« The Tony Robbins Podcast

Why love isn’t enough | Tony shows a couple how to build a lasting partnership through communication and self-awareness

2018-09-04 | 🔗

We all encounter challenges in our relationships, some more serious than others, but it’s how we handle them that ultimately matters.For many of us, when we feel pain, we tend to blame our partners. We criticize, close up. We avoid them, ignore them. All to play a game of who’s wrong and who’s right. But when you truly love someone - it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right. In fact, blame only takes our power away, and excuses only cause us to continue hurting each other.

Welcome back to the Tony Robbins Podcast. On today’s episode of the Real Breakthrough Series, we’re taking you back to Date With Destiny where Tony is working with Teresa and John, a couple fighting their way out of a painful past and trying to figure out a path towards a healthier, happier future.

While Teresa and John have made substantial progress since dealing with infidelity, they still struggle when it comes to constructive communication. They slip back into old ways, making excuses for their behavior and shirking responsibility for their actions. But it’s clear they are still deeply in love, and are committed to finding a better way.

Tony helps them see that if you’re having problems in your relationship, and feeling pain, it’s because you’re focused on yourself, not your partner. He helps them see that you can’t continue to focus on what you’re not getting, and what your partner’s not giving you. Because if you want to build an extraordinary relationship, you need to tear up the rules and start holding yourself 100% accountable for your experience.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Have you ever wondered or ask yourself what purpose in life over six immersive days a date with destiny? Three robins can help. You find that answer. Providing tools to reshape your destiny and design the life of your dreams? Damages he has Tony's favorite event and the one you might have seen that Netflix documentary, I am not your guru, here's Happens, though, over the six days you started by gaining a deep understanding of what truly motivates here than you are If the triggers that create pain and pleasure in your life and learn the strategy, to eliminate pain for good fun. You learn how to ignite or reignite your passion to achieve your ultimate vision of your life, career finances, health and relationships.
As Tony says, it is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. This is your chance to make ultimate breakthrough and to start living the life you desire and deserve to learn more about date with Destiny Visit W W W Dot, tony robins dot com forward, slash destiny. We own counter challenges and relationships, some more serious than others, but it's how we handle them that ultimately matters for many of us. When we feel pain, we tend to blame or partners. We criticise we close up. We avoid them even ignore them.
All to play a game of whose wrong and whose right. But when you truly love someone it doesn't matter who's wronger, whose right in fact blame only takes our power away and excuses only cause us to continue to hurt each other. He guys it's any org at its world director for our. I welcome back to the tuna robins pot cast on today's episode of the real breakthrough series. We're taking you back to date with destiny. Bertone is working with Teresa and John a couple fighting their way out of a painful past and trying to figure. A path for the healthier happier future. Will Theresa John have made substantial progress since dealing with infidelity. They still, go when it comes to constructive communication, there slipping back into old ways and making excuses for their behaviour shirking responsibility for their actions, but its clear there still deeply in love and their committed to finding a better way, which Tony does is help them see if you're having problems in a relationship and feeling pay
It's because your focused on yourself, not your partner. He helps them see that you cannot continue to focus on what you're not getting, and what your partners not giving you, because if you to build an extraordinary relationship? You need to tear up the rules and start holding yourself one hundred percent accountable for your experience so ages. I, like you, have a pre sage and post sage. I have a pre, Tony and postponing world hooker. Thank you for that this totally different here? Ok, thanks and so my stories in my pre tony world. Sometimes I was unseen and not understood, and
in the unsafe, specifically in just one shark is so I think some it's all unconscious was not feeling protected in moments of you know. The story was, you know. I was at a dog park, haven't gotten a fight with another dog and the next time going. I wanted him to come with me and I had to ask it mean God forbid right, but I had a little confused and he can. How would you know you need to come with you. If you don't ask him what I had to go again understandable, but how did you know that he didn't that's right, then your man- I you know- I wasn't man, although we heard here No,
and you didn't realize that you were supposed to be Sherlock Holmes that you're full time detective than yours? to do this? But Ladys? Do you want a detective? Yes or no? Yes, because what girls do as they leave little kids. Things saw a girl. The cares wall here that again go tell me more, but the guide us Ok, now move! Because what do you look They take every problem, making it small derivatives are we can move on a beautiful staff and she's want to make it much bigger, and show that you up me by feeling for me and my fear and then walking me there, which are better if she would have said honey, you know I don't know remember, but I went to that dog park and I had kind of an altercation with by the way his mind as it's, not a location, you're not cut you're not beat up. You probably just passed. You know, you said something to each other. We're gonna get world saying something doesn't mean right. It takes really Really intense words were guided. Think it's really an issue about away once it's done enough
happens it's over. So what was it? Did you guys over fist I bet you stab you. What did she do? It was a nice guy was a guy. What did he do? Yelled at me alive a lot ok, yeah I'll. Do what I tell you. Why did he tell you because mind I was hunting is done, so technically, it's not your fault. But it is your responsibility because it, your dog, my business. I am time of my business where local companies going bankrupt and ever told me how to go bankrupt and it was not. My vote. Gimme those due to my company Responsible skill, hundred percent, so I could open bankrupt I couldn't do that someone else, because I want that done to me. I just want you see this. Is she
very sincere in Europe. If you're not attack is I'm not coming cannot place. I want you me all of us to see the incense three of rules. And on the feminine side, very human rules that the guy supposed to know and if you have to tell him he gets no points, and I will do that. Can you even for a moment we haven't seen? That is absolutely just a finnish. Stories quickly is possible, that's possible here upset with you and said what I had no control over. My dog said what better control of environmental isn't that true, more yeah! What is the matter you soon? Really I mean he was an ailing area guy and the door was yellow yeah, but it wouldn't
a guy or woman or anyone? You are responsible for your dog uninstall? Your dog is hoping. I was talking about asking my husband within the next time, because I felt scare nor understood what I'm trying to understand what he would understanding out of your story undisturbed, put myself in his shoes and I'm a little confused. You didn't control of your dog. What are you shouted was true. You didn't have control over his doggie, his dog eat dog was not see there I wish you sooner run away. The little party here That's something to you when you. What do you mean a Yelp pig
my face and started screaming at me. Did you scream? We talk loudly, I mean after another. A friend of mine came over and was in the middle The altercation I mean it was. It was. It was I don't I'll, be fine. Fine. I don't know no to these words, do they increase the emotional intensity or reduce it she's? Taking here's what happened? she didn't evident over dog. Maybe this guy didn't have control theirs. They both her dark humbly other dog he was, Really upset does he doesn't want her dogs puppies? we were so what are you doing or something of that nature, which is certainly uncouth, and I dont supported in any way and say control. You do that loud, yet I sure yeah the whole park
it. How big was the park the size it's a baseball few How do you know the whole par critic as I really want to know how you know that, by the way, how many arguable statements if she made since you stood up every one of them? arguable every single one of them. She the cut up and said you know went here and you know I was there and they got all treaty and this man came up, he's really upset and the sensations I felt was I felt tension I caught my throne. I felt scared and you know I know. I know I've got a mature dogmatically due to, but you know I really was really come. What I really want is, if I go back there, I want to feel unsafe. Would you come with me? Will you ve shown, Yes or no Marty Moreover, yeah. I mean there's a lot more to this than this one,
And this was her not feeling seeing her twenty years, so I was so she did come and say, this obligation, occurred and and feel safe. Yes, would you go to the park with me? Just like you did I Remember I I I It gives a big deal to be honest. I didn't there and I should have gone to the park absolutely so she did ask you she did. When I did predict? Is he didn't really see? It is a serious threat if a serious threat You have a quarter to their. Yes, yes, here didn't thought what be honest with you thought. I thought You know people get angry, you have many. The people around you- and I know you-
wanted me to be there to protect you, but I wasn't and I don't think that's going to happen. The hard part like I didn't. I didn't see but, but I should have, I should have it more attentive to the fact that unsafe That's not enough because she doesn't own her part. It takes two to tango is a true she hasn't on at all. She said you know what. I probably made a lot of quiet but awake. If you loosen the way you described it, and you can tell me if I'm wrong on this cuz, you said something John to maybe I took it out of context. Maybe not did you feel when she told you about it attacked for not being there when it happened?
Yes, well, I saw her, that's why you didn't go regime fathers. Ladies gentlemen region, have you know what I'm talking This is a series of her being unseen and him feeling criticized its both sides. I can't let this go. I'm really gratefully stood up. My honour is man for standing up, but this relationship will not work if it just one person doing it. He's gonna group of his, that of that same with we going to the other side. I guarantee my wrong. Criticism closing. Yeah, I mean there's there's a lot too. Yes, there is over. There is a big story for that. Yes, there is no clear this up. For each other, one you d get. Is she
still hanging onto that story, but she has an owner responsibility in it, which is why it still cup in her youth. Your story was all about what other people didn't didn't do there is nothing about you and that story there. I don't want you defender right now, because I'm really trying to help you both, and I am grateful for you to defend her, and I want you to be the case, but this is one case. What she's gone? to hear this because isn't gonna work otherwise long term. Can you see how you made everybody else responsible? You took no responsibility for any of this like could you have communicated in a better way that made him want come to be with you. Yes, waited made, him feel criticized. If you look back on it now. Yes, you criticised for not being there in the first place. So what can I go, especially when it wasn't that
deal in the first place and you gotta be pissed, no matter what anyone and I got it, I gotta do. Yes, you see TAT s because I think you're beautiful. I want you both the wind, but you can't win if only one place this game or you can win for awhile, he can become your pleaser, but their own they'll be appointed time. Without will make you happy either You're making angry knowing why you saw, alas, break with this young lady up here on the one yes think about it. What was that all about? He didn't support me, because here, I agree with what I did with a doctor and he knew the truth about her father not taking in the first place he didn't comply. A farm overtures she's being wrong, an unfair and unjust and crazy he's not going to forgive him for ever this kind of absurd
while relationships are destroyed, you must take. We all have a hundred percent responsibility for our experience. Anything else is the blame game and who gets hurt the blame game. You're hurt. Because you don't feel heard understood, scene, he's hurting cause, he's feeling criticized closed you're, not there's no relationship, you're whatsoever. You'll love is crazy, woman. You don't exactly, and you have this crazy man is so perhaps there's more drama than you need, and perhaps even if you feel the drama, then it feel it off. Paqui and delivered through so but the so can't be blame or it's not so you taking out of your head. Where would you blame me bring in your own body, which is authentic and on arguable, sensation, sensation, the feeling of and then when I want, but the work is not for making him wrong if you're not making him wrong, I could be wrong. Babies and
but my bet is: if you're not making him wrong and using honey, this is really mean be meaningful for me. Are you going to do it absolutely? Did you think it was gonna? Be that meaningful? And now I didn't, I didn't think you would be. I I mean there's a lot more. Reasons why it was so important that I went beyond it was? It was What is it. Because been so many years that she had not been seen, and He was substitute, I mean there's an she got the dog, because I wasn't senior in the first place, so that had meaning for her and she didn't she didn't like I was being her man in many other parts of of life and this story, representative of those other things are really honor you for taking that responsibility. That kind of responsibility will be able to transform your woman.
It has to be fair to her. She has grown a lot and this she's somewhat projecting the way she used to feel compared- and I know she's using language now in the moment- that's representative of that, but I mean we we a magical time of day with destiny last year in released tonight. I wrote a letter telling her. I cheated honour two years before, and this was before that that incident
arc, and so she knew that there was something wrong. You know what I mean we don't need. There was something wrong is right, so that's all the more reason why personal? Thank you for that all the more reason for your benefit to be able to take these sensations and dealings that are making you crazy and communicate away. You could be understood. Well, you can be supported where he can give you pc. You can't be done when he's been criticized either its cancer. It's just like unseen for you.
Listed for you, if you can connect those two, because here too people who told me love each other but what's happened, he didn't leave and had an affair because he doesn't love her or we wouldn't be right. Now he did it because he felt it couldn't win, and so he went someplace. We could feel alive for a few moments and not criticised correct me if I'm wrong absolutely accepted, as he was in every single way, and I urge China I had shown him out. You shut him. Yes, that's beautiful, see, I'm not blaming uterus anyway. I'm your fan, I think you know I just want to make sure for all of us here. We don't leave here with these excuses anymore, because all the excuses do us heard each other, and if you can't do that, the things got and eventually anyone or if it doesn't miserable, wretch your life or somebody else and try to fill up their kids. You, your worker, girlfriends or shopping, or
sports or somebody else in the worst case, or a dog or dog. I understand how horny dog guys like just fix them I found it. I would want to I just have one more one or more thing to say is true said, gave me back a ring when we write David Destiny and it's just so hard for me for her to have it, because I'm not who I used to be you not what I'm not, who are used to be and
I'm so committed to her. I didn't know what I had for twenty years and I would do whatever I could for her for the rest of her life to win her back and to give her this ring and if she does, Wanna take a now: that's ok, between weapons by cast his directed and has to buy tony robins in New York is our editorial director. An occasional husked. Our executive producer is carry some Jimmy, carve a whole an Adrian year Old, a digital editors, special thanks to marry bucket and Diana cock for their creative review.
Transcript generated on 2020-04-04.