« The Jordan Harbinger Show

632: Jon Acuff | Give Yourself the Gift of Done

2022-03-03 | 🔗

Jon Acuff (@jonacuff) is the New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including his Wall Street Journal #1 bestseller, Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done. [Note: This is a previously broadcast episode from the vault that we felt deserved a fresh pass through your earholes!]

What We Discuss with Jon Acuff:
  • Why are only eight percent of new year’s resolutions realized? (Incidentally, that’s the same percentage of applicants accepted to Juilliard.)
  • The harm perfectionism causes and what we can do to navigate through it.
  • The Planning Fallacy and how it causes overachievers to fail before even beginning.
  • Strategic Incompetence: why you should deliberately be terrible at some things.
  • Secret Rules: what they are, how they’re made, and how these invisible scripts affect our lives (and what we can do about it).
  • And much more...

Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/632

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Coming up next on the Jordan Harbinger show I've never met so it was like. I sat down to watch. Narcos ended up, don't birthdays, I leave you know how it happened like we now were accidentally or naturally do things that are good for us or productive. That means we have to be deliberate. We have. to be intentional, and so I would ask people who have a lot of noble obstacles, will wear you going and it's you know you're supposed to write a book and you say will as soon as the garage is clean, what are those two having common welcome to the show I'm Jordan Harbinger on the Jordan Harbinger, show we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most fascinating people. We have endeavoured conversations with scientists and entrepreneurs, spies and psychologists. Even the UK. war, correspondent, neuroscientist or gold smuggler, and each episode turns our guests wisdom into practical advice. You can use to build a deeper understanding of how the world works and become a better critical thinker
new to the show, welcome, or you want to tell your friends about it. I suggest our episode starter packs. These are collections of top episodes organised by topic. They help new listeners, get a taste of everything we do here on the shore just visit, Jordan, Harbinger Dotcom, slash start or take a look in your Spotify after get started or to help somebody else get started, which again, I always appreciate now today, one from the vault on this episode, we're talking with my friend John Acuff, author of Finnish, give yourself the gift of done. The book about Reflection is what it does the harm it causes and what we can do to navigate through. It will explore concept called the planning fallacy and how over achievers, like many of us, shoot ourselves in the foot before we even begin a concept called strategic incompetence, and why should deliberately suck at some things
and will uncover secret rules what they are, how their made and how these little invisible scripts affect our lives and what we can do about it self enjoy. This deliberately imperfect episode with John Acre and by the way, if you're wondering how I managed to get these amazing folks on the shelf, it's always always been about my network and on teaching you do the same: to build your network for free, it's a free course. I don't need you stink in card info or anything like that: Jordan, harbinger dot, slash course. The course is about improving and networking your connection, skills, of course, but also inspiring others to develop personal and professional relationships with you, it'll make you a better connector and a better thinker. That's at Jordan, Harbinger, dot, com, slash coarse and by the way, most of the guess you here on the show they subscribe and contribute to that same course. So come join us you'll, be in smart company, where you belong now, here's John Acre
So tell us about your new gig here because do over is what we heard about before you that book about starting now get a book about finishing, dare I say a little predictable, but here's the problem. You got a book about starting obviously some did or did not have another. You have a book about finishing so, what's gonna hear I had so many will come up to NGO, hey no sense, I like your book, but I've never had a problem star Then I start a million things. Starting is easy how to actually finnish and too is a guide and have an answer, and so that's what kind of kicked off this side? the air was our I will widen ninety two percent of New year's resolution. Sale like white people, get p ninety x and do four days like. Why did diet EL, the third week of January, and so that's where this book came from. I thought the start was emotional. One thing, and it is important, it is not as critical as finnish, like nobody gets a metal in the middle of a race or they shouldn't if cultures doing his job. You shouldn't reward Middle EAST reward. Finnish, that's true, but I
psychology kind of doesn't want to do that a lot. I think every person has unfinished stuff that they can have what a shame over high achievers have this? Even more so I've noticed- and maybe that's just anecdotal data Cosette surrounded by these over achiever view, no law, school nerds and entrepreneurs, but it seems like people who do really well in life generally also have a lot of unfinished stuff in the air about it all the time. Element of shame. Everybody's got that skeleton everybody's got PETE idea x or, as I like, to call it p acts? Because that's what I long I lasted where exactly until get yoga and then like in the nineties, everybody at both legs and there I knew your ripped with this thing. Is God the limbs and like boughs, and now you use it to do. A laundry in your garage- I think part of it- is that culturally speaking, we celebrate the beginning. We say things like well begun, his half done which sounds good on Instagram, unlike an entrepreneurs like in Burma, women are you know, and then you go what
That means a doctor said to you as soon as I've made your first incision, I'm half done with your surgery, you'd be like. Well, that's not how anything goes like. Where did you get your degree and the other thing is like we got the hardest part of any journeys. The first step, you're kidding me, we have large parties, Jordan, there's no middle party. I've never been to a party, were the guy was like hey it's a Saki is part of the project. you have a middle party, we celebrate the beginning. We nor the Andean and in the middle we quit gathers large parties there, No I'm done with my book to our party. The first step was a dream dude. I, like Derek savers, talks about this, where the proper, Maybe if you tell somebody your goal the wrong way, you actually don't do the goal, so it happens oh George, I'm gonna run a marathon and you give me pre. Congratulations. You go do you're so brave. I couldn't do that. You so discipline and I get dopamine and I actually run because I got enough dopamine. The whole thing drives me nuts. It's true because we're
are we getting the validation, we're looking for by getting that pre validation. People get insulted very rarely will do a new part cast and the reason I won't do on its own or the statue probably do the majority of part casters wit and x, amount of months, because it's hard the idea of doing it. I guess it's so easy. The reality of do help her gas is not as easy I'll, tell you right now I have the same policy people go. I would love to include you in my launch and I'm thinking I would love to give that opportunity to anyone else. I used to do that. I used to go great while really flattered, and it still is flattering that somebody thinks of you first, but the problem is out of
and launches nine of them ago. I never actually made it to lunch. I had lunch with all the episodes that I did and then I decided that I was going to write an e book or do a webinar or you know, I'm still working on it and I'm like I recorded that with you a year ago. What are you working on and the answer is nothing it's just a thought of a really fun to talk to entrepreneurs and then nothing happened. One question as soon as I saw this book. I thought about this and I got to ask: did you plan to write a book about finishing at the time? Or did you actually end up writing a book about finishing as a result of all this stuff about starting and then not? Actually, ten yourself it was through. The experience of I felt like I lost a lot of boats that never got out of the harbour and I wanted to say to people hey wait. A second like this is fine. And this is important to get me wrong. But without this piece you just end up driving in sir.
was never actually accomplishing the thing it was frustrating and as it author the two things people say to you: when you say you write books, are they go? What's your biggest books- and I were heard of which is so sad Does it need never heard of it? It's like you never say to a lawyer name your most successful case. I'll, tell you if I agree like it so humbling, but then they say I want to write a book. Has eighty one person, the people want to write a book according near times, less than one percent do while eighty one percent of people- I didn't want to write one before who are these people? We miss a quarter billion books every year from people who said I want to do it in your right, like the problem is scientifically speaking. You remember in clear goals: more than complete, so the things the open, Lou, says David. I would say that you have in your head way heavier than the stuff you got done, like the pot cast for you for I could have gone better or that interview you think about that more than the ones where you're, like a crush that so it does cost. You do two ways
think I can get ninety nine five star reviews and then someone sends a one star and I'm like I'm, going to stay up till three. A dot m. Writing a reply to this person. If I can find them online, which I will try to do for the next forty five minutes, He realized hey. You know what some people just don't like Pisa, an animal I'll be around those people right, yeah, exact, They, like my wife, can't stand a red hot chile peppers, there's a lot of people that, like the red, hot chile, peppers sorry about your relationship, breath we're working on its countenance pretty expensive for her. Why still write books, these lucrative books instead book Finnish, give yourself the gift of done. You mentioned. We have the same percentage of being accepted into Juilliard for like playing the bassoon as we do have finishing our goals: eight percent. Of course it's eight percent of people who apply, but in theory, if you have a goal, your kind of applying to finish it, eight percent, that's really love! That's a ninety two percent failure rates. The and the crazy thing Jordan is You don't change it. Every year in December, we get wooed back into the
new year new, you kind of movement or, like I'm, going to do it this year, like it's going to be different and if you say to somebody will how will this year's, be different, they go will have more beats like they might eat something different, but none of their power. things changed under their habits and other approaches ass, the lady at the grocery store, I said when people quit their goals and she said We could January as it. How do you know she said? That's when we stop selling Caille in one friends is you blow at once, and then he gave up like that's where perfectionism crimson aren't. Let's talk about perfectionism because This is the bowser to your Mario. In this book here perfectionism sounds like something that ok we get down on ourselves. you're in a job interview, you say yeah, my biggest weakness unto detail, oriented I'm a perfection and strike. I work too hard. That's why I'm jobless, but I give too much tell me, though, what is it about perfectionism, that's causing us not to finish things. I mean it makes sense when you say it out loud, but in the beginning, shouldn't me having an awesome plan actually be
good thing for accomplishing my goals getting into Juilliard and one that I think it awesome plan is different from perfectionism. Perfectionism doesn't exist so, as a goal perfect doesn't exist right, perfectionism, totally exhausted. Protectionism exists, perfect doesn't like. Amazon has never saw the perfect book, they sold millions of imperfect books. People brave enough to finish, like I made mistakes in every book of ever written and one book I said, the turmoil. Owens, the football player had caught a thousand touchdowns he's got a hundred. I was off by a factor of ten and every job gonna plan was like an idiot, and then I made a mistake and do over. I called the sensation of the teenage me ninja turtles. Stick. Instead, a splinter stick is the mental daredevil spot,
There is a danger to every nerd was like you loser. I gave what was so like your always. Gonna have a mistake, but the problem is Jordan. If you say my goal is perfect, you always get close to it, but never close enough and even worse, if you don't hit it, your quit people the trouble of protectionism, great on past, fail schedule. If you want to lose ten pounds, you only lose eight, you didn't almost get there. You failed by two when you quit, that's where perfectionism is so dangerous, so you end up with examples like the way. Last thing is great right, it's binary, so you say: well, since I didn't lose all ten pounds, I fail, but isn't the result. Then fine. You lost eight pounds and me words. The problem. I say here that example: perfectionists have the Meciar cars and offices and you go nowhere their deep freaks their clean if they can't clean it at a toothbrush level thick with the whole project, so they'll be like half cos,
cops will be a mess everywhere. So that's where it gets people and that's where, if you had not perfect, you end up. Writing a first chapter not liking it. You ve done this Jordan, where have an idea in your head and before even write it down, you judge it is dumb and you don't even committed the paper. Is that not normal Elsie or good. Of course not, and so that's where perfectionism it just prevents your stuff from seeing the light of day and from getting better like. If you had said How can you upon castle it's perfect? We, beyond this episode. I guarantee this year is better than the first one. I don't even want to make the first time I want you to grow into but it perfectionism, had been loud enough. You would have done. One episode realised what was imperfect and given up perfectionism doesn't have room for growth. That's funny should mention that
I know so many people who won't launch their show, because it's not perfect, which is one of the reasons why you and I don't do brand new podcast interviews and things like that with shows that haven't started yet one reason, but I didn't fall victim to that and I'll tell you. The reason was not because we weren't perfectionist. It was because we decided that this was a hobby initially and it didn't matter at all, because all we were doing was drinking and talking and there's no real way to make that perfect, it took us may be happy. decade before we're like hey. You know what this is something we should focus on, because its working really well, and we should probably turn it into a product where we release it on this day every week and maybe actually do one every week, people always go worthy early episodes of the show, and I'm thinking dough waste your time go to a movie. Instead, you ve iter They did every time. You guys sent me an email this time, the first I you didn't have a microphone recommendation, this done
Yes, why you're like hey? It would be better for the listener who are trying to serve if you had a better microphone guess what I bought that Micro Now, every part as I do. I use the microphone, and so you don't get to continually improve if you are trying to aim for perfect right, because you start trying to get the perfect on the first. Try which, since you're saying is impossible, prohibits us rum, maybe not trying at all, but at least not going after the first generation, because why were so ashamed that our first try was imperfect? Would you say screw it? People like the do things that fail its voluntary failure to let's make you're, like a lot of these goals, are voluntary. You started this pocket, a Boston said you Jordan, you gotta. Do this part Oh, if you're doing a voluntary goal, people don't willingly increase their run ends with failure. Very few of us are like although they are united, like my haters motivators, like it's an enjoyable, and so we try it. We are, feel shame about it like we bring in the shame of
I wanted to write about five years ago. I did not want to lose weight. Ten years ago. I didn't. We already feel bad and if our first experiences bad our chances of stopping our exponential, so this isn't about pro activity it's out about time, management, it's about ditching perfectionism! You had some funny examples in their of trying to get over. Perfectionism like the yummy crackers, of perfection. What was that all about as weird yeah another really successful productivity book. The sad imagine your perfect dream or goal as a movie Now then shrink it down to a size of a cracker and imagine yourself eating it, and now that perfect movie is part of you like for you, and I one of the things we have in common is our enjoyment of make one of bad advice of where people go like you are the solution. You ve always been looking for What does that mean? No, I'm not like in most cases on the problem. I have always been avoiding too a great american poet, Creed. I've created my own prison. So, like the
dear that, like my own solution, so I think you and I Art have fun swimming through the Instagram experts, I haven't done anything If I were you, it would make me laugh when I see people selling courses on how to your part ass, they don't have a successful Marcus, those a pretty much the only people that sell those types of classes. So far, What you are doing is your monopolizing people's dreams. You taken someone who's, gonna ruin, wants you to a park ass and adding a buck onto that dream, and so like stuff like that, drives me nuts. But the problem is the goal. Space is fullest after says, have a huge, crazy goal that terrifies you like it. Has so big, it makes you cry like the fetal position. Yeah the big area, audacious and and unlike actually does have the little ones, and I keep hitting what we found is people who for the moon that go to big, almost fail from the get go like I'll. Have people say, I'm gonna run I'll say: ok, we're gonna do send into marathon. I gotta have you don't have marathon or five care. Even just a k, have you ever run a k and their life?
now I gotta do the iron man, I saw by commercial, I'm gettin carbon fiber in words, guinea clothes and then they create a weekend to examine because it so overwhelming. This is interesting because I see it's some of this in my life in some areas and not in others, perfectionism doesn't necessarily have to say every area of your life. Do you find that it infects certain areas of relief? Mark are plenty of people who are doing the perfectionism thing with their podcast, but they have no problem being an awesome athlete and running in triathlon or running a business. What's going on there, I would say for me, like my parenting, I don't try to be perfect. As I know, it's just friggin impossible, how much more the type of God it's like, I'll tell my kids. These are the ten things. You're gonna talk to a therapist about some day. So let me save you a lot of sessions like your ten specific things I just blew, and I'm sorry by like tat happen, so I don't try to be a perfect parent. I recognise that, like I'm constantly growing as a husband, so like the idea, there'll be a perfect. I like that ship sailed as well, but than others
things like writing or public speaking. I might fall into that, but part of it is like what motivated by what kind of rules you bring to it. There's a lot of people that have these kind of secret rules. Some would say the machine beliefs is another phrase that they bring to a certain topic like money like you and Both know a lot of entrepreneurs that struggles a fear of success and they get ashamed. When I get successful and you go the whole goal with success like twenty years ago a mom said to them. People who are rich must have cheated to get there. So now in their head, they have this thing. They, like only cheaters, win any self sabotage right when they started to go well. Lighted drives me nuts, your listening to the Jordan Harbinger show with our guest John H off we'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by optimizing. The last two years have been crazy. We never experienced anything like it. In our lifetimes we ve never experience such an effective.
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As in under forty eight hours. If you don't click with your therapist, better help makes it easy to get matched with a new one, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. It's so convenient communing. Kate, with your therapist from the privacy of your own home or wherever from your account your bed, you can make appointments, have text phone or video sessions with their therapist easily within the better help app everything is secure if you're not the type that convertible eyes your thoughts and feelings easily, there's even a virtual Journal in the EP. You can add notes whenever you want and then share sections with your therapist. There is a great idea but away focus on your mental health by keeping an open mind and trying better help, see why over two million people have used better help our mind therapy are listeners, get ten percent off your first month at better help that calm, sash? Jordan, that's better hd, LP, dot, com, sash, Jordan! Thank you so much for listening to supporting the show. I love these.
The conversations and your support of these advertisers with all these complicated codes, and you are Elles, that's what keeps things going around here. We took all those deals and discounts and codes and special tracking links there all in one place over. Jordan, harbinger dot com, slash deals. You can check him out there and also you can just click right through known to memorize the codes, Jordan, Harbinger, dot com. Slash deals, please consider supporting those who support us now back to John H off. Ok, let's talk about secret rules. I found this in the book to be quite fascinating. These are great because limiting beliefs, it's got too much. We attached but now it's kind of like you can because you believe in yourself, if you think it, the universe will make it possible and always think like tell that to a cancer victor. like they were alike. I wish I had calling. Answer than yours is like you have wished it, Then here you will receive it like a man. I wish I could tell a poor you into it.
Conversation I had with this guy, who was in his book the secret and when I was like what about kids get cancer years time, but how people get bad thing. happening to them have done something somewhere and MIKE okay, so eight year old of leukemia go any was like a longer easy later. If patients backdoor like car crash, like you know, it's punishing me so the boy the metaphor, uses the cocoa bird doesnt build its own nests he's gonna have a baby, it hides its egg and another birds nests and then the first thing it does is hatch first and kill all the other eggs. Soon the mother bird dies stating this gigantic species. I give you a list has gone to Google say cuckoo parasitic bird tat. Google images crazy. I say how does the man that recognise the lie in the nest in the same way that you and I, if we have a secret rule I recognise that there is a lie in our head, a friend the other day. Let's talk about the money one he said John there The EU makes twenty million dollars a year. How do you think he sleeps at night- and I want to say probably on Hungarian down pillows and pretty well my problem.
he after eating some peeled grapes like button. Is mine. five million was ok, ten million now you're greedy. He had this weird, never spoken never verbal eyes like system and so a lot of times goal books treat you like it. robot they go Jordan. If you do these four things in this order, you will have more productivity and they forget. The like Jordan grew up with a dad. There was workin on staff and Jordan Europa, the mom that was imperfect and weep. You know at a teacher like that t it youth We had the strong enough willpower and, like personal character, to say, like you're, wrong about the internet, and I'm going to show you some people. Do it. Listen to that teacher and made career choices based on I want to get involved in the internet, like he's not gonna, be around forever, like better, find a safe, stable thing and were impacted by that teacher, and so that's, what's really fascinating. This secret rules the governance can either be good or bad. Then there were not a secret. rules where teachers told me all you're, not good it. Does you not good at that and for a while, My parents were being told that I had some sort of
learning disability and they were like, I'm pretty sure, he's bored, cuz, you're, a terrible teacher and then the first administration's like parents always think their child is perfect. My mom's, like I'm a special ed teacher, he's not a special ed kid. He is doing these different things in your class like he wants to write the book in Spanish, not memorize the spanish numbers. Let him just go. Do it and said I was not well behaved, didn't go. Maybe it's good too. Like now, he's just a dick, I'm sorry to tell you, but there was one thing: when one we're relieving middle school hours: eighth grade, that's when they separated middle school. There was a teacher that was the french teacher is a terrible student in his class, but he was also the football coach and the teachers were glad to see me go and Mister Wilson was probably glad to see me go to, but when we left watches you like he let another. He goes take care of yourself. Man any add this look like this head till where I went While he is really worried about me like he has stayed up at night. Thinking that kids get it,
now up in jail or like yeah, I'm in a higher that kid later on to pull weeds out of my garden or something like that and I'm gonna be like dam, and I member that to this day because he was worried for a reason he wasn't a dumb guy. He wasn't some old stodgy french teacher with Bible. Goes telling me to memorize averred table. He was cool and smart, any a great way of teaching and explain things, and he just saw a kid who didn't give a shit and it scared him because he knew was wasted potential. Maybe I'm just wishful thinking here. In that secret rule was hey man, you gotta, show people what you can do because you're gonna get discovered over here man, you gotta work your ass off in, what's really interesting to me about that is, I think you know this, but I think sometimes you may be forget. the christening about a part. As for giving two speeches, people come up and they'll say this thing you said: changed my life and in those say something you don't remember saying they'll say a Jordan. I know you don't know me, but that episode was for me, I'm in Oklahoma.
and it hit me right at home and annoyed and think about it, but do like that's what's so powerful about like they are told someone today, I would pay to do the job I get to do. That's what how much I enjoy it like. I love the speaker of the right line, the pockets of successful, but there is great joy there in part of the job. As you know, you're reprogramming, some things that just don't true so you're saying to people hey. I know you think you're, not talented. Have you tried? This talent is at once It's a bunch of sizes. The path is a one way we have Brian a woman on he sharing ideas that people haven't thought of before silly. That's what's funny about our job. That's also the power and kind of destructive Missis having a cigar rule that hold you back at the very last second. So how do we find out? What the The current rules are and then kind of maybe take the bad ones and do some miles with them. There are practical here that we can execute. Yet, let's do through ethical so one? You look for a pattern peoples at an all time if you ve been a five bad day
Relationships are one thing in common as you, so I would say: ok, your three last kind of mistakes or failures. What happened is there a pattern? Is it that right at the last second, you blew up the horse, or you over shared and made the conversationally awkward, and you left a dinner party early because you felt like you had been to personal weather or you rush three. Ass data relationships with God as for women that were ready for it. So when I look for a pattern, the second thing I would do is I would talk to a real friend, a friend that will say: hey yeah. I've noticed this sometimes you're so close to a Jordan that UK recognize it it's like when you're in a bad day relationship and you break up in a month later, you go, she was terrible and it in your Friends like we tried to tell you ask a friend, like I heard this idea on his part ass. I like to listen to do so
there's some see girls I live by that I might not see Asker front and then listen whatever. They say. Your job is to say you're wrong, like you're gonna get offensive which disgust shutting up. The third thing I'd say is: when you find one asked the question: what does that mean? So if I It's you. George success is bad and you said: what does that mean? I would say than failure must be good like take the reverse like so failure is good or like idle deserve a good relationship. So what does it mean? I have to date, jerks that doesn't seem like very good advice. I wouldn't tell a friend that's like why do I believe that so those are three very practical, very easy things you can do. I like that, so essentially we're looking for patterns. We try to listen for the secret. Although we have maybe write them down d ever do that your head is messy papers clean so from your, I'd, take down and go. Ok, here's what I think but is this really mean and its big and scary in your head? It's simple and clean on paper right, so you can listen for a rule that says something like success is bad and then you can say you know. Actually
this is not a good rule for me. I wrote that down and it doesn't make any sense like you said you can take the extreme reverse and then, if you can bottom or you want to confirm. You can have your friend say I've done this with other friends. We didn't called secret rules, but I had a friend say: am I a bad person? Cuz he's going through a hard time, and I said no, I'll. Tell you why people are reacting to you in this way and my observation and he goes wow. I never I told them something about. You know he's one of these guys who somehow find the negative and he's like. I was just raised by people who are always bitch. About stuff. Yes, that was his language. Tat was his language. Any goes. I just never thought than anybody else could do it needs like things. You know really do look bad to me and I'm like yeah You live in the same realities, your wife and kid. So is it really that bad, because there fine and you're not end you getting depressed, and that was a strange thing for him because he had to a new rule which was it's probably not,
bad bad and when it seems really really bad ask myself. You know there was all kinds of sort of tensions and branches that could come off it. but it really change the way that he thought in. It was good for me too, because I thought will wait a minute that was so obvious to me. Where are my obvious things that I'm not taking, bond because I'm in the middle and that's a dangerous game, a self awareness I don't like when I hear podcast- and I tell you something it's difficult- no, it's Subaru Easy just raised like a million dollars next week with IRAN's, like this is hard work. So, like that's part of it is most goal books at dress the brain and The heart I mean for me it was, I used every rule. That speech had to be perfect, so I memorized them and one time a client. What may sign was ok. I got some feedback. They said fifteen people in the review. As you said, you seemed fake, and over rehearsed and mechanical and with no passion, and they were right and like it wasn't fund a year, but my Seeger, all of it has to be perfect, has changed into you. No mistakes made you human, like mistakes, have humour in there.
they take detention out a bit like yoyo, more talks about that all the time like once he made the first mistake, then he can relax into the the humanity that perform But then, if Yo Yo Mars, like you know what I'm ok making a mistake, I should probably be ok do so we got about the play fallacy overly ambitious goals which stop forward momentum. We sort of touched on what you call it danger of might as well, which is like you will you had a half. cookie on your diet. In my swell order. Chile, cheese rise now, yes, the single french right. principal, like I had one mine is work over a thousand out of here. Happened around the superbowl people go, I'm gonna, Subaru or party does not mean a healthy food. I might as well and then that cascades, like four weeks later, you're still living off the chilly dip rationale of life, he broke in the diet, like all bets, are off. It really is dangerous because you find yourself gone, Oh! You know today, I already eight a bunch of crap, like you do realise that you don't have to eat. Eight thousand calories because already had three right. You can recover. The day
or I mean, but the flip side of some people tell me I want to run five miles every day. I only have time for three saw: do zero. Here's a sign, an easy practical sign, your protectionist, if you'd rather get and ask that it be minus, give the thought of the sea plus is worst you that you don't even try. So that's where you know like ok, I'm it zero instead of a sea minus because then at least I can say well, it would have been perfectly by tried and you want to say a beast way better than an ass like in only better than ass. But that's where perfectionism is Motivation, Weis in terms of getting the stuff done or strategy wise. I should say you have this concept in the book. While you have two concepts in the book that I thought works really well together, which is like this shame versus strategy kind of motivations here, strategic incompetence, I'd love to you tell us about strategic and competence from an yes? So the idea is that you have to choices and the phrase the chicken and competence
came from this book to awesome hours, and then I started to really research the idea, so most people try to do too much. Most goal set in books will tell you Jordan, I ever financially Chevy physical goal in a relational goal and spiritual have one goal for each of the seven main areas of your life, like a lot of us have heard this. But if you were gonna german? I wouldn't say Jordan. You should learn six other languages at the same time, Swahili, norwegian, spanish. You got that some terrible, and so what happens is Add new goals for life were what we're supposed to do is say. Ok, as I do this new thing during the season, I'm gonna deliberately socket these five things. So, as I finish my book, I'm not gonna get for months ahead. In the bar gasped, I'm gonna be committed, but I won't expect to do these extra things. The parenting when I use the book is when we have two young kids under the age of three. My yard was terrible and I did not care like it could have been on fire. I was just trying to survive to bedtime like my only goal when I had two kids on page three was to get the better
and, like I job like every parent is put their kid bed when it still sunny out and light taken here, other kids plain and your kids, like worries and black out shudders, dad you're like pipe down it's midnight. China were so The the new moonlight just go to bed, and so I think especially moms see this. They talk about mom, guilder, mom, shame when you try to do too much everybody fail. You feel ashamed or you say I had a time during the season. America do these three things and that's ok, so you basically sale efforts are not focusing on these. Maybe bless are important items, and I'm doing so deliberately not in the moment. I am planning to not care about the law I am planning to let the playroom become nuclear disaster area until there are eleven and I can force them to clean it up it. Just it that's the way it is yet. I know they're spiders in their oh. Well, that's what's happening it's insignificant stuff, but it can be significant in the sense of
I had a book come out recently, as I tour to talk about it, I don't hold myself to creating great writing like I would be such a jerk to myself. If I said, I don't care that you're Travelin four times a week, you still got a fine like. I want you in the terminal d, like image Flights creating great prose like screw. That does riding matter to me, it does Jordan is, is the wrong season for me to think I'm gonna get deep riding done, it is, and so that's where I argue that if you're in them The budgeting season. I give you are listening to us right now and you are in charge of like preparing next year's budget. You might need to say my number he's gonna get a little crazy, because I gotta do that I should like to see he always concerned about the budget. my email is email important. It is, but for this month for this week, whatever I'm gonna. Second, these five things, I'm not gonna, feel ashamed about it. I love that I thought this book is really great, especially if you find yourself taking on too much or baling on things. Because you won't have time to make them amazing and perfect. I call him
global obstacles. You an example in the book my friend has wisely clean Grozny garage all do a yard, sale and he's never, gonna? Do that, but he gets ago, I can't do it until I have a perfectly plan: yard sale he would love him to throw it all away, we're Talkin war. afternoon on a Saturday throughout all the dumps. Are you done he's like No, I got a label. Eta got a sordid against figure with each away says what yard cells and outdated it and he feels like, but I'm trying to make us money cycling. Brian rigging, the comedian talks about the microwave instructions on pop tarts, like if you can't wait for a pop star to pop out of the toaster, because the micro instructions are like microwave on high for three seconds like whose breakfast dislike again over five. Second food needs. Three seconds already have two seconds go somewhere else sound so tempting to get the info and they never gone vacation never do the challenge. I love the noble obstacles. What can we do about these because again, over achievers people with really good rational brains? These folks are it
for me to disagree because they go look. I have my we planned out and fifteen minute blocks, just like you do, and I've got all these things for our ties, and I have a plan for my learning for the next eighteen months and on its face. It's like man, you do have all this stuff figured out, but really a lot of it is just as Mirage this sort of like sham He spent three weeks planning out their entire year, but it's not gonna get done. They just made the plans that they feel like I'm done now. I can rest irish etc. Jim. I are the drain already know what that's like bullet journal like if your son need more time colouring the bullet Journal Entry than you are doing the activity that you're writing down in the bullet journal. If you're spending an hour in this flowery Canada's visualization of your day, but then you are not actually do the day. It doesnt work. I guess I'd say two things. One asked the question: is it working like is like when people come up to me, they ve done this to you to say why Charlotte's near podcast or wash by your book, I always say, maybe shouldn't why rather say maybe, should read the free
chapter online, like I'm not going to force you like, if your life needs it and go for the second thing, I'd say, is noble. Obstacles are hiding spaces than a talk about a lot of. It will go there. Naturally, yourself in a week? Where do I go naturally, with my time so, for instance, I've never the human who, accidentally or naturally just starts working out. They have never met. So I sat down away narcos ended up. Do birthdays elemental had happened like we now? were accidentally or naturally do things that are good for us or productive. That means we have to be deliberate. We have to be in touch and so I would ask people who have a lot of noble obstacles will wear. You going and if you know you're supposed to write a book Can you say will as soon as the garage is clean, one of those two having common like his own? He said to me: I can do a book until my garage is clear.
Say you most authors, Ike Hemingway. That was his process too. He was like first step like go. Moral and fishing drunk second step clean out. The garage third step read the book. Like doesn't say Maybe I love the idea of again strategic competence to nip this kind of thing in the bud and picking things you can either bomb, simplify or pause. Say, look I'm not doing this until later, because it's this huge cognitive drain and it's not forever you're. scenario narrow like I have all these things I can't quit agreed, but you can ask for help. You can delegate the simplify one. A mom I put in the book said. I can't stop eating my kids, but I can make easy meals like in the biggest sham parents. Do his breakfast supper? like you tell your kid, you don't breakfast supper, then I am in your head. You, like I said the scramble some eggs you sucker like my friends, mom, had make your own sandwich night. You talk about a sham like make your own say election outsourcing the whole meal and kids like yeah, make your own sandwich. So I think that there are things
and simplify and remember it's for a season. You and I are insane. I quit email, like that's done, like we're, saying, stop everything you ever do were seen in this season, be really deliberate about what you do with your time. This is? The Jordan Harbinger show with our guest John Acuff. Will we'll be right back this episode, sponsored in part by my first million podcast if you're the type of person whose all Thinking about new business ideas are wondering. What's the next side hustle, I should spend up check out the pod cast my first million the host SAM Power and Sean Perry of each built. Eight figure businesses and sold them to hubs bought an Amazon smart eyes and other personally there have not fake goods Who weirdos each week they brainstorm business ideas that you can start tomorrow. They can be side assholes that make you feel good. A month or big billion dollar ideas. So many interesting episodes in this speed like business opportunities, say it all moms, or how a guy from Georgia made for four million dollars from a chrome,
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wait yourselves using fear or reward you go to that process, and you talk a lot about hiding places, email Social media, apps, money traps, creative energy, vampires, noble obstacles being one of those, and I want to jump back into that because you do have some types of noble obstacles that I think are quite, funny such as ok, I need to eliminate all my distractions first or the. If, then, can you over the? If, then, is actually funny, because we all do this and it's ridiculous when you hear someone else do but when we do it, it's like while mind makes sense so when you read it, what was Europe then? Like? Did you have one that you are like? This is an exam, of how I would do it actually It is a great when I wanted to start working out with somebody who now won't name their name because himself, friends of them, but I wonder what with them, and I worked out a bunch and I got in really good shape. I couldn't even older the pull a bar for more than like thirty seconds. I went to being able to do thirty. Some odd pull ups in like six months or a year, and I remember she had quit because I got better at him faster than he expected.
Going to leaning on me to be the less fit guy than him in this arrangement, and I remember asking why- and he said why I really don't want to get too bulky- and I remember thinking you're at least thirty lb overweight. If you're worried about bulk, it's not going to happen because you're hitting the gym too that's for sure yeah also like another. If then, the if there is like, if I do this, this bad thing will happen, so I'm actually being noble preventing it. So, though, go I'd, love to start a business. But if I do that probably become a workaholic in my wife and I ll get divorced. So in order to pay during our marriage, I can start a business. I've always wanted to end. The wife is usually not going, don't started, we'll get a divorce like the husband, just afraid or they'll say. If I started I guess I'll have to work on it like nine hundred hours a week and then I'll get fired by the book. one hour geyser like I, don't have to buy new clothes and nearly homer, you are like five years new clothes. A lot of the people that listen. This show
oh our entrepreneurs and marketers they'll, say. If I promote my book, then I'll become too prone and I dont want to bother people so just hide it and always did its greatest next time round a diary, not a book. It's funny to me some of my listeners. When I tweet this out we'll go, I didn't know he had a podcast, that's awesome and you on your and my think. I told you about all the time like how do you not know? Every time I go to a city for animals I say, come in Boston come in, come in, come in, come in and then inevitably the day after, when opposed the picture of the crowd, somebody goes. I wish you had told us, and I feel like I over toll and so like you have to say, ok, do have these weird is then start true, like a lot of the book, is getting rid of the fake rules that really on honest there. Is a lot of shaking off what you can't live, I owing to ourselves, is essentially what it is self deception of deception ye. I knew there was a flashy term for it and I want to make sure people don't think out a book or I'm just gonna find all these horrible things about myself and and feel bad
right, it's replacing the habits know it's all about. Like here's, what you put in its place, you know like fear reward thing. It's not about saying. Oh, you have the wrong former motivation. It's about going up the reason it's really hard is you're a bird trying to swim. Like imagine if you a bird flying like that, would be amazing like that, so. I think people get out of the book as they go for ten years, when trying to be a fish, it turns out of a bird and a pretty awesome bird, but my mom told me I was a fish like hers, it now in finishing things, but the best part is as I tour with this book people hand me the books in I got a t shirt. The other night so when he was like, I made a teacher company, because I learned how to finish like this is my first products asks for doing that. I love that. That's what's phone finishers make things easier and they make things simpler. That was something that I took away from the book in you Emma that all pretty well, this is an important concept because we tend to throw up
two goals in hurdles in ways we mentioned before, and sometimes their time based or sometimes their task based, but There are always going to be something that will thrown away, whether its and, if then, or whether, it's turning a grudge cleaning into a thirteen step projects, and we have to figure out how to be honest with ourselves in the book does a really good. The book is really good job of being more honest with ourselves, a lot of us, especially entrepreneurs and things like that. Were it's almost like we're trying to be miserable so that we feel like we're working harder. Mistakenly things we Hake is it's part of this plan. One concept that would love to hear more about is the idea that perfectionism hates data. This is kind of thee, perfectionism, Kryptonite data and measurement it. maize in and the reason it hates it is at its realistic and were often told like dream beyond bigger than your reality or like. Sometimes, you gonna jump off a cliff and grow your wings on the way down. Like does never how gravity works with data,
You know, there's a couple different examples, but I like to say data kill. denial, which prevents disaster. So, for instance, I launched something recently, thought it's gonna be huge. Like we launched, the ten thousand people are get experts and sales, so few people bought it on the first day and fortunately, my This is part of that hey, remember. We always have a small percent on the first day, the last days, really where we close strong and if he hadn't had that data, I would have been disappointed from the results. Date is not emotional date, as your friend data just wants you to make the best decision, like I counted calories for a month, and I was shocked. The difference where, like I'd go to stake, strong I'd, say I've horseradish ago. Do you want the cream or raw, and I go bring both I'd? Look it up. The cream was two hundred twenty collars raw was seven. We like the idea that ignorance is this like any whatever without consequence, but data just goes hey just so clearly you don't know this is what's what are you just gotta be careful like data
didn't ruin the mail? For me, the calories existed data just made sure I knew them, and I think entrepreneurs especially have a hard time like when an entrepreneur showed me their plan for growth and if I go your sales from six months ago, and they go audits did know we're talking about the future, not the past. I know there's no way like your doomed. I see this all the time and we talk about this with some of our entrepreneurs, France, which are to be jest about it, but basically here someone say something like oh well, you know I had this. This is gonna. Have and this is going to happen, and this is going to happen in eager. Ok, like you said, show me yourselves. Data it isn't a wee wee measuring contests it's about going. Ok, you're gonna grow from what to what we need realistic stuff here, and you know I ask how do I take my show from three point? Eight million to ten million is a different question than someone else going yeah. How do I to ten million and you go oh, what do you have now? One thinking of launching in three months? Ok! Well, let's talk about this in eight to ten years, yeah! Exactly!
or like I had a friend, and he said I will mention his name, just like your weightlifter guy, so my friend was like hey. I've got a rush finish my book have time for as much editing, because I want to launch it an event, and I saw how big the event he said. Foreigner people, I said. Ok, I shall ten percent of a crowd. Bullets at your twice is good it may it sewing so you're gonna sell twenty percent of the audience, so that means eighty books. You're gonna make five dollars a book suggests over clear you're gonna release a poor quality book that you have to live with four years to make four hundred dollars. So after taxes to eighty and, of course, he's like- oh I didn't like, but the data is what tells you that, like he was emotional. Like I got to launch a big, I can guarantee that people that talk to you about launches, like I really have to launch it on a certain day, and if you go the, why, like? What does she added
wait till the time limit was twice as good as you are able to cure, nay, nay or none at all. I want it. It's gotta, be on this day day. Like we ve been telling people know how many people did you tell a hundred twitter followers than the? Why data tells you true and I'm not a data guy, naturally like I've been in it most of my life, where I will work a hunch percent harder on my exercise and not look at my calories at all, it was until I started going, I feel like I might be shoot. Itself in the foot with all this case. So, like I don't feel like this is helping, and then I looked around like I would have to run a marathon every day to eat when I've been eating. That's just helpful and its simple. So how do we get started with this what I worry about is oh good. I need data.
and then someone goes? Item has been the next six months, researching the type of data that I need, an eminent find of US programme to measure the data in the best ways to measure it way. One way wondered to things like it be ironic to become a protectionist reading, a book against perfectionism. So I would say, if you're on a business, find the easiest things you can measure numbers at times you worked out. Let's do how throughput numbers. At times you worked up distance. She ran What's you your pounds like pick two that are easy to measure always duty this one's first and here's. Why won't you in a little data you get excited like data contagious dude. I guarantee you start to look at. aid on your downloads and stuff like that, and then you and your producer, like dude, if we do better with two forms it Imagine what would happen if we had four star with small. Let it grow like a guarantee. You didn't do deep data dive right away, but now dude, it's fine like once you get a taste, you get hooked on data, so start small. If it your business measure, revenue expenses, the obvious things I would beg
beg you beg you, don't have that new forms, a data. Don't try to do ten forms, a data you cripple yourself, you hate it from the beginning, fall in love, one or two forms and make better decisions with it and then grow at overtime. I can relate to podcasting cod easily. There are a lot of people since we're on the subject and not obsessed with this topic. I swear, but they'll start their shown logo one hundred downloads. This is great. Everybody's- got to start somewhere the next week to undertake This is amazing. At this rate, we're gonna be at a hundred thousand downloads, an x number of months and then weak three. It's like two hundred and twelve, download the night. and then we give that it's all our feet. Expired, and then you know he says that the promo blood, so that a hundred and seventy five and then the next week ever that's one fifty and they go yeah screw this, but I would say, like especially its beginning, your data should lead to better decisions, not more shame. If you find yourself measuring something that makes you hate what you're doing the wrong thing, the measure like the goal of data is to provide you with information
He can make amazing decisions. You know you find the points it that you go. Ok, when I do this thing, it's so much better for me when I know them, so when I tweeted this time when I focus on this one thing it's so much better for me is the problem with the person you describe the fictional since they never reach out. That's the thing about your motions. Your motions and perfectionism go you're. The only part castra than ever dip in the third Martin. This is indicative that a sound acquit most people won't go. I'm gonna shoot upon casket, like a question and he's gonna respond back no welcome to the party. He is an example, my daughter's fourteen she started and Instagram page she just started a photo based once she's got a new camera. She wants to do photography, She invited her friends from the one page to join the other. She said TAT a hundred people sought only one followed me and I got to say to her. Welcome the social media. This only authors, I know the guy who speak.
four hundred people today, probably cell eighty books, and do you think eighty percent of the crowd is gonna? Do that or like I got an email? Is a ten thousand people probably have like nine thousand open it? Maybe eight thousand click through annual again did that's what we're doing this is no. I I had somebody send out an email for her. Fifty thousand people, it wasn't my less or something else is less and as I do and how many books it so he said seven and those like like seven hundred. Here's like no seven, as in one more than six one less than eight, the other scary, actually others stature. I want to rap with this, though, because I love the matter in the zoo Mount when people are finishing something a lot of its perfectionism alive That is what we're mentioning here, but I think the unasked question is: what value are we getting out of not finishing because it some level quitting not finishing leaving? is on the table has to outweigh the value of actually finishing. I think that sometimes people, their honest, would say
I'm not finishing! I never have to get criticized. You know, Jordan. If I work on a book for ten years and I know Publish it I never have random strangers on internet. Tell me I'm dumb. That's the thing, there's a great section for mom Chaucer and is a story this guy. Builds a builds, boats is amazing, but he always terrorism apart at the last second why'd. You do that, as I was afraid of the water. Like anything finishes the boat he actually asked to get in, go out into the water terrifies him. If you're afraid of criticism, you almost launch a podcast bill, almost write a book, you almost start a business, but then right the last second, you won't That's part of that parliament is if you're always working on it. People will give you credit for being like what you know. You're such a hard worker and you never actually have to produce or will sometimes people get out an astonishing. Is they look noble to the people so they go? I just do not want to be so busy, so I just tell him except the small lies and people are you such
your dad and they don't realize your teaching, your kid, you shouldn't chase she dreams. If you been. Draw a little something for a while. You owe it to yourself to ask that question and be kind yourself at the answer. That answer is designed to make you like. I knew I was a loser, that's what I'm getting out of it as I get to be a loser. The question is designed to give you some information it's gone then operate on John. Thank you. So much brilliance, a love it. The book title is finnish. Give yourself the gift of done. I've got some thoughts on this happened, but before I get into that, I wanted to give you a preview of one of my favorite stories from an earlier episode of Shell with Johnny Mendez. She was the chief of the skies for this DE in Moscow during the latter part of the cold war, we really get into the weeds and how they hid people and hid spy gear in one of the most hostile espionage environments anywhere in the world. We invent
technology that didn't even exist yet the small batteries, for instance therein are watches and our phones and all that stuff. Today, they're kind of like cue from James Bond, but it's the CIA. We could create any kind of character over your face. Masks that came out of Hollywood. We take great go down to the cafeteria, have This is it see headquarters where everybody knows everybody in the cafeteria and they would, oh and discover that no one paid any it to them? You go well, I'm hiding in plain sight. They were following us just every minute. The case officer would step out of the car the driver would hit about this dummy would pop up wearing the same clothes as the guy that had just left trailing surveillance would come around the corner, follow that Karl night they never knew and if they could get to those people, they will execute him. They were feeding people into these crematorium speak first.
I'd, unbelieving, really valuable agent said our treaty on one condition, and that is that you give me the ability to take my online eventually everybody. So there are seven. We had put that help We gave him in the cap of the MOU block ten cyanide and you know where was, and they said we were. So they brought in for more with John amended, including some incredible spies stories that will really perk your ears check out episode. Three forty four of the Jordan Harbinger Show John such an interesting funny obviously the book was also funny. There's a lot. We left out, that's included in the book as well. He's a very self aware. he knows how to get himself to do stuff, like writing three best selling books. So I'm inclined to trust him, at least when it comes to protectionism and what's really funny about
examples here is: I don't care who you are when you read these, you go oh yeah. I've done that have done that two others, a system for that I mean just its it. There's almost universal tendency to at least procrastinate or some level of perfectionism. I think, especially among four. Like frankly, many of you listening to the show, right now. So big. Thank you to John Johnny, cuff links to all things. Johnny if we'll be in our show, notes at Jordan, harbinger dot com. Please use the website links when you buy books from any of our guests. It does help support. The show transcripts are in the show advertisers and deals and discount codes. All at Jordan, harbinger dot com, slash deals, I'm at Jordan. harbinger on both Twitter and Instagram, or connect with me on Linkedin. I'm teaching you how to connect with amazing but a manager relationships using the same system, software and tiny habits that I use every single day. It's our six minute networking course. It's free. I don't Egypt,
Then Robert frogeity Milieu Campo, Ian bared, Josh, Ballard and Gabriel Ms Raw. He remember we rise by lifting others. The fee, for this shows that you share it with friends, and you find something useful or interesting. Fino somebody's perfectionist has a little bit planning fallacy, never gets anything done share this episode with em unsure they will eventually listen and then eventually. Thank you. The greatest compliment you can give us Jason Sanderson, Robert Frogeity, Milieu Campo, IE and bared Josh, Ballard and Gabriel Miss Raw. He remember we rise by lifting others the fee for the shows that you share it with friends and you find something useful or interesting. Fino somebody's perfectionist has a little bit at planning. Fallacy, never gets anything done- share this episode with him, I'm sure they will eventually listen and then eventually. Thank you. The greatest compliment you can give us is to share the show with those you care about in the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show. So you can live what you listen and we'll see you next time.
Transcript generated on 2022-03-03.