Welcome to feedback Friday on your host Jordan Harbinger, as always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer Gabriel, Miss Raw. He well without an came gave. You know Do those big man feels like a weirdo Sandro it doesn't. It sounds like I just got some serious part of the show, but I still after weeks I, whatever Idas I had rod debt is rod. Monodist should still like there's a little five percent of its still alive someone. My scientist, Cavvies Germany, freaking crazy, like as a broadcaster having anything we are with my voice is pure torture. It's just like a thumbtack and my shoe. In any case, on the Jordan Harbinger show we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use in fact, your own life and those around you. We want I'll, be see the matrix when it comes to how these amazing people think and behave. Our mission here on the show is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker, so you can get a much deeper.

Understanding of how the world works and make sense of what really happening, even inside your own mind, if you're due to the show on Friday sets today, whatever data, is it still Friday here on the shore we give advice to you, we answer listener questions the rest of the week. We have long for interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from spies to see owes athletes to authors thinkers to performers. This week we had Tom right, he investigates com. shit from government all the way through to financial fraud. On this episode, we discussed one of the biggest financial fraud in history, corruption that resulted in Billy of dollars being stolen from the everyday malaysian. It's really fascinating conversation. I got into corruption and oligarchs and shelter Mason shady financial deals all around the world, including how us here in the United States are complicit in a lot of, as we also had RO. This is one from the vault, always love talking. micro. We talk about the beginning of his career, the foundation, training for jobs that actually exist. He is always so compelling so fun. You will definitely love this episode. It's from quite a few years.

So I think you'll really enjoy it, even if you ve already heard it caused, or for I have a decade ago, when you did so be sure to check out everything that we created for you here this week gave it up at a crown, off. My weird aid is here yesterday. I drank dish, soap, one, and it was an accident yes I came home after a walk and I was like really warm and thirsty, and on the top, on the kitchen island. There was a nice touch a beer glass and at the bottom there was like three inches of of apple cider and there was a case of jar of apples cider. You know like go on the kitchen. I, unlike what you call a jug of apple cider, and it was ice cold and I was like what I'm not gonna poor more in here. I want to finish what Jen left, because she's probably taken an app, so I took it and I doubt

a bunch of it in an immediately burn, Aithra quoth. They get burned an ice to spit out as much like that. You know like when you're like slamming liquid, it's too late, some washing my face and wash em amount that spending and unlike a thing in gagging engender like what happened and I'm like, I think I just what's wrong, with that secular and she's going. Are you kidding me so she had been processing these perceptions from a tree in the next door, neighbor's yard that are on my brother in law within next to him. He has a persimmon tree, so she's processing is like peeling on a pillow and a dehydrator going to come up. Well, she left him in the same the work as we were, all cut him under the weather and had a cold and she's very pregnancy. She was like. I just can't do all this at once. Fruit flies started to sort of invade our kitchen in how you get fruit flies as you poor, little bit of apple, cider and or apple site or vinegar, into a cup with dish, soap and traps them and you leave it.

And she left it right next to the jug of apple cider, in a place where we leave cups of things that were drinking and I reckon chugged it sir Oh yeah, so I and my throat is on fire animals, but that's why you have run monotonous. You don't have a? U graduated, you waited all the rod. Monitors maybe realised with some other. Does it yet that's a good point now several raw rob vocal cords from slamming dish soap. Luckily, we use some fancy organic crops or its provide enough to call poison control, although I did very your fine you're just read baby yeah. You actually called all you have to cause. It's like this is poison. What soap was it? I was like ours and I they give the brand away, because I don't know that's a good idea, but they really go you're. Probably ok like it's, probably fine yeah. How much did you drink, but if you are like gurgling with parliament

presenting thought like I had a death wish and I just slammed a whole bottle of deer soap and there, like. Oh, you took a sip of your wife's, like my travel, admitted, happy yeah. If you'll be fine, you're, an idiot but you're fine, you're, gonna, be fine. You're gonna probably have the Russians and be really embarrassed. That's our professional opinion book, sir. Your problem is not with where you're just with what's going on in your household, but the different number, like Feedback Friday, there's a deeper issue here, yet moving re launch. This is our last episode of the year I have to say this this year, flew by not that every year doesn't fly, but this one really flew by primarily because I spent like everyone else most of it. In my kitchen doing work. I have amber giving my little sum up of twenty twenty talkin about how brutal last year was in many ways a wondering when the vaccines would be available when we could get back on airplanes and go home for the holidays and all that again and now Were there and things like tat

the back to normal, but also definitely not really back to normal. We're still feeling our way through this thing very much transition between the horror show of twenty twenty interposed. Panty d world. If they're even is such a thing may be there, isn't that fast, heading in a lot of ways, but I also know for a lot of us. It's just uncertain it's difficult, its intense its bring it up a lot of huge questions that we never thought we'd be asking ourselves, including the question dollar. Sending us here on Feedback Friday, and so I just wanted to thank you on the bottom of our hearts, gave me to speak for you and say thank you from you as well. Unless you want a charming really with your Ya'Ll oven, I did us into your lives. This year, whether you wrote in with your question- or you just tune in each week to hear how, while the other people's lives can get feedback Friday to real joy, for me is my. every part of you in the show just hearing The story is getting to talk to you directly. I appreciate you guys sharing so much of yourselves with us, letting us do this,

I'm with you, even if it's just me, slamming dear so, by trying to keep some of their personal anecdotes minimal, but sometimes are due ridiculous. This part of the I'm getting real with you guys. Looking for answers, finding new insights, it's really special. It's a lot of fun. so yeah twenty one was another wild one, but it was also. It was exciting, for us here on the show right this month, I'm going into my fifteenth year of podcasting fifteen years. So four of them here on the new show once again, twenty twenty one was our biggest Europe. Far. We hit our six hundred episode last week and this episode you listening to me This is our two hundredth feedback Friday on they show alone. I had a view on or more before. We even got to this point right. So this is. This is a real. Sort of achievement here for the Jordan Harbinger Show. I also got to sit down with some amazing folks. This past year Listen Cooper, T Pain, Brian Chest you found over being be re dahlia at least twice having Matthew mechanically all right all right all right in all. Stop there,

The list goes on and on, I would say some of my favorites are not even famous people, just the wild stories that some of those scientists and people kidnapped by pirates in these types of folks here my favorites as a lotta. You know we also sign that the exciting new deal with podcast, one that I talked about a few weeks ago. I'm super proud of that. of all Gemini by the time it was seen to this will have had our second child, which is the greatest gift of all. Hopefully, you know almost useless soda over bacon anything I'm a pod, castor I'm a dad terms to my husband. I get to talk to fascinating people without having to leave my house slash. Put on pants. This career is a they are old dream come true and I get to do all of it while hanging out with my amazing life and partner, my kids in my incredible team, and they just make the show possible from the editing to the coordinating to the art work to the show notes to the videos in the transcripts there's a whole machine behind the scenes here. I just feel super lucky to work with such great people, but none of that would be possible without you guys. You listen

the show you supported our sponsors, which you can find a Jordan heart, your dot com. Slash deals. You share the podcast with other people. I am so grateful by the way, gave. I know that we didn't talk about this, but you now Spotify. Does that wrapped thing where everyone shares their time? I guess we were number one for all eleven thousand people, which specifies a very small percentage of our audience. and to be number one in that means like bigger than Joe Rogan more time than the New York Times Daily NEWS on these people's list, which is that's tough, Organs got like three hour long shows in he's only on Spotify of people, as in a hen like they have to use the app, whereas, like eight percent of our audience. Doesn't you Spotify? So the fact that we were number one on Spotify for eleven thousand people's list is really something still rapid. My head and then I am very grateful for that. Thanks to all of you, for being part of our family, whether you ve been listening since I was recording the shore in my laptop in two thousand and six or

you're joining us for the first time and if you are than welcome, I know I say this, time, but I mean it, we have the greatest fans in the world. Thank you for making another range year a year of insight and growth for all of us, I'm throw that we. round each other in a pump for all of the amazing things that we're gonna do in twenty twenty two and since the last episode of the year He decided to do another round up of some of the most interesting, Flash unusual, slash, funding, questions that we received this year, hopefully send you in a Christmas with a little chuckle, or at least something to talk about at the dinner table. If the converse She is a little dry, our nobody, I know we're busy getting fat over the holidays and all that- and I am no exception, but I have to say, I've been workin out with my trainer. It's been keeping me completely sane. I've mentioned this company for my friend started. It was based on in his company full of joy, taking a massive nosedive during the pandemic- and this has been life changing for me in- I help them with the ideas. Why had to cave and try? home training with work out and

There's been an absolute life ginger. I dunno how I lived without it. This is just something that is completely changed. The way that I move the way that I said I'm able to just run around. My kid I dont, Renate Energy, I can roll around the floor florid Russell. I can get up without like using a chair. I don't have to do old man stuff, I'm very strong. compared to how it used to be on very flexible compared to how it used to be. I actually look forward to it. They don't make you like cry at the end. It probably been the best thing that I've ever done. For myself. Besides me, being Jan and having kids. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but that's I'm trying to sort of like highlight bold underlined this for you, because I think you should try it as well there not a sponsor of the show, My friend does on it. So there's the disclosure right there check it out, work out dot com, Slash, Jordan, W r k o you t, You are k O. You teach outcome, Slash, Jordan! If you wanna see what virtual personal training with alive trainer can do for you there offering attend a free trial

us? If you tell em, I sent you, you get twenty percent off your first training package, W r k o you t dot com, Slash, Jordan. I just can't recommend this enough, though, gave what's the first thing out of the mailbag aid. Jordan gave I've had a finnish four feet for many years, but in recent years it has become increasingly worse, not as intensive Quinn Turn Tenos, but it's up there it's eating, we constantly and has become the bane of my existence. Wait gave discordant, tearing Tino ever foot finish the again famously he does you. Almost all of his movies have seeds, whereas actresses are like putting their bare feet up against the car when she older they're, just like prominently on the shot or whenever really and defeat. This guy that chick

now that I that is like the least weird thing about Clinton's anti now I think, though, to yet exactly it fits so he continues every time I see girls wearing sandals or showing their legs I feel aroused, and it makes me feel guilty because my girlfriend and I are totally in love with each other and I kind of Felix M somehow cheating on her I've tried to do something about it, but every time it comes back with a vengeance. I fear that if I don't get rid of the fetish, it will affect my relationship and spiral out of control, and I will end up becoming a pervert or a stalker. Do you guys have any advice for dealing with this unwanted desire, signed Quentin turn teen toe well, yeah, interesting question. I promise you are far from the only person to be wrestling with us, the research on vanishes adds that the most rigorous it's hard to pinpoint exactly how many people out there have a fetish or foot fetish specifically, but I can tell you a huge person

judge of the population? Is it something and a pretty big percentage of those people as many as forty per cent of people. According to one study that we read our hiding it from her partner because there Fraid of how they'll react, and I know this offer first thing is bringing up a lot of guilt and shame for you, but it might help to acknowledge that this isn't a? U problem not even sure it's a problem at all kinds of evil of some kind of as long as no one's getting hurt. Your action are you gonna be totally fine? The thing is you're worried that this would fetish will occur your relationship with your girlfriend, an spiral out of control and that you are becoming like a pervert or stalker to use your words, but just to be clear, you're not acting on this desire in an inappropriate way. You're not doing Anything wrong. Ethically, we're legally, I don't think glancing at again

sandals and lie Ralph. Sir rewinding, once upon a time in Hollywood to stare at Margo Feet makes you a monster. You might feel ashamed, but that doesn't make you some kind of predator ok bites if you're, following a girl and sandals around a rally heard in front of you, you know your screen shouting Margo Rabbies feed and looking at them at work instead of actually doing work. Some like that. Well, then, is a different story. Leocadia definitely different in fact DSM, which is Bible for mental disorders. Basically, it actually explains the difference between having a fetish and having fetishistic disorder order. Into feed or hair or leather or balloons or feet, touching their balloons or whatever it is? That only becomes a true to know that repaying too that's for sure, someone's thing someone's got that thing

becomes a Jew disorder when an individual has experienced sexual urges focused on those things and has acted out, urges fantasies where behaviors over a six month period, and- and this is the IMF in part, the fantasies urges or behaviors cause distress or impairment in functioning. So the question is: is this foot fetish causing you d? dress or getting in the way of you functioning well as a person. Well, it does sound like its causing you distress, you feel guilty. You feel ashamed, your keeping it a secret plus your stressed its going to spiral out of control took you do seem to meet that criterion, but Is it impairing your functioning hard to say that depends on whether Europe, I don't know struggling to concentrate at work because you're thinking toys all day or spending hours every night, googling celebrities, feet pits or your obsession with people's hooves, preventing you from focusing for

exercising from having a healthy sex life that sort of thing. If so, then you might meet that second criterion to end could be an issue that you need to resolve and look it's only so full to try and light up your symptoms with what the DSM says at the end of the day, this your life. This is your experience, is harmless at least right. Now, it's not like your asking whether you're schizophrenia corpse recital or something like that. I think. There's a lot of Ray area when it comes to paraphernalia and paraphernalia. By the way, is the technical term for having most finishes in general is kind of vague, also we're not qualified to diagnose you whatsoever. So there's that so. If you want to deal with this unwanted desire, I don't think the answer is ghetto. Stop wanting it. Pretending have this fetish is not going to make it go away. You know this. You probably tried, and as long as it's destroying your life are hurting anyone else sure it has to go away, but I do think you need to accept it as at least the starting point

subject means understanding that it's ok to have a pair of Philip desire, not judging yourself too harshly for being into something idiosyncratic recognising that this attract, wherever it comes from, is there and that's? Ok, once you accept it, then you can decide what to do about it. yeah, I agree. Jordan, and maybe the best thing you can do is talk about it with your girlfriend. I'm guessing. That's probably the last thing you want to do, but I actually think it could be incredibly helpful need. First of all, it sounds like ninety percent of the distress that you feel is just your own. Shame your own guilt, the shame that you're describing probably comes from the feeling like you're wrong or your bad for being into something a little bit unusual.

Which again I just want to echo with Jordan, said not unusual, not something to freak out about, but I understand that you feel that way, so it makes sense that it's you don't bring up some shame, also working so hard to hide our party yourself, the towns pretty exhausting, to be honest, the guilt peace, though that comes from keeping it a secret and keeping it a secret from your girlfriend. Specifically, if you did tell her about this, I bet it would dramatically reduce both of those feelings pretty immediately I mean it would be a tough conversation, but at least you feel like you're hiding anymore and the way you can tell her about this is you can sit down as I listen? I want, something with you to be honest. It's really difficult for me to talk about. I've been hanging on to this for a while. I never told anyone about it, but it's eating me up inside. I don't want to keep anything from you, especially so here's the deal I'm in defeat like a lot. I don't know why, but I am you know what I want when Terence a movie, that's like a hungry person watch and master chef,

I've never acted on this impulse with anybody else, but every time I notice a girl's feet when I'm on public or whatever I feel like. I'm cheated on you. I don't want to feel that way. So there it is that's my thing. I don't want it to come between us I'll work on it. If it is a problem but I didn't want to create another problem by keeping it from you somethin like that, and then hopefully, she'll be willing to listen to that and have a conversation and open conversation with you about it. Now I can't promise that your girlfriend is going to be one hundred percent cool with us. We don't know your girlfriend, but I think there is a pretty good chance that she's just gonna hear that and say: oh, ok, that's a little unexpected, that's kind of different, but fine. I guess I mean everyone's gather thing. She probably as our thing. Maybe this will be a chance for her to talk about it. There is also a chance that she'll be into the foot thing I mean I don't know, maybe we're speculating, but you know sometimes your partners into the same thing. I don't know you guys could explore working it in your sex life. Somehow I imagine that that would be a pretty great outcome for you. The other thing you can do, of course, is talk to a therapist about this. It might be helpful

Her stand the origin of the fetters pinpoint when it kicked in how it kicked in poor choice of words there. Yet again, still I regret the kick him back. You know what I mean like you, had a crush on a babysitter who never wore socks or something like that in the two got linked up in your mind, Bruno or maybe something more problematic happen to you with feed, I guess that's possible too, but to be honest man, not all fetishist are born from trauma or whatever that's just overly simplistic. It's just not true. Sometimes you just into what you're into there's no need to pathologies it you just need to find appropriate ways of acting on it in your life, like with your girlfriend, so seeing a therapist that might not you know, quoting quote cure you of this fetish. You probably don't need to be cured, but talking to a professional would definitely help you come to terms with that may be unfair the shame, the guilt- a little bed hopefully find safe ways to explore this fetish in your life in a way that doesn't compromise anybody else or impair your ability to function. Overall, if you can do that, then you ll be good at this.

He doesn't have to be such a liability. I think it can just be a preference of yours. That's a little bit different, maybe from other people's, but I do think- and I'm with Jordan on a percent on this- that you have to start by owning it and really opening up about it agreed Gabe. You know he might always feel some type of way when he watches Uma Thurman in and kill bill it doesn't have to eat em up inside. My hunch is that the bulk of his suffering isn't the fetish itself. It's his feelings about the fetish. So, on with gay man start talking. Maybe do some googling on foot fetiches, although be careful with those results, yield read through some fetish forums. On red it here other people's stories We all less alone. When you realize how many people are in your shoes another boy words there. You know what I mean I just make sure you tell your girlfriend about this, the right way when you two are not good boots: okay and workers. By the way. When I worked at the, why shouldn't even say where this was, but I worked at a screw, and I think this is papa.

I know it's public knowledge, so there's a guy at serious ex I'm satellite radio who throw them like also famously has evoked fetish. I say his name because I dont want like, like it's been a long time since I've seen em, but he is really really really into it. We have celebrities all the time at Siriusxm and we get like Carmen Electra and it's like two thousand and seven right. So she's still, you know top of the pops. Whatever and she'd walk in or or like PAMELA Anderson would be there and stuff like that and we'd sort of all go him in to be, and I can I can. I look at your feet heard to say: do some weird because he was he's on the metal station is a very nice charming guy, everyone loves him, so we would sort of make it. extra showy and the Greek get get down there and he's married and his wife is like fine. When she's like look if you're gonna like cheat with feet, get it out here this I don't care, just don't cross the line you know in any other way, so he would just go to town. There were men

many times where we would watch like PAMELA Anderson get like chocolates letter to whatever from from this dude. We would Three sit near like taken, we didn't have. There was no iphones and stuff really that that, at that time had cameras, other phone all time low, there's never released I'm footage of it somewhere, but yeah. I'm I've had like a front rosy too to all this has to. over and our wild. It can get the Hollywood. Urgent anyway, we'll see that guy's thrive So you got another way about he's doing great, yet posted had bangers, Balin, MTV, lunchtimes, easier killing it. You know who value around a Ralph SK. They, like the temper of you, tell us the amazed, sponsors who help support the shell, we'll be right back here, listening to back Friday here on the Jordan Harbinger, show we'll be right back this episode sponsor in part by better help online therapy. We talk about better help. A lot this month were discussed. some of the stigmas around mental health lot of us have been taught

mental health shouldn't be part of a normal life. We kind of ignored, or we deny it- that's a bunch of bunk. We take care of our bodies in the gym. We talk to the doctor, we go to a nutritionist, or at least try to eat right. Some of the time we should be fine, missing on our minds just as much many people think therapies for people with really serious issues are crazies therapy doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means that you recognise that all humans have emotions. We need to learn how to control and manage them. Not just stick our heads in the sand, but our help is cost. As to our mind that offers videophone even live chat sessions with your therapists. You don't have to see anyone on camera. If you don't want to know driving no power. king and its more affordable than in person. Therapy you can get matched in under forty eight hours give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy for ten percent off your first month visit better help, dot com, Slash, Jordan, that's better h, e lp dot com class. Jordan and joint over two million people have taken charge of their mental health with the help of inexperienced professional. This episode is also sponsored by China. China is a people focused

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Visit Jordan, harbinger dot com, slash deals for all the details on everybody that helps support the shell and now back to feedback. For on the Jordan Harbinger, show all right next up high Jordan and gave I'm a college student in LOS Angeles, and my roommates dog has fleas. Therefore, my apartment, including the rugs beds, clothes and couch, cushions all, have fleas as well and exterminator and professional cleaners came and my roommate paid for them because she

your dog were the only ones living in the apartment at the time of the incident. This is real generous of her, and I have no doubt that all of our physical belongings will be safe and flee free in a few days. The problem is my roommate. Insists that it was not the dog that brought the fleas into the apartment. Rather, she believes the apartment gave the dog please. This is pretty unlikely, there's no way that an investigation of this magnitude could just pop up from the floorboards out of the blue. My god tells me that she's only saying this because she feels embarrass store guilty, but at the same time this feels a crazy making and borderline propaganda. I feel a bit weird getting ready to live with his person for the next year if she can't even acknowledge the obvious truth that her dog probably just picked up fleas at the dog barked

Am I going too far with us? Should I just letter repeat and absurd lie if it makes you feel better signed exterminating the bullshit man gave I'd love to get horrible remade story. You have stories like this made me so happy. I'm grown up, I'm not living with people who are my family anymore. Also didn't we have another flee story recently I downloaded gauge. The here someone in laws like had a flea problem in that they brought fleas on there person over to be thousands like day at least that's right? That's! For a few months back, there is like the guy wrote his Inlaws refused to give the cats flee medicine or something so every time tat visit. They would bring fleas back with them and they were on the bed right. You can sleep in the bed and then his wife was getting back at him for saying that her parents were not like taking care of the cuts that was right, even though they all had fleas. It was just like the elephant in the room She's a god you're mad at them. What should they do? like literally like take a flea about a yet. It was crazy episode. Five six. If he goes wanna check it out. I guess fleas are

a really common point of contention when you're living with people. I never really thought about it. You know we would dabs of advance, John our cats like you're supposed to and forgot about it, but apparently some people get really worked up about this. It's interesting. My first instinct, was that you are one hundred percent right in your roommate as a hundred percent annoying, and that is probably the case, did a little digging and it turns out that people can actually bring fleas into an apartment Emmy. We saw that with the inlaws right event flee, can live in carbon and even hardwood floors for up to. I think, two or three months without a food source which is gross and also, of course, possible. It's unlikely, but possible that the apartment somehow gave the dog fleas and not the other way around but since your roommate was the only one living in the apartment when that happened, that would mean that the only other culprit was her bright. Shut would still be here

false unless the landlord of the Comcast Cable Guide track them in or something in which case it's really no one's fault, but let's be real. In all likelihood. The fleet is jumped on the dog and the I brought him in and that's what caused the infestation happens. All the time which do your point is totally fine. But her fault, but the fact that she's denying it so hard is, is pretty weird, so she's embarrassed, I get it. She feels guilty fine, but why not just say that This were me, I'd, be like man, I'm really embarrassed. My dog drive these fleets and I feel bad on the room. You read about an roommate horror stories and breaded threads are whenever also I'm not sure if it was the. Augur if they were in the apartment already, but since there is no way to know I'll just pay for it now get flee medicine for my dog, and hopefully this doesn't happen again right ape like what's the big deal here, it's not a big deal. I was just making it a big deal by being so defensive, but I guess that's how that's how she wants to play it and that's fine. I do understand why it's putting our

and they are on mean, though I mean if this remains so defensive about this, which seems like not a big deal than what else you gotta get weird about over the year that their living together. I could see this coming up again in some other contacts, so my advice try not to spit out too much here, maybe she's just being weird about the fleet, thing and other, why she's pretty cool Jordan? Do you remember when you have been allayed people crazy, allay our crazy about their dogs? They are dog. People in general are pretty intensive other dogs, but there's something about Ella dog owners, I don't know what dog owners are like the bay but down here if they feel like if they feel like someone doesn't, like their dog or they feel like their dogs reflecting poorly on them. In some way, people full do all sorts of weird shit to deflect. It's like the dog is an extension of that. I see it all the time, so maybe don't hold this against your roommate too much. I would just make sure that she's, given the dogs and fully medicine, so this does not happen again, but if you notice, you re doing something similar in another situation, like I don't know, maybe with a roommate thing, she forgets to pay the electric bell than she turns around and

blames you for not venmoing her or something like that. Then maybe I would talk to her about this. Tell her you're not looking for a fight you're, not trying to put her down or anything like that, but you are noticing that she's dropping the ball on a couple things and when you bring them up, she gets a little defensive like what the fleas thing you can tell her. I'm not mad luck! It's fine! I'm not! Judging you! It's all good! If you made a mistake, you just one or two acknowledge and work with you to fix it, and hopefully that will help her lower her guard a little bit and realise that she doesn't need to be so combative and so defensive when something goes wrong. But in the meantime yeah you might just have to let a repeat this absurd story about the apartment, giving the dog fully his, which now that I'm saying a bag. It doesn't pretty badger crazy, but if it makes you feel better fine, especially because you don't actually have airtight proof that the time brought them in and also your in college and this living situation isn't forever. So maybe just pick your battles right Jordan have your head like a really bad remain. I've never had a really bad like really really bad roommates bites

I did live with a giant man baby, who would have literally two months of laundry on the floor, and he would have no clean clothes at all and he would go and buy new clothes instead of watching them and then his girlfriend, which Britain, somehow but like he had a girlfriend, she later broke up with him for these exact reasons, but is grown. would come over and there be a pile of laundry that was his tall is she was on the floor and no clean clothes no clean anything should make. These are the same she'd you had two months ago or whatever I remember once they were like gonna do laundry together, okay and she was helping him a gay doing his laundry form. They picked up a bunch of these clothes and, after, like laundry basket, number six full of close. All of these overfish came out from the bottom because, like they were all living in theirs, so oh gross yeah yeah so does, and it smelled like, as did they picked. While the clothes you could smell like

musty, mouldy old, sweaty clothes that had been there for like two weeks, buried by other clothes and this pile it was so vile. Certainly aware the apartment could have given the clothes silverfish, I'm quite sure That is the case. I will say, however, that I had zero silverfish in my room. That's as close as I have to like bad roommate. I never had anybody you like refused to pay rent or anything like that or like here was no met labs in my house nothin like that you can reach us fright, at Jordan, harbinger dot com, please keep your emails, concise, try to use a descriptive subject line that makes our job a whole lot easier. If you can include the state and country that you live in, that usually helps us get you more detailed advice if there's certainly you're going through, big decision. You may be wrestling with or you just need a new perspective on stuff life. Love work whether you should as someone who has three years to live that one from last week I'm stuck in my brain

again as whatever's get you stand up at night. Lily hit us up Friday at Jordan, harbinger dot com, we're here to help we keep every email anonymous and by the way, if you're joining us for the first time or you wanted your friends about the shell, and I appreciate it when you do. We have episode starter packs. These are collections of top episodes organised by topic to help who listeners get a taste of everything we do here on the show just visit, George harbinger dot com, slash start to get started in those playlist work for any podcast Blair, including Spotify, our it next up Hague. As my girlfriend, and I recently attended

her mothers wedding all week long the bridegroom were dropping, hence that they were expecting us to get hitched very soon as well. I love my girlfriend very much and we do planning getting engaged, but we want to do so on our terms and on a timeline that feel comfortable for both of us at the reception they did. The garter belt toss tradition, where the groom takes the garter belt, offer the bride and then throws it into a crowded, bachelors, the lucky recipient of whom will supposedly get married next. This tradition, as always felt very creepy to me, but this time that feeling of uneasiness was compounded by the fact that the garter belt belonged to my girlfriends mother. The groom started calling out for all the bachelors together, but I want no part of it. So I stated my seat, the groom than singled me out, calling for me to participate. I respectfully declined, but it became clear that he was not taking no for an answer not wanting to make a scene. I called the groom over and I told them look I'm sorry, but I'm way to uncomfortable to participate in this. He seemed understand and went back to continue. The task

I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when I noticed the groom decided not to touch the garter belt into the crowd, but instead ran back over to my table and through the belt directly at me. I sat in my chair staring blankly as I let it hit me feeling like the biggest asshole in the room, later. I asked my girlfriend if I had handled the situation poorly and she told me that at first she felt disappointed because it was clear that the bride and groom wanted me to participate, but after the group, through the belt at me, she felt like they took it way too far. That feeling was reinforced when another lady caught the bouquet and then ran it over to my girlfriend and said. I think this belongs to you. The whole ordeal felt extremely uncomfortable and overbearing after things settle down the grim, and I clear the air and everything ended up being fine, but I'm left wondering if I could have handled the situation better. Should I just suck it up and down along with us or was it it had taken my heels and participate signed, arguing the toss aright. So this whole situation is so cringe. I don't even know where to begin gave, I didn't realize people still did

whole garter belt tradition- I mean, I guess, I've seen it in the nineties, but I thought it was a throwback even then, but I know it's like the bachelors equivalent of the bouquet toss, but I've. Never really heard of this being done in the last twenty years. It's been so long since I've seen anyone do this we didn't do this at my wedding, want it would horrify, Jen's sort of chinese Taiwan he's family, and it also makes my skin crawl a little to think of myself doing this cuz. I remember seeing it in early these weddings and is being like. Oh, my gosh like this is so weird and amount of is being uptight? I don't think it's just the way was It was really a key in turingi in gross. I just know shade on people who are into it or think it's cool tradition. I just for me. It's always made my skin crawl does a lot. We actually did. little research on this and its even creep here that we thought apparently The garter belt tradition began because way the day like middle ages are probably even before

Bridegroom used to immediately leave the ceremony and go into basically an adjacent room and just like seal the deal, and I guess to make it this is so Riddick at the to make an official there had to be witnesses which apparently meant that a bunch of strangers and slash wedding guests would cry. our round the bed to get a good view, and I I am quoting an article. We read here, try to get their hands on a lucky piece of the brides dress, as it was ripped from her body and then over time. Finally,. I realise that this was just too were creepy and they decided that the groom could remove an item of the brides underwear and toss it outside the room to prove that he did the deed, basically, which still is

Oh creepy, so probably better than turning your wedding night into like an eyes wide shut part. Even I mean compared to that. It's a step up because still weird so given all of that, were you the asshole here, in my opinion, no, not really. It's too you're right not to participate in certain things. It's not like you ruined the whole evening by setting out even stand up and objective wedding I mean look, you could have just sucked it up stood on the edges tried not to catch it. move down with the rest of the night, by giving them Everyone was acting to you in your girlfriend all night long. I can understand why you didn't wanna sorted jump. be part of that, if anything, the room is kind of the angel here for turning it into a whole thing and throwing the belt at you and getting like one way too much attention on you. I think what the hell gave my missing thing, or is that kind of weird baby? It's all too much yeah. I do we're behaviour and its extra we're, because this isn't like his frat buddy from college. This is, if I'm understanding correctly, this is this- is girlfriends mothers, new husband, so that's like a step farther

we're not kind of oh feature here. That's yeah, that's even more sort of what's up with this guy is like my wife's underwear, she's gonna, be your mother in law under pride, making you walk around with your future mother in laws garter belt. The whole thing is bizarre or made. Maybe look maybe have super of tight, and this is just not a big deal. It means whatever you want it to mean. I just gonna get eked out from my previous experience with this and the letter. It also probably depends on what and of mother in law. You have, I would imagine anyway, when girlfriend said she was disappointed. I think she probably just one. to make her mom happy on her wedding day and yeah. Maybe could have played along a little more. I probably would have and then just laughed it off, but as soon as the groom made it, you literally in your face with the garter belt. I think he crossed a little bit, align. That's on him, even

his wedding, so you got to cut him some slack there yeah. I agree, Jordan. I am glad you guys managed to smooth it over, though now you can just look back on and laugh the bigger concern to me, though Jordan is. Why is his family so obsessed with them getting married? I mean I'm sure if the bride and the and that other lady who ran the bouquet over to his girlfriend word, pressuring them so much that the evening he probably would have been more of a good sport about the garter belt thing I mean. Maybe the family should super pumped about them getting married, which I guess a sweet, but it seems a little insensitive kind of tone, deaf to speak, like forcing them pressuring them too. Mary, it's like chill guys, I give the young couples and space. Let them decide when they want to get engaged. It's their lives. If this guide didn't love his girlfriend so much as I get the sense that it really does, they might have actually managed to scare him off. I have heard about happening when families just got way too intense about mine super sad anyway. If all of this starts to get a little too intense for you guys, you or your girlfriend might want to say something, probably your girl.

No, she can respectfully tell her mom and are stepped out that you guys are on your own time line and that them constantly pushing you to propose not helping things and that its actually becoming kind of inappropriate, hopefully Bell realise that their acting like maniacs an anthem back off the real question is: are you guys gonna thereabout Tosca your wedding, I think they totally shed any should force his mother in law, husband to just stand dead centre in the crowd and tosses step daughters, garter belt right Adam, so you just know how friggin uncomfortable that is. Maybe just put it right head like a little used, underwear crammed lexicographer men and then, if the step that mad. He should leave it and say if you think this was weird could be happy, we're not getting married in the middle ages, brow fix it also used underwear, Chrome, it's gonna, be a federation.

For sure for sharing Glasgow belies the guy from key wondered human after years that is gonna be like feed. That's fine! It's no big deal, I'm up those crown, but people anyway, If you're looking for something better to give people than your mother in law used unaware, then you can't do much better than the products and services that help support. The issue will be right back this. The Jordan Harbinger Show- and this is feedback friday- we'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by good. Our ex did you know different pharmacies charged different prices for the exacting drug welcome to the wild world of prescription drug pricing. Good. This is a new platform. They gather car prices end discounts to help find the lowest cost pharmacy for your prescription at over. Seventy thousand pharmacies, like CV Kroger, Walgreens, right aid, Vaughan's, Walmart and more. You can save up to eighty percent quite a bit please, go to the pharmacy without checking good, Aurex, first to make sure you're paying the lowest price on your medication. Is the number one most downloaded medical app in the abstract? It's free! It's easy to use my father in law,

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The clavijo are ready to share sure, boosting your marketing with If you ll, probably wasn't the gift you had in mind this year, but you gotta admit it's a pretty great one to get yourself one on your data, Andrew Growth, low or at K o av. I why oh dot com, slash holidays, get started with a free account at Clavijo, dot com, Slash, Jordan, that's cool! a the I why oh dot com slashed Jordan, also special thanks to Edmunds for sponsoring the show. Have you noticed a hot the car market has lately, it's actually quite insane. Demand for used cars, especially its back in full swing. Buying a car is one of the biggest purchasing visions you can make, and right now it can be especially difficult. Edmunds has been taken, the stress out of the entire car shopping process. for over fifty years, but we ve grown our little car working during upgrading soon. The first step is to get an appraisal, wheezed Edmunds, free vehicle appraisal tool, which gives you an accurate price for your listing vehicle in as little as a minute. They're, not gonna, ask for your personal info. You're, not gonna, get contacted by sketchy. Third parties appraising your car is the first step to getting a good return for it

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This is for herself my sisters and I have come to accept her cheap attempts by smiling politely in an donating or giving them away. Last year for Christmas, my sisters were super polite about the terrible jewellery and be dazzled Eiffel Tower tee shirts, my mom felt like add, got a great mental image about teaching. Right now? I was plain baffled by the rolling pin. I got mostly because I don't even make pie. My mom says that her husband wants her to give little gifts like that and he gets upset if she suggests that All we really want is money or a high quality item that will actually use. The irony is that she is always expected us to give her high and gifts to the point of self sacrifice, When we were children without jobs, she didn't like handmaid gifts or a cheap trinkets. She never wore the fog Christmas pins or the drugstore perfume. We bought her by the time I was fourteen. I had learned to please her by providing her with things she liked. I've suggested many times that my parents shift the focus off of us and give to a charity or just trimmed down their expenses, but that was

but with crickets as much as I feel compassion for them and their need to feel good, I feel were all getting a little too old for this farce. So do we keep up the act or do we throw down the truth signed wrapping up? Yet this is quite a funny dilemma. Also such an interesting parent to have their mother, expects a super fancy credenza. Why do I feel like? I need to say that with a smokers, voice credenza, Credenza Davenport? Why does she want to credenza from pure one imports or whatever, but then turns around and gives you a friggin rolling pin from the ninety nine cent store when you don't even bake? I get why you're worked up about this. It's not just that she's kind of being a scrooge with the gifts it's that she's, not even considering what her children really need, and I am sure that that's the point gradually the wrong way right of mom, isn't relieved attuned to you or eat curious about what you actually want. Even what you want is actually no gifts at all, but then you also

of husband getting mad when she does try to give you something nice that you'll actually use which that is so weird. I dont know he's being stingy or if he literally just doesn't even like you guys or what, but between the two of them you These are really getting. Shafted at Christmas, but look I know it's not about the presents its about the charade of pretending you like what she gives you feeling miss there stood or under appreciated as a daughter, knowing the had to learn how to please your mom from a young age, but that she isn't willing to do the same for you now at all, and I know that might see trivial or even petty, but I actually get that. I could see how that would sting coming from apparent that you worked so hard to make happy your whole life. The thing is you ve already tried talking your parents about this and they basically ignored you. So what do you do? Well, You might want to give it one more shot, but be more direct. Maybe you to be more explicit with your mom and that's hard, because I want to hurt her feelings, but maybe she's

I didn't realize just how much she's missing the point with these guess, so you may to be a little gentle with her. You could say something like listen, mom, I really appreciate all the gift you ve given us over the years. I know it means to you for us to open, presents together, and I know you're doing our best to make us happy, but I gotta tell you I dont know if we, to keep this up at our age. Most of the gifts you give us a sweet as they are to be honest. We can't really use lorries never gonna put on that, but dazzled Hannah Montana T shirt, she's thirty. I promise you Christine's knock unaware the cork necklace she you have done and even a middle school me I don't even vague, so I gave that rolling into goodwill someone who actually needs it can use it. I find that I not doing that with most of your gifts actually, because I dont hang on to something that I cant use. I know this costume. I'm and money not a lot of money, but but some so can we please talk about doing something different? Maybe you could ask us for one thing: we really need or

you can give us money if that's easier, but I'd be justice. Happy if you donated with charity, or we just got together and hung out without any presence. That's honestly what matters most to me, something like that, and if your mom goes, oh, don't be silly. We have to give presence, and I Be the one to choose what you get then. Maybe you can ask why this tradition is so important to try to get her to us. then, why she picks these gifts. Why and her husband don't want to give you what you really need an if she Russia's, you off, you could even be like mom. I feel like not listening to what I'm saying here. I'm confused. You say you want to make us happy, but telling you what would make us happier so do you think you can try to understand where we're coming from. Can we at least try something different? This here and see how it goes and then hopefully

I realise that there is a much better way to spend Christmas. Then showering you with stuff. You could have found it a friggin treasure chest at your dentist. Allow answers that specific towards you. Remember the dentist off as they would have liked a little thing with the ball, and you have to get it into the hall. You always gotta dentist, young diamond now, my dentist would just be like ok, here's the like little box. You get a reach him without looking, but you would you pull out like us. Scraper, something! No! No! I there was one like. I pull out like a fish like a little plan fish and, above you got Friday to fish any I'd like it at the little in islets on it and you couldn't turn it into. I guess I can necklace for look at church, so I would have ready the fish in my pocket like where it I'm like a little bracelet or something oh, damn, yeah there mom would love up. I think you should go to your dentist yeah I mean that's Christmas right there room, but look if your mom just well, listen to you or she listens to you, but then she turns around and gives you thirteen chinese finger traps. She picked

At that point, you tease, liquidation. Special worker enriches pygmies its than tat you might have to gradually then play along a little bit at that point. You'll just now they are parents are going through this charade for themselves. They just our interest in changing. I mean, I guess you could boycott Christmas in protest and make them pay attention, but I doubt that will make them change than yours, causing drama on. You don't seem like a drag person and then you don't get to your family, so nobody went. My advice would be fine, something you do appreciate in this ritual. benefits something tiny may be laughing with your sisters or cooking with your mom or just being together during the holidays, which is always the best part and just choose to focus on that. You might find that this whole gift giving thing is taking attention away from the other parts are Christmas that are actually really great, so I'd, say just decide what to care about and dont get worked up about. The sufi can change

Jordan, weird holiday gifts. That's another thing! I love there always hilarious. I remember I remember one year my uncle gave my Mama ladder Hanukkah, your mom partners, like others it that's why I was so funny I don't mind another you're like a step ladder, or even one of those small letters that you would use and inadequate something. I'm talking like a full length, industrial twenty. and yes, he lives in a condo she's, not even handy she doesn't do like home, die wise up at all. She was totally confused and she was basically like. Ok, no thank you, and she left the ladder at his house but benefit and then we're lot. We laughed about this for years, but in about ten or twelve years later she said We needed a ladder, wonder to fix a light outside our building something like that, ensures that damn I should think so. Maybe it was actually an incredible gift. I don't know, but it's out, and I just love and people give a gift that misfires

weird gifts are hilarious man. They usually reveal so much about the person who actually is given the gift or how they re. They feel about the person there giving it too. So I got a lot of blood mediocre gifts, probably but one that really stands out that to me just hilarious is outdated. This girl named Nancy. She was like a very professional woman. and one day we had just met, probably a few expert, maybe even a month or so prior and she found out it was my birthday. What are you doing tonight, like I don't know like my mom, I'm on the phone with my mama call you back and she's a girl with a mama's like not just calling cuz it's my birthday to wish me happy birthday, yeah, me too happy birthday and I realize they sort of former vocal technology that she completely forgot. It was my birthday and I didn't really care. We ve been dating couple months like we never talk to. I don't know what her birthday was either and like Three hours later, the door Bell rings, and I get edible arrangement, life cake thing with like, but not cake right. It's exe,

draw berries in pineapple on like little spikes friend, don't get me wrong. I love me inedible arrangement. These are great, gives through doesn't their awesome night. You get that for your secretary. Or for your unite teacher you like, or your neighbour or some you'll, get that for your significant other. So it also was it was even worse than just no gift for my birthday like at all, and it was so professional but like if they give proof your gift, like last minute, didn't know them well in the funniest part was There was a little code on the card. I dont remember how it miss abbot that things from the code on the card and a friend of mine happen to like work, edible, arrange. Its end was like I was a hey. Did you to send me this thing from Britain is like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah fur and somehow it had come out that she had like build it for her

jar company to send it to me. So I was like. I literally got corporate gifted inedible arrangement from my girlfriend, my birthday, nice yeah. That says it all those an area, Annabelle arrangements, just signalling. I forgot your birthday until two hours before since, like melodies after much the other thing that made no sense is she lived like minutes away from me and I'm like me now, I'm probably like thirty one there's a lot of and she was bright. Twenty six. There is a lot that a twenty she'll girl could do her thirty one year old, buddy boy friend and his birthday. That does not involve any blocks away if it does not involve sending a corporate gift from like your companies once account with edible arrangements, shocked at its last nap. Now, what happened there you know, gave I think, what the story really Captures, though, is stuff doesn't matter the stuff doesn't matter. I made sure expensive things are fun I crocheted, a good leather jacket and a cool car, whatever fancy bed frame from stores whose names I can't pronounce. Obviously, the things have some value but they're, just there, nothing

compared to spending time with people? You really love, and I know it's cheesy. I know it's kind of trade. I know I talk about it all the time, but every year I do the show it just becomes clearer and clearer to me relationships experiences acts of service. Those are things that really matter life they're kind of all that really matters in life. In a way I mean look, you can be driving taboo, gaudy cool. Where are you going in it? You could be sitting on something her fancy. She has long. Did I say a correctly. It is time gave nailed it perfectly nice, She has long in the world but whose sitting next to you, you know- I mean I'm not to be like two cheesy about it, but my hope for this holiday. Actually, my invitation for you We usually need to be proactive and do this stuff ourselves is that you create those exe. variances for yourself doesn't have to be some huge thing hit up a friend for up

pumpkin spice latte over the holiday call. Your mom call your dad call your brother, you sister cousin, whoever it is! Ask him how they're doing tell them but they mean to you. Take your colleague to lunch. Tell them what made you proud this year. Right an email to your boss or your professor or Europe mentor thank them for teaching you what they taught you book a weekend trip with your best friend, Take your mamma to lunch. Take your dog I can invite to friends you haven't seen in a while. I promise you will not regret this kind of thing, because the people keeping our lives, how we shall, for them how they show up for us the way we share our our love and our ideas in our attention. That is what makes life meaningful. All the science about happiness proves it. We know this in our bones: it's just so forget when we're caught up in the day to day of our lives. So my last piece of advice for this year be generous with what you have at this moment

whatever that is, it doesn't have to be money or gifts or vacations, in fact the less tangible, the better and give it to the people that you care about. That is the big secret which isn't really a secret at all, just to give in to find out how far giving yourself to other people will take you in life, and that is good places any I think, to put this show down for the year. Thank you so much Listening. Thank you for letting us into your world in such a coup away. Thank you for letting us make dumb ass, while we ponder some of the crazy. If that life serves up, you guys are the best merry Christmas happy new year will be back in your feed the first week of January. and I hope we all enjoy that go back and check out the episodes with Tom right. And might row if you haven't yet. If you want to know how I managed to book all these folks and if you want to improve your own relationships, check out our six minutes networking course it's free it's over on think. If it platform at George, harbinger dot com, slash course dig the well before you thirsty.

If you start now, you're starting in twenty twenty one. Look at that it'll be twenty twenty before you know it. The drills take just a few minutes a day. The holidays is a great time to do this, because a lot of people have time the respond to your staff. Your response rates are gonna, go through the roof. You can find it all at Jordan Harbinger Dotcom, Slash course a link to the show notes with episode can be found at Jordan, harbinger dot com transcripts are in the show notes, I'm at Jordan, harbinger on both Twitter and Instagram orders. At me, I'm linked in you can find Gabriel on twitter Gabe, Ms Raw he or on Instagram at Gabriel, misery. They show is key. They didn't association with pod one. My team is Jim, Harbinger, Jays Sanderson, Robert vaguely in bared, Milly, Ocampo, Josh, Ballard and, of course, Gabriel, Miss Rocky. advice and opinions there, our own and yes, I'm a lawyer, but not your lawyer- do your own research before impulse. Anything you here on the show. Remember we rise by lifting others, share the What those you love! If you found this episode useful, please share with somebody else who can use the advice that we gave here today in the meantime

your best to apply what you hear on the show. So you can live what you listen and we'll see you next year, if you're, looking for another episode of the Jordan Harbinger, show to sink or teeth into here's, a preview of one of my favorite stories. From an earlier episode of the show with Johnny Mendez, she was the chief of the sky. As for the CIA in Moscow, during the latter part of the cold war, we really into the weeds and how they hid people and hid spy gear in one of the most hostile espionage environments anywhere in the world. We invented technology that didn't even exist, yet the small batteries, for instance therein are watches and our phones and all that stuff. Today, they're kind of like cue from James Bond, but it's the CIA. We could create any kind of character over your face, masks that came out of Hollywood. We take great go down to the cafeteria lunch. This is it C headquarters where everybody knows everybody in the cafeteria and they would go discover that no one paid any tension to them. You go well

I'm hiding in plain sight. They following us just every minute. The case officer would step out of the car. The driver would hit a button stemming would pop up wearing the same clothes as the guy that had just left trailing surveillance would come around the corner. Follow that Karl night they never knew and if they could get to those people, they will execute him. They were feeding people into these crematorium speak first, I'd. Unbelieving really valuable agent said our treaty on one condition, and that is that you give me the ability to take my online eventually everybody. So there are seven. We had put that help. we gave him the cat, that's a block kid cyanide, and, and they said we want so they brought in this forum Johnny Mendez, including some incredible spies stories that will really perk your ears check out episode, three

Forty four of the Jordan Harbinger Shell.