« Uncle Joey's Joint

#154 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

2022-04-13 | 🔗

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT.....

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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What's happened, you bad motherfuckers, look back! It's a for data be alive ways day April. The flock and thirteen
I'm sorry about Monday! Listen guys! Let's talk about this shit, you know for the last and I don't want to bring it up, but I gotta now they're doing it again. two years or hear about his fucking little. How are you at this, how I die. I was going to go on your chest. You're have to say goodbye to your loved ones, on Facebook still waiting for the pilot that died on Facebook. A hundred people, thousands but I'd, know, be saved. The video there are going no more whatever, let's put together a stool fuckin movie at a movie, data, is looking for the next big fuckin idea. I've been weight but died on Facebook for two fourteen years. Nobody's put this open film together. Please What's all the you ve won them already take them what a jet and dine with the tube and their nose? Let's put the film together. Let's get a big
bag of popcorn everybody's crying, I'm saying Cove, it's gonna fuck me tell you, but in that whole flock and died, they say, oh god, about the fuckin stomach, flew that's going around. Where was this stomachful invented a fuck em active, also cheese, Christ wish. I had covert regret. At the gay variations to fuck around become whatever the fuck that is the Crotty did you know he will show up with a full fucking set of bullets. What I'm saying he showed up with like two bullets, you got a headache and a fucking stuffy nose get your shit together, that's the one I got. I got the little fuck and you know I got the the the. like the what's the worst apostle I'll, even know anymore. You I'm saying you like, while another Peter Lucas, whatever the rat, you know a fuckin This stomach flu I last week would the fucking cover. It would fuck it up. It was guys it was nothing covert, got nothing on the falcon. stomach flu nothing
I saw my what brought I was talking to my wife and all of a sudden here know she comes back. Like somebody had enabled a biologist, she's american Indian. So you never know what these motherfuckers she's she's looking around automatic examine our joy. I feel, and I will feel good you know my wife has that we're getting older. I go lay down when I come back. I took mercy to the school check the Play, fucking reunions, I, like chick fil, a whatever have those nights wherever you go and spend the donate to the school, I call people chick fil, a is that a joint? Then there was like three parrots were talking shit, one of the moms ate a gummy tremendous, but I took it. Truthfully when a while back, I bought a play my wife, because that's what you do and she's like that's the last thing I want to see she was in the shower, laying down puking in the shower the poor thing in a bucket What the fuck happened, she's telling me all this. The next day she was out of commission. You know me my daughter had to do without you. I don't know if I talked about on the budget. You know now
nobody was day of your fuckin. Secondly, more urbanism, sick, the Fuckin Three is not what they were: no mortal. I flocking. you know what one day was just a fuckin whole hum day here. We friend for ourselves- and you know, with the little things Thursday you started feeling better, but next thing you know my daughter's fucking L We got her other school she's Larsen Dodge was flying. She had a piece of ice cream and adjust out of her mouth tremendous down for the nap didn't even say good night, so she didn't go to school Friday. So I'm fine. I'm looking at all this chaos in my house, people shitting now and always a shit. I mean I I felt really in my fucking wife. Because she was up. He was just fucking wipe down. I've been shaver, it just wipes you, the fuck out, for some reason, so Friday. I was like fuck you, I'm feeling, okay and I did what I had to do a few meetings had to do, something for drafting.
and the next thing you know it was like in the afternoon I'm like snot made fucking right. Yet you know just something the few? Not when you don't feel right was stomach. I didn't have diarrhea, I'm just wrote it off the Friday, you how, like Friday for you, I feel a little run down today, but that's how I was feeling okay can be so I don't know what Did Friday night, you know, I don't eat shit on Friday, cuz there's! No meats, I probably haven't, got a salad, fucking sandwich and a fact that's what I did have how to make salad, fucking sandwich and really crazy, I don't know what we do is supposed to do or whatever and guys the next thing you know, I'm like you. When I want to get up early Saturday had a couple fucking things to do. I like took my little cvs gummies. They sell these over the county gummies at CVS. To help you sleep, you guys. I got automate everything so some nights, it's a fucking, something
you nyquil without the quill and some nights We're gonna get me some nights. I do the sea be deep died last night I did that. in D C, whatever the fuck. Those things are that I did this indeed Lion Delta, eight guys, I'm still fucked up that I am a little late because I had a little Sonia late night but Woof. I was fucked up play these little grape, gummies No big deal item. One night a week and place a month. Maybe once a month I, like of them regular people supposed to eat I play Regulus like fucking denim cause. I want to sleep like a baby and I got the grape flavor but like it, it just tastes different to scrape you know so. Fucking, it's like ten o'clock, I'm talking to my wife was like nine o'clock and my wife goes. I'm going upstairs. You don't do what you need to do.
I was just going to finish up some paperwork and I ate these fucking gummy. So I'm meeting the gummies and dawn on me and now I'm feeling I go upstairs. I go fuck I'm going to bed. When I go upstairs to my eleven I'm running my own business and next thing you fucking know I got a barf, I got a bar forget I got a I forget, I got a barf again, your father stream the morning more. Do I'm not going to Obviously is a bar fifth on came down here and I fucking why some tv and ill, but then I birthday, well, then one time I almost didn't make it out of Puka half of puke in the tub in the bucket, and I was like That's it that's what my wife was barfing outside and next, I just ran upstairs and I dunno why you would even just take my tick. I drank a little pepto bismol, but it was fucking cold. My wife put in the refrigerator one of the factors. I remember ready for I like a nice and more of the pink little shit when you drink it may be stomach. It takes a little
pains away those little things is shit, so I drank the fucking Pepto Bismol Bismarck settled. And I fell asleep and guys I woke up to this. exact what I heard my head held is coming for breakfast. It's a scene from fucking. Download Josey Wales, he shows up in he's got a gun in his hand. In his hand, with the white sheet doubted, you played a fake surrender you know how Josie doesn't he also ran. They play the fake fucking surrender and that's only the oh, no, the old man, indian those, oh, The hell is coming for breakfast and he just fucking mangles. Those fucking cuts up is anyway that's what it was hell was coming for breakfast jack. All I remember was puking one smooth move. It was a puke and, as I was went down, I was pulling the back of my shorts down, so I could do the quick turnaround. the hopefully land, my ass, all right in the middle so motion from my diarrhea. That's about to come and that's it
What happened? I bought the little bit and I turned rule Quicken as I was pulling my shorts down that way stream of black liquid is coming out mixed with chicken bones and bubble gum from the sixth grade and shit. When that hit that thank God. I made it lol, I'm like whew right, like I got it. This is something out of a fucking movie, guys like ooh, I got it. I missed it cuz you don't want to either you're sick. You don't have to clean up the booth. the wipe some shit down. Then, when you get better, you go to but the lysol on the Fucking Cleaver guys and all of a sudden sitting on my whew, I made it bro. It was at the time I went to San Francisco and that says San Francisco's changed and some guy walked at me with a big dick painted sea spray painted himself all naked and I'm like. I spoke too great same fucking thing. I was like I made it all sudden. I just felt it. like my eyes, just open see my wife coming to check on me and I could I go
we get the book the bucket. You know like the little garbage bucket dog I got be out of, and this is what it story ends. She missed the bucket Mister Baltimore saints. She missed the buckler to me, puking, I'm doing the puking. I missed the fucking through points, but this was the fucking crazy thing like I put the sheet put the bucket like by my chest level, but what I hey mom guys, do you force it came out with it. Just went up and all I heard it was hit the tub. That's four ft away guys. At that point, I thought I was a fucking dead man After that one was my head started pounding, because I was definitely that hydro. Listen! Thank God again for liquid fuckin ivy tag, flopping God That's why I got a little bit of water here. You haven't heard it and got my little bit of liquid.
Because I'm still fucking recovery, so that was it for me guys once I bought that. I remember like I even helped her pick up the bathroom carpeting The shower carbonate, the little fuck him I'll in that sit around the toilet that smells like ten that business, because it's my purse the falls on there. I can't either with the total next sometimes thought We support all the hamper. She said leave at the edges white. My face, I put an ice back on my neck. I tried to lay down. There was no sleep, you sleep for twenty five minutes and you got to go to the bathroom for ten, you sleep with two thousand five hundred and ten, and that was basically at the fucking Saturday. That was all day and a Saturday just sitting here, thank God for my fucking producer of the year, who said a little you don't when I get sick like that smoking. is the last thing. I think I believe it.
There really is a real guys. It really is a count. You know you can't put my one on everything I cannot say. I cannot Our people have now want to cures at all. You don't say I was the will at the park, and she goes you think, nice lady, as long as a cop, and she goes do you think that marijuana take. I gotta tell you what man I'm not going to put this on a documentation, but I'll tell you what works. For me. There was a time Thirty years ago I had a fucking to take so severe. There was two times I remember with Polly twenty years ago in boulder, when I was just started coming, I was flat broke and there was maybe a situation when lived in Hollywood, one holiday they broke and I had a toothache and the doctor see me till like the third of January, and I went those ten days with no Oxys, no, nothing just straight up and I finally go. Let me try the reefer. some Mama marijuana with a two day. This uncle Joey,
it takes you somewhere, it won't take care of. Aim, but somewhere it gets your mind thinking she asked. We forget about the pain, it's really interesting. I might want to work for paint and then When you remember the pain you visited, you like horseshit the marijuana wanna like took my mind off the pain. It's a real. The interesting concept when you fucking think about what happens in the end. It worked for me guys amendment that you don't you think them. I want to help me paint the insides up. I don't want you to say what Father jumped up and ask their say about C b deeper, some people, you don't want man I love C b, the line I worked for me. The falcons gummy work for me too, works for me. I've been rubbing it into my knee guys, C b b learn. You know me. I like at least try added You didn't seem like it just didn't work for me, but they had a anime that I felt I was fucking say you understand me. Everything hits differently when you judge stuff for I at even
about marijuana. That day at all, I was feeling like. I was going to die and I was coughing. You know I wish you can tell. I got some type of fucking long thing going on so was, I think I smoked like okay. The first were little rough I'm not going to lie to you, but don't like the fourth head on MIKE okay, I could have chicken soup. so I was like fuckin. I gotta pull a feather, make he's gotten head fuckin chicken suit. Could I told my Irma my gonna know about tomorrow, because if I would just got sick guys and that's it equal rights to sub you? Had a bad hot dog had a bad fruit. You is a thousand things you can write off, but when people in your house, get it it's pretty simple that it's a viruses contagious, so we I had to cancel Monday. or a hitch in today's. We all got clobbered within Fucking forty eight hours so wouldn't be here when it or somewhere at other. I was gonna short you this week, so my apologies
Douglass situation, as you know what it's Easter week, what the fuck you going to be traveling fucking smoking dope having a great fucking and your family? So you know enjoy suck his. I know a lot of use life, listen to the podcast and stuff. at some shit out we get some stuff worked out, but it's not even about that its Easter week enjoy your family. Enjoy your fuckin surroundings, you some fuckin hardball, spline on the plane on the way home on the bus, This time of the year, but have a good time Sunday, I know what I'm going to do. I'm not concerned with it yet Am concerned want to talk to you guys about something that came in my mind yesterday I had to do something and had a specific time I had to beat that like the guy goes or we can be back by two o'clock. You know it would be great but if he is of a situation, I go no, no, no I'll be there at two o'clock. You know- and this one, these stories for you guys that haven't
I remember this shit, but I thought about that time and it was so helpful, timid, When I first got the longest yard, it was when I shot the movie was march of I think What is shooting the movie in May of two thousand and four and think anything of it guys. I just got the movie, I Sailor went the fuck, in a new Mexico, and I shot the movie and I was there for at six weeks, and then I came home and my agent said to me: you know: do you know how long you gonna be home for and I go yeah I'm gonna be home for in the end wish a descent. It doesn't really matter which about it's now, I'm not thinking about the future my agent says to me this a couple companies that want to meet with you. I got you like to fucking meeting so sure the schedule and book the meetings around you're right,
you're a movies or where you stand up in also no problem. I the schedule and a couple days later, go Jerry's deli in the Valley, Chester right, the sunlight that and I see an Asian up. There was a guy with the agent really. I knew him from being out and he knew me on the hello. Goodbye basis was just thinking. the story, the mentality just to let you guys know. So was sitting at the table. I don't know He comes over to my table. We start talking and do you mind if I sit a meeting? What am I the clients that I go, no prob client walks in he's a friend of mine. You know it like I known from the comedy scene. It's like we, up and down together, but he said this guy's a pretty popular comic at the time. You know he wasn't most thought by any means, but it's always was rising. Funny guy, you know, like I side, wrong with them in general circles and now
the client he was meeting. So we all sat together. One thing: came up to the other bye bye, bye. and when the guy saw me he was trying to steal me. He was saying like he was trying to impress me or so I didn't know why. I was pretty happy where I was it was like I was out, I was just out trying to write jokes and I want to get an egg cream and maybe a bagel There is not a fucking Jerry's close down. The food ended up sucking dick towards the end was just God awful, less It's five years, but that was too awesome for and What they wanted to say to me was: listen man you're going to get busy. They were trying to like blow smoke up my ass. Like Hollywood, I dunno, if you guys, are watching what time on our way, it's a shame. but the Lakers nineteen eighty have they started. There for the championship at MAGIC, Johnson, fucking, This thing is fuck that kid's riley that he took that role as doctor
rebus if he doesn't win the actor of the year for this role. I'm fucking done watching tv and I'm not even a big fan is I'm a fan of his work and I met But it was Adam Sandler thing I didn't really say much. I don't know what to talk with me. I loved you and Boogie nights in, but this guy for years, I've heard our powerful would actor years. Oh my god! If you know watching winning time on HP, fucking always interesting. You do magic Johnson's fucking on the phone with his mother and she like how you eating good. Then you see a meet some fucking black chick and then are you it's surely bang and the one doggy style shit, it's crazy. It's great show very very entertaining, especially if you know what was going on at that time, and I lived on that. That was magic, vs Larry Bird. That was bigger, beginning the whole thing, for My point is I'm getting because there's a scene in that way. Have to go to a meeting to sell sneakers. flashback. This is what makes me talk about this story. these meetings that you go to. They
wifi and they have like a mug with your name on it for a year, and then I shall we we loved. You know what I'm saying and you sit there and you go what the fuck do you want The meetings are in the morning, it means they're serious about this meeting at the meetings are for forty five That means you're that last fifteen minutes until they get the fuck out are you when they walk in? I don't have much time you it walks. If you're saying that, because I just drove an hour and to fucking half- and I had to do this- to get to this fucking meeting- you know so he I have been to a lot of these me as well hi how I a dog, you just go holy fuck help. How much do they pay you to act? This way, like high? Oh, my God was so happy you're. Here so excited to work with. You is going to be and heroes on your, like you, fucking pay the fuck. Is he so that's why I'm thinking but the star, because of winning time with the meetings and what
this guy in this comedian, never trying to lure me into that pain at the time. I don't know where that comedian is, and I don't even know where his agent is anymore. Those motherfuckers disappeared. And you know why and they would lead to a culture me like listen raw. I take coaching from flock and star someday you want to fucking coach me like I I'll I'll, sit and listen and give you the respect you deserve, but I don't even know you and in that way, there's a lot of those type of fucking people that they, you don't just jump into. the wife guys and you're like the fuck you, I don't even know you. What are you talking about so they're telling me that When I start going to these meetings, I have to be late till I get to be late, for these meetings always keep these ass old waiting. it's the market where he goes. You don't have a t. V guy, you are a fucking feature film. That means something, you got to go to all the meetings when people invite you to meetings, you all
I would be late with it at Social or was it going to be personal and business because you always want to give people? idea that you're so much more busier now and that your wife, worth something and I'm like. While I found was shit, I just don't fuck movie they pay me in the movie, not because of my acting fucking range or anything, because I'm the only four hundred fucking fat fuck they can find. You know this will ass. I mean the enormous ain't, even at that point on like one of these I stood up about I always want to be late, keep them waiting. I know and then started naming off stars. You have to wait a half hour for them and they call them restaurant to make sure you're that you know like shit. tat guys that, accent chairs, Dirty Jersey, guy, but the fuck do I know about bucket. if you're late, you're late. You know what I got hit by a fucking pigeon on the way. Here you don't hear the fucking deal, whatever the fuck, I see it
so they tell me all this shit guys I gotta be honest at first I was like You know what I was going to ask my man Rogan, that's a dumbest, fucking question or what that's hiding about right there. I shouldn't know if it were Dumb to ask Joe, I shouldn't fucking asked the fucking question him saying like, I knew it's too dumb to ask ash so right away. I put on couple meetings and shit. I'd say with this arabian manager, sweetheart of a guy, we don't even know what happened to her maybe like five years ago, man how you doing cuz, you remember me, I'm like not really changed completely. It's got, he signed me. He was like a hot up and coming manager, and he, looking for a guy that red Scripts- and he was looking, he wasn't look for me at the time he was looking for. The comic I became, but at the time in two thousand four, I wasn't that you know not but by a long shot I wasn't that coming so
it lasted about three months and he was an aggressive, fuckin dude. I forgot all about that. I worked with sky and we'll tell you the interesting thing was when I worked on in two thousand and four me: I actually came home from shooting the movie, be in August of two thousand and four, and I work at this guy till maybe March or April of two thousand and five right before the movie was released He had another client that was the tv show the time and the client was going to go abroad somewhere and the client wanted him go with him and I remember we were talking about this. For weeks I had a mutual friend with the client he's, not even in business no more and that he was saying He wanted to go to this place with him cause whatever, So I knew this was coming, but I didn't know it was going to affect my relationship with him, but he was his out. He he he called me one day. He goes. I can't work with you anymore cause
I'll be out of town for the next eight months. Shooting this. If you want like to go find somebody I got. at the time I knew we were over because I just wasn't ready for his. He was a manager that had real talent, you know like they were together. I was you got a few know. He was sending memos and shipped to my house then MIKE he was. memos the day and I'm like. Why are you sending these fucking memos every day? I want to see this shit and you know he was just trying to teach me about the business, but. I didn't want to learn, and he fuck got me a had entered the guys when I tell you, after the longest yard, how many meetings at holy shit and right now Looking back at you, I can we think three of them like three eggs. I never forgot the time ask meeting I got a little meeting with Tom Hanks. I never forgot that. I bet you but yeah
with this guy. That was so fucking outlandish. He wanted to put move you up just for me alone and shit and then it just got creepy. You know he was going to put up. a two million dollar budget, but then about a month later, he called me to borrow eight hundred bucks to go somewhere like it was guys that was it I went into a funk and the longest yard was released, but it up up to a lonely. This is my first big thing, so I was getting my feet wet and it was. It was shit I couldn't fucking handle play going, you know he started this manager was really trying to help me after I came over the longest yard. I sent me out a meeting one time at Fox guys. but you guys hear stories about be being buckwild. Guys that she hasn't happened in over fifteen years but
in two thousand and six I had a little fuckin flat to me and you know I I try to do my as you know, but I tell you the honest truth on everything I just audition for a fox pilot right, fucking tremendous, if anybody was made for that pilot, it was your uncle Joey. I read this pilot. I studied this pilot I You know somebody told me that they are. De Niro script for scarface. While they were shooting scarface and look like a fuckin. It look like a mangled magazine from all the notes and pictures he takes pick. Maximum Mary shit like that It's what I wanted. I wanted a fuck and I wanted a role I know could put all the shit I did so for some he's not my cocaine. This is the end of the cold, came tat. reading this talking thing for a week preparing for this goddamn audition in and out I wrote it out. I wrote the fucking script that by and I was a pretty good lead. This would have been
three roommates and I was the outlandish one and two of them. what the voice and I was the old on what it was it fit like a fucking love. they told you all the info in this pilot. For some reason. Under my cocaine. Our lawyer mental state. I read it a different way and that happens you know you don't reach it right when you're on fucking drugs I read it as this guy's, a fucking coke head that lives with two fucking. roommates and he's like up here. And he never shaved. He was very gruff or the all those characteristics of you. Don't you paranoid he was always in a bad mood. He couldn't find a job, I'm thinking for myself and my cocaine mind, but these guys guys telling me ice cold head. I saw your vision was at ten o clock in the morning at box. What are you your uncle Joey, did he slow, cocaine.
in seven, fifty nine, a m to prepare for the character. Ha ha ha you understand me nobody's perfect guys, but at least it'd be able to share these stories. Are you mother guys? walked in there three sheets to the wind Kokomo. I didn't know the coke was in my nose. I sat down. It was for people to have. It was like two women. two guys there was a woman. There was the captain. Craventy unapprized as she's like fuckin, it's gone over this. I don't like to talk. am skies at a time I thought I was Olivier, but guy I got be honest here just feeling just thinking this is one of my darkest guess secrets I'm telling you it was God awful? I remember laying it out feeling like those people, that to see like when I go to auditions. I sit by the door to see what people going to do when they open the door, they tell people. Thank you for coming the look on there I always said to myself: I don't want that. Fucking look,
I I'll ever want that. Look. I know what that look is to look a fucking choice myself now or should I wait till I walk outside the building? That's that once you see it you like them. Fuck is going to shoot himself I was four years. I just sat there. White people and I when I sat with Rogan in first class and people walk past me I get to the dungeon. I just tell a dead walk. as we look at me wrong and I go Dungeon, and they go I do like road twenty to fucking, see in the bottom the plate, when I was talking about so fuck yeah, what we talking about it Although the meetings I wanted there and I'm flop two sheets to the wind, the I'm fuckin, do these lies I come for, can alleviate and they look at me, guys alike. I just murdered somebody. I think I even put a hole in my shirt guys it was. It was not
it was not a good Jody is twice. I d like to they could tell anybody could tell. I was fucking out of my I can't say I was jacked up, but I didn't start till eight, but I didn't sleep it was one of those things where you just don't: fucking sleep go to an audition. Imma going on addition for Travolta Movie and seen a fucking tremendous. I can't remember the name as this guy was a tremendous fucking after he had been on Miami Vice movies. he's in the movie kiss of death with Nicholas Cage time the time both reading for different roles, guys water Monday had a fucking wake him up given tissues. Clean. His nose had a bring fucking chatted running at car in June for this guy Peter Peter I think italian guy, very good. Looking from Brooklyn, he was good deal friends with like Tammy,
depaoli and all those guys I can't members name- is sweetheart of a guy and how to clean them up. For me, then, he's like thought. I had a rough life Look them up in the audition he's like You know that look when you wake somebody up when they're all fucked that he was Okay, you find out where you can go onto audition like this comment. I took him out and I fucking took care of him the man in the same place, swear to God. I had an incident when I was a kid where I got on a I went to order a drink from the bar, in the eighties there were planes and bars that you could walk and get a cocktail of. You ve got collapses. about one up to the thing. I was all fucked up for a drink. gave me to drink a little coke rock dangler dangling my nose. It was a black countertop and the coke cocoa, fell on. The count me in the fuckin bite him just with each other. For like two minutes, we just looked at the rock and didn't saying that we were both of ours, embarrassed as fuck. He couldn't
leave a white little rockets and having little slaughterer, perfect, perfect you, even a child could go. That looks like I'll grab and even didn't know about that was a coke rock We just stand each other down at the recent call. Security and next year, just looked up and I may believe, like the chip fell off the fucking ceiling. You like in a place in a piece. A paint falls on the table and I move that the and I worry at the Coke Rock and I walked away and the guys like you can suck. We want that look guys to play. The story is, I wanted that fucking meeting and I could feel the cold. Kane liquid coming out of my nose and after the former. This lady goes I need to have. Were with you, and I thought she was then asked the other people leave the room, no everybody in front of everybody. She just didn't lay into me, but she did lay into me She said that you know she
she liked me, but I came in that thing over prepared, an always stimulated, cease and desist. She's like I, don't I don't what caused the stimulation today This is not an audition for the books and shit and I was like what do you want guys I was out of it. I was a year away from quitting cocaine, I mean and they obviously by the you could tell the story that you don't have to Go to one of these. You can't keep doing this shit on that they just Work, you and guys I caught myself. I did catch myself, you known, It's always meant the fucking world to me that shortly after that, you know, and I think so that was boiler maker when they said the war got out that Europe coffee. This shit yeah, that's a tough fucking thing to knock down, and I said to God: it's gonna let her go. Weeks later and I a dear friend that far
and I call them like a man when I told them what I had done, and he said he would talk to her again and guess what I do just called me. He called I agency, to talk to me the agency plummeting, we want to talk to you. When I talk to you about a practical fuck, I haven't heard that name in ten years. He was a big time and Foxx Voice overs, and I just spoke to him and I called him and he's like We broadly. I can't believe you took my call reading glass, you did so much with the christian capital. I love this motherfucker butter. I tell you stories like that about how I failed all that shit to let you know. how much I came back with the original store. I was trying to get. There was being late for these things out. Some just a mentality of something telling me that, like it really rang my bell over the weekend, Something just was like what the fuck happened. That day. these guys like be late? To be honest, you guys I did it about three times and I didn't like it
To be honest, you guys I do. I think I was late to two meetings one because of the advice they gave me and Second, when you just really it really is fucking traffic. But I, after this second time I did it, I was I do not want man Hollywood stars, Hollywood Stars tv star the tv stars. companies stars economies dies, but I'm either, who the fuck am I to go to a meeting. Even if one meeting with their fucking shit heads and they never going to do anything for me and that tonight might listen. Those me nine one slash two out of ten times: Nothing really happens. You know I meet you in a restaurant there's no casting catch, you don't get it. But do you like fuckin avi Wednesday? That's not getting here. with these general meetings, initiatives that are you going
I there in the morning. They really want to do suddenly if they're putting you off for for thirty is because you're, the last meeting before the end of the day and at least take it. They could say we did five general meetings this week. They used to be called General meetings is me and MIKE and we speak about the project and we we we put a date. the time to meet again and MIKE Whilst I am, he calls me back of not. He could just tell me what ever fuck you want, such with a general. Is that its turn to let the Fox and CBS and the people in development. Now that you're alive, but only five minutes. Let them know your lap you go in there. You half way fucking nervous and you don't do your best up for me that never worked. I oh, I can give you just most number. I give you, a couple of comments that used to go the general Girls gone wild and nothing really the bell. I mean I'm saying so,
really dont know me how that whole, story that that not being late It's fucked me up completely because I remember we slay them me going I'm going to get meeting late I go! No, I'm not! No, I'm not I'm going to leave a half hour early, allow traffic on the four or five allow traffic on the ten where the fuck this audition takes me today, we usually go Orange County nothing's around the corner like here. So I started being early fifteen minutes early fifteen minutes early and guess what guys it didn't my professional career as much as I want it, but I hope my personal career just catch guys. I was always well those motherfuckers at tat time. I always talk shows late. I don't like none of that shit. I understand things happen, but it's just
I know people will be laid all their life or and expand. They won't and the guy- and to be honest The moral of the story is the comedian who is, how about that tell me how he did the people he never shot. Movies like I did He lay around anymore and How did you that did it he's not around David? That's how much bad for fucking and MRS that's, how much that's how shit they Couldn t you and you really don't know what the fucking in. Like you really don't know. You know I don't eighty bands, I don't know what date I was watching something the other day led Zeppelin, breaking the band whatever, and Jimmy page. One of the interviews he didn't even have an interview with a check from cream magazine and he wouldn't talk to the interview how to talk to a publicist and the publicist rap to go in the other room and bring doubt Jimmy what he said and then you know- and it's like
that's Hollywood behavior that they allow all that shit. They allow that from the beginning like they all he he doesn't want to talk to them. You don't want to talk to me I'm here. I'm here is a fan to help you expand them, I'm not putting the school paper. I'm here- to push a rolling stone, I'm here to push cream. I need to put you in jail. Q or whatever you don't want to talk to me. You don't want to fuck Look at me. I mean they don't make eye contact. You don't fucking jobs. I went to well I'll the truth. Right now. Three of them I went to three. jobs for sure where they told me that make eye contact with the star of the show, guys that doesn't forget that never worked for gala me when you My final ran, like I did the other day. It's not it's not that I know it's that alleges dust off to pay, people that has different level. I should not say away
By the same that loud because LA is a very nice place and there's a lot of great people in l dot a that have great grade intention, I became a great comic. from the people in L, a helping me and they came in all different fucking sizes shapes, Whatever the fuck, you know but I also knew the abbot and was you have to help yourself? You have to put in the time click the I was in figure out what works for you, but always dawned on me, and even you know stay with me years later, how they work. It's not bow. Grooming. It's like letting you know how you are in you know, I was watching the wedding h, b, o dia de is the scene where Dr Jerry Buss contacts coach of you- and I jerry Tarkanian, hope you guys up with final fall in the fucking. You know Jerry
the shark and all this shit. That's why since interesting and he goes to meet with Harry Tarkanian whenever and he goes you don't want you to be the head coach of the Lakers and he goes be out and with those fake people that was like wow. You know. Let me think about this, I think this shows suppose we, nineteen eighty seventy nine whatever around that time, guy save freight people, and I started thinking about Them- after the show ended they neither whenever I was watching it because it comes out I've been Sunday night, I'm again pay. I just want you guys to watch good tv on a Sunday night. You know you don't get paid for everything. something's. I most things like to talk about because enjoy other people enjoy. Maybe I've been turned on. My friend called me yesterday said: watch a show and a pilot I didn't know what the fuck it was. It's called the invisible pilot about a fucking redneck kills himself tremendous he faces on deck and then he comes back. Drugs model,. so nobody really knows he's on the fucking radar shit. The first
forty minutes on the case and I almost hung myself three times watching it, because it's just a bunch fucking rednecks pomp, I I know what he did. His next move movie was going, be but after that it just open fucking up my brother George turn me onto it. The keeps asking me have you why tat and I keep breaking while it sucks it sucks, but I the sword number to the night, I thought combat what I can get f, guys guys. I don't know if you're going to watch this, I don't give a fuck, you know come to me and throw show ideas at me and I'm like guys. I mean remember that shit by the time I get in the car, but it's the truth. I got. and things go one and that of my button cocoanut I was. I was having a great week last week, ended, Kendall, even book a voice over in a film last week, Guys June. if they shoot it, they offered it to me and it pays. It goes watch. My show it's more.
Good news. Uncle Joey got his fucker insurance to get out of the fade. Twenty four fuck one hundred hours a fucking month to a screen actors guild that gay guys on the fuck vested of twenty some years, the union, but I'm sure it's you gotta help me out here what the fuck is going on with in society. I even got my fucking frequent flyer miles. There still got them. I thought to wrap up because I flung lately like I keep them a good man for years. I'll be back. God suckers. I got a great show tonight: people ask me how I feel and I'm going to fucking tell you. I feel I feel like I did yesterday, im a little excited about doing it. I have a couple butterflies. We could just be gas guess, I'm saying I got something in there but a flies ten minutes guys.
and for no reason at all, do I want you guys to lose your mind or anything. When I get tickets? I really want to see the guys. I got ten minutes, I haven't been on stage in thirteen months. What do you think is going to happen do you think I'm going to go out there and do Lenny Bruce live at Carnegie? All? Are you fucking crazy guys. Are you really fucking nuts, I'm happy about Wednesday and I'm going and try to have the best time I have. I can you don't I'm trying to think about what I want. to be different I was talking to my wife, the other night about, one hundred percent in you know: I'm going to try and a few times to see how I feel and leave the door open for the future. But it's not like I want to go on a fucking tour right now at all. You know, I'm going to talk to Bert and see what Bert, Scott and see what dates are available to do
You know one of the things you have to do with calmly that I never knew what it meant was if you ever listened synchronously by police, great fuck, em out Wrapped around my finger that song wrapped around my fingers on that- and he says somebody you- he's in love with a married woman in that song. I guess, and he goes you know you, you sold your fate with that wedding. and when other words that you book your future when it came to relationship you already book your future one of the things I ve had he likes but you know because I had to do a George Washington close. You know I put like what I liked about it and what was bothering me towards the end. You know I'm just trying to be honest with myself guys. You know better help. His death but they can't help you all the fucking time decision is going to have to make on your own. Just like I Japan, your your mom, your dad, the city you're going to learn to make on your own
She learned how to make good judgment calls you know and if it takes, excuse me writing out a list with the pros and cons of position you're going for. If that's what it takes to, let you know open up your eyes I'd. Rather you do that. So you know what you're getting yourself into. I wish I would have done this more when I was in my early twenties and MID thirties George Washington. closure self wife, not around joys. Why enclosures pros and cons write a through the middle five on each side? Let's go. What are you What do what you like about it? What you don't like about it I didn't like it. I didn't want to! I don't like getting bombarded, no more I enjoy my phone, not ringing. You know a lot of my friends when was asked me if I miss the limelight and I don't like not at all I don't miss any. I was never in the fucking line way. I was in the fucking shadows, but do I meant not at all. I don't miss. You know. I saw me ask me if I want to go on a tour and to a day later, I was getting calls to book out the day
You want Wanna June, I'm not prepared for that. I'm not prepared for that. I don't know. If I want to work June 12th to June 13th, I don't even know I haven't and so long citizen. Why, for my purposes and for your purposes I'm alive clubs. Call me guys who say We heard you're doing it. Why don't you just books September? And if you don't want undo. It cancel it because when do that to my people, if not, done that already, that's what I don't want to do. I don't want to pull a a poet. What's a chick who died, what is it you want? Yeah, I mean one of us, I don't want. I don't wanna, I don't wanna pull it, Is she coming that I want? do you guys know me that if I don't want to do something, I'm going on happen I'm in whittle, and I don't give a fuck what you got to give. I don't give a fuck. You got read for your jumping up and down. If I don't want to go down there is not going to happen So in the last two years,
sit down close to two years on the city and tell you soon soon drew a have seen happen. Have you know the books covered at all May twenty third of two thousand twenty three duster combating those it they're, gonna fuckin, put them online stay, or whatever it's going to be out like people? Not the book, not the print not breed Nothing like that now, just a lead yeah info know that I forgot what they call them guys. publishing is not my fucking rule life here, sia, but I dunno what they're going to call it or whatever the fuck, but I'm excited We got it out, I don't. I didn't get think back for edits or anything, but I did get an email over the weekend. Friday. You know when I was with my head in the toilet. That we were, publishing on the twenty May twenty three of two thousand on May twenty of the town, I will pay.
Stop all the available info as I get it, but it Looks like it's gonna be this year. That does it come on in, audio copying the a flag and a picture of you and ground as way for them. The fuck is which it Are you going to do any book? Signings? I don't fucking know I don't fucking know what I'm doing. I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow. You know what I'm doing today. I know what I'm doing I'm going to get a fucking haircut cause I'm not going on stage. Looking like the one thing I about fucking winning with my band, see Reilly is that a tremendous head. These gonna rapid, around common, put fuckin You should have seen my hair when I Fuckin was sick. The day I got up with him cause you had to take. I had to keep putting to sleep, apnea I'm taking off, take it! Kiba my hair was just shoot straight up in the fucking ass. It was. tremendous, but all it was- was fucking white. So I'm shooting I got to do a few videos and I don't want to shoot it looking like
bumpy. So I'm going to all done up think I trim my eyebrows today. Do of life and be looking like Fuckin Johnny pops it down. I do hundred 44th forty and Magnolia Boulevard. You know I'm saying, don't even know what that is but I it's been a great week- is going to be fucking Easter week, but, as usual you know these times the last one. It seems like more people had died, tat anybody else In the last couple years, every week you got a notice of some guy. I've never remember it like this. You know when I was a young kid. I had a couple years there. Where it wasn't falcon kosher, but for the most part it's you know, everybody has been able to keep their falcon live together, and the delay Two years ago we lost Meatloaf Tom, petty with
lost a lot of Panama. Tom petty died before the pandemic, but yeah we We lost a lot of good fucking people with a pandemic and most Honolulu you don't ever see the time at the idea. Remember the buy a car comedian, existing guided by the Barcelona PAN dammit. I forgot his name is real, talented guy really funny you know has been No just the piano play at the store passed away, just been so many people have been off. color you know. I really wanted to go to the stores drifted anniversary last Thursday and Wednesday night. I looked online and looked at tickets I reserved the ticket out of Newark for Jetblue. Try to leave at two in the afternoon. Get that way like a fucking. I do know what time it was three hundred and thirty to give me enough time to get the It was like, like a three hour window, to get the Hollywood through the she'll, take a shower and go to the comedy store reunions. You know, Howard,
I gotta go Steve Simone. I really wanted to see those guys I dunno. If this will but an opening for me to go back to work this enclosure- I don't know, I wasn't even looking at like that, but I wanted to well pardon me, was really enthusiastic about going so I packed like a half a bag puerto rican bag, and I was like you know what, if anything, those down I'll just due to Newark. I'm thirty its away. When I go to the thing the originals, the first two flights that they were already cancelled? So I was talking to hurry and he goes. Are you gonna fly down? I go yeah. I'm thinking take when is flying to goes. I don't think they got to do it. Cuz right as easy. Just got canceled, but is easy. Common itself. I didn't, go to the fucking store. Fifty three and I spoke to a few people try to see our Thursday night she's with face down and Uncle Vinny. So maybe I'll go down that she call said they a nice time and stuff. But Yesterday morning I woke up again
I tell you a thousand stories. She was just a great sweet kid from the store. and twelve years ago no obvious go about ten years ago. Mercy's now, this is December, two thousand twelve, flappers called, and they said: can you help out Jim Jefferies this weekend he's taping. He won't be able to get that lady's taping his comedy central special and I was like you know I'm in town. I have to stay close cuz, my wife, Do you know it was like after the holiday, so was born on the thirteenth of Yours, I remember, be right before our days. I wasn't. working, new year's or maybe I was doing the little, let the ice house- and I was just take those spots guy- you just don't do- shows nothing. I was a light. The world on fire really wasn't my show so
but I'm not let a girl- and she told me she was a social manager, social media manager. That was Let me in I know it is social media manager was and she was very nice and very sweet. I went on that night and the next day came back to do the second, no third and fourth shell One of the comics pull me aside and said something to me that kind of was about me that I had done something not fucking kosher. You know- and I was like guys- I don't know if you know this. I did my sent last night and I just went right home I parked illegally. Yet I promise I know how to park illegally and I had have time to do it, and so I would go to flapper is I would never really hang is that I am as labourers little green room in the back and they used to give you use, and like the use and stuff was great touch. I like
I personally miss flappers. They stayed open, the pandemic, and I wish him nothing but well they do wait things now, so that Saturday, when I came back what the he told me was that the girl, the social media girl, said black grab the pussy, and I dog. My wife is at home pregnant. How many, how many the imodium, the saying I'm not drinking, I'm not doing shit, and I got what and Eagle will Ballora yeah I go. I only met her in here. She only came in here. She was in front of you guys rock I don't I got better at in here within there was Jim Jefferies- is- is published. this was somebody else's is then there was another comic and then I go now You guys go out afterwards! I go. I don't know. I liked left the office and I and hunted it down. They go. Can I have a word with you and she's like what and I go Emma told me that you're upset with me cuz. I grab your pussy last night and she goes. I don't talk about it. She goes you grab,
at the barnacle I got a hold on one second, I went and got the bartender like a dog cause. I was coming there a lot the time I go with Welcome to the function was I in the bar last night. It was not. Can you talk to me for a second, so I went and pulled her out. This is what happened. You know and she's like okay, well. Maybe it wasn't you and I go. Maybe it was me, doubts now right fucking answered the right answer, Maybe it was you before you make this allegation. You bet damn sure she was drinking and she thought I'd got back to the bar and I was not at the fucking bottom going to fucking bars. Do I don't want to be in buzzed, so I don't I went home, but I might you know I off talking to at first. I was Louis we this before all me to movement every day, but I had a wife at bath. I'm not goin out this guy Some girls pussy at a fucking thing, so we started talking, we became Franchina like I know what a if
hi. How you doing good to see you. I was kind of a. I saw the times dying, see any more it goes the weasel. I go to the store that she is he's. A social media manager, sweet girl. She has a boyfriend. You know I talk to her all the time, but she always wanted more, and that's all of US guys. I can't be mad at somebody Somebody wanting more, but for a long time. I wanted more, but you have to look at your surroundings. These see what you can give yourself and what you're capable of know, I'm saying she wanted more as she was again eventually. Eventual pollution a time when I see no goddamn rosy, put out a great fuckin first out, but thankfully a lot better by usurer illusion. They got really good by usurer illusion it takes at Memorial hope you know, then they got a budget. Play million dollar bills. Do you know down going with this, you know
he's going to move for you, but it takes time. You know. and we'd, always always about about Commie one night. They got into an argument. I don't know what happened. She quit the store, but she still come. Down do spots and I would always talk to a very sweet into a Vegas. You don't try to get advice and stuff men she had I wish you would get drunk and I I don't know what happened. Bottom line is yesterday. I woke up and I saw that picture that you know she had passed away on Sunday. This girl couldn't be. A deal in thirty five, a fucking daily. I'm thirty! Five! I don't even closer at that. You know I was it I like towards the end. You know she would come to me for advice when I was shooting the sopranos. She was in the city's doing some chicken video or something like that, and I like what
either and give a weird one night. She asked me where I was going to Brooklyn and I go now so I gave a forty for the fucking for the uber, whatever you know, and then and allay she would be at the comedy store, and I would talk with the become still and she would always ask for advice I could always see. She was impatient. Things were moving fast enough. and she was. Really driven, which I have no problems with all those three things he know me guys are high. I support that. Dollar support is the acceleration. When do you stop and when do you go up to sixty? There has to be a balance when attacking you, after You can't always be fucking doing sixty things that and always going to happen. I'm the most impatient, the thought in the world and
even know, let you when you're in this art game you learn to be patient, should is not going to happen. You know it's gonna, too busy. For you never mind when you get into trying to get money from somebody all you mother, that good movies and finance films. Good luck completely different mind thought wait. Do you ask eight hundred million. They give you eight hundred bitcoins. You know trust me Motherfukers so this you and I feel bad because Today I learned what went on and She wasn't happy and she might have taken her own life. I'm I'm saying this may be young. I dunno what happened? I wasn't there. SAM, Tripoli, post a picture. So I called him last night and I know SAM Film and then we spoke and she was unhappy and she was Oklahoma. And when I was withdrawing heavy duty, when I was going still to physical therapy, she called me
are the blue one day and and to me that because what happened was listen. I know when somebody struggling in our no, the look in your. I know how people act on their struggling and I know how you feel it's a horrible feeling somebody struggling, I'm the type of guy that I'll throw you a If I see you struggling in that sense, throw you a well deserved, but just a pick up your spirits alone, but I can't throw you an opening gig with Joe Rogan dealings, saying like I could throw you a bone, a get you a with dean. I could do something in time. I can slob, something it may be what you want, but it's what it's coming down the pipe right now and if you want to work and get better at your craft, this except she said, to keep my eyes open, I tried to
and she would always contact me for the difficult rooms like she wanted, That is one way that guy's, not let you go in the right off the bat. Got to go in there with a headliner and she we want go in there with later so anyway. Make a long story. But the short one I was by the bagel place. I was still coming home from physical therapy and she called- and she said that She had had a rough banned them if she had called a bad case of drugs. Now she were, she had a bad with the drugs for a while, She fell into a depression, she was on to know and other stuff in and life, but really really wanted to be a stand up, That's why I respected the share this girl. Could it really good stand up in time. She just needed time, you could tell what somebody has that can meet. My least I am. Believe it or not as crazy and whack from porch.
the flying: Jew: LISA is got a woody or whatever fuck. Rose Woody Allen, minds, mines that these going to go, fucking, chinese students or whatever or watching. his daughters of people that sixteen Lee has a very whatever type of mind. We will then for eight. A nine years would have been really good. His delivery would have been good but is low college oaks, a fucking hilarious. She had that she had that. For this year that innocence who's going to work in time. When I spoke to her She wasn't in good spirits. I don't think she was very happy with me because she in three wants issues. I realize be applied gasoline you're, ready when I'm ready, and I said well, you let me know when you're ready him, At least she wasn't bugging me about the podcast for anything so
the let me know when you're ready guess when she called me Auguste fourteenth. read again she called me out of the blue, your pant. Next started, we lost and that's it. Sam Tripoli said when the pandemic, We lost contact, mulattos, guys, cuz, communication was the store. We didn't know them from anywhere else, so I lost, Tat when I picked up my best she's like hey, can I come on their part you're not going to believe this, She always had the worst luck. Do you know the saying you don't like she just if she was one of those people that was a dollar day day late, a dollar short God bless her. She fucking said I want to do a podcast from like you're, not going to believe this. I just packed up the studio and Lee just got in this car and she goes Oh, I think in turn she was kind of angry with me.
Do you know, I'm not doing it, but in time I start another when we could do the podcast, you know when she called me that day? She was talking about that, because she had an that the store they asked to leave one night and they want to ban. If it's thirty days, I don't exactly know the fucking story guys, but some had told me, enjoy caressed the story and we would talk. I bought it with Jeff got God rest, his soul, the piano player. In the back There must have been a wages, terrorism and she told siren, God rest, her soul, that major and whenever we talk about it and what I was just playing through it. Gone over that at the one. She call me a day in the beggar shop Abi. I don't know lesson last march, maybe had to be maybe a year ago and she was upset my apologize. I said you know, but He was less. I respect your dream, but
I either keep it in check. I always respect everybody's dream, but you have to keep in check. Have to check yourself on a monthly place to see where the fuck you are. If you can continue to take what they're give I lay is a very high place. If you coming from Hell coming from a howl in your life. Is not going to be the place right off the bat in your mind, it's very soothing. It's very you know palm trees. You know the Eagles hahaha, In reality, the Business of LA is a fucking monster and times, have you come from somewhere where you want to HOLLAND, you coming to l dot a it's not going to work out for you, and this I thought about. Last night after I got off the phone with Tripoli this. It didn't work out this girl Hollywood's a mother fucker, all, I can say, is I hope, to comics around during her friends that were around to
and that this isn't a fucking joke anymore, dad that playing for keeps and I'm really sorry and for a family and what they going through and her friend. So my heart goes out to Sarah now see on the other side, cocksucker you were a fun girl and I'm sorry and that's my podcast. for Wednesday, the mother Fucking thirteenth of April. Like I said, I'm excited about uncle. I used to you, can't make it sold out, don't sweat, it's ten fucking minutes! Listen! If we keep One is just want to get better and better ally. People me in the city state anyway so I rather you see me when I'm cooking with fucking. this is free. I don't give a while. I shall appear boy, you pain, fuck, em, heavy duty and you get the baby sit in the whole thing. I got a job with six blocked and bullets correct what the fuck I lie. If the Cox Sub, isn't all my heart stay black happy. sister and we will see you mother, fuckers preparation of fortune
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Monday morning, tip at Happy Easter.
Transcript generated on 2022-04-15.