Of course, you're feeling these things you're, not a screw up. You're, not weak, you're, not handling it terribly, because you are having these thoughts and sights of people is a really manageable step is welcome to the school of greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur, and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help. You discover how to unlock your inner greatness thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Welcome to this special master class. We brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme. Today, it's gotta be powerful, so. go ahead and dive. In on a small or medium sized business, Profane simple offers a commercial line of credit to help. Companies like yours grow your fleets. It can be.

I used to finance release gas or electric vehicles apply now, and add vehicles whenever it makes the most financial sense for you in the year ahead, the four profane simple commercial line of credit, only wipro dot com, slash podcast, subject to initial approval, ongoing eligibility and periodic reviews it is the season of mashed, potato mounds and crispy turkey skins, three sixty five my whole foods market is a wonderland of its own, with unique items and delicious fines on every I'll delight your dinner guest, with an assortment of tasty cheeses and wines that pair with every occasion between limited time, pies and fresh seasonal protests, every dish and every ingredient with your table filled with excitement, steal the show this season at whole food market. there's a new podcast series, you maybe here from nfl, champ Russell Wilson and audible- think like it,

Campion Russell, alongside co host harry Wilson and the late trevor mo add, dig into how high performance, athletes, artists and leaders push the boundaries here from super bowl champion and mvp VON miller on performing at your highest level in moments of extreme pressure or n c double a champion tim tebow discussing how to find your unique personal mission in the world think like a champion, is available for free on audible or wherever you get your podcasts. It's not the amount of time it's the quality of the time and the residents of your quality of time. I that I find that which is most powerful. These two, my relationship where I may only have em the half hour to an hour of time of day days, maybe right now, but I

I phone is not anywhere near me. I am looking at her eyes the whole time. I'm engaged asking questions. How is your mom how's your family how's? This tell? What can I do for you? Can we play a game right now? Can we do something fun? Can we dance a little it's the depression. To the quality of time- and I'm sure, the more time you have better by it's gotta be quality time. From my personal experience, are you find it that's what I guess, women and men one as well when you're coaching people these issues go both ways you know men, men can have the same in securities is: is women can, in these, durations and it comes down to which partner might feel busier, its run, he's got more. To do. Right now could be like here is a tough situation if one person in a relationship right now in their living under the same roof, feels like they ve got

tons to do and tons of purpose and tons. You know like I can lose myself in my mission and what I'm doing right now and their partner be fine and your partner has lost a job or lost this her rank or haven't, figured out what my thing is? Yeah. I don't know what you know. You have your mission, I don't know what like one I'm waiting for you to come home, everyday yeah, yeah, I'm sit head, it can random hobbies out of thin air because I feel, like everyone keeps telling me now- is the time to learn a hobby, so I'm not sure lug guitar should arrive or worse I'm on social media watching everyone else is perfect relationship and everyone else thriving and I feel less than yeah exactly and that by the way, that's really are going to be really careful of that right. Now we're used to as we're used to comparing ourselves to others on social media through the many of you know whizzing their highlight real of their of their life. You know

oh they're traveling. Now look at and separate sip in a beach on the cocktail. Look at doing the skydive look at will within the highlight reel of their life. I think now we're seeing the highlight reel of people's emotions, so in corn, in people don't have that life right got all of these activities that we could be doing but we're all of a sudden syn. moment why someone just finish day, yoga work: how can they post and there, like you, know, I'm you know, I got this quarantine. My love about day exactly but leave that do not seem like matthew hussy in them, where he likes super grown paid. I like irritable and just like today's, not this is not die, and I'm not feeling it today, and I want to make a video terrain and I've made a point of saying

things like that out loud, because I think it's important that people get the full spectrum of what other people are going through. Good guess what other people are going to dock places on the people are having their free counts. Other p for having those moments of depression or deep melancholy. Their emotional way hurt. And our needing that kind of quick connection again their meeting, they might go back to the person cause our feeling we can they missed that feeling of connection or love it see here, but they know it's not the right fit for them long term. They know, but this is in eight and state of vulnerability for them that they go back quicker. What is I see how to someone like that. So very hot, very hard. I have so much. Firstly,

A cup even under normal circumstances, is tremendously difficult thing. What true true, I should say a break up cause are many joyous breakups we go through, but I truly, when you experienced true heartbreak it is one of the most devastating feelings. In there they stated you're a zombie I looked at your you're dead inside his and is worse than your dead inside it. You act dead to everybody else inside you feel like you're dying. I'm loop, moody, you can't get out, yeah yeah a break up, and this is as true now now. No different people need to people need to recognise that now is just a difficult break up steroids right, if you're going through heartbreak right now, you just doing on steroids, but

just the same emotions. So don't fret that, oh, my Why did it have to happen now when this was going on? That's your giving it a big story. It still just the same. Emotions of heartbreak you just Spirits sing them in a very in in a heightened why it was, and you don't have the ability to rebound physically with that person or a new person which we could see as a gift right. Why is that a gift? It dick there are plenty of things as my brother, stephen hussy, a wonderful writer for our website, as he says in a break up, there are two methods of recovery. There's the athlete recovery method and there's the hangover recovery method you're going to like this luis lv. I love it and haven't heard it before, but you are going to love it because it's the analogy is perfect for you. I love it.

The hang over recovery method. We think about how to deal with a hangover they wake up. They eat greece. Foods because they like, I just need something to make me feel better. They watch tv they lay on the so far they make up at two p m, o the blinds. Don't let any lie in a scream essentially They do all of these things that are temporary, of pleasure and comfort. But timidly and not nutritional and are not the things on needed to get you know was needed. Massive amounts of high duration. Water will take a walk on shine right. That's your size, yeah gather tablets moving again, get that likes crap out give system, like that's all the stuff. This needed not moment, but is for conceal hard to do the things that are actually going to get you out of it. Now, look at the way, an athlete recovers in an injury right,

now that anybody you do you don't. Finally, you still train whatever you can train, you don't nor everything simply because you showed is injured. You do what you can this map decent legs. You do something else right. Let me keep a swimming. Actually you! Well, you get tons of rest. rest as you possibly can you do rehab where necessary, but you don't do so much the injures, what Do you reset your vision? Do you? U, visualize what you want and start mentally rehearsing the wraps D, the repetition the steps you? U mental rehearse you! You know all those things right so now, if you apply that to a break up hang over recovery method. Is, let's go and sleep with? the people quickly just to get. My thanks just to feel connected just to feel like I'm worth something just to feel like I'm still sexy. Let me

out and drink party. Let me eat ice cream, bad food Keaton. Into the field. I, u dont tender and all the alps in rhyme or not or just hide away under the covers down, engage lifestyle the eye the role, but they all hang over recovery methods because they don't make. You feel better long term that your short term pleasure the athlete recovery method in a break up, as you do the same as an athlete use. Ok, my heart might be injured, now right, my heart's off line so to speak. I still have everything else so Let me make sure the rest of my life is firing on all cylinders right now. Let me do ever. Let me be kind to myself less, maybe like dating aside for the moment or put that, but let me go, makes a platonic connections. Let me and build my relationships with my friends and family. Let me eat well, let me sleep well, let me train, let me go and do all of these things the train every other muscle in my life, so that when my heart comes back on line, every

The part of me is ready to go so you got problem right now: you're you're in pain right, but if that name causes utility. Every other part of your life go down spiral. Now you got six problems so that That's the part we want to avoid an. I have one problem. Not six and you know, look is This is easy to say when your heart broken. You just feel like you feel so bad and Second, your stomach and so nauseated all the time that you even hearing. This sounds like a lot of work and one site to peoples of really manageable step. Is I you know this Well, emotions are whether let them let them come and go right and that's true. Emotions are whether I used to think the emotions were really important. New friend, mine, Jamieson Jordan, who you know he shoots my videos he would

tell me whenever I would be in a real funk, a bad place whatever he I would talk to him about. He was one of the closest people to me and I always remember you used to say to me- like- I just think you like Your emotions are more important than I feel like mine. you put more emphasis on you, you like think they really important you. You will make your emotions, are you are you would be like you? You just seem to like give more weight to your feelings than I do, and I at the time. I didn't quite hear that and over time I've come to understand what that means of course I love. This is taught in mind for his training meditations on. But now I did that just because you have a thought just cause. You have an emotion. It doesn't make important and in a heartbreak just because you miss your partner. That doesn't actually make that feeling that important, just because feel hurt and you feel like. Oh my god, I never find anyone like that. Again, that's just a thought

an emotion, that's attached to that thought, and it doesn't make it that important, and so when I was going through terrible times when I ve gone through heartbreak. One of the key lessons I learned was ok. That is really cloudy skies. now that's the weather right and it feels like that whether will never pass, but why would begin to pay attention to is? I would realise that I would realise over the last twenty minutes. I didn't about my breakup. How small wins I'd be like yeah, Often you only know after the fact, because, when you you just it could be that you're in a flow state with your work and that can you out of it it could be that you're having a funny moment with a friend could be that you lost yourself in a movie. could you just had a conversation with your brother. Your mother, who had now we have a few minutes could, even if it's just five,

for five minutes you know is I felt better felt, I'm get him feel about using by just for five minutes. I didn't the old like I was dying, will suffer if and when that happens is what I would say to myself be like what s interesting, no is those things is interesting, and this this applies not just to heartbreak but to depression. Anxiety to all sorts of different emotions that are undesirable when you notice that for five minutes of your die, you didn't feel that thing, because one up here's. What happens we have our like? Whatever is our home, whether its depression, heartbreak, anxiety, sadness. We have our home that where we go to ninety percent of our day and when we feel that we focus on it so in firstly, that it becomes very difficult to get out of it, because we are focused on that. Ninety percent. The whole time and what we don't acknowledge, is this

interesting window in the dye where we didn't feel that and that window has some clues. Has some this some truth, often in that window that five percent of the day when he fell all right, there's some truth. There that's waiting to be discovered in law, she held under a microscope, and, while I would do is when I would feel better for five minutes, I'd go well, okay. So what did that? If nothing else? What did that prove? It proved that it is possible for me to feel better. I had a reference point for the fact that I could feel better and then you go with, I felt better for five minutes. If I felt better for a minute, let's make more of those one How did what was happening? How did I do it? I might be able to get my day to the point where I even feel good for a quarter of the dire right now right that be an unrealistic goal, but if I had

one good, many, a one good our. Let me make them You go not to be right up to be appeal to get over. This just make more of those yeah multiply those moments, multiply those minutes to five and Twenty two has a manageable pask, suddenly getting over your heartbreak duty to get over it did you know a lot is stop. This is an that's, not practical advice someone who's going through hell, but for someone who realizes that, just for five minutes, the clouds parted and they go. Oh, my god, it's like like what it's like one of my favorite movie swingers, where Mikey there's always thinking about his axe and who, who here, after that now she won't come back to him six months ago or whatever and he's constantly talking about obsessing about it suffering. in pain and then He finally learn suggest attention somewhere else for a few minutes and then put it.

an hour and then he goes on a date with someone and then god he thought about for a day and he's like well can you I didn't talk about her all today it up, and that is what it was. important about that, because desert that was really interesting about that movie. Is he begins to do these things that slowly start to create more moments of good, whether in his day, because saucer dancing, he does this, he does activities yeah right, but what we have to be aware of you have to respect whatever is the drug, whether it's your ex whether its genuinely a drug or booze, or whether it's a situation that, she feel bad or whatever often when we start to create more good weather. We start to take for granted that the bad weather can appear now is like on past it. Yet I could come back. A storm could come raging through again get someone you your ex context, you and if you text back

install engaging no way knowing what happens that you when you say in a conversation with that person again, you're gonna spiral, you're, not respecting the drug you got you might have been clean for months or years, but you gotta respect the drug, because down, is when you, when you get cocky Remember that there are rituals and routines and practices daily that got you to this good state. You are liable to fall back into that trap because you, because you're blind line, afraid not about you not fearful you not worried cause. You know if I got if I didn't die the height of my breakups plane. If I didn't die on day, two, I'm not going to die on day twenty two fifty two or day, one thousand and two. If I could deal with this at the height of it's pain, I'm not going to die now. So I'm not going to be afraid of this by most,

gonna respect it I know that there are certain things that make me feel better in my day, and I have to consciously put them into my day, because the moment I take for granted. I just feel better. Gas, when that thing starts created, did you like? Is I laughed so hard because we, we have a mutual friend that we've been helping, I won't say his name, but we've been helping Navid said certain things in there? You know the relationship, and you know it just reminded me of that of reply to people when they text you If you're, good, hey, don't do back into that, make sure you stay true to what you want once you're committed to buy in the athlete mindset of an envisioning, something that you want for your future envisioning, the right relationship or the better match, or you know how you wanna be feeling and all those things and just remember- and this is true not just for people going through heartbreak right now, but people going through solitude right now because

there's a lot of people who right now, just in solitude and not necessarily heartbroken, but they are experiencing a deep kind of excess sure loneliness. When we're on our own for a long period. of time. Many people, not everyone, but many people and perhaps even most, have more of a tendency to guide the dark places with their thoughts. and there's a lot of people that are there that listening to us right now. That certainly call that you know the I'd. You know some, but my vienna hell with some one in the house, but These people in solitude, looking at that guy I'll, take that right now over the hell on men of being instantly on my own and going out of my mind and I would say people that yet the same whether rule applies that you know you might feel really the kind of dark and lonely points in your day, but there are other points in your day where you don't know, is the good weather and pay attention to the good whether in what made you feel good, did you just have a conversation with one of your siblings,

did you have a little group chat with a bunch of friends? Did you watch if the affirming movie, did you read a book that made you feel connected to an author from some period in time, maybe who was also alone and writing about it? And by reading that author, you go could I feel you know someone. Is having the same experiences. May I think that's really import. If you're in solitude, right now in your own, you connect to people who have at because some of the greatest figures of old time have inordinate amounts of time alone have experienced the darkness that you're experiencing and you'll, good company you, feel you're alone and online. If we have this solid sit attitude, the only one who's alone, we know it's not rationally true. We know it's not logically tree, but we feel it on an emotional level. I was a moments where you have to remind yourself, I'm in good company, not just today, but throughout timely biggest brilliant,

people, people there are far more brilliant than is forever bay- have experienced the deepest darkest. existential loneliness and in a way that there is something slightly romantic, I always love when I read an author, and am I hear that author, whose really and a new. I love, you know it's just reading bertrand Russell and you and then you hear about something that someone suffers with or something that they've gone through and you go? Thank god its person? I love also also right. You know this, there's the enemy It s really re powerful, and so I I think that you, when you can adopt yes, except that is difficult. It is difficult look I don't look. Other people think their handling it so well is difficult. I'd call my dad at times when businesses, hard and business was messy and like chaotic and I screwed up I'd lost money are done. Some I'd call

dad and I'd, be like you know my dad's one of my big men towards our parliaments, a deadline I'm just so stress themselves. Well, this is happening. This is going wrong. I got ten people asking me for this: one it's a map. You part of the problem. Is you don't think that other p? businesses are just as messy you you're, We, like you think that europe juggling with all these things and other people he's a man, I've been in business for europe. for years. Business is messy. That is then nature of a is messy is chaotic. There are always think on, as well as things going right right, ass, the night, that's how it is supposed. The bay when I He would say that to me out it, it didn't. Take my problems away. But what it made me realize, is: oh, it's all right. It's not This is normal, I'm on top of my problem I'm being myself up and taking it personally, the

doing a horrible job yeah it's like your dad and Jamieson are saying the same thing you you're feelers are more important, your message more important it. Yet I give it so much power and bear. I don't feelings and emotions. So much power, not every emotion, is acute to do something at the same time, except that this is your What view that you know that no road, less travelled m scott peck talked about. I think one of the first line of his book. His life is hard, and one of the things that make life more difficult for us is that we expect it to be easy Did you There are currently over two point: four million pon cats in the world, including the one you're listening to right now, and it takes a team of people to help bring these podcast together and I'm lucky to have an incredible team. I could not do without them. Needless to say,

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Well that's true of relationships. It's true of business is true of everything and when we have someone close to us who says you're all right, you know you're home on your own right now and it and you feel like is dark and lay and you having This kind of existential thoughts and you're welcome. That's normal, that Of course, you do you're living at home on your own in isolation. Right now, of course, you're feeling these things you're not a screw up; you're, not weak, you're, not handling it terribly because having these thoughts. That is absent, Lee normal and that's what makes it heroic you're having all these stores in your having all these dealing feelings, but you're in the company of wonderful people throughout history who have experienced this, who have had just bad just as bad time who were dealing with it no better than you obviously, a lot of people that I've known in the past

enter. The relationship through sexual connection, section chemistry erotic experiences time things like that, and then they start and then they start entering a relationship. based on that foundation as opposed to based on it. What are you for your life, you know one of the values, the background, the culture of the religion, the money all these different. They d want kid you're, not my kids, and I feel like that, ends up being a struggle for a lot of people, myself included in my past until I try! Something deeply rooted. First the sex, and then you met the person exactly yeah and created as a story about who the person would be right with. Actually the catering enough space and time to experience with a person was right for them with me What do you think most people start things that way you know in general, as opposed

You hey, let's give it time, let's ask deeper, more intimate questions like you have in your game. Let's get to know each other. What do you think that it is? First of all that only began to happen democratization of contraception. This is for the sixty eight. This was not possible. It's not it's very recent right. You know that we start, making love first and then We find out each other's names, which is true of all over the world, or I'm warning you ass or wherever people can experience. You know premarital sex. this again in the past. You first had to marry in order to be able to have sex run. I see the past it in the past here and that's that was a teenager and in much of the world it still is the case So we are part of a very sexually society in which sexual freedom and sexual expression has become a part,

of our values That sexuality is a part of our biology, and now it's in a part of our condition. Now it's a part of our identity, and so we have changed the meaning of sex in the culture at large, and then we have changed it in our relationships, and so we start from a place of attraction am I drawn to you and I tried to do him. I did you know so. First thing I think when at nice wipe, what do I do I look at you know Where do I get a little? He saw you know who who who catches my attention and its purely physical, so it isn't. It is a recent development. It's from most of the people. here. This is not their grandparents story, so this is still in the family. It's not like you to good history books. Sure you feel like people could set up were a healthier relationship as opposed to

what would you recommend our suggestion for people in order to have a healthier foundation. Seeing that it seems so sexual eyes, everything seems so like physically Why being looking someone's sexual identity attraction, Oh, I guess true intimacy connection. How would you that up our relationship now. so many different pieces. I think the first things look right about sexuality and that am not going to minimize it, but I do understand that you know, It's very important it's a beautiful thing to have a powerful erratic connection with someone, but confused metaphors, you can have a beautiful erotic connections with someone, and that does not necessarily translate into a lot experience our story, your life story. That said the net. Thing that changed culturally? If you want to really take on the big minutes, it's the notion that we are looking for the one and only

the one, and only my my soul, me is my everything. Yes, my everything is soon make is to be good, not the person. You know the one and only was the divine and with this one and only today, I want to experience hardness and ecstasy and meaning in transcendence and I'm gonna wait. Ten more years. We are in ten years longer to say With someone to make a commitment to someone for those of us who choose a someone and if I'm gonna wait longer and if I'm looking around and if I am choosing among a thousand people at my fingertips, you bet that the one gonna capture. My attention is gonna. Make me the lead, my apps better, be the one, and only so in in a beer of proliferation of choices. We at the same time have an essential of expectations about a romantic relationship that is unprecedented. We never expected so much of our own.

relationships, as we do today in the west a lot of pressure. It's an enormous amount of pressure. We crumble under the weight of these expectations, because a community cannot become a tribe of two? This is a party of two Would you and me together we are going to create best friends, romantic, partners, lovers, coffee, dance, parents, intellectual eagerness partner is his career, coaches name it and cecily one person for everything, one person instead of a whole village. So that's the first met and the notion of unconditional love that a company is this: is that I have that one, and only I have what you call clarity, it's been translated into certainty, peace and freedom. You know are safe, here is the other side of the same thing. That's that to me, if you want to set yourself up really, the idea that you're going to find one?

person for everything is a myth. Keep community around you have keep us, that's a set of deep friendships, really deep friendships, deep intimacies with part with friends with mentors with family members with colleagues. You know so that's the first thing for me in having good relationships is, is diversify. is about one year is not sexually for some people. It will include that for the vast majority want, but the notion that there isn't a one person for everything. That doesn't mean that there is a problem in new relationship when that happens. The second thing is: stop constantly looking at people as a product where you evaluate them and you evaluate yourself, you know in our market economy everything has become a product we included and so

love seems to have become the moment that the evaluation of the product stops. You have finally been approved when you have been chosen and when you choose this is a very lucid sociologist to write about is very beautiful. It's Love finally becomes the more the moment you can experience piece you no longer looking sending yourself proving yourself get drunk capture somebody's attention, its exhausting and once you are in that mentality, you also are continuously looking for the best you never said you know? How can I meet a person who people dont often talk about. How can I be a person who that search her day? So it's what you're looking for in the market economy of rome, two glove. Rather, then, who are you? How do you show up? What do you bring? What responsibility? Do you dig? How generous are you etc seconding from they think set you up for the relationship and the third thing

is understand some of the things that are really important to you and dont get loved with someone on the hope. That some things will change things, retains with a partner that you want to change this things to change and that the mean nothing many different things can occur in the relation, but it's different from, coming in here to turn things around? You know, because so much of us wants the expansive acceptance. So with acceptance, I would say it is not a thing to prepare yourself, you can. Love a person wholly the u h, o l, l Y, without having to love all of them. What do you mean by that? It means that the notion of unconditional love is a myth. I've done it love

lives in the realm of ambivalence. which means that relational ambivalence is part and parcel of, all our relationships? We have it with our parents are siblings, our friends, which means that, We continuously have to integrate contradictory feelings and thoughts. Between love and hate between exe, I went and fear between envy and contend between boredom and liveliness its. You continuously negotiate these contradictions that ambivalence and living with that ambivalence is actually a sign of maturity rather than continuously than evaluating. Seeing the beginning, you evaluate is this the right one. Is this the one and only is distant, then becomes. Shall I still shall I go. How do I know I have found the one? Is the pre written the pre commitment relationship and then afterwards it becomes. Is it good enough? We continue.

We continue with the evaluations right. Is it good enough? How happy I am? I am, I happy enough so the unconditional love, not. We live with ambivalence in relation to their appearance, where we think well I've be like elsewhere, and then we come back and then we, I can't imagine it without it. This is have chosen and good here? it's a conversation, the idea that you will be accepted. Conditionally is a dream we have for our parents when we are babies, it's not part of adult love right, so unconditional love is not something we can. Back. There was one of his amidst so the one and only them. If you want Ask me: how do we set ourselves up for the best for relationships at the front there is no one in only there is one person that you choose at a certain moment in time and with that person you try to create the most beautiful relationship you can, but you could on it with others.

Timing is involved, lots of things are involved, so there is no one, and only soulmate soulmate is good. You can that you have a soul, mate connection with someone given deep deep me. of the minds of the source of the heart of the bodies, but It'S- Metaphor: it's not a person, it's the! Did you have an experience that feels like soulmate? That's number, two numbers there is no one condition and love We live with ambivalence in our deepest love relationships. There things we like and thinks we dont and things like about us and things they dont and moments they context? can't be without us in moments where they wish on occasion that a good supper- and that's normal number four happiness mandate continuously evaluating how happy I am you know how,

If you continuously pursue happiness, you miserable a lot of the time which we pursue is that we pursue integrity. Depths joy and liveliness connection growth dossier, Is that ok mclean make us say I feel good and am happy about this, but I dont pursue happiness. Happiness is the current. The consequence of a lot of you put in your purse. caring for someone having their back feeling. They have your back wanting the best for them with the polish people. Conversion! You know, dusting you can pursue emerson. Was compromise version is feeling joy for the happiness of the other person. The polish emory flourish repeats of countries like therewith, analogy actual part that I think the word is bigger than just contained within the party community in country. It is the notion that you good for the other person using when it doesn't have to do with you right.

out of them. You admire them. You do in joy there, the road there successes what about when Someone says you know I'm with his person. They make me happy what is that happen when you're looking for someone to make you happy in the relationship, will the did? They don't want? You will say they make me unhappy or they don't make me but its day day Due to me, I'm the: recipient of what they do. They have the power or they can give. They can withhold. I depend grave. I long iron respond to them and what should we be thinking of instead of this person makes me happy how we, how approach that We give each other. a good foundation from which we can each launch into our respective worlds. That's a home

is a foundation with wings, or I like to think a good relationship is a foundation with wings I think people have to look at sex, not just understand from the perspective of pleasure, but from the perspective of I believe it is an opportunity for two people to grow closer together and when two people know how to truly satisfying each other. It creates an amazing bought, deeper connection better balance, exactly or attraction. Yes, all lives are going exactly because if you have to unsatisfied people sexually you're gonna have a problem at bond, a relationship with that exist and they're all happy everything's great. It doesn't work that way. People Chris, eve intimacy, quick people craved that level of bother with each other, and it's biologically speaking. We talk about the needs of a man and a woman and all these things, but I think even going deeper spurting all that sex,

important and we are not taking enough of a mature approach to understanding and learning sex. I think people are very much behind in their understanding of the russian america's like. We were educated exacted very, like hush, hush up a thing is not about schools, your parents, at least most parents aren't talking about it, turns like the moment in its like. Let me say something that just get it out and then let them figure it out and not just that a lot of our parents don't know either like people just don't take time to get more educated on their bodies on site, as our true sexual size, there's a lot of lives going on. I tell people all the time. Listen, a lot of women are being sexually satisfied, but

they're lying to their friends there line today with their partners. So there is a perception that everything is all good nose and it is a huge disconnect between the reality or the perception of women's sexual satisfaction in the reality of sexual satisfaction, contributes to a disconnected while other people are running around doing their errands. You can check one thing off your list from the comfort of well, where you are right: Art running your errands, get ready for the cold weather season by getting your propane tank, delivered straight to your door, with cinch, since as a propane tank home delivery service that does the heavy lifting for you and delivers grill tanks right to your front door, it's pretty simple to use. Just put on your favorite podcast like this one part yourself on the couch and place your order with cinch syn.

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If, though, the glass wander exactly every snow ass from their weak overlooked that act like everything's Evan he's gonna be fine, we can't say: will you shall love them enough to where it doesn't matter? Listen we're talkin about maintaining a committed relationship. That's a part of it! simple, and we have to learn how to make it better on both sides and how to be more out of the future. I think if we can learn to be more honest and transparent, then we can work on the things that are lacking, but people again they feel very uncomfortable speaking about sex thinking about their needs and in cash. actively criticizing their partners, we have to learn cause you don't occur, hurt someone yeah. How often should we be talking about our sexual needs in an in an intimate relationship? Should it be like one a month, we sit down like

is: isn't like pillow talk every week like what should be again everyone's different, but what do you think is an appropriate amount of time, yeah think in the pit, so what jobs in my head, I will say everything must have had to put a number on alright right, but I do think it depends on the couple I think more. So it's when an issue arises. about asia. The key is, we have to create an environment where we can have those talks see again. Work laying the wrong foundations in our relationships to where we can have these open discussions about sex and other things lacking in our relationship and afraid to push our partners away, we're afraid to refer the fetters, a rock the boat. But if you can't talk to their. We represent things right exactly and what happens if you hold it and now that the negative energy comes up in other ways and now I confused because I'm like. Why are they give me this attitude? And there, like, I said earlier heating

but how will no doubt about the fact that many of us of the average about telling him so we need to be more honest and transparent, and we need to create an environment where we can have this talk and you're, not gonna. Take it personally to where you going turn eliza or allow it to now through our relationship or because it getting upset in your allowing it to. You now have a negative impact now taken up. Ok, that's how you cool, less work on. How can we make this better? You know we have to be serious about. Turning to the means of our partners, we're gonna have successful relationship. There's so many divorces happening, you know is higher than ever right because the islands where's attorney on who is talking about a house higher than ever: there's also even more people who stay married, who probably shouldn't be divorced unhappy And so it sounds like there's, a very small percentage of married people have been together for many years who actually still thriving in relationship unjust,

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there's more sounds like a right. There's, a very small percentage there haven't like using readable long lasting marriages relationships that, like have the attraction inaction and balanced, and all these things Why do you think that is? How can we decrease the number of failure nation ships, or is that the wrong question asked? I think it's a good question. I think what we have to understand. Marriage is not the issue. It's marrying the wrong person in america for the wrong reasons. Night and day, underlying to those things or is the lack of healing is the lack of healing that leads us into these wrong relationships and allows us to entertain situation. We should not entertain because again, for example, if, if your guy or woman, if you ve been to some things, are now, you think, You don't deserve that great person that great relationship cause your professional yourself is low.

now you're going to latch onto whoever comes around. Who says I want to be with you and want to give you what you want at that moment and you're thinking. Okay, this is safe. This will work let me go ahead and go with it, but you never actually into them like that. It's never Can it be the case if it needs to be our, but that all stemmed from self worth, because you didn't hear from what ever traumas how's your emotionally before. So how do we he'll first? Was that process look? so it's a long process and I do plan on. I have a book. I'm working on right now called finding love after heartbreak and it's going to lay out the entire process. But saw, give a little bit right now and also the rest for labour, so one thing is for us: we gotta get the herd out. So I have this exercise. I do it all. My vents called the who hurt me list. So you get a piece of paper kublai around every bit as because of the requested who heart me and now we person who comes to mind right them on their paper. Doesn't

you did you move past. It is about everything is small but significant it they came to mind when you asked us up their question put. on any one in your life, any romani childless frying to your parents to a lover, anyone anyone any thing if they come to mind, put them on that list, because that's how we sought to recognise the paint points in your life. Now we ok. This is, whereas coming from a lot of people have suppressed what has happened to them, and so you can't you addressed and resolved. Some really do not want to accept existing your life, and the reality is that, because it was ten years ago, twenty years ago, it still lingering with in you and us causing a lot of problems that causes a lot of emotional stress. We stand together to physical elements and it just snowball, tangier and anxiety, and it's all year has depression. Are a lot of these things that we go to it in mental health stem something that we have not resolved from our past and it's just.

all contribute to the issue that we are experiencing in the now. As some of us, we may not be expressing the issues right now, but we will it's coming especially if anyone is going to come out at some point, so write a list and and think about those moments and reflect on that more what one, though, so at that point, once you get the list now, we can see the first person and I won't go too much further. But let's just say You're gonna have to go to a process of getting things off your chest. We have now release these things from our spur from our system and we need to especially emotionally detox and to do that, you've got to get it out so whether you're speaking to a record or write a letter, something like I said, I am in a pillow right yeah, but I do want like a full release out again. We don't fully release each person, or just everyone and want to so I will say it? Is you start melissa. You top three now clients where they did their top three.

and that kind of once they got to those they were able to process everyone differently to way, was it necessary to everyone else? now give you have ten significant experiences intensively. Different people need to be addressed. Yes, you may have to release with ten different people. So it depends on the person. That's why something like this requires a more in depth process. We got talk about these vienna on now. What about it is your turn alive, how you seeing it, because some of it is changing your mindset, changing your perception of what happened standing that it wasn't about allows me said earlier: hurt people hurt people and so once you understand that this, then how they behave and why they behaved awaited. Do it changes how you look at things and how internalize those situations, so there's so much more. We gotta get into weapon just giving at least at least started the good yes, because now you at least get to see. Ok, here's where it is here is to be addressed now. Let me get help to address these things and start

the process of hearings that ending up in more back In situations of bad relationships repeating the process, let's say: you've dealt with the hurt and it takes. You know it takes the time that takes you and you after all. That. How do you manifest and attract a partner that you want to be with? That? Has those three keys, the connection, the attraction and the balance that you feel like? is the one could be one of the ones? How do you get yourself up to attract incredible partner, so one you gotta be yourself, so finding itself is now one? You can't connect with someone if their connected with the fake. You that's a false connection, so you have to discover whether you are become confident in that stand, strong in it now who is drawn to that person. You know it's real. Alright, and so that's where we began to

you need to exude positive energy, alright, to me and this is then it is very important for women, because The reality is that is, men or the type of men of a lot of women want. I'm gonna be drawn to a negative one, does millions of good women, but it does mean their positive. Women are right, It's that lack of positive energy that holds them back more than they realize yes or even just saying negative things throughout the day it might be a good person, but if they are always complaining executive exactly and not even just what they say again, it's how they're coming off because they said their body language. Yes, it's like so looking at like this. I tell people all the time. It's not what you say: it's how you make them feel alright, so you can say all the wonderful things you want, but if in your

as they don't feel at ease, they don't feel peace. They don't feel that positivity, that's still going to throw everything off. If you say nice things, but you have a frown point exactly yeah exactly and what what women aren't realizing is that their energy is off because they have was up they're so scared distorts fix it up? Helping themselves have been heard in the past, exactly haven't here from those things, but I saw people all the time. The same walls of up to protect you or the same was blocking your blessings So you don't realize you're restricting your ability to love and beat love, because you're walking fear aright

you can't walk in fear and expect all these wonderful things to happen. It doesn't work that way, even in business. The ones who succeed are the ones who put the fear aside and say I'm going to have faith and push forward, no matter what no matter how it looks in front of me, no matter how many people tell me you're doing the wrong thing, get a regular job. Whatever know, you believe what you need to do, and you push forward past that fear they were fallacious. If you have to put forward a debate, now fear if you, What are we see that great relations and as this can happen with men as well, I don't want men, think they can carry ramos and negative air agreed relationship, but one thing is sure women enough, but more because here the other thing that we cannot talk about a lot and somebody may not like this one's got even here, yeah pressure, pulls women away from their feminine energy. Not positive when they not positive and when they are holding onto these fears and have these was up and is too energy. That makes the woman so powerful.

That is what dastard so that as ever disposal that can make the world her oyster. but women have become very detached from their femininity. The anything is this: if you a lot of them will say they're not feminine. They were just not that way. I dispute that in most situations, no you become detached from it. You become comfortable with it do to get a lack of healing and do expresses in your life If you are more masculine, so to speak, and you are be that way by all means continue to live your life as you are, but If you're not seeing things work for the wood awaited, you want them to We're in that energy that more mass may enjoy more further away from your feminine then consider making a switch consider at least trying it yeah see the difference and what I would have a lot of women. Is that not only is it beneficial to them as far as relationships was this beneficial in the quality of their life, their health health, their peace, their work

you name it. I have a acquired she's, a doctor, a big hospital, he came to me. She was posted. We're fallacious is ready to give up one man, nobody there at work. She was a hard, tough manager, We worked on her energy. We worked on healing We got her energy regards embrace more food and energy. She would swear by it right now in one month, her whole house, start a lover now they're all helpful, whether they were women or men, men, come the wood works. Are I know you do not monitor the meeting her. So to be fiance on an airplane to plot after we started doing causing so more than just ass. She made every single day, like most things are settle cameroon and not be this. Where much our try this it was. it was one being more cautious of energy. I think number one we have to be mindful of the actual given off we become so decide.

Did by our issue that we are facing in the world by our responsibilities were not always in tune with we're giving off. So to give an example- and this is a small one, even for me as a man, I work out a lot. When I come out the Jim, I started to notice I'm very tense faces. You know how these actually so. I've learned when I walk out the gm take a deep breath. Relax The body relax the muscles and the energy com, We need changes, change right because, yes, you can become very intimidating as a man just like you can become very intimidating as a woman, and so you have to be mindful of. Are you making use of more approachable? Are you along our people to feel more comfortable being around you and so starts with being mindful of it being conscious of it, and one great way to do that is getting accountability.

Alright, or to tell someone who who has the ability to be positive cause? You don't want to pick a negative person to be your accountability partner, but you bigger positive person and you say: hey, listen whenever I'm being negative when I'm out I'm given that bad energy, me! No! I hope you today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness, make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links and if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on apple podcasts, share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on apple podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward, and I want to remind you of no one has told you lately that you are loved. You are worthy and you

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