one like. I pull out like a fish like a little plan
fish and, above you got Friday to fish any I'd like it
at the little in islets on it and you couldn't turn it into. I guess I can necklace for look at church, so I would have ready the fish in my pocket
like where it I'm like a little bracelet or something oh, damn, yeah there mom would love up. I think you should go to your dentist yeah
I mean that's Christmas right there room, but look if your mom just well, listen to you or she listens to you, but then she turns around and gives you thirteen chinese finger traps. She picked
At that point, you tease, liquidation. Special worker enriches pygmies its than tat you might have to gradually
then play along a little bit at that point. You'll just now they are parents are going through this charade for themselves. They just our interest in changing. I mean, I guess you could boycott Christmas in protest and make them pay attention, but I doubt that will make them change than yours, causing drama on. You don't seem like a drag person and then you don't get to your family, so nobody went. My advice would be fine, something you do appreciate in this ritual.
benefits something tiny may be laughing with your sisters or cooking with your mom or just being together during the holidays, which is always the best part and just choose to focus on that. You might find that this whole gift giving thing is taking attention away from the other parts are Christmas that are actually really great, so I'd, say just decide what to care about and dont get worked up about. The sufi can change
Jordan, weird holiday gifts. That's another thing! I love there always hilarious. I remember I remember one year my uncle gave my Mama ladder Hanukkah,
your mom partners, like others it that's why I was so funny
I don't mind another you're like a step ladder, or even one of those small letters that you would use and inadequate something. I'm talking like a full length, industrial twenty.
and yes, he lives in a condo she's, not even handy she doesn't do like home, die wise up at all. She was totally confused and she was basically like. Ok, no thank you,
and she left the ladder at his house but benefit and then we're
lot. We laughed about this for years, but in about ten or twelve years later she said
We needed a ladder, wonder to fix a light outside our building
something like that, ensures that damn I should think so. Maybe it was actually an incredible gift. I don't know, but it's out, and I just love and people give a gift that misfires
weird gifts are hilarious man. They usually reveal so much about the person who actually is given the gift or how they re.
They feel about the person there giving it too. So I got a lot of blood mediocre gifts, probably but one that really stands out that to me
just hilarious is outdated. This girl named Nancy. She was like a very professional woman.
and one day we had just met, probably a few
expert, maybe even a month or so prior and she found out it was my birthday.
What are you doing tonight, like I don't know like my mom, I'm on the phone with my mama call you back and she's a girl with a mama's like not just calling cuz it's my birthday to wish me happy birthday, yeah,
me too happy birthday and I realize they sort of former vocal technology that she completely forgot. It was my birthday and I didn't really care. We ve been dating
couple months like we never talk to. I don't know what her birthday was either and like
Three hours later, the door Bell rings, and I get
edible arrangement, life cake thing with like, but not cake right. It's exe,
draw berries in pineapple on like little spikes friend, don't get me wrong.
I love me inedible arrangement. These are great, gives through doesn't their awesome night. You get that
for your secretary.
Or for your unite
teacher you like, or your neighbour or some you'll, get that for your significant other. So it also
was it was even worse than just no gift for my birthday like at all, and it was so professional but like if they give proof
your gift, like last minute, didn't know them well in the funniest part was
There was a little code on the card. I dont remember how it
miss abbot that things from the code on the card and a friend of mine happen to like work, edible, arrange.
Its end was like I was a hey. Did you to send me this thing from
Britain is like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah fur and somehow it had come out that she had like build it for her
jar company to send it to me. So I was like. I literally got corporate gifted inedible arrangement from my girlfriend, my birthday, nice yeah. That says it all those an area, Annabelle arrangements, just signalling. I forgot your birthday until two hours before
since, like melodies after much the other thing that made no sense is she lived like minutes away from me and I'm like me now, I'm probably like thirty one there's a lot of and she was bright. Twenty six. There is a lot that a twenty
she'll girl could do her thirty one year old, buddy boy friend and his birthday. That does not involve any blocks away if it does not involve sending a corporate gift from like your companies
once account with edible arrangements, shocked at its last nap. Now, what happened there you know, gave I think, what the story really
Captures, though, is stuff doesn't matter the stuff doesn't matter. I made sure expensive things are fun I
crocheted, a good leather jacket and a cool car, whatever fancy bed frame from stores whose names I can't pronounce. Obviously, the
things have some value but they're, just there, nothing
compared to spending time with people? You really love, and I know it's cheesy. I know it's kind of trade. I know I talk about it all the time, but
every year I do the show it just becomes clearer and clearer to me relationships experiences acts of service. Those are things that really matter
life they're kind of all that really matters in life. In a way I mean look, you can be driving taboo, gaudy cool. Where are you going in it? You could be sitting on something
her fancy. She has long. Did I say a correctly. It is time gave nailed it perfectly nice,
She has long in the world but whose sitting next to you, you know- I mean I'm not to be like two cheesy about it, but my hope for this holiday. Actually, my invitation for you
We usually need to be proactive and do this stuff ourselves is that you create those exe.
variances for yourself doesn't have to be some huge thing hit up a friend for up
pumpkin spice latte over the holiday call. Your mom call your dad call your brother, you sister cousin, whoever it is! Ask him how they're doing tell them
but they mean to you. Take your colleague to lunch. Tell them what made you proud this year. Right
an email to your boss or your professor or Europe mentor thank them for teaching you what they taught you book a weekend trip with your best friend,
Take your mamma to lunch. Take your dog
I can invite to friends you haven't seen in a while. I promise you will not regret this kind of thing, because the people
keeping our lives, how we shall,
for them how they show up for us
the way we share our our love and our ideas in our attention. That is what makes life meaningful. All the science about happiness proves it. We know this in our bones: it's just so
forget when we're caught up in the day to day of our lives. So my last piece of advice for this year be generous with what you have at this moment
whatever that is, it doesn't have to be money or gifts or vacations, in fact the less tangible, the better and give it to the people that you care about. That is the big secret
which isn't really a secret at all, just to give in to find out how far giving yourself to other people will take you in life, and that is good
places any I think, to put this show down for the year. Thank you so much
Listening. Thank you for letting us into your world in such a coup away. Thank you for letting us make dumb ass,
while we ponder some of the crazy. If that life serves up, you guys are the best merry Christmas
happy new year will be back in your feed the first week of January.
and I hope we all enjoy that go back and check out the episodes with Tom right.
And might row if you haven't yet. If you want to know how I managed to book all these folks and if you want to improve your own relationships, check out our six minutes networking course it's free it's over on think. If it platform at George,
harbinger dot com, slash course dig the well before you thirsty.
If you start now, you're starting in twenty twenty one. Look at that it'll be twenty twenty before you know it. The drills take just a few minutes a day. The holidays is a great time to do this, because a lot of people have time
the respond to your staff. Your response rates are gonna, go through the roof. You can find it all
at Jordan Harbinger Dotcom, Slash course a link to the show notes with
episode can be found at Jordan, harbinger dot com transcripts are in the show notes, I'm at Jordan,
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They didn't association with pod one. My team is Jim,
Harbinger, Jays Sanderson, Robert vaguely in bared, Milly, Ocampo, Josh, Ballard and, of course, Gabriel, Miss Rocky.
advice and opinions there, our own and yes, I'm a lawyer, but not your lawyer- do your own research before impulse.
Anything you here on the show. Remember we rise
by lifting others, share the
What those you love! If you found this episode useful, please share with somebody else who can use the advice that we gave here today in the meantime
your best to apply what you hear on the show. So you can live what you listen and we'll see you next year,
if you're, looking for another episode of the Jordan Harbinger, show to sink or teeth into here's, a preview of one of my favorite stories. From an earlier episode of the show with Johnny Mendez, she was the chief of the sky.
As for the CIA in Moscow, during the latter part of the cold war, we really
into the weeds and how they hid people and hid spy gear in one of the most hostile espionage environments anywhere in the world. We invented technology that didn't even exist, yet the small batteries, for instance therein are watches and our phones and all that stuff. Today, they're kind of like cue from James Bond, but it's the CIA. We could create any kind of character over your face, masks that came out of Hollywood. We take great go down to the cafeteria
lunch. This is it C headquarters where everybody knows everybody in the cafeteria and they would go
discover that no one paid any
tension to them. You go well
I'm hiding in plain sight. They
following us just every minute. The case officer would step out of the car. The driver would hit a button
stemming would pop up wearing the same clothes as the guy that had just left trailing surveillance would come around the corner. Follow that Karl night they never knew and if they could get to those people, they will execute him. They were feeding people into these crematorium speak first,
I'd. Unbelieving really valuable agent said our treaty on one condition, and that is that you give me the ability to take my online eventually everybody. So there are seven. We had put that help.
we gave him the cat, that's a block kid cyanide, and, and they said we want
so they brought in this forum
Johnny Mendez, including some incredible spies stories that will really perk your ears check out episode, three
Forty four of the Jordan Harbinger Shell.
Transcript generated on 2022-02-27.