« The Tony Robbins Podcast

Fear will destroy you or drive you | Tony, world-champion triathlete Siri Lindley, and Free Solo’s Sanni McCandless on how fear can fuel your fire

2019-08-12 | 🔗

We all experience fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear that we’re just not enough – fear is a common current that runs through all of our lives. For so many of us, fear rules everything and prevents us from reaching our true potential. In this episode, we’re diving into fear – how it shows up, how we handle it in different ways, and how we can use it to serve a valuable purpose and achieve the lives we truly desire.

You’ll hear from Tony, as she shares his strategies on how he’s conditioned his own mind to overcome fear and become a successful entrepreneur that impacts the lives of millions. You’ll also hear from Siri Lindley, a world-champion triathlete and coach – who shares how she  overcame her fear and OCD, and went on to become the best triathlete in the world while finding love and respect for herself along the way. 

And, if you’ve seen the Oscar-winning documentary, ‘Free Solo,’ you might remember Sanni McCandless, whose boyfriend, Alex Honnold climbed El Capitan – the 3,000 foot granite face looming over Yosemite Valley, without any ropes or safety harnesses. Sanni is a skilled life coach, and here she explains how she helps her coaching clients work through their everyday fears. Listen as she shares how she felt on the day of Alex’s free solo climb, and she overcame her own fear of losing him on that fateful day.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This episode of the Turner Ovens, podcast, is brought to you by Tony Robins result, coaching whatever Area in your life, you want to change your relationship of your health, your career or your business, coaching as one of the most valuable tools you can have it best men and yourself, and it can yield some of the highest returns tony Robins result. Coaches, are hand selected and trained by the Master of coaching Tony Robins himself, skills that warm power. You, with Supreme Focus, powerful insight and the accountability needed to achieve everything you ve ever dreamed to health you get started Tony is offering podcast listeners a free results, coaching strategy session with one of his top coaches. Two hundred dollar value, it Tony rummaged dot com for its lash results and schedule. Your free session today
we all experience, fear fear of failure affair rejection, fear that we're just done enough fears In current, that runs through all of our lives. You could be fearful of. Going in business or in a relationship. You could be fearful of death. Or have not living life to its fullest. You could be fearful asking your boss for arrays or of Europe in family, for not accepting who you are for so many people fear rules their lives. And in some cases it can be paralyzing What do you do when you're, faced with your biggest fear.
I mean I get emotional just thinking about driving out of the valley that date, that was without a doubt, one of the hardest things have ever had to do. I did not want to leave. I hadn't, I had no desire to not be, air, but I also knew that I needed you know you don't wake up on the morning of the greatest achievement of your life and and and smuggle your partner I just wanna stay under the covers a little bit longer you, you have to be in a totally different mode, and I wanted him to have every single advantage. That was really important, like that but probably the only thing I really could give Alex in the whole process really was to be able to walk away that day and on the voice. You just heard was with scientific unless you might recognize from the Oscar winning Documentary Free Solo documentary
Those Sonny's boyfriend Alex huddled, as he attempts to climb automaton. The three thousand foot granite face looming over Yosemite Valley without any roofs, or Fifty harnesses over thirty climbers have died, making that same attempt and if he fell, even as little as fifty feet, you could die instantly act, which Sawney knew well he is an expert in dealing with fear in her own right, you'll hear more from her later the plot cast, but not off, years are about life and death. In most, is we magnifier fears and make them bigger than they actually are, and if we let it fear, can prevent us from reaching Our true potential, but also aware that fear cancer, a valuable purpose, helping us break through the fresh air. And to achieve the life which really desire regardless what we may fear and how we expect, his fear we all- can use it to make us stronger and better in this up said, were diving interfere, how it should up in our lives and how we handle it in different ways: you're going and we're from sunny and you're. Also going,
her from another extraordinary woman, SIRI Linley World Champ, and triathlon coach coup at work. Point in her life was so crippled by her own fears that she could barely leave her own house. These two women have intensely personal stories to share, but first here's Tony how he has used his own fear to become a successful entrepreneur, an impact, the lives of millions of people, here, because I'm some superhuman guys a brilliant here, because I've condition this morning this. This emotion to do What I want you were not what are these like it or not within withered six You're, not I've learned from everything, so you need to give yourself real will give you a shout of the sphere is not trying to be perfect, not thinking everything has to work this moment and no, you're gonna, go through a learning process and that the learning process it's gonna make you more. That's a long term. You can have your magic most people overestimate, but the good doing here in the under Us Naples to do an adept either to about ten years, is gonna. Come
I really believe that so many people say fear false evidence appearing real. I think that's theorist as for everything runs he's my French, but that's how most people respond to fear and what I've done with it- is true to itself as more afraid of having a wife. Wasn't meaningful as war afraid of giving up more afraid of settling down. I was what might happen if I try and it does work as my training work. What you do get cost yourself off. We have asked known and do it again and that's why, said you wanted you repetitions in the study. That's so gets in your body, you not just one time, but also I just really hope that you'll give yourself that room to think. How do I room its alone. I should say how the why conditions, mind about. I still believe it But every morning you can go in Fiji my resort year, my homes around the world and privileged have multiple homes and but all of them I have a cold lunch am I start my morning by jumping in that they have called punch and its fifty six degrees and my home so valley, I jump in the river,
Somebody out snowing there and the river can be handled thirty, five, thirty six degrees, there's no for a day when I wager guide, share with the job in that water, never you ve put it for more than a decade, said, six, seven years now- I want to do it, but I Why do I do it well? There's hope benefit, obviously, jumping that called for such as the blood for your full organ system. So ass. They moved you, let that has a great health personnel workers, but the main reason is, I train myself not to negotiate with myself. Do you know I mean I don't go to the edge of the water go well maybe maybe maybe maybe tomorrow, maybe maybe in fifteen minutes made only when we get ready. I walk up and I'll go. Command the man- and I was it will do that in the beginning, but I made myself to it and so it's a discipline. Say I don't negotiate with myself. I dont like ghosts. With my fear, fierce notion. For me at times in situations, it's it's more rare because you're not time your shoes you're gonna, ten million times right. So I,
We ve been so often and so many different ways. I've I've assert, It will certainly, but there's someone things that take on new businesses. New experiences knew of it new challenges that will bring that up its part being new, but I just I just I don't know There is a movie. I saw years ago, things called a beautiful mind. You may have seen there was a true story about this man, who was a genius to use a mathematician but he was losing. Is mine regularly crazy? It's going totally crazy from his treasure. Just genius a man. There's alignment movie, I ll never forget, because he was when you bilbil Prize or something I got me and I asked them, how did you manage to consumer schizophrenia is crazy things? He said you, I learned everyday. Whenever you gross. If you feed your fear, if you think about more things, grow in your start control you what I do few by certainly eyed the mad. I put it in my body. Drew with you, my nervous system, so the call pledge it just one those wags in
two years, I've never missed one southerner. What in history, That is what was going on with my body. The mind is more powerful if you learned to rectify, if you dont directed, if you dont shape, and if you don't condition it it'll mess with you, and so I guess what I really want you to realize. You don't have to feel good to do this. I don't give a shit now you see, I'm gonna die for guidance below There are a lot of pigs, but I always do it train my notice, us we're drew back, and if you just about that disappoint, oh my gosh, my friends, all three of so much hope you achieve more than people around you, because most people, you know that I feel a certain way before they do have screw that I don't give a shit about feel like it. Needs to be done because I'm trying to serve something bigger than myself, I think to help you I think you need a couple thanks so may offer you want to start with your stop a house thinking you have to feel good. Do it anyway, train yourself, job in the cold. Hard. Don't go
Would yourself just make action? you do it. The only way through fear, is massive action, and if you don't Have any real fear do not rowing right if everything's easy, then where's the joy and all this that the joy comes from the breakthroughs. My friends, the joy comes. Overcoming her job constant saying, because the hardest made myself do about sort, inner pride comes from, and I just want on what it is you realize you don't need to be superhuman. You just have to disappoint. Disappointment, discipline, your fear. If you Oh, you disappoint. Me. Neither destroys your drives you and you get to use and it in future By the way I have so much by the way? Courage this? I mean, but you're not afraid courage. Major scourges was, but you do it anyway. If you're, not afraid, there's no correction is require courage, if you're not afraid some out where it is. I come from a constant focus, so we want, control or fear, there's a couple ways to do it, but one has to
We change our focus. The director focus, because if you don't let your troubles, here's my question for I wanted you to task, and I I do. So. My big life seminars. There are three decisions that really control your entire life. They control you feel in this moment right now they control what you'll do or not do they control the results of your life? What are those three decisions? Let's go to him from decision. What? What are you gonna focus on see every moment of your life, you have to make us too isn't most people make this decision unconsciously, like they let the environs trigger their focus in other fear, gets triggered that summit happens. The environment somebody's had set about something in me. What their focus go there. One pattern focus every ass: we get it like something happens: right, focus, right, agriculture in the water by hunger, founded flowers behind
around me. I could folks alone can save you can post when you think about next book assigned about re others before the summer clothing against my skin, a million things the focus on, but we certain patterns of focus that control our life in a patterns. That's what shapes you! If you think I am fearful, you not fearful give a pattern of letting fear dominate or let fear be the first place I am confident that also I have you build a new pattern, having condition myself to have a powder. More certainty doesn't mean I'm perfectly certain, but a lot more than usual, so do ten this more. What what's missing is the first question when I asked the score, I remain audiences and groups of ten fifteen twenty thousand people, usually authors, the audience are more eighty percent or more focus on what's missing, so what you think about your own, focusing on missing how's. Everything really have a formula to enjoy life could just get it. Mine is looking wants missing in the mind, gets what looks for now.
Seminar in summer resort people look around and say you will find your breeding in the room where you are right now, that's ground, you can write, happened on clothing Brown. People ran anything tripe and look. Where do you want? I know it well with Bobby around you behind you and then close your eyes, close. Tell me everything you decided read now when they do this people a small. They see a lot more brains, open your eyes. Look anyway, you did fine replica, read any one room around you anything. It's really did you find out, Mr President, have you look for seeking you shall find in fact seeking you shall binding. That's my bet. If you're looking for you saw based often called robs us appeal successful. We find that there is a very recent burgundian called relatively successful. So what I want you to get as we get what we focus on we get. We look forward to your always looking like. What's missing, for your wife, you'll, never feel hole you nothin for strong. If you look for once missing in Europe,
to deliver in this business, then you're, never gonna get started the full level. You not give it your all, so the first focus is governed so what you have said you and that's true in this business and its true, which will have a good second patter. Do you have ten of bogus moron you can control, aren't you can't control we can control or what you can't control. Which one do you intend to do more off now, when you got as people in San focused more when I can't control, thank God, because if you're always focus that we can't control. What's addressing you don't feel Well, you get four people, you don't feel pissed off. You gonna feel frustrated, you're gonna feel stressed. Can you see, problem does know who you are you gonna spoke. So what have you got a phobia? So you can control not what you can't control and avert questioners lieutenant folks were in the past. The present one huge? What do you want to talk? We want some hours. The small number is focused on the past. You only purpose the passage to
to learn something you can invest in the future. You focused more on the present report this morning. Most achievers most people are summarised focus future than anticipated and swung. The reason they cut may want to take control of their lives and take it. Labelling shake their future, but you got we all enjoy the present if you're gonna, really truly have of your wife of future. It's a combination of those two, so learning control your focus is operating, how do we control programmes have it be trained in? I wanted. And you to go to tools, but one of them is called private, and this is what I do wake up in the morning, you're hoping to feel good. Their gaze. When I tell my backards my throat hurts I wake up agenda of a country on what the hell's going but in matter I feel I change I feel, and I stepped up and deliver always I wouldn't be twenty robins. You wouldn't be talking to me right now you, when we look at what we have done this for forty two years. There's no
limits. One another view in the way I do let us focus on servant, but another part of what makes that work is, I believe, in something called priming a private room. Just simply means most painful decisions or being shaped by our own thinking on our own reaching decisions are often shape very deeply and unconsciously by the environment weren't tomorrow conditioning so I started every day of my life by training my mind, my for my body and privacy shopping. Weekly matters, one we're depriving it's a very disciplined way of doing it, but I have a breathing pattern variety. And meditation last ten minutes and I call a private I do in all my life seminars, and so many of you have not been to them. So I want to put a video of afterwards that you can download valuable. Allow you to be able to do this primary process. Do it every morning. Minimum days a week and evil
start need to start to train yourself, the global, the. What you need to overcome your fear is number one, stop the habit of being fearful up and come for a fool. There severe, but there's some excitement to focus on the excitement. I mean when people say really fearfully. Public smile on your face and why slowly and what happens? Is that Energy becomes excitement, but just changing our facial Brussels. So it's a habit to be feasible. It's a habit to tough courage, but he needs a train yourself say: stop using I'm so fearful stop using land. Of good support, you in that state do something. Every day Get you in a strong state to start train yourself to disappoint you disappointment? Just move forward, no The belief system I have to be, good. Do this. I will give my ideal guy focus on what matters. Well. What do you want to serve? What you want to deliver, not whether than a white, not some people like, Let it doesnt work in the first time your figure out how to do a bit of a second time and each time
deadline better. Just keep changing approach, learning for each one. Stop fresher yourself to try to do it. Priming as one way that tony changes is focusing gets ready for his day, but a lot of us people- you may know, due to like author and podcast, her TIM Ferris and Joe Gabby, a co founder of Urban, be to learn more priming and watch a video on how to do it yourself and start your day, like twenty robins, go to W W w dot. Tony robins dot com, slash priming,. I think, the most powerful thing when you have any to it's going, be going to be scary, you're going to be afraid, but you have to do it anyway. You have to take those risks and what is it that makes it worth our while to take those huge wrist to me? I think it's, it's that that's. Why, behind why you must take this risk and for me
knew that I had to do everything in my power to become the best try ass. We in the world, because I was desperate to prove to myself most importantly to myself that not me was a worthy and that I could achieve something special, even as a gay woman, but that, like I, could be loved and I could make a difference in this world. That Syria Linley. You may know of her as she has absolutely dominated the sport of triumph on as both an athlete and coach for she found success in her career. She was controlled by deep seated insecurity, in fact, as a dull and student at Brown University. She was so plagued by her own fears. She could barely function so, when I was twenty years old, I was going to Brown University in Rhode Island and I was an absolute mess
I was truly you terrified at my own skin and I felt like a crazy person, because I was so overwhelmed with fear and anxiety, and I didn't know how to deal with it. All now keep a mine, I'm three: three sport athlete: I'm a field hockey player ice hockey, player and lacrosse player at Brown, straight eyes, so on the outside, it looked like I had it made in my life and everything's great, and I must be so happy, but on the inside I mean I was. I was slowly dying and slowly giving up on myself and being too afraid to wake up in the morning and take on another day in this. Oh cd, this this terrible insane case of a city where,
Literally. I specifically remember trying to leave my dorm room to go to a lacrosse game. And I would be so anxious and so fearful that I'd pretty my socks on and off, like ten times are fifteen times until I felt like it was safe to leave them on this time that nothing horrible was going to happen. This time. When I put my socks on or washing my hands, you know four ten fifteen twenty minutes, sometimes inflicting the lights on and off. In order to get these horrible- fears and thoughts out of my mind and no one knew anything about what was going on inside of me except me, and I had not only didn't like the person that I was, but I was terrified ever series fear had spun out of control and it got to a point where she was even contemplating taking her own life. I really
I trying to come up with ways that I could, just in my time on this planet and that's a really horrible feeling. It's a really scary feeling to think that not being around would be easier than what you feel existing, but one night everything changed for SIRI. She was the Brown University library and stumbled upon Tony's book personal power in a desperate search something anything to make herself feel better. She read the entire book all four hundred two pages of it in one night. And it was that one night that change the course of her life. The biggest revelation was understanding that I me I'm the only one that can change my experience of life
life isn't just happening to me and you either a lucky in your happy or your unlucky in your sad, we create our experience of life depending on what we're focusing on the meaning. We give things and what we choose to do about it. I was focusing on everything I didn't want to have happened so everything I was a fool As focusing on fear. I was focusing on everything that I felt was missing and I focusing on everything that I had absolutely no control over, so you can imagine Jane when you have your thought. Pattern is all based. This will act, fear and, and everything that you To avoid, I mean no wonder I was feeling in as horrible and sad and crazy, as I was when I realise that these irrational fears had said
located me. Paralyzed me, like literally, was sabotaging my whole entire life to the point that I didn't want to live it any more. That's how powerful that fear was. But what I realized is bed instead. I knew that I couldn't release fear altogether, but I was determined to let go of fearing things that I had no can do. All over fearing things that made no sense. That night SIRI made the decision to let go of her fears she all if such a goal for herself that was not, we risky, but seemingly impossible. She a goal to become the best traffic in the world. For me, I knew that I had to do everything in my power to become the best try athlete in the world, because I was desperate to prove to myself, most importantly to mice,
of that. Not only was I worthy and that I could achieve something special, even as a gay woman, but that I could be loved and I could make a difference in this world and I could inspire Other people like this was it. This was a desperate mission for me. So. I didn't care how afraid I was nothing was going to stop me because the risk was worth taking, but there was One small problem I didn't know how to swim as twenty three years old. How did I expect to be the best in the world when, at that level I mean it's its former Olympians, its former olympic swimmers, and I'm just learning how to swim. Yes was terrified, but I also knew that, like to me, I felt, like fear, is Universe. Saint take this on matters everything in your life, is gonna, be on the other side of this fear, step in so theory stepped into her fear. She got herself a coach
the border Colorado and then to Australia, where the best traffic in the world were training she surrender herself with people that were better than her, including Roy champion TRY athlete Mikuli Jones and modeled them. You want or cheese. Something spectacular will find someone. That's already done what your dreaming of achieving and do what they do. I needed to like you, know Watch her rituals and our habits and eat like she ate in train like she train and my god. It took me to a whole new level to where I was racing pro and come in. You know top fifteen and world at the time after years of training, SIRI had the opportunity to go to Switzerland and work with renowned coach, Brett Sutton to prepare for the olympic trials and what happened on her first day of True nothing. She never could have imagined I get
Switzerland and oh, my god, it's day, one first of all, the camp is twenty miles up this massive mountain, that's like a wall and with switch backs, and I get a knock on the door in the morning- is like we're going swimming pools. You know down at the bottom of the mountain. I thought: ok, cool, I ride my bike, downhill, that's easy get down there and I swam double double the law yes, we might ever done in my life and the whole entire swim was so hard I could barely breathe. I felt like I was drowning by the end. I could barely turn my arms over. We finishes women and we get out and we ve got our bikes and- and I look over at my friend, I'm like hey where's, Brett where's, the van. How are we gonna get home and she laughed at me, and she said I kidding you ride home and I'm thinking ride home. I don't even know if I can stay seated on my bike like up that steep, a hill and so on,
made my way up that hill and it was the most brutal two hours of climbing to go twenty miles. My legs are just blowing up this feeling, like their exploding, get to my room, I'm about to start making my lunch knock on the door again and its breath. We're going running, be upstairs five minutes, and I make this is ridiculous. Take a train for hours already today and I'm dying, and I got home that night and I was in floods of tears. I could barely walk. I was too hydrated I called home and I'll. Never forget my mama, saying, hey SIRI, don't be afraid, you passed the test, it was a test and, oh, my god, yeah okay. Well, it wasn't just a test because it
stay. It was the same exact thing the day after that same exact number of hours, the brutality of it it was just agonizing. I cried every single day in the swimming pool. I'd have tears filling up. My goggles, I didn't know how I was gonna have survived this. It is physically just agonizing, but the brilliant part of this is this. Is week after week after week, and and I shall never forget the one day I just I showed up a practice and I could barely walk and I said to him I was afraid to go up to him, but I found the courage and I set bread. I cant do what you're asking me to do today. I can't move and he looked at me any kind of looked at the door as if to say what you can either leave or find a way
and I knew and that moment that there is no getting out there was no turning back. It was finding a way finding whatever I had inside of me and pulling that out and doing the best that I could to get it done, and it was brilliant because I mean think about it. How can we ever know what we're truly capable of? If we're not trying to do what? We don't think we can every single day
and that means being afraid and doing it anyway. Yes, you're going to be afraid of failing you're gonna, be afraid of not being able to do it. You're gonna be afraid of being rejected or whatever it is, but you ve got to try you ve gotta, do it anyway, and what kept me going was that why that that this was for me, this wasn't for anyone else. This is for me that if I could prove that I have the toughness and in the courage and the ability to grind through and an accomplished everything that he was asking me to do. I truly felt that I would find that love in that respect. Myself that appreciation that I'd been so desperate for for a lifetime. Siri went on to in thirteen World CUP races the World CUP Series in both two thousand one and two thousand to an inducted into the traffic on Hall of fame in the and she realised that what she thought she was afraid of all along everything fear she overcame throughout her training, though
we're just symptoms of a much bigger fear. My biggest fear all along has been accepting me and when I finally decided to do that, my whole life changed. I was I found love I found success. I found everything it's kind of like the gift of choosing to be fearlessly: authentic, you for many people, making the choice to be fearlessly authentically. You is clear we facing a major obstacle or what appears to be an impossible goal like SIRI, for us It's a matter of discipline, turning your mind to overcome fear in the way that Tony described by choosing, focus and what they can control, but for many people fear isn't so obvious you're to hear again from signing the countless who you most likely, no from the documentary free Solo but something is not just a rock lamers girlfriend she's an accomplished life coach who helps people, make transitions in their career in their lifestyle, listen ass. She explained her approach to help.
Internal struggle going on is that they don't even real herself dealt with a terrifying prospect of losing the man she loves, I think oftentimes. What happens when somebody has a deep internal struggle going on is that they don't even really realise that that's the problem, for instance, you know I have a client who is she felt, really frustrated in her workplace and she felt frustrated in her workplace because she he wasn't really drawing any boundaries. When somebody asked for something she did at when somebody blamed her for something that may be wasn't even her fault, she sat I'm so sorry. You know why. And when, when somebody piled something on her plate, that was just gonna be too much in and caused her to be overworked. She just took that on
and when we kind of began to dig deeper into why that was happening. There was this fire deep inside her that you know if, if I draw boundaries I'll be seen as difficult to work with, and I won't get any operate, It is an this belief that if she acted a little bit more, I found a clear if she spoke up about how she was feeling or with her. You know actually set out loud what she was thinking that she not be liked or she not may not be deemed of worthy to be in open, may not be deemed worthy of being in the workplace, and so that that That fear, if I show up exactly as I am all I'll come up short, was influencing all of her actions in the workplace. It was making her career feel completely unmanageable, and so The questions that we ask her honest are honestly just peeling back
each layer of internal doubt you know, but, but why? Why are you afraid to speak up in that? oh, but why are you know it just kind of continual asking? But where is coming from, but where's that coming from until you get to the root thought which was this, you know this, I dont feel worthy ray and, and I think that process a look slightly different with every client, but it's just continually digging deep until you kind of get to the root issue, because until you get to the root issue, you know things ten do not change so my process when somebody's had that breakthrough moment and there, like. Oh, my gosh, this is what's getting in the way, the whole time, some sort of internal doubt or internal fear my world. I caught like a grandma, unlike you kind of uncovered your grand Lynn and, and you realize that most of the changes that une like most of the change that you need to happen is actually internal and all
you and not about anyone else or any of the people. You may have been blaming fer. You know acts number of years once you thought that moment. Obviously the first question is: will what do I do about it now? I can't just snap my fingers and say I who feel worthy. You know of my workplace or I dont have impostor syndrome, or you know you it's. It doesn't happen like that. So I mean, there's sort of innumerable tips and tricks that I would do to guide someone through that moment by. Some of my favorites are first kind of identifying you know a new mantra and something that you can believe so friends Hence, let's say that you are afraid of asking for help in the workplace, because deep down, you're afraid that if you ask for help somebody's gonna realize you don't deserve to be their ones. We realised that that's what's going on, we can just now our fingers in and you I just have this new identity of I'm the type of person to ask for help when I need it, that's not gonna work. So what we do and stay
as we come up with something that is true, which might be something as simple as I'm learning to ask for help when I need it most. Or I'm learning to use the resources around me so that I can work more efficiently right, come up with something that you can get behind. And begin telling yourself that new thought, because if you ve been identifying yourself as I'm, the type of person that doesn't ask for help for the last twenty five years in though, in your career, it's gonna be really hard to change, and we need to come up with some sort of new identifying suntan sent. You can get These are just a few of the tactics that sunny shares with clients the ways that she shifts their approach to achieve. The outcomes they want in many cases, though, Fear of failure requires more than a new approach. It requires a new mindset when fear of failure comes up either because it happened in the past and they ve experienced at or because maybe
haven't yet they ve had a life where they ve just sort of continually taking the next step, and it's happened in its unfolded and this fear of failure has become almost like this. Giant monster that their that their avoiding at all costs, because they ve never even really, they feel like they never even have failed. So for somebody who has experienced a big family friends since I have a client who started a business vat that failed in his mind it it it it tanked in a way that deeply almost caused trauma for him and and it was really impeding his ability to move forward with his next career stamp, and so you know, one of my favorite questions in that moment is just like what, if every single thing in your life up to this moment was leading you too, where you're going next and it's just this total refrain of like what, if that happens,
or reason what, if every thing in all of the failures in your life were leading you to this moment and educating you some now or guiding you somehow so that whatever comes next, your way more prepared for it- and I think even just a simple reaffirm like that can be in credit. Help some. What some people dont realise is that sunny shares a love of rock claiming with her partner free solo, climber, Alex Ronald and she's out. There the mountain with him nearly every weekend, mouldering scrambling, rising and falling too. Listen Sony helps us understand how every fall is just leading us to an ultimate success. Climbing When those sports, where you fail farm, more often than you succeed when you think about traditional sport, Keimer mouldering, where your you know, your goal is tat. You know get to the top of a room. You fall away more times than you down than you send it than you get to the top answer.
With a constant process of being like what, if every failed attempt to his leading me to day than today, I can do it yeah. I think that I am that's. How going process is always more too got it so and so much harder to turn your own work in wording. I feel like I've worked with coaches and I always find it incredibly helpful just to get that small outside perspective is. I think that that idea just like what, if what, if that happens for a reason and has prepared you even better for what's to come another strategy for fear of failure, I mean. Is this simple Mancha you like what if there were no- stakes, only learning opportunities and it sounds kind of cheesy and in I think, there's always a little bit of a resistance from here that phrase of a guy. I adds an opportunity, but really deeply believing what if I couldn't fail, I could I could only be confronted with different learning opportunities and just operating from that
like this is all trial and error. I find as adults like We are terrified of Ireland, air will go into something that's brand new and, if we're not immediately in We good at it. We don't want to do it, whereas kids, you fail all the time. That's part of your daily experiences is, is constantly trial and error and you're very comfortable with that, and you expect that to be part of the process and at some point we lose that we who's, that ability to see failure as simply part of the process. What about Sonny's own fears when son met Alex. She knew he was determined to achieve the life threatening goal of climbing I'll cover time without ropes, and there was now she could do about it, but rather than Alex on the issue and put herself first. She made the decision to support his dream. Despite her own fears here. She is again describing how she felt on the day of Alex. It's time I let every year.
I'd. Never let enter my brain for the last two and a half. Here's entered on not drive and I dont know why and why it was that moment. I dont know why it didn't hit me before the first attempt. It was weird it it hit me on the day I drove out of the valley right before he actually decided to do it and on it was. It was awful. I was really painful experience some hours terrified, but the morning of the actual time there was a sense of calm and I think the sense of commerce just A total relinquishing of control at this point it was unfolding, and all I could do was way. There is nothing I can do. There was nothing he could to it was happening and so that it created a sense of peace and com. Had an existed up to that point, so I knew roughly how it was going. I knew before each hard part at the time, but mostly my friends, justice,
directed me, I just I mean they was funny, but they like they like put a broom in my hands. There were likely in the kitchen. Maid yourself use balls, stop sitting around you knowing you is this, like a very like that. No frills environment, like you, just need to distract yourself, thirty or control, and so I cleaned that morning, The tiny robins podcast is a collection of interviews and stories and is produced by the tony Robins team. Copyright, Robins research, international.
Transcript generated on 2020-04-04.