« The Tony Robbins Podcast

Wired for Pleasure | Jaiya Ma on desire, seduction and embracing your erotic blueprint

2018-02-13 | 🔗

What have you been taught about pleasure? What have you learned about sexual connection? Does the very thought of answering those questions make you uncomfortable?


In this episode of the Tony Robbins Podcast, our host, Ana Yoerg, is sitting down with renowned sexologist, Jaiya, and her partner, Ian. Jaiya is the author of Red Hot Touch and Founder of New World Sex Education - a company dedicated to using education to help men and women get the sex lives they’ve always wanted. And her mission is to help unleash erotic ecstasy and shift the cultural view of sexuality from being something that is bad, wrong or shameful to something that is seen as healthy and worth cultivating, and even worth celebrating. You may have seen Jaiya on The Doctors, GMA, Nightline or CNN. And she’s been a guest speaker at Tony’s Platinum Partner events.


And today - we’re exploring the ultimate language of connection, passion and sexual satisfaction - which Jaiya refers to as The Erotic Blueprint. Jaiya created the Erotic Blueprint framework to help you discover your personal map of sexual arousal and how you can understand yourself and your partner on a deeper level than ever before. Because it’s not just about being able to communicate what you need, it’s about speaking the same language as your partner, and learning how to honor and fulfill their needs. This is the path to connection. And it’s the way to opening up new possibility for seduction, enticement and a deeper level of intimacy than you’ve ever experienced before.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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U R P, take advantage of this limited time special. Let me ask you something: what have you been taught about pleasure and what have you learned about sexual connection? and, as the very thought of answering, this two questions make you a little bit uncomfortable, hey guys, an eternal director for Robins Research International in this episode of the donor of podcast, I'm sitting down with renouncing Solaced Jaya and her partner in joy is the author of red hot touch and the founder of New World sex education, accompanied dedicated teasing education to help me in men get a sex lives, they ve always wanted. Her mission is to help unleash erratic ecstasy and shift the cultural view of sexuality from being something as bad wrong or shameful to something seen as healthy and worth cultivating and even worth celebrating
You may have seen Jaya on the doctors good morning, America, Nightline or CNN. She's also been a guest speaker at Tony's, platinum partner. Events today were exploring the ultimate language of connection, passion and sexual satisfied. Which Jaya refers to. As the erotic blueprint Jaya created the erotic, blueprint framework to help, you discover your personal map of arousal and how you can understand yourself and your partner on a deeper level than ever before, because it's not just about being able to communicate what you need. It's about speaking the same language as your partner and learning how to honour and fulfil their needs. That's the path, a connection and it's the way to open up new possibilities for seduction, enticement
deeper level of intimacy than you, ve ever experienced before Hello Jaya and in welcome to the return Robins podcast were so excited. Have you flags were really excited. So I'd love to start by having you explain to your audience this unique concept that you'd have about the erotic blueprint, what isn't neurotic blueprint and why is it such a critical part of the foundation for any healthy sexual relationships? The way that I see each person is wired or certain way, a radically and so a blueprint is a map of how your turned on how you receive pleasure and what we found over I've been at this for decades. Now, what I found
Time is that each person is really unique in that map, but yet there still similarities so that we can categorize things. There are five main blueprint types that eat that a person may be or a combination of those types that they can be and I'll go into each type here in a little bit, but just a little bit about a background. As far as how I discovered this is that I have a very unique profession and I get to work with people in a very intimate setting in an intimate topic of sexuality and over the years of working with people on various challenges, of not being turned on not being attracted to their partner having difficult he with shame around sexuality? I started to notice these patterns and these different categories and to help people really now about their eroticism, so
We can speak and we can know what satisfies us, and then we can speak to each other in An honourable way? We don't talk about sexuality, and so therefore, we dont have this information that help such really to honour one another to turn each other on to find full satisfaction and pleasure and ultimately connect on a much deeper level, because we know who we are, we can communicate who we are, and our partner can have compassion for who we are, if it seems like, were incompatible in the bedroom and, I think, compatibility sexually in saying or incompatible myth. I can talk about that more to suit the the idea that this is something that people aren't necessarily talking openly about. Is that an obstacle that is really the first thing to overcome tit too in a source
start, the conversation around it yeah I'd say that it's, we are afraid to talk about sex and yet we're always learning about sex. So from a very early age. From early on, we are learning about sex. I asked people and audiences all over and like how did you get a sex education when you were younger? That was good. That was positive and very few people raise their handle, have audiences fifteen hundred people and one or two: people will raise their hand You did learn about facts on. I want everyone listening just to think about. What did you learn about sexuality? Grubbing up? Was it to be silent? What a pity that it was bad that it was wrong about your body was bad, that it was, nothing to be ashamed of. What did you learn about pleasure? where did you learn about relationship growing? Because all of this ties into our sexuality and something that my party
who here with me it's something that were always checking in with people and looking out very deeply, because first, we have to unravel all of that negative programming and negative things that we learned about our sexuality and about who we are sexual beings. I say that we're all a product of sound, and when we make that bad and wrong, we make all of humanity bad and wrong. So I'd like to shift from something that we have shame and hiding and lack of conversation and alive, of pain and suffering around that's unnecessary and shifted into something that celebrated and cultivated and there's a compress station in community and support around this, as we start to unravel this negative programming that we ve had. Yet it's interesting that you, you know you, you talk about sexual education and I'm sure, if you ask the audience, you know hey what what do you know what sort of sexual relations you have when you were younger and they immediately think
of you know what seventh eighth rearing re with the diagrams and it's it's very biological, and we don't really talk about the emotional side of things, and I know also in terms of relationships is also something that is just not taught, and for many people, even you know, pass their twenties and thirtys forties. No, they get older, that's where they were. Therapy comes in and couples therapy. Individual therapy and people often only really discover things about themselves. Well, after those things about themselves, have been formed it. So it's interesting. If you know we sort of attack this problem at a younger. You know a younger age and earlier stage it really helps people not just become you no more true to themselves, but gives them the tools and strategies and that's what Tony is all about right. The tools and strategies to take control too not just become a passive participant in their sexual,
Eddie but to really take help. It takes a gay. So it's really interesting, yeah you're giving people not just the chosen, tried right, you're, giving them the words right. The vernacular in order to be able to talk about these things and I'm sitting here on the edge mosey, because that's exactly the the point that I want to highlight is that in the shadows. We get no distinctions, we get no language, we get,
way to actually have the conversation the first place. They often talk of the about the blueprints as if people are speaking, foreign languages, so overhear giant speaking Chinese and I'm speaking, german, and we have no idea what each other is saying, because nobody is taught us actually how to speak in each other's language. And the erotic blueprints are like that translation dictionary that starts to get get it so that we can have the conversation the first place because of all the stuff. We're talking about about cultural inherited, mythologies, around sexuality, morality around sexuality, the the blueprints sort of like level, the playing field, because we're taking shame out of the dialogue and we're talking about human pleasure as a natural birthright, like gets you were born out of sex, were born to experience, pleasure and
we need access to it and the erotic blueprints of by the perfect for oil for getting us there. Our back up that every cell in your body is actually wired for pleasure. We have touch receptors, there's that there's a purpose for pleasure and our lives, and I think that we get so he is doing doing doing doing doing. For those of us especially lived, and you know end, She really did it's like nurturing our radiance, that is our gift to the world, really to stop and take that time to put pleasure. First ants become one of our core brand values. To put
measure pherson they. I will admit that its one that I struggle with, because I can get very an ado. Do I'm so like passionate about my mission that I forget to take that time to nurture to feel pleasure to find pleasure to become a pleasure seeker throughout my life. It's interesting. You know you mentioned women T, because that there is that stereotype, you know you do you girl, right, like you take the time for yourself, you know new mines, it's a big thing. Like you, Don T, take care of yourself. First, don't don't put your child first, but we associate very superficial things with thy. So when we think of pleasure alone has wreathing owed, she's gonna take a spot day, hurry she's gonna go I'm going to go out with her girlfriends and have some wine, but those are not truly ways of taking care of yourself in and providing pleasure and there certainly not sustainable right there, just quick fixes. So I didn't really interesting that having this deeper understanding in this language with your partner that essentially see it sets use, it sets yourself up for success
What are these blueprints cause? I I think by now everybody is very curious of what they are. If you guys get to go through them, and then also you know, there is a task that you can take a new sort of sun, some people where they can take the full task. But if you guys are going through of explain what are some of the questions you can ask yourself and what are the ways you can identify which, when you are just sort of Aachen, often happened? So first piece is, as I am describing them and as and an hour going through them to just listen for what you resonate worth like. What do I'm a very embodied? I do a lot of body. I think the body has an intelligence and that would there's a lot of wisdom.
There for us to listen to suggest known as like. Does something really resonate in your body with you, and I may give you a truth as to what type you may be, and then we also have the quiz. So there's that there's the mental aspect of determining your blueprints, so that's taking the quiz listening to I'm about to say now and what's really resonating with you in your body and so the quiz people can go to erotic, breakthrough, dotcom forward, slash robins to take that cuisine. Give you a percentage of what you are each of these blueprints, but I believe the best way to actually determine your blueprint is to get really happen and with seeing what your body has to say with different kinds of touch, and I can go into that a little bit more as we die deeper into first discovering, mentally what we think we are and then maybe being surprised by what our bodies say and saw go into that a little bit later. So, let's start with the first one, which is energy,
headache and the energy blueprints is: turned on by tease lots of space dissipation and yearning they like too long an energetic, has a lot of organic superpowers on their positive side. They can have orgasms without even being touched, The wind can blow right across their skin and just the deliciousness of the energy of the sun, something like that could be. It because they're so sensitive, they could go into a lot of pleasure with very simple things that we may not think of as sexual or erotic so joys and energetic and energetically. Not my primary ever really developed. My energetic and its for me, standing on the outside of being with an energetic at the beginning, it's kind of like
mysterious at night, Jerry Night and also a little bit like Wu Wu like what is he. I can stand over here, five feet away from you: just give you my presence in energy and that's gonna create an organic response in you or if I come to close to quickly that short circuits you and then has it so that you can't drop into your pleasure. So is the sensitive leave the energetic as one of the primary things it really gives away that you baby a primary, energetic. And I'm sorry you're not having a glad. I was, as I am glad that you said that you were there with your presence, because I think that the overly simplistic way that people might think about this and think of somebody huh. You know anticipation and longing. It hard to get re like somebody who play his heart yet and that's the but
want to be very careful that people don't assume that that is what you're talking about, because it is not about removing or solve and end detaching yourself and that person, then, once you more it's about being there right in a certain way. So I wonder if you could either of you to help us make. That distinction is, I think, that's really important to make so as a very fundamental move. One of the things that we constantly stress with people is It presents is actually probably the primary sexual skill, the awareness of what's happening in your own body, but also where none of what's happening in your partners, body and awareness of the energy especially front and energetic between the two, the users, and so the presence is actually key to this connection and its key to actually discovering your own truth a radically because one of the things we were talking about, the mythologies earlier of of sexuality in our culture is
A lot of it disconnects us from our true are true essence or being able to drop into our body and say that is me. That is what I resonate with and, as we talked to the blueprints and get into some of mine I'll definitely review where so my shadow parts were in my sir like the shame, the things that have kept me from being my fully self expressed person and I'll say here: each blueprint has a positive side and a shadow side So the positives of the energetic are they are so hypersensitive, but that can also be on the shadow side. Is that they can get so, oh overwhelmed and flooded with sensation that they short circuit, and maybe those of you listening who might resonate with this. It's like you're in the throes of something really amazing and as soon as it starts getting physical or as soon as it starts getting like, really heightened or the arouses really high office, and it goes to zero in Europe
What happens where did not down out oh yeah body shuts down because of the cat the energy and men. This could also show up as premature ejaculation or like, like their body, just can't take it in a short circuit and the arousal goes away or their body does something too like having a quick organic like a genitals knees die? Then it just shut off. All of the play you're, and so one of the things that I tell myself as an energetic. How much pleasure can I stand? And I I challenge myself to expanding my capacity to receive pleasure and other shadow side of the energetic is that we can get. You talked about like this. Isn't about withdrawing your energy. But, but some of us can get icy and withdrawn and a lot of times it's because we don't know how to honour our own boundaries and dispute. Up about our own boundaries me feel so much, and so we may feel like all. If I speak up my boundary, I'm gonna hurt my partner, and so we get afraid
say, you know why I just need a little bit more space or you know what I need this pause right now, so I can feel more, were you know feeling a little smothered and could could we like. I gave right now just breathes together for a moment. And to really honour what you need and what you're boundaries are coming: reach. This is the blueprint see it be them Most challenge actually speak up and say no and say I need space or I need to take a pause. Right now so that we can actually feel more pleasure you, so that's energetic! That's what you know that you're majority energetic what are some of the other blueprints that you as have explored the next one. Son. She wore an inn, is scores very high on the best that could be hard Virginia to relate to me
oh, you are expanding your sound like standing, so the central is all about a bow down the sentences, the smells the tastes, the atmosphere, the atmosphere, the environment me It can be very arousing and help me like so for essential. We need to relax to be able to have sex. Or to be always start open to our own pleasure? So if there's The shadow side of that would be like if there's something undone, the room's a mess, the music, not the right volume. I've got a list of to do items I'm trying to drop in, but I just can't connect thou, be a shadow side of the central and the other aspects of like really being able to connect to deep contouring much like all body evil by close and reassure closeness, slow dancing, Nazism the things that they really mom, there's something that Tony says that
love and I think it really applies to sensual- ceases get in your head and your dead. I think for sensual they get really caught up in their head with the ASEAN set. All the things in the rooms talking to them has on the sensations that are actually happening in their body. But other superpowers is taken have or gas experience and so on pleasure, peace on their senses and they bring beauty to the central experience. So I don't care about the bedroom, but he is gonna bring em. Even the elements of like something that smells good or some shock lads or some flowers like he really bring. The beauty and design to our sexuality? I also want to talk about how these these can play out, because the is really a challenge with the UN, and I is that we went through a period of time for three years where we weren't connecting sexually, and it was probably one of the most
in full times in our relationship for sure, but I would say in my life because I felt England girl with my work, and so you can just a man. Imagine you know we come to Baby Kevin. You baby. You talked about people, let young children. New baby- and I am in bed and incomes to bed- and I would initiate sacks and The way that I was initiating was in the next blueprint that we're gonna talk about, and it turned him off and he would He would then say no or SAM exhausted or let's try another time and we both rolled over and I'd, be crying myself to sleep at night didn't know how to recover. ACT and I knew every sex technique in the books I wrote. The books on the Sextette literally Why are you doing? I can't get my own partner attracted and desire desirous and wanting this, and it was so much pain
unity over and when you listen to Giles Language, you hear the where she's talking to talking from a historical self like she's talking about a place where, she's interpreting. My actions is that I wasn't attracted to her, I'm not in love with her she's not going to get a needs met, and this is what couple suffer suffer from, because that wasn't it happily I world at all. I was approached I was coming to bed approaching her as a sensual, so I would, I would slide into bed, now get up next to her and I would cut all- and I would want to get that closeness of my body to body contact and because Giles Energetic that was too much too quick and because of the blueprint which will talk about next. That's not how she's gonna get from zero to sixty in terms of her sexuality. So we had a complete disconnect and in the face of
that going on between us. My confidence was dropping through the floor. I loved her. I wanted to provide for her, but we just kept missing each other S over and over and over again, because we weren't speaking each other's blueprint, yeah and that's interesting as you know that sir, in elements of how I think for many women in its often for masculine feminine energies, it can be different, but you know you said your confidence plummeted, an Jaya. What I'm hearing from you is that you felt and not that your self esteem was plummeting, but you felt unwanted, and anyone who reads lot with women right is that we see that as a rejection we think will hold on NATO and especially women, whom we know our decision.
Acres in the household or who are, you know, consider themselves to be strong, independent women with high some steams, it's very difficult to have that feeling of like war. What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me Ray and really what it is? Just as it is just a disconnect, and it's so frustrating to try to work beyond that. You have for sure so that the Good NEWS is that his turn around seven other that have yet to see the next blueprint, his sexual and this Actual is someone who is turned on by what we think of and how we define Saxon our culture- and I say this that we need to expand our definition. Sucks, azure learning here listening. There are the definition needs more expansion, because our these different types of blueprints first for an energetic sexes very different for somebody who is it who is a sexual who is very
from somebody who's a shape chapter, which is another piece I'm and talk about here in a bed so for the sexual sexes. What we think of, when we think of sex, it's injured Worse, its penetration genital, their turned by on by genitals, nudity, they love the erotic and so They are there superpowers as they bring fun a lot of times it they're, not their shadow. There's no came it's very straightforward. It seems very simple: they like getting to their orgasm, they can be very goal. Driven which sometimes can be positive or can fall under the shadow and their superpower is that orgasm and sex is something that helps them to relax and feel right in the world, sex for a sexual, isn't something that we're doing it, something that is in need indeed in a dry for success
if I am not getting enough sex, I feel like I'm tripling up like I'm, not successful in the world. I feel like it just gets really hard for me to feel relax. It's like my anxiety level raises If I don't get that connection of the physical act of interest, or sun penetration and orgasm imagines charity, its food and water. Air and it gets very difficult for our relationship when we hit those thresholds in those periods of time and jobs, not getting than those periods of time and I'm not getting that that need fulfilled. And so the shadows side of it is that we don't under me just don't understand that it could be any other way like there's a little bit of selfishness of well. It so easy slot egg in the lobby, that I got an orgasm over complicated things. Nothing at all
I mean you know, as you are describing that I think again. You know people attend oversimplify and fall into stereotypes, and that feels like a very mass Ellen way of looking at sacks, is that something that you ve found. You know to be true, like me, priority or is that something where there are a lot of women who are highly sexual? But maybe it's not as explicit it's not as up. So I think this is a cultural thing as well. It's ok for men to beat the sack all in it's, not as ok for the women to be the sexual. It's ok for women to be sensual, and so there's this mythology. I think it's mythology and from what seen how many people have we had take the quiz now, it's like up overboard were now on something like an island, we're tracking all of the information we are seeing this area the IDA. Third athlete incorrect, There are many men who are energetic and sensual than shaped sifters and gay
guess- are gonna- go to the other types their beds and there are a lot of women who are sexually, and so I really want to break This mythology by Jan near how gender fits into all of this, because I think a lot of men where a sexual mass, because they think that that's how they should be, because that's how cultural, tells the culture tells them to be, and women where a mask of this is how I should be. It's not ok to actually be a sexual woman, so yeah. I love that question because what our data showing as that it's not not necessarily the truth, large area or type yeah, so I shudder side of the sexual some more on now is also we can get so fixated on the goal that we forget the journey or that there are even as a journey that exist we forget for play. We dont were not interested in it. We don't like do anything afterwards, like ok back to work in a thicket, though so this, and we can offer
think like will what's wrong, like you're having an orgasm. I hear this a lot of times in my office as well, but but she's having orgasm. What's wrong in it. It's like there's a dick call understanding the artistry and the more to sexuality. That, then, can become a really big block in a lot of stubbornness and resisted to expanding into new territory. So you take it back to the bedroom. Seen were giants are in our disconnection of our three year, Poorer. Shall at that time, in our relationship, you Jaya would come to bed and she would approach me from the sexual blueprint to be haven't touches genocide. Yes, they do. You want to have sex tonight and if it's almost like job, let's get to get the caterpillar that's am I actually have a snub. Topped up come on. That's what on earth are you so
and for me who like at that time, are like there's somebody stresses going on. I was stressed out. I really needed my sensual fed me so that I could actually even get present and feel my own pleasure and feel lovable so is not present, energetic feels that now I'm angry than I am, and then that gets interpreted and always weighs about he's not attracts me is not loved me me, I'm I dont what I'm doing. I'm fumbling, I can't satisfy my partner debt of realizing? It's really just a language difference, and once we start to be able to speak the language to each other, it opens up so much, possibly for said action for enticement connection and really be able to drop in and feed each other. So the next blueprint, while the dark- but this one I wouldn't have been is excited but this one two years ago, because this is this
you're really challenging for people to admit. But in truth, my primary blueprint is the kinky blueprint and the kinky. The print is turned on, buy anything that's taboo for you and that can be a huge range of possibilities. So for some people having internet out of missionary position is actually taboo. There's like a huge thrill to oh we're, gonna, try a different position. You're gonna, try oral sex or you do this other thing that that alone becomes very, very kinky. For ups- and this is typically the stereotype of what kinky, is it can be everything from the letter, masks and being tied up in whips in chains and some of the more fun it Saito masochism kind of aspects of king. So the world of cake is absolutely vast and the it's all of those turnarounds at the time boo again, whatever the taboo is for you, I got everybody not breathing surplus relax, we have well it's a king,
essentially is is the unknown? It's the uncertainty as to thrill of Indians and doing things that are river, maybe outside of your comfort zone, citing if you put it in those terms, its veto feels a little less dangerous. Yes, eminently we gives, they are done with it is and build a lot of the shame aspect of this that you know. That's it out of sight of the cake is one of the biggest genocide is shame. Is this layer of the judgments of those things that that's I'm kinky something's wrong with me and when giant I don't mean to experiment with my kinky aspect for his book. The giant road called cough tied set out his file. It we kept asking like. Why am I turned on by this. I have no history with sexual trauma. I have no sexual abuse. History So it didn't really tired. Any of those things it's really to have done
the mythology. You all think of something must be wrong with me. If I like these, I must hurry psychologically. Do you know? Why However, I must have had abuse in my history when that's that's not true that actually done studies that have shown that people who are kinky have vehicle, feed. Mental stability actually even more an creativity and communication skills. So these are some of the superpowers, and I want to back up. Here is a little bit in our definition of kinky about the two different types of oil, which are the psychological I if I happened to this can be was on the bottom
my development and the way I when I started tapping into it, was through the psychology of it. So I like being passed around, for example, in the bedroom like if ie and tells me go, go sit over there. I raise your hip razor happier. Put your hand in your eye like that site, like we're not even being touched at highs into my energetic said. My energetic helps me to develop this even more, but it's a different energy and so were playing with more the psychology of the power dynamic in the play of things like masculine, feminine energy are being and control are being surrendered or being more light, energy or dark energy that were playing at the polarity, me and playing in those than the differing of power where I'm giving overpower Ian is giving over power in the dynamic and playing really deeply with with really some really find the psychological stand. That becomes a really big Antonia talks. Obviously a lot about master,
feminine and will be the own, those energies and again, those aren't gender related for us. Those are just about what what's your energy in the bedroom and king, when you explorer, even in its most innocent basic level, is an access to being able to explore those energies of what I am talking about about dominant submission, whose in control, because a lot The turn on around sexuality is in that polarity and be able to keep that dynamic, really strong, no matter who is holding the power and whose being submissive male female. Wherever that. That's, where, like the supercharged, erotic energy, it turned up in hand, and so that the second type of someone who's turned on by sensation, and this could be very intense, insatiable spanking
or a hare pulling or flog or something some tool or implement that you may be using, or maybe it's a feeling of the ropes on your body also like constriction as it were apart. The physical turn on for a lot of confusing like being heavily restricted, heavily constricted and that's in Maine the thing that we discovered was he really loved the sensation of the ropes and the play of being bound and being able to play with and that I dynamic and learning the scale such do. That was a huge game changer in our relationship, because I felt what before thus before discovering that he was very deeply kinky. I felt like I couldn't turn him on the sensual was one thing that was a lead in, but when we started tapping into kinky ice will turn on and his party, like I'd, never seen before, and this whole time I'm thinking it was me, and now I might not so easy. All I have to do is get out. Some ropes
on the bad leave a little note that says for tonight, and we ve got instant turn on like I've never seen before it was so simple, but it was it wasn't until we recognized it and discovered it and talked about, and even talking about it can turn in on just that dislike setting up what are our agreements around the container of consent in a session or seen that we're going to do that had that ties in the king, he can get himself aroused. We dont finish the conversation him coming towards me, which was a huge shift in our relationship, and it started just turning everything around the interesting. How you combine several too, you know the the physical kinky with central. You combine those two things together and you get that sort of custom scenario that you know is gonna turn him on and for you right, combining energetic and sexual. That also lends itself to a clear scenario. So it's it's almost like you know buys, were mixed,
in matching the different parts of you, you can come up with some some solutions, really young neutered tapping into advanced work here if we had several hours, we pledged to get to think that we call blueprints stacking river with his this exactly what you're talking but when you- because we know where we're not all just one of these blueprint, so it's the ability to weave that together to make this incredible. You know turn on for your partner for years, often and no yourself. Well enough that you can actually asked for getting you need me, it's a hack into our sexuality. It's a super high per her didn't, but as the shot is about the king? He said that the king he shadow in dimension, is shame, and it's a lot of questioning yourself. Why my turned on by the size, wrongs, weird and you know what you're going into that- that conversation making yourself bad for the things that really turn you on and that bringing you that freedom of sexual suppression and that that celebration of
you are a sexual being and then another piece is When there's a lot of shame and a lot of hiding, you can t, have something that's eternity turns into kind of a neurosis or a turns into like you get so fixated on it. It becomes your only route to pleasure, or so it could be something like Jack more in his book, the erotic mind talks about a person whose turn on by a yellow raincoat any only way they can get turned on his by wearing a yellow raincoat. Would this be the challenge when it you're only pathway to play I want everybody to have multiple pathways to pleasure, because what happens when we do the same thing over and over again it becomes a little groove. The groove eventually becomes a right and that pattern that right then becomes a great, in your sexuality, because you only have one pathway and having multiple pathways than opens. You up to all kinds of discovery, especially if you're singling here listening to this
wanna have multiple pathways that you never know what kind of blue print you may walk into in your next relationship sure know it's it's fascinating to that. Mention that, because tony action as a concept called a blueprint for happiness and its new idea that we have a and idea in our head, a very specific idea of what wool causes happiness. So you know I should be married by a certain age I should have had my Zorn age. I need this kind of job any these kinds of friends and if you don't match that blueprint exactly, then you feel disappointed ray. You feel like I haven't succeeded and there are so many people who have these very firm blueprints for happiness and guess what they'll never achieve happiness because they don't have control
for all of these elements. So I really, you know, would love to stress. As you know, we ve for sexual in terms of sexuality and but also in terms of you know, just your your daily lives flexibility in your rules right either long that you need to me in order to feel fulfilment and and successful. Those need to be extremely flexible, and that brings me to a wave of our blueprints show us if anything, where were limited and were inflexible. So I love that you brought that are because There are therefore key things to working with our blueprints learning how to feed your blueprints so that you are actually fed and then resourced and can give more and also feel hey you're feeling you are satisfied and life throughout life, speaking the blueprints as if they are different languages the words that you use the body language you used to honour someone's group healing the shadows of the blueprints and the last piece is
learning to expand yourself so that their Therefore you are able to give and receive in each one of the blueprints and I'll say this is an ongoing journey. I have I started out energetic sexual I've learned how to become a shape shifter giving to people because of my work. However, in receiving? I still really struggle with sexual and kinky blueprints and science still learning how to expand into those said rid of my rules are, you know like really work with my rules around them, because their still fear and vulnerability. The sensual blueprint makes me feel so vulnerable and my femininity, when my heart as open, and I feel, like others, risk of getting hurt and the kinky blueprint is super scary because of past trauma, where my body can enter Newport it instead of me and be my lover and becomes my can my abuser. So I have a lot of healing actually working in the kinky blueprint, and I also am still developing my trust and ability
received their based on history, so they're still healing for me to do, and it is an ongoing journey. I've been on this journey most of my life and will continue to be on this journey. Until the day I die, and I think a lot of people think I'm going work, sexuality. That can be done as opposed to you. Your sexuality is by changing Esther paralysis, we don't have one sexuality, we have multiple sexuality is, and I love that, because its currently being recreated, yeah. She also in new Punkahs episode. She recently did with Tony refers to the fact that she's been married for for decades, and you know that most people have now. It is have multiple marriages. She says I've had mortal
urges just with the same person it saddens me. Hank has, as you know, as you and your partner, do the work and evolve and NATO become ship chapters Avenue. I wanna get into that in a moment. You know that is really in a people talk about keeping the spark alive and how to renew you're. You know dear your passion for each other, but this is definitely one way of doing it is to feel like you are seeing the different sides of your partner throughout time. Yes, Yeah, I mean that's just it's this thing about in relationship. Is that thing like are in relationship to just do our thing are we in relationship to actually see be with the person that were with and to get them to get to know them more deeply, and that's been a primary goal of my life and relationship is too and a place where I can reveal myself and be seen and heard and felt and honoured, and to do this came from my partner and will, he discovered when Guide, really discovered the blueprints and we
adopted them in our life. It just opened up the floodgates of so much misunderstanding in it. It got us pass disconnection and got us back to connection without the blame without the shame. Without the criticism, because now we had placed play where we could, we could discover new, like oh, fascinating and her turn by that much ashen. There's like Erasmus, one instance wherein had his hands like hovering over my genital area, and I was just feeling so connected and so turned on and all of a sudden he like got up and for an energetic when you leave energetically, like that. It just feels like you just took like a plugin, pulled it out of a light, socket verifiable. Unlike what is going the fifth I went over to the music and I started getting ahead ahead: a change, the song and change the volume and others because of the
and then just what are you doing has I would suggest vices just myself when I can laugh. You know yeah big moment of disconnection in anger rising in my own area, alien and not understanding- and here I could just cut all ok he's doing that. Actually for me, because he knew was that he can't be fully present with me, because that music is getting him up in his head and he's getting distracted and if you just goes and takes a second to fix that he can come back to me with a small presents what a difference. So you this Thursday need to separating firm and energetic and I didn't use it reminds your level could never better. You said one word, you know you said my sexual and she immediately understood, and I love how, in other so many opportunities for Miss Communication and couples.
You sort of you, you headed off at the pass ray and even allow it to escalate and for you know at the end, when you're in your head, your dad ride like when people there their mind spins. What well, what's the possible reason why we are disconnected onion knots? that's the scary stuff, so just being able to stop a potential miscommunication before it can even start. I think that's you know worth its weight in gold. Yes, huge benefit and we have a drum roll or yonder shapes after a while. I also had a note, too that getting people want to hear that the word sheep shifted I certainly do don't you think of Maui from Ilona. I think those likes universe, but you can become an eagle were well or badly the vast and that's the beauty of the age after it can transform to be anything
so is shaped, shifter is someone who can speak all of the language if you think of these as languages. It's like the energetic is this chinese and essential is like a beautiful branch, and then we ve got american. English for sexual actual all, and then we ve got like some kind of exotic. Like an old Persian and is something like that, but the kinky and shapes of turkey be multilingual and that's their beauty. That's their superpower, they can shift to be anything for anybody, so they can be an ultimate lover because He can Mordents Athens and please another person very easily, because there are turned on by all of these things and a lot of times. They have the ability to do all of these things, and that means that they also have all the capabilities of all of the different blueprints. An orgasm superpower
on the other side, though, is the shadow is that they also have the ability to have all the shadow sites, and I almost think of it as a six type. If you have all the shadows sides and none of the positive sides, it's like a shadow shapes after versus the shadow of the shaped after and so the shadow of the shape shifter is, I mean, always shapes of two. Please everybody else, and therefore I'm never really satisfied, because, let's say your partners in the sensual and your shaped shifting to be essential. Then you're only speak One of your blueprints, so I find the shape sectors, the ones who are the most starvation sexually in pleasure, wise because then they they judge themselves as being too much. I need to much. I want too much asking for what I really want is too much and so easily can shape, shift them all to be somewhat to please somebody else that there never really asking for Haiti in what I need all
these things. Can you give me all of her tonight yeah now. One of the aspects of the shape shifter is that they just have a veracious appetite they could take. You could be just be three hours into a love making session with the shapes after where you got feathers going in music and strapped time in their mouths, and you ve had intercourse multiple times and you got eight hands and you know you're you're completely working them over and you're you're you're done shape of letters hate what we just got started. Where are you going and in so that can be a challenge for the shape shifter in getting the needs met, because there is such a voracious appetite to four. You're a judgement of that in our I I'm a bottomless pit and that's a bad thing now I just need you have a huge capacity to receive pleasure if ye
of the blueprints was an instrument. You are an entire symphony orchestra, the can put on a coffee sensation and pleasure, and sound and you're just really a radically sophisticated and senior year if you're shapes after it really is important for you to shift that frame of yourself as bad or too much? You know what I got it's easier for me. Just please everybody else in two: really getting yourself bad and I say in all the blueprints: if you're starving it comes out Snipy, you might get sniff b, you might get these little arguments with your partner, you might start building up resentment and from a systematic approach. A body is building up tension and armor and resentment.
And so we, why your bodies to be supple and receptive and able to really feel pleasure there full capacity as sheep sector has the great ability to do that through data about you know, get when you haven't when you're needs are met. When you know that's how it comes out, it's on a sleigh gun, functional medicine ride. So if you're not fuelling your body with an intrusion that it needs, you start being symptomatic. That's for brain fog, depression! Exactly me! You know that the other sort of physical symptoms of this deep seated problem it comes out in all these ways, and so it's interesting cause a you know. Everybody wants to diagnose, the root of the problem, and in this case I think you could go for years without really understanding why they have these symptoms and one of the things that we really stresses, we get into deeper material, but do what has been after we last many years, is that sexual?
italian- is kind of like the canary in the coal mine in terms of people's overall health, when there's erected response when there's depression winners, these other symptoms, like you're, talking of our chow heart challenges, there's a lot of us can be tied back to the actual connection to your sexual vitality and your sexual health, because sexual health has to do with hormone health. Your buyer energetic health, your physical health shore and send a relational, healthy emotion, emotional held, what's going on in your in it in all of your relationships and, of course, your primary sexual relationships. So so, when I start seeing sexual challenges that the flag for overall health and when I see overall health, I'm looking at what is the route tied into our sexuality, that could be there and contributing to any kind of health challenge that someone is experiencing I'm kind of a health geek, so I can't really really really answer worsen and looking at it and really understanding it, because people are seeing a whole picture,
and this is part of mapping. Your radicalism is really looking. One. What is your blueprint type and we could talk about? the word about their different stages of sexuality. What stage is your type in and then the fourth pieces? What are your biggest obstacles to sexual health and rights, Roger and usually they are falling in those four categories we mentioned biochemistry we're looking at the motion all aspects, the trauma and in some history or what's happening at the relationship. Currently the energetic aspects which is very important for the energetic since their highly affected by it and then also looking at the physical body. Is there ass. All that's border, something in the perfect for that weak, the vertebrae, advertising control for acting so question about on before we get off the the topic of the sheep sector, because I'm extremely curious to find out what you guys found in your data in terms of how many people are thus because I did you do that-
mayor with Gretchen ruin the happiness projects no fish, so she machines somebody that we also have interviewed, and she has an assessment task that talks about all types of course, and one of the types in terms of how you meet your inner expectations versus how you meet external expectation is something called the oblige her and the oblige. Her is pretty much a shake scheffler it somebody who is constantly, sir, if you know, under the considering other people's needs and adapting to those- and I found it really interesting- that out of the million people have taken her task.
The vast majority of people are obliged hours, because I was always under the understanding that people are actually selfish and self interested in kind of look after their own needs. First by she found that there are a lot of people who meet external expectations, but not internal, and it sounds like a ship chapter is very similar and I was just wondering if that something that you guys have found died. I she drifters are actually more common than we think they are with slow Zulus couple things of what you said, but I would like to extrapolate alone will the short one is the real thing about become people being you thinking it those people are selfish needs. I think that a lot of the obliging actually comes from a selfish, DR interest, because to receive love to get to think get your needs Matt. I fall into an oblige, a category for sure
in it something I'm trying to tease out in myself very dramatically this time in my life and underneath it is actually a selfish drive, the I'm just trying to get my needs met and if I can fulfil this thing. For this other person, I will receive the love BC. You know we heard and it makes it brings up. What we're talking about is basically that the shadow side shadows, what we that call the shadow of the shapes after so the shot dead in shape shifter in their positive didn't shapes after in their positive aspect, doesn't have the oblige her they. They can very clearly state their needs. They can be reviewed clear about what turns them on what they need, how they're gonna get their share, that with their partner and and It should have an agreement that they can get their needs map without falling into the shadow aspect of trying to please and its when the shouted the shapes after falls into the pleaser. That's when they get their me that their there
he jumped met the depression kicks in their resentments, kick up in the relationship because they're, not speaking who they are an end. So to answer, question. Yes, there are a lot of shapes sectors or worse. Is that war people find out- and maybe this is the product of working with us. I wouldn't say why that will. If I add my way, the world would be drifters you'd have like this unlimited ability to really really pleasure you when you get any work done and though, is though we
end up with a lot of sheep drifters, because people expand into it very quickly going through our programmes, people start to recognise their limitations, heal their shadows, and then they ultimately end up being shaped chapters on our quizzes. We get a lot of energetic, which is very surprising to me, and a lot of shape chapters and the feedback that those are the two highest highest. Categories, a lot of the feedback we get about this as people who are like. I had no idea. I was an energetic and I just thought I was mere not the rope in. I just thought something was really wrong with me that I like to needs things and that you know I shake when I have an orgasm or my body shakes. I I'm experiencing pleasure that that is clear are wrong and I've shut that down. Thank you. So much like we get people writing to us in tears, recognised,
not their and energetic were recognising that their partner with something in that they were another thing and how that has played out on the relationship and then the other pieces, the shapes after that seems to be our second highest one and people recognising that Indue needed and then there's a lot like people don't want to be shaped chapters. It's really interesting how many people are like? I really didn't want to get the shapes after her, and I got that one now. What do I do like? How do I even begin with unravelling the shadow and how do I begin with really adding my needs not because it such a big huge, and it feels very scary and eight they judge themselves, as I'm too complex and too much. They go back into that place when they discovered that there are shaped, and I think the kinky results work was maybe a little.
Pressed because that's also thing we're sure, yeah yeah people don't answer honestly and in this is where we find out the kinky leader in the next task. So we can we kind of half a series of new listening to us talk about the blueprints, and maybe those of you who are listening are already discovering like. Oh, I think I might be this one or that one and then you take the tests and again just to give you the website, its erotic, breakthrough, dot, com forward, Slash, Rob to go and take the test, and then you get another idea, but the truth always comes out when we do the next test, which we call a bee game at something we teach very in depth and our forces, and we have different layers of how to do this test and its essentially like when you go to the optimum,
trust and they go ok, a or be ritual conversion, each one business networks, and so it's it's simply going through the body step by step and going ok. This is touch a and this is Touch b, which twenty prefer. I honestly believe that the body always tell us. The truth, the body doesn't my short answer, your wedding Yang, getting us so matic response and then sometimes there's a disconnect between what our heads that in our body says. Yes, we reconcile died and so it really is working out your erotic map, detour and putting in the peace of the body is where I see the kinky show up and where I see the turn on then they can't deny- oh, my goodness, I was so turned on by that. I didn't know that I was turned on by that people had never played in it and so the key he blueprint comes out a lot more during not a bee test, and I see the same response in the body almost every times it's our come out is theirs. The sound of that comes out of a body like
Ah ha ha horrible application is like deep, sound like you, I gotta think when somebody who's your heads like awe and and they get the space of like a city like They smell something somebody s and the body kind of curls opera, there's like attention in the body and that tell tale sign and like oh, my god, it's ok there's a point for kinky and then we go through in it. They think they without them are essential. Wilkie, comparing sensual, kinky and oftentimes will find out. Oh there's a lot more kinky hear them. Then what we originally had thought from the mental map you got a great, so I wanted to wrap up with one final question that just you know were were operating sort of under the assumption here that you and your partner, everybody listening
both equally open to to exploring s and to getting a deeper understanding and moving forward together. But what we found- and I think, a lot of people who are twenty robins fans can relate to this isn't times. That's not, case right. So typical story, as you know, you'll have somebody that big update with destiny. They come back from diva destiny. They approached their partner. And they say I learned all this stuff in it. So amazing, I wanna talk to you about it, but because the partner, you know, maybe, is not, as you know, immersed in twenty robins content, they immediately
rejected, and you know I was fortunate enough. I attended your van nay, my partners very open and it was a great joint experience. But what? How would you? What advice? Would you give to somebody who's listening now? Who this really resonates wealth and they want to bring it back to their partner and they don't know how? What are some of some small steps that they could take on Nino, say even to the extent of pragmatism, wanna, take a tat, take her assessment, ass straight. What are some things that they can do to break the ice and at least start the conversation in and get the ball rolling in that sense, because I think this is a challenge. A lot of people are faced let me give adult first young raise no dont content dump on them. So what I mean by that he had gone. I learn if I bloomerism yeah like die.
Which is hard to do, because you're so decided re examine you wanna. You want to share everything you learned as it may. It makes you yeah expands your world banana neighbours. Is its concrete, paralytic fear of the universe. Yes, I said that The need now is something wrong with our yeah not satisfy. I didn't relationship and we know what's the what what's wrong and I want to deal with your heart spending mind. So one of the things the star with is just a lot of appreciation some years. Adieu is just a lot of appreciation for what you love about your relationship and do it authentically. We have occurred her name's Kristen Swinging Rally and she even she says, receiving We talk about gratitude and appreciation, but really what you have to do: MRS receive all your partner has done you if you're coming to them out of a place of lack or like I did a change,
that's all I got. You need to change the hunger kind of ring it doesnt work as well as if you come first with your heart old, with receiving all that you have received in this relationship like really feel it in your heart, and then you can go into the gratitude and appreciation from a really hard open place, Ibanez exercise that Kristen gave us recently where I just take like a sponge, and it's like I'm kind of clearing out my heart. All the way across these are all the little things are all the little resentment, and I just energetically it's perfect for energetic clear it out, and then I am able to hum Mauro with an open appreciative play since it might look like something like this. If I were talking to me and it might be like in a really, Christianity, how much you give to our relationship, and I love so much every time we can
physically and sexually, and I I just really wanna- take our sex life to the next level and I'm wondering if it would be ok with you. If I shared with you something I just learned that I'm really excited about, because that would provide me where just so much feeling of connection with you- and I feeling like were really a team, now saying that we're not a team, because I really feel like we're a team, but I despicable take it to the next level. Would distinction of something that the word that I use their? What that would provide for for her ratify YAP? So when speaking from the place of the providing this will provide for me or provide for our relationship It instantly brings a come towards energy into the dynamic of, while that as a you know the masculine person I want to step in, and I want to add that I want to
I am now listening to her like, oh well, I love you, and that seems like something that would be. Great for our relationship so that then I am in and then there's something for me to do like I become a protector of that possible Eddie and our relationship yeah, though definitely one thing and then other asked eggs were were we're talking about them here in what we already shared about its also being very clear, to be non critical, because stepping into this journey of sexuality is pretty unique. Like open, reality like really expressing yourself in your relationship, is pretty unique and pretty frightening for a lot of people, its murky waters. So you haven't compassion, really forward for your partner, your son and you and all your little parts that are really scared that you're gonna lose love, and you know this is it's scary and not so
then I may even say to my partner. If I can really happened to my vulnerability to say you know it, I'm really scared right now to bring this up with you, and I just really appreciate your presence and I really love you and there's nothing? You ve done wrong, but I'm feeling scared you sit with me for a little bit and would thus be a good time and are young giving giving option and the opportunity to provide that level that feeling of comfort. Now I think, that's that's what. If our approach, and so you don't abandon your own needs in the situation at the same time, if the use that presents again, if you noticing that their detention you could you could call it out, you could say hey. This might just be my hallucination, but I'm noticing the I'm thinking maybe you're, feeling a little tense cause. I see your shoulders raising and is that the case
and could you share with me about that? What's going on with you and also if it is clear that it's not the right time, would there be a good time we could talk of this so that your honouring their boundaries protecting them, while you're trying to open up a whole new cattle. The worms and where you gonna take the relationship and always remembering that if they do come back with something that is really intense, you know if they come Well, you never take out the garbage W. Why, when I was twenty years of not having sex with you, gonna fix this just see if you can stay like noticed, you get triggered like notice. The tension in your body noticed that you may want to reveal that that's happening and if you can WWW tune it into the compassion of they're scared there,
you know what is the true emotion and get to the core of that, and not the words that they're saying it's never about the trash. It's never about. The sacks it's never really about these things it what it is- about is usually an old artifact die or injury is a core thing from childhood from parental upbringing, and that is often times what's it play in our relationships we achieve, we tend to attract people we like to work on these things, where an add one more thing, but I was coming to me right now, which is we actually have a philosophy that it only takes one person in the dynamic to completely transform the relationship. So let's say you come in you introduced as to your partner
you're, getting nothing but resistance. Well, at that point, it may be time to take the leadership role and simply become as deeply immersed in educated, in the distinctions in understanding your partner, even if they will tell you what they need and want of how to feed them so that you, can begin to feed them so that they can start to be acknowledged and appreciated and seen and start the so it started down regulate their physiology and they You're getting their needs map and they start opening like a heart, begins to open the opportunity in the possibilities of deeper connection start to open, and we ve seen people effectively to take this in their relationship without ever having one of these overt conversations in their sexuality and there were in their relationship, is completely transformed, and this is the turnaround that happen
and I was that I made a decision without even telling him that I was no longer going to blame him. I was no longer going to resent him. I was no longer going to do this and I was not going to tell him and fur. One who, year of Jimmy one hundred percent, all in in shifting our relationship without even telling him we're having conversation, enrolling him in anything, and I remain but that upper works. I decided this in January of this year. I remember that ought to where we were out on appear in Jamaica. Our relationship has radically transformed. There was the lightning storm on the ocean and we were actually on a bed on the pier with a restaurant where their serving food on the bed- and I told him and said, have you felt anything different as our relationship with that point was just so sky high thy? Is there think different. Have you noticed anything different he's like I have? What have you been doing, and I revealed to him that I made a commitment to spending higher year, working on myself and working on the relationship, but not too,
him one thing or actually asking one thing of him and not blaming or resenting him for any of the past, and that was the the major turn around a mother. I think I mean that's incredible because I think so many people think you know, and it takes too, but the idea that you do have control and you do have the ability to make those shifts in behavior and eat us route starts its like feeding a starving person. They don't realize, starving until they get those small bites of food and then all of a sudden there, operators voracious that. I heard it a here and I you know, I think that is either an incredible thing for audience to her. Because of this, and has real may feel all you know. I can't do this alone, there's nothing. I can do there's nothing in my power, but there actually is- and I think this is a great example of of what they can do to get started. The other thing is that the, if you ve got years of resentment, Sir years have not even been having the ability to have a conversation about this
and you're having expectation Tony said something about expectations. Greater expectation for appreciation in your whole, world changes examine. So that's part of the structures like if you're, going with the expectation that just because you learn this new thing. Now, all the sudden, your Parker, better, get on board you're, probably in a world of her you're asking for world of heard, because you spent all this time to create the issue now it's time to unwind and the unwinding takes time well Jaya Yen,
The third point I mean just we ve just had to the surface, but I think that we have given arias plenty of things to think about. You know again: it's a radically print our complex robins to goes directly ignored at best Robin Tower. Slash Robert eyes were Roderick breakthrough the dot com. I thought I heard zombie different obligatory. I regret not words lush robins, grace wonderful will. Thank you so much. This is an absolutely enlightening and anchorage everybody tat. You know, take an extensive. Take your Europe Shep Honour and your sex life to the next level, using this blueprint from from Jaya Indian. Thank you so much it in our great pleasure. You didn't. It is an honour to be able to speak to everybody who listen to this. In, may the words that we have shared with you being a steed that creates total transformation, much more passion and much harder sex. Yes, hey man
The turning of its past, his directed and hosted by Tony Robins in New York is our editorial director and occasional host. Our executive producer is carry some Jimmy. Carve a home and Adrian Dilatory are a digital editors, special thanks to marry bucket.
Transcript generated on 2020-04-04.